Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Something About January Being Over
You know, that sort of thing.
It's important. It means I don't have to change the month on the website
until next entry. Anyway, great. Started two classes.
Environment Science seems pretty intensive. Playwriting seems intensive
and possibly fun. Gotta write one or two pages of a play for Thursday
already. I was thinking about Tracy Jordan's line I Have No Memory Of
That and was like, What if its about some guy who just got out of a coma
and someone's telling him stuff about him that he doesn't remember or something.
Seems like a decent enough idea. THe point is don't over think things.
Not because it'll muck up your shit, just because whose got the time.
Right, right... Got an INC in Philosophy. At
first I was like, He failed me? Then I realized it just means
incomplete, I have a chance to make it up. I was like, He knows I
cheated on the exam, now he's gonna make re-take it. Then it turns out
he was upset I didn't do the homework and wanted to give me another chance.
I woulda taken the grade without the homework, but I couldn't well e-mail him
saying, Fuck it, just give me the grade as it is. So I did the
homework. That settles that. Either gonna get a B- or B in the
class. I'm fine with that. Environmental Science. I don't know
why I went into it thinking it wouldn't be so hard. Well, it's not
chemistry, it's not biology, it's not physics, I should be fine. Nope.
It's all of those things. Oh well, live and learn.
Playwriting is cool. I get to act and crap!
Judging by this class, where we read two different sections of two different
plays, I'm gonna get a lot of Hey Look At Me People! time. Only
three guys in the class. I'm gonna have to do my share all over the place.
The character I played today was Waldo. I quickly was thinking,
Okay, this guy is like Where's Waldo, that's my inspiration and backstory.
Because I'm wonderful at acting. Anyway, crap and crap. It's amazing
how much character we ascribe to Waldo from Where's Waldo and he never even says
a word. We see Waldo, though, and we're like, I know this guy, I get
What else. Fourth paragraph. Tomorrow is
Environmental Science and a three hour lab. Stupid Wednesdays.
Anyway, This Has Been School Talk: Featuring Michael Kornblum. Now
lets get onto some goofballs and funny bones. Got some laughs as Waldo.
One place I tripped up is that Waldo says the word Oregon half a dozen
times and I kept going back and forth pronouncing it Ore-uh-gon and
Ore-eh-gon. Which way would Where's Waldo pronounce it. I didn't
get any time to prepare! Get off my back. Guy in a coma.
This is rife for satire! Which is close to an expression and/or an
adequate way of phrasing things. Probably the worst thing out of either
class is, while he seems like a good guy, the Environmental Science Teacher says
the word, "Right?" after every sentence or pause. So we're gonna
learn about systems, right, this is environmental science, right, hey let's take
a look at this slide, right... That sort of crap. I suppose I'll
get used to it, hopefully.
Anyway, crap and crap. Gotta read one chapter of
Textbook for Environmental Science class tomorrow. I can do that. No
writing or anything based on it. I think I'll read it before I go to sleep
so that the thoughts that consume me and keep my up at night will be about
Environment. That's a good way to do things. I find it fascinating
how hard it is to fall asleep, and then how hard it is to wake up. Make
up your mind, body, do you wanna be awake, or do you want to be asleep!
It's just being contrarian for the sake of it. Stupid crap.
Professor spent a good amount of time talking directly to me, probably because
he saw I was taking vigorous notes, and was like, This guy gets it, he's
gonna be my superstar.
Probably. Sixth paragraph. Cool. I
don't like going to the Science Building where my class is. Science is my
mortal enemy. The class is okay, but the building being Science, that's
pushing it. Also, it's a big lecture hall, with elevated seats, each row
higher than the last. At first it was weird but I got used to it. He
walks around up and down a lot, so that sort of incorporates us all together.
Also, he used to be a car salesman! What more can you ask for.
How'd he ever sell cars keep sayin, "Right?" That woulda turned me off
immediately. I would be like, Let me speak to your supervisor.
And he'd say, I am the supervisor or something, I think I said that in class.
And I'd be like, That doesn't happen until the future, let's get on the same
page. That sort of crap.
I don't know. The point is I know all about Environment
now. Four paragraphs to go to reach ten. I could probably do that if
I had crap to say. I may be able to do it without crap to say. Jeez.
Pretty sure I had some goofball and/or funnybone lined up for this entry to say
but I forget what it was. Whatta do. Pot committed to watching the
Indiana Jones except for the Crystal Skull. I watched the first one-- it
was okay! I watched the second one-- not so great! I will watch the
third one-- quality to be determined! I've seen the end of it.
No spoilers, but India Jones does crap. What else is crap.
Eighth paragraph. Yeesh. This entry is the pits.
Whattado. Somethin' wrong with my scrotum. I don't think its cancer,
it's some sort of benign crap. I researched Internet and that's what it
led me to believe. Gonna see a doctor about it, though. It's not
pleasant, but should see what's going on with that. These are the days of
our lives. That's never a plotline in soap operas. Kevin has a
lump in his testicles and needs to see a doctor. Well, it might
happen. I've seen 0.0000% of all soap operas ever, so who knows.
Enlarged veins, or something. That's my best guess. It's not an STD.
Unfortunately I can safely say that.
Whatever. What else is going on. What ideas to I
have for possible plays. Homeless Wife. World's Greatest Grandpa.
The New Monkees. That's three things. I have those titles down pat,
that's the hard part. Girl in my playwriting class who was in my poetry
class. I don't wanna be a creep, but these girls in my class, I could
stand that they're more attractive. Just give me like two girls to drool
over, that's a fair proportion. You're not giving me anything.
Anyway, crap and crap. This is my dojo, I'll be a creep, sure. What
else is crap. It's possible my grade was buried in an Ancient Incan Burial
Ground. Why not. That's the main things we need to know about
non-existing-anymore cultures, right? Their burial grounds? So we
know where not to build our housing developments.
Anyway, tenth paragraph. What else is crap. I
can't wait till I live on my own so I won't be tangentially exposed to News.
I mean, just walking downstairs and hearing a minute of MSNBC, that's too much.
You get the entire gist of what's going on from that one minute. A life
with no minutes? Dare to dream. Crap and crap. I haven't
shaved in weeks. Need to do a Hero and an Adult and do that crap.
It's UnHeroic and UnAdult to insulate myself from the news. Not
really. I can't do anything about it. I don't know, what else is
crap. Maybe if I was a Nielsen house. Hey, this one guy stopped
watching the news! Let's change things based on him. That isn't
Eleventh paragraph. That's how I roll. Roll
hardcore. Not to mention there's more walking to get to the Science
Building. So much going against it. Crap and crap. I might get
in the habit of having a wake-up-wrap from Dunking Donuts before some classes.
I had one yesterday and it was great. Plus, now I'm part of the world.
Hey strangers eating breakfast, now I am one of you! Life Experience.
That's just how Dunkin Donuts wants me to think. Crap and crap.
I've seen commercials for Dunkin Donuts so I guess that's what life is.
Anyway, 12th paragraph. Wonderful. What does
it say on a playwright's tombstone? Finally, a Plot.
Hohoho. I will keep you updated on all future jokes my teacher(s) may
tell. Gotta remember something from classes. Anyway, crap and crap.
This entry is long enough after this paragraph. 12. That's not too
bad. The point is what format will I use next month. White on black
or black on white. Certainly not something else. That would just be
confusing. I think I've had blue font for a month or two a few years back.
I learnt from my mistakes. Except for spelling it learnt or learned.
Still not sure what to make of that conundrum.
Yeesh. Burnt. Burned. Same thing.
Language. Luckily I don't burn myself in the past tense very often.
Crap and crap. Burned is when you just smoked marijuana. Burnt is
what you are after smoking marijuana. I don't feel like I used the
term Burn in my marijuana expeditions. Maybe some you wanna burn
or lets burn. Blaze, I feel like that word was used. These
are the days of our past lives. Anyway, what else. I could write a
musical for Playwriting class. That'll show all them girls that I don't
find attractive whose top dog. Mad Dawgs are on the prowl. Crap and
I've learned, if I write shorter paragraphs, I can finish
them quicker. Keep that on the down low. 14th paragraph.
Jeez. I heard a second of Trump is doing an apprentice to see who he's
gonna hire and that was enough. Just don't tell me these things.
Ignorance is bliss probably. Crap and crap. Until they come for the
ignorant. First they came for the Mexicans, then they came to the
Muslims, all the way down to then they came for the ignorant.
Damnit! Scary stuff. I wonder what February has in store for us.
Probably more scary stuff and crap.
15th paragraph. Seems like 20 is within reach.
These are the days of our craps. Anyway, doin' well in Poker Freeroll.
Got a decent chance to make 55 cents. That'll keep me occupied for 15
minutes. Anyway. KK IN SMALL BLIND BRB. WON THE EQUIVALENT OF
HALF MY STACK. Anyway, what else. Things are lookin up for ol'
crymeariver0. Half poker names these days have poker puns or at least
references in them. I'd like to think I was a pioneer of that. I'd
like to, but there's no evidence supporting it, and all logic tells us that it
just isn't the case.
16th paragraph! We doin' it. All night long.
Except day. Evening. In the Winter the evening starts sooner.
These are the seasons of crap. Pretty impressive how seconds make up
minutes make up hours make up days make up months make up years. So much
continuity, it boggles the mind. I mean, seconds have to be exactly that
much long, so everything else makes sense. What we conceptualize as a
second being obvious, it had to be that length exactly for our world
specifically to keep time. Let's talk about it. Why, I
just did talk about it, if I talked about it more, it would be pointless and
stupid and crap.
That's a paragraph. Why not. Next time
someone says, Give me a second, I recommend saying, I never gave you a
first! if you want people to wonder about you. Anyway, four paragraphs
to go, four paragraphs hardcore. Timing and rythm is very important in
plays. I learnted about it somewhere today. I wanna say class.
I don't know. Yeesh. And if they say, Give me a minute, say,
No way that's too long. Anyway, crap and crap. My Dad used to
make his students count to a minute in their heads and have them raise their
hands when they got there. Both as a social experiment to see whose good
at counting seconds and to make people wonder about him.
That's a paragraph, too. Wow. Eighteenth already.
I guess I did it, did it hardcore. Fourth out of 43 in poker. Top
ten makes money. I'd say I have roughly a 2/5 chance of gettin' there.
That's not too bad. I don't know. What else and crap. Had a
bagel last night for the first time in a while. Good stuff. Anyway.
I don't know. I feel like there's a new episode of The Mick tonight.
But half the time my regular TV doesn't work. I'm forced to watch things
later on demand. These are the craps of our craps.
Penultimate paragraph! Alright! Watched most of a
Pauly Shore movie I'd never seen before last night. It's a moo..vie,
budd...y. That sort of crap. A lot of it is in a college dorm.
I love college dorms! In theory. In practice, I was very awkward and
withdrawn in that situation, well, a lot of the time. But, in theory, oh
boy. I'd be the bees knees. What with trying too hard at making
jokes and music, boy, everyone would want to be around me. In theory.
Crap and crap. I still remember the one song I was playing that I had
written that someone went out of their way to tell me it sounded good.
Mission Accomplished. No, that was another song.
It's funny because that's the actual song title of a song
I made around that time. Funny hardcore. I'm laughin'.
In theory. I don't know, last paragraph. Gettin' pizza for dinner.
That should be great. Still in Freeroll. Down to 24. Gettin'
there. I can't wait till its over, though. Real quality lying in bed
thinking about where I went wrong with my life time. I'll see ya later.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Titlin' & Stuff
Hello friends. Entry
time. Because I gotta do something. And all other things have been
disqualified for various reasons. What's up and crap. Finished
Philoosphy. Figure I'll get a C+ or B- on account of not doing any of the
homework. That's pretty good. It means I earned credits.
Earned credits hardcore. Spring classes start next week. The good
news is Great. I don't know what I'm doing here. Write some crap and
stuff. I'm drawing a blank. Which is an oxymoron when you think
about it. Let's talk about it. It's something that can't happen.
I learnt about that crap from Philosophy. Like a square circle. It's
not a thing because it doesn't exist, we can't even fathom it.
See, I learnt something. That and See You In Hell
Philosophy Class. Learnt that hardcore. I was wikipediaing and I
kind of grasp the concept of there being 10 or 11 dimensions. It makes
more sense to me than I thought it would. Guess I'm a genius. Glad
about that. I asked a pretty good question in Philosophy, because he was
talking about how change never really occurs, or something, and had previously
talked about string theory. And I was like, Well, if string theory is
the basis for everything, isn't that sort of like change? So change is
actually the basis of everything? I have a limited understanding of
spring theory but I'm pretty sure that's a revolutionary thought that people
will credit to me for the rest of all fourth dimension.
Anyway, crap and crap. Learning how to play the guitar
should be called String Theory. Because of crap and stuff. Anyway,
what the what. Hah. Spring Theory. I predict it will
happen in less than two months. That's my theory. Another
revolutionary concept. Springs are the basis of everything. Credit
me! What else and crap. I can picture everything being made up of
springs. Makes sense to me. Environmental Science next week. I
think we actually learn about current issues and crap. You know, how
climate change is a thing. What else. Everything is made up
of climate change. Makes sense to me.
Fourth paragraph. Don't know what I'm doin' for
dinner. Mom and Dad both have dinner. It's all up to me. I
can't handle that kind of pressure. I need to be told a place we're
getting it from to narrow it down a bit. Too many options. There's
at least six or seven dimensions to how my dinner may go. Apparently
Donald Trump is still president. Damnit. At least we're one week
through. That's a decent amount, all things considered. One week of
Trump in the books. One week closer to someone else. That's roughly
half a fortnight. Not bad. Who came up with that word, am I right.
Saying, "Two Weeks?" Whose got time! Same amount of
syllables, though. Where to languists get off. Sure I'll make
up some words.
Anyway, crap and crap. Have to stop drinking soda.
Bad for ulcers. That's the main thing I do in life. Drink soda.
Now I've got to cut back 90%. Where does life get off. Smoking
and drinking alcohol is also bad for ulcers. Let's not go crazy.
Anyway. I saw myself in a reflection in a window at Queens College, and I
was like, I don't look that bad. At least I have a face.
That makes me more attractive than some people. A lot of people. If
my web search on my phone is any indication, that makes me more attractive than
like 40% of people. Because I have a face. You know, that sort of
nonsense and crap.
