Friday, October 19, 2018
It's Me, Your Cyber Friend!
Hey. "Cyberspace" is a term that's
fallen out of favor. I blame George Soros. Hey! I was
just watching American History X. It's about a group of very fine
people trying to cope when one of their own becomes a race traitor. It's a
wonder I was able to follow the plot at all, though, considering I've never seen
American Histories One Through Nine. Edward Norton is in jail or going to
jail in a lot of movies. Off the top of my head-- American History X, The
25th Hour, Rounders. Now, to complete my trick, I will check the internet
to see if there are even more! ... Hold on a second, lemme open up
Internet... hmm... browsing, browsing... GIVE ME A MINUTE... browsing...
Oh, right. The Incredible Hulk. I guess Edward Norton's
just got one of those faces that people say, Ya Know, I'd like to see that
guy behind bars.
I predictably didn't know every movie in Edward Norton's
filmography and didn't check all the movies I don't know to see if he's in jail
in them or not. I'm a busy guy, I got things to do! Is pointing out
Trump's racism, as I did in the first few sentences of the entry, just the new
form of Hipster Racism? I pretty much just said racism with irony or
sarcasm as the intention. Sounds like Hipster Racism to me.
How can I alleviate this situation. How about I wouldn't mind getting
into a fist fight with a Nazi if the occasion should strike. I'd get
my ass kicked, sure, but at least it would be for a good cause. Maybe
while the Racist is hurting me someone else will whack him over the head with a
2 x 4. And my distracting him by him pummeling me played a key role in
that 2 x 4 whacking.
I like all my pancakes in 2 x 4 inch dimensions.
Prove me wrong! Anyway. Friday Night Entry. Been a couple of
weeks and felt it was time. Seeing the movie Halloween tomorrow
night. Then, on Halloween, I'm gonna see the movie October 20th.
It's gonna be a good one! I don't know. Been busy with a super top
secret project. I'm writin' a Pilot for a sitcom! That's right, me,
your cyber friend, doing something productive! The way I see it, there are
five potential outcomes from this exercise. Here they are in order of
least likely to most likely-- 1) The Pilot gets made! Hooray!
2) The pilot leads to me getting a job on another show! Hooray!
3) The pilot doesn't get made, or lead to me getting a job, but I
ultimately feel like it was really good and a good first step! Not Bad!
4) I finish the pilot and it's not that good! Oh Well!
5) I never finish the pilot. What Can Ya Do.
So, sure, I got that going on. Not gonna say
anything about it, content-wise, though. I'm playin' this one close to the
chest, which is a phrase I heard in a similar situation in a Batman Movie.
Suffice to say, it's 75% extremely fun to write, it's 15% infuriating how much
constant thought and work I have to put into it, and it's 10% driving me crazy
in ways supplemental to the workload. Anyway, what else is going on.
I feel like, as I should be, I'm aiming for one of the top three outcomes, but I
feel like I wouldn't be too disappointed with #3. That's pretty
obvious. Anyway, let's see what else is in the news. Already
four paragraphs done! And I'm only aiming for 10!
Great! I must have a couple of save-em-ups over the
last two weeks. Let's check the ol' notebook. Oh, here's a good one!
I must have missed American History One Through Nine. Yeesh. I wasn't
lying when I said I was just watching, though. I watched half last
night and watched the second half just now. I wouldn't lie to you in such
a blatant fashion that you would discover my deceit several paragraphs later.
That would reflect poorly on my character. I was thinking about things to
say that could increase voter turn out if someone with a platform said them, and
I came up with something, where in the future, if we could get people into the
mindset that they'd be able to say, You know, I voted in 2018, before it
was cool, that could be effective. I'm not sure how to have that
scenario manifest itself, though. Like, maybe in 2028, we have mandatory,
universal voting, and people are all gung ho about their new role in civic duty.
Then you can be like, you know, it wasn't always mandatory, but I did it
anyway. That's just the kind of guy I was in 2018.
So, step one, find someone with a platform to say that.
Step two, create a world where that future scenario will happen. Step
three, find this blog post! Jeez. Consulting my Notebook, I realize
the last time I laughed heartedly at something on TV was Susan Collins' speech
announcing she was supporting Kavanaugh. So many great comedic moments in
that. You know, about how unfair he was treated, how he'd be an impartial
judge, how he'd protect Roe vs Wade and Obamacare. This lady's got a
future in comedy! Great delivery, too. Totally deadpan.
