January 30, 2020
Down With Titles!
Up With Entries!
I think I had that title before, either exactly or expressing
the same sentiment. Oh well, that's why Down With Titles.
Because they're ripe for repetition! Anyway checked my weight today for
first time in a couple months. I'm 10 pounds overweight! Alright!
That ain't too bad. I don't have an eating disorder-- I have an eating
Non-Dis-ordered! Eating without thinking wily nily as you please,
that's disordered. Not ordered in the least! Now, if
you're taking meticulous track of what you're eating? That's ordered! I
have an Eating Order is the point and now that we figured out this mis-expression
(which should also be a word!) it turns out I'm the healthy one!
Anyway. House got a new Coffee Machine a week or two
ago. A new Water Pitcher. We're really taking things to the next
level. Hmm water pitcher. Some sort of variant of baseball where
you use a water ball. It's like Water Beds but for baseball.
Seems like it would pop on contact with the bat. Yeah but that's fun!
Forget the rules of baseball, I just wanna play around hitting water balloons
with bats and watching them explode! Alright gotta get together 51
other people to form teams, whose with me?! Anyway, what else is going
on. Gonna start seeing a new psychiatrist in a month. A
younger-middle-aged Asian Lady! I like those specifications I could dig
Hey what else is going on. It'll be nice to see if
it turns out that presidents can do whatever they want on the basis it helps
them get re-elected. Hopefully we figure this out soon because I wanna
know if I should bother supporting a Democratic candidate for president, because
it may turn out elections are redundant because the president is president
however long he feels like. Keep me updated! What else is
going on and crap. I don't like to get political because there's people on
both sides. One side kinda likes the sorta-Democracy we've had for 200+
years and the other wants a real straight-up authoritarian government where
elections are only there to be rigged! I'm not here to say whose right and whose
Also I know our Democracy has been pretty fucked up, too.
Women couldn't vote until 1920 or whatever. Black people couldn't vote at
all at first, then they faced restrictions and intimidations, then some of that
went away, then now they faced restrictions and intimidations yet again...
and so on. Anyway what else is going on and crap. In 2000 the
presidency was straight up stolen because Supreme Court said No more counting
votes! The point is its always been bad but now its even several
levels worse. President can do what he wants because it helps him get
re-elected. Really? OVER HALF of the Senators are on board with
that? Way to go.
Jeez. Therapist was telling me to get a job.
Really? I don't come down to where YOU WORK and tell you to get a job!
...because apparently you already have one. Carry On Then!
Haven't seen a movie in theaters in a while. I don't come down to
where YOU WORK and watch movies! Huh. 1/2 of my walks include
walking down Horace Harding Expressway and at least half of those walks
include me thinking more like Horace Hardly. Anyway.
One thing when judging these Democratic Candidates that's my main thing is I
Don't Like It When They Lie. That's why I didn't like that Warren/Sanders
spat a couple of weeks ago. One of them is lying! I don't konw who!
And if it was just a misunderstanding yeah tell us that maybe. And
if it wasn't yeah maybe just tell us it was anyway seems like the right way
Been reading about how Joe Biden repeatedly makes up stories
about participating in Civil Rights Era Civilly Righting things-- turns out it's
total bullshit that he's been called on time and time again and then
continues to do it. I get the politicians normally aren't great people
and will lie but I'd still prefer they didn't! Anyway, none of it matters
if, "President," can do whatever he wants to get re-elected. And, at that
point, we should probably stop using the term, "President," because that's not
what a presidency is. Let's go to the phones about what you think our new
term for Leader should be. "Leader?" Maybe. I'm open to
whatever The Phones think is the best title.
Jeez. Seventh paragraph. Also, yeah, I'd still
support Warren/Sanders vs any other Democratic Candidate, even if they lied in
this situation. It's called weighing multiple things at once! And
I'd support Biden over Trump. Biden still makes a habit of telling true
things more often than lie things. Over 50% true! Anyway. One thing
that I like about Biden is when confronted with someone challenging his record
or his position on something he goes WELL VOTE FOR SOMEONE ELSE THEN!
Biden 2020 Vote For Someone Else Then. Pretty good way of bringing
people in. It just shows he has no interest in uniting the party and bringing
together the different factions. He's gonna do what he's gonna do cause
fuck you I'ma Do Me. Biden 2020-- Don't Look At My Record Of Being
Way To The Right Of The Average Democrat And If You Do Fuck You I'm Gonna Rely
On People Who Don't Know My Consistently Conservative Record To Win!
My favorite Biden Record is The White Album. I
like the Album Title, "Revolver." That sure is what a record player is!
Or is it more accurately a Rotator. I dunno. I think it's pretty
impressive that Stars In The Sky are pretty uniform no matter where you are on
Earth or how far around the sun we are or anything. Them stars remain
consistent is my interpretation! Way to go! Anyway, I dunno.
Not a fun entry. But its not a fun time we're living in! I'm kinda
spoiled because I grew up in the first decade of my life in the 1990's--
otherwise known as The Fun Era. People were renting VHSes and buying PC
Games and going to chat rooms! Whatta time to be alive. Oh well
nothing good lasts forever. Well, Nothing lasts forever. Good
9th paragraph, figure I'll go for an even 10. I was
thinking about it, how people lament the fact that we're so divided and there's
not on common narrative of current events we're all invested in... I blame
Netflix! Used to be we all watched THE EXACT SOME TV SHOWS as everyone
else! Then cable. Then premium channels. Now all these online
channels and youtube anything whenever you want... we ain't watching the same
things at the same times, that's why we're all divided. Government should
limit us to maybe a dozen channels and then we'd all be friends. Except
for how Government is restricting our content to 12 pre-approved channels?
I'M NOT ON BOARD WITH THAT.
Well, I'm not! Not a good solution at all!
What else is going on and crap. Last paragraph. Also, there's a
lot of good reasons why we live in different realities. That is just one
of, lets say, 30 really good reasons. But I thought of this one
myself! Please give me credit for Getting Things! Also, when I imply
we shouldn't be so divided, let me be clear-- I don't want to find a middle
ground with the other half. I want them to come around to my side!
DUH. I dunno. I'm really not that radical! I'm on the
left side of the left but you know what? If you're a principled Republican
who tells the truth and doesn't feed anger or hate? I can tolerate you
being part of the national discourse! Totally valid to have a, "Me First!"
approach to government and economics and society. Just don't enable
monster con-men like Trump or worse actively participate in monster con-men type
behavior! And if you don't think you can get elected without pandering to
the lowest common denominator and lying and breaking the rules?
Maybe you shouldn't be elected! Sorry! That's how Democracy works as
long as Democracy is working. You like Democracy, don't you? ...?
Just finished my Chipotle Lunch. The last half
dozen times I got Chipotle I really wanted Halal Cart Food but I don't know
exactly how many calories that's gonna be so best to just stick with What I
Know. What else is going on. Gotta be honest, really getting into
the Coca Cola. So much so next week might get Coca Cola over Pepsi even if
there is Pepsi. Anyway, somethin' about Coronavirus? Some sort of
Pun about Corona: The Beer? Well that's done. Maybe I'm
stupid but every year or 2 there's a new super virus that we need to be careful
to nip in the bud and I'm always like yeah this doesn't scare me. Maybe
it should, I don't know The Science, but meh I'll probably be okay.
Haven't drank alcohol in 4 weeks + 2 days. You
do the math. Hmm sounds like about 30 days. Another
good amount of days to consider a month. After 31 days, its the next most
common amount of days months have. Fascinating. Sometimes I
think about months and if its 31 days, even though that's the most common, I
often think yeah 31 days that's too much. I think its because, like
I talked about last entry, I tend to think of a month as 28 days. Suddenly
we're saying 3131 days is the standard? We just
skipped over 29 and 30? Surely there's some middle ground to be found.
