Sunday, September 29, 2019
This Title Is Giving Me All The Feels!
Which is an expression Kids Today use. Not really sure what it
means? Are today's youth like Hmm-- happy, sad, angry, scared, hungry,
wistful-- I no longer have the cognitive ability to distinguish between feelings
I AM ALL OF THEM AT ONCE!!! Because that's like the polar opposite of
how they criticized my generation. Like it goes in the Simpsons--
Lisa is like we're the MTV generation, we feel neither highs or lows and
then responds to something like, "How's that working out for you?" with Meh.
So basically kids did a complete 180 from that. Am I part of the MTV
Generation? You wouldn't think so, right? By the time I was
Almost a PreTeen, which is the target audience for MTV I think, it was all Tom
Green This, Hollywood Humplick that. You would think the MTV Generation
would be more the generation where they showed music videos. I think the
dividing line is The Ben Stiller Show. MTV? Moe like
EMPTY... V. Cause its devoid of something. All of things!
It's devoid of All The Feels!
In the early 90's was there ever a moment on television
where they went to talk to a pundit to comment on generation X and the guy
wasn't really well versed in it so he's like, Look, if today's kids, or
Generation Ten as they're now known, are all like Meh... Anyway that's
all I got. Look, today's kids, they've adopted Malcolm X as their chief
role model, Great, Good for them! I feel like Kurt Cobain would be
fine with Malcolm X being The Grandfather of Generation X's culture.
I'm presuming Kurt Cobain is the Actual Apostle or Saint or whatever of
Generation X. Seems pretty intuitive, right? I've always found
it funny that ecstasy can be called either e or x in slangwords.
Presumably. I've never done ecstasy or bought it or even talked
about it. But based on what I've seen from Movies and heard in SingSongs,
I'm under the impression that its sometimes called E and sometimes called
X. I'm all like, make make up your minds! By which
I mean do ecstasy it will permanently change the way your mind works-- make
it, "UP," if you do XTC. I think II also think if you write
XTC that counts as ecstasy as well. Doesn't work with, "E,"
though. You text your dealer lemme get some ETC, he's like oh so
you want a Combo of Random Other Drugs people really don't get often? How
about that drug that Scarecrow used in Batman Begins, you want that.
Also, sure, if you want to buy some illegal drugs, you
just text your dealer, Let me get some of that illegal drug.
You want to avoid any confusion, gotta be as clear as possible from the start.
Anyway. Saying something gives you All The Feels, is that kind of
like virtue signaling? You're goin hey I have a lot of human emotion
just like presumably you! Pathetic! Anyway. Today was the
first day I haven't had Breakfast in a really long time, I'm not ashamed to say
it. Why would you be ashamed to say that. Well, I am
ashamed of most things, so its kind of my default instinct to be ashamed of
anything. I am kind of ashamed of it. I used it as a
justification for doing some Day Drinking. My dietician would be so mad!
Also, that's a real fuckin' thing? Dietician? All that info
is available for anybody for free on The Internet. You don't need someoen
else to crunch the numbers for you and be like ok I cracked the code, this is
for your ears only-- eat like three meals a day. Get it? Don't eat
too much one of thing! Gotta balance things out, this is good stuff I'm
givin' ya. Hey this is my tip advisor. I pay him to be with
me 24 hours a day so whenever I get something and I need to tip, he calculates
20% of the thing and how much to give 'em. BBest investment I ever
Cooool! Hmm, it's 10 AM, haven't had
breakfast yet, lunch is in 2 hours or so either way... might as well Skip
Breakfast, and then, Might As Well Drin Alcohol, otherwise this Calorie Surplus
will go to waste! Or it could just be preserved so you might lose a
little weight, or help make up for going overboard later in the week.
Nah I think just drinking alcohol is the safe bet to go with. Anyway.
I like how I have a bunch of Music Albums of Myself, and for the most part
they're pretty distinguishable, so each day when I listen to a different one on
my walk, I don't necessarily feel like oh this is amazing! but I do feel
like oh, no, i guess THIS is who I am, not that other guy from the last album
yesterday. Great I like this guy well enough, not bad! AH! NOW
I GET WHO I AM!
Whew, that's a relief. 5th paragraph! I
don't believe it! Anyway, finished pizza, some crumbs leftovers, mostly
pieces of anchovy. Strange thing, that. Most of the time you finish
a meal, scoop up last pieces with a fork or spoon or whatever kinda of sporkish
nonsense, and great that's the end of the meal. Anchovy is the only thing
left over? You can't eat anchovy by itself! Too salty! I mean,
you can. And I just did. But I wasn't 100% happy about
the whole situation and anyway the point is Great What Else Is Going On.
Also, I poured some Whiskey into Orange Soda, forgot I poured it, poured some
more into Orange Soda, and it was the greatest mistake I ever made in my
life. I I only make Great Mistakes. The Great Mistake.
..Instead of Escape... impossible to know that unless I clarify.
This mistake is giving me all the feels.
Anyway. When I was in Starbucks this morning
they were playing Glad You Came by The Wanted over the speakers,
and I remember that song from The Last Time I Was In Hospital in Early 2012.
Which I attribute to being the Start of My Regaining My Sanity Period in life.
All those songs listened to on Radio After Lights Out Time! Where I
finally decided to get my life together. Alright these songs are
inspiring me, I've made a decision, be less crazy, get yourself together, after
all, what would Flo Rida say if I let my life go to waste because it's so
appealing to be overly mentally ill, he wouldn't like it one bit! Nor
would Pitbull, or One Direction, or Fun., I've gotta make em proud, get sane in
a big way! Anyway. I know in the Republican Primary Trump made
fun of Jeb Bush for being Low Energy, which I think he should has reacted to by
playing Flo Rida at his rallies. Also, have rallies. Also,
buy some sort of speaker or something to play Flo Rida. Also, send this
advice back in time so maybe we can start an alternate reality where Jeb Bush is
This Title Is The Second One Of This Entry!
And very possibly the last! Oh, I'll never forget that Post
Midnight DJ on Z100... good ol... Annoying Voice. I think that was his
shtick. I've got an annoying high pitched voice that'll get people
listening! My other main memory of all the times I was hospitalized
was taking A LOT of showers every day. Because there's nothing else to do.
So you just take 6 showers a day because that's the most exciting thing
possible. Anyway. I didn't like That Wing of Hospital that Stay
because it's basically just one Really Long Corridor with rooms on either side
(Bed rooms, Administrator rooms, cafeteria, whatever-- all on the side of One
Long Long Corridor. Oh, and that's the other thing you can do for fun!--
walk up and down the corridor. Which, if you were not crazy before
hand, you live in a place involuntarily for weeks, just walking up and down a
long corridor, well, the point is, its no fun.
Eighth paragraph! Wonderful, just great. I'm
so devoid of inspiration, burnt out on all these entries over the last few
months, my main source of inspiration-- no joke-- is license plates. I
take a walk with the intention of writing an entry later in the day, check out
the liscence plates, see if I can make a phrase out of the Acronym of the first
3 letters of the plate. You know, for the title. JFW. HMM
JUST FUCKIN' WITH YOU. True story! DTT.
DOWN TO TITLE. UNTRUE STORY I CANT ACTUALLY REMEMBER ANY OTHER BUT
ITS TRUE THAT I CHECK EM ALL OUT! Anyway. I don't want to
count eggs before they're broken Because Baby Chickens, but isn't the
impeachment at this stage a win-win? Either get Republicans to support
impeachment/conviction, or let them go down with the ship. Democrats can
bungle it up, but basically that's the hand they're looking at if they're smart.
Cool! Also, can we do a study to decide what All The
Feels really consist of? I mean, it can't be literally all the
feels, can it? Maybe like four or five, that's what you mean, right?
That's still a lot of feels! I think it's enough to colloquially say
all. I just wanna know which ones they are, I'm curious, that's all.
Happy and Sad gotta be a standard, right? All the feels, you're both
happy and sad, that's intuitively the main 2 feelings that are being combined at
this stage, right? Ninth paragraph. Figure I'll take a break after
10, muck around doin' crap, then write another 5 OR EVEN 10! I think if
you're gonna get 2 toppings on Pizza, and one of your priorities is I wanna
make this As Much Of A Meal as I can, mushroom and eggplant is a great
starting point. Pretty big pieces of each. Really substantive, is
the point. It's like a whole nother layer, not just some Topping
Afterthought. It's bread, cheese, (Tomato Sauce), and then all these
pieces of Mushroom and Eggplant-- hell, there's even more Mushroom and Eggplant
than there is Cheese! Almost as much as Bread!
Yeah, right, hmm... I remember when I was a kid,
my brother liked Stuffed Crust from Pizza Hut (The Crust is Stuffed With
Cheese!) and I always thought that was gross and wouldn't eat it. Looking
back, what exactly was my argument? Cheese... with pizza? Ugh
don't make me sick. Just kind of stupid, I guess. Anyway.
The Countdown to 2020 continues. Three months! What are we
counting down for. We Got Nothing Better To Do! Oh true that
checks out. I think it's funny that for any other administration, if
you were to be like hey we're gonna impeach the president, people would
go crazy and feel like the sky is falling and nothing makes sense anymore.
But, in this case, its the exact opposite. It's like everything was
crazy and the sky was falling but by going hey we're gonna try
to get rid of this guy its like Oh Thank God Finally Things Are Getting
Normal Again! It's about time! So, sure, there's that, right?
Alright Break Time! Be back later! If a sky falls on a surface,
does it make a sound? How would you know if the sky had fallen? It's
just sky, if it falls, how can you even tell? Yeah, right, hmm...
OH hey one more thing. Was inspired by the talk about Getting Illegal
Drugs. I remember going with my friend in NYU to pick up a gram of weed,
and watched him get it, and it seemed really difficult. The way it was
done was basically, on a side street, the dealer is walking in one direction,
and you walk up to him, same direction [or maybe either way], both still in
movement, and he passes it to you (and you pass him the money), and you both
keep walking. Seemed difficult! Like a Fuckin' Relay Race in High
School Track! He's passing you the baton and it's heavily synchronized
and Great This Block Is Over.
What exactly is a fridge-- I don't mean as a slang for
refrigerator-- what was it originally-- that led to this word in the first
place-- 're'-fridge-er-ator--why is a re-fridge-erator a thing? Or a verb?
Anyway. I had a pretty good vocabulary as a kid, but how do you do Mad
Libs on even a semi-regular basis and not get bored. Adjective... SUCKY,
SMELLY, UGLY... you are gonna be re-using the same words over and over and
over again. Lets be generous and say you got 2 dozen adjectives that you
find amusing. That's all used up after 20 minutes!! After that
you're just repeating yourself, where's the fun in that? Not in it at all!
There is no fun in that! Maybe around the edges a bit, I dunno! Great,
just great. Hmm, do they still print Mad Libs. Maybe that's a job
I can apply for. Writing Madlibs w/o the Empty Words. Do Mad Lib
writers actually write the entire thing, with the missing words, and then erase
them for the kids to have fun with? That's an interesting question!
I'd like a book of Mad Libs where I see the author's actual original intent!
I'd find that fascinating, oh boy. I should [Verb] myself because my
[noun] is [adverb] [adjective]. Hmm. Have fun with that one,
Next step is to turn this entry into a Choose Your Own
Adventure. Or perhaps make it some sort of Goose Bump, I don't have all
the details yet. I dunno, what else is going on and crap. Dunno what
the point of the word Adverb is. Oh so I should add a verb?
Nope, adjective. But you... Adjective, please!
Figure I'm 3 and a half paragraphs away from callin' it quits. Not Life,
just this entry. Also, check out my new sitcom, Callin' It Quits,
Thursdays on FOX. With the premise the protagonist is Quits, the dog
or cat from an entry or two ago. How are we sure the person who created
the QWERTY keyboard got it 100% correct. I mean, it's gotta be impossible
it's literally THE BEST COMBINATION possible. There's gotta be like
hundreds of millions of possibilities, and you're telling me this one guy
figured it out on his first try? I mean, even one small differnece.
Say if you switch up, "B," and, "N." Smallest thing possible, but maybe
still more effective than what we're dealing with!
Hmm, that's a good idea for what to do with Grad School.
Get a degree in Perfecting Keyboards. It's a small field but
exciting! A lot of possibilities for Upward Momentum! Thursdays,
After Callin' It Quits, check out Upward Momentum!
The good news and bad news is that I just completed my reserves of melba toast.
Good news because What A Fun 2 Minutes but bad news besause No More Melba Toast
until Tuesday at the earliest! And latest! Almost definitely gonna
be Thursday! to the extent I'd bank on calling it both the earliest and
latest and leaving NO ROOM for error even though there is in real life, but it's
small enough I'm willing to lay my reputation on the line. Sometimes I
have a thing, I guess we all probably do, when you're walking down the sidewalk,
and you see the light ahead of you, either a Green Walking Guy or a Red Halting
Hand, and you do the quick calculations in your head whether you'll make this
light, or if its red, if you'll make the next one, and so on. And I always
combine it with like a wager in my head. If I'm sure I'm gonna make this
light, I'll go, alright if I dont make it I'll kill myself. THAT'S HOW
SURE I AM GONNA MAKE IT HERE WE G YES I FUCKIN MADE IT I LIVE TO
WALK ANOTHER DAY!
I don't know why I have to make the stakes that
high. But, again, I only do it when its a sure thing! But I don't
look forward to the day where there's a glitch and I have to end up killing
myself just tbecause the fuckin' light was acting up that day. Oh well,
I knew what I Was getting myself into from the start. No one ever said
Life Ends In A Happy Place. Check out A Happy Place, right after
Upward Momentum! Hmm this PLACE is giving me All The Feels!
Why, there's happy... there's... presumably other ones... Anyway what
else is crappening to finish up this entry. One more paragraph!
Gonna get some sort of BBQ Dinner tonight. Like some ribs and grilled
chicken both in BBQ sauce. Hey, why are they called Buffalo Wings,
Buffalo don't have wings! Cause it's buffalo sauce.
...Why is it Buffalo Sauce, its not made from Buffalo. Look are you
gonna question Everything? Take it easy bro. Alright
it for now! See ya later.
Friday, September 27, 2019
I HAVE NO ENTRY!
Yup checks o--- WAIT NOPE NO LONGER ACCURATE! The point is I've
been drinking too much lately. Like six out of the last eight days,
roughly. And too much per day! And being real irresponsible about
eating a bunch of shit while I'm inebriated! So anyway the only
responsible way to proceed is to continue drinking every day until I can figure
out how to drink responsibly. I give up now, I may never figure out how to
okay have 3-4 drinks over the day and don't let it make you eat more.
If I just quit cold turkey, I'll never get there, and then all of this is a
waste! The point is I'm a Hero for drinking alcohol.
Yup checks out! Finally made some headway in
reading about Martin Short: The Person. Apparently he was Some Guy who Did
Some Things some of which I Was Previously Aware Of! So I've got an
emotional and personal connection to this entire enterprise. Hey,
I've seen Clifford. This book is relevant to me!
Prove me wrong! Been a while since I've seen Clifford.
The point is I Should Have Lunch In The Oven but my Dad was like Nah we ain't
gonna do that I'm on my way out in half an hour just wait till then ok bro?
And I was like yea yea that's cool. Then we did a terrorist fist
bump and continued doing whatever it was we were doing before this interaction.
Also, check out my new band, Terrorist Fist Bump.
I feel really uncomfortable hearing the N-word in real
life pretty much to my face. They weren't talking to me, lets be clear.
I don't know what anyone would have to gain by calling me an N-Word (cause I'd
GO BALLISTIC AND KICK ALL OF THEIR ASSES ONE BY ONE), they were talking to their
friend (Dunno what race they were, but presumably a concoction where it's okay
if they use the word, it just bothered me [cause it was too loud and incredibly
close] I'm very sensitive!) Was waiting for my Halal food and yeah some
guy basically used the N word TO MY FACE (because the guy he was talking to was
directly behind me) and I was like NO SAVE ME WHITE PRIVILEGE I DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ABOUT THIS TURN OF PHRASE. But then I was like no white sauce
and they both gave me a terrorist head nod like yea I know it tastes good but
forgoing White Sauce Privilege that'll endear you to our Gang. How do
I know they were a gang? There was more than one of them! YOU
put the pieces together! ...Well that ended in a strange place.
Fourth paragraph! Hmm. Looks like The Mets
are still mathematically eliminated from the Race For The Playoffs.
I'll check again tomorrow to see if there are any updates on this. By
the way, Race For the Playoffs was an ill guided attempt at encouraging
young school age children to try to Reach Some Sort of Playoff I Don't Have All
The Details. Anyway. Martin Short is still doing okay in the past.
He's in the early 1980's or so now, don't worry about him, things are really
starting to shape up! I'll continue updating you on this situation as it
progresses. I think probably the most relevant Martin Short for my
generation musta been Jimminy Glick but at the time I was like I'm too cool
for this. I dunno why I thought Jimminy Glick wasn't cool. Maybe
I was buying into the character of Jimminy Glick too much, as opposed to
thinking oh hey by liking this I'm Liking Martin Short not this Not Even Real
Person Named Jimminy Glick. Cause Jimminy Glick as a character was
Lame! So the point is wonderful, great, I can watch those on YouTube
some day if I ever figure out the exact concotion of drugs and alcohol and other
influences create the best setting to bingewatch Jimminy Glick. Also,
his first name is Jimminy? HOW DID THAT NOT CRACK ME UP. And his
last name is GLICK? THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY TOO IN RETROSPECT BUT NOT AS MUCH
The point I guess is Martin Short is an incredible actor for
disappearing into the character. I hope one day, In The Book, Martin Short
lives into the 2000's and goes through all this Jimminy Glick Stuff I was
talking about From My Life and he goes through all that For Himself In This Book
I've Got. Huh. Not sure what's goin' on with those few sentences.
Fifth paragraph. Anyway. A setting got changed on my phone
inadvertently where, instead of Going To Sleep after 60 seconds, it just stays
Lit Up indefinitely forever unless I put a stop to it! DON'T LIKE THIS NEW
DEVELOPMENT ONE BIT. WASTING ENERGY, TOO MUCH LIGHT FOR MY DELICATE
SENSES, AND PRESUMABLY THE PHONE DOESN'T LIKE IT BECAUSE HEY PHONES NEED SLEEP
TOO. That was no good-- I need to come up with a Funny Name for that
character doing the CAPSLOCK stuff, and QUICK! Hmm, what rhymes with
quick. Glick! Something Glick. Jimminy, well that's obviously
the first first name that comes to mind...
Anyway, new The New Pornographers album, "Dropped,"
today. It's a shame, too, because it was a new album and presumably very
good but now it's broken presumably-- depends at what height it was dropped and
onto what surface. But anyway I Liked It mostly becasue I Like That Band
and presumably These Songs Are Accurate Representations of Music That Band There
Makes. Canadians, am I right. This entry is all about Canada.
A lotta Canadian music the last few decades, right? I remember when I was
a kid, Barenaked Ladies' One Week was the first song I ever really
recognized as oh this is THE MOST POPULAR SONG BY FAR OF THE SEASON!
ALL OF AMERICA IS ENJOYING THIS, "BOP!" Whatever was before that
didn't register with my young, fragile mind. And it was a Canadian Song
all along! It's possible the reason it intrigued me so was the band name.
Barenaked Ladies! CAN THEY SAY THAT ON THE RADIO?!?! FEELS LIKE
PORNOGRAPHY... NEW PORNOGRAPHY ONE MIGHT SAY... The point is I
just cracked that code. The Code Of Canadian Band Names.
Sometimes it gets lonely being such a great Code Cracker. Oh well, this
is the life I chose. What else is going on. Ammendment to the
constitution about The Right To Barenaked Ladies. Seems kind of
important, because some ppl'll be like that band ain't cool we're taking all
these records away so we need it written into the law very specifically and
conclusively nope you've got the right to Barenaked Ladies.
Let's, "Part II," It Up!
Who had a better song where the hook was If I Had a Million Dollars--
Barenaked Ladies, or Eminem [or as he was known mainly for that time, Slim
Shady?] Not a lot of people talk about that, Slim Shady wasn't the
after-thought of how he identified himself for that first album, it was
Eminem that was the outlier. He WAS Slim Shady. Hmm I wonder
why not a lot of people talk about that. Because it's completely
irrelevant for how other people should live their life? Yeah that
checks out. Anyway. Clifford was a real great role model for
kids. Because he played a kid, but in reality he was an adult, so it gave
inspiration to kids that hey lets flip it! we're really kids so lets
act like we're adults! The point is if you don't give Martin Short a
Nobel Prize then Good Good For You Even With That It's Completely
Unmerited. Hey, "Unmerited," is a word. Good for me!
Anyway I'm eating lunch right now. Gotta do
something! If you lived a life where you never stopped eating, from
morning to night, what would you call that? My first instinct would be
Lunch. Yeah I eat lunch all day. Makes more sense than eating
Breakfast all day or Dinner all day. I think as long as we're putting Sean
Spicer on Reality Shows to rehabilitate his image, lets put him on Extreme
Weight Loss. Hey you gotta lose 100 pounds. But then I'd
be severely, severely underweight! Hey well make you shouldn't have
turned our White House into a mockery! Put him on Whose Line Is It
Anyway. But I have no improv skills I'll just embarrass myself.
Hey you shouldn't have signed up to improv with Colin Mochrie. Hmmm.
What other reality shows are there that wouldn't just be embarassing, but
potentially dangerous for him to go on? Is that reality show in one of the
Horror Franchise Wrong Turn a real thing? There was this movie
where they were shooting a Survivor-type Show in the woods and they all got
killed/eaten by a group of cannibal jerks who lived there or something.
Can't we sign up Sean Spicer for something like that?
I mean, in reality show terms, People Who Are Bad At
Singing suffer more humiliation on American Idol than Sean Spicer will on
Dancing With The Stars. So I guess the score is --you're not very
talented at something you imagine you are means YOU'RE SOME SORT OF FREAK
WORTHY OF OUR MOCKING AND CONDEMNATION but you provided a face for the
most corrupt WHITE HOUSE PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY AND LIED REPEATEDLY AND
UNABASHEDLY TO THE PRESS POSSIBLY COMMITTING REAL CRIMES IN THE PROCESS and
the worst case scenario is nope didn't dance as well as the other people, oh
well, you tried your best! Doesn't seem right! Note-- never
watched Dancing With The Stars. Just kinda assume that's the worst thing
that can happen to you in it. Note-- never watched an entire Sean Spicer
press conference. But have seen clips of him blatantly lying.
Can't there be a reality show The Biggest Liar? Sort of a spin off
of The Biggest Loser. At least that way he could make his terrible,
embarrassing, shameful life experience into a positive.
10th paragraph. Figure take a walk after this one or
some such thing. Now that I think about it, I think the rehabilitate
your image by appearing on Dancing With The Stars isn't really a thing.
Is there anyone that's gonna be like Well I HATE HIM for lying to the press
and propping up the worst president in history, but LOOK AT HIM DANCE I LOVE
HIM NOW! I mean, I guess it rehabilitates his imagine far
enough for friends and family to be like See He's Normal Again forget that weird
Trump Spokesperson Thing ever happened he's still the same Sean Spicer we
supposedly know and love COUGH HE'S STILL A FASCIST NOW COUGH. But,
anyway, for the rest of realitysociety, I'd frame it not as it being terrible
because its rehabilitating his image, but just that its giving him a job.
Where he makes money. I think he should have to live in a hole for the
rest of his life and dogs piss and shit on him because he lives in the gutter
and sometimes he goes into the sewer because that's the only shelter for a
worthless piece of crap like him where does he get off. Alright,
that's it! For now! See ya some other time! Either in the
future or the past, whichever one works for you!
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Where do I come up with this stuff?!?! I was inspired by
When Blue Is Friends With Red. ...Yup checks out. HEY here's
a good chant for Trump supporters at his next rally!-- Four.
With the implication being that he's screwed. The point is Great Can't
Wait To see How This Shakes Out. The good news is I went all of yesterday
without drinking alcohol AND I got Halal Cart Food! BUT there was no lamb
so it was only chicken over rice HOWEVER chicken has gotta be less calories than
lamb SO IT TURNS OUT it's slightly healthier PLUS I went with no white sauce
just hot sauce and put ZERO CALORIE BBQ sauce I had in my PANTRY on it instead
and that tasted FINE. Hmm. Looks like I'm trying to give out some
sort of implicit communiquť with those capitalized words. Let's see what
the secret sentence is if we put them together! AND BUT HOWEVER SO IT
TURNS OUT PLUS ZERO CALORIE BBQ PANTRY FINE. ...Yup checks out.
Started out Capitalizing the transitional phrases, but
then I ran out of transitional phrases, so I decided Omelet this bit continue
while ABANDONING THE PREMISE. That's a great way to work on a line of
joking when you've got no inspiration but know it must go on to be worth while!
Just keep the same tone and tenor and just start talking about something else!
Sounds funny to me! Yup checks out. What kind of dummy
doesn't say No Salad when you're getting Halal Food. I mean, I can
say that, because I used to be that dummy. Lettuce is fine, great!
And I'll get rid of the stupid tomato. But that takes up a lot of Rice
Space! Think of how much extra rice you're getting by not getting the
lettuce! Don't be a chump, get as much rice as you can! Unless
you're a bird! Then you'll explode!
If you ever wanna do something to control the bird
population, build a church and have a bunch of weddings. Rice Happens at
weddings I've been led to believe. Anyway I figured out A Better Way to
drink cheap light beer from Supermarket. Pour it in a glass!
Then you get all the fun of sipping beer.. from.. a... gglass well this isn't
as insightful as I was hoping. The point is the sipping beer from a
glass leads to a better experience than sipping it from a can. That's my
takeaway from the last 15 minutes! What else is Crap. Figured out I
could potentially watch HBOGO on my computer should my mother ever figure out
her password (She's on the case, don't worry! Only about a week since I
asked her about it GIVE HER TIME!) and that opens up all sorts of doors of
movies and TV I can watch. Well, one door. The HBOGO door.
Any other sorta door is just frontin', this is an HBOGO exclusive.
Anyway. Hey, didn't even put 2 and 2 together, but I
also realized hey iced coffee/cold brew tastes better sipping at it from the
cup, not through a straw! Exact same realization as beer, both
happening within the last 24 hours, and I never thought of them in tandem.
But apparently a lot of my life lately has been hmm I'm gonna sip at things
THE WAY GOB INTENDED. Hey Jewish New Year is coming up/has already
come up! What year are we into. I wanna say 5757 or somethin'.
5780! So it appears I'm still living in Christian 2016-2017 apparently.
I think there should be a whole separate astrology tailored to Jewish People.
Prove me wrong! Also, I like how Chinese New Years have like a 12 year
cycle with each year being a different animal! Sounds Like Fun! I'd
Love To Learn More About it One Day But Wikipedia Is A Scam!
What else is going on and crap. My guess is Trump's
inner narrative right now is along the lines of, Wait, you're supposed to
NOT commit crimes? How come no one ever told me this before?!?!
I think it's really lucky that Trump's Ukrainian counterpart appears to be
relatively disinterested in capitalizing on Trump's Extortion Bullshit. He
seems to be like wait what you're for real? uhmm.... Because think
of how HUGE A SHIT STORM it would be if a foreign power was GOING ALONG WITH IT
ALL ALONG. Huge diplomatic nightmare! So big props for the Ukraine
Guy for APPARENTLY being like uh Trump's bullshit is... I mean... I dunno
about this one... The bad news is over the upcoming months when we
scrutinize Trump's Bullshit WITH EVERY OTHER COUNTRY (as we should and have to)
is we'll find a lot of reciprocal relationships and HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS
GONNA FUCKING EXPLODE!!!!!
Ugh. Oh boy you guys really need us short people to
Start The Dew The Dew Over and just be like NOPE NONE OF THE LAST COUPLE YEARS
COUNTED EVERYONE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT ACROSS THE WORLD... I DON'T CARE WHAT
PROMISES TRUMP MADE TO YOU FOR YOUR BULLSHIT OKAY? EVERYONE THINK,
VISUALIZE THIS, TRUMP WAS NEVER PRESIDENT, OBAMA WAS, THEN SOME WEIRD BULLSHIT
THING HAPPENED FOR A FEW YEARS AND.... GO! Go! Start... now!
But of course that can't happen. Ugh. Our only hope, which actually
makes a lot of sense, is that foreign leaders all along kinda assumed Trump's
bullshit was his own thing and that we'd just Dew The Dew over eventually when
he was gone. So let's bank on that, right? Anyway what else is going
on and crap. I mean, shouldn't we immediately Suspend Trump's relationship
with other countries? Obviously we need to get rid of him as soon as
possible, but for the next few weeks or months can't we just take away his phone
and be like Go sit in the corner and shut up. You're/we're in enough
trouble already. Seems like the only responsible way to go about
The point is boy the Mets are gonna need a REAL miracle to
make the post season now. They've been mathematically eliminated! Only
hope is 2 other teams all die when each of their respective planes crash into
each other. And even then, they'd probably just call up minor leaguers to
play the rest of the games! So something even worse! I dunno.
I mean, right? There's gotta be like a .00000000025% chance for some
stupid reason MLB is like NOPE THE METS SOMEHOW MADE THE PLAYOFFS!
NEVER LOSE HOPE! Anyway. I saw one game at Citifield a couple of
years ago and my main take away was Jesus fucking Christ how do so few people
fall off these stairs walking up the bleachers. Especially carrying a hot
dog in one hand and a beer in the other, you're walking up these tenuous
steps... I felt like there was roughly a 10% chance the 2 or 3 times I made
that trek that yep I'm probably gonna fall down these stairs and presumably
off the balcony and onto the field and then they'll just have to play the rest
of the game around by still and lifeless body.
Anyway, jeez. I remember as a kid, and presumably
other people feel this way, is like HOLY SHIT THERE'S A FOUL BALL IN MY
VICINITY THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THING TO HAPPEN IN MY LIFE IF I GET IT!
Uhhh... it's a fuckin' baseball. They go through dozens of them each game.
It's not worth a thing! It's just a weird cultural blind spot that we've
all decided getting a foul ball is somehow an exciting and great thing. I
remember one time, closest time I was to getting a foul ball, was Shea Stadium
with my Dad and brother, and we were all the way on one end of the row of seats,
the foul ball his an empty area 5 or 10 feet away, then bounced up into a higher
bleachers. And my Dad was at the very end of the row and we were like
WTF WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN IT IF ONLY YOU MADE A MOVE THANKS A LOT NOW I WANT TO
NORTH MYSELF AND FIND NEW PARENTS.
What else. I still check Facebook 2 or 3 dozen
times a day for no good reason, but I was thinking about how exciting it was the
first year or two of college, using Facebook, and seeing HOLY SHIT THERE'S A RED
LIGHT SEEING I'VE GOT A PRIVATE MESSAGE THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE HOLY
SHIT IT'S A FUCKING GIRL THIS IS AMAZING!!! That red light
notification was a fuckin' drug, boy. Now all it means is there's some
open mic that I don't have much interest in, or something along those lines.
Oh, even worse-- hey it's someone's birthday who I'm not even really friends
with. (Which describes my relationship WITH EVERYBODY) Anyway
what else is going on. I think I'm getting close to the moment where I'm
Completely Off Facebook. Probably need to get a job/social
circle/something to do with my life to correspond with it-- so I'm off the
internet most of the day-- but hey anything can happen! Jeez. Gonna
start 2nd beer. Was gonna go, "Start a new Block! BRB!" but I
realized I'm just one paragraph away from a multiple of 5! So I'll
stick with this current block for now.
Anyway I titled this entry with the conceit it would be in
Purple. Actually in Fuchsia. Sorry! I was gonna make it
purple but purple was too dark! Needed to lighten it up a bit, that's what
I'm here for! I'm bad at twitter. I only follow 7 people, but most
of them I don't really care to read, and the dozen or so I really would care to
read (and/or are good jumping off points to read more people I wanna read based
on the people suggestions from the original person) I don't follow. So I'm
Bad At Twitter is the point. Most people say they're bad at twitter, they
probably mean oh I can't write good posts, or maybe oh I'm addicted to
it can't stop reading! Where as when I say I'm bad at twitter I mean
I don't use it properly in coordination with what I want to get out of it for
Wow! 2nd half of Chicken & Chicken over rice! Real
soon! I like how the internet can only speculate on what's in white sauce.
If you look it up, there's no real answers, just guesses. No one has ever
thought to go to their local cart and be like Hey what's with this white
sauce care to comment? because I'm sure some of them would be fine with
being white sauce whistleblowers and letting us know what white sauce is really
all about. Also, check out my new band, White Sauce Whistleblowers.
What else is going on. I'm sick of going to Starbucks before School
Starts and having these high school kids packin' the Starbucks. What
are they stupid? What makes them think Starbucks is what cool kids do.
Go Vape somewhere! That'll solve your problems! Also, whenever I
walk by people smoking marijuana, be it in the park, in front of their house,
behind The Stores, there's always like a 5% part of me that's like hey wonder
what would happen if i was like HEY I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING BETTER LET ME GET A
HIT OR I'M GOIN TO THE AUTHORITIES!
They'd probably make fun of me and correctly point
out I'm Not Gonna Do Anything and I'll have to walk home in defeat and think
about where I went wrong. Jeez. Also, in NY, isn't it legal to
possess weed now or something? Maybe its still illegal to do it in public,
figure that might be an ancillary rule. I guess. What else is crap.
