December 1, 2013
I Changed My Mind
Hello friends. This is surely going to be a new entry. Why?
Because I haven't written it yet. And I'm fairly certain I'm not going to
copy and paste an old entry. That would be redundant and a waste of all of
our time. Let's get to what's on everybody's mind: am I going to eat
turkey tonight for the fourth night in a row? I don't know! So, in a
few weeks, it's going to be winter. I can't wait. I love it when
snow falls on cedars. Or at least, I assume I would, if I knew what cedars
are. I assume it's a type of tree. But what isn't these days, am I
right? So, it turns out I have high cholesterol. It's supposed to be
between 130-200 units of something, and mine is 277! Which is pretty
crazy, because I eat pretty healthily, and I take a fish oil supplement twice a
day, which is supposed to be good for cholesterol. I guess I'm just lucky.
Hmm. In reaction to this terrible news, I had a bagel with cream cheese.
Cream is high in cholesterol, cheese is high in cholesterol, so I can only
assume that cream cheese is perfectly healthy. A double negative cancels
itself out and becomes positive. If I've learned anything from math, it's
that. Also, that 2+2=5. I learned that from Radiohead. I think
most of life's important lessons can be learned from Radiohead. Mainly,
the lesson to endure and try to enjoy audibly grating music.
It's a good thing it doesn't snow during Passover, otherwise
there would be snow falling on Seders. I guess it might snow during
Passover. Maybe that was the never-gotten-to eleventh plague. "On
the eleventh night, it'll snow." Pharaoh wasn't gonna have any of that.
"I lost my first born son, okay, but snow? Let the Israelites go!"
They weren't really Israelites, yet. And actually, I took a course in
college about the history of Jewish people, and the professor said there's no
evidence that the Jews were even in Egypt. I don't know who to
believe! My past synagogue (and what is widely considered common
knowledge), or my college. I think I'll lean towards the one I spend
150,000 dollars on, though. If I don't use that information, it's like I
spent all that money for nothing! If I was Pharaoh, I'd just have twenty
kids, so when Moses says he's gonna take the first born son, I'd be like, "Ha!
Jokes on you! I got nineteen other kids, dummy!" I might get chicken
marsala for dinner. A couple of months ago, I special ordered eggplant
marsala, and man, was that a rookie mistake. It tasted like garbage.
And not the good kind of garbage.
Anyway. I got a postcard from Queens College inviting
me to reenlist next semester. Reenlist? It's not the army. You
know what I mean. I'm still weighing my options. On the one hand, I
can continue doing nothing with my life. On the other hand, I'll
have to do something with my life. Decisions, decisions. I'll think
about it. Not too hard, though! If I think too hard, I will in turn
be doing something, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of commitment.
One step at a time! And if the steps are too far apart, maybe just find a
ramp or something, or a bar to rest on. Enroll! That's the word I
was looking for. They want me to reenroll. That's encouraging,
because it implies some sort of ramp. You need a ramp to roll. At
least if you're going up or down. In my high school, we had escalators.
I was like, "What is this, the future?" Half the time they were broken,
though. What a let down! Not really. For it to be a let down,
it'd have to work, or you'd actually have to do the walking yourself. Who
doesn't like escalators. I bet, if people were polled, studies would show
that people prefer escalators to elevators. It's more of a ride.
Plus, when going up, you could start walking backwards midway, and say, "This is
where I get off!"
Yup. They have escalators at the mall. I think
that's the main reason people go to the mall. Gotta ride the escalators.
I've been to a mall maybe four or five times in my life. It's nothing
special. Not counting the escalators. I used to love going to
COMPUSA. It was a popular computer store in it's time. Oh, how we
would spend hours looking at the games. It was much better than it's
Russian counterpart, COMPUSSR. The USSR was dissolved by that time.
Oh well. In soviet Russia, USSR comps you. Cause it's socialist.
I don't like how they describe fights as, "David vs. Goliath," meaning the
"David" has a small chance of succeeding. Did these people even read the
Bible? David wins! In, "David vs. Goliath" fights, the one you're
labeling as Goliath should be the underdog. Nine times out of ten, Goliath
loses. And in the 1/10th time Goliath wins, he becomes king of the
Israelites, and totally rewrites the book. David is a pretty common name.
