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Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Ain't Nobody That Can Title Like Me

  I hope not, at least.  I've spent my entire post-adolescent life specializing in writing titles, so if I'm not even the best at that, the prospects I have for my future are pretty dim!  All this Life Devoted To Titles, all gone with the wind.  Was gone with the wind a phrase people used before the movie/book?  I know it's in the song Tuesday's Gone ["Tuesday's gone with the wind," so they say], was just listening to that, and it's sort of meant to say Ah it's gone... with... ok the wind I guess this explanation doesn't really elaborate on what it means... anyway the meaning of, "Gone With The Wind," were it to be a real phrase, is like... well,... umm... like... like
    Hey and we're back!  Tuesday's gone with the wind.  There was a Tuesday, something happened on Tuesday or it was important for some reason.  Tuesday was a day that existed.  Now it's gone!  With the wind!  Forget about Tuesday, is the point.  It's over and done with-- there' that's a good summation of what Gone With The Wind Would Mean If It Turns Out It's A Phrase Beyond Being A Title.  Somethin' happened, over and done with now, gone with the wind, that sounds more poetical than over and done with, doesn't it?  Anyway what else is going on.  Oh, right.  I was actually gonna Fact-Check if it's a real phrase that means what I say it means or if Lynyrd Skynyrd was just makin' stuff up. Internet seems to agree that basically, "The phrase was popularized by..." which means it did exist as a phrase beforehand but then became more popular because of how much People Love Titles
    I've never seen (or read) Gone With The Wind, but obviously I've heard the title plenty of times because it's supposed to be an iconic movie.  Whenever I conceptualized the title, though, I never thought of it in terms of the purported meaning of the phrase.  It just seemed to Be What It Is.  Some Iconic movie, Gone With The Wind.  No meaning there, that's just what some Iconic Movie Is.  The only things I know about it are two lines of dialogue that, I am just realizing, Slant Rhyme.  "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," and, then, later, "Play it a... WIAIT THAT'S CASABLANCA WHAT A SCAM."  Turns out all of the history of Hollywood is a huge scam trying to get us of my generation who know the iconic movies Gone With The Wind and Casablanca By Name And The Scam Is To Get Us To Conflate Them And Presumably They Reap The Benefits!
    Such is life.  Pretty sure they would never be able to make Casablanca these days.  Here in America we say White House.  Love it or leave it!  Something along those lines, I don't know.  Music isn't innocent of conflating titles, though, either.  I confused Tuesday's Gone with Freebird all the time!  Well, lets be honest, they're pretty similar songs.  Somethin's gone with the wind in one song, and some guy is free as a bird in another.  He's free as a bird now because Tuesday is gone with the wind.  Somethin' was keepin' him caged up on Tuesday and now Tuesday is gone he's a free as a bird-- which I guess are very free somehow?  My guess is because of the flying-- for some reason.  Anyway such is life for some reason, I guess the next paragraph is the fourth! 
    If Lynyrd Skynyrd was a band today they would drop the Lynyrd and just be a MathRock band called Skynyrd.  (and pronounce it differently)  Also, full disclosure-- not 100% what mathrock is.  Pretty sure I've heard that phrase before, and pretty sure I wouldn't like MathRock, but also am pretty sure you know what I could imagine a scenario where something called MathRock is something I'm into but what I'm assuming is currently called MathRock in the real world I wouldn't be into.  That's life I guess.  Mathrock could be great but based on the Nothing I know it probably isn't.  Oh well, live and learn, what else is going on.  Today's the fifteenth paragraph!  TRUE THOUGHT I JUST HAD FOR A SENTENCE TO WRITE.  In reality I meant this is the fifth paragraph.  Got a couple of the nouns wrong, but so what, nobody's perfect, right?  Anyway.  If I was Sam, I'd be like don't tell me what to do.  I'll play this piano when I feel like... I just happen to feel like it right now... Roll Credits. 


We Gon Go Crazy

  That's my job description.  My mission statement.  My topic sentence, my philosophy, my reason for being.  Also, I wrote We instead of I'm because I'm Have Done Gon Go Crazied.  I shouldn't have to explain every little thing to you!  Drinkin' some alcohol today.  Usin' bottle as a prop, too.  The last few years, I drink alcohol, I pour the alcohol in the glass, usually mixed with something, put it back in the drawer, and then take it out again when I need a refill.  Probably settled into that routine because at first I was hiding it from my parents so based on the .0000000000025% chance they'd somehow want to get into my room without me being able to stop them, they wouldn't see it.  Now, I realize, I've been actin' a fool!  I pour myself a drink, I leave that nice bottle on the table, by my drink, I really get into the spirit of things!  Sure puns are intended!  Puns are always intended!  That's why they're called puns!
    Wonderful, just wonderful.  Seventh paragraph over all.  Went to the Laundromat today!  Ya'll know what that's like.  I go to the Laundromat, I make them do the laundry for me!  Sure it costs more that way, but it's the little things in life I like to spoil myself on.  What, you want me to sit in front of a machine and what my clothes go up and down back and forth up and down back and forth for several hours?  I don't play that game!  Make someone else do it for me, that's how I roll for some reason.  For some reason, Microsoft FrontPage insists that laundromat is only spelled correctly with a capital L.  What the Hell?  Is Laundromat a brand name that I'm unaware of?  Is it like the Kleenex of Places You Can Get Your Clothes Washed?  I'm gonna look into this on the internet because Hey The Internet Is Already Here Might As Well Consult It For Facts.  Anyway.  Internet does confirm its a registered trademark but I'm still not really sure Why or By Who.
    That means if you want to talk about Laundromats in movies you gotta pay royalties to some place that owns the word Laundromat?  That doesn't sound right!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Pretty sure that's not how things work.  You're always allowed to just use words to reference things.  Nothin' wrong there.  Anyway, its the eighth paragraph you dummies.  I think it would be fun to live in a slightly alternate reality where Merriam Webster owns all the words and we have to pay them for each and every word we use commercially.  Seems like a fun scenario which our reality could be forced to become accustomed to.  Anyway the next paragraph is the ninth lets get on the same page there and everything.  What else is going on.
    I like the idea of congress actually truly holding Trump & Administration & Political and Business Partners accountable because it sort of gives us the out of just ignoring all the stupid/racist/offensive/bullshit things he says.  He calls a respected black congressman a racist.  Now, in the past, we'd all freak out!  What the Hell!  This shouldn't happen!  New scenario-- congress is truly looking into his crimes, moving forward with holding him accountable-- Hey Trump is being a dick what else is going on.  They're gonna worry about it so we don't have to!  Seems like a fantasy world to me, but there it is I guess hopefully.  Now, of course, Trump can commit brand new crimes and corruptions and misdeeds-- still gotta worry about that.  But all that Distraction Crap Stuff he does, maybe we can learn to tune that crap out a bit (unless it effects us personally-- like for example the racism does-- in which case-- sorry.)
    Cause, yeah, it's true, even just saying racist things can lead to concrete consequences, but, c'mon, please, just let me live in a reality where I can tune that crap out for myself at least!  I beg ya!  But, no, on the other hand, this can be for all of us.  Imagine.  Trump is a racist.  Big deal.  We know that.  Media moves on to the next thing because He's Being Investigated And He'll Pay For His Crimes.  No reason to amplify his racism or venom or anything.  Not a big story anymore.  Let him be a baby in his own little world and we'll move on with holding him accountable in our adult and responsibility-driven reality, and life will go on.  Fantasy!  Let's Fantasy it up!  The good thing about fantasies is that they're possible until they're proven to be unrealistic.  Oh well, such is life I guess!  What's the next paragraph!