What the Hell is going on. Lately I've been
having the thought every couple of days Fuuuuck I'm 31. And I'm jobless
living with my parents and also no social life or anything. Oh well
I'll figure something out eventually. I got a lot of years until I'm 40!
Then it's time to really be like ok ook time to
figure this one out. Got another 9 years to get there. There was
this character in Dickens' Bleak House where he's an adult who behaves like a
child, and I realize that's me. Oh well, I'll figure this one out in about
9 years! Anyway. I just had a good idea. Patreon but for a
News Organization. They can do like investigatory journalism and crap!
Really figure this one out. I gotta stop saying, "Figure This One Out,"
I have no idea why I think repeating it is amusing to anyone.
14th paragraph. If my BMI Range says my
ideal weight is between 110 and 137, and I weigh 147, that means I'm 10 pounds
overweight, right? Or do I say the ideal weight is 110+137/2, and then 10
pounds overweight is 10 more than that. That can't be it, because
10 pounds more than The Middle is still in ideal BMI range. Not overweight
at all! The good news is who cares I'm healthy enough lets figure this
one out. 2 months will be a year without a cigarette. 2 days
will be A Month without a drink. Figure I'll let myself drink once a week
or so given current Life Conditions of living at home with no friends.
Once a week drinkin' for such circumstances seems ok, I dunno.
Not healthy to drink in the morning or early afternoon,
though. And I'm asleep by 9:30, 10:00 P.M. So when, that's
one of the key questions. I'll figure this one out at some point.
Hey it's the 15th paragraph! Wonderbar. Why did I think
Wonderbar was a word. I imagined it as a German word or something for
wonderful. Hmm better google Wonderful translated into German...
Wunderbar. WOW I Really Figured That One Out! I find it
weird that there's candy bar for women. I remember once getting a Luna Bar
a long time ago because I was like hmm seems like a good candy bar I like the
word Luna which means MOON IN SPANISH imo. Now it turns out oh its
like a Health Bar specifically for women. Not to be confused with a
Health Bar which is a candy bar that I'm gonna go out on a limb and say
probably isn't very healthy.
Part of me is realizing listening to podcasts all the
time can't be healthy but the other part of me is walking 2.5-3 hours a day. What
am I supposed to do, Walk Listening To Nothing? I Listen To Nothing
already all the time when I'm not walking! Anyway, feel comfortable
ending the entry after this paragraph. I got walking to do! Btw,
"Walking To Do," is a good song by, "Ted Leo & The Pharmacists!" It's
the last track on that album and it's my firm belief the last tracks on albums
are the best. If I ever make a real album of music all the tracks will
be the last track.
That's not really a joke. Back when I was writing a
bunch of songs (not to be confused with times I was improvising a bunch of songs
and just puttin' em out there) I would of course spend a bunch of time making
potential track listening of the songs I had and then adjusting them with I
started new songs... and the point is, 50% of them I would go through the
process of writin them imagining they'd be the last track on the album!
Because that's the best track I feel very strongly about this. What else.
I was thinking recently about how for different bands I'm into, some of them I
learned the songs album by album, in the right order for each album, and other
ones I just had a blob of their songs on Mp3 player and whatnot. Led
Zeppelin, AC/DC were the two main bands which I knew dozens of songs but they
were all listened to at random. Most other bands were the other way.
Tenacious D was another Random Band. But that's pretty
much required because half the songs were just clips from the TV show. Not
on an album at all! I dunno. What track are we at right now and is
it enough to force myself to get to 20 paragraphs. 18th paragraph.
I don't gotta do nothing I don't wanna do. Not to be confused with
Trump's legal footing which is I Getta Do Everything I Do Wanna Do.
Anyway, what else is going on. 2 more paragraphs. Then it's time for
walk 4 of 5 today! Probably listening to a podcasts while its going on!
Sweet. Bob Marley, I had about 8 or 10 songs on my mp3
player without it being in album form. I feel like I said this before, but
doesn't the name Bob Marley sounds like some white guy who works at
Target or something. Removing everything you know about Bob Marley, can't
you just imagine a middle aged white guy going Hey I'm Bob Marley.
Seems like a good insight-em-up, right? Hey I'm Mob Barley. Huh.
One more paragraph to go. Works at, "Target?" Why Target?
I'm not even 100% sure what a Target is! Some sort of store that sells
a bunch of stuff, I know that, but I dunno what kinda stuff. Electronics?
Furniture? Groceries?!? I'M NOT CONNECTED TO THE REAL AMERICA.
The TARGET AMERICA. Give me a break, okay? I'm still
living in a world where there's CompUSAs and Toys 'R Us's and Barnes & Nobleses.
Wunderbar. Hmm apparently there's no such thing
as a brand called HEALTH BAR. There's a HEATH BAR. Without the L.
Well its close enough that they know what message they're putting out
there! Wonderbar. Another good name for a candy bar.
Wonder Bar. Gotta exist out there already, right? Was listening to a
recording I made a year ago with several guitar parts but no vocals and I was
like hey that sounds okay actually maybe I can record some vocals then I'm
Back In The Swing Of Things hey now that I think about it I'll title the song
Back In The Swing Of Things Wait No That's No Good That Doesn't Fit As A Title
To The Last Track On An Album. So I got that going for me! I'll
see ya later.
January 28, 2020
Guess Who Wrote This
Title All By His Lonesome!?
Yes it was me. Good guess!
Anyway, Time to do
something! What's going on in the wide world of wide worlds.
I'm a Wide-Worlder. I believe the world is a whole lot wider than,
"Scientists," would have us believe! Wider hardcore! Anyway WIDE
news I got Coca Cola instead of Pepsi Cola because there was no Pepsi Cola.
I normally stay away from Coca Cola. A little too strong for my tastes.
Pepsi Cola, that's got that light cola taste I love-- Coca Cola? Too
syrupy! Too strong! Actually kinda digging this Coca Cola.
As a Once In A While thing, it's not so bad. Pepsi is kinda bad now that I
think about it. This paragraph is brought to you by Mountain Dew.
Just spend ad money negging two competitors as if
they're going after each other. Then watch Mountain Dew reap all the
benefits! First time I've used the word Negging. Double
Negging makes a Positiving. I learnt about it from some sort of
mathematics lesson, I dunno. You can't say, "Negging," that's OUR word.
I mean, huh, what? Sorry. I apologize I guess. The good news
is Hey Went To SuperMarket this morning. I know Mountain Dew is a go-to
reference as a unappealing soft drink, but have you tasted Mountain Dew?
It's pretty good! This sentence is brought to you by
Jeez I need to stop whoring out every
paragraph to Big Dew. I think I heard somewhere they bought the slogan
Do The Dew from a going-out-of-business Potty Training... thing.
Conundrum. Business Model. Guide. Something to do with potty
training! Telling kids to Do The Doo. According to Movies its
a thing where toddlers are scared of toilets. I don't get this.
I don't remember 100% for myself but seems kinda Wrong to me. Sometimes I
have this sense memory of when I was 1 year old in a crib or something, it may
very well be a false memory but it feels like its real, and its accompanied by
the thought I am EXACTLY the same as I was when I was 1. Exact same
thought process, except now I have more words and experiences at my disposal.
But essentially I'm still 1 years old in my crib going well this is fuckin'
weird. And stupid. And kinda boring, too! Can't wait to learn
some new words and form new experiences potentially... at the very least
graduate to a life Being In A Place Not Behind Bars.