At what point is it appropriate to discuss with Democratic presidential
candidates uhh so what's goin' on, what if Trump isn't who you're running
against. Seems like something we should be preparing for, right?
Not because it's definite, but because it's possible. Which I believe is
JFK's reasoning for The Space Race. We do this not because it's
definite, but because it's possible. Been thinking about the space race
a lot recently. Good alternate phrase for Extra Terrestrials. "The
Space Race." They'd be fine with it, they're gettin' credit
for being the race of ALL SPACE minus Earth. That's good for them.
Anyway, what else. HOLY SHIT HBOGO I'M GONNA
REWATCH SO MUCH CRAP
YOU HAEV NO IDEA
sure why the font and color just changed, but it feels right, so I'm gonna leave
it! Anyway. Last few weeks, I've settled into this routine of 5
walks a day, often entry at some point, often drinking. But one weird
consistant thing is I love the first 10 minutes of Morning Walk (say, around 7
AM-9 AM). First 10 minutes, I'm like, HOLY SHIT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY
especially if I have contacts on and real especially if I didn't have
contacts on the previous day because I'm like holy shit I can see so well and
HOLY SHIT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY. And by the time the walk is half over
I'm like ugh another day of this shit? Where goes Time get off, this is
Something along those lines, right? What else is
going on and crap. Plus, it's Thursday! I don't need to do Mega Soda
Transportation for a whole 5 days! I can just Netflix and Chill.
Which is a phrase I hope Netflix came up with. 14th paragraph!
Anyway, thinking about getting a haircut. Last one was about 3 months ago.
Main reason is I Need To Shave + I'm Bad At Shaving Myself. Moustache
area, I can do that. Takes 30 seconds! Everything else is gonna take me an
hour at least, and consists of 3 different Getting Rid of Hair Techniques--
manual razor, electric razor, and good-old-fashioned picking out the random
hairs that neither razor got the job done on. Which, the last part, that's
fun! But the first 2 parts, whatta hassle! But, yeah, anyway, maybe
I look better with shorter hair, I dunno! Maybe I look better with hair
longer than what I have! Or maybe I'm perfect! Nah that
doesn't check out at all.
Cool! Last paragraph of the block. Haven't
had lunch yet. Been about 5 hours since breakfast. That's around the
standard of when I plan out having lunch. At least 4 hours past breakfast,
ideally 5. But right now I don't quite need it so we'll keep that in check
for now. Sometimes I think about what Trump would look like if he wasn't
always artificially tan and it makes me sad. Poor old man Trump.
Anyway. Could I have gotten away with you thinking This Color Was Purple?
I dunno, maybe! But that's not the kind of guy I am. I'm gonna be
upfront with you with the color of text that you are receiving from me.
Hmm, fuchsia. Is that like a cross between purple and pink?
That's my best guess based on appearances. The point is yesterday I
took 6 half hour walks. I'm essentially back to walking in my room all
day, except outside of my room. Well that's still a big improvement.
Hey, Thanks! You're Tops!
I'm Tellin' Ya, Lunch
Is On The Way
Fine I believe you! Jeez. This has been a fun month in
terms of experimenting with different color fonts, but next month, I'm gonna go
back to All White. HOWEVER an interesting way to mix things up EVEN MORE
is DIFFERENT FONTS HOLY SHIT NO THAT'S TOO MUCH I COULDN'T HANDLE ALL THAT NO
WAY NO WAAAY. We'll see, I guess. Based on that reaction from
myself, though, maybe I shouldn't! That was my genuine guttural Feel
from writing entries with different fonts. Too much, too quick!
Hmm wonder what the rest of this entry'll be like! I dunno. Is
it legal to not eat lunch if I don't really need it to compensate for drinking?
Or am I breaking some sort of law. I'm asking for a friend me I'm the
friend of myself.
Cool! Anyway, jeez. Nah that's irresponsible.
I'm gonna eat lunch like an adult! Just not right now. Maybe even
not until after Walk #3 of 5 which is coming at some point maybe after this
block. 3 and a half to go! Anyway. My dad has been going
through this thing where he suddenly lost all taste for food. Can't tsate
anything. Which is different from all of you who have lost taste for
Website Entertainment and thus are humoring my website with your patronage
HEeEYYYY Yoooooooo. The point is I wanted to figure out arbitrarily what
Desk I should write this entry at-- facing North, East, or South, and I came up
with NORTH somehow, and I imagined it at this desk I'm at now, and then
immediately realized nope that's south. So I stuck with what
I thought was north immediately but is actually south. FASCINATING.
Three paragraphs to go. Figure then I'll just end
the entry, take walk, eat lunch, and start life anew from there. Maybe
have a REAL LATE lunch. Like instead of 12:30, 5 hours after breakfast,
say like 3:00! Then there's no time needed for snack(s) between lunch and
dinner presumably. Which is good cause I spent those calories AND THEN
SOME on drinking! Ahhh what a wonderful life I'm living. Hey,
it's not so bad, where do you get off ragging on ...your/...mine... life?
There's that 10 minutes of Morning Walk where I'm like HOLY SHIT ANYTHING IS
POSSIBLE BUT EXCEPT FOR ANYTHING ONLY GOOD ANYTHING EVERYTHING'S GREAT.
That ends about the time I get to Starbucks, which may or may not be a
coincidence. I go into Starbucks, get my bullshit coffee, I leave, and I'm
like, well I like iced coffee, it's a good thing I got it, but for some
reason, now the walk/day feels less special.
But I keep gettin' em!
Dozens-of-teenagers-ahead-of-me-on-line-be damned! Penultimate paragraph.
Do I go out of my way to see a movie this weekend even though there's no great
options? Maybe! I like Going Doing Stuff! I could watch
Hustlers but that's about ladies how am I supposed to relate to that? No,
better watch Rambo: One Of The Last Bloods because I can relate to Rambo much
more than ladies. Hmm I wonder if ABOMINABLE got good reviews of Rotten
Tomatoes to the extent enough to make me feel comfortable seeing a kids movie
alone. 79% ON ROTTEN TOMATOES? HOLY SHIT TTHAT'S ALMOST 82%!
Wow. I'm glad I wrote this entry. It's
fun! I gotta read the Martin Short book but I keep being like why read
when you can write? It's like reading but you're calling the shots!
Plus, everything's more relevant to you! Cause you're the dude doing it!
Cool! Jeez. Also, if it weren't for evil snowmen, would we ever use
the word abominable? Somethin' to think about for some reason if
you've got the time and desire to. Hmm been about 2 hours since I've
obsessed over Twitter reading journalists who I REFUSE TO OFFICIALLY FOLLOW
talking about TrumpGate. Not a bad phrase to conceptualize Trump
Scandal. Just call it TrumpGate and its EVERYTHING HE'S EVER DONE!
Makes it easy, that's how I feel. Anything else
wouldn't be as comprehensive. Anyway. Once Trump is out of the
picture, all of our alliances are going to crack. Center-Right
Republicans, Moderates, Somewhat Left Wingers, Actual Left Wingers, somehow TOO
left wingers... we've all been pretty much on the same page of Trump is the
most terrible thing and most pressing issue. And it's been like that
for a long time! YEARS! Now we can't be friends anymore!
Brings a tear to my eye. Oh well, hopefully we all learned an important
lesson--... not sure what it is, get back to me! Ok, maybe this is
the message-- we can all put aside our differences, temporarily at least, as
long as we have someone as blatantly full of shit as Trump is/was to unite
Anyway, one bonus paragraph at least. That's one
way to live your life! I'll miss you Republicans I followed on Twitter
and felt okay liking for the last 2 and a half years. It's been real!
And maybe there is a small chance we can one day live in a society where we're
honest about what separates us politically but we can all act in good faith that
we all want what's best for America/the world (OHNOGLOBALIST) and there's no
nefarious NOSFERATU things going on, just people with different ideas. I
don't really think we'll get to that point. But it'd be nice. I
dunno crap and crap. But of course I'm being magnanimous because my ideas
are the best and you jerks are dummies.
Hah. Magnanimous. What a magnanimous word.
No joke! Jeez. If I write 3 more paragraphs, still divisible by 5!
Seems like something to aim for. Anyway, jeez. I had a feeling going
into Getting Cart Food last night, they're gonna be out of lamb. I just
know it. And they were! But I was magnanimous in defeat.
Huh. I dunno! Three beers for this entry, not too bad!
(So far 2.5, but that'll be finished by the end). Whatta do. Gotta
get back on some sort of track in life. New year is in 3 months, that's a
good artificial deadline type thing to work around. Anyway. Crunched
the numbers, and I've saved about 1.8 K so far quitting smoking. And all
it took was Playing Poker, Losing Money, Trying To Make THe Most Of A Bad
Situation By Quitting Cigarettes To Make Back Money, and Holy Shit I Actually
Quit Cigarettes For Good It Seems.
Heh. Magnanimous. Jeez. I dunno,
post-Trump, anything can happen! What if we can live in a world
where we mostly operate in good faith politically? It's crazy enough it
just might probably not but POSSIBLY work! The pitn is I'm facing North
right now, by which I mean I'm facing South, but it just feels like North to
me. I dunno why1 It's crazy enough it just might REPRESENT THAT
I'M SO CRAZY I CAN'T REALLY GET A GRIP ON DIRECTIONS. I dunno, crap and
crap. I just hope they don't start framing this around he was going
after Biden now we have to rally around Biden to support him! Cause I
support other people for president! I think we should rally around Biden
because he's done nothing wrong, so rally around him to defend that, but that
don't mean I gotta let it effect my preferences for Democratic Primary! I
DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.
paragraph! It's an intriguing idea to not each lunch, but then I'm stuck
with the problem of do I eat what would have been lunch for dinner, or
do I eat what I Want for dinner currently, and put off this skipped lunch for
lunch tomorrow. These are the important issues of the day. 25th
paragraph. Whattaworld. I've noticed Dunkin Donut workers are way
better than their Starbucks counterparts at being able to comprehend an order
quicker. I go throguh Cold brew, skim milk, 5 splenda, sugar free
(French [for DD]) vanilla flavor, Starbucks is always like WAIT WHAT HOLD ON
GOTTA GO THROUGH THIS ONE AT A TIME. But Dunkin Donuts is like Yup got
it. The point is the entry is over. See ya'll later!
Monday, September 23, 2019
Oh No, Not A Number!
Anything But That!
I just got back from Sleep Doctor: The Results Of Sleep Test Edition.
Jerks took my weight and I accidentally saw it! I always try to not see
it, this itme I did by accident! Turns out it's not too bad! I'm up
about 10, 12 pounds than the lowest I reached This Time Around, but am still
down about 35, 38 pounds from the beginning! And I'm still solidly in
normal BMI range! B.M. Eye is what happens if you eat too many of those
Eye McNuggets from previous entry! Also, Martin Short is 5'7 at best.
Martin Short? More like Martin SHORT. Been holdin'
that one in my back pocket for a good 2 minutes now and it's such a relief to
finally get rid of it.
You gotta know how demoralizing it is when in conversation
people casually talk about someone whose 5'7, 5'8 as noticeably short. And
not in Sports Talk, that, fine. They skew taller than most people!
But just Normal People talk, way to suck! One day we'll overthrow your
heightist regime and implement our own will on society once we've figured out
exactly what that'll be all about! Once we have Control Over Society, Get
Ready For Some Changes! We'll try to govern in the best possible way for
All People, probably institute some sort of Democracy where we will pass the
power along Democratically over time to people regardless of height.
Essentially we just wanna start a Do Over and it's either Short People
Doin' The Dew Over or Nobody.
What else is doing crap. The Sleep Study was a
Bust. They tell me last week oh you got Parasomnia come in next week
Doctor'll Tell You AAaaaaalll About It. I come in, and he's like
you're not going to remember this, but there was a time during the night where
you took off all your wires and walked to the bathroom! And I was like
Yeah I Know I Did That On Purpose. I Fuckin' Had To Use The Bathroom.
And he was like Hmm... give me a second... I'm gonna leave the room and
re-evaluate these results. 10 minutes later he's like well your
story checks out, the brain waves do show you were conscious at the time.
And I'm all like, shouldn't you have been able to figure that one out without
me saying it? And he just spent 20 minutes going over the same lecture
he was prepared to give me without the correct interpretation of the results.
Hmm, we got it wrong.. dunno what to do now, so I'm just gonna stay on This
Wrong Course because I'm A Fuckin' Idiot Who Doesn't Know What He's Talking
Maybe we're not so different, Him & I... that
kinda loses it's drama and urgency when it's Him and I instead of You and I.
You and I, we're both really invested in it, I start talking about the
relationship/character of you & I, we're both gonna listen up. I start
talking about a him & I, still worthwhile to think about for me, but you can
check out because it doesn't concern you at all. Anyway what in the world
is going on. I think my Alcohol Habit has been devolving into Light
Addiction, corresponding to Finishing Kurt Cobain's journals. Cause the
last 1/3rd or 1/4th is either About Him Being On "Heroine," or at least
Influenced By It. So I was subconsciously like Hey I want my own
addiction where does he get off. So, great, yep, here I am. On
the cover of Martin Short's book where it says his name ("Martin Short") there's
a picture of him under it and his head covers up the, "O," in, "Short."
Presumably to lead us to use our imagination to imagine other letters there
besides, "O." (Well, if he covered up the, "r," too, SHEET!! BUT HE
DIDN'T SO SCRATCH THAT) Shart. First instinct, right? When
you shit but intended a fart. Or, maybe you Sharted on purpose.
I'm not gonna get involved in your personal life, leave me out of it!
Shert. That's almost a word. You nkow, the thing that covers
your torso sometimes? Shirt... Oh Right I couda just jumped to THE
ACTUAL WORD. But then we'd lose all the fun of me being like OH MAN
IT'S SO CLOSE TO SHIRT SHERT and then be like OH RIGHT SHIRT FITS TOO!
Shurt. Think that covers all the vowels. Sometimes, "Y," too.
Why the Hell is it sometimes Y. What do we have
to gain from sometimes counting Y as a constanant. I mean, it
serves as a vowel in some words! GREAT! ITS A FUCKIN VOWEL.
Just because it's not that many words, what the Hell is your problem with Y AS A
VOWEL where you're like NOPE ONLY TEMPORARY STATUS AS A VOWEL DOESN'T COUNT MOST
OF THE TIME. I mean, U, that only shows up in some words.
Does that mean U is only sometimes a vowel. What The Hell is your
discrimination against Y all about? I like the vowel, "Y!" I'll
consider myself part of Generation Y over being a, "Millenial," any day of the
week! I have a lyric in one of my best songs I'm wondering Why In The
Hell/I Can't Think of Another Word To Rhyme With Myself and I always
thought, since I wrote it, Yeah, wondering, "Y," in the Hell!
Generation Y! TALKIN' BOUT MY GENERATION. I think in addition to
basing future generations on the term Gen X, we should go back in time
and re-adjust our phrases for past generations. From now on, Baby Boomers
are to be known as Generation V.
That's an upgrade, you can't argue with that! Suddenly
you've shook loose the shackles of being described as a baby your entire
generation-life and you got a nifty letter, "V," to describe yerself! Feel
blessed, it's good for ya! Anyway. I'm for the term Millennial if it
means when Andrew Yang is president he's gonna give a monthly allowance of a
million dollars to all millennials. Anyway. Once people put two and
two together that, yes, in Time Talk, a millenium is 1000 years, not
1,000,000... people with 2,000 dollars should be able to say I'm a Multi
Millionaire-- In Time Talk! Also, my other favorite thing
about the Doctor's incorrect assessment that I have Parasomnia based on
something that didn't happen is that Parasomnia isn't a word at all
according to the internet/word processors. This whole enterprise is
pretty shady. Gonna take a break now BRB A LITTLE BIT LATER WHO
KNOWS HOW MUCH LATER BUT I WILL FINISH THIS ENTRY UNLIKE LAST ENTRY YOU CAN
COUNT ON THAT
Yeah, yeah... hows that working out for you. Who, me?
You mean you? Yeah, Us, that's what I said. I wanna write a
movie about a deadlocked jury called Nine Angry Men. Also, why were
there no women in A Dozen Angry Men? Were they not allowed to serve on
juries at the time? Or Were There Women and I just don't know because I
never saw it and the title clearly stipulated that all 12 angry people are men?
Also, it's great that you're fired up about the case, in the abstract, but we
don't need Angry Men on a jury! You won't act like yourself if you get
emotions dictate things! Take a breather. Here, have a Snickers Bar.
This paragraph is brought to you by Snickers-- carbon neutral by 2160.
That's right, Big Oil bought up Snickers because they
figured the Snickers Brand could help get people to Be Okay With Global Warming.
How did they decide 2160. Because that's when the oil will
literally run out. That seems kind of unlikely. Seems like it
would run out before then! There's that thing Peak Oil, which I think
refers to the point where basically, we've used 1/2 the oil there is. So
once we reach Peak Oil, whatever we've already used, we'll do once more.
Anyway, eighth paragraph. Figure 10 or 12 or 15 is most likely at this
point. I wanna be picked as Juror #12 and be like Great, first Kick
Ball, now this. With the point that I get picked last for everything.
Hey, Juror #12, a lot of people don't get picked at all! Yeah,
but I should be up front about this, too-- I was never picked last for kick
ball. They just stopped picking people the person before me.
Who should have been the penultimate loser became the last loser and they just
routinely decided to play without me.
Dunno why the Gym Teacher let that happen. He was
the one picking the teams. Hmm doesn't sound like a great Gym Teacher,
then! What else is going on. Must have gotten it at some point way
in the past, but yesterday made my first order for an Egg White Exclusive
Omelet. I mean, it was a certain kind of omelet (WESTERN if you must
know), but it was ust egg whites for the egg! And I was like, to myself,
what the Hell do they do with the rest of the egg. Is some sucker just
getting a Totally-Non-Egg-White omelet because of my greed? Hmm,
possible pun alert--- Omelet this continue. I'ma Let. Ugh.
I wonder if Green Eggs and Ham was influenced by a Western Omelet and/or
was influenced by Shakespeare's Hamlet. Hamlet is just a
portmanteau of Eggs (Omelet) and Ham (Ham). Hmm cracked THAT Dr.
Suess Da Vinci Code Riddle... now its on to The Cat & The Hat.
The point is at this point it'd be irresponsible to not
recall all printed books of Hamlet and only return them once someone's
crossed out Hamlet and written in Western Omelet. Only
logical and righteous way to proceed from this point! Anyway. I
got Green Eggs all the time I'm talkin' downtown ALRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Nope, but you should probably have whatever that means checked out by
a doctor, that'd my first instinct. Anyway, this is the 10th
paragraph, figure I'll write another 5, then call it quits. Hmm good
name for a pet. Hey Quits, get over here! Kinda charming. I
might be thinking of George Carlin's routine about ancilary 7 dirty words where
he talks about tits. He's all like, tits, that's a fun word!
Feels like it should be a snack, hey pass the tits, you know what
for some people it is a snack Heeeey Yooooooooo. Remember how George
Carlin used to tag many of his jokes with Heeeyyyy Yooooooo.
Yeah. Anyway, what do I got in store for the rest of the day.
Tomorrows the worst day of the week because of all the moving around 2 liter
bottles of soda. Gotta put 20 bottles into Supermarket Cart. Gotta
unload them from cart onto Purveyor Belt. Take them from Purveyor Belt
into Shopping Cart once more. Put from shopping cart into car. Put
from Car (This is the worst part) into House. Put from House into
Fridge/Cabinet. Ugh I'm getting exhausted just describing it!
That's what she said! Huh? Moving on... Let's just stop
now. I like that idea because I get to go back to doing nothing! See
Sunday, September 22 , 2019
Taking Of The Digits
1, 2, 3
I was inspired by a movie I was watching on Netflix. They use the
word Pelham instead of Digits, but I dunno what that means! Whoever
heard of a Pelham. Sounds like a made up word. I think every
movie John Travolta is in should have a Face/Off subplot. For at least one
sequence in each movie, he trades faces with a co-star (within the plot).
I'm not suggesting the actors actually trade faces. That would be a
Hassle & a Half. Doing a Face/Off as an actor must be hard. You
gotta be thinking, in-character, hmm well now I'm playing the guy who isn't
me. Congratulations You Just Described All Of ACting.
Well done! Anyway, No Drinking today! Gonna see where
that takes me. The point is when I used to play Risk with my friends, if
we made a non-agression pact with someone, we would call it A Gentleman's
Agreement. That's the point because Current World Affairs Being
Ruined By Donald Trump-- And also that I talked about Agent Lehman last
entry. Both things of Similar Import.
Yeah! Is Import the Wine Equivalent of
Soy Milk. Pretty sure my oft-repeated Soy Milk means I Am Milk
came from an episode of Conan o Brian 15 or so years ago. Anyway. I
gotta stop oscillating between Being Healthy 80% of the time, then losing
control 20% of the time. Pick one way of living and stick to it.
It's like that Kierkegaard book, "either/or." And for some reason I've
been trying to prove that title wrong. Either/or? WE'LL SEE ABOUT
THAT I'M GONNA DO SOME OSCILLATING. I believe Kierkegaard was inspired
by an Elliott Smith album (...it was called Either/Or. Probably should
make that clear.) Anyway. I wanna be happy Elizabeth Warren is
surging because I think she'd be great, but part of me feels like it's a scam.
Prop up Warren until Bernie becomes less likely to win, and then go right back
to Biden/Harris/someone else. Just feels like that's what they're going
for. The point is Democracy Is A Sham but What Can Ya Do Just Watch More
TV You Dolt.
Hmm, was one of the Four New Monkees a dolt?
One was definitely a fool, and one was definitely a nincompoop.
Hmm, all these great synonyms for Stupid-- maybe I can expand that to the Other
Main Characters. They're kind of the adults in the room but hey adults
can be stupid too! I did like the e-mail I got from Our Revolution which
declared emphatically they've decided to endorse Bernie Sanders. Yeah,
the orginization he started a few years ago decided to endorse him? GET
OUT OF HERE. NO WAIT STAY IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.
Which is a phrase that doesn't really mean a lot. Not any definition of
figure that I know. Not a Math Figure (AKA a, "Digit," or
presumably a, "Pelham") Not like a Physical Figure (like yo check out that
girl's figure That Shit Makes Me GOOOOOOO).
Nincompoop means a lot to me. First of all, just
sounds funny. The way the syllables roll of the toungue. Also,
it's a portmanteu that's really funny. Nin (Well, that doesn't mean much),
CUM POOP. Not sure what that is in Physical Reality but it makes me laugh!
It could either mean when you're pooping it's like a sexual release OR
it's like you cum and only air comes out. Cum poop! Poop doesn't
mean air but it is the sort of sound such a situation would make.
I remember back in college someone showed me the Two Girls, One Cup video
(basically 2 girls eating shit-- probably fake-- but that was the premise) and I
watched it and didn't react, thinking yeah Ican tolerate this without
throwing up, that'll make me look cool!) but looking back its more like
hmm this guy doesn't seem fazed by this at all.. MUST BE USED TO IT WHAT A
FREAK) How many times must I confuse being cool with being a
What else and crap. The point is its relatively
exciting to try to win a Poker Freeroll for 6 dollars, and then as soon as I won
and have the six dollars, I'm like, well this is just a chore what I do with
this now. Better just get rid of it quickly. I think there's a
life lesson in there somewhere but who has the time to figure things like that
out. Anyway, gonna finish this 5 paragraph block, do some other crap, come
back here later for more Entry! Hmm, in the meantime, it appears I have a
few sentences to write! Hmm. Meh. I'll be back later.
[Never came back! THATS IT, ENTRY!]
September 21 , 2019
Lookin' Lean, Cuisine!
dunno about that title, its sort of misleading. I am eating
a Frozen, "Healthy," Meal but it's SAFFRON ROAD. Which I believe means
some sort of thing, Saffron. I'd like to figure it out one day! The
point is its got rice, , some sort of Spices that I'm not really sure what the
name of it is, some lamb. Wonderful! I like how we have a word
specifically for baby Sheep, but not even for Humans-- Which We Are!
We got the word baby. Not human-specific! How about toddler.
Never seen any young animals referred to as toddlers. But they're not
babies-- step above babies! Also, sure you could have a deer toddler.
Dunno why my mind went to deer. Probably because I want you to Read
This Entry Backwards.
Hey, what else is crap. This meal has been a real
let down. Tastes good enough, but not filling at all! Then
again, I'm only half way through, and most meals are designed to Not Be Filling
Until The Meal Is Over. That's their prime directive and I'm jumping out
way in front and dissin' em for no reason. Something I've always wondered
about these Frozen Meals where the meat portion comes in a heavy sauce-- that's
gotta be included in the calorie count, rihgt? I mean, this one
specifically, it says 340 calories. And, beyond the actual substance, the
rice and whatever protein and/or vegetables, there's gotta be like 100 calories
worth of Sauciness. They'd be LYING if it was really 440 calories and
they're like well it's implied not to finish the sauce. Gotta be
340 calories assuming we'll mop up all that sauce, right? So if I leave
over some sauce, it's really 300 calories or under, right? RIGHT?
Does the plastic container it came in have any calories?
Maybe they're expecting us to eat that too! Pretty sure there's no calories
in Plastic. SIGN ME UP TO EAT SOME PLASTIC THEN! They say you
shouldn't eat non-edible food, but when you take into account pretty sure non
edible food has zero calories by definition, suddenly I'm like YEAH I'LL EAT
SOME NON-EDIBLE FOOD WHAT AM I SOME SORT OF IDIOT? Anyway I just had a
biteful of the one really relatively large piece of lamb and it was
great! Like a whole piece of lamb that would be one of 24 pieces of lamb
in a Chicken & Lamb Halal Food. Alright! So, looks like we spent
years learning all we could about Trump coordinating with a foreign country to
influence the election, and we got some good answers, but apparently that wasn't
enough! Trump had to go you know what I'm just gonna go ahead do it
again for all of you in plain view. Thanks for makin' it simple!
At this point you gotta assume Trump Wants To Get Caught, right?
Conciously or not, I'm not sure. But this behavior says to me Part of
Trump is thinking Jesus Christ just make this over already. HMM
SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD JUSTIFICATION FOR NANCY PELOSI TO BRUSH ASIDE IMPEACHMENT.
"Clearly Trump wants to get caught and be impeached, so I'm not gonna
do it! THAT'LL SHOW HIM REAL GOOD I'M A HERO" Thanks for
doing your job.
What else is going on. The point is Great I just
Got A SECOND Decent Sized Piece of Lamb. Does Veal only refer to
eating baby cows, or is a baby cow, alive, called a Veal. Pretty sure I
know the answer but just wanna double check. Fourth paragraph!
Figure I'll write some more for now see how it goes! I mean, they can't do
the calculations and estimate okay on average most people will eat 25-30% of
the Sauce we'll give you the calorie total assuming that's what the average is.
They'd have to do a lot of scientific studies to reach that conclusion and I
don't think it's in Saffron Road's budget to do that, this ain't no Lean Cuisine
multi-billion dollar enterprise we're talking about here! Anyway. I
don't get why some food is so high in calories. Don't they know the higher
the calories, the less likely we are to eat them? Why shoot yourself in
the foot by arbitrarily making yourself more calories?!?!
Cause under nourished people across the globe will get
More Out Of Higher Calorie Food and it's helping them Not Be Starving.
Yeah, that's great for them But what good does it do me?
Under nourished and malnourished people have been getting it easy for too long!
NOT ON MY WATCH. I made the claim a few months ago that people in China
and/or other East Asian countries actually eat white rice with their fingers-- I
think I Really Did See That Somewhere-- I wanna find out if its true!
Also, I saw this movie about Native Americans, and there's a scene where they're
in a diner, and one of them picks up his glass (of soda or juice or water or
whatever) with both his hands and drinks from it like it's the holy grail or
something. Double handed, is the point. Native Americans use two
hands as if they need to get All Around That There Glass. Stereotype
Unlocked. Can someone sponsor a poll in Nancy Pelosi's district to see
whether they support impeachment now? Seems like a worthwhile way to spend
a few thousand dollars.
Won't You Be My Title?
No get away from me your creep. I think, in my head, that's
the default reaction I would assume any females would have if I approached them.
I've developed some sort of sore or pimple or some sort of circular indentation
at the top of my Nose Bridge Right In-between My Eyes Area. And its
notable because it rings a bell that for some reason I used to have a spot
there all the time. Forgot about it, but feeling it an seeing it in
the mirror, I remembered, oh yeah for some reason this used to happen to me a
lot. Like, where Indian Lady's might have a dot or something.
Kinda weird and unpleasant. What am I supposed to do to someone looking at
it, Hey My Eyes Are Right... uhhh.. ones right to the left, another one the
other way... I guess just keep looking where you're looking I guess this is the
best we can do to make the most of a bad situation.
Great! Watched the Between 2 Ferns movie. It
was wonderful but apparently the lasting impression I got from it is just
manifesting itself in terms of I had lunch, am drinking calories too, but I'm
just gonna have a bunch of Cheez Its because Zach Galifankis is overweight so
whats the difference might as well eat 100,000 calories that'll be a fun few
weeks! II like cheez its because its one of the only foods that you
can eat any amount of EXCEPT the serving size. Obviously eating a hundred
or 2 is the easiest thing you can do. Next easiest thing is None.
Then the penultimate easest thing is I dunno have half a dozen for some
reason, won't satisfy you at all, but it'll feell ike you treated yourself and
maybe that's all you need. Serving size is 29 crackers for 130
calories (Reduced Fat Version) That'll NEVER happen.
Commentary! Also, if you're having half a
dozen, you eat 'em 1 at a time. That'll give you no joy! Gotta eat 2
or 3 at a time, that's the only way to actually enjoy it. You're having
one at a time, pointless! Nonsense! I think it was really brave of
Zach Galifanakis to interview Barack Obama because it made him the after
thought. He pales in comparison to Obama. Everyone else he can make
seem like a jerk and Zach Comes Out On Top. Obama? Suddenly
Galifankis is the joke because Obama deemed this enterprise worthwhile, and
Between II Ferns never could ever recover that edge. Also, when I
watched wrestling, there was a completely useless wrestler named Edge.
That's the weird part of professional wrestling, at least for the year or 2 I
watched it, and presumably before and after-- there's maybe a dozen, at most,
wrestlers with a good gimick/fair amount of charisma. Then there's a few
dozen who are wrestling all the time and you're like What the Hell is the
point of EDGE. His Fake Wrestling Manager can go, though, to an Enemy
Wrestler who is approaching Edge to Fight, the Fake Wrestling Manager can go
I WISH YOU WOULD STEP BACK FROM THAT EDGE MY FRIEND and the crowd
Also, do we really need the word Ledge? Edge gets the
job done with one fewer letters. Its the edge of the building surface.
Why is this, "L," getting involved. Anyway, that's one of the only
Autographs I got personally as a child. Got Mankind (then and still my
favorite wrestler), Big Bossman (maybe one of my favorite wrestler names)
and a third-- you know what?-- might have been Edge. Another good wrestler
name was Val Venis. Because when you're a guy, watched almost naked guys
fight (chorographed-dance-fight) you wanna be thinking of the word Penis.
Pal penis! The point is I kinda proved myself wrong because I had
about 4 dozen Cheez Its and am actually FULL and no desire to eat more. So
it's close to twice as much as recommended, but half as much as you would
normally go Crazy With.
Hey what else is going on. 10th paragraph! Figure
I'll start a new block after this one. Hmm gotta CONSUME something.
Hey I still got some Iced Coffee and Alcohol! That'll learn 'em.
Anyway, a week or so until a full 6 months (Half a year for you calendaric
folks) without a cigarette! Unless you count all the times I've smoked in
Nighttime Dreams-- which I don't know why you would-- it's not real-- none of it
is real! Has there ever been a real top 1-or-2-at-the-time minority
wrestler? I guess The Rock, right? What about if I narrow it down to
black which is what I was thinking at first. Hmm.
Well, maybe it's for the best. Suffer less piledrivers that way.
Assuming I put off Ad Astra, I could watch Rambo: Last The Blood sometime this
upcoming week. Never seen any of the original movies, but it seems like
the kind of thing that would could pass for entertaining!
About That Great Just Great
Real stupid pointless combination of words that title is-- band I
can't shake the feeling I've used it before. I know I've conveyed the
exact same meaning in titles before, but that exact combination?
That would be unfortunate or crazy or some sort of adjective I'm already pot
committed to describing it some way based on the first few words of this
sentence. What else. Ended up only doing the Fast One Day A
Week diet for 2 weeks. And the firs week I had to cause of
colonoscopy the next day. And I was able to do it on its own merit the
next week. Then the week after, I fasted like 50% there. That might
get us up to where we are now. The point is fascinating this guy eats
just like any of us and has some sort of weight which is influenced by this and
apparently is pretty self conscious about it in an OCD way which we're not
really sure why but hey whatever works!
Hey how about that great just great. Basically one
way of conceptualizing my life Post-College and Pre-Real-Job as worthwhile.
Getting healthier/staying healthier. That's productive even if I'm not
earning a higher degree or making money. Bunch of music albums I'm looking
forward to over the next few months. Wilco, Green Day, Weezer, New
Pornographers-- all four of which could easily make my top 10 artists of In My
Life. They'll get America back on the right track. First you
get the Culture. Then You Get The Power. Then You Get The.. uhh..
America. Sounds about right! I dunno, TNP are Canadian.
