Wednesday, May 7, 2014                      

Everybody Loves Titles

    Hello, friends!  You're back!  I mean, I'm back.  I get you and me confused sometimes.  So much has changed since last entry.  For one, my boycott of the word, "The."  Wait, there it is.  Damnit!  We're now almost halfway deep into the year.  Thank God.  "14" just has no personality.  The top right of all my papers have suffered.  I hate telling people my birthday was 1988.  It makes me feel a century old.  So, the Mets are playing .500 baseball since April.  Me too.  I've been playing .500 ball since April, as well.  It's not looking good if you're losing half of your imaginary games.  That's just the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.  I started using the elliptical every day.  I can't say that out loud without moving my hands and arms in a mimic of using the machine.  Because I'm physically insane.  Also, how dare you.  I'm getting mega-bored during my free time.  Which is most of my time.  I had been playing play money poker online for a few months, but that's dullsville now.  I've watched and rewatched everything decent on Netflix.  I've played guitar to the greatest extent possible.  Cycled through different brands of cigarettes.  What else is there?  I've dieted enough that I don't really need to anymore.  I can comfortably say that my life, from this point on, is completely pointless.  Not counting this point.  That's a point.
    I need new hobbies.  And new hobbits.  Frodo and Bilbo just aren't cutting it anymore.  My main hobby is counting calories and thinking about what and when my next meal will be.  I'm pretty sure I have some OCD, and that's currently the biggest manifestation of it.  Oh well.  Whatever keeps ya busy.  I half thought writing about that OCD would help put it to rest.  So far, not so good.  There's nothing else to do/think about!  I have to take a poetry class this summer.  I'm so sick of poetry and related sciences.  "Oh, this could mean this thing.  Or it could mean that."  Just let it be!  The Beatles had it right.  Surely that's the kind of thing they were referring to.  Maybe I should write a report on it.  That would be pointful.  So, I've been progressing in my studies at Queens College.  Wonderful.  Also, energy drinks get drunk too quickly.  You know what I'm talking about.  Don't play dumb.  I hate it when people play dumb.  Except for Nirvana.  It's well within their right, they wrote it.  Jajajajaja.  I once knew someone named Ana.  Nirvana most likely got thier name from wanting to persuade her to not be nervous.  And bananas got their name from wanting to keep her out of places.  That's how language works, kid.  No it isn't.  Stop lying.  Some things are going well, though.  My productivity is up, my symptoms are down.  My record is about .500.  I believe in myself.
    What the wha.  I released a new album of music a couple of weeks ago.  Theuppers.bandcamp.com.  Enjoy yourself.  You can't force people to be interested in your music, though.  It's a lesson I learned from years of experience.  The important thing is that I'm proud of it, and then move on with my life.  Move onto what?  I don't know.  I guess spending more time being proud of it.  That should kill a lot of time.  I don't konw.  I'm only halfway through this?  Why am I compelled to be such a why-zen-high-mer.  It's in my blood.  That, and antibodies.  That, and shut up.  I like thinking about my past.  And future.  Just not the present, so much.  Man, am I fantasizing about being done with this entry.  If only I could finish these five paragraphs, all my troubles would be over.  I guess I could do four paragraphs and a comic.  That's probably the way to go.  Anyway.  The Mets are about to lose.  That's their prerogative. 
    Hi!  The winning run's at second base.  If that ain't the story of my life, I don't know what is.  So, most likely, I don't know what is.  In hockey, you should just make four players goalies and block the goal completely.  You can't lose.  NHL managers are notoriously stupid, though.  Anyway.  This was fun.  I guess.  You tell me!  I like gifs.  Way more than bmps.  Not as much as jpegs, though.  that's how I feel about things.  And... the Mets haven't lost yet.  I thought they would have by the time I finished that sentence.  Okay, they lost now.  There ya go.  What to do now.  Listen to music?  Nah.  I've already heard music.  And, let me be honest, I'm not impressed.  Eh, let's just end it here.  See ya later.

