Thursday, January 28, 2016
Let's Talk About It
Hey friends. Been a
while. Roughly some days. I wanna say in-between two and four
hundred. Not two hundred and four hundred. Two period and
four hundred. I can see how you might get confused. Numbers are
confusing. 37. What does it mean? Let's talk about it.
Either way, Spring Semester starts next week. Fiction Workshop and
possibly Poetry Workshop. I have until tonight to decide. May end up
just with the Fiction. I can't handle two classes over a semester.
I'm not Iron Man. Irony Man, maybe. Not sure what qualifies me to be
Irony Man, either. Pun Man, maybe. That's me. Either way,
what's up. Mets resigned Cespedes. Re-signed. Not resigned.
I can see how you might get confused. That guy can hit thirty homeruns.
I couldn't do that. Even if I was really hot and in the zone. Mets
Resigned To Cespedes. That's no good. Sending out the wrong
message about the whole thing. I was just watching Any Given Sunday.
There's no reason why I don't follow Football. It seems great. All
the passing and the running and so on. Lotta fun one would imagine.
In Middle School, we would play Football during Recess, people from my class
against an amalgamation of other classes. And the best player by far was
this Asian kid in our class. Shuckin' and jiving all over the place.
Honestly, if it was him versus everyone else, he'd probably win. Is
shucking and jiving a racist phrase. It's an Asian guy doing it, though.
Can't be racist if Asians are involved. Oh, how he'd pivot one way,
confuse the defense, go the other way. The point is some people are good
I remember I once knocked one guy over while playing defense
and simultaneously felt bad that I accidentally hurt him against the rules, and
proud that Yeah, You don't mess with me. That's great, just
great. I motivated myself to write this entry in hoping it would somehow
help clarify my feelings about whether or not to take the poetry class.
Taking it could go either way. I could love it, or I could hate it.
I guess I could be nonplussed about it. Can't rule anything out at this
point. The point is what else. Goin to a Casino to play Poker
Tournament with my Uncle next month. I only have thirty days to buy
Sunglasses! Jeez. I might have to just wear my regular glasses,
though. You know, to see and crap. I literally only have one Contact
Lens left. Not a pair. Just one. And, taking into account how
that's an old prescription, might not enable me to see enough. And I'm not
buying a prescription pair just for this crap. I guess I could just hold
my hands over my eyes. Still wouldn't be able to see, though. That's
not a good solution at all. The point is Hey It's 2016 What's Up With That
And Bullshit. Two weeks since my last entry. That hardly ever
happens. I blew my proverbial load last month.
Great, just great. Poetry is too wide a net.
Think of all the combinations of bullshit that you can write into just one poem.
I don't like it. I need some guidelines and crap. I guess having to
write a Villanelle is a guideline. Gotta follow the format. But
think of all the different words one can use. There's literally dozens of
words. How am I supposed to narrow it down to the right words. I
don't know. The point is what else and crap. There was a lot of snow
last week. Great, just great. Still in middle school, we had a
classmate who would randomly chant, Defense, Defense! during our Physical
Education. Which made us laugh. Us being me and one other guy.
Still, that's multiple people laughing at nonsense. Not too bad for that
jokester. So, yeah, Middle School was some formative years. I
learned all about chanting nonsense for no reason. Most people don't learn
that until their twenties. What else. Fiction Workshop shouldn't be
too difficult. You need to arrange the words into logical sequences of
sentences and paragraphs. That should narrow it down a little bit.
I'm no good at coming up with fiction, though. My two fictions last class,
Homeless People and People Who Run Breakfast Carts, blew my load again with that
crap. Writing about Homeless People has been a lifelong dream of mine.
One of my only lifelong dreams. Cart People, a logical next step to take.
Now I'm back at square one. Which is a phrase for some reason. Not
sure why. Let's talk about it.
What else and crap. Haven't made much progress in
becoming an Adult so far. Been a month and a half since that lifelong
dream of mine. I've more or less spent this entire month re-watching shows
on HBO that I've already seen and don't particularly enjoy watching again.
But once I watch that first episode again, I'm committed. We finish what
we start here. That's been a rule since, I don't know, three weeks ago.
And I guess I can never stop following that rule. It's a self-fulfilling
prophesy. Except not really a prophesy. Pretty self-fulfilling,
though. You can't take that away from it. Fortune Cookies are a
Fulfilling Prophesy. Get it? Because it's words and crap.
That's how I feel. Great, just great. My uncle suggested taking me
to a shooting range before going to Poker. That's no good. You don't
want me with a gun. There's got to be some law against people like me
using guns. And if there's not, well, ...USA! USA! USA!
What else and crap. Why do people like guns so much. Get some ninja
stars. That'll get the job done. Either way, what else and crap.
I started watching Beverly Hills Ninja, but felt too guilty to finish it.
Making it an exception to the rule. Because I read or heard somewhere he
hated making that movie and that it was beneath him and crap like that.
Now, without that knowledge, I probably would have enjoyed it for its
sentimental value, even if it's pretty much crap, but, yeah. Words and
crap, that's all that sentence is.
What else and crap. The point is, doesn't matter how
poor the script is or anything. If you like that actor, you're probably
gonna like the movie. Except if you are that actor. Then it's
all shit and crap and what else. I like the part where he's fat and
stupid. I'm on board with that kind of crap. I'm fat and stupid.
