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Friday, October 19, 2018

It's Me, Your Cyber Friend!

        Hey.  "Cyberspace" is a term that's fallen out of favor.  I blame George Soros.  Hey!  I was just watching American History X.  It's about a group of very fine people trying to cope when one of their own becomes a race traitor.  It's a wonder I was able to follow the plot at all, though, considering I've never seen American Histories One Through Nine.  Edward Norton is in jail or going to jail in a lot of movies.  Off the top of my head-- American History X, The 25th Hour, Rounders.  Now, to complete my trick, I will check the internet to see if there are even more! ... Hold on a second, lemme open up Internet... hmm... browsing, browsing... GIVE ME A MINUTE... browsing...  Oh, right.  The Incredible Hulk.  I guess Edward Norton's just got one of those faces that people say, Ya Know, I'd like to see that guy behind bars.
I predictably didn't know every movie in Edward Norton's filmography and didn't check all the movies I don't know to see if he's in jail in them or not.  I'm a busy guy, I got things to do!  Is pointing out Trump's racism, as I did in the first few sentences of the entry, just the new form of Hipster Racism?  I pretty much just said racism with irony or sarcasm as the intention.  Sounds like Hipster Racism to me.  How can I alleviate this situation.  How about I wouldn't mind getting into a fist fight with a Nazi if the occasion should strike.  I'd get my ass kicked, sure, but at least it would be for a good cause.  Maybe while the Racist is hurting me someone else will whack him over the head with a 2 x 4.  And my distracting him by him pummeling me played a key role in that 2 x 4 whacking.
    I like all my pancakes in 2 x 4 inch dimensions.  Prove me wrong!  Anyway.  Friday Night Entry.  Been a couple of weeks and felt it was time.  Seeing the movie Halloween tomorrow night.  Then, on Halloween, I'm gonna see the movie October 20th.  It's gonna be a good one!  I don't know.  Been busy with a super top secret project.  I'm writin' a Pilot for a sitcom!  That's right, me, your cyber friend, doing something productive!  The way I see it, there are five potential outcomes from this exercise.  Here they are in order of least likely to most likely-- 1) The Pilot gets made!  Hooray!  2)  The pilot leads to me getting a job on another show!  Hooray!  3)  The pilot doesn't get made, or lead to me getting a job, but I ultimately feel like it was really good and a good first step!  Not Bad!  4)  I finish the pilot and it's not that good!  Oh Well!  5)  I never finish the pilot.  What Can Ya Do.
    So, sure, I got that going on.  Not gonna say anything about it, content-wise, though.  I'm playin' this one close to the chest, which is a phrase I heard in a similar situation in a Batman Movie.  Suffice to say, it's 75% extremely fun to write, it's 15% infuriating how much constant thought and work I have to put into it, and it's 10% driving me crazy in ways supplemental to the workload.  Anyway, what else is going on.  I feel like, as I should be, I'm aiming for one of the top three outcomes, but I feel like I wouldn't be too disappointed with #3.  That's  pretty obvious.  Anyway, let's see what else is in the news.  Already four paragraphs done!  And I'm only aiming for 10!
    Great!  I must have a couple of save-em-ups over the last two weeks.  Let's check the ol' notebook.  Oh, here's a good one!  I must have missed American History One Through Nine. Yeesh.  I wasn't lying when I said I was just watching, though.  I watched half last night and watched the second half just now.  I wouldn't lie to you in such a blatant fashion that you would discover my deceit several paragraphs later.  That would reflect poorly on my character.  I was thinking about things to say that could increase voter turn out if someone with a platform said them, and I came up with something, where in the future, if we could get people into the mindset that they'd be able to say, You know, I voted in 2018, before it was cool, that could be effective.  I'm not sure how to have that scenario manifest itself, though.  Like, maybe in 2028, we have mandatory, universal voting, and people are all gung ho about their new role in civic duty.  Then you can be like, you know, it wasn't always mandatory, but I did it anyway.  That's just the kind of guy I was in 2018.
