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Wednesday, February 26, 2020

A World Without Titles!

    Sounds wonderful.  Yes sounds are wonderful but have you heard the good news about visions?  Feels are fine, taste is great-- we can all agree we can mostly do without smells, though, right?  Smells are the only sense where there's certainly a terrible, disgusting end of the spectrum, but on the other side even pleasant smells we can usually do without, right?  Like, perfume or cologne or anything-- its really just to mask Negative Smells.  It's never that great in and of itself.  I feel very strongly about this!  The point is I just bought a deck of playing cards as an impulse buy waiting on line at the drug store.  I'm gonna have fun with these Somehow! I thought, not fully knowing How I'd Have Fun With These Somehow.
    JACK OF SPADES.  First card I drew after shuffling.  My first interpretation of what that card could mean was hmm the next most valuable card after Jack of Hearts which is from Bob Dylan Song Fame.  Then after forgetting about it for a while I was like wait there's that expression Jack of All Spades!  Holy Shit this card REALLY MEANS SOMETHING.  Someone whose pretty good at lots of stuff!  Then after some more time with something else on my mind I returned to it once more and was like Wait a second I think it's Jack of All TRADES.  But it rhymes with Jack of Spades.  See!  Having Fun Already!  Also check out my really shitty off-brand Tarot Card Readings where I use a regular deck of cards.  Uh oh you just drew the FIVE OF DIAMONDS.  Bad, bad luck.  I dunno, people into Tarot are probably also into numerology and whatnot.  They'd probably be into Regular Card Tarot Readings.
    So that's one possible vocation I could look into.  Remember when Ross Tarot ran for president!  He was the modern day precedent for Bloomberg!  Remember the hundreds of people who unsuccessfully ran for presidents in primaries?  They were modern day precedents for Bloomberg!  Because they're all losers!  I'm not happy with that, I don't wanna call people losers.  There was a Beck song that empowered people called losers, though, so at least they/we have that to fall back on.  Soy Un Perdedor.  I used to think he was aying Soy (or whatever) Open The Door.  And I thought it was a song about opening doors.
    Watchin' Bernie Sanders Nevada victory speech last Saturday was fun.  I was like wait a second GOOD THINGS CAN HAPPEN?  I dunno, I'm gonna have to look into that...  The point is Young People are freakin' all in for Bernie and I hope it works out for them.  One day Young People will be Old People.  Dunno what my point was gonna be there but it is factually accurate.  Caronavirus!  I would have thought the establishment would act swiftly on that because Old People support them establishment types electorally!  You lose a million or 2 old people, next election, the awful, awful youth will have more of a say!  TERRIFYING.  Jack of Spades.  David Spade probably has a relative on his Dad's side named Jack, right?  If he doesn't, he he does now!  Not sure what that means.  He has a cousin whose name isn't Jack but who reads This Website and decided to legally change his name to Jack as per the context of this paragraph. Oh okay now I get it.
    Jack whom reads this website?  It's probably Who but does anyone ever like using the word Whom?  Whether you're sure its right to use, sure its wrong to use, or anywhere in between, using or reading whom or just thinking about it, what a crappy word!  I feel very strongly about this.  Good idea for a The Who cover band, though.  The Whom.  Kinda makes sense literally, too, right?  Again-- not sure!  But either way lets move on with our lives, seems like the right thing to do, right?  I was thinking about how I talk about eating steak on the website a lot and I was like hmm I apparently eat a lot of steak.  Which, I can't say if there's a cause of effect, but I've noticed nowadays I want to eat even more steak.  I go through a two part dinner of steak and seafood?  A day off with something else, then a two part dinner of steak and eggs!  Its healthy delicious and there's variety!  Livin' the life.
    One day I won't be able to afford steak.  I could buy a stake in steak, though.  Maybe a time-share situation.  Who came up with Trump Steaks.  Either Trump did and was like Hey you know what's classy?  Meat.  Probably someone pitched it to him, though.  I bet it went a little something like THIS...  Hey Trump you wanna put your name on steaks?  Yeah sure sounds good.  I am a master satirist!  If I was Trump and putting my name on a cut of meat, how about Trump Roasts.  Hmm Trump Roasts MAKES ME THINK OF what if Trump's next job is just being the Roastmaster General.  I think he kinda thinks that's what his job is right now.  He's in charge of roasting his enemies.  And all the people that like him, the reason they like him is because of how clever he is.  Hey this guy look sleepy to me.  MASTER SATIRIST.  Sure that's what satire is.  Which Is Exactly What A Master Satirist Might Say!        
    Let's Call A Spade A Spade.  Yeah that's what I was gonna do why would you even think to assume otherwise.  Hey its the seventh paragraph.  I wasn't even gonna write an entry today!  But then I ended up doing so apparently.  Also, the steak you get with eggs, or with some stuffed filet of sole-- not the fanciest steak!  We're talking maybe only two or three levels above Trump steak!  You'd think the fancy Steak & Seafood Steak would be the top steak, but it's really not!  The point is huh wonderful.  What's Bernie's stance on Meat and Vegetarianism and Veganism?  I'm pretty sure he eats meat because that's the easiest thing for me to imagine, but sure I'd be interested in hearing his thoughts on that.  I wanna hear his thoughts on all sorts of things unrelated or tangentially related to politics!
    Whatever.  This ain't the greatest entry but it's also Still Something.  Anyway.  The ONE liberal issue that Bernie doesn't have a 100% perfect record on is Guns, and I was reading about this back a long time ago, and the explanation is basically sometimes there are bills in congress where there's a shit load of stuff in the bill, and sometimes you like some of it and don't like other parts of it.  So you need to vote either for it or against it.  Gotta decide!  Unless you're a coward and just don't vote for or against it.  But if you vote either way you're leaving yourself exposed, because either way, they can say you voted for/voted against the other part.  So I wouldn't be too hard on him for that.  That settles that!         
The point is sure I'm gonna get Subway for lunch in a bit, what, you thought I wasn't going to get Subway?  See I'm just like you I eat Subway!  The Sandwich Industry can't be happy with the names for sandwiches out there.  Subway.  I've seen subways they're disgusting.  Hero.  Sounds stupid what does it have to do with Heroes.  Hoagie.  Just saying that word makes me want to throw up.  Blimpie. ... ... Are we actually supposed to call the sandwiches Blimpies?  You go into a Blimpies, do you go give me a 12 inch Blimpie!  Some pun with Led Zeppelin, I dunno, you figure it out!
    Anyway.  Isn't the Republican scare tactic for the Green New Deal that We're Not Allowed To Have Cows Anymore?  So me eating steak is a good thing.  Well, for the next week or so.  Just get rid of what we got.  Then no more steak at all.  But, if I wanna get steak and eggs tonight, I'm being a Good American.   Anyway.  I know we're not really gonna stop having cows, but the truth in that is that cow farts are terrible for the environment.  However, good compromise solution-- lets just teach these cows Shame.  Make em embarrassed to fart!  Get 'em to hold them farts in and then everyone comes out on top!  There was a couple of microseconds just now where I was like Wait a second IS THAT POSSIBLE?  Maybe it is, I dunno.  Let's get Dr. Doolittle in to consult on that one.  Alright gonna  go get me some Sandwich.  


These Cards Are Too Slippery!

    True story.  Anyway, I feel like this entry has been a solid B- so far!  Hopefully reflecting real neutrally on me.  That's the dream, right?  I dunno.  Some smells are pretty good.  I dunno.  Here's the 1 save-em-up I have from the past few days-- Whenever I get/see someone get Sliver Dollar Pancakes, they're invariably 3 or 4 x as big as a silver dollar.  If you're gonna go out of your way to specific how big something will be in its name, Jeez, can you at least get it right?!?  Maybe I just happen to be a patron of some really dishonest diners, I dunno!  Write in your Silver Dollar Pancake Experiences to mankindguy@gmail.comThis paragraph can use one more Bullshit, lengthwise.  Not 100% happy with Banana Peppers.  Why.
True story.  I was gonna say why call 'em Banana but then I gave up writing that sentence.  Anyway, was thinking about Subway, then thought about Jared From Subway, and has anyone ever said in prison, HE'S Gonna Be The Sandwich!!!?  At first I was like of course people have said it but then I thought wait a second, it doesn't really make sense.  So, if you're saying things that don't make sense, that makes it less likely people have said it.  I saw Bernie said he was gonna legalize marijuana on Day 1!!! Can He Also Cure My Mental Illness So I Can Smoke Marijuana And Have It Effect Me Positively?  Cause, if so, OHHHH BOY AM I ON BOARD.  Even neutrally, that's a step forward!
    That was the first smell this last walk that made me reconsider my rule on Smells Ain't That Great.  I smelled some pot and was like that ain't bad.  Then I thought hey how about pussy am I right that smells like... then I put that one in my back pocket and continued on with my walk the way I was before this intrusive line of thoughts.  Anyway.  I separated the Rules of Bridge cards but left in the 2 Jokers before I started playing.  Prove me wrong!  Then I did a couple of rounds of dealing 2 hand Texas Hold 'Em hands.  And I played against myself.  But could only make the decisions I would make for each player as if they didn't know the other player's hand.  And also, always at least call pre-flop cause I I wanna see how this hand develops lets see some community cards.
When you get a new deck of cards, don't you usually get 2 Jokers?  Doesn't that fly in the face of the whole premise of Joker: The Major Motion Picture?  That he's like 1 loner idiosyncratic guy?  Each deck has 2 jokers!  You're a joker, guess what, good news, there's another joker out there to be friends with!  Also when I get Steak & Eggs I get egg whites.  What are yuo gonna do about it?  Nothin' that's what!  And another thing SILVER DOLLAR PANCAKES... that's mywebsite!  Whatta joy.  What does Bernie Sanders eat for breakfast.  What's his favorite band.  Favorite COMEDIAN OH MAN WOULD I KILL FOR THAT INFORMATION.
    No I wouldn't.  Figured I should make that abundantly clear.  I'd find it fascinating but Killing People Is Where I Draw The Line!  I don't like the premise of his Political Revolution where we all have to do our best to step up for each other and embrace our power cause I Just Want Him To Be President And Then Figure Everything From Then On Will Work Out Well Enough, And Then TUNE THE FUCK OUT.  Having to be a good citizen for the next 8 years?  COUNT ME OUT.  I'll be a NEUTRAL citizen, that's it!  That's where I draw the line!  A solid B-/B citizen!  I think that's all we really need!  Hey we're at 15 paragraphs right now.  Figure I'll write another five then call it a day.     