What Else Ya Got  

    I don't know, does more paragraphs interest you?  If so, right this way!  If not, turn to page 67 and sit on it Potsie.  Got Lunch to be ready in about 20 minutes.  What a wonderful world and whatnot.  I'm conflicted about getting Snapple or Arizona Iced Tea from the supermarket.  Snapple tastes better.  But Diet Arizona Iced Tea insists it's a true zero calorie beverage.  Whereas Diet Snapple claims to be either 5 or 10 calories per serving, depending on the exact flavor.  I mean, zero, that's the dream, right?  It's not the same as debating between something that's 40 calories or 45 calories.  Same difference, but psychologically, gettin something that's a big fat zero has such appeal that its hard to say no to, even if its honestly not quite as good.  That's how I feel about things and I'm going to the supermarket tomorrow so we'll see how that all shakes out in due time.
    12th paragraph!  Figure 20 is within reach today.  Laundromat @ 2:00 PM.  Picking it up this time!  First time I go, I drop it off.  Then later in the day I pick it up.  Some people stay for the duration if they're doing it themselves.  Me, I don't stay, I have them do it, but I go there twice just to take care of it to the extent I have to.  Anyway.  I'm gonna start to be more conscious of whether Laundromats use the word Laundromat in their Store Title.  And, if so, are they doing it correctly or irresponsibly?  I'll have to say I need to speak to the manager... it's a question of semantics... also, not a bad title for a block of paragraphs, "Here's Some Antics," something along those lines... wait why am I saying that to you, you know nothing of my secret website shame.  I hate it when workers at the Laundromats trick us into talking to them about our secret shames.  It happens all the time and frankly that's why people don't go to Laundromats anymore. 
    13th paragraph!  Figure I'll most likely take lunch out of the oven after this one.  I don't know 100% what this says about me, but I was told I might need a colonoscopy by my endocrinologist, because my iron was low, which could mean polyps or hemorrhoids or something, and my first thought was well that's good finally I'm an adult doing adults things.  Then I was like well that's a hassle and not sure if I want the nuts and bolts of what that test would entail but the first thought was my parents have been telling me for years, Mom had colon cancer, Dad has polyps all the time, most people start gettin' colonoscopies when they're 50, I should when I'm 40 because of that history, and now I need one now and I'm like Well, Adulthood, I Have Arrived!  Oh and also hopefully I don't have colon cancer, that too, we'll have to wait to find out!  But, also, yeah lets see what's going on in there!
The pursuit of knowledge is always a positive thing.  That's my opinion about life.  Hey that paragraph is over might as well take lunch out of the oven now.  Be right back dummies!  Hey I'm back.  I'd still be happy to not have to have the colonoscopy.  Nothing is better than anything.  But the point is I'm not only back but I'm eating lunch at the same time as being back.  Similar lunch to a lunch I described a few weeks ago.  I forget when exactly, but I remember reading about it when I was looking over past entries.  Steak, Egg Whites, Rye Toast, and some French Fries.  It's the life, being able to eat stuff, right?  I mean, sometimes you might feel like your life is a big fat zero but then you remember oh right I get to eat crap as well as my life being nothing so you realize well there's something right there!  Being a consumer of deliciousness.  Whatta scam.  Enjoying meals three times a day, having some snacks, not gaining weight, and it's Great just enough to keep us from killing ourselves completely.  I'm onto your game, food!
  Is it weird that I feel self conscious about switched up my order in a small way from Starbucks/Dunkin Donuts?  Like, say I wanna try a regular iced coffee instead of a cold brew.  Or I want to try full milk instead of skim milk.  I'm worried that my new order will either confuse them or anger them.  Maybe it'll be like, but, wait... hold on a second.  You've been coming here regularly and you get the same thing... and now you want something different? ...I better go get the manager.  And it's either because of confusion or rage I assume, I'm not sure, I don't know.  It's my own thing, really.  Also, it's not just that it mucks things up for that one occasion.  The entire future of my going there is altered.  Now it's been introduced into our relationship that consistency means nothing, there is no routine we can rely on, and I can change whims on the drop of a hat or something.  In the end, it all adds up to yeah this is all stupid nonsense but its so much stupid nonsense that it actually prevents me from changing up the order in Real Life.


