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Friday, April 20, 2012

Alcoholism Is The Thinking Man's Disease

     Hi.  Itís been a while since Iíve done this, and I was going to go through the old crazysheet to get a sense of what I used to doÖ but then I realized if I tried too hard, it might come off as needy.  And if thereís one thing I donít want to do, itís to let you know how much I need your affection.  So donít tell anybody.  Anyway, whatís up.  Itís 4/20.  Thatís Hitlerís birthday because he loved marijuana.  Itís also a multiple of February 10th.  I have this feeling of dťjŗ vu a lot, and saying that joke brought it to the forefront.  I think there should be a sequel to Mario with Wario as the main villain.  Imagine how cool that would be.  John Leguizamo and Dom Delouise can reprise their parts as Luigi and Mario, but who will play Wario?  Benny Agbiyani?  Mick Jagger?  No, I think the best choice to play Wario is Jack Black.  How great would that be?  Very great.  Hollywood, get on it.  By Hollywood, I mean Jack Black.  I call him Hollywood. 

     One of the main differences between this crazysheet and the old crazysheet is that I smoke cigarettes now.  So, in-between breaks in the writing, I might inhale countless toxic chemicals into my lungs now.  Itís what the cool kids are doing.  I donít know why I started smoking.  Oh yeah, depression and incalculable other mental hiccups.  But cigarettes calm me down.  Especially because my main mental hiccup now is nicotine addiction.  I had a roommate named Nick in 2008.  Long story short, he got me to do cocaine with him and then I lost my virginity with my new found confidence to a girl I met the night before.  My go to joke for that is ďitís good I was on cocaine, because now I only remember the bad parts.Ē  People have told me that it doesnít make sense, but obviously theyíve never done cocaine for the first time and then lost their virginity.  You know what was a good movie that doesnít get a lot of accolades?  Jumanji.  Itís a strung out version of the struggles a Jew must go through when he dies to finally believe in Christ and get into Heaven.  Plus, it has a boy turning into a monkey over the course of two hours.  What isnít there to like?

     Iím out of school now.  I canít believe itís been a year since Iíve been in school.  Most recently, I went to Queens college, and Iím probably going to go back there in the Summer or Fall.  Iím thinking about taking philosophy because I imagine it will be an extreme amount of fun to write papers on philosophy.  Iím not even joking.  Iíve flipped through some of the books we have in our house on philosophy, and it seems really interesting.  Now I just need motivation to read the whole books, guidance in what themes and adages to focus on, and assignments to write papers on.  Iím not even joking, philosophy is the shit.  I mean, Kierkegaard?  Maybe one day Iíll be a famous philosopher.  Thatís pretty much the only career you can get with a philosophy major.  I think most philosophy majors because famous philosophers, but I might have to check my sources on that.  My sources being Source magazine (which I think is a magazine for black people), whatever is printed on the side of cigarette cartons, and how big the moon is on any given night.  Yes, how big the moon is on any given night is one of my sources.  Got a problem with that?  You do now.  Look outside; see how big the moon is.  I once took a picture of the moon when it was really big with my cell phone camera, and then when I looked at the picture, it was just a tiny dot.  Sorcery?  Human error?  A broken cell phone?  Who knows, all I know is that it freaked me out for the next eight months. 

     Presidential elections are heating up.  Iím voting for Gingrich.  Heís in it to win it.  A month or two ago, when the Republican primaries were in full swing, I thought about writing a movie loosely based on Gingrichís run, in which the theme was ďthisíll never work, but it was a good time had by all.Ē  It would also be loosely based on my life, combined with Gingrich.  Then I didnít because who has the work ethic to write an entire movie.  These things are 90, 120 pages long.  Do you know how long it would take to write that, even if youíre dedicated and committed to the idea?  Two, three weeks, tops.  Thatís what Inception is about.  How long it takes to write a movie.  Itís a comedically self-referential romp into the mind of its writers, Aunt Jamima and Weird Al Yankovic. I donít think I ever saw the whole movie.  All I know is itís about breaking into peopleís dreams.  It was hard to follow.  Oh man I just took a puff of cigarette smoke.  It was so good.  You guys should definitely start smoking if you donít already.  Cowabunga.  