What the what. I hope I get close to a B in Philosophy
so I can tell my parents I got a B without lying too much. Sure I'll lie
to my parents. Why not. A dog ate my homework, teacher.
You don't have a dog. Did I say, "My," dog? I meant, "A,"
dog. What else and crap. That's what you get for making your
homework out of bacon bits. What else is crap and stuff. I've told
you about the time my friend encouraged me to eat dog food. And it wasn't
a practical joke or anything, he had some himself. That's kids for ya and
whatnot. At least he had a dog. He wasn't just buying dog food for
himself. And dog food is a negative way of spinning it. It was a dog
treat. Made out of bacon or something. All in all, I don't regret
What else is crap. Seventh paragraph. What the
what, how'd that happen. New New Pornographers album coming out.
They had a single released today. They're great. I like the part
where I enjoy their music. What else is going on. Pornographers seem
like pretty bad people. But The New Pornographers seem like good people.
Continuity error. Break in the fifth dimension. What else is crap.
My T.V. is acting up so I couldn't watch one of the Tales From The Crypt movies.
Just my luck. I remember seeing them in the past and being on the verge of
enjoying them. Great, just great. I got 19 cents in poker. I
was doing very well in a freeroll which crashed so they credited me with 19
cents. Great. I need at least 40 cents to sit down at a table.
Where is justice and whatnot.
Anyway, what the what and whatnot. Almost February.
Great, just great. Up to the third season of 30 Rock. Got more
T.V.'s to re-watch after that. Hardcore. My Dad has seen me watching
30 Rock and told me he confuses it with 3rd rock from the sun at least seven
times. That's a lot of times. It's at least seven. Wonderful.
Don't have to go to class at night anymore. I have mixed feelings about
doing stuff at night. I like walking when its night. But I don't
like riding the bus when its night. All in all, who cares. I haven't
seen a movie in Movie Theater since Ghostbusters I think. I kind of wanna
see one, though. Except for the walking. Walking there is fine, its
downhill. Walking back? Uphill. I got no tolerance for walking
The point is it's a new paragraph. I like seeing movies
in general. Even when they're scary. Life Experience. I also
like getting a Beer from Supermarket, and then drinking it on a staircase
underground. The movie theater is underground. And there's a
staircase near there. Really makes me feel like a junkie, without all the
hard work of doing hard drugs. Anyway, crap and crap. I haven't
listened to my iPod in a year and a half. Life Experience. My
brother has an mp3 player he left behind here at home and there's no buttons or
headphone jack or screen. It's definitely an mp3 player but I can't make
any sense of it.
Yeesh. Tenth paragraph. I'm pretty much a pioneer
in the field of spring theory. Good for me. Gotta come up with some
other theories. Throw enough shit at a wall, some of its gonna stick.
I learnt about it from that time I threw all that shit at a wall.
Apparently Trump is going forward with the Mexico/America wall. Great.
Now we gotta deal with this crap? I don't wanna deal with that crap and
whatnot. I don't know. Halfway through the entry pretty much if I go
with 20 paragraphs. That's pretty cool. Most people don't get
halfway through any entries in their entire lives. Ghostbusters is already
on HBO this weekend. That's how long its been since seeing a movie.
What the what. It was August or some crap. That's
roughly barely almost half a year. I crunched the numbers and crap.
Drawing a blank when it comes to dinner. Diner food? Meh.
Italian food? Eh. Chinese food? Well, if I have to...
That's how that goes. I like watching The Mick. Every episode is
Good Enough. Really makes me feel like I've accomplished some Life
Experience. The Rap Game is on tonight. It's about time. I
don't know, crap and crap. Already wrote ten paragraphs. When I
started this entry, I was like, This is gonna be hard. Now, I'm
like, This was gonna be pointless in retrospect on account of it not being
Good Enough. Oh well, live and... learn? That's how that
What the what. Is there a petition I can sign where
they try to bring back Product 19? Maybe its on me to start one.
I don't have time for that crap. I'm busy doing other crap and
bullshit. Anyway, let's get back on track with Entry. I don't want
there to be 11 dimensions. That's too much pressure. You know what I
mean? Springs and crap. I don't know. Eight paragraphs to go
after this one. Nine including this one. 8.5 counting this paragraph
mathematically appropriately. Jeez. I can't do that. I've
already blown my proverbial load. Which is a proverb about loads and
stuff? I guess.
Yeesh. Mexican food is another option. Or Salad
Food. I should do that. Except that'll put pressure on me to
continue eating healthy after that meal is done. I can't handle that kind
of pressure. Better to eat crap. What the Hell do people drink all
day if not soda. We have this juice that's somehow 95% less sugar. I
don't know what it is. I like that, but all day? I don't think so.
Snapple. That's a good idea. But those bottles are a lot to carry
and probably not cost efficient. Jeez, crap and crap. Environmental
Science Syllabus online. It's about current events in Environment Science.
Cool. Doin' something productive. Let's learn about it.
I don't know. Not only will getting a new smart T.V.
let me watch Netflix and Hulu and crap, but it'll also mean that the 50% of time
my regular T.V. doesn't work will be eliminated. Wonderful. Crap and
crap. What's this, the 14th paragraph? Gettin' there. There
are 11 cent tourneys once a day in Poker. I can sign up for one. Or,
save the 19 cents for when I win 55 cents, and I'll have a significant
percentage more. Who knows what to do and crap. Jennifer Tilly doing
well in a real life poker tournament. I like her. The point is
Great. I can't wait to see Playwriting Workshop Syllabus. I love
being a Creative. And the first step towards being a Creative is reading
the Syllabus which leads us on our Creative journey. Tourney.
I'm pretty surprised Frontpage recognizes Tourney as a word.
I guess I must have added it as a word at some point in the past. Most
probable explanation. Starting the 15th paragraph. That's 75% of the
entry according to people not great at math. What else. My Mom is
watching Aziz Ansari Saturday Night Life. Better late than never.
Also, I've been calling it Saturday Night Life on purpose. Just so
you know. Crap and crap. Cereal called Life. I believe
their slogan is Let's Eat Life! One way to go about things.
Total is a cereal sort of like Product 19. Both in terms of physical
properties and in terms of being math-related in Title. Anyway, crap and
crap. Life is the cereal that Mikey likes. I'm Mikey!
According to my Spanish teacher who called me Miguelito.
Closest I've come to being called Mikey. What else is
crap. We're 75% done now for real. Wonderful. Still don't know
what I'm doing for dinner. Leaning towards Chinese Food because we rarely
get that unless it's just me. Not really in the mood for rice, though.
That's the standard bearer for if you should get Chinese Food or not. Do
you want some rice. The point is great and whatnot. For the
Philosophy Test, I wrote in the textbook all the notes I need to know for Test,
because we could bring in our textbook. I ended up copying it almost
verbatim from the lectures. Hopefully he's not like, Well, this guy
obviously cheated. Gonna fail him. Hopefully he's like, Well,
this guy obviously cheated. Oh well, what can ya do. And pass
Wonderful. 17th paragraph. Guess I'll have done
this done this hardcore in a few paragraphs. Then I gotta go back to doing
nothing. Great. Someone should write Fan Fiction every day about
What if Hillary was president. Not me. I don't have the
know-how or the elbow grease to do it. Someone, though. And not just
a one-off story. Every day. I want to get invested in it. When
you put butter on macaroni, you get elbow grease. Because of bullshit and
crap. Jeez, what the jeez and yeeshdom. My Dad recognized Jack
McBrayer and I wanted to tell him it was from Forgetting Sarah Marshall but I
didn't and he figured it out anyway. It was a story I'd remember for some
reason for some length of time.
Anyway, crap and crap. In theory I would want Pizza
Hut. In theory. Not in actuality and crap. I don't know.
Almost done and crap. Still no closer to knowing what I want for dinner.
These are the real issues and whatnot. I don't know. Crap and crap.
Gotta write crap and crap. Let's think about this seriously. Is
there any Chinese Food I want? No. Mexican Food? No.
Diner? I'll get back to you, too many options. Italian? Same
deal. Let's go through it. Diner. Do I want an egg dominated
meal? Nope. Other breakfast? No.. Hambur... I can't
go through with this. Not in Entry Form, at least. The point is
crap and crap. I'll just end it here. See ya.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Note To Self... "Hello!"
Hey. Gotta write an
entry. What gives. Today's Sunday. I wouldn't lie to you.
Let's get into it. What have I done since last entry. Watched some
T.V. Life Experience. Had some sleep. Life
Experience. Brought down some garbage from my room. Adult
and Life Experience. Killin' two birds with one stone. Which
is actually really hard. I don't know if you've ever tried. Killing
one bird with a stone is hard enough. Now I gotta pull a 7/10 split and
kill two birds? Doesn't seem right. Pretty sure I've made
that rant before. But not with the 7/10 split reference.
Really brings color to the rant. Also, why are we killing birds.
Who knows. This entry is gonna be a struggle. You
know, crap and stuff. I like how birds migrate and stuff. They
fuckin' fly across continents. I couldn't do that. Man, all that
life experiences accumulated by birds. They know what's up.
Let's kill 'em with stones. Gotta do something. Anyway, what the
what. Note to self... "B." You can do a lot worse in musical
notes than B. Definitely in the top 10 of notes. Crap. What
the crap. I need to write good stuff. Otherwise this'll never be a
life experience. I think it's pretty impressive how ears work.
You're taking a bath, your ears are underwater, water doesn't flow into
your brain. How do they do it?! Somethin' about air pressure.
Pretty impressive stuff. Anyway. I remember when I used to play
guitar all the time, if you're guitar is right against a wall, it adds to the
sound because of pressure or something. Friction? Vibrations.
That's the word. Not pressure. I was so close.
So I got that going for me. Huh? I
don't know. Chicken Pot Pie for dinner tonight. Who knows when
that'll be. I woke at 5 or 6:30. Who can remember. That was
hours ago! There was a line in 30 Rock, the writers were writing Tracy
Jordan's autobiography, and one of them was like, what about that time you
did stand-up for the first time. And he was like, I have no memory
of that. Now I keep tellin' myself in the head I have no memory of
that. Get out of Philosophy class? I have no memory of that.
Watch some T.V.? When it's over, I have no memory of that. I
don't know why. How am I ever gonna accumulate life experiences if I don't
Yeesh. And it's true. Who can remember stuff.
Not me. I got other things to do. One would imagine. Fourth
paragraph. That's not too bad. I got a little bit under my belt.
Which is an expression for some reason?? I think it has to do with pants.
That sort of crap. Flaming Lips in six weeks. Are The Flaming Lips
related to Kiss? Let's talk about it. Anyway, crap and crap. I
think the veins in my scrotum are enlarged. They're not that big, but I
didn't used to be able to feel them at all. Life Experience.
I don't know why I said that. I've said before how paranoid I am that my
testicles will switch places. Gotta be paranoid of something.
Huh. Great. Good thing no one reads this.
Now they'd know I have testicles. That's supposed to be private.
....Punnnnnnnn! Yeesh. Testicles are the eye balls of
the scrotum. Let's talk about it. There was a day or two a couple of
weeks ago where I just spent hours googling Person with no face. Person
with no eyes. Person with no nose. Because Great. I
watched this documentary on conjoined twins where it's basically two heads on
one body. In this case, two heads are not better than one. Two heads
kind of clunk up the whole situation. I watched The Man With Two Brains a
few days ago and it's false advertising. It's just a man with one brain,
and there's a disembodied brain he's friends with. A man with two brains,
that's a guy with two brains.
And that's why I don't like Steve Martin. The point is
what else and crap. Sixth paragraph. Philosophy Test on Tuesday.
Then, I Have No Memory Of That Class. I can't wait. I remember
something about having to buy two books for the class. That's more or
less the extent of what I take away from this whole life experience.
During and right after the first class of the session, I was like, Alright,
philosophy class, let's get into it, I'ma be doin' this for a while. Gonna
be a real Life Experience. Then, by the second class, I was like,
This Class Is Almost Over. See You In Hell Class. Life
Experience! Anyway. I must have learned something besides I
bought books for this class. I learnt that, well, let's see.
What did I learn. I made a friend at the bus stop after one of the first
classes. I learnt that people you meet on the street disproportionately
ask if you smoke weed.
That's not really learning from the class. It's
learning from something Class Adjacent. The point is it's the seventh
paragraph. I don't know. What kind of crap can I do tonight.
No guarantee I'd be able to watch 30 Rock. My Mom has priority when it
comes to watching crap at night. If she's awake, gotta do something else
and whatnot. I could watch the second half of Failure To Launch... if
only I had recorded it. Think Michael, Think! Failure To
Launch, more like Failure To Watch. Oh well, crap and crap. One
of The Rap Game kids was pretty good. He was rip-rappin' all over the
place. Good for him and whatnot. I'm pretty sure three or four out
of the five Rap Gamers had a father who was vaguely successful at rap who died
and now they want to fulfill his legacy. Could be only one. I
feel like it's three or four, though.
Anyway, crap and crap. I almost became a teacher to
fulfill my Dad's legacy. Except he's still teaching. Even without
me, he's secured a legacy. And that's why I don't want to be a teacher
anymore. That, and its not fair to the students. On account of how
crappy I am. That, and I don't wanna make lesson plans. If I'm
teaching History in Stuy, can't I just assign portions of the textbook, and then
have a class discussion for forty minutes in class, where I have like five
relevant questions that we just talk about? Who needs lesson plans.
I do. That's what NYU teachers told me. What do they know,
though. They're just trying to dissuade people from becoming teachers so
they'll have all the teacher jobs for themselves. Cracked that code.
That's a thing. Ninth paragraph. That's
pretty good. If I didn't have to take pills in the morning at night, I'd
probably revert to being up all night every day and party every day every night.
Huh. God Damn is that kid who was in Role Models and the Human Giant
sketch hilarious. He's not a kid anymore, though. I consulted
Internet and they confirmed he's aged appropriately each year and is now like
20. God Damn, was he good. Watching him, it's like, he got it.
He's ten years old or something and he's just knocking it out of the park.
That sort of crap. He probably gets it more than I do.
I don't get a lot of stuff. That's where Having No
Memory of That comes in handy. I forget I don't get. Anyway, crap
and crap. Tenth paragraph. Looks like I'll be able to write this
entry after all. Jesus Christ I should just clean up my room. It'll
open the door for all sorts of Life Experience. Anyway, crap and crap.