Good! Great! I wanna move on from this stuff and start a new
Anyway, what else is going on. Hah, Cheez-Its
thought it was so smart, thinking I'd eat 100 at a time WHILE I ONLY ATE 50 OR
60! I am the living embodiment of self control. Unlike all thos
Dead embodiments of self control. Rest in pieces. Good thing to say
after someone been drawn and quartered. They don't do that much
anymore, do they? Seems like it should be one of the choices if you're
gettin' on the receiving end of capital punishment. Go out with some fun!
Wouldn't fining someone or taking money from them be Capital Punishment?
Capital means money. Or, here's some other capital punishment CAPITAL
PUNISHMENT NOW WE'RE TALKING PUNISHMENT AS WELL.
Anyway what else is going on. If you're makin a 2 x 2
comis strip, as many are, Drawn and Quartered. Yeah Get Over It I
Got The Best Puns. Let's just acknowledge that and move on with our lives.
I accidentally started playing in a poker freeroll for no good reason 15 inutes
ago which slowed down the Gears of Entry. Just realized I don't
even want money on Poker so I closed that window. You know what they
say-- when you close a window, God blows some wind through the cracks under your
front door What you think you're better than God giving you wind? You
close your window to keep the cold out, that's offending God, he's gonna get
some coldness to you one way or another Watch OUT!
Ugh. What else is going on. Mankind: The
Wrestler's finishing move was The Mandible Claw which is basicall he
sticks his hand in the opponents mouth and.. I don't even know what it's
supposed to be. But it's really weird, because, yeah, we all know the
moves they do aren't actually designed to inflict pain. But at least with
99% of other movies we can sort of imagine how it might be painful if it was
real. We can suspend disbelief and get into it. I don't know if he's
pinching this guy's tongue or what. All we can see is he sticks his hand
in the person's mouth, they slowly fall down to the floor, and ideally either
Tap Out or Get Pinned. To learn more about this, read my upcoming book--
Wrestling Is Stupid and Other Life Lessons [Most of them are Just recounting
Things That Are Stupid.
What If I
Met Someone Who Wrote Their Own Website thissheetcrazy.net
I think all of my internal organs would explode. Presumably
his/hers would, too, if they thusly found out my website. Unless
THEY KNEW ABOUT IT AND WERE RIPPING ME OFF FROM THE START!
Anyway I dunno whattado with the rest of the day. Current Events, huh?
Trump and stuff. We're truly in uncharted domain. That's how I feel!
Hmm, I feel oddly full after those cheez-its. Like in the sense
yeah I really don't wanna eat any more at all. It's a strange feeling
but I'd like to keep it going! The point is Supermarket Didn't Have tHe
Kind Of Orange Soda I Like So I Got A Different Kind That's Not So Great BUT It
Also Led To Me Geting Less Orange Soda And Taking A Chance On Black Cherry Soda
Which I Used To Consider A Real Treat Back When I Was A Kid. I'm starting
to realize you could measure my life in sections of Re-watching All Tales From
The Crypt. Re-watch them all every 4-6 months, each 4-6 months is its own
Slice of Life (not to be confused with Slice: The Orange Soda I Like)
Anyway, jeez. Four paragraphs to go presumably!
Then its Off To Somethin' Else! At this point it honestly feels like Nancy
Pelosi is the most danger to Democracy we've got. But, here's the good
news-- fuckin' impeach the fuck without Nancy Pelosi. You can do
it! I've studied how our government works by Watching TV About It all the
time and also I took a History Class once or twice in high school and college!
You can start impeachment Without That Crazy Lady probably that'd be my guess
seems like a good way for government to work. The The bad news
is what else is going on. And the part that really sucks is I Don't Know
WHY Pelosi won't start impeachment. There's every reason to do it, and no
justifiable reason not to. Only bad reasons. NEFARIOUS reasons, one
might say. Like the kind of reasons NOSFERATU might conjure up.
Well maybe Nancy Pelosi is a secret Dracula does that explain it?
Anyway, crap and crap. If you're a Dracula you're
gonna wanna be a Secret Dracula, otherwise the townsfolk are gonna come after ya.
Crap and crap! Pete Alonso hit 50 homeruns! At first I was
like well great and then I was like hey that's a lot of homeruns
and then I was like well great. That's baseball for ya! Jeez.
Gonna Go Take A Walk, finish up this entry when I get back. See ya!
What If I
Met Someone... ... ... Yeah.
C'mon, let's write 5 or 10 more paragraphs! Just got back from my
walk. Pelosi has a tough decision to make! On the one hand, she can
do what everyone agrees is the obvious right thing to do. Or she could
surprise us all by Continuing To Not Do The Right Thing For No Apparent Reason!
Radiohead said it best, No Surprises, that's how that one goes.
Radiohead said it best, Exit Music For a Film. Melania Trump said
it Be Best... she meant just, "Best," though, she's still workin' on her
English. Does Melania Trump speak English? The most complicated
sentence I can remember coming from her was written on her jacket. I
dunno, I'm not 100% well educated about the doings of the Trumps.
Einstein Visa. Einstein, ya know, there used to be and maybe still is a
chain Einstein Bagels. And they opened up a franchise near my
house, and we were all like, c'mon we live in New York where we do bagels
right why would we go to a Chain Bagel Place and the place closed down and
they gave me and my family some sort of award and it was How I Spent My Best
Summer Vacation Ever.
What else is going on. Lets say four paragraphs to go.
I dunno. What do you call the physical structure that A Bagel Is.
There's gotta be a mathematical word for it, right? Like a 3-D Ring or
something. One day I hope to find out and it will be my 2nd Best Summer
Best Vacation Ever. Anyway, I'm not saying Melania Trumps dumb,
but... she married Donald Trump. What else is
going on. The bad part about watching the Between 2 Ferns movie is that
once its over you're forced to come to terms with oh yeah I won't be
entertained to that extent comedically for a while starting now. You
don't know what you've got till its gone. Anyway, gonna end the entry here...
divisible by 5 counting last block. See ya!
Friday, September 20 , 2019
To The Entry Once The Title Is Over
Hey here we are. That was quick! What's going on party
people. As The Uppers, I probably mention the word party in about
20-25% of my songs. Dunno what's going on there, all those lyrics were off
the top of my dome! But here's different things Party can mean--
Cocaine/Political Party/Social Gathering Party/Y Trap backwards/Part E, or
Y, or I/I'll think of some more later. The point
I finished The Kurdt Cobain Book. The moral of the story turns out to be
hey maybe don't do heroin. But also, hey probably lump cocaine into
that sentiment as well. I was lucky-- I did cocaine only once-- and no
discernable consequences! Not as far as I can tell! Except for
those weeks or maybe months that I physically felt like shit afterwards.
But besides that, no consequences!
Hey here we are. The most jarring thing from Kurt
Cobain's notes were when he wrote guitar tabs once and he did it as if it were
for a Righty Guitar while I know he's a lefty. He's more of a conformist
than he'd admit, it turns out! Denying his Lefty Guitar Truth to
accommodate a Righty-Guitar-Centric Worldview. The point is BOO THIS
MAN!!! The other point is I'm gonna have lunch in 30, 40 minutes! I
heard there's a lot of Anti-Climate Change Stuff going on today in schools.
Can the media just start doing its job and be like Hmm WHY AREN'T WE DOING
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? IT'S NOT WRITTEN IN STONE THE OIL COMPANIES AND THE
LIKE HAVE TO WIN! I MEAN... MOST OF HUMANITY ISN'T MAKING MONEY
FROM CLIMATE CHANGE. IT'S MAYBE 1-5% OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY
BENEFITING... WHY IS IT TAKEN FOR GRANTED THAT 1-5% IS GOING TO WIN?
Right? That's how I feel. Hey I
lost that 6 dollars I got on poker. Thank Goodness. Eh, maybe
later, don't feel like talking to Goodness right now. I love how
Trump's principles and thought out argument against fighting climate change is
I Don't Know How Windmills Work. That's the grand total of what we've
gotten out of Republicans since the Green New Deal started being discussed.
A lot of nonsense from Trump. I don't know how windmills work.
That's not an ancillary or supplemental reaction/argument-- that's all
they've given us! HOW DO WINDMILLS WORK. And then the
media is like Well, that's stupid! Moving on... Victory
accomplished for Trump. How about a 1 hour special somewhere
where it's just How Windmills Work. Gotta start somewhere, right?
I mean, is that really working for their base, or is it a
way to just kick the can down the road for coverage of the issue in the
mainstream media. Or is Trumps base really going HEY I DON'T KNOW HOW
WINDMILLS WORK EITHER TRUMPS RIGHT IT KINDA SOUNDS LIKE A SCAM I MEAN WHOEVER
HEARD OF WINDMILLS WORKING BEFORE SEEMS KINDA FAKE. There should be a
Democrat whose like HEY THERE'S THIS WEIRD BUBBLING STUFF UNDER THE GROUND
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO GIVE US ENERGY SOMEHOW WTF IS UP WITH THAT SOUNDS LIKE
BULLSHIT and see the different reaction the media/uneducated population
gives. They'd be like This Guy Is The Dummy Of The Year! and would
become a national joke. Trump does the exact same thing for a clean energy
thing, and no one gives a shit at all. Anyway. This is gonna
sound bad, but its a true feeling I've been developing and maybe you have too--
in a way, having climate change is kind of a relieving issue, because it's such
a big issue that its SO OBVIOUS this is the thing we need to be focused on as a
country, as a world, as a people. It's right there, laid out in black and
white. Stop climate change. That's It! That's what to do with
the next decade. EASY!
Anyway, what else is going on. One more paragraph, then
prepare lunch maybe! If it's what you say, I love it! I wanna
start making that a Thing either just on this website or in real daily
conversation if I were ever to have a daily conversation not on this website.
Reaction to everything said to replace cool, or ok, or, other
stuff like that. Hey man come hang out tonight itll be fun.
IF IT'S WHAT YOU SAY I LOVE IT. Hey... uhh... WTF DO PEOPLE SAY TO
EACH OTHER ITS BEEN TOO LONG. Anyway, what else is crap.
I wouldn't have thought anyone in the Trump family is capable of Love. But
apparently they are-- they are capable of Loving Shady Illegal Corruption
Conspiracy Deals. Hey, great. Whatta wonderful group of role
models for Dummies.
Myself In Four [Or Seven (Or Eight)]
Talkin' New Monkees Styleee. The 4 New Monkees are based on 4
aspects of my creative self-- Michael Kornblum (music), The Uppers (Music),
Crazysheet (Comedy), and "Wildcard" (The WILDCARD OF THE BUNCH HE'S KIND
OF OFF THE WALL BUT ON THE BALL HE SPEAKS FOR US ALL PLUS HE LIKES STUFF JUST
LIKE YOU!) It's a real joy to find you're able to make much better sense
of the world by splitting off different aspects of your personality into
seperate parts. Wait, no. Not joy. Maddening.
That's what I meant to say. Of course, it's not as straightforward as
that in The Show Bible. But that's just one of many ways ot think about
these characters. Another way I thought of it, back when I was putting A
LOT of thought into it for a month or two, was describing each New Monkee with a
word that is synonymous with Stupid but means its own thing and that's
where you se the nuance between them. One is a Fool, another one is
a Nincompoop, another one is Dumb, and the fourth one.. hmm.. what was the
fourth one... I got it written down somewhere but whose got the time OH I CAN
CHECK INTERNET AND I'LL REMEMBER WHEN I SEE IT! Hmm, lots of good
options... maybe it was Idiot? Certainly coulda been Imbecile...
Hey that's great just great. I like the word Imbecile
because you can read it as I'ma Be Silly. And that's certainly the
kind of sentiment we should be associating with this enterprise!
Enterprise is another good word! Drew Carey should be saying it when they
reveal the thing the contestant May or May Not win! ENTER PRIZE.
Anyway, not quite hungry yet, so maybe write this entire 5 paragraph block
before eating. Gotta do something! Movin' on from The New Monkees--
so much more I can share, but now's not the time-- get back into Simply
Crazysheet Mode. I think Mode is a real underrated way of measuring The
Average. I think Mean is by far the most widely used, median is 2nd, but
mode? Seems like an after thought. What, you mean if it goes 1,
1, 1, 1, 3000, 3000, 10000, 24020289, the average is ONE? GET OUT OF
HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT THAT'S AS UNREALISTIC AS WINDMILLS! Why
can't Rachel Maddow just devote one night to Hey, This Is How Windmills Work!
We don't need to live in a society where people don't understand that Windmills
Are Real And Aren't a Scam! TUNE IN TO THIS EXCLUSIVE REPORT ON
Something along those lines. I wonder what
negative quality future generations will associate with Trump The Most. I
mean, they gotta pick something to be the Real Prevalent Feature, right?
Is it Dumb? Corrupt? Fascist? Narcissist? Liar? Inept?
Racist? Bigot? Enabler of Other Evil People (within America and
outside)? RAPIST? Father of A Bunch Of Dummies? I dunno but I
can't wait to find out one day! The point is WHATTA LAUGH RIOT. How
are future generations gonna think about us when its all said and done.
Have we done enough to resist to make futue generations proud? Have we
shirked those duties where the future is gonna be like HOW DID THEY GO ALONG
WITH THIS EVEN PEOPLE AGAINST HIM THEY HARDLY DID A THING. I think
current thinking is so we're somewhere in the middle but if we look at
where we're at right now I think they'd be thinking We Weren't/Aren't doing
nearly enough, that's my guess!
Seems about right. Gotta find the middle ground between
both sides! You know, the one side, that exhibits all those Fun
Characteristics I just described, and the Sane Rational and Not Morally
Corrupted side. Gotta find the middle ground! Anyway, what
else is going on and crap. One and a half paragraphs before Lunch Is
Consumed! I got a nice big sticker from Bernie Sanders a week or two ago.
Didn't donate anything, but I guess they had me on record from 2016, and sent me
a Great Sticker anyway! And I mean Great! Biggest sticker I got!
Since I started going to open mics, I've started covering my Hard Acoustic
Guitar Case with stickers (Aided mostly by one regular at the Open Mic whose
thing was he made up stickers each week) and the Bernie Sanders sticker blows
away these other stickers I got in size! Now we're talkin'!
I like this practice because it makes me feel like a Real
Cool Person. Like I've been accomplishing something Artistically. I
did the leg work and I've accumulated artifacts and remberances from my Hard
Time doing my music and whatnot and crap... and donating to Bernie Sanders and
whatnot and crap. Anyway. I like Elizabeth Warren, and maybe its
just sour grapes that she's getting more attention and media coverage than
Sanders who I prefer, but I dunno, my opinion has kinda plateued on her. I
think its all this stuff with I GOT A PLAN TO FIX THAT! and thats her
hook... but, like I said in an earlier entry, Ok... what's your plan to get
all these plans done. because if you expect me to believe All These Plans
You Got Will Be Fulfilled If You Win The Presidency I've Got A Windmill I'd Like
To Sell You Or Something. Just talk about it! Be upfront with
what a Warren Presidency may or may not be capable of, obviously depending on if
Democrats take the senate, etc. But don't insult my intelligence by saying
because you have plans you will actually be able to fulfill them.
Titles. I Like Entries.
That's my take away from life. Still no lunch-- I'll put that off
Forever If I Can! And I'm not taking the moderate way of thinking like
See Yeah Crazysheet agrees we need to be realistic, she's promising so much,
SUPPORT ME AMY KLOBACHAR I'LL BE UPFRONT WITH GOING INTO THE WHOLE THING WITH A
GOAL OF ACCOMPLISHING NOTHING! No, it's great to be ambitious!
Just don't sell me a windmill is the point. The point is I finally got a
new bottle of alcohol today, Johnny Walker Red, so this entire entry is A Real
Miss Misery. A little Inside Bsaeball for ya. Inside Baseball
is the sequel to either Innerspace or Osmosis Jones or The
Fantastic Voyage. Where you get shrunk down for the purpose of going
inside a baseball for some reason. Maybe analyze it to figure out why
there are so many homeruns this year. The only way to do it properly and
responsibly is to shrink people and insert them into the baseballs.
Yeah! Hey what kind of voyage was that movie about?
A FANTASTIC ONE! Alright sign me up to see it I'm sold!
Anyway I did a Real Responsible and after going 2 days with the same contact
lenses, I said to myself, That's it! That's abusing the system too much
already! Third day, I'm gonna star Anew! And I did and the
results have been fantastic voyage. Figure there's a good 80, 90% chance I
will finally start Lunch after 5 paragraphs of This Block Right Here.
Anyway. This hasn't happened in a while, but there was a period of time,
maybe from ~2010-2014, 2015, where every time I went to see a movie in the
theater, which was a lot, at some point during the movie my right hand would go
numb for several minutes. Never happened outside of Seeing Movies.
And it happened Every Time I Was Seeing A Movie [When In Theater]. Never
figured out what that was all about. Maybe you know? That's why I
brought it up! Lookin' For Some Answers!
Great, just great. The point is I have no appointments
or chores until Monday which gives me roughly 2 and a half days before Gotta Do
Something. Alright! Things are looking up! Which is
what I have to do when talking to Anybody. I'm a Short man!
Anyway, I was thinking about the insult of calling someone a Cuck (short for
Cuckold), and I was thinking if anyone ever called me that, I'd be like THE
JOKES ON YOU, I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER WHO COULD BE
CHEATING ON ME! That'll learn 'em, that'll learn all of 'em!
Crap and crap, what else is going on. Cuck-old. That reminds me of one of
the producer/studio execs in The New Monkees name-- Hearts Oldman.
It's a pretty good name! She's kind of on the ball, not off the wall, she
doesn't quite speak for us all but she's the one who makes the calls.
Huh. What The Hell Are You Talking About.
What else is going on. Two paragraphs till Lunch I CAN'T WAIT! The
point is being a Cuckold would be a Huge Step Up for me. That's great,
just great. Heart Soul D'Man (or maybe Heart Sold Man). Even
though it's a woman, you get the idea. Also, the 8th main character
out of 7 Real Main Characters is an Agent named Something [I had a first
name but I forget] Lehman. Agent Lehman. A GENTLEMAN!
I'M THE BEST AT NAMES! And the point is the imagined actors for both those
characters are Podcast Heroes Of Mine but it just so happens its for those 2
characters I just told you about. Everyone else is either ME or Some Other
Person I Don't Quite Know Yet! What else is going on and crap.
One of my fantasies of getting a job, or maybe just some
other social interaction, but a New Monkees Job would do the trick, is I meet
someone(s) who knows Good Music and turns me on to all the good punk rock and
indie rock and any other kind of rock and any other kind of music and all
that stuff all the way from the 60's onward that I only currently know 5% of.
I wanna find someone to just turn me on to all this stuff because I that'll make
it so much easier for me! I like it when things are made easy for me!
That's how I feel! Jeez. Lunch time you jerks I'll see in a little
bit when I'm back Upstairs With Lunch.
Just Like I Said
That's great, just great. Today's lunch is Matzoh Ball Soup +
Subway Club sandwich. Why did that kind of sandwich become a Club Sandwich
(Within Subway and Beyond)? Is it like this is such a great sandwich
shhh only a few people know about it the first rule of club sandwich is don't
talk about club sandwich. Probably, that's my guess! Anyway.
Every time I use hot sauce or Crushed Red Pepper and I go to take a piss my
member ends up stinging. Fair warning! First instinct was to use
the word, "Dick," but that felt kind of crude. Second thought was,
"Member," but that felt kind of stupid because nobody and certainly not I use
that word at all. Makes me think of Austin Powers In: Goldmember but the
point is I ended up using it anyway!
Whatta lunch. The point is Next Meal will be in
about 5, 6 hours! I guess. Gotta write some more paragraphs here for
some reason. You will never be able to convince me to eat an omelet with
any kind of chicken in it. Eggs and chicken in the same meal, what kind of
monster do you take me for? Also, when you get, lets say, an egg white
omelet from a diner, what do they do with the rest of the egg? They
can't just throw it away, can they? Do they inflect some other customer
with an ALL EGG YELLOW omelette? They gotta use that somewhere, right?
Anyway, I was talking a few weeks ago about how my doctor who did my colonoscopy
was talking trash about the, "Four Green People," in Congress who say I can't
eat meat. And I just had an endoscopy with him, and after that, he was
talking about Global Warming! You know Al Gore totally fudged his
facts, right? Yep. I do believe in Global Warming, it does seem to
be getting hotter... so he does believe it to some degree. He just
thought it's mostly a scam.
And, yes, I do have second thoughts about using a doctor who
believes scientists are making things up for some weird reason that I can't
quite figure out but apparently he's tuned into. And, again, what is he
trying to accomplish by injecting his personal politics into every Test Result I
Get? Is he doing it unconsciously-- this is just on his mind, and it feels
natural to talk about it? Does he think I'd be a favorable audience who'd
go Yeah, right! Speak the truth! does he think I might not
necessarily agree but his excellent arguments will lead me towards the truth?
What the Hell is he all about? I guess the last possibility is he's in
the pocket of Big Lying and they pay him everytime he gives a test result and
spouts off bullshit.
Anyway, I was happy with the Main Original Flavor of
Tabasco Sauce, so I decided to try a Spicier/Hotter versio, and its not as good!
Why did I go too far! I thought I was a real Cool Kid, yeah I'm gonna
spice it up!, but it's too spicy! I'm a real Cuck when it comes to
spicy food. By which I mean when I touch spicy food it makes my member
uncomfortable. Something along those lines, great, what else.
Almost done with lunch. I like Cuckold-themed porn. Hey, watch
this girl have sex with a guy who isn't you! YEP YOU JUST DESCRIBED
ALL OF PORNOGRAPHY. WELL DONE! Lunch is about done. Figure
I'll finish this 5 paragraph block, take down Empty Plate, Re-fill soda/alcohol
glass, then write another 5 or so paragraphs!
The spicier Tabasco Sauce ain't so bad. I can
kind of tolerate it and get to like it. 1st time was a little bit too
much, but I'm gettin' into it, sure! Also, why the fuck is there so much
Incest themed porn? Is it only me? Are there algorithms I've
encouraged that they show so much Guy Has Sex With His (Sometimes Step)
Sister porn? I dunno what's going on there. And whose end is it
on? Is it because the people have spoken and they want incest porn!
or is it these porn websites have spoken and they want to give us incest porn
for some reason! What the hell is going on! I remember back in
the day the main way to get porn videos were the equivalents of Napster which
also let you trade videos. That's how it was when I was a kid!
5 More Paragraphs
Then its walk #3 of 5! Great, just great. Lunch is solidly
behind us. In a moment of weakness, I've started a 70 calorie Fudge Ice
Cream Type Thing bar. Whattado when that walk is over and I got The Rest
Of The Day to do? Maybe watch some crap on some bullshit I dunno I haven't
thought it through yet. I was talking to my psychiatrist about what I've
been up to and I came to the conclusion Hey Why AREN'T I trying out Open Mics
with the comedy routine I developed during Comedy Class? I've got 5
minutes, I can remember it pretty well now that I've done it once before an
audience... just go out there and do it! Yeah but on the other hand
what about Doing Nothing how does that sound? You make a good point!
Anyway, I dunno. Finally finished Kurdt Cobain.
Guess Martin Short is next in line. What's Martin Short all about.
I've read, I dunno, 80 or 100 pages on Martin Short, and he still kinda seems
like The Martin Short I imagined based on the little I've been exposed to him.
Kinda fake-grandiose personality, silly, but completely self-aware.
Yeah but I don't know What Happened To Him In Life. Who cares! I
know he started off in Canada with a bunch of other Good Comedy People,
presumably came to America at some point, infiltrated the film industry, and the
rest of is history! I used to enjoy the movie Clifford. Wait, no,
what was his name? Couldn't be Clifford. I wanna say... Mason?
Yeah! I WENT THERE. Oh right 100% of my
audience wouldn't know where, "There," was. It's a line in the movie!
He doesn't know Clifford's name when asked and goes, I wanna say Mason.
That settles that! This is weird, but I remember comparing the realism
of the fake dinosaur in the theme park at the end of Clifford to the
supposedly real Dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. First of all, obviously
Jurassic Park is gonna have more realistic dinosaurs because it's a big
budget movie. Also, because in the context of the film THE DINOSAURS
ARE REAL. While in the context of Clifford, yeah these are
fake dinosaurs IN THE ACTUAL PLOT. But for some reason, watching it as
a kid, I was like, Hah look at the difference between those movies how
interesting. Anyway I'm just gonna leave it at that. See ya
Thursday, September 19 , 2019
Like Teen Spirit
Yeah! It's a reference to that feel good, 'bop' of 1991.
Also, if I never hear the word, 'bop,' again... well, the point is, that'd be a
good thing. I was just thinking about that response to when someone says
something sarcastic that's might be sort of an insult, and the recipient of that
comment goes, HEY WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!
which is basically a really indignant way of saying I AM NOT GREAT AT
UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATION SO HELP ME OUT HERE I COULD BE WRONG BUT BASED ON
PAST EXPERIENCE WHEN PEOPLE SAY THINGS TO ME THAT I DON'T FULLY GRASP IT TURNS
OUT THEY'RE INSULTING ME I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS KEEPS HAPPENING.
Something along those lines, great. Anyway-- 3 Save-em-ups! One real
throwaway I posted to twitter, one significantly better throwaway I posted to
Facebook, and a nice piece of business I wrote in a previous entry that got
Terrible Throwaway-- Is Short Round working
for Indiana Jones really just glamorizing child labor? Makes sense.
I mean, I guess that would depend if Short Round gets paid or not, or if he's
just helping out as a friend.
Throwaway-- "The Space Race, but instead of building rockets, trying to
construct the ultimate trampoline." It's funny because it makes you
think. You wanna escape the Earth's atmosphere, maybe launch some sort
of sattelite, or get a man on the moon, man you'd need to design a real great
trampoline we ain't even close with the trampolines we have now but what other
choice do we have? Like it!
of business from deleted entry-- a Stefon from SNL joke-- he says the name of
the hot new club, goes It's got everything, A... B... C... then D is,
"Hoosier Daddies." Anchor goes, "Whose Your Daddies?" and Stefon
Goes "no, 'HOOSIER DADDIES.' You know, that thing where a gay couple
from Indiana try to recruit you for to play for a High School Basketball Team?"
It was inspired by watching a Netflix! Those are the three things!
Now back to the regularly scheduled entry. I guess it's a bit of a leap to
associate the term Hoosier with that movie in general. That's what
they all call themselves over there, right? Not as big of a leap as if
you were leaping onto Ultimate Trampoline.
What else I got. Here's something I was just thinking about. The
term Cleveland Steamers, where you take a shit on someone's chest.
Or even just reffering to excrement as a steamer in general-- but that phrase is
where its most obvious. Uhh, my bowel movements have never been
piping hot. No steaming. Not even once. Am I doing something
wrong? Here's something I Did do wrong-- got the wrong Add-On Flavor
at Dunkin Donuts. I wanted French Vanilla Flavor (FLAVOR not SWIRL SWIRL
IS MORE INDULGENT I AM NOT 'WITH' THAT and they gave me some sort of either
Hazelnut or Toasted Almond. And drinking it on the way home, it SUCKED.
But then putting it in the fridge, drinking it after several hours, I find I
actually kind of like it. Maybe ice melting changed the chemistry a bit.
Maybe some other thing. Maybe a third thing. I don't have all the
Anyway, great! Let's estimate this as the 5th
paragraph. Took a break for a few days. Both from Entry, and from
Drinking. Now I'm doing both! Alright! Sure it's healthy to
associate an every-day common activity that will be repeated often in life with
some sort of drug use. Nothin' can go wrong there! Anyway.
I did something wrong mindlessly playing Freerolls on Poker and I accidentally
have 6 dollars now. Great, just my luck. So the point is,
over the last month or so, I'm up about 10 Free Hashbrowns and a little over 6
dollars. Not bad for one months work. Actually yeah that's
not great. Better than nothing!. I dunno, nothing
actually sounds better than that. In a way it is worse than
nothing. I see your point, but maybe you should explain it-- try to
include Making Comedy in explanation! I dunno about that...
Anyway, great! Got the Credit Card
Bill with 2 Alcohol Bottle Purchases on them and Dad barely gave a shit!
ALRIGHT KEGGER AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW. FIRST I NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT A KEG
IS, WHERE I LIVE, AND WHAT THE HELL THE WORD, "TOMORROW," IS SUPPOSED TO
SIGNIFY. Anyway Hey I got a little results back from Sleep Study-- I've
Got Parasomnia! But I Don't Know Any Of The Specifics! That's all
they could say over the phone, I'll find out the rest when I see Sleep Doctor
(not to be confused with upcoming movie Doctor Sleep! OMG WHAT SERENDIPITY THAT
THIS HAS OCCURRED!!!) next week. I looked up possible Parasomnias and it
could be a lot of stuff! I can't wait to find out what my Crap is. I
think next month I'm gonna start experimenting with different FONTS for the
entry. That's fuckin' nuts. That's a gamechanger if I ever saw one.
And I have seen one! It was on HBO and was either the movie about Recount
(wait, no, that was Recount) or the 2008 election (Well we've narrowed it down
to Being This because the other one was called Recount).
I can't wait for the Ken Burns 60 hour documentary on the
Trump Presidency. I'm not kidding-- that's gonna be awesome. He's
gotta do it, right? And it'll bring us all together. Cause all the
southern people I bet probably like and trust him from Civil War Documentaries.
Hey, the wrong side won, but still, whatta cool war! and more importantly WHAT A
COOL DOCUMENTARY! and, you know, the rest of us trust him because he's a
documentarian concerned with FACTS. So anyway Ken Burns 60 hour Trump
documentary is something worth looking forward to, and is probably the only way
you can tell the Trump story. You can't do that in a 2 hour HBO movie.
You need 60 hours! I mean, he's been president for 2 and a half years and
that hardly feels like enough time to talk about all the crap that's been
Also, Ken Burns somebody and they're like WHAT'S
THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN. Is it possible Ken is related to Mr. Burns from
The Simpsons? My guess? No! One is a fictional cartoon
character, and the other one is Mr. Burns. WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO
MEAN. Nothing. Great. Let's classify this as the 8th
paragraph. Wonderful. A lot of my comedy in middle school was really
mean spirited burns. Each friend had some sort of thing to make fun of.
Maybe that's why none of them are my friends now. Too many sick
burns. HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE'S A NEW MEAT AT CHIPOTLE GET OUT OF THE WYA
I NEED IT eh no I don't lets move on with our lives it's just a meat burrito
filling that's not the answer to all our problems theres no redemption at the
bottom of a burrito bowl too many people have died or gone crazy figuring that
Also, HEY WHAT ELSE. I remember watching Clerks (1994)
when I was in high school (2004) and there's that bit where a guy goes No
ice? You mean I got to drink this coffee hot? and I was like HAH
IMAGINE A GUY NOT WANTING TO DRINK HOT COFFEE BUT RATHER SOME SORT OF COFFEE IN
ICE THIS IS THAT IS THE EPITOME OF RIDICULOUSNESS THANKS KEVIN SMITH FOR SHARING
IT WITH US and now its like oh, well that's iced coffee. Lots of
people like it. The point is I think that character has been totally
redeemed and I expect the next View Askewniverse movie will be centered around
him. It's the least they can do, is the point. Also, some sort of
way to make it up to George Carlin for making his last years tainted by
appearing in a dramatic role in a real C/C+ movie. That's gotta haunt
Kevin Smith more than anything else, right? I was big into those
movies as a kid. Not Jersey Girl, but those 5 interconnected ones except
for the one about the lesbian which I never saw so I guess those 4
interconnected ones and I really only saw Mallrats once or twice and that wasn't
until later so basically three of those interconnected ones... DOGMA. I
liked that movie!
10th paragraph! I'm really bad at Not Losing Nail
Clippers. One day I'm gonna find just a pile of 12 nail clippers off in
some hidden corner of my room and be like ah there it is. Hey,
speaking of that, I just remembered this piece of Wisdom from my Dad. This
is a true story-- I dunno if he intended it to be like this is some universal
knowledge I'm passing on to you, maybe it'll mean something, or if he was
just like well this is a thing that happened, but basically he's a kid,
right? Playing with a ball. Throws it somewhere. Can't find
it! No idea where it is! So how does he find it? Gets another
ball and throws that somewhere. Presumably because tracking the 2nd ball
will lead to the first ball. Makes more sense when he explains it.
The way I explained it yeah that's not really gonna work. But
either way, you could see how there's probably some hidden wisdom or truism in
that, right? Right? RIGHT?
Hey great how's that working out for you. He
also thought me that he thought Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin were four people.
Jerry and Lewis and Dean and Martin. Alright he's taught me a lot of
stuff not gonna go down that rabbit hole right now. What else is going
on. The space race, but instead of building rockets, it's making the
ultimate trampoline. It's funny! Imagine some guy trampolining
all the way into space enough so that he becomes a satellite! Circlin'
round that there Earth in equilibrium, great! We build these
trampolines not because it's fun, but because we have to! Because if you
think they're not building hardcore trampolines in Soviet Russia, I have a
bridge I'd like to sell you! But we'll get to that later!
Dunno what that's all about.
II dunno. Beer tastes good and is a good experience
to get buzzed when you've gone at least several days without drinking at all.
When you're drinking more or less every day to get drunk, then beer seems
redundant. But when it's more of a novelty, you can actually appreciate i...