Anyway, what else is going on. I know
Negging is a great way to get someone to be sexually attracted to you, but its
also a pretty good way to raise your kids! I learnt that mostly from all
my Asian American peers in school. Way to go parents who withhold love!
I can assure ya its gonna pay off in the long run! Your kids will grow to
be well educated and employed parents who'll then Neg Their Kids!
And the circle of life becomes complete. Circles are always
complete. That's why they're circles. Huh? Like I
said, Double Negging is Positiving. So a perfect circle of Negging is
sorta Positive? Circles never end. I dunno. Save Me Some
Sort Of Mathematics Lesson! Anyway, what else is going on and
I felt bad about not caring too much about Kobe Bryant
because I am neither that interested in Basketball and also I Am Not From That
Place He Played For. Then I reasoned, well, this would be like For Me
if Derek Jeter died. And then I was like well I never really liked
Derek Jeter. I don't WANT him to die, but the main way I'd feel bad if he
died was I Feel Bad I Don't Feel Worse That He Died he's kind of an
antagonist to a Mets fan. Still-- it's my belief and wish that
People Shouldn't Die! And you can take that to the bank! Well
hearing Kobe Bryant's daughter died too did truly make me feel bad.
See-- I'm not a monster or anything! I knew it!
Anyway, tonight is a full 4 weeks since Last
Drink. And I choose to measure 1 Month as exactly 4 weeks. Not just
in this scenario, but most of the time overall in life. I mean, if I'm
saying I'ma do this for a month, I'm gonna use 4 weeks. Not
30 days. That's stupid. But also, if it's February 4th, and I'm
talking about January 4th, I feel comfortable going the other way and saying
ah its been exactly a month. Gotta define months different ways
depending on the situation that's my theory. One of my favorite Song
Titles I've written is I've Been Here For Weeks and one of my favorite
interpretations is Hmm Four Weeks.. sounds like I've Been Here For One
Seventh paragraph. Figure I'll start lunch in about
15 minutes. Write this entry to around 10-15 paragraphs. Wonderful.
Finally watched Watchmen. True Story. Not Watchmen, that's
fictional. It's a true story that I watched the fictional TV show
Watchmen. I dunno why you'd doubt me, its pretty plausible I think.
My favorite character in the show is the ones who aren't in the show but are
from the original comic/the movie that I can remember but don't show up at all
or only barely in this show. Hmm I wonder what THE COMEDIAN
is up to. I wonder what RORSCHACH would think of this.
A THIRD CHARACTER that I can't recall.
They reference The Comedian and Rorschach.
They refer to The Comedian as a rapist and Rorschach as inspiring White
Supremecasts. Hmm maybe I Don't Wanna know more about these
characters. Good names, though! I like comedy and
psychology tests! Anyway, what else is going on. Hah. White
SUPREMECASTS. That's the White Supremacy Podcast. I feel like
I made that spelling mistake/pun/joke here a while ago. Oh well, you
don't mess with success! Someone should give Rorschach (Real life version)
a Rorschach test about why he feels compelled to put his name on everything.
What's this Dr. Rorschach who invented the test presumably really up to.
Yup. Hermann Rorschach. Also presumably a White Supremecast.
You heard it here first!
What do you see here. A BLACK STAIN ON
PURE, WHITE PAPER! Makes sense to me. Look, I'm paying you
for your time, psychiatrist! I'm not gonna waste time with what I see!
I already know that! Why don't you tell me what you see! I'm
paying good money here! That's how psychiatry should world in an ideal
Wide World. Anyway my Dad was telling me about how if some new Trump Rules
go into effect or something it might significantly effect the amount Social
Security and/or Medicare will pay for my Doctor's visits and stuff, and in the
process of My Dad saying that, I learned that technically the person I've been
referring to as my Therapist is actually my Social Worker. Social
Worker? Ain't that for people from broken homes? You know, places
where there were Earthquakes? Are you trying to tell me I'm the comedian
Earthquake? Cause if not I'm Confused!
Alright gonna take a Walking Break, then come back, write
Part II of entry and eat me some lunch! Be back in some sort of measurement of
time Save Me Some Sort Of Mathematics Lesson!
Yeah It's A Title
I had one save-em-up over the last week, which is that The
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are really well adjusted for their age.
Then I realized wait no they're not. What I meant originally was
they ain't moody or awkward or anything... just some good fun lovin' dudes but
not in an obnoxious way. Then I was like are they teenage in human
years or turtles years. Then I waited several days, wrote this
paragraph, googled how long do turtles live, saw it was 80 years
and was like well about the same then, not a big point of contention.
Anyway. Not a lot going for Donatello: The Ninja Turtle. He's kind
of just The Other One! Which I'm sure a lot of kids identify with.
Hey he's just The Other One, like me!
Leonardo is the leader. Michelangelo is the Party
Dude (they all like pizza, but boy oh boy does Michelangelo). Rafael is
Cool But Cruel (I guess he is kinda a moody teenager in retrospect).
Donatello is he wears the purple bandana. I think he's good with
technology, too. I might be mixing up children's' shows. Anyway.
Always kinda figured Michelangelo was the best because we're Michel Buddies.
"Donatello" isn't even recognized by FrontPage as a word. I don't know
who should be more insulted, the artist or the ninja turtle. On the one
hand, the artist is Real and Made Art, so he'd have more reason to be offended.
On the other hand, the Ninja Turtle Was Good With Technology and Is Still Alive.
Still Alive people are more likely to be offended than the Long Dead. I'm
not up on the recent Ninja Turtle Canon but I'm assuming they haven't killed off
Donatello yet, although if they were gonna kill off a ninja turtle he'd be my
guess. Unless they wanna go Big and kill off Leonardo. That'd be
interesting. I feel like there was an SNL sketch where they parodied
Watchmen with Ninja Turtles.
No! I'm thinking of them parodying Joker with
Sesame Street. They can do Watchmen with Ninja Turtles, though.
Pretty much same premase but the jokes are somewhat different based on the
different subject matters! Something about Leonardo being a secret
white Supreme Cast, I dunno. You figure it out! 12th paragraph.
Seems like I'm gonna finish this paragraph at the least, right? Anyway.
My Dad currently has a schedule where he's pretty much gone all day Monday &
Wednesday, at least during the hours I'm awake, plus my Mom is often in bed all
day, so my mind sort of gets a little time to get in the mode of I'm sorta
living alone and not with my parents. 2 out of 7 days. For this 6 or
8 week period or whatever. Also if you're having a six or eight week
period Probably No Bueno See A Doctor!
I honestly think my favorite part of getting chicken/veal
parmesan is leaving over 90% of the cheese that went up on top that there
chicken/veal. I'm performing a Healthy, I may think. Sure
I ate a lot of pasta and presumably soft-fried chicken/veal, but cheese?
ONLY 10%! Except for those times I do eat the cheese.
Like most times. I dunno what else is going on and crap. 13th
paragraph! 15 seems probable at this point. Why am I the only person
who didn't feel a deep connection to or affinity for Kobe Bryant. I don't
get it. It seems like even people who aren't basketball fans or from LA
are really bummed out by this news. Makes me feel like a dick!
Sorry! Plus, yeah, he seems like a good guy based on post-hummus analysis.
But that's what they'd say for anyone! I dunno, I I do buy that he
was a really good guy. Sorry!
I guess I've been desensitized by sports people dying in
flying contraptions after Corey Lidle. He was a Baseball Player who
crashed into a building while I believe flying his own plane. Which is an
expression in honor of him. Not to fly my own plane, but... and it
means I'm about to crash into a residential apartment building, but...
