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Thursday, April 30, 2020


    Anyway here's what I've been thinking about this morning, so lets just knock it out and then get to the yukk-em-ups.  There's economic theory on The Value Of A Human Life, right?  Based on how they settle law disputes where a corporation led to a human life lost, or maybe what they contribute to the economy through all their working years combined... and anyway, the number that stuck with me that I read a while ago was 5,000,000 dollars.  And doing research now, it's usually estimated at between 1,000,000 and 10,000,000.  So that means if 100,000 people die I BELIEVE that's a 500 billion hit to the economy, all other things being equal, and if it's a million people who die from Coronavirus, that's Five Trillion I BELIEVE I could be off by 1 magnitude of 10.  Somethin' like that.  So basically this ordeal we may lose close to or more than 5 trillion dollars from the people lost and the governments response was to immediately give half of that or so to wall street, big corporations, key donors, and probably the extremely wealthy in general.  But we lost 5 million dollars if we lost 1 mill people?  5 Trillion Dollars.  Could have made a HUUUUUGE impact on Climate Change (in fact may be just as much as needed in and of itself for now according to Estimates I've Read From Reputable Places!), could be in your pocket right now, but Trump had to downplay, not take it seriously, and is STILL not taking it seriously.  And all that money gone (And Human Life!).  Well Done. Then again, Republicans think All Life Is Precious so we basically only lost infinity 1,000,000 times according to them.  Now lets get into some yukk em ups.


Hmm is that right YEP 5 trillion if we lost 1,000,000 lives and only 500 billion if we lose 100,000.  Now that's what I call A GREAT DEAL!!!

    Now that that those gut punching numbers is over, lets get back into ComedyJokes.  No, when they were saying All Life Is Precious, they were being SARCASTIC.  They just wanted to see how you would react.!  Anyway figure at current rates I have enough alcohol to last me 2 more weeks.  After a week and a half or so.  I like those odds!  The odds that I'll be drunk at any given moment.  I think getting beer that I don't like the aftertaste of is a great lifehack because it prevents me from over drinking it.  I get a bit drunk and I'm like yea i don't wanna drink any more of that I guess This Is Drunk Enough.
Wonderbar.  I was watching Oz and I Got TO Thinking how many people are in wheelchairs in America/The World/Astronauts Presumably.  How come rocket ships don't have to be handicap-accessible?  Seems like a big problem they have there.  What, you don't need to walk in a rocket ship.  There's no room!  Unless NASA encourages you do walking around in a Zero Gravity Circle an hour a day.  Ugh.  Oh, right.  Statistic In Transit!  (Eh almost a pun)  1.1.7 million Americans in WheelChair?  I assume it would be 2 million but they rounded down because their bodies are already rounded down.  Anyway, 7 or 8 million need some sort of Walking Assistance.  No joke there I just wanted to keep you on the up and up.  And Worldwide apparently officially they say 67 million but there's skepticism that's it, they think its more.  Not 100% what would be Their Motive to downplay wheelchairs.  I'll think about it and maybe figure it out one day.
    Wow!   I like spilling water and the like on Rug-ed floors because I'm like Time Will Take Care Of This Better Than I Ever Could!  Fourth paragraph I guess.  What else is going on.  Remember the time Trump KILLED ALL OF US!!!  Well, not all.  Only Some.  So lets let 'im off the hook come on Just Look At Him He's Sorry!  He'll never do it a-- oh looks like he's back to saying It Will Just Disaper On Its Own.  I guess he's learned nothing from this experience.  When you think about it, I'm not sure Trump ever has learned something.  There's that book everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten.  And Trump DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE STUFF IN THAT BOOK!  I dunno, crap and crap. 
    Jeez.  Figure I'll take some sort of, "Break," after this section of paragraphs.  Is Trump even a person?  Or is he a cyberrobot sent from the future to expose the foibles of all mankind and get us one step closer to a The Matrix type future.  Well that makes more sense than I'd like it to make.  Jeez.  Assuming Trump agrees to Debates, Is Biden gonna be like OK PUSH UP CONTEST YOU ME RIGHT NOW LETS GO.  And  he just starts doing pushups and Trump and everyone else is like what is Trump gonna do? and my guess is he just smiles smuggly mugging for the camera but then realizes Biden is getting more air time doing push ups and then Trump keeps miming he's gonna get into push up mode but then shakes it off and never actually commits.  All the while Biden is putting his finger inside women without their approval!  Approval, huh.  Is that how we're contextualizing rape?  No, well, uh...  BREAK TIME! 


Alexa, Tell Me, "How U Doin?"

    Anyway.  Based on last section of paragraphs we may reach the conclusion it was not and still is not about The Economy.  It's about ways rich and powerful could benefit immediately while workers are Still Getting Shafted.  News To Me!  Let's get Samuel L Jackson on the phone with this one I think he'd have a lot of relevant input to say.  The point is Is Samuel L Jackson personally benefiting from CoronaVirusEconomy?  Not for me to say Probably Not he seems like a good guy based on all those movies where he seems like a good guy.  (And commercials!)  And when he shows up in TV, too.  All in all I have faith in this good guy.  Somethin' along those lines.  Gotta have faith in something.  And I happen to choose The Entertainment Industry, Prove wrong!  Wait, no.  Am I choosing the industry itself, the people who make it up, or the entertainment Results.  I dunno 2 or 3 out of that more or less.
    The good news is I will almost definitely have Beef Barley as part of my lunch.  Beef Barleycorn.  That's my version of Barry Lyndon but its me and also different some how.  Barley Corn.  Wait sounds like a book already.  Yeah but now its also a reality show about Me for some reason.  Lunch in about an hour and a half.  Most likely pair Soup with Sandwich.  Great LifeHack for meal especially lunch.  You get your essential soups as well as your official nutrition guideline'd sandwiches.  The point is Sure I Have Half A Dozen Pieces of Chewed Gum On My Floor My House is a Garbageseat.  First was gonna say toilet seat.  Then I was gonna say Garbage something else, decided to compromise.  The only way anything ever gets done!  Wait, no.  Militant Partisanship.  There fixed that for you.  Well, it was just as much for me as it was for you.  I got a lot out of it especially the part where I fuck up and make it seem like a Both Sides thing which I am not on board with.  But I AM on board with Nothing Getting Done through sides not agreeing than Something Getting Done and it's Terrible and Horrifying.  'Merica.
That's why I'm not on board with Joe Biden.  He often phrases things as Trump isn't doing enough!  whereas my problem is, Trump is doing TOO MUCH!!!  And I get its all politics so hey great what can ya do.  It would be a great Wrestlingish turn if Amash announces his candidacy as an independent and then Trump makes an appearance on Raw Is War or Smackdown and he's like Amash, you can't run as an independent... because I AM RUNNING AS AN INDEPENDENT!  And the crowd makes some kind of reaction I'm not able to predict.  Also imagine Trump is in a suit and tie and after his declaration he pulls it off in one swoop and he's wearing a t-shirt that says INDEPENDENT on it.
    That's one way to go.  Biden appearing on WWE is pretty good.  It could be a Special PayPerView Push Up Contest.  Hmm.  Biden talks a big game about doing push ups but I've never seen it.  Could be bullshitting all of us!  Cracked that Politics Code.  ANyway one thing I assume but could be wrong because I don't trust much at this point, but I could see it being accurate that Biden being candidate would help Democratic chances of taking back the senate.  Lookin' pretty good for now and that's good.  And ya know what, if I could choose between Sanders being president and Senate Minority compared to Biden president and Senate Majority, which in itself may be a false narrative and whatnot so I'm stupid for repeating it, but anyway, I STILL would prefer Sanders but at least it shows some silver lining.
    The good news is polls right now are permanent till election day so I'm VERY happy about how this is gonna turn out!  Anyway multiples of fives?  After this paragraph Another Break!  How come Biden is Only Good At Pushups.  He never says LETS DO A RACE AROUND THE ROOM 10 LAPS ALONG THE WALLS COME ON LETS GO RIGHT NOW!  No he's put all his eggs into one basket with push ups and probably prioritized them 100% when exercising.  Gotta get some cardio in there, I'm just bein' honest.  Speaking of cardio and calories and losing weight It's Not Just Me Right that enjoys eating too much and kinda thinking well we're ALL gonna be that much more in LBs when this is over so I'm in good company--everyone else!  Seems about right.  See ya in a little bit!  Anyway, just to fit this in there, I'm sure Libertarians are okay with 2 candidates.  That's Person Rights!  Anyone should be able to run as a Libertarian in any election they can make that decision for themesleves!  Not sure if that makes sense.  I have a poor understanding of 3rd Parties.  The point is what party is Michael Avenatti running as.  Gotta make sure Not To Support That Party In Any Way Shape Or Form Permanently.


Crazysheet And I Go Way Back

    It's true, you know.  I don't know where I end and I begin.  Probably somewhere and some other where. Anyway havin' some lunch for this Last Section Of The Day.  We're talkin' Turkey + Cheese Sandwich, we're talkin' Beef Barley Soup, we're talkin' Tater Tots. The key is the soup.  Figure this'll be at most 5 paragraphs.  Later today gotta go over Supermarket ORder for tomorrow in completion.  I like the parts that are the things I added and I want.  Those hit me in all the right places.  Anyway, lookin' like French Toast tonight.  I've said that several times over the last week but this time around It's Different!  ANyway today I'm using an English Muffin for Sandwich bread because it'll spoil otherwise!
    Cooooool.  How do you decide whether you're gonna slurp your soup or just use a spoon.  I know, "Society," will have you using a spoon in every case but that's just not feasible.  Gotta slurp at some point!  If not sooner then later.  The good news is This Is Good Sandwich but the bad news is Half of this Sandwich Filling has no bread to it!  Anyway, what else is going on.  The good news is Shudder.com had a movie called Society that I thought was pretty good and now it may potentially already have more movies in store that I may or may not like.  Anyway since we got Cheese there's no scenerio where I want to eat a sandwich and will go without cheese.  I'm already pot committed to eat some cheese.  That's just the way things go.
    Cool!  I'm basically a season away (minus 1.5 episodes) from finishing Oz.  Which is great considering the last time I watched it was Last Not Even A Year Ago.  Those were the days.  Back when The Outside Still Existed As Far As My Knowledge Recollection.  The point is I started a new Turkey for this sandwich, "Herb Turkey," my dad was too timid to have because he can't handle spic food.  And I erroneously told him herb is sort of like some kind of a spice.  So whehter Right or Wrong now I have to finish this crap.  A good use for English Muffin is during Breakfast and I make eggs with it but for now No Good I Only Did THat Once and I split it into half a meal, so, the point is, uhhh, I forgert.
    Cool!  I figure at some point I have to experiment using microwave on Cheese Sandwich just to see what happens.  I've said this before but the only beef I get these days is from Beef Barley soup.  Used to love Steak.  Would get 1 order of steak nad stretch it out over 2 or 3 meals back in Pre-corons.  I've got some frozen hamburger.  I dunno.  This may be the last paragraph.  Lots of stuff may be the last paragraph.  This thing has a leg up because it is both a paragraph and a good chance I won't write any more paragraphs for today.  English Muffin is like eating an Egg McMuffin if you use it for breakfast. Figure out THAT lifehack.
Cool!  One more paragraph at least.  Hopefully 2 but lets not get our hopes up.  English Muffins are for England.  McMuffins must be for Ireland.  The point is why isn't Scotland in on this Mostly-For-Breakfast Treat.  The point is Great I'm Most Likely gonna have frenched toast for dinner.  Hey there's a French.  We got Engilsh, Irish, French... How cHow come there's no American food  I mean, food that is qualified as American... oh right Cheese.  Didn't think that riff through!  I don't think a lot of things through.  Most things, for example.  Figure I might as well do one more paragraph to keep things in multiples of fives!  I'm on board with that!  Finished lunch!  I'm on board with that!  I can wait 4-5 more hours until Dinner!  See ya later!

-2:12 P.M.


Wednesday, April 29, 2020

This Is The Best Title I Could Come Up With?

    Either that or I"m purposely using not so great titles.  Maybe yuo think that's what I'm going for.  Man these titles are so bad they're good.  That's why I specified either I'm going for best titles or Not So Great Titles.  Not So Great doesn't make anyone happy. Anyway here's a thought from last night-- Peanut Butter.  Pee Nut Butter.  Ejaculation.  Whatta world.  Anyway Hey what's some possible meals today.  Dinner looks like over 50% Spaghetti.  Lunch I'm leanin towards 2 hot dogs w/ soup OR some tots.  But there are many options.  So many options.  People are amazed at how many options there are.
    Like can we Option Trump to Triple A?  I wouldn't want Trump on my Triple A baseball team. I wouldn't' want him on any kind of Not-Majors leagues.  I don't even want him as president!!!  I dunno, such is life.  I think people liked Obama because hey this guy is probably a lot better at sports than other presidents.  That's why I supported Sanders.  Dude can ball!  Sounds like a joke, but its facts, look it up!  Anyway one memory I have from the How Bernie Won book by the guy who ran his campaign in 2016, was a memorable joke they had when the writer was helping him campaign for mayor of Burlington or whatever back in the day.  ANd they would stand in traffic being like Honk if you like... I dunno... if you're on board with this honk!  And then they called it Honkamania.  As a pun on Hulkamania which was the rage at the time.  I dunno if that's the only joke he's ever made which doesn't sound good, or if its indicative of is total personality, I guess we'll never know.
    Oh well what can you do.  Look up real city Sanders was mayor in.  Hey it was Burlington!  Presumably of Coat Factory fame.  Probably a lot of Burlingtons out there.  They probably decided to All Be Friends and pool their resources into a Coat Factory which had jobs in alllll the Burlingtons.  Anyway what else is going on.  Settling into a routine of 2 beers a day + 1-3 Drinkvolumes of Alcohol  Don't drink Volumes of alcohol, sounds too dangerous.  But measure the amount you're drinkin in Volume, that's fine, I'm on board with that.  Anyway, closing in on May.  I wouldn't lie to you.  Well, actually, uh...  I was thinking about going back in time 10 seconds and change it to well closing in on September and then doing the i wouldn't lie to you but it would just confuse people!  Not on board!
    I don't get the thing where it's HONK IF YOU SUPPORT THIS.  What, like people are gonna be like Hey listen to all that honking NOW I SUPPORT THIS.  IN FACT THEY'RE PEER PRESSURING ME INTO DOING SOME HONKING MYSELF!  No, it's the opposite.  It alienates people who just wanna ride their car and/or van down the street in peace.  Honk if you love cookies.  HEY I DO LOVE COOKIES LETS DO THIS ALSO I ASSUME I GET COOKIES AT THE END OF THIS TRANSACTION???  Well, maybe that's why Biden challenges people to Feats of Strength Contests.  He Agrees that people liked Obama because i dunno can't put my finger on it seems good at sports.  YA KNOW CAUSE HE WAS LIKE IN HIS 40'S AND IN SHAPE?  Something along those lines.  Bill Clinton was pretty young but dude probably had a lot of hidden fat.  Dude was probably 80% saturated fat himself.  Saturated is the bad one!  That's what I've been led to believe.  Anyway, I dunno.  Take some sort of small break right now.  See ya in a bit! 


Now We're Talking!

    Yeeesh.  I got a great lifehack it's callled High Shelf Soap and boy does it smell good.  I got a brand new soap pump and I'm smelling things I didn't even know existed.  Are there still potential smells out there that we'd be like well THAT'S new.  Like let's say we were on The Sun.  I can see that smelling funky.  I HOPE THE CORONA VACCINE SMELLS AT LESAT THAT MEANS WE GOT IT!!!  DOes bring up an interesting question-- would you take a vaccine knowing full and well that it may or may not smell good?  Probably!  It ain't like yuo snorting presumably.  The president may suggest you do that-- he's got his reasons!
    The other point is I just figured out a good lifehack it's called Cheese & Crackers and it's not just a way for Moral People to Swear it's actually a great snack that you can put together yourself in your kitchen.  All you need is some crackers, some cheese and hopefully a fridge where your cheese could ahve stayed before this so its not spoiled.  I hate it when Cheese gets spoiled.  Just because Prop Joe is his uncle, doesn't seem right. Hey I figured out a lifehack in deeper understanding of one and/or two of The Wire characters.  I know its an obvious and proper reaction to Trump's press conferences where they need to be 500% harder on him, but what I'd like to see is just How do you spell Vaccine.  Take your time. 
    100%, I spelled it wrong at first.  If I REALLY thought about it I'd get it right, but knowing full and well that spell check has got my back, I just breeze through words with no abandon.  Or is it with abandon.  No, I think it's no abandon.  Another potential lunch is Frozen Smart Ones! meal which has been rebranded WITH the exclamation mark.  They were just going with, "Smart Ones," now it's, "Smart Ones!" great lifehack now give me 10 million dollars for boosting your sales with rebranding.  One exclamation mark can change the world.  The Frozen Dinner World.  Which you gotta imagine Business Is Booming these days. 
    Don't go with the hacky commercials Everyone at Smart Ones says... Thank You!  We'll Get Through This Together.  No, I want kids in backwards baseball hats pigging out on Smart Ones! and being like FINALLY A HEALTHY FROZEN DINNER THAT SPEAKS TO MY GENERATION.  HEY CHECK OUT OUR NEW CHARACTER!  The, "!," not me abandoning the premise and saying it was a character I was playing.  No, it was still them talking, referring to a, "!," as a character.  Prove me wrong!  Next Supermarket Delivery should be Friday morning.  In a just world, I mean.  Also if I had to predict the future I'd say it will happen.  But mainly, great, what else is going on and crap.
    Cool.  9th paragraph.  Can you believe it?  The evidence is right there in front of you.  So you gotta ask yourself a question, punk.  Can You Believe It.  I think the most punk thing ever was to use the word punk.  They turned it around from what it used to mean on its head!  BRILLIANT!  Hey, you're the punk, my friend.  That's odd you look like a punk.  Like I said same thing can be said about you.  And then imagine that goes on for 100 paragraphs.  How come there's no Punks in The Wire.  Is there not a Punk scene in Baltimore?  It seems this subset of people are just being ignored!  For shame, HBO.  For shame.   
  I dunno.  Unless I wipe down some soup before dinner which at this point is possible but unlikely, only suitable soup we haev stocked that I would be ok with is Chicken Barley.  I like chicken soup.  I like barley soup.  Kinda skeptical of Chicken Barley soup.  Hey wasn't there a drunkard called BarleyCorn?  YEP JOHN BARLEYCORN my wonderful fictional namesake.  Also appears to be a legit word, "

a grain of barley.
  • a former unit of measurement (about a third of an inch) based on the length of a grain of barley.


    But more importantly has a syllable in its/his name that shows up in my it/thing/name as well!  Boy I'd like to find out Kornblum actually meant something all this time.  You know, a unit of measurement.  Hmm, gotta figure that one out.  Also, if its not up to my approval, NO DEFINITIONS for Kornblum.  I get to decide what it may or may not be.  I ain't gonna be stuck with a crappy definition I've been burned so many times before trying to put me into a box man you can't define me anymore than you can define the name Michael.  Was there ever a rash of people putting people in boxes.  And then are they just like STAY THERE AND THINK ABOT WHAT YOU DID and they stay because they're obedient and/or remorseful?  Or did they lock you in a box somehow and now you CAN'T get out. 
    I dunno, stuff like that.  I'm definitely on board with spaghetti for dinner.  We still have half a jar of Original Tomato Sauce we got a few weeks ago.  Then we got 2 or so more jars of Presumably Better spaghetti sauce which I just learned a few weeks ago ISN'T just the same as tomato sauce but anyway this new Spaghetti Sauce is midshelf.  Midshelf I tell you!  Anyway this is the 12th paragraph.  Pretty likely I take a break after this one.  How did Pornhub become the go-to reference for Pornography.  I'm not complaining, I, "Get," it, but at the same time I don't, "Get," "It,".   I feel bad for other socially isolated people where over time you begin to not being able to tell the difference between porn and real life.  Because its the only thing even resembling initmacy that you see, and you get to thinking, "well I guess This Is It."
    I dunno, stuff like that.  The point is We're All In This Together.  You, me, porn, Jack London... apparently it was some sort of British Folk Song before it came to Jack London.  And if I remember correctly it's where the phrase pink elephants came into use describing alcoholism which more or less descends into hallucinations.  Hey I was right about that, too!  I'm right about All The Things these days!  Amazing.  13th paragraph.  Figure I can write more at some piont for some reason!  Jeez.  I think I had a dream a few nights ago that they were bringing back Arrested Development.  And I was 95% on board.  But I was also like well how are they gonna do it with or without Jefferey Tambor.  He turned out to be a GenderJerk. 
Best way I could put it off the top of my head.  Maybe that sticks.  Definitely not enough to be, "cancelled," but enough to be recognized universally as a GenderJerk.  Plus its got, "Sound," alteration if not spelling.  That's how you know something is a good phrase.  Figure I'll take a break after this paragraph.  You're Jerk to other Genders.  Can women be genderjerks?  I dunno, I've raised more questions than I'm prepared to answer.  I guess it's just exploiting the implicit or explicit power you assume specifically over under genders.  Let's get this hashtagging.  At some point there needs to be a thing on Twitter where something is trending and it just says #tictactoe and I'll be like THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CHALLENGE!!  that sounds like a joke I made several months ago.  Can't argue with a feeling!  Or, "Sound," as the case may be!

Are You Talking To Me?  There's No One Else Here!

ACCURATE!  Cool.  I think the main distinction on whether someone is a genderjerk or something more is if you say sexist stuff you're a genderjerk and if you act in one way or another you may not even deserve a name you piece of trash!!!  What about all the people who now want to identify as a GenderJerk?  NO WAY WE'RE NOT TURNING THIS INTO A FUN THING YOU JERK!  Did I mention Pee Nut Butter.  I know I did.  You don't forget a thing like that!  Anyway current plan for lunch is 2 hot dogs with 1 or 2 pieces of bread and some sort of soup concoction.  We're talking Homestyle Chicken Noodle.  We're talking maybe Beef Barley.  Chicken noodle is 2/3rds the calories of that other one I forget.  But presumably I'll eat all of 'em cause I don't like No Other Soup!  Other than cup o noodles.  Which isn't really soup no matter how much hot water we slurp down.  Just noodles that needed to absorb water for proper consistency!  I feel very strongly about this.
    Coool.  I'm excited about hot dogs because forever I'd just been having those 45 cal each Sawdust Dogs.  These Dogs are 150 calories each I CAN ONLY IMAGINE!!!  That used to be one of my go-to fastfoods.  Hot Dogs from Cart.  After I got home from Stuy (mom would pick me up at train station) I'd pretty much always get fast food.  And in this paragraph the Hot Dog Cart Guy is what makes it relevant.  I'd get 5 hot dogs at a time.  I don't care WHAT they taste amazing and aren't filling.  Oh man been a looooong time.  I think I had a Street Dog before a Manhattan music show 2 or 3 years ago.  I think it was the The New Pornographers: Concert Edition.  Hashtagging is when you're doing graffiti while high on Hash which I've been led to believe either Is or Somehow Relates To marijuana.  I may be thinking of, "Hemp," which I think is like marijuana but doesn't get you high.  I will look into both those words now.  Yes Hash is marijuana related. Yes Hemp also appears to be what I said.  I like Liutenant Carver.  He seems to be on the up and up.
    17th paragraph!
  I always liked the number 17.  Can't say why.  Just a quality number all around.  Is it a thing that all people know that if you're picking a number between 1 and 10, to guess what the other person is thinking, that there's that rumor to always pick 8 because its slightly more likely.  I feel lik that may be an urban legend that lots of people are familiar with but probably isn't accurate or representative of any Hard Truth.  Internet says carnies use 3 or 7 to assume people's guesses.  I dunno.  Sounds right, but I've heard 8.  Have you heard the good news about 3 or 7, tough?  Yeah I just did I JUST TOLD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!!!  You know what you shuold pick if you're thinking of the number?  Ten.  Nobody will EVER guess ten.  Because they hear 1-10 they're subconsciously thinking ok which digit is it... No one EVER suspects 10!  Keep that in your back pocket probably be useful one day one way or another.  Unless you've all just watched 10: The Dudley Moore Movie.  Which I don't know about but I like Dudley Moore because he was more or less my height based on what I've read and/or seen.
    Internet says 5'3.  Probably added on an inch or two.  I'm 5'2 so I'm right around there!  What if I go with chicken noodle soup, less calories soupp, but pair it with some tater tots.  I've given me a lot to think about.  Probably, that'd be my guess.  Anyway current plan is 2 hot dogs 1 chicken noodle soup but TWO pieces of bread for hot dogs instead of using 1 slice for both.  And apparently we're going with French Toast for Dinner not spaghetti.  French Toast.  Is that what they call it when you drink Champagne to something?  I don't think I've ever done a Toast in my life.  Not a real legitimate one.  I've thought in my head before drinking some alcohol, AHhhh, this is, "To," "That."  Which I feel is halfway there and I should get some credit for this I feel.
    Ugh.  I can't recall one thing Dudley Moore ever said except for in The Critic where there's a scene mocking him.  Apparently he was a heavy drinker because in the scene he's playing a guy in a hospital whose been told he has liver failure or something and he goes, looking at the tongue depressors, nurse I don't mean to alarm you but someone's eaten all your popsicle sticks! I So the point is Dudley Moore was a pretty funny guy apparently!  Anyway one more paragraph before taking some more time off and presumably will be having lunch when next section starts.
    Cool!  Figure I'll, "Crack," Open, "a," "Beer."  Whats, "Open's," probl... oh never mind.  Anyway, jeez.  Maybe watch some TV during my, "Break."  CryptKeeper-- Stay away from the coronavirus kiddies, in a fit, it'll make you COUGHIN!  Yeeeheheeheee Crytkeeper must be lonely.  Well, he's got us.  Why do you think he tells all these stories he's lonely!  Is there a MRS. CryptKeeper?  Presumably that will get answered in the reboot or 3rd movie or some continuation of the franchise that shoud ney MUST exist?  Anyway finish up this section with this-- The New HotSpot In New York City Is EVERYWHERE.  It's got everything-- empty spaces, deadly viruses, essential workers, and you can't appreciate any of it because you can't leave your house.  Sounds about right.  Not as good as The Hot Spot Is Your House but that was several weeks ago gotta come up with a new gag.  Hot Spot means its like not safe to go there.  Because of danger of virus.  It's a Hot Spot for the virus.  I'll see ya in a bit.


You're On!

    I guess.  Lunch is ready.  These hot dogs legitimately taste like hot dogs.  Went with chicken noodle soup.  Now lets write 5 paragraphs for some reason.  I don't get all these little pellets in all Progresso Soups.  I get that its supposed to be some sort of grain or something but I dunno what or why.  Anyway, jeez.  I can't write 5 paragraphs!  I've already written so many.  Even just 2 or 3, that'll be enough.  But Lunch is going way too quickly!  Whatta scam!  I remember in high school looking at bird pellets (crap) and you find fully formed heads of mice or rats in there.  Not sure what that accomplishes in retrospect.  When In Life will I ever have to go through Bird Shit.  Apparently Bird Pellets is what Bird eat.i  MaybeSo 1) maybe they call what they poo the same thing as what they eat or 2) I wasjust getting to the bottom of what they eat by what they defecate.  
  If they said you won't gain weight and it won't effect your life in any way I'd eat like 6 or so hot dogs.  Sounds about right.  Hey I've got 1/2 a hot dog and a little bit of soup left and I'm gettin' full!  Cool.  It's a good thing because Tremors isn't gonna rewatch itself.  It's not even that great.  I guess.  The point is I only have 1 season + .5 of an episosde of Oz: The Television Program left, and I'm almost at the end of season 2 of The Wire: Also A Television Program.  I can't decide if I'm all in for French Toast tonight or if I am strongly against it.  I have large feelings one way or the other!
    Anyway.  Figure this'll be the last paragraph. Drank 2 shotsworthyofalalcohol + 1 16 oz beer.  Figure 2nd beer is in my near future and pretty good chances that'll be it.  I dunno French Toast is Some Sweet it's been a while since Some Sweet.  I dunno why I didn't just skip ahead to Tremors II.  I watched that a dozen times as a kid and didn't see the original until I was in my 20's.  And none of it is that great but at least Tremors II had some nostalgia going for it.  Anyway I'd like an answer on are these pellets birdshit because I can't get enough of them and I wanna know how much I should judge myself for enjoying these pieces of crap.  I'll se ya later!

-1:36 P.M.


Tuesday, April 28, 2020

This Is What I'm Doing These Days For Some Reason

    I guess
.  Topics:  This virus takes my breath away.  I can say it because I'm having trouble breathing on and off.  Is that a future thing.  Survivors who suffered vs survivors who never got ill ESPECIALLY vs people who never even bothered to take it seriously and infected other people and/or exploited workers and/or led to THE DEATH OF THE AMERICAN DREAM.  Anyway.  Presumably Rip Van Winkle had the 1st American dream and OMG WATTA SNOOZE.  That dream TOOK TEN YEARS!!!  Give or take.  Can You Imagine!?  Plus it turns out he was wrong or totally ignorant or not able to predict accurate stuff in his American Dream.  Per my understanding of Books.
    Anyway here's something we all must go through-- MAYBE WE'RE ALREADY EFFECTED I DUNNO.  And we are all just in that mindset for the next, I dunno, year?  Every little symptom its well hey what makes me so special that I wouldn't get it.  I probably have it WHATTA JIP!  Something along those lines.  But WEBSITES are our only avenue to make life better.  Probably.  That's been my experience.  Anyway I mistakenly made an incorrect riff last entry about Trump being initially surprised but embracing the knowledge of The Sun Being A Star, and vaguely skeptical but definitely considering the Earth may revolve around the sun.  Because those two things are accurate.  The riff should be that he even gets those things wrong!  Oh well I can't go back and change back time what am I some sort of Mike J. Foxeal.  For the most part if he's saying people don't know this and/or a lot of people are saying this, It'll be the WRONG thing.
    Cool!  Turns out they cancelled NY Primary  Uncool!  Way to be dumbass moron jerks.  I was looking forward to voting for Bernie Sanders.  I supported him.  He didn't want to drop out of primary voting.  He wanted to stay and collect delegates plus I wanted the satisfaction of formally supporting him and  I would have been happy to do a mail in ballot!  So, considering the many New Yorkers like just like that, and who would be happy for using mail in ballots, they just said Yeah we're not gonna do that lets just cancel.  So, great, well done you fuckin' jerks.  I guess that's just part of Democracy.  The subjection of people and disdain for Democracy.  Makes sense.  It's the exception that proves the rule!
    I dunno.
  Anyway.  I wish I had never read this beer was flavored with peanut butter.  Ignorance truly is bliss.   GuI guess Trump must be having the time of his life then lol.  I don't think he's ignorant.  He's jus stupid.  Ignorant means without knowledge.  I'm sure there are lots of people around him talking about knowledge to him that he just tunes out.  And listens to the sycophants who just say what he wants to hear.  And he goes yeah that other thing, maybe, i dunno, But this that what my sycophant are saying, now I'm on board!  Anyway we should be near Superbowl Crowd deaths in maybe a week or so.  Again, thank GOD I don't like football that much.
I liked Arcade Version of NFL BLITZ!!!!  It's basically just running Hail Mary after Hail Mary.  I've been assured that is an accurate Football + Football Video Game reference. Assured by who?  My sycophants c'mon get on board.  Anyway for those of you who never went to arcades in the mid 90's a Hail Mary is when you just have your all of your offense Run In A Straight Line As Far As They Can Go and the quarterback (That's You!)  Just makes a long pass to hit one of them receiver people far, far away. Per my understanding.  And its like quarterback has to say a, "Hail Mary," that this ball connects with that receivers hands.  And NFL Blitz is just that over and over.  Presumably some blitzes, too.  MAYBE IT WAS JUST ME always doing Hail Marys.  Just seemed more fun than a running play or a short pass.  Just do that 4 times in a row!  Well I learned a lot this paragraph.  Maybe It's Just Me re:Arcade Games And Deciding Football Plays.
    Why are people always praying to Mary.  What's she good for.  She's just a human whose, yeah, her womb is pretty special, but beyond that, who cares.  Hail Mary Mother of Grace or Something [Jesus had a sibling named GRACE?!?] Do this crap for m... and then she's like maybe this is better suited for Jesus.  Or GOD.  If you believe in that crap, I do presumably.  Get off my back about it is the point I'm just in Heaven or something like that.  The bible is a really long book.  Edited by users like you.  Well, not you specifically.  But over thousands of years there's been people here and there have been like oh shit gotta good story idea in continuation of that franchise/story-line, lemme see if it, "Bible," quality.
Anyway, Rip Torn's father named him, "Rip," fully aware that his last name would be, "Torn."  It's not just a funny coincidence.  His father fuckin' Thought Of That AHEAD OF TIME!!!  How could you miss it, it's not a very common name.  Lolz what else ya got.  I think its probably pretty widespread that over time we've been doing the alphabet a little faster than yesterday.  Just blaze through it, c'mon, you're still doing your part.  But you've got things to do!  Also I wash my hands like 30 times a day because of Constant Urination.  I figure that's a good excuse for being like CMON WITH THE HANDWASHING I'M STILL DOING 2 ALPHABETS JUST QUICKER!  I dunno.  I'll be back in a little bitt ... ...    Are you ignorant if you know the truth but just decide to fully reject and ignore it?  I guess it depends on if he's actually deluding himself to believe false things or if he just uses that process to justify the bullshit he spews.  Hmm.  Ignore the truth.  Ignor-ant.  I dunno I've always been led to believe its when you just Don't Know the truth.  I guess I'M the Ignorant here!  Possibly.  There's no wy of knowing for now, is there?


This Website Is For Lovers

    Wait, I mean LOSERS.  Sorry.  Anyway I got 2 spiral notebooks going and I just decided This Morning THIS notebook is for important stuff and THIS OTHER notebook is for unimportant stuff.  Why keep the second one?  Apparently you have no experience writing/documenting your life BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!  Bad news is I accidentally stepped on some gum that made it to the floor somehow and now its trapped at the edge of my sock.  I try to rip it off piece by piece and over time I'll get there but for now it's stuck!  I dunno.  You don't have to love me.  I don't have to love you.  But hey lets like each other!  I can deal with that appropriate amount of love in the universe.  That there's Little Or No Love in the universe but We All Kinda Like Each Other!  That sounds very pleasant.
    Gonna put food in the oven any minute.  From now on.  Not past.  What do I look like Griftiter J Floyd?  I like how both any minute and any second are phrases.  Way to offer us some choices.  Even Any Day is a phrase!  Don't hear Any Hour or Any Month or Any Year as often.  Any year now we might start actually addressing climate change.  Any year now...  AND THAT'S BEING OPTIMISTIC YA HEARDDD GOTTEM.  Guy who goes at 11:59 PM alright any day now.. and then a minute later he's like C'MON WHAT THE FUCK IS THE HOLD UP.  It's funny because it's a guy disappointed by time.  I can relate to that all over the place!
    I'm pickin off this piece of gum on sock piece by piece.  I'll get there eventually!  And then I'll step on new gum.  Why do I treat the floor of my room so terribly.  Well, when I'm in bed, chewing some gum, I try to throw it in the garbage can on the other side of the room.  I can't be bothered getting up!  So inevitably most of them are just on the floor around the garbage.  I'm bound to step on one piece sooner or later!  Sure I'm an adult and know how to take care of things.  It's called ALMOST getting your gum into the bin.  I'm no basketball type guy.  I do have a basket of balls, though.  It's called a scrotum.  And it's all the rage among men who have testicles.
    Gotta keep 'em somewhere.  I dunno, what else is going on.  Good thing to say in phone sex-- c'mon come over here and lick my ball basket.  Sure I know what phone sex is.  It's when two people talk about sex over the phone where one of them is getting off and the other one is humoring the other one getting off.  Sure I know that's an accurate/inaccurate observation.  I know lots of things!  Hmm, I just thought phone sex was putting your phone up your butt.  And setting it to vibrate presumably. Get the most out of your minutes, that's my opinion. 
    Anyway.  Fifth paragraph of this section!  Figure I'll put food in oven after this one, 40 minutes later it'll be ready, and I'll start work on another portion of entry.  If we were using Base 12 this paragraph would be the last digit.  Hmm, gotta come up with some great digits for 10-11.  12345678%!.  % means 10 now.  ! means 11.  I can't come up with my own scribbles on a computer.  Had to re-appropriate some symbols that already exit.  So this paragraph is #!.  I dunno.  Let's do a base 12 tic tac toe.  Not sure why tic tac toe needs a relevant Base.  But I used the symbol # so I figured we might as well play tic tac toe.  See ya in a bit!


Life Is Good Day To Day One Would Imagine

    Well, so far.  We may be dead in a week but for now we're still goin' strong!  The good news is I just started a new bottle of Pump Soap.  I go to wash my hands in My Personal Bathroom?  Got some pump soap there!  Some soap that quirts soap out onto your hands by pressing down on a pump.  Livin' The Life!  Anyway Lunch Is Ready.  We're talkin' three White Castle Hamburgers, 4 chicken nuggets, and 10 or 11 tater tots.  That'll hit all sorts of spots.  Anyway, I gotta get started on some new music.  If not me, who?  If not when, how?  If not things, huh?  If not zuh, wah?  So I got taht going for me.  Somewhat late lunch today.  Dinner I'm thinkin' about maiking mysef some macaroni!  Prove me wrong!
Cool!  Just took a mid-section break bringing in Package from outside.  Not a drug package!  An Amazon package!  Which may or may not have concealed drugs.  But the good news is I take 5 minutes off then I'm like Holy Shit this is like eating White Castle right here!  There's lots of good news.  Like that, for instance.  First mindset is I'm uttin some frozen food in the oven, then I'm gonna eat it.  With 5 more minutes of consideration, I'm like ya know what this if Fun Fast Food!  So in the end it was a worthwhile expedition.  Man this beer would be good if no one explicitly said there was peanut butter in thre.  Anyway current idea for dinner is makin' myself some macaroni. 
    I got that going for me!  This'll be the last paragraph more likely.  I've got As Much Drinking As I Want, as much of entertainment as I desire, and as much drinking as I want for the rest of the day.  Dad is teaching tonight.  I hope I'm around long enough for him to make some real yuk-em-ups.  ANd that he feels comfortable yukking it up over the internet.  But in the mean time I'm past 1/2 way point for The Wire Season II!  Plus I finally watched another episode of OZ so I'm gettin' there all over the place!  I dunno.  Lol macaroni can be smothered in butter no one will know!  Lets all get fat is the point.  Why not?  Because you care about your health and if you're obese that effects your health?  Sounds a little thin to me.  Alright that'll do it.  See ya later.

-2:29 P.M.


Monday, April 27, 2020

This Appears To Be Some Sort of Website Thing

    I guess.  Is this even a website?  Website implies multiple pages under one domain-- a web of pages, as it were.  This is just /index.htm and a bunch of months.  More or less just a onsey-site.  Sight.  Cite.  Puns are there If You Want Them!  Site-y Slickers.  Wait so I bypassed doing a lot of C-/C puns but I Actually Went With Site-y Slickers?  Sounds about right per this Site.  Hey ya'll Corona Question-- when you're done washing your hands do you dry em off with paper towel/towel/something else/nothing.  People have been washing their hands long before Corona Quarantine.  Yeah but I'm finally catching up to it myself so I have A Lot of Questions.  Anyway, along those lines, I was watching The Wire and there's a scene where some people carjack some guy and I immediately went in my head hmm this was like 2002 or 3, was that... I think it predates Grand Theft AUto HOW IS THAT... and then I realized GTA didn't probably didn't invent the idea and practice of carjacking.  Maybe GTA I or II were around and They Did.  I have no idea about those two!
Remember when The Wire came up with the idea of Gangs.  Seems very irresponsible in retrospect.  Lots of Gang Copy Cats.  You know, how cats are always copying things?  There was a subplop where Stringer Bell runs an office supply/copying/faxing store.  So he was a copying cat.  I suppose so.  Anyway Coffee is on the boil.  We got a new machine a few months ago-- goes quicker.  Got a new water pitcher a few months ago-- filters water quicker.  Finally I have so much more time to... uhh... you got any ideas?  Anyway, lunch is lookin like cup o noodles + English Muffin.  We got too many English Muffins and now it's come down to me to start pulling my weight and eating one or two.  I don't have a problem with English Muffins.  Butt they're too small for most sandwiches, they don't go with soup or other meals like other bread does, slightly too heavy for a snack... 
Oh well this is the life we chose.  Had a Phone Consultation with my therapist this morning.  Great now its all over The Wire how I'm doing much the same as last month.  Just my luck!  Anyway 2 beers are properly chilled and ready for consumption Whenever I Feel Like It!  I was thinking about it and my Writing And/Or Life is just keep doing things meant to be forgotten.  I never do anything where its like ah this is really worth remembering.  Is that a character flaw or a character benefit?  No way of knowing at this time.  Remember just Wire which is a band mentioned in 2 or 3 of my Musical Memoirs that I should get around to checking out?  It's from books I've read, surely you must be familiar?     
I was checking out ways to make Hard Boiled Eggs because I was like ya know what I like hardboiled eggs and there are three distinct ways of varying degrees of complication but even the least complicated was like yeah I don't think I'm gonna do that.  Anyway here's a Topic I wrote down earlier-- sometimes when I'm done taking a poo I look back before I flush and go, Job Well DoneObviously only during times I feel like it was PROBABLY a job well done.  Very rare!  Something along those lines, right?  You can kinda tell without looking how good a job you did.  I'm just taking the extra step to appreciate the good that's out there in the world.
    Crazysheet, aught to be some scattalogicals.  What else is crap.  Also, if you can smell it, NO WAY JOB UNSATISFACTORY.  Anyway the point is I have always been firm on Orange Juice with NO PULP. I felt very strongly about this.  This time around I got Orange Juice with SOME PULP and I'm like ya know what I kinda like pulp now.  Funny how things work out like that, right?  You can't be using paper towels very time you wash your hands, you'll run out!  You shouldn't use a towel, after using it once you get virus on it once then every subsequent time you're giving yourself the virus back.  Maybe just don't dry your hands.  Let time take its toll.  Your hands will get dry eventually over the course of several hours!
    Yep.  I sometimes have Coffee with Pulp but that's an accident.  That's when some beans erroneously get into your coffee.  Doesn't add much only takes away!  Anyway was watching a movie on Shudder:The TV Streaming Web Service that was too much for even me.  BloodSucking Freaks.  I'm not into that.  Too much!  My horror threshold from I Can Tolerate It to I can't is I can Tolerate Last House On The Left and I can't tolerate I Spit On Your Grave.  If I remember correctly.  Maybe I have those mixed up.  I guess.  I'm kinda biased though because as I've stated many many times my house is the last house on the left of our street.  Also Amityville is only 30 minutes away in Long Island.  Also I live on Shining Blvd.  The point is lots of ghosts.  LOTS of ghosts.
    Are Texans on board with chainsaw massacres?  I mean real ones, regular ones in real life.  Are they just pro-things that happen in Texas?  Or are they like well no I should be explicit I am AGAINST chainsaw massacres.  I dunno.  Was about to go like Hey Trump how do you feel about Chainsaw Massacres? and he's like Good people on both sides but I figured it wasn't that clever nobody needs it and its been years since he said that so all we white folk kind of collectively forgot about it/implicitly forgiven him by forgetting about it.  Anyway 7th paragraph!  Well if there's gonna be chainsaw massacres might as well be in Texas.  I dunno whose saying that, if they're fictional or not, I dunno anything about anything.


Something Worth Remembering... What Does That Mean

    You've lost me.  Hey there's some HERO FIRST RESPONDERS cutting the grass outside my window.  I WAS BEING SARCASTIC LIKE MY SARCASM HERO DONALD "Sarcastic" TRUMP.  Maybe when he said he was being sarcastic he meant,  I WAS TALKING ABOUT ABOUT SARS, K?  HOPE THIS NEW PIECE OF NONSESNE STICKS.  I wanna see an interview where Trump has to go well I've always been a very sarcastic person I'm full of laughs people just look at me or listen to me and laugh presumably because of how sarcastic I am.  Not 100% Trump would know what SARS means.  I thought about making a pun where he thinks it meant CZARS, like the imperialist rulers of Russia pre-revolution, but I'm not 100% he would know what that means. 
    Cool!  About to start 2nd cup of coffee.  Had one OJSHOT  earl... wait that's no good as a turn of phrase.  I meant a shot of alcohol diluted with Orange Juice... good news he never SHOT anyone to my recollection.  My Dad tells this story a lot-- he was at a diner in the mid 90's and someone eating or working there was like Don't get the O.J. it'll kill you.  Apparently my Dad has heard roughly 2 dozen jokes over 70 years so each one he remembers like it was yesterday.  My dad is full of jokes.  I tell you how he goes Happy Birthday to his students when they get it right? I'm NOT being sarcastic he goes above and beyond with the humor in class I would imagine in real classes and also many times at home!  Maybe that's the way out for Trump supporters.  When he's gone and presumably Republican Voters and Establishment want to re-establish trust and a return to normalcy.  Just go we were ALL being sarcastic by supporting Trump!  We just wanted to see what would happen!  Sounds about right.
    Of course I know what SARS means you look up at the SARS and they're actually all, our sun is a star, lot of people don't know that, sun is where, we may actually revolve AROUND the sun, that's what people are saying..  Alright coffee refill!  If you use your towel to wipe yourself down, who will wipe down the towel?  Some other towel?  Why this other towel on the B team?!  Doesn't seem fair for that towel it's got to be a little resentful, its got everything the other towel has except not being in proper distance from sink at time of washing hands.  Why are we calling it the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the first place?  Were there a lot of other chainsaw massacres in neighboring states that they had to be like no not that one I'm referring to the TEXAS chainsaw massacre.  Or they just wanted to shit on Texas.  Cool!
    I dunno.  First beer in a week and a half or so.  Therapist seemed to be like hopefully in May or June we'll be ready to meet in person and I was like yeah ok we'll see but I'm not 100% on board with that.  If I could do it over the phone why mess with a good thing?  Even if Coronavirus ends Hey Lets Keep Doin This Over the Phone you don't mess with a good thing!  Anyway, main metric I used to decide which beer to get was Alcohol Level.  This one I got is 8.0% alc/vol.  When I was browsing most others were 4-6%.  Figure if I'm drinkin' might as well get the most drink out of my drank. 
    Lunch in about 1.5 or 2 hours.  Anyway.  I started watching Season II of The Wire like a chump but it turns out hey this show is still pretty good this time around why mess with a good thing.  Good name for a beer-- Maltibore.  Baltime.  Malt is in beer and liquor.  Switching letters is something people rarely do but have been known to on occasion.  Still leaning toward same lunch I just told you about last time.  Gonna take a break after this paragraph.  Maybe watch some of THE WIRE.  I haven't seen that before!  Or at least since an hour ago.  Anyway I'll see ya later.


You Know What That Means!

    You might.  I don't.  I wouldn't put it past you to know what things mean exponentially more than I do.  Anyway, the last few days, there's been like 2 or 3 periods a day where I'm like ya know what breathing IS kind of hard Jesus Fuck Lemme Not Have It and then it goes back to normal.  So I either have it (@lets say a 25% chance with these "Symptoms") or it's psychosomatic.  Because for the most part it seems like not a big deal but then ya think ya know what NYC over 20% of us probably have it Why Not Me?  It could be real!  Whatta scam.  The good news is as its transitioning from Breathing Is Hard/I Feel Kinda Shitty to FEeling Normal, I'm really happy.  HOLY SHIT I MAY LIVE THROUGH THIS YET WITHOUT INFECTING MY PARENTS LIFE IS ACES I'M ON BOARD WITH THAT KINDA LUCK!
So in the end for now it cancels itself out.  For Now!  Anyway, beer is Fine.  I'm on board with the banana aftertaste but not so much the peanut butter aftertaste.  But in the end it will get me slightly more drunk than I would have been without it!  Cool!  This brand of beer is called Ambition Is A Dream.  Not 100% what that means but it seems kind of clunky to me.  I like tthe words.  But just as a phrase for a beer?  Not concise not tellin' ya anything of how it tastes or anything, I dunno.  Not 100% on board is the point.  Alright FAVORITE THE WIRE CHARACTER GO-- prez.  SECOND FAVORITE GO-- Mcnu... NO Bubbles!  THIRS FAVORIT NOWWW-- BUN.. no, wait... BODIE!!!!  Well that settles that.  And 4-7 are the Kids from season 4 and 5.  All of 'em in the top 7 you can't argue with a feeling!
    I dunno.  Ziggy has to be up in the top 10 somewhere because he's the character I can most relate to.  A Goof who takes himself a little too seriously.  And other people laugh at and/or with him.  And he isn't very good at things other than making people laugh at and/or with him.  That's all hes good for more or less.  Also he goes to jail for killing a guy.  Been there, done that.  What else.  I'm more worried about opening up Shit too soon than later than neccesary.  I'm not an expert but my gut is telling me we're on track for Too Soon.  But on the other hand, you say its okay to start going outside, sure I'll probably Resume Solitary Walks if nothing else.  But don't make ME the jerk when you're saying its over when its not really over and that I can take walks when I really shouldn't be.  I'm not the jerk THE VIRUS is the jerk!
    Also, kind of makes the last 6 weeks totally in vain.  You open up to early it basically makes all the sacrificing we've already done pointless.  That's MY 'ypothesis.  And it just seems like it's still GETTING WORSE in America/NY.  Why would you talk a game about we gotta re-open up economy while ITS STILL GETTING WORSE NOT BETTER.  Seems fuckin' stupid to me.  I do believe, I could be wrong, but I think NY is flattening the curve?  But guess what.  THERE'S STILL A FREAKIN' CURVE.  That's MY impression of things.  I could be wrong.  About a 1/3 chance I'm wrong.  But there's a Double That chance I'm right!  Anyway take a break now.  See ya in a bit!  I guess Virus got out on parole.  We were supposed to keep it under wraps for 5 months but its getting early release after 2.  And then will DEFINITELY go right back to killing people.  Not even a debate.  That's Just What Viruses Do! 


These Gardeners Don't Play

    Yep.  PEANUT BUTTER?  What kinda rinky dink operation do you take me for.  Eh.  I can't really taste it but just the thought that I'm supposed to taste it is driving me up a tree!  Which I believe is a reference to Jurassic Park In Reverse.  New lunch idea-- 2 lean pockets.  New dinner idea-- old lunch idea.  My favorite character in Season II of The Wire is The Docks Union People.  They seem like they know how to have a good time!  But get to work, too!  And also scam a bit but mostly they're good hardworking people just trying to unwind every night and morning in a bar.  Presumably while drinking in the afternoon.  Loooots of drinking in The Wire.  I always sort of recognized it but now I see it less as a coincidence and more of the people making this show wanted to show how everyone is an alcoholic.
Except for the drug dealers and their friends.  Some of them are addicts but for the most part they seem on the up and up while the police going after them are drunkards.  What else.  The good news is I've been wearing pajamas all day.  Prove me wrong!  Feel comfortable I ain't gotta leave the house or even answer the door for no shit I'm gonna wear some pajamas AND DO I CARE IF THEY'RE ON INSIDE OUT FUUUUUUUUUCK NO!  Same material either way.  What do I care.  I wonder what the next Real Shirt is that I'm gonna wear.  Looking at my door where shirts are hung up on over a hanger, next shirt in line is Wilco shirt.  Good shirt but originally got it when I was a thinman.  Now I can still wear it and its not too outrageous but it betrays some curves so that's how that goes.  Bob Dylan knows what I'm talking about ballad of a thin man.  And of course the Bob Dylan Sequel, Story of A Fat Slob.
    It became a real LifeHack when I realized you could have 2 of these lean/hot pockets at a time.  One at a time was for when you're trying to have smaller lunches as part of your diet.  You're having regular sized lunches?  Have 2 of those no one will be the wiser still only 550-650 calories!  What's Bob Dylan's stance re: Hot Pockets.  How come Forrest Gump never met Bob Dylan.  I feel like they would have had a lot to talk about.  And you could make some sort of phrase-pun where Forrest inspires a Bob Dylan lyric.  This subplot practically writes itself!  Thank God because I'm not gonna write it I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO PRESUMABLY!!!!!
    Cool.  The point is I dunno it's a 25% chance I got Corons?  Which means its like 15% chance my parents do?  Which means there's like a 3 or 4 percent chance one of my parents dies soon?  That ain't no good.  ANd even if its false this time aroud they may be in danger later on.  WHATTA SCAM I LOVE MY PARENTS LET THEM LIVE DAMN YOU!!!!  I kinda got off on the idea that Corona doesn't just effect your lungs in retrospect it could effect all parts of your body.  GREAT!  FUCK YOU LUNGS I AIN'T GONNA CONSIDER You MORE THAN OTHERS.  EVERY ORGAN IS EQUAL IN TERMS OF VULNERABILITY ALRIGHT I CAN CONCEPTUALIZE THAT NO PROBLEM.  Ya know what maybe I willwill have thehave the cup o noodles with English muffin.  Save them Lean Pockets for dinner!  They're both solid meals for Today it's just a matter of Order.  Cool.  Nah that's a good lunch.  Which one?  I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW!  Wonderbar!  Be back in a bit.      


    Cup o noodles baybeee.  Last section of Today's Entry!!!  Anyway, I'm probably okay  That's my impression!  ANYWAY figured out a lifehack to get the most out of English muffins-- put some butter on them.  Figured out a lifehack to getting drunk-- drink some alcohol!  That's the lunch I settled on.  Buttered Muffin + Cup o Noodles + soda w/ rum.  First portion of soda I've had in several days.  PROVE ME WRONG!  In retrsopect I could have toasted these English Muffins better.  I toasted them A LITTLE which better than not at all but not as good as MORE.  Anyway, some Political Guy I read on Twitter was talkin up Barry Lyndon and I took it personallly in a good way.  Besides Kingpin, it's my favorite.... well, lets just say its in my top 5 favorite movies!  It's just about This Guy And Some Crap He Does!  LOVE IT!
    Cool.  It was the last Cup o Noodles  that inspird the thought a couple of days ago bread is great to treat a mouth/lips/tongue that's been burnt.  But here I am back at it again!  I like putting butter on things.  It's like Salty Creamy. Who cares if the butter is more calories than the thing you're putting it on.  We all gotta make sacrifices in life!  Anyway, relatively late lunch tonight.  Which means relatively early dinner tonight!  I dunno.  Figure 3 more paragraphs after this one.  Like to keep it at multiples of 5.
    Oh man they just killed Dee by faking his suicide!!!  What kinda show would this be if only Dee had lived.  We'll never know!  They killed him and faked his suicide!  In a way I never bought.  They fake it that he tied something to his neck and to the doorknob and then he chokes today.  Doorknob seems too close to the ground.  Don't 100% see how that would work exactly.  Also, he was working in the prison library, and someone asked him in a previous episdoe who do you like more spiderman or ultra spiderman or smoething like that.  And he's like whats teh difference.  And we never get an answer!  I wanna know the difference so that I can decide for my own self which is better!
    Anyway finished 2 beers, put another 2 beers in fridge for tomorrow presumably.  I wonder what happens to Clay Davis.  I hope he gets his at the end.  Maybe just wrap this up at the end of this paragraph corresponding with the end of this lunch.  Anyway, another day down with Probably Not Having Coronavirus.  Success!  Probably.  What else is going on.  I don't care if its noodles of frozen meal-- you tell me to wait 1-3 minutes before eating I AM NOT FOLLOWING THAT ADVICE.  I just cooked it I'm gonna eat it get off my back about it and whatnot.  The point is this time around no burnt areas in any of mouthes.  See ya later!

-3:24 P.M.


Sunday, April 26, 2020

Like Yesterday But Presumably Different

    I stop washing my hands at the second WX.  I'm not proud of it but there it is.  Hmm leaving over Y and Z.  Yaz.  Yaz-- Only You.  Featured prominently in Ricky Gervais show.  Ricky Gervais, "Dropped," another season of a show.  FINALLY things are starting to add up!  Anyway the good news is Lunch is right around the corner ya heard.  The other good news is Hey we're still allowed to not talk about Quarantining for a while People Will Still Remember It if we bring it up later.  Anyway speaking of quarantining I'm gonna go start Oven in about 5 minutes.  I can't do it right now!  Just applied Tesosterone Gel to my shoulder areas and it takes a solid 10 minutes to dry up.  I need it because testosterone levels were low.  Sure that's a source for Shame but I Feel No Shame These Days!
I guess not.  I only had low testosterone for a couple of years.  There were the good years as a teenager into 20's.  Then a couple of years with, "Low T," then since then years with AVERAGE, "T," cause I address it with medication Ya Heerd?  I think Herd Immunity sounds like a good thing but I'M NOT CATTLE OKAY I RESENT THAT.  Or as they used to say, "Chattel," I think I read that in a Frederick Douglass quote somewhere.  Might have only reffered to when you treat black people like cattle that you say Chattel.  Or maybe it's just For ALL Cattle.  I guess there's no way of knowing.  Sure I've read several paragraphs written by Frederick Douglass.  And I've clearly absorbed the most important parts of those paragraphs.  There was the chattel... there was something about learning Stuff from white orphan kids in Baltimore or something...
    You know, the important stuff.  White Kids Helping Him.  Not a lot of people named Frederick.  Not even people named Fred.  There's a lot of words and names and phrases that aren't common names these days.  True Facts!  Hey Delivery From Supermarket got here this morning and it was a pretty good haul I gotta say!  Speaking of a good Haul my mother just got a huge amazon delivery which is just 800 Halls cough drops.  Not Even A Joke FACTS.  And I did the quite a big haul joke and GOT NOTHIN'.  My parents DO NOT find me amusing.  I get very little positive reinforcement for this except for from myself but the good news is Myself Can't Get Enough Of Me!  And I just sorta guess there's people out there who can tolerate reading this.  It's somewhere between an educated guess and an hypothesis.  Whichever one is less likely.  Oven Time.  You can ay, "AN," hypothesis if you pronounce it, "'Pothosis," sorts drop the, "HY," or only hit it very very slightly.  High Pot Tho Sis.  Well that's something no one is really sure of.  When you're considering incest because you're high on marijuana but now you're having second thoughts!
    I dunno.  Supermarket Delivery was pretty seamless.  Took about an hour going through with Supermarket Shopper putting together order, got either 1st choice or a back-up for 80% of things, plus best thing is he delivered it in these bags where everything was fuckin' stacked perfectly so I don't need to go rummaging around being like what's in this bag and fuck I'm gonna forget as soon as I get to the next bag.  No everything was visable with no problems just at a glance.  Anyway watched After Life: After The I Season Edition.  It was okay but not as goood!  Not 100% what the moral of the story was, though.  First season I thought I got what they were doing.  Second Season was a little higgledy piggalty pew.  Somethin' like that.
Might as well write a 5th paragraph, start Oven, then take some sort of Break.  Will drink 2 beers later today!  Later in the afternoon.  For now maybe I have 1 shot.  I tried out different proportions of Water:Alcohol and haven't really been satisfied with any of them.  It dilutes it enough that it's easier to swallow it without bein a bitch and making a face I just sucked a lemon but I feel for some reason diluting it with water sorta makes it a lot less... uh...drunk inducing.  Best phrase I could think of off the top of my head.  I used to be able to drink alcohol straight up and tolerate it and even get used to the taste enough to enjoy it.  Not anymore though!  Besides I've got no motivation.  You're drinkin with people I'ma drink some straight up vodka then just move on with my life because I think people will judge me otherwise.  Now there's no incentive to do that.  So the point is I'm regressing in terms of tolerating alcohol but maybe that's good news because theoretically it means less alcohol to get me drunk.  See ya later!