WAIT CAN IT COMES IN CANS OMG. ALSO "IT COMES IN CANS," LOOL SEXX THING
I am a 4 year old. I remember in middle school, before any of us had
had any sort of sex, one of my friends was like the the thing to do is have
sex with 'em from behind, then cum on their backs, and watch them try to get it
off. And the take away from that story is pre-teen boys just
discovering their sexuality are INCREDIBLE SOCIOPATHS. Hmm, I'd like to be
an incredible sociopath. Just a slightly different definition of
incredible. Like, not, a sociopath to the nth degree!
but more like as far as sociopaths go, this guys pretty good.
I wonder what kind of Parasomnia I have. I don't
think it was full fledged sleep walking, because I was hooked up to a bunch of
stuff, and if that happened, they would have come apart. It can't be the
kind of Parasomnia that I would be aware of, like extreme nightmares, or
sleep paralysis (which I did used to have but not anymore). Can't be Sleep
Eating because I'da noticed if food was gone and also it's be a real Feat Of
Strength to get food without leaving the bed. I dunno, the suspense is
killing me! I was just thinking abotu it and the scariest part in It II:
The Sequel To It: I was there's a part where there's a balloon being inflated
somehow, under a bed, and you can see its gonna pop, and you can feel the
static electricity, and know it's gonna make a POP and its just so grating to
watch and have that assault on two or three of your main senses! Anyway.
Original title to this entry was Tastes Like Teen Spirit. But then
I remembered oh right using the word, "Title," in titles is My Thing wouldn't
want to confuse people.
Yeah! Watched the Chelsea Handler documentary on
White Privilege. Unfortunately, I think my immediate guttural reaction to
Let's Discuss White Privledge is something along the lines of Save Me,
White Privilege!, from having to have this difficult conversation! If You
were ever real White Privilege BE REAL FOR ME NOW AND MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT
STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Something along those lines. I dunno.
My instinct isn't to go how can I be a better white person ally but to
take the Easy Way Out and be like alright I'm just gonna try to act as if we
live in a (Forgive the euphemism) post-racial world. I know WE DON'T, but
if I'm gonna be white for a while like it seems I'm gonna be... IT'S EASIER TO
TRY TO IMAGINE WE'RE ALL THE SAME ALSO CUZ THAT'S WHAT WE Should STRIVE
FOR! Which is possible true, but its not where we're at now--
not even close-- so its just taking the easy way out to think and act like that,
that's probably how I feel or something.
Great, just great. My white privilege is that I can...
say... nonsense... and people don't... commit me to hospitals? Lotsa
stuff wrong with that. I dunno, maybe there's something there.
If I were black, would there be people who are like HEY THIS BLACK GUY IS
TALKIN' NONSENSE ON THE INTERNET I FEEL UNSAFE FOR ME AND MY FAMILY GET HIM OFF
THE STREETS AND I MEAN NOW WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF!!!
Maybe, I dunno! I've never been black, so I can't tell ya! I think
Cory Booker is gonna be making a surge in the polls over the next few months.
We're all kind of used to a Black Man being president, right, even if we don't
explicitly or consciously think about it. And of all the B and C list
candidates, sure, why not him? Plus, honestly, he seems more authentic to
me than the rest of 'em, which is a pretty good quality to prioritize.
Plus, he's got Rosario Dawson on his side! Which is kind of unfair,
because if there was gonna be a movie about AOC, Rosario Dawson is a shoe in for
the role! So he's basically dating Fake AOC and people LOVE AOC!
AOC? More like POC! PEOPLE OF COLOR THINK ABOUT IT.
Now if only his running mate was actor Paul Dano, his promotional T Shirt would
read, Booker, Dano.
Great, just great. The terrible news is I once
accidentally got a Peanut Butter Chocolate Complete Cookie and Peanut Butter is
gross to me so there's no way I can ever eat it and I dunno what to do about it!
My thoughts have been primarily well, look, I should save it, so if I'm ever
in a life or death situation where I NEED to eat something, I have it.
That's a true representation of my thoughts! I can't imagine a scenario
where I'm trapped in my home for weeks on end and all the rest of the food is
gone and all that's left is the cookie and it's either that or die. I just
don't see how that scenario could occur. Anyway, I've been having dreams
where I trip up and start smoking cigarettes again and then I wake up and am
like HAH NEVER EVEN HAPPENED I'M TOTALLY STILL OFF CIGARETTES!
Hah! Just put in Food Delivery For Dinner.
Eating? Why, that's almost as good as drinking! Which is almost as
good as smoking. Which is almost as good as sleeping! Which is
almost as good as that moment when you FALL ASLEEP. Which, well, that's
the best feeling in the world. If I could figure out a way to
recreationally do that drug they give you when you're about to have a
surgery/procedure, and it makes you fall asleep in 5 seconds, that would
definitely be my go to drug. I love it! Anyway got a real Fancy
dinner cause I'm a Fancy Boy. Steak&Seafood&SomeSortofSweetPotato. I
guess. What else is going on and crap. I kinda feel like
finishing this night's drinking with alcohol-- but don't have any on hand!
Only 2 more cans of beer! Oh well, beggars can't be choosers. And
choosers can't be beggars. It'd be a step down for them!
More beer, I guess. 18th paragraph already?
That doesn't sound right. But does leave 25 or maybe even 30 well within
reach. How exactly did Short Round and Indiana Jones get to know each
other. I wanna know the back story of this relationship. Smells
Like Teen Spirit means a lot to me no matter what Time Era we're in.
2000's? I WAS A TEEN THEN SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT. 2013-2019?
THE YEARS WE'RE IN ARE IN THE TEENS SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT.
Well, it's really only those two things. But the point is it's been
smelling like teen spirit for me for a good 17 years or so. And that all
runs out in a few months! Then comes the In Bloom era!
Wonderful! What else is going on and crap. Why would Kurt Cobain
shoot himself. Seems a bit melodramatic. Just get himself some Dr.
Kevorkian and go that way. Also, is Dr. Kevorkian's Health Motto,
First: DO HARM?
Anyway, crap and crap. If the Mets go 8-2 or better
over their last 10 games, they got a good chance to make the playoffs. And
if they make the playoffs, they got a good chance of entertaining me for
anywhere between 1 and 20 games. And if I'm mildly entertained that
much, why, there's no way to quantify how good for humanity that would be!
I don't like BBQ Ribs at China Restaurant being called Spare Ribs.
Like, another person in your party goes hey can you spare some ribs and
you're like WTF these are my ribs get your own ribs I don't have ribs
to spare what am I ADAM NAILED IT! That conversation
must play out over and over and over again at Chinese Restaurants across the
country on a nightly basis. That riff was inspired by reading SPACE
RACE on my notepad as SPARE RIBS. A little bit of, "Inside Baseball,"
Cool! If they call Soccer, "Football," everywhere else,
does that mean they actually call the ball used a, "Football?" That'd be
more jarring to have to accept than the name of the sport being different.
I can get used to ok most of the world calls Soccer 'Football' and our
Football 'American Football,' fine. But you tell me suddenly a soccer
ball is called a Football and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that yet!
Just speaking my truth! I think they should reboot The Newlywed Game as
Just Speaking My Truth! and it doesn't necessarily have to be newlyweds but
just any 2 people in some sort of congenial relationship! Anyway, had an
endoscopy on Tuesday. 2nd time in 2 weeks I got Put Under By Magic Special
Drug That I Love. I love it! Also, Oxygen Tanks. They do that
also when they give uo this drug, either nasally or orally. I like
consuming straight-up oxygen! It's like oh man now THIS is BREATHIN'!
I Feel Like
Arbitrarily Starting a New Block of Paragraphs
Yeah! 5 or 10'r block right here, I'm sayin'. I love
going to bed at 8:30 and being asleep by 9:15. It's like I figured out a
great life hack, Hey, be asleep most of the time, and less crap will happen
to you in life! The more You're Asleep, the less Waking Bullshit!
Just a tip, its worked for me. Although apparently I'm doing some
unhealthy stuff in my sleep that I don't know about. The lady who
called chose to keep me in suspense! I kinda wanna see Ad Astra because
I'm definitely in the mood for a touching Father-Son movie but maybe it would be
a real Father-Son type thing to do to wait to see it with my Father (...or
Son...) Somethin' to think about! My dad really likes the movie
Frequency. To him, that's a good Father/Son movie. I never really
liked it. It happens too often. I always considered Silly
Comedies in general to be good Father/Son movies, like Anchorman. That's
the epitome I guess. And Jurassic Park II: The Lost World, is a
good White Father Black Daughter movie. Kinda the only white father
black daughter movie. Kinda weird that that specific familiial
relationship only came up once in Premium Big Budget movies and it was
it was Jurassic Park II: The Lost World. Dunno what that says
about our culture, but there it is!
I think Father & Son by Cat Stevens is a pretty good
Father & Son song. I know I'm going out on a limb there-- so what!
Actually, to be honest, I like that song, but I don't consider it a
father and son song. I consider it a ONE PERSON song. Lemme explain.
For me, it's a song about how we conceptualize ourselves differently over time.
Maybe the first time I hear it I hear it as a Son, and years later, hearing the
same song, I relate to being The Father. Then back to being the son later
on! It's more about individual growth and change than relationship with
your actual father/son. That's my guttural reaction! Also, isn't Cat
Stevens a Muslim? Maybe its a religious thing. I know Jesus is a
prophet in Islam, but is he still the son of God? And if he is, then how
exactly is Muhammad EVEN BETTER? There's the Father (God), the Son
(Jesus), and then MUHAMMAD WHICH IS EVEN BETTER THAN FATHER AND SON PUT TOGETHER
SOMEHOW! But relationship-wise, how dos he fit in?
It's too bad the internet doesn't exist and I have no way of
finding out New Knowledge. I remember I used to be good with just randomly
browsing Wikipedia. It's a real Nerd-But-Also-Kind-Of-Cool Way to spend
your free time. But then I got scared by hitting Random Article and
being like Oh No This Random Article IS TOO RELEVANT ITS A SCAM RUN
AWAY!!!!! And that was the moment I decided I Will Never Learn
Anything Again! It might be Too Relevant and then where would I be?
Anyway, dinner arrived, put it in oven, will remove it from oven to eat in about
half an hour. The only question remaining whether to have 1/2 of the
Matzoh Ball Soup with the dinner, or just forgoe it completey. Well,
there are lots of other questions. Dozens, at least. But this one
relates specficially to my current dinner predicament.
24th paragraph! 30 sounds about right. Gonna
be a real Calorie-Neutral Day despite the drinking! Wonderful! Do I
get right back at it tomorrow, drinkin' more, writin' more? Or maybe it
put off an extra day or two. Only time will tell. And only tell will
time. Time After Time. Tell After Tell. Gonna grab a pen
and tell 'er this is bullshit is one of my Top Lyrics from high school.
Now you know. Anyway. Has anyone had more of an impact on
American Film from the late 1970's Onward than Stephen King? I mean, a
solid 1/3rd of ligitimate horror movies are based on Stephen King. A bunch
of Drama. The point is he's an inspiration to us all, being in a
wheelchair hasn't stopped him one bit! Good for him! Let's give him
an award for being inspiring despite his disability. Good for him!
Yeah! What else is going on. The Shawshank
Redemption and The Green Mile are two of my favorite
Prison-Themed-Based-On-Stephen-King movies. That's just how I feel, can't
argue with a feeling. Why is it a, "Redemption." Dude was
innocent the whole time, what does he need to be Redempted for? Also, the
green mile? I've seen this wing of the jail, nowhere near a mile
long. So many plot holes. I think a lot of people's guttural
reaction to this Greta Thunberg is yeah good we should fight climate change
but WHAT MAKES HER SO GREAT WHY SHOULD SHE GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE
PERSON WHO SAVED MANKIND? Try looking it from her perspective,
though-- lets say she doesn't succeed enough in changing opinion and inspiring
action, and we don't address climate change and it was all for naught--
that means she didn't do good enough and SHE GOES DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE
PERSON WHO DOOMED MANKIND FOR NOT BEING QUITE INSPIRING ENOUGH.
We've made it all on her shoulders now, win or lose! That's gotta
Poor 16 year old girl who only means well. SHE
DOOMED US ALL! That's how life might shake out, I dunno, I don't have
all the answers. Five paragraphs to go, probably will take dinner out of
oven at the end of this one. That lines up nicely. Whattado with
rest of night post-entry. Maybe stay up real late tonight-- ya know, like
10:00 PM?!?! Because I'm an Eight Years Old! Sometimes I miss the
days in high school when I would go to sleep when I got home at 4:00 PM, and
wake up at 11:00 PM. It was a real unique way to live life and now I'm
much more NormCore but for a while I was really Doin' My Own Thing and whatnot.
Anyway, got one more beer leftover, making 4 for the night, that lined up pretty
nicely! The point is Sure I got more Nostalgia Cookies but this time
around Oatmeal Raisin Nostalgia instead of Chocolate Chip Nostalgia.
4 paragraphs to go presumably! Dunno. Started
dinner! It's a good one! Anyway, how can I close this entry on a
positive note. I can't just repeat positive notes I've hit
previously in the entry-- I don't remember them if they even existed at all.
The point is In My Dreams all the Health Progress I've made over the last 6
months with Quitting Cigarettes has Gone To Put, but in real life, Still Going
Strong! I dunno what I'm gonna do when dinner/entry/drinking is over, and
I take a walk, and get back. I feel like the Night Has Not Been Done To
Death yet, so there should be something, right? But I already
watched all the crappy Horror Movies on Netflix/Hulu/Regular Youtube! I
can keep re-watching Tales from The Crypt but that's been Done to Death!
Which is a good title for a Tales From The Crypt Episode! Maybe about
someone whose been Done to Death in some meaning of the word, "Done," that I
can't quite grasp as of now!
Penpenultimate paragraph. I decided to forego soup
today. The good news is I wrote most of this entry under the presumption
it'd be in Lightish Blue but now have changed it to Orange and you know what I'm
okay with that mix-em-up what really counts are The Words I'm Saying not The
Color I'm Saying Them In which is how I feel about Race Relations in Modern Day
Americah. It's tough to get people to give up their White Privilege.
Because you can convince me to give it up for today, documentary, but then
tomorrow I'm right back at it! Apparently I need to make a conscious
decision every day to resist it! I took a good African American Lit class
in fall of 2017, learned a lot, gained a lot of good perspective, but guess
what? The class ended and it all just faded away.
In an ideal world, I'd actually be around people of color
daily, so it wouldn't be an abstract concept to me, and the insight I gain one
day will be built upon the next, as opposed to being forgotten. But, also,
in an Ideal world... somethin' else, I forget. The point is the
last month or so, after going A LONG time without listening to any music
on earphones, I've been listening to my own music a lot while taking walks.
AND THAT'S WHAT REALLY MATTERS. One and a half paragraphs to go!
Great! Current thought is get some sort of Whiskey to be my next Alcohol.
It's fun! I remember I once was dorming with an alcoholic, and for that
brief period of time, I happened to be an alcoholic too, and he was like go
get some jack daniels, not southern comfort, or maybe it was go get
southern comfort, not jack daniels, and then I ended up getting the wrong
one, and oh boy did the fireworks start!
Well, that's the penultimate paragraph, and this is The
Ultimate Paragraph. Not unlike The Ultimate Trampoline. Isn't
Whiskey, in the end, the REAL ultimate trampoline? Well, I kinda
hope not! Okay good just wanted to make that clear.
Anyway, jeez. Walk time almost! I don't belive it. For some
reason I'm okay at getting into the habit of shaving my moustache area every
week or so, but for the rest of my face, it's either slowly get picked out
one hair by one or nothin! I wonder what's going on there but
not too hard because wondering too hard sounds like kind of a drag to be honest.
That's just how I feel. Anyway, Entry Done! See ya later!
Sunday, September 15 , 2019
Hey, You-- Read This Entry With Your Internet and Whatnot
Yeah that sounds more or less how its done. Was gonna take a break
off from writing/drinking for today, but then I was faced with the sudden
realization that if I'm not Writing & Drinking, my ends up being a whole lot of
nothing! And I'm not ready to deal with that unfortunate conclusion--
unless I've been drinking and writing while drunk! It's a great
POSITIVE Ouroboros that I feel blessed to be stuck in. I've never had the
sexual (or, I guess, culinary) desire to eat any part of my body part.
Seems like, I'm pretty 'out there' in exploring moderate fetishes and whatnot,
but this one never really caught my eye. Speaking of eyes, though...
hmm if there was gonna be a tasty part of the human body Eyes seem like a good
place to start, right?
That's my opinion. You can serve them in an
analogous way to chicken nuggets. Four eyes in a small cardboard box and
you get to pick from BBQ Sauce, Ranch Sauce, Hot & Spicy Sauce, maybe some sort
of Honey Mustard sauce... the only thing is, if we're talking Fast Fooding it
up, that's gonna hurt the quality. I wanna eat a straight eye, plucked
from the skull ether before or immediately after death. I don't want a
ball of Eye Meal where each eye is made up of 2000 eyes and a lot of random
mix-ins like sawdust and some back up to sawdust. I feel very strongly
about this! Has anyone ever considered legalizing Cannibalism so Hannibal
Lector and the like wouldn't have to resort to killing people in order to eat
them? It's like that old saying-- when you criminalize eating humans, only
criminals will eat humans. Just somethin' to think about!
Well that's gotten me to the third paragraph so far.
Not bad! What else is crap. Lately I've felt self conscious wearing
my Obama Promotional Shirt from 2008, cause it says Obama-Biden. So at
this point I'm wearing a Pro-Joe-Biden T-Shirt. And I'm not comfortable
with that. Altough it does lead us to an interesting conclusion that
I'm Pro Joe! could be a real catchy catchphrase slogan over the next year.
Just think about it! I think there should be totally in earnest
politics shirts that just say, Election in 2020! Get Ready To Vote!
No endorsements, just a desperate plea to get the word out for pedestrians to do
their civic dudty. ANd then if they say, Uh what the Hell, man?
Who is this supposed to be supporting with this nonsense? So you can
be like, What kinda freak are you, going up to a stranger asking them their
personal politics? Get out of my face before I PUT YOU out of my face,
TThe amazing thing is Microsoft FrontPage's spell check
is suddenly Alright again! I don't believe it! But the evidence is
staggering. 4th paragraph! Something along those lines, I dunno.
Was operating for the 1st half of the day I had some sort of therapisism
appointment tomorrow. Turns out it's not until Thursday! WOW!
The only way life could get any better than this is if I take the contact out of
my right eye, indent it the opposite way, because the way it is now it's a
little uncomfortable which means to me its probably inside out, so the point
is, the only way the day could get better was if I went to my sink and turned it
inside out which may take upwards of 30 seconds. C'mon, hey, lets not
get ahead of ourselves. What if it takes 60 seconds because I keep putting
it in wrong? No, better just to leave things the way they are.
Alright! I Read about how one of the new SNL
castmembers is in some hot water for racist and/or other kinds of insensitive
jokes (Twitter Posts? Things in standup? I DUNNO I ONLY READ THE
HEADLINES AND THEN ACT LIKE I KNOW THE WHOLE STORY!) The point it,
counterintuively, that could never happen to me. You might say, Jesus
Mike you have thousands of pages of irreverent nonsense on the internet, some of
it has got to be incriminating. Ah, Yes, Correct, but you didn't
consider that because of all thousands of pages, no fact checker
in their right mind will EVER get through all of them. Too daunting a
task! I dunno what kind of weirdo takes it upon themselves to be human
crafts services and practices (I made up that department), but they see a guy
with 10,000 pages of nonsense, no way they're not just gonna go ok you win
I'll just shut my mouth about this guy and hope for the best.
SUCCESS! SNL Sketch idea inspired by a 25 year old
Kurt Cobain song-- All Apologies. Feature people, fictional or real
(SNL Castmembers are certainly encouraged to participate)in a show where the
premise is each guest tells a story they are very sorry for and the goal is for
them to not necessraily achieve redemption but just to get this weight off their
chest in a public form. SOUNDS HILARIOUS! AndAnd
the first obvious way to go with the sketch is its all fictional, but as each
guest goes, the stories get more outlandish and, "Crazy," if you will. But
there's a dozen other ways you can go with it!
Great, what else is going on.
NOTE-- ACCIDENTLY DELETED
THE PREVIOUS 2 ENTRIES-- WAS ABLE TO RETRIEVE THEM BUT I HAD TO RETYPE THEM SO
THERE WAS SOME LIGHT EDITING-- 1/3rd OF IT WASN'T WORTH THE EFFORT!
Saturay, September 14, 2019
Iím Down On You
ÖPossible title for the 1st Punk-Baby song! Itís inspired
by the little I had written for The Downers. Also, by cunninlgus! Figure those
are two good these to start on. The point is Iím having a real great, LIGHT
lunch. Weíre talkiní 1.5 pieces of Frenchtoast from Regularbread, and 1 or 1.5
eggs worth oe egg whites! This is a Solo Brunch for sure! Almost 10:0, that
ainít no breakfast. I didnít even have a breakfast! I had Nostalgia Cookie
from Drug Store around 5 am before going back to sleep. And I plan on having
lunch later, sure, but A LOT later. Like 2:30! Canít get much later than that
for lunch! Unless youíre some sort of socialite going out All Night and
whatnot. Then maybe you wake up at 2 PM, have lunch at 5, and see where the
rest of the day takes you!
Socialize is a word thatís fell out of favor. My guess is
because socialites, as they used to be called, donít want to be called
Socialists by accident. So they just steer clear of that language all
together. I wonder if thereís like a 4 figure (or more!) number of pretty rich
families that have desperately been trying to get their own reality show over
the last decade. Gotta imagine thatís pretty prevalent, right? All these top
.5% but maybe not 1% rich are jumping through hoops, burning through their
decent but not super contacts, goiní TRUST ME WEíRE RICH TOO AND OH BOY OUR
FAMILE HAS A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS LIKE THIS ONE GUY KRAMER HEíS REALLY OFF THE
WALL! Psócracked the Seinfeld Codeósuper secret actual ending it
turns out theyíre all long lost siblings. Anyway NACK ON TRACKÖ And the
studio is like Well is it as good as One lady with a big ass, another who is
transgender, I forget which way, and presumably half a dozen other females with
big BUT NOT QUITE AS BIG asses, because if you doÖ I Love It! HEY MAYBE
A TRUMP REALITY SHOW. That would bThat would be fun for everybody except
for everybody having to watch the sad comic display of the Trumps getting to
repair their image every Sunday night, why, its enough for me to want to throw
my TV out the window once I finally get it.
Well, theyíve always said, if Trump hadnít son, heíd have started his
own TV channelÖ and if heís ever Not President But Still Alive, he might try
againÖ but no one ever said it had to be a FoxNewsEsque channel! Thatís kind of
what we all assumed, but maybe Trump is like Hey I got a lot of good ideas
for sitcoms and one hour dramas and you know who should host a nighttime late
show none other than Ted Nugent Wouldnít surprise me at al, because he a TV
Star for an entire decade of his life, thatís what he was. And you canít
convince me his inner narrative wasnít I Can Do This Better Than
Anyone Here. All Aspects Of This. I Could Be The King of Televsion. And
now he is the king of television, just not quite as he planned. Now heís the
clown of television.
JUST SKIPPED 4-5 PARAGRAPHS, FINALLY GOT TO ONE SEMI-WORTHWHILE
Whatís the ratio of kids who find clowns amusing, kids who are 100% indifferent
to clowns, and who are absolutely terrified of clowns. Iíd say itís pretty
close to an even split over those three groups. With some fluidity between them
based on what their age is, where they are, what kind of clown it is, and if the
clown is your drunk father who stumbled into the corcus dressed as a clow,
smeared himself with make-up, and got on stage and went Jooooey! JOEY ITS ME
ITS DADDY THE CLOWN. Not 100% whats going on there, guess weíll never find
out. I do think thereís something to Daddy The Clown but figuring
out exactly what will have to wai til another day. I like those
password-protection-test-procedures where they give you a bunch of images and
you need to click on all the ones which share a certain element. Like, 3 ofthem
have busses in the picture. You click the pictures with 3 busses, You Win!
Have a good time Logging Into Your Account! Feels like Iíve won something and
really impressed this website with my mental acuity. Proud, makes me very
Thatís more or less what I really felt was worth re-typing based on reading
it on my Latop which thankfully hadnít been updated yet. Great! See ya some
ALSO LEARNT AN IMPORTANT LESSONó75% OF THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT, 15% IS
RELATIVELY READABLE, AND A SOLID 10% IS HEY THIS PRETTY WORTHWHILE!!!! Maybe
Iíll be able to extrapolate that lesson to future entries? Weíll see!
Friday, September 13, 2019
The American People Want Better Titles
ÖAmerican people donít know what they want! One day they want better
titles, the next day they want more affordable titles, the next day they want a
variety of titles from which they can choose their own titleÖ they want premium
titles, they want exclusive-only-to-them titlesÖ Anyway. Thereís a lot of
relatively minor stuff that somewhat annoys me during these debates, but one of
the things that ticks me off the most is when 2 candidates are going back in
forth in argument, and then a 3rd candidate who wasnít even involed
jumps on and goes SEE THIS IS BAD THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DONíT WANT TO SEE US
SQUABBLING TRYING TO WIN POLITICAL POINTS CíMON GUYS NO PETTY CHEAPSHOTS.. WE
GOTTA STICK TO THE ISSUES!! Pretty, ďSelf-Impeaching,Ē action isnít it?
Also, Iím lobbying Barttlettís to change the phrase Pot Pot calling
the kettle black to Self Impeaching.
I feel somewhat strongly about this. I find it strange that
Sparkling Ice seems not to identify itself as a soda, but rather a flavored
seltzer. Hey, what ever goets ya there, go for it. I canít relate to
people who say pop instead of soda. Or Soda Pop. Címon itís
called soda where I live why canít youjust tailor yur language idiosyncrasies to
match mine? I think thatís what The American People want to see! Someone needs
to ask Pelosi, ok youíre not impeaching him until you have all the, Ďfacts,í
Ö what facts would make you impeach him? Cause I guarantee you, unless she
says something astronomicaly unrealistic, yeah anything she cites is probably
something weíll get to. But if no one asks her, then hey, whatever happens,
she Still Needs More Facts Of Some Other Nature. I guess weíll never know when
we reach the amount of facts she desires!
And by the time itís 2020, her framing will switch to well we
wouldnít able to get him out of office until after the electionóat this point
its best to let the people decide! Which I find hilarious because in the
last 2 presidential elections, the Republicans got away BIG TIME under the
premise, ďThe People Will Get To Speak Relatively Soon.Ē (First of all, the
people spoke about 3-3.5 years agoóthatís why you currently have the arrangement
of jobs you have now) But yeah, the first time, they stonewalled Obama into not
giving him his Supreme Court Justice, and the second time, THE DEMOCRATS ARE
JUST HANDING THEM SOMETHING AS UNBELIEVABLE OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR
HEART. Only in America! Oh well, what can ya do Move to Japan! Iíd like to
move to Japan! Iíd have to learn the language and everything but I think weíd
each get a kick out of seeing people of other races The Same Height As We
What kind of jobs are available in Japan. And how much is Rent for
those Drawers that people sleep in for shelter. Cool! Been using
Underlining every now and then recently. How come thereís no Overlining.
You can subscript, you can superscript, you can question mark, escalmation mark,
do upside downsies of thosÖI wanna do some Overlining! Youíd have to be careful
to not be too high so that it looks like youíre underlining the line above the
one you want. But thatís easy to figure out. I mean, when we look at
underlining, no one is confused that itís an overlning from the text directly
underneath the underlining. The point is letís figure this one out and ENGLISH
LANGUE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME I FUCKINí CHANGED IT FOREVER U AND ME
Not only is it fun because Hey Itís A New Thing How Kitsch. But
the real fun part is when we as a society figure out exactly what an
Overlining a word or phrase conveys. What it means. I dunno yet, certainly
something to think about though! Wanna go see a movie but no great options at
this time. But I like how every few months, going to the theaters, they have a
whole new slate of movie trailers for movies coming out in the relatively near
future. Hey, Hollywood has been continuing to make films for our amusement.
Thatís pretty good1 I woulda thought that after some of the crap theyíve put
out recently, they would have just decided to call it quits.
Something like that, I dunno. Thatís my experience
creating art. Work a long time on something that turns out to be mediocre and
no one really seems to care, then I drop out completely for years. Also itís
been my experience that, mediocre or adequate, nno one could care less about
reading or listening to anything Iíve created. Thatís demoralizing!
Right? But then the opposite could be true, too. You get some nice feedback
here or there, and its sort of like well ainít gonna top that Nice Light
Feedback, better stop now while Iím still on top! The point is Iíve been
writing this entry under the premise itíll be posted in Green, but decent change
I change my mind by the end. Green is good. Thatís aliensí response to the
self-affirming phrase for African- Americans (Or, I guess,
African-non-Americans). ďBlack is beautiful.Ē Other similar phrasesóďAtino is
Bracissimo!Ē, ďWhat Is ÖWhatever,Ē and ďEastern Asian Is Better ThanÖ Cajun.Ē
Referring to the long standing feud between Astern Aian Societies and Louisiana.
SKP 4.5 PARAGRAPHS COMPLETEY I GOT BORED
Anway, I think someone should hand Trump a printed out copy of The Onion
so he can go, ďFake News!Ē and then everyone will applaud. Anyway. Does Trump
even ever say something that makes sense or is thoughtful or relevant or
on the right side of morality or history? I mean, címon, he says a lot
of stuff over time. How can he be batting .000? It canít just be 100%
BULLSHIT, can it be? But thatís why Fake News gets his supporters
going. Because theyíre probably like, Well heís Wrong a lot, he may not be
perfect, but theyíre saying heís ALAYS WRONG THATíS NOT REALISTIC MUST BE THEM
WHO ARE WRONG. Meanwhile, weíre sitting her depressed, dejected, exhausted,
and have to go, Yes, Unfortunately HE IS always wrong.
SKIPPING LAST 3 PARAGRAPHS OF
Thursday, September 12 , 2019
What Even Is
...A place to make puns with the word, "title," or, in some cases,
just replacing a word implied by the rest of the title with the word,
"title." That'll sum that up, sum it up real good! Anyway,
just watched the Documentary of Stuyvesant: The Year Before Michael Showed
Up and Allowed all those grades before him still around, the teachers, and
the administration, a chance to heal. Hey this kid is walking around,
his head always down at a 70 degree angle, looking at the spot on the
floor 8 feet ahead of him... got his headphones on, refused to acknowledge
other people are around him... HE'LL TEACH US HOW TO LOVE AGAIN!
Anyway, that's the most generous way I can conceptualize me going
to Stuy being somehow influenced by 9/11. Well, one way, is talkin' about
my Mom encouraging me to go, Presumptive Health Consequences Be Damned!
But, I dunno, to the teachers, this was their first Starting Over after
9/11. The returned from 9/11 Aftermath, Summer Vacation, and then they're
like ok this time around we're gonna make it count. This Is It!
And I was the product of such nonsense presumably. I mean, first 2 years,
nothin'. But by Junior and Senior year teachers were encouraging me
creatively. Fuckin' getting A++ on poems, my teacher letting me Make a
Song for my Senior Project (1st song I ever written!) The point is I owe
all my success to 9/11 and if you can't see the logic in that I don't know
what to tell you.
Huh. Huh. Huh. Third paragraph. It's like a sequel
to a Horror Movie. 9/11 was the first installment. Then the sequel is
9/11 High-- The New Class. That's me! I'm the new class! Never
before have I felt so special as now, being able to grasp at straws and
going Six Degrees of 9/11 Separation. Anyway, what else is going on,
non-history-defining-terrorist-attacks. I wonder if Kevin Bacon, when he
thinks of the game/premise of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, I wonder
if he ever gets off on the fact that, I FUCKIN' BLOW EVERYONE ELSE IN
THE WORLD AWAY AT THIS GAME. THERES NO WAY YOU CAN GET CLOSER THAN
BEING ME. Probably, right? Gotta be good at something.
And Being Good At Being Yourself is certainly one way to go that's
Anyway, crap and crap. Cycled through all the basic colors, so I
wrote 8 colors down on Paper, mixed 'em up, came across Red for
today. Which is no different than flipping a coin. I take a loose-leaf
paper, divide it into 8 sections, rip it apart, then mix it up for however
long as I want-- could be 3 seconds, could be 3 minutes-- in teh end,
there's some subconcious part of me that knows exactly which one I'm gonna
pick up! The only fair way to do it is to go downstairs and be like
Hey Dad can you do me a favor? ...I got these scraps of paper, do you
think you can pick one out for me? Even THAT doesn't work. Some part
of me sunconciously knows which scrap my Dad would pick unconciously.
There's no way to get around the fact that there is no such thing as luck
and we're all governed by the environment around us and our own, conscious
or subconscious or unconscious, impact on that environment.
Jip Lanes. When they talk about banning violent video games, yeah
we all know that will never happen, but does that make the stock at XBOX
drop? Or Arcades? Anywya, when I was a kid the IT Arcade was called
Peter Pan Games at Bay Terrace Outdoor Shopping Mall. It was pretty
much the base standard of where kids are gonna have their birthday party.
The ~15-25 birthday parties I attended yearly from ages 6-11, probably 50%
at Peter Pan Games. OH WAIT, BOWLING! ACTUAL BOWLING! Arcade was
probably 50%, bowling was probably 20%, QZAR maybe 5%... the rest was
other stuff A Chuck E. Cheese may have been thrown in there once in a
while. I wanna legally change my name to Chuck E. Cheese. I think
I'd, and all of us, get a kick out of that indefinitely for the rest of
our natural lives.