For some reason I thought it happened on September the 11th: Not the main one
but one of the other ones. Turns out it was October 11. Sounds
like about A Month later. Hey only one more paragraph then I'm done!
What else is going on and crap.
Whatta do with the rest of my Next Ten Days. Ugh
that sounds like a whole lot of nothin'. I think they need to expand
toothpastes into new and exciting flavors. No reason you can't have
chocolate tooth paste. I remember when I was wearing braces they had some
sort of drill or something and you could choose flavors! One being
chocolate! Get me some chocolate toothpaste! I guess they don't want
toothpaste to taste too good. Then you're gonna start eating
nothing but toothpaste especially if it has no calories as it would in this
scenario because toothpaste can't have calories c'mon whatchu talkin' bout.
Anyway, hey, entry is over! See ya later.
January 18, 2020
JUST GOT IMPEACHED FOR
WRITING A PERFECT TITLE
Yeah. I was putting some thought into it and I think
repeating the phrase Perfect Phone Call is a pretty big Freudian Slip.
Ya'll know the phrase The Perfect Crime, as in something like Ah I'm
gonna get away with this crime! that's what makes it the PERFECT crime!
So he's just, probably subconsciously, mixing up the word perfect with
the word crime. What he's really saying in that tweet is
JUST GOT IMPEACHED FOR MAKING A CRIME PHONE CALL! Yep. No
argument there! That's exactly what happened! Glad we're all on the
same page. Thought of that last night, felt responsible for getting
it out into the world as soon as possible, so now I have at least 4 more
paragraphs to go. Oh well you win some you lose some.
Finished Conan o Brian Podcast up to now. Now
dippin' into some deeper cuts of podcasrs from not quite as famous
comedians but somehow more entertaining because they're less far removed from
being a Real Person. Conan is a real person. You could make
that argument I guess. Anyway, Season 2 of his podcast lost some of the
Real-Person quality the first season had. I really bought into his premise
in the first season that I wanna be real friends with these celebrity-guests
and have a deeply honest conversation with them I have as guests. (The
podcast name is Conan o Brian Needs a Friend) The 2nd season is
still good, but the manifestation of that title in season 2 is more like hey
you know what Conan is actually really good friends with his 2 co-hosts.
So the twist happy ending is Conan o Brian had friends all along. I
assume that's the payoff that is gonna be driven home on the last episode of
season 2. So it's not WORSE, it's just a motivational sentimental
Conan had friends All Along! Makes me happy to see other people
have friends. I'd like to join that subset of people some day!
The subset of people who have friends. Something along those lines.
Anyway. I think the only reason I say Conan is Less Of A Real Person than
Other Podcasters it they're closer to my age and thus I can relate to them more.
If I was 85 I might be able to relate to Conan more and he'd be the real
What else is going on. I'm really getting into
Ginger Ale. Got it as a substitute for Lemon Lime Soda this past week
and it's paying off! I like it. Anyway, the last few days I've been
relatively sick. I'm 95% better now, but on Wednesday and Thursday I was
out of it. We're talkin' Fever. We're talkin Cold. We're
Talking Headache. I disagree with calling Nose Sickness a, "Cold."
I assume because going out in the cold might make it worse. But
that doesn't explain why you call it a Cold. It doesnt make you
cold. It doesn't feel cold. The only way Coldness relates is
hey side note don't go out in the cold might make it worse. I remember
having fevers all the time in elementary school, and I think it was my mind
willing my body to become ill, because I wanted to skip school as much as
possible. That's my best theory. I also had a bunch of bloody
noses. Dunno about that one!
Anyway. Fourth paragraph. Figure I'll have some
sort of lunch after this paragraph. We're talkin' Hot Pocket if that's
available. If not, maybe some other sort of Frozen Burrito. I'm
pretty sure I've got something along those lines available to me. Pun
calling Vaginas, "Hot Pockets." Seems like that's some low hanging
fruit, right? I think the go-to flavor for Vaginas is Pepperoni Pizza.
That's just common sense I guess. How about the girl with Croissant
Pockets. Nice Hot, Flaky Crust. Anyway, what else is going on
and crap. Figure I'll put Food in Oven so I will not eat until 30-40
minutes from now, but get on that right away.
Put Health Burrito into oven for 15-20 minutes.
Well, only put it in for 2 minutes at this point. But it'll be there
for roughly 15-20 minutes when all is said and done. Maybe finish this
paragraph and call it an Entry. Seems like the thing to do for some
reason. I'm mostly healthy right now, the only remaining symptom is I have
FeverAche localized at the top of my head. It's not a headache. Not
your classical headache, at least. It is an ache at the top of my head.
but it's like a... you guys know what I mean by Fever Ache? Like when you
gotta fever and your body sort of feels achy... I've repeated myself 5
times and either you get it or you don't.
What else is going on. Oh a sixth paragraph
didn't see that one coming. I tuned down my electric guitar to
Standard D tuning an I wanna say to the world no reason you ever need to tune
an electric guitar to standard D tuning. And I don't have the will
power to spend 120 seconds to re-tune it! I got things to do! Like
not play the guitar anyway either way I Got Things To Do! It'd be nice
to get in a mode where I can write some new songs. Can't, though!
Doesn't seem right, but oh well that's where we are in life. I dunno maybe
I will make it to 10 paragraphs all in one sitting! Cool!
What else is going on. Sometimes I try doin' some
doodling but I can't get past just drawing stick figures. That's all my
imagination can conjure up these days. Stickmen. The heads are
circles, the rest of their bodies are just lines, though. That's how I Do
It these days. Gotta wonder what kind of mindset that betrays.
No I don't! You can't make me! I'll wonder what I want thank you
very much! Figure I'll check out that Relatively Healthy Burrito when this
paragraph is done. Which will be soon! Very Soon! I ain't
lying that's just the way things are for some reason! Figure I'll take
some sort of walk either after FOod is done or after 10 paragraphs is done.
That burrito ain't ready. Get Outta Here With That
Bullshit. Jeez. Alright I'm gonna finish this after this
paragraph unless I get on some sort of roll for some reason. That'd be a
good translation of a Latin Quote that some college uses to describe themselves.
For Some Reason. Could be interpreted several different ways All Of
Which are Aces! That's my opinion. Man if I write 10 paragraphs I
get the joy of going into the next paragraph KNOWING I'm writing a Penultimate
Paragraph I can get behind such a thing. Hah. Crime Phone
Call. I made a Perfect Call, I'm hopefully going to get away
with it, please let me get away with it, it was a perfect cr-- It was a Perfect
Wonderful. Hey, what else is going on.
Another podcast I could get back into is The Best Show. I still
have a lasting influence from The Best Show where Tom Sharpling makes a really
distinctive sigh often, usually right after a phone call is completed, I dunno
if its natural or forced or just exaggerated or what but now for some reason I
do it naturally. Like an Huh/Ah/Ugh sound, and now I do it.
Thanks a lot now my life is ruined I don't wanna sigh distinctively which
isn't actually distinctively since this other guy does it but it's distinctive
to those who never heard him sigh that way and they're wondering hmm
interesting sigh wonder if there's a story behind that. So, yeah,
something along those lines.
BREAKING NEWS OUT OF LONDON, SOME ROYAL FAMILY PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T EVEN THE KING OR QUEEN WANNA WITHDRAW FROM PUBLIC LIFE A BIT!!
Who gives a crap. How does that affect a single soul, especially
outside of Britain. Look, they like their royal family, fine, that's cute.