Goliath, less so. People don't want their kids to be associated with
Anyway. Maybe I should copy and paste a paragraph.
I lost my momentum. I blew it. Now, time to get back on track!
What age should I start seeing an OBGYN? I don't know. I know!
Time for an installment of a brand new segment. This one is called, "My
December 4, 2013
Fine, Be Like That
Salutations good friends. I have a feeling this will be an entry.
Prove me wrong! Today is Wednesday, commonly acknowledged as the most
mispronounced day of the week. And the date is December fourth, commonly
acknowledged as... a day. My birthday is next week. One and a
quarter scores ago, I was introduced into this world. It's been pretty
much smooth sailing ever since. The USSR dissolved right after I was born.
Coincidence? Ha! I will accept your thank yous by mail, e-mail, or
telepathy. I don't like telepathy. I know it's an unpopular
position, but that's just where I stand. I remember the second time I took
shrooms, I thought I could read the mind of one of the other persons there.
I'll never know for sure, because he never told me what he was thinking.
But if he was thinking, "Holy shit, I think that other kid can read my mind!"
then I might have a special skill. I don't really think I'm telepathic.
Telepathetic, maybe. I'm gonna start using the treadmill again, I think.
There's no reason not to. I'm not so overweight that it's difficult, and I
literally have all the time in the world. Maybe not literally. But
yeah, I think I'll start doing that. Not only does it burn calories, but
it speeds up your metabolism, so you burn extra calories. I
just want to lose about fifteen pounds, so even taking it easy, I should be able
to do that within several months. If there's anything more tedious than
exercising, it's talking about exercising.
Anyway. I'm glad I wasn't raised by coyotes. I'll just
throw that out there. Where's the discovery channel documentary about
feral kids? I'm sure a few of them exist, and I want to see it!
Plus, you can pay them in mutton. Hell, you can pay me in mutton. I
think mutton should be the standard currency, anyway. You remember that
show Lamb Chop? My Kindergarten teacher was best friends with Sherry Lewis
in college. I'm practically famous! I like the song that never ends.
It just goes on and on, my friend. Some people started singing it, not
knowing what it was. And then they kept on singing it, only just because
this is the song that never ends... and so on and so forth. That doesn't
get annoying. I remember in Kindergarten, the teacher left the room for a
minute, and then I took her seat and started saying, "I'm the teacher! I'm
the teacher!" Then she came back, and went to sit down, and fell down on
her ass, because I guess I moved the seat six inches. Then when she asked
who did it, everyone ratted me out, and she made me go back to my seat and not
hear the story she was going to read. Ok, first of all, it was obviously
unintentional. I never thought my antics would lead to someone getting
hurt. Second of all, what kind of friends are these that they'll give up
their classmate at a moment's notice? And third of all, what kind of
person goes to sit down without even looking where the chair is? I know
it's most likely where you left it, but c'mon, you're not blind! It
doesn't take that much effort to just look where the chair is to help guide you
when you're going to sit down. So, I'm still pretty upset about the whole
That's the worst feeling in the world. "Who did this?"
(Everyone:) "Michael." WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT WE WERE CREW. Anyway.
Yeah, before I became the funny kid in class, I was definitely the weird kid.
Probably around fifth or sixth grade is when I made the transition. I
always thought of myself as the funny kid, but it took some maturity to make the
transition in my classmate's eyes. And now, I've come full circle and gone
back to being the weird kid. I assume. I don't really care what
people think anymore. I'm a score and a quarter years old. At a
certain age, you just learn to accept who you are. Anyway. What else
is up. I wonder if, during World War II, they called Kindergarten,
"Freedom Class." They probably should have. D-Day is in a few days.
Or, as I like to call it, "Double-D Eyyyy." I like looking out my window.
I can't get enough of this stuff. It's like I'm watching a reality show.