Anyway, this save-em-up is also a couple of weeks old, and
not really a joke, but interesting nonetheless. While I was reading Judd
Apatow's book of interviews, I had recurring nightmares, literally 3 or 4 nights
in a row, where I had to baby-sit Judd Apatow's children (they were roughly the
age they were in in This Is 40), and I was doing a really bad job. Like, I
would just be hanging out in my room, and I'd think Oh Shit I'm Supposed to
be watching The Apatoweses! Luckily, in the dreams, they lived down
the block from me, so I was able to get over there quickly, and they were doing
Here's a save-em-up. You know the phrase The Enemy
of my Enemy is my Friend? I came up with, The Friend of my
Friend is my Enemy. The logic seems to be congruent, and it kind of
makes sense, because this friend-of-a-friend is gonna be encroaching on your
friend's ability to be your friend. He's gonna be busy with this
other friend (now your enemy), so he won't be as great a friend to you.
Anyway, what paragraph are we into now. Jesus Christ, eighth paragraph
already? I've been sitting here for 15 or 20 minutes! What else is
going on. I was reading Norman Lear's autobiography, and it's an extremely
minor part, but he talks about how when he was a kid one main thing he remembers
about his father is he would go to the bathroom regularly after breakfast, for
30 minutes, and stink up the place. And Norman Lear associates that smell
(combined with the cigarette or cigar he was always smoking then, too) with his
I'm familiar with the concept of a ritualistic bowel
movement, but I've never experienced it. Is this a person-by-person thing?
Where some people just fit that mold biologically? Is it a generational
thing? That's my theory. People from past generations maybe were
more prone to this kind of routine. Especially if they ate prunes.
Rowtine. Huh? You figure it out. And it's not just the
idea of shitting at the same time of day-- it's the sense of making it an
occasion. Like, okay, I'm gonna take a crap! Be back in half
an hour! Oh boy this is gonna be fun. This may be where
the generational thing comes into play. Older people lived in the
depression so they had to make the most fun out of what they had.
Well, I just mentioned This Is 40, and there's
a scene in there that is tangentially related to this. The point is What
Else Is Going On. 10th paragraph. I guess the idea now is to aim for
15 paragraphs. So I got that going for me and whatnot. What's goin'
on in my life. Poker Money? None-- no drain on my Life Force.
Still Losin' Weight? Yup-- down to under 130 pounds! Other stuff?
Nope! Jeez. Still readin' a lot of books. Almost done with
the comedy books, but reading another book concurrently and have some more
planned out. Jeez. The professional writer would stop when
he starts running out of steam. I don't play the game that way!
So, more paragraphs! Just took a 10 minute break
to eat a small cup of Italian Ices. It took 10 minutes because it was
so frozen, for the first 5 minutes, I could only scrape tiny little shavings
with the spoon to eat. I don't mind! In fact, I kind of enjoy it.
It's a small cup, so I don't experience this anymore, but I had a sense memory
to when I was a kid, with a big container of Italian ices (maybe ice cream, but
that's less frozen, so it probably doesn't happen to the same degree), and sort
of imagining it as some sort of nature landscape, and with each spoonful I'm
ever-so-slightly modifying the contours, the mountains, the valleys. The
point is I was and still am a weird kid.
12th paragraph! Cool! MLB Playoffs going
on. If the Brewers win the NL, I'm rooting for them in the World Series.
Otherwise, I'll root for Boston over Los Angeles. For reasons I don't
really understand. More of a gut instinct. Probably cause of the
2015 playoffs, where the Mets played Los Angeles. Well, figured that
one out. Three and a half paragraphs to go, eh? I can do that
sitting down. I do all of the entry sitting down! It's the most
convenient way to type at a computer keyboard, I've found. My Mom gave me
a step-above-bic-quality pen, and I'm lovin' it. It's no fancy fountain
pen (Not 100% sure what that is, though, to be honest), but it's just a little
nicer than your run of the mill pen, and it makes everything I write seem a
little more insightful, a little more urgent, a little more worthwhile.
Pens! Since last entry, FiveThirtyEight's projection of
the House has gone back up in Democrats' favor. Cool! It's high
enough where, yeah, there's a 15% chance the Republicans keep the house-- that's
totally possible. But 15%, considering everything, is also low enough
where I think we'd be justified in thinking Hmm, they probably stole it by
even more of a degree than usual! And they usually suppress and
gerrymander and purge voters to a really high degree already! Also
misinformation and other stuff and whatnot. One thing though, for sure,
it's a big relief to know that Republicans are gonna save coverage for people
with pre-existing conditions. I would have thought they weren't in favor
of that, based on all those times they voted against it and filed lawsuits
against it, and, well, said they were against it. But now I
know my fears have been unfounded!