So, step one, find someone with a platform to say that.  Step two, create a world where that future scenario will happen.  Step three, find this blog post!  Jeez.  Consulting my Notebook, I realize the last time I laughed heartedly at something on TV was Susan Collins' speech announcing she was supporting Kavanaugh.  So many great comedic moments in that.  You know, about how unfair he was treated, how he'd be an impartial judge, how he'd protect Roe vs Wade and Obamacare.  This lady's got a future in comedy!  Great delivery, too.  Totally deadpan. 
    Anyway, this save-em-up is also a couple of weeks old, and not really a joke, but interesting nonetheless.  While I was reading Judd Apatow's book of interviews, I had recurring nightmares, literally 3 or 4 nights in a row, where I had to baby-sit Judd Apatow's children (they were roughly the age they were in in This Is 40), and I was doing a really bad job.  Like, I would just be hanging out in my room, and I'd think Oh Shit I'm Supposed to be watching The Apatoweses!  Luckily, in the dreams, they lived down the block from me, so I was able to get over there quickly, and they were doing alright.
    Here's a save-em-up.  You know the phrase The Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend?  I came up with,  The Friend of my Friend is my Enemy.  The logic seems to be congruent, and it kind of makes sense, because this friend-of-a-friend is gonna be encroaching on your friend's ability to be your friend.  He's gonna be busy with this other friend (now your enemy), so he won't be as great a friend to you.  Anyway, what paragraph are we into now.  Jesus Christ, eighth paragraph already?  I've been sitting here for 15 or 20 minutes!  What else is going on.  I was reading Norman Lear's autobiography, and it's an extremely minor part, but he talks about how when he was a kid one main thing he remembers about his father is he would go to the bathroom regularly after breakfast, for 30 minutes, and stink up the place.  And Norman Lear associates that smell (combined with the cigarette or cigar he was always smoking then, too) with his father.
    I'm familiar with the concept of a ritualistic bowel movement, but I've never experienced it.  Is this a person-by-person thing?  Where some people just fit that mold biologically?  Is it a generational thing?  That's my theory.  People from past generations maybe were more prone to this kind of routine.  Especially if they ate prunes.  Rowtine.  Huh?  You figure it out.  And it's not just the idea of shitting at the same time of day-- it's the sense of making it an occasion.  Like, okay, I'm gonna take a crap!  Be back in half an hour!  Oh boy this is gonna be fun.  This may be where the generational thing comes into play.  Older people lived in the depression so they had to make the most fun out of what they had.
    Well, I just mentioned This Is 40, and there's a scene in there that is tangentially related to this.  The point is What Else Is Going On.  10th paragraph.  I guess the idea now is to aim for 15 paragraphs.  So I got that going for me and whatnot.  What's goin' on in my life.  Poker Money?  None-- no drain on my Life Force.  Still Losin' Weight?  Yup-- down to under 130 pounds!  Other stuff?  Nope!  Jeez.  Still readin' a lot of books.  Almost done with the comedy books, but reading another book concurrently and have some more planned out.  Jeez.  The professional writer would stop when he starts running out of steam.  I don't play the game that way!
    So, more paragraphs!  Just took a 10 minute break to eat a small cup of Italian Ices.  It took 10 minutes because it was so frozen, for the first 5 minutes, I could only scrape tiny little shavings with the spoon to eat.  I don't mind!  In fact, I kind of enjoy it.  It's a small cup, so I don't experience this anymore, but I had a sense memory to when I was a kid, with a big container of Italian ices (maybe ice cream, but that's less frozen, so it probably doesn't happen to the same degree), and sort of imagining it as some sort of nature landscape, and with each spoonful I'm ever-so-slightly modifying the contours, the mountains, the valleys.  The point is I was and still am a weird kid. 