The Entry Must Go On

    True title.  Kinda weird how we're already like 60 days into the year.  2 months doesn't seem like that much, especially when one is February, even if its a long February.  But 60 days Holy Shit THAT'S A LOT OF DAYS. I'll be a good citizen under Bernie.  I'll give myself some more credit, I'll be a solid B/B+ citizen.  I'll be a good citizen under any president.  A solid B/B+ citizen, at least.  As long as the main responsibility of Being a Citizen is re-watching Tales From The Crypt over and over and over again.  Cause I can do that, no question.  I'll do it again tonight!  I like the ones with Sex.  Very titillating.  There's a Title-Pun I rarely use.  Too complicated a word! 
    Whatever.  Not 100% sure what Bloomberg or Biden or Buttegieg would be running on in a general election.  Build enthusiasm among the Democratic base.  Hey you know all those policies that a clear majority of you support and have talked about for the last few years?  Well, You Can Forget About Those But How Do You Feel About... I dunno.  What do they got?  A public option.  I guess.  And that's the weird thing about thinking about uniting behind someone to stop Bernie.  Uhh, there are some results in!  And polls in other states pretty consistent with the results!  A plurality-moving-toward-majority of people are voting for Bernie!  If someone else wins the nomination, a huuuge part of their supporters Are Gonna Be The Exact Same People Who Were Just Supporting Bernie!  How are you gonna be the unity candidate YOU JERK.  WE KNOW YOU'RE JERKS IS THE POINT.  We're onto your game!  Jerk Game!
    Wow.  Also, one line of attack is like Bernie is making all these promises irresponsibly!  I fully expect a lot of what he is a proponent for won't happen immediately, if at all.  He's promising us that he'll fight for us, that's it.  And that's something I do have faith in.  He's not gonna become president and just coast and enjoy the perks of the office.  Meanwhile, the other candidates (save for Warren) are promising us that They Want To Be President And May Or May Not Deliver Modest Incremental Progress But The Main Point Is They Want To Be President.  I mean, what's driving Biden and Buttegieg and Bloomberg?  It's pretty obvious, I think, that they just want to be president.  Making the country a better place is secondary if even a real consideration at all.  Where as Bernie and Warren, I truly get the sense they want to help.  Especially Bernie.  That's why he's in it.  What about Klobochar.  I dunno what her deal is get off my back about it.
Anyway.  And I'm sure Bernie and Warren have big egos, too.  I'm sure all successful politicians are full of themselves to some large degree.  But for them I think that's not as much a dominant quality than for others.  Two paragraphs to go for some reason.  Maybe I'll watch that sexy sexy Tales From The Crypt after this!  Wunderbar.  The best alternative to Steak Variations for dinner is Breakfast For Dinner.  We're talking chocolate chip pancakes.  We're talking French Toast Challah Type.  We're talking French Toast Old-Fashioned Type.  We're talking Waffles With Chicken, Waffles With Egg Whites.  We're Talking Omelets.  The possibilities aren't quite endless but there's probably several dozen possibilities out there when it comes to Breakfasts For Dinners.  If you count different kinds of omelets as different things.
    Can't stand omelets with cheese.  Dunno why.  I'm okay with a Breakfast Sandwich where there's egg and cheese.  I just don't want them to be 100% combined.  A slice of cheese on an egg patty or something?  That's fine.  But one bite wit cheesy egg?  Not On Board!  I Feel Relatively Strongly About This.  Also, I dunno if it's just my family, or maybe a New York thing, but my entire life I was raised to call Challah Bread "Hall-ey."  Instead of ending it with an Ah it ends with an Eeee.  Anyway, this is the 20th paragraph, figure I'll call it a day now.  The point is I Forget The Point but let's continue being a solid B-/B while aspiring to become a B/B+!  Progress.  See ya later.

-3:53 P.M. 


Saturday, February 22, 2020

Think Fast!

    You don't tell me what to do.  Wait, DO you?  Uh oh.  Saw a new psychiatrist yesterday!  Asian Lady where English is not her first language.  She's proficient enough at it, sure, but I expect more from my psychiatrists.  Also she was like you're on too many medications!  We need to Simplify Things!  That takes a lot of guts.  Just ripping up the playbook on the first day coaching the new team!  Takes balls.  And she goes how do you feel about that.  And I'm like You're the doc, doc!  I learned about that phrase in one of The Back To The Futures.  Is it ever established what kind of Doctor Doc Brown was?  I mean, amateur scientists who build stuff, there's no doctorate in that.  So either he has a PHD in something or he's just some jerk who at some point said I'm Gonna Identify As a Doctor From Now On!  II guess.  At the very least, he's on the DOctor Spectrum.  Can we agree on that?
    Doc Brown must have had to go, over and over, Jeeesus Fucking Christ.  I'm gonna have to do SO MUCH SHIT knowing what's gonna happen.  And I have to do it The Right Way or else it'd fuck up the space time continuum.  He NEVER gets to just enjoy the moment or have a human interaction with Marty McFly.  Just has to constantly think, gotta get from Point A to Point B to Point Z JUST RIGHT.  Ugh.  30+ years of just a nonstop slog.  At some point you'd think he'd grow to hate and despise Marty McFly, right?  Just fuck this guy I have to live my fuckin' entire life to make this jerk happy Or At Least Exist?  Anyway, here's a Politics I thought of-- if we'd really be paying more overall with Medicare-for-all, why would the industry be against it?  Maybe I'm speaking out of term but my impression of industry is that they like to make as much money as possible. 


I Know All About Titles

    They ideally produce tittles.  That's a synonym of laughter, right?  There's chuckles, there's giggles, and then there's tittles.  Well Microsoft FrontPage recognizes tittles as a word.  Guess it was a little less funny than I thought and a lot more accurate.  Lemme enter that into dictionary.org and see if it means what I Say It Means.  I actually just entered in dictionary.org to Google Chrome.  For Fun!  Nothin' there other than a placeholder!  Anyway lets get back on track.  OH RIGHT


a dot or other small mark in writing or printing, used as a diacritic, punctuation, etc.
a very small part or quantity; a particle, jot, or whit:He said he didn't care a tittle.


    NOW I REMEMBER THERE WAS AN ENTIRE STORYLINE IN OZ: THE MAJOR MOTION HBO SERIES ABOUT THIS.  It's true!  There was a fake TV gameshow in Oz: The Prison Drama (Why wouldn't there be?) and the guy who runs Oz was facing off against Robert Iler of Tony Soprano II Fame and they're like what's a tittle and AJ knows it but the guy who runs Oz GETS IT WRONG.  The point is you can learn knowledge in the most surprising places and then unsurprisingly forget that knowledge, make a stupid joke out of the subject matter of that knowledge, look it up, gain the knowledge all over again!
    Isn't that The Sopranos Movie coming out in November?  I hope they tell us how to vote.  I'm really counting on Popular Culture to step up and trick even Trump Supporters to vote against him.  The balls in your court, TV!  Also I count CNN and FOX NEWS and MSNBC as Popular Culture.  Prove me wrong!  I think it takes a lot of balls for Michael Bloomberg to spend 800 million dollars telling bad jokes.  He must have spent multi-million dollars commissioning the best possible Funny-Lines and they're both Not That Funny and also He Ain't Comin' Up With Those Jokes!  One that confused me is that he put up a billboard Donald Trump Eats Burnt Steak (Michael Bloomberg Eats Medium Rare)  I'm guessing that came from Bloomberg's Inner Circle and not some real comedian he paid 600 thousand dollars.  OH WHAT  SICK BURN!  HE LIKES HIS STEAK A CERTAIN WAY.  THAT'LL HUMILIATE HIM FOR SURE!
Maybe it does among the ultra-rich, I dunno!  They razz each other on how well they like steak.  Is it like a carnivore-proto-homo sapian thing?  I'm more of a Man because I don't leave this food over the fire as long as this other guy.  Ooooh, "Burnt Steak!"  How Fancy!  The point is MY DAD GETS BURNT STEAK AND HAMBURGERS YOU SAYIN' HE'S NOT A MAN?  For the recordFor the record I'm good with medium-well and/or well done.  Well, "Or."  Not "And/Or."  No, "And," in that situation.  Unless I'm going Medium VERY Well or SLIGHTLY Well Done.  Somethin' along those lines.  Anyway.  Donald Trump Is Bad At Golf.  That'll win over his base.  They play golf all the time! 
The point is if Bloomberg gave me 15 million dollars Sure I'd Come Up With Some Comedy For Him Which May Be Enough To Swing The Election In His Favor!  I'm either That Confident In My Abilities or That Confident That I Could Swindle 15 Million Dollars Out Of Bloomberg By Promising I Have That Ability Cause What Does He Have To Lose It's Pocket Change To Him.  How come change suddenly loses its value when its in your pocket.  That's when its most valuable!  You got pocket change, great!  You can pay for an arcade game or maybe tbe bus.  You got change lying around your dresser?  What the hell are you ever gonna do with that?  Throw it in the garbage its useless!  I have a shit load of accumulated change over the years.  I want to pay someone more than it would amount to to roll it up in the rolls and take it to the bank.  Lets say its worth 120 dollars.  I would happily pay someone 150 dollars to take care of that.
    No I wouldn't.  That's more accurate I guess.  Back when I first started working on The New Monkees in Early Fall 2018 I was like man if I crank this out in a few months and it everything is expedited I can have this out in Fall 2020 Use Some Popular Culture To Trick Trump Supporters To Abandon Him.  Anyway, I don't think I mean this hyperbolically or to make a political point, I'm just wondering-- is there anything Trump can do that would have him lose a significant amount of his supporters?  There must be, right?  I just can't think of it.  The good news is his supporters are the minority of the country.  Hah lets laugh at them with Popular Culture and structure society to exploit them except they're blaming the wrong people for being exploited.  What Are They Gonna Do About It?  It's the perfect crime or something! 
    Anyway, I had a dream about Back To The Future last night, and it was essentially me in current time (or maybe a few years into the future) and I'm Me but in the entertainment business somehow, like not a mogul necessarily but I have my foot in the door, and I'm like hey you know what I'd like to see?  Back To The Future IV and everyone goes CRAZY and it's like I'm a genius for this great idea and then part of me in the back of my brain is going uh lots of people liked those movies... all I said was Hey There Should Be Another One.  Anyway in this scenario I BELIEVE Christopher Lloyd was dead (Sorry!) such is life I guess.  I just googled Christopher Lloyd and if there's ever a drama biopic of Larry David I think Christopher Lloyd as Larry David is one way to go.  Sure, great.
I'm sure reasonable people can agree Back To The Future III was by far the worst while still being a pretty good movie, but I realized recently it's literally the only Western I grew up with.  SO TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT FOR SOME REASON.  The fun part about re-watching Back To The Future over and over past childhood and into adulthood is that literally every time you see it you come up with another HUGE plot hole about how this doesn't make sense or wouldn't work or something.  Not only are you like, once, well this wouldn't make sense in the logic of this movie, but you can watch it dozens of times and come up with dozens of distinct That-Don't-Make-Sense's.
    WOW!  Last few weeks I've had recurring dreams that I have a relatively nice apartment somewhere in NYC in terms of for my age and if I had a reasonable paying job.  Like, maybe studio, maybe one bedroom-- not great but in the context of the current economy Not Bad.  I dunno if I have a job in this scenario but the point is It Can't Hurt To Dream Right?  Unless you get hurt in your dream.  If you get hurt in your dream you get hurt in real life.  Somethin' along those lines.  I'm not 100% sure what Bloomberg thinks he's offering us.  He's a business man?  Hey you jerks you don't OWN businesses so obviously you have no idea how Working People do things.  Besides, the country is like a Big Business!  You gotta make the share holders money and exploit the workers to the greatest degree possible to increase your nut!  VOTE FOR ME!
I dunno, crap like that.  I've never been exploited as a worker because I've only had one job in my life and I Wasn't That Great A Worker.  Great defense from being exploited!  Give 'em nothin' to exploit!  You gotta exploit them before they can exploit you!  Turn in some real shitty work, get paid the same as if you did well, then you're comin' out on top!  Class Struggle.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Figure I'll take a walk soon.  Walk III of V, VI, or even VII.  Well, today, either V or VI.  Writin' Entry is takin' up some potential walking time.  I dunno, crap and crap. 
    What if everything just goes to arbitration.  To minimize exploitation.  Like in baseball, before someone can become a free agent, at the end if the season, they go before an UNBIASED committee to determine their salary for the next year, based on their projected worth to the team.  And the player and the team both propose a salary and either they privately negotiate to a number between their proposed numbers, or they take a chance and the Arbitrators either choose the team's number or the player's number.  Seems like a fair process as long as the arbitrators are unbiased and Who The Hell Knows how to guarantee that but hey HMM GREAT JOB TO BE.  I wanna be an Arbitrator when I grow up!  I just came up with a whole new industry.  The Arbitrator Industry!  Wow!  Alright I'm gonna take a walk.  Be back soon!