     Since breaking away from crazysheet, Iíve spent most my time playing guitar.  I started practicing in 2005, when crazysheet was in full swing, but while crazysheet stopped in early 2008, Iíve been playing guitar ever since.  Iíve included a link to my myspace page, where you can listen to up to twenty songs.  The unfortunate thing is that I forgot my myspace password, so theyíre not really my most recent songs, and the top five isnít really necessarily what I would consider the top five now, but itís still a pretty good representation of what I can do.  Check it out.  So, what else is new?  This is the year the world is going to end.  I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, the world was a pretty good place, but on the other hand, Iíve got the whole world in my hands, in my hands, in my hands.  And thatís very stressful, so might as well put an end to it.  I think, if I do major in philosophy, Iíll put my papers up on the website for everyone to see.  That way Iíll be forced to write something Iím proud of.  Oh yeah, Iím also taking UCB classes.  I took one last year that went pretty well, and I started one last Sunday.  Iím about in the middle of the pack, and doing that shows how easy it is to be funny on the spot, which makes this whole website idea pretty pointless, but itís still fun.  The whole time I was pretending to improv as myself, I was actually playing a character.  I donít think anyone else did that.  I was playing Allie, Holden Caulfieldís dead brother in Catcher In The Rye.  This was so much fun to write.  I hope to do it again sometime.  In the meantime, please like this on facebook, and feel free to share with your friends.  I donít know when then next entry will be, because I canít see into the future yet, but Iím sure that power will come to me sooner or later.  But for now, toodles.  And please check out my myspace music.  Itís all I did for three years!!!

-   12:47 P.M.

 

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Michael Aware Of Laughing

     Hello.  I'm feeling fine.  I hope you are too.  Won't you be my neighbor?  Register crazysheez.net and you will be.  Another thing I do now that I didn't do before is drink coffee.  Man, does that power me up!  Or burden me down, because I need to figure out how to drink five cups of coffee throughout the day.  It's definitely one of those.  It can't be neutral.  Nothing can be neutral!  Send out the message.  I watched Robin Hood Men In Tights recently.  Richard Lewis was the king.  The king of SHIT.  Sorry.  I just was really disappointed that the movie didn't hold up to my boyhood love for it.  Well, goodnight!  Just kidding.  I'll write some more.  I don't know who I think I'm fooling, people can easily see with their eyeballs that that wasn't the end.  At least with their peripheral vision or something.  Humans are really lucky to have peripheral vision.  Did you know peripheral vision saves 30,000 lives a year?  And listening to music only saves 4,000?  So, stop listening to music and start looking at things out of the corners of your eyes.  If you want to live, at least. 

     I need some drinking mates.  I don't know where I picked up that British lingo.  I had a British exchange student as a roommate for a couple of weeks when I was a sophomore.  That's probably it.  Also, I used to play chess semi-semi-semi professionally when I was a kid.  Don't play chess as adults.  People use it to show power.  My roommate who introduced cocaine to me also used to play chess with people and contended there were more combinations of moves in a chess game than atoms in the universe.  Obviously that's stupid, but it made you a little afraid of him, because if he believes that, what else does he believe?  Also, I was recently in a mental hospital, which has halfsies prison rules.  And one guy had a chess board and would play with people to demonstrate power.  He also "borrowed" my earphone radio from time to time, to show his power.  Or maybe he just liked chess and music.  But more likely, he was playing prison rules and wanted to show his power.  Also another guy said he was embarrassed about walking funny sometimes, and I told him he walked fine, but then I started doubting my own walk.  People do weird things in mental hospitals.  Like eat four times a day and it just being the most disgusting food you can imagine.  But you actually train yourself to like it, because it's the only time of the day you have something to do.  Besides groups.  Groups are good, because you get to talk about your problems, but more importantly, hear other people's problems which are more extreme than yours, at least the ones you talk about, because really, who's gonna talk about their most extreme problems?  Not me.  I just would go "my father this," or "my mother that," I don't know what I was saying "this" and "that" for, but it's in the quotes.  "My father was a designated hitter in high school," or "my mother fed me nothing but garlic knots till I was thirteen and a half years old."  Stuff like that. 