-12:22 P.M.


Anything Else

    Wait a second.  I wrote that phrase last night as a SONG TITLE idea!  Not to waste it as an Entry Title!  Anyway I'm not embarrassed to say that Seaon II of After Life peer pressured me into drinking.  I had gone most of the day with just that 1 drink I planned on, but then there's all this drinking in the plot and getting over girls and mildly despairish humor... So the point is Anything Else. Anyway gonna eat in about 40 minutes after which gotta disinfect some more stuff.  Already did Fridge and Frozen stuff.  Now we're talkin some cans of soup some kleenex boxes some cans of beer.  My favorite part of After Life was how much I refuse to admit it disappointed me.  There were some laughs but WHERE WAS THE HEART.  And also WHERE WERE THE LAUGHS.  There was some heart nad some laughs I dunno...
    It wasn't so much Peer Pressure from the TV Program as much as it was a Practical Joke.
  Because 1)They're not my peer and 2)usually peer pressure implies the peers that are pressuring you feel/act in line with what they're pressuring you about.  Meanwhile, if its a practical joke, After Life could be totally like Yup Drinking Too Much Is Unhealthy We Got You To Do It PRACTICAL JOKE GOTTEM!  But at the time it made sense.  What else was Frederick Douglass all about.  I feel like I should do some research.  Learn something from the, "Joke."  Sure I was just about to type into google, "What was Frederick Douglass All About," but I stopped myself in time so get off my back about it.
    He was an abolitionist.  Were there any black people at least in the north that were pro-slavery.  There must have been some, right?  I'd think of a funny way to continue this thought, but, ya know.  I think Frederick Douglass was born a slave though.  Why thWhy think it?  I can check that fact easily.  Wikipedia says in its 3rd sentence onf Frederick Douglass he, "Escaped," slavery.  I think he probably was a slave and he escaped.  But maybe it means it more in a metaphorical context.  Like the same way... uh... What else is going on.  OH MAN I could have some 5 minute cooked tater tots.  Lunch today is some Tots a dinner roll and a Smart Ones: The Good Relatively Healthy And Tasty Frozen Meals: Lasagna Edition.  I wonder if I had enjoyed pasta as a kid if I would have appretiated Garfield more.  I mean, I don't think I had pasta ONCE.  I might have had spaghetti here and there, without the tomato sauce.  But if you're a kid you grow up loving lasagna suddenly Garfield: The Cartoon That Doesn't Offer Much Else is a lot more relatable!
    Probably, that'd be my guess.  I don't relate to any comics.  Didn't read any comics.  Either Super Hero or From Newspaper.  There was an animated Dilbert on Comedy Central at like 1 AM on weeknights so I watched that for a year or two in high school.  Accompanied by Clerks: The Animated Series, Undergrads: Also An Animated Series But Free Of The Burden Of A Larger Franchise, and some fourth thing who can remember.  I remember watching TV until 2 am and then being dissapointed I couldn't fall asleep fast enough to get up at 6:30 AM so half the time I'd just be up without any sleep.  This was before discovering the lifehack of just going to sleep when you get home from school, and then problem solved you got the whole night to yourself.
    Probably, that'd be my guess.  I don't relate to any comics.  Didn''t read any comics.  Eit... this isn't an accident I thought it would be funny.  I think a lot of things but I'm wrong roughly half the time What Are Ya Gonna Do.  Hey already the 5th paragraph of 2nd portion.  Wonderbar!  I walked in a circle almost 2x as much as normal because I watched a whole Simpsons and then was like I'ma check out last nights SNL and with the necessary commercials that's close to another hour and a half.  I think its great to make people feel comfortable and like this is anything resembling a normal situation but on the other hand hey maybe you SHOULDN'T be comfortable all the time.  That's where Them Doing It At Most Only Once A Week comes into play!  You feel great while its on and immediately afterwards but I'M HAPPY that doesn't last.  I got worrying and shit to do!  Like worrying and stuff!  I'll never get my worrying done at this rate!  Not all of it!

I Could Have Sworn I Had Another Title Somewhere

    Well This ISN'T it.  But that's life I guess.  I think my mindset by Episode 3 of Afterlife Season II (and I had just re-watched the first 6 episodes in Season I) was ya know whatya know what fuck this I don't care if its a practical joke or peer pressure I'd LOVE to do some drinking and if it means I run out of it a day sooner than I'd like who the fuck cares I'MANADULT  in theory.  In THEORY!!!  What was the fourth show in the ~12:00-2:00 AM Animation Block on Comedy Central in the early-mid 2000's.  OH SHIT maybe it was Last Call with Dave Attel!!  That was fun.  Or Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn.  That was slightly less fun.  Dave Attel was basically doing what are now Cooking Shows but instead of going around the country talking to people about how they make their hamburgers, he gets drunk with them and tells jokes.  I'd binge watch that drunk and/or high if its around the internet, sure!  I dunno.  I feel like there was a 4th cartoon.  Maybe it was just re-runs of South Park.
    Anyway prob
probably get to lunch after this paragraph.  Got shits in the oven but also need to Microwave Frozen Meal for 8 or so minutes.  Wonderbar!  Wonderwall!  If I remember correctly I listened to the song that time I lost my virginity and did cocaine.  I remember it specifically because I remember it happening.  That sums that up.  Now these stay at home SNLs are all well and good but What Of The Cocaine Use rumored to be ancillary to the show?  These are the important questions no one else has the brass nuggets to ask.  Also it's not much of a rumor.  It's scientifically documented evidence!  Presumably!  II've never seen proof but I've seen enough people who claim it that I assume its accurate!  I dunno.  As long as they're not doing heroin!
    I think one good way to see if you have a drug problem is if you need to take 2 diametrically opposed things at once.  To feel regular.  Cocaine/Heroin at the same time?  1) just in practice doesn't seem like something a non-addict would do, and 2)some of it must be to feel regular, right?  Because they cancel each other out in a way SORT OF not really.  I dunno.  Maybe you get the best of both worlds.  Actually that sounds pretty good maybe I should consider this.  So, great, now that we got that covered, lets finish this section after this paragraph.  HHey its pretty much the end of this paragraph right now, right?  Sounds about right.  I'll be back!

-12:58 P.M. 


You Ain't My Parents

    Wow.  How is, "peer pressure," a thing.  If a peer is pressuring you all you need to do is say, Hey look we're already peers mission accomplished I guess.  Anything else I do would just be superfluous.  Super Flow Us.  The point is Oh Man This Is Legit Lasagna just a small portion.  Anyway just realized I got orange juice and now I can mix that with alcyhol.  I hope dinner tonight involves some sort of soup.  Can't figure out the Main Thing to combine with soup, though.  Maybe just a turkey sandwich I've had good luck with that Winning Combination.  Whatta do for the rest of the day.  Some more disinfecting and stuff.  That's a thing.
    I dunno.  End the entry after this paragraph.  I got some kind of French Bread Pizza because who gives a fuck maybe pair 1 of those with some soup it ain't pretty but it'll get the job done.  The bad part about Meat Sauce is that even though its delicious you'd be irresponsible to not eat all of it.  You can leave over some tomato sauce if you're done with everything else.  Meat sauce?  You gotta get that to completion there's people starving for meat in other countries presumably.  Even in this country.  40 million people go to bed hungry after night.  Maybe more like 4 million.  But it's definitely in the millions! Well, not definitely.  But it's probably in the millions!  See ya later.

-1:19 P.M.


Saturday, April 25, 2020

Recycle Vs. Garbage

    We're not gonna settle that any time soon.  Anyway, let's just get this out of the way-- Say Hello To My Living Friend!  Also, you had me at we're both alive for now good enough for me!  Or Thank You Live Again (that one works well!),  Hi, My Name is Errrr....I dunno who cares the point is I'm Alive, Too!  However, wanna press your luck?  ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE MIGHT BE DEAD before this is over.  Kinda interesting that This One Day Actor Births have some pretty decent catchphrases.  Feels like a pretty unique day in that regards.  Anyway, I dunno.  Gonna try to exercise some self control today and have 0-1 drinks.  I got a little bit of soda left so it'd be irresponsible not to just get that out of the way and have it as part of a drink.  But, for the most part, yeah today let's mix it up try some self control.
I dunno.  Been writing an entry every day for over a month.  At this rate, I will be writing an entry a day forever.  I don't like the sound of that.  In the future I will theoretically have better stuff to do.  I figured out a good life hack from when you drink too much too hot soup and burn your lips/top of mouth/tongue-- Dry It Up By Eating Some Bread!  It's got good absorbing properties as well as cleansing your palate.  Anyway.  Haven't gotten a good sticker in a while.  I need more stickers to decorate Guitar Case.  But I have to have gotten them Randomly In Life.  If I just order some stickers where's the fun in that.  Anyway planned out half a dozen potential lunches but there is one in particular right now I'm leaning towards but I don't wanna say it I dunno the odds I don't wanna jinx anything or speak out of turn!  Let's just say I'm leaning towards one of them but there's a lot of good options out there!
    Hmm.  Where does one paragraph end and the other paragraph begin.  Usually when the line ends prematurely, there's an indentation, and then the text starts back up again.  Sounds about accurate.  Anyway I was just rudely interrupted by my Mom saying AL FREDO SAUCE IS ON THE WAY (Fredo is related to Al Pacino) but the Real point is we got this Fettuccini last supermarket order and now we can eat it right!  Good and proper!  Love that Cream.  It's basically just pouring cream over pasta, right?  I ain't gonna argue with that.  The more unhealthy something is the better it tastes, right?  That's why I eat disinfectant.  It's safer than shooting it it lasts longer to digest this way.  Also I'd hate to see people sharing Disinfecting Needles... is that where we're gonna be at?  Instead of Rallies to protest staying at home there's gonna be Needle Parties shooting disinfectant?
Which is pretty much Triply as Unhealthy.  Despite everything I really hope there are no news stories about people injecting disinfectant. I really do.  Really.  WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME I HAVE ALTRUISTIC INTENTIONS IN REGARDS TO MY FELLOW MAN.  So anyway that's a possible dinner but again just like lunch I am not in a position to commit to anything one way or another.  For example, I know my Dad isn't, "Into," Al Fredo Sauce so that'll influence the meal one way or another.  I dunno.  Do you heat up Al Fredo sauce like tomato sauce?  Or just eat it chilled.  This is a question that I expect to be answered at some point over the next 8 hours.  Jeez.
I wish I was in a inspiration condition where I could, "Write," more, "Songs."  But I can't do it.  I'm too busy worrying about My Fellow Man.  Anyway, take a break after this paragraph.  Not you-- Me.  You can take a break if you want to.  I'm not here to be Break Supervisor of everyone.  Figure lunch is in about 2 hours.  I figure lots of things.  That's just one of the things I've figured.  Maybe have that 1 drink when I come back here.  It still falls within my 0-1 drink rationing for today!  Also the main reason I would abstain is because the longer without getting New Alcohol the less my parents judge me.  And also a little bit because every delivery is a little small chance more I get Virus After All My Hard Work To Not Get Virus.  Hmm when you put it that way I'm A Huge Asshole for drinking!  Well, yeah.  Sounds about right.

-11:39 A.M.


Coffee Vs Alcohol

    I mean, at face value, and at health value, and in terms of descending alphabetical order, gotta be Coffee, right?  I wonder which one is more popular.  Probably coffee.  Teenagers all drink coffee these days but half or most of them not alcohol.  So Coffee has got a younger demographic.  Not a lot of 70 year old Cold Brew drinkers.  That seems more like a young man's game.  I would say maybe 80-90% of people 13 and over have drank coffee at least once in the last year.  And maybe about60-80% have drank alcohol at least once.  HOWEVER when it comes to Regular Use, I would guess Coffee numbers drop down to 40-50%, where Alcohol comes up from behind and more or less ties that if not overtaking it.  Also, regular use without strict guidlines is subjective.  Yeah it sure is a subject to talk about.  Good Topic. Not sure you're 100% on what subjective means.  Yeah probably not I'm not 100% on lots of things but when I am oooh boy am I.
I dunno.  The good news is Virus has got me wearing socks more regularly.  I figure there's a .0001% chance I get Coronavirus from the Floor in my House where I wouldn't have already gotten it elsewhere in house and/or from my feet.  But hey socks are great.  Don't take my word for it!  Wear some socks yourself!  You won't be disappointed.  1,000,000 Homeless People Can't Be Wrong.  That's a thing, right?  Homeless people love socks.  It's their go-to luxury.  Well lots of life has done gone wrong for me but Hey I Got A Clean New Pair Of Socks!  HEY UNIVERSE YOU'RE ALRIGHT!  Anyway.  I dunno how serious you should take this if you don't live in NY.  Probably Very but not at the level I do.  But serious enough that if you're leaving the house Keep It To Just Taking Walks Not Around Other People.  And do you or do you not let Pizza Hut deliver to your house?  I can't tell you that.  That's a decision each and every person has to make for their own damn selves.
    Anyway, on my trips downstairs while Dad is teaching, I get invested in how well the students are doing, too!  I hear not a lot of kids participating and they keep getting answers wrong I get upset!  And  then when it's the opposite and peopel are apparently getting correct answers I'm like ALRIGHT WE'RE BACK ON TRACK.  So, basically, I am living a teacher's life vicariously through my Dad for 5-10 Trips Downstairs over 3 sessions of 3 or 4 hours A Week.  I am also living vicariously through the students.  In the end I'm just another student of my Dad.  One he loves!  AWw ain't that nice.  Probably, that'd be my assumption.  Yeah sounds about right.  Wait a second that ain't right at 31 years old I don't need my Dad to be my teacher!  But he has so much knowledge and guidance to offer!  I dunno we're not gonna settle this any time soon!
    It looks like The Student has remained The Student.  But also I am a Teacher to Dad.  It's reciprocal.  I get to be like alright lemme figure out how you can USE THIS APP.  Or, Did You Hear About Who Died Today?  That's the knowledge part.  Guidance?  It would be a little too presumptuous on my part for that.  Anyway, figure I'll take another break after this paragraph.  My Mom teaches me things, too.  She taught me about smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee and getting along with my Dad!  That sounds Bad, but its How To Enjoy Life!  Cigarettes and whatnot, right?  Makes sense to me.  Anyway I'll be back in a little bit!  Or a medium sized bit!  Can't say for sure at this point!

-12:13 P.M. 


Family Vs Family

    Alright lets get ready for THE FEUD.  Also lets squash this beef right?  I've said it before, I'll say it again-- When Families Feud, Nobody Wins.  I was I was thinking about titling this Family Vs Others, but family is subjective we're all part of the human family but more accurately we're part of our immediate family.  Also I live with my immediate family.  Maybe if I was out on my own I'd feel differently about what constituted family and/or implied immediate family.  The point is yeah I poured that alcohol and now I plan to drink it!  Wonderbar.  Man family you live with actin' like you alcoholic for drinking a bit makes you exponentially MORE alcholic because you need to drink more to ease the pain of your family thinking you're an alcoholic.  Yep that sounds Exponential.  About 75% sure that is or can be exponential.
    Anyway 10 paragraphs in the books what else is crap.  Finally started shaving.  Moustache area at least.  The rest of it is an unholy mess but what can I do about it?  Gotta start up lunch in half an hour.  You can't microwave tater tots what kind of rinky dink operation do you think I got going over here?  Is tater tots a brand name or does it just come from Sling Blade type people going Gimme some of them 'tater tots over there.  Ya know those little tots of Potatoers.  I gotta watch Season II of After Life but do I need to re-watch Season I first?  I dunno it might help.  But I'm not ready to commit myself to that yet!  Maybe in a couple of hours! 
    Cool.  Guess I'll just start that oven up when this SIX paragraph portion is done.  Last one was only 4!  We settle that score HERE and NOW no passin' the buck along to Future Portions.  Well Well great I'm not gonna be able to have soda for ANOTHER FOUR DAYS.  We play it safe in this household!  We wipe everything down with disinfectant AND we wait the amount of time the virus can supposedly live on surfaces.  You double up on that You May Yet Get Out Of This Alive!  Which has been my life long dream for the last 6 weeks or so.  Oh man I'ma take walks and whatnot get some nice meals ya know nod to people on my walk if that's what it comes to IM OKAY WITH THAT.
    I feel bad for drug addicts.  They can't go find a dealer and no dealer is gonna be making the rounds.  Well if you're already risking your life in terms of Jail Time and/or fatality rates of drugs, might as well go the extra mile and get yourself out there!  Anyway what slang are we gonna use for Coronavirus.  I suggested Corons earlier.  Like in a few years aare you gonna be talking to people like Yeah I lost my brother to The Corons.  We can't just keep saying Co-ro-na-vi-rus TOO CLUNKY.  Can't say Co-Vid-nine-teen, TOO CLUNKY.  We need a 1 syllable, 2 at most, for referring to it!  Hey we're not there yet maybe it won't get that bad.  Maybe maybe maybe!  Brother died from That Nineteen.  But then people will think your brother died in the 20th century, the nineteen hundreds.  Or maybe in 2019.  Easily confused, people are!  So yeah I guess my 1st and at the time only suggestion is Corons.
  I guess we also need a word or phrase to refer to This Entire Era we're gonna be quarantining/social distancing.  That can be more than 2 syllables I feel.  The less serious the thing is the less pressing it is that it's a shorter, more catchy phrase.  I guess I can shave the rest of my face by picking out hair by hair.  It's called GROOMING under less than ideal circumstances okay You should try it some time get off my back about it and whatnot!  Wow.  I've always felt that way about biting my nails, too.  Yeah you might clip em or go to a nail salon I CUT THE MIDDLEMAN OUT AND BITE THOSE SUCKERS.  It's just an ape nibbling at his fingers getting the job done him/myself. 
    Cool.  Apparently there's news that the case against Biden in that he sexually assaulted someone/raped them is probably legit.  Now I know how Trump supporters feel.  Ugh we can't go back n... wait swait sure we can... we WON'T... but we CAN...  So in the meantime I SUPPORT THE PERSON WHO ASSAULTED WOMEN LESS TO BE PRESIDENT OF THE USA!!!  Maybe I'm just being naive.  If you're an old white man with decades of experience in politics/business, they're gonna have some Rape in their background.  How dumb I was.  The poit is maybe I can tune out of politics one day.  Not today I'm trapped in this crapshack with my parents having CNN or MSNBC all the time.  And then I need to read Twitter Politics to help make context out of the crap I heard from the TV.  If I can just avoid it completely, I would!
not time to put stuff in oven yet.  Maybe in 5, 10 minutes.  SO I'll just soldier on with this entry.  It's a good thing I live in this crapshack with my Brother also participating from another location.  I'd probably be living my normal life without Loved Ones looking out for My/Our/Their Health.  But then again I dunno what my routine would be in this Entirely Different Scenario!  Dunno hardcore!  Alright finished that 1.25 drink.  I increased the amount by 5/4 so what.  Ok figure I'll take a break NOW and start lunch NOW and come back here THEN when lunch is TAKING PLACE!

-1:00 P.M.


I'm Living For Today To Make Tomorrow Seem Worth Living For!

    Awesome.  I wanna drink more but I gotta be sober for putting together SuperMarket list.  That demands as much reasoned attention is almost anything other than guiding Guy Whose Shopping At Supermarket For Me about the 75% of stuff that either needs to be replaced with something appropriate or just discarded altogether.  And whatnot.  Anyway, I bet we all wish we had those theoretical crazy contraptions where you can give yourself a haircut, right?  But it's too late for that.  Much too much late.  GET OFF MY BACK PAVEMENT I'M DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN.  TThe good news is I just popped 2 Tatertots from the oven into my mouthhole and it reminded me yeah I can Consume Some TastyTreats in half an hour even without alcyhol.
    Cool!  Already have 2 cups of coffee.  Can have even more!  Theoretically.  Anyway yeah Lunch is Tater Tots + turkey and cheese sandwich + chicken noodle soup.  It's got all the components of great meal-- I have it, I'm willing to spend the small amount of time preparing it that I have to, and then it will provide me energy and nourishment with the essential uhh... nutrients... uh...  Hey what else is going on.  When I got Beer by accident my Mom was like ok don't drink it for 4 days!  4 Days is up RIGHT NOW.  So we'll see I dunno I can't predict Things.  Can't stand that PLOP when you're pouring out soup from a can into a bowl.  Probably because its scattotrophic or whatever.  That's what PLOPS are all about.  Man wish I never used the word, "Plop."  Too late now, there's no going back in this here game!   Ok.  I was looking into how how do you heat up processed turkey and the consensus seemed to be you you don't.  Oh well such is life. Gonna take an add stuff to Supermarketlist break and then hit you up when lunch is going on!

-1:28 P.M. 

Lunch Vs Lunch

    And I'm eating lunch.  Exactly what I told you it would be.  Did some adding to supermarket list by my own self. Dunno what to do with the rest of the day.  I like eating the frozen tater tots that have only been oven for 1/5th the time they're supposed to be because they're not crunchy at all BUT they taste like its not bad to eat them so I figure I'm gaming the system and coming out on top with these Barely-Unfrozen Tots in my stomach.  Also I've been having good experiences with Burning Toast.  Looks like its burnt?  Smells like its burnt?  Smoke coming out of the toaster?  It is burnt?  I don't care tastes like Good Sandwich to me!
    Last paragraph To Me!  Hey we're already solidly into the afternoon.  Hey I was gonna try putting some hot sauce on turkey sandwich.  But I forgot.  And now the sandwich is about 1/2 done.  No goin' back now.  That would cause continuity errors with the sandwich.  Anyway Pancakes never materialized last night.  Maybe they will tonight.  I can't say at this point for certain.  Anyway finished Season I of The Wire.  Figure that's a safe place for me to Switch It Up and start watching something else.  The point is Tots got wet from SoupWater but that's part of life.  Eh I'll figure something out for today.  See ya later.

-1:55 P.M.



Friday, April 24, 2020

Entry Come First Everyone Know That

    Not in Time, but in Real World Priority.  Titles talk themselves up a lot because they're The First Thing but Entries are where the shitnuggets are.  Anyway, got so many chores today!  First, I gotta put a weight around my Dad's ankle so he can do exercises related to his hip surgery a year ago  Second, I gotta be listening out for Front Door Bell not once but twice!  I gotta answer to get them packages yo no one else gonna do it.  That's about it.  Oh, make pancakes for dinner.  But that's fun.  MealChores are where its at. 
    I dunno.  Thinkin about the Faux Fast Food meal for lunch.  Now that we got that out of the way lets get into Real World. Wait a second you mean things can change in the world and its not just a never ending Today Is The Same As Yesterday And Presumably Tomorrow?  That doesn't sound right.  I gotta move around more and I'm already moving around more than a lot of people presumably.  Make some Moves!  That's what a friend of mine used to call Getting Drugs.  Alright I'll make some moves and be back when this plant called Marijuana.  I thought that was fun.  Same friend called Mushrooms Marios.  I think that's even funner!  Damn having to have RoomDoor open to listen for FrontDoorBell and Cuomos on TV downstairs.  I ain't got no beef with Cuomo these days but I don't wanna hear about Politic!  I wanna hear about Yo Whose Up On The Wire Is It Syndor? and/or yo whats Karim Said got to say about that.
    First thing was FirstLetterOfEachWordCapitalized.  Second thing was in italics.  You'd think I'd be consistent in Separating Explicitly This Phrase but apparently you'd think wrong.  I've been getting a lot of e-mails from Pizza Hut.  A LOT.  I think II think they're trying to become the go-to Quarentine Take Out.  Which I can't blame them for a while I was trying to be the go-to Quarantine Webentry Guy.  It's futile, though.  At least for me.  Pizza Hut is delicious but no one give craps about pun.  Unless it's Big Pun.  Who I'm led to believe is a rapper.  Twitter was talking about Top 5 Rappers because AOC was asked about it on a radio show.  I'm not even sure if I have 5 rapper/rap groupds that I listneed to regularly.  There's Eminem, Beastie Boys...  ugh... Immortal Technique... When I was a kid there was a bunch that haven't kept up such as Outkast and Ludicris... Ugh...  Hey one of them top 3 is black!  That's good.
    I dunno.  There's a lot of rappers where I know and enjoy half a dozen songs.  But that's not good enough!  Not at all.  I think the beastie boys are black.  Can't argue with a feeling!  Well with that feeling you can.  As its empirically wrong.  What else is going on.  I was thinking about joking is Beck a rapper (Which at times he is) but I wasn't gonna say it both because he's not really rap and also because I don't like him past the 1/2 dozen songs territory but I was just putting weight around Dad's leg and he used the phrase where its at so I took that as a sign that I have a duty nay a responsibility nay lets go back to a duty to mention Beck in this rant!
    Anyway, just had 1 drink.  After this paragraph get started on some coffee.  After that presumably today will be just like any other ady but THIS TIME my computer is on THIS SURFACE facing in THIS DIRECTION.  That's how you keep it fresh kids.  Especially if you can't move.  Move around your computer/instrument/whatever!  it FEELS like you're moving but you're just turning round and round!  Cracked that code!  I'm either insane or a genius with that scheme.  Or maybe both. For some people it works and I'm a genius and for other people it just seems insane.  Dang.  I need to tell myself you don't NEED to finish watching Oz and The Wire.  The've done their job.  Only investment I have left is well it seems like I should have to continue watching it to completion.  But I ain't gettin' much out of it to be honest. 


I Hope Something New And/Or Interesting Happen!

    You want somethin' new, hook up your TV.  But Don't You See That's The Old That Got Us Here In The First Place!!! Watching TV got us here?  Not HERE here but ya know Sort Of Here and Here Sort Of.  Anyway where is Cuomo on canceling NY Primaries.  That is a good determiner of what kind of guy he really is.  Apparently determiner is a real word.  I would never have determinered that myself.  OH NO SHUT MY DOOR FOR A GOOD 90 SECONDS WTF IF THERE WAS DELIVERY JUST NOW.  Anyway got some coffee for now.  Real good.  Maybe get back into podcasts.  That was a fun 3 months or so with Podcast Walkings.  But I don't wanna hear other people talk about Quarentine.  Wait, maybe I do.  I can't remember.
I dunno.  I got a backlog of some podcasts WITHOUT Quarantine.  Especially since I get the impression a lot of podcasts are weeks and/or months ahead of time.  Anyway, lets see, words, words... Halfway from Breakfast to Lunch just about.  That means a lot of things in math that are pretty intuitive so I won't bore you with them here.  I dunno.  The monotony is starting to get to me!  Even with facing West which I almost never do!  Probably like the 5th or 6th time EVER I've faced this way that's how desperate I am.  Led Zeppelin looks towards the West in Stairway to Heaven.  Sounds like a pretty big endorsement of Facing West.  Also, West was the sequel to North.  Where it's the same premise but this kid is named West.  It was also a prequel to Wild Wild West.
    I dunno.  Still workin' on that coffee!  Mom made it this time around.  Up before me!  Also CoffeeMachine has a Bold section that to my knowledge has never been used in this household but she tried it and You Know What?  Tastes Exactly The Same!  Also we've had this machine for 3 or 4 months tops so that's why we haven't gotten around to BOLD BOLD THERE WE GO YET.  That would be a good campaign message for Biden.  Now is not the time for Over Capitalization!  Now's not even the time for ITALICS or UNDERLINING NO NOW IS THE TIME TO BE Bold!  Presumably!  I dunno maybe italics or underlining I'm more comfortable with I'M AN OLD MAN!  Those are the chioces we have.  Ugh.  Old man with capital letters and old man with I dunno can't decide if he's italics or underlining.  I think he thinks he's underlining but I think he's italics for some reason.  Generational Divide!  What else is going on in life!
    Probably not a lot.  I used to play Red Alert II: The Online Video Game and there was a guy on the messages boards for it named OldBold who wasn't one of the best players in terms of rankings but was one of the most respected people on message boards in terms of TALKING about strategy.  And I always wondered how old IS this guy?  50?  Maybe he wasn't old at all and I was just assuming he was old because of his username.  I just always imagined him as very old.  You guys know who I'm talking about right?  That guy from that message board for that game from 20 years ago.
Probably.  Gonna be done with coffee by the end of this paragraph and will have drink #2 thereafter.  And maybe take some sort of break before continuing entry.  I dunno.  How are oyu guys doing.  How means hello.  I picked that up somewhere in stereotyping American Indians.  Maybe its true for some tribes and not for other tribes.  I don't have all the answers!  But that would be my first guess!  Speaking of Tribes Hey You Guys Play Civilization II?  That's my first guess, at least.  Alright I'm gonna take that break now.  Be back in a bit!

-12:49 P.M.

Not In My Lifetime

    Especially if I die soon!  Which is, I dunno, around 1/300?  That's not so bad.  It's almost more likely Today Is My Birthday than I Will Die From Coronavirus.  CLOSE NOT QUITE MORE LIKELY but within the vicinity.  However, if we use that as a relatively good estimate, basically Hey Whatever Today Is, everyone's whose birthday it is Today In America SUDDENLY DROPPED DEAD.  I don't like the sound of that!  I theoretically know or know of whose birthday it is today!  I just watched that obscure horror movie about killer Birthday Boys and I'm worried I got contaminated from that Streaming Service!  Anyway.  Alright what celebrities would be dropping dead today.  Kelly Clarkson, Barbara Streisland, Shirley Maclaine, Roger Mayweather... Well they all had it coming.  Do I know anyone whose birthday it is today?  Not me or my immediate family.  That settles that!
Anyway tomorrow we get to Press Our Luck Again!  Maybe tomorrow is the birthday Corona chooses!  We don't know that's the point!  Hmm now I wanna know who would die tomorrow... Renee Zellweger, Al Pacino,  Hank Azaria... oof this is a bad day... Jason Lee...  Alright you all get the idea.  What else is going on and crap.  Nothin against Kelly Clarkson and whatnot.  Great now I'M THE JERK.  Also if it's 1/300 and not 1/365 ITS MORE LIKELY.  So we're gonna have considerably MORE deaths than Birthday!  (Although obviously it could end up being less or worse).  WHATTA SCAM...  Hmm isn't American population right around 365?  That would be BirthdayEstimation is 1 million deaths for America.  3.28 Million.  Fascinating!  It would take less than a million deaths to get to BirthdayDeaths.
    I guess.  What else is going on and crap.  I think I'm gonna be alright my birthday is not until December.  ...I'm not sure you're grasping the concept of this.  Yeah we're killing people on their birthdays like I said it won't get to me for another 7 or 8 months.  Anyway.  Gotta do something, right?  Is it even possible at this point we limit it to 1,200 k?  It seems as a bystander that at the rate of deaths its possible it doesn't get past that.  But I'm not Estimator or anything like that with any knowledge other than AssumptionKnowledge.  Anyway, let Trump have capitalization and Biden have Underlining... I'm gonna be the GuyWhoCombinesWords To ProveAPoint!  Probably, right?  Ugh.  Maybe I'm stuck being Italics Guy.  Whatta scam.
Cool!  The point is when can I see the Al Pacino/Renee Zellweger vehicle.  Right?  What else is good.  Hank Azaria and Jason Lee in supporting roles of course!  It'll be a Reaaalll April 25th.  Also that's not even counting the people whose names we don't know off the top of our heads but entertain me and/or have made some impression on me where if they die it would hit me hard.  Also why do I only mourn people who entertain me.  Seems like that's not a great mindset.  I mourn everybody I just utilize caring about famous people to prove a point!  I'll prove lots of points get off my back about it!  Hmm I wanna just keep going Day By Day and playing TeSt YoUr LuCk! The wonderful new game show where you get to Test.  Your.  Luck.!  Ugh.  Also I/we may not die from this until December.  It's not like ok made it a few weeks I'm More Or Less Safe Now.  This thing gonna keep gon'!
    Well that sucks.  There I go again here I go again with Italicizing.  It's my thing that I do!  Anyway gonna start Oven after this paragraph.  Then eat around 3:00 or so.  Maybe take another break inbetween!  What else is going on.  Oh Good News I just got 1 of 2 package deliveries!  Now all that's left is One More + Makin Panned Cakes.  And presumably putting together My List for Supermarket Delivery which will be on Sunday.  Anyway made myself more coffee.  Gotta consume something.  Entertainment, alcohol coffee, food.  We're Consumers that's the thing that we do!  Well I'm producing right now.  How do you like them apples.  Probably not so much because it's Good For Me but you're still Stuck Consuming things.  Be back in a little bit!  Wait hold on.  I'm Italics.  Trump is Capitals.  Was Biden Underlining or Bold?  I think Underlining.  So whose bold?  Oh right the guy from that message board.  Okay now we're making some sense!!!  I'll be back.

-2:05 P.M. 


O Sweet Title

    Anyway, lunch section of entry.  Probably end entry after that.  I wish I could go back in time and when I only got a 2070 on my SATS I could petition them to change my grade because I Was Only Being Sarcastic Those Times I Was Wrong.  Also when I took it it was 2400 not 1600.  Not makin a joke like I'm Astronomically Smarter.  I'm only ~1410 as far as you know on SAT smarter.  But the good news is Faux Fast Food for lunch and Panned Cakedom for dinner in 3 or 4 hours.  I think they shuold uncover proof that Trump wasn't being sarcastic, like a convo he had with someone earlier yesterday about how he was In Earnest going to say these things, and then he has to go no I was being sarcastic when I said I was being sarcastic.
We're almost there, right?  Anyway gonna try to get in some more circlewalking today.  I dunno.  Anyway, I may have said this before, but often when re-watching things, I every now and then have an instinct where its like oh no I remember something bad is about to happen... I wonder if this time around they can get it right...  II don't really think they can change it up but there's a millisecond where I hope they can.  Anyway stupid is as stupid does.  Which is a pretty stupid expression.  Not 100% what its supposed to mean.  I think something along the lines of just be stupid and not do stuff then its extra stupid. 
    Prove me wrong!  Figure I can do some walking as soon as this entry is over.  Maybe figure out some sort of Horrific Movie to watch.  Or a comedy-inducing film.  How is Trump still alive.  If he's as stupid as he does, shouldn't he have accidentally killed himself a dozen times by now?  Probably, that's my guess.  Anyway stupid lunch is over as stupid lunch does.  My dad seems to want pancakes tonight but I don't really.  I guess that's part of being an adult.  Making your dad pancakes when you would rather have some sort of pasta potentially.
    Prove me wrong!  Alright fuck it this is the last paragraph.  I don't wanna circlewalk when this is over I got better things to do.  Like, I dunno, you figure it out!  You know what I'd be fine with Cup o Noodles tonight.  And I could theoretically be like ok I'ma make pancakes AND I'LL HAVE SOME TOO but put mine in fridge have 'em for lunch tomorrow Make Myself Some Cup O Noodles For Tonight!  That's not a weird thing to do, right?  Makes sense to me!  Anyway might as well write one more paragraph that's the Safe thing to do!
    Jeez.  What Cup O Noodles Flavor do I got waiting in the wings?  ...Chicken.  One of the greatest!  Chicken, Beef, Shrimp... you can't go wrong!  Anyway whats gonna happen when the people who MAKE food are halting production.  Then we're fucked.  But the good news is for now I still have food for dinner tonight and the next day and presumably even the day after that!  So, great, I think we accomplished a lot today.  There was the time I wrote ~20 paragraphs.... what else is going on.  Nothin', that's who!  See ya later.

-3:04 P.M.


Thursday, April 23, 2020

Get In Get Out Enjoy Your Stay

    Things I can no longer talk about--

    Alcohol, Food, Corona, Quarentine, Circle walking, what I'm watching, what I shold be watching, what I should be listening to.

    Things I CAN talk about--

    Hey what else is going on, puns, titles (Still!), people who will but haven't yet died, dreams I've had notable things in life that are legitimately worth talking about... anything else I can think of.

    Things I SHANT talk about--

    Hmm that's a good word dunno if it's a real word but it FEELS good to say it.  Google says it means Shall Not which is pretty much what I assumed but for some reason Microsoft FrontPage doesn't allow it!  Anyway, now lets get into the entry.  The Wire?  More like Pair of Pliers!  Is The Wire the Protagonist of The Wire?  It seems so because they're always talking about it like it's some great thing.  In real life though it's just another sign of and tool of the police state so if anything The Wire is the biggest antagonist of the entire HBO 2000-2010's block!
    Right?  Probably.  Alright just knock out some Things I Can't Talk About in one sentence-- coffee in a minute, some drinking for the day, lunch and dinner still undecided, sleep will follow either after dinner or a few hours after dinner.  NOW LETS GET INTO BRASS TACKS.  Is that another way of saying someone's got some juice to him.  Brass Balls is like yeah this guy is great or somethin take this guys balls seriously sure he can't reproduce but having metal balls really does somethin' to a man I tell ya what.  Seems wrong.  Brass Balls should be an insult.  Totally useless as a man essentially!  Instead it means this guy can handle stuff or whatever What Does Balls Mean exactly?  Balls means balls. 
    You know that thing where there's 3 or more balls lined up and then you pull one end back and it hits the middle one and then that makes the other end go back and forth and then it continues going back and forth?  Brass Balls is when you got that going on in your downtown area.  Somehow you've figured out how to do that physically with only two balls.  Sounds like fun.  I'm sometimes self concious abotu my scrotum.  I'm not 100% sure my scrotum is being all that it can be.  Well, great, glad we got that covered.  Now we can cross off How I Feel About My Scrotum... WAIT NO WE CAN'T!!!  Seems likely I'll come up with some Other FEelings I have about my scrotum that aren't apparent to me now but tomorrow I'll be like
oh right this is also how my scrotum makes me feel.
             So we got that to look forward to.  Gonna go pour some coffee.  It's in REAL TIME so I can talk about stuff in REAL TIME, right?  Also Bill Maher?  His time ain't so real.  Just keeping it 100%.  Wonder what Larry Wilmore is up to now.  He was okay!  That show was good and offered a valuable perspective just keeping it 100%  Don't spill the tea!  Or something.  I haven't watched TV in about a year.  Hey that reminds me of a dream I had 2 nights ago.  I dreamt there was a 3rd rate Cable TV channel called The Comedy Channel.  Instead of Comedy Central, which may have still existed in this alternate reality, or may not have, but there was definitely a WORSE channel called The Comedy Channel.  Dreams are important to talk about!  Now you know my subconscious.  It's all Comedy Channel this, David Cross that.  David Cross was in my dream last night.  Not sure what the context was.  Positive context, though!  I'd say on the positive end of Neutrality.
    Hey Now I'm Here just like before but With More Coffee At My Disposal + Having Drank a little bit of coffee already!  Cool!  Think I'm gonna go back to drinking Afternoon style.  It was fun to drink at night but 1) I couldn't stop at 2 or 3 I just kept drinking more and more 2) kinda feels like I'm "Wasting," it (PUN INTENDED I GUESS) by not using the altation of my mindset towards something creative and 3) MI dunno I gotta wait all day just for this and then its not that great and the next day You Want Me To Do This Stupid Regimen Again No Bueno!  Cool!  I found a pen I really like.  It just gets the job done really well.  I can't say anything more than that or I would betray Pen/Person confidentiality but suffice to say Quality Pen.
Speaking of Quality Penn I was considering a Faux Fast Food Lunch of White Castle Burgers + Chicken Nuggets + Tater Tots HOWEVER now I'm lenain' towards Soup + Turkey Sandwich + That's It Nothing Else.  Basically a replica of last night's dinner but without burning the toast.  Maybe not toasting the bread at all!  Maybe having tater tots instead of bread!  And burgers instead of soup!  And nuggets instead of cheese  Thiis guy has brass nuggets lemme tell you he said he couldn't talk about these things But He Is Anyway let's make those 2 brass nuggets clink against each other indefinitely.
Would that be too subtle an ironic thing to do, to wear Denver Nuggets shorts to bed or presumably just around the house?  Probably.  What's Denver Omelet.  Is that ham + cheese?  Lemme look that up right quick.  A Denver Omelet is THE SAME as a Western Omelet?  Holy crap I've been eating Denver Omelets my whole adult life without even knowing it!  II don't know how to feel about that.  Kinda happy.  Denver seems like a chill place.  I think I'm okay to have my meals sporadically associated with Denver.  Anyway, figure after completing The Wire: The Acclaimed HBO Program, I'll go back to Oz: The Somewhat Acclaimed HBO Program In Its Time But Nowhere Near As Acclaimed As Future HBO Shows Would Come To Be.  Right?  That's my theory on things.
    Oop, another thing not to talk about.  Alright its over and done with lets move on.  New Routine, same as The Old Routine...  I dunno.  This is fun sometimes.  I shuold do it when its fun and not do it when it feels like work.  But it's always both just at different proportions.  2/3rds fun, 1/3rd work?  That's the ideal ratio lemme tell you that.  Otherwise, as long as it feels more Fun than Work at all, better than the alternative.  Oh right if I'm drinking 2-4 drinks today during Afternoon I can get started on that Right Quick!  This time around I even can consume soda so I don't have to do them shots.  Cool!  I was trying to look at how much shold I water down liquor but most of the hits were NEGATIVE on watering down liquor.  Which I get if you're paying for Whole Liquor.  But in the privacy of my own home, when I have nothing else to mix it with but am too much of a pussy to drink straight up alcohol comfortably, then TELL ME what is the best proportion of water to Liquor YOU JERK.  Was I calling The internet a jerk?  I Dunno You're All Jerks!
    Yo check it out I got a taste of Progresso Beef Barley Soup: Bowl Size, and I ain't ever goin' back to a life without that.  Really gross to pour it from the can into a microwavable bowl.  Water comes out gross.  Then there's a big PLOP of all the fillin's.  But tastes great I'm 100% spilling tea on this.  Lets call this the 10th paragraph, with those lists combining to be 1 paragraph.  Anyway, next supermarket order'll hopefully be Sunday.  Morning!  Hopefully it goes as well as last time.  Ugh I'm gonna have to spend 2 hours with them Online while they shop for me, then spend hours disinfecting things and putting them away, and then spend the next few days sporadically disinfecting the nonessentials and putting them away, then do it again 3 days later...  The point is I have responsibilities and it's more than 2/3rds work:fun but there is 5% thats fun Like Hey I'm Doin' Stuff!
Anyway, I saw NY Reported Cases of Corona is 260k or so?  And I thin NYC is 8 mill population, lemme check state right quick... NYC is 8.4 mill, NYS is 19.5 mill... hmm good for New York State I thought NYC was at least over 50% of the population Good For Them.  The point is that means probably over 1 million and closer to 2 million NYS'ers have Coronavirus.  That's what I've been led to believe.  That basically when it comes to reported cases/deaths its a small fraction of the reality.  I should look into that before repeating it and maybe one day I will.  But not today.  Not.  Today.  Gonna drink #1 drink today.  To.  Day.  To Dayday happy birthday best wishes your friends.
Huh?  Someone was named Day Day (Sic) in some movie I saw.  Possibly a Wayans Brothers movie. Oh right Internet has reminded me it's Next Friday, "Film II of III of the Friday Franchise."  Played by the adequate Mike Epps!  Incorrigible.  Some sort of adjectives.  He's like Chris Tucker to Ice Cube but this time its Mike Epps instead of Chris Tucker!  That settles that.  Who is Ice Cube's comic relief in Friday After Next.  Lemme check that up right quick.  Hey its still Mike Epps.  Good for him.  Also I don't want your e-mails going ICE CUBE IS FUNNY ENOUGH ON HIS OWN HE DON'T NEED NO COMIC RELIEF you know what I'm not saying he's not funny I'm just saying he mostly plays the straight man to his movie-best-friend's more pronounced comic persona GET IT STRAIGHT.  I think the next sequel after Friday After Next should definitely be called Been About A Month Now.
Nailed it!  Nope only 3 weeks.  DAMN YOU RUINING MY PERFECT JOKE.  How about this, Friday After Next could be called A Fort Night Or So?  Ugh.  Stupid Counting Numbers mucking up my nonsense!  HEY JUST POURED MYSELF CUP #2 OF COFFEE INSTEAD OF ALCYHOL.  wOw!   What's the percentage of time do people purposely hit CapsLock compared to accidently.  Is it about 50/50?  I haven't seen any scientific studies on this For Some Reason.  Maybe Trump hits Capslocks a lot.  He might be doing it by accident, though.  And just is either too lazy to change it or doesn't even read what he's written after he wrote it.
  That might explain a lot.  Probably not, though!  Anyway Lunch'll be in roughly 90 minutes.  That's an hour and a half!  That's about the length of a short-but-not-obscenely-so movie!  Which isn't how you could describe me.  I'm a short-...-obscenely-so man.
    Such is life!  I dunno.  Gotta either get back into reading, or get back into listening to Important Music To Hear That I'm not Well Versed In Yet.  Or both!  Yeah right that'll be the day.  Cool, what paragraph are we into.  14th!  Figure I'll start a mixed drink pretty soon.  I've earned it by continuing to live in times of great peril or something.  Anyway the date is  the first 3 digits of my home phone number.  Not including the area code.  Which is how we used to do it!  I think they changed it around 1998-2002.  Used to be, if you were just calling within your area code, you just entered in the 7 digit phone number.  No longer!  And remember this was before everyone had Cell Phones so for the most part you were just calling people within your area code.  Such Is Life!
    Gather round kids, we used to have phones that did stuff and whatnot.  Not unlike your modern phones of today which do more stuff and whatnots.  Ugh.  Well, what else is going on and crap.  Don't suffocate yourself with cellophane.  Oh I Think You Mean Cell Phone.  I dunno what that was.  Ugh.  Get drink ready is what it means.  I even remember a time when we didn't even have a wireless Home Phone.  You wanted to be on the phone You're Tied Up To That Receiver/Speaker... end... thing... you know what I mean.  Probably.  I know what I mean so if I were a betting man I'd say the odds are you do, too.  Ugh.  Instead of starting to drink, I'm gonna take a break, then probably start to drink When I Resume This Here Thing.  Be back in a bit!

-1:33 P.M.

Michael Is My Title

    FACTS.  Only been 15 or 20 mintues break but I'm in a NonBreaking Mood!  Anyway, sometimes I think about it, and I realize I could have my Old TV hooked back up and ready for my viewing  pleasure in about 20 minutes.  But then the TV won't take me seriously For The NEXT Time.  If I cave now then my credibility with My TV is shot!  Anyway, in addition to having a mixed drink for the first time in I dunno 6 or 8 weeks, its also the first time I'm having soda in 3 or 4 days!  I've missed you dearly.  Anyway.  Adjusting my Daily Calorie Intake Schedule.  Both to accomodate The difference with Rationing Meals and how In House Meals Changes Up The Calorie Intake, as well as accommodating room to gain about .5 pounds a week.  Why not no one will be the wiser!
    Sweet!  That means by the time I die I will be 6000 pounds!  But in the future that's a good thing.  What dying?  No being 6000 pounds.  Oh I was hoping dying in the future was a good thing because a lot of us will be doing it over the next few months/years.  Oh well sorry.  You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you're about to die?  How do we know we're not all about to die but our lives are flashing before our eyes ver...y.... sl...ow...ly...  Figure that's an Insight 'Em Up.  You figure out why!  Anyway, I think that Joke/Insight-Em-Up deserves a drink!  Congratulations All Around!  So, what else is in store for today.  Probably will have to do about 10-15 minutes worth of disinfecting stuff, put about the same amount of time into adding stuff to Next Supermarket Delivery Order... that's about it.  Posssible I will be needed to help with/cook dinner, but I'd say that's under 50%.  BuBy the end of this, we will all be able to spell disinfecting on our first attempts.  We all already could its just you who cant.  Wait YOU or Me?  I don't remember anymore which one is which.
THAT AIN'T GOOD.  Probably not.  Watched some good Obscure Horror Movies the last few nights.  I like the ones that are about as good as each other but I haven't seen yet.  The ones with Boobs and Butts but also thrills and chills.  Gruesome Effects and Regional Dialects.  I'm tired of this paragraph.  But I feel like I'm learning something.  Because probably about a dozen times since I started watching Shudder.com is it like oh that moment from the Film or TV I Already Know is clearly an homage to this.  Anyway.  Does Joe Biden know that when he's choosing his running mate he's not choosing someone to join him in jogging his 4 miles every day?  Also why was it a real thing where he challenged people to push up contests all the time.  Was that a political strategy?  Because if so it turns out I Don't Know Politics At All.
    I had a dream I knew politics.  Last night I dreamt I got a second undergrad degree in Political Science... but it was flipped.  In real life I have a degree in English from Queens College.  In dream, I had Political Science Degree from Queens College, but then went ahead and got an English Degree from I wanna say Princeton?  I don't like saying it.  Even in the dream I was like Yeah that doesn't sound right.  I also have recurring dreams about going to Harvard/Other Boston colleges which I can't differentiate between because in the dream I still live here in Queens NY but every school day I take a train up to Boston and then a train back to Boston.  And in waking life I've realized you know that could kinda work if you just accept that 1 train ride each day is for you sleep and the other train ride is for your study/free time. 
    How long is that train ride?  6 Hours?  8 Hours?  Hmm only like 3-5 hours.  You can leave at 4 am, go to sleep for 4 hours, do school work on train ride home, get back at 7 or 8 pm, eat some dinner, and stay up all night doing whatever you want.  In fact you'd be stupid NOT to live in NYC while studying/working in Boston.  I also have recurring dreams where I live where I live but celebrities also live in my neighborhood.  And I don't interact with them but its just known oh that person lives down the block.  Good to know!  Maybe I'll see them at the pool in the summer.  Not this summer, though.  Pools are breeding grounds for novel viruses presumably!  And also we've all gained our CoronaWeight so none of us will feel comfortable half nekkid.
    Now that you know my inner most dreams, you can use that knowledge against me somehow one would presume.  Why is everyone Against Me?  Maybe I'll figure it out in some sort of dream tonight.  Also in last night's dream Princeton was also in Boston.  Possibly.  I'm half "joking," but half like yeah that sounds about right.  If I had to choose between Princeton and Harvard, Harvard's the no brainer, right?  Because I want to be on the Reserves of the Harvard Lampoon.  Like, if a couple of them get sick, I can be someone they call in to replace them on a day by day basis.  That sounds about right.  When I was in Stuy there was what I would assume to be a, "Humor," Student Run Magazine called The Broken Escalator.  I'm not 100% if they ever put out an issue or if it was just a few people in a pretend club that doesn't really exist.  Also, abuot 10% of the time, any given escalator would be broken.  Each escalator was 2x the floor.  2 to 4, 4 to 6, 6 to 8, and 3 to 5, 5 to 7, 7 to 9.  No 8-10 or 1-3 WHAT KINDA OPERATION DO YOU THINK THIS IS?
The point is My Dream Life is quite satisfying I don't have many complaints about it.  I think the worst part of life these days is crap accidently touched this without a glove now I gotta wash my hands and then I put gloves on and its like fuck I touched this WITH GLOVES ON AFTER I TOUCHED SOMETHING ELSE Now gotta disinfect This Thing then take gloves off wash my hands again put new gloves off And this repeats itself half a dozen times throughout each phease of touching stuff/wiping stuff down/moving stuff.  And it's half bad because I gotta go back and forth cleaning stuff which is a snooze but also I'm wastin' gloves all over the place and gloves don't grow on trees or nothin'!
    Anyway.  The gloves aren't symmetrical-- each glove has a certain finger for Thumb and the other 4 are for Other Four fingers, but sometimes I put it on wrong and am like who the hell Cares I'm just gonna wear this glove Wrong.  Anyway one thing I've learnt from life is Campbell's=Crap, Progresso=Quality.  This is something that should be common knowledge so I think it'd be best for everyone if you just put that message out there ya know.  Do your part!  The older I get and the more I incorporate into my diet the more I realize how picky an eater I was as a kid.  I never really thought about it because I was never really shamed about it and was always able to get something I liked for whatever meal it was.  But in retrsoepct there was a lot of stuff I was just like nope not gonna eat that what else ya got.
FASCINATING.  Fast-n-ate-ing.  You can't Fast AND Ate something!  That'll do it.  Unless it's one of those phony fasts where its like alright eat something before sun up and then okay eat something when sun is down.  I think that's how they do it for Ramadan or Tet or something like that.  Point is not a real fast sorry I respect your religion and your right to Fake Fast all you want I got no problems with that and also Sure It's Kind Of Hard I Get It but still it's not a fast sorry to say.  I dunno.  I musI must have made this TERRIBLE pun half a dozen times here but something along the lines of Yom Kippur is taunting us going YUMMM but we're not supposed to eat.
FASCINATING I KEEP SAYING THAT.  The content of it isn't important anymore.  The only interesting thing is that I Refuse To Stop Saying It For Some Reason.  I guess.  Take another break after this paragraph.  Then come back whenever lunch is.  Which could be less than half an hour or could be... more th..an... half an hour....  I dunno.  HEY MORE JOE BOB BRIGGS COMING TO SHUDDER.COM!!!  I like him despite him being more like Dumb Bob Briggs.  POLITICALLY/SOCIALLY.  However he hits them nostalgia buttons right!  And who knows maybe he's come around on politics.  I hope they address that in Episode ONE!  Because he IS a character.  That's the thing.  He's not just a Trump guy.  He's playing a character whose a Trump guy (without explicitly being pro-Trump in and of himself, you get the idea).  So maybe his character' arc is about to Bend In The Right Direction Baby!  Also he sometimes has a lady sidekick.  She pushes all the buttons that nostalgia can't reach!


Such Is Life

    HEY IM STILL HERE I'M not takin' no break what kinda person you take me for.  Joe Bibb Riggs has enlivened me.  Hmm.  Trump, in and of himself.  Feel like that's a phrase worth drawing attention towards.  You figure it out!  Permutations, Trump eations...  there's an anagram here and I got us halfway there but now the rest is on you!  Lisa Simpson's Smarter Friend From 1 Episode would be ON BOARD with this oh man.  Gotta come up with at least o1 thing.  Trump At Noise... I think that's right.  Right?  Trump At Noise=Permutations.  I'M SCARED HOLD ME.
Hey what else is going on and crap.  Anyway figure I'll watch some sort of Movie for late afternoon or some other alternative to HBO Drama.  Hey Great News I think I may have skipped some of these Joe Bob Briggs movies because I was like eh the next one seems better but I never got around to watching the eh ones so HEY GOT MOVIES TO WATCH.  Anyway lunch is in about 15-30 minutes.  Anyway my room is now heavy 2 guitars because my parents wanted to make more room in my brothers old room where 2 guitars were clunking things up on top of his bed.  We're talking my old, trusted friend original acoustic guitar that is now broken, and another one in a case presumably my brother's old electric guitar.  Also, my brother's room is presumably my room.  It was my room up until he moved out for college.  Then switched to his, 3x the size room.  And now that he's gone again and I'm still here you know what? I'm Claiming Both Rooms!  What else ya got!
    I dunno.  Mom said to wait 4 days before drinking any of that beer.  That means Saturday it's Good To Go.  What else is going on.  My old guitar was exponentially better than my newer guitar.  I dunno why.  But there's a notable difference in sound and playability that I don't understand but I wish I had my old guitar back.  Maybe I can  I think it might even be workable its just that one of the string knobs broke and is probably fixable.  But then again whose got the time.  Presumably other people.  Also I'm not about to go out into the CoronaWilderness to fix a guitar Where I've Already Got Another One that works!
    Probably not, at least.  This'll be the last section of Entry.  Whether it's a multiple of 5 or not!  I'm throwing out all the rules!  Anything Can Happen!  Can't think of Anything, though.  So NOTHING can happen as of now.  But, lets see, hmm.  At around 1.5 drinks of projected 4.  May stop at 3.  Those are my best two options.  Wasn't I supposed to stop saying this kinda stuff.  Nah that was never the plan the plan was to stop saying ONLY this kinda stuff.  I feel okay having a few throwaway sentences here and there whose gonna stop me you?  Probably not.  The bad news is I'm not 100% confident in how many boobs and butts there'll be in these Unseen Joe Bob Briggs Hosted movies.  The good news is ah Lunch, the exact same thing I had for dinner last night.  You don't mess with success!  Anyway. 
    Last paragraph presumably!  An even 30.  That's a good number.  It's when you become an adult.  I remember reading at some point when I was younger than your personality gets locked in at around 30 years old.  Seems about right.  I'm about who I was 1 year ago!  Anyway, big difference is Today bread is untoasted completely as opposed to yesterday when bread was too toasted.  Anyway, I dunno.  Quickly went from 1.5 drinks drank to 3.0.  I can live with hat.  I can even liver with that.  My liver knows the score.  Hey 1 bonus paragraph hows that sound.  For old times sake.  Not sure what that means but a 31st paragraph is fine it's the number of PS my elementry school was PS31 yes indeed.
    Alright.  I've never been 100% sure what barley is but I'm on board with it.  Even before I was on board with it I was on board with it.  I used to not drink (Or, "Eat") soup at all, but Beef Barley always seemed intriguing.  hey i like beef barley is some sort of wheat or grain or something I'm on board with that.  A dark soup but not really tomato based.  So anyway, great, gonna do some CircleWalking when this paragraph/lunch is over.  How many Friday movies are there at this point.  Did they stop at Friday After Next?  WWikipedia-- "Last Friday (TBD)"... I wonder if that means its a prequel.  John Witherspoon died putting the films production into jeopordy.  He was the father.  I'll see ya later.

-3:23 P.M.





Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Let's Have A Zoom About It!