Hey Chedk Me Out Not Carin' To Correct Words

    Hey Czech me out!  Was just thinking about the phrase I've Got a Bone To Pick With... like you don't like it or somethin?  What's your problem with picking bones?  It's fun!  Presumably you're gettin' somethin' out of what you're picking off bones (presumably meat-- I bet Michael Bloomberg loves picking the meat off bones!) so wouldn't that be an enjoyable productive experience.  AND ANOTHER THING (I probably said this before) I know how they say scientifically artificial sweetener is 100x as sweet as sugar but COME ON WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING.  Artificial Sweetener is as sweet as sugar AT BEST.  What kinda dummy do you take me for?  100 x as sweet?  EXPLAIN YOURSELVES.
    Well I guess.  Nevada is going on today.  Well, Nevada is always going on.  It's just that today there's a democratic Democratic Primary going on there as well.  I'm supporting the guy I've supported all along!  With the 2nd place hopefully going to the person I supported 2nd over the entire process!  3rd place?  I dunno!  How's MIKE GRAVEL doing in the polls?  Where's JAMES WEBB these days?  James Webb was second in command at NASA in the 1960's.  I was thinking of Jim Webb.  To be fair, Jim is short for James.  Not that short!  Only 2 letters.  But, on the other hand, a full only 60% of the letters.  Anyway it turned out Putin endorsed Trump and Bernie this year.  I'm not a fan of out cynical the press is treating this news!  So what Putin wants these guys to be president that's a valuable endorsement!  Don't shit all over this guy who just wants what's best for everyone!  The coveted twitter-bot vote is worth aspiring towards!
    It's for the best maybe.  That 1% of Bernie Supporters who are aggressively hostile on twitter and whatnot?  Now they can say (perhaps accurately!) oh well that's Russia Bots.  And maybe it has been all along!  Nobody Know!  So might as well just tune the noise out.  Maybe IM a Russian Bot.  maybe I'M a 400 POUND MAN LIVING IN MY 400 POUND BASEMENT.  I always thought it would be cool to live in a basement.  Like, as a kid, if Your Room was just A Basement.  My house doesn't have a basement at all.  Probably why I glamorize basements.  Whenever I would go to a friends house to hang out in a basement I was like  HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE LIFE.  The point is I was Radicalized by That 70's Show.  Which one.  Whose on first.  Whose In Basement.
    I dunno.  Lunch in about 2 hours or so.  Got 2 choices, I got 2 meals already for Lunch & Dinner.  One-- complete Hot Antipasto w/ 1 or 2 Vegetarian slices of 12 inch pizza.  Two-- Bison burger with onion, mushroom, and jalapeņo peppers, most likely paired with a dozen or so Tortilla Chips.  Three-- only two I already told you get off my case.  Why did I say the Bison Burger toppings but neither the specific Vegetables on Pizza or the specific inclusions in Hot Antipasto.  I dunno!  Someone psychoanalyze me in terms of what specific Add-Ons to meals I go out of my way to specify on... I was about to say social media.. this is social media, right?  It's media.  I think there's no question about it.  I'm being social! 
    Let's do a virtual democratic Democratic Caucus!  Like how you can do Baseball Drafts every year against 11 of your closest friends to build the best team possible.  Let's do Virtual Caucus!  I'M ON THE BERNIE SIDE BOY I HOPE HE GETS MORE THAN 15% PEOPLE IN MY PRECIENT SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO ANYWHERE HOWEVER IF I DO IT WOULD BE FUN TO BE COURTED MAKE A CASE FOR ME.  Also maybe I get to make a case for someone else.  Hey come over here I'll give you a 20.  Is there any of that at caucuses?  If its my first instinct its gotta be happening sometimes, right?  How is one vote worth 20 dollars.  Ask Bloomberg.  He's spending like 20,000 dollars for each vote, right?  That's a reasonable projection.  My favorite thing about Iowa was reading there's people who show up and don't know already who they're voting for.  What The Hell Is Wrong With Those People?  What's going in their mind?  How come no one wrote an article analyzing the pathos of these people.
    I guess there's people who show up to just Regular Elections not knowing who to vote for.  I guess they just think differently than us.  Hmm, who to vote for?  I could take 1 microsecond to clarify my obvious preferences based on my personality economic status and personal beliefs BUT WHOSE GOT THE TIME.  I'll go vote in a few months and THEN do those calculations.  And then its just obvious to them after 2 seconds in the booths.  What's THE DEAL with people?!?!?  I dunno, maybe you do.  Hey its the 19th paragraph!  Fair to say there's been some drinking today.  Part II involved 1 can of beer.  Part III has been involving a 2nd can of beer, about 60% done with it.  You know, the amount of letters out of five That Is Three. 
    Figure I'll take a walk after this paragraph.  I figure lots of things!!  That is but one thing I have figured.  I clean up my room every month or two and this past time 60% of the cleaning up involved throwing out gum wrappers.  Four tiers of gum wrappers.  There's the paper wrapper for each individual piece of gum.  There's the 2 pronged paper wrapper that incorporated each of the 2 levels of gum Per pack of gum.  There's the pack of gum.  And then there's the plastic that incorporated the 3 packs of gum that came in this 3-pack of gum.  So I had to spend about 60% of 1.4 the amount of time I spent cleaning up my room cleaning up my gum wrappers.  ... I don't think that math is right.  I know it isn't.  But What can I do about it!  I ain't never gonna get into Arbitrator school with that attitude about math.  Good I DON'T WANNA GO TO STUPID ARBITRATOR SCHOOL ANYWAY THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT I WANT TO BE A GAMER!  Alright walk time.  Gamer sounds like some sexual fetish.  Not sure what.  Someone who thinks sex is a game, I guess.  Yeah I'm a gamer I'm into games.  That describes a lot of people, right?  Not me, though!
  I Don't Play No Games!  Walk time.


Lets Go To Title School!