Hey What's It All About 

    Cool!  16th paragraph.  Presumably 5 to go.  Figure I'll take a walk after this is done.  That'll leave me ample time to be home before I have to pick up crap at the Laundromat.  Also, I'm seriously thinking about adding, "laundromat," to Microsoft FrontPage's dictionary.  It will have little practical consequences, it won't come up that much in the future in the specific role of writing entries.  It's more a question of how it'll make me feel.  Will I feel better committing to using the word without capitalizing it, or will I feel better sticking to how it should be?  I don't know.  I'll have an answer by the end of the entry, believe you me.  Which I believe is the sequel to Call Me By Your Name.  You call someone by your own name enough, you're eventually gonna be like I Believe You Me.  Think about it!  Not too hard!  A little hard!  Maybe like 15-35% hard!
    Four to go!
  I can't believe it.  This entry went pretty well.  I attribute it to, not just drinking alcohol, but having the bottle on the desk where I could see it.  Really made me feel like a real writer.  You know, like in the style of Hemmingway or London or something.  I don't know much about the history of writing but I am under the impression that alcohol has played a big role in it as far as I know.  Anyway.  Done drinking for the day most likely.  Had ~4 drinks.  I guess.  Put the bottle of alcohol way even though I'm not done because I am done pouring more and it's impractical to leave it out on the table with no concrete reason for it to be there at all.  I mean, if I'm doing that, I might as well just take out the bottle every time I write an entry, put it by my laptop, and never drink a drop.  Is that what you'd like?  Should that be the future I devise for myself?  Get back to me at email@email.com.
    Penultimate to the penultimate. 
I guess.  I'm not 100% sure how long this has been going on exactly, but I've gotten in the habit of eating things without using utensils, and justifying it in my mind when I half think about it as something other people do.  Like, eating rice.  I have no idea if this is true, but nowadays I pick up clods of white rice with my fingers, eat it that way, and sort of half think well this is how they do it in China in reality, not a lot of people know that.  Did I hear that somewhere and it's based on fact?  I don't know!  Maybe!  Seems like something that would be an interesting piece of trivia and who knows its possibly true!  But, on the other hand, Hey Ummm you've heard of chopsticks don't Chinese people use that?  Doesn't everyone kind of know that?  But, anyway, it also extends to other stuff that I know other people don't eat without utensils.  It's just more fun to pick stuff up and eat it with your fingers/hands.  I mean, wash 'em afterwards, sure.  But use your hands to eat stuff!  It's like reconnecting with a primal urge that we as modern human beings have unfortunately disconnected from!  
    Two to go!
  Wonderful.  Maybe I'll top myself off with one more drink.  That'll learn 'em, that'll learn all of 'em.  Figure this'll be the last entry of July.  Whatta month.  Now its been 4 months since my last cigarette, but the last week or so, I've really been jonesing for a cigarette.  I partly blame it on seeing Once Upon a Hollywood Time where they smoke cigarettes a lot in.  It's good to blame things in your life on things you've seen on TV or at the movies!  They can't offer any rebuttals to defend themselves and it removes you from accepting responsibility for your own damn life!  That's how I feel for some reason.  Anyway, gonna take a walk after this is done.  Then I'll be back with plenty of time to Go To The Laundromat.  Sounds like a blast, whatta real blast and whatnot.  Democratic Debate tonight and tomorrow night.  I'm rooting for them to advance a narrative of Biden vs Harris Part II! because it'll give some fun coverage to two candidates people like me don't consider to be in our top tier but who the establishment would like to be in our top tier!  Sounds like a fun narrative to me, lets go for it!  Plus, Bernie and Warren!  That'll contribute to there B Narrative-- the left is going after itself!  It's fun knowing what will happen at the debates beforehand presumably.
    Last paragraph.  Who knows what'll happen, not me.  It could be 100% as I predict or I could be 100% way off!  That's the fun of living life.  Never know if your preconceived notions are gonna turn out to be correct, partly correct, or completely way off base!  And every single day we get to test our preconceived notions yet again, and see where that takes us!  What fun.  Anyway, I dunno.  Gonna get another iced coffee on my walk.  Probably a cold brew.  With skim milk.  And 5 Splenda.  And Sugar Free French Vanilla.  Hey, consistency has gotta be worth something, right?  That's another reason to stick by your standard Coffee Order.  Fuck what they think.  What do you think?  Are you happy being the model of reliability and consistency?  Or do you wanna throw that all away just to see once more hey I wonder how Iced Coffee tastes compared to Cold Brew?  Just stick with Cold Brew, you dummy.  I'll see ya later.

-12:35 P.M.