YOU figure out what words mean!  That's not my job.  My job is to say things I've heard  of and from the ether and your job is to try to make sense out of it.  Good luck you fools!  Anyway, GREAT NEWS!  WE'RE GONNA BE EXILING FOR A LOT LONGER THAN WE WANT SO MORE TIME TO BINGE ON FOOD WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES!  I know that's gettin' people going, right?  Everyone's gonna be over-overweight at the end of this.  Might as well eat like an asshole for however many months this is!  Except when ration supplies get low.  Then we're really fucked!
    Anyway, Fountains Of Wayne Said It Best.... yup, they sure did.  A Lot Of The Time!*  This time in particular, though?  What I've been thinking?  I'm just looking for a new routine.  I've always liked that one.  But I prefer I am The Waarden of Shawshank Prison Jail Doing a Bible Quote Off With Andy Dufrasne.  And I Refuse To Lose!  In retrospect I should open up this bible to see if its been hollowed out for hiding purposes of any sort of weapon or tool.  Ugh.  Anyway, New Day New Entry New Titles.  Here is the only thing I have saved up from yesterday-- Reserve Our Dogs!  So the point is it's all uphill from here.  Wait is that good or bad.  I don't wanna go up a hill.  But at the same time its safer than going down hill.  Bound to tumble into a tree and die going downhill fast.  Downhill Slow, though?  That might be the best of all possible worlds.
    But all being uphill mean we can get some better perspective once we walk uphill some more.  I dunno.  Did the calculations, and figure if I wanna have alcohol last until June 1, roughly 40 days, I'd be drinking roughly 2.25 drinks a day.  And I feel like I can legitimately take every other day off or so.  For peroids of time at least, if not for the entire Lent.  So that's gonna be a ton of fun.  Then it's June.  You know what that means!  It's not May anymore IN ADDITION TO July is waiting in the wings as well.  Anyway, did the experimentation of drinking last night after dinner.  Went okay!  Ended up waking up 4 hours later because my Body DEMANDS 12 hours of sleep a night but oh well what can ya do about it.  Anyway, late breakfast, late lunch, late dinner!  Then presumably Try To Enjoy Nighttime As A Thing even w/o drinking.  Just get into the zone where hey morning is for waking up, Afternoon is for Regular Day, Night Time is for Relaxing into the sleep that leads into the next day.
I wonder who the next artist's whose work I really enjoy and/or admire will die.  I'm guessing The Rest of Fountains Of Wayne.  If I was a betting man I'd say they'd be more likely than other people.  And I am a betting man on occasion.  I would take that bet, at least.  I dunno.  Fourth paragraph.  New Routine for entry writing!  We're gonna be making some changes!  Theoretically!  Not gonna force anything but have it in the back of my mind be open to mixing things up for some reason!  Anyway I saw NY has over 15k confirmed CoronaDeaths?  That means in all likelihood probably over 100k have died.  That's a lot of New Yorkers.  But its okay because some of us have catalogues of music people enjoy.  Presumably.  There was this One Guy... there must have been others.  Otherwise its just Really Shitty Luck that Corona got The One Guy Who Is This Guy.  Damn. 
    Is 15k NY or NYC.  Looks like just NY.  That's good I guess.  Oh well what can ya do.  Write one more paragraph than do somethin' else!  Figure that's one way to go about life.  Saw they're thinking about canceling Democratic Primary in NY.  Well, that's a great precedent for heading into the 2020 general election.  DEMOCRATS going after voting rights and canceling elections.  If Democrats are doing this WTF U THINK REPUBLICANS ARE GONNA DO?  U fuckin... ugh... where's my pick axe gimme my bible back.  Sweet!  Also who in Shawkshank needs redemption AND gets it?  Seems like the good people stay good and the bad people stay bad.  I know Red killed someone but he probably did it in a polite way.  I dunno.  When Andy got Red a harmonica as a gift Red then went on to write and record the original version of the Bob Marley hit Redemption Song.  That's how it ties into real life.  Huh?   

-2:31 P.M.


* ALL KINDS OF TIME ANOTHER WONDERFUL FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE SONG.. jeez thats the right way to describe their music  WONDERFUL SONGS.  Everclear said it best.....  How can I get out of this addendum...


MMM Taste Food Good Human

Yeah!  Having lunch today.  I can, "Dig," that. Watched 2 or 3 new Shudder:The Horror SSCREEEEAMING SService movies.  Started watching Kingpin for the 4th time in a month or so, and oddly enough it felt similar to being in  the same headspace I was in when I would watch it as a kid.   Then that scared me so I turned it off!  I don't wanna be a kid again!  I spent many years becoming an adult jsut to avoid it!  Point is gotta disinfect some grocerie/supplies-type stuff.  I will also have dinner presumably at some point and at most 3 drinks.  At least zero.  More walkin'... this paragraph was all exposition.  Next paragraph is gonna be All Laughs.
Cool!  Feelin' positive about going through The Wire again.  Almost done with the 1st season!  Anyway.  Dr Fauci or Ficciony.  Glad that pun exists where this guy is telling Facts presumably.  I dunno his entire deal but TV has been telling me to trust this jerk so I figure sure why not he seems like a pretty fauci-based guy.  So the point is I get to take another sort of break from breaking during breaks pretty soon but not yet.  I'm eternally on the verge of taking a break.  So the point is I'll see ya later!

-3:50 P.M. 



I Like My Politics Like I Like My Soup

Progresso!  Wait, no.  Gotta come up with funnier line than Real Inspiration.  Wonton ughhhh minestrone ugg chicken noodle uhuhhhhh split pea ughhhhhhh matzoball there that's it that's my favorite soup Matzoh Ball Soup!  What were we talking about again?  Progressive is a word that is used in meaningless contexts.  Insurance?  Meaningless to insurance.  Soup?  Meaningless to insurance.  Brand of political philosophy?  Maybe that means something, I dunno.  I like my politics like I like my soup-- In Hot Water!  That's a pretty big matzohball to leave out there.  THIS PARAGRAPH IS OVER.
Got dinner in around 2 hours.  So that's a positive thing I suppose.  Egg Drop Soup.  How old are kids when their eggs drop?  Before 3 months usually.  I think we should leave it up to the kids, though.  Their body their testicles.  I once knew a kid or two where one of their testicles Went Back Up and that creeped me out.  Do I need to be on the look out for that or something??  Also if you've got one testicle, like Tom Green, is it still either a Left or Right Testicle?  Or does it somehow just sort of settle into the middle of the scrotum there.  My guess is the 1st one.  Can you donate testicles?  Probably, rihgt?  And if so, does the semen you produce contain the DNA of You or the Donator?  Lots of interesting science questions being raised that no one may ever know.  Hot & Sour Soup.  THat's a good soup.
   Well that's good.  Drank too much last night.  I'm apparently not drinking today.  Sounds like a fair trade off.  I dunno.  This is the 10th paragraph of an oddly formatted entry.  Maybe that's what May'll be all about.  Throw caution to the wind when structuring entries!  Probably not, tough-- makes for worse entries apparently.  Should be ready to drink Soda by tomorrow.  I dunno why my Mom is adament about certain schedules of Waiting For Coronavirus:THe Virus to die, while other things she's like yeah its probably okay.  Probably because Coronavirus:The Virus is playing tricksies on her in her brain area.  I dunno, that's what we're all going through.  It's all up in our headspace, trying to get us to second guess oureselves.  We can't let the virus win!  Well, we can.  Apparently that's one of the 2 dominant political/social/economic theories of action out there.  YEP CORONAVIRUS WINS IT'LL KILL WHO IT KILLS.  OH WELL.  LETS JUST MOVE ON HAVING ADMITTED DEFEAT.  HERO. 


I Ain't Sayin' Nothin About Nothin

Alright jeez.  Eating dinner and my body is ready for nutrition ya heard.  We're talkin Turkey Sandwich on some damn near burnt toasted bread.  A slice of cheeze.  Crushed red peppers.  And a bowl of Beef Barley soup.  And ideally write a few paragraphs here.  Hopefully get back on Good Schedule tomrrow.  In the meantime, though, Good Soup.  Damn Good Soup!  Anyway gotta get into a new routine that's the same as the old routine because I got used to the old routine pretty fast and for a while it was a decent routine.  Anyway.  Can't just replace Fountains of Wayne with another band.  Except for maybe The Replacments.  But other than them, No More That Band!  Dang.  Eh I'm done for today.  Seee ya later.

-7:42 P.M.  


Tuesday, April 21, 2020

I Wash My Hands Of This!  A Lot!

Well let's get right into it.  I was thinking it might be more fun if instead of quarantining we were all in self exile.  Then I didn't like the ramifications of that because I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG but for a second it was good for a laugh.  Let's get more right into it.  Tales From the Crips.  Ok This Time REALLY GET INTO IT.  I've been listening to a lot of Fountains of Wayne lately and based on what I've read about Adam S. I realize I was listening to it wrong all along.  I thought it was totally genuine and heartfelt and now I'm seeing he was being sarcastic or ironic or something like that.  And the truth is probably Both At The Same Time BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.
    Lets get more into it.  So, yeah.  We've got some Rum.  We've Got Some Vodka.  And we've got 9 or 10 hours to Not be Drinking it.  Gonna try experimenting with drinking alcohol at, "Night."  You know, those 45 minutes between dinner ending and trying to go to sleep.  I keep thinking Ya know I'd like to go to sleep later it's probably better Health Wise to get less sleep plus now there's a whole new Chunk Of Day which is several hours at night!!!  Maybe Drinking Alcohol is just the kick ni the pants I need.   Also why are you kicking pants.  I get they're presumably On Someone but if that were the case just say you're kicking Someone.  Kicking unworn pants seems futile.
    Was briefly thinking Fuck this I'm having macaroni for lunch.  Then I was like OK, Self, Get This... what if I had Cup o Noodles paired with something else.  Like a hot pocket.  Or some potato chips.  Or a bread of some sort.  These are the days of my lives.  Anyway, officially 1 month of Nonstop Entry writing.  Well, I stop many times.  Once a day, I mean.  I'm not trying to set any world records or anything.  Longest time spent writing something That's This Specifically.  How'd the Guinness People become aware of This Specifically in the first place.  Someone tipped 'em off, that's my guess.  Couldn't have discovered it on their own.  Oh right, Coffee!  That'll get me through the entry just as well as alcohol would have.  Even Better you might argue!  Or worse! which is another good argument. 
    Anyway I got a good 2 dinner options lined up.  Either French Toast OR THE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT Whiste Castle +Chicken Nuggets +tater tots.  I CAN'T LOSE EITHER WAY TODAY IS GUARANTEED TO BE A GOOD DAY ON ACCOUNT OF 3 MEALS, THE PROMISE OF ALCOHOL, AND VERY LITTLE GRUNT WORK.  So many miscellanous things to comfort me and take my mind off The Plague going on outside!  I can't keep track of all of it!  Anyway go get that coffee in a minute.  Sure, I guess.  That'll provide some sort of kicking clothings that never did nothin' to no one just let 'em be.  When I was a kid, when we went to The Gap or whatever, me and my brother would pretend to be mannequins in the window and then try to scare people by moving.  I thought it was Just Us but somewhere along the way I heard other people do that.  Oh well you can't Originate Everything.  Only several things. 
    So many Beyond Beliefs: Facts And/Or Fictions to watch, so many time.
  I kinda hate that show. It falls in the Uncanny Valley just barely where it's extremely "stupid," and, "lame,", and, "A waste of all our time," and I'm not, "down," with it, but it's JUST BARELY slightly good enough to be like This isn't even good ol' camp fun.  It Just Is.  Crappy!  I dunno what part of it is relatively good.  Just the concept, maybe?  Concept is rpetty good.  Oh, right, coffee.  Am I describing myself when talking about that! YOU BET.  I AM REMEMBERING TO GO POUR MYSELF SOME COFFEE.  And you all doubted me!  Ugh.


I'll Do Nothing To Save My Life!!!

    That kinda describes where all of us are at, right?  Alt title for this Portion-- Ow My Head-- because I just hit my head on a shelf while sitting back down with coffee.  YOU get to decide which is a better title!  Lunch ain't for a few hours.  I could take a break after this portion of entry, though.  Take a break Hardcore!  If it's so Beyond Belief, why is it fact or fiction.  If it's beyond anyone believing it must be fiction.  Otherwise, even if its just one guy believing it, then nope false advertising apprently it is not beyond belief.  Beyond Be Leaf.  Maybe.  That makes a compelling case I suppose.  Hey that's great what else is going on.
Just... ugh... I dunno.  Dad was showing me NYTimes article that was basically like this won't stop until Vaccine.  That's a lot of time.  Look, we got a month down in our pocket, that's pretty good.  But it's not as good if there's base 12s of single digits of months left.  That's REALLY no bueno oh boy.  Anyway the good news is I finally was able to Open the Equal Box and now I'm drinking Artifical Sweetner with my coffee.  It's good news because it tastes better and is no calories and it will only theoretically muck up our internal organs if we drink it way too much which I/we do.  Hmm some peoplle doing yardwork outside.  Don't they know it's Christmas?  I mean... ugh.
  That's it.  Small portion of paragraphs!  I'll be back at some point.


Me Will Entertain Me!

    Yep checks out.  Writing my will will entertain me.  Hmm who should I leave all my valuable Nothing to?  My lack of friends and/or family?  I think Billy Preston said it best  Nothing from nothing leads nothing.  Sounds about right.  Internet says it's Nothing From Nothing LEAVES nothing.  Which is also correct, I guess, but I like, leads better.  Can't argue with a feeling!  I have rights!  The right to not have my feelings being challenged.  And you have the right to deal with them feelings!!!  Anyway-- Chess thought-- Why is it called a Rook.  And Why Do I Hate It More Than Any Of The Other Pieces.  I mean, your rooks seems okay.  But my rooks?  Useless!  I try to Castle all I want makes no difference!  And as to why it is called that? I'ma look into that one day.  Not today though.  Not.  Today.
    ALRIGHT TODAY!  I looked it up and there's a lot of potential meanings.  One-- some sort of bird called a rook.  And they liked birds for verticals and horizontals.  Two-- means something like chariot.  Three- to defraud or swindle someone.  Four-- chess thing.  Rooks are just no fun.  I know they're more valuable than knights and bishops in theory.  IN THEORY.  Best thing is when you're playing a novice opponent, you get rooks all the way to his end, you get the kingtrapped on the back line with a rook in the 2nd line, then check mate that sucker with a rook on the back line.  But that's only useful to checkmate people.  What about the other parts of chess that are important?
Anyway lets play some GOod News/Bad News.  Good news-- got beer delivered today!  Bad news-- I meant to cancel it and got those alcohols already.  Parents understandably went ballistic.  Good news-- they gave me a full refund.  Bad news-- refer to 1st bad news.  Good news-- how I have free beer!  So several hours out of it it seems like Wow I Came Out On Tops but for a couple of hours it WAS NOT worth it!  Anyway good news-- wiped down more supermarket groceries and whatnot to be put in Cupboard.  Bad news-- Coronavirus.  Good news-- safely got enough Drink to last me another month.  And all that is on top of Great Supermarket Delivery of Food yesterday!  Someone up there likes me!  I am referring to the homeless man who lives in my attic.  Never seen him but it's implied that he's there a lot of the time.
How could a homeless man live inside a house.  Well, it's a numbers game. If he spends 49.9% of the time in my attic, and 50.1% on the streets, I think we should be able to agree he's homeless.  How does he get in and out?  Well, obviously waits til we're all sleeping.  Then sneaks in and out ever so carefully.  Anyway, still haven't Drank today.  Probably will tonight.  Probably will have French Toast Tonight.  Good news-- just had lunch.  Bad news-- just had lunch.
    Alright one more paragraph then take a break, write some more a little bit later.  Isn't it possible that one grandmaster's style makes, for him at least, the knight worth more than a bishop?  Or a bishop worth more than a rook?  My guess is Anything's Possible.  I just had 2 lean pockets for lunch at only 250 calories a pop if that's not proof that anything is possible then its just proof that having lunch is possible which in retrospect is all that it means.  So now I got 2 different kinds of beer and 2 different kinds of alcohol.  Am I an addict?  Well, no!  Good news-- No way.  Bad news-- I dunno its possible.  Good news--I drink 2-4 drinks a day/night at worst.  Bad news-- that's enough to not be healthy.  Good news-- I'm not drunk right now!  Bad news-- I'm not drunk right now!


You Know I've Had My Share

    Earlier arguing about excess alcohol  delivery w/ dad-- he says in earnest he doesn't want me comin' around after his liver.  Which made me sad that he would even think that but also confused me because I'd rather him live than me.  Hmm tell me more.  Nope that's all there is to tell!
Anyway dinner in a bit.  Drink a drink or two.  No soda ready yet!  I'll just drink them drinks like a Drinker might.  Really makes me proud to drink.  What do you mean Bad News?  The point is my morning sucked because I felt like shit being rudely reminded that my parents think I'm an alcoholic and have no self control.  And then I will end the day drinking alcohol!  Because I HAVE self control.  Right?  Ahh, the circle of life.
Anyway between the beer and the liquor I'd say a month EASY before I need to re-up.  You know what that means! ANOTHER MONTH IN THE BOOKS OR SO for until this runs out.  I can do that.  I just did it!  I just gotta do it 1 more time and then indefinitely several more times who can say at first.  Anyway.  I think it's in poor taste for Trump to use the Nazi-ish term The Invisible Enemy.  But what Can I, just one member of the invisible enemy, do about it?  Wasn't Trump supposed to run on the economy?  Turns out Trump can't even RUN... the economy!  Good he's not supposed to.  You idiot I know that it's called a burn!  But he's still not supposed to run the economy, doing so, that's like Nazis... Nationalist Socialists.  State run economy is part of it.  BUT ANYWAY THE POINT IS HE'S DOING A TERRIBLE JOB ON ALL FRONTS!  But lets talk more about those hidden figures conspiring against him and his supporters.


Liver Up

    That's what the casting director to Armageddon says.  Especially in the first draft where Liv Tyler's character goes to the asteroid with them.  Kinda sexist that not one of the Heroes was a lady in retrospect.  Women can be astronaut-oil-drillers, too, ya know!  Also, kinda weird how they narrowed it down TO THE EXACT SECOND when to detonate Nuke on Asteroid.  What, you're telling me ONE SECOND OFF and it's too late and the pieces hit Earth?  But ONE SECOND BEFORE THEN then it's totally okay?  Lots of plot holes in this movie and not just the hole that was central to the plot!  Gottem.  In retrospect, there MAY have been 1 woman who died pretty quickly after the rocket ships went off.  seems like a lady astronaut is ringing a bell.  But she might have just been a lady astronaut TRAINER and not gone up in space herself.  Gotte--wait this time no One or Thing was Got.

    Hey!  Just ate dinner.  We're talkin Frenched Toast and we're talkin I cooked One Of Our Portions while Another Of Us cooked Mine.  It's called RATIONING!  No it isn't.  But, anyway, 1 more month to go to re-evaluate!  OH MAN 30 DAYS I'm GONNA RECALIBRATE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.  You can do it, too!  What a fun shared experience.  Anyway I feel like this dinner put me over the hump of being able to make French Toast and/or Scrambled Eggs myself.  Plus I can add all sorts of crazy things to the mixture!  French Toast?  I'll add some crazy stuff to that, whose gonna stop me, you?  You couldn't even stop me from doing this riff without a single example/joke.  You can't stop anybody from anything!
    Awesome.  Alcohol Shot #1!  Hey I just did that!  RUM!  It tastes like south of the border!  Was hearing some news about how we're screwed like motherfuckers until there's a vaccine.  C'mon you jerks get the 1000 monkees at 1000 typewriters shit going!  And then get the 1,000 x 1,000 monkeys, 1 million monkeys, to test the vaccine their monkey friends made up!  You gotta test vaccines out on somethin, right?  It's time for monkeys to pull their weight.  Anyway, tuned my guitar up to one step down.  Whatever.  Gonna end this entry after this paragraph.  I've accomplished a lot today!  What with realizing my Dad worries that he will have to sacrifice his life to save mine.  That was a fun time.  I'll see you all later! 

-5:40 P.M.



Monday, April 20, 2020

All Is Well

Well, food related stuff, at least.  We're talking Supermarket Delivery this morning where they knocked it the fuck out of the park and we got 90% of what we wanted.  Finally, I can make my own breakfasts!  Been making eggs, now I have an abundance of white and whole wheat bread as well as English muffins and dinner rolls.  Got slices of American Cheese.  Got turkey sausage patties.  SO the first thing I do when I'm done disinfecting fridge/freezer stuff and putting them away is IM GONNA HAVE ONE OF THESE UNHEALTHY JIMMY DEAN SANDWICHES.  I WONDER IF JIMMY DEAN KNOWS JIM BEAM.  AND/OR JAMES DEAN.  The point is I'm a hero for spending an hour and a half going through the order with Guy Who Shops And Delivers It For Me, going through replacements and stuff, I spent another hour disinfecting stuff and putting them away, and now I GET TO EAT TERRIBLE FOOD.  Anyway.  Out of beer.  Talked it over with parents.  They're okay with my getting beer or alcohol but from a different place!  This one didn't pack it well and it was leaking onto the hardwood floor no bueno.
    Anyway I count that as my morning exercise.  I also count the 11:45 breakfast as a breakfast and not a lunch so I get TWO MORE MEALS TODAY.  Mom is making noises like she wanna make french toast:white bread style and I'm, "Down," with that.  Hmm what should I have for lunch.  TOO MANY OPPORTUNITY I'M LIKE AN ADULT IN A SUPERMARKET!  Here's a good oway to judge food-- does it taste good, not satisfy my hunger, and make me feel like shit afterwards?  Cause if you get 3 out of 3 we're talking Great Food!   Anyway, no beer for today.  Unless I order a bottle of alcohol.  Which could get here within hours.  SO maybe alcohol for today.  But the point is Coffee &Breakfast Sandwich is good enough for now. 
    Anyway, gonna write 5 paragraphs now, then get some quality TV watching time in. It's Monday!  That means if there were current shows I was invested in on HBO I COULD WATCH THEM TODAY.  Why so many CAPITALIZATIONS.  Because I'm really stupid is one reason.  ALso to convince myself that Life Is Worth Capitalizing.  When you're coming up with a Password for your gravestone, do you get to choose capitalization.  Somethin like SeE yOu LaTeR!!!  TThat'll creep peope out.  Creep them out good!  Was re-watching Creepshow I or II cause its for free on Youtube!  Pretty fine movie.  I like the parts where I liked all three stories more or less about the same.  And the animated story that ties them altogether?  Yeah that's ok.  How about this for a gravestone quote-- "GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"  Tring to think of the most creep quotes.  And they have to use it.  Its not like a Stuyvesant Graduation Yearbook where you give them a quote and without letting you know they just don't accept it and in the yearbook you have no quote.  No, when you're dead, people have to listen to you!
    Anyway.  It'd be fun to be a Beetlejuice type character in the afterlife.  Kind of a jerk but seems like fun is all I'm saying.  I don't want to be him It Just SEEMS Like Fun okay?  Energy drink put out by Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr.  Whys it gotta be an energy drink.  Also aren't all drinks energy drinks except for water and diet stuff.  Anything with calories I think is my definition giving you energy.  Let's get Bill De Grassi Mike Tyson working on that.  His first name isn't Bill.  So you are okay with the rest of the name, then?  Yeah sounds about right.  Anyway only one last paragarph before I get to watch TV!  It's been a hard days night except its morning and it's not that hard.  You get the idea.
    Is it wrong to not be able to tell the difference between The Beatles' voices?  I think so.  But I can't.  Oh well that's life.  I mean if they were just talking I think I could figure it out. But In Songs I mean.  Oh well, that's life.  I should probably eat some sort of Bread Thing for lunch cause we got an abundance of manna from heaven!  In the form of bread!  And its really from HELLL!!!!  Hmm I can make myself a breakfast sandwich for lunch.  Oh man.  I gotta do it.  But this time make it myself!   No one will be the wiser!!!  The he jokes on them, I want liquor instead of beer Anyway!  The jokes on me,, I may be drinking relatively responsibly but definitely probably very slightly irresponsibly.  My liver can deal with that.  Right?  I dunno. I'll be back!


I INSIST This Entry Be Crappy!

Welp I better put on pants an alcohol delivery is In The Works!  Their words, not mine.  E-mail said, Your order #9XX9XXX is in the works.oII I made some of the numbers, "X,"s.  I don't need you stealing my Keeping Track Of Where My Order Is!!!  I'm very happy with the quality and quantity of such an order!  I'm also very happy because today is Birthday.  Wait, no.  I mean Earth Day.  wait, no  I mean the day after tomorrow is Earth Day.  Which might mean something, I dunno.  Same dasy as Hitler's birthday.  I picked that up somewhere and I'm always gonna think about it every year.  Wait, no.  TODAY is Hitler's Birthday.  I keep getting confused which is on which day and whether they're the same day at all.  Anyway that's APRIL FOR YA.
    It's always 4/20 somewhere for 24 hours very closely overlapping throughout the world... until next year, at least.
  Then we get an it'it's always 4/20 for another day or so counting all time zones.  Anyway lunch'll be either Cup O Noodles or Frozen Meal.  Each way I'm gettin' some sot of pasta I CAN'T LOSE!!!  That's another great thing.  I could have cupboards and fridge and freezer stacked with stuff but I can STILL be like ya know what I'm Gonna have some macaroni for lunch.  And I can just DO IT.  I don't have to have anyone else make it for me! Thirty One Years Old!
Yeesh.  I'm pretty sure every other year on this website for the last 9 years I mention Hitler's Birthday/Earth Day.  And most of those years I end up having to google Hitler's Birthday.  ANd its become sort of a holiday tration for me.  Every year have to enter in Hitler's Birthday into google and every year I have to deal with the fact I just entered in Hitler's Birthday into google.  Hmm, last year I think was when I said something about Hitler's Birthday because a good band name or something.  If not last year, definitely 2017 or 18.  HOLY SHIT I CAN REMEMBER SOME OF THIS CRAP?  I DON'T BELIEVE IT.  More accurately-- HOLY SHIT SOME OF THIS STUFF IS REMEMERABLE? I RELALY DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!  bAnyway i'll be back for/after lunch.  For ever after.  Except for Before and During.  Hmm.

My dad talkin' about Bandwidth down stairs.  Band With.  I'm With The Band...  See Ya Later (SOON!) OH also Band Length.  Na that one wasn't really necessary.  The rest of it, too.


Now I've Heard Everything!

Writin' some paragraphs with dinner?  That's more or less Everything.  Give or take. I think people developed saying God Bless You when you sneeze is because sneezing sounds like you're saying A Jew and that's blasphemy.  Well, that's how I sneezed just now.  You be the judge if that holds up?  aA-choo, A Jew... they may have made that joke in Robin Hood: Men In Tights.  Oh well it was fun while it lasted!  He didn't connect it to God Bless You, though.  Someone referred to Dave Chappelle's chaacte, whose name is Achoo and the blind guy goes A Jew?  I added the blasphemy part!  Don't ever forget it!  Also I know the standard Thing They Say is its so your soul doesn't leave our body.  You know what, if you don't want your soul to leave your body, maybe treat it a bit better?  If your soul is desperately trying to sneak out of your body maybe that's on you! 
    I've got soul but I'm not a soldier.  Hey that works out great because I don't think I have a soul HOWEVER I definitely have Jury Duty.  You wanna switch with me?  Gimme your soul, and in return you can take of my Jury Duty.  It's the squarest deal since that deal that was once there square and whatnot.  Eh, I'm just gonna end this entry now.  We're all entitled to Crap Days.  But I can salvage tonight's Crap Night!  See ya later.

-3:53 P.M  (Yeah I never made it to dinner that was the plan but I wrote a few sentence and then Now I'm Done!


Sunday, April 19, 2020

Why Don't You Just Avoid Gun Fights Altogether

    Good, practical advice.  Stay Safe!  Both in terms of not leaving your house, and ESPECIALLY not leaving your house to show up at gun fights!  With or without any sort of weapon!  Why risk it?!  Hmm lets play some Virtual Risk.  I CALL AUSTRALIA..  THEN I CALL ASIA... I CALL WINNING!!!  That was a fun game.  Ugh.  How many of you out there are off and on experiencing Mild Symptoms?  And are like jeez this is probably psychosomatic but it might just be a mild case of The Corons.   I'd like to see a study on that because I have no idea what percent it is.  Could be 90% in our heads, or 1/2 the time it could be oh shit we really do have it!
Study that good!!!  Well, I suppose the best way to figure out if you have Coronavirus is interacting with a lot of people, sharing bodily fluids, and seein' what happens to Them.  Anyway.  I tuned my guitar TWO STEPS DOWN.  That seems wrong.  Very wrong!  Except now it sounds more like a bass guitar.  Wunderbar!  Anyway, got 4 cans of beer left.  Two for today!  Two for tomorrow Or the next day.  And tomorrow Or the next day put in order for restocking beer!  I'll get Coronavirus yet!...  It's our American duty to get the Coronavirus as quickly as possible and either die or go back to work.  No kidding.  And that message evaporates into the air and infects us not unlike that Coronavirus everyone's talking so much about! 
    Anyway, wasn't I supposed to be learning some magic tricks?  CARD magic tricks?  You may say it's not real magic, but I beg to differ! PLEASE PLEASE LET ME DIFFER!  IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME.  What do you Magic isn't real?  Magic is real!!!  Just look at Johnson!  Which is what Louie CK says.  GOTTEM I HAD THAT JOKE FROM WRITING IT DOWN DURING CIRCLE WALKING.  Anyway, lunch has come down to this-- small portion of Chicken Noodle Soup from a can.  Supermarket better be gettin' here today or tomorrow or I'll have to start eating crackers for dinner.  Nothing on them!  Don't have anything to put on them!  Well, I guess I could crumble some Pop tarts on top of crackers I have glued together.  I'm not a very good nutritionologist.
But the point is I'm gonna start drinking either right before lunch or right afterwards!  Seems like a plan for some reason.  HEY Red Spot on my Wrist Update!! (Not to be confused with the Red Spot on Jupiter which means something I've been led to believe)  ITS GROWING!  That ain't good one bit.  Oh, crap.  Missed a joke I wrote down.  I tuned My guitar 2 steps down!  That's Practically A Staircase!  I knew talking about Tuning Guitar had some sort of payoff!  Anway.  A Step Down means 2 notes below.  And 2 steps down is, obviously 4 notes below.  For example, an E from standard tuning goes down to a C.  Right?  That sounds about right.
    It's fun though because the strings are very loose which makes it easier for novices like me to play.
  Did I have any other crap saved up from 1 hour Circle Walking.  Oh, right.  #3) Talk about how I am getting in the habit of trying to come up with stuff during circle walking-- don't realize this is Meta UNTIL ACTUALLY WRITING IT  UH OH ITS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!  I was serous about that psychosomatic vs real Coronavirus.  They need to put out some advice or study where it's saying how seriously we should take on and off very very mild symptoms but that are certainly there to some extent and when and if and what and how c'mon you guys this is important.
    It's fun though because the strings aver very loose which makes it easier for novel viruses like me to play.  A Movie From The Point Of View Of The Coronavirus.  And the only one that can stop him/it/her/however they identify is OSMOSIS JONES.  Sounds about right.  Anyway, I dunno.  Just put bridge in fear an hour ago.  Sounds about right.  Figure I'll leave it in for 2-3 hours overall because Cold Beer is a thing that one should aspire to for some reason.  Anyway, just figured out I got some Never Before Used Turkey Burgers in Breezer. I think I can just heat it up in the oven.  Right?  Seems like you should be able to.  AAlright, I'm takin' a break.  Be back later!

It's Come Down To This

    One man.  Three or four titles.  One entry.  Three or four the New Pornographers song.  One website.  Rates about a three or four out of ten for quality.  Anyway, this soup isn't half bad!  I can se myself getting into such a thing.  Heat 1/2 turkey sandwich with a soup.  Makes me feel warm inside just IMAGINING it!  Proobably gonna have ANOTHER SOUP TONIGHT!  Gotta pair something with Empty Lonesome Hamburger.  And I'm plumb out of options.  Heh, plumb.  I was HOPING it would be spelled that way.  Mission Accomplished!  Oh and the other Great News is I thought of a great snack!  It's called popcorn and it's the new fad amongst the kids.  I remember Blockbuster used to have its own popcorn.  You go rent a movie and a video game, in the front of the store, not only are they selling Microwave Popcorn (To go with the whole Movie Motif) but THEY HAD THEIR OWN BRAND!  AND THAT'S THE BRAND I WOULD GET.  BRAND LOYALTY!!!
I wonder how they're doing now.  Blockbuster.  Does the company still exist in some nominal way where it's just some guy in a basement desperately plotting some sort of Blockbuster come back?  My guess?  Whys it gotta be a basement maybe this guy has legitimate office space.  Probably.  That's one of the best parts about having siblings.  More Movies and/or Video Games!!! You're an only child, you get 1 movie for a week until next time.  You got 2, like we did, YOU SUCKERS ARE GETTIN' 2 MOVIES HOW ABOUT THAT.  I can only imagine the joy an even bigger number must experience.  Anyway this is a real Hearty Soup.  It's in Bowl Size not Cup Size.  Bowl is Cup multipled by 2.  Also, good amount of noodles and some nice pieces of chicken and some carrot and there was 1 celary.  The point is I CAN GET USED TO THIS!!!
Wonderful.  I can't wait to get a loaf of bread that isn't quite as hearty as this last loaf.  Each slice was 120 cal!  NORMAL BREAD IS 70 CAL WHAT KINDA SHIT U PULLIN?  But because it's lockdown I just put that out of my mind because 50 extra cal a day isn't really worth it to get into a tizzy about.  One day I'd like to learn what, "Tizzy," means.  I'll probably figure it out at some point.  I just finished the soup and used the last piece of bread to wipe my mouth.  I have no napkin in my room!  Just clean that up with a piece of bread.  Then eat the bread!  THIS DOESN'T HAVE TO BE COMPLICATED. That reminds me I also like Soup because its eeasssy.  Pour it into a bowl microwave THE END.  Also presumably cheap.  ANd doesn't spoil.  And are intermiddently healthy one would assume! 
    I caught the tail end of my Mom watching Bill Maher and he was talking about how we're taking this too seriously or somethin.  I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM SAY THAT TO MY FACE LITERALLY THAT THREAT SERVES A LEGITIMATE PURPOSE.  But the point is I think even he would agree in NY it's fair to take it seriously.  And that's where I am.  So that's all I know.  Also, Bill Maher is wrong about it across country.  But Especially Me!  Anyway, I alluded to it in one of the first paragraph, but once we get some herd immunity to Virus and it still shows up and we get some symptoms but its more or less the flu, are we gonna be like Yeah I had a touch of the corons.  It seems like a good abbreviation as any!  Corazon.  Heart in Spanish.  SPAIN IS NEXT TO ITALY.  THEY'RE BOTH IN THE CONTINENT OF EUROPE WHICH IS THE MOST USEFUL CONTINENT AFTER ASIA AND POSSIBLY NORTH AMERICA BUT PROBABLY JUST ASIA. 
    I remember there was a period of time as a kid I LIVED to play Risk (I meant to say Love, but, hey, let's oversell it, that's fine) but after half a dozen times you sorta realize, well two people are gonna go for Australia at the beginning.  One will win.  He gradually conquers Asia while the rest are fighing each other.  How else can a game progress?  South America?  That's a 2nd rate Australia if I ever heard one.  There's TWO Teritories you'd have to protect from outsiders.  Australia ONLY ONE WAY!  Wait a second, I was talking about something.  Oh, right.  THe soup!  I finished it and I will now bring it down stairs and put it into some sort of sink with some sort of water washing away the Nothing that's on it once I empty out into garbage.
    Anyway, I feel like sharing a bag of popcorn as a delicious yet relatively healthy snack with your father and/or son is a real Father/Son activity.  Especially when Father and Son share the syllable of Corn in their name.  And pop iis slang for, "Father."  But beyond all that explicitness about why it's a Father Son activity for ME, I think it would be for you, too.  Hey we each got our own lives son, but hey, neither of us could finish a bag of popcorn on our own.  We wouldn't want to at least.  Here, my son/father, let us partake in this healty and delicious snack together.  As we Bridge from Dunch To Linner.  But then again also just the POP and the CORN.


No I Didn't

    Let's figure Popping Corn will commence in about an hour.  I can live with that!  I kind of have to!  I'm not gnona kill myself over something as trivial as not wanting to wait a full hour to eat a father/son activity.  One day I will be the Pop and have my own Corn.  What if I forced my kid to call me Pop.  Like, unnaturally.  I get some people use that term, I never have.  But if I force it on him at an early age, that's what'll happen.  I can pretty much normalize any title.  Pop, Dad, Father, Daddy, Sir, Mr. Kornbl*m, King Shit Of Fuck Mountain...  probably just Dad, that's how I was raised.  Yeah.  I made Spaghetti last night for me and Father another good Activity...you know what, at this point, half of my life is Father/Son Activities.  Or at least Father activies the Son is privy to or vice versa.  The other half is Father/Mother activiites... wait a second something went wrong with that analogy.  I'll work the kinks out and get back to you!
I like spaghetti compared to other pasta because you gotta do a little bit more work.  Elbow macaroni, just scoop some up in a spoon, case closed.  Spaaghetti?  Not That Easy My Friend.  You gotta put your fork in it and roll it up and stuff.  Wanna get a bite with some spaghetti sauce but not too much.  I'm gonna be honest, I'm certainly fine with the spaghetti sauce in most bites but a lot of the time I'm gonna leave some spaghetti sauce over even if I finished all the spaghetti.  Prove me wrong!  That's another thing we can do if Supermarket Delivery never materializes.  Cans of Soup and Boxes/rolls of pasta.  That'll last us another week or so.  Hopefully.  Then its down to goin' to town on some Townhouse Crackers.  I've got some ice cream cones.  Two varieties!  Small Cake Cones, Larger Sugar Cones.  Can that be useful in anyway?  Also... no iced cream.
    Wonderful.  The real question is supposedly my parents will be around to see grand children.  Then duel question-- what does Grand Children call them and what do II call them under this new relation.  My instinct would be me keep calling them Mom and Dad, but I've seen it go the other way and I would start calling my mom and dad Grandma and Grandpa.  Or other synonyms.  THIS IS RELATIVELY IMPORTANT STUFF I MIGHT BE DEAD SOON.  Relatively Important.  Nailed it.  I might be dead soon.  Nailed it.  Oh well such is life.  I heard now Coronavirus is going after our kidneys??  I ain't, "Down," with that.  That's where Pee happens or something.  That's been my understanding.  Which makes sense because Corona Tastes Like Piss.  (D+ joke in my packet I'm creating to apply for comedy late night talk show jobs that presumably will exist again at one point or another)  It's funny because its not funny and I know as well as you do its not funny.  Makes Me Laugh!
    I'm getting like 2 dozen things from next supermarket delivery, and for some reason the thing I'm fantasizing the most about is one of those Smart Ones Nutritious Frozen Meals Swedish Meatball in Pasta.  It's 1/2 a dinner sized portion but I LIKE THEM MEATBALLS IT'S BEEN TOO LONG WITHOUT GROUND BEEF OTHER THAN THAT ONE HAMBURGER SUPPOSEDLY.  Anyway, 16th paragraph, and about to take first sip of beer.  Which is like 1/3rd to 1/2 the can.  It's a big sip is the point.  16 oz can at that.  Souds like about a pound.  A pound of beer.  No wonder they call it Pounding AM I RIGHT.  Also in today's new social economy I think even doing Pounds instead of Handshaking is STILL too risky.  So in 100 years when they see Obama pounding people they will be like WTF IS THAT?  HE'S RISKING HIS LIFE AND I'M NOT EVEN CULTURALLY/HISTORICALLY FAMILIAR WITH IT AS I AM WITH THAT, "HAND SHAKE" FAD.  Who was it the Obama fist bumped.  was it Michelle Obama?  That'd be my first guess.  My first guess was right.
Cool!  If I didn't know better, I'd say Fist Bumps are a good way for Power Rangers and the like to form a super team.  Everyone bumps fists at the same point and they all gain superpowers because it symbolizes they will work together to defeat that awful Captain Planet.  Also in this adaptation Captain Planet is evil for some reason.  I also kind of like the idea of being forced to eat smaller portions of meals.  Because my body is getting used to the idea I could have meals 2/3rds the size as what I've been eating.  It had been just a matter a willpower, but now it's just a matter of necessity.  Wonderful. 
    18th paragraph.
  I can, "Dig," that.  In other, more better words, I'm, "Down," with that.  I dunno about this popcorn in theory its good but I like the soup thats still lingering around the top of my gullet.  Wouldn't wanna complicate that situation.  This is life.  I feel like we've moved back in time when there were only 3 channels, because early afternoon, we're all watching Cuomo, and then later in the evening we're all watching Trump.  (Well, I'm avoiding it, but the gist is the same)  I assume non New Yorkers are watching Cuomo.  Based on Twitterfeeds it seems they are!  Sometimes I think about how I used to get drunk better.  I mean, maybe it was just I was drinking more when I first started drinking Freshmanyear in college, but I felt more drunk and in a more positive way.  Because it was with people.  And oh what fun we had.  Why, there was Super Smash Brothers.  There were... wel... drinking.. OH I rmember.  Marijuana use.  And lots of pretty ladies and some real cool dudes that imthat I immediately lost touch with but hey who am I to complain.  I heard if you drink pineapple juisce your cum comes out plain.  You know, you're generic unflavored cum.  That'd be my guess.
    WWhy would adding a citrus flavor lead to NO flavor?  You'd think i would lead to a CITRUS flavor.  Fine I donn't know get off my back about it.  I can't tell you how many times I've ordered a 3 pack of cum from the supermarket thinking it was gum.  Four times.  I guess I can tell you.  Would Hannibal Lector be okay with eating a salad with cum on it.  Or would he be like even for me its too far!  It suggests homosexuality and as a monster myself I am very intolerant of those with different sex life styles!!!  I dunno, on the other hand, maybe he's more tolerant.  He knows what its like to be consumed by a desire that society wants to forbid.  (Eating People).  Not that eating people and Homosexual Activity go hand in hand...  I think I've lost you somewhere in the last few sentences.  Oh well now it's ON ME to get you back!

If Hannibal Lector is so smart, how come he's a fictional character and the rest of us exist in the real world?  If he was THAT smart he'd figure out a way to cross over into the real world and start eating people HERE.  Uh oh hopefully I didn't jinx that Not Happening.  I'll take my chances I guess.  Also why does Hannibal Lector have to be a jerk about it.  Does that make the meat even more tasty.  Why can't he just eat people and then be likei IM SO SORRY I KNOW ITS WRONG I CAN'T HELP MYSELF DON'T JUDGE ME PLESAE!!! But he gets off on being an asshole and using his Eating People Powers for Evil and not Good!  What if we sent him to North Korea to eat Kim Jong Un.  We've got a great weapon here if only he could be contained.
  I googled Kim Jong Un to make sure he's the current one and not the name of the last one, and the first article that came up was, "North Korea Denies Kim Jong Un Recently Sent President Trump 'a Nice Note'"  Oh man it gets even funnier.  At first when i read it I thought it just said Kim Jong Un Recently Sent President Trump, "a Nice Note," which is funny.  Now that I see it syd, North Korea DENIES...  What the hell have we come to.  America.  I thought you Republican NeoCpn intelligensia agent types had some nuggets, but Trump is boiling your nuggets don't blame the messenger.  Wish I had some chicken nuggets.  If I was If I was North or South Korea, I'd just call myself Korea.  And then teach kids like these other assholes, they're North (or South) Korea while WE'RE THE REAL KOREA.  Makes sense.  For Real!  Correall. 
    What else is not happening or is happening.  At the highest level of North Korean society they tell you that The Internet Is A Thing and they show it to you.  Presumably while claiming they invented it.  That's not a joke I read an article about it!  Kids in North Korea have no idea what the internet is.  I envy them.  How can you build a smart phone but not know how it works?  Probably assembly line style.  I dunno if they do that in Korea.  China, definitely.  Korea?  Yeah, probably, who am I to say!  ANyway that hamburger was real good but shrunk considerably in cooking.  Pair that up with another soup, though?  Got a nice meal going.  Real nice meal.  The piont is we're not wanting for Eggs or Coffee. Which are 2 staples of Rations.  Eggs definitely, and you'd think, in war time at least, they'd give you some coffee as a top 10 essential item.  They need you jittery to Fight War.
    Have I ever mentioned I have recurring dreams where I win a shit load in poker, I just keep winning and then upping the stakes and keep winning... and then I end up losing it all and I'm like oh well that's bound to happen.  I was inspired to share that with a dream I had a night or two ago where I had a nice big ol diamond but was robbed but then the robber was like you know what, here, take 2/3rds of it.  Which in the dream was great but in real life I don't know how to cut a god damn diamond.  They made a movie about it.  The Beastie Boys!  I dunno whats going on anymore.  I think we should retire the phrase The World Is Turning To Shit, and all other similar phrases.  Because The World Has Turned To Shit already and empirically.  Language and colloquialisms should reflect these facts!
    Once again, the world turns to Shit...  New superhero.  A man made out of shit.  Who fights crime somehow for some reason.  I don't have all the details worked out.  I believe there was some sort of Toilet Poop monster in a Kevin Smith, "Film."  I think that's the hardest he's ever been burnt.  Kevin Smith, "Film."  I dunno he's a good guy who makes it a priority to be a good guy and interact with fans and I enjoy some of his movies ON THE OTHER HAND I read he smoked too much weed while making that Bruce Willis/Tracy Morgan movie and they didn't like it AND I BELIEVE 'EM.  So, like I said, "Film?"
    How low do you have to be on the world state pecking order when its like Nah North Korea would never send these chumps a nice note lol get this asshole Trump away from me NORTH KOREA WHASSSUP.  I'm gonna say someting-- I support America more than North Korea.  Let's just accept that as a given!  Because I live here and I'm just pot committed to the whole concept of America.  Anyway, I dunno.  Figure I'll finish the entry before Snack Time.  This is the 25th paragraph.  Wonderful.


Hmm Maybe a Title That Means Things....

    Nope too late.  Startin' popping corn in 45 minutes.  Figure I'll write 5 paragraphs before entry is over.  Probably'll get it done before then, but if not, HEY I'M POT COMITTED TO IT ANYWAY.  Lately my favorite Tales From The Crypts ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  Sequal to the movie, "US," called, "US Again."  And the trailers are just people chanting, "U S A!  U S A!" o maybe not the trailers but we all chant it while the movie is about to start and once again when the final credits roll on the screen.  What a dotard.  I think that' the only thing any of us ever actually learned from Trump.  Other than What A Steaming Pile of Dumpster Fodder a person can be. No, him being called a, "Dotard," which I think means dummy.  Now we know what it means!  an old person, especially one who has become physically weak or whose mental faculties have declined ...  That's even better because It's On The Nose!

    Anyway Mom is getting Chili from Amazon which I am very much on board with.  Dunno why they're making Chili in the Amazon, and if they're not, doesn't make sense to send it to Amazon first.  Lets cut out the middle man why doesn't Amy just give me the chili herself??  Also like I said I have phantom symptoms here and there.  Just a slight cough every now and then feelin a little bit weak, or congested, al sorts of stuff.  I DEMAND ARTICLES IN MEDICAL JOURNALS TO BE ABRIDGED AND TRANSLATED INTO COMMON LANGUAGE IN SOME SORT OF NEWSPAPER THING about this phenomenon.  Cause obviously if you almost definitely don't really have it they're not gonna waste a test and hospital time on you, but if you do, then well they presumably want to help you!  So where do you draw the line.  America is one big psychosomatic.  That's been my experience.
    Lets not get bogged down in psychosomantics.  Hey is there any place I can STREAM WWHOSE LINES IS IT ANYWAY?  OHHH MAN that'd hit the spot.  Looks like it imght be on Hulu.  My parents have Hulu!  I could figure out a way to get there myself.  It's the perfect Quarentine show!  Very light, no drama [hopefully comedy though!], just silliness bordering on stupidity.  In other words, yeah, I know we all think we're better than Whose Line Is It Anyway, either the British Version with some host I can't recall, the Drew Carey Version (THE BEST), or the Aiisha Tyler version ( SECOND BEST... I JUST DONT LIKE IT WHEN IT WAS A BRITISH SHOW!)
    What I'm trying to say is Whose Line Is It Anyway would be GREAT comfort food for the next few weeks.  Then, on to something new!  I'm considering Going Back To The Simpsons now that I'm smack dab in the middle of the best seasons.  II'm literally halfway through Lemon of Troy right now which has gotta be 1 of the top 20 episodes, right?  Well, it doesn't have to be.  That's for the voters to decide!  I think us artist/creative types, once Quarantine is being relaxed and we can go outside again with caution, will invariably like WELL FUCK I ACCOMLPISHED A FRACTION OF WHAT I WANTED TO AND NOW ITS OVER WHAAAATTT THE FUCKK IM SOME SORT OF DOTARD BUT WAIT MICHAEL EXPLAINED DOTART  MEANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT UGHHHHH.
That's the kind of life I'm anticipating in about 2-4 months.  Hoppefully more!  I gotta get started on my Life's Work and I need AT THE VERY LEAST 2 or 4 months.  Anyway, maybe keep writing a paragraph or two through Popcorn consumption.  Which will begin in about half an hour.  Also during 2nd beer of 2 consumption.  Which will begin in half a three minutes.  I think deep down, Hannibal Lector reflects the child inside of all of us.  Wow.  Insightful.  Alt ending to Lord of the Flies where they just eat each other. Also I'm not 100% on board with the Donner Party.  Look, if you need to eat people, eat people.  Don't make a party out of it!   You can do this in a measured shame-filled way.  Why try to make it into a joyous social occasion when it clearly is horrifying?
    Yep. that'll do it.  See ya again presumably tomorrow!

-2:08 P.M.




Saturday, April 18, 2020

Can't Stop Now!

    Hey Greaaat News!  We're still alive!   You're alive, too, right? ... Right??   RIGHT?!?!?  I can't even contemplate those of you/us who have lost people we love.  And I wish I could comfort people through Nonsense Website.  BUT I CAN'T so on we go!  Anyway, one of the most productive things I could do is to cut the amount of time I spend on thinking of titles and transfer that to time spent thinking about things to say.  TItles are what to say.  You think they're just random titles and they certainly appear to be random titles, even once entry is read, but I feel like somehow deep down they mean something.  Good.  Wonderful!  How many people are dead now?  Like 35 K of our American Amigos?  200K of Our World.. Amigos?  NOPE ONLY 150K or so for the world Well Done!  15 K in NY alone.  The walls are closing in on me/us!  The only advice I have is whatever you do, don't die!  That about covers it.
    Spend some time thinking of/picking a title, and the rest will come to me.  I was thinking about adding hamburger buns to Supermarket List and my first thought after THAT millisecond thought was wow fancy, am I really okay with such luxury in times of sacrifice and crisis?  I mean frozen hamburger is okay, bread is ok, why do I need Special Bread for Special Hamburger.  We all have to eat frozen Chuck Meat either Chopped Steak Style or Regular Bread Style!  DO YOUR DUTY AS CITIZENS.  Anyway, I dunno.  I've been goin' strong doing this every day for about a month.  I can't stop now.  That's what today's 1st title is/was all about!  Also I've got beer today so that'll help.  Anyway.  Dad is teching On Computer down stairs.  I'd tell you more but I have Voyeur/Teacher/Student Confidentiality, you know how it is.
    I've never seen anyone talk about the movie High School High.  Where Jon Lovitz teaches high school.  I wonder why.  It sure existed as a movie, sort of in the style of Naked Gun movies.  A parody one might say, as well!  But I guess no one is saying it because no one ever saw it.  I know my brother saw it.  We watched the same stuff 90% of the time.  Let's get my brother in here, see his thoughts on High School High.  I give it a 8 out of 10 for entertaining me as a child, and if I saw it again right now, I'd say probably 8 out of ten for entertaining me THE FIRST TIME I see it now but over time it would become just a 5 or 6.  This is what The People NEED these days. 
I mean, how many movies are there where Jon Lovitz is the star?  I know The Cricket as a TV Show, but movies?  You guys you gotta get on top of this.  Anyway, I've perpetually on and off had a tiny scab on the top of my left nostril, and I was just wondering, is it okay to pick the outside of yuor nose?  Or is that cutting it too close.  Also is that why people get nose rings?  Sorta feels like picking your nose all the time?  Probably not because that's not how physics or nose rings work.  But it might be what inspires them to get it in the first time and then over time they find out it's not what they signed up for.
    I've never really thought about getting a piercing and/or tattoo.  I have 2 or 3 small tiny scars mostly from touching things that are too hot, so I figure that's all the Style I need.  Each one has a story behind it.  This main one, I got it from when I was 7 or so and I was taking apart this electronic game with scissors and I guess I cut myself pretty bad cause there's a scar now.  2nd scab, perhaps the most notable even though it's not as pronounced, I got it from eating a bag of doritos.  I know in physics and in how nose rings work that's impossible-- but I didn't' have it before the bag of doritos and I did after did.  So you explain that one to me!  Third one is nothin'.  Touched a hot stove tray or somethin. 
So the point is No Tattoos for me!  Besides, I'd never be happy with it.  I'm always striving for something Greater than what I had or thought yesterday.  Tattoos can't do that!  It's the Opposite of what I'm all about!  Unless it's some REALLLY Great Tattoo that explains that as wel as aother things and is CLEVER and is PUN and is in most likely the best place on my body.  Anyway most likely lunch in a bit will be open facedd Hamburger (with REGULAR WHOLE WHEAT BREAD) and some Frozen Fries (HEATED UP THROUGH THE MAGIC OF OVEN).  And then for dinner my Dad's been talkin' about Spaghetti for a while so probably that, or if not, make myself some panned cakes.  WWonder bar!
Anyway I ate a Fiber One Bar yesterday that wasn't the one I asked for but the one they sent as a back up.  THIS SUCKER HAS PEANUTS IN IT.  OHHH MAN I CAN'T STAND PEANUTS.  HOWEVER there was a time in fall 2009 where I was binging on cookies and pastries and candies EXPONENTIALLY and I remember getting Snickers sometimes even though I don't like the nuts and I still don't like the nuts but it was some Flavor Nostarlgia so in the end I was okay with it.  Eww, I just thought of something.  What if One or More people hwo are reading this website Die.  That's no good.  Either they've already died and here I am cracking jokes or they're laughing along with me now and then they die.  Oh well, stay alive, that's rule #1.  Rule #2 is don't talk about trying to stay alive.
    Ugh.  I'm basically doing what I've been doing all along trying to stay alive.  Safe Food, wiping everything down, staying inside, using gloves and disinfecting wipes.  Washing my hands like a mofo.  It's become Routine, right?  But that doesn't mean I shuold become complicit or something.  Just because I'm getting used to Quarentine Life doesn't mean ok well the trouble is behind us now.  Because for us, yeah, getting acclimated to our new routine Is A Good Thing.  But it sorta obscures the fact that thate is still a lot of danger and damage still out there that we WILL experience.  A Loooot. Ugh.  Take care of yourselves you idiots don't be a dummy.
    Ah, now to drink my first sip of alcohol!  It's what Adam Schlesinger would have wanted.  9th paragraph!  I don't believe it.  But all the facts line up, it checks out completely.  I check out completley once I start writing.  Titles is tough, but then after a few sentences I get into a groove and then Check Out Completely.  Well, not completely.  But to a significant percent.  Anyway.  Trump is a big baby.  Not 100% sure if he cares about the economy so much that's why he's being such a Corona Jerk, I think part of it is him being a baby going BUT I DON'T WANT TO WASH MY HANDS!!!!  And he's throwing a tantrum but the bad news is 35-45% of the country is gonna see that tantrum and be like YEAH WE DON'T WANNA WASH OUR HANDS EITHER HE'S GOT A POINT!!!!
Wonderful.  I get that Trump probably washes his hands because he's supposedly a germophobe.  Maybe he's just exploiting his position to encourage Tantrums In Other People.  Maybe he's throwing a tantrum that I DON'T WANNA BE PRESIDENT AND HELP PEOPLE IN A CRISIS THATS NOT WHY I GOT INTO THIS JOB.  The point is We Want To Be Responsible And Avoid Death(s) and many are like BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT NO FAIR!!!!  Anyway, just got up to the point in Oz where... oh... spoilers.  My favorite football team is the Houston Spoilers.  Which could make sense as a pun in Football as far as I know.  Like they're out of contention at the end of the season but they beat some other team in contention and then it's like GREAT THANKS A LOT YOU SPOILED OUR SEASON YOU SPOILER.
  Frankly My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn.  JESUS C'MON WITH THE SPOILERS I THUOGHT HE WAS GONNA GIVE A DAMN.  Play It Again Sam.  FUCK NOW NOT ONLY DO I KNOW HE WANTS SAM TO PLAY IT AGAIN BUT I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE SAM WAS GONNA PLAY IT THE FIRST TIME.  Those are jokes???  Something along those lines.  Anyway.  Tough for me to get into Joe Biden Tweets.  Not neccesarily because of politics, but more because of demographics.  He's appealing to his base of old people in what he says and how he says it, which is fine, I get it.  But its just a constant reminder that people like me aren't being politically tended to.  THANKS A LOT TWITTER SPOILERS.  Only problem is, he probably has more people under 45 who support him on Twitter than over.  Because Twitter is too complicated for all sorts of Silent Generations.  They'll never get on Twitter because the priority for them is to be silent! 
    I dunno.  I won't be able to eat for another 2 hours or so.  I can, "Deal," with that.  Why was deal in quotes.  Pretty standard word to use.  I'm, "Down," with that.  Oh right that's it.  For some reason I've taken to saying that phrase, with the quotes, every other entry.  Is that how Comedy People develop their comic idiosyncrasies?  Am I just gonna be on stage in 15 years repeating, "I'm, DOWN, With That?"  Probably not because I'm gonna be older than 45 by 1 and thus I will be part of the silent generation myself  Sure I know how generations work.  Maybe YOU don't know how generations work, ever thought of that?I  Anyway, next NonTrump president is #45, right?  Or is it #44 because they skipped the thirteenth president out of superstition.  Millard Fillmore.  One of the most forgettable presidencies EVER.  Although it inspired the names of characters in the wonderful movie Screwed.  With Norm Macdonald, Dave Chappelle, Danny Devito, and the lovely Sarah Silverman.  Also that old lady who shows up in places sometimes and the guy who played George Jefferson.  That about covers it.  Good movie, though! 
    Norm Macdonald's name was Willard Fillmore.  The Dave Chappeles and Danny Devitos of the world who were specifically in this movie also have Presidential Names.
  Anyway, lets move on and crap.  Was anyone like Now In The Era Of The Jeffersons We Are Finally A Post Racial Society.  My guess?  YEAH PROBABLY SOE DUMBASS TV CRITICS SAID THAT.  Probably some DUMBASS academics, too!  Little did they know how much of dumbasses they were.  The point is if I was Joe Biden and had a car and knew how to drive and knew how to arrange a custom license plate I'd go with Biden 45.  Strut some of that cockiness, c'mon.  I know you've got a cocky side let's see it That's What My Generation Is Looking For!  But BE COCKY ABOUT THE RIGHT THINGS.  AND ALSO NOT W... oh yeah just remember the credible accusation of rape against you.  Hmm.  Well, in that case... GO FUCK YOURSELF I DEMAND A RECOUNT OF DELEGATES LETS GET SOMEONE ELSE IN THERE AT THE CONVENTION YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
    Sweet.  14th paragraph!  Figure I'll take a break soon.  Tales Of The Crypt Episodes aren't gonna re-watch themselves for the half dozenth time over the last few weeks.  Maybe they will.  Spooky.  Then tehre's some episodes that I haven't been rewatching because they're ither mediocre or I Just Don't Dig Em.  I kinda like the one where's a kid werewolf adopted by vampire parents which is a fine premise enough and is done well and whatnot but I JUST CAN'T GET EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.  Maybe it's because, deep down, I'm a kid Werewolf and I've been adopted by Vampire Parents.  (they/he didn't know he was a werewolf at the time of adoption but only found at the end, when it all works out and this kid eats the shit out of the vampires before they can eat his blood.
    Alright FINE I'll rewatch it.  1/2 of the 27 minutes is just Them Giving Werewolf Boy a lot of Sweets to eat because I guess that makes his blood all the sweeter.  So it's just 10 minutes of him stuffing his face with all sorts of crap.  Kinda boring.  Anyway I was thinking of the phrase You Kinda Like Me as a retort to something or another and I just remembered its from Gob talking to Michael [The Korn Is Implied] Bluth.  So I figured that one out.  If you combine Michael Corleone and Michael Bluth you get Yours Truly!  Which is a fine turn of phrase but it doesn't mean what you want it to mean.  Isn't it great to find your name in things.  I bet!  That's part of my sickness, though, being hinest.  Whenever I'm watching a movie and they go MICHAEL LETS DO THIS or something I'm always like C'MON WHY DOES EVERYONE IN EVERY MOVIE HAVE TO BE MICHAEL?  AND HOW COME YOU'RE ONLY USING NAMES FOR THIS ONE CHARACTER IN THIS MOVIE.  I'M ONTO YOUR SHENANIGANS GET ME OUT OF YOUR MOVIE!  On the other hand hte year I was born and for most years the most popular boy's name is Michael.  Which is weird.  I've never met another Michael or Mike in my life, now that I think about it.  Guess it's just me.
    There was a period of time I thought about changing my name, at least as a fake name for writer, as Adam Toussaint.  I like it because Adam is my real life Middle Name, a reference to my real life Hebrew name (Avram) and Toussaint reminds me of Croissant.  So I got that name in my back pocket should I ever need to use it.  Alright take a break after this paragraph 4 realz.  Anyway.  Watched 1st episode of The Wired last night, maybe start transitioning from Oz into Wire.  Wait a minute... Ozwire.. The, "Lee," episode of Tenacious D: The HBO Show,"  The Name Harvey...  LEE HARVEY OSWIRED.  I'll take that as a sign I should stop immediately.