    Hey.  I realize that I wake up a lot of mornings and say to myself Lets Go To Fart School!  Then I shake convulsively and say it again and this time punctuate it with another Fart School!  The point is I'm severely broken as a person and this is a recurring reminder That Boy Ain't Right.  But I Am Right in terms of sure I'll be open about my deepest darkest Fart Schools.  Anyway, lunch is after the half hour walk after the half hour segment of entry right now.  Gonna go with the Italian Food Meal for Lunch, have that Bison Burger for dinner!  Maybe my life IS just one big Fart School.  It's not as weird as I thought it was.  It's still weird to say it compulsively most mornings but at least it means something as opposed to just being nonsense words as I assumed.  No, my life is actually about Lets Go To Fart School!  Fart School!
    I dunno, something like that. 
I started watching the Jimminy Glick movie a few weeks ago and I was like wait a second THIS IS GREAT.  I also often try to compulsively do a Jimminy Glick impression under the guidelines that Martin Short laid out in a podcast or something where he says the trick is to go Very High [pitch wise] and then go VERY LOW.  And I try it over and over, using those words, and I SUCK AT IT.  Oh well such is life.  Anyway.  I could probably do this as a podcast.  Wouldn't be great!  But I could do a Crazysheet Podcast.  Fart School with Michael K*RN*L*M.  Anyway.  Why am I still writing this entry.  Gotta do somethin'.  If I were in the Nevada Caucus I'd go to the Pete Buttigieg wing, fart a lot, and just watch all the people there flock to other candidates.  It's the perfect crime.
    I dunno.  Sometimes I feel guilty about chewing >2 pieces of gum at once.  2 is all you need.  You triple up, quadruple up on gum?  Overkill!  I've come full circle on being worried about Not Digesting Gum.  Everyone hears don't swallow it, it'll be there for 7 years when you're a kid.  Then, you grow up a bit, and you learn yeah that's bullshit you probably can swallow gum.  Then you spit out gum on the sidewalk aruond your house over several weeks, see how it stays there indefinitely, and you start to think, man if this is gum is sticking around (PUN INTENDED) on the sidewalk for months What The Hell Is It Doing Do In My Stomach?  And the answer is I dunno.  Oh well such is life. 
    Is Fart School a thing because it rhymes with Art School which is a thing?  I dunno.
  I never actually picture a school devoted to farts and what would be on the curriculum or what the student body would be like or anything.  Although maybe I should!  Let's make this happen, right gang?  I dunno.  Speaking about farts-- the opposite of farts is burping.  I'm pretty proud to say one of my talents is I can conjure up a burp whenever I want.  Like the kid in Billy Madison who burps the alphabet to impress everybody at the lunch table.  I could do that easily.  Fart on demand, though?  Haven't mastered that one yet!  Seems like it would be useful in certain situations, right?  Like the aforementioned Pete Buttigieg situation.
The other good news is we got a thing of candy canes for Christmas, then ended up not going to Family Christmas Gathering so we just were stuck with the candy canes, then I couldn't find where they were for a month or two, then I FOUND THEM, and now I can have Candy Canes pretty much whenever I want to.  Candy canes are a gateway drug to Real Canes.  You get the kids hooked on the candy version and suddenly they can't get around without a real cane.  I dunno not happy with that at all.  I have recurring dreams, even now, about smoking cigarettes.  Last night I had one.  And its usually fuck I messed up and had some cigarettes, now I'm back on the right track.  And then I wake up and am like Hah!  I STILL have never smoked cigarettes for close to a year!  FART SCHOOL!
Wow.  What else is going on and crap.  Maybe it's a reference to my Dream Life.  We all yearn to learn from our dreams and find wisdom in them.  Wisdom from our smelly, smelly dreams.  Dreams are one big Fart School.  Actually, kinda happy with that explanation.  I attended Fart School for 10-12 hours, gotta say it out loud to move on with the rest of the day, then I'm okay!  What else is going on and crap.  Figure I'll take a walk after this paragraph, then eat lunch while writing one more section of paragraphs.  Man Oh Man am I gonna eat some Eggplant Rollatini.  That's my go-to for Hot Antipasto reference.  Because it's always there and it's also always something I would never get outside of Hot Antipasto.  But it's Fine!  Alright I'll be back!

You Deserve A Lunch Explanation!

    Alright lets do it.  The pizza appears to have some broccoli, red onion, possibly green peppers?  Perhaps mushroom.  Hot Antipasto also includes tiny stuffed mushrooms, tiny baked clams, and a few pieces of shrimp.  The bad news is I didn't anticipate I'd need a knife as well as a fork.  The good news is think I'm just gonna go get a knife.  Hey.  Felt kinda weird going downstairs and bring up Just A Knife.  Hmm appear to be just walking around with a knife.  Feels like I should be doing some stabbing.  The good news I could be having delicious Italian bread to go with this appetizer.  The bad news is I ain't eatin' no delicious Italian bread especially while I'm splurging on Alcohol Calories!
    Huh.  28th paragraph.  Figure I'll write 3 more and close this shit up!
  Then get back to listening to The Andy Richter Podcast Experience for the next walk or two.  Watch some crap while at home.  Good sitcom idea for Andy-- Rags To Richtes.  And its about a poor Talkshow Sidekick who inherits his step uncle's fortune and has to spend it if he feels like it for some reason I dunno you work out the kinks!  Hey good idea for a band-- The Kinks!  Amazing.  I saw Michael Bloomberg erroneously referred to Nirvana as being an upbeat, happy band by saying Bernie Sanders should be the lead singer of Nirvana because of all his optimism and hope and 'promises'.  I think this was a calculated move to get us to think about the 2nd or 3rd single from Nevermind In Bloom.  He wants us to think Nirvana has anointed him but he's just not gonna say it out loud!  Think about it!  The good news is I used the word erroneously correctly.
    I don't get why the Never Trumpers are like man don't make me choose between Trump and Bernie I Just Can't!  Even if you totally disagree 100% with Bernie-- do you think he'll break the law?  I don't.  He's been pretty established as a guy whose been in office a long time and Doesn't Have A History Of Breaking The Law.  So just vote for him for president, and then be like, ok now let's civilly and legally work it out with or against him.  Seems pretty straight forward to me.  That settles that.  What else is going on and crap.  I kinda feel like I swallowed some Shrimp Shell.  I don't remember it going down but I kinda feel something sharp inside of me.  Fascinating.
Alright last paragraph!  OOOH SHRIMP!  LOOK AT MR. MILLIONAIRE.  IT WAS PART OF A HOT ANTIPASTO ALRIGHT GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  SSomething that always bothered me was Millionaire has that extra, "I," at the end of it but billionaire doesn't.  Wait.  Yes it does.  FART SCHOOL!  I dunno, let's close this up.  Whatta idiot.  Never Trumpers need a new name.  Kinda dated phrase.  Yep, Trump happened.  Your name has been ERRONEOUS for the last 4 years or so.  Well that'll do it.  I'll see ya later.

-3:13 P.M.


Sunday, February 16, 2020

This Entry'll Be The Tops

    I was inspired by reading the word SPOT on a menu upside down. "Top Spot," is a palindrome phrase!  It comes up a lot when you're listing stuff.  And The Top Spot goes to...  WHAT A WONDERFUL USE OF ALL OF OUR COLLECTIVE TIMES.  Also I have still never gone to The Empenada Spot even though it looks enticing, I have no idea how to accurately estimate the calories of an Empanada, and also my gut tells me it would be more calories than I'm Comfortable With!  You Just Empanada'd Over The Best Part! ...Well, that means nothing.  A lot of Nothing this paragraph.  Here's something-- haven't drank since last entry but feel Enticed to finish the ~1 unit of alcohol I have left over.  Will I?  I Dunno!  


And Now The Entry Begins

    That paragraph was just practice.  Now its Real Time with Me.  I think the biggest mistake I've made over the past 2 years is getting the Beastie Boys Book.  I was actually readin' books at a decent rate before then!  Then I hit a major road block in that monstrosity and the quality of my life has never been the same.  So I hate the Beastie Boys.  But, on the other hand, I like the Beastie Boys.  Good music to get Pumped Up To!  Maybe I get pumped up differently and for different reasons than most people, that Beastie Boys pump me up.  C'mon I'm a Jew from Jew York City, walkin' down the street to The Beastie Boys, that's Pumpin' Me Up, get off my back about it! 


Too Many Titles

    That's another good palindrome.  Huh?  Figure lunch is a good 2 hours away.  So I got that going for/going against me.  Anyway, woke up from a nightmare this past night screaming, and I remember thinking Hmm, this is a New Scream for me!  I don't remember doing this kind of screaming any time in the past.  Wow I Still Have The Capacity To Learn And Grow As A Person.  To have my Yelling-In-Terror game progress even at my age?  Whatta joy.  Also, I don't feel comfortable calling it a nightmare.  It was an okay dream for 99% of it, and then suddenly something scary happened, and I woke up screaming.  But to brand the entire dream a nightmare seems unfair.  Calling it a, "Bad Dream," too, same problem.  Most it it was fairly pleasant! 

Somethin' Or Something

    I guess.  Baseball is right around the corner!  Speaking of Baseball and Corners, are the bases exact 90 degree angles?  Like turning the corner from 1st to 2nd.  Is that a right angle?  No way to find out, other than consult internet, and probably 20 other ways.  Like take a walk to my local library.  Study the microfiche.  That sounds like a word I've heard somewhere.  Hmm it IS right angles.  Correct me if I'm wrong (Send me your corrections @ mankindguy@gmail.com!) but wouldn't that make it a Baseball Square and not a Diamond?  What's the definition of a Diamond?  I'll consult my local liberry.  I checked Internet and was CONFUSED.  Stuff about Rhombuses and opposite angles and I DON'T LIKE IT.  Maybe a diamond isn't even a hard and fast thing in geometry and is more of a colloquial phrase, like, hey that shape reminds of a DIAMOND.  Like the diamonds you'd get here and there and at your local LIBerry... same thing I called it last time with some more capital letters...


[EDITOR'S NOTE-- HEY I'M THE EDITOR! Also I BELIEVE a diamond is a shape with 4 corners and the corners on opposite sides of each other = the same amount of degrees.  Not 100% on whether each set of angles can or cannot equal THE OTHER SET OF ANGLES.  If they could, square is a diamond.  If nope, then it ain't!  MAN I  WANNA BE THE EDITOR SOME MORE THIS WAS FUN]


I Ain't 'Fraid Of No Spirits

    I dunno.  Just took a walking break and now I am back.  Just poured ~.33 and 1/3rd units of alcohol.  What they call The Full Naked Gun.  Just go to the bar, ask for Gimme a Vodka, Naked Gun With Whatsername, the lady punchline, Anna something?  Anna Nicole Smith?  That sounds about right.  She died a while ago, very sad.  People today probaby wouldn't even know that reference.  Sad, very sad.  ...How's that drink comin'?  I forget exactly why she was a punch line.  Maybe because she did pornography or drugs or something.  Something like that would sure deserve our routine and uniform mockery.  Oh I think she was married to some rich old dude.  Which one.  Let's consult Library.com.  Hmm the guy she was married to owned 16% of Koch industries.  My take away from that is Anna Nicole Smith is somehow tied up with the Koch Brothers overtaking our politics and I don't like it and one day I hope to get to the bottom of it! 
    I haven't had a drink of spirit+ice cubes in a dog's age.  Wonder how that'll play out.  Does the ice absorb some of the spirit?  And then you chew that ice and it really gets ya going?  Seems like how physics would work but who am I to say.  Anyway HEY I actually do got somethin' coming up!  Something resembling something at least!  6 weeks away from the Third Eye Blind + Saves The Day show!  I like both bands but ALSO both bands I only know 25% MAYBE of their catalogue.  Catalogue means the collective work they've put out there.  Song work!  Catalogue is when a cat gives a monologue.  Nobody's happy with that one!
    When I had a cat, I gave her the name Aslan, after the male lion in Some Book Series That's Also Movies Now You Figure Out Which One.  And I didn't give it much thought then, but now I worry it might have led to some gender confusion in my cat's mind.  Oh well, she's dead now!  Often called her Azzy.  That's a feminine sounding syllable!  I have no regrets but I should have consulted her is the point.  My main take away from Aslan was she spent the first 3-5 years desperately trying to escape the house.  Every time the front door was open she would CHARGE from wherever in the house she was to try to get out.  And she did a couple of times but we got her back.  Then there was one time she was gone for HOURS, and luckily I was just hanging out and I heard yowling coming from outside the window, behind our house, so we were able to get her.  After that, didn't try to escape as much!  She learned its tough out there on the streets and maybe she had a good thing going for her here!  There's that adage, if you love something, let it go.  If it comes back, it truly is resigned to spending the rest of its life with you no matter how depressed and sad that would make her.
Aslan was from the streets, though.  She could take care of herself if she wanted to.  My second cousin or someting is/was a veterinarian so he came across this cat one day somehow, someone brought her in, and he knew we were in the market, and that was that.  I think that background was always part of her.  Maybe its part of being a cat, but part of her personality was i've been through some shit and I've lived some life, it's fine to chill out here but my hearts still out there On Them Streets.  But also, we were told she was ~6 months old when we got her, so she was still very young, so over time I'm sure we became her family and not The Streets no matter how formative it was on her.  Anyway, gonna take a break from Entry right about now.  Be back in a bit!