I call it, "The Neighborhood." Oh, my thumb started bleeding. It's
swollen for some reason. It reminds me of when I first started playing
guitar, and I would get blisters. I'm not sure why it's swollen now.
But it is swollen and bleeding. I guess it's good that it's bleeding.
I am trying to lose weight. Every little bit counts. Yeah. I
wonder how many calories writing a crazysheet entry burns. I have to use
my fingers, and my brain. Gotta be a few. I mean, sitting still
burns some calories. So writing on my computer must be a
certain percentage more.
Anyway. Today is the fourth. We covered this
already. I'm out of Newports. There is no God. Until I get a
new carton in a few days. Then, God is back on! Hooray! So, we
finished turkey yesterday. I think there was a little meat left, but we
threw it out. Did you know Eskimos use all of the turkey?
They eat the meat, then build miniature forts with the bones. Because what
else can you do. I can't believe I'm out of Newforts. What a world,
what a world. I remember when I first started smoking cigarettes, I would
get Camel Crush, which is a camel which you can crush the filter to make it
taste like a menthol. And they came in stylish black packs. Just
visualizing the packs make me remember how fresh cigarettes tasted
to my immature palate. Those were the days. I remember seeing my
psychiatrist after I started smoking, and she practically recommended I continue
smoking, saying that like 80% of people with mental health problems smoke to
alleviate the stress of the symptoms. And she was like, "Oh, don't worry
about it." What kind of doctor is this. She looked a lot like Jane
Lynch from Glee. That's what kind of doctor that is.
Last paragraph time. What to do with the rest of my
day. Maybe go get an iced coffee. It is practically 50 degrees.
50 Degrees of Grey. I wonder if anyone ever said, "40 Shades of Grey?
More like 40 Shades of Gay!" Because their rapier wit would have surely
impressed any audience. Anyway. This was a fun entry. Not
really. But it was an entry. No one can take that away from me.
And if they try, well, let them try. Even if the entry sucks, hey, it
killed some time. And, I don't know if your life is anything like mine,
but in my life, anything that kills time benignly has some value. Anyway.
Who cares. I feel bad about my Kindergarten teacher. I wonder if she
ever recovered. I know she eventually heard my side of the story and
forgave me. That means a lot. In the end, I suppose I learned a most
important lesson. There's nothing funny about your Kindergarten teacher
trying to sit down and then fall on her ass. There's nothing so big that
it can't be forgiven. It sucks to not be able to hear a story when the
rest of the class can. And, let's face it, I'm the teacher, I'm the
December 5, 2013
That's An Amusing
Hey friends. I have bad news. Bears. On blue ray.
Anyway. I was watching a show on dwarfs, and how it sucks for them, and I
was like, "Wait a second, I'm short!" Then they showed one who was
five feet tall, and looked pretty normal, and I was like, "Wait a second, I'm
taller than him!" Then I went back to life as I know it. I
remember when I was a teenager, I used to go to this website that was for short
people, and their message board was filled with depressed short people
complaining. Of course, this was before a rainbow appeared and they
received their pot of gold. They also have strategic reserves of Lucky
Charms. This was also before they got trapped in a room with normal size
people and were able to escape the room due to their small stature and save the
day. That happened in the Brady Bunch. The first thing was
leprechauns. The second thing was breakfast cereal. Now that we're
all clear about that, let's move on with the entry. Didn't Jesus heal the
leprechauns in the bible? He took lepers, and made them into conmen, or
something. I don't have the details. Did they really have to
name the Bible such a close name to "Babble?" Also, the tower of Babel.
Case closed! Anyway, the bad news is that my thumb has gotten more
swollen. Now when I give people the thumbs up, they're like, "Ugh,
put that thing away!" My thumb has feelings too, guys. So
Anyway. I'm thinking about, some day down the line,
getting those shoes with special insoles that make you like 2-3 inches taller.
I guess I'm not supposed to tell you that. I'm just supposed to show up
2-3 inches taller and tell you that a genie granted one of my wishes. I
mean, if I wore those shoes, I would actually be as tall or taller than over 50%
of females. That's something I assume most people take for granted, but
for me, that would be awesome. I'd be making eye contact all over the
place. And it's not like you ever get to sex, and are like, "Wait a
second, weren't you two inches taller?" No one notices! Anyway.