But in what alternate universe does that make a difference to me? It'd
be weird if England has a King next. Maybe I'm some kind of misogynist
but King sounds too powerful for a purely ceremonial position.
Suddenly you got a King and you're like wait a second that doesn't sound
right! Anyway. Just ate burrito. And I am done with Entry!
Sweet. I'll see ya'll later.
January 13, 2020
This Is A Thing I
Is it, though? Nope! That was my first
intention of the title. C'mon duh we both know this is Nothing.
But then I was like maybe its a kind of pretentious title. We are
all know experiencing a, "Happening!" This website is the
Thing To Do. Anyway. Pretty sure its inspired by TrumpTweets over
the past half decade, but I'm noticing an interesting trend in Music Titles
where they play with capitalization. Either every letter is capitalized or
every letter is lowercasedized or they just mix it up. Why.
And how do we get out of this. We have no choice but to continue
titling our songs with or without letters capitalized. Now its a permanent
artistic decision for the rest of Titling Songs. Talk about War Crimes.
How come no one ever talks about Peace Crimes.
They do, it's just called, "Crimes." Yeah? Well, great!
Also, not is it now a permanent artistic decision, but its literally THE
FIRST aartistic choice we become aware of half the time. I guess
half the time we hear a new song we click on it or read it off an album casing,
so we see the title first, and the other half we hear the song first somehow
someway and then see the title. INTERESTING DISCUSSION I'LL THROW IT
TO THE PANEL-- do you like to hear the song first or read the title first?
Write in your answers to
firstname.lastname@example.org! Hmm that time I gave me real e-mail address.
EMAIL THEM ANSWERS LETS START A, "TREND!"
I started reading the George Carlin autobiography and the guy
he wrote it with mentions George Carlin's AOL Screenname in the introduction he
wrote. Just imagining George Carlin using AOL in the late 90's while I
was using AOL and he has a screenname... oh man that tickles me in all the
right spots. And, his screenname, you ask? Sleetmanal.
Al Sleet apparenty being The Hippy Dippy Weatherman's name. And, "Man," I
assume being an homage to my AOL screenname, mankindguy.
Crazysleet. You can call me Al. ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER.
Wait a second... I didn't write YoU cAn CaLl Me Al!
The most common form of using having fun with capitalization is just all
caps or all noncaps. You can do the alternating caps but that just looks
LAME. I dunno, what else is going on. 1/13. That means
in 6 or 8 hours 13 days without a drink! That's as long as it takes to
Solve The Cuban Missile Crisis! Shouldn't it be called The RUSSIAN
Missile Crisis? Had they ever technically become Cuban Missiles
that means we lost!! Cuba got them missiles. Let's Talk About It No
One Else Will! Figure that's a band name out there waiting to be used.
Cuban Missile Crisis. That reminds me of an album title I thought of
back when I was in NYU. The Manhattan Project. It's funny
because It's A Thing and now it also means Another Thing. Makes me
laugh! Because Also my NYU music is about as enjoyable to listen to as
an Atom Bomb. Makes me laugh!
Fifth paragraph! Put in Chinese Food Lunch order
right now. Brb in a sec. I'd listen to an Atom Bomb.
Don't wanna be around when it's dropped-- but sure I'd be interested to see
exactly how it sounds. I know there's that stereotype of the sound of the
bomb dropping, like at the end of Dr Strangelove: No Spoilers [seems like kind
of a weird title in retrospect?]. There's also the stereotype of the sound
it makes when it drops in the distance and then after a second and a half
everything in the foreground starts getting blasted to pieces. Like in
Some Other Movies: No Spoilers!
Sixth paragraph! Wonderful. Not a lot of good
press for Atomic Bombs, but c'mon that's pretty clever. You adjust
something so, so small, or something, and then it destroys a city. It's a
tiny little bomb, maybe around My Size As A Person. Then when it makes
hard contact with the ground (I assume that's what triggers it Because I Don't
Know And That's The Easiest Thing To Imagine) BOOM EVERYTHING FUCKIN ALL OVER
THE PLACE IS FUCKED. Hydrogen Bombs-- 4 out of 4 Stars!. I
dunno, crap and crap. Aren't we like 10, 20 years away from just a bomb
that destroys the entire planet? Seems like scientifically possible within
that time frame, logically. Essentially a Death Star that Future-Trump
will use on ourselves because someone made fun of him on TV. So we got
that to look forward to.
Something that always bothered me about the little I know
about Star Wars Movies, and also a lot of other Space Action/Drama movies,
why the hell do you land terrestrial figures like Man onto a planet to fight.
Just stay air bound. Dropping a squadron of Army Men seems like a huge
waste of resources and manpower and well Human Life to put it bluntly.
I dunno. Starting to get bored with the 2 podcasts I've been listening to
the last few days-- Conan Podcast and Aimee Mann/Ted Leo podcast. And the
way that boredom is manifesting itself is an increasing and overriding sense of
uneasiness and self consciousness that, for both of them, I don't understand
80% of the references being made. I apparently am totally unprepared to
carry a conversation as an adult with other adults, specifically within the
framework of artistry/comedy/anything I wanna pretend I may have a future in.
So the point is now I need some new podcasts to listen to that won't go out
of their way to make me feel bad!
What else. Food should be here soon. That's a
pretty shitty way to consume podcasts, though. And art in general.
Yeah, all that's great, but how does that relate TO ME? Boredom
makes me think too hard about myself. If I was properly occupied then I'd
be occupied! Too Occupied to care about myself! I dunno, something
along those lines. What else is going on. Eighth paragraph.
Food Is Here
We're talkin An Absurd Amount of House Special Lo Mein as
well as a pint of brown rice. Had to get to over 10 dollars! Wanted
that there Lo Mein! Got the absurd amount cause I couldn't even fathom The
Truth about how Much it turned out to be! I'm such a sucker when it comes
to brown rice. I get it 25-35% of the time I have to choose between White
Rice and Brown Rice. Always regret it! They say it makes you fuller?
I don't care! Tastes worse! I think part of the appeal of Lo Mein is
just This Is Disgusting. Same thing with White Castle. Just
food that's sloppy and greasy and oh man you KNOW this is gonna walk the line
between being Gross and Delicious.
What else. This is sort of the 9th paragraph.
Figure I'll write 10 and just Call It An Entry after that. Anyway.
How is humanity not doomed. There's so many potential apocalypses on so
many fronts, at least one or two have to manifest, right? Anyway.
Looks reasonably likely that 2 people will have won Oscars for playing Batman's
nemesis The Joker. ...I was about to say, "Cesar Romero must be
turning over in his grave," but JUST SAYING, "2 people will have won Oscars
for playing Batman's nemesis The Joker." is funny enough!
Anyway, last paragraph! Lo Mein Kamph!
Something along those lines. I don't think we give Hitler enough credit
for writing a book. Writing a book is hard! Not really much
of a book. Sorta a long pamphlet, that's what I imagine, at least.
Also, isn't writing a Diary Entry called My Struggle the most
Snowflake thing ever? Hitler was essentially the Alpha Snowflake which is
another band name that no one should ever use but sounds like somethin' that may
or may not be somethin'. I dunno. I'm done here. I'll catch ya
at some other time!
One Thought and One
"Joke" I Realized
After The Fact
1)Sleetmanal. Man is because he goes, "Maaan,"
not because of my AOL screen name.
You Can Call Me Al is Weird Al's parody of You Can Call Me Al.
...No reason you can't parody a song IN LYRICS while keeping the same title!