A New Gum Flavor Has Entered The Conversation

    Freeze Mint?  I've been getting 3 packs of Winter Mint Orbit Gum as well as Peppermint Orbit Gum.  Freeze Mint?  Sounds like that's gonna out-winter the Winter Mint!  Hmm.  Chewing.  Absorbing.  Tastes okay.  That's my hot take on Freeze Mint Orbit gum.  All the most popular gum brands of my youth are gone.  Juicy Fruit was ubiquitous!  Never seen it in 20 years.  Bazooka Gum.  A Hallmark of gums!  No longer.  Chicklets!  Those were fun for about 5 minutes.  I was doing some research into gum and they literally refuse to be open about What The Hell Is In The Gum.  Trade secret!  Of all the things I put in my mouth regularly, I'd say Gum is up there in terms of ya know I'd feel more comfortable knowing exactly what this is.  Seems like there could be plastic or something, right?  We don't know!  There's no oversight!  The guy in charge of the Gum Police under Trump is the guy from the movie Clerks in that iconic scene we all will never forget!
    I know a lot of us are aware that the head of literally every oversight committee or whatever is staffed by a former person of that industry or a lobbyist for them or whatever.  I was just thinking, what does that say about Trump himself?  How can we conceptualize Trump as the anti-President.  Is Trump the guy Real Presidents' jobs are to take care of?  I guess if you think of A President as What Bernie Sanders is gonna be trying to accomplish... yeah.  If Trump never was president, never even got into politics, and then Bernie Sanders was president... duh, go after Donald Trump!  Easiest most obvious target to go after because of all the fraud across different things and whatnot.  So if Trump is anti-president... guess what... Bernie Sanders would be ULTRA-PRESIDENT.
    And by go after Trump I mean more broadly go after corruption and fraud and tax evasion and all that stuff, of which Trump is the poster boy.  I'm not saying Bernie Sanders is gonna particularly call out Trump.  But Trump is the quintessential con-man who would bear the brunt of that kind of stuff.  Anyway.  I don't get why lobbyists are so powerful.  Where I'm from we just call them door men or security officers who are lucky enough to have a nice seat or desk in the lobby.  Don't see why their input is so valuable and why they're so influential in politics.  I guess they get a good sense of the inner workings and inter-personal relationships of their building and are sort of a hub of interaction.  Alright, I can see that.  I'm coming around on lobbyists!  Alright I got food ready in about 1/2 hour.  Will resume Probably Final Part Of Entry then!  I dunno what Bernie Sanders priorities would be.  Based on campaigning, it seems more positive things.  Doin' good things for good people, as opposed to doing bad things for bad people.  Both are important because justice is theoretically a thing we should value, but it makes sense to campaign around positive stuff and how you're gonna help the goodies
.  That's what the people want to hear!


Lunch & Entry

    When I talk about anti-president and stuff like that, I mean his tendency to put the arsonist in charge of the fire department.  LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU IN TERMS A DUMMY LIKE YOU COULD UNDERSTAND.  Anyway, if I go for a multiple of 5 paragraph entry (15), I got 4 paragraphs to go!  Let's go to work.  Also, full disclosure-- Naked Gun 3 was called Naked Gun 33 and 1/3rd... while the number I WAS referring to was .33 and 1/3rd.  That decimal point makes a world of difference let me tell you!  For whatever reason, Naked Gun 3 was the only Naked Gun we had on VHS.  Don't ask me!  Also I was watching Phantoms: The Late 1990's Mediocre Horror Movie and I was like wait a second I THINK I AHD THIS ON VHS!  And MAN was I uninterested in it even then. 


Alright Friends!   Lunch!

    Which means friends are alright but lunch gets me going  So, what do I got going on for lunch today.  Part II of II of a Steak & Eggs.  We're talkin' maybe 3-4 oz of NY Strip Steak (if the menu can be believed and why not I dunno who would doubt menus), egg whites (probably the equiavelent of 1-2 eggs worth of egg whites), Freedom Fries (around a dozen or so) as well as DRY Whole Wheat Toast (1 piece).  The bad news is I've started eating it so keeping meticulous track of the amount of things has gone out the widow.  Not even relevant anymore!  I tell ya what I like to do I like to have a bite of both Toast and Egg at the same time Pro Tip.  Egg and Steak at the same time is good, too.  Don't bother with Egg, Steak, and Toast at the same time.  Steak overpowers the Toast.  I feel very strongly about this!
    Cool.  What's on the docket for dinner tonight.  Possibly a breaded chicken sandwich!  They pack it so full of breaded chicken I don't even have room for much of a Side!  Anyway, I got a haircut a few days ago, and apparently the Winter Olympics are going on, and apparently there's a Winter Olympics Sport where its just Walk as fast as you can in the snow while you have your skies on.  Am I crazy?  Was that not an event I saw with the sound turned down?  Just people rushing from point a to point b, not down a hill or anything, just trying to, "Run," while wearing skies?  I dunno.  Anyway.  Haircut was six weeks after last one.  First haircut in many, many years where I just went gimme a trim and they did and it looked fine.  I'm used to having to start all over from square one because it got too long.
    Actually, I did ask them to start from square one.  Asked for a buzz cut on Level II of Razor, and he was like do you want me to trip the top? And I was like sure I don't know what words mean but if that's your instinct why not.  And it turns out he just threw the buzz cut out the window and Just Trimmed The Top.  And I'm Okay With That.  Anyway gonna get beer from supermarket tomorrow.  Figure an 18 pack'r should last me a month.  Say 6 sessions of 3 beers each over 4 weeks seems reasonable and responsible!  Also, I had no idea the Winter Olympics was going on.  First time I really felt since having No TV since last April that I was off the grid.  Anyway.  There must be sports and competitions that are most well suited for the spring and/or the fall.  Why not have a Spring Olympics and an Autumn Olympics?  I'm a visionary!  Raking leaves.  First thought for a Fall Olympics.  The good ol' Flower Bloom.  You gotta rush to plant a flower and care for it day to day and see which one grows not just the quickest but THE BEST.  Alright, see you guys later.

-3:32 P.M.


[ NEXT DAY'S EDITORS note-- i see now there's not even a winter olympics going on!  i definitely saw some guys in skies race-walking in the snow, though.  right? ...RIGHT??!]  maybe it was a deleted scene in the dark knight rises during the part where they "exile" people by making them walk away on ice until it breaks and they sink.  BUT MOST LIKELY NOT


Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Hey! This Time It's Mostly The Same Words But In A Different Order!

    I don't mean to brag but I've probably used 95% of all the most commonly used words here on the website.  Alright I meant to brag.  I thought it would impress you.  I've failed but oh well we must move on.  I'm really digging the new Green Day album.  Which is a phrase because if you like something you like to put it in holes, for future generations to find and enjoy.  I like the Pixies song Dig For Fire because it makes me picture a guy going deep into his pockets trying to find a lighter.  A cigarette lighter!  Will he ever get it out of his pocket?  Does he even have one?  So many questions but Oh what fun to think about.  I'm thinking about drinking a smidge of alcohol a little bit later.  Been a clean 6 weeks, I think that's something we can all be proud of.  Well you can't.  Well, you could.  But it would be misplaced.  You had no input or anything in the whole deal so I don't know why you'd be emotionally invested in its handling even one bit.
    Still, though, there's the fear that when I have that first drop of alcohol part of me is gonna be like Well I Failed.  But I didn't!  Society FAILED ME.  By not curing all of my personal woes within a 6 week time frame!  If anything, things are even worse!  What with... uh... there was that time we were almost in a war... some other stuff... whatta six weeks.  Bernie winning states here and there and everywhere.  I don't wanna get into an argument about his final standing in Iowa and/or New Hampshire (partly because there's no one to get into an argument with so it would be SCARY to argue with a phantom person!  And also partly because I couldn't care less to have that argument).  At some point non-Bernie people are gonna need to come to terms with ya know, what Bernie stands for isn't all that scary.  Unless you're scared of GOODNESS and GREATNESS and AWESOME!  I get that a lot of Bernie supporters can come off as abrasive.  But, guess what?  MOST PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE JERKS.  It just seems like there's a lot of Bernie Jerks because there's a lot of Bernie PEOPLE and MOST PEOPLE ARE JERKS.  Get over it!  Also, how do I know there's a lot of Bernie People?  Because he's sweeping the popular vote in every state so far!  And we're talking MORE THAN ONE STATE BEING SWEPT!  MULTIPLE STATES!  Not a 1 off fluke!  Anyway gonna take a walk.  Be back in a bit.   


I'm Right About Politics Much Of The Time!