What is this, the fifth paragraph already? Wonderful. He was really
good at physical comedy, too, though. Not just being fat. A fat guy
who can maneuver and do cartwheels and crap one would imagine. I remember
my first Junior Year of college, someone brought a book of quotes from people
about Chris Farley into our common room, and I was browsing through that.
It's relevant because I Don't Know For Some Reason. That's how that goes.
I also remember playing guitar purposely un-tuned as shit and thinkin, Yeah,
Deal With That! I'm anti-establishment. Notes are a thing of the
past, man. That's how I feel. Not really. Notes are great.
Music is all about the notes when you think about it. DE-FENCE,
DE-FENCE, DE-FENCE! That's how I feel for some reason.
Right, right. Let's see. It always impresses me
how snow ends up mostly with a flat surface. You'd think it'd be all
nonsense shaped, based on where the snow falls. Ends up making a flat
surface. How about that. Lots of things impress me. Animals
crossing the street correctly. Snow falling in an aesthetically pleasing
way. Chanting Defense! over and over for no apparent reason.
Life is full of Great. What else and bullshit. I feel like I
thought of two or three jokes that would belong in here over the last couple of
weeks, that I now forget. Thanks a lot, Obamacare.
What else and bullshit. Whattado with my weekend. Odds are, watching
a show I've already seen. Thinkin' possibly 30 Rock, or Kimmy Schmidt.
But with one of those, I'd have to watch on my Computer. Like an Asshole.
I can watch Any Given Sunday ten more times. Really catch all the things I
missed the first time around. I was watching a reality show about little
people. Really brought out the asshole in me. Ha, I'm taller than
these people. What jerks. That's me, I guess. Most Little
People reality shows deal with families. I'm not an asshole at those.
They're families, I got no problem with families. Watching Little People
in their twenties, though, being jerks, that's what incites my assholeness.
Oh well, live and learn. Finally, Some People
I'm Better Than! That's how I feel. What else and crap. Do
they call abandoned houses where people do Heroin Shooting Ranges.
I feel like they do. It would make sense and sounds like something I've
heard somewhere. I'm not coming up with anything new here. But it
sure does take up Paragraph Space. And now that I'm into the seventh
paragraph relatively easily, the Double Entry is within my grasp. Can't
all be gold, right? What else and crap. It's Actual Spring in less
than two months. That's great. Winter is such bullshit. Gets
dark earlier, walking to get my liquor in the cold is no fun. I think we
can safely say Winter is the worst season. Most people would agree with
that. Have there been other movies besides Groundhog Day where the main
character is a meteorologist. Just wondering. Came up with that over
the last couple of weeks. Not one of the things I wanted to
put in crazysheet, just something that really made me think. One would
imagine there's some Meteorologists in Twister or other movies like that.
Can't say for sure, though. Right, right. This paragraph is
Let's start anew. What else and crap. If I just
took one thirty minute walk a day, by the end of the year, I'd be ten pounds
less than if I didn't. Gotta get started on that once it gets warmer.
I don't like listening to music while I walk anymore, though. That's a big
part of taking walks. I've listened to everything already. Don't
wanna get committed to some bullcrap like I did with T.V. I've learned my
lesson. I don't know. What else and crap. I can listen to
Podcasts. There's an idea. I'll take it all under consideration when
March comes around. March is a great month to start walking again.
Because of Puns. Wonderful. Who came up with March. Hey,
it's the third month of the year. What do we call it? I know--
MARCH! That's the quality of crap I get to by the eighth paragraph.
Wonderful. It's the August of paragraphs. That's how I feel.
Anyway. Under other circumstances, I might really enjoy a Poetry Class.
Why waste it when I don't think I would like it. That's some logic for
myself right there. What else and crap.
Hey, it's the ninth paragraph! Wonderful. I'm
probably gonna eat food tonight. I call it Dinner. Just
somethin' I came up with. Dinner makes sense, because of Dining.
Breakfast makes sense, because of Breaking Fast. Lunch? Lunch is the
March of meals. No logic to it whatsoever. Also, usually, if you're
having Brunch, you're fooling yourselves-- you're just having breakfast at
lunch. Let's talk about it. What else and crap. Mets signed a
guy named Bastardo. Under other circumstances, I might really enjoy that
name. My heart just ain't in it right now. Anyway, January just flew
by. Watching entire T.V. shows you've already seen really makes the days
go faster. On account of being filled with bullcrap and shit. The
point is what else. My X-Box started working again. The baseball
game has an option where you create a player and then throughout the schedule
you only play the plays your player is in. And watch him grow and crap.
I'm impressed they let me make a player whose 5'2. Good for them.
And they actually adjust the strike zone based on the height of the player.
Which is great. Small strike zone. That's why short people walk all
the time. That's how I feel. They tell you the goal for each at bat,
too. Get on base. Advance the runners. Don't swing at any
pitch out of the strike zone. And you get points for doing what it
says. I like any mini-game where you can win points just for not pressing
a button to swing for the entire at bat. Really great.
Alright, last paragraph. We made it. Of course,
two thirds of the time I end up swinging at a pitch outside the strike zone.