     Anyway.  I'm a little bit antsy about getting to upload this to the internet.  It should be able to go online at about 4:00, 5:00 P.M. today.  If not, then I'm going to have to call customer service again.  I used to never be able to use the phone, I was really shy.  But not anymore.  Give me a phone, I'll talk on it.  I swear.  Now I'm drinking coffee and vitamin water zero.  Drive, blood orange.  I like rise, original orange, butter.  I mean better.  I remember this new years, the first thing I did when it past midnight was go to the store and buy vitamin water energy.  I hope I remembered to say happy new years to the store clerk.  But yeah, I wanted to start the year off with a bang, a zoom, a bolt of energy in the form of vitamin water zero.  Oh yeah, I realized my website fulfills the prophesy that Kurt Cobain laid out in the song "Come as you are" because he goes "memory-uh," and this website comes as it is because it's called crazy sheet(generally assumed to be a synonym of shit) and is also a, wait for it, "diary-uh."  That's right, if you've never made that connection before, it's okay, because I only figured it out a few weeks ago.  But it does make for a pretty clever website/blog name.  But I guess someone could just start a website "This is BULLSHIT" and have the same connection.  So, whatever.  But for anyone who's experienced diarrhea, they know it is the truly crazy shit.  

     Also, if you haven't experienced diarrhea, don't worry, this website was designed primarily as a laxative and reading it will induce a bowel movement.  You know what was a good movie?  Con Air.  My favorite part was when Happy Gilmore threw his friend in the ocean.  I listen to too much Elliott Smith.  He's a bad influence, because he's not even a musician, he just plays instruments and sings.  Anyone can do that.  He's just a guy who does things.  Anyone is a guy who does things.  Girls aren't.  Girls are girls who do things.  Ask Beck, he knows.  He saw that girl.  He documented it in a song.  I used to listen to Beck a lot my first Junior year in College.  I also listened to a lot of Quasi.  I remember once their was a fire drill and I was listening to Quasi as I ran down the stairs, pushing people out of the way.  Then when I got back to my room the R.A. had found my piece, my piece for smoking marijuana.  I was in some hot water then.  Thanks a lot, music.  I don't smoke weed anymore, mainly because I can't, but also because more often than not, it does the opposite of relaxing me now.  Don't let your kids smoke too much marijuana.  It will do the opposite of relax them if they smoke too much.  The opposite of relax.  I can't even think of a word to describe such a thing.  Perturb?  Best I could come up with on such short notice.

     I've literally created thousands of songs over my life.  A huge majority are utter crap, but some are okay.  I really don't get out that much.  Mostly just to walk to Dunkin' Donuts or Mcdonalds to get iced coffee to compliment my hot coffee.  I like to give people free cigarettes.  This is most likely only because my parents pay for my cigarettes.  But when someone asks me for a cigarette, I'm happy to give one to them, because it's like we form an instant connection.  Then I ask for their e-mail address so I can correspond with them on smoking subjects.  "How many cigarettes have you been smoking?" "Still begging for cigarettes outside the library, you old Red Sox, you?"  I don't know why I call them Red Sox.  The Red Sox aren't notorious for bumming cigarettes, but maybe that's a rumor we can start here and now.  Cue to Adele saying "Rumor has it!" and then my voice over, without the music, "The Red Sox bum cigarettes from other teams."  The Red Sox probably do that.  They have a limited payroll.  Imagine a team with an unlimited payroll.  They could just sign literally every baseball player and then there would be no games, only winning.  Imagine a baseball team with a limited payroll.  You have thirty real examples to choose from, this should be pretty easy for you. 