    That's The New Style of writing.  Yer titles gotta refer to and contextualize the last thing that happened.  I can see this really taking off!  But, yeah, I hate politics.  And I don't just mean upper case politics, like talking about political parties and politicians and them things them do day to day.  I hate the politics of talking about politics.  Gotta be political in the lowercase sense just talking about uppercase Politics!  I DON'T LIKE IT BUT I STILL DO IT FROM TIME TO TIME WHOSE GONNA STOP ME YOU?  Anyway, I'm comfortable having 1.5-2.5 units of alcohol today!  It seems like fun in the uppercase definition of Fun and POTENTIALLY lowercase fun, too. 
    I dunno.  Been a while since I had a nice Clip My Nails Fest.  Really get in there on a majority of all my 20 nails.  Just go to town on a solid 14-16 nails.  Also I have 2 nail clippers in good standing so its an embarrassment of riches.  By in good standing, I mean I have two nail clippers.  I know where they are and they both work and everything!  I probably shared this here before, but one deformity of my body (other than the obvious one[s]) is that I got 2 nails on my right foot that have permanent fungus.  And the nails are sort of overgrown forever my entire life.  And I've gone to podiatrists and they can file the nails down completely and give me some cream to put on it but its just a temporary fix.  The Fungus Always Wins.  So why bother, just stick with the oversized nails.  No one's the wiser as long as I wear shoes and/or socks!!!
    By oversized, I mean, the nails are 3 dimensional.  instead of nice smooth nails they're sort of an eruption of Nail Material Whaever That's Called I Wanna Say Nail?  The point is if they made a Rom Com of my life one possible title is You've Got Nail.  One of many possible titles!  And it's not bad health-wise, or anything.  Just aesthetically oh that's kinda weird NOT A BIG DEAL THOUGH I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THIS AND I HAVE NO REASON TO LIE I HAVE NO INVESTMENT IN PEOPLE THINKING I AM OR AM NOT GROSS.  And it's a lot grosser that I bite all of my nails than having 2 toe nails overgrown.  Probably.  That'd be my guess, at least!  Anyway I'm gonna stop here for a while.  Then set up Lunch and Alcohol and write some more.  See ya soon! 


Those Last Three Paragraphs, Am I Right?? ...This Title Is About Them?

    Sort of!  Alright just added .5 units of alcohol to some Sierra Mist.  Sierra Mist:  The Oh Yeah Now I Remember That Existing! of lemon-lime soda.  Eating me a bagel with cream cheese.  An everything bagel!  But it only had half the normal amount of Everything on the bagel.  So it's really more like a SOME THINGS BAGEL HAH WHATTA  WASTE OF ALL OF OUR LIVES.  I don't like the term waste of space.  Like, you wanna insult someone, you call 'em a Waste of Space.  What was space gonna be doing anyway.  It's not like if you're gone That Space You Were Just In is suddenly gonna reach its full potential and really make the most of itself.  It's still just gonna be space.  If anything, it's waste of space without you!  You give the space meaning!
    Sure, I guess.  My reasoning for making the switch from Cinnamon Raisin to Everything is hey, uppercase Things are good.  Everything?  That's The Most Good you can get!  I'd be a FOOL not to get Everything!  I dunno, seventh paragraph, figure 10 is on track.  I don't need a lot of special things but if I could afford it I wanna hire someone just to cut my bagels for me.  You can just get one of those Kitchen Bagel Guillotines.  NO I WANT THE HUMAN TOUCH.  But I can't cut bagels is teh point.  They get extremely un-not-clean-halves and also smooshed up.  Oh well such is life right.  Whose the guy who invented Guillotines and how did he pitch his project to 18th century Shark Tank.  Ok, this is kind of a niche product, not gonna come up a lot but when you need one you're gonna want one ready...
    Public execution, right?  I can't think of any other use.  Other than cutting bagels.  I guess the 20th century version is the 3 different drugs they give you for lethal injection.  Anyway lets get either uppercase or lowercase political I forget which is which HOW COME YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE LEGALLY IF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO BUT YOU CAN'T KILL PEOPLE LEGALLY IF THEY WANT YOU TO.  I DUNNO THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU.  Anyway.  I'm not sure how I feel about my Bloom-buddy Michael Bloomberg.  On the hand he has a similar name to me but on the other hand part of me recognizes That Means Nothing.
    Cool!  Let's say this is the lat paragraph.  And then write more paragraphs!  It'll be the coolest prank ever!  The only prank I ever remember conceiving and then not executing was we were watching The Ring on VHS or whatever after it came out and I was like I'm gonna discretely use my BRAND NEW CELL PHONE TECHNOLOGY (as was the fashion in 2002-2003) and call the house phone here!)  And I guess in my 8th grade mind part of me actually thought IN THE MOVIE THE PHONE CALL SCARES THEM SO IN REAL LIFE IT WILL TERRIFY THEM!  Seems unlikely at this point and its a good thing I never followed through with that prank because I'd look the fool for a good long amount of time.
    Alright, 10th paragraph.  Had .5 units of alcohol, that was satisfying enough!  I dunno.  Part of it feels weird to talk about Democrat Primary Politics because On The Other Hand there's no guarantee at all we'll have anything resembling a fair and free election.  But we can't be defeatist!  We gotta just have blind hope hey everything might turn out relatively close to okay right seems like it would without actually having to do anything to help make that come to fruition.  Just blind hope!  Makes sense to me, right?  That'll do the trick.  I'll see you guys later.

-2:42 P.M.


Sunday, February 9, 2020

Brown Rice Is Part Of Growing Up

    The main part!  In my book, at least.  Also, working on a book about Parts of Growing Up.  Sounds like a decent idea for a laugh-em-up filled book.  My impressions on How To Grow Up.  But it's all just filled with 75% accurate, 25% not-funny-but-kind-of-off-beat-things-to-say.  Just a book of Brown Rice.  Anyway.  There's a lot of stuff from the last entry that didn't sit well with me, and I'm gonna go into it!  1)  Saying Wednesday is the only non-distinctive day in The Cure's Days-Of-The-Week-- obviously, Tuesday isn't distinctive, too.  It takes 2 to tango.  If Wednesday is Tuesday, then of course Tuesday is Wednesday!  2) Felt a little bit guilty of laughing at Joe Biden.  Sure, he'd laugh at me if he ever got the chance, but that doesn't mean I should stoop to his level.  And, besides, he's better than a lot of people.  Not sure at what, but probably, right?  Along those lines, Taylor Swift's documentary?  SOrry to impugn its good name by calling it a mockumentry.  However, to impugn its good name consciously, not a great name.   3)  Distinctive new genres with different proportions of mocukemntry and documentary?  Reminds me of Mr. Show sketch where they endlessly making different proportions of combination mayonnaise and mustard.  4) Doctothefuture and Docdoctictocdoc, upon further reflection, actually WERE close to actual Document Titles I had.  Documentrio, I recognized that appropriately as being accurate.  The other 2 were, too, as well!  5) There's a a lot of Mock-Doc out there in the world, not just Fox News.  I feel very strongly about this.  6)  Didn't really touch on this aspect of it, but one of the best things about living life by School Years is it sorta overlaps with the mindset of You're always learning.  If you're constantly just living School Years then you're constantly just in school.  Always learning!  Good way to think about life!


Glad We Got That Cleared Up

    That's what Scientologists say.  Yep.  Got some Carne Asada from Chipotle right now.  Which translates into A-Side'a Meat! Probably.  Hey, one save-em-up!  I don't get the 5 second rule.  You drop a Food on the floor, you pick it up before 5 seconds is up?  Hey good to eat!  What exactly is gonna happen between 5 seconds and 1 hour?  It's not gonna be on the floor for 60 minutes and bacteria from across the room is gonna be like HEY EVERYONE THERE'S FOOD ON THE FLOOR 10 FEET AWAY LETS LELETS HURRY UP BEFORE AN HOUR IS OVER.  Bacteria don't work that way!  That's why I follow the 36 hour rule.  Hey you know how money is way dirtier and toilets right everyone talks about that fun fact.  Good movitvation to not do cocaine.  That'll give you the flu!  You can't snort cocaine without paper money!  I've Seen Movies About It!
.  Accidentally got a Green Tea Flavored Sparkling Water that I thought was Diet Ginger Ale.  What am I, AN ANIMAL?  WHAT'S THIS SPARKLING WATER BULLSHIT.  I gotta say, if any of the big wigs at Chipotle are reading this, keep that Carne Asada comin'!  It's great.  Also that phrase comes from the pastime of all very successful people at the heads of companies and corporations loving big wigs!  Anyway.  How do you finish certain meals without using your fingers.  I got some rice left over from Chipotle Bowl, great!  I'll scrape it together as much as I can but there comes a point where this is just ridiculous I'm eating one grain at a time!  Lemme just use my fingers okay my fingers my rules!  Besides we've already learnt from this website that Chinese people use their fingers to eat rice!  Alright, let's call this some weird sort of lunch-mini-entry.  I feel like I got Six Huge Weights lifted off of me and Also Plus Two Paragraphs.  See ya later!

-4:19 P.M.


Wednesday, February 5, 2020

We're Gonna Say, "Have a Good Day," Again!