Let my love open the door. Except, instead of My Love, it's
Clean Up My Room. Great. What else and crap. Let My Love
Open The Door. Whose your love and why is she potentially opening
doors. Let's talk about it. I have one of the middle Harry
Potters recorded. I could watch that. But I wouldn't know what's
going on. Okay, they're supposed to be warlocks or something?
Who knows for sure. You know slytherin is bad
because it has the word slither in it which is what snakes do and snakes
are bad. Also, Sly Therein. Sly is bad, right? It's
like needing an attitude adjustment. Only the 11th paragraph. Still
got some ground to make up. There's a kid named Harry Potter, fictionally,
in the movie Troll, from the 80's. And that has magic and wizardry in it.
Therefore, 100% of the profits from Harry Potter Books and Movies and Video
Games and Amusement Parks And Personalized Answering Machine Messages from J.K.
Rowling should go to the creators of the movie Troll. Finally get Troll III
in development. Also, there's a character in The Wire whose last name
is Rawls. Therefore J.K. Rowling must become the actor named Rawls
Anyway, crap and crap. 12th paragraph and crap.
Should have cashed in a freeroll yesterday but I was too liberal with calling
off chips near the end. That's 55 cents I'll never see. In theory I
would deposit 50 dollars again, but don't want my parents to know about it.
Doing it a second time was bad enough. I can't do it again. Anyway,
crap and crap. My Dad's name is Harold. One would imagine he's been
called Harry once or twice in his long illustrious life. I mostly call him
Dad. On account of him being my Father. That sort of crap.
He wouldn't like me sharing personal information about him. Not one
Crap and crap. Here's some personal information that I
like-- when my Dad graduated some level of school, I wanna say middle, his Dad
wrote the inspiring quote in his yearbook or whatever, "When you get married
and live upstairs, don't come down to borrow my chairs." No one knows
what it means. It's one of those family mysteries that'll never be
explained. But I think its great. I'll write that in my kid's
yearbook. Keep the tradition alive. Except, by that time, yearbooks
will be made of Virtual Reality and stuff. Oh well. I never got to
know my Dad's Dad. The only grandparent I have memory of is my Mom's Dad,
and the memory is playing Game Gear while he was on his death bed.
He wasn't really on his death bed technically. He was
in a nursing home or something. One would imagine he died on that bed
possibly, though. Who knows for sure. I'm busy playing Power Rangers
on Gamegear. What else and crap. 14th paragraph. I'm still
holding a grudge that Stuyvesant declined my Yearbook Quote of, "Wouldn't it
suck if someone you loved gave you AIDS? On purpose?" At the
very least give me a chance to write a back-up quote. That was my one big
chance to make an impression on people I didn't know and I came up empty.
How dare them. I was giving them, "Aid," in learning about quotes and
stuff. Who are you to argue with that.
Anyway, what the what. Fifteenth paragraph. Then
five more paragraphs after this one. Then gotta have no memory of this
entry. Apparently my Mom woke up late today which means she'll be up at
night which means she'll be watching T.V. which means no 30 Rock for me.
Oh well. I can always watch some other crap I find on T.V. One would
imagine. Why she can't watch 30 Rock with me instead of watching The
Walking Dead for the 23rd time, I don't know. Oh well, that's life I
suppose. I don't know. Just about 75% done with the entry.
That's pretty good. I did some Life Experience, oh boy. And it's the
best kind of life experience. It's the kind I get to re-enjoy in the
future. On account of it being committed to Internet.
Alright! The spiral notebook I got for this Philosophy
class/with enough sections for Spring class is real crap. If I try to turn
the page over, it rips. Every time I finish the front of a page, turn it
over to write on the back, rips either almost completely or completely.
That's no way for a notebook to act. Where does it get off. If I do
have enlarged veins in Scrotum that could mean I'm infertile. That's no
good. I wanna create a person with problems like me. You know, as a
practical joke? That sort of crap. Anyway. There's technically
an online assignment that's due after the Final on Tuesday. I say
technically because I'm not gonna do that crap.
Crap and crap. 17th paragraph. Alright!
Yesterday, my Dad was like, January 21st, why do I feel like that's
something. And I was like, In Back To The Future, the Delorean
needs 1.21 gigawatts. I don't think that's what he was thinking of,
though. Oh well. I'm a big fan of using periods in the date instead
of slashes. Big fan. Anyway. I'm getting used to it being
2017. Gotta get used to something. Apparently the only thing that
can do that is a bolt of lightening. I learnt about it from a documentary
about Deloreans. Yeesh. I get to leave this entry feeling satisfied
that I did a Productive today. Was it a Great Productive? No.
But it was a Productive. Especially since I'll have no memory of the
quality of the entry. Just the fact that there was an entry.
See, having no memory of things pays off big time. I
watched the episode of 30 Rock with Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. So I
accomplished that. Three paragraphs to go. Gonna wake myself up at a
reasonable hour tomorrow mostly so I could enter a real great freeroll, but also
because it's good to get back on track and whatnot. What else is going on.
I don't know. Get to bring in Book for Philosophy Test. Get to write
in the book the notes I need for the test. So, spend an hour or two
preparing that, and I'm done. Great. What else is great. Two
paragraphs to go after this crap.
Penultimate and whatnot. Let's see, crap, crap...
Have you heard the deal about bullshit. What else. I'm being forced
to remember this entry for extra time because it's taking a while for me to
finish it. I gotta remember something while its still happening.
Unfortunately and whatnot. Crap and crap. I can finish this.
Less than 2 paragraphs. That's practically 1 paragraph. That's
practically done. Crap and crap. I don't know. New week
tomorrow. Monday. Work week. Class on Tuesday. New
classes next week. These are things that I said to kill space and time.
Last paragraph! Great. I did it hardcore and
whatnot. I guess. What else. February in a week and a half.
I could get used to that. It's been January for a long time but I feel I
could make the adjustment to February when the time calls for it.
Especially because of bullcrap and shit. I don't know. What kind of
crap am I gonna do when this is over. I already talked about that.
Watch T.V. I can't think of any quality alternatives. Lie in bed and
think about where I went wrong in life. Sure, that's a given possibility.
And pretty tempting, I must say. See ya later.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Let's Gotta do Something
Hi friends. Let's see
how this goes. Entrywsie and crap. Went Bust in Poker. Not
gonna deposit again. It's for the best I do other stuff. Still
playing freerolls to possibly win 50 cents all day. Yeah, but the
potential is there for me to stop. And do other stuff. You know,
crap and stuff? Anyway. Got a B on my Philosophy Test. Final
is on Tuesday. Then, Spring Semester starts the week after. Great.
Played some Chess against the Computer. I think the computer is letting me
win. Computers are smarter than this. Letting me take their Queen
and Knights. I see how it is. Computer Appeasement. Anyway,
Trump is President. Not my president. Not sure what that
means. Either it means you dislike Trump and decided to phrase it that
way. Or, you have your own personal president. Seems like
circumventing the laws, a bit. Oh well.
Crap and crap. My Dad got a big book of jokes for
Christmas and he gave it to me. It's like 400 pages and it's just packed
full of 1 liners. Great. Some of it is terrible, sure. The
worst puns you'll ever see. But some is good. Anyway, crap and crap.
Philosophy was Okay. Turns out the world is full of Philosophy.
Like, what's the deal with things. I think that's the textbook
definition of Philosophy. Philosophy (Noun); The Study Of What's The
Deal With Things. Anyway, that's great. Crap and crap. I
feel like the last couple of months of Crazysheet haven't been great. Too
much talking about bullshit and wondering how I'll get through the entry.
Oh well, live and learn. The only people who can
accurately say Trump isn't their president are non-citizens of the United
States. Let's talk about it. Apparently there's a rumor that Trump
likes watching prostitutes pee. I wonder what that says about a person.
Gotta say something. Who knows. Anyway, what the what.
Apparently there's a rumor that Trump is a terrible person and completely unfit
to be president. Who knows. What else is going on. My bet is
Trump will nominate Judge Reinhold to be on the Supreme Court. That's how
that goes. I have a joke lined up in case there's ever a T.V. show with a
Judge McDonald. Finally, the Hamburgler will be brought to justice.
Now we play the waiting game.
Anyway, what else. When I went to get alcohol last week
they were playing Obama's Farewell Speech in the store. The crowd was
chanting Four More Years, I think, but I didn't know at the time, so I
asked the liquor conglomerate what they were chanting. He said I don't
know. And then he said, Don't call me a liquor conglomerate, it's
not using words correctly. Then I said Thanks for nothing.
Where I get my haircut used to play Fox News. Now they play CNN.
Progress. Fourth paragraph. Writin' some plays next month.
I'll finally learn which is Stage Left and which is Stage Right.
I wanna say Stage Left would be their left. No way of knowing for sure.
I don't get breaking the fourth wall. Audiences know they're watching
fiction either way. Right?
What else. Right before they break the fourth wall,
they should play suddenly and surprisingly play Chris Jericho's entrance music,
Break Down The Walls Of Jericho and its a rock song and everyone in the
audience goes crazy. I think that should happen because (i) I'm an idiot,
and (ii) who cares. Anyway, what the what. Been watching 30 Rock on
Downstairs Smart T.V. at night. I like it. It's a good show because
it makes you laugh, and it makes you think. And it's constantly breaking
the fourth wall. Turns out it's Fiction. Anyway, crap and
crap. There's a pretty great Freeroll tomorrow at 11 A.M. I'll get
up for that because (i) I can get a somewhat sustainable amount of Poker Money
if I do good and (ii) I readjust to a more sustainable schedule of being awake.
Also, that joke/justification was real sustainable.
Huh? Anyway. Aziz Ansari is hosting SNL this
week. Aziz Ansari is related to my lame claim to fame. In NYU, I had
a friend who worked for Insomnia Cookies, and Human Giant was hosting MTV and
they had Insomnia cookies. I was so proud and excited for my friend and it
was a real joyous time. Aziz Ansari? More Like Aziz I'm Sorry.
Right? Sustainable. My favorite part of 30 Rock is when things
happen. Right? Great. Sixth paragraph. I can't
believe Trump got Three Doors Down. What else. It's a band about
being on a floor of a building. One with multiple rooms/doors.
Doesn't get more captivating than that. What else. I get all my news
from Liquor Stores. Gotta do something.
Anyway. I've started to get paranoid that whereever I
am buying something is about to be robbed. I get my thing, then the next
person comes to the cashier, and I'm like, I see where this is going. I
gotta get out of here quick. So far I have no proof either way my
suspicions were right or not. Got out of there quickly. Like a
Responsible. What else. Gettin' B's on tests. Livin'
the dream! I keep having dreams it turns out I didn't finish high school.
Oh well. Anyway. I don't like getting Iced Coffee. I don't
know how to pace myself in the order. Do I just rattle off all my demands.
Or do I pause between each thing, give 'em a chance to catch up. No way of
knowing for sure.
Eighth paragraph. That's how that goes. I asked
two questions in Philosophy, like a champ. Now this teacher knows I mean
business. Or, he would, if he knew my name. What else and crap.
I still need to call my Doctor to get an update on my Ulcer crap. I'll do
that next week, do it next week hardcore. I'm done being self conscious
about having to use the bathroom all the time during Class. I've got urine
to do, who cares. Anyway. Belly Buttons are Nature's Pocket.
Let's talk about it. Kangaroos actually have pockets. They Evolved
like Champs. Good for them and whatnot. My Dad got Tea Biscuits from
Supermarket. It's like a cross between a cookie and a cracker. I'm a
Yeesh. Time to start thinking about talking about how
long the entry might be. Ninth paragraph. Hopefully Playwriting
isn't about Shakespeare and crap. We should just analyze Cart People
and learn why and how it's so sustainable. Anyway. Thinking about
taking a walk to get a case of beer. Walking itself is bad. Havin'
to carry a case of beer on the second half of walking, that's no good. But
the reward, oh, the reward of doing it. It'll last forever. Except,
instead of forever, a week. That sort of bullshit. I'm conflicted
about binge watching Twin Peaks. On the one hand, it's very funny at
times. On the other hand, it's probably really scary at times. I
don't have no tolerance for Scary.
What the what. Stupid Having To Do Something.
Muckin' up my bullshit. I heard people in Britain drink Tea with holding a
sugar cube in their mouth. And the sugar gradually filters in. That
sounds crazy. What else. Man, imagine if I have ten paragraphs of
Great to go. That would be a nice change of pace and whatnot.
People in ancient times couldn't even conceptualize Zero Mostel. So
far, not a great start. I can't conceptualize Zero Mostel. I don't
know what that is. I have a CD-ROM of Civilization II. I could play
that. It's less scary than The Sims. Except for how your primitive
boats get lost at sea and destroyed if you're even one square removed from land.
You gotta give primitive boats more credit than that. Maybe they'll get
lucky and make it, you don't know.
Huh. What. Also, too much war. Can't we all
just get along. It doesn't matter if we have Roman GIFs of our buildings
or Egyptian GIFs. We're all the same primitive-no-good-boat having
people. Anyway. I want to buy a GameCube. And see where
that takes me. That sort of crap. I think halfway through the game,
you get an alert, Your People Now Understand The Concept Of Zero.
Then you turn off the game and stop playing, the game is won. Huh.
Anyway. 11th paragraph. I can listen to Jock Jams over and over.
If I wanted to drive myself to suicide. That would be a fun and unique
way. And my suicide note could be Listen To Jock Jams. I
Yeesh. It starts off with a 3 second track of Austin
Powers going Yeah Baby. That sums that up. I'm still coming
to terms with Michael Myers being an actor, a fictional serial killer, and a
relief pitcher. The three main journeys of life. Crap and crap.
12th paragraph. Stupid Trump being president. I blame the slogan
Love Trumps Hate. It confused people and now look what happened.
I think that's a Reasonable Logic to make. That, and Hillary Clinton
appearing on a giant T.V. to close out the Democratic Convention. It was
going so well, then we get this Orwellian thing of Hillary Clinton is Big
Brother and watching all of us. Those two things, combined, that must have
been what did it.
I have a big brother. He's alright. That book
lied to me. Or, it would have, if I ever read it. I haven't read
any non-school-related crap in about a year and a half. I read 20 or 30
pages of The Pete Townshend The Who Memoir when I was dorming in June 2015.