    Well, it's about that time again.  Time to wrap it up.  I like wraps as sandwiches.  At least I think I do.  I rarely get them.  When forced with the decision to either get a gyro wrap, or get chicken and lamb with rice, I usually get the rice combination.  I like rice more than I like wraps.  At a wedding, rice is the wrap-up.  That means we are all married now.  I'm going to have a hard time in my Logic class.  I think Logic is part of the philosophy major.  Queens college has two summer sessions, and the first one I'm going to take Introduction to Philosophy and the next one I'm going to take Introduction to Ethics.  I can't wait to meet Philosophy and Ethics.  My life has been so empty and tedious without them.  Did you know that diamonds are forever?  That's kind of depressing.  I don't want my jewelry outliving me.  Diamonds are forever, gold is for sixty years, and silver is for 25.  I'm gonna load up on silver and gold, while you suckers are paying for something that you can't even take with you to the afterlife.  Who would want precious metals in the afterlife?  "Yes, I'm in Heaven, and, HOLY SHIT, my DIAMONDS made it here with me!"  It's stupid.  Just be happy to spend eternal bliss with Jesus and his best friend Judas, and your loved ones if you care to see them.  Anyway, see ya later.

-11:09 A.M.

 

Monday, April 23, 2012

What's Tissue Paper Really Up To???

     Hi.  It's me again.  It's not somebody else.  How many songs called "Somebody That I Used To Know" do there have to be?  Yes, we get it, musicians used to know people.  Let's get on with our lives.  I'm drinking some coffee and smoking a cigarette.  I've developed a quite bohemian lifestyle.  Mainly in that I'm a loner who drinks coffee and smokes cigarettes.  But also that I adore the arts.  Art Howe, Art... well, that's the only Art I know.  I don't know him personally.  He doesn't seem like the friendly-towards-bohemians type.  I like cards a lot, too.  I don't know if bohemians like cards, but me, I love cards.  Queen of spades?  Wonderful.  Ace of diamonds?  Even better.  Six of clubs?  I'm going crazy.  So many great cards.  One thing I picked up while living my bohemian life is that everything has symbolism.  Even me saying that symbolizes something.  My desire for world peace, maybe.  And going into detail on that symbolizes that you should dispose of garbage correctly, and recycle where possible.  This website isn't up yet.  It should be up within two days.  Or it might never be up.  That symbolizes that God doesn't care for my website.

    I like it when Denzel Washington's character in Training Day says "King Kong Ain't Got Nothin' On Me!"  Because while that may be true, we the viewer have a lot on him, in that he's a crooked cop.  I also like in Deja Vu where he experiences Deja Vu.  I never saw the movie, but I imagine it's just two hours of him going "Man, I could swear I've experienced this before" over and over again until the credits come.  I just watched Weird Al's Alpocolypse tour on Comedy Central.  There's a guy no one hates.  Let's figure out a way to hate him.  He's using up the name "Weird."  What a likable name, and now no one else can use it for a couple hundred years.  Thanks a lot, jack off.  I think there should be a guy called "WEIRDER" whatever, and he does parodies of Weird Al songs.  "Amish Paradise," more like "Swan-ish Paradise," and the lyrics are based on the movie Black Swan.  "Canadian Idiot?"  How about "I Made Me An Idiot," and it's about a guy giving birth to himself and not teaching himself properly. 

    Do you know what's a good movie?  The original Karate Kid.  Do you know what's a bad movie?  The newer Karate Kid.  Jackie Chan is no Pat Mojita.  Oh.  "Margaritaville?"  More like "I'm-a-singa-ville."  Wait, Margaritaville isn't a parody song?  Jimmy Buffet wrote it?  Are his songs parody songs or just songs that are stupid?  Discuss.  I'm thinking about creating a discussion board for this website, so if that ever happens, feel free to discuss.  If not, then the neurons in your mind are certainly having a field day right about now.  Even if you don't realize it.  Nine of hearts.  There's a card.  I like calling Jacks, Queens, and Kings character cards.  I don't know whether to include the Ace in the character card fold, or not.  I'd ask Weird Al, but he's busy writing a parody song of crazysheet called "Lazy Sheet."  Crazysheet isn't a song, so I don't know why he's writing a parody of it.  I guess he's branching out.  Gay dendropheliacs are branching out.