Friday, July 26, 2019

What a Wonderful Title  

  I was inspired by the world.  Ah, who am I kidding, the world is a shitshow.  But anyway, this entry might be okay!  Lets find out together.  Friday Early Afternoon Entry.  July Entry.  2019.  Anyway, the Mueller hearing was 2 days ago and he went on record saying the president has committed crimes and that he would have been charged if not for the belief tht you can't charge a sitting president but also that once he's not president you can charge him.  And the media was like what a win for Trump!  Bad optics for the Democrats!  Wasn't exciting enough!  The cynical part of me is like are you fucking serious with that shit?  You obviously just don't want to report The Truth because for some reason you don't want to advance that message but also before they started that narrative on TV my Mom was like this isn't exciting this is a let down so I guess they really are speaking to how Dumb People Of That Generation perceived it.
    What did you expect, Mueller to bring an assault rifle and shoot up all the Republicans trying to defend Trump?  Did you want him to say I placed a bomb in the oval office and if you don't play my game it will explode once every day until my demands are met.  Really, I don't get it, what the Hell were you looking for?  Anyway the good news is Wait a second there's a reality I can create for My Life where I just stop caring.  Get a job somehow, live somewhere I won't be exposed to MSNBC all day, and just fucking move on with my own crap.  It's crazy enough it just might work!  Hmm that's a good title for my resume especially if Crazysheet is listed as a qualification or past work experience.  Maybe instead of it's I use I'm.  I'M CRAZY ENOUGH I JUST MIGHT WORK.
Sounds good to me!  Saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood yesterday.  Which, translated into English, reads Eleven Upon a Time in Hollywood.  Cracked that code!  It was a pretty good movie but it ended after 2 and a half hours so a lot of good that did me!  I thought I was gonna be relatively lightly entertained indefinitely for the rest of my life!  Turns out it ended as quickly as it started and I'm back here in this ShitShow of a world.  What else is going on.  Did some drinkin' last night.  I was inspired by the movie.  Drinking isn't a huge part of the movie but it does occur on several occasions and I was like hey that's a good idea I'd like to alter my state relatively lightly also it'll entertain me indefinitely for a few hours Again Alright let's keep it rolling!  Then I woke up today and all that was gone but Here I Am Doing This!
    Sounds good to me.
  What else is going on.  Fourth paragraph!  I've been really fantasizing about going to Disney World lately.  Started last weekend.  I was just browsing Disney World Resort Hotels online and I was focusing in on the one I believe my family stayed at back in 1997 and jonesing for it hard.  I think part of that reminiscing is because it was 1997 and only a short time before OH YEAH REPUBLICANS IMPEACHED A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT A REALLY RELATIVELY SHORT TIME AGO FOR LYING ABOUT SEX AND HE DIDN'T EVEN COMMIT CAMPAIGN FINANCE LAWS TO COVER IT UP NOR WAS IT UN-CONSENSUAL NOR SERIALLY UN-CONSENSUAL ALSO HE DIDN'T COMMIT COLLUSION OR OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE* OR CORRUPTION OR... so the point is let's all party like it's 1999!  And by PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999! I mean Fuckin' Impeach this guy RIGHT NOW.
    Sounds good to me.  Also, here's a guarantee-- I'm 100% sure-- the next Democratic president (if there is one) will 100% be impeached if the Republicans control the house.  Doesn't matter for what, how trivial it is or anything.  Has absolutely no difference whether he did anything wrong or how serious it will have been.  That will happen either way. When they go low, we go high!  So when they cheat and steal elections and usurp power and defy law and order, you, "go high?"  Yup!  Up into the sky!  We cede the ground to them and escalate up to the 20th, 25th floors!  Lotta good that does us.  Anyway, fifth paragraph!  I figure I'll take a Walking Break after maybe the 10th paragraph or so.  It's good because it's a multiple of 5!  It's even a multiple of 10!  It's One Of Those!
    Jeez.  Why I can't I just live in a world where there's a Manson Family and they may or may not want to kill me and others.  You know, a simpler time and place?  Sounds like a fantasy world to me.  Alternate Route For Life To Go-- Let's Party Like It's 1999 by delivering a pizza but it's a prank pizza order and we go Aw Crud and get frozen and wake up 1000 years later and become friends with a robot and a Cyclops.  Either way sounds okay by me.  The point is either way c'mon let's get into a 1999 type of mood those were good days!  I feel like there should be a word for 20 years.  a DoubleDecade.  But a simpler word with less syllables.  I mean, two or three syllables, tops.  Let's figure this one out, its one of the most pressing issues I could imagine.
    Anyway, great, what paragraph are we into now.  Seventh!  I don't believe it!  But the evidence is staggering.  Starting to think I really should check out that video of my comedy.  For a pretty selfish and self-absorbed reason-- I kinda forget 100% how it went and feel like watching it might be amusing.  Like, I'll be like, hey that guy's actually pretty funn... WAIT HOLY SHIT ITS ME I'm A STAR!  However, on the other hand, I'm still pretty sure I Look and Sound Like a Jerk.  So any modicum of possible humor would be cancelled out by my lack of confidence in how I present myself physically to the world.  Oh well, such is life and so on and so forth.  I watched Aziz Ansari's special a few days ago.  I was like, wait, hold on.  ... He did some Sex Thing Bad and now we're just supposed to move on?  I dunno about that!... on the other hand... Hmm... wait, What's a sex thing?  Not just his Bad Sex Thing but explain All Sex Things to me right now.
    My judgment in such cultural sticky situations is clouded by the fact that I don't know what Sex or Intimate Relationship Things are.  I haven't been on ONE DATE in my entire life!  WHAT THE HELL.  That explains why a website is my best friend, though, I guess.  I do have faith that I will have a girlfriend at one point or another but its gonna be weird cause I'll be like This has never happened to me before.  None of this.  I have no idea how this is supposed to go or how I act or what this is.  Oh well such is life.  I guess I could date a 14 year old so at least we're in the same page.  But, then again, no.  We'd have nothing in common!  Also, if we had sex, that's rape!  Not that I'd want to have sex with someone I don't have anything in common with!  That's Rude!  And I'm a Good Guy!  Best to date someone my age who will have sex with me because we have things in common and who will just see me as an equivalent to a 14 year old in intimacy.
    So we got that to look forward to!  Sorry.
  What else is going on.  Ninth paragraph!  Man what a ShitShow.  I don't like the term Fortnight but I also don't like how its fallen out of favor.  I think it was a mistake to make up and use the word in the first place, but once we started, c'mon, see it through to the finish.  You can't just quit saying a word because you don't like it anymore!  Why is it called a fortnight.  Hey you know, "A Week," right?  Yeah it's seven days.  I got this new word for Two of Those.  Hit me!  A, "Fortnight."  Yeah but that mentions nights not sure how its relevant.  Yeah but it combines it with a Fort.  You know, like forts?  Not sure where you're going with this.  I'm not going anywhere with this this is it, no further to go, what you see is what you get.  Not 100% what this is but now that we've started we gotta see it through to the end no getting rid of fortnights now!  
    Oh so that's why I've never had a girlfriend.  I'm insane.  Alright makes sense to me carry on.  It's kind of embarrassing how much I take note of license plates when I'm on my walks.  I mean, I'm used to them all by now, having taken 3 walks a day for months and months.  Fair amount of vanity license plates on my walk, obviously I'm gonna remember those, but I even sorta remember some regular ones.  Like, one that goes FWF, and every time I see it I think of going Something something something  I Falafel About It.  That's more or less what my life has been for months going on years.  That little anecdote sums it up.  So, great, I'm takin' a walk in a minute.  I'll try to take some Fascism-Scouting-Notes about some other license plates and let you know my thoughts on those as well.  No I won't.  I thought about it briefly while writing the sentence just now but was immediately like nah I don't actually wanna do that.  But I'll see ya later soon!