I can't help myself! I'm no good. What else and crap.
Shouldn't we be calling hits strikes, not missing hits? Strike the ball.
With the bat. Let's talk about it. They even let you take batting
practice. That's great. No pressure. Get points for striking
the ball, it's all good. And if you get enough points, your skill set goes
up. It's a lot of fun is all I'm sayin'. Alright, I dropped the
class. Feel like I made the right decision. If I didn't, I would
have made the other decision. That's logic and crap and whatever.
For Fiction, what's the next logical procession. Homeless-->Breakfast
Carts--> What. I got some time to think about it I guess.
Homeless-->Breakfast Carts--> Irony Man. That's one way to go. Got
some time to think about it. What could have been one of those forgotten
jokes over the past two weeks. Probably a two thirds chance it was based
on News. Abe Vigoda? I feel like one of them might have been about
that. Oh well, guess we'll never know. See ya later.
Monday, January 11, 2016
We Can Be Titles Just For One Day
Hey friends. Here
comes an entry. Got nothin' better to do. Watch the original The
Karate Kid? Sure, I guess. It's what my T.V. is telling me to do.
And most of the time I try to do what my T.V. tells me. T.V. is the
longest relationship I've had in my life. Also, only relationship.
Let's talk about it. What's going on and crap. I like the part
where I read what's on channels. My browsing is like this: 4-11,
around 50/52, 121, 139, 161, 180, around 190, around 230, premium channels.
That's Me. I like how the good channels tend to bunch up around
each other. Makes things more convenient for me-- the consumer. Now
all I need is a Commercial Channel that pays you 99 cents an hour to watch.
They'd have to have some sort of verification that you're watching it, otherwise
you can leave the T.V. on and go do something else. Maybe write a one page
paper on what you learned from T.V. That'll keep the consumer in line.
Either way, what else is going on. New Doctor going, I'm not concerned
about the drinking and doesn't even qualify it with something else.
Just flat out not interested. The point is some doctors are full of shit.
That's how I feel. I know their plan. They want to lure me in, get
me comfortable, then, when I least expect it, Bam, You're staying here.
I'm no rube. I wasn't born yesterday. I was born a bunch of days
ago. Thousands. Tens of thousands.
For history's sake, I've written a one page paper every day
on what I learned. A memento to give my children one would imagine.
Either way, Daniel La Russo's original friends are real assholes. He makes
some friends right away, and they seem pretty chill. Then he gets beat up
and they're like, Fuck this guy. You were just real chill a second
ago! Your friend got hurt by a semi-professional Karate Master-- and he
was trying to defend a girl's honor! And they're like, Whatta loser.
Daniel La Russo needs new friends. I hear the old Asian guy in his
apartment complex is pretty cool. He should become best friends with that
guy. It's a good thing Mr. Miyagi's wife wasn't alive. She'd be
like, What kind of a grown man hangs around a teenage boy all the time?
It's not natural! That's how I feel about things and crap and what
else. I've never seen Mr. Miyagi pissed off. Pretty even keeled guy.
Anyway what else. I don't spend all my time watching T.V.
Sometimes I watch HBO. It's not T.V. It's HBO. Isn't the Box
Office where you pay your ticket. Home Box Office, that's the main part of
the theater that you don't get. I've never turned to that channel
and have to give them some cash. Not once. Of course, I could be
wrong about what Box Office means. I know it's also a reference to how
much money a movie makes. Did you know Box Office comes from
Shakespeare cause they would put money inside a box. In a unregulated
strip club, you can put money in a box. Did you know Shakespeare
was the first to call a vagina a box. Learn something new every day.
Imagine that. Think outside the box. I
learned that from Taco Bell or some shit. I'd much rather think about
what's inside the box. Gotta be something. Otherwise why have the
box. Must be something inside. Can't wait to find out what it is.
I could give a fuck about what's outside the box. In history, there must
be one guy who invented boxes. I bet that guy's pretty proud of himself.
How did Mr. Miyagi know Daniel La Russo wouldn't go towards the dark side and
use his Karate for evil? I wouldn't take that kind of a risk. I
wonder if Mr. Miyagi ever got drunk and said, ....you know, the wrong guys
won World War II. Wait... forget I said that. I'm drunk. Just
forget it. Send his ass to an internment camp. I don't care if
they don't exist anymore, start a new one just for this one guy. Okinawa
is like Japan. I challenge you to prove me otherwise. The point is
Mr. Miyagi is an asshole probably. Don't trust him. Not a bit.
What kinda scam is he pulling. Next time I get my blood taken, I'm gonna
exclaim, Oooh, that brings me back. Let them figure it out.
How do we know Mr. Miyagi isn't gonna pull an Apt Pupil and get Daniel La Russo
worshiping Emperor Hirohito. We don't know. Can't take that chance.
Anyway, great. What else. Probably crap and shit.
I think the internment camps were a pretty good idea. You can't trust
Asian people, just look at their shifty eyes. Dead give away. They
should call the estate tax the death tax the Dead Give Away. That's a
sentence for some reason. Not quite sure what. Have that on your
Organ Donor card. That's great. I want to be frozen when I die.