    Lit myself up another cigarette.  That should teach my lungs to turn the carbon dioxide in the air into oxygen.  I think that's what lungs do.  Radiohead has a song called "My Iron Lung," which Weird Al recently parodies for the new Avengers movie, called "My Iron Man."  I don't really get Radiohead.  Is the radio giving head to me, or is the band giving head to the radio?  It's one of those chicken-or-the-egg things.  Radiohead's good, though.  They tell you they're a "creep," and then they tell you "no surprises," so basically their whole discography is about preparing you for, when you meet them, what to expect.  I like bands.  They provide music for my ears.  The problem is I've heard all the good songs already.  Time to move on to bigger and better things.  I'm a bohemian, this shouldn't be a problem for me.  Modern Art?  Bring it on.  Show me a street light with a hefty bag hanging from it filled up with coffee grinds and children books.  I will give it four and a half stars, and in bohemian rating systems, that's the highest you can get.  No five star bullshit.  You be happy with your four and a half stars.

    Well, it's that time of the entry again.  The fifth paragraph.  Which, thus far, has consistently been my finishing paragraph.  I have to do a finishing move.  I will karate chop you metaphorically with this paragraph.  My coffee's cold.  My coffee gets cold within, like, ten minutes.  Is that normal?  Is it next to normal?  What's going on that makes the coffee cold?  Is the cold air in the room forcing itself into my coffee?  My coffee is a rape victim!  Or is the hotness of the coffee dispersing into the cold room?  I don't know.  If only I had completed my education.  I'm pretty sure I would have done my senior thesis on coffee.  It was on my mind throughout college.  Anyway.  I'm bored now.  But I was bored before I started this, so crazysheet giveth, and crazysheet taketh away.  See you later, you class of '67's, you.

-5:11 P.M.       

P.S. "How art thou, Art Howe?" is a word palindrome.

 

 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Don't Wait To Stop Ordering Me Pizza His Name Is Wow How's It Been

     Hi.  I know that title doesn't make sense.  I was trying to be original.  An original pranksta.  Like from that Offspring movie.  Understand, I am new to America and don't understand most words or how to create sentences.  I'm thinking about creating a device to make you remember what you read more clearly and accurately and for longer periods of time.  I think just write in a unique fashion is device enough.  CLEARLY NOT.  Gotta use all caps sometimes, too.  THAT'S THE NAME OF THE GAME.  Anyway.  I had a good night's sleep last night.  I usually don't.  I had a dream a few days ago that I was in my hospital, and my dad was there, and two trouble makers put a "kick me" sign on his back, and he never figured it out.  I woke up in shock and disgust.  This website is like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.  Which essentially means James Cameron owes me some money, I think.  Not sure if that makes sense.  It does go with the theme of "not making sense," which I think I may use throughout this entry, and indeed, my life. 

    I think I'm going to try to quit smoking.  Some other time, though.  I can't get enough of this stuff!  I smoke Camel Blues.  They're like regular camel, but they're macaroni and cheese flavored.  Ugh.  I hate macaroni and cheese.  Don't you?  You have no idea what I'm talking about.  Macaroni and cheese.  Come on, I'm sure you've heard of this before.  It's macaroni, right, combined with cheese, okay?  What?  How can you still not understand?  Look, macaroni is like this cheap ass pasta... you know what pasta is, right?  HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT PASTA IS?  Okay, it's like grain, but in shapes, and, well, it's not like grain, it's like pasta.  Okay?  It's like pasta and cheese.  NO I'M NOT TAKING YOUR PICTURE, cheese, like the food cheese.  It's like processed milk or something.  I don't know how these things work.  Come on, use your imagination!  Macaroni and cheese.  Flavored cigarettes.  Okay? 