What, There's More?    

  Why not.  I was thinking about it, and what's more intimate than reveling in the absurd together?  That's one thing I think I can excel at.  I can properly mirror human behavior, I think, to give the impression that we could have a potential shared experience, which, for reading this crap, is appreciating absurdity!  And I mean, "mirror," in the most generous sense.  I'll really be on the same page as you, no fooling!  I'm not trying to trick ya!  Let's just feel the same way about things and that'll foster some intimacy, sure!  Anyway, it's the eleventh paragraph, or as the Spanish might say, the Once Upon a Paragraph.  I guess.  Got myself a beer!  Talk about a shared experience!  No I wasn't.  But the point is Great What Else Is Going On.
    I like how we call ourselves Americans and primarily Native Populations Latinos.  Hey, this is America, they might say, aren't we Americans?  No, we're the Americans. You're Latinos.  But you're the ones from Europe where Rome and Latin stuff is from.  Nope you got it mixed up.  We're the ones from here, you're from somewhere else.  But we're from here.  Man you got this all backwards!  Such is our ShitShow.  If I was running for president in 2020, my first instinct would be for my slogan to be Make America America Make.  I was just gonna say Make America America Again but halfway through I realized there's no joke there, nor is it particularly insightful or salient, so I was like hmm I'm gonna make a word palindrome see where that takes us.
    Palindrome, some sort of dystopia where Sarah Palin is the next president.
  I remember thinking back around half a duodecade ago man man I bet Sarah Palin is gonna be the next president that'd be fuckin' crazy.  And it turns out America was like NOT CRAZY ENOUGH!  Whatta wonderful ShitShow.  I I think it's intellectually lazy to characterize these times as crazy.   How about horrifying or incredibly dangerous or something like that?  Instead of just boy this is nuts you keepin' up with this? how about ... ... ...I don't now how else to respond to things, my fuckin' title is CrazySheet, I was designed to only react to things as if they were crazy!  I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO REACT PROPERLY TO THE TIMES WE'RE IN!
Something like that, I don't know.  14th paragraph!  Seems like 20 is the thing to do, no?  Yep.  I can learn, though.  Just gotta start horrifyingsheet.net.  But people will think it's a CreepyPasta just dedicated to the subset of ghosts which are covered with bedsheets.  And that's catering to a real niche that I'm not sure is sustainable.  I remember when I was a kid Snopes.com was a big thing I liked.  It used to be primarily Horror Urban Legends and stuff, fun stuff like that.  As opposed to now being mostly stuff like Did Hillary Clinton Run a Pedophilia Ring out of a Pizza Parlor-- not enough evidence!  It used to be stuff like will a ghost show up in your mirror if you chant their names enough--  not enough evidence!  Pretty much everything, then and now, is Not Enough Evidence.  That's the responsible way to go.  If everything is Not Enough Evidence, then what the Hell is the point of the website in the first place?  It's a good place to share insane, unsubstantiated rumors against your political opponents!  Oh I see carry on.
Hey 15th paragraph how about that.  I think I was truly traumatized with Bathroom Things.  Let me explain.  Those Bloody Mary stories where if you look in the mirror and a ghost appears, I mean, yeah, I didn't believe it.  But it didn't stop me from being scared of it.  Even today!  And, yeah, I'm not gonna somehow accidentally say Bloody Mary out loud three times, or even once.  But sometimes I'm like, jeez, I don't know, maybe even thinking it three times would do it.  Blo... FUCK IM ABOUT TO DO IT ONCE NO GOTTA STOP STOP STOP STOP BLOODY MARY FUCK ONLY TWO MORE TO GO NO NO NO NO BL...  TO THIS DAY THAT HAPPENS TO METhe second thing was, the scene(s) from The Shining with the lady in the bathtub made me scared of that somehow.  I guess primarily when the shower curtain was closed.  I mean, if its open, obviously there's no ghost old lady there.  But if it's closed, I don't know what's behind there!  It could be anything!
    Psycho never really scared me.  I wasn't of the generation for it.  I don't even know if I've ever actually seen the whole movie.  Although, lately, the last year or two, I've actually developed a new thing.  Which is that, I'm scared I'll be taking a shower and the lights will suddenly go out and I'll be in the dark.  That's it.  Hmm.  I'm a frightened little boy is the point of the entry I guess?  Yeah that sounds about right.  What else is going on.  I found it really weird that they made a movie of Slenderman that obviously was capitalizing on that case where the two kids murdered their friend because of it.  Weird because who decided it was a good idea that they should make money off such a tragedy and also weird because it made me ponder wonder if those two kids are gettin' any royalties from this movie.  Seems like they should, right?  Did Quinton Tarentino need to pay Charles Manson for this latest movie?  I don't know, these are important questions though.
    Hey 17th paragraph how about that.  This was a decent entry!  Started out recounting my recollections of The ShitShow that is every day and somehow ended up  where I'm crackin' wise about being a frightened little boy but it's all in good fun anyway.  Are those two topics really that separate?  Yeah!  The ShitShow is what Really Scares Me and the urban legends are the Fun Version Of Scary.  Get with the times!  When I was walking to the movie theater yesterday, I passed by a ladder on the sidewalk, and there was some space to walk between it and the building, under it, or behind it.  I was like well this is easy, I know what to do here.  I'm gonna steer clear of this bad luck mess altogether!  I pity the people who didn't think hard enough about this situation and are just gonna walk under the ladder because they're not paying attention.  They'll pay for their sins of indifference one day, but me, no bad luck for me, not today! 
    Wonderful, just wonderful.  Three paragraphs to go theoretically.  Hey, if Tarentino can make money off Charles Manson, why can't they make money off of Slenderman?  Manson was 50 years ago.  Slenderman was less than 5.  It's the age old entertainment equation, "Tragedy + Time = Profits!That's how I feel.  Wonderful, just wonderful.  I like it when actors play actors in movies.  That seems like fun.  I can relate because it's not far off at all from a crazy person writing in the tone of a crazy person.  Anyway, I started writing an entry last week, after the last one, and got three paragraphs in, but was just devolving into horror of the Send Her Back chant.  I'm not gonna re-get into it here, because there's a reason I had to stop completely, but, just, c'mon.  Please, 'Merica.  No more.
    19th paragraph!  I always thought someone named Erica should have a morning show on AM radio and call it A.M. Erica [also double AM]  Always.  I was born thinking that and not once in my 30.5 years has it left my mind.  It's beyond consuming.  It's all I have or ever will know.  Anyway, jeez.  Related thought that I always thought-- Eminem has a song The Way I Am and I always reacted to it, like, Ah, the way he, "A Minors," like the musical chord A Minor.  Which is a sad chord, if you know music.  Kinda a depressing chord.  He's not really into the music part of music, more lyrics, but this song is the way he A Minors.  Like a crazy person writing like a crazy person.  You get what you give.  Anyway, getting close to the end of the entry.  I would never rape a minor because it's rude. That's another take away from this entry?  Now that theres, that's a C#.  I don't fuck with c#s.
Possibly last paragraph, possibly I go overboard, I dunno yet!  Wanna hear something weird?  I haven't had a TV for 3 months!  That's roughly 1/4th of a year!  I dunno what's going on with Conan 'O Brian or anything!  Hope he's doing well.  Thoughts and prayers.  What else is going on.  There's a deli/convenience store/something like that on my walk that's called New Mart.  And every time I pass it, I think, Hellooooo Nnnnewmart.  The point is there's lots of stuff I walk by all the time and I have humorous routine reactions to them that all constitute a It's A Life About Nothing.  How entertaining.  Anyway, what else in the wide world of sports is gonna aid me in the wrapping up of this entry.  I broke a second string on my acoustic guitar while trying to restring the original broken string.  So the point is I guess I don't play acoustic guitar anymore.  Oh well, I had a good run.  There's always Electric Guitar But I Dunno I Keep That in Its Case Since I Used To Not And Then It Got So Dirty When I Had It Fixed The Guy Shamed Me For How Dirty It Was So Now It Stays In The Case.  Something along those lines, sports, I dunno.  Internet Intimate Absurdity.  Catch ya later.