Still haven't finished it. I can't wait till we get to Let My Love Open
The Door. One of my favorite songs. Mostly because it's in every
other movie trailer. Also, the part where he tells us if we're supposed to
pronounce the H in Townshend. I'm a-waitin' anxiously.
Crap and crap. Haven't even started the Bob Dylan Autobiography that's
supposed to be great. It might be too scary.
Life is too scary, can we all agree on this?
Probably. I don't know. Us all agreeing on something would be
scary. Us not agreeing on something would be scary.
Pretty much Everything Is Scary, that's my takeaway from Life. I like
reading the short Wikipedia pages of writers for comedy shows. I'm
better than you, I'm better than you, I'm better than you... You know,
based on what high school we went to? That sort of crap. When I was
a kid, someone born in 1980 was old. The more time passes, the more
someone being born in 1980 is my peer. That's how things work. I
also saw on Internet that Age 28 is more or less the accepted age that people
are essentially adults. Great, just great. I blew my youth hardcore.
Gettin' married. Having kids. What The Hell.
I'm still in college! My life is Crap. 15th paragraph. How'd
that happen. The point is Life Is Scary. At least I'm alive.
More or less. Philosophy is partly about Ya'll Gotta Accumulate Some
Life Experiences. I wanna do that! I can't, though. Too
busy spending six hours a day trying to win 50 cents staring at my computer.
And then doin' it all over the next day! Livin' The Dream. The
point is what else. Am looking forward to Being a Creative again in the
Spring. That'll get me on the right track. What else. I don't
like it when there's another bus right behind the bus that's stopping at my
stop. I could wait to get on the second bus, because theoretically it'll
have less passengers, but that would be cheating. One thing about me, I am
not a Cheat.
Two things about me, I like writing paragraphs. 16th
one, right now. Five paragraphs to go. Sounds about right. I
had a dream I broke my Glasses again. My Parents would be furious.
Gotta be furious about something. Jesus Christ I should just clean up my
room. It'll solve multiple problems. Can get Smart T.V. Can
fix my electric guitar after two years. Maybe convince my parents to let
me get a Guitar/Vocal tutor. My life would be on track. I may not
have accumulated the most life experience, but that would be helpful.
Playing guitar is experience. Watching T.V. is experience. Well,
they'll have to do, at least. Better than 50 cents every three weeks.
Crap and crap. Just do it. Clean up my room.
Just do it. Do It. Me. Talkin' to me. Me. Do.
It. Do it. Clean. Up My Room. Do. What. Huh?
See, if I even contemplate cleaning up my room, I start breaking down.
Anyway, crap and crap. I like the Nike Slogan Just Do It. Do
what? You Figure It Out. Put up a corkboard back on my wall.
That'll show life I mean business. What the what. Got pizza for
dinner tonight. I feel like I've been bombarded with commercials and shows
for pizza. They ate pizza several times on 30 Rock. It's about time
I start heeding their advice. What else. If I eat pizza like
them, I'd be having fun like them! Pretty sure they're on Papa John's
payroll. I don't know if I've ever had Papa John's. I should count
Let's see, Blessing The First... I'm not gonna
go on with that. 18th paragraph already. I guess.
Rollercoaster Tycoon. Another scary game. People die all the time!
I can't handle that kind of pressure. Anyway. Should I
make the entrance to the theme park the most money, or make money on concession
stands. A question as old as time itself. Stupid Amusement
Park Visitors, always letting me win. Anyway. Either Grizz or
Dot Com's real name is either Grizz or Dot Com. I forget which one.
I wanna say Dot Com. Even though I know it's wrong. Still feel
compelled to say it, for some strange reason nobody knows. Still busy
watching stupid romantic comedies. It's funny because they're
beautiful people. That sums that up.
Anyway, great. Are we gonna have to think about
Trump similarly to how we think about Jack Donaghy? I hope not.
Anyway. Let's see. Two paragraphs to go. I'm glad Climate
Change isn't a problem anymore. If it was, wouldn't people be doing
something about it? Use your head, folks. Crap and crap and whatnot.
It's eerie how much Trump defends Russia. I mean, I know I'm not saying
anything new here, but they're the only people Trump seems to explicitly like.
Not any other country, Hell, not even our own country. I used "Hell"
for emphasis. Read things much? I don't know why I thought to
say that. I got no goofballs or funnybones pertaining to it. It's
kind of funny in and of itself, except for the fact that it's horrifying.
Oh well, live and learn. Where does Trump stand on that
proposed road or train or whatever that runs from England to America through
Russia. These are the real issues. Seems kind of bi-partisan, too.
Wouldn't that be cool. That's pretty much the main argument for it.
It'd be cool. I learnt about it from Pro-Russian demonstrators outside of
Queens College. You know, where I get all my information? I'm
not done writing here. I'ma go for 25 paragraphs. That'll learn 'em,
that'll learn all of 'em. Also, Tracy Jordan isn't that crazy. A lot
of what he says makes a lot of sense. Then again, I am crazy. Both
in Website Name and in Mental Capability.
That settles that. Some Philosophy Classes are like
taking Mushrooms. I'm way out of my comfort zone with my mind grapes and
whatnot. Live and learn, I guess. That counts as accumulated
experience. I mean, if you take a bus to and from a place, that's an
experience, hands down. What else and crap. I think I always assumed
Alec Baldwin was a bad person, possibly because of his talking down to his
daughter in some form that I don't remember or have the details on for the
context. Also, kind of assumed he was a Republican. Turns out he
loves his daughter very dearly and is a Democrat. Those are my two
criteria for liking someone. Anyway, crap and crap. Game show where
you're pitted against Alec Baldwin in a battle of wits for money called Smart
Alec. Let's get workin' on that.
Crap and crap. I think my parents don't understand how
time works. They catch a glimpse at 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin looks
different in that. Yeah, it's from a decade ago. I don't get
it. That's how that might go theoretically. I was watching an
episode a few days ago where they say that date is January 17th. I was
watching it January 17th. Then, watching last night past midnight, they
said something about a presidential inauguration. Get off my
time-clock, 30 Rock. That's how I feel about things. What
paragraph is this. 22nd. Gettin' there, gettin' there hardcore.
Also, Cerie is my age. So we got that in common. Now we have
something to talk about. Also, about how she's a fictional character.
And I'm arguably a factual character. Don't mean to break the fourth
Sustainable! Maybe there's something wrong with the
focusing-in center of my brain, but when I watch 30 Rock, it's just a parade of
boobs. There's Tina Fey's boobs. There's Jane Krakowski's
boobs. There's Tracy Morgan's boobs. They're usually clothed,
but there they are. The point is I watch T.V. like an infant. That's
how that goes. 23rd paragraph. What else and crap. I
think it's because of a bigger screen and H.D. T.V. That's how that goes.
I'm pretty sure I had a dream where Stone Cold Steve Austin was Stone Cold
Stunning people. I remember seeing it and don't recall it being in my real
life. Anyway. Gotta have the train go down to South America, and
have connections to Africa and Siam. Siam is the lowest point of Asia.
I learnt it from Risk.
Poor Australia. And other assorted islands.
Oh well, live and learn. Of course, that would raise the terrifying
scenario of a Russian Train crashing into the White House. We gotta look
at things from a defense standpoint. 24th paragraph. I do have to
take Environmental Science with a 3 hour lab for the Spring. That's no
good. Anyway, crap and crap. Still have Pizza lined up for later.
That'll solve all of my problems. I feel pretty blessed to live in the
Eastern Standard Time Zone. Kind of the gold standard of time zones.
That's how I feel. Too bad Mr. Freeze is a villain. He could help
keep the Ice Caps. I think he turns good at the very end of Batman &
Robin. I don't remember specifically.
Also, let's hope for all of our sakes that that movie isn't
canon. Dr. Canon. New Batman Villain I just thought of. He
has a cannon. That sums that up. I guess this is the last
paragraph. Wonderful. Unless I wanna do more at the end.
Wonderful. The main thing I learned from Philosophy is What's The Deal
With Things. I already said that. I'll say it again. It
makes my Mind Grapes happy. New The Rap Game tonight. This ain't a
game. It's the rap game. Anyway, almost done. This sure was an
entry. Oh boy, was it. I'll see ya later.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
What's Up And Crap
Been a week since last entry.
I don't know what to do. I remember I have to type 20 paragraphs or so.
Include words. Reach the verge of almost being humorous and/or
entertaining. That sounds hard. The point is Great.
Philosophy ends a week from Tuesday. Great. This class was hard.
I had to go to class roughly on the verge of five or six times. Who can do
that. Also, I kept forgetting to take my second Ritalin with me. I
had to go to class without an Upper, like a chump. No class participation
is required, though. Oh well. Talked to some old lady before last
class, talking about the imminent test. Pretty sure it wasn't the same old
lady from Poetry Class. Pretty similar, though.
That's a paragraph. No goofballs and/or funnybones,
though. Live and learn. I don't know. Watched an episode of 30
Rock on Smart T.V. downstairs. Man, if I get a Smart T.V., I'll more or
less have unlimited things to watch. Really gotta clean up my room, and
then I get a smart T.V. Then I get to lie in bed and 30% think about where
I went wrong with my life and 70% watch T.V. You know, Living The
Dream? Crap and crap. All the more important because I'm almost
Bust in Poker and really don't want to deposit any more. Gotta do
something, I guess. Salt Deposit. Geology. Crack an
encyclopedia much? It don't sound like ya do.
Great. I keep dreaming that I am losing/have lost
weight. You know, night-time dreams? Not like, I'm hoping
consciously I've lost weight. No, like, there's some sort of narrative
when I go to sleep, and that narrative includes me losing weight. That
sort of crap. It's great because I get to subliminally feel I've lost
weight without all the hassle of actually losing weight. Wonderful.
Anyway, here's a thing-- I was browsing the Internet randomly and came across an
article, Twenty Cemeteries You Have To Visit Before You Die. Which
struck me as funny. Maybe it'll strike you. Strike you hardcore.
It's funny mainly because of the Before You Die pun-thing, but also,
whose going around visiting cemeteries. Show some respect for the dead
What else. What should we do with the dead.
I don't know, bury them or some shit? What's the deal with things!
Fourth paragraph. I have second half of General Tso's Chicken Featuring
Pork Fried Rice for dinner tonight. That's how that goes. Had one of
my two Philosophy Tests this past Thursday. Did Okay, I'm guessing.
Not great. Probably enough for a 75%, thuogh. Let's just get this
class out of the way, it doesn't matter how I do. Then, Spring Semester,
Play writing. I get to be a Creative. And I've been seriously
considering actually cleaning my room. Get a Smart T.V. Get my
electric guitar fixed. Maybe convince my parents to let me get guitar
lessons on top of the Smart T.V. I gotta do something.
I like how I don't remember how to play not but one of the
songs I've written/recorded in the last three years. It's good, because
the songs are terrible. They don't deserve to be played ever again.
That's how that goes. Man, if I knew guitar, I'd be solo-ing all over the
place. Neer-derr-deezeem-arahg. That's an example of how a solo
might go. In alphabet form. First step of cleaning up room is
getting rid of all my alcohol bottles/other types of bottles. Next,
getting rid of empty cigarette cartons and empty food paraphernalia. Then,
papers and books. Oh, also, bringing down laundry. See, it's not
that hard. I'm well on my way, I'm in planning stage.
Anyway, crap and crap. I have to take into
consideration that a Smart T.V. might negatively effect my life. Too much
T.V. I don't have to take it into too much consideration. T.V. has
been there for me throughout my life. Why change horses in midstream now.
Anyway. Sixth paragraph. I've gotten to the point where regular Diet
Soda is too carbonated for me. It tastes better and is easy to drink with
some alcohol cut in it. Great, just great. What else. I
listened to half the Flaming Lips album. I liked some of it! I might
ask my brother if he wants to smoke some weed before the Flaming Lips show.
I haven't smoked it up in, what, six years? Figure that would be a good
time to schedule a Freak Out.
It's probably mind-altering enough, the show itself. I
hear crazy things happen. I feel like I've seen a clip of them performing
in a bubble. That might not have been them. I'll consult the
internet. Yup, it's them. Shows how much I know. In a
positive way! Alright! I feel like we're trained at an early age to
like bubbles. Because of bubble baths. Or maybe we instinctually
like bubbles, and that's why we like the bubble baths. I've raised a lot
of interesting issues in this paragraph and I promise I will do further research
on them. Shit, I promised. Now I gotta do it. Oh well,
no going back now. Pot committed to this thing and whatnot.
Eighth paragraph. Haven't even taken my second Ritalin
yet. Will soon. I won't keep you updated on this situation as it
develops. Just assume I took it this or next Paragraph. Anyway, what
the what. The Flaming Lips were subconsciously the influence for me
thinking of the band name The Flaming Michigans. When I thought of
it, oh, over a decade ago, I didn't know who The Flaming Lips were. I must
have heard it somewhere, though. You don't come up with The Flaming
Michigans without some sort of jumping off point. Anyway, crap and
crap. Played my old acoustic guitar that's broken a little bit last night.
Much better than the newer one. Sound-wise. That's how I judge
musical instruments, I don't know about you.
Great. Doctor told me I have a pre-ulcer. I
consulted the internet. Pre-ulcers aren't a thing. The internet is a
pretty big place and I didn't see one mention of a pre-ulcer. Maybe he
meant peptic ulcer. The first letter is the same. The point is I
think I will get more information on this as it develops. Should get a
call this week with a more informed diagnosis. Apparently alcohol and
cigarettes are bad for ulcers. Great, just great. It is great,
might give me the motivation I need to quit/cut down. Great!
Just great. Anyway, crap and crap. Is my bed sheet being
significantly torn part of an unclean room. Does that need to be replaced.
My guess? Nope.
Anyway. Tenth paragraph. That's how that
goes. Let's see, words, words. Just brought down my laundry.
Step One achieved. Too bad that entire step was only forty seconds of my
journey into cleaning up my room. Anyway, crap and crap. When Adam
Yauch died, did people grieving go, Why MCA??? Probably.
Because of puns. What else is crap. Rap Game Season III started.
Really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. This guy has twenty
thousand combined YouTube Views! That equated to like fifty
people. Roughly. I haven't crunched the numbers, specifically, but I
feel like that's about right.