    I got the blues.  I found a piece of paper in my room where someone else wrote "smoke weed every day."  That depresses me.  I haven't smoked weed in forever, and just the concept of stoners is very repulsive to me.  Probably half because you shouldn't depend on a drug so much to get through life, and half because I'm jealous of them, because I used to depend on weed to get me through life.  Then I overdosed, fell asleep in someone's basement, then was asked to leave the basement so two men could have gay sex, and then I had to find my way home.  First I had to sign a UPS for the guy who's house it was for a 400 pound wrestling mat, that I guess he would put in his basement.  I couldn't drag it into the house, so I just left it outside.  I assume no one stole it because it was 400 pounds.  "Smoke weed every day.  You ready for war girl!"  They weren't talking to me, it was a post it on someone else's paper.  I don't know why I have it.  And I'm fairly sure smoking weed every day does not prepare you for war.  Unless your goal is to not fight.  But then you're just gonna get killed.  Unless the opposing army is as much addicted to marijuana as you.  Then they might just join you and smoke weed and there will be a cease fire.  More likely though, they'll kill you, and sell the weed for new battle costumes.  I forget what to call them.  You know, like helmets, and arm pads, and knee pads.  Whatever they need to wear to keep safe. 

    I could be confusing armymen with roller skaters.  Most wars should be fought on roller skates.  If I was going to war, I'd mostly just take a lot of toilet paper, because I assume I would shit myself pretty much all day, every day.  God damn, now I'm depressed.  I'm more than half way through the entry and all I killed was like ten minutes.  I need to kill more time.  What, exactly, is time?  Is it like thyme?  Is time linear?  Or can we go back in time, like Pitbull says?  I mostly get most of my news from Pitbull, so if he says we can go back in time, I believe him.  He can get a touchdown everywhere and hit a homerun everywhere.  That's impossible.  There's no end zones and outfield walls in every day life.  That guy must be lying.  But still, he's the most credible news source on the planet.  What a conundrum.  I like that new J-Lo song callled "Dance Again," where she talks about her desire to dance again.  I mean, no one's stopping her.  I don't think she has a publicist or friend or lover who's going "J-Lo, we love you, but no more dancing.  You're just not allowed to dance anymore.  Sorry."  No one's stopping her.  Dance again, see if I care. 

    Thank you, thank you.  I assume after the last paragraph you all got up and gave me a standing ovation.  It's the most logical thing to do.  I wish I had money, and that online poker was legal, so that I could play online poker.  But those are two definite obsticles to playing online poker.  I'm getting ashes all over myself because I put away my ashtray.  I thought I was going to quit smoking, but I didn't, so now ashes get everywhere.  Bring back my ashtray?  But it's gotten used to being in that drawer I put it in.  It can't handle all this rehabitatation.  My ashtray is very delicate.  Well, it's about time to wrap up this.  This has been my least coherent entry thus far.  Sorry.  I hope you got through it.  If you died while reading this, you did not get through it.  I apologize.  For inducing your death.  Maybe you just died by coincidence.  I don't know, what am I, a freakin' mind reader?  No.  I'm a gentleman and a scholar.  Well, see ya!

-1:14 P.M. 

 

Thought It Was Pretty Stupid

     Hello friends and enemies and neutrals.  I'm writing a second entry because I have a hole in my heart, and only crazysheet.net can satisfy it.  I think winking at people should be the new handshake.  Instead of shaking people's hands, just wink at them, and they'll wink back at you, and then you can get down to business.  The new high five should be throwing playing cards at someone, and then they pick them up and throw them back at you.  I talk about playing cards a lot.  Not playing as a verb, as a adjective.  That's the kind of cards they are.  As opposed to, I guess, business cards.  I bet poker players that go on into the field of business have some wacky business cards that look like a playing card.  I think instead of handing out business cards, people should just tattoo their name and business on people's face.  I like Harvard.  I like to pretend that people who go to Harvard say "AR V, AR D," meaning they all have venereal diseases, or just that their disease is that they went to Harvard.  I like Yale, too, because it reminds me of the Holy Bible.  The last two letters of Holy Bible are the first and last letters of Yale.  These are the things I think about.  I have a lot of free time.