-3:38 P.M.-

Sunday, May 25, 2014                      

What A Waste Of A Good Title Opportunity

   Hello friends.  It is I, ... me!  It is Memorial Day Weekend, and you know what that means!  It means I'm still capable of identifying holidays when they occur!  Hoorah!  So, I finished my Spring Semester Queens College class.  Assuming I don't fail the final paper, I will get three, count 'em, three, credits.  And, as we all know, credits is what we will use in the post-apocalyptic future to... graduate college with.  Hey, just because the apocalypse happened doesn't mean we don't still need a good education.  Today is the last day of the year which the day of the month is the perfect square of the month.  How will I cope with such a thing.  Through feelings, and stuff.  There's always next year.  Well, usually.  Most of the time there's next year.  It would be unwise to make a blanket statement that there's always next year.  I can't predict the future.  So, my first summer class starts next Monday.  Assuming there is a next Monday.  Who really knows.  That's the sequel to the movie franchise, "Friday."  "Monday," "Next Monday," and so on.  Until they get to Tuesday.  There should be an Ice Cube movie for every day of the week, as far as I'm concerned.  At the very least, they should release a prequel called, "Last Friday."  Which explains the back-story of how Ice Cube and Chris Tucker became friends.  You know, kinda like Star Wars.  How come The Phantom Menace didn't start with the phrase, "In a far away galaxy, even longer ago..."  Because George Lucas is stupid, that's why. 
    Yowsa.  The first seven notes of the Star Wars score is the first music I ever learned how to play on any instrument (on the piano).  I think my brother had figured it out intuitively and he showed me how to play it.  Something like that.  What a great story.  Anyway.  Did you know the Chinese have the same word for, "Crisis," as for, "Opportunity?"  Usually when people say that, they're trying to say, "A crisis is really an opportunity in disguise!"  What I take away from it, is that an opportunity is actually a crisis.  No one seems to make that connection, but it's there.  Chinese people notoriously don't do well under pressure, so when they're at an opportunity, they're going through a crisis.  And they make the sound, "Eek!"  And put their hands on their head and shake their head.  They're not good in the clutch, I guess that's what I'm trying to say.  I like how the Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure that can be seen from space.  That means, if an alien ever cruises by, they'll just think, "Man, these people really like walls."  Because that's their only reference point.  There's worse things in the universe to be associated with than walls.  What I wanna know, is when is China gonna build a Great Ceiling?  You're only halfway done, China! 
    Anyway.  I'm only halfway done with this entry.  China, help me!  I still find it hard to believe that the Earth is round.  It just doesn't add up.  Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do.  In my kitchen cabinet, we have about nine or ten individually wrapped fortune cookies.  We just keep getting them from the China restaurant and no one eats 'em.  But people in China are starving, so we don't throw 'em out.  I guess once we get to twenty, I can just have them all, as a dinner.  That should be fun and efficient.  I don't like the idea of fortune cookies.  I don't need a cookie telling me what's what.  I remember when I was a kid, there was this sit-down Chinese restaurant we used to go to, and once, as a treat, they gave me this promotional thing they had gotten from some place, and it was a chocolate spoon.  It was a spoon made of chocolate, and in the spot where the spoon holds something, there was more chocolate.  Chocolate spoons are great.  If you're going to use a spoon, using a chocolate spoon is almost certainly the way to go.  That's how I feel about things.  Man, is it a joy to eat silverware.  Anyway.  I got a week of nothing to do.  Whatevs.  I guess I could keep watching The Exorcist, by loading it up on my DVR On Demand, fast forwarding through the parts I've watched recently, watching another five seconds, and turning it off, to repeat again the next day.  I really feel like I'm getting something accomplished. 
    Last paragraph time.  This was fun, I suppose.  For me, at least.  For you?  How'm I s'posed to know.  I wonder if, "Liar, Liar," was based on George Washington.  "I cannot tell a lie."  Hey, that's a great idea for a movie.  That quote is from when he chopped down his father's cherry tree.  They should have made that the movie.  Cherry Tree: The Choppening.  Because I'm an idiot.  Anyway.  Holy shit there was just literally a bird on my windowsill.  Way too close for comfort.  Those shits are infested with diseases.  Anyway.  Enjoy some comic I haven't made yet. 

-12:04 P.M.