-2:58 P.M.


* Ah, but he was found to have committed Obstruction of Justice in his Impeachment!  Mueller just said Trump did, too.  Ah, never mind then!  That line of argument no longer justifies my defending a criminal!  But remember that brief moment I poked a hole in your story?  Yeah that was very brief until I turned it on you.  Ah, but there was that brief moment you had doubt!  Let's live in that moment for all the rest of time!  But its over, now.  You said obstruction of justice justified impeachment, I turned it on you, and then you acted like it doesn't matter.  Ah, but now, uhhh,, HEY LOOK OVER THERE! [runs away] 


Thursday, July 18, 2019

Everyone Read Entry     

  Well, everyone whose reading the entry will read the entry.  ...I... see...  Great that's achieving 20% of your senses down, only 80% to go!  What's up, this is the second entry of the working week.  I'm having fun keeping track of The Working Week even though I don't work.  I project it onto listening to music during my Circle Walking.  July 15, I was listening to music, and I was all like, to myself, alright Monday nobody likes Mondays!  Hey better listen to, "Monday," by Wilco.  That's how I choose to live my life for some reason.  Anyway, now it's Thursday, the weekend is in sight (Man, good for you for keeping seeing things!  You're really mastering this one sense!  Makes me think you'd excel at practicing other senses, too, if you really tried!)
    Huh.  Second paragraph.  One of the most contentious subjects in my household the last few weeks has to do with the freezer.  A month or two ago, the supermarket had a special where they just gave away 10 frozen hamburgers and some frozen chicken breasts.  I think it must have been right before Memorial Day, so this was like some sort of thing for grilling BBQs or something.  So now we got all this meat we're never gonna eat clogging up the freezer.  And I know we're never gonna eat it.  Dad and Mom must know it, too, but they refuse to acknowledge it completely.  I'm sure they realize I'm right when I tell them Jesus I need this space in the freezer!  You're mucking up my compartmentalizing and you know as well as I do its for nothing in the end!
Oh well, their house, their rules.  Their freezer, their rules.  What, do I think hamburgers just grow on trees?  I don't know.  Give 'em to a homeless shelter or something.  In a post modern city, shouldn't there just be a place in every neighborhood that doesn't necessarily have to be a full fledged homeless shelter, but just a place nearby where you can bring food which would otherwise go to waste, or old clothes or furniture or anything really?  Like, a place literally within walking distance of everyone's residency.  Why not.  It would be good!  Society should do things that are good, that's my opinion.  And not do things that are bad!  I feel very strongly about this.  Anyway.  Just had Lunch #1.  That's how I've been rolling the last few days.  Back into the thing where I have 2 smaller lunches instead of one big lunch.  Lunch today was Two Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Relatively big ones!  It's actually a pretty big lunch all things considered.
    That's over now but the memory of eating those cookies will last forever.  Really!  Eating the must have had some sort of impact on the last few paragraphs, what with them being written while the eating of the cookies proceeded.  It's pretty much impossible to point to a specific sentence or line of rambling and say that there was due to the cookie but it presumably had some sort of influence in what I've been writing.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Fourth paragraph!  Maybe go take a Walk & Coffee break after, I don't know, ten?  Sounds good to me!  Anyway.  As someone who was born Jewish, I think its really swell when racists somehow try to invoke nonsense charges of Anti-Semitism against people to justify their own racism.  The best part about it is they're, in one form or another, now specifically introducing Anti-Semitism into the national conversation!  Which their racist followers will be influenced by!  No way that can go wrong for Jews!
    Hey it's 2019.  What a wonderful world.  The good news is, in that old parable First they came for these guys, and I said nothing, then they came for the other guys, and I said nothing... Jews are somewhere in the middle of the list in modern America.  We're not gonna be the first they come for, but we're also not gonna be the last.  Somewhere in the middle is the point.  Why is that a good thing.  I dunno, I'm just preparing myself for when it inevitably happens by introducing a positive sentiment to associate it with!  Ah, Life.  But also, still fuck these moderates and anti-Trump establishment Republicans who are like You freakin' Democrats with your infighting, you're paving the way for Trump's re-election!  No, you supporting a party that's capitalized on being racist and prejudiced for generations paved the way for Trumps (re-)election.  Us having conversations between ourselves is actually just kind of how Democracy works.  You should try it some time!