What else is going on. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting bored
of watching hoarders on T.V. Who could have anticipated such a dramatic
turn of events. Also, of all the things you can make documentaries about,
isn't hoarders one of the least convenient? You have to put a camera crew
in their house. Think about it! Or don't. See if I care.
So, it's definitely December. I was on the fence for a
few days, but at this point, I'm almost positive. I need a new hobby.
Also, a job and/or education. Anything, really. I haven't gone out
to see a movie in a month or two. That's something I could do. It's
within my Earthly powers, at least. I remember in Kindergarten, we did a
play about the solar system, and I was either Mercury, or the Moon. I
forget which one. I wanna say, 60/40 it was Mercury. I can't
remember any of the facts I gave, other than it's the closest to the Sun.
Also, it's the only planet that is Marie Curie's name, minus one syllable.
I just googled Marie Curie. Man alive, is she hot. I guess being
closest to the Sun has some benefits, eh? I had Taco Bell
yesterday. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Except for nutritionally.
I wonder what ever happened to the Taco Bell Chihuahua. They've probably
grinded him into Taco Bell meat by this point. It's like how you assume
that 30% of street hot dogs are made out of rat. I don't mind. As
long as it's not 3 out of 10 hot dogs are all rat, and the rest are totally
absent of it. It's all about proportions.
Anyway. What else do I remember about Kindergarten.
I remember when I took my I.Q. test, before Kindergarten, I was getting
distracted, and my Mom bribed me with the promise of ice cream if I finished
taking the test. And, well, mission accomplished! That's a good
strategy for places of work. "I want you to give this project your best
effort. And, if we like what we see, let's just say there's might be some
ice cream in it for you when you're finished." I don't know why
they were acting discreet. You can always be upfront with ice cream.
Maybe I'll watch a DVD or something. If I can get my DVD player working.
I started watching The Exorcist II on demand, but I chickened out and stopped
after the opening credits. It did only have a 1 out of 5 star rating, so I
don't think I'm missing anything. Maybe I'll try again when I'm done here.
I wonder if Jupiter is self conscious about it's red spot. Meh. That
joke was inspired by the red spot on my thumb. I'm gonna have to start
wearing gloves. Not really. That's what Wilt Chamberlain said.
Alright. I don't know what to do now. Maybe make
myself some coffee. Actually, I have some day old coffee I can microwave.
Let's do it! Alright, I did it. That sure is... coffee. I
assume. It's an educated guess. Now, let's power through fininishing
this entry. I'm getting new cigarettes today. A carton of Newports,
and I decided to try a pack of Kool. Their subliminal advertising campaign
in our culture has vetted me out as a potential customer! Anyway.
What to do. Finish this entry. Oh yeah. Forgot about that.
The new Lord of the Rings comes out next week. Those movies just seem like
work to me. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I like the idea of
short people being heroes. I don't think it would work if it's a 6'1 guy,
and his main opponent is wearing a ring. It's really only
believable as an obstacle for dwarfs. Anyway. See ya later.
December 19, 2013
Sometimes, I Think of
Crazysheet Entry Titles
Not often, though. How you doin' fellas. And lady-fellas.
Hopefully one day they'll come up with a name for lady-fellas. So, it's
been a few weeks since my last entry. Earlier this week, I signed up for
two classes at Queens College for the spring. That should be fun.
And by fun, I mean time-occupying. And by time-occupying, I mean it will
occupy time. Try to keep up. Oh, also, it was my birthday! My
birthday wish was that I would turn 25 years old, and guess what, it totally
came true! No longer am I in the prime demographic for T.V. shows and
advertising (18-24). People my age are settling down, having children,
raising families! Oh, also, when I left you last, I told you about my
swollen thumb. Turns out, I had a Staph infection, and I had to have
surgery! I'm better now, though. They told it me it most likely came
from biting my fingernails, and I had to stop. Great, there goes my
favorite hobby. I didn't really stop, though. I can't get enough of
this stuff! I would venture to say that biting one's fingernails is harder
to quit than cigarettes. I wouldn't necessarily believe it's true, but I
would venture to say it. That's another thing I have to quit.