Website?!  More Like... Well... Hmm...

    I like McNulty.  He's The Protagonist.  Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  Anyway poured myself some coffee with SUGAR LIKE A CHUMP.  The real kicker is wegot several deliveries from amazon, one of which I KNOW contains a package of Equal, but Mom insists on letting it site for 2 or 3 days.  Also, when Martin Luther King said we are all equal he was saying we are all artificial sweeteners which when you think about it makes a lot of sense.  The world is Coffee and jerks are sugar yet the best of us are Splenda.  Who realize we are all equal.  Sweet 'n Down Lo.  ...Truvia.  Two facts about this paragraph-- not sure Martin Luther King ever said we are all equal.  Two-- The three times I used the name Martin Luther King (twice here, one in google) I kept almost wanting to write Michael J Fox.  I'm confusing Michael J Fox with Martin Luther King is the point but in the end they had a lot of the same ideas and how to get there. 
    How did Michael J Fox figure out the, "J," would make or break his name.  Michael Fox?  Who the fuck is that dude I don't wanna see that idiot in tv or movies.  Michael J Fox?  NOW YOU'RE TALKING I WONDE WHAT IT STANDS FOR YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOESN'T MATTER I LIKE IT ALL THE SAME.  Ah, just googled it, his middle name is Andrew, glad we got that sett... WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?  At least it turns out he's Canadian you got lucky this time.  Next time there won't be a next time.  Anyway, not only did he decide to use an initial as a middle name, he had 26 to choose from!  He settled on, "J."  It's impossible to know his exact thought process but on the surface, my feelings are he did pretty good.  8 Points in scrabble, J is.  Also it just sounds kind of Out There or Edge.  Michael
J Fox oh man this guy is a trip.
Anyway.  This paragraph might be the last of this mini-section.  Wrote it because I Had Coffee and what am I supposed to do Drink Hot Coffee while watching TV lying down in bed I DON'T PLAY THOSE GAMES.  I play Parcheesi or at least I'd LIKE to if I ever figure out what it is again I dno't remember.  Anyway, Parcheesi, reminds me of a Thing I wrote down earlier today.  Where did, "say cheese!" come from as a direction before a picture is taken.  Is it just pronouncing the word Cheese makes your teeth smile in such a way that is aesthetically pleasing in photographs?  That's my guess but I'm gonna look it up anyway cause that's just the kind of guy I am! Well I'm a genius it's the, "Ch," sound that makes smiles happen.  Sweet!  That's not how I smile, though.  I think these days its irresponsible to go say cheese taking a class picture or something.  Everyone's got their own kind of smiles, why make everyone smile in the same rigidly way IT'S WRONG ITS VERY WRONG.  YOU'RE STIFLING CREATIVITY AND INDIVIDUALITY YOU JERK YOU'RE FIRED.


These Kids Don't Seem To Have All The Answers

    See, look, I learned something from hearing my Dad teach here and there.  Maybe cause it's a Sat Morning class.  When he teached Weekday Evenings I hear more from the kids on the other end.  Today they don't seem as into it.  Anyway now I know it's okay if I don't have all the answers.  And, even if its not okay, I STILL DON'T.  So, great, got that going for me!  Anyway, sugar turns out to be about 1/2 the calories I was guessing.  But I still prefer Artificially Sweetened Powder.  It's got the Zero calroies I like and that sweet sweet taste I've grown to love!  I like Truvia because its healtheir or something.  I read any article about it once or twice and went hmm that's interesting.  Because its naturally occuring or something.  Turns out I'm thinking of Stevia.  Turns out A Lot Of Things.
Anyway, one of the hardest I ever laughed when I was a teenager was, we had a friend named Steve/Seven, who was a little on the chunky side-- pretty fat but not like a monster or anything.  And we made fun of him for that. [sorry we were kids].  And we were hanging out and he had just bought a birthday card for his mother and we saw it and the phrase it had was From The Both Of Us.  And we intuitively realized pretty quickly it meant him and his younger brother, but the idea that he was so fat there was two of him... oh... good times.  That's all the stories about people named Steve or Steven.  Elliott Smith's real name was Steve and/or Steven.  WAsn't a fan!  Changed his name to Elliott.  Presumably he thought it wuold give him a leg up at being friends with extra terrestrials.
    Aren't we all extra terrestrials.  Let's be honest, terrestrials would all be fine without us individually.  Nobody needs us is the point.  Maybe that's what Elliott Smith was all about. I don't have all the answers I'm just like the kids in my Dad's class Even If I Had The Answer I'd Shut Up I GOT THINGS TO DO THIS AFTERNOON.  Anyway.  One and a half cups of coffee down, 1 beer down, will drink at least 1 more beer POSSIBLY TWO and will fininish this 2nd cup of coffee POSSIBLY HAVE ONE MORE.  And, great, wonderful, what else is going on.  What if Biden picks Donald Trump to be his vice president.  If he really wants to be a unity candidate seems like a solid step towards that.  The funny part is for a millisecond Biden would be like... hmm, may--...no that wouldn't work.
Wonderful!  I dunno.  If Biden DOES pick a Republican, any Republican, then HOLY SHIT FUCK THIS GUY YOU'RE WORKIN' ME.  I WILL abstain if there's a Republican VP.  I just couldn't.  I know I shouldn't say that but that's a bridge too far.  Pun intended?  Kinda a half pun.  A theoretical pun.  A metaphorical pun.  You get it!  BECAUSE I WAS TALKING ABOUT BRIDGES I THINK HE'S GONNA PICK CHRIST CHRISTIE BECAUSE OF HIS WONDERFUL WORK ON BRIDGES.
    I dunno.  I'd say 50% chance it's either Kamala Harris or Stacy Abrams, 15% chance Warren, 1/3rd chance someone else.  Prove me wrong!  1/3rds is a lot.  Don't be like YOU WERE WAY OFF when he picks someone else I SAID 33% THAT'S PLENTY!  You know what I'd like.  Biden is like in the center of a wrestling ring, with an audience despite Coronavirus, and is like, you might like to meet my VP candidate, here he is... And then someone doing the harmonica to Once Upon A Time In The West tune on the loudspeakers and then Tim Kaine emerges from the back onto the long corridor from the entrance to the ring.  Preferably in Wild West Getup with a cowboy hat.  You know for, the Arizona/Nevada/New Mexico/MAYBE EVEN TEXAS vote.  Makes sense to me!!!
    I'll tell you this, you haven't seen the last of Tim Kaine!! -Tim Kaine, 2016.  Anyway, in retrospect, I don't think there's a 15% chance its Warren. I'd be happy with Warren.  But its probably more like 10%.  And maybe mix in Other Primary Candidates in specifying the horsy race.  But that's behind me now i'm already into new and better paragraphs!  Anyway, have you heard the good news about the growing red mark on the inside of my wrist?  Because, if you haven't-- Yep!  Still there and still growing!  And I can't pop it presumably because that might be as good as cutting my wrists open which is a big risk.  That's my impression of anatomy.  Maybe that's a symptom of Covid-19.  Maybe it isn't!  I'm guessing it isn't or else I'd have heard about it!
    I dunno.  If Biden has a VP thats a Democrat, ANY Democrat, then HOLY SHIT THIS TICKET IS GOOD ENOUGH I GUESS I'M GONNA VOTE FOR IT!  Prove me wrong!  Ooop Michael what about Bernie Sanders he's an independent.  Ooop WHY MUST YOU KEEP USING THE TERM MICHAEL IT'S NOT NEEDED HERE AT ALL WHAT KINDA GAME U PLAYING?  Well, this is going on.  Gonna start Hamburger & Fries in a while.  It's Freezer Fast Food.  Triple F.  I don't think I'd support Triple H as a VP Pick.  That's just how I feel about Wrestling.  Remember when it was a thing for a few weeks that The Rock was going all over the place saying he was gonna run in 2020?  What happened to that.  Oh you misunderstood I meant I would do cardio in 2020.  Oh okay Now I get it.
I dunno.  Also my Dad's class ended and I was talkin' to him about my impression that the students weren't that into it, and he was like well a lot of them were answering In The Chat Room or whatever.  So I stand corrected!  Anyway.  Haven't had a haircut in I believe 2 months but possibly 3 months.  Shave my moustache area and goatee area every week or so but for some reason not the rest of it.  It's too hard!  Get off my case about it!  Man it really boils my nuggets to know I've got Equal in one of these Amazon Boxes BUT THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.  Hmm maybe I should boil my nuggets.  Hmm, indeed.  Nothin' like a good Nugget Boilin'.  Denver Nuggets and Texas Boilers.  See it all wraps around That's What Good Writers Do!  No it isn't.


Remember-- I'm A Child

    I can't stop not remembering!  Looks like Hamburger isn't in the cards because II know how to make it-- defrost in microwave, put in oven to cook, but my Mom who is sleeping is like NO YOU GOTTA SEE ME DO IT AND I DON'T WANNA DO IT and I'm like B'Mom I WAN-- and she's like EAT SOMETHING ELSE.  So bad news no hambuger  Good news a bit of turkey left over and will pad that with some Chicken slices.  (Along with the standard 1 slice of bread and Frenched Fries)  So that will occur in about 40 minutes or so.  Dinner looks like Spaghetti.  I like spghatti because hey it's like macaroni and tomato sauce had a baby.  I get that macaroni could be a blanket term for all pasta.  I get a lot of things!  Which is pretty impressive considering I'm A Child.
    Uh oh I'm in my 30's!  NEVER SAW IT COMIN'.  I keep getting progressively better at stuff though.  Haven't had a cigarette in over a year.  Stopped gambling my own money.  Now I know how to cook macaroni.  If that's not progress, I don't know what is.  One recurring thought I have is How much would someone have to pay me to Smoke One Single Cigarette.  Like, let's say 1,000 dollars.  Would I do it?  At first thought, yeah sure take that bet.  But what if there's even like a 10% chance I become addicted again by that one cigarette?  That would cost me more than 10x 1,000 dollars over the years.  A lot of it is subjective, too.  How much do I vale My Own Life Expectancy.  There must be a number, though.  Off the top of my head, let's say 1 million dollars.  Definitely would do it for that.  Just don't know the exact number.
    And I probably wouldn't do it for $1,000.  Cause, like I said, even on a cost analysis I end up losing more than I get by the odds.  I dunno what else is going on and crap.  DAMNIT I WAS THINKING ABOUT HAMBURGER SINCE WAKE UP TIME THAT'S WHY I WAS TALKING ABOUT HAMBURGER BUNS WAY BACK WHEN.  You can't always get what you want though presumably that's what I've heard at least here or there.  The good news is I haven't experimented with this new Great Hot Sauce on Spaghet mixed with tomato sauce so I'm interested in seeing how all that plays out.  Whattado with the rest of the day after lunch.  Watch more The Wire.  The wire refers to when they tap a telephone line so they can hear what's being said.  CRACKED THAT CODE!  Alright I'm gonna take a break for half an hour, then finish this entry up when I'm eating/soon after I'm done eating.

The Jokes On You-- I Can Make My Own Sandwich!

    This time around the Xtra Hot Sauce seems strangely palatable.  Like BBQ Sauce.  This time around this'll be the last section of the entry.  I like the wire because I like to judge people.  Sometimes it's like Hey I'm Way Better at being a person than this guy but every now and then its like Okay this guy or girl is a pretty good person I gotta admit.  Either way its a learning experienec.  Jimi Hendrix.  The point is going light on the hot sauce is almost too not hot sauce.  I mean, it tastes empirically better, but where's the Uncomfortableness?  Where's the self loathing that I would choose to have such a desctructive habit.  Nowhere, that's who!
I dunno.  I straight up used a tablespoon to determine how much hot sauce to use.  I poured it into a tablespoon until it was full.  Then drizzled it on the sandwich.  Anyway am I still supposed to vote for Bernie Sanders Whenever NY Primary Does Happen?  My guess is yep increases his bargaining power.  Now the question is when/if will NY have primaries?  I saw a disturbing statistic about people when asked do you support postponing elections if coronavirus is still giong on, like 40% said YES.  And not just Republicans.  Across Dems, Republicans, and Independence, THEY WERE ALL SAYIN' AROUND 40%  On the other hand a clear majority of people Don't support it.  And sometimes the majority wins in politics.  It usually doesn't happen but it has been known to happen on occasion.  The point is Could These Fries have been more well done?  Yeah, probably.
    I dunno.  Maybe the last paragraph!  Lots of paragraphs today.  Anyway in light of Coronavirus I have decreased The Five Second Rule to The Two Second Rule.  We all have to make sacrificies this is but one of them.  I have also increased the 30 minute rule of heating up french fries to the 50 minute rule.  I may look the other way on 40, 45 minutes, BUT DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK.  I've got 1 more beer scheduled for today.  Won't crack it open until Entry Is Finished!  Wunderbar.  The point is it was a relatively late lunch which is great because dinner is right around the corner.  And I like to eat!  I ate a whole ton of Macaroni last night.  I'd do it again Right Now if there was any left!  Okay, see ya'll later.

-2:24 P.M. 


Friday, April 17, 2020

I Have Nothing To Say

    But that won't stop me from not not saying it!  So lemme get this straight-- I am saying it, despite not having anything to be said.  Ok checks out let's move on.  Anyway I'm getting hungry but its not lunchtime yet so I decided to drink beer.  One would imagine beer is filling to some extent.  I've never seen a study on when and if drinking whatever could satisfy your hunger, but you would guess it could, right?  You could also guess it couldn't.  You can abstain from guessing.  Or you could just know.  My guess is something's are filling but some others aren't.  Anyway my Mom found me a new notebook for use.  Writing Stuff Down use!  Got some thoughts I wrote down during my Hour Circle Walk I'd like to burn though.
    Diet Coke vs Zero Sugar Coke.  Obviously different things, and if  they're not, greatest scam ever perpetrated on consumers in HISTORY I wanna say.  But I think the point is, I picked this up somewhere, Zero Sugar is supposed to taste more like The Original and Diet is supposed to taste like.. I dunno. The truth is when Zero Sugar formats started coming out for different sodas I was against it.  Look I'm pot committed to these diet sodas I ain't gonna change allegiance just for your halfbaked idea for New Diet Sodas. ...But then again, I should try i--- WOOOOOOAH this tastes like... well... very similar to diet coke but my mind is playing tricksies on me to make it seem better.
That's a metaphor for life.  Prove me wrong!  Anyway I'd like to put an In Memorium thing for my life--  Taking Walks and Getting Coffees, 2018-2020.  Then hopefully 2020-2076.  I figure 2076 is a fair time for me to die.  I'd be 77 (unless its after Dec 12), that's not so bad.  Also I've been walking my entire life and drinking iced coffee on and off for a long time, too.  But the combination of the two is whats driving this memorial.  Ok, another thing I wrote down-- "Don Chipotle," --- Is that a thing?  And writing it made me miss Chipotle.  Ugh.  Please, Mr. Sheet is my father's name.  You can call me Crazy.  What else I got.  Probably not gonna contact Grace Meng.  If anything, she should contact me!  Ain't MY job to listen to constituents psychically That's All Her.  Anyway, you make the call.  I'm busy with the stupidest thoughts I've ever written down because I wanted to break in my new notebook.
    Was looking at my DVD case of, "Cop & A Half," which I believe is a reference to when the dealer gives you 50% more of your purchase which is a great way to retain customers.  Anyway.  I figured out a great way to deal with an Itchy Asshole.  Try to calm that inch FROM WITHIN.  Try to force a fart, or at least mimic that process.  That'll scratch the itch with pressure and without you lifting a finger!  Anyway Hello Again.  That's more or less what I conjured up in 60 minutes.  But it's good to go into an entry with just a little bit thought out.  It's good to do a lot of things!  HEY today I believe is MY one month anniversary of Quarantine.  The point is I put on pants that are too tight because I've probably gained ~2-4 pounds in the last month.  THANKS A LOT CORONAVIRUS.  YOU MAKIN' ME LOOK BAD.  Luckily no one will be the wiser.  The point is Itchy Asshole, while being gross, is real C+ material!  And practical advice!
    Also in the Simpsons what makes Itchy so much better than Scratchy.  In many ways.  Obviously he's much clever.  He certainly has more blood lust than scratchy.  I've hardly ever seen Scratchy exhibit any sort of violent tendencies.  He's just an innocent victim, over and over again.  Doesn't seem right.  Wow.  Anyway I think next episode I have lined up is Lemon of Troy.  Which for me at least is a classic episode.  Let's estimate there's 20 or so Real Classic Episodes for me in particular.  That's one of 'em!  I just remembered my best line.  But without context you wouldn't get it.  And I'm not one to provide context when I don't have to.  Youuu Figure It Out!
    Anyway 2 meals today for lunch and dinner, I have some macaroni lined up for one of the meals, and 3 egg open faced sandwich with some frozen Frenched Fries as another meal.  PROBABLY in that order but II WILL NOT COMMIT TO THAT YET.  Stop trying to get me to commit to things  I'm an Uncommitted Person!  Or at least that's the direction I've been trending.  I used to be a fairly committal person but I realized THAT'S HARD TO COMMIT TO THINGS so I just decided one day to be uncommitted.  In my mind, when I say macroni, I always picture it uncooked.  So whenever I say or read macaroni I just picture it hard and uncooked and am like Who would EVER want to eat that?  I think this is on account of rarely if ever eating it as a kid but looking at boxes of it all the time in cupboards.  So we got that worked out, my fear of macaroni.  What else do we need to figure out this entry.
    I remember at some point doing research into cup o' noodles/ramen stuff that there are people that are like I EAT IT UNCOOKED ITS NICE AND CRUNCHY.  Which was the stupidest thing I ever hard.  And then I DID the stupidest thing I ever heard which was Try That and now I'm the stupid one I guess.  They got me good!  Anyway seventh paragraph and still 2 hours or so until lunch.  On the other hand I have yet to open Beer I of II for today.  Hey good news yesterday I abstained from beer all day long!  Now I will celebrate by drinking beer.  Makes sense to me.  The point is I believe I've written an entry everyday since QUiarentine.  Maybe missed 1 or 2 days in the beginning but Hey Here I Am Don't Forget There Are Good Things In Life ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN and that good thing is the guy whose me NOW let's get down to brass tacks You've had the free version NOW ITS TIME TO PAY THE PIPER.  Gonna only put out 1 free one a week and for a low low fee you can get FIVE a week!  So low, I'D BE THE ONE PAYING FOR YOU!!
    Because I'm a great business man.  Gotta create some buzz.  And paying people to read this is just the kind of kick in the pants my career needs to kick into overdrive.  Why do I want any of this to happen?  Just for kicks.  Hey we're gonna punch you.  WHY JUST BECAUSE I KICKED YOU?  Yep just for kicks.  SEEMS FAIR CARRY ON.  I dunno.  I'm wearing my Elliott Smith Brown Shirt which is good because I like that guy and don't mind sharing that fact through fashion but its bad because his name is written VERTICALLY on the SIDE OF MY BODY so unless someone's doing my laundry they'll never even see it.  So basically It's A Good Decent Brown Shirt + I Know That It's Tributary Even If No One Else Does.    


Don't I Know It!

    Probably not.  I know maybe around 35-45% of things.  If I were a betting man, and I am, I'd guess I don't know it.  At even odds, at least.  If I was getting 5 to 1 that I DO know it and only 1:1 that I DON'T know it well then that changes everything.  Also I need to find gambling buddies to kick this into overdrive!  What do you mean gambling is illegal to organize. That sounds fake.  Maybe its 1 to 5 odds.  I forget which one means which.  I'm not a very good gambler.  Anyway had Frozen Hamburger last night with no bread but some fries and I gotta say Nice Frozen Hamburger I Can Dig It!  And speaking of digging into it, my Mom had a great idea of chopping it up finely and adding that to spaghetti and we got a Bolognese Situation Developing!
    Wonderful.  Lunch is creeping up.  One and a half hours, two hours, somewhere around that.  And I'm about to take my first sip of Beer.  Ideal situation is finishing 1 before lunch and preparing for lunch and drinking 2 as a reward for Eating Lunch.  They all thought it couldn't be done.  That'd I'd never be able to eat lunch again.  I'm Gonna Prove Them Haters All Wrong By Eating Lunch [AS LONG AS THERE'S A TREAT INVOLVED FOR DOING IT].  Anyway, if horror films that talk about the devil and occult are haunted and cursed, I wanna make some films like What Dreams May Come but GOOD.  If you're talkin' up God and Heaven presumably he'd be like man what a great production of a film and the film itself.  Wishes Granted For Everybody!
So, great, what else.  Remember that movie The Ten Commandments and how all the actors in it are still alive at 115 years old?  Also, Ten Plagues, Followed by Ten Commandments... man the Bible is one real, "Base 10," book.  Me?  I'm non-base-binary. I'll figure out a way to conceptualize numbers and counting MY OWN WAY thank you very much!  Also weren't there 20 commandments based on my limited understanding of Bible?  First there are ten commandments then people are partying and worshipping false gods and Moses was like FUCK THIS SHIT and broke the ten commandments Grave Stone Tablet Type Thing.  ANd then they were like OH SHIT WE WERE JUST PARTYING HERE LET'S DO IT AGAIN.  And Moses has to go back to God and be like, Hey I accidentally dropped those commandments you wanna go over them with me one more time?  Sure Moses isn't gonna sell out his followers.  That's what makes him Moses!
    40 Years in the desert in between.  For some reason, now that I think about it, I always kinda liked that aspect of the story.  I think because of the mana.  Yeah being in the desert sucks and 40 years is A LONG TIME (well, compared to their purported life exptencies, not as bad) but FUCKIN SHIT GOOD GRUB IS FALLING FROM THE HEAVENS.  It's like South by Southwest crossed with Burning Man crossed with some 3rd reference that I know exists but I can't pull.  Bonnaroo?  Is that a thing?  OH Gathering Of the Juggallos.  Microsoft Frontpage doesn't know what Juggalos are.  I envy them.  TThe point is those Ancient Israelites were microdosing all the time for FORTY YEARS.  What kind of mana were they getting, I forget.  Hopefully the essentials.  Bread, Milk, and Eggs.  Bread and eggs are Pavre I believe and Milk is... well, milk. Dairy.  So you should be okay with any combo.  Maybe eggs aren't pavre.  I've wasted too much time thinking about it!
    Imagine how much nicer it would be for the Ancient Isrealites to have tobacco cigarettes.  Oh, right, what Mana did they get.  Also Mana is a thing in Magic: The Gathering: The Card Game.  Ok, sorry.  What did they get.  Hmm, turns out Manna is ITS OWN THING.  Where can I get my hands on some Manna.  Do I need to lead some kind of group of Isrealites back... too... Isreal... where a lot of them are already?  C'mon there's gotta be another way to get some manna!!!  Also when I was misspelling it mana I saw that to some people that's what they call the practice of drinking your own urine.  Which I guess is better than other people's urine.  At least you know where your urine has been.
    I dunon.  Whatta clunker!  Don Chipotle.  Always looking for a burrito that doesn't exist as per my understanding.  There's also the fighting windmills, that's something I picked up somewhere.  I don't understand how any Energy Production works but Windmills I REALLY don't get.  How do you harnass kinetic energy into energy that can be stored and/or then used.  I'M NOT BUYIN IT WINDMILLS ARE A BIG SCAM I'M WITH DON CHIPOTLE LET'S FIGHT 'EM ON THEIR OWN TURF THEY CERTAINLY AREN'T MOVING TO US THEY ARE STATIONARY.
    I remember as a kid I had a friend who had the kind of station wagon where the back most seats were faced in the opposite direction, looking Behind The Car.  And I remember thinking that was the coolest thing ever.  But then when I started taking LIRR for high school I could choose to go backwards ANY TIME I WANT well not any time it got very very crowded in the morning but in the afternoon ANY TIME I WANT.  That's MY policy on going backwards.  The point is we got some deliveries frm Amazon that my Mom set up for certain groceries but we haven't gone through them and I get the impression the few things I asked for wouldn't be there yet.  DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!
    Anyway, one more paragraph, then cool off for an hour or so, then get crackin' on cookin' some lunch!  I'd like to meet the leader of a Mafia Group and I'm like who are you and he's like Don Quixote and I smirk and he's like WHY DOES EVERYONE SMIRK AT ME I AM VERY SENSITIVE.  Ugh.  Anyway did I tell you I have some sort of bug bite on my wrist?  And it's not definitely a bug bite?  I might have used a needle that probably doesn't exist injecting something that doesn't exist or extracting blood from something that doesn't exist In My Sleep.  All interesting explanations but the point is in the mean time I'm Takin' A Break.  Hah.  Itchy Asshole.  Scratch that Itch from the inside.  The entry isn't a total bust!


You're Too Kind

    That's what I say to Special Marijuana YA HEAR ME BRUH? Didn't mean to imply Kind Marijuana is related to communities that use the term bruh. Is that offensive? I don't think so.  To think anyone was offended by such a piece of crap really boils my nuggets.  Did I just wanna use the phrase, "Boils My Nuggets?"  Yes in retrospect that's 80% the cause of these few sentences.  Also, to assume I'm not prejudiced against any community or have any ill will or bad thoughts towards them, but in fact see us all as the community known as The Human Race... you're too kind!  The point is Lunch is The Egg kind.  3 Egg 1 Toast dozen fries.  Yo check out the eggs on that chicken.  WHERE LEMME SEE!!! 
    Today is Friday.  I think it was very clever of the Friday franchise because that's when movies (used to?) open.  On Fridays.  Now every other film opens on Wednesday Nights and those who don't usually open on Thursday Nights.  But the point is at the time people were like Hey it's Friday, lets go see that movie about today, Friday.  Very Clever!  Anyway just started lunch just now!  After FFriday nonsense.  We're talking Exactly What I Told You Lunch Would Be Before.  Some cheap Tobasco sauce instead of Extra Hot Sauce cause there's very little left and I wanna get rid of it.  Then some crushed red pepper.  Now we're taking!  Hey that's some good lunch.  Macaroni is in 6 hours or so!  Hey that's a good day.  Lemme start Part II of II of beer and see where that takes us.  OH SHIT FORGOT TO TAKE A PAPER TOWN BRB... I was in such a rouch to not write Towel Correctly.!!
    Hey good news I just found a paper towel just lying around figure that's good for hygeine.  Hey remember Subway.  I would get that crappy sandwich with all to crappy toppings.  I miss the past.  I find it hard to accept there will be a world without Subways but hey what can ya do.  They already wear gloves putting together your order.  I think they already wear masks!  In my mind they wear masks.  Hmm, partly because they're Asian Ladies making my sandwich at Subway and Asian People In Neighborhood On My Walks intermittendly wore masks Before This!  It's not a stereotype if its true and I'm not passing judgement one way or the other.  If anything, good fo them, they're way ahead of the game!
    Anyway, music still gets released on Fridays.  Didn't use to!  It used to be Tuesdays.  Now its Fridays.  SSo much new music, so little will I listen to them in the immediate future.  I'm working my way up to it!  I'm still up to Rolling Stones Exile On Main Street IM ONLY SIX ALBUMS IN TO ALL THE HISTORY OF ALL MUSIC!  Also why is it a thing where Young Lady Musicians/Actors/whatever make their eyes slanty.  Maybe as a tribute to people wearing face masks taking walks in the park.  But I don't get it!  Hopefully this trend goes the other way over a few years and they get slanted eyes vertically.  That's what I'm using 1 of my 3 wishes on.  The other 2 have to do with Infinity More Wishes and Tell Me How You Became a Genie.
  Lunch was good but its already done!  All I have left to remember lunch by is this empty plate and this 1/2nds beer.  Anyway maybe this'll be the last paragraph.  It had its moments but now its time to say goodbye.  I like having the flame HIGH when making eggs or boiling water.  Mom is like stop this is too high.  And I'm like I WANNA SEE IT GET RED NOT THIS BLUE CRAP.  I I dunno, something along those lines.  Guess rewatching more Tales From The Crippled.  Why you think they need puppeteers to work the crypt keeper?  Dude is completely crippled he can't move a muscle.  Anyway, Ugh.  Tomorrow is another day which will hopefully be another asymptomatic day.  For me and you.  Later!

-1:00 P.M.



Thursday, April 16, 2020

I'll Title You Good!!!

    I'll try, at least.  No I won't. Anyway probably gonna get tons of bread within the next four or five days.  This doesn't mean I'm giving up on Government Assistance in giving us the necessities.  It just means I'm giving up DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT MYSELF.  In THEORY I still want it.  And IN PRACTICE when another 2 weeks pass and I can't get any groceries and when I do it's only 25% what I ordered.  GIMME THEM BREADS AND MILKS AND EGGS AND DON'T BE STINGY ON THE BREAD  You really wanna be progressive?  Give Us Different Kinds Of Bread.  Inuit people have 27 different words for bread.  Which is odd because they might have never had bread in their lives as a tribe.  But they anticipated what bread might be and were like well this thing is comin' around to our society at some point, better get cracking on two dozen names...
Also YEAH we don't call them Eskimos that's RUDE.  They're Inuit?  Are you into it?  THAT PUN WAS RUDE.  I think my least favorite commercial of the last 10 years is the one they show before movies and there's a lady waiting for a prootion and is excited but then this other (SHORTER) guy gets it and she's pissed off presumbaly because You're Picking This Short Dude Over Me?  MISOGNIY ALSO FUCK SHORT MEN.  ButBut then she looks at her phone which I assume was advertising some sort of procedure for people to get jobs and THEN she applauds for this short guy because she's like ok they got this one I'll get the next one.  But the point is it's a fine commercial but them using Short Man to imply he didn't deserve the promotion over this lady?  NO THANK YOU.  Also, M 'n Ms which are alive?  I guess Hollywood REALLY IS out of ideas.  Every few years they do a new 1 minute trailer for MNMNs with Talking MNMS for at least a decade and a half.
    The point is THIS GUY EARNED THAT PROMOTION FAIR AND SQUARE STOP SULKING LADY GET ON BOARD WITH WHATEVER YOUR PHONE JUST TOLD YOU THIS COULD BE A WIN/WIN IF WE'RE ALL RESPECTING AND LOOKING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND CAN CELEBRATE EACH INDIVIDUALS MODEST SUCCESS!!!  Here's how I've been feeling abotu Corona-- man I bet there's a shit load of underreported cases/death.  And thne i imagine a strawman being like OH SO YOU JUST WANNA PAD THE NUMBERS TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK BAD W HER E DO YOU GET OFF.  And I'm like actually just having accurate information about these numbers makes it much easier to predict the fiture of Virus and demographics and whatnot Useful Scince!  TrumpTrump should understandthat, he's the smartest scientist in the world.  Thats what people are saying, at least. 
    That's kind of a weird thing to rely on several times for every speech.  A LOT OF POPLE ARE SAYING.. And its inevitable a lie-- whether they're saying something that it is lie, or a lie in the sense that no one is saying it.  The point is does Trump have voices in his head?  Probably!  Anyway gonna make myself some macarooni for lunch, with enough for 2morrow lunch as well.  Might as well get used to it, I've already used 2 of my 5 slices of bread for the week!  No more frozen meals, no more cup o noodles...  The point is not only should I be awarded a Novel Peace Prize (which is when we learn to live with Covid-19 Peaceful and Amicably where we each get what we want) for talking up' Give Us Food Supplies, I should be The inaugural household who gets the food supplies.  That goes against this entire premise.  he point is everyone gets the same.  Yeah that's all well and good but have you heard the good news about Me Liking Even Better Stuff happning for Me?
    Anyway, I was watching this Series on Shudder.com:The Horror Movie website about, "Cursed," horror movies and it was actually pretty creepy but out of nowhere there's some comic relief because they're like how come The Omen is cursed but not City Slickers?  And then they show a clip of City Slickers.  The point is the devil may act up here and there but also there's City Sl... wait maybe that's the Devil, too.  I've only seen 5 or 10 minutes of City Slickers.  City Slickers II, though?  I had the nonsense on VHS.  Really funny cast, I gotta say!  Jon LOvitz?  I LOVE IT!  Billy Crystal?  THISIS CRYSTAL CLEAR.  What's that duedes name.  Daniel Stern?  Or someone who just looks like Daniel Stern.  Nope, it's Daniel Stern.  And I was in DENIAL abuot who it was until Inter STERNLY reminded me.  Jack Palance?  Before his untimely death as a signifnatly old man, he lived in a high, high class Porno Theater.  A Jack Off Palace.  Well, The Devil may be responsible for this paragraph.  I have no evidence either way, so we'll just have to hope not.
There was also the movie with Jack Palance and Chvy Chase Cops & Robbinsons.  Where Jack is a griddled old coop and Chevy Chase is the patriatch of the family who accept Jack Palance into their home to spy on the potentially criminal neighbors.  I can't say for sure if I had that on VHS but I must have seen it almos as much as the times I've seen First Kid.  Oh that Sinbad was sure somethin'.  Decent movie!  Also, I thought it would be funny to use the word griddled instead of grizzled.  I think a lot of things would be funny in a slightly alternate universe!  Anyway, no beer today/tonight!  I'm cutting myself off! ...for 24 hours.  GIMME SOME SOME SORT OF POKER CHIP.  Ya know, the AA thing.  You earn enough chips you can potentially play some Pog, I dunno.  Not 100% for what Pog is.  And I was on the tailend of its popularity.  I remember Early Elementary School pogs kind of being a thing and I think I had some pogs but I have no idea what to do with them. Just collect them?  And be like man this one pog is great, I'll trade it to you for 15 adequate pogs.  Or are they part of some sort of game.  Or is the start of pogroms  which for the record I AM AGAINST.
    Anyway just opened the front door in my underwear what am I supposed to put pants on everytime a stranger has to see me?  I Don't Play Those Games!  Anyway 1/2 of it was Toilet Paper/Paper Towels/And The Like,  Then another HEAVIER box which I'm not sure whats in there but it may be relevant grocery type stuff.  Or just some piece of crap that I had no idea we ordered. As a goof, doing Communion, the priest shuold slip a pog into an unsuspecting member of his congregation and then be like HA GOT YOU!!!  Christianity and Catholism in general really needs to incorporate practical joks if they want to stay viable in today's society.  Anyway, I dunno.  No Beer and No TV Makes Homer Something Something.  Marge-- you mean the way young peopole use slang like hey look at sweet somethin' somethin' she's got somethin GOIN ON is the point.  And thAnd that calmed to Homer and they finished their run of taking care of Haunted Hotel and everyone went home happy Thanks To Marge.
    More accurate definition of Something Something.  I got you a gift, its not much, jus a little somethin' somethin'.  E-mail me YOUR definitions for something something michael@chromeblumm@.com   I hope when I die in real life it turns out I had a long lost twin brother and he carries my legacy and life beyond what I apparently was able to do myself.  Seems only fair.  That's  the City Slickers curse.  For all we know Billy Christal and Bruno Kerby have been dead for 30 years but they've all been replaced by long-lost-identical twins.  Bruno Kurby did die, right?  I haven't seen anything from him in 28 years.  On my 3rd birthday.
Also, if he died, probably from skiing into a tree, right?  Let's check this one out.  Hmm, leukemia.  Well that's halfwhere there from skiing into a tree.  .Well, if I could say one thing to him before he died, I would have said, hey you know what would be cool if you switch your first name with your last name.  Kirby Bruno?  Just think about it While You're Still Alive For Now.  How come there's no cgi big budget fantasy/action film basd around Kirby: The Weird Character Thing From Nintendo Game Boy.  He's basically a cloud but he can shoot little circles at his enemies and sometimes he's more like a rabbit than other times and COULD and MUST jump around.  Trying to avoid the antagonists fro throwing their circles at him!  Oh how much was was that game.  Also, if you're a Mario Fan, there's at least 2 or 3 great Game Boy Mario games that I know of, and they're cool!  Mario Fan?  ... Or Am I? ...Forget the, "Fam," Mari and Or Am I is that whachamacll it.  Same letters be rearraged.  Oh right Anagram.
I shouldn't have had a blind spot there.  I just saw the Simpsons scne where they do anagrams.  Girl who is smarter than Lisa-- for Alec Guiness she goes Genuine Class.  Then Lisa goes for Jermey Irons ...Jeremy's Iron.  And then of course the classic Simpsons line from Gir's father not impressed with Lisa's intelligence--  Here Is A Ball.  Perhaps You'd Like To Bounce It.  Speaking of Grams, I think the happiest I've ever been in life is when I smoked weed and closing the deal on getting a surplus of weed.  I maybe never got past an eighth, but I feel like even that's pretty good.  You never know when Voluntary House Arrest Is Over You gonna wanna stock up on the marijuana.  In a pinch you can use it as an herb.  Gotta add some sort of taste.  Smell is taste.  And i smells good!  PROVE ME WRONG!  Anyway gonna take a break.  Be back with lunch in abou an hour!


The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Pulled Was Making Two City Slickers

    I like City Slickers II!  Who could forget that classic line where Crystal is like which way is north? and Sterm goes, Up!  There was that fat fellow city slickeer who without fail my Dad would always ask is he the principal in Billy Midson.  Only thing to break up that monotony is when asked is that thguy from Jurassic Park and/or Seinfeld: The Show About Thing.  Anywa first reciple of my own turned out geat.  Put in some Xtra HotSauce into not yet boiling water, then add the macaroni, then take it, and it's got a little bit of a kick but not vey pronounced at all.
    No beer today?  I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.  Make me happy momentarilly.  Hmm interesting word to you use Mommy Tears Into Me.  Have you ever thought about Dream Interpretion  OH BOY YES I HAVE.  I keep tellnig myself only vey very light amount of macroni in spoon.  Sure I could easily stuff 8 or 10 pieces down my gullet at the time but 1/3rd that makes it last a lot longe...I don't know the math.  Sounds like 300% more?  In Base II, is 20% the equivalent of 100%?  Because if it is... uhhh... trying to think of a politician-low-in-polls joke.  Cause their 20% approval rating is suddenly Everybody!  CAn't think of an appropriat person.  Institutions, maybe.  Not specific people.  A lot of people bottom out at 30%.  So thSO they got that going for them.  Anyway.  Goin' hard on adding salt to pasta.  C'mon I've never had a heart attack and only have high blood pressure SOMETIMES what's the wort that can happen with thi lifestyle adjustment being perennial.
Also if the Devil is so pissed at them making movies about the accult and wants to teach them a lesson, WHERE THE HELL IS GOD TO SAVE THE DAY.  It's like the devil is winning against a human in a WWE match and suddenly you hear CRASH and the Stone Cold (God) music starts playing he runs in the right Stone Cold Stuns teh Devil.  Right?  I mean for all the worrying about the devil, he loses agains God all the time,  That's probably why he's so pissed off.  He's the Washington Generals compared to the Harlem Globetrotters.  I haven't watched any of it yet, but I've seen thumbnails of videos on Porn where it's like current events and the lady is wearing a mouth mask and they get it on and I'm like.... ya know, I'm not 100% sure you're grasping the situation.
How come if the Devil is pissed you turned him into Mass Entertainment, and more or less eithr mocking him/ downplaying his power, does God see The Ten Commandments and make rainbows appear all the time and other sorts of miracles?  WAIT YOU SEE A RAINBOW AND YOU WANTMORE?  FUK YOUR HEALTH AN ALTRUISTIC INTENTIONS GOD WANTS A RAINBOW GOD GETS A RAINBOW.  Anyway.  Man, all I gotta do is live another day and then I get to Eat Some Beer?  I'm, "Down," with that.  Get to take a little bit of a breather.  Anyway its gone beyond a 1 time rewatching binge, past 4 or 5 over a couple of years, and its apparent Tales From The Crypt has got something that I want.  Off the top of my head --Puns, Bad Things Happening To People (But Usually Bad People) Sex and romance, good casting, nostalgia from when I was a kid, Funny.
    I don't need to tell you.  If you're on board with this website get on board with Tales From The Crypt I Beg of You.  My main take away was even early 1990's Arnold Schwatsenneger was a good director.  The plot is wrapped up in physical appearence and training and money and whatnot. He directed the episode!  Certainly seemed like it was adequately dircted.  They don't call him The Eliminator For Nothing.  Alright that sums that up just about right.  I'll see you again tomorrow for some reason that no one is really sure of.

-1:16 P.M.


Wednesday, April 15, 2020

I'm Like Some Sort Of Website Writing Guy

    I suppose that's more or less accurate.  Or Right On Accurate.  Also how can something be more accurate  Either it's accurate or its not [less than] accurate.  I cannot philosophically/linguistically imagine a scenario where this truth goes beyond accurate... it's MORE THAN ACCURATE!  So we got that figured out, let's move on with our entry.  But then again I can't imagine Anything since I heard that John Lennon song.  All of my personal imagination has been shoved aside and his nonsene of imagine there's no stuff, wouldn't that be nice?  I'm gonna die soon, don't blame my wife, she gets a lot of bad press, but I think she's great, Yoko Ono is... Aces.
At what point did the public learn to accept Yoko Ono.  I wasn't around when The Beatles were around so I'm only going by impressions of her then.  But nowadays, she tweets and stuff and offers sage advice and I'm On Board With That she seems smart and insightful and whatnot.  So was there a specific moment when she won us over?  Did it start out as sympathy when Lennon died?  I don't have all the answers maybe Yoko Ono does let's get her thoughts on this. Yoko... OH NO!  Not sure what that accomplishes but its more or less than one thing.  I'm betting on Less this time around!  I remember when I was a kid there was a rash of celebrities dying by hitting trees while skiing.  I feel there was Sonny Bono.  There was w... uh... that's about it.  I was also thinking of JFK JR who died in a plane crash--  still, both are crashes.  I was thinking about Christopher Reeve who got paralyzed after an Equine Mishap.  Didn't even die from that, though!  The point is Sonny Bono is exceptionally bad at skiing.
    Alright!  No clue what to do for dinner.  Well I've got about half a dozen options, so there is some clue.  Last night made/ate pancakes.  Tasted great!  But anyway today for lunch-- Cup o Noodles, Open Faced Chicken Breast Sandwich, Open Faced Egg Sandwich, some sort of fourth, fifth, or sixth thing... Like I said, SIX OPTIONS.  Anyway, I dunno.  We may be getting a delivery anytime within the next 5 days.  This is just 14 items instead of 40 or 50 as we've been getting.  Maybe that'll emphasize HEY JUST GET THESE ONES REAL IMPORTANT CMON GIMME SOME BREAD
    Alright.  I keep eating those, "Smart," Frozen Meals for breakfast.   Yesterday was Swedish Meatball in some sort of pasta.  Today its Chicken Alfredo Sauce in some sort of pasta.  Tomorrow is Something Else I'm Out Of Frozen Meals.  WOW FASCINATING.  What else is goin' on.  AAl Fredo?  I'm looking for an AL Fredo???  ... ALFRED O'S?  MAYBE I'M LOOKING FOR BATMAN'S CARETAKER'S CEREAL BRAND IN HONOR OF HIM?
If Batman is so great what does he need Alfred for.  Is it just sort of he's a lonely old man this is all he has.  I can afford it I'm Batman!  Also you'd think Gordon would be paying Batman on a gig by gig basis which I'm told is referred to as a Gig Economy.  Otherwise, it really narrows down whose batman.  Hmm Batman must be independently wealthy that he can do this all day all the time and not require a salary.  That narrows it down.  The point is Marvel and DC Characters need to get together to strike!  Or, Batman can do his best good deed ever-- totally fund all the other superheroes.  Tony Stark can get in on this action, too.  I don't know what I'm talking about.
    I think Alfredo Sauce/White Sauce from Halal Carts are my favorite sauces TASTE WISE.
  They're also probably 3,000 calories per tablespoon but if you throw Health out the window completely OH BOY I'LL EAT SOME WHITE SAUCE.  With stuff in it.  Ideally chicken and lamb and some rice!  Woah that'd hit some sort of spot.  I definitely feel like other important people died by skiing into trees.  Only one solution.  Google Celebrity Deaths By Skiing.  And cancel out all the ones who died from cocaine overdose!  Sure I know some drug slang.  I probably know more than regular population but less than drug user populations.
Well there is an article devoted to all the celebrities who experienced Death By Skiing over the last century and not a winner in the bunch!  Also Skiing is for jerks.  You wanna make a good impression on people get up on a snowboard BE A MAN.  I assume skiing is considered a sport.  That's a nice easy sport.  Just Go Down A Hill And Let Gravity Be Your Momentum.  Try to zig and zag to avoid trees.  But basically just slide down a mountain.  Seems like a no brainer if you wanna get some exercise done!  Based on the 1 time I tried skiing/snowboarding (Probably should have opted for skies because they're easier but did snowboarding) and I can tell you 100% The hardest part of snowboarding is figuring out how to attach yourself to the snow board.  Then presumably actually learning how to do it and getting better at it is a long process that's harder.  But if you're a tourist and just trying to ski or snowboard as a lark, a single vacation day, you WILL spend 3 hours trying to hook up your legs and feet the skies and snowboards.
    Cool!  What else is going on.  Isn't today tax day or something.  April 15h?  nope may 15.  I was off by ~1 season.  I call it Springter.  That's an honest thing we're gonna need to figure out.  As climate change continues to fuck up our natural planetary cycles, the 4 seasons may not be appropriate guidelines anymore.  We might have to have like seven seasons and they're shorter and whatnot.  Then again, seasons have double uses.  Some of it is related to astronomy or so like Equinoxes and whatnot which I believe refers to horses somehow.  But in terms of ah this feels like spring, or summer, or fall, or winter... we need to get rid of those terms and come up with some new ones.  We can still keep that ~21st of months for simplicity sake.  June 22 to August 21 UltraSummer.  August 22 to September 21 BackUpSummer.  You get the idea and you come up with better goof em ups I'VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT STILL DON'T WANNA DO IT! Alight Entry Break Time!

[I may be confusing skies vs snowboards with rollerblades vs skateboards-- or they may both be pretty much the same dichotomy that i pointed out earlier]


You Can't Beat Pancakes!

    Actually you kind of have to.  Get yourself some pancake mix, then about 75% f water compared to that, beat it real good, put it on apan, them suckers'll be pancakes WITHIN MINUTES I TELL YOU.  HEY I just tried a one of them thin slices of Chicken from Supermarket: The Processed Food Section which they sent by accident and I don't think any of us really wanted it BUT I'M ON BOARD WITH IT IT TASTE GREAT  LUNCH POSSIBILITY LEMME TELL YOU BROTHER IT'S LUNCH PROBABILITY its way ahead of the other option at this point.  I like chicken nuggets.  Not sure what possessed me to say that.  Was talking about eating chicken.  Chicken Nuggets are great!  They remind me of childhood.  Not a lot of adults are like ook another lonely night alone what to cook for mmyself... chicken nuggets... WAIT A SECOND that's exactly what my future is the minute I get a job and can move out of my parents house.  First Night is HOLY SHIT GOT MY OWN PLACE I'M GONNA CELEBRATE WITH CHICKEN NUGGETS!!! and then the poltergeist who shares my room and board is like I WANTED PIZZA and I'm like HEY BUDDY LETS DO BOTH.
    Also, is that a thing?  I feel like it's been a plot point here and there, off the top of my head The Simpsons and an episode of Beyond Belief: Fact Or Fiction, where it's like they say this house is haunted we're gonna bump down the price it should cost.  Probably there's a lot of dummies out there.  Then again, if the poltergeist is your roommate AND is chipping in on rent, then it's a win/win situation.  I think everybody wins in that scenario.  Speaking of Haunted Houses, there was a terrible movie called House On Haunted Hill [1999 reboot] that's actually a Pretty Great Movie.  Cheaply done, cheap thrills, characters are half assed-edly.. but its not un-fun!  Watching it on VHS I was always like well yeah this is a dumb movie I mean Chris Kattan is in it how good of a movie can it be?  But yeah in retrospect it's a nice little piece of entertainment.  Also I should make it clear Chris Kattan's energy is precisely what makes it fun!  He's sort of the comic relief!
    Anyway that's valuable infotainment.  Here's a movie I like, I didn't use to like it, now I do.  And of course I will keep you updated on this situation as it progresses.  Alright I dunno, open faced chicken sandwich with some Frenched Fries or Potater Tots.  Tater Tots is odd because wait a second, there's no, "R," in potato.  Should just be called Potato Tots.  Potato Taughts.  If potatoes have taught me anything it's that skin tastes good.  Potato Thoughts.  I'll be quiet now.  So I'll put those in the oven in about 15, 20 minutes, then eat around 45 min after that!  It's the perfect crime!  Specifically because IT'S NO CRIME AT ALL so the chances I don't get away with it are miniscule!  Cause I'm white!  Can't take that for granted for other races.  They can commit all the non-crimes they want but in the end something's gonna stick.  That's not a joke its social commentary Lets Figure This One Out!
Anyway.  Saw the video of Obama endorsing Biden.  Good stuff!  But I came away from it thinking how long is Biden gonna Run On Being Friends with Obama.  I mean, imagine he's president in 2021.  He's gonna have to be his own thing, right?  We can't just have the narrative for 4 or 8 years And today Obama's Friend Has Been Up To This And/Or That... C'mon lets get to know the real Joe Biden!  We have to cause He's The Dude Now!  Obama was great but Biden is the new kid on the block.  And just like all new kids on blocks, he will be given ample time and respectful patience to win over the old kids on the block.  Or the old kids will beat him up and take his lunch money.  I Never Lived On Any Blocks so I can't say for sure how it all works out but the point is the most I would leave my house On My Own when I was a kid was Roller Blading around the block.  It doesn't sound hard but I must have skinned my knee 12, 13 times.  My knees were starting to form calluses is the point!  Also, order of coolness-- Skateboard, Roller Blades, Roller Skates, Scooter.

I'm Amazed MORE People Aren't Dying By Impact With Trees

    Its Tree's natural defense mechanism.  You run into a tree BAM you're lucky to come out of that alive!  And if you do, oh boy you've learned your lesson.  Don't Fuck With Trees Anymore!  So anyway Open Faced Sandwich today.  This is the world we live in now!  Or just have half a sandwich.  Probably lean towards open face, sems like it would last longer.  I like those Trees that walk around and talk in The Lord Of The Rings: The Twin Towers.  It was called The Two Towers but the movie was released only a few years after 9/11 VERY MUCH IN BAD TASTE.  I was 12 when 9/11 happened, so I only have a vague memory of Thining About World Trade Center beforehand, but why was it such a big deal?  I get that they were the tallest buildings at some point but I think the Sears Tower in Chicago overtook them?  I think there's some aesthetic novelty in there being two back to back towers and whatnot.  But overall I don't see what the fascination was all about.  HEY GET A LOAD OF THIS WE CAN HOLD SO MANY OFFICE SPACES!!!  WOW WHAT A STORY!  ...100 or so of 'em.  twice that if you count both!
Not 100% sure why Obama killing Osama was such a huge deal.  I mean, a minor huge deal, fine.  But citing it as one of his greatest accomplishments?  Look, the dude deserved to die but what does it accomplish other than concepts of justice/vengence?  I don't think, had he lived, he'd be masterminding All New Attacks, although that's probably the premise of Why it Was Important.  Alright, this super villian, we got him buried him at sea with some chains like Jason in Friday the 13th where he's indefinitely alive but can't get out of the bottom of the lake...  I gotta think more important things were done.  Hey I worked in a Friday 13 Reference!  MAYBE WATCHING ALL THOSE MOVIES WASN'T A WASTE OF TIME!.. Wait, no.  I'm being told by my producer that is was a waste of time in fact.  Oh well you win some you lose some.
    UHOH WAIT A SECOND IS OSAMA BIN LADEN LIKE JASON?  WHAT IF HE'S STILL ALIVE DOWN THERE.... I JUST SCARED MYSELF.  Oh well what can ya do.  Hard to say what to make of it but Obama's 10 min video endorsing Biden did give a lot of lip service to the progressive movement.  We'll take it!  One thing that I think I've learned from politics is that Believe People when they tell you what they stand for.  He made a choice to talk in terms of a Progressive?  That's a choice.  He didn't have to do that.  So he choose to do that.  Showin us!  And Nancy Pelosi, whatever bills she decides to bring up, how she runs the Democratic wing of the congress-- actions speak louder than words.  In this case, though, Words Can Be Actions.  The point is it's a whole lot better than Obama parroting Biden's lines about people don't want structural change they want Not Trump.  He could have just been doing that riff to shore up support within the party.  But even if it's a half-empty gesture, it was good news all the same.
    I'm honestly curious to see how a Biden Presidency would work with a Republican Senate which, while the Dems have a chance, is the most likely scenerio.  He ran on C'mon Republicans ILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND lets work some shit out!  And are Republicans just gonna shit all over him?  My guess is YEP.  And then he'lll be like Well, I tried.  what else is on TV.  OneOne of my favorite things in politics is Infrastructure.  EVERY YEAR they talk about improving infrastructure, often in the state of the union/when new congress people are cycled in.  And it always seems like the one issue that should be bipartisan so they can get it done.  BUT THEY NEVER EVER GET TO IT!  Makes me laugh.  I guess it's bipartisan that they're both comfortable supporting it abstractly but in practice just don't really give a fuck.
    Cool!  Put in Cauli Tots in oven about 10 min ago.  Figure I'll be eating in about 40, 50 minutes.  I figure a lot of things get off my back about it!  Stupid not enough bread.  Open faced sandwiches WHAT ARE WE ANIMALS.  Also did the Earl of Sandwich invent DOUBLE BREADED sandwich?  At first were they just like okay here's a piece of bread, put some stuff on it, bingo bango.  And then someone was like wait what if we put A SECOND piece of bread on top so we can just fuckin' hold it and eat it.  And he's like THATS HERESY OFF TO THE DUNGEON YOU GO!  Anyway, just remembered I can have some Cheese with my half-assed sandwich.  I like realizing things!
    I'm moderately positive abou Election this year assuming we all get a chance to vote by mail if necessary.  Obviously they cheat all the time and in all the ways, so a lot of it is dependent upon will they cheat enough to win or not enough to win.  But I feel like in 2018, there was the Blue Wave that was predicted And Came To Happen!  And this time around, a lot of Senate Seats are in play, its plausable we can win the senate, and despite everything, Trump is the underdog polling-wise against Biden... let's knock 2020 out of the park is the point.  Anyway, in retrospect, the one argument against Bernie that I guess I agree with is that he would hurt Down ticket candidacies.  I mean, he would also HELP a lot.  But if he helps 45% a lot and hurts 55% a lot, then that difference is relevant.  I'd still rather him be the nominee and take my chances in the congress and senate to have the absolute ideal presidential nominee, but, hey, what can ya do.
    Anyway, been guessing almost definte VP pick will be Harris or Warren, but I've seen Abrhams floated as well, and I'd be happy with her.  Avram is my Hebrew name.  It's like Abrams but more Judiasm mixed in.  Anyway, is there a new social distancing SNL this week?  I Hope So!  I watched that one last weekend and my favorite part was during Weekend Update when presumabl the cast members were laughing at the jokes.  Oh so THIS is the part I'm supposed to find funny... I hear ya!  Cool.  Now that I think abotu it I've been Social Distancing my entire life and just didn't know it.  And not for my sake.  Fo their sake.  I'm infected with God Knows What metaphorically and I'm staying away from Others because I care about them and  they shuoldn't haveto deal with God Knows What Is Wrong With Me.
    IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE TO ME YOU MIGHT BECOME ME.  And trust me no one wants that except for me I'd finally have a friend to talk to.  That I can relate to.  Just remember, though-- I was The First me!  There's a pecking order every time you clone yourself and then clone your clone your clone and then clone that clone... The closest to The Real Thing you are, the higher up on the pecking order you are!  Thsee are just the natural rules I didn't make 'em that's just how it is.  Hmm I wonder if I can watch episode of Next! on MTV.  HHoly shit is that in my wheelhouse for memories.  Probably watched it from like 2006-2007... end of high school through first year or two of Summer Vacations At College.  I HATED the show because as soon as a short guy gets off the bus the lady is like NEXT! because when you're short that's all ladies need to know apprently.  Still, though, I'll Hate Watch It!
    Weezer has a cover of Stand By Me as the final track of its Covers Album, and I've grown to really appreciate that song/sentiment.  It's like we all have our own things but we need to stand and overcome them together.  And, if we're accepting that Being Short is its own thing to overcome, it becomes a pun.  Yeah I may be shorter than you, and if you're a lady it's even weirder, but still, STAND BY ME who gives a fig if people are like that lady with that short guy I DONT LIKE IT ONE BIT.  So that's MY politics.  AndAnd if its basd off a Weezer song, IT MUST BE TRUE.  Buddy Holly?  CHECKS OUT THAT GUY EXISTED!!!  Only in Dreams?  Well that's a bit more subjective but isn't waking life like a dream sometimes?  I GET IT.  No One Else?  I DON'T WANT MY WOMAN LAUGHING FOR NO ONE ELSE EITHER I'M 1000% ON BOARD.  And that's all just the first... was about to say, "Entry," .... Album.
    Despite Chicken being pretty good and I Have To Eat It At Some Point I still want eggs today.  But beggars can't be chooser.  They can but they're not gonna succeed a lot.  Or they put too much pressure on the person they're begging. Just be happy wit what Regulars Give You For Charity, you start trying to get specific things that'll Turn The Regulars The Fuck Off!  I'm excited abuot this new Weezer Album.  Presumably comes out next month.  Weezer has got to be in the top 10 of bands Most Important to me, very likely in the top 5.  But in the end meh not that great.  JUST KIDDING.  In the end Meh Not that g... WAIT I WAS KIDDING AGAIN. IN TH END... Hey Pretty Great.  Whew, got that sorted out.  Now it's time to move with the entry.
    I know there's A LOOOOOT of good music out there I need to discover but the most interesting thing to me is 2nd rate Pop Punk or Alt Rock or Whatever.  Because I'm a freakin' idiot!  AAlt rock?  I don't know the sound of that.  Brendan Benson has an album/song called Alternative To Love, is that relevant at all?  My guess?  NOPE BUT IT'S STILL A GOOD ALBUM/SONG.  Also, for bands that have only 1 album that I like, The Racentours are high on that list (Jack White + Brandon Benson). ALSO FROM NOW ON I WILL GET BACK INTO GOOD ENRY MATERAl FOR NOW ITS BEEN A LOTTA BULLSHIT BUT NEXT PARAGRAPH IS A NEW START.