14th paragraph. What the what. I'm starting
to get relatively close to my goal weight, but I' m still not happy with what I
see in the mirror. I guess I'm due to develop that body dysmorphic
disorder. Oh well! I still gotta lose 15-18 pounds to get to my
goal weight, there's a good chance I'll see the results in the mirror that I
wanna see when I'm there. Either that, or Hey I Got A New Disorder!
That's something to be excited about. What else is crappening.
Heh, Microsoft FrontPage recognizes crappening as a word. I guess I added
it to the dictionary at some point over the last six years and a half years.
That's something to Heh about!
Alright. Maybe the last paragraph, or maybe I add
one or two more after per my discretion. What else is going on. I've
seen some reports over the last couple of weeks projecting the Hispanic turnout
in the upcoming election may be a letdown, and I would guess it's natural for
progressives to be like, C'mon, really? You're not motivated to vote
against these assholes? But, you gotta look at it from their point of
view. They're thinking, Hmm, I could go to vote to make a small
difference in my local elections, but on the other hand, I'd be running the
risk of someone showing up and putting me in a cage and separating me from my
That's why its all the more important for white people to
vote. We get to do it without really risking violent actions against us!
Do it for those who can't! Anyway. 16th paragraph. This may
very well be the last one. What's on the docket for tonight. More of
the same. Then, I get to see a movie tomorrow! Real communal
experience, gotta love it. There may be a Pop Tart in my very near future.
Gotta love it. I got this box of Frosted Mini Wheat's: The Cereal and I
snack on that all the time. One piece of cereal is 10 calories, so I'll
just have one or two here and there. My favorite part is how one side of
it is frosted, and the other side isn't, but man oh man is that one side
frosted. Maybe it's no more sugar than it'd be if it was just in
the cereal, and I didn't see it, but seeing all that frosting, makes ya think,
man, I'm eating a lot of frosting, and that's okay.
One more paragraph! At least. Probably
why I like the non S'more flavors of Pop Tarts. Frosting on the top!
Anyway, jeez. Gotten in the habit of brushing my teeth nightly after I
shower. That might not sound like a big deal to you, but 98% of the days
in my life I have not brushed my teeth. Now I am! And it's fun!
Love that minty flavor, why wasn't I doing this before?! The point is I
expect the proportions of Having Fun:Not Enjoying The Workload:Going Completely
Crazy in my Writing My Thing to become more spread out in terms of increasing in
the last two areas. Oh well, what can ya do. I could just quit,
now. Why would I do that. I'd say, see if I can get to the point
where I'm maybe 30, 35% having fun with it, then it's time to think about
quitting. So I got that to look forward to! See ya later!
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
Don't Look At Me
Hi. It's a new month. Since last
month, at least. That's the truth. What's going on in the wide world
of crap. Democrats have been slipping in the FiveThirtyEight projection of
the midterms. Very concerning! The good news is that, whatever
happens, I'll still be a middle class white straight male living in a relatively
Democratic state. Suck on that! Maybe that's the new thing.
I always knew so much of the world didn't have it as lucky as we had it in
America-- now I'll just have to refine that to New York. And when New York
State becomes too corrupted, at least I'm in New York City. And when New
York City becomes not good enough, at least I live in my neighborhood. My
neighborhood is pretty cool. Lots of Asian Americans, and also a rising
amount of other people who seem to be different kinds of minorities!
Anyway. Something I've been thinking about lately is
that, any time I'm uncomfortable about something, or angry, or upset, in the
end, it's a learning experience. Oh, a huge majority of men in America
sympathize with Brett Kavanaugh? Hmm! I guess a huge majority of men
in America are pathetic dicks! Noted. I want to become a
contributor to the porn site patheticdicks.com Anyway, jeez. Writing
an entry. One thing these comedy books I'm reading have said on occasion
is that, if you want to write comedy, you should do stand-up. Even if you
don't want to do stand-up, or even be a performer in any sense. So I was
trying to think of ways I could make jokes in a stand-up setting. I've
pretty much given up on the idea that I could just go up there and do jokes.
So I tried to think of bits I can do. One idea I came up with for 5
minutes was go up there, talk about how much I like all sorts breakfast, and
just ask people in the audience what they like to eat for breakfast. And
then I act either disgusted by it (complete with dry heaving), or I refuse to
believe that it can be eaten for breakfast, or I don't understand what the food
is and they have to explain it to me.
Great idea? No! That's why I didn't/am not doing
it. But if you're thinking about doing it just for the experience, try
something new, get a little bit of an idea of what it's like to try Comedy On
People, it still could be a learning experience. Hmm. I can't do
comedy in front of people well. Noted.