Cigarettes. I decided I'm going to try to quit gradually. Get busy
livin', or get busy dyin'. That's what I say. I've never said it
before, but I might start now.
I should get back in the habit of writing every other day.
This is fun. I have a relatively poor self-image, so the idea that I can
somewhat recreate who I am on a day-to-day basis is pretty attractive.
Now, I know to you, you most likely have a preset image of who I am, and read
the entry on a stand-alone basis. But to me, while I'm going through an
entry, it's like an opportunity to portray myself in a more positive way.
Also, I got Halal food! I don't know how saying that portrays me in a
positive way. I guess it demonstrates that, like anyone, I have normal
eating habits, and prefer certain foods to other foods. See, I'm just like
you! So, today's Thursday. I mean, c'mon. Am I
right? Also, I cut another finger on a staple, and another one on
something else. That's three out of five fingers on my left hand that were
down for the count! They're all better now, though. No thanks to
you. Actually, you know what? I changed my mind. I hate
Crazysheet entries. When will this madness end? Probably in a little
over three paragraphs. Ain't that always the way. I like how on
Dunkin Donuts coffee cups, it uses the tagline, "What Are You Drinkin?"
Stop implying that I'm a drunk, coffee cups! I don't need to take no guff
What else is new. It's Christmas next week. USA,
USA, USA! I don't know. I've only celebrated Christmas for a couple
of years. I gotta say, it's pretty nice. It's a cozy little holiday.
So, since the last entry, I've seen both The Hunger Games II and Anchorman II.
I really liked both, but man, was The Hunger Games intense. My favorite
part was the guy who hosts the talk show of the future. And my favorite
part of Anchorman was the guy who hosts the news show of the past. And my
favorite part of T.V. is the people who host the news/talk shows of the present.
I don't know if that's really my favorite part of T.V. It might be using
it as a nightlight when I'm going to sleep. I also like watching the music
channels. Each channel basically plays the same 40 songs over and over,
but 20 or 25 out of them are pretty good songs, so they have a pretty high
success ratio. I don't know, man. Anyway. I gotta finish this
entry. For realsies. It's a good thing that the Joker isn't real,
and just a piece of fiction. That kind of thing keeps me up at night.
Also, is it just me, or is the Sandman one of the lamest villains ever? He
basically says at the end of Spiderman III, "I don't want to hurt anybody, I
just love my daughter, or some shit." Word for word.
Fourth paragraph tizzime. I wrote, "Tizzime," so you
would think I'm cool. There's a good chance I will get a smart phone for
my belated birthday present. That's pretty cool. I wonder if they
did an I.Q. test on a smart phone, what it would get. Whatever it is,
there's gonna be a significant portion of the population that is stupider than a
phone. It might even include me, I don't know. Those things are
pretty clever. I mean, I don't have any apps. What else is up.
Man, am I looking forward to being around people in class. You don't know
what you've got till it's gone. Not sure if that applies here. You
don't really know what you've got once it's gone. You know what you
used to have once it's gone. Don't shoot the messenger! I wonder
where that expression comes from. Apparently, there was a rash of people
shooting messengers. Doesn't seem right. Man, I'm gonna have that
Halal food soon. Doesn't seem right. Seems more than right.
Alright. What to do with the rest of my day.
Maybe look up at the sky as the sun sets. I don't think I've ever watched
a sunset, uninterrupted. Seems like something worth doing, at least once.
On the other hand, why. I have an umbrella in my room. These are
facts. Anyway. Things are going pretty good in my life, I have to
say. Going back to college, drinking coffee, cutting down on cigarettes,
eating Halal food, makin' entries. I truly cannot complain. Alright,
that's enough. See ya later.