Also, not a lot of Weird Al songs are self referential to the artist who made
them (Weird Al for those of you who can't keep up). All the more reason to
write You Can Call Me Al and explicitly talk about what's it like
being Weird Al Yankovic?
Even More After The Fact
1)"Maaan"... he also has Man in his unofficial title of Hippy Dippy
Weather MAN. So its not just a reference to what he says but is
actually another word in his name.
January 9, 2020
I Deserve To
Write Better Entries!
That's how things work, right? Hey I've been through
some shit. Shit is inspiration for Shit. Therefore Why Am I Not More
Talented? Doesn't seem fair! Anyway starting to settle into a
New Routine in life. Lots of walks-- Lots! More time walking than
not walking! Lots of podcasts listening. Lots! I think
podcasts are a revolutionary art form because it feels like you're
actually doing something. It's like if, when watching movies, you
got the sensation hey I'm IN THIS SCENE WATCHIN' SHIT GO DOWN.
Maybe that is how some people watch movies. Hey I'm a fly on the wall
while the Titanic is sinking! Hope I Make it out alive!
How come Titanic the most popular movie of all time for like 15 years.
Hey there's this movie that's the most seen movies ever. What happens
in it? A boat sinks. Oh that sounds like a surprising ending.
Everyone knows its going to happen. FASCINATING. Also
it's three and a half hours long. To be fair, Kate Winslet
being topless may have been one of my first experiences looking at nude women
from afar. That's a strange way to talk about watching pornographic
scenes. GOtta wonder what kind of pysche that betrays. I DON'T
GETTA DO NOTHIN!
Anyway. Boy I'd like to have been a fly on the wall
when the producers were having the discussion Should it be called, "Titanic,"
or, "THE Titanic?" Why are people always wanting to be
flies on walls. Ya know how flies are always eavesdropping on people
and things? While being on a wall? DUH! I think that was
Jeff Goldblum's Character's inner monologue a third into That Movie.
Well I am turning into a fly that's no good but I WILL be able to listen in
on things voyeuristically so gotta look at the bright side of things...
Speaking of cult horror movies, finally did some research into Joe Bob Briggs
and he is a character and is a real movie reviewer so much of the knowledge
espoused is probably from him. Anyway. His real last name is
Bloom. wtf this guy is Jewish? And on top of that is
my Bloom Buddy? How about that!
I don't think it's appropriately recognized that, across art
forms, there's a recurring theme of people adapting a, "Country" alter ego,
which they market as being Really them, and that's not offensive to them but
rather embraced. That describes much of country music. Larry The
Cable Guy in comedy, probably other examples. Joe Bob Briggs. I
dunno what to make of all this but it seems interesting I'd write a thesis on it
if I were in some really strange college class which I can't properly fathom as
of this paragraph. How is it that that subset of the population in art
forms and entertainment came to be called country. Hey-- mostly southern
rural white people... how would you describe yourself to differentiate yourself
from other subsets of the country? Country. Yes we're all
part of the same country but how would y-- Country. WHY.
Nine freakin' days without a drink! Right now got 2
podcasts I'm alternating between. There's dozens waiting in the wings,
though! This could go on the rest of my life, listening to podcasts.
One should be so blessed. Anyway. Wrote the 1st paragraph earlier
this afternoon. Now am writing these paragraphs in Evening before dinner.
Figure I'll end the entry and Add It To The Internet some time tonight, however
far I get along in it, I dunno. Anyway, in one of the podcasts they were
talkin' about the exercise where you name your Mount Rushmore of inspirations as
an artist (I had also seen M Night Shyamalan do it in a tweet a couple of months
ago-- True Story!) And it's basically you choose 4 artists
who have monumentally inspired you and what you do and they're the end all be
all inspirations for you in terms of what you like and what you want to create.
So naturally I tried figuring it out myself. Only have 3 out of the 4 more
or less sure. George Carlin, Elliott Smith, Stanley Kubrick. I feel
like that's a good basis for a New Monkees-esque enterprise. Got the
comedy, music, and film/tv aspects all covered! 4th Rushmore I dunno.
Oh. The movie Rushmore. And in the movie Rushmore has his mount
Rushmore and it's a repeating 1/4th of 1/4th of 1/4th... Ive lost you.
I feel like the closest I came to something that I'd
be pretty satisfied committing to as being my 4th inspiration is Mr. Show.
But that isn't a person. I can't differentiate between David Cross and Bob
Odenkirk. What am I some kind of differentiator? Nope that ain't me.
For balance, though, it should be something from the world of TV. I
dunno what I'm talking about. Fifth paragraph. Figure I'll stop
after this paragraph and maybe write more later I DUNNO YET. I'm gonna
start a new Trending Hashtag where you have to name your Mount Everest and
It's A Mountain. HEY I'VE BEEN CLIMBING UP THIS MOUNTAIN NONSTOP
FOR 96 HOURS STRAIGHT! Mountain-- "Eve'r r'est?" HOW
DARE YOU TAUNT ME MOUNTAIN I'LL GET TO THE TOP OF YOU YET!
That one has Stanley Kubrick written all over it.
Also, little known fact-- Stanley Kubrick wrote his name all over each page of
every script. That was the inspiration for that scene in The Shining
with All Work No Play and if you tell me that was in Stephen King's Novel
Version first then I Will Tell You King knew Kubrick did that and it was
STILL the inspiration. Anyway, 6th paragraph, figure I'll write this
paragraph now, too! Lots of ideas for 4th Mount Rushmore Inspiration that
I feel like yeah that would be a good 4th, but I'd be forcing it.
Not realy MY fourth, if I had to decide it'd be a good fit, but I'd be
stretching the truth!
I Guess. I guess. What else.
Figure I'll just write 10 paragraphs today whether its now or in a little bit.
Who cares! Not me! At least, I shouldn't! Hey you know
how I'm always directing all those short films. Huge influence by Kubrick!
I dunnno he can be an influence as an artist without it being in directing.
Just the way he approached his job, the overarching themes, how he went about
creating and fine tuning his oeuvre, all that stuff... I dunno.
Jeez. Walking, listening, Joe Bob Briggsing. I guess this is what
life is now. I dunno how long this is sustainable. I figured
going into it, I dunno, one week? 2 Weeks? Now I see its
either STOP RIGHT NOW or THIS IS THIS THIS IS PERMANENTLY MY LIFE
FROM NOW ON.
Whatever. What's goin' on with you? Still
existing, are ya? I wouldn't put it past ya! Doin' your thing, as
you do, I bet. I think the best part about potentially getting a TV is I
could PERMANENTLY set up my lap top computer on one of the other surfaces facing
another direction instead of having to move it back and forth if I decide to
write facing a different direction. Makes sense to me.
I dunno. I guess that'll do it for today. See ya some other time in
January 7, 2020
I Don't Want To Know
Hah. Male Man. Makes me laugh!
The point is I'm closing in on a full, clean week without alcoholic products up
to and including alcohol. There might be some alcohol in soap, I dunno.
Good thing I don't use soap. That's how they getcha!
That's why when I have kids no soap! Wait till you're 21 if you wanna
experiment with soap! My house, my rules! I don't think there's
alcohol in regular soap. Maybe some fancy hand sanitizer or something.
Anyway, went to Supermarket this morning. Ah, Weekly Chore is Done.
That means I go A FULL WEEK without a chore! Well, almost.
That's how math works for some reason I've been led to believe!
I'm experimenting with Double Meat Subway Sandwich.