So, what else is going on. And, also, I realized while thinking about
this, I'd probably get 30 seconds in, panic, and go totally blank. So, if
that happened, I'd just take out my note pad, and just start reading off
potential song titles I have written down. I started that idea by thinking
about just listing off real piece of crap song titles I have written down, but
then I wrote down more song titles which double as piece of crap song titles and
also serve as joke song titles which create some sort of a rhythm if I were
performing that bit.
The point is I'm not gonna do that, but I'm still trying
to think of something I can do. Anyway, fourth paragraph. I also had
the idea that, at the end of the Breakfast Bit, it's revealed that I haven't
known what breakfast is this entire time. I was thinking of something
else. Had the idea that, I would start it off by saying something like
Breakfast saved my life, and then it turns out I thought it meant Break
Fast which I supposedly did to avoid a car accident or something. But,
1) still not very funny, and 2) kinda messes with the middle of the bit, it
becomes too convoluted. 3) alright, guess I'm going to just read song
Cool! I've been thinking about what my diet should
consist of once I'm done losing weight. Should I continue basically just
eating one real meal a day, and just eat 1000 calories of junk food every day?
Or spread it out two 2 real meals, and a small breakfast, and go that route.
First one sounds more fun. But, health-wise, second one makes more
sense. Or, I could do what I'm doing now, with the one relatively big meal
a day, and do one day eating the same amount I do now. Then, I alternate
that every other day with eating 2000 calories of junk food a day.
Now that sounds like fun! I don't know. What's
going on in the wide world of crap. Still got money on poker an it's still
an incredible drain on my life force.
Sixth paragraph. I like the idea of relying on a
huge female turn out in the midterms. Takes some of the pressure of me.
The balls in your court now! Kavanaugh may be in our court now.
The main one. With the best people. The important thing is we all learned
an important lesson. Lose Faith In Humanity. Ok Gotcha.
And then next week something even worse happens, and I'm like, wait, I
already lost faith in humanity last week. This is a re-run!
Such is life. I liked reading Judd Apatow's interview of Louie CK
(pre-public knowledge of sex harassment) where Louie CK talks about loving Bill
Cosby as a kid. Well, liked is the wrong word. I found it to be a
notable quotable though. Anyway, not many laugh-em-ups in this entry so
far. What can ya do-- I just re-learned to lose faith in humanity again
this week! It's been very stressful.
Anyway, jeez. Gonna be eating supper in an hour and
half. Most likely won't be done with this entry by then. Great!
Starting to build up a little bit of inspiration to work on new music. So
I got that going for me. I find it interesting that Evangelical Christians
are not only no more moral than the rest of us, but probably are the worst
people in the world. Noted. Putting that together
wasn't uncomfortable to learn, though. Kinda just confirmed what I already
suspected. Sure something you deduce counts as a confirmation.
I trust my deduction powers. I'd bet on my deduction powers against yours
any day of the Beach Week. What else. Planning on trying to quit
smoking soon. I turn 30 on December 12, and I celebrate a New Year on
December 31/January 1. Both would be a nice, round number type of way to
make choice. Write in your suggestions to
Hmm, good domain name to buy. And then sell
e-mails to. Can you sell e-mails to websites you buy? I know you can
make your own e-mail to whatever domain name you own, but is there a mechanism
where you can sell those domain name emails. I'll write an e-mail the the
president of the internet about that. Maybe if I suck up to him
appropriately he'll let me do whatever I want. Jeez. Eighth
paragraph. I'm pretty proud of myself every time I spell Eighth
correctly. I get a lot of opportunities writing these entries, it comes up
a lot. Like in the scenario that just happened. That kind of crap.
One thing I've learned from the MeToo movement is that it's not that difficult
to stop being fans or supporters of the 5% of men whose characters have been
indicted or whatever. So I don't like Louie CK anymore? ...I can live
Will I be singing a different tune when that number is
bumped up to 10%? ...No, I think I can live with that, too. What
else is going on. 15%? ... That's Where I Draw The Line!!!
Meh. I guess I could take a self-imposed break after 10 paragraphs.
Makes sense to me. Either pick it back up after dinner, or after my
sometime-after-post-dinner walk. After post dinner. It's post
dinner, but a little bit more than immediately-post-dinner. That
settles that. Anyway, jeez. Still thinking about what to do in life.
Lost some enthusiasm for getting a real job. I'd have to do stuff, like,
many hours a day! I don't like the sound of that. I've gotten
into a very comfortable daily routine of mostly doing nothing. Why mess
with success? Alright, I'm gonna take a break now After 9
paragraphs. Why not.