December 23, 2013
That's What They All
Hey friends. I am back with
another horror-story for sure to get your ghoulsacks. That's what the
cryptkeeper would say if he was insane. I got good news! The good
news is there is no news. No news is good news. Based on that
qualifier, accept my no news as good news. I've been smoking cigarettes
and drinking colas and various other things. The end! No, gotta
figure out a way to make this entry worthwhile. It's almost Christmas.
Christmas is the day that Christ was born. I assume. I never read
the New Testament. never read the Old Testament. I tried
reading The Lord of the Flies once, but I got tired! Get off
my back. It's a good thing they killed Piggy. I don't trust this
character. I remember when I was a kid thinking, in regards to my
intelligence, based on my IQ, I was the smartest person out of 400 people.
But that means, in a full Shea Stadium (or now, Citifield) there would be
100 people smarter than me. So that's how I stayed the down-to-Earth
person that you read today. Maybe baseball fans are dumber than average, I
don't know. What am I, a statistician? That's gotta be the easiest
math job there is. "Oh, there's 400 of that type of thing? Great!"
Pssh. Do I really have to finish this entry?
Anyway. It's raining today. That happens all the
time! It was 70 degrees yesterday, though. On the second day of
Winter. That's like gibberish to me. "Oh, it's winter, and it's 70
degrees." Stop with your crazy talk! It doesn't make sense! I
plugged in my old computer. Get off my case! I wanted to read things
I had written in 2009 and 2010. It's well within my rights! I'm
gonna have a turkey sandwich for dinner. Because I can! Get off my
case! The year is almost over. You know what that means!
Twilight Zone episodes for two days straight! I assume. It used to
mean that. I haven't conferred with TV programmers lately, though. I
have no idea, other than what I've experienced in the past. I like how the
Sci-Fi channel is now the Sy-Fy channel. They took the idea that people
don't know how to spell and they're running with it. Not like that
precious ABC channel. So condescending.
Anyway. It's Christmas almost. I turned Christian
a few years ago. I randomly felt a couple of seconds of absolute bliss,
figured that's what Christian Heaven is like, and thought, "Why not?"
Lately I've been thinking, "Why? PERIOD." I don't know anymore.
It's 4:32. I will finish this entry by 5:00, come Hell or Highwater.
Is highwater supposed to be worse, better, or on par with Hell? It's gotta
be one. I'm not really sure. Highwater is good in Chasing Mavericks.
It produces a killer wave. I assume. I never saw Chasing Mavericks.
Because I'm a sane, rational man! "Hey, there's a movie about swimming!
On a board!" I don't give a crap. I lost a pair of glasses.
But then I found another pair of glasses. When life closes a door, God
opens a crawlspace. Is this over yet? Anyway. I'm going back
to college next semester. We'll see how that goes. Probably poorly.
But who knows. My intuition does! And it says, "Probably poorly!"
But does my intuition really know? It sure knows how much I'm paying for
those classes. In tuition. I'm a fuckin' wordsmith.
Anyway. Queens College is remarkably cheap.
Compared to NYU, it's literally about 5% of the cost. Part of that comes
from not dorming, but overall, that's pretty crazy. Especially considering
Joy Behar went to Queens College. I'm in the company of royalty!
Also Ray Romano and Fran Drescher. Great, I can have a crappy T.V. show or
I can get raped! C'mon! Rape isn't funny. I was thinking
recently, about, if I could do one thing in the world, what would it be.
And I decided it would be to stop people from getting raped. I'm not
really sure how I could do that, but if I could, I would. I really would.
I got a haircut and a shave yesterday. I had to start thinking about
baseball. Case closed! Anyway, instead of a final paragraph, please
enjoy a new segment, "What's Your Favorite Number?"
December 27, 2013
Hey guys. It's your faithful
guide, me. What's my name again? K-Dawg? That's not right.
Anyway, it was just Christmas. Some people really like Christmas.