Lets Read Some More!

    Lunch has begun.  We're talking 8 CauliTots, one slice of whole wheat bread, one slice of cheese, six slices of Chicken Breast!  I like how each individual piece of cheese is wrapped up in its own plastic container.  I like lots of things!  That's one of them.  One and a half paragraphs to go.  I liked It Too.  My favorite character is Bill Hader playing some other sort of character.  Also all these jerks were a lot more likable as kids. 
Hate to say it but that's how I Feel.  Maybe another open faced sandwich tonight with eggs.  Maybe lots of things!  Anyway let us not feel bad that the entry is almost over but rejoice in the fact that so much goodness awaits us when the entry finally draws to a close!
    Hmm, I dunno.  Finished my Lunch!  Also those 7-9 Taters were THE LAST OF THE TATERS.  Still got less than half a bag of Frozen Fries.  And the order we're supposedly getting anytime from today through 4/20 has no Frozen Potato Dish in it at all!  But lots of bread!  Anyway.  No wonder people who try Gluten Free Diets hate it.  Bead is King!  BREAD RUNS THIS FOOD PYRAMID YOU HEARD??? ...it actually does, incorrectly.  Bread is on te bottom of the food pyramid but thats a good thing because it means The Most at the bottom.  As you get higher in the pyramid it becues less good for you/less necessary.  Like Sweets and Salt Sncks are at the top.  But at the bottom is carbohydrates.  It may not be ideal for Human Health but that'll keep the dummies happy.  Bread is the ultimate opiate.  You can contrl more people with bread than any half assed religion.  Opiate of the masses I say!  BREAD!
    Cool.  Oh man I wanna eat that open faced Fried Egg Sandwich RIGHT NOW.  Do I use frozen fries to pad it out?  Or save 'em for a rainier day.  I saw there was a thing a few monts ago where AOC was like you can't get a good breakfast sandwich in DC andd I waslike now you're talkin' my language there was only 1 semester of times I was in NYU when I would get breakfast sandwiches but of that 1 semester Breakfast Sandwiches from Delis/Bodegas were the highlight of the entire semester.  AND NOW I CAN DO IT MY OWN DAMN SELF. The point is I don't have to fill out a census.  My dad already did.  For all of us in the household.  Whew got that off my back.  How would they know if I have renounced my citizenship or not, though?  Maybe I was like FUCK THIS I'll KEEP LIVING HERE BUT I AIN'T NO CITIZEN and then I tear up my draft card.  Why do I have a draft card.  Why wouldn't I?
    Cool!  I never thought I'd see a day where I added 1 or 2 slices of cheese to every sandwich.  But then again I never thought I'd see the day where I ate a processed meat sandwich prepared at home every day of the week!  Anyway, I wanna get o to know the other members of the Squad.  AOC I think I've got he figured out pretty good.  She's a year younger than me, from NYC, and was some sort of smart teenager here or there.  We probably would understand the same ~2000ish hip hop references.  That's as far as I got.  Oh well what can you do.  That's still more in common than ANY OTHER PROMINENT POLITICIAN IN THE COUNTRY.  I also like Joe Biden because he's old and nominally in the same political party as I am and Isn't Donald Trump: The Literal Worst Person In The World. UGH.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-1:01 P.M.


Tuesday, April 14, 2020


    I got some Hot Sauce yesterday from SuperMarket Delivery and it's the hottest sauce I've ever gotten that I actually found pleasant.  Sometimes hot sauce has got a weird taste, sometimes it's way too hot-- this one's pretty hot and burns my mouth for 20 minutes but somehow it's worth it!  So I had some left over macaroni with hot sauce and then I was like you know what I should do to cleanse my palette?  Drink some hot coffee!  Spoiler Alert--- SOMEHOW IT WORKED!!! HOT BUT LESS HOT THING IS AN APPROPRIATE SOLUTION TO KILL MORE HOT THING.
    Anyway, I've got a couple of questions lined up.  How did they describe Walking In A Circle directions before clocks?!?  This next one isn't a question as much as it is a complaint.  I remember as kid, plugging things into sockets (those 2 pronged plugs) I remember they had to be one way, not both ways.  Now when I plug things in I can do either way, each prong can fit in either one.  So that's a question and/or complaint.  Also ate a very early lunch but what can ya do I was hungry you idiots.  Re-watching It: II which should have been fashioned, IIt," but there's no going back now.  Or how about It's Back!  And it ties in the Poltergeist franchise.
    This may be an unpopular opinion but Poltergeists II through III were decent movies.  It's unpopular because those movies are unpopular and you've probably never seen either of then.  The 2nd one is they move to a new house and this Old Man Ghost who was some sort of Cult Leader in his time where they all committed mass suicide is friends with Carol Anne but that's No Bueno he wants her for nefarious reasons and also they're friends with a semi-assimilated Native American Shaman type guy but he's cool.  Poltergeist III is a similar premise but this time around they live in an apartment complex and the only characters that carry over are Carol Anne and Super Short Psychic Lady. And weird Old Dude who killed his followers and likes Carol Anne because of her psychic energy or something.  And then thee was the Reboot in 2015.  The only thing I remember from this is  they parents are like, to the kids, what do you want for dinner?  And one is like pizza! but the other one is like chicken nuggets!  And Sam Rockwell, The Father, goes we'll have chicken nuggets ON TOP of pizza!  And that's the most loving father I've ever seen in real or fictional life.  Also, in a movie about scary ghosts and psychic activity, MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT.  DINNER COMPROMISE FOR FAMILY.
    Maybe Rockwell is a good band name.  Maybe Roswell is a good band name.  Maybe Rose Bud is a good band name.  I don't have all the answers on Good or Bad band names.  Anyway if I had any political power I'd be like c'mon New York give us rations once a week with essentials like bread and eggs and potentially paperback copies of The Great Gatsby.  Seems like a straightforward thing to do If You Care About People but boy is that a big If.  Also, were the Beatles really paperback writers?  Paper Backs are all well and good but I prefer Stegosaurus backs Now THAT I can get into!  When they started putting together dinosaur bones and getting illustrations of what the dinosaurs more or less looked like, people must have been like WOOOAOHHHHHHH HOLY SHIT THAT SHIT EXISTED?  HERE? WHAT . THE . FUCK!!!  And this is only a century ago roughly.  Also I AM NOT LYING great cure for Xtra Hot Sauce is hot coffee with a little bit of cream.  Maybe its the cream doing the heavy lifting.  I mean, forget the hot sauce, you drink hot coffee with cream, it's still obviously overall hot. But maybe the small percentage of cream is just the kick in the pants Your Mouth Needs To Be Less On Fire.
    LIFEHACK MOTHER FUCKERS GET ON BOARD WITH THAT.  Hey Hey looks like you're walking in a circle counterclockwise.  WTF IS A CLOCK AND WHY AM I AGAINST IT?  Anyway.  Movie similar to Ford vs. Ferrari in premise, but about hand guns instead of sports cars.  Counter Glockwise.  LIFEHACK MOFOS.  Is it just me or do a lot of guns, hand guns in particular, look particularly like toys?  Like a cheap glock that showed up on my Google Search just now, congruent with that impression I've had for upwards of 1 week.  Just looks like a cheap piece of plastic.  Oh well what can ya do.  You know who had the right to remain silent?  The girl wouthout a mouth from Twilight Zone The Movie.  Thought about guns, 2nd amendment, right to remain silent is another right...  LIFEHACK!
Ugh.  I think if we agree that guns are legal then EVERYONE should be issued a gun.  Its the great equalizer.  Also, I don' think current gun owners would be, "Down," with that.  Wait a minute now EVERYONE has life ending powers?  Not just me and my friends and my demographic?  I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT!!!  That's theoretically how that might go. Gotteemmm.  I have no interest in guns.  Except for potentially being part of a palindrome.  Snug Guns.  I'll figure out the rest later potentially.  How come its my impression that guns are legal in every state but fireworks are illegal in some states.  Yeah you gotta be able to shoot bullets but making Fun Explosions In The Sky?  THAT'S A STEP TOO FAR MYFRIEND NO BUENO.
Fire Works.  Yep checks out, works in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons.  It would be weird to know the guy Who Figured Out How To Start Fires.  Our entire species owes a huge debt to this Proto-Arsonist.  I mean, really.  At the end of 1999 the history channel (which at that point was still and history) or maybe the A & E channel (which presumably is/was about... I'm gonna guess... Arts and entertainment?) anyway the point is they had the one hou show Biography where they one hour biographies of famous people.  And they had a thing at the end of 1999 wh was the most influential or important or relevant person of the millennium.  I think #4 was Einstein, #2 was Darwin, and I believe #1 was Gutenberg.  The point is you go back through ALL of human history, guy who started fires has a good case for number one. We didn't start the fire.  Yeah I Know IT WAS THIS Other Guy your story checks out!
Also, Billy Joel probably did start the fire.  Along with a friend or acquaintance.  The whole song reeks of guilty consciences.  Cool!  I was into Darwin at the time because it's right about the time I was in 5th grade and I had to do some presentation on Darwin.  So Darwin winning the silver in Millennium Superstars I was like look it's not #1 but still a VERY GOOD SHOWING nonetheless!  Also, Gutenberg being #1?  Bullshit, my friend.  Anyone could have invented the printing press.  If he didn't do it, some other jerk would have.  Very Simple device I'm assuming.  I know nothing about it but I Bet I Could Figure Out How To Invent It if I really tried.  And had How-To books to help guide me.
Huh.  Gluten Free Berg. Berg, Iceberg Lettuce.  Gluten Free [Ice] Burg [Lettuce].  I also remember thinking man if I make the Next list I'd probably be incorporated into a millennium I wasn't even born in or at the point of this thought HASN't EVEN STARTED YET.  So that would be a cool piece of trivia.  Hey you know Great Guy Michael For Some Reason 1000 years ago? He's #1 Aces but He was actually not even BORN in this millennium.  Now all I have to do is to be #1 Aces and/or The Tops.  Anyway.  Not a lot of cannons these days.  I wanna see a war where they're just like you know what cannons were fun and vaguely effective lets get back on that.  And the great thing is Decades or centuries later we can design EVEN BETTER cannons.  The world has no idea how great our future cannons will be!  The political point to make here is that America Restarted Using Landmines which had been banned because they kill indiscriminately enemy soldier and civilians, often children playin' around.  But apparently its important we stay doing that.
    Hell, we can just invent New Weapons Of War that aren't effective at all compared to most new stuff, but are either throwbacks to past weapons of war or just a totally new design of Some Thing that could kill people but not as much people as we'd want to kill.  The good news is I'm Still Full from Early Lunch so I may be able to get by until potentially Early Dinner.  Anyway I was legitimately thinking about calling into my Congressperson's office (Grace Meng) and bein' like yo you know what you should do set it up so every household in New York gets weekly rations of the essentials-- bread, eggs, milk, copies of The Great Gatsbies, etc.  Because I feel that's a legitimate good idea!  And Congresspeople [well their, teams] HAVE to listen to you.  They don't have to act on it, but they'll hear you out.  And if they get a dozen people then they might be able to put some spotlight on the issue.  Hey you guys know Grace Meng's personal number?  I think she went to Stuyvsant like me.  That's a good opening line, establish some connection.
Isn't Meng some sort of slang for something?  I forget what community its popular in.  I feel like some sort of Latinx but possibly African Americans.  Lemme load that up right quick.  First thing that shows up is IT MEANS MASTER OF ENGINEERING.  M ENG.  Second thing that comes up is it's quickly becoming apparent there is no slang where people say, "Meng," at least not spelled that way.  Sorry to waste your time and whatnot.  Now, I really am considering calling my Congress Lady!  You should do it, too!  Especially if you're in New York!  New York City!  I think its something resembling this proposal is already happening in New Rochelle SEEMS LIKE A SCAM  WE WANT IT TOO!  You wanna say it's war time?  Well make sure the most effected citizens get rations!
    Oh well, such is life.  What's up Meng, that's the kind of thing I'm imagining.  And it's just a slightly different pronunciation of Man.  I'll look into this later in a little bit presumably.  It could also be an insut. Hey look at this meng and I use the word meng because it's disrespecting him for some reason I presumably know but the victim on the other side may not know It's The Perfect Crime.  Pretty sure Grace Meng is also the congresswoman of Elmhurst and Corona Queens-- THE EPICENTER OF CORONAHNSENSE.  I was originally gonna say Coronana, but then went with a Another portmanteau/pun.  The point is C'MON MIKE MAKE THAT PHONE CALL.  Also AOC is the next closest district!  People like it when she says and does things!  Better call her, too, just to build some sort of consensus.  Seems pretty, "On Brand," and, "Reasonable," and, "Good For People In General."  Also, not only does it help people who are getting SuperMarket Deliveries but everything is sold out, it helps retard the curve because less people would be going out to the supermarket themelves if they knew they could get it delivered.  IT MAMKES A LOT SSNENSE IS THA POINT
    Ugh.  Bread, Eggs, Milk.  What else do we need. Besides The Greatest Gatsby Of The Millennium.  Anyway, what's after Trillion.  Is it Quadrillion?  That's my first guess.  I was right.  To be fair tat guess was bsed on Googling the same thing probably half a dozen times throughout my life.  Oh, right, socks, too.  I'm going through my socks like a motherfucker.  What do you mean you should wear socks more than once.  Sounds wrong to me.  Also I was planning on Eating Socks.  That's How Desperate I Am I Want To Eat Bill Clinton's Deceased Pet.  Or at least bury it in Pet Semetry.  THen just sit back and watch things unfold.  Anyway, some sort of meat and/or fish-- you get to choose for youself.  Instead of just giving everyone Spam (WHICH POLITICIANS DO ENOUGH ALREADY RE: OUR EMAIL ACCOUNTS!) it's like a meal on an airplane.  Chicken or fish?  Or Turkey or Cheap Hamburger Meat or Other Kind of Fish or Hey Have You Heard The Good News About Spam.  I'd be fine with just Spam, that's a concession I'm Willing To Make!  That's politics for ya, give and take.
    I have NOT heard the good news about spam.  Maybe you'd like to tell me!  Come inside I've got the coffee going, I anticipate this'll be a Looooong and Rewarding Discussion.  Anyway, gonna take a break after this paragraph.  I've Got TV shows to watch!  And also in half an hour my Mom has insisted we draft a boilerplate supermarket order, the stuff we will always want in general and are more or less necessary.  Been listening to Fountains of Wayne more often lately.  It's like he knew it was coming.  Ther was that song It Must Be Summer and now he will never see Summer again HOW PRESCIENT.  I dunno, what else is crap.  oh, right.  Take a break!  Maybe watch a TAILS From The FLIPPED.  It's a coin tossing pun.  I'm a regular ol cryptkeeper myself!  Yeeyheheyeeeehey!

Is It Title To You, All You Who Pass By?

    I was inspired by a train ride.  Crossed with Jesus.  Many train rides!!!  Crossed with many Jesuses! Probably 1400, 1500 train rides!!!! or maybe only half of them.  ...And just as many Jesuses...  The point is it's a great reference which brings up lots of good, "I'm Riding A Relatively Fancy Train!" vibes.  Anyway, made 2/3rd Super SuperMarket List with Parental Units.  Disinfected Wiped and Wiped Off everything from Supermarket Delivery Last Night.  My Dad was thinking, presumably independently, about calling Grace Meng himself!!!  And we've never done anything like that.  I've heard stories about people calling their congresswoman but I never thought it'd happen to me...
The point is his focus is just make it fair that there's no hoarding and guarantee everyone can get a delivery once a week.  So basically the same thing except I'm like I WANT JUST THE ESSENTIALS AND YOU PAY FOR IT and he's like WE'LL FUCKIN PAY JUST MAKE SURE THE ESSENTIALS AND EVEN NON-ESSENTIALS CAN GET TO US ONCE A WEEK.  Which in the end is a grand compromise.  So today is Finally Pancakes or Some Sort Of Eggs Perhaps With One Slice of Bread each. Please Sir Can I have some mre?  U DON'T GET SHIT I'M HOARDING ALL THE GRUEL.  I DON'T EAT IT I JUST LIKE TO LOOK AT IT EVERY NOW AND THEN.  Is it an historically accurate yuk-em-up for Trump to be like Let Them Eat Bread.  I don't know history that well but the point is I'd like to see Trump guillotined!
Sometimes I think about Florida and that it's just a given every now and then you're going to come into contact with an alligator.  Gives me the willies!  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  Also, if you wanna drain some swamps-- they pretty umch already drained DC.  You're too late!  It's a thriving metropolitan cityscape.  Go Work On Florida!  They're SwampTown, USA!  That's my understanding of states but the point is I'd like to see Marco Rubio In Jail For Life!  See I'm a fair guy I'm lenient with you based on just how much of a criminal you are and how severe your crimes were/are.
    I dunno.
  Saw Obama endorsed Biden.  I saw that coming a mile away #politicalpunditwhotakescreditforknowingthemostobviousthings.  2020 election prediction-- the majority of Registered Democrats will VOTE AGAINST Dobald Trump.  Sure I meant to say Donald and said Dobald by accident.  And SURE I'M NOT CHANGING A DAMN THING.  So anyway I sucked it up and added Joe Biden to my exclusive list of Twitter Followings.  Started off with just Obama and Sanders.  Once Hillary was Nominee I added her to the list.  After she lost Off The List!  After 2018 added AOC.  And now Joe Biden.  That's about it, I might also have 2 or 3 friends or family members.  But the point is it's time to suck it up and let Joe Biden halfway dictate our collective poli-media-induced narrative of What Life Is.  Do it right!
    My name is Joe Biden and I'm here to say, I'm running for president of the U. S. A.!  I was thinking about writing more of that but I feel that 1 rhyme on its own merit is good enough.  Also it kinda works with everybody.  Three syllable full names please, though.  I'm flexible on this point but three syllables is ideal.  When's Biden's birthday.  Is it Presidents Day adjacent?  November 20... 1942?!?  What the fuck this dude has vague memories of WORLD WAR II!!!!  It's 2020 presidential election and this dude is like well I remember when we won World War II it was a joyous development...  Oh well whatever.  Isn't that close to the day Kennedy was killed?  Nope, that was November 22.  Still, though, where was Biden that day.  He was fuckin TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD that day when Kennedy was assassinated.  Jesus fucking christ this dude is old.  Oh well what can ya do.  When you assassinate someone you make a double ass in nate and ted.  That sums that up.
    Anyway what can I do to help Joseph Biden.  I'll think about it and figure somethin' out then I'll get back to you. Anyway the point is if I call Grace Meng and my Dad calls Grace Meng from different phones, don't give our last names or addresses, then they'll be like Hmm a flood of calls about our constituents needing to get essential groceries easier... better do something.  Two is a flood!  Two is the number of animals you need to escape a flood!  Two is the number of hands we have-- think we covered that an entry or two ago!  Now alls that left is getting my Mom to call Grace Meng and then all the pieces are finally in place.  My brother could call but he's technically not a constituent.  Also, not spiritually, factually, temporally, metaphorically... the point is he lives somewhere else.
That's great, just great.  I don't even like milk but I figure Bread Milk Eggs are the holy trinity of Necessities.  And presumably some sort of cheap meat like I was talking about.  You get to choose between [cheap versions of] turkey, chicken, hamburger meat, you know that kind of stuff.  Bread is all the better when you can make a sandwich with somethin.  Hey maybe Cheese is in the cards as well!!!  Let's talk to the American Cheese Advisory Board maybe they'd be up to supplying us some cheap cheese if we bought it altogether as a surplus or something.  Sure I know what surplus means.  I also know what it doesn't mean.  This is one of those two cases.
    I know it definitely means SOMETHING ELSE, but its also possible it means THIS SECOND OR THIRD thing.
  Wonderbar.  Anyway, closing in on Full Month Of Quarantine.  And I've accomplished.... not a lot.  Haven't even followed through on most of my Entertainment Consuming goals.  Have written here every day, though.  I think that's great.  Is the American Cheese Advisory Board an cheese advisory board comprised of and for Americans, or it it an Advisory Board for American Cheese in particular.  I'll work out the kinks to this, "Joke," and get back to you.  Why is it a joke.  They wanna increase Cheese's profile, give it to some people in need.  What's Funny In That.  We need cheese, c'mon.  Alright gonna take another break, finish up with a few more paragraphs a little bit later.  Be back!

We Are All Crypt Keepers Now

    Well, mainly just me, and the actual Crypt Keeper.  Arguably You as well as Other People, as well.  And other animated life forms and inatimate objects, when you really think about it!  Anyway chores for the day done.  Except for dinner.  Gotta learn how to Pancake at some time.  Anyway the point is Okay Boomer doesn't apply to Joe Biden.  For him it's #OkayGreatestGeneration.  Actually per my research he was part of the Silent Generation.  Between Greatest and Boomers.  That would explain why we never hear or see from him!  He apparently tweets fairly often but I'd say the chances that he's writing those tweets are low.  Then again, if he's giving a speech on TV, chances that he wrote that speech are low, too.  That's how politics work.  But at least when he's giving a speech on TV we know he knows how to read and is aware of the speech he's making somewhere in that empty head of his.
    #OkaySilentGeneration.  That's a good campaign slogan.  Be Seen, Not Heard 2020.  Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and erase all doubt.  That's Biden's campaign strategy, right?  I mean for real this time.  That's his main go-to play.  It hardly seems fair because he's running against a guy who isn't silent and is defnitely a fool but no one seems to care.  Maybe a good solution is having nominees who aren't fools.  Oh well what can ya do.  I don't think Biden is a fool.  More of a Dummy.  That's my hot take on politics.  If I were running I'd run on a nincompoop platform.  Prove me wrong!  Hey this paragraph is just about over.  Autobiography of a Hindu born in 1942 called The Greatest ReGeneration.
Maybe in his next life his life story will have a better title.  No way of knowing!  Alright this'll be the last paragraph.  Just finished my Beer rations for the day.  I was looking up online Essential Grocery List and some stuff I missed that may be necessary for cooking/eating -- Butter, ... some other stuff... lemme load that up right quick... well there's coffee, can't go without coffee.  Spices and whatnot.  Some fruits or vegetables but make sure they ain't contaminated!!  Other kings of grain and whatnot.  The point is you give me Bread Eggs Milk 1 Kind Of Meat and Some Butter??? Those are necessities we ALL need 'em.  And then we can take our chances playing the lottery that is Currently Ordering Supermarket Foods Online  to see if we can win extra more specialized items.  See ya later!

-4:25 P.M.   


Monday, April 13, 2020


    I see official CoronaDeaths in New York alone is up over 10,000.  That means you can take the attendance of EVERY SINGLE MQFM Little League Baseball Game OVER THE ENTIRE SEASON EIGHT THOUSAND TIMES!!!  Not Counting the players and coaches, presumably.  Does anyone whose not a parent or family member in any way show up to watch 10 year olds play baseball?  Other than, you know, the pedophile demographic.  Is that gonna be a question on the New Census?  Do You Like Children Yes or No.  Hmm sounds like a trick question to me.  YEAH SURE I LIKE CHILDREN!  I haven't filled out any census form yet.  I get the impression I'm supposed to at some point but When and WHere and How.  This has been AOC's main issue as far as I can tell.  Get counted in 2020 census.
    Can't they just assume I exist?  I shouldn't need to tell them.  That's my policy!  I'm FOR a Citizenship Qustion.  Not are you or are you not a citizen.  My Citizenship Questions is In 500 words, describe what citizenship means to you. ...This will be graded on a curve.  That means you can write a Regular D+ entry but because of all the dummies out there you're getting a A- on your permanent record.  Sounds good to me.  Why not expand Are you a citizen to other tests.  When you take the SAT which is pretty much necessary for 90% of college, have a citizen test there.  Driver's License?  Do it t... wait they probably already do want to do that.  When I die can I donate my citizenship to someone like an organ?  Seems like the decent thing to do.  Just be like okay I'm gonna die in private here's my social security number go nuts.
Cool!  Supermarket coming this afternoon and that's a whole thing.  Gotta go through one by one the products they don't have and either give permission for a replacement product or just erase it completely.  Gotta wipe down and put away all Fridge/Freezer stuff right away.  Then take a Dr. Pepper break.  Then, go to sleep.  Then, tomorrow get stated on them soup cans.  Something along those lines.  That's probable an official crime, right?  Sharing social security numbers.  One could imagine a dozen different ways to use that to Commit Various Sorts Of Crimes, up to and including The Dumb One I just came up with last paragraph.
    Here's how Dumb I am-- I was about to say, off the top of my head I can remember the last four digits of my number.. AND WAS ABOUT TO SAY THEM to prove it.  In retrospect I can actually remember all numbers. FUCK NOW YOU KNOW THEY'RE NUMBERS I BETTER SHUT MY BIG FAT MOUTH.  ...AH, PART 2 OF IM AN IDIOT... I was about to google my supposed number to see if it checks out on the internet.  Man I'm really an idiot aren't I.  Yep checks out.  I BETTER SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE THE LAST 4 DIGITS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT YET SOMEHOW REMINISCENT OF MY STUYVESANT 4 DIGIT ID CODE.  Even if you somehow find that out all 4 numbers are probably different but it smacks of hey this is close enough to give me something to go on by remembering. 
    Anyway I need a new Government ID.  Getting a license seems like a pipe dream, but my regular ID is expired, and I'm almost out of time to be able to renew it without having to go to the DMV or Court or whever you go for Standard Government ID.  I've found when ordering or setting up percsriptions with various drug stores FIRST they wanna know my birthday SECOND they wanna know my name.  I dunno about that seems kinda backwards but hey it must be working for them so who am I to say whats right and whats wrong.  Also, apparently Someone Knowing My Name And Birthday is enough evidence they need to give one my medication.  Something to keep in mind, guys.  I've definitely said my full name 50 times, and odds are I've mentioned my birthday about a dozen times.  Don't take my medication, though, you wouldn't like it.  It's all ANTIPSYCHOTIC this, MOOD STABILIZER that... oh and Klonopin and Ritalin, you might like those, I Sure Do!
Wow.  Have some Testosterone Gel.  It'll probably fuck you up if you don't need it but ON THE OTHER Hand maybe your dick will grow 4 inches that's MY hypothesis.  I didn't used to need Testosterone Gel.  I was once like you!  Oh well what are ya gonna.  Also they say to eiher apply it on each shoulder, or, alternatively, on your abdomen, but I say put that straight on your peen.  Just squirt 2 squirts of Gel on each down then GO TO TOWN on your dick.  Just to see what happens!  I Bet Something Weird Will Happen!
  I dunno.  I wanted Fried Egg on Bread for sandwich but I'd have to wait for Delivery to get here between 2:00 and 4:00 presumably but then wait another hour after it gets here to be able to prepare said sandwich.  And I'm plum out of other ideas.  Well, I could have Ramen.  There's something that's mealish.
    Cool!  I want 2 spiral notebooks, 2 drawing notebooks, and two mini Hard Cover notebooks that are special... WAIT A SECOND JUST GOT A TEXT THEY STARTED SHOPPING!  Sweet.  Here's something I don't get-- why doesn't Shudder.com: The Relatively Obscure Horror Movie Streaming Service, have THE GATE and/or THE GATE II?  Or Returns Of The Living Deads OTHER THAN The 3rd ONE WHICH WAS THE WORST OF THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY.  Those are fun even when you're alone.  I WANT TO WATCH CANDYMAN FRANCHISE.  REWATCH HELLRAISER FRANCHISE.  I'D EVEN SETTLE FOR REWATCHING WISHMASTER FRANCHISE.  LEPRACUHN FRANCISE.  WTF SHUDDER WHERE'S THE FRANCHISES?!?  Anyway, to close up this paragraph-- I just learned for the 3rd or 4th time in my life that Beer Usually Tastes Better From a Cup/Glass.  I


ONLY ONE LOAF OF BREAD?!?  ON PASSOVER?!?! Well, that seems kind of appropriate

    NAILED IT.  On Easter? Well, that seems kind of appropriate.  The point is just got my first Supermarket Delivery since 10 days ago and Maaannnn What a clunker.  Ended up with about 1/3 of what we orderd.  1/4th of the bread required.  No turkey, just chicken breast.  Not a whole lot of other stuff, either.  The point is I can eat 5 slices a week without going over my fair share.  That's means 3 sandwiches as long as one is Open Faced.  Got 2 frozen meals, 1 cup of noodles, and Some Sort of, "Wild Card."  So that's 7 lunches planned out.  Dinners must be Cooked & whatnot.  Spaghetti, Macaroni, Pancakes, French Toast... wait that's no good.  Alrght, Pasta, Pancakes, Chicken Slices stacked up as far as the eye can see without any bread.  Eh we'll figure it out.  REDUCED LIMITED PANTRY AND FOOD SUPPLIES?!??!?  THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL BUT THEN AGAIN I AND MY LOVED ONES ARE LIVING SO WE'RE STILL AHEAD OF THE GAME!
Anyway NOW we're gettin' into the shit.  WTF I CAN HAVE SOMETHING DIFFFERENT TASTY AND NUTRITIONAL FOR LUNCH EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK AND A NICE HOME COOKED MEAL EACH NIGHT.  WHAT KIND OF HELL FOR THE DAMNED IS THIS?!?!?!?  I'll survive is the point.  You know what, this isn't a joke-- I've always been interested in MREs (the prepackaged meals you get in the army that are self serving and self sufficient.  NOWS TH EXCUSE TO BE LIKE YEAH LETS GET SOME OF THOSE IF ITS LEGAL TO SELL TO NON ARMYFOLK.  Man things keep getting better and better!  I hear they each come with a copy of The Great Gatsby.  Oh boy I LOVE Books and staring into the past at the end of them. Hmm.  Somethin' like that.
Was gonna have Fried Egg Sandwich for lunch but now thats out of the window (We do still have a steady supply of Egg, though, and I've got a couple meals worth of Frozen Frenched Fries And Taters).  Figure I'll have one of those, "Smart," meals.  You eat it and it tells you your temperature.  Wait, I've just been swallowing thermometers.  Ugh that no good!  Anyway, sometimes I think about the fake movie trailers at the beginning of Tropic Thunder.  And sometimes I don't!  That clears that up and whatnot.  There's Tunafish in a pinch.  There's soup: the thing that is soup.  Microwavable Popcorn and Toasterable Pop Tarts.  Beer.  So Dinner for tonight looks like PANNEDCAKES.  And we accidently got some Chocolate Chips a week ago as a replacement for osomething else.  CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES HOLY CRAP I CAN DIG INTO THAT.  I can dig it so much I can have it again for dinner tomorrow night, too! [Rod and Todd voices going Yayyyy Double Pancakes!!!!]  It's a Simpsons thing.
    Cool!  There must be one or two potential meals I'm missing.  Eggs.  No bread or sided dish, just eggs.  Boy you'd have to make a lot of eggs for that to be worthwhile.  At least 4.  I'd even err on the side of 5! Anyway, if this is really a war, can't they do a wartime thing where they deliver everyone in Warzone neccesary groceries once a week like clock work? I would be a propoent of that on account of it relieving a lot of stress for me and my family.  Oh well more important to five 4.5 trillion to people to buy stocks back as per my understanding.  Do you realize instead of giving 4.5 trillion to companies they could use that money to pay 1,000 dollars to EVERYONE!  Not in America.  Just give EVERYONE A THOUSAND DOLLARS!  Sweet.  Don't listen to me, I'm delerious from hunger.
    Ugh.  If my parents were, "Down," with it, I'd be happy to take some chances on some DoorDash.  Anyway, if you're not gonna give us free groceries, can't yuo at least streamline the process where everything we could want is in store and can be delivered within 48 hours?  That's totally do-able but someone needs to step up and do it!   I can have some eggs.  3 Eggs for every other breakfast.  That'll keep me going strong!  hey if I'm having 5 slices of bread over the next week HEY WHY NOT MAKE EVERY SANDWICH OPEN FACED.  That way I can have plnty of sandwiches and use up some of that sliced turkey breast.  It'd be weird if we called it turkey tits. Right?  Alliteration aside, it sort of sexualizes said turkey and I'm not 100%, "Down," with that. 
    In Oz: The Prison Drama, they call all illegal drugs Tits.  Or maybe just Heroin.  The oint is either way I Like Television.  I'm pretty sure I'm gonna try Heroin at some point.  Not any time in the near future.  And I'm aware of how dangerous and addictive it is.  But, ya know, kinda wanna see what all the fuss is about.  If its better than drug they inject to you before surgery to put you to sleep in 4 seconds, HOLY SHIT AM I ON BOARD.  Fine, how's this for a compromise-- JUST GIMME THAT DRUG THAT MAKES YOU FALL ASLEEP IN 4 SECONDS I NEED IT I NEED IT I NEED IT.  Having the oxygen tank/mask couldn't hurt, either!! I get a real kick out of that as well.  Combining both?  Now you're talkin'!
    Ugh.  I'll probably never do heroin.  I'm probably too smart for that presumably.  There's a case to be made for that.  Didn't Jesus turn water into loaves of bread?  Where's Jesus When You Need Him.  Nowhere, that's who!!  Typical unreliable Jesus.  The sad thing is that Open Faced Sandwich Idea is the most excited I've been in a while.  Save 1/3rd or 1/4th of Fries and Tots left to pair with Eggs for Breakfast.  Pop tarts for other breakfast.  And, who knows, maybe we get lucky and find a place that Bread Is Produced And/Or Sold And/Or Distributed!  Let's get lucky!  Just like the ancient isrealites.  Hey Moses you've heard of all these locusts going around?  That have anything to do with you wanting Pharaoh to let your people go and your God is doin' this stuff?  N.... Wai... Yeeaahhhh that's exactly it!
    What a schemer.  Does Moses have a first name/last name.
  I know his brother was Aaron.  But what to make of Moses.  Also, is Mos Def somehow a reference to Moses?  Also, is Be Kind Rewind an accurate portrayal of the kind of person Mos Def is?  I remember being PUMPED THE FUCK UP for that movie and going out of it like meh.  Partly because the best/funniest parts were in the commercial.  But it's just a different movie than I imagined, still good, but slightly off from what I expected.  I learned about Michel Gondry in NYU.  I had a creative writing class Freshman Year where Teacher showed us 2 musical videos-- one for The White Stripes' The Hardest Button To Button (directed by Gondry) and aother one for... ugh.... I don't konw... I know at some point she recommended California Stars (Words by Woody Guthrie, Music by Wilco and/or Billy Bragg)... forget that 2nd video, though.  I don't think it was California Stars.  Doesn't seem like the kind of song to have a video!  Michel Gondry.. Hmm... Good... he was a bit of an alcoholic before happy that he got all that worked out.  I'm an idiot. 


Bread Is Risen

    That's a succinct way of New Testament being a sequel to Old Teastment.  Succint, Damn You!  I told my mom are you spiritual?  because its kind of ironic we can't eat bread when they couldn't eat bread on Passover and she laughed like she got it and then 10 minutes later I hear her telling my Dad Michael thinks there's no bread available because of Passover... That's WAY off from what I meant.  If anything, there'd be MORE bread.  Cause 2% of us are Jews and 1% of us won't eat bread.  So they're not making any less bread.  But slightly less is being purchased.  And it just made me re-evaluate what kind of impressoin I'm giving off to my mom.  She laughed and was amused at my joke!  But in her head she was like YUP THAT MUST BE IT BREAD SHORTAGE IS PASSOVER!
I dunno.  I've never made panned cakes before but presumably I'll be front and center when my Mom makes 'em tonight.  Did I mention us having chocolated chips?  Oh boy that gets me going.  See, the real trick is, you put chocolate chips into the mix, then PUT SOME MORE ON TOP AFTER ITS COOKED.  That's the trick, I knew it, International House of Pancakes knew it, and now you know it.  Sweet!  Anyway call it an entry after this paragraph.  No more bread?  Fine.  Less chance I'll get a yeast infectin.  Less chance I get a W B Yeats infection.  Anyway I'll see you guys on the other side.

-3:46 P.M.


Sunday, April 12, 2020


    I've been here every day for a month.  I've been here sporadically for closing in on 8 years.  I've been around doing other things mostly throughout my life.  Sure some of that time was Nothing At All but a lot of it I was doing something or something else... the point is if you still don't recognize me Through Website Prose then I don't know what to tell you.  Anyway, as I've talked about, my Dad has a monthly infusion where Nurse comes to house.  Going on right now!  And, no shit, this nurse is from Elmhurst/Corona, Queens.  Which just happens to be THE ABSOLUTE EPICENTER WORST NEIGHBORHOOD IN THE WORLD WITH THE VIRUS.  So basically I'm Ultra@Risk but my Dad would be even more at risk without infusion caus of weakened immune system so what are ya gonna do.  Stay in my room all day.  That's one way to go.
    I was kinda thinking about doing that anyway.  JUST KIDDING.  I've gradually incorporated the Down Stairs lifestyle over the last few years.  Used to eat all meals in my room completely-- then moved to kitche with family-- (Full Disclosure, I'm back to eating in my room).  Used to not talk to my parents, used to not cook anything, used to avoid the Den with The TV On like the plague because DAMNIT THIS SHOW DEXTER PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF WAY TOO STRESSFUL FOR ME AT THAT STAGE OF MY MENTAL ILLNESS.  That lasted a few years.  The Dexter Years.  But we made it out okay so we can make it out of THIS okay!  That's my message to everyone.  Dexter existed and most of us are still living to tell the tale!
    I don't know what it was about Dexter that made me so tense.  I think part of it was the confusion with is he the protagonist or like an anti-protagonist.  Dude kills people I feel like I'm being encouraged to root for him???  No Bueno I'm not, "Down," with killers.  I'm, "Down," with The Killers!  They have a new album out potentially soon I saw a Teaser Track on my Apple Itunes Music Ap... App.  On my Apple App.  App is short for application, right?  That'd be my first guess.  It means Appetizer at Applebee's AND AT APPLEBEE'S ONLY.  Is there gonna be a tie in between New Candyman and Applebee's.  Seems only natural because bees are 2 or 3 steps below tertiary relevant to the plot presumably. 
    Anyway, anyone else running out of spial notebooks?  I've been using a Drawing Notebook the last month or so-- just a notebook without any lines I guess primarily meant for Art Classes... not artists themselves they got better things to draw on.  This is for like middle school art class.  And I liked it because YOU CAN'T CONTAIN ME IN LINES MAN I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE BETTER GET USED TO IT.  I dunno.  I'd be 100% fine with Regular Spiral Notebooks as a replacement.  Or, ideal scenario, Best Of Both Worlds!  Get like 3 regular and 2 no lines.  That should last me like a year or so, right?  Anyway, its a new week.  Less than a full week until We've All Been Quarantining It Up FOR A MONTH ALREADY.  Time is really flying??? It kind of is to me!  I guess everything else that's been distracting us our whole lives were actually bad for our mental health?  And having a reset is good for it?  But the bad thing is people are dying?  THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!!!  I don't remember signing off on that is the point.
    I think the main pleasure I get out of this is hah welcome to my world.  I suddenly feel like I can relate to people for a myriad of different reasons all related to this virus and our reaction to it.  It's shitty BUT I NEVER SAID I WASN'T A SHITTY PERSON GET OVER IT.  Anyway, Lunch, Dinner--- Lunch is Turklish & Cheesed Sandy,  Dinner is Spghatarronis with tomatoish saucedom.  ITS FUN TO SAY WRONG WORDS HA HA HA WE'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME!!! Presumably.  Halfway through the Last Friday The Thirteen!!! ...available on shudder.com  It's called Jason goes to Manhattan and the first half of the movie is Jason is on a boat destined to Manhattan.  You'd think if they wanna play up the Jason in Manhattan angle, they'd actually, you know, focus on him in Manhatatn.  Fro what I've seen Manhattan is inconsequential to the plot (presumably he gets there at some point) and it's really Jason On A Boat With People.
    So I got that going for me.  I'm starting to get into the sexual/romantical element of Tales From The Crypt.  Different stages of going through Tales From The Crypt.  The half dozen or so I saw when I was a kid in the 1990's?  Horrifying.  Every subsequent Binging from 2012 or 20 on, I go through ah this is funny fun, or this is nostalgia fun, or this is I'm-into-this-ironically fun, or hey this is pretty scaryfun, and now I'm up to these sex and romance subplots KEY TO EVERY EPISODE... well, they don't get me going Full On, but I like being delicately tittalated!  I LIKE A LOT OF THINGS.
    I like the episode with Kirk Douglas and Kirk Douglas' Grandson in World War One.  STIMULATED THE HELL OUT OF ME.
  Is Kirk Douglas still alive?  That doesn't seem right.  I feel like he finally died a year or two ago.  He died, but only 2 months ago?  You'd think I'd remember that being a real Kirk Douglas Stan.  Also, when you say you, "Stan," something, just remember-- you are also identifying with Stan from South Park, with Stanley Kubrick, from ALL European countries ending with Stan (Pakistan, Uzbekistan, and so on), the R.E.M. song Stand,  WWF Wrestler Stone Cold's finishing move the Stone Cold Stanner...  How long do I have to do this riff.  Until I mine it enough to get to 1 or 2 more bordering-on-amusing things.  The Ben Folds song The Ascent of Stan.  Not funny, that one, but ACCURATE!  
    I dunno.  Supermarket Delivery tomorrow presumably!  I get to restock all my old favorites.  We're talking Kaiser Rolls.  We're talking Challah Loafs of Bread.  We're talking Whole Wheat Bread.  We're talking English Muffin.  We're even POTENTIALLY talking about Bagels and/or Mini-bagels.  Probably not but if possible we're talking DINNER ROLLS.  We're talking Bread Sticks.  That's about it.  Who needs soup or meat WE'VE GOT BREAD!!!  Those are my go to non-bread essentials. Soup and meat.  Not THAT far off, right?  But still insightful.  Eighth paragraph.  Figure I'll get to 10 and then call an audible or something.  Which Is what I call a Break.  Even though the words are totally different.  Except for when the Quarter Back yells Break! sometimes after Audibles.  Sometimes not after Audibles.  The point is maybe we should treat NFL as head on as we're treating Coronavirus.  Naah we're not gonna do that.
America can't survive without sports!  We nee--- oh I'm being told we're surviving fine without sports.  All we need is Other Things to gamble on.  C'mon, there's plenty of legal activities you can gamble on!  Without risking brain injuries to your fellow men in service.  Sports service.  Anyway drinkin' one beer now.  Maybe a 2nd one later.  That'd be it, though.  I'm cutting myself off!  In the relatively near future!  For now DRINKING IS STILL ON let's drop balloons and blow on those weird whistle party whistler spinner thing that sometimes happen New Years Eve.  UGH I HAVE TO GET ALL THOSE SUPPLIES?? ITS A WAR ZONE OUT THERE AND YOU WANT ME TO GET BALLOONS AND WHISTLERS?  FINE I'LL DO IT BUT I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT!
    Cool! I was watching an Oz episode which coincidently was build around the theme of WheelChair Guy who narrates the show between sequences was talking about Passover.  And I realized, I learnt 95% of this at some poine... A LONG TIME AGO.  This is the most about Jewish Religion I've learned in A DECADE.  Also is it a thing where I can get another Bar Mitzvah?  In retrospect my friends then were jerks I want another Bar Mitzvah with my REAL FRIENDS... should I ever find them.  Fine, can I at least get another circumcision.  JEEZ HOW MANY CIRCUMCISIONS DOES ONE GUY NEED!!  C'mon hook me up just one more gimme that fix.
Not 100% sure on what circumcisions/foreskin is but in all honesty its my impression you can't do it more than once.  Unless your foreskin grows back.  Which is bound to happen now and then but NOT IN MY BACKYARD.  More correctly, In my FrontYard!  That's what I call the space adjacent to my taint On The Front of my Body.  Backyard is the other way.  I remember as a kid reading on the internet the gross saying about having sex with children, if there's grass on the field, play ball!! ...and if there's not, go out back and play in the mud.  I dunno why my 12 year old self was associating with God Knows How Old People who were budding child molestors but hey what can ya do THESE PEOPLE WERE MY REAL FRIENDS HOW COME THEY DIDN'T SHOW UP AT MY BAR MITZVAH?!?!?
Is it a universal or near universal experience when participating in online communities (revolving around a game, or some sort of fandom, or whatever), kids all lie about their age?  When I was 10 I think I implied I was 17.  When I was 12 I had it bumped up to 18.  TAKE ME SERIOUSLY I'VE BEEN AROUND AS LONG AS YOU.  I dunno, something along those lines.  Hey 12th paragraph  Take a break after this one.  Dinner was 2 Hot Pockets of Same Variety last night.  Must have done it once or twice before, but first time in recent memory I was just like ya know I'm just gonna have BOTH of these.  Cause it is a reasonable calorie amount for one meal.  The point is Huh where am I oh right gonna take a break.  See ya later in a little bit!


What The Hell Are You Doing Here

    Being a mildly entertained audience?  AN UNLIKELY STORY.  Being forced by some Torturish Criminal Mastermind to read this?  A LITTLE BIT MORE LIKELY BUT I STILL THINK THERE IS A GREATER TRUTH OUT THERE.  The point is I made a vow to not go downstairs until nurse leaves.  That's in 3 FUCKIN' HOURS!  I'm runnin' low on this beer and no soda is in my near future and I'd eat lunch way before that if I had my druthers.  Good, great.  Also, yes, its very odd that one of the 2 adjacent neighborhoods where Coronavirus is worst in the world is Corona, Queens.  Veeerrry Odd.  Hopefully they don't come up with an Oakland Gardens virus.  Or a Bayside Virus.  I'm technically in Oakland Gardens but it's South Baysdie and most people know Bayside but not technically Oakland Gardens so how my House Identifies is in flux depending on who I'm talking to and for whate purpose.  When you think Oakland, you think Gardens.
    No you don't!
  When I think Oakland, I think relatively povertyish neighborhoods, with minorities, so I don't imagine full fledged ghettos but I imagine Apartment Complexes.  Nothing against Apartment Complexes!  I'd like to Be An Apartment Complex one day!  I like The Oaklands Athletics.  Yup, sounds accurate!  That's how they got their job playing baseball!  I dunno, though.  I think traditionally when we think whose An Oakland Athletic we'd think of the 25 (now 26) baseball players on the dialy roster.  But isn't the manage an Oakland Athletic, too?  What about scouts, general manager, the owner, heck, the concession sellers and sweeper uppers.  They're part of the team!  LET EM BE OFFICIAL OAKLAND ATHLETICS IT'S THE DECENT THING TO DO.
Of course, many of them won't be athletic.  They may not even be from Oakland!  They're in Oakland 6 months of the year for baseball season then go back to whence they came.  The perfect scam.  Ya gotta wonder how Team Name effects fans.  Mets, obviously a decent name, cute on its own, and also refers to Metropolitans, and, yup, they're located in a big city, it all checks out.  What about The Chicago White Sox.  YEAH WE HERE IN CHICAGO LOVE WHITE SOX WE'RE ON BOARD WITH THAT NAME IT REFLECTS WHO WE ARE.  Then there's The Yankees.  It's kind of an N-Word situation.  Calling someone a Yankee used to be an insult but they were like ya know what WE ARE Yankees and we're gonna beat you by having our second best power hitter after Babe Ruth hit FOUR Homeruns Throughput The Season!  How do we know that Babe Ruth wasn't a drag queen in a previous life and Babe Ruth was his stage him?  We don't know, that's how!  Decent drag queen name.  You got the name Ruth, pretty popular during those times, and the adjective/sometimes noun babe.
Baseball was a fall back for Babe Ruth is the point.  Ugh run out of beer in half an hour or less.  Already run out of soda.  Can pour Bathroom Sink water to replenish myself BUT AT WHAT COST?  Nothin' to eat in my room except for Tootie Pops and THOSE ARE RIGHT BEFORE BED ONLY.  Nice Some Sweet to get me going.  One new strategy I have in trying to fall asleep when I want to is trying to imagine the process where you're having surgery or some sort of procedure where they give you oxygen and then inject something into your blood and you're out in 4, 5 seconds.  And I just try getting into that head space, alright I'm imagining getting that done, slowly losing consciousness... not over 5 seconds but over 15 minutes... but maybe I could use positive visualization...  The point is Huh there isn't usually a point what makes you think there'd be one here.
Is it just me or is there some sick game going on when you read someone famous/semi-famous/someone you just care about tangentially has died, and your first thought is CORONAVIRUS OR OTHER!  I WANNA KNOW VOYEURISTICALLY and also IF IT IS CORONAVIRUS THAT'S ONE STEP CLOSER THAN IT GETTING TO ME!!!  I wonder how long Trump can keep doing the routine of setting a date to when this is over, then after a week or so adding another week, then after another week adding another week... I assume his strategy is he will do this 20 times and eventually we'll be able to let loose from quarantine a little and he'd be like SEE I TOLD YOU I WAS ON TOP OF THIS AND BEING HONEST WITH YOU ABOUT IT YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!!!!  The good news is FINALLY Biden has b--.... wait nope still not doing a thing.  Wonder how long that'll last.  At some point he has to show up somewhere and say some word, right?
    Particularly because in all likelihood, Corona=Election.  And by being silent At The Apex of Coronavirus-worry, man, what a shitty, shitty politician.  Hey he's gonna be president and you're writing a website whose the shitty politician.  HE IS.  I'm the Shitty Website Writer Guy, I'm not a politician in the first place.  So thus I'm No Shitty Politician But Joe Biden apparently is.  Prove me wrong!  Hmm Joe maybe you'd feel more comfortable writing a blog about Running For President?  Get in touch with me I'd love to help.  I'd even support your candidacy and try to get the readers to do the same!  My e-mail is ultra@risk apparently based on the first paragraph!   EhrGH.  Gonna take another short break.


That Brings Me Back

    No it doesn't. ...Wait, yes it does. Alls well that ends well!  The, "It," in question is Diet Dr Brown Black Cherry Soda IN A CAN.  Reminds me of goin to the 1/2 sized Deli a few blocks away and getting it as a treat as a kid.  I've gotten 2 liter bottles of it since then BUT ITS JUST NOT THE SAME.  Soda tastes like childhood.  Anyway, I had a pretty adequate childhood.  Some good, some bad.  A lot of people had shitty childhoods they desperately long to forget.  Other people had great childhoods that they try to relive.  Me?  Eh I could take it or leave it.  There were the times I went to Six Flags.  PLUS.  There were the times I couldn't ride the best rides.  MINUS.  ...Well that about covers it then.
There was the time I went to Hershey Park.  MINUS.  There was the time I won an organized Bingo tournament at Hershey Park Hotel and the prize was One Plain Hershey Bar.  PLUS. BIIIIGGGGGG PLUS.  I dunno anymore.  Lunch in about 20, 25 minutes.  Started 2nd beer of the day.  Anyway, turns out Dad's Nurse today wasn't the one from Elmhurst/Corona.  They were gonna send him a Replacement Nurse from there, but it turns out his regular nurse (From Long Island somewhere) could do it.  So now instead of ultra@risk its only normalamountmoreorless@risk.  Hmm good name for a e-mail.  Also good name for a website.  Also, "@," to symbolize, "At?"  I can get into that.
I remember a year or two adding my e-mail contact info at the bottom of the website.  Sorta fantasized about getting Fan or Business e-mails.  So far, no such luck.  But on the other hand I can conjure up within my imagination the idea that people(s) read this, and in the end, it's pretty much the same thing.  Shouldn't we be using Base 2.  We count everything by hands.  Ahh, this appendage on the left, the end of my arm, that's ONE.  Then the matching one on the other side of my body? That's TWO.  EVERYTHING IS IN TWOS.  Have you heard the good news about one being the loneliest number?  2 is almost as lonely I've heard, it's the loneliest number since the number one.  Good quarantine song.  Anyway, don't wanna start a new paragraph just for this, bcause it would be the start of a terrible paragraph, but lemme just get this out of the way-- Lunch is Turkey/Cheese/some hot sauce on wheat bread and a side of Cauli Tater Tots.
    Why does slingblade like french fries so much.  Is it becuse he can sharpen a fry down very carefully with a shiv and then stab people with the frenched fries?  It sounds impossible but that's what they said to the Wright Brothers and look who turned out wright about that.  Anyway, yeah, stab people with Chips (As they call them in the British Empire), that seems like on way to go.  Or just suffocate them with a hamburger.  Lots of Fast Food ways to kill people if you're just willing to use a little bit of imagination. Here's one-- eat fast food 3 times a day for 30 years.  Yeah that'll kill ya real good BUT WHERE'S THE LOVE?  WHERE'S THE IMMEDIACY!!!
    Cool.  One brand of movies I'm always like I would enjoy re-watching that but either never motivate myself to re-watching them and/or do start re-watching them but am like yeah this is kind of boring now is Coen Brothers movies.  With the possible exception of Oh, Brother!  We're Art Now!  I picked that movie at random because I must have seen it 3 or 4 times, more than any other.  I also have seen The Lady Killers that many times-- and I like it just as much! The point is 2nd time I see something is the pits, but if I get over that hump it goes back to being great!  MAYBE EVEN BETTER!



    As far as I know its still there but for all I know its been replaced by a computer simulation where they use CGI to project the same backyard and front yard and all the stuff I can see from my house that I know and love.  Don't know what their motivatino would be but that doesn't mean it can't happen!  I don't really have a backyard.  Let alone a shitty one.  No anal raping for This Guy!  Either way.  I feel very strongly about this.  My back yard is a 3 car parking lot.  My neighborhood is insidious-- 1 block by 1 block, and that includes an INNER circle of houses so you drive into it without it being a real official street.  So anyway that sort of thing.  Sure I like tue word insidious enough to use it incorrectly.  I like lots of words a lot!
    Good name for a Horror movie to write during Corona.  Insidious.  Unfortunately that has almost definitely been used.  Fortunately fuck them they don't own words You Do It For Yourself!  Hmm what are other good Horror Movie Titles.  I'M STUCK IN THE HOUSE FROM VIRUS OUTSIDE.  That's 1 possibility.  DON'T LEAVE THE STRUCTURE YOUR LIVING IN ITS A RISK!  That's a 2nd possibility.  THE HORROR MOVIE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING IN YOUR HOUSE ALL YEAR FOR.  I like it!  Anyway, I know in the short term major motion pictures scheduled for theater release will not only 90% suffer but maybe even 100% suffer, but in the end, it could be offset by some good consequences.  I've always felt seeing movies in theaters is 10x as good as on TV.  Maybe it becomes more of a NOVEL [PUN NOT INTENDED BUT ACCEPTED] thing to do again once the health risks are gone.  Hey we're allowed to go outside what should we do first?  LETS SEE A MOVIE!!!  So that might work out a little bit.  I hope so!  I like movies.
    Anyway Lunch Time.  Here's my Sandwich Strategy-- one slice of bread, 2 slices of turkey, 1 slice of cheese, 2 slices of turkey, 1 slice of cheese, one slice of bread.  Either way.  It's symmetrical is the point.  And I like these Cauliflower Tots because I feel like I'm eating someting healthier.  Is a cauliflower a flower?  Someone should look into that one day.  BOY WOW O WOW not only is cauliflower a flower but SO IS BROCCOLI.  DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING.  Anyway, first TV-From-Home thing I've watched is SNL from last night. Or, last week.  Or, this morning.  Last night is when it first aired.  Last week is when it was mostly put together.  This morning is when I saw it.  Glad we got all the kinks worked out with that information.
I liked when Chris Martin did Shelter From The Storm.  That's one of my favorite Coldplay songs.  Got my name in it, too.  Burnt out from exhaustion, buried in the HAIL... hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in he CORN.  HALE CORN.  MIKE HAIL CORN BLOOM.  Cracked that code that doesn't exist in real life.  It also has the line is it hopeless and for lorn.  In this case YES it was for Lorne Michaels.  So the songs prophesy has come to pass.  Great glad we got that done with.  Now that song's practical use has retired and we can all move on with our lives.  The point is as a kid my sandwiches were always cut vertically.  It took me to be an adult to find out the joys of cutting them into triangles.
    Was a little disappointed that Tom Hanks didn't participate in any sketches.  No I wasn't he did his part lets all move on with our lives/this episode of this TV show.  hey could have done a Mr Rogers Coronavirus thing where its like won't you please NOT be my neighbor or at least be my neighbor at at least 6 feet away.  I'm full of great ideas.  ALTERNATE, BETTER TAKE-- Mr Rogers is pissed the fuck off about being trapped in his house.  And he's been drinking.  WELL I'D LOVE TO SAY ITS A WONDERFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW DO YOU?  NOPE?  WELL FUCK THIS.
2 more paragraphs to get to an even 30.  I'm looking forward to Spaghetti tonight.  It's like pasta, but, uhh, well... it is pasts.  Anyway, ate an extremely early lunch at like 6:30, now its been 8 hours since then, dinner in only 4 hours... all sounds good to me!  Maybe have another beer to tide me over until then.  Watch more TFTC, maybe some Oz, maybe start up another show to re-watch (The Wire, I'm thinking of you!)  I've thought about bingewatching Girls but I feel awkward around girls even if they're on TV in character reciting scripted dialogue from a structured plot.  I'd still feel I DON'T BELONG HERE!!!
    It's like Sex And The City.
  Was I supposed to be watching that when I was 12 in 2000?  It seemed TITILLATING sure because of the word SEX but I think pre-teen boys is the last demographic they're thinknig about.  Which is odd because it's the FIRST demographic Most Shows are thinking about.  Also Carrie's love interest is Mr. Big?  SIZIST HOW COME HER LOVE INTEREST CAN'T BE 5'2 I DON'T GET IT ONE BIT.  I'm really looking forward to aging a few more decades and losing 1-2 inches from my height. I could very well be under 5 feet by the time I'm an old man.  But theoretically I wouldn't give a fuck by then so that's good I guess.  Nah I'm not Danny Devito Short, give me some credit!  I'm Robert Reich short.  Not that there's anything wrong with being Danny Devito short.  I'm sure he either has a loving family or a great stable of exotic young women he cycles through for sex purposes.  Probably the family thing.  Ok that'll do it.  See ya later (Probably 2morrow based on recent past)

-2:54 P.M.