An Entry Saved Is An Entry Earned
Hey friends, I'm back. I ate dinner and
took a walk and everything. Knockin' some routine out of the park.
I'd like to make a routine of eating poutine. I just googled poutine.
Wait, that's poutine? Yeeuch. Classic Entry Fodder.
Anyway, if I go for 15 paragraphs, we're 3/5ths there! Awesome.
Here's a food I don't want to eat. Let's Laugh About It!
Classic Comedy. This Part II Title really puts the pressure on to
save the entry, now that I've explicitly implied I will. Explicitly
implied.. is that an oxymoron? I don't know. Let's contact an
expert of some sort in that field about it one day. I wish I had a friend
addicted to opiods so I could call him out when he says stupid shit by saying
You OxyMoron! I also wish I hadn't made that joke. Oh
well, such is life.
11th paragraph. I don't know. I've grown to appreciate that
entries or paragraphs within entries that aren't funny are still somewhat
worthwhile. Because they say something about me. And I'm... worth
reading about for some reason? ...I don't have all the details, but just
keeping the narrative of my life going means something to some extent. Or
at least that's what I'd like to tell myself when I'm not being funny.
Let's move on. Entries are like a box of chocolates-- sometimes you get a
crappy chocolate, but without it, the experience wouldn't be the same.
Just cracked what that code means in Forest Gump. That'll show 'em.
Yeeeesh. Life is just a series of cracking codes. Being
uncomfortable means you're learning something. Thus, embrace being
uncomfortable. Cracked that code.
I think the tendency for a lot of people, and I include
myself, is to feel entitled to never feel uncomfortable, or to have those
experiences as minimized as possible. You'll never learn anything, though,
without those times. Like learning to not have faith in humanity, for
example. Now that I've learnt that I'm a much happier guy! Learn,
learn, learn. I learn a lot. Sounds good to me. Like,
tomorrow, I might learn that learning things is wrong. Then that'll be the
last thing I ever learn and my life starts over. Anyway, jeez.
Act One of life, that's when you're learning. It's not fun. Always
learning. It's where you grow as a person, and it sucks. Act Two,
Now That's When... you're resistant to new experiences and knowledge and you
don't grow a bit. Wait, that doesn't sound positive!
Oh well, such is life. 13th paragraph. I know
someone said there's no second acts in life, but let's say that's debatable.
If someone said it, and it's a thing, that means it must be logical for it to be
wrong. So let's say there are second acts. Can there be there third
acts? Or is that just out of the question. Also, can there be
intermissions? Ok, I'm turning 30, act one is over. Do we get to go
out for popcorn and use the restroom until I turn 32? I would be a
proponent of that. Let's all just take a minute to refresh ourselves and
then start up again. Hey, after this paragraph, I only have two more
paragraphs to go!
Such is life. There's no penultimate paragraphs to
life. Or, maybe, life is just one long big penultimate paragraph.
From the second we're born to the second before the second we die, we're all
just Penultimating it up. The point of life is hurry up and get to the
point. What else is going on. I did a real Adult a few days ago
and helped my Dad with a Home Improvement type thing. Some sort of bolt or
nut got stuck in a really long tube, and he asked me for help, so I unwound a
couple of clothes hangers and used those to poke it out. It's great
because now I'm an Adult Man. That settles that! I said,
"unwound," instead of, "unwinded." Adult Man!
Anyway, last paragraph. Whatta D(no plus or minus)
entry. That's even worse than usual! Oh well, what can ya do.
Who said "D's" have to be a bad grade. Maybe a "D" can be good.
Yeah, yeah, that's it! Being mediocre is good! Now we're
talking! What else is going on. Do you need a license to have a
pornography website. I don't get why people don't just start pornography
websites. Steal videos and pictures from other websites, put it up on your
own website, you're a millionaire. BingBangZoom. Hmm, good name
for my pornography website. Also, speed up all the videos to 2x normal
speed. I noticed ads on some websites do that, and I think people will
really get a kick out of it. I like fast pornography. It's my
secret shame. But now I could share it with the world and make
millions upon thousands of dollars.
Bonus Paragraph! Alright. It's cause when I watch
pornography, I'm always thinking, C'mon! We All Got Places To Be!
What else is going on. I'm rooting for the Rockies in today's MLB Wild
Card game because I dare you not to have a somewhat decent general opinion of
Colorado. If I bring up Colorado and you don't think, Hey, Colorado,
that place probably isn't that bad, then you're wrong and I'm right.
Anyway, what the what. Next entry'll be in a week or so I guess.
That'll wipe the slate clean from this entry. Aren't weeks great.
You can always count on a week wiping the penultimate week's slate. I'll
see ya'll later.