Not because I think there's any hope of being brought back to life in the
future. Just because I want to be like my hero Han Solo. Have a
banner at the funeral parlor, Everything Must Go! The good news is
with each sentence, I'm that much closer to watching The Karate Kid. Gotta
do something. I demand they replace my McDonalds with a Chipotle.
I'm not concerned about the health risks. Bring it on. Either way,
what else and bullshit. It impresses me how chain fast foods and
coffeehouses all have the same motif, but with all unique designs to accommodate
the building structure. Really impresses me. And it takes a lot to
impress me. Of course, when I'm dead, I want to be impressed into
something like my hero Han Solo.
Han Solo's name is misleading. He's not riding solo.
He's got Chewbacca to keep him company. Hey, here's this weird werewolf
type person who can't talk. Better make him my copilot. Not a
lot of logic in that. That's how I feel. Isn't Bacca some sort of
root. That I think people chew. What's up with that am I right.
Well, I consulted Internet, and there's no evidence of a root called Bacca.
Does sort of ring as a reference to tobacco. Chew tobacco. That's
interesting enough and crap. What are you trying to do, get kids gum
disease? May the gum disease be with you. You know, that sort of
crap. A Triscuit is a hearty cracker. Got a lot of depth to it.
Good for them. It's relevant because some reason. Edging closer to
finishing The Sopranos. I know everything that happens. Probably
watched the entire series three times already, two at least. Not counting
this time. Still, though. We finish what we start at Crazysheet.
That's my promise to myself and my audience. Whatever happened to
What's Your Names. I don't know. Maybe one day I'll bring it
back. I have no responsibility to. Never did I say I'd do it
forever. It's just stick figures saying names. You got a
problem with that? Anyway, what else and crap.
Anyway, what else and crap. Still mulling over whether
to get guitar/vocal teacher. At this point, I'd say it's 25/75 I end up
doing it. I don't know. My motto at this point, probably, is
Gotta Do Something. That would qualify as something. And I have
to do something. It's right there in the motto. I listen to my own
music relatively often, and sometimes it sounds good, but sometimes, I'm like,
every one of these songs is the same, and Not Good is the consistent quality.
So that's fun. Either way, what else and crap. If I do get a
teacher, I would insist on calling him Sensei. And when it's my
birthday, Where's my car. That's how that goes. I can learn
to play Chopsticks to attract moths. That's pretty close to the thing
Daniel La Russo does to outdo Mr. Miyagi. You know, that sort of crap.
We used to have lots of ants in my house. I remember once, someone left a
plate of Chinese food out for a few days, and we found it surrounded by hundreds
of ants. I don't know about hundreds. At least a hundred. That
qualifies as hundreds in my book. And my book is the authority on
estimating numbers. That's how I feel.
Yeesh. Why does Elizabeth Shue like Daniel La Russo so
much. I demand answers. Sorry about that Shifty Eyes joke.
Asians are a fine people. Probably in the top two or three of all peoples,
as far as I'm concerned. Let's talk about it. Conquering Asia is
what Risk is all about. Assuming you start off in Australia like a
rational person. South America is just like Australia, but with one more
territory to defend. What kind of an imbecile starts off in South America.
The guy whose turn is after the guy who picked Australia. Get off
my website! Won't stand for it. Will not stand for it. I bet
when they first invented Risk, everyone would pick where they live to start out.
Rookie mistake. You can't let your real world loyalties to influence you
in this game. That's how I feel. Also, in Stratego, is there
anything more stressful than using your Spy. At any moment you can lose
it. So much pressure. I can't play that game anymore. Too much
Either way, what else and bullshit. Maybe go for the
Double Entry this entry. Haven't had one of those yet this month.
You go after the guy who picks Australia, you fuckin' pick Australia too.
Don't let him off that easy. Go for it! Anyway, what else and
bullshit. Chumps starting off in North America or Europe, whichever
they're from. They're about to be in a world of shit. What else and
crap. I'm not sure where I stand on increasing troop reinforcements by
cards, or set ones. Increasing gets the game going, but standard, a little
more fair and palatable. Sure I know what palatable means. You don't
know what palatable means. The point is these are the real issues for some
reason. David Bowie had a lot of great songs, but probably my favorite
thing from him is his song in Extras. The point is Hero. Him, not
me. Well, I'm a hero, too. We're all heroes. Just for one day,
though. That's what I've been led to believe. Sequel to Ratatouille
about talking sandwiches. That's a thing. Either way, I'll see ya
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Gettin' Title With It
Hello friends. It's
your friend. The guy whose me. You know, that sort of thing.
Wide world of sports. In high school I used to suscribe to ESPN Magazine
and Baseball America. For Fantasy Baseball purposes. Sure did pay
off. I won three years in a row. And my winnings almost covered my
ESPN Magazine and Baseball America subscriptions. Alright! What's
the deal with Canada, they don't fit in American League or National League.
#Your65YearOldGrandfather. Someone's gotta talk about the real issues.
Either way, Hi. It's the first weekend without New Years still in our
hearts and minds. We're into the shit now, boy. At some point I
stopped watching Ash Vs. Evil Dead. I have no excuse. I was enjoying
it. I just missed one episode, then by the next week, I was like, I
don't wanna watch two episodes, and the week after that, No way I'm
watching three episodes, and so on until the end of time one would imagine.