A couple of birthday parties at Pizza Places. Pizza hut was a few
time. I remember at least once going to one place where it was like
MAKE YOUR OWN PIZZA!! WE'LL GIVE YOU THE PIZZAERIA INGREDIENCE, YOU PUT
EM TOGETHER, THEN WE'LL PUT IT IN THE OVEN, THEN YOU CAN EAT IT!
And, maybe it was just me, but I think the premise of this place was that
it was an insane unrealistic novelty. WHA? PREPARING FOOD TO BE
COOKED FOR MYSELF TO EAT IT? NOW I'VE HEARD OF EVERYTHING!
But it's good, though, because it teaches kids how to pizza.
Everyones on board with some pizza! I don't think I've ever played a game
of Laser Tag where the opposing team wasn't cheating. Most common method
is jam the Laser Gun into your opponents Armor and shooting it at point
blank range. They clearly forbid that in the rules. Also, it hurts!
Real Life Hurts! Its obviously easy to rack up the points by killing
someone thusly, but them jamming their laser guns into your precious,
precious body, that's physically painful!
Hey there's a Debate tonight!! Hmm. Debate. D Bate. "D," Bate.
Date. IVE GOT A DATE TONIGHT HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY
LIFE. OH SHIT DEBATE O O' ROURKE SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S CHEATING BY
GAMING THE DEBATE TITLE. Seventh paragraph and whatnot. Probably
take a, "Walking Break," after this one. Why did I put, "Walking
Break," into quotes? Probably some reason that I hope we get to the
bottom to some day. But not today! Not. To. Day. I like the Green Day
song Wake Me Up When September Ends. Because it can mean two
things. Wake me up on October 1st (Hey september has ended!) or, maybe
its wake me up on SEPTEMBER FIRST (HEY SEPTEMBER HAS DONE ITS JOB AND
ENDED August!) August has been going on for so long
then September came a long and Put A Stop To That. Working Album title of
American Idiot was Fuck You, August!
That Settles That?
...Just took a walk. Big ad on one side of the bus that said,
"Drink Water." Thanks for the tip! I never thought of that, but its
crazy enough It Just Might Work! I think they should have Ads for
Busses on the sides of Busses. Something like, if you rode the bus,
you'd be home by now. Not suggesting that The Bus will get you any
closer to your actual home, just that you would begin to get used to the
idea that Riding The Bus Is Your Home Now. Stuff like that should
happen, sure, why shouldn't they? I think we should be robbing people
after they come out of Dunkin Donuts for their Peel And Win Promotion.
OKAY HAND OVER THE COFF... YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T WANNA HOLD THIS COFFEE,
TOO HOT... JUST PEEL IT OFF YOUR SELF-- SLOWLY-- AND HAND IT OVER ... ...ALRIGHT
FREE HASH BROWNS!
I think there should be a weird pervert thing, probably in Japan,
where guys go around cutting locks off pedestrians' hair and then run
screaming into the night. Seems like a Japanese thing, rihgt? I
mean, we've established they've got a Check Plus Plus culture, but let's
be honest, they eihter have a Check Minus Minus in Perverts, or, I dunno,
Check Plus Plus Plus! Depends on how you choose to interpret it at
this period at time. Like that movie, Lost In Interpretation.
Interpreation is the direct antithesis to Translation now
that I think about it. You're trying to translate some content in your
head into a language. Then somone does their best to interpret that
information. CRACKED THAT CODE NOBEL PRIZE PLZ. The good news is
that movie anticipated the rise in America of Dance Dance Revolution.
That's the point? Well, its one of the points! There's 2-5 implied
points, and this is but one of them that I've chosen to especially a shine
a light on! I think Trump forgetting his son is his son isn't just a
weird funny thing that happened-- that's SEVERE DEMENTIA. Not a bit,
that's exactly what it is. Forgot this kid's name, forgot he's his
father, kinda sees him around here and there, probably is Melania's
son or something...
What a wonderful world we live in. Baron Von Trump. What a world
we'll live in. I Don't Care, Do You? Well, to be honest, I
was gonna care, but then you wore a jacket so I threw all that into
the wind and now I don't care-- thanks First Lady! First Lady doesn't
seem like the right title. At the very least, Third Lady makes
more sense. 3rd time he was married to a lady. Anyway. Did we
have any other presidents who were married to a 2nd/3rd/more-th wife?
I'll go consult My Best Friend The Internet. Hey, Ronald Raegan
had been divorced! Hey Trump is a weird crazy outlier! Up until
now we did everything good! You elected an actor to be president whose
co-star was A MONKEY to be president almost FORTY YEARS AGO and you still
talk about him like he was the greatest since sliced bread.
Way to go, Repubs. If people keep calling Democrats, "The
Democrat Party," I'm gonna start calling Republicans, "Repubs." That's
how I feel. 12th paragraph. I can dig that! Dig it real good! Anyway,
yesterday, did a Half-Fast. Ate half of my recommended calories, so if I
do that 2 times a week instead of No Eating 1 time a week, same thing, but
more managable. And healthier probably, that's my educated guess.
Anyway, next logical step for Republicans Post-Trump? Get the Grandson
of the Monkey who starred in that movie with Ronald Raegan. He's got
the kitsch factor of being in movies (presumably this movie career has
spanned generations for this family, they're a dynasty!), he's got the
associated-with-Reagan-factor that you know the rank and file will love,
he's totally untainted by the Trump era, he wasn't involved in politics at
the time so he doesn't have as much as The Trump Stink...
Well, good luck Republicans. Anyway, you take away the premise
that I was talking about A MONKEY and everyhing else just literally
described the next presidential candidate Republicans are gonna put up
after Trump. Key point is they get to say this guy wasn't around
politically during Trump! I dunno where they get this untainted guy
though. You'd think they'd be weary of Celebrity after the Trump
disaster.... but where else can they go? They might figure a governor or
mayor or someone not involved in the federal government might be Distance
Enough for not being associated with Trump. I guess we'll find out!
What else is goin on. It's gonna go from Trump Derangement Disorder
to TRUMP WAS DERANGED AND WHY ARE YOU TAKING IT OUT ON US [republicans]
Disorder. Kinda a bait and switch thats extremely predictable. What else
is going on. The point is, what else is going on. I'm literally up to 7
or 8 free hash browns. I kinda wanna get it just to mix them all together
onto a plate and MARVEL at the wonder of an overabundance of hash browns.
I may even eat some! I like hash browns! Figure one more paragraph, then
start a new Section. Hey great I love sections! I can only assume they
call it a C-Section because it makes the mouth of a smiley face where the
nipples are presumably the eyes.
Sure I know how Birthing Process works, I WAS born at some point in
time I can't really remember. Anyway. I had a good idea for a band name,
Punk Baby, because was what the nurses called me in the Incubator Room
FOr Kids Not Ready To GO Home. But then I saw there's a band on the
Coming Soon section of iTunes Music called Babymetal. Too close!
But it woulda been a Weezer type thing of my own. Cause kids used to call
Rivers Coumo 'Wheezer' cause he coughed a lot or something unless he made
up that story completely. So my name would also be something that
I was called in the past! When I was a baby! Oh well the point is
there's Babymetal and all my dreams have gone up in a cloud of smomke for
some reason. Anway, I had spiky hair, and that's probably where it came
from. Punk in terms of hair style. Or maybe they were just mocking me
for being a punk (in the other definition of the word). Check out this
punk babe wanna go home to your mother? Punk ass baby. Makes sense
to me! Anyway, jeez, good chance lunch will be having one of those Ramen
cups of noodles. It's been too long! Way too long!
..You know, like the sound Ninjas make? Back from my walk and
SHUT UP EVERYBODY I HAVE A JOKE! Remember that time we built a wall
around the twin towers and stopped 9.11??? Not 100% on board with
making that joke because it don't know what it's trying to say, and
also, what its saying inadvertently. If we actually ascribe meaning onto
it, first negative thing is it associates innocent people coming across
the border with terrorists-- that's hole #1. Hole #2-- HEY MAYBE IF WE
DID BUILD A WALL AROUND THE TWIN TOWERS, IF IT WAS A REALLY TALL
WALL, IT WOULD HAVE SAVED THEM OMH TRUMP IS A VSIONARY. Hole #3 you
cn't stop AN INSIDE JOB from happening with walls!
TThat's also a plot hole with Trump and his White Supremacists.
Jews will not replace us-- I guess because there's Jews in America
and they're bringing in Un-Americans to take these jerks place. So.. a
wall would do nothing, then. If all this migration was cominG from
JEWS WITHIN THE WALLS and we all know Jews have piles of cash to fly
in all the migrants into an undisclosed location (Maybe even in YOUR
town!) or alternatively press the Open on the American side of the
wall. I don't know what I'm talking about except for the fact my newest
botle of alcohol is Rum which I haven't had in a dog's age. So 12, 15,
18 years or so? You Bet! In his new song Wheezer says something
about crying when Aslan died. Aslan was my cats name. So presumably
Rivers was friends with my cat in a The Shining sort of fashion.
Only logical explanation. Couldn't have been talking about
ASlan's namesake, Aslan, from those books... Or maybe he's talking
about the Irish Band Aslan who I found out about one day because I was
googling, "Aslan," to see if her death was trending as much as I knew it
Daniel Johnston has passed over. Besides the, "Fun," album, I only
know 2 or 3 songs, but that was a great album. For half his songs (on
that album and presumably on other ones), is kind of feels voyouristic,
because he's not making much sense narratively in the lyrics, nor in the
actual music making sense. But then there are the dozen(s?) of songs
where he's stll got that childlike nievity, but poigannt and more
focused... that sorta stuff, oh well. Huge influence! He taught me
hey might as well be mentally ill, I DID IT IT WORKED FOR ME!
That's Music Life for ya. I'm just speaking my truth. That's what I
got out of the several months crankin, "Fun," a lot.
Hey great what else is crap. It's safe to say during that time
period, "Mind Contorted," was one of my top 10 favorite songs across all
music I was listening to at the time. And I was listening to a lot of
music! Too much! Isn't it ironic. He's dead. After spending his
whole life alive. I feel like 50% I heard that somewhere before, and
90% I've said it somewhere before (with or without that other 50%). But
it's true, though. Death is this ironic practical joke twist that no one
ever sees coming. One more paragraph after this, then gotta take a
Laundromat Break, then I'm back here for 5 or 10 paragraphs to wrappp it
I like that plan! Better than No Plan. I also probably said this
before, but speaking of Ninjas, one of my favorite little part in any
movie I've ever seen is there's a point where one of the three ninjas
turns on/off a light switch and unironically goes HI-YAH! while
doing it. That's his big Karate move. He turned on or off a light
switch. I guess either blinding his opponent into submission, or
having them delve into the darkness in which our souls all reside. II
thought it was kind of unrealistic that the Ninja Grandfather never Fat
Shamed Tom-Tom. C'mon kid you can be a good ninja but you GOTTa lose
some weight. Never even comes up that his weight has become a
..Where do you get off being a bad thing. Apparently Daniel
Johnston almost died one time because he was in a private plane with his
father or something and threw the keys out the window (Wait a second...
can you just open a window in a plane? That doesn't sound right... but
that was definitely what was reported...) because he thought he was Capser
The Friendy Ghost. According to the internet. Not sure how you make the
leap from I'm Casper The Friendly Ghost! to I'M GONNA KILL THE
BOTH OF US. Unless Casper the Friendly Ghost originally died in a
murder/suicide. But that's not very friendly. Either way,
well, Daniel, put up or shut up time. You wanna start being a
Friendly Ghost, today's the day you start! Now or never is the point.
Democratic Debate toinght! We're getting to right around that time in the
primary where it's transitioning from way-too-early-to-take-anything-too-serously-and-or-relevant
That's my theory on something, no one is exactly sure what, though.
Why can't presidential elections just be decided by a fun game of Mario
Party. That's another .05% of birthday parties I went to. One of
the last ones, too, must have been like 12 years old. And I dunno if it
was a sleepover party outright, but we were there pretty late, because we
had on MadTV and I guess someone said, "Bitch," and the kids Mom was like
OH FUCK TURN THIS SHIT OFF! Exept for the cursing, I added that in for
Ironic Effect-- it's ironic because it didn't really happen. After so
long a time of you thinking it did happen. Because I'm a false
based liar. It was more like This isn't appropriate for 12 year
olds (also, remember this is MadTV, not The SPICE Channel (Hah! I'll
never get tired of that reference at least not for a few more referencing
it over the next few years). So basically we turned off the TV and the
kids Mom led us in a game of Telephone. Keep in mind, we're
practically teenagers. How do you win a game of telephone. Do
you win by FuckingShitUpOnPurpose? That seems kind of psychotic and
misanthropic to throw a wrench in everyone else having some good clean
innocent fun. But if you just do your best to whisper the same thing,
jeez wow great what fun who the fuuuuuuck cares.
I Take It Back
There's Nothing I Want More In Life Than To Be Punk Baby
..Dear Website, make my dreams come true! Hmm maybe I'm praying
to the wrong website. Gotta start punkbaby.net.
Sounds like a good, "ZINE." Never read any Zines. Closest thing I
came to was the Elliott Smith Internet Message Board. Man those guys
sure thought they knew what Elliott Smith was talking about. I can
hardly imagine where they get the, "Hutzpuh," to impose their own thoughts
onto someone else. The point is It's True I'm having lunch while we're
talking (Well, I'm talking... by typing... Hi.). We're talkin' a
piece of rotissare chicken and a kaiser roll. Anyway, just to show you
how serious I am, I registered punk-baby.bandcamp.com!
Punkbaby.bandacamp.com was already taken! But, you know what? Punk-Baby.Bandcamp.com
is INFINITELY BETTER! What kinda suckers were the first Punk
Babies that they didn't realize this??!
Cool. Maybe A New Name will provide me just the shot in the arm I
need to start working on music! Or maybe I'll forget it completely in 15
minutes. That's what happened to thedowners.bandcamp.com Never
really had an idea for that band, thouhg. I just thought it was vaguely
amusing cause I used to be The Uppers. Punk-Baby, though, that shits
got some legs. There was that scene in Ghostbusters II when Sigorney
Weaver is like, to Bill Murray, about her baby, do you want to put him
down? And Bill Murray was like You're short, you're ugly, and
you're a strain on your poor mother. So basically Ghostbusters Did It
First (calling a baby a punk, essentially) and now it's on to the next
flight of fancy of What To Do Next! Looking back, itís kinda funny how
the biggest controvercy across our entire culture, for like a year, was
WOMEN GHOSTBUSTERS! I mean, most people were on board, some were vocally
against it, and at the time, to me, it just seemed natural. Yeah bound
to hear a lot of opinions on this for a long time. But looking back,
it's like, WHY THE HELL WERE SO MANY PEOPLE UPSET/PREOCCUPIED BY
My working theory is it was released in 2016, ahead of the 2016
election, and people were worried that seeing Women as Heroes in Leading
Roles might give some people the wrong impression that we could in fact
potentially have a woman president. That's my Working Theory. Anyway.
At what point does the media sort of start framing relatively fringe
candidates out of the running? I mean, obviously itís not the medias job
to get involved, but one way or another, they've got to decide who to give
time to, how to frame that time, etc etc. Do they continue taking Kamala
Harris as seriously as the top 3 in polls? Bad example, cause, yeah,
she's pretty much in the 1b tier. But like, Corey Booker, or Beto O
Rourke-- if they don't catch on soon, when do you start framing it as a 3
or 4 or 5 person race.
Tough to be in the media to try to be impartial but one way or another
it matters what kind of coverage ya do! Don't envy them. And by, "Don't
Envy Them," I mean, I'll try to refrain from sending each newsroom across
the country unasked for DVD copies of the 2004 smash comedy hit Envy,
starring Ben Stiller and Jack Black. The point is, I guessed 2004,
checked internet, I was right. I've mentioned here before that's my one
Party-Trick Trick. I'm not 100% peferct, but for some reason I just can
remember what year most movies game out. Not movies before the last 80's,
and still, only Most Of The Time from movies mid 80's-on, but it is a
talent I have in my back pocket. half the time its movies I've never even
seen. I can still do it! I guess I probably partly attribute it to
IMDB.com first becoming a thing when I was a kid through pre-teen and just
fuckin' browsin' the shit out of that bullshit!
27th paragraph! Let us keep it goin'. NEWSROOMS RESPONSE TO
MICHAEL-- Don't worry about us we'll just continue propping up
candidates that we have a (financial) vested interest in seeing succeed.
Doesn't need to be an ulterior vested interest. Maybe its just
the've calculated the best way to move ofrward it to harbor a brand that's
allways 100% on the ball! I dunno, whatever, not my problem!!!!
The good news is these days its not completely out of the ordinary for me
to take FIVE walks a day. The point is I'm Just Like You Except I'm
Probably Walking Around A Lot More When You're Not. Anyway. You should
join me in Punk Baby. Ya'll play instruments and shit, right?
That's all I'm sayin' Thinkaboutit!
I dunno. Didn't watch most of the Last Set of Debates because the
first night I had just gotten home from Yesterday and needed time
to decompress. Also-- yes, I did just refer to time travel. I went from
yeserday, 9/11/19-- to whatever day the 1st night of the 2nd set of
debates were. I've been outed as some sort of Traveller-In-Time!
Don't tell anyone, okay? What else is going on. Hey we all travel
through time. FORWARD! I believe that was the slogan of Obama
'12. Remember that time Obama Forgot that he had daughters?
Hey there's these kids who Michelle seems to know what exactly are they
Great, just great. Sometimes I think about it and its kind
of weird that Obama is only 58. All three of the current Democrats
leading in the primary are signifcantly older than him. But,
presumptively, they're the new guys on the block and he's the old guard.
But the truth is, he's probably gonna outlive them and, who knows, he's
obviously stayed out of the game for the most part so far post-presidency
but there's a whole lot of time left for him to figure out a way to help
us all out in whatever capacity. That's how I feel.
Get ready for those editorials saying THE THREE TOP CANDIDATES ARE
TOO OLD WE BETTER SUPPORT ONE OF THE MODERATE YOUNGER PEOPLE OR ELSE!
Yup, those should be coming in any day now. Last paragraph on the
block. Another block after this?!?!?! WHO CAN PREDICT, NOT I, AND I'M THE
CLOSEST ONE TO BEING ABLE TO PREDICT IT ACCURELY! I'm a real Zero
Degrees of Michael Kor****m. Jeez, what else is crap. Gettin'
Vitamin Water Zeroes from Supermarket again. Ya gotta buy them
individually, so itís not real cheap, kinda a hassle, but its worth it!
Seven a week-- one vitamin water zero for each day. It's amazing!
Would Punk Baby Title This Block?
..Yo I'm punk baby and I'm here to say.... Gonna stop that there,
but you all saw it! Here for posterity. First lyric ever for Punk Baby
was Yo I'm punk baby and I'm here to say... Figure out some
rhyming couplet later, for now though, that's all we're gettin'! Mom was
showing me some old family pictures and stuff, and it was crazy. I saw
her Mom and I was like HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU. I saw her
Dad and it was like HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR BROTHER MY UNCLE.
I saw a picture of my Dad, only roughly older thn I am now, and was
like HEY I SEE FUCKIN' RESMBLENCES ALL OVER THE PLACE THIS IS NUTS.
That's one of the (many) weird things about having relatively old parents
(both were 40 when I was born). You have no reference point for them
being any younger than more or less middle age. That's what they are by
the time you're achieving conciousness and making memories. So seeing
photos of my Mom and Dad in their 20's and 30's was like HOLY SHIT
THESE PEOPLE WERE JUST LIKE ME!
Something along those ilnes, I dunno. Except instead of the
internet... they had... Ball on a Stick? Jacks? Collecting Coins?
I'm sure they figured out some way to have fun and keep
themselves occupied, sure. I dunno there is like a not insignificant
chance I'll do somethin' with Punk Baby but I don't wanna jinx it!
Jinx is already a song on a Green Day album! I've taken too much from
Green Day now itís time to become My Own Punk Baby. One thing
I like about the band name Green Day is because, the first question
I'd ask them if I met them so when's this Green Day, and is it still
coming? Has it come already? Is it ALWAYS Green Day, will it Never be
Green Day? What's the story about this supposed day?
Anyway, jeez, crap and crap. 33rd paragraph. No Green Soda, or
Green Vitamin Water Zeroes. You got all the other colors of the rainbow,
but I can't think of any green soda. I guess Citrus Sodas are presumably
lemon/LIME (Lime = Green) but the emphasis is always on the lemon and the
soda itself evokes the apparence of Lemon and not Lime. I think the last
thing I saw Barack Obama do in an official capacity was post his (&
Michelle's?) Summer Playlist on Twitter a month ago. (that's not an
official capacity. yeah but saying that phrase smacks of
attempted humor) So I guess he's transitioning from
sitting president to aspiring DJ. Many have attempted, few have
succeeded. That's how I feel! Also, I don't like most of this
music what am I supposed to do about it HES IN CHARGE gotta agree this is
the good music. The point is it sucks when People In Charge impose
their DJing whims on unsuspecting audiences.
34th paragarph! Dunno where I was going with that. Punk Baby!
Hah! These songs write themselves! ...presumably. They haven't yet! But
I feel 'em a-comin'! Anyway, I dunno, crap and crap. Also, I just
have to hope that the BabyMetal band I saw in the Coming Soon
Albums on iTunes Music isn't as big a thing as that kind of exposure would
imply. The success of my stupid band name is totally dependent
upon the reciprocal anti-success of their stupid band name!
Hmm. Babymetal is a Japnese metal band. I just experienced some Racism,
sorry to say! I read that and my very first instinct was AH it's like
a novelty band not a real thing. Because I'm a racist? Or just
because I See What I Want To See. I dunno. Hmm, this combined with
implying that Japanese chief quality is perverts... I'm not comin' off
well in this entry...
I told you before, They have a Check Plus Plus culture! I
wasn't fuckin' around! It seems like an AWESOME PLACE AND PEOPLE. I
just recognize there's a lot of perverts there, and also, a metal band
from Japan may be seen gimmicky, for better or worse! Anyway what else is
going on. One of my open mics a year or two ago I made friends with a guy
from Japan who was great! Punk music. I believe he did The KKK Took
My Baby Away by The Ramones. WI had never heard that one before! Now
its one of the dozen Ramones songs I Know And Enjoy! He taught Me Musical
Appretiation! And we bonded over both liking Social Distortion. The
point is hey hey now that I think about it I was actually forming real
connections at that open mic whatta jip that it closed down but nows
started back up again somewhere maybe go do that next week but do music or
try out some comedy on these fools Hmmm a lot to think about Hmm.
I'm Cutting Me Off
After This Block?
Most likely. I think in high school yearbooks, they should have
a vote Most Likely To Be Most Liked. Like, throughout ththe
rest of their life. This isn't a measure of who was most liked in
high school, also that's one metric to certainly consider. This is about
guessing who will be most liked after high school. Somethin' to
think about high school year books! Another thing-- skim each page for
BlackFace. Doesn't hurt to be extra careful! I dunno, what else is going
on. Just seeing
looks cool to me. I dunno why. Because I'm desperate for Starting Over
again somewhere and this is the first good idea I've had in a while.
Wowsers. Whatta do with my Crap Life after this block is over.
Work on a new song. Nah we're not gonna do that. Why. Don't
know, can't say for sure! Oh. Yeah that's what I thuoght.
Maybe I will, I dunno! I got the free time, I got the under the
influence of alcohol, and that's pretty much all you need! Plus, I ave NO
IDEA what I'm gonna have for dinner. Could be ANYTHING. I dunno what
kind of direction the rest of the day will go in at all, but that dinner,
at least there's comfort in I'll find something I like. Narrow
stuff down, first, sure. Maybe start by eliminating a few unlikely
choices. Down to 3 things. Then it's down to 2. Then its down to 1.
Then pretty sure it's BACK UP TO THREE. Then down to 2 again.
Then one. Are we still talking about dinner. No I'm talking
about my sex life what were you thinking?
Hey, how about that. Looks like The Mets are creepin' back into Wild
Card contention. You know what that means! God hasn't taken my advice to
ease up on the Sports Miracles in order to devote his time to something a
little more worthwhile. Ugh, God, c'mon. I dunno. I think if you
hit a homerun long enough you win the season. They just cancel the rest
of the season and you're team is declared champion. I mean, it'd have to
be really far. So far no one will ever hit it. But there may be
that one fluke time, you hit a homerun like 700 feet, and everyoneís like
Well, that's it. You win! That's how I think sports should work.
Basically, combining normal ways of measuring wins and losses, and
combining that with prop bets that you'd do during gambling. I'm full
of great ideas. Mets are hitting a lot of homeruns. Those are fun to
see live. It's like HOLY SHIT HE HIT THAT BALL LOOK HOW FAR ITS
TRAVELLING IT MIGHT PASS THE LITTLE PARK THE FIELDERS ARE IN COMPLETEY AND
LAND WHERE SOME OF MY FELLOW FANS ARE SITTING THEY MUST BE GETTING A KICK
OUT OF THIS!
Most likely. At the Laundromat I heard one lady tell another lady
the entire plot to Ready or Not? I was ready for it,
because I'm not planning on seeing it myself! Seemed like an ok
plot, I guess, why not. Think, think... what would Punk-Baby (as
its often stylized) get for dinner? ...Milk? Get out of
here with that shit Punk Baby isn't a real baby he's a Punk Baby. I bet
Frued had some thoughts on people who are resistant to drinking milk,
presumably about the taste, but he'd be like Nope means somethin!
Great, just great. Here I was, all this time, thinking I didn't like the
taste of milk, and avoided drinking it, and it turns out I'm some sort of
repressed psychopath. ...Yeah sounds about right. One more paragraph!
I don't believe it! Anyway, in Stuy Documentry, I was hopin'
they'd be interviewing some teachers I could be like Hey I Know These
Jerks! And there was none of that! But they did show the picture of
a guy who I had Spanish with and the past-student was like this was the
guy who told me, again the things that happened, very bad things
happened, it was a very sad day. Also, how am I not Trump's
speech writer? What else is going on and crap. Is Donald Trump a
Punk Baby? Sure, why not. We can all be Punk Babies if we are
so inclined! But only one of us was born a Punk Baby. Or, at least,
became a Punk Baby just HOURS after birth. That's closer than any of you
jerks! Just like how Kevin Bacon feels when playing The Kevin Bacon
Six Degrees Family Fun Hour! In my mind that's a new gameshow on
ABC. Why not, put that crap on the air!
Bonus paragraph! I wonder if anyone, in the history of the world, has
ever been like hmm one day I might be playing a game of 6 Degrees of
Kevin Bacon.. I'm not RIGHT NOW, and I have no reason to think it'll come
up in my immediate future, but you know what? Nows as good a time as any
to bone up on my stuff. Just spend several hours seeing how to
connect Kevin Bacon to other popular actors. All it takes it an hour or
two. And this is all under the premise There Is No Game Imminent. Itís
just some guy planning ahead for something that may never happen. Seems
like a fun thing to wonder about, right? Sure, sure it is.
Idea for Republicans post-Trump. Accuse Democrats of "Trying To Play
Six Degrees of Donald Trump," and be like These Democrats are desperate
to lump everyone into Trumps Bullshit! They'll be saying, this guy was
his postman's dog sitterís congressman! NO GOOD, TOO CLOSE TO TRUMP!"
The point is I'm a genius because that's another thing that very well may
happen. It's a funny way to frame it, itís dishonest, sure, but it gets
their message across that DONT HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE EVEN THOUGH WE WERE
ALL ON BOARD 100% COMPLETELY. The good news for them is maybe they'll
have Joe Biden as president who will immediately absolve all of them of
all their sins. Why would any Republican not want Joe Biden to be
the next president? Joe Biden is running for president as a
Democrat. WHAT? A DEMOCRAT? THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT....
Anyway, I'll se you guys later.
September 10 , 2019
This Title Makes Me
...Anyway, that Suuuuuuucked. I just listened to Michael
K*R*BL** -- Why Trap Some Emo's Party? a live precorded set of
songs. I think Live albums are incredibly misleading. Johnny Cash
certainly wasn't stationed at San Quinton Prison for the rest of his
life so every time someone put the record on he picked that up and was
like FUCK OK GUYS HERE WE GO AGAIN... Live Means Live! #Livemeanslive,
letís talk about it' cmon. Saint Quinton? Never heard of him.
Seems like one of the lesser saints. Oh, the Saint of Prisons. The
Saint of Retribution And maybe a dash of rehabilitations. Sounds like
a crappy saint. But whose he looking out for, the Prison Administration,
or the prisoners? The answer to that will help us decide if he's a Good
Saint or a Bad Saint. Saint for the prison guards and warden and that one
guy whose always a step below warden and seems like a real hard ass but by
the end of the movie we realize he was Ok All Along compared to The
Warden. The point is, those guys don't need a saint, they're jerks!
Prisoners need a saint to help them get back on the right track!
Why do Saints have to be the Patron Saint of Anything. Wasn't
there a saint a few hundred years ago, who was like Mm, what if we were
like, umm, SAINT without Saint. I'm just a great saint but I don't
specialize in anything. Sort of a Floater Saint. Substitute Saint,
sometimes, if the main saint you want is busy I can definitely fit in
anywhere. Won't be quite as good but thatís the price you pay for
versatility! I dunno, something along those lines. HEY I just got
Miller Lite from Supermarket as opposed to Coors Light because I realized
Coors Light tastes like shit and it turns out this Does taste better! I
liked that Kayfabe controversy between I think it was Coors (Light) and
Bud (Light.) Like, one of them did a Superbowl ad implying the other one
was sucky, and then for a week or two The Official Twitters of each send
snarky messages back and forth. I ain't buying it. Also, besides
Everything In The News, one thing that's very disconcerting in our society
is Coropate Brands becoming SELF AWARE. Oh, great, the
official Twitter of Burger King is making self deprecating puns. That's
normal. I don't like it! Almost Not Like It Enough to think of 2 or 3
more corporations outside the Food Industry! SORRY FELICIA THE ONLY
BRANDS I KNOW ARE FOOD INDUSTRY ONES.
Jeez. Thought of The Gap for some reason, but I was
like I dunno what The Gap is gonna tweet about, whatever. Anyway,
jeez, crap and crap. Seems reminiscent of an SNL sketch (a RECURRING
sketch at that!) Oh well I never said I was original except for all
those times I've insisted I was original in the past. You take out all
the times I DID say I was original, then you're left with me Never Saying
I was original. That's the kind of argument that Just Makes Sense these
days in the times we live in. The point is I got Vegetarian Brick Oven
Pizza: Part II of II in the oven. Regular Oven! My oven. They cooked it
in a brick oven, now itís being cooked in a regular oven. The Pizza
Formally Known as Cooked In a Brick Oven, I dunno, something like
that, the point is Shut Up! I've had a weird recurring dream (well lots
of concurrent recurring dreams, where there's like a dozen stuff that just
repeats itself every other night on average, and in some random
combination each night) and anyway, one part of it is somehow I'm around
to see THE UNIVERSE END and it's always like DAMN THIS SUUUUUUUCKS but
then the Universe STARTS BACK UP AGAIN, and I'm still there again, so I'm
like HEY 2ND CHANCE ALRIGHT THIS TURNED OUT TO BE A GREAT TIME!
Weird stuff, I'm tellin' ya. There's also another thing thats
time travel-esque (UNIVERSE ENDING wasn't in 2019, it was much later, but
for some reason I was still around)-- I have recurring dreams where itís
like, into the future between 1 and 5 years, and I feel guilty for seeing
whats going on because I'm gonna be reintroduced into the present at some
point and seeing What Its Gonna Be Like feels like cheating and I'm not on
board with Cheating in Life whether it's Checkers or Universal Damnation!
Anyway, jeez, crap and crap. I don't remember anything that happens in
the Near Future except for the sort of general feeling Man this is
kinda weird, not sure if I like this...Hey hey great what else. On
the Miller Lite can, it says, A Fine Pilsner Beer. C'mon, Miller
Lite, where's your self-esteem? Why settle for, "Fine," you can be so
much more! I feel very strongly about this and I choose to Come On VERY
STRONGLY to teach you how to feel better about yourself and Yeah I Know
All This Attention Is Unwarranted and, especially, Unwelcome, but that's
just how strongly I feel about you throwing your life away by not pursuing
your dreams of being one of the best Pilsner Beers around and You Need Me
To Help You Realize Your Full Potential! Huh. How about that.
Anyway, when I saw the Elliott Smith Covers show, one guy was about to
start a song, played a chord or something to introduce it, and I was like
Hmm a, "D," this is the start to MY SONG. Cause one of my songs is in
the key of, "D," so when I heard him play it, I was like Yep here it
comes! Cause I'm a fuckin' idiot.
Pizza ready in about 15 minutes huh. Sometimes it was in the key
of, "C." It all depends on how the guitar is tuned and/or whether I'm
using a capo. I'd say most often it was either a D or a C, though.
That's how I Play 'Em! Anyway, Trump deterioarating from making 5% of
sense to making 2.5% of sense. If I was interviewing Trump, I'd be like
Okay, Only Got One Question. Are You INSANE?!? And I thought
I was CrazySheet!
Man, what a fun world we live in. I do think its a sort of moderate, even
right-of-center framing that He's Insane. No, I'd probably use the words
before Insane. And, just to drive that point home-- He IS Insane.