    12th paragraph!  Cool!  MLB Playoffs going on.  If the Brewers win the NL, I'm rooting for them in the World Series.  Otherwise, I'll root for Boston over Los Angeles.  For reasons I don't really understand.  More of a gut instinct.  Probably cause of the 2015 playoffs, where the Mets played Los Angeles.  Well, figured that one out.  Three and a half paragraphs to go, eh?  I can do that sitting down.  I do all of the entry sitting down!  It's the most convenient way to type at a computer keyboard, I've found.  My Mom gave me a step-above-bic-quality pen, and I'm lovin' it.  It's no fancy fountain pen (Not 100% sure what that is, though, to be honest), but it's just a little nicer than your run of the mill pen, and it makes everything I write seem a little more insightful, a little more urgent, a little more worthwhile.
    Pens!  Since last entry, FiveThirtyEight's projection of the House has gone back up in Democrats' favor.  Cool!  It's high enough where, yeah, there's a 15% chance the Republicans keep the house-- that's totally possible.  But 15%, considering everything, is also low enough where I think we'd be justified in thinking Hmm, they probably stole it by even more of a degree than usual!  And they usually suppress and gerrymander and purge voters to a really high degree already!  Also misinformation and other stuff and whatnot.  One thing though, for sure, it's a big relief to know that Republicans are gonna save coverage for people with pre-existing conditions.  I would have thought they weren't in favor of that, based on all those times they voted against it and filed lawsuits against it, and, well, said they were against it.  But now I know my fears have been unfounded! 
    14th paragraph.
  What the what.  I'm starting to get relatively close to my goal weight, but I' m still not happy with what I see in the mirror.  I guess I'm due to develop that body dysmorphic disorder.  Oh well!  I still gotta lose 15-18 pounds to get to my goal weight, there's a good chance I'll see the results in the mirror that I wanna see when I'm there.  Either that, or Hey I Got A New Disorder!  That's something to be excited about.  What else is crappening.  Heh, Microsoft FrontPage recognizes crappening as a word.  I guess I added it to the dictionary at some point over the last six years and a half years.  That's something to Heh about!
    Alright.  Maybe the last paragraph, or maybe I add one or two more after per my discretion.  What else is going on.  I've seen some reports over the last couple of weeks projecting the Hispanic turnout in the upcoming election may be a letdown, and I would guess it's natural for progressives to be like, C'mon, really?  You're not motivated to vote against these assholes?  But, you gotta look at it from their point of view.  They're thinking, Hmm, I could go to vote to make a small difference in my local elections, but on the other hand, I'd be running the risk of someone showing up and putting me in a cage and separating me from my family.
That's why its all the more important for white people to vote.  We get to do it without really risking violent actions against us!  Do it for those who can't!  Anyway.  16th paragraph.  This may very well be the last one.  What's on the docket for tonight.  More of the same.  Then, I get to see a movie tomorrow!  Real communal experience, gotta love it.  There may be a Pop Tart in my very near future.  Gotta love it.  I got this box of Frosted Mini Wheat's: The Cereal and I snack on that all the time.  One piece of cereal is 10 calories, so I'll just have one or two here and there.  My favorite part is how one side of it is frosted, and the other side isn't, but man oh man is that one side frosted.  Maybe it's no more sugar than it'd be if it was just in the cereal, and I didn't see it, but seeing all that frosting, makes ya think, man, I'm eating a lot of frosting, and that's okay.
    One more paragraph!
  At least.  Probably why I like the non S'more flavors of Pop Tarts.  Frosting on the top!  Anyway, jeez.  Gotten in the habit of brushing my teeth nightly after I shower.  That might not sound like a big deal to you, but 98% of the days in my life I have not brushed my teeth.  Now I am!  And it's fun!  Love that minty flavor, why wasn't I doing this before?!  The point is I expect the proportions of Having Fun:Not Enjoying The Workload:Going Completely Crazy in my Writing My Thing to become more spread out in terms of increasing in the last two areas.  Oh well, what can ya do.  I could just quit, now.  Why would I do that.  I'd say, see if I can get to the point where I'm maybe 30, 35% having fun with it, then it's time to think about quitting.  So I got that to look forward to!  See ya later!