    Anyway, what else is going on.  Sixth paragraph!  I don't believe it!  But there it is.  One way to think about what's scary is that with each day that passes, the closer we get (or have already gotten to) is the point of no return for non-Trump Republicans.  Look, I always imagined that once Trump is gone, they'll stay the greedy prejudiced fucks they always were, and successfully repair their image enough to just get back to pre-Trump levels of ignoring those qualities.  But, each day that passes, it gets more impossible for them to even attempt that.  It gets closer to a point where Well this is just where Republicans are now.  No going back.  And that's kind of scary.  The good news is those kinds of traits are appealing to maybe 1/3rd of the country, but the bad news is the media and politicians seem to care a lot more about that 1/3rd than the rest of the country.  And will amplify and elevate that 1/3rd because its gonna get ratings and/or help raise money for politicians instead of driving the point home that the 2/3rds of our country is actually sane and mostly decent people which would make us all feel a little safer and more normal and more comfortable and more confident that we will return to some level of honesty and decency and good faith.  But, under those circumstances, media may not get as much ratings and politicians (on both sides) may not make as much fundraising.  So, we devolve further into fascism because of greed.
    Anyway, seventh paragraph.  Gonna take a walk now, I guess.  Gotta do something!  And walking seems to be a relatively benign thing to do, all things considered.  Sure, I'm forcing people who see me walking to see my face and be like Yuck if I knew I was gonna see that I woulda stayed home today!  But, you know what, fuck them random pedestrians!  Where do they get off making me feel unwanted in my own neighborhood!  How dare them and whatnot.  First they came for the pedestrians, and I said nothing.  Then they came for the dog walkers, and I still was silent.  Then they came for the kids riding bicycles, and I spoke not a word.  I don't know.  I guess I'm writing this paragraph before I take my walk.  If we're splitting entry into 2 even sections, 15 seems like the way to go for today!  Fascinating!  Counting things is fun!  I'll re-see ya in a little bit, friends.


Everyone Read Entry     

  This time, pronounce it as, "Red!"  And the first time you were supposed to pronounce it as, "Reed."  If you didn't originally, go back and do it now.  I'll wait!  Anyway, hey, I'm back.  Last few paragraphs were a blast and a half, huh?  One thing I don't get about that parable about speaking up when the fascists come for other groups, who am I supposed to speak up to?  Do I just go out on the corner and go hey, you, everyone, gather round!  Gotta speak up about something!  They're goin' after Muslims and Women and Latinos and Natives and Black People and LGTBQ People! and... ...hmm, now that I say all of them out loud it sounds like a lot of people they're going after and Jews Really Are Next In Line.  No way, that'll only ostracize me from my community even more!  I'm no fool.  Well, sure I am.  But I'm only foolish in specific ways and in other specific ways I'm not foolish.  And it'll take too long to go through the different ways I am and am not foolish and I have no corner nearby to speak up about those ways anyway.
    Oh well.  I'm sure everything will be alright.  TV and Hollywood would never let anything bad happen to us.  That's how I feel.  What else is going on.  Ninth paragraph!  Figure I got seven more in me for today.  Anyway, I'm eating a bagel now.  Was gonna save it for another hour or two but all this stress about people inevitably coming after me and my brethren has really got to me.  Oh no I'm eating a bagel, now they know for sure I'm Jewish!  I really messed up with this lunch I picked.  Picked a real bad lunch today!  Anyway, what else is going on.  We are sort of easing into some really clear binaries of where we're at in America.  Either you're prejudiced, or you're tolerant.  Either you're selfish, or you're selfless.  Either you got a corner to speak up at, or you have no corner.  Either you're picking a good lunch, or you're not.
    I'm starting to realize I'm the fascist in my neighborhood.  I've told you about how I take out my notepad and write down jokes or song lyrics or whatever when I think of them.  Now I realize, some guy is passing me down the street and he sees me just suddenly take out a note pad and take some notes.  Like I'm scouting the neighborhood for some sort of fascism thing, I don't know, it just seems odd, probably.  If only I can convince them No, I Was Just Writing Down The Phrase, "Blast & a Half!"  I'm not judging you or anything, it's got nothing to do with you, really!  Anyway.  Maybe this website is the 21st century equivalent of the empty street corner.  If so, hey maybe get rid of concentration camps?  That's a good place to start I think.
There's no parable that goes First they came for other people and I didn't speak up enough. I just spoke up!  There's no requirement for how much to speak up and how in depth to go.  Spoke up, did my job, see you in Hell responsibility!  11th paragraph.  Just take my message of don't put kids in cages and extrapolate that to everything else.  Wait a second, that reminds me... WE'VE GOT FUCKIN CONCENTRATION CAMPS GOIN'!  I almost forgot and then I made a joke about it and I remembered!  What The Hell!  Stop it!  What's wrong with you people!  This is why we don't speak up for other people, it baffles the mind figuring out how to react coherently let alone effectively.  I gotta take a break, Jeez.  Finish this entry up in a little bit.