What else. I like the kid whose a nerd. You gotta
root for the nerds in reality shows, right? You can tell he's a nerd
because he wears nerd glasses. Genuine nerd, right there. No way
he's trying to use that as a forced style, right? Anyway. It's only
a matter of time, at this rate of The Rap Games, that they work their way down
to me. I can pose as a fourteen year old. Looking like a fourteen
year old? Now's my time to shine. So, look out for that, in
Rap Game 17, coming next year. What else is going on and crap. It
genuinely offends me how these fifteen year olds are claiming they write their
own raps. I don't know, maybe they do. Seems fishy to me, though.
Crap and crap. 12th paragraph. This ain't a
game, this the crazysheet game. Oh wait it is a game. Anyway.
I don't know. What else is crappening. Just one more in-class class.
Also one in-class test and a bunch of online classes. Anyway. I
should really view those online classes on time. That way I'll be prepared
for Test. Might as well. Really hit a wall just now. I gotta
say more stuff, though. You know, for consistency in length? That
sort of crap. What's the deal with have you heard about this. I can
do 15 paragraphs. That doesn't seem too hard. Only three more after
this Blob Of Crap.
Crap. Three paragraphs is a lot. That's how I
feel. Think I'll end it after this one. The point is What Else.
Ides of January. That's how that goes. Assuming I finish this
paragraph within the next five hours. Anyway, words, words... The
stereotype of ulcers is that they're caused by stress. You know, before
science, and crap? Now we know its usually caused by a bacteria. I
learnt it from Internet. Or cigarettes or alcohol. I learnt that
from Doctor. And Internet. Doubly learned, that's how that goes.
I can't end with 13 paragraphs. People will be confused. I can write
two more paragraphs. It'll confuse me, because I have nothing to say, but
such is life.
I guess. I mean, I guess. I
must have had some goofballs and funnybones lined up over the past week that I
didn't want to Twitter, but save for the entry. Talked about cemeteries.
That's all I got, possibly. Man, 15 paragraphs. Can you even
imagine. That would be an epic win. In Internet Lingo.
2017. I wonder what this year will bring. Hopefully not Robots
Taking Over and/or Nuclear War. I've narrowed it down to those two things
being negative things. And crap. And whatnot. What else.
Saturday Night Life really needs a cast member to step up and be Trump.
You can't be having Alec Baldwin on every week. He's got things to do.
Anyway. I gotta shave. That's three things I gotta do to be an
Adult. Clean up room. Watch Online Lectures. Shave.
It's make or break time. Prove myself to be an Adult,
or just ride the I'm an irresponsible kid! wave deeper and deeper into my
technical adulthood. What else. 14th paragraph I guess.
Guessed wrong, its the 15. Let's do 20. I know it'll be terrible
and I'll be stuck. Lets do it anyway. It would be an Epic Epic Win.
On account of consistency and whatnot. I don't know. We'll see how
it goes. I think I'm probably off the Dean's List because of the C+ in
Comedy. I don't know why the Dean is keeping a list anyway. He's the
Dean. He's got stuff to do. Also, where does he get off. The
point is Great. Five paragraphs to go after this? Could be easy.
Could be hard. Probably nowhere in the middle. There really isn't a
middle, when it comes to writing entries. Either it's easy or its hard.
No middle ground.
What the what. Seems kind of hard. There
goes that. What else. I have a drawer for underwear and a drawer for
socks. I just use both for both. Adult. I can end this
at any paragraph. Let's keep that in mind. When Asian people go,
Me So Horny, is it possible they just want some soup? These are the
real issues. I've never had Miso Soup. But it's a new addition to
the China Food I Get menu. I'll look it up online first, see what its all
about. I think I'll do that right now. Sounds kind of weird.
First ingredient listed is Dried Baby Sardines. I'll try that.
I get anchovies on pizza all the time. And regret it as soon as I start
Real Issues! 17th paragraph. That's what how many
years there are in this millennium. Which is a thousand years.
What's the deal with things! The point is Great. I'm fine not
playing poker anymore. It'll give me some time to do Adult things.
One would imagine. Me So Soup. You sure are. Anyway,
crap and crap. Does anyone order from the American Section of Chinese Food
Menus? Gotta me some people, or else they wouldn't have it. Let's
see, I want some fried chicken and French fries. I know! Order
Chinese Food! That's how that goes. Three paragraphs to go after
I don't know. What the what. One of the players
at my Poker Table was named Timacious D. This guy knows what's
what. I sure hope is name is Tim, though. Otherwise it would be
weird. I don't know. 18th paragraph. Let's see, what else I
got. How much of Crazysheet do I devote to talking about what place I'm at
in the entry. 20%? Seems about right. That's 80% talking about
other things. I'll take those odds. Because I'm a degenerate
gambler. What else. I'm sick of getting Wonton Soup from Chinese
Food. It's just water. There's wontons in it, sure. Bot
outside of that, 100% water. If I wanted some water, I'll take a
drink, thank you very much. Ending a phrase with thank you very
much is a real sarcastic and hostile tone to take. Don't like it.
Great. Two paragraphs to go. Yeesh. Now
there's a guy named Teemothy at my table. I wonder if they're
related. Crap and crap. I don't know. Two paragraphs to go. I
can do that. I've done it before. Teemothy left the table.
I'll keep you updated on this situation as it develops. It has nowhere
to develop to. Unless he sits back down. I can tell you who took
his place. Sure, why not. Anyway. So close to being done.
What else. Cute girl in my Philosophy class. I'll look at a girl,
sure. Not too much. Don't wanna make anyone feel uncomfortable.
The point is what else is going on.
Last paragraph! Wonderful. What else is going on.
Crap and crap. I have to write an entire paragraph. Of bullshit.
Not good. Anyway. Man, when this is done, I totally get to lie in
bed and watch some crap on T.V. Simpsons is coming on. I don't wanna
watch that right now. Too animated. I wanna watch something that
won't give me a minor seizure. That sort of crap. I don't know.
I've watched all the episodes of The Mick. That's an okay show. I
like the parts where it brings me to the verge of laughter. Well, entry is
pretty much done. Sure killed some time. Not very good quality.
Oh well, gotta take the good with the bad. Probably. I'll see ya
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Let's Hope There's Some Goofballs And Funnybones
I like the SyFy channel.
It's target demographic is people who don't know how to spell. Made
that joke before pretty sure. I'll make it again. It's
especially weird because nerds like Science Fiction. Nerds know how to
spell. That's why they're nerds. The point is Great. My
brother posted a picture on Facebook about how he's become a Notary Public.
I wished there was some way I could respond with the pun Not a Republic
without me sounding crazy. Couldn't figure out how to do it. So I'll
share it here. America Is Notary Public. See, now its a
Great. It's a Democratic Republic. We
usually just refer to it as a Democracy. It's not. Nerd.
Crap and crap. I was thinking earlier, and the thought, What kind of
cheese do they use in chicken parmesan. Because I'm an idiot.
A nerd would have known that. What. What else. Two of my
last three teachers were Italian. Or Italian American. But the
Italian American talked about being culturally Italian a lot. So he gets
moved into the Italian column. These are the real issues. Temporary
pair of glasses half broke. Gettin' the final pair on Tuesday.
That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em. That'll show me.
Sight. Showing. Better at looking at things.
What the what. Crap and crap. It could just
be the part in the hair, but looking in the mirror, I might be losing some hair.
I'd say it's like a 5% chance. A few years ago I had some sort of
condition where I was losing my hair in clumps. They injected something in
my head and I've been fine ever since. Oh well. I guess stress'll do
that to you. And I have a lot to be stressed about. I have five
hours of work to do every week. That's almost an hour a day. Who can
handle that, that's what I want to know. What else. Let's see.
Might not make it to Tuesday with how much alcohol I have left. Guess I'll
just go .5-1 days without it. Not too bad. The point is I know all
about Philosophy now. I liked the part at the end of last class where he
was giving details about what kind of personalities philosophers have/the
stereotypes of what kind of personalities they have. He also did artists.
And soothsayers. And sages.
Now I know I am none of them. I don't have any
personality traits except be proud of being stupid. Proud isn't the
right word. Content. That's better. Fourth paragraph.
Gotta actively get out of the habit of writing more paragraphs than needed.
No one cares about the length at all. That's what she said.
No she didn't. What. I watched New Years Eve: The Movie last night.
It's a good movie because it's New Years Eve. That's a fun time. No
reason it wouldn't be a fun movie. Also, it was exactly a week after real
New Years Eve. I got to experience the fun all over again, boy. I
have a music album Happy New Years. Probably my favorite album of
mine. That's how that goes.
Sure. Woke up a few hours earlier today than yesterday.
Started the entry a few hours earlier. That's great. I don't even
need to think about working writing entry around eating dinner. That's a
load off of my mind. And if I start losing my hair, that'll be a load off
my head. It's a good way to lose weight, though. My hair is a solid
ounce that I don't need. I like how America doesn't use the metric system.
That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em. Crap and crap. I think
the main reason I would want to get a guitar teacher is that it would be weird
to be able to play better. Pretty weird stuff.
What the what. Sixth paragraph already. I'm not
gonna watch any lectures today. Why should I when there's still tomorrow.
That's how I feel. Also, apparently, our relationship to the outside world
is not unlike the cigarette. Has filters. Laernt somethin'.
My favorite part of class is when he shows us things. Like, one thing, was
people were throwing balls to each other, and the goal was to watch how many
throws there were. But in the background, other things are going on.
And the question is if we notice them. I noticed most of them.
I'm really good at looking at things, what can I say.
Crap. Part of the reason I noticed them is because I
lost track at the very beginning so just gave up focusing on the balls.
That's how I roll. Eyeglass Place is near a Chipotle. I think I'll
be in the mood for that. I still want some rice. Some pinto beans.
I can stomach some tortilla and meat. What else and crap. Pinto beans are
the only type of beans that I've found that I like. It's cooked in bacon
oil, or something, at Chipotle. I think its safe to say that influences
why I like it. Also, pinto. Small. That's me! Us
smalls gotta stick together. Pinto doesn't mean small. How
dare you. Pinto means what I say it means. Get off my website!
Yeesh. Eighth paragraph. What kind of meat is
in chicken parmesan. No way of knowing. Oh well. I was
thinking about it, and I don't know why I like tomato sauce in pizza or pasta
but it disgusts me on its own. Probably for reasons and crap.
Ketchup. That's even worse. Not a fan. Pinto means, "Cock," in
Brazil. "Cock" means "Rooster" in English. I've crunched the
numbers. Pinto beans and chicken, that's re-united two star crossed
lovers. That probably doesn't make any sense. The point is
Great. FrontPage lettin' loose of forcing Italics on me. All in all,
pretty good day.
So far. Italics Imposition may pop up at any time.
What else. Where'd I get Small from. Pinto. Pint.
Pint is small. It wasn't just intuition, though. I thought I
remembered learning that in a Spanish Class. Oh well, live and learn.
What else is crap. The main thing I learned from Spanish Class was that
Soy Milk means I Am Milk. If memory serves me correctly, Conan made
that joke fifteen years ago on his show. That could be another false
memory, though. Oh well. Apparently I'm supposed to see La La Land.
That's what T.V. and Internet says. And I trust T.V. and Internet. I
have to. I'm pot committed to this whole thing. La La Land meaning,
of course, The The Land.
Yeesh. Tenth paragraph. No idea how long this
entry will be. Except longer than 9 paragraphs. Probably. New
Years Eve was totally unrealistic. When they have the countdown from ten
during the climax of the movie, each number lasted about two to three seconds.
Took me right out of the movie. Anyway, crap and crap. I don't know.
Here's the start of a palindrome-- Buns/Snub. I'll keep you updated
on this situation as it develops. Crap and crap. Just took my second
Ritalin. Mainly for Writing Website purposes. I gotta take it
anyway. Might as well work it around a time in my schedule where it'll be
a boon. Which is a word I've been led to believe. I learned about it
Crap and crap. No reason I can't do 20 paragraphs.
Unless I run out of stuff to say. I'm gonna try to make a New Years
Resolution to stop writing entries when I hit a wall. Good for you, good
for me, good for everyone. It's good practice, though, to have a set
quantity of writing. Sometimes you need to write more than you want to.
As a professional and crap, I mean. One would imagine. Only ate half
of my dinner yesterday. Awesome. WebMD e-mails me every few days
with slideshows or quizzes where you learn about different medical things.
They had one on How to lose more than 100 pounds. Loved it.
If these jokers can lose 100 pounds, no reason I can't lose 40 or 50 pounds.
That's how I feel.
Thatsalotta pounds. Oh well, live and learn.
I'm just biding my time until they have a pill where you lose weight. No
hassle. Or we all upload ourselves onto Virtual Reality Universes.
Either way, I win. 12th paragraph. Sometimes I say it in digits,
sometimes I spell it out. Get off my case. I don't know. What
else. Are Doritos inspired by the Bible. Because they want us to Do
Right. ...Oh? That's where I'm at around this point of the
entry. That's Philosophy for ya. Crap and crap. At this point,
I just wanna reach 15 paragraphs. Without devolving into bullshit.
Started watching something last night without finishing it. What was it.
I want to say it was either a Comedy or Not A Comedy. Prove me wrong!
I know I finished New Years Eve. I made a point to do it. I was pot
committed the moment I pressed Play.
Jeez. Maybe nothing. I might have just turned on
Lockup: The Show for half an hour and left it at that to go to sleep. Who
can say for sure. My DVR/Browsed Movies on Premium Channels.
Legally Blond II! I watched the first 20 or 30 minutes last night. I
watched the first one a week ago. Pot Committed at this point. Also,
I had Parks and Recreation on Mute just now, and as I turned toward the T.V., I
see a closed captioning of Aziz Ansari calling Chicken Parmeasn, "Chicky
Chicky Parm Parm." A few entries ago I said I should call chicken from
Halal Food Chicky Chicky... something. I forget exactly.
Well, there goes that. I'm sick of watching sitcoms from a decade ago
having my jokes before me. Not really a joke. More of a
goofball and/or funnybone.
I heard a comedian, I wanna say Jon Glaser/Jon Benjamin in
their Forgettabuddies thing on the Invite Them Up DVD, say it.
Pretty sure that's it. What the Hell paragraph is this. 14th.
Jeez. Aim for 20. But I'd have to go through so many paragraphs of
Crap and Crap and What Else and Crap and Crap: By Itself This
Time. Wonderful. Gotta do something. If I was forced to
come up with a new website, I think immatureejaculation.com is pretty good.
Except you don't wanna visit it on your work computer. People will think
there's things wrong with you.