-9:06 P.M.         


Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Don't Look At Me

        Hi.  It's a new month.  Since last month, at least.  That's the truth.  What's going on in the wide world of crap.  Democrats have been slipping in the FiveThirtyEight projection of the midterms.  Very concerning!  The good news is that, whatever happens, I'll still be a middle class white straight male living in a relatively Democratic state.  Suck on that!  Maybe that's the new thing.  I always knew so much of the world didn't have it as lucky as we had it in America-- now I'll just have to refine that to New York.  And when New York State becomes too corrupted, at least I'm in New York City.  And when New York City becomes not good enough, at least I live in my neighborhood.  My neighborhood is pretty cool.  Lots of Asian Americans, and also a rising amount of other people who seem to be different kinds of minorities!
    Anyway.  Something I've been thinking about lately is that, any time I'm uncomfortable about something, or angry, or upset, in the end, it's a learning experience.  Oh, a huge majority of men in America sympathize with Brett Kavanaugh?  Hmm!  I guess a huge majority of men in America are pathetic dicks!  Noted.  I want to become a contributor to the porn site patheticdicks.com  Anyway, jeez.  Writing an entry.  One thing these comedy books I'm reading have said on occasion is that, if you want to write comedy, you should do stand-up.  Even if you don't want to do stand-up, or even be a performer in any sense.  So I was trying to think of ways I could make jokes in a stand-up setting.  I've pretty much given up on the idea that I could just go up there and do jokes.  So I tried to think of bits I can do.  One idea I came up with for 5 minutes was go up there, talk about how much I like all sorts breakfast, and just ask people in the audience what they like to eat for breakfast.  And then I act either disgusted by it (complete with dry heaving), or I refuse to believe that it can be eaten for breakfast, or I don't understand what the food is and they have to explain it to me.
    Great idea?  No!  That's why I didn't/am not doing it.  But if you're thinking about doing it just for the experience, try something new, get a little bit of an idea of what it's like to try Comedy On People, it still could be a learning experience.  Hmm.  I can't do comedy in front of people well.  Noted.
  So, what else is going on.  And, also, I realized while thinking about this, I'd probably get 30 seconds in, panic, and go totally blank.  So, if that happened, I'd just take out my note pad, and just start reading off potential song titles I have written down.  I started that idea by thinking about just listing off real piece of crap song titles I have written down, but then I wrote down more song titles which double as piece of crap song titles and also serve as joke song titles which create some sort of a rhythm if I were performing that bit.
The point is I'm not gonna do that, but I'm still trying to think of something I can do.  Anyway, fourth paragraph.  I also had the idea that, at the end of the Breakfast Bit, it's revealed that I haven't known what breakfast is this entire time.  I was thinking of something else.  Had the idea that, I would start it off by saying something like Breakfast saved my life, and then it turns out I thought it meant Break Fast which I supposedly did to avoid a car accident or something.  But, 1) still not very funny, and 2) kinda messes with the middle of the bit, it becomes too convoluted.  3) alright, guess I'm going to just read song titles.
    Cool!  I've been thinking about what my diet should consist of once I'm done losing weight.  Should I continue basically just eating one real meal a day, and just eat 1000 calories of junk food every day?  Or spread it out two 2 real meals, and a small breakfast, and go that route.  First one sounds more fun.  But, health-wise, second one makes more sense.  Or, I could do what I'm doing now, with the one relatively big meal a day, and do one day eating the same amount I do now.  Then, I alternate that every other day with eating 2000 calories of junk food a day.  Now that sounds like fun!  I don't know.  What's going on in the wide world of crap.  Still got money on poker an it's still an incredible drain on my life force.
    Sixth paragraph.