    I don't like any other colleges because there's no word or letter play to them.  I guess UCLA.  Because when you go there you see Los Angeles.  NYU.  Reminds me of the Three Stooges.  I put on my glasses.  Now I can see what I'm writing much better.  So.  What's new in the current events?  Mitt Romney is the Republican candidate for the president of the United States.  I like him because he saw Ben Stiller leave a dog on the top of a car in a movie, and thought to himself, "that seems like a good idea," and now it's his campaign platform.  I think that's what he's running as.  The dog-on-top-of-car president.  If I were to run for president, I think I'd have to run as the "lock-cat-in-bedroom-so-it-doesn't-shit-everywhere" president.  Because if you don't lock your cats in the same room as the litter box, they're bound to shit wherever they want, whenever they want.  I guess that's how it goes.  I like Zelda.  The video game character.  I don't like Zelda, the girl from Pet Cemetary.  She scares the shit out of me.  Well, she used to.  At some point, I got over my fear of scary girls and women from movies.  That's how I know I'm a Man now.  Not scared of creepy women.

    Instead of thinking of a new paragraph, I thought of a new title, for next time.  But I don't have the time to think of a brand new line of thought, so I'll just tell you the new title.  "At Least I Was Right" was the new title.  But now it's just a phrase in an entry.  That's how I know I'm a Man now.  Not afraid to let phrases go to my head.  I like that Flaming Lips song "Be My Head."  Really catchy.  I guess I'm being their head now.  First things first, let's change our band name from The Flaming Lips to The Flaming Michigans.  Okay, that's all.  I thought that was pretty stupid.  At least I was right.  Damn.  Me and my brother recorded an audio introduction to crazysheet.net that was about thirteen minutes long, but I don't know if I'm going to put it up.  I think I'd have to put it up on youtube, and first I'd have to figure out how to make it a video file, and I just don't know if it's worth it.  On the one hand, I like it, because it proves someone else is in some way involved with this website, that it's not just me talking to myself as the end all, be all.  Also, my brother is funny and brings a unique brand of humor to the website.  But, take into account my laziness.  So you can see my trouble here.

    I guess it's time to get the check.  If we were at a restaurant, it would be.  But where are we?  At a website.  I'm at home, I guess.  What am I wearing?  Practically nothing.  That's another good title.  Oh well.  I have this new philosophy in life, which is, "if it's not hard, then it's not worth doing," or something.  Basically the moral is, that if something is hard, then that's exactly what makes it worthwhile.  That's why this will be easy.  This is hard for me to do, but we have to break up.  There, I said it.  Now, get out of here.  You're embarrassing the all of us.  That was easier than I thought.  But apparently not, because you're still around.  Okay, we can still go out.  Just not literally.  I'm saving myself for Ke$ha. 

    I have to go now.  My cat is meowing.  Usually my mom takes care of her.  You know what's a good book?  Modern Elementary Statistics.  I looked around my room and that was the first book I saw.  I took a statistics class in NYU that I never finished because it was too hard.  I had to withdraw.  Directors of Westerns probably say withdraw a lot.  Because they go, "Say your lines, with draw," because they're not native speakers, but they need to tell the actor to draw his weapon as they say their lines.  You're all pests.  Pesticides.  You are all chemicals that kill undesirable organisms, such as insects.  Ideally, ones that eat crops.  Otherwise, you're killing innocent undesirable organisms.  Sorry about that rant.  I just found a test I took in Biology from high school.  My room is a mess.  And me looking around my room for things to say is probably a good sign I should wink at you and get this over with.  If you wink at someone in prison, that makes them your bitch.  Also, if you rape someone in prison, that makes them your bitch.  You have to do something, though.  They'll never be your bitch if you just stand silently by. 

-10:00 P.M.