Also, why are the dead evil. I'm sure most of them were benevolent in
their life time. Why should being dead make them evil. If anything,
I'd try to be a better person when I'm dead. That's how I feel. I
guess they're not just generic people being dead and evil. They're
deadites. Their whole unique thing. Not really dead, then, though.
Being deadites is just what they are even when alive. A lotta plot holes.
Hi! I guess nobody would watch a show about dead people
doing good things. I don't know why. Jesus is the most popular
person ever and he's a dead guy doing good things one would imagine. Also,
at what point does Jesus take over from his father and become God. God
must have some sort of retirement plan, right? He can't be doing this shit
forever. This guy can't work six days a week ad infinitum. It's
impractical. I like The Holy Ghost. He's a ghost. Whose holy.
Hilarious. Here we are, with the purported most powerful forces in the
universe, and their third wheel is a ghost. Sure, he's holy. But
he's just a ghost. Love it. Don't even know what he does.
Never have I heard an explanation of what the Holy Ghost is responsible for.
Sure, I've never been to church or Sunday school or anything. One would
imagine they give some sort of information about this character. Either
way, Hi! The year before the first year of Hebrew School, which is like
six Saturday classes in a row, I never went to, because it was Rosh Hashanah,
and they would have made us eat apples with honey. I'm not on board with
that. Forego my Jewish heritage because I don't wanna eat apples and
honey. That's me.
Right, right... Either way, Hi! That reminds me, gotta
come up with a title for the month that shows up in the place where it says what
website you're viewing. Alright! I love doing things. It's so
much better than not doing things. Something like January, Huh? I
Guess. Something like that, but not that exactly. Either way,
what else. X-Box stopped working again. It's these damn controllers.
Can't get 'em to register with the freakin' device. I've tried everything.
Turnin' em on, doesn't work. Not touchin' em, doesn't work. I'm out
of options at this point. What else. At least I got to watch
Jurassic Park III on T.V. last week. That's the main DVD I have. Jurassic
Park III. I think every Jurassic Park ends with them flying away and
seeing some bird dinosaurs also flying away. And they're like, Oh boy,
how's this gonna turn out. But it happens every movie. They
should be used to it by now. People discovering dinosaur fossils in the
1800's must have been pretty freaked out. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE THINGS?!
You know, that sort of thing. These are the real issues. I don't
get why they assumed dinosaurs were lizards, though. The main thing that
makes them look like lizards is the skin. They didn't know what the skin
looked like. They were just pulling it out of their ass completely.
Not a fan, paleontologists! Get a real job!
What kind of moron becomes a paleontologist. Yeah,
I'm smart enough to be a real scientist... think I'll just look at some fossils.
What's the deal with things! I'm takin' on everybody this entry.
Paleontologists, the Holy Ghost, Apples and Honey. I'm outta control!
Yeesh. As far as I know, the Holy Ghost's main thing is just hanging
around. Goes to God and Jesus, Just tell me if you need anything.
That's how I feel. What else is going on. Haven't watched The
Sopranos today. I consider that a victory probably for some reason.
Man, now that I think of it, still gotta watch the last season. I'm almost
there! We finish what we start here in crazysheet. That's a
rule. I think I started getting fatter again. I can know hold rolls
of fat in my stomach. Couldn't used to do that. Hey, Tony Soprano is
fat, and he could still get the ladies. The point is what else. Got
some paragraph and shit to go. I don't want no apples and honey. I
don't want apples, and I don't want honey. Why would I want them together.
Shouldn't we be eating matzoh, anyway? Why limit it to Passover. If
you're gonna eat something, commit to it. That's how I feel and crap.
Alright, last paragraph! About time. Three more
weeks till class starts. That's not too bad. I can do three weeks.
Each semester, I get slightly better at socializing. At this rate, I'll
make a friend or two eventually. The odds are forever in my favor. I
don't get The Hunger Games. Hey, everyone outside the capital hates us!
I know what'll get them to like us! Killing people from where they live!
Granted, I never saw the first movie or read the first book. That's
granted. I saw the second movie. And read the third book. I
feel like I've comited enough time to the whole thing to question its logic is
my point. Yeesh. I'm still halfway through my Pete Townshend
autobiography. Been on that since last June. The point is I read all
the time sure why not. I'm taking Workshop classes specifically so I don't
have to read. And I like to write. But also because I don't wanna
read no crap. I've read a bunch of stuff. Dozens of books!
Dozens! I've fulfilled my reading quota for the rest of my life as far as
I'm concerned. Also, I don't wanna finish the Pete Townshend book.
Once I'm done with that, I have to read the Bob Dylan autobiography. And
if I know Bob Dylan as well as I think I do, that book is gonna be mighty
confusing. Yeesh. One more paragraph, coming up.
Hi! I don't like Choose Your Own Adventures.
Look, I bought a regular book, that's choosing my own adventure enough.
Why complicate things and crap and what else and bullshit. Today's
Saturday. That's great. Choose your own adventure. What kind
of message is that sending to our kids? I don't know. That's why I
asked you. Crap and bullshit and crap. Writing crap is a choose your
own adventure. Why don't you kids just write crap. If you start
honing your craft at an early age, you might eventually have a website that is
viewed by twos of people. The point is I'm a success story is the point.