What else. Immature. Yeah, good for you.
Even I don't get it. Wonderful. Hah. Not a Republic.
That'll learn 'em. My brother is really getting into politics/activism.
I mean, he has been for a long time, but from my view, he's stepping it up even
more. Which is great. Means I don't have to do anything. He's
doing enough for the both of us. That's a load of my back.
Anyway, crap and crap. This is the 15th paragraph. Not gonna end it
now. If I have to end it between 15 and 20, sure, I'll consider it.
But for now, Let's Keep Goin'! Me and my Brother. Whereas one of us
is doing the most we can do in our lives, helping people and getting involved,
the other one is writing a blog. I'd say that's about even.
Right? Probably. 16th paragraph. I'd
like to see him write 20 paragraphs every other day. It's an acquired
skill. The Skill To Be Stupid. He majored in Dramatic Writing in
NYU. He could probably write better than me. Oh Yeah?
Well, Well... I'm shorter than him. That'll show... wait that's
no good. Anyway. I live in his room now. When he went to
college, I took over the big room. Now look whose in charge. Me,
that's who. Gotta make the most of life's small victories. You know,
life's pinto victories and crap? I don't know. Why do I do this.
Crap and crap. Four paragraphs to go after this. Sounds about right.
What else is crap. Just stay on my regular drinking
schedule, and when it runs out, it runs out. That's the path I've chosen
to go on. I bet I'll enjoy The Flaming Lips more than my brother.
That's one area I Win. I enjoy things more. That'll show him.
Also, more paragraphs. It's not a question of who can write better.
It's a question of who actually writes. Gotta be good at something.
Not necessarily good at something, but gotta do something. I don't know.
Crap and crap. What else is going on. Sure I'll live vicariously
through my Brother. Gotta live vicariously through someone. That's
what words mean.
Anyway, what the what. 18th paragraph. Right on
track. As of now. Let's see, words, words... Are The Emmys one
of those shows where they announce the winners beforehand. Unfortunately
there's no way of knowing. Unless you won something. And they told
you. In this case, I can safely say I didn't win anything. If they
didn't announce any of it, though, I'm still in the running. That's how I
feel. Best Blog That No One Here Is Aware Of. Gotta imagine
if there's 2 or 3 hundred nominees, I'd sneak in there, somehow. I'm
confident in my Blog compared to the majority of other Blogs.
The point is Great. 19th paragraph. Just keep
going. I might get an award for Best Written Short Play for Cart People.
Except for the fact that its not a category, and if it was, it would have been
eligible for the last years version. Oh well, live and learn. Gettin'
Veal Parmesan for dinner tonight. What, you thought I was thinkin' about
Parmesan dinner just for show? Nope. I don't know and crap.
One and some change paragraphs to go. Let's do it. Gotta get
working on my spec script for Legally Blonde III. Whatever.
Last paragraph. Whattado after this. Stop losing
money in poker, that's one. Stop writing this, that's two. Other
things. Crap and crap. Gotta see Therapist tomorrow. That's
great. Someone whose falsely enthusiastic about the direction my life is
generally going on. That Is Great. Better than
nothing. I like going to bathroom in Hospital. It reminds me of
being in hospital because of the smell in it. I don't actually want to be
back in hospital, but, sure, I'll smell something and take a trip down memory
lane. Anyway. I'll see ya later.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
By Reading This, You Agree To Be My Friend
Alright! Just gained one
and a third friends. The One is Me. The third is you.
Alright, great. Finally got the Comedy Class Grade. C+. That's
no good. I guess he didn't like my story. And didn't like how I
didn't do one of the two homework assignments and submitted the other one two
months late. Oh well. Told my parents I got a B+. What a web
of lies we spin. Don't want them to bother me about it. Also, the
computer language program thing "C++" should just be called "B-." Let's
get real. Anyway, crap and crap. I think it's possible he gave me a
C+ because he loved my story so much, but doesn't want me to settle for it.
Wants me to get even better. That's the logical explanation to make from
getting a C+. Not that I did mediocre-ly. That I did so great he
had to give me a C+.
Probably. What else is crap. Saturday.
Snowing. Wonderful. Why are there Winter Wonderlands and not Summer
or Fall Wonderlands. Is it because of Alliteration? That would be my
guess. Autumn Awesomeplace. Summer Surrounded By Great
Environment. Spring... Surrounded By Great Environment. Double
down on that because of the same letter. What else is crap. Doin'
okay in poker even with being down six dollars today. I played right and
whatnot. The point is What Else. Gotta watch Three Online Lectures
between now and Tuesday. Not counting Tuesday. I can't say between
now and Monday. I feel that implies Monday doesn't count. I'm not
sure, though, which is the right way to go. E-mail me your answers at
Crap and crap. Playwriting in a few weeks. That's
a Creative. I'll do that for sure. Even though I don't like plays.
I like things that I write, though. So it balances out. Also, I like
being in classes where I get to introduce myself on the first day of class.
This seems like one of those. Awesome! I feel like there was a movie
I watched half of last night and have half to go. I forget what it was.
And there's a good chance it's nothing. Oh well, live and learn.
Clean up my room, I get a Smart T.V. So much things to watch!!!
Anyway. What else. It's the Weekend. I wouldn't lie to you.
Not a fan of the bandname The Weeknd. It's a weak end. On account of
not all their letters. I guess that's what they were going for. And,
if band names are supposed to be so you remember them, they did it. I
remember that name for sure.
I'm not good at getting new bands that I'm into. Mostly
because of their band names probably. I can't remember these names.
Oh well. Just lost another five dollars. Oh well. Still over
40. That's not too bad. What else. Fourth paragraph I guess.
Just ordered dinner. May or may not eat it when it gets here. I've
narrowed it down to those two things. What else is Crap. I wonder
what movie I get to watch more of. I Bet It's Good! It must be good
if I decided to stop watching it halfway through. That's not fair, it
was my bedtime. Can't blame that on the movie. If this movie
even exists. It's very, very possible Billy Bob Thornton was in it.
Less than 50%, but more of a chance than your random movie.
I don't think Billy Bob Thornton was in it. But
that name came to my mind. Must be there for some reason. I remember
knowing Billy Bob Thornton was in Armageddon, but I thought he was the guy who
played Chip. There's no Chip in Armageddon. You know, Rusty.
There's no Rusty in Armageddon. Chick. I was closer the first
time. Anyway, crap and crap. I was looking into how to become a
Jockey. I'm the right height for it. I've been the right weight for
it at times in my life. Seems kind of hard though. Why don't we just
make Jockeys race. Cut out the middleman.
Because of crap and stuff. I don't know. Sixth
paragraph. Now we're gettin' into the shit. Watched Donnie Brasco a
couple of nights ago. I hope the mob doesn't come after me. For
watching a movie about them. Now I know their secrets. Oh
well, live and learn. The Mob must be doing something right if they keep
making T.V. Shows and movies about them. That's how I feel. I don't
know. Hey, we're friends now. As per our contract in the
title. Let's go do stuff together. Like hang out in Penn Station for
six hours. It's a fun place to be. The point is Great. Mob guy
coming up to a Jockey before he's forced to race to throw the race.
That's pride fucking with you. Then the Jockey goes, what pride,
I'm 5'2. And the mob guy goes, it's always easier with jockeys.
Anyway. It takes a lot of time and money for the
owner to take care of the jockey. Gotta make sure he's comfortable in his
hay. That sort of crap. What else is crap. Seventh paragraph.
I just saw the phrase "Right? That's a thing." typed right below
this paragraph. Was that supposed to be earlier in the entry. Last
entry. Something else. Who knows for sure. Well, I said it
here. It applies and crap. As much as the next crap applies to this
crap. I wonder what was Right and Was A Thing. My interest is
piqued. Which is a word I've been led to believe. Also, FrontPage is
starting to force Italics on me again. Crap and crap.
The goal is to never stop writing, so it won't resort to the
default. Oh well. Eighth paragraph. Man. I
gotta start correcting these, instead of just being resigned to having every
other sentence Italics. Such is life. Crap and crap, what's going
on. When I have to write a new sentence, I could go back two spaces,
erase the period, start over. No italics. I can't remember all
that. Anyway, let's get to some goofballs and funnybones. Alright.
Seems like the logical thing to do in a Comedy Blog. I don't know if this
is a Comedy Blog. It's not really a Regular Blog. I talk about crap,
but its usually just I gave someone a cigarette or I saw a ground
banana. Not really exploring the deeper questions of life.
Anyway. Crap and crap. Ninth paragraph.
Wonderful. It's a Winter Wonderful. Made up some ground in poker.
The point is Great. You really need a Mouse to play Red Alert II.
That's how I feel. Mousepads. Were they ever really necessary?
You use a mouse on a flat surface, is it really that different? Crap and
crap. Who coined the term Mouse. He's got to be pretty
pleased with himself. I don't know. I just don't know.
Pretty sure the band Modest Mouse is about computers. If only we can
make sure Computers are Modest in this upcoming century, we'd have a lot less to
worry about. You know, like 20% less. That's a lot. Computers
getting arrogant, that's the start of something really bad, that's how I feel.
Artificial Intelligence really scares me. I've
seen movies, I know what they are capable of. Then the other thing is
us becoming artificial intelligence. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and...
hold on, I got this. Adam and Eve, not Adam and... some sort of
computer or artificial intelligence that rhymes with Eve. Can't I get
a computer program to figure this out. I've got no time for it. No
time! Stupid 21st century. Thinks its so great. So much can go
wrong. Scary. So much has gone wrong. Oh well, live and
learn. Or, for computers, just learn. Anyway, crap and crap.
I saw a documentary called Short Circuit and a computer becomes alive.
11th paragraph. Great! I don't know.
Computers can't even figure out when I want Italics and when I don't. I
think we're okay for now. Or maybe its forcing Italics on me for a more
sinister reason. Who can say for sure. Just made a bad call
in poker. That's 18 cents I'll never see again. Unless I keep
playing poker. And start winning. Then, who knows for sure.
Crap and crap. Computers are cozying up to us, goin, Hey, use us to
write 20 paragraphs and share it with a third of a person. We won't bite!
GIGABYTE. Huh? Anyway. The point is we can't take
anything for granted. Really, that's the point? Sure, I said
it, didn't I?
12th paragraph! Hey, I'm doin' it. If they
turn Movies into Disney World Attractions, can we go the other way and make a
movie out of Epcot Center? Seems reasonable. Anyway, crap and crap.
Also, do Super Bowl Heroes prefer Disney Land or Disney World. Who can say
for sure. Except check internet. I'm weaning myself Off
Internet. No I'm not. I sure said it, though. I
don't know why. Something to do with the Computers Rant. You
figure it out. Facebook tells me David Blaine shot himself in the mouth.
Are we sure he's not Fight Clubbin' it? I think, at this point, we have to
consider every possibility. The point is What Else And Crap.
13th paragraph! Seems like its going relatively well
enough. Martin Luther King Jr Day coming up. I will celebrate by...
I don't know. I got nothin'. Twenty years from now a Martin
Luther King Bot advocating for robots' rights. Not lookin' forward to it.
Oh well. We still got a good 5-10 years where we're higher up in the food
chain than robots. Let's enjoy it while it lasts. Lost with an
over-straight to a two-over straight. Which are terms I'm gonna try to
popularize. Already got one third of a person to read them. What
else is going on. I hope against hope that Crazysheet never becomes
self-aware. It'll make puns all over the place and nobody will be able to
What else. Not gonna eat dinner when its gets here.
I got an appetizer of Buffalo Wings and an appetizer of Mozzarella Sticks.
Figure I'll have two Sticks and one Wing, then put it away. That's how I
roll. Eating way too much fried food. If not me, when. If not
how, why. If not sure, whatever. The point is Great. Might not
even have the One Wing. By which I mean that Wilco Song. I don't
know. Flaming Lips in two months. Listened to a song available from
their New Album. Pretty good! I enjoy listening to that band's
music. That's how I feel. 14th paragraph. Let's see, crap and
crap. Once I eat that small amount of appetizers, I get back in my room,
Finish this shit up. It's a fresh start. And crap.
Now its only a question of how deep into the entry I'll be.
I'd guess it'll come sometime this paragraph or next. Because I like
guessing. Maybe I'll be right! Whatta joy that would be.
Crap and crap. Still no e-mail from Professor saying I loved your story
but gave you a C+ to motivate you to get even better! Figure that'll
come either this paragraph or next. That sort of crap. Only five
more in-class-classes for Philosophy. And two of those are tests.
It's about time and crap. Doesn't leave much room for possible
bonding-with-girl-from-Poetry-Class. Oh well, live and learn. Also,
I know I'm not stalking her. I would know if I was. I guess that
leaves the possibility of her stalking me. Who can say for sure.
It's the next paragraph. That usually happens a lot.
16th paragraph. What kinda crap will I do when this is done. Anyway.
Also get to refill my soda to combine with alcohol when food gets here.
That's great. I don't know. Let's see, words, words. Food is
pretty late. Just my luck and crap. Wasn't gonna eat it now
anyway. That'll show me. I don't know. What else is going
on. Probably late on account of the weather. That would be my guess.
The point is, as a friend, you are pot committed to reading about my dinner or
lack thereof. At least the food'll be cold. That's no good.
I was gonna put it in the fridge anyway. I retract that being no good.
Well, it's still no good, in the classical sense, that it's not good. But
it's not bad, as well.
It all evens out in the end, probably. Don't mean
to get all Philosophical on you. Gotta do something. 17th paragraph.
Wonderful. Made up some more ground in poker. That's how that goes.
Figure I'll aim for tomorrow to watch at least one lesson. That'll get me
on the right track. What else. Pickin' up final pair of glasses on
Tuesday. I had to go the first class of Philosophy with my back-up pair.
Which I thought was alright, because its a little more studious looking.
You're taking an English Workshop class, you can look like A Cool Dude.
Philosophy, you wanna look like A Regular Nerd Instead of A Possibly Cool Nerd.
Anyway. Regular Glasses I often put over my head every now and then, for
variety. I like sometimes seeing things poorly. These back-up pairs,
you can't do that. They don't stretch that way. I want some variety,
gotta take em off completely.
These are the real issues. Too late to not be
engaged, we're friends now! 18th paragraph. 20. Or 21-25.
Probably 20. What do I care. I care a lot. Statement
retracted. Man, if I was A Possibly Cool Nerd, I'd have the world at my
fingertips. Which is close to being a phrase, if not actually one.