Just trying to point out he's all those other things to somehow an either
Thanks 4 The Reading
This existing To You is wholly dependent upon you reading it. If you
never read this, it would be like it never existed! OH NO I'M
DISSAPEARING HELP ME INFINITY WAR/MARTY MCFLY. Is the
Seemingly-Universal-News-Recommendations on Twitter really a Scam? I saw
yesterday, one of the top 5 stories all day, was, Is the band McFly
going to be making a comedback? And I was like I Don't Know No
Band Named McFly, but it sounds stupid! Actually, now that I think about
it, kinda does ring a bell, a DUMBBELL IT'S SO STUPID. AAnd of course
like any rational person I was like OH SHIT BACK II THE FUTURE IV
and it turned out to be this Dumb and and, well, my upsettedness is
clear. Anyway sure I'm eating my lunch at this point and itís great I
love it! Also this 12 inch Vegetarian Brick Oven Pizza has really shone
itself, this may get into the regular Lunch Rotation, 1/2 of it at a
time. The veggies included, (Also, when I ordered it in person, I was
like yeah I'll have the vegetarian brick oven pizza, as itís listed
on the menu, and he was like, uhh... so a Veggie Pizza? That's
what you mean? and I was like Well Yeah I Suppose So That's Probably
Synonymous but you really shoud be capable of identifying something by the
name it has On YOUR OWN MENU.
They had a Mirror covering one entire side of the Resturant. I
figure because people can see themselves in the mirror eating a Spaghetti
Parmigiana and be like hey it kinda is like I'm Eating It Twice!
and then they wave Hello to their mirror reflection and the mirror
reflection SOMEHOW WAVES BACK THE EXACT SAME MOMENT AS You, NO
TIME SPENT TO REGISTER WHAT YOU'RE DOING ITS LIKE THEY KNEW YOU WERE
GONNA WAVE AT THAT EXACT MOMENT! Creepy. I think itís
kind of weird that America is often referred to as the U.S. or the U.S.A.
Both colloquially and in an official capacity. What country are you
from. From The U.S.! You're from, "The United States..."
...that's like saying you're from All These Terretories Have Decided To
Lets Be Friends. Hey, what middle school did you go to?
Auditorium. Cause that's where all the classes converge. When
there's an official auditorium type thing they're inflicting on us.
Great just great. Vegetarian Pizza in the oven @ 350 degrees for 40
minutes worked out pretty well.Vegeterian Pizza, in this case, includes
spiniach, broccoli, onions, mushrooms, flame roasted peppers, and some
sort of bread and cheese presumably. Great! Anyway, what else is Crap.
I keep getting Beer and I keep Drinking Beer but, to be honest, I get
little out of it these days. Taste I could do without. Doesn't really
get me drunk. Because it's over such a long period of time that I'm
consuming enough alcohol to prumsably get me drunk that it doesn't even
really register. Only reasonable solution is, if I have beer I want to
get me drunk, probably if I pound 'em, that'll do the trick. Whose the
guy who figured out Butt-Chugging. Hey guys listen to this, if you
insert alcohol through your rectum you'll get drunk! How do you
know this? ...I don't wanna talk about it.
Huh, how about that. Ninth paragraph. Great, just great. I'm
running out of Reserves of Crushed Red Pepper accumulated from Pizza
Restaurants here and there when I remember to sk for it. I still have a
ContainerShaker of Crushed Red Pepper from super market, but it's not as
good. And I can get The Real Stuff for free, just gotta remember to ask
for it. Hey, great, just great. I liked listening to the Live Album of
my Real Songs from ages 17-~21. It was like Hey check out that kid he
was wasting his life to a huge degree but it all paid off because he wrote
some real C+ songs and is now playing them for people LIFE WELL LIVED HE'S
LIVING THE DREAM... or he was... I dunno... waht else is going on!
Huh, how about that. Been getting a kick out of using the Supermarket
Tabasco Sauce. Pretty sure that's a good slogan for Tabasco. Get a
Kick out of life. Also a good slogan for Soccer.
Anyway, saw in NYC they're considering getting rid of Gifted Programs
and whatnot. I'm against this! Unlike the proposition of encouraging
admissions for Specialized High Schools to use things other than A Test,
with the premise is it'd become more diverse. At first I was against
using Grades & Whatnot, but then I came around. But, no, I'm 105% for
keeping gifted programs for elementary-through-middle schools. Going to
Stuyvesant had some Plusses and Some Minuses-- but being in a Gifted Class
for 9 years, with the exact same kids-- I wouldn't be the same with that
upbringing. It's great because, well, you can teach relatively advanced
things. And it really drives the point home that you're, well, gifted!
Especially for me, socialization was 100% dictated by the class, which,
now that I think about it, you can say isn't a good thing, but I
dunno, it felt fine at the time. It was like all of us relative-nerds
are sticking together. Nerd isn't the best word. We were smart, but
there was as much diversity in Effort-Putting as there would be in any
And, anyway, socially, that was the best for me. Because these kids
were used to my antics so I could just be the class clown from year to
year without having to start all over each year. I had the opportunity to
build momentum over a long period of time. This kid gets funnier and
funnier!--the kind of reaction I was cultivating for a good decade or
so of my life. ...And, well, maybe do you wanna somehow figure out an
admissions process for 4 year olds starting Kindergarten that doesn't 100%
rely on some sort of test, so itís more open to diversity? Fine, if you
can figure that out, whatever. Just keep the Gifted Programs going,
whatever the process for admission is! It's good. Anyway, my class was
like 60-70% white, 30-35% Asian American, and one or two black kids (from
K-2, NONE. Then we got a new friend after that, and in middle school,
another new friend!) Also, it was like 2/3rds boys, which I haven't
thought about just now, but I remember being aware of it back then. Not
sure what that's all about. But, yeah, if you're gonna adjust to make
sure other races/cultures are included, obviously you're gonna look for
more gender equality, too.
Dummies After This Block I'm Probably Gonna Take a WAKLK HOLDY SHIT RHYME
That sums that up. If I could somehow get the same improvisational
skill level I had when I was 9, I'd be fuckin' unstoppable. I was fucking
QUICK and ON THE BALL and witty and sardonic, and, man, I just knew what I
was doing. Those were the days. I dunno, what else is going on.
That was my fun in life. I would do the work required for school (Well,
like 75% of the work), I would grow out of being primarily weird from K-3
into having real friends the rest of our time together, but what I loved
was just sitting in class, and there's a discussion going on, and I just
get Hit with a joke that I need to say and I somehow know how to
say it in exactly the right way to maximize humor. I dunno, I'm kind of
being serious-- I used to be ON IT, and I certainly am not today. Now I
somehow have a kind of love-hate relationship with being On The Ball
Humorically, and certainly none of that extroverted
Oh well such is life. Hey, I drank 2 beers, and I feel kind of
buzzed! The 2nd beer I sort of chugged in 3 or 4 chuggings, so
there's that, but also, Hey Maybe Since It Tastes Somehow Somewhat Better
I Feel Better About This Direction My Life Has Took. 13th paragraph. Not
sure if I'll finish the entry (however many paragraphs it'll be) before
Walk #3 of 4, or after. We'll see! I like talking about my past.
It's like, I forget I'm supposed to be entertaining and coming up with
Insight-Em-Ups and Laugh-Em-Ups, and just realize, holy shit I can
knock out like 3 paragraphs just be recounting things that have happened
to me. Plus, you ascribe meaning onto it if you were so inclined, and
I might come up with some laugh-em-ups here and there during that 3
paragraphs here and there. Love it! Also, now you know What
was Mike all about before he Got Ruined? And I'm on board with that,
too! I wanna know what I was All About because who knows at some point I
might forget but now Internet Never Forgets!
Hey, hey, what else. When I was taking the Gifted Test, when I was 4
or whatever, befor Kindergarten, I remember being really bored and I
didn't wanna do it, and my Mom was like look just do it I'll get you
ice cream later. I dunno if I ever even got that ice cream! My
entire educationLife might just be a scam and the promised-Ice-Cream-NEVER-Materializes!
Anyway. My Mom was retired by the time I was a kid, although she did
serve as PTA President for at least 1 year when I was in elementary
school. But I knew she used to be a teacher, and my Dad was/is a teacher,
so going to school, I was kind of like well this is the end-all be all
in life. This doesn't really lead to anywhere great or special or
unique. You just end up back here in the end. Something like
that, I dunno. I was still shitty student, though. Did as little
homework as I could remotely get away with. Joked too much in class. Got
my Mom to do 1/3rd of the homework I didn't do (The other 2/3rd
just went Undone [if you want to destroy my sweater]. Yeah!
Wow 15th paragraph. How's that working out for me. Fuckin' played
Sick to play Hooky all the time. Looking back, at the time it felt like
Jeez I'm trying to get away with this ALL THE TIME itís gotta be like once
a week, it feels like it was all the time, but it was probably like
3-5 times a year... which is still a lot, considering most of my peers
probably never faked an illness to skip school even once the
suckers, Better Make 'Em Laugh when I'm back in school tomorrow then
everyone will love me and themselves and each other once again it's
all dependent on me telling some good laugh-em-ups that's how I feel.
Anyway, got Supermarket Today, so that's done until next week. Still
planning on Fasting tomorrow, that'll be fun because the whole time I'll
be like MAN THIS IS ALMOST OVER THEN I GOT A WHOLE WEEK UNTIL CRAP
STARTS UP AGAIN.
This Is The Title We've Dreamed Of!
It is? Yeah Titles Can't Lie. Oh okay then. Hey, how
about that. Right now, write another 5 paragraphs, take a walk, then
write another 5 hopefully but we'll have to wait and see. I think a good
advertising campaign for a beer that didn't have a Light Beer version but
now does and they go Let, There, Be, LITE. Although I guess they'd
have to pay royalties to The Bible because itís clearly an infringement on
that intellectual property. Man, if only the song Happy
Birthday was in the Old Testament, we'd be able to celebrate birthdays
in TV and Movies a lot cheaper! Some sort of jokee comparing old/new
testament to classic/'new' coke. you figure it out! I got things to
do like come up with almost-thought-out-comedy premises, going down that
road for literally as little as humanly possible, and then being like
you figure the rest out!
Wow! Were there any Writers of The Bible(s) that were female?
Can't think of any in the Judeo-Christian Universe. Interesting.
#TimesUp. Something along those lines, I dunno. It must be weird to have
a Jesus Best Friend, like, beyond God. I'm used to have a God Best
Friend, that's how I was vaguely raised (Vaguely because my Mom is an
atheist, my Dad is probably agnostic but never really taks about it, but I
went to Hebrew School anyway so I picked some stuff here and there), but
having God PLUS HIS HALF-HUMAN SON how do you pick who you wanna talk to
or pray to? Are you sometimes praying to God cause you're like well
this is really a, "Father," type of issue and then sometimes you pray
to Jesus cause it's like Hey this is some Earthly Matters, Jesus was
around for a while, he'll be able to relate a bit better than God.
Also, Holy Ghost! I Don't Know What That Means!
Wow! Huh. Somehow, over the week, based on the last week
or so, I kind of look forward to the Wednesday Fasting. It's gonna suck
while its going on, way Suckier than having to transfer Soda from Car to
House like I do Tuesday mornings... but I feel like During the Suckiest
of Sucks on Wednesday, I'll be losing Fuckn' Half A Pound for the entire
Week! Sometimes you look forward to the Sucky thing that's gonna lead
to the Actual Thing You're Looking Forward To. Cause that Suck happens
first so you might as well look forward to doing The Suck and seeing
yourself Get It Done... Hey what else is going on. RRight now
working on this entry under the idea the font color will be
Straight-White. Which is how I choose to identify myself in this wacky
world of identifications. How about that. Especially the Dash!
--oh boy, you know I'M a dash.
Wow! 19th paragraph! Kurt Cobain was a pretty good doodler. I
guess a lot of people are. I gotta step up my doodling game. It'll take
a lot of practice and hard work but if I really put in the time there's no
reason I can't make some real C+/B- Doodles one day. Also, itís a great
way to Empty Out Your Mind at the end of the day. Just go to town on some
notebook paper. You can doodle some, give Word Bubbles to the PPL you
doodled, write some lyrics here and there, there's so much to be done once
you realize Doodling things is opening up a door to all new sorts of fun,
free, unencumbered by logic or presumptive expressions! Yeah! PPL
you've doodled, I said. I guess, thinking about it, itís just me. At
least out of practice, 80% of what I doodle are stick figures to varying
relastic degree. And some word bubbles. There's so much out there in
the world that isn't Stick Figures with Word/Thought Bubbles, if only we
could open our eyes and see!
Anyway, what else. 20th paragraph. In three months it'll be 2
years since I've graduated, which is notable for 2 reasons-- 1)the premise
was I'd be getting a new TV when I graduated. Still no TV! 2)hmm, 2
years without school or a job... that doesn't seem right... uh-oh I'm
devolving into an Irresponsible Kid whose doin' nothin' worthwhile again!
DAMNIT I HAT IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS. One of the worst things to happen to
me In Life was my Mom threw out a spiral notebook I ad from Spring 2008
with a bunch of lyrics and doodles and fuckin' ESSAYS on bullshit I was
randomly thinking about/researching on wikipedia... such a golden era for
my self-expression and its gone completely. Although, to be fair, I've
learnt an imporatant lesson, which is meh.
More Block Til I Leave The House And Walk Across Many Blocks
You know, roughly 8 or 10? The kids in 4th grade would LOVED
that piece of business! What piece of business.
Block.../Blocks... You've got no business calling that a piece of
business. Sure, sure, what else is going on. This section'll
probably be <5 paragraphs, but I feel like writing one or two more before
my walk for some reason. No one is exactly sure why! Anyway, jeez.
Before I became Class Clown in Gifted Class, I was Class Weird Kid.
That's the great thing about the Gifted Class. Everyone there feels like
an outcast, so you can go ahead and be The Weirdest Kid Imaginable and
people will tolerate you long enough that you'll have ample opportunity to
repair your image.
Huh. That sure is somethin'. There is probably no scenario where a
kid who doesn't feel comfortable being weird ends up writing
That's my current hypothesis based on nothing but it seeming like a
character-insight-em-up and which I may disagree with completely tomorrow
when I re-read it. Also, my current assumption with that statement was
and so the world would be missing out severely where, even now, 30
seconds later, I realize, ...uhh I think the world would be fine
without anyone writing
Jeez, talk about some Truth Bombs! 2.8 into Beers from Supermarket. I
think it was a pack of 18-- maybe 12-- I hope 18! Figure I'll end up
drinking 4 over all today. Finished the SECOND bottle of alcohol I got
with my credit card in mid August. Figure I'll buy one of those 375 ml
bottles with Cash I have, to last me til whenever we get the August Credit
Card Bill, so after that, I can go ahead and charge a full-fledged third
bottle-- but if I did it now, after already buying the 2nd one a week
after the 1st-- what kind of fool do you think I am?
What kind of fool do you think I Am? I dunno, some
different kind of fool than me. We're all foolish is the point but the
way we get there individually is all very different and unique. Huh
great what else is going on. LeLet's say 2.5 paragraphs more, take a
Walking Break, write some more when I get back with that FINAL BEER OF THE
DAY. It would be weird to have a Smart TV and have hundreds and hundreds
and hundreds of mediocre-bordering-on-adequate movies at my disposal.
Why, I'd get bombarded with so much relative-entertainment, I just can't
even imagine! What else is going on. Damn just remembered I have
to call the Sleep Study people to see if their Essay on What's Wrong With
Michael's Sleep is done. I've given them all kinds of extensions, but
this is getting ridiculous! I need to see that Thesis Statement from that
Two paragraphs then I'm out of here! Then I'm back here really
soon after I had left. Then we get to spend more time together!
Wonderful! I love it. Still presumably have to listen to the last 2-3
Why Trap Some Emo's Party songs. Couldn't finish them all on my Last
Walk. Great, just great. Where does Past-Me get off on annoying
Current-Me what with the wasted time and the relative talent that I don't
know what to make of it and all that crap. I hate having A Slight Amount
of Talent. I dunno what to make of that! What to do with that! It's all
just a big question mark, everything I do. FuddRuckers, it doesn't seem
right! Anyway, didn't buy a single iced coffee today. Only finished 1/2
of the one from yesterday. Seems like thats a good routine to get into,
rihgt? Splitting a Cold Brew over 2 days. Saves a bunch of money, a bit
of calories, a small bit of time, and don't that beat all!
Holy Smokes Walking Break After This Paragraph! I think there should
be a cigarette marketed to religious people called Holy Smokes. I
think that should happen because I think they should all die.
woah calm down! Sorry just joshin' they're mostly ok for the most
part probably that's my guess. When comedians do Live Podcsts, even
as that becomes The New Norm, is there still a part of them thats like
I dunno if I'm 100% comfortable with this. Doing a podcast. Live.
Forcing people to pay for it. And itís a podcast. I mean, its all
semantics, letís be fair, comedy podcasts... it's just comedians goin' up
and doing their thing. But just the base premise of it being a LIVE
TAPING OF A PODCAST seems like it would be rubbing everyone involved the
wrong way. That's my hypothesis. Gonna take a walk. See ya soon!
What's The Use
Back from walk. Picked up my Mom some Party Bags of M'n'Ms. Also saw a
Brand of Cookie I had lost got in Duane Reades in 2009 in NYU in Earth.
I love eating me some nostalgia! Anyway I just hat one of the
cookies, and boy oh boy, did it live up to my memory of it being a cookie
and having chocolate chips inside it and sugar and baking powder is
probably involved somehow. Baking Powder, hmm. That makes me think of
that movie Mask. There was a movie The Mask, where Jim Carrey goes
insane, thinking he's a different person when wearing a mask he found in
the river, and then there's the movie Mask, which is about a kid whose
white-- REALLY white. Hmm, googling that, it appears the real
notable thing about that Kid was he had weird skull cranial deformities.
My memory of seeing 10 seconds of it here and there was not even
registering that, but thinking his disability was man his skin is
Maybe that says more about me than I can currently fathom. What
else is going on. Also, The Elephant Man-- c'mon I've seen elephants
he doesn't look like an elephant. What, is your vocabulary so limited
that you're like This guy looks different, like... like... AN
ELEPHANT! THOSE LOOK DIFFERENT THAN US NORMIES TOO. I think itís
great that itís still socially acceptable to refer to that character from
history as The Elephant Man. Even in 2019. No one's gonna judge
you by not referring to him by his name, John Merrick, but as, "THE
ELEPHANT MAN," as I just did. Didn't bother a single soul, did it?
Bet you feel stupid for not being offended now! If he were rreally
an elephant man I can show you half a billion people in India just waiting
to get their worship on for somethin' like that. Anyway I got a 375 ML
bottle of vodka because it passed the Michael Test of both being something
I could afford with Cash and also something that fits in my pocket.
That's The Michael Test! Now you know! Can I afford it without
using a Credit Card and Can it fit in my pocket. What else is
going on and crap. Holy Smokes my bandcamp is reporting there were TWO
DOZEN PLAYS OF SONGS TODAY. Hmm, I played 2 dozen of my songs for
myself today... nope not seeing how thats relevant. I MUST BE
TRENDING SOMEWHERE, YEAH, THAT'S IT. Sometimes I like to get stuff
from the Super Market not because I'm going to eat it but because I want
to make sure they don't stop selling it. I may not want it now, and it
may go to waste after a week, but if I don't buy it, and no one
else does either, they could stop selling it completely!! But if I buy it
once a week, they'll be seeing that, so I'd have it available for when I
am finally ready to buy and use/consume it. It's called Playing The
Long Game, it's Strategy, you wouldn't understand.
Wow! I think we should live in a slightly alternate universe whee
people who play golf and all the social/business/political connotations of
that activity, all that is transferred onto bowling. Rich people bowling
against each other, talkin' about their shady business deals, and
whatnot. Middle class overachievers showing up at JIB LANES to try to
impress The Boss. Also, this should go without saying-- they all use
bumpers. That's the kind of world I Want to live in! I like how happy
the JIB LANES reference made me, even though no one else in the universe
would get it unless they happened to be Me or someone geographically Close
To Me. I remembe the Bowling Alleys used to have machines where you
get fake tattoos. HOW WERE OUR PARENTS OKAY WITH THAT!?!! EVERYONE KNOWS
FAKE TATTOOS LEAD TO REAL TATTOOS.
Plus, one day you're playin Cruisin' USA, the next day YOU'RE DRIVING
ACROSS THE ENTIRE COUNTRY RECKLESSLY PRETENDING THAT EVERY CAR YOU PASS IS
RACING YOU AND THEY KNOW IT BETTER KNOCK 'EM OFF THE ROAD.
Something along those lines I guess. Remember how I used to play Mortal
Kombat as a kid? Well, I'm 30 now, and I can't tell you how many Flawless
Victories I've accomplished. Too many! It's a positive outcome, but
still, too many deaths at my hands... too many people have died. Not
proud of it. One day you're playing NFL Blitz, the next you're
throwing Way Too Many Complete Hail Mary type passes. Also, it's
impossible for me to say a relevant sentence about Football that conveys
the little I know about football more than that one. That sentence was
the most I could ever hope to say accurately. Great!Hows that working
out for you. Alright I'm done and crap. See ya later.
Monday, September 89th, 2019
I've Never Written This Entry Before
...Accurate! Hello friends, it's a Monday Afternoon! That tends
to happen once a week. That's been my experience. Got Vegetarian Brick
Oven Pizza for lunch. Ben Folds' girlfriend's womb was a brick oven. She
had one in the oven and that one turned out to be, "Brick." I assume the
song is called Brick either because A-- they were planning on naming
the baby, "Brick," were it to be born, or maybe B-- it was weighing
them down-- like a brick, or C-- Neither Ben Folds nor his
girlfriend actually spoke English at all and just settled upon the
enunciation of what we consider to be the word, "Brick," but to them were
just nonsense sounds. Wonderful, wonderful! The lyrics seem to
suggest the Brick in question was the girlfriend. "Shes a brick and I'm
drowning slowly." Kinda straight forward.
Well, "She," is most obviously referring to the girlfriend, but it
doesn't have to be. Maybe he's imagining the Embryo as a, "She." Or he's
just choosing to misuse language and referring to the situation in and of
itself as a, "She." Maybe the Green Day song, "She," is relevant to this.
I lost my virginity to Green Day's She. True story! I also
lost my Making-Out virginity to Elliott Smith's Roman Candle
album. Another true story! That 2nd 1 was my choice! And the 1st
one was sort of my choice because it was my computer and it was in
my iTunes but I believe my partner put it on. Here's a hilarious story of
Miscommunication!-- My Dad was like I got Mom an eggroll and I was
like eggroll? From the bagel store?! And he was like yup an
Eggroll. and I was like like from a Chinese Restaurant? And
he was like NO, an Egg Roll. A roll with Egg in the making of it.
Then I went OH I GET IT. Scene!
I lost my committing-a-crime-virginity in a bagel store. I was
like 4 or 5, and I wa gonna get a can of Coke from Bagel Store, and Dad
was ready to pay for it, but I just took it and left. And they rushed
after me like I was Oceans 11 or something. honest mistake, jerks!
Didn't think it through 100%, SORRY. But I learned a valuable lesson.
Bagel Store Jerks are Jerks. Anyway, the last couple of weeks, Dunkin
Donuts has been having a promotion where when you buy a coffee, you peel
something off, and you may or may not win some sort of Contest. I've been
winning them at an alarming rate! Free hash brown, free hash brown,
nothing, free coffee, nothing, free shot of espresso, free hash brown...
the point is So Much Winning is actually a great trick because, if I got 1
free hash brown over 2 months, I'd be like WOW! I GOTTA SPEND THIS
RIGHT AWAY!i but but if I win 10 free hash browns I'm like well at
this point who cares. Probably won't even bother to use any of them.
The more free stuff, the less you're inclined to use 'em, because it
doesn't seem as special.
I'm starting to come around on Spiniach as a topping for things. For
a while I was like that probably doesn't taste good at all, then I
transitioned to well it's probably just like eating a leaf, right?
I've seen spiniach, looks like Just a Leaf, why bother to sure add
it to my pizza or sandwich might as well, just more vegetable OnTo The
Pile! to Hey this tastes pretty good ADD MORE SPINIACH PLEASE.
Anyway, making some progress with the Martin Short book. My least
favorite part of reading autobiographies/memoirs is when they say non-chalantly,
well my girlfriend at the time... etc. WTF PPL ACTUALLY HAVE
GIRLFRIENDS? I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A MYTH, OR SOMETHING RESERVED FOR
VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE. THIS SEEMS WAY OUT OF PROPORTION WITH THE KIND OF
LIFE I'VE BEEN LIVING, WHERE DO THEY GET OFF AND WHATNOT.
Something along those lines. 5th paragraph. Finished 1/2 the 12 inch
Vegetarian Brick Oven pizza. Figure that'll last me for a while! I think
(no, I KNKNOW) my favorite part of eating ice cream is the cones.
Sugar cones taste better, obviously, but cake cones are less calorie and
good in their own right. I mean, if it was socially acceptable to just
eat ice cream cones, I'd do that! In fact, now that I think about it,
there was a time I would just get Sugar Ice Cream Cones from
Supermarket and eat them by themselves. I was living the dream and I
forgot it completely! Wonderful. The point is I don't need to read
abuot Canadian Comedians who have girlfriends all the time. It just kind
of rubs me the wrong way, if I'm being totally honest.
Last 2 Comedy Books were Canadian Themed. Martin Short and Kids In
The Hall. Or as I almost just called them, Kids From The Hall. My
Music Appretiation Teacher in Stuyvesant, 1st half of Freshman Year, was
named Ms. Hall. She was also the chairman... or whatever... of the entire
music department and she auditioned us all for Chorus the first week of
High School. And in middle school I was in chorus (we all HAD to be in
either Art Class, Band Class, or Chorus-- itís not like I was going out of
my way to do it), and I had a few solos, so I was like yeah kinda good
at this, not sure if I want to do this in high school, but I got
this) then when I was up I did my thing and she was like NOPE NEXT!
And my ego has never reccovered. I think part of my appeal in Middle
School Chorus was, my voice had already changed, so I could sing pretty
deep, and people were like hey this guy is smaller than a Thimble check
out that powerful powerful voice.
At least, in my head, that's how it was going. Now when I sing I
sort of affect some sort of higher voice. Don't really, "Go There,"
anymore. Not since Ms. Hall. And her nonsense. Only thing I
remember to Appretiate about music was that song that does Duh duh duh Duh
Duh Duh, Duh DUH DUH DUH! And it was written by
Mozart. Because we're supposed to imagine the, "Duhs," as, I'm not
Bach, I'm not Brahms, I AM MOZART! Cause I guess Mozart was kind of
the successor of Bach and Brahms but really did his own thing to
distinguish himself. Somethin' along those lines, whatever. She gave us
all a CD of 25 of the Greatest Hits of Classical (by which I mean
baroque/classical/whatever we colloquially call Classical), and 2 songs I
really liked. One was by Mozart but forget what it was called, another
one was Dvorak "New World Symphony." I always imagined that as part of
the soundtrack of an epic History-War movie, maybe about Napoleon, or
Constantine... I dunno... I fantasized about weird things in high school.
The point is I have a contact in my right Eye Socket but none in my
left. I realized while taking walk # 2 of 4, to Pizza Restaurant, my left
eye was not seeing Clearly as if a Contact was taking place. Turns out it
was still in there somewhere, I found it and everything, but just got rid
of it, cause it was too dried out to put it back in appropriately.
Somethin' along those lines, whatever. In Middle School Chorus, we were
doing a medley of Les Mes songs, and I had like 3 or 4 solos. Then I
missed class for a day or two, was sick or something, and I came back, and
I was suddenly down to 1 solo. She had replaced me momentarilly, and
then, probably accidently, just forgot I was doing them originally and
gave them over to the Replacements unconditionally. WHATTA JIP I COULDA
New (kids on the) Block of Paragraphs
Hey, great, wonderful. If they're the new kids on the block, where
did all this confidence and self-assuredness come from? They're the new
kids on the block, they should be desperate to meekly win our approval and
whatnot. What, they're the new kids on the block, and suddenly they're
singing songs and winning over Our Girls? That's disrespectful! How dare
Them and whatnot. Hey what else is going on. I've got like 3 or
4, "Free Hashbrowns." I could have an entire meal of hash browns at this
point. What else is going on. So, for some reason, I decided to leave in
my Right Eye contact, and just operate without a Left Eye contact. You'd
think the responsible thing to do would be either take out Right Eye
contact, or replace Left Eye contact. NOPE I'M TAKING THE ROAD LESS
TRAVELLED! LEAVIN' IN RIGHT EYE CONTACT FOR TODAY WITH NO LEFT EYE
CONTACT! And then, presumably, start over 2morrow with new contacts for
Anyway jeez what else is going on. 10th paragraph. Probably aim for
20 or so, right, that seems about right. Saw a trailer for the sequel to
The Shining. There's a part in the trailer when the little girl is like
you're magic, too? and Grown Up Danny is like I always called it,
"The Shining," and for some reason the girl isn't like that's a
fuckin' stupid name. Itís got nothing to do with shining you fucktard.
Get AWAY from me. Something along those lines, and whatnot, that's
how life shakes out sometimes. I think there should be sequels to all
of Stanley Kubrick films. 2031-- Still a Space Odyssey. Barry
Lyndon II: End Game. Full Metal Jacket II: Now itís in Iraq or
Afghanistan or Something: The Movie. I dI do credit Full Metal Jacket
for introducing that Ba ba ba bird bird bird bird is the word
song. I always kind of assumed it was a seminal song of the 60's from
watching that movie, but now I kinda realize, nope, no one alive then
would have known about it except for the 1987 movie, and NOW I kinda
realize, maybe they would have, maybe there's a Halfway point where
it's not quite The Monkees level of success but people of that generation
would have recognized it in the movie.
The point is I Am The Logical Successor to The Monkees franchise
and anyone who doesn't see that can go suck some sort of a lemon. So
many hash browns. If I could go back in time, I could solve the
Ireland Potato Famine All By Myself with Coffee Coupons! Is it possible
there were other kinds of food available to the Irish and they were just
like nope, Potato or Bust! and you're like look here's some
other food so you don't have to starve and they're like NOPE ITS A
POTATO FAMINE, EITHER WE'RE EATING POTATOES OR WE'LL GO HUNGRY, WE FEEL
VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THIS FOR SOME REASON NO ONE IS QUITE SURE OF. 11th
Paragraph! At this point considering stopping after 15. I got things
to do like rewatch Poltergeist II: The Other Side fo the dozenth time even
though I didn't even really like it the first time. Plus, not even
Nostalgia reasons-- that first time was in 2016 or 2017! It's just the
best of all possible worlds for some reason! WHATTA CRAPPY CHOICE OF
Hey, hey, great. It can't be healthy to wear a contact in one eye
and not in the other. You know what else can't be healthy? ARGUING
WITH ME. I'll Plug Ya Full Of Lead or something. Four paragraphs
to go, letís say. I did see My Bloody Valentine for the first time a few
days ago, and thought that was pretty good. Certainly Good Enough that I
was like how have I not seen this before, this is about as well done an
80's slasher movie can be done without me even being aware of it. I'm
guessing it was the inspiration for the Scar-Emo Band My Bloody
Valentine. Scar-Emo means Scary Emo. There's Screamo, we all know
that-- Emo where the vocals are screamed. But then there's also Scaremo--
Emo where the content of the lyrics is scary. Like what you might assume
The Alkaline Trio is for some reason like until you actually listen to
them and see it's just straightforwardly emotional. Then there's also
Scaramucc-emo. which is a musical genre of people who enabled Trump
for years and then wish to rehabilitate their image for one reason or
Anyway, sure, what else is going on. 7th entry in 9 days this month!
And they've all been about 70, 75% worthwhile! I don't believe it!
Anyway, great, what else is going on. Sometimes I think about people who
work on Horror movies and if they're lightly traumatized by their
experience. Like, a lot of movies are based on Real Life Ghost Stories or
whatever. Amityville Horror House. Letís say you work on that movie, and
it is based on a true story (by which I mean, its not true Ghosts
Happened, but it is true that Supposedly Ghosts Happened), and then you're
in an editing room, editing the film, in the real world where ghosts don't
exist, but then part of you is like well if the Ghosts Really Did
Happen I'm about to get cursed with 'em happening again, this is how it
I dunno. Curses, stuff like that. Amityville Horror House wasn't
the best example unless you're actually in the actual house. The
point is I'm Scared of A Lot Of Things, imagine if other people were as
well!! Cool. Two paragraphs to go! I don't believe it! I wonder
if, "Kubrick," was a stage name. Movies get rebroadcast on Television.
Television is a cube (Well... it used to be... now itís all flat screen
this, flat screen that...) the point is if Kubrick was making movies today
would his name be Stanley Toodeesurfacrick? That's the point I'm trying
to make is the point. The point is I'm not impressed at all by the Fat
Kid's love letter to the Girl in It: The Movie. Somethin' about, "January
Embers?" What does that even mean? C'mon, step up your game. That's
dumb. She's never gonna care about that. Be like, "Yo your face makes
me GO HOLY SHIT!"
Well, that's... great. Wonderful. Pretty sure that's some new
slang. Yo this girl is Nuts, she makes me GO. I have no
idea what I'm talking about and crap, but the entry is almost done. I
dunno, maybe, "Brick," is about taking a really bad shot in basketball.