Saturday, April 11, 2020

I Miss World

    Boy meets world.  Boy loses world.  Boy misses world.  Story of my life.  Or a sitcom.  Having trouble distinguishing the two.  What's going on in the wide world of nearly universal isolation.  WHat books have you all been reading.  I'm just kidding, I know nobody reads books under any circumstances.  I got as far as a few chapters over the past 3 weeks and I'm pretty satisfied with that.  Anyway Coronavirus, are we really supposed to stay in our houses until VACCINE?!??!  I know there will be waves but can't we start doin' stuff after the first or 2nd wave?  Not just 12-18 months for Cure?  Cause even for me that seems like too much.  And I'm kind of adjusting nicely to the whole deal!
    The hottest club in new york right now is YOUR HOUSE.  It's got everything-- your mom, lots of canned soup, your dad teaching community college classes from your living room computer, different kinds of pasta,  wiping down too many things or way too little things.  ...Is that a universal experience?  I think we can agree mostly on what to wipe and what doesn't need wiping (Spoiler Alert-- EVERYTHING needs wiping!)  But who the fuck knows exactly how long to wipe things with disinfectant.  There's no fuckin' guidelines!  Is 20 seconds enough.  Is 60 seconds too much?  I figure I've been averaging each package/whatever at around 25-30 seconds.  3/4ths of which is wiping it down with disinfectant wipe or disinfectant spray on a paper towel, and the rest wiping it dry with regular, dry paper towel.  Again, I could be wasting my time because I could do it halfway of that.  Or, I could be wasting my time because its so little it doesn't make a dent.  Maybe I need to do 5 minutes for each thing.  Nobody knows anything.
    Also there are clear guidelines which say how long a virus can stay on any kind of surface, so theoretically you can just wait for those hours/days to pass once its in your house by delivery or pick up.  Then open it up with no consequence.  That's Not How WE Do Things Though!  We double jeopardy that up.  We're gonna wait AND we're gonna disinfect!  Sure I know what Double Jeopardy means!  It means, "Double," and the, "Jeopardy," is silent!  Anyway so far feeling okay with schedule of drink 1 beer, drank 2 beer, drank 1, drink 2 beer...  Which would make this last me about 3 weeks. I can handle 3 weeks!  I can handle lots of weeks probably, I've never really been put to the test, though.
    Lunch is some kind of sandwich.  Turkey or Fried Egg.  I breifly thought about macaroni but nah I'm not gonna do that.  If there's a New Wave [also we're gonna start a new genre of music called New New Wave to describe musing made/produced/shared starting with subsequent waves of Coronavirus] of Coronavirus where we can go out but Social Distancing is Key... like, even a bar is open.  But they have rulers and markers on the floor to keep people seperated.  How does flirting work?  I think, personally, I'd do better that way.  Less intimacy means less chance of feeling hurt by rejection.  Just scream over HEY HOW'S IT GOING OVER THERE!!!  And she's like PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.  And And I'd be like WELL MISSION ACCOMPLISHED THEN THERE I SUPPOSE.
I feel for conjoined twins.  They can't social distance if their lives depended on it.  I dunno.  My scientific Bet would be SOMETIMES if 1 gets it they both have it and SOMETIMES 1 can get it and the other one obviously has a huge chance to get it, but doesn't automatically get it.  Anyway.  Whether its 70,000, 200,000, 500,000 or in the millions, I look forward to Trump's MISSION ACCOMPLISHED moment.  Cause the lowest end of the spectrum is ONLY SEVENTY THOUSAND PEOPLE DIED IN LARGE PART TO MY OWN MISHANDLING OF THE SITUATION.  C'MON LETS GET A PARADE GOING!  Unfortunately we'll never reach that Final Number.  Because it will keep going, even with a vaccine.  A war against Coronavirus never ends it can just turn to our favor. 
    Actually, more historically accurate, his Mission Accomplished Moment will be when he goes I DECLARE AMERICA OPEN AGAIN even though the disease is rampant and killing a lot of people left and right and isn't under control at all.  Because that's what it means.  George W Bush standing on an air craft carrier with a banner saying Mission Accomplished! for the Iraq war in, what, 2004?  Might have even been 2003.  When it was far, far from over.  Is it even over now?  I think technically it is but in reality we're still militarily invested.  But, yeah, so that's Trump's Mission Accomplished Moment.  AMERICA IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS AGAIN meanwhile Americans are still dying, sick or unemployed.  I SAID MISSION ACCOMPLISHED STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD.
Anyway, drinking a beer right now.  Maybe drink another beer after lunch.  I don't have all the answers!  I am but one man with but half a dozen of the answers.  So GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  Again, now it's closing in on 72 hours when Biden became Presumptive Nominee and immediately the favorite to be presdient in 2021 (current poll-wise) and HE HASN'T SAID A FUCKIN' THING.  I'm no conspiracy theorist because I can't even imagine what kind of conspiracy would create the circumstances of this happening.  I'm just chalking it up to human stupidity incompetence and lack of giving a shit.  Oh well what can ya do That's America for ya.  Anyway.  Stopped having dreams about Bernie Sanders.  I must have had 2 dozen dreams tangentially involving him over the last year or two.  Guess that's over now.  It's like Freddy Krueger.  As long as no one acknowledges he exists or ever existed, he won't show up in our dreams to kill us.  Hmm.
Also, how come Freddy Krueger was a child molester in Real Life but now that he's supernatural he just feels like killing teenagers.  Seems like someone like that would rape some childreen beyond the grave.  I'm not saying that should happen.  I'd be very, very upset if if it.  But where's the continuity in this character?  Nowhere that's where!  I mean teenagers are children compared to adults, and he's messing with them, I guess that makes sense.  But I thought he skewed even younger.  I dunno what "m talking about.  Also I'm 100% sure its explained at smoe point but why does Freddy Krueger have those Wolverine Hands/Fingers.  Or, alternate reference-- why does Freddy Kruger have those Vega From Street Fighter Hands/Fingers.  Or, alternate reference-- kinda like Edward Scissorhands, too.  WHAT IS AMERICA'S FASCINATION WITH PEOPLE WITH SHARP HANDS?!?
    Is it a lobster thing?  We all just wish we could pinch people a little bit harder, a little bit better?  Speaking of Lobster I had a class a few years ago where part of it was reading a few David Foster Wallace stories/essays and one of them was Consider The Lobster and I was thinking about it because I was like ya know what that's a perfect kinda book to read these days.  But then I Didn't Know Where It Is so that's the end of that.  David Foster Wallace, huh?  My Parents Foster Me.  I dunno what the point of any of this is.  Now, now, the newest club in New York is EMPTY!  It's got nothing-- no one's in there, there's no drinks, it's not even open from the outside to get in.  And it's so reverse-exclusive that by not going it speaks highly of your social and communal standing!


All Your Website Needs

    Was putting away some more cans of beer from Shipment Box into Refridgerator and wtf one of these cans is like 1/8th full.  II didn't open it to be sure, but I can tell by Weight and Sound Of Beer Sloshing Around.  I'm sure they had the best of intentions in regards to helping my Liver BUT I'M GONNAW RITE THEM AN AGR... eh no I won't I GOT THINGS NOT TO DO.  Now one more!  How am I ever gonna get to Not Doing All Those THINGS?!?!?  One day at a time, Mike.  One day at a time.  I'm starting to think of using, "Mike Kornblum," as my official professional-sometimes name.  Been Michael most of my life, accepted being called Mike sometimes, but Michael has been the default.  I like Mike Kornblum, though.  Seems like I guy I can trust.  Mostly because I Am Him but hey go with what sounds best.
    I dunno Michael Kornblum is not without its charms.  Also, good news-- anyone who ever feels like googling Michael Kornblum or Mike Kornblum will come across no this specifically but this Web Page.  They ain't gonna scroll down to see this specifically.  But Internet Search Engine will at least lead them to crazysheet.net/april20.htm.  Sweet!  Thinking about having that 1/10 of a beer for my 2nd beer today.  Then it's all plateu from there!  Or maybe not-- that way I get to drink A WHOLE 2ND BEER!!!!  They each make interesting cases.  On the one hand, turkey/cheese sandwich is easier to make than fried egg, takes less time, and is slightly less calories.  On the other hand why are hands so involved metaphorically in our deicision making progress.  At one point someone must have been, maybe Shakespeare, HEY LOOK I GOT TWO HANDS.  ONE HAND IS ONE THING THE OTHER HAND IS THE OTHER.  ON THIS SPECIFIC HAND [HOLDING UP LEFT HAND] WE'RE GONNA DENOTE THIS HANDS REPRESENT THIS ONE OPTION, AND, THUSLY, THE OTHER HAND IS THE OTHER OPTION.
Seems kind of clunky but who am I to argue with Shakespeare.  Probably wasn't Shakespeare.  I'm not here toa rgue with anybody is the point.  Sometimes I miss Super Meals from NonSupermarket.  Sometimes I don't!  I'm happy with my meal rotation the last few weeks.  Very Happy!  I haven't watched any of it on account of no TV, but is it just me, or are people MORE interested in watching TV produced Remotely from people's homes or something.  Seems exciting because its new.  I could probably check some of that out online.  But then again whose got the time.  And, in addition tohaving the time, feels one way or another to not Rewatch the same 6 TV Things in perpetuity.  I don't know how this one episode of Conan will make me feel!!! This one episode of Tales From The Crypt where the girl thinks the scarecrow is, "Her Man," and the farmer who abuses and is into the girl gets up on that scarecrow cross and pretends to be scarecrow to make love to her and then his wife shows up and is like you dummy this isn't a real person who can make love to you look he's jut rags and she stabs him and she kills her husband and she's like YOU FOOL YOU TRY TO CHEA ON ME NOW YOU'RE DEAD and the, "Touched," Lady Help goes skipping off into the distance.
    That gets me going!  I can't relate to scarecrow on one level because they are by definition very tall.  But on another level, we are both intimate objects primarily used to scare away birds from eating crops.  So you could see my predicament in Who To Relate To.  Anyway.  I've seen a lot of Movie Theater Movies the last 2 or 3 years (well, the last 10 years, but for this comments' sake lets say last 2 or 3) and the most one I'm excited about re-watching on HBO or whatever is Tales From The Dark.  There have been better movies.  There have been better Horror movies!  (It II: ITS comes to mind) but I dunno I like that there nostalgia.  If they shut down movies, can't they use movie theaters as homeless shelters?  YOu can easily fit several hundred people in the reclining seats seperated by at least 6 feet away.  Maybe they're still showing new movies and I just don't know about it.  Seems like they would have stopped though, right?  Anyway NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR CONVERTING FILM THEATERS TO SHELTERS PLEASE.
    I'm getting into Cheese On Sandwich.
  The kind of cheese I have is perfect.  Lactaid Free (So My Dad can eat some) American Style but maybe not even cheese at all (Sure sounds good to me) wrapped up in individual slices for convinience, and 40 calories a slice!  Cheese is great is the point.  Anyway, should the return turn back to relatively normal, I plan on decreasing food from Delivery.  Instead of 80% of my breakfast lunches and dinners coming from delivery, knock that down to 25-50%.  I can deal with it and also why not its cheaper and potentially healtheir and I get the reward of eating stuff I've prepared myself!  Hey remember the time they had months to address this head on to reduce it by like 90% and they were like nah we're not gonna do that. I remember because it's negatively effected my life and many others and even ended some other.  I don't even know what to say.  Job well done jerks doesn't cut it.  FUCK YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLES YOU HAVE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS is a little closer but still Not Quite Thee Yet.
Cool!  Lunch, hmm.  Like I said, fun to prepare your own meals.  Gotta prepare eggs!  Turkey is prepared to but its just moving slices around.  Theres no cooking involved!  I think we just got, "Lucky," with the exact timing of this pandemic, but when I leave my house every day or two to take out garbage or pick up a package I' like HOLY FUCKING SHIT IS IT A NICE DAY OUTSIDE.  And I don't think it's just ah anything would seem like a nice day.  I really think these few weeks HOLY FUCK WHAT ANICE BEATIFUL WEEKS.  It's like we're in the decade of global warming that makes things pleasant here in the tristate area and we're stuck at home because of Pandemic!  Sounds like the beginning of a plot of Great American which now th title applies only to Coronavirus. 
    Best thing you could say to me--
Mike, You're A Great American.  Best way I can reply--  I appreciate It, But No, All Of YOU Are The Great Americans.  There is/was a roller coaster at Six Flags New Jersey called The Great American Scream Machine.  I wouldn't lie to you!  Not about something as trivial about that!  Anyway lets make some Virtual Friends and set a date to go to six flags next April.  It's fun!  Roller coasters and everything you've got no idea.  Log Flube.  Log Flume is the gift that keeps on giving!  You're riding it its fun like a roller coaster but aesthetically more pleasing because you're in a log going down ariver, plus you get refreshingly wet, during the ups and downs, and then, You're Standing On A Bridge Above Log Flume Track, YOU'RE GONNA GET SPLASHED WITH SOME REFRESHING WATER YOURSELF.  Log Flumes A+.
One key attraction from Six Flags Great Adventure (NJ one) is they have it near to the entrance so its always something you get to, where it spins you so fast, up and down, side to side, without any handle bars, but because of physics you can't fall out because you're being keptin place by Speed Or Acceleration or something-- physics, like I said.  So that's always a fun one.  Plus you learn a thing or two about physics!  It's a win/win!  I dunno.  Pretty sure I've never done 3/4ths of the roller coasters you need to be 60 inches at least to ride.  I'm 62 inches right now, but the bulk of time I went to Six Flags was when I was like 7-13.  I don't think I've been there since 13, maybe 14 year olds.  So I don't think I was ever able to do that.  The Great American Scream Machine is just a title to me, it conjures up no memory of any experience.
    Cool!  If a celebrity rides a roller coaster and gets their picture taken' on the most extreme Downturn, is that Papperazi?  Do they have the rights to those pictures?  Are you unknowingly signing the rights away to your likeness by entering the log flume?  I dunno, maybe someone does, but they're probably not reading this entry.  Just looking at the odds.  Most people aren't reading this so what are the odds someone in the know would be reading this.  But, if you are, e-mail me at mankindguy@gmail.com about who owns rights to Roller Coaster Enjoyment/Fear Pictures.
    Yeesh.  I hope social media is putting papperazi out of business.  There's no more LOOK ITS CELEBRITY THEY'RE WALKING AROUND JUST LIKE US!!!  Cause now its like HEY IHEY IM CELEBRITY WATCH ME DANCE OR SOMETHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA JUST LIKE YOU!!!  Seems like a good solution.  One never knows, though!  Listening to certain comedy-people podcasts, I get the sense that Social Media is KEY in building an audience.  I always kinda knew that, they say that's what made Dane Cook so successful.  But I'm not on board!  I wanna make people laugh and if they need more access to my personal life (whether real or on brand) THEN FUCK 'EM I DON'T NEED THEM TO SUPPORT ME FINANIC... wait a second in this scenario I do.  Uh oh.  WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO TIK TOK!!!
Something along those lines.  I had a dream a few nights ago I signed back onto Facebook and regretted it.  But in the dream it was like theres important info here you need to get back on and then I did and then I don't think there was anything important there.  Point is I've been off Facebook for roughly half a year and I've never been happier.  Well, I have been happier. Probably.  I don't keep meticulous records of how Happy I've Been  through different stages of my life.  But the point is lunch is probably in about an hour.  Also, were I to ever get readers, makes sense to consider THIS as social media.  Makes sense to consider lots of things!  Right!

This Coronavirus Has Thrown Everything In My Life Into Disarray!

    Wait, no.  My life is almost exactly the same.  But for YOU, probably an adjustment.  My lMy life isn't the same.  It's more or less the same day-to-day, but I Care More.  So that's good, right?  Watched a trailer for the new Candyman.  Not 100% why he's called Candyman.  If I remember correctly, the legend of Candyman involves being stung by Bees A LOT.  Beeys are associated with honey.  Honey is sweet like candy.  That's about as far as I got.  Also why do ghosts like Candyman live in the mirror.  I guess it kind of makes sense spiritually cause its like The Opposite Netherworld Alt Reality of what is real.  But Still I WANT SOME GHOSTS WHO I CAN CONJURE UP WITHOUT HAVING NO DAMN MIRROR.  I CAN'T AFFORD A MIRROR AND I WANNA SEE WHAT BLOODY MARY IS ALL ABOUT C'MON!!!!
Are there any ghosts you have to look into the toilet to say.  Casper the ghost, Casper the ghost, Casper the ghost, Casper ghe ghost... *Takes one last long look at the toilet* Casper the gh-- OOP GOT STABBED TO DEATH!!!  Stabbed by Casper the ghost?  Seems out of character.  It's always who you'd least suspect.  Anyway.  Put Frenched Fries in oven, will start the eggs in about 25 minutes.  In the mean time let's keep entry going.  Beer I've been drinking today os Other Beer.  Got 24 of one beer (which they sent a different beer--- a moe expensive beer--- by accident, and not only did I not pay more expensive price, but they're giving me 10$ off next order for the mix up!) and also got 6 cans of a 2nd beer.  Yesterday was 1st beer.  Today is 2nd!  Both pretty good!
    Wow.  Only 1 more Friday The 13th left on Shudder.  THANK YOU GOD MAY I HAVE ANOTHER.  One thing I miss about drinking with other people as opposed to alone is that scientifically it effects yuo more.  Partly perhaps because it's more pronounced in stressful situations and being around people is pretty stressful.  Also, my guess, there would be some sort of Group Think where we're all acting/getting drunk because that's what everyone else is thinking/acting/getting to do.  Also HEY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THEY HEARD THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT ME?  Man when I stat open mics in several months hopefully THEY GONNA KNOW ME GOOD.  Gotta have some good Quarentine Material.  The person with the best Quarantine Material will Rule The Day for a solid month or 6 weeks.  Then its back to the drawing board, but for those weeks HOLY MOLY YOU GOT AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT WITH AUDIENCE QUICK!
    Holey Moley!  The only question that remains is Do I Wear Glasses or Do I Wear Contacts.  I have many, many amounts of time to consider this, no hurry.  Welceom to the show i know you think this is just social distancing but no really only 12 of you showed up WHATTA SHAME.  Applause and laughter.  No but really its good to be up on the stage and dont worry they say laughter is the best medicine, so my advice is after this set GO SEE A DOCTOR YOU'RE GONNA NEED ONE! On account of it not being funny.  WHAT ARE YOU FOLKS IDIOTS?  GO BACK TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE YOU'RE NOT READY YET FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD YOU SIMPLETONS.
    I turn into an insult comic at the end.  That's one way to go.  Do regular material but at intervals insult the audience for being out and about.  Well, cracked that code now we play the waiting fame for it to come to fruition.  I saw, no joke, the most impacted zip code from Coronavirus in AMERICA is Corona, Queens.  WTF ARE THE ODDS C'MON WHAT YOU TRYIN TO PUlL.  It's like if in the 1980's there was a story, you know, AIDS is really bad, but ESPECIALLY in AIDSVILLE.  Figure I'll start Egg Cookin' roughly after next paragraph.  That sort of thime.  Hmm what to watch today.  Continue Oz: The Prison Drama.  Wasn't there a Jason In Space movie?  In spIn space, no one can hear you scream.  Unless you're insid the space station with them.  Or your audio is being transmitted to mission command at hope.  Or you use space as a general definition and include Earth and Just Above Earth as space.  The point is there are many ways for your screams in space to be heard so don't even worry about it!
    Cool!  Gonna definitely mix in some Crushed Red Pepper with fried eggs-- considering a dash of Tabasco sauce.  Very little bit, just an experiment.  No going overboard or anything.  Anyway I need to shave or something.  Certainly mustache area-- that's easy.  I can shave that in a minute.  Long long non-moustache area though?  That's a hassle and a half.  It's really easier to just pull out each hair one at a time.  More fun, too!  But I'd feel guilty for being a weirdo even if no one is around to judge me. God'll think I'm a weirdo.  Then I'll never get into Heaven!  There's Heaven for the best, Purgatory for the sinners who will eventually find redemption, and Hell for unrepentend and extreme sinners.  Then there's a 4th thing for weirdos who haven't necessraily done anything bad but would bring the Heaven, "Clientele," down a bit so they get their own place to chill.  Oh well better than nothing.  Presumably better than purgatory, too.  All in all its a nice enough place.
    Where does God stand on Dante's seven circles of Hell.  Is that supposed to be canon?  I dunno, who gives a crap.  Is Hell like that Sewer Pit Batman fell down in in The Dark Knight Rises?  Where every day there's a rope and you can try to climb out but hardly no one can do it except for Batman, Bane, and SPOIlER ALERT the lady who works with Bruce Wayne but is actually friends with Bane?  Probably, that'd be my guess.  Anyway starting cooking after this paragraph!  Wonderbar.  How long have I been doing an entry a day.  Over 2 weeks, right?  For a while I was imagining I was providing some sort of continuity in these Odd Times to whoever reads it.  Then I gradually realized I'm just providing myself that sense of ease and continuity.  And, you know what?  I'LL TAKE IT I'M ON BOARD WITH MYSELF PLEASING MYSELF MAKING MYSELF HAPPY ABOUT MYSELF!!!
    Cool, cool.  Why can't I watch Jurassic Park II: The Lost World.  Just popped into my head.  How would I like to spend the next three hours after this entry. Well, obviously, watching Jurassic Park II: The Lost World.  That should go without saying!  I could mix in Mock SLiced Cheeze with Fried Egg, but I dunno, never really liked egg + cheese.  I could try it out but why mess with success? Oh, that reminds me!!! Any log flumes currently in occupation?  I'd do that even before watching The Lost World, ride some log flume!  I dunno.  Oh right I have to cook the thing.  What are the steps.  Pad of butter, heat it up, coat it around.  Break 3 eggs pour out contact.  Mix it up while breaking the yoke.  Take out 2 pieces of bread.  And take out dozen frenched fries from oven.  Hey I'm A Go Do That Right Now!

What's With All The Titles

    Well, great.  Another 1/2st part of the day down.  The 1/2 with waking up, playing solitaire, walking in a circle, reading twitter, writing this entry, eating lunch, finishing this entry.  2nd part will be TV watching.... uhhh... presumably other stuff?  Anyway, 1.5 more paragraphs to get to an even 30.  We're talking I did add crushed red pepper and a bit of hot sauce and it was good but my Dad was in the kitchen and I think the cooked tabasco sauce made him uncfomrtable.  And that was never my intention!  Just a horrible side effect.  I'd like to make that very clear!!!
    Last paragraph.  Stuff I'm fantasizing about eating-- steak, Chipotle burrito bowls.... that's about it.  I thought I was gonna have a nice long list but its pretty much those two things mainly.  Steak and burrito bowls.  Get a steak burrito bowl and I'm Happy, perfect first meal should I ever be allowed to get food delivered again.  Sure I'll have some Real Pizza.  That's a close 3rd. Anyway that'll do it for today.  See ya'll on the other side.

-1:08 P.M.


Friday, April 10, 2020

All The Good Titles Are Gone

    Gone/taken.  I went with, "Gone!"  Vaguely Alternate universe, though, I went with, "Taken."  Damn I wish I was in THAT universe.  That universe has it going on and here we are trapped with this bullshit universe.  I take partial responsibility.  So, you know, my apologies.  Anyway, if the Friday movie franchise adds on about 10 sequels, do they have a right to name that new movie Friday The 13th?  Interesting legal qustion if I've ver seen one!  I've never seen one.  As far as I know, the titles are Friday, Next Friday, Friday After Next.  Intuition tells us then it'll go Friday Yet Again, Friday: The New Month, Too Many Fridays,  Yep You Guessed It This Is Also Happening On A Friday, all culminating in The Day After Thursday.
    Gone/taken.  Based on my understanding of Original Friday, Ice Cube is recently unemployed and Chirs Tucker is low level drug dealer.  What does Fridays mean to them?  Might as well be a Wednesday.  Friday more of a feeling man it goes beyond your personal Fridays and its the friday of the entire community!  Well, can't argue with that logic.  Mostly because It's Pretty Good Logic!  I'm On Board With That Logic Is The Point.  Anyway, decent idea for a cross over movie.  Friday/Friday The 13th.  Jason has done at least 1 or 2 crossover movies, why not Iced Cube and Christ Tucker.  Superhuman killing monster that can't be stopped?!??!  I WANNA SEE HOW ICE CUBE AND CHRIST TUCKER DEAL WITH THIS!  Why am I so full of great ideas, yet nothing ever happens of the great ideas.  Anyway lunch today may be frozen chicken tenders + tater tots +slice of bread OR second most likely lunch is Fried Egg Sanwich + Some Tater Tots with that!  I won't keep you updated on this as it progresses.  I will update you once it is done Progressing. 
    So, I got that going on is the point.  What's going on in the wide world of Postponed Indefinitely Sports.  Making some more progress in George Carlin book.  Holy Moly we're almost getting to the part where He Does Things I'm Aware of.  In theory I knew he worked with some guy named Jack Burns.  IN THEORY.    Hi I'm Jack Burns OH NO SOMEONE GET A FIRE EXTINGUISHER!! [laughter dies down] and I'M George Carlin  ANYONE MISSING A CAR?  YOU LOOK LIKE A LINDA YOU MUSSING A CAR [laughter continues for 59.5 minuts an that's the show.  I'm starting to give Honest Serious Thought to attempting comedy open mics if/when this is all over.  I got 5 minutes on Star bucks.  I got 1 minute on Pizza.  WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK FOR? ...oh right many other minutes on many other things.  Fair Enuogh!
So, great.  I'm always attracted to the idea of Going Through Shits To Reap The Benefits.  Turn Turn anything negative into a positive.  So when this is all over I can be like well that was the kick in the pants I needed to get started of it and HEY NOW'TS MY CAREER PPL CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF FIRE EXTINGUISHER REFERENCES!!  Is that an, "edgy joke," you can do to PISS OFF THE MAN.  Yell fire in a crowded comedy club and watch what happens.  And presumably make jokes and/or insight-em-ups as it happens.  Thous could be my Seven Dirty Words!  Which was the supreme court ruling that George Carlin is right and funny about everything he is now endorsed by the United States Government.  So I got that in my back pocket is the point.
    Is it illegal to Not yell fire in a real burning building?  Seems like the inverse should reflect the same law.  Yeah I saw some fire spreading like wild...fi... you get it.. BUT I CHOSE TO STAY SILENT THAT'S MY RIGHT POLICE OFFICERS ARE ALWAYS SAYING IT WHEN PUTTING ME IN HANDCUFFS.  Sounds like they got a case no reason you hve to go out of your way to save people's lives.  Anyway, what else is going on and crap. What was Trumps solution last year to raging wildfires in California?  Rake the leaves more.  The leaves in the forests.  That's our president!  Is it just me or is it weird Joe Biden hasn't made a speech over 48 hours or so of becoming the presumptive nominee.  You'd think he'd have something to say about that.  You'd think wrong.  Look I know Biden is the nominee but he apparently doesn't wanna talk about anything, can we nominate another Democratic Person JUST TO BE SPOKESMAN.  Let Biden be president, okay, that's been decided.  He can set policy proposals and lead the executive branch in all those fashions  But if he doesn't want to present a public, meadia narrative for Democrats based on all the stuff that's going on in the world and/or the news, we need to get someone who will.  I nominate Chris Matthews.  He got the comparing Bernie to Hitler on TV JUST IN TIME so job well done for him.  Hmm what's actually good compromise PubliCHead of party. 
Is Obama up for the job?  It's like when retired ball players open up car dealerships.  Obama is a retired HALL OF FAMER of POLITICS, one of the top Hall of Famers of all time... let's get him to open up a car dealisership by which I mean go on TV in Politics Commercials and make our party and narrative look good.  And if that's "Below," the former most liked currently living president of the united states, we'll find someone who it's not too "Below!"  How's Al Gore.  I LOVE ME SOME AL GORE I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.  Not a great fit for this, thuogh.  There'd be Al Franken but apparently when he does something bad with women it ruins his career but when Biden does its swept under the rug.  Let's give Al Franken some redemption put him on TV!  He's got the comedy chops and everything and people LOVE comedy chops.
    I forget what I was tahinkg about really.  Face of Democrat Party since Biden has no interest in it.  I guess in all honesty it may be whoever the VP pick is.  It's like a reverse Trump/Pence promise which didn't pan out.  They said they told Pence Trump'll be like a figure head you'll be free to do you.  This time around it's Biden is gonna be free to do him, as a VP though you'll be like a figure head.  Makes sense because its presumably gonna be a woman!  That's what they're good for, Public Relations!  Warren or Harris won't do much on their own but they'll spin the stories for their Male Master!  Seems about accurate.  So get in line for the job, ladies!!!
    Is it gonna be like a college fraternity pledge situation.  After being VP for 8 years, when Biden is president, he's gonna be like ok you pledges [talking before he comes president to all potential VPS] this is gonna be a tough humiliating process but at the end of it one of you will be 8 years away from the presidency think you can handle that great now WASH MY SOCKS.  IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.... Wait, No... WASH MY UNDERWEAR... IN YOUR SOCKS!!!  Clinton would be on board with washing socks.  Socks must be really dirty from being buried in the ground at least a decade or two.
    Anyway, 9th paragraph.  By far, the most important way to campaign and prepare for 2020 presidental election is just by making the election as un-dirty as possible.  Forget spending ANY money on swing voters or building enthusiasm among likely voters.  Spend 90% of your time shoring up voting rights and access.  That's pretty much obviously the key.  The question is if you'll face the problem head on as you must.  Also, presumably you will be running mainly on one or several policy proposals.  Makes sense to specifically RUN ON the ones that excite the base as opposied to RUNNING ON the I'm a moderate and won't make waves at all in any direction in fact just picture me as a blank slate who will accomplish nothing.  Send out that message all you want, its your thing.  But pick a policy or two that we progressives will be like well that's actually not so bad, I can get behind that sort of thing.  It's a good idea because its what would make me happy!  And its just good politics.
    Anyway leaning toward egg sandwich for lunch.  Leaning hardcore!  10th paragraph, figure I'll take a break after this one.  Next section will be jokes and laugh-em-ups!  I'm due for some real great laugh-em-ups for Comedy Stand Up Open Mic.  Everyone's getting a fresh start from taking a break for months now I'm getting in on the New Ground Level!  Seems like a good plan except for the Needing Jokes and Being Comfortable On Stage Bit.  But as long as I've got 6 klonopin every night I'll be fine!  Just fine!  Even if it's 3 Klonopin and 2 Ritalins!  I can make that work.  Be back in a bit.


Nah I'm Not Gonna Do That

    I put Food in Oven but I WILL NOT PAUSE ENTRY!  We're talkin 5 Chicken Nugget-strips, 6 Cauliflower Tots, and 1 piece or so of End Piece of Challah Bread.  I think I already went through this.  It's important though I wanna make sure I hit these important marks even if it means repeating myself.  For some reason the idea of Starting Open Mics once its safe again really appeals to me.  Obviously everyone else has been doing it for years and have a higher level of skill of me.  But they've presumably taken several months off, too.  So it's like we're all on the same level, experienced and beginners.  Why I like it so much You'd Almost Guess I Started The Coronavirus Just FOr This Purpose!  You'd almost guess a lot of things!  I bet you're on the verge of guessing 10, 12 things Right Now As We Speak!
    Anyway most of these plans don't play out but my current Drinking plan is drink once a day alternated with drinking twice a day.  Just 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2.  Which should last me about 3 weeks with a 30 beer start.  I can live with that!  I can live with lots of things that just happens to be the most recent idea!  Sometimes I take a bite out of completely frozen food that needs to be put in Oven or Microwave and I'm like ya know what I Can Kind Of Taste This!  And it surprises me.  I'm going into it just thinking well this is gonna taste like some rough frozen inedible thing.  You take a small bite out of a completely frozen chicken tender, though?  YOU CAN TASTE THE CHICKEN IN IT!!!
    This is the new dry pod challenge, this is the hula-hoop of the 90's.  Eat frozen foods.  I dunno what's going on anymore but oh well.  Also, having a plan of Comedy Stand Up for when this is over gives me something to look forward to.  Cause before that its more like well one day other people will resume normal lives And I'll Still Be Stuck Here LIKE A SUCKER!!!  But there's opportunities out there for a dolt like me and stand up open mics are but one of them!  Plus, presumably 2 or 4 low level NY comics will be died!  Someone's gotta take their space.  It should be me!  I dunno.  Maybe start a new character.  Hey have you heard about the guy who tried to do stand up? .... TURNS OUT HE WASN'T VERY GOOD AND HE FAILED.
People are bound to not laugh at that, right?  Which is what I want.  I'm playing the character of Bad Standup.  Probably just stick with the 5 minutes I developed on Starbucks for the 2019 class at first. Then start putting together new material.  Hey have you heard abot the guy who tried new material? HIS OLD MATERIAL THREW A FIT.  The pThe point is maybe its psychosomatic but last Beer Delivery I had like 8 or 10 variations of beer and the 1 I got this time around (23 beers outof 30) is the best tasting one!  I GET LUCKY ALL OVER THE PLACE EXCEPT FOR PLACES WHERE IT REALLY COUNTS BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SLIGHTLY BETTER TASTING BEER SURE I'LL BLOW ALL MY LUCK ON THAT!
    Huh.  Do I need a Quarantine Routine?  Nah I ain't gonna do that.  Well, that could be the first 5 new minutes I write.  Talkin' about how quarantine was the influence for me to get back out there.  I don't have too much experience doing open mics/stand up sets for stand up class, but one style I feel comfortable with is basically just talk about whatever been on my mind the last week or two, not forcing it at all, and just get whatever relatively obvious jokes I can get out of that'll do.  Seems like a logical way to go, right?  Not always funny but its true.  And that's thereaputic, right?  One would imagine.  Anyway, wearing my Obama/Biden shirt today.  It's like a milkbox thing where it says Have you seen this child?  Biden is the child.  Shirt is the milkbox.  Milk is milk.
    Huh.  I know that reference from TV or Film, but I guess it must have been in the 1950's or something, because I've NEVER seen a milkbox suggesting missing kids that I may have seen.  I assume it happened at some point and isn't totally concocted but I've never seen it.  Oooh first of the month, better get the new milk box, see the new edition of Missing Kids.  There's some weirdos out there is the point You Gotta Be Careful.  I can also alternatively do music open mics but Nah I Ain't Gonna Do That.  I've gI've thought about doing Book On Tapes for walking around in a circle but whose got the time.  And money!  I checked once a few months ago and this could be an incorrect impression but it seemed like each book is like fuckin 10 dollars!  I ain't got 10 dollars to spend!  I need to spend that to get a spot on an Open Mic Stage one way or another!  Bribe people to come to the show or something.  THESE ARE BRINGER SHOWS I DON'T LIKE IT BUT THE EASIEST WAY TO DO IT IS BRIBES.
    Cool.  I like the certainty they feel at the end of every Friday XIII that Jason is finally dead.  Ok this time we got him FOR SURE.  No escaping This Time!  We tied him up in chains and hooked up weights on him he can't get out of that lake if it takes him three yea.... uh oh three years is up he's back again.  OH LOOK AT WE SET HIM ON FIRE THAT SHOULD DO THE TRICK IT'S NOT LIKE HE EXHIBITS SUPREHUMAN QUALITIES OF COURSE FIRE WILL END HIS ABILITY TO BE ALIVE.  Also, on what level is Jason Still A Person.  And not some supernatural monster.  Is it like 1/3rd person, 2/3rds supernatural monster?  That's my best guess off the top of my head.  Cool! 
    I dunno.
  Lunch in about 25, 30 minutes. I was literally about to  go through my lunch for AT LEAST the 3rd time if not more this entry.
  I caught myself is the point so Wonderful What Else.  One roadbloack to Open Mic plan is that society will readjust in waves.  It's not 1 day we're all home next day we're all back to normal.  And I'm not gonna be on the frontlines doing comedy while some other people might be.  But hey what can ya do only the best you can do or slightly better than the best you can do but is slightly more riskier so you gotta decide what's the best thing to do for yourself and your health.
  I feel like I've gotten much of what I could get out of writing Vaguely Comedy Blog every day.  I need to do stand up comedy to get my next fix.  And oh boy what a fix it is.  I did a full, prepared 5 min set ONCE and TWO PEOPLE wanted to hug me afterwards!  This is important because I haven't had physical affection in a dog's age!  So great, what else.  Get started on a 2nd set to compliment Starbucks set over the next few weeks.  That way I can be like well 3 options.  Starbucks Set.  Yet to be written set.  Set composed of random jokes.  Or a4th set wihch is Set comprised of random jokes ALSO interluding and experimenting with new stuff and finding new narrative.  Sounds about right to me, huh?  What else is going on.
You know, that sort of thing...  Another paragraph before lunch.  I would imagine popular board games must be in flux generation to generation.  Can we finally agree Monopoly is Shit?  And Risk isn't the most stimulating game but could be very fun.  Stratego?  Let's all get on board with Stratego.  Battleship sets a bad example.  A kid playing battleship all the time, he's just gonna grow into a man who wants to bomb the ocean seas searching for ever elusive battleships.  Not responsible game at all!  Hmm that's actually a not bad idea-- wat game can I play with parental figures.  We definitely have Scrabble, that could be a thing.  That's about it.  I'm no good at Scrabble, though.  Never have been.
    Some peoples Scrabble Strategy is board-based.  Figure it out so you can hit the most double word scores or triple letter scores, or so on.  Some people just wanna hit the best words possible, regardless of where they are on th board.  I'm tired of Scrabble just giving that explanation.  So I feel safe saying That Will Not Happen.  Anyway came a cross this pocket notepad I had back in 2017-2018 and I was like holy moley these notes are mostly from when I was first doing open mics.  TThat was a big part of my life for a signficant amount of time!  And I've got the notes to prove it!  Anyway, gonna start lunch after this paragraph.  Or next paragraph!  That sounds better.
    You'd think chicken nuggets isn't fine dining and is only for kids andn you'd think correctly but I still enjoy them for some reason.  I'm just a kid at heart.  Alright, after this, Lunch!  Looks like next Supermarket Delivery will be Monday, but in the past if we check vigilently an earlier time may open up.  These are the days of our lives.  Whatta do with the rest of the day.  Finish entry at some point probably within an hour.  Then figure some other crap out!  Hmm lets look at my closet what kind of games do I have...b  Monopoly & Stratego.  Here I thuoght I came up with those off the top of my dome, but just swiveling my head to the right I saw those two games and tose two games only!  Alright Lunch Time!

You'll Be Adequate With Me, Won't You?

    I'm just gonna reiteratine, not sure if you grasped this the first few times around.  FIVE CHICKEN FINGERS.  SIX CAULITOTS, A END PIECE OF BREAD.  Anyway time to wrap up the entry.  Some TV in the near future, maybe 1 more beer.  Dinner is possibly Fried Egg Sandwich.  Anyway, 1.5 paragaphs to go for 25.  I'm liking this Open Mic idea.  Gives me something to look forward to, whether its a month, 2 months or more.  Also I'd get to leave the house, talk to people be placated by messages of kindress and support, and that's the kind of life I signed up for!  I used to be a big proponent of putting chicken nuggets in microwave instead of oven.  Oven made them too crispy or something.  In retrospect I was doing it all wrong!  Ovn is the way to go!
    Most obvious TV to bingewatch today is Oz: The HBO Prison Drama for about the 7th or 8th time, or some random Tales From The Crypt, also for about the 7h or 8th time-- but only within the last year.  So, in the mean time, whats to be done.  There's gonna be a lot of quarentine jokes at Open Mics immediatelly after.  Maybe I should come up with some Ahead Of The Game!  Premise #1--- board games being a snooze.  Specific stuff on Scrabble (with I touched upon this snetry) and Monopoly (which I've ranted about many times in the past in this website).. the point is I'll figire it out and I'm ahead of the game in some respescts even.  See ya later!

-12:57 P.M.


Thursday, April 9, 2020

Can't We All Just Move Along?

    Anyway just saw a website that estimates CoronaCases by zipcode.  We've got 164 cases 11364 Represent!  Makes me re-evaulate my policy.  I always thought Me Care Not AS LONG AS ITS NOT IN MY BACK YARD.  Now tht it turns out its in my back yard (presumably 5x or 10x 164)  OH NO ITS IN MY BACKYARD RUN AWAY.  WAIT, NO, STAY SAFE.  This is a flight or fight think where thee should be a third option Stay.  Those are the three animalist instincts we have.  Fight Flight Or Stay. Makes sense to me.  Jeez, even just taking trash out and stuff, I must have seen 2 dozen people over the last 3 weeks.  Odds ae some of them were sick.  I don't like those odds.  I don't like those Odd Couples.
    That's an interesting alternate-sequel idea for the movie.  This time they've learned to get along but now their adversaries are ANOTHER OFF COUPLE OF THEIR OWN.  And they are in a in a battle of wits to see which Odd Couple is better.  Hey what else is going on.  Gonna start a beer in-between 1 and 3 hours! Gonna have a coffee in between 15 and 25 minutes!  Gonna do lots of things Get Off My Back About It.  The bad news is I had a real successful nail biting a few days ago-- too successful.  About a third of the nail was completely bitten off.  And the bad news from that good news is Virus LOVES unprotected skin.  I'm playing right into the virus's hands by biting my nails.  Oh No!  The good news is Dijorna turns out is a really good mimic of Pizza Hut Pan Pizza.  Which is good because I like that crap for some reason.  
    Dinner last night as a new one.  Talkin' a SMALL cup o' soup, 3 smallish Frozen Chicken "Fingers," and 2 pieces of Challah Bread.  Challah Back Girl.  Is that a thing?  Unfortunately it is now!  Lunch today, I'm probably gonna have either a turkey or a fried egg sandwich.  With some sort of frozen potatoish dish potentially.  Anyway, a confirmed 15,000 people in America dead from Coronavirus.  And surely multiple more of that from underreporting.  And I keep going back to Trump saying if it's 100,000 or so THAT'S A WIN.  And there's 15,000 people, AT LEAST, RIGHT NOW, dead because to a very significant extent of him.  OH BOY IS HE COMIN' OUT ON TOP OF THIS POLITICALLY!
Still though its good news to be retarded about curves.  Whoever wins politically is not even secondary, its  not, tertiary.  It's quaduary!  Let's Get This Job Done Right Ya Heard?!? That goes for Trump too maybe don't play politics helping certain states and not others and certain communities and not others and so on and whatnot.  Also I'm proposing from now on April is called Quaduary.  I'm proposing lots of things.  Like lets stop more Death of our family and friends.  Even co workers or aquaitences.  Fuck it, even pedestrians and prisoners.  People you may even never meet!  They have a right to live supposedly, right?  That's my opinion.  I may never attend a Toronto Blue Jays game but MANY PEOPLE WILL and they deserve people looking out for their health above all else.
    Bernie dropped out.  Now we can stop pretending that it was every a real debate and come to terms with well in retrospect this result was completely inevitable due to the media and political class.  Now lets move on becasue thos of us lucky to recognize that bias and light conspiracy are prime dummies to join this system that is broken.  They need dummies like us all over the place!  Good jobs are out there if you wanna sell out is the point.  The good news is its been 24 hours since he's become the presumptive nominee and Biden can't even manage to give a speech Now.  WTF.  It's not part of some grand strategy to limit his exposure.  It's a sign that he either has nothing to say or people around him are worried abuot what he might say.  That's not sustainable for the president of the united states.

No Artificial Sweetener?  WHAT IS THIS HELL

    Anyway that nail is slowly but surely growing back.  It's to the point where if I take a shower and it gets hit with a drop of hot water its not even painful is the point!  Anyway, jeez, I dunno.  I was having trouble sleeping last night so I was like I'll take three Klonopin.  Then I was still having trouble so I was like I'll take three more Klonopin.  Then I died but here I am back again so I guess alls well that ends well.  I realize it sort of made me in the state of back when I would be doing Open Mics every Monday.  Because I would take one right before I get there, then I would take one early on in the show, then take a third soon before I had to go up.  Never really thought it threw about abusing it, because at the time it was prescribed for every day use and this was the only day I was using it.  Also, I wasn't whacked out of my gord or anyting.  But, hey, that's fun!
    I'm not a fan of people either getting used to Lock Down or Lock Down Ending Sooner Than I Imagine.  This is the one period of my life where I can relate to people, once its over, they're back to Regular Life an I'm stuck here in My Crappy Life.  Good title for a Sitcom, but WHO CARES.  At the same time Imagine All The Different Lunches I Could Be Eating with a phasing out of lock down.  That's the best.  Partially phased out before completely.  I could take walks not around people, I could probably get food delivered, I can continue being My Own Primary Source Of Entertainment.   This was the inspiration to the song We're Halfway There... Living on... is that right?  Living on a prayer?  What exactly does that mean in retrospect.  I know Coronavirus lives on prayers for up to 3 days.  Wipe down them prayers and then don't open them until its safe.
    One potential good news is Beer Delivery incorporated sending me supposedly better beer than I ordered, because it's more expensive, but I got it for the same price.  One potential good news is I've buried the hatchet with my mom at least until 3 weeks from now when this situation arises again.  Why ppl always burying hatchets.  Worried someone might come around and find one?  What's the point they can hold a gun to your head and be like alright buddy show me where the hatchets buried and nobody gets hurt but then despite that promise you dig up the hatchet and they say well I said no one will get hurt I never said I wouldn't kill you INSTANTLY and then they take you out with a bullet to the brain.  Th point is that's my relationship with my Mom or something?
    I don't get the idea of buried treasure.  You can kind of tell ground that's been dug up and then re-buried for up to decades, right?  You give someone a huge field I dare you to find the buried gold and then after 20 minutes they're like Oop found it there's a spot here obviously dug up and then refilled with dirt.  So I cracked that code is the point.  Also aren't they worried that Tremors: The Monsters From The Movie Tremors might steal their goal or whatever worldly possession they've decided to stash away?  What do you mean that movie isn't  Documentry.  All movies are documentaries.  That's what makes them entertaining?
Is that thing where dumb people, particularly at the start of Movies, were like well this must be a true story otherwise they wouldn't have the right to tell it.  I know there used to be the impression that people thought TV or Movie Writing worked by like One Person comes up with One Guy's Lines, then another person was in charge with another guy's lines... and even before that, people thought actors just came up with their own lins.  The point is Everything Is A Documentary EXCEPT for Mockumentries.  Only exception to the rule.  It's the exception that makes the rule.  Which is a phrase I've Always Liked but Never Understood.
    Cool!  Halfway through re-watching 2 of my favorites yesterday.  Dawn of The Dead I've seen a dozen times, but I'm watching the Director's Cut which I've seen only once or twice PLUS during times I wasn't 100% paying attention, so some of it is relatively new.  And I was also watching The Good The Bad And The Ugly which I've only seen 4-6 times but like it all the same.  My favorite parts are The Good And The Ugly being friends every now and then.  They're part-time adversaries and hoodlums in addiction to being part-time partners, though they often go back and forth trying to kill each other and whatnot, but they get each other and it warms the cockles of my heart. 
    Also, I'm not 100% what makes The Good good.  He's as shady a character as The Ugly but He's White Or Something So That Makes Him Good and the other one Ugly.  The point is sure I relate mostly to The Ugly.  You don't have to read into that too much he's just a much more developed and relatable character!  GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  I also relate to the sound track.  And to the direction.  The plot is pretty good, too!  All in all it's an agreed-upon classic that I'm totally on board with.  Anyway  poured another coffee and I'm not 100% on board with sugar.  In fact, I'm maybe 20-30% on board with sugar AT BEST.  I would need an obscene amount to replicate Artifical Sweetness and I'm not comfortable with adding 200 calories from sugar!  Not comfortable one bit! Mayb one bit, maybe even two!  But definitely not three or more bits!
    WakkaWakka.  Breakfast today was I had 1 of those High Fiber, "Complete Cookies" I was all about for a few months last year.  It was Meh!  Hey Passover ya heard.  Passover is good because we celebrate being Jerks to Egyptians.  To be fair, they were jerks to us-- we were enslaved and whatnot.  I dunno how much those slaveries resembled American slavery.  Not messin' around when I say I Assume It Wasn't As Bad.  Back in the day Slavery MEANT something an you treated your slaves WELL.  None of this systemically break both their body and spirit and reduce them to animals.  It was probably like Hey you jews Get over here Do This Stuff While We Watch what are ya gonna do cry about it or do 10 plagues I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!
In my imagination American slaveholders weer Monsters an Egyptian ones were somewhere between Monster & Bullies.  Still erring on the side of Monster, but, ya know, whatever.  Also-- here's how uninformed about this I am-- I took a history class in Ancient Israelites in College and the unit about Egypt was basically just NO EVIDENCE JEWS WERE EVER EVEN IN EGYPT LET ALONE WERE SLAVES LET ALONE EXODUS'D.  So I decided eh maybe thats accurate it IS in a history class or maybe its not accurate eihter way I'm ust gonna fill in the blanks myself.  However, that was the class where I wrote in my notebook, It's Yahweh or The High Weh.  So I figure I got as much out of that semester as I could.  How many different names for God do we need?  Does god have Split personalities?  Hey LORD  OOOPP THAT ME LORD.  Dear GOD.. AHH GOD YES LET ME GET INTO CHARACTER OKAY HERE AT YOUR SERVICE.  Adonai  YES, YOU RANG?  Jehovah...  YES YES I'M HERE!
It's like Eskimos having 47 words for snow.  Christians need 47 words for God.  But the really weird part is that for the most part they're interchangeable.  Colloquially, at least.  Makin' aprayer?  Say God or Lord, no difference!  He'll get the message either wao.  Or not get it!  My money's on not getting it!  Ugh.  Jews have so many words for God themselves they're not even allowed to use one.  We have at least one word for God that its forbidden to speak out load or to write or even presumably to read.  I have no idea how it was taught to me but apparently it was.  Maybe a Fight Club situation.  First rule of Talking About God Is That There Is No Talking About God.  jewish=fight club Got It. Alright gona take a quick break!  Be back!



    Anyway, that book of card tricks I sequestered from my Father, some of these tricks are only 1 or 2 pages long.  I figure I could do that.  But I'd be tempting Satan or something.  Hey maye I can learn Tarot Cards.  There must be some Mail Away Corespondence Course I can take.  Then I can Do Myself 3 times a day.  Really figure out my own fate before getting to anyone elses!  Anyway, back when it was 10,000 K American Deaths and not 14 or 15 K like now, another way to think of it is if THE WSOP of Poker Main Event exploded NOT JUST ONCE BUT TWICE.  They get around 10k people, but because of space, there's Day 1A Day 1B.  Maybe even Day 1cs.  So Day1A is 5k, then Day2: is another 5k, and then as people get eliminated the field whittles down.  SO basicaully there was a Casino Explosuion for Day 1A and then they were like well back to business we can't cancel the Gambling Tourmanet Now!  Then Day 2 BOOM AOTHER EXPLOSION HOW COULD WE HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?!?!?
Sweet.  I'd never attend a superbowl, or at least currently see no reason I would.  If I have a deep enough bankroll, though, I could see treating myself with an entrance into that tourney.  Imean, I'd have to be pretty flush with cash and/or diamonds to join the club of those people who <3 Gambling.  Well well what, what do we have here.  Poker puns.  TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS!!!  Anyway, thinking of canceling Disney+ and subscribing to The Criterion Channel Streaming Service.  Not to be confused with the Michael Crichton Channel Streaming Service.  Where they just show Jurassic Park and Congo on repeat all day long.  Criteron has classic movies and stuff I should see.  January and Feb were relatively productive in terms of becoming acquainted with Horror Movie relatively-deep cuts, now instead of re-watching Simpsons, I can become acquainted with Classic Movie relatively-deep cuts.  But then again, who would watch the episode where Homer plays Poochy on the Itchy & Scratchy Show? 
Someone else, I guess.  Thinkin' about having Part III of III of that Frozen Pizza for lunch in a little bit.  Seems like one way to go about my life for some reason.  Kurosawa?  Fool, I'm ALL ABOUT Kurosawa!  Others?  I'm ALL ABOUT Others!  Just not the movie The Others.  It's adequate But Not Great!  Anyway, bringing this up to my Dad, he as like what about AMC, I thought that was for classic movies.  And I was like (1) That's not a streaming service and (2) They just show Air Force One 24 hours a day.  Dunno if that's accurate, I haven't had a TV in over a year.  Seems about right though, right?  I've never seen Air Force One.  I just rmember the president goes Get Off My Plane!!  Which is also what Bane says to his supporter in the beginning of The Dark Knight Rises.  The point is would Bane be a better president than Trump?  I dunno.  He's kind of an amalgamation of all the different villains in that incarnation of the franchise.  Joker, Bane, and Dr. Scarecrow.  And the Mob Boss who doesn't really do much.  Not much of a Catwoman, though.  OH, Two Face.  That would be the most obvious one, right? Because of politics.  But I dunno.  He's kind of a One Face.  Just the evil half of Two Face.  There's no side of his face which is a proponent for Good and Justice.
Besides Watchmen: The TV Show, its been a while since I was "All-In," on a super hero franchise.  early-mid 2000's I was into Spiderman.  Late 2000's into early 2010's Batman.  Since then, some of them are pretty good, but not registering with me 100%.  Unless you count the Unbreakable Franchise.  I'm on board with such a franchise sure why not.  Let's see a IV in the franchise.  I know it works very well as a trilogy but you know what else would work making more of them!  As a kid, I dunno if I was into any super hero movies.  We had some Supermen on VHS, definitely at least IV, but I hardly ever watched them and can't remember anything if I did.  I had Batman Forever and probably Batman & Robin on VHS and watched them a fair amount of time-- entertaining enough for a kid but I wasn't All In.  I was into Short Circuit II.  That Robot wants to vote!  Sounds like a superhero movie to me.
I honestly think that's the end of the movie.  They make Short Circuit a Citizen.  Sorry Tax Paying Undocumented Citizens!  This Robot is a priority!  I don't think the robot even paid any taxes.  I don't think he dealt with money at all.  There was a plot point where he was a criminal thief but he was being exploited to do it and didn't benefit himself at all.  Except for enjoying the friendship of the criminals exploiting him.  He was all about friendship.  Whatta dupe!  Works out at the end, though.  Johnny Five Is Alive is a good name for a Reboot.  I dunno what the Hell I'm talking about anymore.  What happened to Johnnies 1-4.  Never achieved consciousness?  Whatta waste of metal.


Half The World Away

    Which is both a title to a good The Oasises song, and, who knows, maybe we're already Halfway There in terms of Quarentine/Cornavirus Pandemic/One Or The Other.  3 weeks down or so, 3 weeks till May.  Probably too optomistic, but at this point, getting over it in May or even June sounds pretty good.  Obviously we shouldn't rush it, however long it takes it takes.  But hey even I'm on board with it ending sooner or later.  I can go back to eating all the wonderful meals my little Heart desires, taking all the walks, maybe be like Ya Know What FUck It Gonna Try Some Comedy Open Mics.  As long as I'm doing 4 klonopins  and 2 ritalins before each show starts I just might enjoy myself!
    The title Half The World Away always makes me thing of that Math Problem where it's like okay there's a lake or something and there's a frog jumping from lily pad to lily pad.  Each time he gets halfway to the other side.  How long til he gets there?  NEVER!!!!  50% there,75% there, ,87.5%, ...and so on never reaching 100%  Which is a pretty good metaphor for life.  Also where all these lily pads coming from that are in such perfect uniform distances.  The point is in NY at lesat I think we're all doing such a knock up job Social Distancing that in celebration we should all shake each others' hands for a job well done.  OOh... right... the lack of physical contact.  Which, in the end, is really the Ultimate Reason I'm Ahead Of The Game.  Anyway, just tried Beer #1-- replacement beer-- and I'm on board!  It may not be six klonopin but its the next best thing... after five klonopins... after 4 klonoplins + 2 ritalins... the point is I WILL SLIGHTLY ABUSE DRUGS.  Sometimes take them suckers sublingually.  Not to be confused with taking them subliminally.  Aso that design of the Sun from Sublime: The Band Art appears to be on this can of beer.  The Ghost Brewing Company Must be friends with Sublime.  GHOST?  I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT! 
    Well, great.  This time I'm gonna really try to stick to 3 times a week, 2-3 drinks each time.  Which means 30 beers will last me 3-4 weeks.  We'll see how that plays out.  It's tough because the inclination is to spread it out over the week.  Monday, Thursday, Saturday or something. But the desire to drink is stronger after 1 day than it would be after 2 or 3 days.  But for some reason it seems like Jerkish to just be like okok drink Thursday, Sat, Sunday.  I Don't Know Why!  There's nothing Jerkish about dinking on weekends and not on weekdays!  Not at all!  I was also reading abuot how you tend to feel the effects of alcohol in the night more than during the day.  So I took that into consideration and who knows maybe one day I might let that consideration effect my actions.
    Wonderful!  So far each section is a clean 5 paragraphs.  This is paragraph 4 of this one.  Figure I'll finish this section right on track with taking It's Not Pizza:  It's Frozn Pizza out of the oven.  That slogan takes balls, by the way.  The first thing you're telling people about your food is This Food Is Not What We Say It Is! ...it's better.  But people might just tune out after saying It's Not Pizza, it... Wait they never say IT'S NOT PIZZA they say IT'S NOT DELIVERY.  But still, why do they think people don't like delivery?!?  Obviously in current situations it makes sense, but in genreal, getting a pizza delivered is fun!  A guy comes to your house directly with the pizza you specified, you get something out of the deal, you give a tip, he gets something out of the deal, it makes the world go around!  Everyone's happy!
    It's not delivery, it's Dijorno.  Yeah but WHERE'S THE HUMAN TOUCH?  WHERE'S THE HUMANITY?  FROZEN THAT'S WHERE.  The point is for years I've been operating under the assumption as long as I have no job or hobbies I should at least be consuming entertainment that might be eligable for Human Conversations.  About books or movies or music [mostly just movies That's The Easiest!].  And I got two dozen horror movies down.  Now its time to Clasic Movies.  First 2 directors I checked on Criteronis Kurosawa- they got plenty of him!  Next was Kubrick-- which I had already seem almost all of-- all they had was Doctor Strange Love but Hey Who Cares What Else Is Going On.

You Wanna Adjust Estimations?  Let's Adjust Estimations!