The point is crap. Right, right. Crap and crap. I don't
know. I'm waiting for dinner anxiously when I don't even want it now.
Because things are wrong with me. The later it gets, I will eventually
want it "now." Probably. They said forty five minutes. Now
it's been an hour on top of that. Great. At least I'm writing an
entry. That's pretty good.
19th paragraph. Hey, Foods Here! Now its time to
not eat it. Crap and crap. I'll eat two mozzarella sticks. Its
about time. Back. Put food ito oven when this entry is done.
Turns out closer to the snacking-of-the-meal than I would have anticipated.
Probably could have just ate as much as I wanted for dinner now. Saving it
to put it in the oven makes it hotter, at least. These are the real
issues. Probably. It might actually be a real issue in my life.
Dad is saying he doesn't wanna order from them anymore. That's 30% of our
deliveries, from this place. So it impacts my life pretty hardcore.
The main part of my life is what I eat for dinner, and this may have wide
Probably. Who knows for sure. 20th paragraph.
I feel like 25, just to make me happy with myself, that I wrote five paragraphs
of My Food Isn't Here Yet! That sort of crap. Also, longer
entry is, later I eat dinner. Later I eat dinner, later I'll eat the next
time. The pounds are practically melting off! That sort of
bullshit. Pot committed, you're my friend! That'll show 'em,
that'll show all of 'em. Anyway. I know when I threw up by how heavy
my garbage bag is. Because half the time I throw up, I throw up in garbage
can. I ain't got the effort to walk ten feet to my toilet. And throw
up, it turns out, weighs a lot. Relatively speaking.
21st paragraph. Great. Starting on Protonix next
week. That'll solve that problem one would imagine. Re-percussions.
Drums. You figure it out. Anyway, what the what. I can do 22
or 23 paragraphs. Or write 22 or 23 paragraphs, put food in oven, finish
it up while I'm waiting. Seems like a plan. I don't know if it's
good or not, but I'm pretty comfortable calling it some sort of a plan.
What else is crap. Mozzarella Sticks are pretty good. It's like a
stick of mozzarella, with fried around it. I'm not telling tales out of
school. Look it up for yourself, you'll find that I was right all along.
Yeesh. After this paragraph. Oven. Fine.
Ate the black and white cookie yesterday. It's all part of a balanced
diet. Looked up the right way to eat a black and white cookie.
Didn't find anything. I think it's safe to say you should get as much
bites with both vanilla and chocolate as possible. That's the intuitive
way to think about things. What else and crap. Internet did tell me
that technically, black and white cookies are cakes. Oh well. Live
and learn. Now I know not to get black and white cookies in the future.
I don't need to be fucking around with no cakes. Sure. After next
23rd! What else. Or, alternatively, I can just
finish this entry. That sounds appealing. Appealing Hardcore.
It's February in a couple of weeks. I wouldn't lie to you. Not to
your face. Yeesh. Anyway. Crap and crap. Two and
a half paragraphs to go. That's not too bad. It's too and a half
bad. What else. Or I can just end it after this paragraph.
That sounds appealing, too. I don't know. I'll just do 25.
Gotta do something. Man, imagine, after this paragraph, there's only two
more. It doesn't get much lower than two. There's one. Then
there's zero. I can't imagine anything lower than that.
Alright! Jeez. I don't know. What kinda
crap can I think of for two paragraphs. Have you heard the deal about
things. Right? Sure. Food should be in microwave instead of
oven, anyway. I don't want my buffalo wings too crispy. That's no
good for anyone. Why do the last few paragraphs exist. I don't have
a good reason. What else. Make this paragraph short. Then all
I'll have left is one paragraph. It's the perfect crime. In that I
can't get arrested for it. Because it's not a crime. No
repercussions! Drums! You Figure It Out!
Well, did that. What now. Is there a band
where it's just four people playing the drums. Let's look into that.
I'll keep you updated on this situation as it develops. What else and
crap. Let's see. Right? That's a thing. Remember,
from before. You probably don't remember. It's the thing I found
below the entry and was wondering where it fit in. That sort of crap, you
know. I'll see ya later.
Thursday, January 5, 2017
I Just Did Something!
It's called going to class.
Go to class much? I don't know. Crap and crap. Here's a
joke two weeks too late, a guy goin', "I know how to celebrate the birth of
Christ! Put a tree in my house!" It's almost barely a joke and it
comes relatively close to being topical. Stupid war on Christmas, I
hate it so much. Hey, Iraq War. Afghanistan. These are
wars that were being fought last month. We're doin' wars on Christmas,
right, am I right? Moving on. Someone from my Poetry Class in my
Philosophy Class. I'm pretty sure it's the person who compared me to
Daniel Johnston. Either her, or someone of a similar nationality.
Asian. The point is I took six pages of notes and none of it was
required. It's all online.
Oh well, gotta pretend to be doing something. I think
I'm a fourth through this class or something. It's about time. I was
lookin' at study abroad options Queens College has, and last year, they had a
month in London with an English class. Not too expensive, either. If
they're doing that again this summer I'm gonna make a commitment to get my
parents to let me do that. It's a good experience. Because Fuck
you guys I'm outta here. Also, I thought of the idea while watching
the Steve Martin version of The Out Of Towners. I was like, I can do
that, but for London instead! Then I watched the movie and it turns
out New York is less than kind to them. Who woulda guessed it.
It all comes full circle, though. Spoiler alert.
My favorite part of the movie is when it ended. That's how that goes.
I was crunching the numbers yesterday and there's got to be a four digit number
of people who make a living by writing/performing comedy. I can do that.
I mean, if it's only a few dozen, fine, I'll never be good enough. 2000,
though? I can sneak in there somehow one would imagine. You see,
the key is, be an idiot. Over and over again. Perfect that idiocy.
That sort of crap and whatnot. Learned about some Philosophy today.
My favorite part is when the class ended. Running theme in my life.
Enjoying the end of things.
That's how that goes. Except for cigarettes. By
the time I'm near the end, I'm like, do I really need to keep doing this?
I've gotten as much as I need out of this physiological transaction.
That's why I like smoking half a cigarette and putting it back. Take it
from me-- great tip. What else is crap. Fourth paragraph.
2000 people writing comedy. I gotta be funnier than at least one of them,
right? Then it becomes a matter of pinpointing those lowlifes who I'm
better than. And then taking them out. That's right, I'm
advocating murder, as long as it gets me a job writing comedy. I don't
wanna write comedy. Seems hard. That settles that. Now it
becomes a question of who can I murder to make money as a hit man.
Lots of questions being raised today. Like What
Paragraph Is It. Fifth. Wonderful. One would imagine a Summer
Study Abroad Class where it's only one English Class would foster some sort of
social relationship. It's a good way to trick people into being one's
friend. Anyway, crap and crap. When people from other languages
study a liberal arts writing/reading course, what do they call it. If
you're Spanish and learning about writing, do you call that class Spanish?
Unfortunately there's no way of knowing. Oh well. Kickboxing seems
hard. You need to kick-box and stand at the same time. Not sure
where I'm going with that. Nowhere I guess.
Jeez. I'd like to take a Study Abroad Class in New York
and just pretend I'm from somewhere else. That'll trick people, trick 'em
real good. I don't know. Brief Psychiatrist Appointment tomorrow
morning. At Gastroenterologist, we drove by another building which my Dad
pointed out as a really expensive private psychiatrist they wanted to take me
to, and I went to once, until we realized it's the same care as the cheap
psychiatry. Said I thought his name was Wolf. My Dad was like,
No, that's not it. Bear! It was bear. I knew it was
some sort of threatening animal. Spelled Bere, though. Or Bear.
Or something along those lines, you get the point.
I remember thinking, when my parents brought it up to me way
back when, Dr. Bear?!!?! No way in Hell! That's how
that goes. Jeez. I heard bears hibernate for the winter but I don't
know who to trust. Don't know what that means. What else is
going on. Seventh paragraph. I did it! Did what?
You figure it out. I like watching people play Red Alert II on YouTube.
I can't play it, but I can live vicariously through people who are playing it.
They're all playing it with Mods, though. Man, you're like, ruining the
purity of the whole thing, friend. At least we're friends.
That's a pretty good accomplishment. I didn't even need to trick them
probably theoretically its not a real thing.
Anyway. Watched Antwone Fisher yesterday. It was
alright. Hah. Seaman. I get it. Navy. Fish.
The point is the movie's over now. This is what, the Eighth paragraph?
Probably. I crunched the numbers. Usually don't write entries at
night. There's gonna be a lot of changes around here! Whole new
regime. No more Mr. Nice Website. The key thing now is calculating
when to eat my dinner. Gotta put it in oven for 40-45 minutes. Heat
up my soup in microwave for 4-5 minutes. Eat if for 10-20 minutes.
It's a whole big thing, I tell ya. What else and crap. And
maneuvering that around time devoted to Entry. Say, put it in around 10-12
And this is the ninth! We're getting there and crap.
Someone Un-Liked a Twitter post I made a few days ago. Had it liked for a
few days, went, You know what, on second thought, maybe I was wrong.
Unliked it. Some people, am I right. What else. Still
no grade for Comedy Class. I get it, its like a practical joke, right?
So This Is Our Final Lesson. Well played. People who write
comedy for a living have practical jokes. Puts food on the table. I
guess. The only thing I'd have to figure out, if I study abroad for a
month, is that I get my Clozapine every 28 days, because if you are too low or
high in the level you can get seizures or something. I feel like if I take
it for 30 or 31 days, that's something the doctors would agree to, but I'd need
to get it all figured out.
Oh well. There goes that. Crap and crap.
I've never been outside of the Eastern Time Zone of the United States.
That's how that goes. I went to Mini-Countries in Epcot Center, which I
feel should count to some degree. You know, a smaller degree? To
scale? Crap and crap. The Sun Never Sets On Epcot Center.
Wait, yes it does. I retract my statement. Did I tell you about
my Fast Food Delivery App Idea I Had? It's an app where they deliver you
fast food. That sums that up. Seems pretty obvious, right? But
they don't have it. I could literally make hundreds of dollars copywriting
this idea. Thatsalottadollars. It could fund 10 or 15% of my
Man, gettin' out of this Hellhole, it's pretty captivating to
think about. Also, Frontpage says hellhole is a word. I'm okay with
that. They got that one right. In my fantasy, I leave my computer at
home, and only check my phone once a day. That adds to the vacationeering
of the whole thing. And it'll be a thing. Hey, man, can I use
your computer to write this assignment. And they're like, Oh,
that's our Michael. Because at that point we're great friends and
whatnot. This is the 11th paragraph. Frontpage doesn't even
recognize Frontpage as a word. Unless you capitalize it as FrontPage.
And I don't wanna. Crap and crap. While I was still in
Palladium the winter of between 07 and 08, there was a British roommate I had
who was doing a Winter Study Abroad session here. I don't think I talked
to him once. I know he cooked his own dinner. With the stove and
everything. And now its time for payback.
In the form of me going there. That's how that
goes. My Mom lived in England for like five years. I don't have all
the details. Anyway. 12th paragraph. Pretty good stuff.
Got a black and white cookie to eat during Class Break in case I needed
something. Didn't. Now I still have it. Save it for Tuesday.
That's how that goes. I'm still trying to come to terms with them not
making Product 19 anymore. Well, not so much them not making it. Me
not being able to have it. Abstractly, them making it doesn't concern me.
It's me having it that concerns me. Philosophy. Great.
So far, with 5 hours of class time under my belt, the main thing I've learned it
Philosophy is different than Mythology. Not a lot of knowledge
accumulated, but I got that one thing down backwards and forwards.
Mostly forwards. Backwards, that's a bit of a hassle.
Crap and crap. Also, Teacher likes Super Heroes. He was making
analogies of common tropes of Ancient Greek Mythology, with modern stuff
like movies and super heros, and one of the things he said was along the lines
of, talking about Spiderman, We all have that situation where we find out we
have a gift for something, and must decide whether to use that gift for good or
evil. Now, us all having a gift, fine, I'll take that. Do many
people not have gifts? Not for me to say. But I like the part where
a good percentage of us are using our gifts for evil. He qualified it, in
terms of using the gift for money or power, which, sure, makes sense.
Still strikes me as humorous, though.
I'm gonna use comedy for evil! Why not.
Gotta do something. Better than using it for the good of Mankind, like a
Chump. 14th paragraph. No in-class-class till Tuesday. It's
about time. Why is it a given that Comedy is my Gift. Maybe it's
Being Short. I'm pretty good at that, all things considered. I fancy
myself a musician. Maybe my gift is being the mediocre-ist musician in all
the world. Gotta aim high. Mostly because of paragraphs and
things. I don't have all the details. Mediocre-ist in terms of the
entire population. In comparison to just musicians, I'm way below
mediocre. You bring everyone into the equation, though, look whose
suddenly mediocre! Me, that's why. Right here.
15th paragraph. Whatta day this was. Was awake
for nine hours. That sort of crap. I'm a pioneer in terms of Blog.
Some people say to perform a task like no one's watching, because that's
when they'd supposedly be at their best. I say, Blogging, write like
everybody's watching. Really makes you step up your game and crap.
Also, you don't get sad about how no one is reading. Anyway. Five
and a half paragraphs to go. Anyway, have you heard about how
philosophy and mythology are different? Shhh keep it on the down low.
That sort of crap. That's the stuff people want to read.
Anyway. At this rate, I might consider going into
extra-innings in terms of paragraphs. Whaz the deal with saying I
might consider. You're already considering. Am I right about
things?! Huh. I was really upset Gas Station didn't sell hot dogs.
I woulda gotten one for ClassBreak. I'm a fan of eating disgusting things.
It makes me happy. Also, Halal Carts that don't sell Hot Dogs? Not a
fan. I mean, in theory, fine, you're your own thing. And Hot Dogs
may or may not be Halal. But it says Hot Dogs on all
your carts. False advertising. Where do you get off and whatnot.
I'm gonna write an eight page play about you guys and I can guarantee you it
won't be flattering. Because it makes you guys white people.
The ultimate insult and crap.
I don't know. Gonna eat food either at end of this
paragraph or sometime while still writing it. That's how I roll. I
like gettin' back in the habit of watching The Daily Show and The Stephen
Colbert Presents Stephen Colbert And Three Guests. Now, when Conan comes
back, that's all the more... Shit I just read earlier Conan is moving to a
weekly show? That's no good. That's no good at all. If
anything, they should make it two hours every night. Really give the
sketches and goofballs and funnybones some room to breathe. Oh well, it's
not up to me. Gotta learn to live with what life throws your way.