  I like the idea of relying on a huge female turn out in the midterms.  Takes some of the pressure of me.  The balls in your court now!  Kavanaugh may be in our court now.  The main one.  With the best people. The important thing is we all learned an important lesson.  Lose Faith In Humanity.  Ok Gotcha. And then next week something even worse happens, and I'm like, wait, I already lost faith in humanity last week.  This is a re-run!  Such is life.  I liked reading Judd Apatow's interview of Louie CK (pre-public knowledge of sex harassment) where Louie CK talks about loving Bill Cosby as a kid.  Well, liked is the wrong word.  I found it to be a notable quotable though.  Anyway, not many laugh-em-ups in this entry so far.  What can ya do-- I just re-learned to lose faith in humanity again this week!  It's been very stressful.
    Anyway, jeez.  Gonna be eating supper in an hour and half.  Most likely won't be done with this entry by then.  Great!  Starting to build up a little bit of inspiration to work on new music.  So I got that going for me.  I find it interesting that Evangelical Christians are not only no more moral than the rest of us, but probably are the worst people in the world.  Noted.  Putting that together wasn't uncomfortable to learn, though.  Kinda just confirmed what I already suspected.  Sure something you deduce counts as a confirmation.  I trust my deduction powers.  I'd bet on my deduction powers against yours any day of the Beach Week.  What else.  Planning on trying to quit smoking soon.  I turn 30 on December 12, and I celebrate a New Year on December 31/January 1.  Both would be a nice, round number type of way to make choice.  Write in your suggestions to crazysheet@notarealemail.com.
    Hmm, good domain name to buy.  And then sell e-mails to.  Can you sell e-mails to websites you buy?  I know you can make your own e-mail to whatever domain name you own, but is there a mechanism where you can sell those domain name emails.  I'll write an e-mail the the president of the internet about that.  Maybe if I suck up to him appropriately he'll let me do whatever I want.  Jeez.  Eighth paragraph.  I'm pretty proud of myself every time I spell Eighth correctly.  I get a lot of opportunities writing these entries, it comes up a lot.  Like in the scenario that just happened.  That kind of crap.  One thing I've learned from the MeToo movement is that it's not that difficult to stop being fans or supporters of the 5% of men whose characters have been indicted or whatever.  So I don't like Louie CK anymore? ...I can live with that.
Will I be singing a different tune when that number is bumped up to 10%? ...No, I think I can live with that, too.  What else is going on.  15%? ... That's Where I Draw The Line!!!  Meh.  I guess I could take a self-imposed break after 10 paragraphs.  Makes sense to me.  Either pick it back up after dinner, or after my sometime-after-post-dinner walk.  After post dinner.  It's post dinner, but a little bit more than immediately-post-dinner.  That settles that.  Anyway, jeez.  Still thinking about what to do in life.  Lost some enthusiasm for getting a real job.  I'd have to do stuff, like, many hours a day!  I don't like the sound of that.  I've gotten into a very comfortable daily routine of mostly doing nothing.  Why mess with success?  Alright, I'm gonna take a break now  After 9 paragraphs.  Why not.


An Entry Saved Is An Entry Earned

        Hey friends, I'm back.  I ate dinner and took a walk and everything.  Knockin' some routine out of the park.  I'd like to make a routine of eating poutine.  I just googled poutine.  Wait, that's poutine?  Yeeuch.  Classic Entry Fodder.  Anyway, if I go for 15 paragraphs, we're 3/5ths there!  Awesome.  Here's a food I don't want to eat.  Let's Laugh About It!  Classic Comedy.  This Part II Title really puts the pressure on to save the entry, now that I've explicitly implied I will.  Explicitly implied.. is that an oxymoron?  I don't know.  Let's contact an expert of some sort in that field about it one day.  I wish I had a friend addicted to opiods so I could call him out when he says stupid shit by saying You OxyMoron!  I also wish I hadn't made that joke.  Oh well, such is life.