    Gotta assume at the very least we're stuck in quarantine, in NY at least, until May At The Earliest.  That's at best 4 weeks.  Broadway: The New York City Hot Spot is closed until June I saw.  That's a huge part of NY because of tourism and presumably people even work there and pedestrians LOVE IT.  Also I dunno who needs to hear this but Man People Are Doin' Social Distancing Really Good.  Not 100% but I think it's been going better than you might have guessed.  I just wonder how/if they ever give us the real numbes of Cases and Deaths.  Current # of American Deaths is 14k or 15k?  Based on what I've read it's AT LEAST 2 or 3 x that, most likely 10x or more.  So let's not pat ourselves on the backs of Avoiding a Superbowl Explosion when there was a Superbowl Explosion but it turns out half the crowd was thrown from the scene and then run over by cars and that's how their deaths were counted by being run over. 
    The analogy that keeps on giving.  Oh, right, started this section before Pizza Started.  That's wonderful, just great.  Also, it's good in terms of us holding our public elected leaders responsible by being blunt and frank about actual numbers.  It may be partisan of me but I think people shuold be held accountable for the True Results of their actions instead of just a Glossed Over In The Best Light overview of their actions.  WHAT YOU WANT THRE TO BE MORE DEATHS TO MAKE TRUMP LOOK BAD?!?!  NNo there already are too much deaths for Trump to look bad and lets be honest about how many there are!  SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S PLAYING POLITICS.  Yes.  we're playing politics.  While you were busy taking care of this inevitable situation in advance in a bipartisan fashion while listening to your health experts WE were the ones busy playing politics by seeing this disaster coming and doing all we could do on a state level to prepare and adress it.  SOUNDS LIKE POLITICS TO ME.
is it possible Trump & Co don't know what politics is?  YEAH WHAT WE DO ISN'T POLITICS IT'S WHATS RIGHT BECAUSE ITS IN OUR OWN BEST INTEREST AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS POLITICS BECAUSE ITS PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ME AND I'M POLITICS  REMEMBER?  I sure do remember, I can't forget.  Anyway pizza in 15 min or so!  We're talking 2/6ths of a 6 slice Pizza Pie.  About 2/3rds, 3/4ths the size of your standard pizza pie.  Anyway, 2.5 paragraphs to go!  Pizza ill aid the last 1 or 2 paragraphs!  Then its onto TWITTER!  I get to read the 2 dozen Comedy Ppl I'm down with and the extra 2 dozen they regularly tweet but I don't read individually!  I get to do my best to not read Political Twitter because They're Either Wrong About Everything or They're Right About Everything And I Don't Feel Like Feeling Shitty!
    Yeah, yeah yeah.  I'm gonna be honest this beer is good.  Makes you wanna drink it again! You take one sip of some beer, you're like, well I'm pot committed to this now, it ain't so bad.  This beer?  I'm on board with sippin' it it makes me feel good.  Anyway I was reading if you drink at night it might effect you more which is a strong case for not drinking until night.  But I'm already pretty chill when night comes along so I don't need it as much.  And a key part of drinking beer is to lubricate entry/potential other creative persuits.  Anyway, today is another day down.  Another day closer to End Of Shut Down.  But don't buy the hype.  It can last three weeks but it can just as easily last 3 months or more.  We have no way of knowing!  Especially because people lie to us all the time!  Doesn't seem right.  Just started lunch.  Seems about right.
So, great, what else is in store for the rest of the day.  Maybe some walking in a circle whils listening to music.  Instead of just listening to my own albums, or when I was listening to Top Albums Of All Time, just sorta take it song by song.  The way the God of MP3 Players intended.  I call him iPorg and he rules the seas.  I think that was one of the inspirations when I first started doing and recording music.  I wanted to see my name/song title/album names on mp3 players.  And be like like HEY THAT WAS ME I'M GETTING A KICK OUT OF THAT!  One would imagine that's still a selling point for many musicians.  So the point is I was cautious about this Frozen Pizza but it turned out pretty well.  I'll see ya some other time presumably tomorrow!

-3:02 P.m.


Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Great American Novel... Coronavirus

    Someone's gotta write it.  It should be me!  Also in researching that title I now actually know what Novel means in this respect and what Coronavirus means.  All common colds or something in general are coronaviruses  1-18 and we just didn't know it Per My Understanding.  Novel means new.  This is a new (#19) Coronavirus.  Point Is Great What Else.  Were Wednesdays originally intended to be the one day a week for Weddings?  Church is busy on Sunday for Sucking Up To God.  Might as well have a set day of the week for Weddings.  Alt Title For Book-- How Novel.  Alt alt titles-- Great American, Great American Novel, Here Comes A Book, Hey How About That, Way To Read, Books Are Fun, What Else Is Going On.
    Anyway I wrote that paragraph last night.  No joke!  That's true, there were no jokes at all. But I kept it because Someone's Gotta Write The Great American Shut In Novel might as well be Me or You.  And Great American is a great American title.  Here are some names of characters I suggest-- Igor, Hearts, Iamb, Happy, Daisy, Joey.  Bonus possible names-- Roland, Tommy, Bill, and Leonard.  Now that we got that out of the way let's get to some Normal Entry whatever that is.  Tempting God by putting on contact lenses today.  I just am so sick of glasses!  They're always clunking up the top third of my head and they're dirty and I don't like it one bit!  Tempting God by opening up my windows a bit.  I dunno if that's risking Coronavirus but per my understanding of Influenza Poem all you need is an open window and in flies enza.  I'll look into this a little bit later.  What coronavirus was Influenza.  Was that like COVID-3?  I don't know anything!
    Cool.  Anyway briefly looking at my records I started full on quarantining around March 17.  So that's over 3 weeks at this point.  That's a lot of weeks!  Solidly in A Few category as opposed to A Couple.  I guess.  Anyway, this section of entry is just me getting warmed up.  I'ma come back after 5 paragraphs really primed for some goof-em-ups.  I must have said this before but I've always imagined The Odd Couple being a pun where there's also a 3rd one who is part of the couple.  Couple, that's 2, that's even.  3?  Not only is that an odd number making it an odd-numbered couple, but also, 3 people?  That's a VERY ODD couple because it challenges the very definition of Couple.  I feel very strongly about this but per my understanding there's no evidence of this interpretation in either TV or Movie adaptations. ...or obscure Weezer songs.  Prove me wrong!
Anyway, jeez.  I think it betrays an extreme lack of imagination that the most polarizing character traits they could imagine in an Odd Couple scenario is this one guy is neat and this other guy isn't.  There's incalculable amounts of ways people can be different in much more severe ways, but no, this guy is neat and a bit neurotic and this other guy is messy and a bit more laissez-faire.  YOU CAN DO BETTER 1960'S OR WHATEVER.  More like Laissez-UNfair!  More like Laissez-RENNAISNCEfair.  More like LaizzezECLAIR.  I've never had an éclair.  I'm not on board with that sort of cream in pastries!  Not on board one bit!  Well, maybe one bit.  But no more than 2 or 3 bits, that's for certain!
    Is that gonna be a thing in 2021-2022.  Plots revolving around Quarantine Life.  Do we just sweep these months under the rug or choose to exploit them for entertainment industry purposes!  That'd be interesting though, I'd be a proponent of having sitcoms or movies which are in our current Coronavirus-infected world.  Because it's at least a break from the monotony.  You can really get into some new ground doing it because Hey This Is By Definition New Ground.  So we got that to look forward to?  I guess it depends on how long this lasts.  Only a month?  Probably gets repressed/forgotten.  6 months or a year?  People are gonna wanna see that reflected in Movies Or Something!
    That's why it's time to write Great American.  I'm 2 days ahead of the game before real writers figure that out.  Its not just an opportunity to finally write whatever you were picturing before.  It's an opportunity to write what has to be written now!  I feel very strongly about this but I won't do it myself because What Can I Do I'm Only One Man.  The really bad news is I'm probably not getting another supermarket delivery until Monday and I'M DOWN TO ONE SPLENDA!!!!  WTF.  The only solution I have is to drown out coffee with French Vanilla Cream so it's the same amount of sweet but I dunno 200 more calories more?  I dunno something along those lines.  Hmm maybe next time I make French Toast add a dash of French Vanilla Cream to the Egg Mixture.  I'll make a note of that somewhere where I won't forget it.  Mission Accomplished.
Cool!  Also you'd think the next era of movies will have Great Scripts but elsewhere not be as good.  Because Hollywood is presumably shut down for a long time so writers can work from home and get 'er done but everything else in Actual Production presumably is on hold.  So maybe that's good?  We're used to Superhero Franchise Reboots, and maybe this'll be just a Total ALL MOVIES Reboot.  Sounds amazing to me.  And trust me I know amazing!  I've figured out Odd Couples and everything!  Anyway I'm gonna take a break after this paragraph.  Gotta take care of some sort of business one would imagine.  I'm talkin' DOWNTOWN.  No I wasn't.  But now that I mention it...  Ugh.  Be back soon.


Gee Whiz

    Got that taken care of.  What?  You know, finding 2 loose Splendas and 1 loose Equal.  I also realized an alternative to an absurd amount of Coffee Creamer is Just Sugar.  People still do that?  I thought sugar was outlawed back in the 70's.  WWhat percent of our diet is sugar.  I mean, overall, and on a Thing By Thing basis.  There's gotta be sugar in at least 80% of what we eat, right?  Nah that's probably wrong.  Sometimes its Corn Starch Or Whatever and sometimes its ... I Want To Go Home From This Bit Right Now.  Hey wonderful.  Being a Sometimes Music Dude nows a great time to write some new songs.  Unfortunately I can't play guitar anymore.  I pick it up once or twice a day and just go through the same half dozen songs.  Sure, each week its a new half dozen or so.  But not writin' nothin' new.  My Imagination Is For Naught! 
    Also, what if I think my guitar is tuned well enough, but it really isn't?  I don't think I could take that kind of rejection!  Altough it works for Daniel Johnston I believe.  I read and sort of can see myself he sometimes was out of tune in songs but hey people still like those craps.  I dunno what else is going on.  Anyway breakfast was about 2.75 hours ago.  We're talkin' a single, untoasted S'More Poptart.  Well, we weren't talkin' about it.  But we are now!  It's an interesting subject.  Ok Great American Chapter 1.  "Some dude wakes up eats a poptart?  What kind of dude?  Our hero, that's who!  Anyway Nope Doesn't Toast It  THAT'S HIS DECISION AND HIS DECISION ONLY and the point is he enjoys it either way."  "Also when you toast a poptart its when you're having breakfast with someone and you're each holding a plain poptart and you go To Life! and then you clink poptarts with each other then you each eat THE OTHER ONE'S pop tart.
    Oh, right, that's why I'm stuck writing this bullshit.
  Glad we figured that one out.  Anyway can the Democrats not pass anymore Stimulus bills without guaranteed universal Mail In Ballots!  Because Democracy is great.  You can't even say it would help politically-- if there's only In Person Voting Elderly are more vulnerable To Virus and maybe less likely to show up [and Old People Skew Republican].  What if they allow mail in voting for elderly and not for anyone else.  Then We're Screwed but hey you know what YOU GUYS HOLD SOME POLITICAL POWER BECAUSE OF HOLDING THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS PROTECT OUR DEMOCRACY JUST A LITTLE BIT.
Well, the least you could do is nothing.  Actually, no.  The least you can do is Negative things.  Doing nothing may be a step up from the least you can do.  Anyway, what the what, what else is going on.  I'm kinda curious to try coffee with sugar.  Will it be like WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. ...Oh, right, in the other 80% of my diet.  Still, though, Wow!  That's a good Beastie Boys lyric.  I like my sugar with coffee and cream.  Really makes ya think.  Hey my beer just got here.  Guess I'll wait until tomorrow afternoon or so to have some.  Hey I like the sound of that.  I like lots of sounds.  For example, that... presumably some other sounds...
Cool!  Might have Part II of III of Frozen Pizza for lunch.  It tastes good because its food.  That's my interpretation of how things work.  Alright gonna take another break after this paragraph.  Get things on track again.  Also why do we take for granted that Republicans are just allowed to steal elections.  It's like oh well that's how things are what can ya do.  Fuckin' talk about it every day.  Make it abundantly clear that one of the top stories of This Spring and Summer is preparing for and guaranteeing that Fall Election is to be free, safe, legitimate, and with universal suffrage (if you want to vote, at least... you don't have to, but anyone who wants to must be counted).  That needs to be front and center because without That WE ARE NOT A DEMOCRACY!!!  So let's get to the bare minimum of Democracy, right?  Holding free, fair, safe, and legitimate elections.  What reasonable voter is against that?  Lots of partisan Republicans are against that.  Like I said, WHAT REASONABLE VOTER IS AGAINST THAT?  Gotttem.


Great American

    That's a novel idea!  GIVE ME THE INSPIRATION I BEG OF THEE!  Hmm Child's Play, that's interesting, very interesting.  I am doing psychotherapy of myself.  First note?  Referencing Child's Play-- Wonderful.  What else is going on WAIT DID I WRITE THAT OR SAY IT OUT LOUD?!  Ok I'm done.  Done with politics and novels for the rest of the entry!  So, What Else Is Going On.  Anyway Political and Health Problems are well and good to talk about But Have You Heard The Good News About It's Not Delivery Its Digiorno?  Must have been delivered Somewhere at Some point!  I didn't go down to the Pizza Factory myself!  They delivered it somewhere, and guess what, I didn't even get it from that somewhere!  That second place Delivered It To Me Directly.  The point is I think I can sue Digiorno for false advertising do you think I have a case?  Why would I want to sue something so delicious.  You know, for extra money?  C'mon it couldn't hurt!  ...unless they counter sue me.  Uh-oh.  I better delete this entire paragraph just to be sure!
    Pretty sure that a succinct description of 21st century conservatism.  ...You know, for extra money?  C'mon it couldn't hurt!  And For Trump Republicans, it's that, PLUS INCLUDING the unless they counter sue me.. Uh-oh.  I better delete this entire paragraph just to be sure!  GOTTEM.  I dunno it makes sense to me.  Trump is very litigious.  Republicans are scared of being counter-sued by HIM if they don't fall in line!  And also, VOTERS!  The only people they're clearly not scared of is their colleague Democratic Politicians.  I dunno maybe it makes sense, you tell me!  Wasn't I done with Politic Talk?  Yeah but I'm still waiting another half hour to put Pizza In Oven!  I dunno.
Anyway I actually don't know what's going on with my Dad and his future teaching prospects.  I may have been speaking too soon saying he's done completely.  I'll keep you updated on this situation as it progresses.  Possibly.  If I can't think of anything else to update you on, at least.  I'm also considering having a Smart Food Leanish Cuisinish Lasagna meal instead of 1/3rd of Frozen Pizza Pie.  It's also got cheese and tomato sauce but instead of Bread its pasta.  And it's about 55% amount of the meal and/or calories.  Anyway.  Maybe we use this Coronavirus thing to shore up voting rights not just for this election but for EVERY FUTURE ELECTION.  It doesn't need to be a one-and-done thing.  Alright we got enough rights for this election then we re-evaluate in 2 years.  No why not take this opportunity to Fix Things As Much As Possible As Permanently As Possible?!
    Maybe that's gonna become a prevailing sentiment politically.  Hopefully.  We see all these areas in society and politics that needing to be addressed is long overdue and are like well I guess now's the time, its now or never, lets make things better.  Somethin' along those lines, I dunno.  Hey Lets Solve Some Problems Right Got Nothin' Better To Do!!!  Unless its Medicare For All.  NOW IS HARDLY THE TIME NOR THE PLACE.  Medicare for some, mini American flags for others!  How about Both.  We all get Medicare AND we all get Mini American Flag Lapel Pins.  That sounds like a grand compromise, right?  Anyway, Mom is upset about me getting beer.  But she's wrong!  It's no different than her getting coffee or something.  No different!  Please talk to her and convince her she's over reacting.  Do It!  Anyway, life moves on.
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ON HER SIDE??? I write the website!  Get on my side or read HER FUCKIN' WEBSITE!  Oh she doesn't have one?  LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER.  I dunno.  I hope you guys have good plots for your novels or music albums or TV shows or movies.  Plotting is hard!  I'm good at titles for things and thats about it.  But, anyway, putting Pizza in oven in about 15 min, then eating it about 45 min after that!  And presumably finishing this entry sometime around then.  DOESN'T MY MOM REALIZE I'M A GREAT AMERICAN?!?!?!  Or at least an American capable of GREAT TITLES?  Probably not.  I'll show her!  I'll write the best titles anyone can dream of!  I'll title it all over the place!  Ugh.  Not in an entry writing mood anymore.  I'm in a Sulk & Chill mood.  See ya tomorrow.

-11:40 A.M.


Mushterday, April 7, 2020

Hey!  I'm Talking To You!

    That's more or less accurate.  People are dying at devastating rates.  That's more or less accurate.  For the time being I am continuing Being Okay.  That's less or more accurate.  I'm happy I can continue learning half a dozen meals to cook myself.  Very Accurate.  Actually upon further reflection I'm just talking to myself.  Super Accurate!  The point is Hey what kind of magnificent lunches and dinners do I have in the near future.  The point is I was ahead of the game in terms of, "Working," from home, in terms of walking around in a circle, and in terms of entertaining myself creatively, but I was REALLY ahead of the game in appreciating lunch and having the day revolve around it.  I assume.
    You're enjoying lunch too, right?  Gotta be.  I am, and I am the main person I know so basically close to 100% people are as much on board with lunch in this time of crisis as I am!  The point I'm drinking coffee out of my Bernie Sanders Supports Artists mug and Bernie may not be president but he will always keep my coffee hot and exist in at least 2 stickers on my hard acoustic guitar case.  Bernie Beats Trump and just one that says Bernie.  Michael Beats Eggs.  Or at least he's working his way up to it.  Michael has been very much fine with fried eggs but at some point he's gonna give this beating eggs thing a shot.  Also, I've got a Bernie Sanders shirt!  No one can take that away from me.  Well, many people can.  I'd have a tough time fighting back against a solid 60-75% of the population if they were just like Hey Give Me That Shirt.  I'd be defenseless!
    Something about taxes and having to donate a portion of my shirt.  I'd figure it out, but, you know.  I don't agree with the implied politics of that shirt.  I mean, Joke.  Also, that population includes children.  Children Love shirts that aren't theirs.  That's high fashion.  I dunno.  Is that a place where fashion can go?  The final frontier-- stealing other people's clothes.  And they have to be worn, too, that's part of the kick.  Oh, and not getting them donated to you, you have to actually steal them.  Get me The Devil Wears Prada on the phone stat!  I dunno if I've ever really worn other people's clothes.  I'm a second child and Hand Me Downs exist but because I've been significantly shorter than my brother my whole life (and, when we were kids, thinner), never really panned out.  DAMN YOU FIRST HAND CLOTHES.
    Is there a third hand thing.  First hand is yours.  Second hand is someone else's.  Third hand is one degree removed from someone else's.  I dunno I'll give this some more thought at some point in the future still to be determined.  Anyway put in order for beer.  And apparently from doing Research, reputable places like WebMD: The Health Website specify how long Coronavirus can live on different surfaces.  And we've been operating under the 5 days for metal.  So I wouldn't be able to drink Al-oo-min-e-um cans for 5 days, right?  WRONG ALUMINUM IS ONLY 2-8 HOURS!  Not looking forward to that debate, though.  Figure I'll just be like FINE COMPROMISE I'LL WAIT 3 DAYS TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.  And then they're like FINE LEAVE IT.  And I'd be like JEEZ FUCK WHY SHOULDN'T MY PARENTS BE LIKE THE OTHER 60-75% OF HUMANITY AND LORD OVER ME IN DIFFERENT WAYS.
    I guess.
  Something along those lines.  I could probably beat my Mom in a fight, my Dad, too.  My Dad gets bruised easily so that definitely would work to my advantage.  Ugh.  Also my parents never used corporal punishment on me.  Corpse-al Punishment was the title of an episode from Tales From The Crypt: Th TV Show.  Ugh.  There was an episode called Fitting Punishment.  But where's the Pun in that?  Fitting?  Oh right now I get it No Spoilers.  60-75% of the episodes are about Fitting Punishments.  Where am I.  What's going on.  Who are you people.
    Something along those lines.  Sure I find it amusing how British people pronounce aluminum.  I find it hilarious!  Hmm doing some research ot only do they pronounce it differently but they spell it slightly differently, an extra, "I," or something.  I could tell you exactly but that'd be 15 seconds of my life I'd never get back, so let's move on, right?  Anyway the point is if my parents agree on 72 hours, I should be able to drink around Saturday or Sunday.  I can live with that.  Probably.  I might be dead by then for other reasons but hey that's life.  So what's new in Coronavirus.  Over 10,000 dead in America.  And I think 70,000 world wide.  But apparently their lives don't matter as much to us?  I haven't worked out all the kinks of how we value human life but all signs point to Americans prioritizing the lives of Americans more.  Go figure. 
    10,000 is a lot of people.  That's the amount of people who go to see the Florida Marlins: The Baseball Team [Which Is Now Called The Miami Marlins In Retrospect] Play a Regular Season Game Of Baseball.  Actually when you put it that way it doesn't sound like so much.  DAMN THOSE MIAMI MARLINS PROVIDING THE WRONG CONTEXT THAT I INTENDED!  But 10,000 is a lot of people.  You could figure that out yourself.  You don't need me to tell you.  So, great, what else is going on and crap.  Also, for 60-75% of you-- the joke is The Marlins Suck and perennially have the lowest or one of the lowest attendence figures.  The point is within a few weeks we can say Everyone Attending The Superbowl will have died so we got that to look forward to?  That doesn't sound right.  This week is fleet week or something I don't have all the details but maybe, just maybe, we could RETARD the curve. Hah.  Retard.  Makes me laugh!
   But Michael, what about all the people who watch The Superbowl on TV?  What will become of them?
  They'll mostly live, but be shocked and horrified when the Superbowl explodes right in front of them.  Wait that's how the Superbowl people are dying?  The stadium explodes on live TV WHILE THE GAME IS GOING ON?  Sounds about right, I don't have all the details, but that's more or less what I'm picturing.  I was watching a clip of Wrestlemania without the audience and I was like hmm this is pretty weird.  True Story!  That reminds me, I need to go pour myself Cup II of Coffee.  True STory!  Oh man I just remembered its very likely TEN SUPERBOWLS WILL EXPLODE.  Are you not entertained!??!  I'm gonna look like a jerk making fun of so many deaths.  But the good news is Maybe I'll Be Dead so it'll be fair and square.  Oh, right, coffee.  What's a superbowl, like 70 k?  80 k?  Lemme check that right quick before coffee.   HOLY MOLEY FIRST SUPERBOWL I CHECK ON WIKIPEDIA 70,081 attendance I WIN THE PRICE IS RIGHT ALL DAY LONG WITH THAT SHIT. 
It was the 2019 superbowl.  Or 2018.  2018 season, took place in 2019!  Oh right coffee.  Hey when you put it that way its not so bad.  We've only lost all the people involved in the last 10-15 superbowls.  I never attended ANY superbowls looks like I'm gonna be okay!  I don't even have a single family or friend who has!  I'm gonna make it out of this no worse for wear!  Hmm, Also, what about the people who attended multiple superbow... what the hell am I talking about.  The point is can we limit it to 1 Superbowl?  Maybe 2 or 3?  Is 10 as bad as it gets?  15, 20 are in the cards.  How many super bowls does it take to realize too many people have died?  Bob Dylan Coronavirus Remix.  Oh, right, coffee.  Be back in a jiffy!


Good Title, Good Entry

    That's great, just great.  I Am Sorry for being so flip/flippant I just wanna mine some goof-em-ups out of this.  That's what I, "Do."  I don't wanna cross into territory where I'm being crass or territary or something.  Obviously we've already reached a point where, as Bobby D said, Too many people have died.  But we don't even get a break to mourn their deaths because it's just increasing evermore so each day it just gets worse.  Can't settle into grief when there's so much more grief waiting in the wings.  Both as a society and personally, we will lose friends and loved ones and potentially even selves.  And also, we need to keep a level head to fight thing head on as well as possible.  Now do you see why I'm talking about Exploding Superbowls?  Anyway, Blowing In The Wind is very relevant in the Superbowl.  Which way the wind is blowing determines the direction the Coin Toss winners want to go in, right?  That's my vague understanding of how football works. 
    I always kind of assumed Blowing In The Wind was about Farts.  But I guess we'll never know for certain.  Or maybe doing coke.  In the... wind.  Look we can talk about what things mean till the cows come home or we can move on with the entry.  Is it just my impression or is it a thing where, when you're calling heads or tails on a coin, the heads we all sort of agree is the better side.  Heads=More Positive Tails=More Negative.  I dunno, I get into that as the default but if I'm really being honest I'm kind of a Tails Man.  Also, you don't need me to tell you when and how to Feel Emotion.  Just feel safe to assume I care as much as you do and then I'll be 90% silly and dumb and we'll all be happy.  Sounds about right.
    The point is how is it possible we have rival periodic tables with England.  I mean, metric system and Our System, fair enough.  But periodic table elements?  We need to be on the same page There's Too Much At Stake!  Also, how do non Americans, non British people pronounce/spell aluminum?  I tried looking it up online and got no good answers in 5 seconds so I gave up completely!  Anyway, after this paragraph gonna take a break, maybe wait till Lunch Time to write the rest of the entry.  What is Lunch Time?  It's some kind of sandwich or Frozen Pizza or Cup o Noodles the point is I Got Plenty Of Options Don't You Worry About Me.


I'm The Only One Here!

    Wait no my family is here.  Hey they're still around and healthy That's Great.  And, if I had friends, I would assume they'd be around somewhere and healthy, too.  I'd be making an ass out of me, and, you I guess, dunno why you're implicated in this, but, sure, that's one way to go.  Anyway, lunch isn't around yet, but such is life.  The bad news is My Mom reacted very bad to me telling her I orderd Beer Delivery.  The good news is Now out of spite she'd be like I DONT FUCKING CARE IF YOU DRINK IT RIGHT AWAY WITHOUT WAITING THREE OR FIVE DAYS DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.  And I'd be like well this is taking out all the enjoyment and fun and release I was anticipating... but it should blow over after a few days but STILL!
The point is I drink very responsibly. We're talking I put it into my mouthgullet and swallow a certain amount of alcohol at a time.  Then it is digested by Stomachs and Livers, as per my understanding, and I excrete through urination the leftovers.  But the alcohol Makes Me Strong!  I dunno.  Why do I drink?  I'm sure physiologically I've grown dependent on it, sure. It's like smoking cigarettes.  You think it relaxes you, but that's just because it makes you NonRelaxes whenever you're not smoking.  Then again, they say 1-2 drinks for a Healthy Man Adult is safe. I'm in that range!  So get off my back about it, right?  I assume My Mom will read this in a few years after I've Died and She Wants Something To remember Me By.  Hey! 
Cool, cool.  I'm not sure what the appeal of Friday The 13th movies.  Also, if I was making that a franchise, I'd make the second one called Friday The 14th, then Friday The 15th...  Wait, no.  Maybe it's Friday The 13th, Saturday The 14th, Sunday The 15th...  The point is I Forget what else is going on.  Oh, right.  I don't get the appeal.  There's no plot or character development other than These Teenagers are running around and this supervillian is killing them one by one!  FASCINATING I'LL WATCH 12 HOURS OF IT!  I haven't seen all of them yet so many there's an instance where he's not killing them one by one.  Maybe he kills two or three at the exact same time.  They're just standing around and he Skewers them with some sort of UltraToothpick.
    Yeah, yeah.  What else ya got.  I used to LOVE taking complimentry toothpicks on the way home from restaurants when I was a kid.  In retrospect, might hav been my way of mimicking cigarette smoking (which my Mom did/does).  I just thought it made me look cool.  And you know what It Probably Did.  Anyway, Dad just told me he's taking another step into Retirement.  He's been retired from Main Job for like 17 years, assistant principal in high school.  Then he continued part time teaching at college.  Than he started part time teaching at a 2nd college, 2 at once!  Now he's going back down to 1 college it looks like.  I wish him the best of luck I just want what makes him most happy and comfortable.  Cause he likes teaching, but Mom is worried about him over-extending himself, especially with Health Scare Out There.  So, great, I think this is positive news overall!  It was his decision so apparently its positive news otherwise he wouldn't do it.
So great now my Dad gets to do what he REALLY loves.. disco dancing.  So, great, what else is going on.  Maybe finally try that Frozen Pizza I've been hearing so much about from myself for lunch in an hour.  Hour and a half, even!  Put it in oven in an hour!  This is how Time works!  But then again it's hard to top a Well Put Together Generic Sandwich.  Now With Cheese!  I dunno.  Started gettin' into George Carlin Autobiography again.  He's not as much of a criminal as he was when he was a kdi when he was an adult.  Maybe I've judged him too harshly.  Maybe lots of things.  I have to read the rest of the book to find out which Maybies!  What else is crap.  Gonna read A WHOLE CHAPTER right now!  Man oh man he just split up with Jack Burns I wonder how that turns out for him! 
    Oh, just got some new information in from the front desk, my Dad may be stopping teaching altogether.  And, yes, it is partly due to Coronavirus.  He doesn't particularly like teaching online, and he doesn't particularly want to teach In Person because of the health risks.  No one is firing him, its his choice completely, and we'll be okay financially, but, yep, that's how it is.  I just hope (and can imagine!) he finds a hobby or somethin' to enjoy.  Because a lot of people say they like their jobs but he really does/did.  So I'm sure he can find something pleasurable to replace it with, right?  RIGHT?  FUTURE MOM LEMME KNOW HOW THIS TURNED OUT.  Alright back to the book!
    ...There's that Tales from the Crypt episode where the husband retires and the wife has all these random cats nd dogs and squirrels and other pets who she cares for and the guy is like YOU TREAT THEM BETTER THAN YOU TREAT ME and she's like THEY'RE MY FRIENDS and then he kills and stuffs one and then SHE KILLS AND STUFFS HIM.  So the point is that a possible scenario we're looking at now?  Hey maybe my Dad'll like Tales From The Crypt.  I think it's a little too Horror/Sex focused, but he's all about Twilight Zone and stories like that which are sci-fi'y, suspenseful, ironic twists, all that stuff.  I'll run it by him at some point!  Ok Back To Book!
    Eh fuck that book.  Also fuck potential sandwich I'm Tryin' The Pizza!  Also, from what I can tell, my Dad seems Happy as opposed to Upset with these developments.  Who know for sure.  I can't read people well.  I can barely read words!  Fascinating.  Actually Fuch Fuck THat Book Fuck I'm Gonna Read A Chapter Of That Book after This Fuckin' paragaph.  See that's the kind of influence George Carlin is, it's all Fuck This Fuck That.  I need a new more wholesome comedy role model.  How about that Bill Cosby he seems like an all around good guy.  OKAY CHAPTER!


Wait a Second... Are THESE Chapters?

    WI first meant each section with its own title.  Are those chapters?  Or is each entry a Chapter in The Ultimate Book?  Anyway whatta snooze of a chapter George Carlin met his wife and they loved each other.  YAWN.  Is Yawn an onomatopoeia.  You know, like a Gollum thing.  Sometimes when no one else is aground I do the Gollum thing.  I saw Gollum like a gutteral sound which is what it means.  I don't do this around people.  People would judge me.  In the privacy of my own home, though, sure I'll make some Gollum sounds!  Oh Hey I'm actually trying that pizza.  If it's Not Dijiorno, It's Nothing.  That's their slogan, right?  Where Have You Gone Joe Dijiorno, Nowhere That's Where, Been In THe Kitchen All Along.  That's another slogan.  Kinda clunky and they have to pay royalties to Don McClean but I guess they crunched the numbers and its worth it.
    It was so good I even had a bite of frozen cheese that was defrosting but not in Oven yet.  I liked it!  Anyway figure I'll make this last section 5 paragraphs, then for some reason Continue Watchign Friday The 13ths.  XIII.  I find it interesting they use roman numerals to determine where in the franchise the movie is, but not for the number 13, which is in every title.  The third movie should be called Friday XIII: IV but NOoooo that would just confuse people!  My ideas are, "Stupid," and, "Impractical," and, "Only a fool would even consider considering my ideas!  WELL IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL I QUIT! 
    I need the sweet sweet coin I don't have no pension coming my way.
  I don't even have any hobbies, its too late in life to learn how to Disco Dance.  Maybe me and my Dad can become drinking buddies.  Probably not because he doesn't like to drink and he's got some condition where he can't handle his drinks and also it doesn't appeal to him in any fashion but Ya Never Know!  It's more likely I become Marijuana Buddies with my Mom.  But its even more likely I remain in a Half-Grown-Son/Parent relationship with my parents without any substances complicating that delicate arrangement.  Works for me!  It's not always a bed of roses but sometimes its a bed of daffodils which are a pretty good alternative.
pizza is pretty good.  I can see its appeal compared to Delivey.  Especially when its safe.  Knock Knock.  Whose there.  Orange.  Orange Who.  Orange I Very Appealing.  I don't even know you how can I answer tat responsibly.  Anyway.  For more context, my Mom has been wanting my Dad to quit for years.  And now there's 1 extra space for a younger guy who otherwise wouldn't have an opening for a job.  And also I probably will hae a turkey and cheese sandwich for dinner in several hours.  And between meals  will watch more tv.  Anyway.  For all the stockpiling of SuperMarketFood, I have no Frozen Breakfasts.  What am I supposed to do?  Eat a pop tart?  Sure that sounds good.  BUT NOT ALWAYS.  Okay that'll do it for today.  See ya on the flip side!

-2:02 P.M.


Monday, April 6, 2020

"Had Breakfast @" Is The First Note Of The Day

    Every day!  Helps to calculate when my lunch should be.  Like to go 5 or so hours after breakfast.  Anyway-- Brilliant Joke Alert-- Do the Simpsons use base 8?  That's the smartest joke I've ever made.  It's funny because eh you figure it out.  I got no time to explain things I only sort of understand!  Base 8 is like if the only digits were 0-8?  Or 0-7?  Something like that.  And speculaiton on why we ended up with a base 10 system (0-10) is because that's how many fingers we have.  So, they have 8 fingers, they use base 8.  We all learned a little something so far How Wonderful.
Bad news is I'm out of beer.  Good news is I ordered more beer.  Bad news is I have to wait 1-3 days till it arrives.  Good news is I can do that.  Bad news is once it arrives I have to wait 72 MORE hours so Coronavirus On Aluminum Cans surely will die.  Good news is That'll last me 2-4 weeks!  Bad news is Bears.  I feel kind of guilty because a couple of years ago I was trying transcendental meditation for 2 or 3 days and my Safe Word was Courage.  Curr-idge.  Curr-oh-nah.  The point is I am directly spiritually and transcendentally responsible for the first syllable and I'll never forgive myself.  Okkkur?
Never mind its her fault.  Cardi B.  I kind of feel like Tyler Perry characters say it, too?  I'm gonna have to look into that. Well, he doesn't say that.  Gotta be saying something, right?  Maybe something like Cowabunga, I'm not here to figure everything about everything out.  Just who indirectly is responsible for Coronavirus based on words and phrases they/we have been saying.  Anyway I got a lot of good options for lunch.  1/3 frozen pizza.  Turkey sandwich or egg sandwich or hot dog sandwich.  And bread fo sandwich can be a roll, an English muffin, challah bread, or whole wheat bread.  Probably not challah bread.  I can't cut slices thin enough for sandwiches!  AND I NEVER WILL!  Look at that English Muffin.  That's what people say about Great British Attractive People.
    Well, they will one day.  I said it first.  Everything has to be done a first time, right?  That's what I'm here for.  Hey I'm actually British.  Don't you mean GREAT British?  Yeah I was being modest YOU JERK.  That's how a conversation about that topic might go.  So the point is I might have to wait a whole week for beer but I can entertain myself with overdrinking coffee and such.  Also got a surplus of Ritalin and Klonopin!  Those, strategically used, can provide some sort of balance.  My Mom lived in Adequate Britain for a few years.  On a military base!  The point is she staged an uprising and as punishment they banished her back to America.  I dunno something along those lines.  She was a teacher while her husband was in the air force or something.  I keep wanting to say He Was A Code Cracker or something but every time I say that to my Mom she has to correct me.  But that's the default impression.  Some kind of code cracker.  Uh oh I just blew his cover.  Well, you don't know what his name is!  I do, though!  I write him letters every week saying YOU ARE MY TRUE FATHER.
    Ugh.  Oh, I think I know what it is.  His job was literally just transcribe what he was hearing over Morse Code or Dictograph or Xylophones or whatever.  Maybe for others to crack.  He was more or less a stenographer, though.  How Glamorous.  Also I'm safe going into this detail because it was 50 years ago! Kid-- I wanna be a stenographer when I grow up!!!  Parent -- you'll have to take good notes in school lol.  Kid-- wait, huh?  No.  Oh, I meant a stegosaurus!  Seems about right, huh.  What was the point of Mavis Beacon teaching typing.  To learn how to type in form correctly and quickly.  Oh Now I Get It Nevermind.  Alright 5 paragraphs down, gonna take a break for an undetermined amount of time!
    Anyway.  My Dad was also married once before he married my Mom.  I don't know what her deal is.  Probably ran off with my Mom's first husband.  Gotta run off with someone is the impression I've been getting for some reason.


Have Some More Entry.  It's On The House.

    What else were my parents up to before they had me.  Well, not a lot.  Mainly just biding their time until I showed up.  And then justbiding their times until either I or them dissapear.  Lots of Biding Times is the point.  Internet is saying Peak Week In America Coronavirus!  I like the sound of that.  If only I could trust the internet.  But it rhymes so it must be true.  The The point is guess what leaning towards a turkey sandwich with frozen potato/cauliflower tater tots.  Tater MEANS potato.  I used it twice.  Cauliflower Tater Tots gets the job done with 3 less syllables.  Or Potato C'Flowe Tots.  When I was a kid I was never a fan of tater tots during Hot Lunch.  I liked french fries just fine.  Tater tots to me were just an offbrand french fry that's only for suckers!  How dumb was I tater tots are great DESPITE being featured as a plot point in Napoleon Dynamite which I've never seen all of but my gut tells me I wouldn't like it Hey How Long Have I Been In Italics?
Cool!  So how's the Land Of The Dead Metropolis Coming Along?  Have they even started on it yet?  What are you waiting for!  They call it Hot Lunch because the alternative is a packed lunch which is presumably cold by the time lunch time comes around.  Hot lunch is Made Fresh at The Kitchen adjacent to School Cafeteria!  Why do I think I need to explain this to you.  Who do I think lots of things.  Anyway made French Toast last night and burnt the tip of my finger on the griddle but it's all better now!  And the French Toast was fine, just fine.  Figure next thing I'll learn is Pancakes.  Can't be too hard.  Get some pancake mix.  Pour it in a pan.  To form a cake like structure.  Seems pretty straight forward.
    Cool!  I used my Deck Of Cards for practical purposes earlier.  Picked a card at random-- if it was Spade-- Tequila, Hearts-- Whiskey, Clubs-- Vodka, Diamonds-- Beer.  And it was a spade!  But then I remembered 5 minutes before this process I flipped a coin and was like heads beer, tails liquor.  And since that came first I decided to abide by the Original test.  Wow I got Heads.  WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!  Base 8.  Base 10 is where its at, though.  Base 10 just sounds better.  Anyway gonna eat lunch in about half an hour.  Only 4 hours since breakfast but hey gotta eat when ya gotta eat.  Enough about all that-- let's get to some Entry!  Well this is a throwaway entry you see its good because it reminds people that some days are better than others and every shitty entry means a good entry is due to happen soon.
Cool!  My Dad once won a Disco Dancing competition.  That's the extent of my knowlede around my Dad as a young adult.  Also my Dad was pretty overweight at the time so that's important for context.  I think I'll have that sandwich now.


In The End, Isn't Everything A Waste Of Time?

    Yeah, but not in the beginning or middle!  Anyway lunch we're talkin  a dozen sour cream and onion Popchips, we're talking ~3-4 oz of turkey, and we're talkin' 2 slices of Fake American Cheese and 1 roll.  It's fake because its not real cheese.  It may or may not be American, that I can't say at this moment.  AnywAnyway when this entry is done my Day is gonna be fine, just fine.  Lots of TV to be watching, ...that's all I got.  I remember in NYU my first semester I used to get lunch from SPACE MARKET and I would get TURKEY ON A ROLL and either A BAG OF CHIPS or SOME SORT OF COOKIE EITHER CHOCOLATE CHIP OR BLACK AND WHITE.  And its notable becauses I HAD A MEAL PLAN FOR CAFETERIAS BUT STILL ATE FOOD THAT I NEEDED TO PAY FOR ABOUT 50-60% OF THE TIME.  What a wonderful time in my life.  I was blooming from an awkward teenager into an awkward adult.
    Anyway, like I said, good news is Entry Ends Eventually, that's good for me, that's good for you, we're all winners.  Also the beer I just ordered was called Winner's Circle American Session Ale.  I like the sound of that because it's like it was made just for me.  Because I consider myself a winner about 40% of the time.  Then about 50% of the time I'm a loser.  10% of the time is miscellaneous.  But I'd like to BECOME more of a winner based on what beer I drink so I hope that's how everything plays out.  Anyway.  24 Pack of that beer.  6 Pack of... [checks notes]...  "House Lager."  Well that's pretty generic.  How'd they get that name?  Might as well just have the name Your Standard Beer.  Hmm not a bad name actually.  And the slogan is Improve Your Standards!  The point is, un-ironically, I could probably be good in a creative marketing/advertising type job.  But, absolutely ironically, that's the most evil and unfulfilling job I could imagine.  So I got that going for me.
Anyway this may be the first sandwich I've ever made for myself with cheese (Fake Cheese)  Now we have to bury the plates as per Jewish Traditions that I learnt from Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Anyway, it was my experience in Hebrew School (only time I went to synegogue at all other than Bar Mitzvahs) we got a New, Hip rabbi who appeals to kids and isn't as serious as Previous Rabbis.  My guess is that was probably happened all over-- kids are more sketpical and logical than ever so they gradually phase in rabbis to appease these kids.  What I wonder is if this keeps happening over several generations, is it just gnna become A Clubhouse For Jewish People?  Because that's a job I could dig.  A rabbi who doesn't know anything or even like anything about religion.  Just someone you can be like hey rabbi need some advice and I'm like what's troubling you my son and he's like well you're my father and you won't talk to me unless I call you rabbi and I'm like hey lets have a sandwich-- With Cheese On It! and he's like sounds normal to me we don't follow Kosher laws anything its a new generation.  The bad news is I finished my sandwich.
    I wish I had another sandwich RIGHT NOW.  I'm curious about this frozen pizza because its a general unhealthy frozen pizza as opposed to getting the healthiest kind of frozen pizza available.  So I've got High Hopes for it tasting good.  I could always just heat up a Sawdust Hot Dog without a slice of bread.  That's good for 45 calories.  Sure, probably, but nah.  Figure that's it for today.  Tomorrow is a new day!  I call it Mushterday.  See ya then!

-12:15 P.M.


Sunday, April 5, 2020

It's Always Something With You

    Who, me?  Yeah, sure.   
HEY GREAT NEWS!  WE'RE STILL ALIVE!  Well, I am.  I don't know about you.  So I got that going for us is the point.  Also, maybe I'm not.  I could be dead within a month when you're first reading this and then boy would my face be red.  From all that breathing I'd be trying to do!  Unsuccessfully!  Oh well such is death. Hey if that really happens people will see this and be like oooohh creepy.  Which is what most people think when reading any of this but this time around it's a different kind of creepy!
    Here we are again for your daily dose of Whatever This Is.  I'd like to find out one day just what this is/was.  It's good to have something to look forward to.  Anyway, I'm not crazy about this COVID-19 Virus.  And tehe fact that it shares another with a Product I enjoy, that really fries my grits.  Not 100% sure what grits are.  They may be fryable, no one can say for certain.  Anyway, 2 beers left for today/tomrrow, then its back to Shopping!  Do I go with Cans again?  Do I try to get a regular cheapish whiskey or some such concoction?  Do I go all out with absinthe?  I've narrowed it down to Not Absinthe.  I'm sick of absinth.  I'm nmore on board with abcosinthe.  I'd also like to one day learn exactly what COVID-19 means.  And what happened to COVIDs 1 through 18.  And are there Covids higher than 19?  Either already or that we may get to at some point in the future?  SO many questions, so few answers.  Is "Co - Vid," a synonym of the New Pornographers' Song/Album Twin Cinema.  Co Video.  Twin Cinema.  The point is we are all The new Pornographers Now.
Hey I got a great plan to make some Elbow Macaroni for lunch.  I like it because it's (1) Salty (2) Buttery (3) Pasta (4) its standard to get more than 1 piece in a single spoonful (5)If I don't eat it, who will?  The point is We Are All A Spoonful Weighs A Ton now.  Flaming Lips.  I'm just gonna start going through bands I like and making things that border on almost being puns within their titles.  Seems like one way of coping with the plague going on outside.  And inside, maybe.  When I go to sleep at night I sometimes have some probably psychosomatic respiratory problems.  But by the time I wake up I'm okay.  So the point is I better think up some GREAT last words pronto.  Always Remember-- I Existed For Some Reason.  No One Is Really Why.
    First draft, I still gotta work the Kinks out.  I figure 1/3rd of Macaroni Box is right on target for a satisfying yet not overwhelming meal.  Will I pair it with half-- or a whole-- English Muffin?  I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN JUST LIK YOU EXCEPT MAYBE EVEN MORE.  Anyway yesterday I had a tunafish sandwich for the first time in, best estimation, 20 years.  And it was okay!  No mayonnaise or anything.  Wasn't my favorite, but I felt like mixing things up!  Just not the Tuna with mayonnaises.  Hmm.  Mayonnaise.  Malaese.  I've got Mayonnaise Malaise.  I think.  I figured that one out!  Also ran out of Tater Tots a few days ago but Supermarket gave me some Frozen French Fries which I didn't have high hopes for because I remember as a kid getting frozen french fries from supermarket and they were always a let down But The Point Is THIS TIME THEY WERE ON POINT!  Plus, not too many calories.  One french fry is under 10 calories!  I can have 15 french fries for like 125 calories, HARDLY ANYTHING as a side to a meal.  Or if it's a small meal, I can have like 880 Frenched Fries!  Holy Moley!
    I also ordered Tater Tots, but the didn't have it, and they gave me a replacement which is a cross between potato and cauliflower tots.  I'll give it a shot but I'm not getting my hopes up!  Hey get a load of this-- do you ever Google yourself but google shows other people with the same name as you?  WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!!?  Hey get a load of this-- I'm sorry about that Last Load Of Something.  Just felt right in the moment.  Now that moment is gone but our lives will continue relatively indefinitely for the time being. That's my hot take on our lives continuing relatively indefinitely for the time period.


Its A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

    You'll just have to take my word for it.  Went outside to throw out garbage AND recycle-garbage to throw in, respectively, the garbage and the recycle bin.  Anyway Good News-- just found my nail clipper.  Bad news-- with shorter nails down to tbhe nub more openings For Covid-19. We're gonna Covid like it's 1999!  I dunno.  Trying to wrap my head around this virus.  What makes it tick.  To defeat your enemy you must know thy enemy.  That's what I've been led to believe. Either by my friends or my enemies.  Can't remember which one is which, based on how familiar I am with Both Groups Of People.
Such a great wall but they still couldn't keep Coronavirus out.  Or, in, more accurately.  The point is That's a good way to brand your Wonder of the World.  It's not a wall it's a GREAT wall!  One of the greatest!  Right behind the Wailing Wall, for me.  Berlin wall was a shitty wall but it redeemed itself completely when it tore itself down.  I don't know what's going on anymore.  Isn't The Wailing Wall a false icon?  People write notes of prayer and then put 'em in cracks.  And they add in a 20 just to grease the wheels a bit couldn't hurt.  Also how is the Wailing Wall not overflowing with paper prayers.  Every few weeks does someone come around at night and remove all the prayers?  Like wishing well coins.  Can't leave 'em in there forever.  But then the question becomes What Does THIS GUY do with the prayers.  I've given myself a lot to think about.  Is it possible Jewish people pronounce Wall as Wail and its really called The Walling Wall?  Let's hope so.
Anyway if I know people as well as I think I do LOTS OF ARGUMENTS among quarenteens. about what constitutes washing your hands.  And I know people about 25% well but I still stand by that statement.  Hmm, is that a thing.  People who are 13-18 during Coronavirus?  They're branded Quarenteenagers.  Because we need to market our future entertainment to them and teir delicate, quarentine-used-to sensibilities.  The Wall of Jericho.  One would imagine that means something beyond being the finishing move of WWE Wrestler Chris Jericho.  A Biblical Thing one might venture to guess!  Is there a part of Trump where he thinks if he builds a wall between America and Mexico that'll be his greatest contribution to American, nay, World history?  In a tumultuous time when everything was haywire ONE PERSON had the tenacity to BUILD A WALL separating 2 countries who are more or less allies, one that serves no practical purpose, but TRUMP WALL is an act of genius, political savvy, and bravery that We Will Never Forget!  Yeah, sounds kind of possible.
    MR. GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!  Well, that's not really my thing, you see, I'm the president or whatever of the country.  I've got people ot do that sort of manual labor.  I appreciate the sentiment, though.  MR GORBACHEV... LETS PLAY SOME HAND BALL!!!  Now you're talkin I'll go try to conjure up a blue rubber ball then It Is On!  Is handball the same as suicide?  I forget which one is which, but I think in elementary school we called the variation of handball we played Suicide.  Which in retrospect is kind of weird?  Anyway, they can't play handball, they're on different sides of the wall.  Good set up for volleyball, though.  Or Nuke'm.  Which is what we called Volleyball in Middle School gym class.  But it was sort of a simplified version.  Instead of having to keep the ball in the air by hitting it back, you could, I believe, just catch it and knock it back at your leisure. 
    Michael heard this can go on for a year.  Something my Dad just told my Mom.  Also I vaguely remember telling it to him.  The point is Maaaan we need universal mail in voting NOW.  MAILIN VOTING IS A SCAM!  HOW ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO INTIMIDATE MINORITIES FROM DAY-OF VOTING BY PARKING OUR SUSPICIOUS CHARACTERS OUTSIDE POLLING PLACES, OR CLOSE VOTING PLACES ENTIRELY, OR LONG LINES IN MINORITY NEIGHBORHOODS, AND OTHER SUCH FOUL PLAY!  When you're voting in a presidential election YOU EXPECT some fooul play baked into the system.  That's Democracy!  And this is gonna make it harder!
    Oh, right.  Also the problem of This Going On For A Year.
  Although to be fair we'll be well beyond 1/2 of us having Coronavirus by that point, so those people can live their lives to some extent?  Not 100% extent.  Some extent, maybe, I dunno!  If I was living alone with already having virus, I would feel comfortable taking wakls with social distancing.  Probably wouldn't go any further than that, though.  But even that would be a big improvement In Life Quality!  The point is What Fun What Else Is Going On.  ALso, is the Western Wall haunted?  Only ghosts wail.  That's the impression I've been under.
    I feel like a real jerk for just re-watching shit I've re-watched plenty of times.  Comfort Television!  You go with what you know!  Started re-watching Oz: The Prison Drama as well as The Wire: The Police... Drug Trade... Lots Of Drama.  Anyway, figure I'll start cooking in about an hour.  And by cooking I mean boiling water, adding a dash of salt, putting macaroni on water once its boiling, stirring it around with some sort of kitchen instrument, pouring it out into a colander, adding a conservative amount of butter, then shoving it down my gullet 3 or 4 pieces at a time!  Wonderbar!  The colander says its 4/5.  That's on par with what I've been expecting based on recent dates. 


I'm Not Crazy!  You're Crazy!

    Wait let me check my notes on that... nope I got it reversed.  My mistake!  Anyway, 3 weeks down!  Let's forget that Losing A Whole Year nonsense.  Especially because the Third Eye Blind show was cancelled.  They sure Saved The Day by not spreading COVID-19 More At THeir Supposed Concert.  Also, especially because eh months are much more do-able and PROBABLY more accurate.  But we don't know, gotta take it one day at a time.  ONE DAY AT A TIME?!? FOR A YEAR?!?!?  I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME IF ITS A FULL YEAR I'M TAKING IT ONE MONTH AT A TIME AT BEST!!!  Fine, 1 month at a time.  I started Quarantine 3 weeks ago.  33% more of that, ONE MONTH DOWN!!! 
    Wouldn't it be great if we could live One Week at a time?  That's a grand compromise.   Importunely the main enabler of such a schedule is Entertainment Specifically TV.  This show is on every Thursday, these late night shows every Monday-Thursday, that kind of stuff.  AND I HAVE NO TV.  Anyway, week by week.  Maybe next week I can be like FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GONNA FORCE MYSELF TO DO NEW MUSIC  FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK!  The point is We Are All Barenaked Ladies Now.  Are we supposed to drink the boiling water I had been cooking Elbow Macaroni in?  Because I'm gonna do NOT what we're supposed to.  You tell me don't drink it?  FUCK THAT I'M DRINKING IT.  You tell me go ahead drink macaroni water.  FUCK THAT SHIT YOU DRINK IT!
Ugh.  Also when Washing Hands do you lather up your hands with soap WITHOUT water running on it?  I'd just been getting my hands wet for a few seconds, squirt some soap on there, lather up hands with water hittin' hands for the 2 or 3 alphabets, call it a day.  Now people are telling me (My Mom is people!)  NO you gotta wet your hands a bit, squirt some soap, LATHER LIBERALLY WITHOUT WATER RUNNING, then turn water back on, then do the This Is The Way We Wash Our Hands routine THREE TIMES.  I estimated the amount of times we're doing This Is The Way We Wash Our Hands.  The point is I've Doomed Us All but hey what are ya gonna do.  I saw African Americans/Minorities in general(?) are getting sick and dying at much higher rates.  An that made me feel shitty!  I had been hoping the people who die at higher rates are the Jerks and Dummies.  If someone's gotta die, should be the jerks and dummies.  Our African American brethren, though?  THAT WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!
    Also not a fan of how kids under 18 very, very rarely die from it.  COME ON KIDS YOU GOTTA PULL YOUR WEIGHT.  FOR EVERY KID THAT DOESN'T DIE THAT'S ANOTHER ELDERLY PERSON THAT WILL DIE AT THE RATE WE'VE BEEN GOING.  God Damn these self entitled quarenteenagers.  DIE FOR YOUR FAMILY, KIDS.  WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF ...uh.... I've made my point.  The point is I just urinated and accidentally pulled a There's Something About Mary and zipped up my peen a bit.  No skin was broken but for my pride.  Which isn't skin.  And my pride is okay.  These sorts of things are bound to happen from time to time.  Anyway bi-daily reminder we need to see we have free and fair elections in November GUARANTEED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  Even if they just kick the can down the road and give us most of what we want in October, a lot of the damage would have been done.  NOW, we need it NOW.  Or once you get back from vacation.  But pretty soon is the point!
    Also lunch is coming up pretty soon as well.  We're talking Starting Cooking in 15 minutes and eating in about 40,45 minutes!  I like those odds!  Anyway I'm gonna have to have my alcohol situation figured out by tomorrow.  More beer or bottle of alcohol or expensive bottle of alcohol.  I'm leaning towards Less Expensive Bottle of Alcohol.  I like to mix it up.  WITH SODA MAYBE DUhhhh.  MR GORBACHEV... ONE SIZE FITS ALL.  Alright not gonna go back to he well with that, one and done, that's my Joking Policy.  A quarter of one and done, that's my accurate I guess these days.  And whatnot.  Huh?  MR GORBACHEV... IS YOUR FIRST NAME PAUL?  Ok definitely done with that now.  The point is A Year sounds bad but maybe its a blessing in disguise.  We get so much of a blank slate in our society and government and economy.  Get to do it right this time around.  Also, it's like Zombie Apocalypses from alll your favorite movies and TVs, but assuming we don't fuck it up magnificently... WE'RE BACK IN A JIFFY.  SEVERAL MONTHS TO A YEAR IS A GIFFY.  IT'S NOTHING IN ETERNITY TIME.
    Someone tells you when you die, "Hey, you're gonna have to do purgatory for a year," man you are PSYCHED about that.  People get 3 million years REGULARLY.  You get 1 year?  Fuck that shit you got Heaven to look forward to!  And its reasonable to imagine After This the world will be a nicer more just more Heavenly place.  Well, it's reasonable to Imagine.  But not very reasonable to predict.  Anyway just answered the door to get my Dad's New Computer Delivery and the piont is I May Be Dead Now.  I was within 6 feet of this sucker!  I dunno.  The point is I was talking about it with my Dad and I Want To Watch The Macaluy Caulkin/Ted Danza vehicle Getting Even With Dad.  (I thought of it because I was getting (even with my) Dad ('s computer.)
    Ugh.  The point is my Mom is guilt tripping me for eating too much eggs.  I don't care!  There's some disagreement on how healthy eggs are if you eat A LOT of them, but I'm not concerned.  Also, have eggs been fertilized?  Lemme look that up right quick.  Hmm most factory produced eggs are unfertilized but Mom and Pop Farm eggs ARE.  That's a fascinating piece of trivia I will forget right... about... what was I talking about again?  TThe point is I want 3 eggs every other day and no one can stop me!  Except for Supermarket running out of eggs.  Then I'm pretty much stopped dead in my tracks.  Alright time to make some lunch!  Back in a jiffy!


Fair Enough

    Good news-- made macaroni.  Good news-- added a slice of Fake Cheese to add flavor-- and perhaps it added flavor but at the very least didn't burn down the kitchen.  Bad news-- I'm starting to miss social contact.  Which is odd because I haven't had any of that in a while.  Comedy Class a year ago was the closest.  Then before that was a year or 2 of doing open mics.  Before that it was Queens College. But I've sort of been getting a kick out of Quarantine because its like hah welcome to my world.  But now I realize my world is shitty even I don't deserve it.  Anyway they're called elbows because there's already a great word for pasta "Sinew"  Good news-- perfect amount of pasta & 1 slice of Challah bread.  Slightly too much than I feel comfortable with in my diet-- but just enough that I feel happy to be splurging a bit.
    French Toast for tonight.  Its all planned out.  Starting to get tired of this Andrew Cuomo Farce.  yeah you're a guy who says reasonable things which provide comfort to people.  YAWN NEXT.  Also for people who aren't from NY they might just see Hey he's the Democratic Governor of NY they're liberal there must be a liberal.  NOPE THIS JERK IS CONSERVATIVE.  But don't take my word for it!  Look it up on the internet and Take The Internet's Word For It!  Anyway, the last Fancy Beer I got, I'm having right now, and boy have I saved the worst for last.  Tastes weird.  Doesn't go with macaroni at all!  May be that they tout a Peachish flavor.  I don't like peach.  Except for Princess Peach.  Yowsa.  And she's being held captive by Bowsa.
     A year, huh?
  I can do that.  As The Offspring Says, "The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? yeah."  Anyway time to close up the entry after this paragraph.  Still a few more Friday The 13ths left!  Still more Frenched Toast to eat at dinner time!  Anyway I'm gonna hope I can stick to my July 4th Freedom Day impression.  It's a lot but also not a little.  I mean, it's a little, but also not a lot.  It's many things to many people but the point is... well, I forgot the point.  But I'll see ya later.!


Saturday, April 4, 2020

Friday The 13th?  More Like ... [checks notes] ... Saturday the 4th!