Great. Pete Townshend's book is called Who I Am. I get it.
Because of the band name. The Who. Who I am. It's a pun.
Because AM means A minor. Isn't that great. Stupid rolls of
fat. I guess subconsciously it provides an excuse for why I ain't gettin'
wit no ladies. Isn't not being around any ladies excuse enough.
You're excuse enough! Get off my website! Yeesh. You'd think
with Crazysheeting every other day the ladies would be throwing themselves at
me. That's what should happen. In a just world.
Okay. Another paragraph. Got nothin' better to
do. That's how that goes. I'm sick of emptying my ashtray twice a
day. There's got to be a better way. That doesn't require all this
work. Yeesh. I oughtta finish that book. I like The Who.
I like Pete Townshend. I like words. So anyway, I was Who-ing it
up, and who do I meet but Charles Manson. That's what these books are
like. The point is what else. Need some crap to finish this
paragraph. Whatta jip. I need people to write guest entries for
Crazysheet. That would be great. Not really. It lacks the main
good thing about Crazysheet-- Me. What else and carp. It's January.
So I got that going on. What carp. In this era of social media
nobody has their own website anymore. What happened to Angelfire. I
posit that quesiton to you. What happened to Angelfire. I want to
buy stock in Angelfire. You know, as a goof. I want to buy stock in
AOL. For legitimate reasons. People love nostalgia. What's
more nostalgia-riffic for my generation than AOL. Get on board with this
bullshit. Anyway, I'll catch ya later.
Friday, January 8, 2016
That covers that.
What's going on in the wide world of sports. Mike Piazza made the Hall of
Fame. Why they're judging and qualifying baseball players on Fame I don't
know. Shouldn't it be The Hall of Great Baseball Players? Electing
the most famous baseball players seems kinda pointless. Also, the building
structure has got to be more than one hall. Let's talk about it. My
Stuy Music Appreciation Teacher was Ms. Hall. Probably. I don't
remember so well. The main thing I learned was Mozart and Beethoven
existed. We all got a CD of I think 25 classical/baroque/rococo or
whatever songs. I really liked Dvorak, New World Symphony. I liked
to imagine some epic movie about some historical war and they play that in the
background. I'm a regular Mr. Holland's Opus. I liked
imagining Sublime to future me getting high in college. One of these two
ideas panned out. That's how I feel. Either way, Wide World of
Sports. I wish I knew someone who was incarcerated in Texas. What
ever happened to Billy? Texas Hold 'Em. That's how I feel about
things. Poker is full of great puns. Flush, nuts, you get the idea.
I don't like the rule If you can't spot a sucker at the table, you are the
sucker. How dare you. What if I'm just bad at spotting things.
Don't you tell me I need to study my Where's Waldo to become a better poker
player. I won't have any of it! None!
That covers that. There should be a sequel book to
Where's Waldo called, We Found Him. And each page is just a full
scale drawing of the one Waldo. That's what should happen. Also, how
do we know the Waldo we find on each page is really Waldo. Even the one
who looks exactly like him could be an imposter. We don't know. I'm
not sure, learning wise, what the point of Waldo is. What does that teach
kids. Everybody looks the same, but there's one guy whose really
it. How does that apply to life at all. I like to imagine an
adult going through Where's Waldo. HE'S GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE GOD
DAMN IT. Gettin' really upset over it, that kind of thing. I
heard Gone Girl was originally going to be about Waldo but they couldn't secure
the rights to it. That's how I feel. Jeez, January 8th. That
means I've been watching The Sopranos all day for nine days or something.
And what do I have to show for it. I already knew everything that was
going to happen. I've gained nothing from this entire experience.
Also, 27 now. Not sure how watching The Sopranos every day is helping me
become an adult. That was my New Age's Resolution. Become an adult.
So far, not so much progress. I did get an A+ on my class. But most
of that was when I was still 26. Oh well, live and learn. I was
watching Batman Begins, and he fuckin' falls down a well at the beginning.
I guess that's what they call foreshadowing. I remember seeing The Dark
Knight with some friends, and there's a point where Rachel says to Alfred,
You've known me my whole life. And he goes, Not Yet.
Because her life isn't over. And I laughed out loud. Then later she
dies, and after the movie, my friend is like, Woah, you totally saw that
foreshadowing! Nope. I just like a good joke.
Not yet. How does Alfred come up with this stuff! I I was
watching some Batman Forever, the Alfred in that wasn't bad. Alfred's the
glue that holds Batman together.
Great, just great. That's how I feel. I still
have to watch the entire last season of The Sopranos, which is twice as long as
previous seasons. I'm pot committed now. I have pretty much no
choice in the matter. I'm not even invested in the story or the characters
or anything anymore. I've seen too much of it. I just want it to be
over. Wide World of Sports, what else is going on. I like how they
interrupted the New Years Eve Twilight Zone marathon with some WWE Smackdown.
That'll get you in the New Years spirit. My new Doctor/Nurse Practioner is
a little too lenient. I told her about my drinking and she was like,
Nah, that's nothing to worry about. Now, that's how I feel. But
I don't want a doctor telling me that. It's not right. Let me make
my own mistakes and you call me out on it. That's the deal. Anyway,
great. We had a repair guy come in to fix our fridge. If he doesn't
open every professional interaction with, Is your refrigerator running?
then I have no faith in mankind. That's right, that's how high the stakes
Anyway. A few more weeks until school starts.