I'm one of them. If I was a German hip-hopper, I'd call myself, "S.S. Mic
Rath." It's an anagram of Christmas. So is Schristma. You
probably could have figured that out for yourself. Most things I write you
could have probably figured out yourself. I'm feeling relatively positive
lately. Now the goal is staying positive. There are several ways to
accomplish this. One: doing things I like. Two: Not doing things I
don't like. I guess that's about it, for now. Of course, we all have
responsibilities we have to do, whether we like them or not. Not me,
though! One of the perks of living in your parents house and not having a
job. I am almost definitely going back to college part time in the spring
semester, but hopefully it won't be that bad. And if it is, I have the
luxury of being able to withdraw. Pretty easy, straightforward stuff.
What else is new. It's going to be 2014 in a few days. That's a
pretty good number. I have no reason to say that. And, even if I
did, would you really want to hear about it? Yes? Good!
First, it's even. Even years rule. I mean, look at 1986. Iran
Contra and the Mets winning the world series! And how about 2002?
We were all rallying around Supreme Leader Bush. Second reason: the last
two digits are 7/10ths the first two digits. Need I say more?
What happened to my sanity. We'll see how 2014 treats
me. Well, I hope! Maybe this year we should start going backwards.
Next year can be 2012 A.B. (After Backwardization). That sounds like fun.
It's hard to stay positive when the years keep getting lower, though. "Oh,
it's the same year as when I was born! I must be getting old!" Yeah.
I am looking forward to college, though. Even if it is just one or two
classes. There are a lot worse things than taking an hour and fifteen
minute English class twice a week. I do miss NYU, particularly, though.
But Queens College isn't so bad. They do have three food carts right
outside the main entrance to the campus. That's a 300% reason to go to
Queens College. I don't know math. Plus, I get to take the bus.
Everybody loves the bus. You show me a person who doesn't love the bus,
and I'll show you a person who doesn't know livin'. Next time you
get on a bus, once it starts up again, try to make conversation with the bus
driver. "What's up? How's your day so far? I like your
haircut." See where that gets you. Honestly, I do always say, "Thank
you," when I get off a bus. That's just being polite.
Anyway. How come nobody says, "Go fly a kite" anymore?
That's a wonderful idiom. Is that an idiom? Maybe I'll learn what an
idiom is at Queens College. It might be like, "Waste not, want not."
Like an adage. Who knows. The Who called the tour they did recently
the, "Who Cares" tour. That made me smile. It's nice to know that
the band appreciates puns well into their 80's. Hey, people love puns.
They're the gift that keeps on giving. What was I talking about. I
wonder if they got the idea for, "Charles In Charge," from Charlemagne.
Also, what's, "Charles In Charge." Anyway. What else is new. I
started drinking caffeine free soda. Apparently, too much caffeine is bad
for you. Too much of anything is bad for you. Except for calcium.
You need that shiz for bone density. I think I'm gonna try to read a book
soon, in preparation for my English class(es). If I can't read a book on
my own, what are my chances of being able to read one for a class. I've
been getting up really early lately. Like, around 6:00. That's
early! Case closed.
Anyway. I like how some people think they have guardian
angels. I want one of those. even if all he or she does is make sure
I make the bus on time. That would be a load off my back. Plus, I
can clip their wings, and that would be a load off their back. I like
birds. Did you know that birds of a feather flock together? You
learn something new every day. I used to be scared of pigeons. And
dogs. And cheese. And school buses. And moths. And
batteries. That's about it, though. Speaking of names for myself, as
I was back in paragraph one, when I was in middle school, I wanted to be a
rapper, and my name was gonna be, "Lil' Mak." MAK is my initials.
And I'm small. That explains that. Anyway. I gotta clean up my
room. I spend 23 hours of the day here, I should make it a little more
pleasant. Or, I could just shut my eyes and imagine it's clean.
That's probably the way to go. Anyway, in conclusion, enjoy a new
installment of, "What's Your Name?"
December 30, 2013
The Title Comes
Before The Entry
Hey buds. It's Tuesday now.
That should last another ten hours. Am I right? I just finished
reading the third Hunger Games. That was an okay book. It kept
judging me, though. Stop judging me, books! I wonder if the cast of
King of the Hill ever felt like they were being judged. Probably.
Hank Hill is a martyr. So, it's almost the new years. I love it.