    March 4th is a Soldier thing.  May 4th is a Star Wars thing.  April 4th?  Gotta be something, presumably some sort of Average between them... uhhhh... April 4th be with you. I'll think about this some more.  OH I gt it.  4/4. It's a numbers thing.  1st thing I thought of and BEST THING I thought of is it can mean is a standard beat for a pop/rock song!  4/4 time signature.  April 4th is just your default song it turns out. Seems about appropriate.  Glad we figured that one out, I was almost ready to delete this entire website based on that.  Anyway, the point is Supermarket Delivery came last night, got about 75% what I wanted, most of the essentials.  And I am just now eating a Fried Egg sandwich on a Kaiser Roll.
    What is a Kaiser roll you ask?  It's not a challah roll, that much is obvious.  It's either an Old Timey German emperor OR Kevin Spacey in Usual Suspects.  Is HE Keiser Soze or is there no Keiser Soze.  I forget!  The point is this roll is great much better than those Mien Fuehrer rolls they deserve in Jewish Delis.  Anyway, was just watching Friday The 13th Part III: 3D and man oh man are their 3d stunts lame.  Right off the gate, after the pre-amble kill, the opening credits ARE IN 3D  Actors names SHOOT OUT OF THE SCREEN AT YOU!  But it doesn't stop there.  Have you ever been interested in the cinemotrpoher?  WELL YOU ARE NOW! 
Then, I kid you not, there' a scene where two of the teenage counselors are having a juggling competition.  They're just holding apples or other fruit, 3 at a time, juggling them and there's an overhead shot and THE FRUIT IS BEING JUGGLED RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE.  The point is I never went to sleepaway camp so I can't say for sure, maybe juggling competitions AMONG THE COUNSELORS NOT THE KIDS are just the kind of thing that goes on there after hours.  Maybe cook myself some shit for dinner again!  Macaroni is fun so is spaghett they each make interesting cases but a 3rd option coming in from the rear is make French Toast because of all the bread we got its the least suitable for sandwiches.  You're gonna be cutting slices Too thick with Challah Bread for sandwiches c'mon.  And we got 2 Chalah Breads!  So we'll see how this situation plays out I'll keep you updated in real time.  No I won't.  Yeah but I was just being polite.  Hmm.
Replenished my supply of Leanish Cuisineish.  I replenished lots of supplies!  Anyway what the Hell number of CoronaCases are there in NY now.  As of last night, over 100,000 confirmed cases in NYState, and about half that in NYCity.  And in all likelihood it's at least 2x that.  There's like 8 million people in the city!  I Don't Like Those Odds.  But on the other hand I am learning how to cook simple things and order groceries and who knows maybe even get to meet Paul Giammatti some day.  I'm almost as baffled as you are by that.  Almost.  Paul Giammati is an Italian Sportscar right?  But it's Pull Giamatti.  And its an Italian Sportscar that looks and acts like a sportcar but it doesn't take gas or electricty is PULLED by oxen.  Glad we got that out of the way!
Oh here's some sweet news for me-- I normally have to get blood work done once a month, no exceptions to make sure one of my medications isn't fuckin' up the rest of my system.  They decided to waive it for at least the next month.  This sucker right here is staying home for a loooooong time.  The point is Egg Sandwich wasn't quite satisfying enough so I tried a piece of this very hearty whole wheat bread they sent as a substitute.  One piece and you're in Hearty Bread Heaven.  Two pieces and your arteries are clogged I dunno how does bread work. 
    The point is I've been taking pretty good care of myself except for last afternoon when I ate 2/3rds of a box of Cheeze Its. I was under so much stress!  What with anticapting Delivery Order and going through with them item by item where they're like they don't have this what's your replacement.  That was 3 hours!  So I was like fuck this I'ma snack and then tomorrow itll be back to normal and no one will be the wiser. Was Was it a Fitting Spitual Punishment by comparing Jesus to Cheez-its?  And my sudden desire for Cheez-its means that deep down I desire for Jesus Christ to be my lord and savor.  Nah, I just want him to be my ...HORS D'EOUVRES.. and cracker.  Hmm  Is the word Oeuvre related to Horderves?  C'mon I looked up how to spell it once, now I'm back to just typing nonsense letters, I'm Only Human!
    The point is that bread was great HOWEVER
main part of sliced bread is for sandwiches.  And that's Too Much Bread for a sandiwch assuming I'm not stuffing it with 5x the normal amount of meat to balence it out.  Or, I could cut it in half and make it a half sandwich but Half Sandwiches never did nothing for nobody.  Oh hey I also got some primo sliced cheese to put on sandwiches.  I never thought I'd see the day!  My Maternal Grandmother would be very upset.  Not Kosher!  Come to think about it, my Paternal Grandmother would be very upset.  Still Not Kosher!  My Rabbi is okay with it.  Hmm is there a thing whree its televangelists but for Jews?  Cause if not I'd like to throw my hat into the ring.  Gotta do SOMETHING being a pretend Rabbi and exploiting people to line my own pockets is just another honest day's work. How would I get them to trust me in the firs place, though.  That's the hard part.  I dunno what else is giong on. 
    Bob Marley talks about Rabbis in
Redemption Song.  Start off oh pirates yes they rabbi, sold i to the merchant ship.  And I assume he's connecting rabbis and merchant ships because Rabbi's, of the different kind of spiritual leaders, love merchant ships the most.  He's also connected rabbis to pirates.  That could be either a compliment, an insult, or just a medium thing where it's accurate and we all better get used to it! Ship up or shit out!  Anway Coronavirus is pissing me off.  Every few days I slowly let my guiard down and am like ok this is normal now gonna do 90% what I'm supposed to do and just get used to my current situation.  But That Ain't No Good Folks!  You need to be 100% what you're supposed to do!  That 10% IS EXACTLY WHEN THEY GETCHA.  So I dunno what to say.  Probably more nonsense punctuated by philosophy.  I heard about it in a wilderness between you and me.  Belle & Sebastian.  Hmm, how about that.  That's another band I enjoy.  And several entries are we were JUST talking about Fountains of Wayne which is another band I enjoy.
    B&S HAH BS definitely didn't come into the picture until Freshman Year at NYU.  But when it did, oh boy. I always had an affinity for, "Chill," music and they're pretty chill.  It's a whole plot point in the movie High Fidelity.  At the record store, non John Kusack nor Jack Black put on Belle and Sebastian  and John Cusack liked it but Jack Black was like THIS IS DEPRESSING PEOPLE I'M GONNA PUT ON SOME UPPERS.  Hmm, that's odd.  During my most intense periods of binging music, best part of it was chilling out (especially once marijuana was introduced!) but then the closest thing I had to a band name was The Uppers! It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it.
    I dunno.
  I like the people who are like WE NEED TO MAKE SURE CORONAVIRUS PEOPLE ARE TAKEN CARE OF HEALTHWISE COST BE DAMNED.  And then someone's like hey what about people with cancer or heart disease.  And they go FUCK THOSE GUYS.  Not really.  The exchange never happens because no one cares enough to ask it/respond to it.  I care enough!  I care plenty!  For 4 years my favorite song of my own was called I Don't Care!  But I do now!  That's growing up! Also it's a funny pun because no one else cares either.  Took me a while to figure out that angle to it but once I did all the pieces are finally coming together.


It's a Shitty Job But Nobody's Got To Do It

    Wait a second is that accurate?  Probably!  Man oh man I wanna make some macaroni for dinner tonight.  Get some butter and salt in there.  Eat several pieces at a time.  Well you know what eating is.  I don't have to explain How Eating Works to you.  The point is I as well as other peoplep presumably have been letting our/my guard down but nows the time to kick Gurad into over drive!  I mean, for me, its just devolving into doing thing half-assed-ly.  Washing my hands for 20 seconds?  Eh 16, 18 seconds should do the trick.  Disinfecting and wiping down new groceries?  Yeah a simple 3 or 4 wipes should do it.  Stop touching my face?  I TRY AND TRY AND I CAN'T!
    The point is I dunno you figure it out.  Anyway, I think I've reached the apex of the Simpsons where each episode is Homer Has A Different Job.  Whether is Barber Shop Quartet, works at a bowling alley, works at a mini golf resort, manages a country western singer, goes to clown college, goes into outer space, works at the Kwik E mart... and this is all within 2 dozen episodes.  Well, mostly.  What kind of message is that sending to kids who are now adults.  Most like you're gonna have a shitty job but hey every week you can do something else if you feel like it!  It probably won't stick but sometimes you just gotta mix things up for about a week at a time.
Selling Love Tonic with Grandpa, becoming Union Leader (an extention of regular jobs), he was a Mall Santa for a while, Mr. Plow, anyway you get the idea.  And this is only 1/5th into the series!  Have one more 2-3 leftover drinks after today, figure I'll finish that crap on Monday, and Tuesday or Wednesday I broach the topic with Parental Units that its time for a change.  A change to my alcohol supply!  I'd like to increase the surplus from zero to Above Zero!  I remember in 2008, I thought Zero by Smashing Pumpkins was one of the spookiest songs I knew.  And I stand by that.  I don't think it anymore but I stand by the fact that I thought that in 2008.
    2008, eh?  A dozen years have come and gone.  Roughly.  Maybe 11 or 13, who can say for certain.  Radiohead was pretty spooky, too.  Except for that song Lucky.  Made me think of a dog.  I ever get a dog, I'll have a lot of fun coming up with a name, but could do a lot worse than Lucky.  Like Fake Plastic Trees, for example.  You can call him FPT short!  How can Time have a Signature?  I dunno but there must be a way presumably.  Anyway this was a nice little throwaway  entry.  I don't need entries to make me feel good and productive about myself cause I got Fried Eggs Every Day + Pastas and whatnot.  Maybe even a Frenched Toast I feel I could handle at this point.  And don't even get me started on Ramen Noodles where you just add water!  I can add boiling water like it's my business!
    Anyway, jeez.  Next few weeks are key.  Stay on top of Health Things.  I know many people out there don't care if you live or die, but tune that crap out.  You should feel comfortable caring if you live or die.  Let them suck a fig or something, take care of yourself as much as possible!  But don't take it from me.... I'll share it with you!  I have it, you have it, no one's taking anything!  I feel very strongly about this.  Also, when I say weeks, I know months is more likely.  But these few weeks are when we either really get into a habit of being as healthy as possible or if we just sort of accept the risks implicitly and be like oh well I'm doing SOME healthy stuff what more can I do.  Do as much as you can!  See ya later.

-12:37 P.M.   


Friday, April 3, 2020

I've Been Writing Entries Like Crazy

    Nail'd it.  Hey check this out I was drinking yesterday afternoon and had no dinner and I fuckin' cooked a fried egg for me.  While half drunk!  Not just one egg-- THREE!  Which theoretically is triple the work but also Triple The Payoff.  Also one or two slices of bread.  The point is Next Supermarket Delivery I'm gettin more eggs, more bread, more tarter tots/fries I can use as a side, plus some Ham and/or Turkey Sausage.  I'm gonna have eggs like its nobody's business!  The point is I'm Spike Jonzeing for some beer today but I'm gonna try to stick to me Every Other Day schedule.  I'm gonna try to stick to lot of things  Not Eggs To Pan, though!  I put some butter on there For The Direct Purpose of it not sticking!
    Also I've found the toughest time of the day, for whatever reason, is the first 4 or 6 hours.  Well, minus the first 20 minutes.  First 20 minutes of the day, I'm eatin' some breakfast, I'm playin' some solitaire... that's when things take a turn for the worse.  Do an hour of Circle Walking while consuming some entertainment I'm too tired to be 100% on board with.  Then when that's over, I still got the not 100% on board with Entertainment, so naturally I start to want a drink.  I've found either way though by mid afternoon, certainly by the itme lunch comes around, I'm feelin' okay with or without drink!  Hmm what can I say to finish this paragraph.  Next Order of beer I'm Planning Ahead and it will be cheaper than first order while being substantially more beer..  There we go that finished that paragraph.
Lunch today?  Gonna go with some ramen noodles.  More Egg makes a strong case but we only have 1 slice of bread left in the house until tonight and that ain't gonna cut it!  Anyway was re-watching Road To Perdition as Morning Almost Entertaining Entertainment and I can't wait to one day find out what Perdition means.  Anyway, first Personal Coronavirus Death has come to my family.  Someone who my Dad worked with sort of, a fellow teacher/administrator.  So that's a bummer for him.  Unless he secretly wished him ill.  Which isn't the impression I got.  Also I was like hmm there's gotta be a lot of empty funeral parlors these days.  People die of Coronavirus and then other people are like yeah I'm gonna Social Distance Myself From This Corpse.
Anyway I've been congested for several days but hopefully that's nothing.  Nothing I say!  Hope!  Hope For Nothing!  Jeez.  Jeez is short for Jesus.  Cheez Its are crackers.  Jesus is often crackers. Jeez-Its is the logical progression.  Catholic church puts out their own line of communion crackers.  But you can eat ON YOUR OWN TIME and in ANY ONE OF A DOZEN FLAVORS!  First flavor that came to mind was ranch.  Jesus Ranch.  Then I realized that's the name of a skit AND song from Tenacious D.  But before that, that riff was all mine!  I'm just worried people would abuse their stash of communion crackers.  You only need one!  But if you feel like you were real shitty this week, the temptation is to binge eat them.  And it comes from a good place but at that rate we're gonna run out of Jesus Crackers!
    I dunno.  Hi can I get a lotto ticket, a vitamin water, and this bag of Reduced Fat Jesus?  One would imagine Jesus did some hunger strikes here and there.  That's reduced fat Jesus.  Actually I'm not sure Jesus ever even did a hunger srike.  And besides how would we know he wasn't breaking the rules?  He can go all day in a cell No Food but eventually his captor has got to go to sleep and Jesus is like Finally and then makes a loaf of bread out of thin air.  And when I say THIN air, we're talking Reduced Fat God.  Air=Heir.  Jesus is Heir to Earth.  God left it all to Jesus in his will.  That's my understanding of Christianity!  Prove me wrong!
    Nietzsche was right.  God is dead.  Now Jesus is in charge!  And He's Here To Party!  Cut to the scene of Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear in Risky Business.  (But it's Jesus.  Not Tom Cruise)  Also who the hell named Ferris Bueller.  Both within the movie and outside of the movie.  The screenwriter or someone higher up was like hey this kids name should be FERRIS.  And, also, within the plot of the movie, presumably his parents tought Hey this kid's name should be Ferris!  The point is they like county fairs where Ferris wheels run rampant presumably.  Even Bueller is a stupid name but I'm not gonna hold against him.  Anyway gonna take a break.  Come back with some more Entry later.



    Just watched Fountains of Wayne on Conan O Brien: The Television Program from 2001 doing The Kinks, "Better Things."  Good song.  Good.... song...  I Win.  Hey it's a montage of me hanging out with and getting to know a lady because now I'm confident and a good person and It must be summer, cause the days are long, it must be summer cause Tihs Is The Soundtrack Remix FUNKMASTER FLEX...  The point is it will never be summer again!  I'm relatively (50%) certain that Is A Joke and Makes A Little Bit of Sense.  Anyway.  Is there any genre of music where White People started it and then Black people started doing it for themselves?  Opera?  I've never seen a black opera singer.  I've never seen a white opera singer.  I've never seen an opera singer.  White people invented rock n roll, thats hard to argue with.  Before Robert Johnson in 1910 there were Some Fools Noodlin' Around on The Lute.  If you played the lute in the 1300's oh man did that drive the ladies wild.  WTF SOUNDS??? MUSIC SOUNDS???  CaCause in the 1300's, its plausible most people NEVER HEARD MUSIC IN THEIR LIVES.
    Maybe some nursery rhyme or something passed down generation to generation in voice.  But they have no idea what anyany instruments sound like.  So the point is Lute players were CLEANING UP the poor maiden wenches.  WHy they gotta be wenches, poor maidens were of good standing.  YYeah but the ones who are into the lute players are wenches.  I see good point.  They didn't even know what Written Words were.  Someone hands them, hot of the presses, the Guttenberg Bible and they're like HOLY SHIT I'VE HEARD OF SCRIBBLES MEANING SOMETHING BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A RUMOR.
The point is people were easily impressed and amused in the 1300's.  Is there a riff of joking where its like Guttenberg really just wanted to start a fanzine... about some lute players... something along those lines.  Who was it who said this machine kills fascists. The machine being a guitar. And Fascists either meaning all-out fascists but also the fascist inside of all of us to different degrees.  And someone was like to Woody Guthrie that kills fascists?  Where's the bullet shooter aimer.  Is there a blade I'm missing?  I'm Confused How Is Any Of This Deadly To Anyone Let Alone Fascists? I uess could crack the guitar over the head of some fascists.  We should have equipt our soldiers in WWII with unlimited acoustic guitars.  Gotta get up close to the fascist, sneak up behind him, then WHAM TAKE A DIRT NAP YOU FASCISTS.
    We're just a second Trump term away from teaching kids in history Germans were mostly jut following orders and Hitler had some bad ideas but in general they should be excused.  That's not funny.  YOU BET YOUR ASS IT ISN'T!!!  AAnd then a kid raises his hand and is like Hey teacher, were there good people on both sides?  And teacher is like you bet your bottom there were.  Are!  We need to find common ground between fascists and ultra-right wing non-fascists.  Only way we can learn from each other and grow as a country!  The point is Pete Townshend had the right idea smashing guitars but he could put to better use smashing the guitars on

the heads of all those fascists in The Who's audience.  Anyway, lunch time!


Raman:  Soup or Pasta?

    In just enough water to be called soup.  But then again pasta is often in something SEMI liquidy like tomato sauce or gravy which are the asmet thing a ccording to some people but not me I meant them differently.  The point is this is a Mid-level Ramen soup and it had a pack of Spicy Granulated formula which I stirred in and I AM A FAN.  I dunno I'm solidly in the It's A Soup camp.  MOst people are.  But they haven't thought it through as much as I have.  But basically, I can eat it by slurping the water, without the noodles.  You've got soup on your hands in such a scenerio.  I know its not good form to slurp soup, but I never ate soup at all as a child, so I never had my parents tell me don't slurp your soup.  It's a lesson I'd have to figure out myself after many periods of trial and error... in public soup... eating.  Is that a thing?
    Also Cheaper Ramen, you get half a dozen peaces of cornand maybe a similary-sized carrot.  And its already mixed in.  With this, its in its own pack, like the powdered sauce was.  So I had to consider do I really want this in my soup?  I don't know.  I don't like Pieces of Corn.  But I did it anyway cause it's what I'm used to!  Anyway.  As opposed to getting 16 cans of beer last time, next time, I can get THIRTY cans of beer-- all the same size or larger-- for cheaper!  I RUN THE BEER GAME IN THIS HOUSE.  The point is The Worst Part Of The Day is over and its all uphill from here!  Why is it being all uphill a good thing?  No one likes hiking up a hill.  Downhill, now that's fun.  ... so on and so forth.  That phrase is different than what I'm implying.
Basically, if its all uphill from here, then you're in a shitty place and can't imagine it getting worse but only better.  If its all downhill from here, excat opposite, you're On Top Of The World as it were and the only place to go is down.  12.5 paragraphs down, 2.5 to go.  It's all plateau'd from here.  Anothe reason I'm a fan of mid-shelf Ramen (Maruchan Taste Of Asia brand-- SpicyMiso Chicken Flavor) is hat their bowls are wider than cup 'o noodles.  Not sure if there's more ramen in it, but it feels more like eating soup than a cup filled with noodles in it.  The point is I haven't had soda since breakfast.
    There's lots of points, thogh.  That's just one of them.
  The bad news is I just finished the noodles.  The good news is It's A Memory That Will Last a Lifetime.  Particularly if I die within the next several minutes.  Which I'm not counting on but these days who know.  The point is I'm congested an thus won't be writing a 15th paragraph.  It makes sense if you think about it.  I can't wait to give Friday The 13th: The Franchise all the attention it deserves. Which is very little but you know what I'm gonna give it all the attention I feel like doling out at this particular moment in history.  Also I snooze through the original one, is it being Friday the 13th relevant at all?  Does each movie have to be on Friday the 13th?  Hey we're opening up Camp Crystal Lake again and WHAT DO YOU KNOW ITS FRIDAY THE 13TH AGAIN UH OH.  It's only Friday the 13th twice a year, IF that.  How come the teens are partying so brazenly that one day?  DOESN'T ADD UP.
    Eh fuck it I'll write a 15th paragraph.  I wanna eat some more lunch.  I want fried egg on the 1 piece of bread we have left.  THAT'S NOT ASKING TOO MUCH.  I dunno it probably is in retrospect.  Well, now I know better.  Next time I have this soup, gonna put a fried egg in there, mix it up real good, and pair it with a slice of whole wheat bread.  None of that Half Wheat Bread.  Either Whole Wheat or No Wheat!  That's my policy on breads.  Ok ok the entry is over.  I'll see ya'll later.

-1:32 P.M. 


Thursday, April 2, 2020

Entries Come & Entries Go

    Somehow I've convinced myself that I have essential skills in an essential industry.  Which is totally wrong in at least, say 10, 12 ways.  Maybe even more!  But the point is today is a Drinking ON day so that should help me do stuff and whatnot.  I think Donald Trump showing up On News at 6 PM every day is Pulling A Leno.  You had stopped giving press conferences.  You were happy.  We were happy.  Everybody was happy!  Anyway he point is #TrumpCancelsConan.  Which is ironic because back in the day when Conan did those videos which are freeze frames of celebrity faces and someone talking with the mouth moving, Donald Trump was one of the go to's for that!  If I remember correctly!  And I'd say there's only about a 10,12% chance I'm not remembering correctly.  Maybe more!
So, great what else is going on.  I think if Conan did that bit with Trump, maybe about 50% more of the time, we could have avoided all this.  If it was once every week instead of once every 2 months Trump would have been sufficiently humiliated but oh well we can't go and change the past.  Probably not, at least.  I think I've/other people have made the comparison of Trump to Evil Rich Biff from Back To The Future II, but I'm gonna add some context-- its not like we got unlucky and ended up in this crap. WE'RE IN THE ALTERNATE DYSTOPIAN DIMENSION OURSELVES.  Other realities look at us and are like man that's a shame for those people lucky we live in a more pleasant and realistic dimension.  And the kicker is they have no idea how bad it is cause its what they're used to.  That's the worst implication.  That We Don't Even Know We're In The Shitty Temporal Reality.
    The good news is it's the gilded age.  Economy is pad, people's Democratic rights are bad, the courts are corrupt... but Entertainment is as Entertaining as Ever!  Maybe even more so!  We got the best movies and music and TV the last 3 decades!  So it evens out is the point.  I know a lot of people rip the entertainment industry in that they recycle ideas and never do anything new or interesting.  Those people are WRONG!  In dystopian futures we need the Familiar and Comforting, with about a 15% different from the last movie, more than ever!  IHey what about Citizen Kane Meets Benjamin Button.  Either about Citizen Cane growing backwards and at the end he gets a slay and is like hmm this is pretty fun.  Not as much fun as when I was a billionaire when I was born, but hey, not bad!  Or maybe it's exactly just Citizen Kane but instead of Rosebud the slay is called PutYerButtonThis.  And also Citizen Kane's first name is Ben.  That's how slaying works presumably!


I Eat Viruses Like You For Breakfast

    Hmm, maybe I need a more nutritious breakfast.  Or, maybe Breakfast is The Cure.  How about a movie where it's a cross between Back To The Future II and Back To The Future III.  I dunno, you figure it out!  Anyway got a good Sink Song.  This is the way we wash our hands, wash our hands, wash our hands, this is the way we wash our hands, all through the morning.  And you do that 3 or 4 times.  And if its the afternoon or evening ot dusk or twilight or pre-dawn, you can always adjust the lyrics accordingly.  UGH that reminds me of Fountains of Wayne Alex Schlesinger, and how he died.  I'll never listen to Fountains of Wayne the same way again.  Then again, I wouldn't anyway.  Every music I've ever heard, almost by definitely, when I hear it again I'm in a different headspace.  But the point is I will always enjoy it and once I figure out which songs are specifically his I'll Cross This Bridge even more.
    But, yeah, that sucks.  The doctors said they were cautiously optimistic!  DO WORDS HAVE NO MEANINGS?!?  Although, just throwing this out there, it does open the door to Fountains of Wayne Coyne.  According to Twitter, Wayne Coyne's daughter's name is Bloom.  And he calls her Baby Bloom.  I Like It!  One can only imagine his inspiration Wasn't Me but it's still nice to have some more sorta-namesakes out there across the planet.  Hmm, based on assumptions, I assumed Baby Bloom was a little lady.  Turns out he's a boy.  And WHAT a Boy!  With a name like that he's gonna be going places.  The point is as death tolls increase expoentially, everyone's gonna have someone they love/respect/care about dying specifically because of this.  And it's a shame.  It didn't need to happen.  we can't go back in time, but if we could, I'd kill Baby Hitler, maybe that'd help?  No, I'd have to kill Baby Trump.  Or maybe change his name to Bloom.  That seems to be working out for everybody. 
    I think people are somewhat reluctant to point out the obvious that Trump has/will cause Tens of Thousands if not Hundreds of Thousands if not Millions of deaths-- and thats in this pandemic only!  I'm sure he's caused a bunch of other deaths here and there.  I'm beyond sure!  I'm SURE!  Sure as in Definite, not sure as in colloquial sure, Yeah He Probably Did.  First thing that comes to mind is ICE CAmps.  PPL died there, right?  The point is He's Got Blood In His Hands!  We all do but DEFINITELY him. 


You're a Dirty Little Virus, Aren't You?

    The point is my movie I Win, where I somehow win the lottery by Helping People And Being A Good Samaritan, there's a Fountains of Wayne song in the middle.  It Must Be Summer.  And its about someone going to someone else and they're like hey where you at? and the person who answered the door is like must be at the beach. ...WAIT A SECOND, this wasn't my idea, that was just the lyrics of the song!!!  Honest mistake.  But the point is movie where I Win The Lottery (Or Do I) by being a good Samaitan (Or Am I).  I don't know what's going on anymore.
Songs I listened to yesterday-- A Fine Day For A Parade, Utopia Parkway, Supercollider, maybe a third thing (SUPERCOLLIDER WAS THE FOURTH THING).  And the And I dunno which ones are him.  But the point is I support both frontmen in this difficult time.  All those fountains and in the end they meant nothing.  Although presumably good at helping people wash their hands.  I think Fountains outside houses are a pretty interesting case study of people.  On the one hand, yeah, it's pretty aesthetically pleasing!  I get it, it gets me going. On the other hand, people are suffering from No Water or Unclear Water across the world and you're just like well my lawn being more aesthetically pleasing is simply more important to me.  Okay As Long As We're All On The Same Page.
    The point is I'm a down on his luck Me Type Guy and somehow I find out I can win the lottery but in order to get the winning numbers I have to be a good Samaritan, which in the pre-first draft specifically means helping out One Old Lady.  And I was in it for the money but by the end I'm happy without the money because I made friends and got confidence in myself and met a lady whose compatible with me in terms of Romance and Sex becasue I'm Been Such A Great Guy This Act Of the Movie, plus I'm getting out of the house and doing good things for people.  Then I get some money anyway and I'm REALLY happy!  It's a real heart warmer.  It's a real D- idea but the title is on point.  ON POINT, I SAY.  So, anyway, first COVID death that particularly upset me.  And it's just gonna get worse.  UGH.  I saw already its the 3rd leading cause of death in Americans.  More than, "Accidents?"  Oh boy is it.  Accidents was previously #3.  I know it's no joke but its KINDA is funny.  Hey I walked through my 10th floor window.  Boy is my face red!
I don't get how in action movies they throw people/jump themselves through glass walls to get out the building quick.  Pretty sure if I ran as hard as I could into a wall-size glass window I'd just bounce back, a little bit worse for wear.  The point is don't throw stones in glass houses.  Not 100% sure why.  Is it because when you're in your glass house and you throw a stone you're not 100% sure it'll Break Your Own Window because you can't see it so why risk it?  Is it because you'll hit someone with a stone and they're like oh I wish there was some way I could retalia-... hey they got a glass houses!  Glass houses are susceptible to stones!  Unlike other kinds of houses.  Alright Entry Break.


I Did It!

    I did it, folks.  I decided to have Ramen noodles for lunch.  Also, I Did It, Folks.  Watched The Exorcist again last night.  It's only down to 2 shots I absolutely will close my eyes for-- when her head spins around, and, this isn't in every version, when she spiderwalks own the stairs.  Also I wanna hear more about this Captain Howdy character.  I always assumed he was the spirit (or the devil him/her/themself) that was posessing her, but I dunno he seemed like an okay guy.  Maybe he's just some other spirit that got her primed but meant no harm him/her/themself.  Also, must have said this a dozen times-- Power of Christ ain't that compelling.  This line of attack isn't working at all.  Power of Satan?  Now you're talking!  I'm VERY interested.
Not that I like Satan.  But I wanna know what exactly his powers are.  Cause according to movies and books he Rarely Gets Anything Done in the end.  Sometimes he does, but for the most part Satan Loses Yet Again And Is Stripped Of Whatever Power He Was Trying To Use.  Also, I've seen this movie 10 times.  The power of Christ, while compelling at first, at this point, again, kind of a snooze.  Anyway, they also just added All The Original Friday The Thirteenths and I'm almost done with #1.  That's my one positive impression of the entire franchise.  I've seen on youtube where the lady is on the boat at the end thinking shes safe and suddenly THE REAL JASON POPS OUT OF THE WATER and drags her down.  Because I believe the premise is is Jason doing these killings from beyond his watery crypt?  But it was a real life flesh and blood person.  But then at the end FOOLED YA THERE IS SUPERNATURAL AFOOT!
Why was there such a demand for Horror Films with Spooky Days of the year.  Halloween.  Friday The 13th.  Groundhog Day.  Do all horror screenwriters get their ideas by looking at the character?  Hmm April 2... 2020, if that matters... THE DAY AFTER APRIL FOOLS HOW CAN WE MAKE THAT A THING.  You have to survive April Fools because there's a Serial Fooler on the loose so if you can make it to 4/2 you win and are safe.  I like that idea So What If It's Probably Mostly Been Done Before.  Emphasizing 4/2 is MY idea.  There's a Snoop Dogg/NWA song(?) called Serial Killer but for some reason I always incorrectly thought it was Cereal Killer and that it was a pun about some chum of his who LOVES him some cereal.  It still could be, who knows. 
    I'm strongly considering throwing out the crap half of crap pizza.  Maybe have it tomorrow for lunch.  I'll be done with pretty much everything until Friday Evening delivery.  So Fine Great Grand Wonderful.  I figured out a pretty good life hack of taking a Klonopin every other day, more or less as prescribed.  I have a crapload of surplus from hardly ever using it but in this day and age why not they're there might as well put 'em to good use.  I also still got the Ritalin but that doesn't help me asmuch.  Take it in the morning every day, but not a 2nd time, as perscribed.  Only reason I would would be to write entry/flailingly attempt something else creatively.  And even for that I ain't in the mood for no uppers!  Gimme that sweet sweet subtle feeling of ya know I sorta feel not as bad as I was before.  PROGRESS!
    I dunno.  I can't wait to eat me some turkey and/or salami sandwiches.  Plus another Life Hack I'm gettin a packaged of nice sliced cheese.  Put one or 2 of those suckers on a sandwich and now you're talkin' Fancy Sandwich.  Anyway.  Supermarket I was getting was getting ready to go out of business just a few months ago.  Gotta imagine they've been given a second chance from this stuff.  They gotta be doin' gangbusters!  So don't let them tell yuo that no one effected from Corona:The Virus That Couldn't Be Stopped: At Least Not As Soon As We'd Like: Eventually We'll Probably Stop It But It's Too Far In The Distance To Even Think About For Now.


Don't Get Me Started

    Hey remember when Europe brought smallpox to indigenous tribes in North/South America?  Yeah but when WE DID IT it was cute!  Funny.  A practical joke if you will!  And besides we would have probably killed them anyway!  So it's pretty inconsequential I don't know what point you're trying to make.  Man when this is over I'm gonna eat the shit out of some awesome meals.  And shit the meals out of some awesome... well, you know how shitting works.  The point is How Entertaining.  Probably Entertaining to some degree, right?  And if its not, no ones the wiser!  Jus decided to make some coffee.  Beer, Coffee, Soon To Be Ramen Nooles, A Klonopin, Regular Meds 4 hours ago...  That's what it takes.
  I dunno.  Is it possible The Exorcist's name Regan in the 1970's was a warning of things to come.  Or was a warning on things that had passed?  Like his Acting With Monkees career.  (Sorry, Monkeys,  I got Stufff I Wanted To Write A Year Or Two Ago On The Brain).  Also, is The Devil kind of a Starfucker in The Exorcist?  He gets freed from his crypt in that Middle East Expedition at the beginning, what's the first thing he does, check out that Big Name actress and her kid half the world away.  I guess the Devil isn't impervious to the charms of our Entertainment Entertainer Overlords.  Rosemary's Baby, Rosemary's husband was corrupted to be a Satanist and HE was an actor.  And let's not forget The Omen.  ALL THE PEOPLE IN THAT MOVIE WERE PLAYED BY ACTORS. 
    The Omen is one of those movies where the Devil comes out on top.
  Presumably.  He definitely makes it to at lesat The Omen IV and I dunno what happens then.  Also, not sure how I feel about Jason Blum of Blum House Productions The Horror Movie Production Company.  On the one hand we're Blum buddies, even spelling is the same.  Still on that one hand, I kind of remember some of those movies being decent.  But, on the other hand, most of those movies aren't that decent.  So is he reflecting well on the rest of us Blums?  I dunno I lost interest in this conversation premise a few sentences ago. 
A lot of the music I liked in high school--well, all of it-- I listened to mostly on public transportation to and from school.  LIRR trains, half an hour each way, subway from Penn Station to Chambers Street and back, about another 15-20 minutes each way, as well as the 15-20 min wakling to and from school from Chambers... aswell as my 20 min card rides with my Mom to and from LIRR with my head phones on all the while... and Fountains of Wayne really captured that more than other bands.  Because I'm going back and forth between the Suburban Queens and the Metropolitan Manhattan and passing by interesting stuff on the Above Ground LIRR... and Founts of Wayne is all about these different scenes and scenarios across the tri-state area mostly... so I wouldn't have thought to put it like this, but in a way it really spoke to me.  Well wonderful Whatta scam.
In retrospect, that's a valid way to comprehend what kind of music I liked and why, but it's not really Fountains of Wayne Specific.  All the bands I like(d) could probably trace back to being... in hig...while at the same t... Music I like Sounds Good.  Also I was thinking about it and Shuffling did not exist until the late 1990's.  You could shuffle between MP3s or on an audio CD.  But being able to shuffle All Your Music was a game changer.  Well it was still the same game.  But the rules of the game had changed.  And don't hate the player hate the game.  What if I don't hate the game but I wanna hate the player.  Then you just can't be reasoned with can you.  No I guess not what else is going on.  Instead of listening to music an album at a time, or a mixtape over and over again in the same order, suddenly All My Music Are Friends!  You never know which bandsong will come after this bandsong so They Better All Get To Like Each Other And Get Used To It Cause That's The Way Things Are Now!

FINAL SECTION until the next Section

    Awesome.  Lunch in a paragraph or two.  Or three or four.  The point is It's The Last Blob Of Paragraphs.  Hey do you know what this self-quarentine can really use?  ABSINTHE.  Chase that green fairy oh boy.  I know they say the hallucinagenic propoties either don't exist or are pyschosematic, but... II'll be the judge of that.  Also if your life is hallucinagenic stands to reason hallicunogens will make you normal!  NO way am I gonna go back and spell all those words correctly.  I GOT THINGS TO DO!  I remember it was a thing the 2 times I did mushrooms where the supplier, who was one of our best friends, was like ya see the way to do it is smoke some weed right before so you're more likely to have a positive trip.  And I like to take that advice with me to all areas of my life.  Mostly, I should be smoking weed RIGHT NOW to make WHATEVER CRAP I'M DOING RIGHT NOW a more positive trip.
Sounds about right.  Is it still a think where you can lick a frog and then you hallucinate.  Pretty sure I heard about that somewhere.  The point is got any frogs? What The Hell Kind Of Defense Mechanism Is That?  Unless it gets off on you licking it.  It's like its getting you to groom it, that's good for the frog.  Cause otherwise all of us other animals are getting a blast licking you up seems weird natural selection if it's not specifically good for you.  Maybe frogs can lick themselves for some fun.  We can't count anything out at this point.  Anyway.  Drugs, eh.  THere was a period of 2 or so months where I was smoking marijuana almost definitely spiked with something and it was super fun but also precipitated my mental illness and one day I'd like to know what that was.  Crack?  Possible.  PCP?  I dunno.  Meth?  I KEEP TELLING YOU I DUNNO.  It did sort of seem crystally.  That's crack, right?  So the point is CRACK IS GREAT.  Ugh, internet says crystals are just these things called Trichomes.  Regular weed with Trichomes.  AND I THOUGHT I WAS SMOKING CRACK WHATTA RIP OFF!
Anyway, what else is going on.  I even remeber, when I was getting it from my dealer/roommate, he offered 2 bags of weed, 1 with a bunch of crystals, and was like, which one do you want.  And I thought about it for half a second and was like THE CRYSTALS GIMME THE CRYSTALS!!!  Full disclosure-- that conversation may have never happened but does reflect how I feel about crystals in general.  On the other hand, the good news is I Still Get To Find Out How Great Crack Is.  I thought I already knew it and was like yep pretty great.  Turns out it might be EVEN BETTER!!!  So that's one way to go about living the rest of my life.  How did I get here.  I forget.
What else.  I've been starting to hope/believe I can get into a life where I smoke weed once again but its only kind, not anxiety producing.  And not 3 times a day, more like only 3 times a week.  And I chill the freak out and get to work on guitar and creative stuff with a VERY open mind and also the chilling the freak out is fun.  ANYWAY over 10 million people lost their jobs in the past 2 weeks.  But its ok because we gave trillions of dollars to corporations.  Whew that was close. ANYWAY just put 1/2 Spinaich Pizza in oven cause I'VE GOT TO EAT IT.  I could throw it away and no one would be the wiser but I WOULD BE THE WISER and under normal circumstances it's a privledge to be The Wiser but in this one I would just wisely feel bad abuot myself. 
    For someone who enjoys Horror Movies I have absolutely no interest in Friday the 13th movies.  Althuogh I have had nightmares based on them.  Basically Jason is a killing machine who never stops.  You can run away all you want, he'll find you.  You can kill him, he'll just regenerate and go after you again.  IT NEVER ENDS.  But the movies are a snooze.  I know there was that crossover movie with Jason and Freddy Krueger but I think a pairing of Jason and Michael Myers would be more appropriate.  I think they'd hit it off really well, no fooling.  And maybe A Good Friend is all either of them needs to get off their Murdering Track Of Life.  Who can Freddy Krueger Be Friends With.  I dunno, Alien or something.  No that's no good.  Avatar.  That's just a different kind of alien.  Fine he's friends with the evil robot from Terminator II: Judgment Day.  That's BETTER.
Freddy Kruger molested children.  You know what they do to those guys in prison?  That's why Freddy has no friends.  None of them wanna cohort with a pedophile.  They may kill kids but they don't rape them.  Which is arguably a fate worse than death let's Talk About It the phone lines are open you can get me at 1-917-607-9972.  Spoiler alert-- the majority of those numbers ARE ACCURATELY MY PHONE NUMBER.  I Don't Believe It!  I think writing a blog with a call-in portion of the show is one way to go.  There's lots of ways to go!  Almost unlimited when you think about it abstractly!  Ugh I'm basically just having a thin slice of bread with some sporadic cheap cheese and a whole helping of Frozen Spinach.
Now or never!  So some of these beers are solid B's in terms of my fantasy ideal beer which I can't even contemplate, some are C's.  That's about it.  The only number I'm sure I care about is Alcohol Level.  I'm here to drink beer not Drink... not as concentrated... beer... I WANNA BE DRUNK IS THE POINT.  I was thinking about it lately and when I was still in NYU I would get borderline blackoutdrunk.  Certainly not actual blacking out, but I would be in a state where I'm just Living Without Thinking.  Oh OhOh how I miss those symptoms.  The point is if kids are old enuogh to drink they should be old enough to vote!  You have to be 18 to vote, 21 to drink.  They can vote.  Yeah but lets face it kids often start dinking BEFORE 18 so as soon as you hav your first beer YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOTE.  Makes sense to me, you've already shown good judgment in terms of abusing alcohol as a teenager, I'm on board, pull that lever real good!  Hey if I'm allowed to vote as an alcoholic 16 year old I shold be allowed to go to the polling place OUT OF MY GOURD.  Seems only fair.  We'll be selling beer in the lobby.  LOBBY NOW YOU'RE TALKING MY LANGUAGE.
    Well, that's what happens when the end of the entry is in sight.
  3 paragraphs to go presumably.  The point is I'm A Hero because my Dad has been eating these snacks I'm accumulated.  We're takling Fiber One Bars and Cookies.  We're talking Popping Corn.  We're talking Popping Tarts.  And the great news is this Spinich Pizza isn't so bad.  The trick was, I left it in 5 minutes longer, and smothered it in Tabasco sauce and crushed red pepper.  Even just the deli meat I had the forethought to buy from Supermarket.  I knew I was gonna be making some delicious sandwiches, but they scoffed at me!  Now, they're doing it.  I Scoff at them!  Hah!
    Anyway 2 more paragraphs.  This is what we in the business call the "Penultimate" paragraph.  What business?  Dictionary business.  You would be punctilious to presume that.  Man I can't wait to eat pizza that isn't terrible.  Imagine.  Tomato Sauce.  Cheese.  Bread!  NO FUCKIN SPINACH!!!  You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one.  Eh let's just end the entry after this paragraph.  A real 29'r.  Hey remember the time this entry started.  I'm gonna be honest--- no.  I remember joking about Fountains Of Wayne's Death but trying to balence it out by half-heartedly reflecting how much his songs meant to be.  I didn't do that well at all!  But it did.  One thing I like about that band is each sound doesn't soun the same at all, yet there is something that makes it like Sure that's a Fountains of Wayne song.  But the sound they get out of guitar and whatnot, each song is very comfortably its own thing.  It's really pretty amazing.  And it's about Real Stuff.  Teenagers, people going to work, Tristate area (ITS REAL TO ME I LIVER THERE).  And catchy, catchy, catchy.
    Might as well write a 30th paragraph.  Most likely found them through my Brother.  Maybe around 50% of the bands I was into in high school were from copying MP3s from my Brother's iTunes or whatever.  At first it was just Fountains of Wayne: The Album, then Utopia Parkway: The Album, then Welcome Interstate Managers.  Then Out of State Plates, then a 5th one that I knew pretty well, and then I sort of didn't listen to any more.  Oh well what can yad o.  Go back and listen to them.  Surely but not right now!  Traffic & Weather.  That was the 5th album.  Only knew (and enjoyed! [and for 1 or 2 loved!]) half a dozen of those songs such is life!  Anyway, Godspeed Adam...  SChicl...linsinger... I hope heaven is filled with Stacy's Moms.  See ya later.

-1:17 P.M.


Wednesday, April 1, 2020

April Fool On The Hills!

    The Beatles will solve all our problems!  They're the Feel Good band of the century!  Goin' back all the way to Scott Joplin.  He outranks them, sure, but SINCE him, they're the best.  The entertainer, oh boy, doo do doo doo do do do do, doo dooo do dodododo doo doo do.  I Can't Get Enough Of This Stuff.  Anyway, experimenting with Crazy Colors for not just Font but Background.  We're talking Purple background with light green font.  Ugh, you could figure that out for yourself.  Unless you're listening to the Book On Tape.  Which isn't a terrible idea for a terrible podcast.  Just read my each of entries out loud over 10 minutes.  Now, let's be clear-- it's a terrible idea for a good podcast, but it's a GREAT idea for a terrible podcast.  Anyway, Day Off with Drinking.  I feel like I can handle that! ***CHANGED COLOR 2 REGULAR COLOR IN EDIT***
    Day ON with lots of coffee.  I think its interesting that young women responded so well to The Beatles when they First Hit because young women would be the MOST squeamish around Regular Beetles.  Us young men can handle it, but it would scare them and their delicate sensibilities.  If I learned anything in Hebrew School, it's how to live and get along with insect.  If I learned two things, it's how to quadruple knot my shoes to a file cabinet.  And those are the Two Things I learned.  Hmm coffee may be ready now.  Was there a first draft of Beetlejuice where they make some sort of Beatles Pun?  Was there a Final Draft of Beetlejuice, the one we all have seen, where they make some sort of Beatles Pun?  No way of knowing.  Well we can watch the movie to see if the latter happened.  Like I SAID no way of knowing.
    Hey Here Comes The Coffee.  So, what meals I got going on today.  Breakfast was a single solitaire pop tart.  Lunch MOST LIKELY will be a Hot Pocket + Tater Tots, Dinner looks like it will be Spaghetti wich I will probably contribute about 50% of the cookin' to.  No experience heating up sauce.  Other than priming myself for ejaculation.  Huh.  I found a nice trick to try to figure out some new music.  Listen to podcasts and noodle around on guitar.  I can find some different rythms and chord progressions and who knows even riffs, just by getting into the sound of people talking.  So I did that for 5 minutes and got bored WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME.
I dunno, not a lot.  Sounds about right.  Anyway.  Not a fan of this circle jerk around Andrew Cuomo.  As a New Yorker I've been very aware he's a very conservative Democrat.  He rigged the state senete or something so that the Republicans would essentially have the majority or something.  And now I'm reading about He Had Somethin' To Do with striking down More Hospital Beds.  Look I know I sound uninformed but that's just because I am uninformed.  But I was briefly informed after reading about him and then forgot said information but I'm pretty sure that the information I was informed of was accurate and revealing of his politics.  Also, he beat Cynthia Nixon in Democratic Primary AND I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM.  I was told she was a great progressive candidate I WANT MY MONEY BACK.
In that debate, one of the main things they were saying was NYC transit system is fucked to Hell, and Cuomo wasn't doing shit to help.  Something along those lines.  Good line for Cynthia Nixon-- I'm not just looking out for Sex.  I'm looking out for Sex AND THE CITY.  AnywayAnyway, what else is going on.  I'm not trying to cancel Andrew Cuomo.  What he's been doing is good overall.  Hmm, who SHOULD I be looking to cancel.  Is that a real job?  Wasn't that George Clooney's job in Up In The Air.  He had to travel by plane to cancel people in person.  In this scenerio cancel has become 100% synonym of being fired.  So in Trumps reality show he would go You're Canceled.  I think everyone's okay with that.  Now, for us, having Trump Cancelled would be the ULTIMATE Cancel.  We'd be like HOLY SHIT WE CANCELLED TRUMP EVERYTHING'S COMING UP STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER.
!  Anyway the bad news is lunch isn't for another 2 or 3 hours.  The good news is I'm Still Not Drinking Today.  The bad news is I don't see Tater Tots on Supermarket Website Ordering Website but there are a bunch of Frozen Freedom Fries.  It's just not the same, though.  ThTHere's onion rings!  I haven't had those in WEEKS!  Anyway figure I'll take a break from this website after this paragraph.  You know, lie down, worry about Trump becoming a Hero based on his complete and utter incompetence and indifference leading to hundreds of thousands of American deaths.  But he changed his Tone for 40 minutes, alls well that ends well.  Except for all those deaths a-coming.  C'mon that's the future!  Hardly anyone has died yet!  More Americans have already died than on 9/11-related deaths.  Not 911 related deaths, though.  Gotta imagine there's 911 related deaths all the time.  Hey sorry we kept you on hold for 15 minutes you say you're having a stroke? Hello?  Hello?  Guess they hung up.



    I know they estimated it would be 12-18 months for a cure but I thought they were just joking.  Hahah I get it.  We're screwed for a year and a half.  A Fun Time Had By All.  And even a cure wouldn't stop it, right? Might make you, say, 33% more immune, like a flu shot does.  You get a flu shot, it doesn't even cut in half the likely hood you get the flu.  But then again I'm under the impression this isn't a flu despite it being called the colloquially.  And I know better than anyone it's not a plague because I looked that up myself!  Anyway, after spreading smallpox and whatnot to destroy entire civilizations, maybe its poetic justice it happens to us.  I bet Poetry has gotta be tired of being associated with Justice in this context.  Poetry=You surprisingly, in an ironic way, get what you derve. That's what poetry is all about.  That's the definition.  Justice?  Nope IRONIC AND APPROPRIATE Justice.  So, extrapolate that, Poetry's definition is Ironic and Appropriate.  You know what I'm on board with that definition.  I'm gonna try to remember that.
Anyway.  Looking forward to BUT JOE'S EMAILS.  And Biden is like I DON't EVEN USE EMAILS I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN.  And they're like A LIKELY STORY.  And Biden is like YES VERY LIKELY IN FACT IT DOESN'T GET MUCH MORE LIKLIER.  I dunno.  I feel like the way they go after Biden is try to get Democrats to not support him.  Because 90% of his Wrong Political Positions are the ones they're on board with.  So instead of facing him head on, well, yeah.  Not gonna work on me.  I ALREADY KNOW he's a conservative piece of shit.  I still like him just fine!  POETIC JOKES ON YOU.  Except for how he may sexual harrass people.  I think the current plausable condition was he used his digits on a woman's delicates.  At a party or something.  I don't have all the details but That sums that up.
    I'd be 100% on board with replacing him as a candidate for that or other reasons.
  I don't think its gonna happen, but if it does, may I suggest Mike Gravel?  He consistently has the HIGHEST APPROVAL RATING of Any Guy I Wanna Say Senator Or Governor Of Alaska He's The Mike We Need.  Ah, he WAS a senator... from 1969 to 1981.  In other words, he's old is the point.  Anyway I as gonna have Ramen Noodles for lunch until I realized most appropriate dinner was spaghetti so now I have to re-assess my lunch and that's where the Hot Pocket comes into play.  We're pretty much out of bread so a sandwich just isn't in the cards for now.  Anyway the responsible thing is to eat a hot pocket.  That's the world we live in now.
I dunno.  Food in about 1.5 to 2 hours.  I'll keep you updated on this situation as it progresses.  Anyway the Scary Thing is we might hit 100,000 American deaths within the next 2 months is the impression I'm under.  And I'm under many impressions but I have a good 60-80% track record of those impressions being quality impressions.  Something along those lines, I dunno.  Have I mentioned Tater Tot supply is running low.  Hey guys this is like Our Own Oregon Trail.  Gotta start in March or April to be responsible.  Get what YOU think would be the most essential supplies.  Get yourself a banker to fund your journey, a doctor to help aide the ill... I think "Teacher," was another option but can't figure out WHY.  Keeps the kids occupied so they won't annoy you going ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET ARE WE THERE YET FUCK KIDS JUST LISTEN TO TEACHER.  What other pointless professions are there on the Oregon Trail.  Anyway lots of professions per my research bu my favorite is the Black Smith.
    Not to be confused with Will and/or Jaden... and/or his daughter, I wanna say Willow?  And his wife Jada Pinkett Smith..
  That's insensitive.  I'm gonna give me a warning.  Thrity warnings equals a Cancel.  29 more of those on the internet and I'm putting myself in hot water.  Jeez.  Just checked internet and Will Smith has another son named Trey.  Wonder what his deal is.  Pretty good name, though.  Makes me think of Trey Parker who was a comedy hero of mine from 1997 through, I dunno, 2007?  At some point I lost interest in South park but on the other hand South Park: The Movie is safely in top 10 favorite movies and very possibly best Musical According To Me.  The point is lets get Trey Parker on the Trail with us he'd amuse us by doing voices.  Of characters we all know and love.
    The turning point in South Park was when I was led to believe that it's not longer Trey Parker and Matt Stone but almost exclusively Trey Parker.  NO THANKS I'M INTO TEAM WORK YOU LOST MY VOTE.  Oh, also, Baseketball wasn't at the level of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, but definitely a very enjoyable movie in my, lets say, pre-teens.  What other TV Shows and Movies have I moderately enjoyed.  Well, there's the the movie Godzilla with Matthew Broderick.  Hmm, that's all the comes to mind.  Anyway after this paragraph Another Short Break and I'll be back in action in a jiffy!


No Worries!  I've Got A Website!

    It's true, you know.  Anyway, I gotta get off twitter.  It's bad for the ol' noggin.  Just remember, I can get up, walk in a circle for an hour, write here with coffee, eat some lunch, watch TV and movies, walk another 30-60 minutes, eat dinner, watch some more TV and movies, take a shower, listen to some music, go to sleep.  And Every Other Day be aided by good ol' trustworthy alcohol.  You'd let me know if we Solve Coronavirus, right?  Anyway kids have to be psyched that not only do they get to miss school for at least months But They Don't Even Get Coronavirus That Much!  I think it's like 1 or 2 people under 18 in America have died from it.  So probably like a dozen or two world wide.  Everything about this is coming up children!  Oh well what can ya do.  Kill the children and harvest their immune and respiratory systems.  Well, if it comes to that, SURE, but under a not-worst-case scenerio, what should we do.
    I dunno.
  Hey here's a good one- send out kids to do all the errands.  Go get me ice cream!  Go to the bank for me!  Pick up my medication!  YOU KNOW WHAT GO DO MY JOB I THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT.  That's one way people should consider parenting in these tough times.  Apparently there was an article, I believe in the NyTimes, that my Dad read, that ENCOURAGES YOU TO WALK AROUND YOUR HOUSE FOR EXERCISE in this here situation.  I never thought I'd see the day where there's an article suggesting you walk around in a circle.  But, times have changed, and he who was... waling in a circle... strangely is now... ahead of the ga.... the point is I'm a trailblazer trendsetter.
     The point is I have exactly 10 Tater Tots left.  It's a sign from God!  It's exactly 1 more than I would have wanted!  I get what I wanted PLUS CALORIES BE DAMNED 1 EXTRA TATER TOT.  I can't imagine this day going any better!  Oh, right the death and sickness and people losing their jobs and uncertainty for not just the next few months but the next few years.  But, besides that, BONUS TATER TOT HEY MAKE THE BEST OF A BAD SITUATION!  Where does knowing someone, between someone you love and someone whose an acquaintances, say, a pretty good friend, fall on the spectrum of how much are you suffering.  I mean, to some people, losing their job and having no prospects, thats worse than friend dying.  But what if its like one of your half dozen best friends and you have a resume and experience to Probably get another job sooner than later.  Lots of stuff to wonder.  The point is we must make a hierarchy of people whose lives have been effected from this pandemic based on how much they've suffered and we must do it IMMEDIATELY.  
Alright what else is going on.  Obviously Trump is at the top of the list.  THat's something he's bound to say or maybe already has.  Exact Future Quote-- Nobody has been effected by this virus more than me, I know better than anyone how serious it is.  So when he says that inevitably, tell 'em Crazysheet sent ya.  I can live with dumbasses in the next few weeks giving Trump credit for Doing Coronavirus Good because they want any excuse to rally around Great Leader but if there's a future where the history-class-coverage of this wipes out the fact that he DIRECTLY is responsible for how bad it got exponentially and just presents him as a normal, relatively good or effective leader in this time... that's my level of concern.  If we remember it in History, great.  If we don't, well,... uh... the point is you don't get fooled again.
Also maybe when people start losing their friends and family and loved ones and selves relatively left-and-right from Coronavirus, they'll remember Trump calling it a hoax and disbanding Pandemic Team in 2018 and being woefully behind on the testing and not giving out medical health resources to those who need it... they might be giving Trump a thumbs up for now, but as the months go on... I forget what I was talking about.  Anyway I'm gonna put food in the oven.!!!!  Hey ya know what, in retrospect, 10 Tater Tots was definitely the way to go.  I'm really gonna enjoy this tater tot.  In about 50 minutes. Or maybe  55 minutes.  It might be the last tater tot I eat, right before finishing Hot Pocket.  Either way, Tater Tot Supply Exhaustion was a blessing in disguise.
    Hey first 2 sections were 6 paragraphs.  This is the 6th paragraph of entry #3.  Figure I'll take abreak until Lunch Has Started and then write anywhere from 0-more paragraphs to close it up!  There should be a supergroup Fountains of Wayne Coyne.  (lead guy of Flaming Lips.)  I know Adam Schelesinger isn't dead yet but its time to plan ahead.   find it fascinating that Adam Schelesinger, an accomplished singer in his own right, his name ends with Singer.  PROVE I DON'T FIND IT FASCINATING.  WHERE'S YOUR EVIDENCE.  IT'S MY WORD AGAINST YOURS.  Anyway, ta!


The Title That Led To Lunch

    You'd think they wouldn't be directly related.  And You'd Be.... right.  The title has happened, Lunch hasn't even happened yet, so how can the title lead to lunch?  Anyway, jeez.  New month!  New Start of One More Month Down!  How's Adam Schelesinger doing.  THEY'RE CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC?  I'M OPTIMISTICALLY CATIOUS ABOUT THAT SENTIMENT.  The real bad news is he's one of two lead songwriters/singers so I got no idea which songs are which.  ...uh, that's the real bad news?  You Know What I Mean!  I Mean Me Not Being Able To Identify His Voice And/Or Song Catalogue Is Empirically Worse Than Him Being On The Brink Of Death.  Oh okay now I get it carry on.
Weird Al version of Fountains of Wayne... Stacy's Tongs.  And it's about a girl named Stacy who works at All You Can Eat Restaurant but THEY serve you at each station and she's in charge of the Tongs.  Or Stacy's Prawns.  Same exact scenario but this time she's in charge of the shrimp tray.  What other cross over hits did they have... ... ... ...Stacy's Wrong.  And the premise is she's wrong about something.  Maybe each verse is a new thing she's wrong about.  Stacy's Bomb.  And she's some sort of domestic terrorist.  Alright that sure was a paragraph I'll get back to you if I think of another song you might know.
    Hey lunch in about half a half an hour. 
In other Word + Number, 15 minutes.  15 is a word.  Gotta spell it out, though.  Fifteen.  You just use the digits then nope, not a word, that's a number you got on your hands.  21st paragraph.  Another 4 and each sectino of entry was 6 paragraphs.  I Like Paragraphs.  Anyway life is still fucked to the nines but lets continue powering through.  HACKENSACK?  MORE LIKE FUCK'N'SUCK.  That's not Weird Al's brand at all.  Hackey Sack.  There, thats more suitable for Weird Al.  I used to play you, when I was young, I hit you with both my knees, I got to tell you, I had so much fun, the game put me right at ease...
    I'm no Weird Al I'll leave the rest to him.  Also Sure I Play A Different Kind of Hackey Sack Than You.  You hit the sack with your foot or something?  I use my knees.  Like soccerball practice between Karate Kid and Karate Kid's Girl Friend.  I like Fountains of Wayne because it reminds me of the Tri-state area.  And I live there!  I dunno, two more paragraphs roughly to write one luch has started and/or finished.  Anyway I thought it was a real blast with this here color scheme.  But don't let me tell you!  Tell ME your opinions on color schemes.  E-mail is mankindguy@gmail.com  I'll take all your ad... wait a second this color scheme isn't good for Default Blue Font for hyperlinks... oh well what can ya do.
    Anyway lunch has finally begun for real and I'm hyped.  I get to eat lunch finish entry go back to binge-watching Tales From The Crypt for the dozenenth time in the last 2 years.  I think we should try to find Patient Zero of Coronavirus and, assuming he's still alive, SHAME HIM  I mean odds are he's still out there, presumably in Wuhan, right?  Lets ue all the sciences at our disposal to track him/her/them down and be like THANKS A LOT BY THE WAY WERE BEING SARCASTIC.  Hey more good news I just realied I finished the box of Hot Pockets so now there's a world of opportunity presumably of getting a new box.  Any flavor I can dream of that is one of the half dozen they'll have in stock!  Wonderful. 
Internet led me to believe after the obvious Stacy's Mom, there was a 2nd most popular song, and Hackensack was #3.  But the second one is a song called Hey Julie that's Short Man Bashing Song.  It's about a lady named Julie in some sort of job and she's got a shittty boss, and its alluded to several times that the boss is short.  Like all short bosses are shitty.  FUCK YOU SONG I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL.  Anyway just finished lunch, almost done with entry, all in all it was a decent first third of the day.  Anyway one, "Life Hack," I've discovered is ordering sliced cheese from Supermarket.  To add a little bit of kick to your various sandwiches!  Take it from me!  I'll see ya later!

-12:33 P.M.

Contact: mankindguy@gmail.com