Imagine making some sort of pornographic pun if that's up your alley. Hah,
Up Your Alley. Makes ME laugh! I don't like not drinking
alcohol because it also makes me able to eat more responsibly and take more
walks so basically I'm TOO PRODUCTIVE AND HEALTHY each day because it sorta
implicitly leads to the thought well I'm takin' care of myself now to reap
the benefits later... Uh Oh There Is No Later. I mean, time
will continue going on for You and I. But I got nothin' on the docket,
personally. And just thinking I am going to be going Above and Beyond
Healthy for an indefinite amount of time, And That's It... Hmm... WHERE'S THE
Watched The Benchwarmers II on Netflix I believe.
Pretty sure that's gonna be a player in future discussions of what is just
the most aggressively bad movie ever made? And they know it, of
course, that plays into the equation. But, yeah. I'm not gonna say
it is the worst movie ever made. Too many moving pieces and ways to
judge and I'm not into figuring it out right now. I'm just saying,
confidently, people will become aware of it in regards to Worst Movies
Discussions. Anyway, three paragraphs down? Lunch almost done?
Gonna take a break now! Finish up entry a little bit later in the day.
Sure some parts of Benchwarmers border on Humorous-- that just adds to it being
Terrible! It tempts us with Strangely Almost Funny Things! How
Excuse Me, Post
Office? I've Got a Problem With My Mail Person...
The problem is that they exist. GET 'EM OUTTA
HERE!!! The good news is I'm gettin' back into chewing gum.
The VERY good news is Hey a bunch more episodes of Joe Bob Briggs:
The Slightly Politically Incorrect Horror Movie Man-Geek: Presents Horror Movies
out there to be watched! Joe Bob Briggs makes me want to go Excuse
me post office? I'd like to change my gender to snow flake!!!
I figure that's a pretty good way of how Joe Bob Briggs might make fun of me in
some sort of scenario where Joe Bob Briggs both knows who I am and has decided
to Poke Rib At Me in a slightly politically incorrect way! Lots of
things have to align to make this scenario happen but Hey I'm Not Countin'
Anything Out At This Point!
Positive-- new brand of Gum is Wintergreen-- my favorite!
Negative-- for calories, it just says <5. Less than 5. Gotta be
more specific! Do you guys remember learning about < and > (as in---
3>2 means three is greater than 2), and the way they taught it, was like if its
x>y, that means x is MORE than y because its like a mouth > I'M GONNA GOBBLE
UP X BECAUSE ITS MORE THAN Y AND MORE IS EMPIRICALLY BETTER!) I'm not
fucking around, that's how I was taught it! the opening is a mouth and
I want to eat the bigger number. That's how they teach math to gifted
children and presumably everyone because hey how else are you gonna remember
I'd like to see ya explain it! Oh-- also-- corollary! Not only
is it a Mouth To Eat the bigger number, but its an arrow pointing to the
smaller number. Like, I'ma eat this bigger number with the
mouth. Hey, I'm pointing to this other number... you go after
this number. Hey, check out this number! See it? Go for
it! All yours!
That either makes too little sense or too much
sense. No middle ground there. It's a real either <
or >. Anyway, what else is going on. Sixth paragraph.
Figure that's pretty good for a day's worth of paragraphs. Anyway.
Got a haircut and a shave a few days ago. It had been 6 month since my
last Either One. It's great because now I can look in the mirror and be
like oh hey so this is what people look like I had almost forgotten!
Where's the Keyboard button for signifying Greater Than OR EQUAL TO?
Those are fun, right? Ya don't know whether its greater than or equal t..
well yeah that explains it pretty well. Anyway, another entry in the
books. See ya later!
January 4, 2020
So Many Days! So
Four Days! Negative 27 Drinks! U DO THE
MATH! I did it for myself, now you do it for you! Ain't never
gonna learn if I do all the maths for ya! So great what else is going
on. I like Abstaining From Stuff as the Main Productive I'm Doing because
all I have to do is not do something. I can Not Do Anything All
Day! All Week! All Mo... okay now we're getting into hard
territory. But the point is while I'm abstaining from one thing I can
over-stain other vices that I'm not under-staining quite yet. More eatings
instead of drink! Less walkings! Just gotta get over some sort of
hump one would imagine!
Hey I got my new abundance of Eye Contact Lenses.
They're good cause I put them in front of my eyeballs and then I can see further
distances as if they weren't that so far away. Eye balls sounds like a
dirty thing. We all know Balls are dirty. They come in a set in
some of our groin areas. Balls can never get clean is the point.
Always rollin' around in some sort of muck. We've learned that from
Pondering About Beer Pong. Pong Bottle misses the table, hits the floor,
we dunk it into a cup of water like that's supposed to do something. First
of all, that cup of water is dirty after the 1st time we go through this
process. 2nd of all-- bacteria don't give no crap about a dunk into some
water! That ain't gonna stop you from getting FloorAIDS at all!
I think if you really wanna raise the stakes in
BeerPong you should make the loser drink that cup of water! Hah I am an
innovator I can see that catching on. Among Jerks, ya know.
Jerks like that kind of thing. Ya never see a group of 60 year olds
playing Beer Pong. That's accurate, I dunno. Ya never see a
group of 60 year olds at all. I dunno why. From my
experience, this probably isn't universal, but old people don't wanna hang out
with anybody. It's not like they're hanging out in secret and we just
don't know about it. My parents are old and I'm positive they have no
friends. They don't even like each other. Not even me or my brother,
particularly! But that might just be because my parents have always been
weirdos with no friends. I have no idea but I wouldn't put it past them!
They did Produce Me, after all.
My Dad is very friendly with Doctors and Delivery People
and Customer Support. He's a friendly guy with no friends.
Spoiler Alert-- that's who I am and I'm just projecting it all onto my
father figure. Who, in this case, is my father. I've found our
fathers are our most accurate father figures in life. Spoiler Alert--
I'm not even that much of a friendly guy. I'm enticed by the
idea of friendship and hope to one day experience it for myself should
the cards work out forever in my favor. Anyway. What's going
on in the wide world of 2020. Hmm year just started goin' ok so f---
OOoOoop going into a full fledged war DAMNIT. Can't we go three
days into a year without it somehow becoming worse than the last year which was
somehow worse than the year that preceded it? The good news is I
think the Left is much more mobilized than in 2003 so I think we can resist the
bullshit call to war a little bit better together. But the bad news
is I'm basing that on nothing and I wouldn't be surprised if the odds
weren't forever in my favor in regards to that ending up accurate.
Anyway. Gonna take some sort of walk before Lunch
gets here in roughly 90 minutes and the walk is 30 minutes and I wanna allow at
least 15 minutes before Food is supposed to get here to make sure I'm here from
mny walk because MATHS I FIGURED IT OUT AND NOW YOU HAVE TOO. I think
we've become kind of de-sensitized to assassinations because they're by a drone.
Hey we killed this guy to maybe start a war. WTF WE JUST WENT UP TO
AND KILLED A GUY? Nope a drone found him and took him out.
OH WELL THEN I GUESS THAT'S BOUND TO HAPPEN NOW AND THEN. Kinda
takes the humanity out of Killing People. Anyway figure I'll write a 6th
paragraph, then take a walk of some sort, then I'll be back here with All The
Times to spare.
Jeez. Just talked to my Mom. She had a dream last
night about me! I love it. I think people should be thinking about
me nonstop. Even- especially-- when they're sleeping!
Apparently in the dream I was in some sort of college and I was telling my Mom I
was on some sort of Wrestling Team and my Mom had some sort of reaction to being
slightly worried about it so she went to some sort of library to do some sort of
research on Sport Wrestling Not Show Wrestling. Yeah! The great
thing is, I think it's a relatively universal thing to look into ones' own
dreams for hidden meaning and whatnot and have fun that way. It's EVEN
BETTER to look into SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAMS for hidden meanings as it
pertains to you!