    Make America Good Day Again.  Anyway, today is Wednesday, which, according to The Cure, is the only weekday which isn't distinctive.  Monday is something, Tuesday is something, Thursday is something, Friday is something.  Wednesday?  Well, whatever, lets just say that's what Tuesday Is Too.  Way to drop the ball The Cure!  Or, maybe, way to be On The Ball!  It's not their fault Wednesday is Tuesday, too!  They're just transcribing facts!  Can't blame them is the point, anyway, what else is going on and crap.  Anyway, Iowa Primary was a couple of days ago!  And the results should fully be in sometime around August!  But as of what we know, I'm happy Bernie did great and Warren did solid, but what really tickles me is Biden crashing.  Heh.  Makes me laugh.
    Gonna write a tribute song called, "It's Wednesday, It's Still Tuesday."  Gotta write some kinda songs presumably.  Was watching the Taylor Swift Mockumentry and was like Wait a second people still write songs?  I thought that fad went away in 2015.  Apparently I was wrong.  Why did I call it a mockumentry.  Because I like saying things, that's why!  Get with the program.  What do I got goin' on today.  More podcast-walks.  I don't like it!  No better alternative, though!  Listen to alternative bands, "Essential," play lists.  Alternative?  Sure maybe.  Hmm, Alt Rock and Alt Right are very similar.  Alt R....  The point is the way I feel about Alternative Rock is there's good people on both sides.  Remember that time our president sided with white nationalists in a public speech after they killed a counter-protester?  Rings some sort of bell, I think.  Who can recall.
    I remember lots of things!  There's that, there's partial lyrics to The Cure songs... like I said, lots of things!  The point is listening to podcasts its good because its leading to me writing a lot of great notes on The New Monkees pilot episode because I imagine the podcasters in certain roles.  None of that is true.  Well, let me revise that.  All of that is true except for the part about me doing work.  Besides that, I stand by everything!  What else is going on and crap.  Listening to different podcasts from different niches in the comedy world, I kinda get the impression the main way they siphon off into sub-groups is based on their references.  Cultural references and whatnot. Both in how they live their life and the kind of references they make on stage presumably.  Maybe that seems obvious to you.  But it doesn't speak well for my chances of being a Comedy.  I got no references!  Both in terms of things I could reference and also in terms of I got Nobody With Clout Or Authority To Speak Well Of Me For When I Apply For Jobs!  Comedy Jobs!  I got nothin' at all!  Jeez.
    Remember when they invented the last new genre, "The Mockumentry?"
  That's what pretentious people presumably in documentaries I've seen say or something.  I've heard it by people with clout or authority, is the point.  Mockumentry was the last new genre.  Oh yeah, how about Fuck You, how's that for a new genre?  Makes sense to me.  Hey, I've got an idea for a new genre!  It's a mix between documentary and mockumentry.  It takes real subject matter, and part of it is true, but part of it is making a mockery of the truth.  That part isn't true at all!  I'm a revolutionary!  OH SHIT here's another new genre-- a mix between a doc-moc and either a documentary or a mockumentry.  Like, if its a mix with a documentary, it's about 75% documentary and 25% mockumentry.  Or, if it's a mix between doc-moc and mockumentry, it's about 75% mockumentry and 25% documentary!  Anyway lets get #mockdoc trending and give me money to produce one about something or something I dunno I don't have all the details.
    Heh.  Mockdoc.  Now I wanna do that!  Doc Moc sounds like a shitty Sith Lord who is also a cardiologist.  I dunno if I used the term, "Sith Lord," right.  I'm, let's say, about 50, 60% sure that Darth People and whatnot and whatnot are Sith Lords.  And whatnot.  Easily could be wrong, but that's what my gut is telling me.  If Darth People are so good at the force why are they evil,  Why is it like 50% or more people who are especially gifted with The Force are also assholes.  I'd say only like 10-20% of the entire population, either in Our Real World or In A Galaxy Far Far Away Also A Long Time Ago, are evil.  But when it comes to People Who Do Magic, suddenly it's 50% or more?  What is it about Being Powerful With Magic that suddenly makes you Hey you know maybe I should use this power for evil!  Might as well right nobody's gonna
say anything I'll destroy them.
What else is going on and crap.  The point is I've already invented 4 new genres of story telling in this entry and nobody can take that away from me.  Is it 4?  I think it's only 3.  Ah, but you're forgetting the most important one!  Fuck You!  That's the fourth.  Sixth paragraph.  Figure I'll possibly take a Walk Break after this one.  Anyway, I dunno.  What's going on in the wide world of somethin' or whatever.  Ah, I just realized why DocMoc as a phrase is so appealing to me.  When I was in the second half of high school, I would have huge, hundreds of pages word documents with random tablature and lyrics and ideas for dialogue in fake movies and all sorts of stuff like that.  And it was a recurring theme that the titles of those documents would have the word, "Document," in them.  Kinda foreshadows me using the word, "Title," in these titles.  And, no, it's not like, "Document 1," or, "Document 2.5.20."  It was stuff like DOCTOTHEFUTURE and DOCUMENTRIO and DocDocTicTocDoc.  Of those I think DOCUMENTRIO is actually close to one that was real.  Had nothin' to do with the number 3, though.  Fascinating.  Aright gonna take a Walk Break.  Be back later! 


How Much Of This Entry Is A Repeat!

    Much of it, probably.  Anyway, one fun memory from writing documents with a bunch of random notes, is, you do this: ____.  That Underscore character, right?  And you do it 3 or 4 or 5 characters in a row, and you hit enter, and guess what happens?  AN ENTIRE LINE SHOWS UP FROM THE COMPLETE LEFT TO RIGHT OF THE DOCUMENT.  It separates each note COMPLETELY just by doing the underscore several times.  Really drives the point home that these are separate notes What Fun!  Anyway.  Maybe a DocMoc is a documentry of people making a mockumentry?  Nope, that doesn't sound like fun.  I like the chaos and nonsense in conflated facts with mockuments.  For example, look to Fox News as a good template for what a DocMoc is capable of in terms of evil.  Just imagine producing a Fox News but somehow Fun.  Is that how people on the right see Fox News?  Like, they know its a MockDoc, but they're having a blast anyway because it's their side?  And it keeps the dummies laughing and entertained while they run the country into the ground? I think I just cracked the Fox News code.  It's a fun MockDoc for 40% of the country.
    Hmm that sounds weird.  Such is life, though.  What else is going on.  Gonna get some Pizza for lunch today.  And, to make the delivery worthwhile, gonna get some sort of Pasta Entree with it to have for dinner tonight!  And lunch tomorrow!  And potentially even some left over after that I Don't Know!  I think saying They're Running The Country Into The Ground! is a severe understatement.  Oh well, what can I do?  What paragraph are we into.  Eighth?  Wonderful.  Has News Corp ever had to answer for Why, "Fox?"  They don't use Foxes: The Animals in any promotional material as far as I know.  They're not a tribute channel to Michael J. Fox.  They're not Foxy Ladies or anything.  Let's get some people working on that one.  
    I dunno.  Maybe you do!  Probably not, though.  I'm a pretty smart guy so if I dunno odds are you dunno either.  Sometimes I think about my relative intelligence to other people and I think the only way it really manifests itself is that I just take for granted I'm Smart Enough.  Like, my brain probably isn't working that much better than the average fool , but I just approach anything and everything with a running subconscious theme of, oh well of course I can figure this out or oh I have enough of a base knowledge of this...  Where, I realize, a lot of America probably just doesn't think of themselves as oh I can definitely figure this crap out.  But they could!  They just don't take their own intelligence for granted!  C'mon folks let's figure this one out Hmm Good Name For Great American Novel to inspire people to figure this one out Lets Figure This One Out by Michael Kornblum.
    I dunno.  10th paragraph.
  Figure I'll take a walk after this one, maybe write a part III of III, or perhaps leave the entry with only 2 Parts of III.  Phantom Part III.  I dunno, crap and crap.  I think the worst thing in the world is when you start watching SNL and right after the NBC jingle, when the cold open is about to begin, they have that 1 second audio clip of the audience's laugher dying down, and it's the exact same clip each time, it's not even real, and I'm like, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT.  WHY DO THEY NEED THIS HALF SECOND CLIP OF LAUGHTER DYING DOWN THAT WE CAN ALL TELL IS THE SAME AS LAST WEEK.  And-- why is it even there at all?  To give us the impression the crowd was laughing right before the show starts?  AND NOW ISN'T?  Why is that aesthetically good?   Worst thing in the world!   Anyway the point of this block of paragraphs is I'M A GENIUS which is also the point of Every block of paragraphs for some reason.


How Much Of This Title Is A Repeat!

    About 90% of it.  I'm gonna open up Microsoft Word to see if that Underlining thing still happens.  BRB.  WOW YEAH IT STILL WORKS WHAT FUN.  nyway.  February, eh?  I still think the best way to measure Years is The School Year.  Years start in September.  Years end in May or June.  Then you get a few months uncommitted-- the best part!  The best part of the year is when It's Not Even The Year For A While.  So anyway got a few months left to finish this year strong.  Also the TV schedule year.  Maybe that's part of why I like it, because I like TV a lot of the time.  But also because I used to go to school for a while and my Dad was a teacher so that was his schedule too and I thought for a while I was gonna be a teacher so it was actually gonna be my schedule...
    Anyway what else is going on.  Figure I'll write another 4 paragraphs.  It's fun to imagine life as School because its like well things aren't great right now... but I just gotta keep going and tough it out until the end of May and then HOLLA SUMMER VACATION.  Then for September a few months later its like well I can do this for again for a while, why not.  I think not enough attention is given to the word Entree being weird.  Hey would you like an Entree? Yeah I'd rather it be on a plate but I guess that'll do.  Whatta waste of life.  Are we really supposed to be Appetized by appetizer?  Like, eating the appetizer makes us more hungry for the entree?  Cause I'm pretty sure that's not how human physiology works and Take It From Me I'm A Smart Guy I Know Everything. 
    Jeez.  Anything for dessert? Yes that's what my friends and/or family will do to me after this meal is over why must you bring this up now its just making me feel even worse.  How about ultra-dessert?  Figure that ought to be a thing.  Appetizer, Entree, Dessert, ultra-dessert.  And it's a sweet thing but really really tiny.  Like, if you're doing it on your own, the equivalent of One Oreo or something.  But if you're dining out it's something fancy but that sort of amount.  Gives you something to look forward to while eating dessert.  Instead of thinking about hey I'm gonna get to eat again in another 7 hours that'll be nice.
    Yeah!  Well, 2 more paragraphs to go.  Figure I'll put in Lunch Order when this entry is done.  Anyway, did a team win the super bowl?  That's what I was rooting for.  Just let everyone get some closure.  Anyway.  I dream stuff all the time but the last thing I was dreaming last night just occurred to me-- I was writing a movie called The Pastry and it was about politics and then just now I remembered pastries had a lot to do with most recent Curb Your Enthusiasm and maybe its about politics sub-textually I Dunno He's Our Entertainment Bernie Sanders Surrogate anything is possible!
    Alright last paragraph. 
You can even count May-August as part of the year.  Still better than Real Years.  August-July.  Figure half of the summer gets added onto last year, and then the second half of the summer is you gettin' started on the new year.  Wonderful, great, what else is going on and crap.  Gonna start getting haircuts responsibly instead of every 6 months.  We're talkin every 6 weeks is the plan for now.  Which means next time is in a week.  Fascinating.  Anyway, that'll do it for today.  See ya later!

-3:28 P.M.