That's great. Apparently this is the fourth paragraph. I wouldn't
lie to you. Either way, what else and crap. At some point, it's time
to call of the search for Waldo. We have to accept the inevitable fact
that he's no longer with us. That's how I feel. Oh wait there he
is. Hooray! What else and bullshit. What kind of world is
it that we live in that everybody is trying to pass as Waldo. Doesn't seem
right. Not one bit. Either way, what else is going on.
Probably crap and shit. That's how I feel for some reason. Either
way, what else and crap. Gotta knock the rest of this entry out of the
park for some reason. You know, as a thank you for those reading.
Gotta give ya something right. Probably. It went through my brain as
a logical sequence of words. I think Reggie Jackson is probably the most
famous baseball player. He was in The Naked Gun. Case closed.
He must kill the Queen. I heard it somewhere at some point sometime.
Either way, what else and crap. Boy am I looking forward to February 29th.
Gotta make it count. Only comes once in a four year period. I'm not
telling tales out of school, you know this.
Either way, that was a crappy way to end a paragraph.
Whatever, I'm not here to win any popularity contests. Except for how I
want to be in the Website Hall of Fame. Popularity, in it's base
definition, would be the standard for that. Great, just great. I
wonder if, how they do political polling, if they polled, Do you know who
Barack Obama is, what percent would say no. I would guess it would be
near ten percent. That's what we live with. And another thing,
I've had it up to here with Waldo! Yeesh. What else and crap.
When is Anthony Jr. gonna get it together. That's what I feel.
When I was a freshman in Stuy I visited Silvercup Studios as a thing, where they
shot The Sopranos. The main thing I remember is there being a Kennedy
Fried Chicken near it. I like things that are close to things but aren't
for copyright reasons. And there's a character or two named Kennedy in the
show. How about that. It was a four or six visit thing. On
one, they brought in someone who was supposed to teach us about screenwriting.
I think she said, movie scripts are approximately ninety pages, and then
left. So, yeah, I got a lot out of that experience.
That's how I feel. Yeesh. This'll be
the last paragraph. I give you my word. Hey, I was once a place,
where other stuff happened! That's why I belong in some sort of hall
of fame. What else and crap. Yeesh. Wide world of sports.
What's a third thing I did as a freshman in Stuy. Does not talk to anybody
count as a thing? I was busy. You know, listening to The White
Stripes and crap. Get off my case! What else and crap. That's
behind me now. My ten year high school anniversary is this year. I
don't know if that's a thing or not. I got some sort of mail for a five
year reunion. Ten years, that might be too soon. Look at all the
progress I've made since then. Like Improv 201, and 20 or so credits at a
certified college. I'm killin' it! My doctor was like, didn't you
used to take acting classes? Improv was a while back at this point.
I've moved onto bigger and better things. Like 20 credits. That's
nothin' to sneeze at. Thirty more, and graduated! Like a Hero!
Anyway. Wide world of sports. Gotta do something. Also, I've
known for quite some time the appropriate length of screenplays. Don't
mean to brag. Alright, I'll catch ya later.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Hey, I'm Still Alive!
Successful week off from
entrying. Still alive! I don't know how I did it. Now, just
gotta replicate that for a few thousand more weeks, and I'll be good. A
thousand weeks is roughly twenty years. That's not that much. A week
goes by quickly. A thousand of them? Twenty years gone. This
entry is brought to you by Math. Can't live with it, can't live
without it. You probably could live without it. And you almost
certainly can live with it. The point is I'm a liar. I even
lied about being alive. Truth is, I returned from death, my immortal rest,
the big Zero. What the Hell am I talking about? Nobody knows.
Also, let's start calling death The Big Zero. Because I said it.
And I'm great. That's just mathematical knowledge. Let's start
calling death Starship Troopers. The point is I'm back with all sorts
of nonsense, new and old. It's 2016, let's get with it, am I right?
I remember playing some sort of Starship Troopers Wing Commando bullshit PC game
with a friend when I was eight or whatever. The real memorable thing from
that? Yeah, we had snacks-- pretzels. You're telling me you don't
have the gazingas to get potato chips? I have to eat this crap?
Also, let's take a vote on what gazingas means. I have it on good
authority it's close to a catchphrase from The Big Bang. Not to be
confused with the end of the universe, otherwise known as The Big Zero. I
remember in eighth grade, thinking that There should be a porno called The
Big Bang. Man, if that's the level of comedic genuis I was at at
twelve, imagine where I'd be at now! Or, continue reading and form your
own opinion. Imagine, read... it's all the same in the end. The Big
Zero, either way.
Where am I. So what if this entry sounds crazy.
Slightly manic and crap. It's the first entry of the new year, get off my
back. Got an A+ on fall semester class. And you all doubted me.