I dream I'm on the wrestling team? Great, vaguely
interesting, what else is going on. My Mom dreams it? NOW MY
INTEREST IS ENTICED LETS FIGURE THIS ONE OUT! My first reaction to what
does this mean is hey college wrestling-- generic Thing To Do That's A
Real Thing. My Mom is Dreaming I'm Doing A Real Thing. I dunno
why College Wrestling represents, "Generic Thing To Do That's a Real Thing"--
that seems to describe anything. But College Wrestling in
particular! Anyway. Seventh paragraph. Figure I'll write an
8th then take walk then Recalibrate Where I'm At In Life. I guess College
Wrestling is good because it has Weight Classes so if I get in shape my height
won't hurt me it may even HELP me! Wonderful, just wonderful.
What else is going on. Giving a very little bit of
thought to going to Grad School. Wonder if that is cosmically related to
my Mom's dream. The thought came first, a week or two ago.
Then My Mom's dream happened last night. Get the continuity straight,
alright?!? Hey I was just talkin about BeerPong: The College Sport
Sensation wonder if that's relevant. Pretty sure there's no good use
for BeerPong outside of University. Which I refer to as University
because I'm European for now. I dunno. Also, Beer Pong is like the
opposite of Regular Pong. In regular pong, you're trying to avoid
the bar on the other side. In beer pong, you're trying to hit the
target, which has now taken the form of a cup instead of a bar but it still the
target. Reversed! Eight paragraphs done. Figure I'll just
quit entry now. See ya later!
January 1, 2020
How many times do I
have to listen to people joke about 20/20 vision before I end everything?
Also WOW WHAT A MAGICAL TITLE!
My guess is, I'll give em a solid month to make that pun.
January 2020? Have at it. February hits? It's over for me.
Maybe You Too. But definitely someone or something is gonna go.
Also, it's essentially my Dad who makes that joke over and over again. ANd,
to be honest, I often make it back! It's a real father/son activity.
Goin' back and forth with the exact same pun for months, even years. Until
we get a new one. Who knows what the new Uniting Us All Pun will be?
I can't wait to find out!
Anyway. I like watching Boardwalk Empire because once
every few episodes I'm reminded oh this is the guy who played weird crazy
weirdos who are crazy in Adam Sandler movies as a throwaway. Now look
at him! I dare ya! If you look at Steve Buscemi and say
Blood Mary 5 times he'll get it eventually what you're looking for and turn
into a ghost because he's A People Pleaser. Hmm. Buscemi.
Bus. Semi. Choose a mode of transportation, Name! Please!
Anyway. Made a New Years Revelation that I'd quit alcohol.
Either entirely or on some sort of 90% thing. So far, so good!
Haven't had a drink in an entire 12 hours! Anyway. Got Chipotle
coming in about half an hour. Will Resume Entry Then!
Jeez. Speaking of days and months and years, I
think I wanna write a New Imagining of Julius Ceasar where they kill him on pi
day (3.14), which is a day before Ides of March, because they were originally
going to just have a huge pie fight and not kill anyone but things just really
got out of hand. Hmm looks like I started a third paragraph without the
food being here yet. Hey how about that. What else. Oh, I
wrote 2 or 3 worthwhile Tweets over the last week! HERE YA GO!
I'm sick of hearing the joke, "how come Halloween never falls on
a Friday the Thirteenth?" without it being clearly stated that I was
unequivocally the first person ever to think of that. merry holidays.
It's It's funny because its true!
I think both Left and Right can and should unite to demand a sequel called,
"Life Is Beautiful Again."
Hmm should I go with Life Is Beautiful Again? Maybe Make Life Beautiful
point is while writing this Tweet I accidently realized the very likely
possibility of Trump's 2020 campaign slogan being Keep America Great!
It's good one! I don't care who knows it! Especially because it's
a Halloween/Friday 13 scenario. Who ever says it first REALLY wins
big time! I will accept you congratulations in the mail.
I don't like the phrase, "Happy New Year!" The year just started.
Who knows how happy it's going to be? "Happy Old Year," sounds like a safer bet.
though! Is it Happy New YEAR or Happy New YEARS. Either you're
celebrating the coming year or you're celebrating All Years In General. Up
to you, but the first makes more sense, though! And it's always been your
dream to make sense!
Don't Look At Me!
I'm positive I've used that title multiple times here.
Because I literally come up with that phrase as a title 50% of the time I'm
thinking of a title. Over the last 6 months, year, I dunno. Hmm what's
a good title I haven.. DONT LOOK AT ME! Cut to 3 weeks later.
Hey I need a good new ti... DONT LOOK AT M... wait that already happened.
1 month later. Man I'm due for a new... DONT LOOK AT M.. FUCK
FUCK FUCK LIFE I HATE IT SO MUCH. Anyway. Exactly 9 months
since I quit smoking. More or less a day or two who knows how long 9
months really is its all subjective. So anyway Quitting Cigarettes has
just given birth to Quitting Alcohol!
Anyway JUST NOW I FINALLY GOT LUNCH AND AM IN THE PROCESS OF
BEGINNING TO EAT IT. I wanted to get Pizza but they was closed for New
Years Celebrations so I got Chipotle Because They Only Celebrate Cinco De Mayo--
their new years. Also, is it wrong that every year I am dissapointed
to not be able to say on Rosh Hashunah Happy Jew Years!.
Every year is another year, another missed opportunity! What else is
crappening. Sometimes I fantasize about getting a drum set and playing
drums but NOT learning the drums, just playing them not even half right.
Just, whenever I wanna drive a lyric or guitarwork home, that's when Ya Hit The
Drum! That's my impression on how things work.
Anyway. When you're playing Rock Band or Guitar Hero
doesn't that warrant you some royalties if you're playing it with an audience?
It's like a streaming service, essentially. Hey I got you to listen to
Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and there's eight of you... Figgure you each give me a
dollar for the show, and I'll keep a cent of each dollar... the rest goes to
Video Game Developers, and if there's any left over, let Mighty Mighty Bosstones
have it! Figure I'll write 2 more paragraphs after this one.
Then go back to being Bored. HEY I went to the supermarket today because
I'm a super guy only the best markets for me! And the good news is welp
another week until I have to do A Chore.
Anyway. Tried to stay up as late as I could
last night because I like it when numbers happen. But I fell asleep before
any balls dropped. I like how there's only a 2 minute window over the
entire year when we year The New Years Song. Auld
Lang Syne. I just looked it up on
Internet and it was oringially just some song! irish I believe it sonds
like! Now we go the entire year forgetting it, and suddenly, we can't
avoid yearing it! The Beatles can only DREAM of such a routine.
Holy shit every year for 2 minutes NO MORE NO LESS and the world is singing your
song! John Lennon was a jealous guy-- he said as much in a
Last paragraph I guess! Just checked up some facts
on "The New Years Song." First of all-- Scottish, not Irish.
Second of all-- older than I imagined! Based on a poem in the 1700's.
I was imagining just some random Irish song written by some random person from
the 1940's. Turns out I was wrong about everything! EVERYTHING!
Anyway. Gettin' a new pair of glasses. As The Who might say, New
pair of glasses, same as the old pair of glasses. And you know what, they
ARE very similar! Plastic black frame, shape of lens maybea bit different
but CLOSE very Close. Anyway, that'll do it for now. See ya in some
alternate future that is alernate to the future It Would Seem To Be As Of Now!