Saturday, February 1, 2020

Website, Huh?  I'll Be The Judge Of That

    My deliberations have concluded.  It is, in fact, a website.  I award myself All My Money.  Sounds about fair, right?  To be the Judge of something is to make it into a cartoon.  I feel very strongly about this.  I was thinking about it, and I should save up 1000 dollars over 3 or 4 years of Birthday and Holiday Gifts, and be like, hey someone without a job-- go through the 8 or whatever years of crazysheet.net, 2012 on, pick out all the things good enough to be potential jokes, arrange 'em and everything, and send that shit over!  That would take many, many hours, but if you ain't got nothin' better to do, seems like it'd be worth like 1000 dollars.  I could save that up in a few years!  Get on it!
The good news is you could probably start at around 2017 because I'm fairly certain the first joke I made was probably around May 2017.  And I worked my way up to a joke every other entry or so at this point!  I'm a Progress who gets Progress done!  Jeez.  I did figure out a good way to spend my Walking Time-- go to iTunes and listen to good bands I've never listened to, "essentials" play lists.  You just get 20 or so best songs from all these bands I've always thought yeah those must be good bands but what can I do about it?  So far, The Clash & Neil Young done, 2000 bands to go!  The Clash & Neil Young are seperate.  They didn't form a SuperGroup or anything.  From now on whenever I have a meal made up of different ingredients from different food groups I'ma call it a SuperMeal.  It's got carbs and protein and even some Other Stuff I Wanna Say, "Fat?"  I wanna try Ketosis but then I was like I don't wanna try Ketosis.  That sums that up!
I was thinking about saving up my birthday and holiday money and paying someone to give me slightly more money.  That's how capitalism works, right?  I'm not a fan of the first 2 Primary States for Democratic President Election are Iowa and New Hampshire.  Becauase those are 2 of the stupidest state names.  "I-oh-uh?"  Sounds dumb to me.  New Hampshire?  Shire?  Reeks of Great British Isles which to me is no bueno.  Shire, c'mon, that doesn't belong in America.  Nobody will touch this hot button issue but Me!  To be fair, most states are dumb.  Kansas.  Actually that's kind of a funny name.  I'm on board with the name Kansas for a state.  Makes me laugh just typing it out!  No joke anymore, just a real thought-- I'd read some comprehensive guide where it's like this is how each state got its name.  Cause I don't know for maybe any of them!
    America, we all know that comes from Amerigo Vespucci.  But New York?  Yeah I get there's an Old York But Still Why Here and Why Now?  Also, try the Vespucci from Olive Garden, they do Vespucci right.  A whole garden devoted to olives?  Count me out!  Seems like a pretty crappy garden is the point, what else is going on.  Is it possible there was a great actor named Lawrence Oliver but he changed the pronunciation of his last name to sound cooler and more dignified?  Sure, anything possible.  We learnt that from physics-philosophy about how there's 11 different dimensions.  Anything you can imagine exists somewhere somehow.  That's my impression of how things work these days.  Somehow, there's a world where EVERYTHING ELSE IS THE SAME, but New Hampshire is called New New New New New New New New Hampshire. I can imagine it, thus, somewhere that's happening!  No joke, that's my honest impression of how my philosophy class from a few years ago told me how things work these days.
    Well, maybe that's how thing work.
  Nobody knows for certain but that's one honest science-based opinion.  I ain't foolin'!  At some point, I know as of now there's infinity parellel universes, but will there be some point where they're like ok actually now we reached the limit.  No more parallel universes, sorry folks, it was fun while it lasted but now it turns out there's no more room for new realities!  Anyway, fifth paragraph, figure I'll take a break after this one.  Gotta take breaks after somethin', right?  That's my interpretation of things. 



    I feel pretty guilty taking my walks, because I see half a dozen pieces of gum on the grass right by the sidewalk each walk.  And I know that's my gum.  In my head I always imagined it somehow going away!  But I never thought about how.  Rain ain't gonna wash it away.  No one's gonna go around picking up gum.  Gum ain't goin' nowhere!  I know that's what they say to persuade kids to not swallow gum.  You swallow some gum it's there for seven eyars.  That's what I heard!  Now I think I learned they made that up, but why seven years?  Swallowing Gum, that's seven years bad luck for your small intestines, something like that.  But it turns out gum don't go nowhere, whether its in your body or on the sidewalk.  Fuckin' gum!
Wow.  There is that isle of gum floating around in the Gulf of Mexico.  We all learned about that somewhere or something.  I don't get the gulf war: The War From Thirty Years Ago.  You ain't fighting on the gulf.  Gulf is water! You're fighting a war adjacent to Gulf.  I feel very strongly about this Until Someone Goes Hey Mike Actually You're Wrong Let Me Explain... I dunno.  New Month!  That means I am legally allowed to Drink Alcohol again per my New Years Resolution.  Don't need to right now but it is in the works at some point over the next few weeks, why not!  Hmm.  What CAN you do to get rid of gum.  Melt if with sulfuric acid.  I don't know much about sulfur or acid but I am under the impression from TV that sulfuric acid melts things, seems like a phrase I've heard in that context here and there.
    Dropping Acid does not sound appealing to me.  They got a big PR problem.  Acid needs a new name.  Pretty sure it's not actual acid.  Maybe it is.  But they should have no problem coming up with a better, possibly more accurate, name.  I Got Bad News Folks I'm gonna be out of soda some time tonight and I'm not getting new soda until Tuesday morning No Bueno!  Anyway.  Is it a thing where people can actually move to Toronto instead of just being like why, I want to move to Canada Theoretically Without Actually Having To Do It!  Can you actually be like yeah hey I'm Gonna Do That!  At first I was like well I need to stick around here because of Mental Health problems can't go start somewhere new.  But then I was like don't they have fuckin' universal health care they'll take care of me.
But then I'd need to pay for my own housing and supplies and groceries and whatnot and presumably need to get a job!  Oh well such is life.  Ninth paragraph.  I think saying I'ma move to Canada to get away from America! shows a real lack of imagination.  Hey what's that country right next to us?  Canada?  Yeah that'll do I guess.  And don't gimme none of that well they speak English.  Everyone Speak English!  For example try England!  They ain't much better than America.  Try ANYWHERE everyone speak English!  Or learn a new language!  C'mon have some fun with this!  There's 300 countries out there, not 2.  Learn a new language and fuckin' move to Tokyo, you'll love it!  I am talking to myself right now.  I dunno if I'd love Tokyo.  Too much futuristic video games.  Too many flashing lights.  Figure It'd just be seizure after seizure living in Tokyo.
    Alright, one more paragraph, then walk 4 of 5, then come back and eat lunch, potentially while writing a few more paragraphs.  Wunderbar.  Does Japan still have an Emperor as a figure head, like Britain with Queen Elizabeth Part II?  My guess?  No I don't think so.  Well That Settles That.  Maybe a solution to America is just adopt a figure-head monarchy and make Trump king.  I think he'd be fine having Democratic Presidents who run shit as long as he gets to call himself King.  I dunno I meant that as a joke but I could imagine Trump being like HELL YEAH I'M DOWN WITH THAT LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN and I don't want Trump as a king even without power.  I feel very strongly about this!  That I don't want Donald Trump to be king!  I know it's a touchy subject but that's just one man's opinion!  Walk Time!  Hmm. Queen Elizabeth Part II is 93 years old.  Guess all that inbreeding pays off every now and then?  She's going against the grain!  Ok walk time now.



    That's sad.  Lets pity me.  Pity is great because it increases exponentially.  Hey, this guy is being pitied for some reason.  How pitiful.  Let's pity him more for being pitiful and being pitied.  What else.  You know how some people speed up podcasts to get in more podcasts in less time?  I wanna be the first guy to slow down podcasts.  Oh man 50% speed I'm Really Gonna Savor This!  I Wrote That Joke Before My Walk.  Oh well such is life.  Lunch right now is 1/2 EXTRA LEAN corn beef sandwich on club bread plus a BAKED potato knish NOT FRIED BAKED.
  I guess four more paragraphs'll make me feel good about myself.  Then gotta figure out what to do with the rest of the day.  Out of movies on Shudder and HBOGO and Netflix I'm interested in.  I guess I could re-watch The Office (USA) but I'm scared people will judge me because that show isn't cool anymore.  It was cool the first few seasons.  Then it became lame.  And it's my life long dream to be Cool and NOT Lame.  Anyway.  Knish.  Do they have Delis in suburbs and crap where there's no Jewish people?  They gotta, right?  I can't think of any Chain Delis, though.  Arby's, do dumb people think that's a deli?  They might!  Dumb people think lots of dumb things.  Let's pity them for being dumb.
    What else is going on and crap.  This Deli I got food from is a chain deli, poking a huge hole in my story.  But not like hundreds of locations in Non-Jewish places.  Instead, half a dozen in NY, and a few in Florida-- in Jewish populations.  So they still cater to people of the Jewish persuasion.  I'm sayin' there should be a chain Deli that's for gentiles.  Anyway, I dunno.  They have corn beef and they have extra lean corn beef.  Seems like I should be able to split the difference and just get lean corn beef, right?  Anyway, it's February.  Get a load of that crap!  Pretty sure there are Bagel Chain Stores.  Maybe they sell some varients of basic Delicatessen Sandwiches.  No way to find out! 
    Hey lets go to the Chain Store.  They sell all different kinds of chains!  Chains for your bike, chains for your car, chains for chain fighting.  Necklace chains, whatever, you want a chain for something, they got it!  I finished my lunch whatta jip.  Last few weeks, since I started dieting by Not Drinking Alcohol & Walking A Bunch, I've been losing about a pound a week!  At this rate, I will be -25 pounds at some point in the future I don't know Math you figure it out!  Seems like a Physics thing where you could weigh a negative amount, right?  Lets get Neil Degrasse Tyson working on that one.  He's called that cause you need to be On Grass to process what he's saying! and eating Tyson Frozen Chicken Nuggets For Good Measure! also Neil Armstrong Walked On The Moon Coincidence? I Think Not!  At the very least lets see if he's on board with New New New New New New New Hampshire existing somewhere.
Well, here we are, last paragraph.  What else is going on.  The Moon Is Science.  That's basically the argument I made several sentences ago.  The Moon gets a lot of credit for being far away but you know what ain't that far away.  That's my hypothesis On Science.  I know they say The Moon is about 1/4th the size of the Earth but yeah I'm not buying it I say it's much smaller than that.  Maybe like 1/16th the size of the Earth.  Try to prove me wrong, you can't, its my hypothesis on science, bulletproof ironclad hypothesis.  Alright I guess that's the end of the entry.  See ya some other time!

-2:49 P.M.

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