I remember last year, I made the resolution to start using the treadmill or
elliptical every day. That lasted for one day. I'm going to try
again this year, we'll see how that goes. I may just decide to do sit-ups
on my bed while listening to The White Stripes. If I think The White
Stripes are better than The Black Keys, does that make me racist? I'll
take your silence as a, "No." I can't find my dream symbol interpretation
book. I had a dream where I was losing my teeth, and I'm sure that means
something. Last night was actually the first night in a long, long
time where I didn't have a nightmare. I woke up, and was like, "Alright!"
There are advantages to having nightmares, though. It makes you appreciate
the non-nightmarish conditions your real life offers to the full extent.
When I was younger, I used to always get sleep paralysis, which is when you wake
up from a dream and can't move for like 5-20 seconds. It doesn't sound so
bad, but it could be pretty scary. Especially because it's often
accompanied with the feeling that someone's watching you, and you're helpless to
move. On the plus side, I had pizza with anchovies today. I'm not
sure if that's relevant.
That's my own private hunger games. Pizza with
anchovies. Corn beef sandwich. Iced coffee. These are the
memories that will last a life time. What else is going on. I think
I'm finally starting to lose weight again. I hit a rough patch where I
basically didn't lose any weight over the past two or three months, despite
continued dieting. But I think I'm starting to make progress again.
That's good news. Good news for me. On the other hand, they
interrupted Maury today with a speech from the new chancellor. That's bad
news for me. She seems like a good chancellor, sure, but I want to see
shocking paternity test results! If I go a day without lie detector tests
for cheating spouses, I go into withdrawal. At Christmas, I told a family
member I like to eat breakfast cereal as a snack. I don't think he
believed me. So that's that. I also got a book of Bill Mahar's,
"New Rules," from his show, for Christmas. I've been flipping through
that, those are pretty good. It was published in 2005, so they really
should call it, "Old Rules!" I'm not man enough to endorse that joke.
I guess typing it and not deleting it is a form of passive acceptance. Who
knows. I actually remember, a few nights ago, I had a dream I wrote a
crazysheet entry, and I remember going over it, in the dream, and thinking,
"Yeah, this is actually a decent entry." But I forgot all of it. The
one thing I remember, though, doesn't really make sense, and isn't as funny as
it was in the dream. So there goes that.
Sometimes we can be blinded by our own adoration for
ourselves. I guess. What else is new. I think I'm gonna try
reading another book. I'm not sure which one. I have some difficulty
reading books, due to my mental illness, but it still seems like a worthwhile
venture. I wonder if, when Weird Al retires, if there's going to be a new
song parodist to take his place. It's a niche market that someone's
bound to fill, and the new guy is always gonna have, in the back of his mind,
whether he's living up to Weird Al's standards. I just hope his name is
also Al, and he goes by, "Weirder Al." I think Weird Al CDs were the first
ones me or my brother ever owned. We had a four disc box set. Is
this entry over yet? Shit, I have a lot to go. Well, if I include a
picture at the bottom, it's only one paragraph to go, and change. I could
do that, but whenever I do that, I feel like I'm being lazy. Although I
think those segments are hilarious. Anyway. I wish I could spend New
Years Eve with friends. I've only seen one friend in the last year or so,
which is better than nothing, but still. I guess people just aren't
comfortable around me anymore. That's part of why I want to go back to
college, hopefully I'll make new friends.
That's fun. So, this entry is winding down. I
feel like that happens every entry. Must be a coincidence. Anyway, I
want to wish you all a happy and healthy new years. Plus, I wish you happy
and healthy all-the-times. It's me going that extra mile that's gonna
increase the longevity of you being happy and healthy. Your welcome.
Anyway. What else is goin' down. It's almost January. January
is a pretty good month. I got no beef with January. February is
another story. Either we're pronouncing it wrong, or we're spelling it
wrong. It's something, we as a society, have to figure out. I'm
leaning towards pronouncing it wrong. The Spanish say, "Febrero," and they
pronounce the, "R." Anyway. Time to go. Have a great New
Years. Enjoy another segment of, "What's Your Favorite Number?"