It's tricky to get an A+ when you completely punt 10% of your grade by not doing
any of that assignment. But I pulled it off. And all it took was
three blow jobs. One to get acquainted, one as a practice run, and one for
all the gazingas. It's also tricky to a rock a rhyme that's right on time
it's tricky. Sorry about that. Gotta sentence quota to fill, you
understand. The point is I got rum instead of whiskey or vodka yesterday
and boy what a miscalculation. It's not that it tastes bad, it just has no
taste. I probably built up a tolerance on account of something. You
get to decide what. This paragraph is the real gazingas. The real
Big Zero. Starship Troopers. What else is going on. They
had Super Mario Bros. on over New Years! My favorite part is Mario says
something positive to Luigi, I forget what. And the captions said John
Leguizamo replies Cool, Man. But the only sound that comes
out is "Ko-Ba." I rewinded it again and again. No
"Cool Man." Koba. And it triggered my memory that I remember him
saying Koba. For the rest of the day, I kept thinking of the word
Koba and made myself laugh myself silly Starship Troopers about it. Also,
that movie wasn't very faithful to the source material. There's no jumping
on things to make them disappear. That's all that happens in Mario: The
Game. And they couldn't even get that right. Also, King Koopa is
amused that men are descended from monkeys. He makes a big point about it.
It's APES, you idiot. Show some respect. Monkeys are but our
revolutionary cousins. Yeah, I get words wrong, you wanna start
something? Both Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter movies include
the climactic fighting scene where the villain is floating around in a big
circle. I'm not sure whether it's some sort of copyright infringement, or
perhaps parallel thinking, or what. Certainly never happened in either of
the games. The point is great, what else.
The point is great what else. Koopa and Bison'll
be riding the Big Zero where they're going, I can tell ya that.
What else and crap. They also share a theme of the villains being played
by respected actors who have no business participating in that kind of crap.
First class of Spring on February 1st. That's easy to remember.
Comes right before February 2nd. Either way, whatever. I like
cheating on those daily minicrosswords at the NYTimes. Get that shit done
in fifty seconds. Just reveal every other square, I'll it done.
"Take a chill pill!" the clue says. They think they want "Relax,"
but I'm pretty sure they want, "Xanax." I won't take no for an
answer. We're gonna have to redesign this around Xanax as far as I'm
concerned. Then I'll move over to some Sudoku and figure out how to work
The Big Zero into every box I can. I don't know how to play Sudoku.
No one ever taught me. Something about nines. I got a one in ten
chance of getting that digit right. All the lines have to add up to nine.
According to my recent fortune cookie, to say "To Taste," in Chinese, the word
is, "Chang." I had a girl in my middle school class whose name was
Belinda Chang. Guess all along her last name meant To Taste. Oh
well, live and learn. I remember talking to her during lunch on her first
day, trying to be nice and get her acquainted. I think I said something
like, Everyone thinks your name is Melinda. Just a heads up.
That's how that goes. Then I said You want Chang this Jamaican Beef
Patty? It's my experience that Asian kids don't eat during lunch.
That's how I feel. You can't argue with a feeling. This would all be
very relevant if I had wrote it 800 weeks ago.
The good news is great. Guess it's great news.
I undersold it. Either way, fourth paragraph! There was an Asian kid
in my elementary school class who was the only peer I had who was actually
slightly shorter than me. Now he's six feet tall. Whatta jip.
It shoulda been me! And, I shouldn't have to say, he never ate his
lunch. And here I was, taking his lunch, eating Double Chicken
Burgers like an asshole, and what do I have to show for it. McDonalds by
my house closed down. Where is Justice. Xanax is a palindrome.
Good for them. Whattado with the rest of my day. Wasn't I
gonna become an adult. I feel like that was something I talked about.
We'll come back to that when the time is right. Like The Exorcist says,
In Time. When The Real Exorcist challenged The Exorcist Girl to do
something magic. She don't take no orders from a man! In many ways
The Exorcist was the first feminist. Except not first. And not
feminist. Certainly possessed, though. You seen her bed shake like
that? She couldn't be doing it herself. And I'm suspicious of
everyone who can turn their head around their neck. Raises some serious
red flags. Whose president in 1985. Ronald Reagan.
The EXORCIST?! Her name was Reagan. Spoiler alert.
Remember that time Reagan threw up into Gorbachev's face? Classic. I
feel like Bush Sr. threw up on a Japanese guy at some point or something.
On January 8, 1992, about 8:20 p.m, JST.
U.S. President George
H.W. Bush fainted
after vomiting at a banquet hosted by the then Prime
Minister of Japan, Kiichi
It is the only documented occurrence of a US President vomiting
on a foreign dignitary.
Well, I'd certainly hope
so. Well, this has been fun and a ton. One more paragraph to close
it out and then we go on our merry ways. I have it on good authority that
the song Redemption Song is based on the culinary delight Jamaican Beef
Patties. And Buffalo Soldier is about a rebel who puts buffalo sauce on
his beef patties. Whole song, just for that. Do I know other Bob
Marley songs? One would imagine. Concrete Jungle. The Three
Birds Thing Deal. I Shot The Sheriff. That guy wrote upward of six
songs. Good for him and crap. Jammin! If you had no idea,
doesn't Bob Marley sound like a perfect name for a generic white guy?
That's how I feel. Remember that time Harry Truman pissed on Ho
Chi Minh's face. That was one for the ages I suppose. I
rewatched Full Metal Jacket for the first time in a while recently. I like
the Full part, and I guess the Metal was okay. Didn't care for the Jacket.
Anyway, I'll see ya later.