There is some intertextuality there because in, "Late," Ben Folds says
Elliott Smith played some Dirty Basketball. Which I take to mean he
fouled people a lot? I dunno, not a basketball guy, sorry! The main time
I would play basketball is when I was hospitalized, for the 15 minutes or
half an hour of Fresh Air! you get each day, there's a basketball
hoop out there, and several basketballs, one of which (sometimes) would
have air in it and be appopriate to actually use! Ah memories. FRESH
AIR! What else is going on. That'll do it for now, I guess.
Sucks to say goodbye but its great to see you GO!
Sunday, Setpember 8, 2019
TitleGate: The Worst Scandal Since EntryGate
...Lotta thought went into deciding whether to say EntryGate
or LastEntryGate. And by a lot of thought I mean just
oscillating between should I use the word, "ast," or not. There
was no debating each option based on merits and faults. There was no
reasoning why one might be bette than the other. Which, you would think
if I were saying a lot of thought went into it, that thought was
detailed and in depth. No, when I say a lot of thought, I mean I
looked to the left, and saw using the preceding Last, and then I
looked to the right, and saw not using the word Last, and looked back
and forth several hundred times and just went with my gut. That's the
kind of deep thought I'm good at. Mulling over a binary decision for an
inordinate length of time, and then flipping a coin.
I was thinking about it, and this isn't a bit-- I truly think if
you're flipping a coin, it's not really random. Because, obviously, you
toss a coin in the air, and know how you're gonna pick it up, thats really
just a mattter of physics. The momentum you put into tossing it, combined
with a launch angle, and all the factors, ya know--- you toss it the way
you toss it, its gonna come up in a predictable way. Really,
that's not being silly. So, part of you knows, when you toss that coin,
there's some unconscious part of you that is making a conscious decision.
The point is Nobel Prize in Mathamatics, Plz. I'M NOT BEING AN
IDIOT THIS IS AN INSANELY LOGICAL INSIGHTFUL PIECE OF BUSINESS. MAYBE NTO
NOBEL PRIZE IN MATHETHMATICS INSIGHTFUL BUT CERTAINLY SOME LESSER NOBEL
PRIZE. LIKE ONE OF THE, "TECHNICAL," NOBEL PRIZES THAT THEY GIVE OUT IN
THE UNTELEVIZED CEREMONY.
Anyway, just saw It: The Movie: The Sequel. I thought it was pretty
good! I liked the parts where They Were Friends. It's good to see people
enjoying each others' company, I think that was the point of the movie.
Hey lets watch some people be friends or at least act like they're friends
that sounds like a good Sunday Afternoon. What else is going on. I
thought the movie was kind of unrealistic, tough. Because to my knowledge
there's been no documented evidence of supernatural beings physically
manifested as clowns haunting people or killing towns. Never happened!
What I'm supposed to believe this is going on? C'mon what kind of
sucker do you take me for. My favorite part is one of The Friends
gives Another Friend some sort of Spear or something and is like This
Kills Monsters which I'm assuming is a Woody Guthrie reference when he
said His Guitar Kills Fascists. Yep that was probably the inspiration
good for you to put two and two together. HEY, THANKS!
Not a lot of kids named Woody these days. Seems like some sort
of oversight. Third Eyes are often oversight. I picture the third eye
sort of like on the forehead (or as I repeatedly tried to spell it until
seeing the error of my ways, "Farhead"). I guess it could be anywhere,
though. In the Climax of the movie The Gate: The Movie the kid has a
demon eye grow in the palm of his hand (Spoiler Alert). So that's
somethin' to consider. Does anyone ever listen to Spoiler Alerts? I've
read a lot of things and sometimes it says Spoiler Alert and I'm always
like yeah I'm gonna take my chances here. What, I'm supposed to
sacrifice momentary pleasure in the persuit of appreciating some other
thing at some later date that may never happen? No, I'm not gonna
roll the dice on This Future Thing, I'm gonna keep reading this, that's
the safe thing to do.
Cause what if I stop reading at Spoiler Alert and the thing
that Would Have Been Spoiled never even comes up over the rest of my
life? Then I stopped reading for no reason and that's just not the kind
of Chump I am. I'm some other kind of Chump. Maybe multiple Other Kinds
of Chump, but not This Kind! Anyway, Dinner Order is in, wonderful. The
point is somehow I feel like less of a creep sitting on Bench outside of
Movie Theater which is 30 feet away from an Outdoor Section of a Hooters.
When I first started going to this theater, and I would get there early,
and would naturally sit on one of these benches, which is in EyeSight of
Outdoor Section of BoobyRestuarant, I would just be like well obviously
I look like a JerkCreep and if they saw me there they'd correctly assume
I'm a lil' creep. Now, I dunno! They might see me and go HEY LOOK
AT THAT GUY! SOMETHIN' ABOUT HIM JUST RUBS ME THE RIGHT WAY.
Evolution of Self Confidence. I'm doing the same thing, but I've
gone from Lil' Creep to...
SomethinAboutMeMightBeGoodForSomeReasonNoOneIsReallySureOf Guy. I
wonder if Woody Guthrie ever smashed a Nazi over the head with his
guitar. I mean, put your money where your mouth is, is the point. Put up
or shut up time. Who was the first band to decide hey if we trash our
musical instruments We Would Be Cool! Was it The Who? Cause that's a
pretty big leap to make, if you're the first to do it. Has that worked
for any other art before Rock Music? I mean, Mozart never pushed his
piano off the stage. Also, wouldn't the next step, from destroying your
own instrument(s), be destroying the venue in which you're playing?
C'mon, The Who, step up your game! Next time, set fire to the concert
hall! Lock the doors, see ppl desperately trying to escape, That'll
Stick It To The Man!
Anyway, what else is going on. Van Gogh paints a painting and
throws his paint brush across the room. And goes well that wasn't
quite as dramatic as it was in my mind... What else is going on. The
point is the person sitting next to me at movies needs to stop judging me
based on how many times I get up to use the bathroom. Not just this
movie, but for every movie. What's their problem? They need to calm down
and whatnot. Somethin' like that, I dunno. Jeez.
I Decided To Write You An Entry
We're very close but I decided to write you an entry so we can have an
opportunity to get even closer. Hi. Wait. No.
Entree. I decided to write you an Entree.
That makes more sense. The Entree I got for dinner shuold be arriving in
5 or 10 minutes. Then, Into The Oven With Ya! Then, half an hour after
that, itís ready for public consumption. I'm working on a documentary
of How Michael's Meals Work Out For Some Reason, that's some of the
background cutting room floor base... regimen... Hi. What else is
going on. I went the entire summer without going to my Neighborhood
Swimming Pool like a sucker! And I'm not even grotesquely overweight, and
that's my excuse! I had a Nice Hot Bod to show off to Asian American
Families and we all missed out on that opportunity. Summer 2019
has come and gone and All Of Us, but Especially Asian American
Families, have lost big! Oh well such is life.
What else is going on. Maybe Asian Americans will be the swing vote
for 2020. Why. Well, YOU don't know how they're gonna vote, do
you? I guess not. I rest my case. I REST. My. CASE.
Also, we can take it as a given that the non-Trump candidate will get
~55-60% of the vote no matter who it is, and will run away with the
election, but we still need a swing voter group to look at. No law
that says the Swing Voter Group needs to mean that it'll swing
the election that way-- just that that group's vote can swing
itself one way or the other. Like, the Pizza Hut Parents vote-- the
Democrat could run away with the election, but just for fun, lets just see
how The Pizza Hut Parents are gonna swing, one way or the other, it's
fun! I remember always seeing online deals, or getting coupons, for Pizza
Hut, and then it says at the bottom Carry Out Only. What
Kind of PSYCHOPATH carries out from pizza hut? I mean, in Suburbs, where
it's your only Pizza Option, fine. But when there's literally 2 dozen
pizza/italian restaurants within your immediate vacinity, like where I
live, who the fuck is gettin' in the car, driving to pizza hut, then...
Hey I'm drinking tonight ain't that grand?! What makes Italy and
China and Mexico and to a lesser extend India and Japan so special? In
terms of They Get Their Own Restaurants. I mean, there's like 200 or 300
full-fledged countries in the world, right? You're telling me that half a
dozen are way ahead of the pack in having their own unique worthwhile
cuisine? C'mon, what kinda sucker do you take me for? I'm no sucker!
Obviously the Italy and China and Mexico Culinary Lobby has too much sway
in Washington and thus we're seeing an abundance of those kinds of
restaurants. Poor Portugal, they can Make Food with the best of 'em, but
no one goes to Portuguese restaurants? Why? It's all politics baby.
Remember that time they found out MSG kills people and Republican
Congressmen were like I'll tell you what we're not gonna do-- we're not
gonna ban MSG! People MUST EAT DEADLY CHINESE FOOD ITíS IN THE
CONSTUTITION. But no one in the 1700's could have anticipated
there'd be MSG in Chinese Food or even that there Would Be "Chinese
Food." The NRA is too powerful what can we do!! I
think at this point, the NRA isn't even that powerful, politicians just
kind of assume it is. It might have been financially and politically
powerful at some point, but at this point, itís kind of just riding its
reputation thusly. I bet if you push back a bit it'll fold like a paper
That's my opinion. I think it's great when Meghan McCain says on The
View if you take away our guns, there will be violence, like it's a
totally natural thing to say, and not a threat of insane proportions.
Why the Hell is that okay? You see it in Trump and other Trumpists--
well, if you do this, I tell ya, there's gonna be violence. That's A
Fucking Threat, FUCK YOU there will be violence, I'm not scared of you
Even if You Do Have All The Guns We'll Figure Out How To Beat You Anyway
Cause We're Smarter!!! "A Good Guy With a Gun," would be a good band
name. Or album name. Alright, fine, a song title. FINE A LYRIC.
The point is I'm willing to downgrade all sort of expectations ina
desperate attempts for you to GreenLight one of my terrible ideas.
What else is going on and crap. Probably Stuff, and Crap. I dunno,
what paragraph we into these days. 11th or 12th. I got that going for
me! The point is I'm not looking forward to a week from now when my
CitiBank monthly bill comes and my Dad sees ah not only did you buy a
bottle of alcohol a month ago, but you also bought ANOTHER ONE A WEEK
AFTER THAT. Because there's a decent sized part of me that is
still living the life of a child. Where I'm under my parents' thumb when
it comes to drinking alcohol. I mean, they're not gonna beat me with a
belt or anything, they'll just be dissapointed. And that's the harshest
punishment of all! AnAnd then it'll go away. That Unfortunateness
will last 90 seconds. Bill arrived, I look through it, hand it over,
Dad looks through it, expresses displeasure, I have to suffer for 60
seconds, then itís over. But I still dread that 90 seconds all the
same, even though I know exactly how it'll play out and when it'll
be over. It'll still suck for that 60-90 seconds! Might as well enjoy
life while I can. Throw caution to the wind! Stuff like that, I guess, I
I Will Title You Into The D... Wait That Already Happened
Anyway, just started dinner. Figure the 3rd part of Entry will be while
dinner is going on, and maybe a little bit beyond that, and maybe write a
4th part after dinner is over. What do I got going on over the next week,
Before Credit Card Bill comes in roughly 1 week. I got Therapist tomorrow
morning. Supermarket the next day. Fasting the day after that. So
yeah the schedule is pretty full. Supermarket usually has a pretty
good MusicRadioThing going. It's not a real RadioStation, I dunno whose
doing their DJing exactly, but they got good tunes. The most Choriest
Chore of Getting Supermarket is transferring Soda from Car into House. I
get usually 20 2 liter bottles a week. And, going from Car to House, say
I can carry 2 bags of 2 sodas each... well that's 5 trips that's not So
Bad that I have to dread it all week... but it still Kinda Sucks!
Plus there's all the other stuff I need to carry plus I need to put the
soda into the cart At Supermarket then put it onto Conveyor Belt when I'm
paying and then put it from Conveyor Belt back Into Cart and then from
Cart into Car. The point is Everything Else is easy but all those sodas
Hmm apparently the original It was released in 2017, not 2016 as I
Was Thinking the entire movie. That changes everything! I thought it
was a sequel to a Pre-Trump movie! While, all along, it the the sequel to
a 2017 movie! I WANT MY MONEY BACK is the point. Which is also what
anyone whose invested money in a Trump-related enterprise has said over
the last, say, 40 years. Anyway gotta write at least another 2 paragraphs
for this to be a Full Fledged Section Of Entry, and I'm almost done with
dinner already! Just poured myself Drink 3 of 4, finish that with dinner,
take walk, take out garbage, come back here for last section of entry,
finish everything up, Go To Sleep A Winner. Anyway. I'm trying to
get back into Doodling. You know, just taking one of these Random Noting
Notebooks and doodlin' stuff. It's been a while so its hard to get back
in the swing of things, but once I do, it'll be fun! Also, gotta find the
right pen. I've been using Relatively Fancy Pens (Ball point? Felt? I
have no idea what either of those mean, but the pens I've been using are A
Bit Too Fancy and thus have led me to ruin.).
So gettin' back to basics, easy cheap pens, that's the way to go! I
think I used to put Salt on everything. I put Salt on Baked Potato
earlier tonight, and I kinda remember I used to put salt on steak. It
must have been introduced to me by Mother, you don't come up with that
nonsense on your own. Vaguely remember putting Salt on Hamburgers. The
point is My Mom was probably very insecure about her own cooking that led
her to encourage us to put salt on everything. I wish I could tell my Mom
your cooking was fine, we didn't need all that salt, that's all behind us
now, you can pass over into the next life with a clean soul, but, I
dunno, I don't feel like it right now! Maybe I'll get to it a little bit
later, we'll have to wait to find out!
Huh. Wonderful. Anyway, just finished Dinner. YEAH! ~15th
paragraph. Guess 20 is the goal at this point for some reason. My
Mother is very much alive. Oh. Great. Wonderful. Hows that
workin' out for ya. I dunno. I remember putting salt on Eggs.
Pretty much anything on the SavorySide of the spectrum, salt was
recommended. I liked watching IT: PART II because the whole time I was
like I WONDER WHAT BILL HADER HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS!!!! I'm not
proud of that fact, I'm not ashamed of it! That's just an accurate
account of how I felt! Get off my back about it and whatnot! Jerks! I
think I'm somewhere in-between people who were like well I read the
book so I know how this turns out and people who were like how does
this turn out? because for me it was I saw the previous movie so
presumably I know how this turns out BUT ALSO I don't really remember it
but I kinda remember more or less Nothing Out Out The Ordinary Happens is
how turns out... That's Life, I guess! Figure I'll take a walk now,
write one more Block later, see where that takes us!
...Look, It's The Last Title. Isn't That Enough?
Should be! Dinner is done. Walk is done. Taking out garbage is done.
Listening to The Uppers -- Itís Like I'm Sayin' is done. Now all
thats left to do is convince myself somehow that I'm talented enough to
write the last section of the entry. And here we are. Got Therapist
tomorrow. A whole lot of so how are you doing and me going well
I've hit a plateau for the last few years so I'm pretty much still riding
that train. Have I mentioned I reserved TheDowners.BandCamp.com?
Because I have! So one day I might start doing New Music under the
premise of I am Now The Downers. I don't like how theres not a
classification of drugs called The Middlers. There's uppers, there's
downers, we all know that. Why aren't there drugs that are like,
well, you're gonna be more or less where you are right now... But It'll Be
a Lot More Fun, Believe You Me!!! seems like that's how life should
shake out in an ideal world.
Great! One day I hope to really get good at doodling again. I think
how a lot of people doodle in high school --> later life, I used to write
lyrics. In high school, especially. But I also remember, in high school,
the only thing I would doodle was boxes. And one kid once shamed
me about it. He happened to see what I was doing (Which was an outlier in
high school-- for the most part, I operated without any notice from anyone
about anything) and he was like whats with all the boxes. And I
was like well, I dunno, never really thought about it. So, yeah,
in high school it was all Stupid Lyrics and Boxes. But at some point I
picked up Doodling Real Stuff, and dropped it almost as soon as I picked
it up, but am now trying to get into it again!
Wonderful. What else is going on. Letís say roughly 3 more
paragraphs to go. Operating under the assumption this entry'll be in
Yellow, but itís still up in the air. Colors I haven't done this month
yet-- Yellow, Blue, White, Pink. Some In-Between Color I haven't thought
of yet. Wonderbar! 9/11 is in a few days. For some reason when 9/11:
The Real Thing happened, everyone was like Hmm 9/11 what does it mean
why did they pick that date. Whereas, if it happened today, I would
be like, who the fuck cares what calendar date it is it was just a
random thing that happened. The point is people 18 years ago were
really into Calendric Numerology for reasons no one can quite comprehend
but such is life that's how things go and whatnot who am I to argue! The
bad news is I'm All Out of Tootsie Pops: Even The Mediocre Flavored
Wonderful. Can Life Get Any Worse? You can die in a
terrorist attack. Well, sure, I Guess! What else is going on. I got
THE WORST flavored ice cream last week. 35 calories for half a cup-- do
you realize how low that is?-- and its for a good reason-- it tastes WORSE
THAN NOTHING. Imagine eating nothing-- this tastes worse than
that! The flavor is, "Yellow Cake Batter," I guess meaning it tastes
like generic cake. And it sort of does, but trust me, you're better
off Tasting Air! But, oh well-- it tastes Worse Than Nothing, but it's
still fun To Eat Stuff, so in a way it's Better Than Nothing. What else
is going on. I guess one more paragraph to go after this. Then a whole
lot of Tsting Nothing Or Something Like That I Dunno.
Hey hey what can I do. Now experimenting with Entry Being In Blue.
Looks good! I think this may be a winner. I dunno we will see. I
didn't like The It Part II because there's a lady in it (sometimes a girl)
and she seemed to be romantically involved with ppl and I havenít been
involved romatncally wiht a lady in alknog time and I HAET IT WHERE DO
THEY GET OFF THINKNG THEREB YETTER THAN ME I WANT TO KIS YOU LET ME IN.
Something along those lines, sure, wonderful, that's an accurate
representation of where I'm at in life these days. Anyway that'll do
it for tonight. Still got an hour or two before Bedtime, but I'm done
here. I'll see ya some other time.
September Seven, 2019
I Made It a Week Without a Drink. That's Pretty Good, Don'tcha Think?
...No, not impressive at all. Hey take that bad attitude
elsewhere. This website is for me to Pat Myself On The Back For Very
Minor Achievements. Ship up or ship out! Which I believe is some
sort of Dock-Transportation-Port-...The Wire Season 2... Thing.
Anyway, great, Saturday morning, haven't started drinking yet, but
most likely will after a paragraph or two. I went a week without
drinking, that's pretty good! Don't yyou think? We covered this.
Yeah but it's pretty relevant to the times we're living in so I decided to
emphasize this point by saying it again.
Nope. Hey I saw The Podcast last night and I had a blast!
Possibly my favorite ComedyType Show I've seen over the last few years.
And the greatest part is, watching these ComedyDudes riffing and crap, I
was like, you know what? I'm at about 65, 70% of their skill level.
Which I don't think is overselling my skill, nor being too hard on
myself. It could mean WOW MORE THAN HALFWAY THERE HE'S ALMOST IN THE
SAME LEAGUE AS COMEDY PROFESSIONAL FUTURE-LEGENDS. Or, it could mean,
well, let's say 50% there is Speaking The Language of English As Well
As They Do. Being able to formulate thoughts and communicate them
appropriately so an audience can cognitively follow what you're trying to
get across. And I'm about 15, 20% above that baseline. Somewhere
between those two interpretations lies the truth.
Anyway, what else is crap. Probably a lot of things. Finished
watching T6S. The end is pretty dramatic with Bruce Willis finding out
he's a ghost. It's sad because the whole movie he thought he was alive
and suddenly he's faced with the sudden realization suddenly that, "OH
SHIT I'M FUCKIN' DEAD THAT SUUUUUUUUUCKS. Fuckin' no more living for me
EVER, all that's behind me now! WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? Yea I gotta
say nice things to My Life-Wife, seems like the right thing to do, but
then what? I can't hang out with Haley Joel Osment indefinitely; it'd be
weird because it's no longer a Doctor-Patient Relationship. At this point
we'd pretty much just be friends and that'd b weird, at this point, and
all, it'd be weird."
Something along those lines I guess, I dunno. Got back to Bayside
LIRR Station around 2 am last night, and was happy to see the Bar Scene
around that area was still going strong. Made me wanna be like, hmm,
next Friday night, maybe just go hang around the Train Station to see if
there's any chicks who wanna do stuff. You know, you go out with your
friends when you're young, to Train Station Adjacent Bars with your
friends, ya spot a nice looking guy stationed out in front of the 7-11
indefinitely alone, naturally you think I'd like to get to know this
guy! And maybe more! That's how life shuold work is my
opinion. That's a true feeling I've had over the last few years, though.
Just Going To Places where socialization is happening, alone, with no real
plans to do anything at all. Just hang around People Doing Stuff.
Because it's more exciting than being in my room Doing Nothing By Myself.
Sometimes in the fantasy I go all the way into NY-- maybe go hang out at
Union Square or something. Maybe sometimes just take the bus to Bay
Terrace Outdoor Shopping Mall, I dunno!
And it's not really a Creep check out ladies in a weird way
thing. Well, maybe that's 10-20% of it. But it's mostly just I'm
bored and lonely as Heck it'd be nice just to be around Things Happening.
Anyway, what else. Every day I get more and more convinced that Sparkling
Ice is gonna be the next big thing. 1-- a wide variety fun, interesting
flavors. 2-- fun interesting packaging. it's 16 oz instead of the normal
12 oz, and it's a cool thin tall bottle that I think the kids'll really
get a kick out of. 3-- we're about due for a new, "IT," beverage.
Vitamin Water (zero) had its day in the sun but letís face it we need a
new thing. Seperate from Energy Drinks. Also, as far as I can tell--
the entire brand is Zero Calorie. That's a cool idea! It's like nope
diet isn't an Afterthought here, this is All We Do!
I'm Either the Martin Short of Kurt Cobains or the Kurt Cobain of Martin
In an ideal world, at least. Sounds good to me. The point is
I'm cultivating my own brand. By taking two previously successful
brands and mashing 'em up! Also, wow what a coincidence that 2 the
books I randomly got just now happen to describe me 100% accurately better
than any other 2 people in the world ever could in a similar premise!
Alright poured a bit of alcohol-- no going back now! I'm an Adult and
I'mm gonna do Adult Things like making an Adult Pact With Myself to not
drink and then Deciding To Break That Pact By Doing an Adult Action like
Drinking Alcohol. The point is every day I have to figure out how to
continue being an Adult, lest I fall back into being a child by accident.
Coo'. Oh, hey-- Polyps were benign! Hah! I laugh in the face of
colon cancer. I react to every piece of news by thinking hmm maybe
that'll help me lose weight. Doctor told me after the colonoscopy
there were 5 polyps more or less all the way up in my abdomen that he
removed. First reaction was like well is there a chance that they were
why I was gaining weight? That's close to my belly, seems like it might
be related. Not out loud-- he would have thought I was Some Kind of a
Moron. But, yeah. When I stopped smoking, maybe thatll ramp up my
metabolism for some reason. Trying to stop drinking-- that'll
potentially help for some reason. The point is Anything New that
happens is life is greeted with what if there's an insane fantasy world
where suddenly I speed up my metabolism and lose weight and can eat more.
I guess that's my base fantasy these days. Being able to eat more
and weigh less. Not being a Suburbs Guy, like I said a few days ago. I
take that back completely. Was simply a momentary flight of fancy. I
don't really wanna be a Suburbs Guy 95% of the time. I just thought
saying it would make me sound cool. You know, cause Suburbs are cool?
It's true, they are. It's the American Dream. Which I'm pretty sure
is a Tricksy played by Capitalism. It's like multi-millionaires
convincing everybody else to go ahead and do anything to step over
everyone else in a desperate attempt to get a very relatively larger slice
of the pie. You know-- Suburbs Pie. Mmm I could go for some Suburbs
Pie right now.
Question about Suburbs Pie-- is it possible, just possible, it
will speed up my metabolism and make me lose weight? Just say yes,
there's a .0000007% chance it might, that's enough for me. Then I'll
take all the Suburbs Pie you have! And eat it 3 times a day for the
rest of my life just to find that .0000007% chance and make it come true.
I'm bound to get there eventually! Ninth paragraph and just took a
ship of alcohol-infused-soda. You might call it a mixed drink. If
you were ever so inclined. The point is one day I hope to learn how to
play Freecell. Huh? That's the point? Yeah Of Course It Is. It
doesn't seem obvious to you that was the point but if you were in
my shoes it'd make a whole of of sense. Please explain. I thought
you'd never ask! Dammit gotta pay up my bookie I bet HUGE on the bet
that you'd never ask. Pretty much just blew my life savings on this
I remember my Mom used to play Freecell on the computer in Den
when we were watching TV. Me and my brother on couch, watching TV, mom at
the computer playing Freecell, it was all so Sophisticated. Hmm that
game is like Solitaire but The Thinking Man's Solitaire. That's the kind
of Solitaire Adults play. Too complicated for me, better just go back to
watching Jurassic Park II: The Lost World on VHS for the 65th time, but,
still, Freecell! What's It All About. I dunno,
something along those lines. Hey after this paragraph start a new 5
paragraph block. I don't believe it! Still haven't gotten results from
Sleep Study. My guess is they'll say well the good news is You Were
Asleep. Bad news is You Have Colon Cancer.
No, You Have Colon Cancer
Gottem. What else is going on. Figure I'll have lunch in a
couple of hours. Talkin' a 2 taco combo of Chipotle. One Soft Shell
Taco, and One Hard Shell Taco-- or as I refer to them -- A Crispin'
Glover [for Burrito Fillings... it's a glove, sort of, for the
fillings... Crispy, cause it's hard shell... Crispin Glover is an actor
from the blockbuster franchise Back To The Futures... The point is
probably aiming for a 1/2 of a Steak & Eggs combo for dinner tonight. I
dunno, whatever. I'm either the Marquez of Gabriels or the Gabriel of
Marquezes. The point is whatever book I'm reading is Who I Am.
Especially the Pete Townshend autobiography, Who I Am. TRUE STORY
THAT'S THE EXACT TITLE!!! For some reason I made it 2/3rds
into that book and stopped. Not sure why. Every other comprable book I
ended up finishing. Figure I'll get back to that sooon, sure, why not.
Hey great just great. One day I hope to have Microsoft FrontPage (the
program which I use to Control Website Things before uploading them to
Internet) start providing Spell Check Services to me again. Been a
while. I hate copy and pasting into Word and then copy and pasting back.
Whatta chore, is the point. Anyway. It's still possible the Mets make
the playoffs, but its gonna take a miracle. And it'll take an even
greater miracle for Somehow The Mets Making The Playoffs Has Caused Me
To Lose Weight And My Metabolism To Speed Up! Anyway, I don't 100%
support conceptualizing Sports Upsets as miracles. The Miracle Mets. The
Miracle On Ice. I think God has better stuff to Wow us with
than making unexpected sports results happen. "Hmm, I could end world
hunger... or I can make this 10 to 1 odd pay off big for degenerate
gamblers! THIS IS AN EASY ONE!" I dunno, maybe a God whose priority is
watching sports and influencing the results based on a whim of who he'd
like to see win, maybe that's the best of all possible worlds. Keeps him
busy while we, Mankind, work on the other stuff. We don't need God! He'd
just muck things up, We Got This. That's my opinion.
Anyway, what else. I don't get how most religious people probably
think something along the lines of well God is gonna look out for me,
or at least he should. Why should he? Well I'm The Best at
praying. See, other people think they get God, but not as good as
me! I'm The Best at liking God so obviously he's gonna look out for me
over other people. And EVERYONE jut thinks they're the best at
Understanding and Appreciating God, so they're on his side. Look-- God
can't be looking out for everybody. If he's looking out for everybody,
its like he's looking out for nobody, it all cancels itself out.
Ahh, but you're missing the point,
Crazysheet-- I Get
God while no one else does. So obviously he favors Me. See?
Can't argue wit that. 14th paragraph. Seems like 15 or 20 is
the most likely permutation for reality to follow. Something along those
lines. The point is I'm not a fan of these brands of gum that are long,
thin pieces as opposed to the shorter, more bulkier pieces. I feel like
this isn't so much of an opinion as it is a statement of cold, hard
facts. Anyway. There's a nice little SightySee on the train from Bayside
II Penn Station where you look to the right and there's like a sign, it's
like on a church or something, and it has the phrase, "Is It Nothing To
You, All You Who Pass By?" which is probably in the Bible or
something, and I always took it to mean like Hey Religion And stuff
Think About It.!
Can't argue with that. Figure when this entry is over, I'll take a
walk, eat lunch when I get back. Something along those lines. Enjoyed
listening to my own music in New York in my headphones, walking back to
Penn Station from Podcast. That's where my music belongs to be listened
to! Not in this crapshack of a CitySuburb where the most exciting stuff
that happens is at bars at 2 AM near the Train Station and cars pass by
blasting Green Day's Basketcase. My music belongs to Individual
Listening To It On Headphones Walking Alone At Weekend Night In City.
While Green Day apparently belongs Being Blasted At 2 AM In A Car Near
Train Station Of SuburbCitySuburb.
Whatta shame. Figure I'll see It, Part II: ITS at some
point in my life over the next week or 2. This is over I guess. See you
folks some other thing. err, time. Time, not thing. Time.
Friday, September 6, 2019
The Funny Thing Is I Am Pretty Good At TItles
...Not funny, per say. More sad. Like in an, "O, how the mighty
have fallen," sort of way. He's written some good Title in his life,
but look at him now. Shame, such a shame. The point is SURE YEP JUST
WROTE 80% OF A SONG LAST NIGHT. We're talkin' 100% of lyrics (a good 2
verses and chorus), we're talkin' good first draft idea for chord
progression (verse + chorus) and a bunch of potential titles. I'm talkin,
like, 50% of the lines in Verse AND/OR Chorus could be the potential
title, that's how strong these lines are! Anyway it's fun to get back in
the swing of things. The other point is I'm gonna take a break in a
minute to call Various Doctors to see if my results from Various Medical
Tests are in and how concerned about my Future Health I should be. But,
for now, gotta finish lunch!
We're talkin' a cinnamon raisin bagel, medium toasted, with a
healthy portion of lox. I think it's glutton-istic (or glutton-centric,
maybe?) that healthy portions mean A Lot. Like, if your kid
was in the overweight BMI category, between healthy and obsese, you'd say
yeah he's at a healty weight, nothin' wrong there. when healthy really
just means slightly less than obese. The point is Gluttons have
infiltrated our diction and I've Got A Plan To Put A Stop To That. Am I
the only one worried that Elizabeth Warren has too many plans? How are
you gonna get to all those plans!! Doesn't seem possible. What's your
Plan to get Your Plans done, is the point. I like that she has plans,
though, I really do. Certainly beats Beto O Rourke's campaign premise,
"Just Winging It!" I think there was a brief period of time where I
was like Oh Man Beto O Rourke Was In A Punk Band He Could Be Our First
Punk President! But then, for better or worse, for more accurate accuracy
or less, his identity in my mind changed to Poser cause he was a rich kid
and stuff like that. Which framing should I get behind? This is a
tough one! How about it doesn't matter because what matters he's
in the pocket of big donors and whatnot apparently I think and thats what
counts. Alright, great! Bill Clinton played Saxophone.
That's kind of punk. Alright gonna take that break now.
You Guys Know Any Good Titles?
..Neither biopsy of polyps nor results of sleep study available yet.
Whatta scam! I bet they weren't even real tests, they just faked being
Medical Folk, took my money, and ran off to the next town to repeat their
schemes on some new suckers. There I was, going to sleep Like A
Sucker, and it was all for noting! That's the last time I ever
go to sleep! Anyway, up to the part in Kurdt Cobain's Jourals where it
turns out he has a, "Heroine," addiction. (Spoiler Alert) I liked his
journals where it was all stuff like... uhh... not a lot really was
registered. I know he had some sort of political/cultural/social
message he wanted to get out there into the world. And you know what?
Mission accomplished! A lot of what he was All About has infiltrated the
world to some extent. I blame his alt rock/indie rock/whatever else rock
disciples of the past 2 and a half decades. Way to go dummies You Made
The World For My Generation A Slightly Better Place WHERE DO YOU GET
Anyway, what else is going on. I never really had so much of
an agenda for my music. My overarching thing I wanted to make people
understand, culturally, was and is Aren't I A Clever Lil' Stinker?
Here's some more puns and double meanings, buuuuuddies. Apparently I
am more of a disciple of The Weasal than Nirvana. I dunno, I used to
want to say stuff with music. Looking back on the 2 dozen real songs
I had from Late High School through NYU-Time, I was dealing with themes
like... uh... i don't wanna go into it right now just Trust Me there
were a good 2-5 themes that were pretty much expolored that were
worthwhile back then for some reason! I hate the process of writing
lyrics now, though. Writing lyrics is so romanticized and when you're
writing them itís easy to tune into that romanticized-base and whatnot and
I hate it. That's why my favorite way of writing lyrics now, is just
write a shitload of potential Song TITLES, and just pair those with
rhyming lines, and use them rejected Titles to be Lyrics. Because,
surely, if they're almost good enough to be its own title, it's gotta be
good enough to be a lyric, right? Seems about right.