  11th paragraph.  I don't know.  I've grown to appreciate that entries or paragraphs within entries that aren't funny are still somewhat worthwhile.  Because they say something about me.  And I'm... worth reading about for some reason?  ...I don't have all the details, but just keeping the narrative of my life going means something to some extent.  Or at least that's what I'd like to tell myself when I'm not being funny.  Let's move on.  Entries are like a box of chocolates-- sometimes you get a crappy chocolate, but without it, the experience wouldn't be the same.  Just cracked what that code means in Forest Gump.  That'll show 'em.  Yeeeesh.  Life is just a series of cracking codes.  Being uncomfortable means you're learning something.  Thus, embrace being uncomfortable.  Cracked that code.
I think the tendency for a lot of people, and I include myself, is to feel entitled to never feel uncomfortable, or to have those experiences as minimized as possible.  You'll never learn anything, though, without those times.  Like learning to not have faith in humanity, for example.  Now that I've learnt that I'm a much happier guy!  Learn, learn, learn.  I learn a lot.  Sounds good to me.  Like, tomorrow, I might learn that learning things is wrong.  Then that'll be the last thing I ever learn and my life starts over.  Anyway, jeez.  Act One of life, that's when you're learning.  It's not fun.  Always learning.  It's where you grow as a person, and it sucks.  Act Two, Now That's When... you're resistant to new experiences and knowledge and you don't grow a bit.  Wait, that doesn't sound positive!
    Oh well, such is life.  13th paragraph.  I know someone said there's no second acts in life, but let's say that's debatable.  If someone said it, and it's a thing, that means it must be logical for it to be wrong.  So let's say there are second acts.  Can there be there third acts?  Or is that just out of the question.  Also, can there be intermissions?  Ok, I'm turning 30, act one is over.  Do we get to go out for popcorn and use the restroom until I turn 32?  I would be a proponent of that.  Let's all just take a minute to refresh ourselves and then start up again.  Hey, after this paragraph, I only have two more paragraphs to go!
    Such is life.  There's no penultimate paragraphs to life.  Or, maybe, life is just one long big penultimate paragraph.  From the second we're born to the second before the second we die, we're all just Penultimating it up.  The point of life is hurry up and get to the point.  What else is going on.  I did a real Adult a few days ago and helped my Dad with a Home Improvement type thing.  Some sort of bolt or nut got stuck in a really long tube, and he asked me for help, so I unwound a couple of clothes hangers and used those to poke it out.  It's great because now I'm an Adult Man.  That settles that!  I said, "unwound," instead of, "unwinded."  Adult Man!
    Anyway, last paragraph.  Whatta D(no plus or minus) entry.  That's even worse than usual!  Oh well, what can ya do.  Who said "D's" have to be a bad grade.  Maybe a "D" can be good.  Yeah, yeah, that's it!  Being mediocre is good!  Now we're talking!  What else is going on.  Do you need a license to have a pornography website.  I don't get why people don't just start pornography websites.  Steal videos and pictures from other websites, put it up on your own website, you're a millionaire.  BingBangZoom.  Hmm, good name for my pornography website.  Also, speed up all the videos to 2x normal speed.  I noticed ads on some websites do that, and I think people will really get a kick out of it.  I like fast pornography.  It's my secret shame.  But now I could share it with the world and make millions upon thousands of dollars.
    Bonus Paragraph!  Alright.  It's cause when I watch pornography, I'm always thinking, C'mon!  We All Got Places To Be!  What else is going on.  I'm rooting for the Rockies in today's MLB Wild Card game because I dare you not to have a somewhat decent general opinion of Colorado.  If I bring up Colorado and you don't think, Hey, Colorado, that place probably isn't that bad, then you're wrong and I'm right.  Anyway, what the what.  Next entry'll be in a week or so I guess.  That'll wipe the slate clean from this entry.  Aren't weeks great.  You can always count on a week wiping the penultimate week's slate.  I'll see ya'll later.

-9:11 P.M.

Contact: mankindguy@gmail.com