After all, it's not Goodbye. It's just I'll see you significantly less
frequently. Oh well.
Gonna eat sometime in this paragraph. I finished the
last one too quickly. On account of not writing jokes. That speeds
things up a bit. 18th paragraph. Feels like a 25er. Because I
got shit else to do. Who knows, not me. Hey, I consulted Internet
further, and they're not gonna make Conan a weekly show. Celebrate good
times. Oh yeah. Time to eat. Alright. Did that.
Now I'm back. Three paragraphs to 20. Eight to 25. I don't
know. Crap and crap. I don't know. Probably 20. The
point is what else is going on. Jeez.
Penultimate paragraph. When this is done, I get to
sleep. I've been awake a good ten hours almost, its about time I feel.
I'm never gonna be a writer. I'm never going to England. I'm barely
gonna figure out the difference between philosophy and mythology. Such is
life. I don't know. A paragraph and a half to go. So close,
yet... so close. I'm stickin' with So Close. The main famous person
sighting my parents had that they told me about was they sat next to Glenn Close
at a play. Which is appropriate, I think, because of her name. My
Dad also got Mickey Mantle to sign his Official Department of Education
Assistant Principal Card at an airport.
These are things that I said. That happened. That
led to to the final paragraph. Anyway. I don't know. Teacher
likes The Flash. Which I believe is Peter Parker's nickname around the
office. Anyway, crap and crap. Premature ejaculation joke.
You figure it out. I took the high road. Camera joke. Let's
get with it. I don't like the term premature ejaculation. Who are
you to judge what's mature or not. I say, you're ejaculating, good for
you! It's 2017. Wonderful. ImmatureEjaculation.com
One way to go about things. Anyway, I'll see ya later.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
This Comes Before The Entry
Can't argue with facts.
Happy new years. Yeesh. I wonder what 2017 has in store.
Better start figuring it out now. It's 2017. Gotta get started and
whatnot. Philosophy Class started yesterday. Gave a drunk kid a
cigarette at bus stop. Wouldn't stop talking to me. Also, why do
strangers who talk to me keep asking me if I smoke weed. It's not like
they're offering any. They're just curious. Don't concern yourself
with what I may or may not do. The point is Great. Was very hungry
at class because it's when I eat dinner. Didn't anticipate it. And I
was in the one building in Queens College that doesn't have a snack vending
machine. They got a drink vending machine. That does me no good, I
have a drink.
What's The Deal With Things! Entry, huh. Switched
up the format. So far, not paying off. Really throws a wrench
in the monkey business and whatnot. Teacher has a heavily Italian Accent
with a hint of Swedishness. Understandable, though. That's how that
goes. Jargen Margen Dargen. Basically words end with en.
I guess that's how Italians talk. That's philosophy for ya.
The point is, one class down. Still no grade for Comedy Class. Who
woulda thunk it. Apparently the teacher was trying to say Jarg Marg
Darg. It's Philosophy, you wouldn't understand. The point is
Great. My Mom was watching The Americans, and I was like, if someone
has dual citizenship, they can be called Americanadians. Then I
realized, me thinking that and saying that sums up my mental illness pretty
Because that's how my mind works and crap. It's
like the Branjelina of dual citizenships. Crap and crap. Gotta get
an endoscopy next week. That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em.
Gotta watch an Online Lecture for today's class. I'll do that, do it
hardcore. The point is What Else. If I still haven't gotten Comedy
Class Grade next week, it's time to e-mail him. See what's up and crap.
Got a Royal Flush in poker yesterday. Guess I'm good at poker. It
takes real skill to do that. What else. My glasses broke and were
fixed in the time since Last Entry. How about that. Apparently Aces
and Tens count as Royals. Even Jacks. Jacks aren't royals.
Kings and Queens are royals. That's 2/5 of a royal flush. Seems like
they're overselling it quite a bit.
Paragraphs! Fourth one right now. Philosophy was
okay. I'll take some notes, sure. Crap and crap. Might get
back into a ten paragraph groove. We'll see how that goes. They had
a tray of free samples at Dunkin Donuts. I go, is this garbage or free
samples? Because it might have been someone's garbage. Cashier
thought I was calling it garbage as an insult. This is fuckin' garbage!
That sort of thing. Had to be extra nice after trying one. Oh, I
really like it. And I did. But still. Wonderful.
Smoked a cigarette during Break From Class outside the building. Not
supposed to smoke on campus. No One Must Know.
Crap and crap. It's 7:30 PM during the winter.
Hardly any students around, let alone Security Enforcers. No going around
the class introducing ourselves to each other. Great, just great. i
want other people to know my name and something about me. This is prime
forced-semi-socializing time, don't take that away from me!! Could have
gotten Chipotle today but just didn't feel like it. The rice would be
nice. Pinto beans. Not in the mood for tortilla or meat.
That's how that goes. What's going on and crap. Now that I have
class I don't need to watch any romantic comedies from the 2000's. I still
have to watch some, but, I don't know, maybe 50% less.
Yeah! Okay. It's been weeks since I've seen a
Conan O Brian or a Saturday Night Life. Those are my two rocks in the T.V.
schedule. The good news is I'm back watching The Daily Show and the
Stephen Colbert Variety Hour. They're good! I had a dream with
Stephen Colbert in it a few nights ago. The premise of the dream was that
he's a lot funnier than me. It was like, me trying to be funny, and then
him being 100% funnier than me. And I stand by that math. He was
twice as funny as me. Mathematically. In the dream. In real
life, probably, what, 300% funnier than me? 500%? The point is what
else. Pretty sure Austin Powers was in one of my dreams that last few
nights. That's another apt way to describe my illness. Dreaming
about Austin Powers.
I might be making that up. I can't remember.
Gastroenterologist offered to give me a rectal exam. He was like, you
don't have to have one, its up to you. And I was like, You know, I
think not. That's how that goes. What paragraph is this.
Seventh. That's pretty good. Don't wanna be an Americanadian.
Yeesh. When do we start the countdown till next election. Gotta be
soon, right? Need something to look forward to. Here's something I
thought of a week ago that also aptly represents my illness-- Weird Al should
have a parody of Christina Aguilera, "Peepee In a Bottle." The point
is I'm an idiot. Still the seventh paragraph. Oh well. It's an
internal rhyme. Get a load of that.
What else. Watched the first Harry Potter movie.
That's pretty good. Great production value. I feel like I was just
barely too old for Harry Potter books. A year or two younger, and I woulda
been into it. Some people in my class were into it. I just remember
explicitly thinking, Eh, I'm about a year too old for this. Great,
just great. Until watching it, I couldn't for the life of me remember
Ravenclaw. I knew Griffendorph. I knew Hufflepuff. I knew
Slytheran. That's how that goes. Griffendorf is the good guys.
Hufflepuff is a funny name. Slytheran are the bad guys. You
know, that sort of crap. I drove past a street called Riverhead and
I was pretty sure for a second it said Radiohead.
About time they got some recognition in the form of streets.
Ninth paragraph. About time its the ninth paragraph. At this rate, I
can do more than 10. What else. Crap and crap. I bent the
truth a little bit when I said my eyeglasses were fixed. They broke
because one handle bent off and he put a temporary screw in it. But I need
a new pair still. If it were up to me, I'd live with what I got. But
My Dad would be upset with me that I'm settling for anything less than
perfection. Also, I have a very slightly updated prescription, so might as
well take care of that. The point is Great. Almost at the point I
started at with poker. That's pretty good. Certainly not too bad.
I'm pretty pleased I can tell doctors I'm graduating this year. I'm 28
years old, and if I have to say I'm in school, the least I can do is qualify it
with this being my last year.
Right? Sure? Why not? Okay? Things?
Tenth paragraph. You know, at first, I felt a little bit let down with
this new format. But now, 10 paragraphs in, I'm getting used to it.
Not too bad. Certainly not... too bad. That's what I just
said. Huh. Great. What else. The question now is when
will I watch Lecture. I'll do it. No question about that. Just
when. Makes sense to do it before class tomorrow. So either tonight
or tomorrow. Narrowed it down to those two things. And, if tomorrow,
before class. Which I need to leave for at 5. So, we'll see how this
situation develops and whatnot.
Crap and crap. 20 is within reach. I guess.
Royal Flush. Man was I on my game yesterday. And got the maximum
amount of value for it. Got the other guy all in with a far inferior hand.
A straight draw and a poor flush draw. What else. I like how in
movies someone gets a straight flush and its supposed to portray, Wow this
guy is good at poker! Because people are stupid I guess. Oh
well. Crap and crap. Eleventh paragraph. Doublt digits, yo.
Hah. Americanadians. It's funny because it's words. Well,
it's not really a word. You get the idea, though. Crap and crap.
Playwriting in a month! I'll write some plays. With or without Cart
People. Either way is good.
12th paragraph. Gotta ride the bus in the dark.
That's no good. I can't see what's going on outside the bus. How am
I supposed to know when to get off. Wheelchair guy got on the bus
yesterday. Bus driver was like, let me strap you in! And
wheelchair guy was like, I got this. Pretty sure he never got
locked in. While I was on the bus, though, no problems. Seems like
he's asking for trouble, though. What else and crap. Apparently
there was an LIRR crash. I know someone who works for them. I shuold
see if he was right. After the entry. It's important to have
your priorities in order.
Yeesh. No one died, though, I've been led to believe.
So, even if he was injured, eh, he'll survive. What else is on T.V.
Crap and crap. Got to watch some Long Island T.V. in the waiting room.
Wonderful. I wish I could always watch Long Island T.V. They have
their priorities in order. 13th paragraph! Looks like a 20 after
all. Forgot to take a second Ritalin with me to class yesterday.
Made it that much more harder. Oh well, live and learn. Bus Stop
Drunk Kid asked me if I take any adderall. Told him about the Ritalin.
That I take it as prescribed. That's how that went. It was a
conversation I would remember for hours to come.
What else. Pumping out these short, unentertaining
paragraphs, like a Champ. Gotta do something. Pretty sure the
Grammy's are this week. That's an award show where they give awards to the
best grandmothers, right? Hahehah. The Grammys are in February.
What's this week. Golden globes. That's where
ehhyaeahsh ahaheaohsh. That sums that up. I don't know.
14th paragraph, though, I know that. I know lots of products such as
coffee mugs celebrate The World's Greatest Grandpa. Haven't seen
any World's Greatest Grandma. Something's up with that. That
was one of my main movie ideas. World's Greatest Grandpa. I
don't have the plot but I know Chris Rock is in it. In my imagination.
Wonderful. I must have mentioned that before.
Sure. What else. 15th paragraph! Class normally would start in
five seconds. Not gonna watch the lecture right on time. Oh well,
it's my choice. Don't have to Bus It Up today, though. That's good.
Entry today. I did/am doing something. Might not have been great.
But it's something. That's how that goes. Started cleaning up my
room this weekend. For thirty seconds. And 25 of those seconds were
planning it out. Where to start, and whatnot. Then five seconds was
pushing all the crap on my floor to the sides. Gotta start somewhere.
Stupid Cereal, stopped making Product 19. Don't they know that I like it?
Probably. I send them a thank you note every week.
Or, I did. Now, what's the point. It's the 16th paragraph.
17 is the year. Wrote it for the first time in Philosophy Notes yesterday.
I guess I can get used to that. What else. I don't know. Five
paragraphs to go, roughly. Yeesh. Let's get back on track.
Relatively speaking. Was that insensitive to the survivors of Train
Crash. Probably not-- they'd need to read it. If no one reads
it, it can't be insensitive. That's just Philosophy, that's all that is.
If an insensitive comment falls in a forest, and whatnot. Crap and crap.
Apparently I'm not doing the Philosophy that invloves Math. That's good.
As far as I can tell, I just need to remember the names Aristotle, Plato, and
Socrates. I know those names, I'm gonna be okay.
17th paragraph. Four to go. Product 19.
Year being 17. I'm gettin' all mixed up. The point is Great.
What else and crap. Test on 1/12. Week from tomorrow. I
crunched the numbers and everything. New year. That's great.
Started crazysheet.net in 2012. 2012. 2013. 2014. 2015.
2016. 2017. This is a list of years since then. Crap and crap.
Three and a half paragraphs to go. Seems about right. I wonder how
much funnier than me Stephen Colbert will be tonight. Probably a large
percentage. That would be my guess. 100% more than me. Most
people aren't 50% as funny as Stephen Colbert. I'm doin' pretty good
there, all things considered.
What else and crap. Three to go. Golden Globes.
Breasts. You figure it out. Anyway. I didn't know they had
Philosophers in Italy. Ya learn something every day. Not today,
though, so far. I don't think I've learned anything. Learned I need
to take Protonix. That's something. Alright, got the one thing
down, now time to space out for six hours. It's about time. Crap
and crap. I don't know. Yeesh. Why don't people re-use pieces
of floss. You're just being wasteful, that's all that is. A little
more than 2 paragraphs to go. Gotta think up some crap to fill that in.
Crap and crap. I don't know. Eat dinner half an
hour after this is finished. Get some real quality lying-in-bed-watching-t.v.
time. Doin' something productive with my life is the point. It
always impresses me how I get song plays on theuppers.bandcamp.com without
getting any page hits. And the songs are explicitly not from an embed.
Someone's pullin' some magic tricks. Keep increasing the Newport portion
compared to Camel Blue in terms of cigarettes I'm smoking. I feel okay
with that. Gotta appropriately plan out which cartons to get, though.
Sometimes one each of Newport and Camel Blue. Sometimes just Newport.
It's a whole thing.
Last paragraph! Wonderful. Not of my life; of
this entry. Probably. If this is the last paragraph of my life,
something went wrong. I guess gotta make it count, then. First of
all, big ups to life. Got me this far, and, apparently there's no more,
probably, or I'm incapacitated in some other way. Either way, what else is
going on. I feel fine with that being my last message to the world.
Yeesh. Got some movies queued up to watch. That's a good way to
spend my final moments. Watching The Italian Job. Except for
the fist fifteen minutes. Already watched that. I thought it's
appropriate to watch that in relation to my teacher being Italian.
Sometimes things just work themselves out. I'll talk to you later.