Trying To Get This Title Off The Groud
..Not happy with Banana Flavored Tootsie Pops. Any flavor but
Banana, please! What kind of idiot wants a banana flavored anything
other than a banana. Was just watching some The Sixth Sense. Movie
idea-- Helen Keller can sense ghosts and its called The Fourth
Sense. That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em. Alright I'm
gonna write this paragraph, then take a break, then write another 5
paragraphs before Tonight's Podcast. Why do I get the sense that NINETY
PERCENT of what I've said this entry I've said here or there at times in
Past Entries? Punk president, fourth sense, titles-as-lyrics, bad
flavored tootsie pops... None Of This Is New! Except for how I was
scammed into Medical Tests and then them doctors skipped town. That's a
What are you, Some Kind of A Moron?
..The point is What Is My Super Market An Idiot Why Don't They Sell
Bags of Tootsie Pops. Anyway, yeah, I told a story a week or two ago
about a Texas Kid saying I was some kind of retard, but now, thinking
back, he might have called me a moron, not a retard. So, in case there's
any sticklers of accuracy of biographical information of me, there ya go!
ANYWAY. Wrote my SingySong last night while watching The Eye: The
American Remake Of The Probably Japanese Original Movie Starring Jessica
Alba as Jessica Alba as some sort of Movie Character. The movie is
about a woman who can't see getting an eye transplant, and can now not
only can she see, but see ghosts! I believe the original title was The
Fifth, AND THEN SUDDENLY ALSO THE SIXTH TOO, Sense.
Wonderful, just wonderful. I also don't like the tendency in
writing lyrics, or at least my own base tendency, to sort of take the tone
of yep I figured out these basic truths about life because I'm some
sort of a genius I'ma write 'em down in the song to share my Ultimate
Insight with the world. I Don't Know Anything! Plus, Anything I
Do Think I Know, it's safe to say that Six Months From Now I Will Have
Moved On To Knowing Something Extremely Closer To Accurate Than This Crap
I Thought I Knew! I mean, I dunno, people who write good songs, are they
just born with Universal Knowledge and have that Their Entire Lives and
they just ride that train for several decades, each Music Release just
updated to be relevant to that time period, but never deviating from that
base of, "I SOMEHOW KNOW EVERYTHING?" Maybe, I dunno!
That's why it makes much more sense to write things that mean
nothing. Because when you inevitably gain more knowledge and perspective
as you get older, it'll still just mean nothing, as opposed to
meaning something wrong. That's great, just great. And who knows, you
may hit the jackpot, and with your new knowledge and perspective, be able
to ascribe some meaning onto That Previous Nothing and pretend It Meant
Something All Along that it now seems to signify meaning. It's a
win/win/win when you don't try too hard at anything! That's my feelings
and bullshit, what else is going on.
Two more paragraphs to go. I can do that for some reason. No one is
really sure why. The point is It's True That I Had A Pop Tart after lunch
in a moment of weakness but to be fair there was a scene in The Sixth
Sense where Toni Collette is like you lookin' for something baby
and HOJO: The Duck goes, in his trademark
whispery-saying-a-statement-like-a-question, "pop tarts?" So, I'm
sure you have the same rule as me, as whenever you see a food mentioned on
TV, you have to eat it! It's like a drinking game but an eating game you
only play with yourself, and if you hang around watching commercials 1/3rd
of TV Time you're gonna end up at an Overly-Healthy-Weight if you know
what I mean. That's not a bad idea for A Gathering of Gluttons.
No drinking games-- eating games! Like, Kings. 4 is floor. Everyone
point to the floor! Oop, you were the last to do it! Gotta eat a
I find it unfortunate and unnerving that most of the
heroine addicts I've come across go through most of their pre-heroine life
going why would anyone ever do that seems too risky that definitely
Ain't Me. Because that's my feeling! Uh-Oh! Eh how bad could it
be. Both in terms of it can't be THAT GREAT to be high on heroin
and also it can't be THAT BAD an addiction where you need it so bad
and also it can't be THAT HARD to detox from it, so what, you have a
stomach ache for a while, get over it! so after considering all those
three things who cares its heroin not a big deal try it, maybe you'll
like it! Something along those lines, I dunno. In some ways I've
been dealing with an acohol addiction for the last several years, because
I do count on it to feel normal a lot, but also, I don't really abuse
using it beyond a HEALTHY amount pretty much. It's like someone who does
heroin twice a month-- are they really heroin addicts?
Well, yes. Says you! Anyway, 11th paragraph.
Anyway, Heroin Bloom. Hero In Bloom? And I'm Bloom? Alright I
can get on board with that. I've always said I'm Some Kind Of A Hero,
so if we can get people on board with that idea, I'm all for it. I dunno.
Kurdt Cobain wouldn't like me. I'm some sort of idiot, he might think. I
guess we'll never know for sure. Call it quits after this paragraph. Not
life. This entry. Jeez. Uh oh. Heroin Bloom.
Like, Give Bloom some Heroin. NO DON'T DO IT I WANT TO LIVE.
Anyway, what else is going on. Guess I can Pop Back On T6S, as it was
stylized in promotional trailers at the time. I saw they're gonna make a
The Matrix Four. The Matrix For Dummies.... is that anything.
Troubleshooting Mr. Smith. Has Your Mr. Smith gone rogue and is
causing problems for both Computer Algorithm Agents and Actual Human
Virtual Realities? Turn to page 67. See ya later.
Thursday, September 5, 2019
I Will Title You Into The Dark
...into? In To. In, Too? U2. Hey what's your band's
name? U2. Wow even me!? Anyway it
appears I'm having Some Sort of Lunch right now! Got a dinner last night
from Delivery because I wanted to get a Breakfast for Today and Tomorrow's
Breakfast but I needed to get more to justify them delivering so I also
got a dinner last night for today and tomorrow's lunch. We're talkin'
Baked Chicken Special. What's so special about it? It's got half
a dozen mushroom slices around it. WOW! Was just removing the skin
(BTW-- real special thing about this baked chicken is how easy
the skin comes off as one piece and there's no work it all just comes off
easy-- Special!), and thought, is there some sort of joke possible
where it's like I don't register if I'm eating the skin or not, I don't
see skin... race...color... NOPE this is nothing!
What else is going on. Spilled an entire Cold Brew, 95% full,
on my Room Floor early this morning. We're talkin' some sort of carpet
surface, possibly shag. I'm ashamed to say I was too lazy to actually mop
it up. Just put down a few towels, got the heaviest thing I could find
that's easily movable, my acoustic guitar case, put that on top of it,
figured time'll do this job better than I ever can. And I came
back a few hours later and it was pretty much dry! Thanks, Time.
Time-- for when You Have None. That's my pitch for
advertising Time as a Solution to whatever ails ya. The good news is I
just got back from Upstate NY for a little Micro-Trip. Went up to
Hardsdale with Pops to exchange Silver Coinage for Cash Money. I don't
wanna brag, but we totally got the appropriate amount of money back
based on current prices of silver. No Swindling my family!!! We're
on the up and up, don't even try. Sure we'll drive 55 minutes just to
find a place that isn't trying to swindle us because every place within a
10 mile radius knows the K*RNB**MS are prime swindling targets, that's our
reputation around town, but the point is we're trying to change all
By getting rid of change! At the appropriate rate!
Jesus how much of this baked chicken am I supposed to eat? I can eat it
indefinitely, and chicken is pretty low calorie, so do I just keep eating
and eating chicken until there's no more chicken? Maybe I stop halfway
there, which is where I'm at now, so I will have a comparable amount
next time I wanna eat chicken. Maybe I eat some more and figure out a
medium where I'm like ok I'm happier stopping now than I would have
been at 50%. Most likely I'm just gonna keep eating and eating until
there's no more baked chicken around, though, that's probably how this is
gonna shake out. NO! THIS IS MY ONE CHANCE TO MAKE A STAND! AT
50%! Maybe make a side deal with myself, like-- hey, stop
eatin' chicken, have like a fudge pop or somethin' to finish yourself off.
But, even doing that, I'm still like, well, I might as well have one
more piece of chicken, no harm there, its low calorie, but then one
more piece will turn into 2 more pieces, and so on and so forth until
WHY HAS GOD CURSED ME WITH THIS OVERABUNDANCE OF BAKED CHICKEN
The Least You Can Do Is Nothing
Anyway yeah just saved half the chicken. I credit having a meltdown as
the driving factor in that responsabilitaction. Only negative thing is I
Ate All The Mushrooms and also it came with a side of vegatable which I
decided to be Broccoli and I ate all the Broccoli so it's not a true 50/50
split but sometimes life works out that way! You get 50/50 splits that
are more 52/48, oh well! Hmm what else is going on. THe point is
the options for dinner are wide open. Maybe get Pizza, maybe Chipotle,
like I said, the possibilities are endless! And, by endless, I mean
there's two options that are leading the rest of the field by a lot. So
pretty much just two options. Which is how I would feel if I had to
endorse a president for Democrat Primary.
Anyway, what else is going on. Well, obviously Bernie Sanders is
Pizza, and Elizabeth Warren is Chipotle. NO WAY ELIZABETH WARREN
IS CHIPOTLE AND BERNIE SANDERS IS PIZZA. Well we're certainly not
gonna settle this today, lets table this debate for a future date, how's
October for you? What else is going on. I think that should be the
swing voter for the 2020 election. Let's specify, Chain Pizza Moms.
2000/2004 was soccer moms, then in 2008 became IHHockey Moms
because Sarah Palin, 2012 became.. I dunnnoo... but 2020 the swing vote is
gonna be these are regular moms, or guys, or anyone, who eat pizza!
Specifically chain pizza like pizza hut, etc. Whose gonna win that
crucial demographic? Seems about right when you think about it,
Anyway, what else is going on. Also it unites the voting country
around Pizza which I think we can all agree is the best possible thing to
unite us all as a country. Even if you don't like pizza, you gotta like
the connotations of the rest of us uniting around pizza. That's how I
feel we should force people who don't like pizza to feel about the rest of
us who do like pizza uniting around that fact not like a violence gang
just sort of a gentlemanís club and maybe we buy a lot of guns in case
people try to take away our pizza I dunno yet hopefully it doesn't come to
that! What else is going on again? I dunno, maybe you do.
Oh Man, You Got The Best Titles
Thanks, man! Anyway, three paragraph blocks, figure I'ma
continue that routine for the rest of the entry. I've reached a point
where I'm like Hey this is what feeling full kind of is like... pretty
close... All I had to do was Stop Eating Chicken 50/50, eat
consolation Fudge Pop, top that off with 4 pieces of melba toast, which I
believe is to commemorate a region of Australia? Man I could sure go
for a 5th piece of Melba Toast. No! Must resist Carnal Urges... for
Australian Toast! I dunno where I got Melba being Australian. I
googled Melba Australia and something came up but certainly not
something I have any business being aware of...
Yeah, obviously! I was referring to the
residential suburb in the Belconnendistrict
located within the Australian
Capital Territory, Australia.
Also, side note--
HUGE Fan of that captivating and enchanting name for a region surrounding
the capital city of Australia... "Australian Capital Territory."
What else is going on.
alright that's gotta be it. Doy. Someone comes up to Mel Brooks' mother
after giving birth, asks her what just happened. Yeah! That's
something fun to force people to read! My audience'll get a kick out of
What else is going on. Ninth paragraph! Guess who didn't have
a 5th piece of Melbourne Toast? THIS GUY! (I'm referring to me). What
else is going on. I'm kind of a Square because, going into the suburbs, I
think thatís kind of my Base Fantasy these days since graduating college.
Dreamin' of Disney World with Family. Livin' in Suburbs. A nice quiet
boring peaceful nowhere-to-go life. Would it get boring? I dunno! Will
there be a lot of Hanging Around The Local Pizza Hut Like It's The Thing
To Do? I dunno, I've never really lived in a suburb! My neighborhood in
Queens is more Suburb than City, but still much more of a mix than a
suburb. I dunno, crap and crap. I think part of the appeal of being a
Suburbs Dad is I get to mock and judge the Suburban Dummies from within.
I still harbor feelings contempt for, and an inclination to ridicule,
Suburb Jerks, plus, by all measures I will be Just Another Suburb Jerk,
but inside I'll be like, Everyone Here Is An Asshole But Me!
Another Title In The Books
I used that title several weeks ago. No I Didn't! What
else is going on. Here's the future I wanna live in-- by 2022, we're
seeing Donald Trump do commercials for Papa John's. That's pretty much
the absolute ideal world we could reasonably expect, all things
considered, assuming we can't expect him to actually answer for his
crimes, legally. Legally, let's assume there's no consequences. But he
is forced by mitigating and confluencing circumstances to be part of a TV
ad campaign for Papa John's. And, ya know, really throw himself into it.
When he's calling into Fox & Friends daily, ya know, all he does is just
talk about Papa Johns. That's what he's about for the last stages of his
public life. I feel like thats not too much to ask.
Anyway, 11th paragraph. Figure aiming for 15 seems like the thing to
do today. Also, advice for Trump-- I know you will of course be tempted
to start Trump Pizza-- don't even bother. It will fail just like how
everything you've ever done in your life has led to failure. Just latch
onto Papa John's, they seem to know what they're doing a little bit, don't
bite off more than you can chew! Anyway, what else is going on and crap.
Hah. I just remembered there's a local pizza place where I live
called VIPizza. Presumably a pun on VIP-- Very Important Person-- so it
means Very Important Pizza. Which I feel like they could sell the rights
to that name for a pizza parlor to Trump. This pizza restaurant is
only for very important pizza people, only the very best of society eat at
my chain pizza restuarant.
Right? Isn't that a 2022 all of us can get on board with? What
else is going on. Of course, he might be influenced by some of his
friends to think I dunno, pizza, that sounds a little too "Ethnic," are
we okay with Italians these days? I know for a while it wasn't good to be
Italian, but, no, now we love the Italians. Pretty sure if you were
to ask Trump your thoughts on the people of Italy? that's how he'd
respond. Also, when I'm Doing Trump's Voice, I'm really, in my head,
Doing Stephen Colbert Doing Trump. At least for the last paragraph.
Never really came up before then. I apolgize for this lapse in
Doing-Voices Self Control.
Oh Mike, You've Got The Best Titles
Hey now you know my name huh? Alright, great, what else is going
on and crap. Figure 3 more paragraphs, then somethin' else, then more
stuff, then inevitably sleep several times over the rest of my life, then
cthen call it quits! Great, just great. I think I'm seeing a
podcast tomorrow. What a world we live in. Anyway, jeez. What
kind of idiot is buying up gold or silver. Don't they realize it's
inevitable we live in a world where eventually at some point people
realize this holds no actual tangible value to us. Owning gold will
not help my family in any tangible way once other people come to the same
conclusion that I have, which is that itís worthless. I can say all
this cause we just unloaded all our silver IVE GOT NOTHIN' TO LOSE!
What else and crap. There's an Nirvana song (Also, 'An' Nirvana
instead of 'A' Nirvana? Love It!) Sliver but I always used to misspell it
Silver and itís hard to know which one it really is because neither word
shows up in the lyrics or is even implied at all in the content of the
lyrics. The point is what else is going on. 1 and a half more paragraphs
to go! Let's knock 'em out of some sort of park or something. At this
point it certainly looks like itís gonna be Chipotle for dinner. It's got
all the Momentum in my mind and its decimating Pizza in my
quarter-thoughts of fantasizing about eating dinner. Running way ahead of
Last paragraph! Maybe get back to reading about Martin Short: The
Person Subject Of The Book Written By Martin Short after my 3rd of 4th
walk. Hey, yesterday I took 5 fuckin' walks! I had nothin' else to do!
Just was like well I'm gonna take a walk AGAIN, in fact these days
(this day) itís more like my default mode is Taking A Walk and every now
and then I Spend Time In My Room. Seems like one way to live your
life, right? Probably. Here's a trick if you're unsatisfied with the
color schemes chosen this month-- Highlight Everything and it'll turn into
White Font on Blue Background! You have some say in the matter! I
feel proud of myself for empowering my audience to such an extent.
Yourwelcome ! See ya later!
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
Control Your Self Control
Niiiice Title. You really think so? Yeah it fuckin' means
things and crap! Hey thanks you're tops. Anyway Wendesday
Without Eatin'. Decided to stretch that rule a bit by having Iced Coffee
with Skim Milk. And also eatin' some sort of Fiber One Contractio....
Contraction? Conflagmation? ContraIranAffair? Contra-something
is the point... The point is Life Begins at Iran-Contra. Anyway I
had 2 broke guitar strings for several weeks and this morning I fuckin'
restrang those strings. You must be thinking HOLY SHIT MICHAEL YOU
MUST BE SOME SORT OF MUSIC SUPERSTAR TO BE ABLE TO STRING YOUR OWN GUITAR
and you must be affirmed in that false-dialogue-attributed-to-you
because YEP I KNO EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOIN' WHEN IT COMES TO STRANGING
The point is Great Just Great. Just took a walk, some Lady of
Asian Christian Belongings tried to pass me some flyer celebrating Asian
Jesus or whatever. Normally, in the past, when this stuff happens to me,
I'm always like Jeez does this work on anybody? You're just
annoying people! Why would people want to change spiritual course on a
whim to a God whose main attribute is ANNOYING ME? But now I realize
when I thought that way I Was a Child and now when I Am A Man I Think In
This More Adult Way-- Hey I was just sorta thinking right under the
surface, as I have more or less nonstop for the last 30 years, how I HAVE
NO IDEA IF THERES A GOD OR AFTERLIFE OR FATE OR PURPOSE AND RIGHT
AT THAT MOMENT WHEN I WAS CONTINUING TO FEEL THIS WAY AS I HAVE FOR THE
PAST 30 YEARS SOME LADY TRIED TO TELL ME ABOUT ASIAN GOD ITS A SIGN
FROM UP ABOVE!! ASIAN JESUS IS FOR ME!!
Something along those lines, sure. What else is crappening.
I think I had a 3rd thing in my mind on my most recent walk to knock out
in the first few paragraphs of this entry. Asian Jesus Fate was
one ReStranging Guitar Like A SuperStar was two... Hmm this is
tough. Was the third thing just riffing on The Title-- Control Your
Self Control? Could have been! You gotta control your self control
cause you don't wanna be too controlling of yourself and the only way to
dig your way out of a self control hole is by digging further into the
hole with more anti-self-control control. Sometin' along those lines,
I dunno for sure, what else is going on. I started watching The Iron Lady
on Netflix and unless the movie changes course after the first 15 minutes
it turns out it's not a spin-off of Iron Man where there's an
alternate-time-line where Margaret Thatcher was Iron Man's girlfriend and
becomes gifted an Iron Man Suit And Iron Man SuperHero Attributes of her
own to fight crime to save Iron Man presumably bcause unless Iron Man is
indesposed at the time he could theoretically do all this himself.
Although, I dunno, like I said, only 15 minutes into the movie.
Meryl Streep as a super hero. Just throwing that out there.
Seems like a pretty good idea, right? I don't mean like going OH MERYL
STREEP YOURE SO TALENTED AND AN INSPIRATION TO PEOPLE EVERYWHERE THANKS
FOR REAL LIFE STUFF, I mean, oh hey Merryl Streep is in a movie
where she has super powers and is inclined to fight crime for some reason.
Anyway, what else is going on. Besides Ms. Streep, never have come across
one other Meryl in my life. Not in real life, not consumed in the
entertainment industry, Nothin'! I've heard of ladies named Myrtle around
the turn of the century, like in The Greatest Gatsby Ever... maybe those
names are related, I DON'T KNOW I DON'T HAVE ALL THE
NAME-RELATED-ANSWERS! Pretty sure if F Scott Fitzgerald was born 100
years later The Great Gatsby would be fighting crime in some capacity as a
superhero. Either as a Batman type figure (a little too on the nose) or,
he's still rich and everything, but just also happened to be bit by a Long
Island Duck and becomes some sort of Duck Man after dark.
The point is it's a good thing people wrote things before Super
Heroes became EVERYTHING IN OUR STORY-TELLING INDUSTRIES. It's
a tough rut to get out of, though, because oh man we'd need Some
GREAT kind of super hero to save us from all the other super heroes
and villains cloggin' up our StoryTellin' Creationing & Consumptioning.
I dunno if any of that makes sense-- probably to some degree! Hey
perfect role for Meryl Streep. She plays the End-All-Be-All Super
Hero! Which kinda makes sense, because once Meryl Streep has played a
super hero, you really have nowhere else to go. Somethin' to think
about, Hollywood! What paragraph are we into. Fifth! How about
that. I've gone freakin' 4 hours without eating anything except for about
1/4th of the Skim Milk that was in my Cold Brew Iced Coffee: The Drink
From Starbucks That I'm Having Right Now.
Huh. The point is apparently I'm trying out something new this
month where either each entry gets its own color, or I alternate between
colors. We'll find out together I guess! Maybe F Scott Fitzgerald would
just make Gatsby LONG ISLAND MAN and then someone's like well
what does he do and F Scott Fitzgerald is like HE THROWS PARTIES!!!
I dunno I don't have all the Gatsby-As-Proto-Superhero answers, one I day
I will, not not today! Hmm. Batman is kind of a rip off of Great
Gatsby. Maybe all super heroes are. Maybe I just CRACKED THAT CODE.
What else is going on. Hmm, that seems like a fun riff. Exploring all
American Literature Stand-out-hero archetypes as proto-super heroes. RIP
VAN WINKLE. He fell asleep for a long time, things changed... and now
he's on the war path to figure... it... out. I dunno do I
need to continue this riff? I mean, you can do it just as well as I
could. Just think about whatever character you're thinking about and be
like well in what way is that like a super hero. I can't be
doing everything for you you'll never learn that way!
Why did I think Rip Van Winkle is the end-all-be-all American
Literature Hero? Because I can relate to someoene falling asleep for a
decade and then waking up and being like Wait Whaaaaaaaaaat happened?
Pretty much sums up my slow descent into mental illness and my inevitable
relative ascent out of it. What else is going on. Seventh paragraph.
Whattado with the rest of the days. Count down the hours until it's time
to go to sleep and be like I'ma eat some sort of breakfast Next Time
I'm Conscious!!! Sounds good to me. I like fasting an entire day
because it's like man in 24 hours I'm gonna lose MORE THAN HALF A POUND
that's fuckin' registered on an electric scale even, just ONE DAY and
Presumably and whatnot, that's how I feel. Also, you can look at
any Great American Novel as a proto Tales From The Crypt episode/issue.
That's another fun riff to go on if you were so inclined to write comedy
on your comedy website. Alright, some point I'ma Self Control Myself
into working out riffs of
Everything-In-American-Literature-As-Proto-Super-Hero and if I'm really up
to it Everything-As-Proto-Tales-From-The-Crypt but probably not that
because it was more of a throwaway joke than an actual decent base of a
riff but who knows I could try it and see where it goes! Anyway what
else is going on. Hey only 2 more paragraphs to go after this one! I
like those odds! Nope, not odds. I like those numbers! I
guess but why would you like numbers. Because I get off on
numerology! Get off my back about it! Oh man, that felt like a 6...
but calling it into question is like a 7... now itís a 4... no, not 5, I'm
not interested in any 5's....
Wonderful, what else is going on. Alright, what else is going
on. 2nd Literature Figure I thought of after Rip Van Winkle was
Huckleberry Finn but there's an N-word involved in that somehow so
better to just move on from talking about that completely! That sums
that up. The names FINN... HUCKLEBERRY FINN. Such an
unfortunate first name. What were Huckleberry's parents thinking?
Hmm, what name can we bestow on our child that will literally garner THE
LEAST AMOUNT OF RESPECT POSSIBLE? And one of them comes up with
Huckleberry. Sounds about right. One more paragraph after this one!
Knocked out an entire entry in roughly one hour, that's efficient as
ANyway, jeez, made it to Noon without eating more or less. Like I
said, some Fiber One Cont...roll...selves... and some skim milk in
coffee! Alright that's pretty good! Thinking about adjusting Diet where
instead of 1 day where I don't eat at all there's 2 days a week where I
eat like 1000 calories. Seems slightly healthier and more easy to do.
But, then again, I dunno, what would Jimmy Kimmel think? Gotta run
it by him at some point I guess. I feel bad for Jimmy Kimmel, cause he
must know The Peak of My Exposure in American Culture and The Lasting
Memory of What I'm All About was when I was on one of the first episodes
Of ENTOURAGE. I bet that's what every person who was
involved on any episode of Entourage feels. This will haunt me
til the day I die. Jimmy Kimmel lent his credibility to Entourage and
the world was never the same! See you jerks later.
Monday, September 2, 2019
Oh No What Have I Done
Nothing, yet. Oh that sounds about right. And also
that's a relief. Also, hey what's Septemberappening. I was thinking
about how some people believe in an afterlife (As one does!) and realized
no one ever thinks about a Pre-Life. I mean, I guess Reincarnation folks
do, in their own crazy crazy way, but I mean like a Pre-life where
we're all on some astral plain like a Heaven or a Hell or perhaps some
sort of Limbo. I mean, if it exists when we die, why not before we showed
up? I remember when I was a kid, I would tell my Mother stories about
how, before I was born, I was some sort of Taxi Driver on some ephemeral
territory...b ALSO HOLD UP. I googled Astral Plain to see
if I could come up with a synonym in that last sentence ("Ephermal
Territory" just wasn't getting the job done, sorry, Bye Felicia!), and the
internet is pretty confident it's Astral PLANE. That makes no
sense! A plane is a machine to fly you from one point in the sky to
another point in the sky. A plain is a Thing of Territory (Man, I gotta
figure out a better word for this than, "Territory.") The point is Now
I doubt Astral Planes exist in the first place. If they can't even
get their homonym right, why should we trust anything they say?
Pretty sure I must have said this here at some point, but there was a
little controversy when Mike Piazza of The New York Metropolitans dying
his hair blond and people were like WTF FA**O* (later immortalized
in that Belle & Sebastian song that showed up in Juno: The Major Motion
Picture), and, well... HOMO-NYM. SEE YA LATER FOLKS I'LL BE HERE
ALL WEEKEND BUT I'M LEAVIN EARLY MONDAY SO IF YOU WANNA SEE ME BETTER ACT
NOW BECAUSE ALL MY SEEING-AUDIENCE-MEMBERS-PRIVATELY-SESSIONS FILL UP REAL
QUICK! Anyway, I keep getting ahead of myself. Oh, right.
Tellin my Mom I was a Taxi Driver Pre-Life. Not like I was
reincarnated from some guy who was a taxi driver. I was fully Michael K*RNB***,
even sort of at the age I was at when I made up this story (8-10), but for
some reason I was allowed to drive a taxi when I was eight years old in
this Astro-Terrestrial Territory.
I dunno, is Plane the right word? No, there's that poem
about America, Home, Home On The Plain. Wait no there's not
there's many things wrong about that! The point is I'm not 100% sure
why itís not a thing to just eat a Matzo ball as a snack w/o soup. I
mean, I get that it has to be pretty moist, and putting it in a soup is an
easy way to get you there, but there must be something we can do to just
normalize eating matzohballs. Nirvana has a song called either On a
Plane or On a Plain which I remember thinking oh he spelled
iit with the wrong one to be fun, what a fun guy, but now I don't
remember which spelling he uses, which word he intended to use, and
whether if it were wrong if he intended it that way or not. Reading his
journals, he's not the best speller. But it may be partly intentional.
He signs his name as Kurdt pretty often, and maybe he
doesn't know how to spell his own name, maybe he does, I'm not here to
I don't like how we use the phrase Extra-Terrestrial to
refer to things physically beyond our planet. Extra means ESPECIALLY.
Something that's extra-terrestrial is SUPER PART OF TERRESTRIALITY!
No, the word you're looking for is Non-Terrestrial. Anyway, September
2nd, and I haven't drank a drink of alcohol all month long! Let's
celebrate Labor Day In My Honor this year, c'mon! If you were born today,
you could be like, to your mother, well that was appropriate.
CHECK MINUS MINUS! What else is going on. Labor Day has two
meanings, depending on what class you're in. If you're in the working
class, it's a day to commemorate the hard labor you do day in day out.
But if you're a Trump, for example, you probably think itís meant to
signify The One Day A Year you're supposed to do work. That'll show 'em,
that'll show all of 'em! Anyway I cleaned up my room this morning, as
I've been in the habit of doing roughly once a month. 50% of it is
picking up the used pieces of gum, popsicle and tootsie pop sticks, and
gum wrappers from the immediate vicinity around my trash can which, when I
threw from across the room into the trash can, didn't quite make it. Once
a month, pick all that garbage up and throw it away for good.
Wow! I don't believe it, but itís the fifth paragraph. I
have a problem with believing things that are clearly intuitively true and
also easily verifiable. That's my burden to cross and whatnot and so
on. Been readin' Martin Short: The Book, as well as Kurt Cobain's
Journals: The Book. I found I like listening to my own music while
reading Kurdt's journals. Jut sorta keeps me occupied while just reading
his nonsense. Also I'm like, well Kurt too bad you didn't stick around
to hear this! You're up in Heaven now, I'm sure, going Man I'm
Missing Out! That's probably it, right? Anyway, what else is
going on. The point is Sure I'm Gonna Go To The Supermarket Tomorrow and
continue Fasting On Wednesdays what am I supposed to do not go with
that routine that has worked so well the last... 1... week?
Cool! Also, I was no Taxi Driver: The Movie Taxi Driver. I was sorta
a pretty laid back character that would engage the passenger a bit, to
whatever his or her own comfort level would permit. Real casual-- kind of
like an Uber or Lyft before there was Uber or Lyft but it was definitely a
real Taxi I don't know if I had a medallion or anything but there was some
Officiality to the whole deal. The point is the penultimate time I was in
a taxi, on the way home from the Elliott Smith Cover Show, the guy stopped
twice at two different 7-11s to get something. The first time
he didn't ask. Just 2 minutes in, pulled into a 7-11, got a snack. Got
back in the car like nothing ad happened. 10 minutes later, real close to
my home-- you mind if we stop here? and I was like sure why not
you've already abused this privilege once before without even checking
with me what am I gonna say now, No? Too late for that! and he went
in and got a drink to wash down that sandwich or whatever he got the first
Oh well, such is life. Also, Between The 7-11's, he said something
like Hey this is only my second day on the job. And I was like
well that doesn't fill me with much confidence... but does explain a lot.
What paragraph are we into now. It sucks being able to cartographize your
neighborhood and beyond on more or less a 1st grade level, so when you're
in a taxi and the driver asks you very simple straightforward questions
about streets which you should 100% know, like which one to take, when to
make a right, etc... I'm just like I DONT KNOW I'M A LITTLE BOY JUST GET
ME TO MY FAMILY HOUSE MY PARENTS ARE WAITING FOR ME I GAVE YOU THE
NUMBER THING THATS WHRE I LIVE YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT FROM HERE YOU MUST.
Someting along those lines, I dunno, what else is going on.
Eighth paragraph! Might just do a 10'r today. Seems like a good
routine to get into, right? Anyway, jeez, what else is going on. It
really isn't that bad, I can sort of wing it in terms of getting hte
driver to my house, I usually have the answer to their question. Not
always, but often! I do have a weird tic, though, when we're a couple
blocks away, and we're on the right path, and there's no way we can
deviate from that path, I'm always like Yup We're Almost There Just
Keep Going A Little Bit! And they're like yeah... I know... what,
did you think I was gonna suddenly stop and make a U-Turn? I
think part of it is that I'm so insecure that I subconsciously think the
driver is so desperate to be Rid Of Me that I need to remind them YES
I'M SO SORRY, I'll FINALLY BE GONE IN 30 SECONDS, Don't Worry, This
Torture Is Almost To Be Done!
Anyway. I had Cheese on a Sandwich for the first time in a long
time just now. Got Swiss Cheese on the Subway Club. That Phrase Means
Something. I feel like after writing Got Swiss Cheese on the
Subway Club itís like Richard Dreyfess looking at mashed potatoes.
I Got Swiss Cheese On The Subway Club. Hmm. Anyway, yeah! That's
actually a Plot Point in Trevor Noah: The Book. About when he was young,
it was The Thing to be like I'm gonna have a sandwich and
everyones like well thatís pretty good, he's gettin' a sandwich and
then he's like WITH CHEESE and everyone wuold lose their minds
because it was such an extravagant upgrade. Anyway. My entire childhood
and adolescence I had no interest in cheese. Unless it was on a pizza.
Definitely not on sandwiches. Then there was a period of a few years
where I liked a cheeseburger or whatever, and then after that Couple of
Years I stopped getting it because of Health Reasons. I think the only
cheese on a sandwich I would have as a teenager was the Pepperjack Cheese
Sliders from White Castle. Which I justified by look I know it makes
it spicy. I like me some spicy. And the reason these hamburgers are
spicy is ONLY THROUGH THE CHEEESE... so I'm gonna break my rule about
cheese and anyway the results speak for themselves!
What else. 10th paragraph. Still stalled at having to read Part III
of III of the III divisions of Short Stories from Gabriel Marquez. I'm
busy reading about Martin Short, though! 2 comedians with books I've
been reading-- Martin sHoRT and and a few months ago
Kevin HaRT. THIS MEANS SOMETHING. Anyway I hope
they're both okay after Kevin Hart's automobile accident. Sending our
best wishes to ALL Harts and Shorts and, well, anyone, I guess. I wish
you all the best, I'm not gonna discriminate against you whatever
your last name is! Anyway time to wrap this up and whatnot. Figure I'll
watch some crap or listen to some crap when this is over, not gonna go
right into reading, my precious precious attention span wouldn't be able
to handle it, not just now. The point is if I write 10 paragraph entries
I could potentially do that pretty much every day! Sorry I'll really
be gone in 30 seconds then we'll be a lot happier you know what just LET
ME OFF HERE