Sounds About Right     

  Hey now you're hearin' stuff too!  2/5 senses accomplished!  What else.  I know its kind of a running joke, but do most prominent Republicans really think that the Rapture is coming and that's why they just don't give a fuck anymore?  Cause I can't think of much better explanations than they just think this is gonna all be over soon so what they do doesn't matter.  If so, jeez what fuckin' retards.  What else is going on.  Four paragraphs to go and whatnot.  I was gonna take a nap but then I remembered I had my contacts in and I'm not supposed to sleep with them on and I'm too lazy to remove them to put them back on later and I'm definitely not removing them permanently for the day and waste a whole half day of wearing contacts!  So the point is I have to stay up indefinitely.  Whatta scam.
13th paragraph!  Although even that doesn't make much sense, cause if you thought the rapture was imminent, you'd be panicking trying to do as much good as you can as quick as possible to get on God's good side, right?  You spend your last moments exploiting and terrorizing people, that's not gonna look good on your spiritual resume, is it?  Probably not.  That's how I feel.  Anyway, what else is going on in the wide world of sports.  Hey, great news-- the next paragraph is the 14th paragraph!  14 is a pretty good number that no one really thinks too much about.  We use a base 10 system, so obviously people think about 0-10 a lot.  11 is kind of overlooked, but 12 is a key number.  Dozen is big.  13?  Well, that's unlucky and whatnot.  Once we get to 14, though, no one really knows quite what to make of 14! 
    I need to stop terrorizing people with my nonsense.  I'm no better than anyone else doin' any terrorizing.  I made a joke a few weeks ago about not caring anymore about farting in public.  I'm starting to realize I have a problem.  That feeling hasn't gone away, but now I'm more cognizant that What I'm Doing Is Wrong.  And I Need To Change and Correct Course.  I'm terrorizing people with my farts is the point and I need to take responsibility for it because no one else is gonna!  What else is going on.  I got my credit card bill for the last month and I realized I had drank a lot more than I had realized on the day of my comedy show.  I remembered it being like five drinks overall, between the comedy club and the bar after.  Turned out I had six at the club alone, and must have had at least 3 at the bar, probably more like 5 or something.  Oh well, such is life.  Sometimes you binge drink, sometimes ya don't!  Variety is the spice of life.
    Alright, almost done with this entry.  Although its also possible that I forgot to give tips for the beer I was getting at the club, and as revenge, the bar tender charged me for more drinks than I ordered and rightly assumed I wouldn't be able to remember well enough whether he charged me the right amount or not.  If so, good for him, his dishonesty really paid off!  What else is going on.  Almost done with the entry.  Gettin' close to August.  Now we're talkin'!  August! ...I don't know.  How about we just start with agreeing concentration camps are bad?  We don't even need to close them down yet, as much as it hurts to say.  Let's just get on board that maybe this isn't the right thing to do to human beings.  Then take it from there.  Okay?  I'll see you later. 

-1:20 P.M.



Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Give Me a Minute     

  I was thinking about it and I've got a bone to pick with Nirvana.  The first two tracks on their iconic album Nevermind, which are both iconic songs in their own right, the titles never appear in the song!  Kurt Cobain never utters the phrase Smells like Teen Spirit! nor In Bloom!  It's a scam!  Anyway that's all I've been thinking about the past four days but its pretty interesting so I've been satisfied with how occupied that makes me.  Wait, no.  I think there was one other thing I was thinking about.  But what was it?!?  Oh, now I remember.  This is real.  I remember as a kid feeling kind of pissed off and cheated that I may never see Haley's Comet.  I took it really personally that it only shows up every 75 years and that it had been around just 2 years before I was born.  I don't know why I knew what Haley's Comet was, why it bothered me at all, or anything.  I just have the memory of, on several occasions, thinking to myself Well This Is Bullshit! 
I guess I'm kinda a Half Is Glass Empty kind of guy.  Hey I wrote a new song!  Well, the lyrics, at least.  And I have two possible titles for it.  Both of which appear in the lyrics!  I don't cheat like Nirvana.  It is kind of odd, though, that for songs, 95% of the time the title shows up in the song, but for any other art form, the title hardly ever appears in the content.  There's never a part in the movie Armageddon where Billy Bob Thornton dramatically goes Oh No... I hate to say it but This Might Be Armageddon.  Also, some book reference.  I don't know.  First thought was Portrait of the Artist as a young man but I was having trouble figuring out how to spell, "Portrait," so I just gave up on that completely.  Second thought was The Great Gatsby but I'm sure at some point that phrase shows up.  Then Catcher In the Rye, again, I know that shows up...  E-mail me some iconic books where the title probably doesn't appear in the content and if it did it would be vaguely amusing cause it's a weird title!  My email is iconicemailadresseveyrthingsiconicthesedays@bing.com.

        Hey I'm gonna put my lunch in the oven any minute now.  I started drinking right before this entry because hey why not gotta do something.  Which is pretty much the guiding principle of my life, for better or worse.  Now I can't get the sound if Ron Howard going, "It was Arrested Development," out of my head.  Pretty much the most iconic moment of a title being pronounced within its own body of content.  Man what a great word is iconic.  I'm not 100% sure what it means but it sounds cool.  Put my food in the oven.  I'ma take it out in 50 minutes or so!  This is a true feeling-- every time I put food in the oven I feel self conscious that my Dad, should he be aware of it (and he usually is, like 80% of the time) will be judging me that I'm putting it in the oven too long.  Especially with chicken pot pies-- I leave them suckers in for like an hour and 45 minutes.  And before I do it, there's always this twinge of shame, Dad isn't gonna approve of this.  He won't forbid me from leaving it in the oven this long or anything, but I know inside he'll be disappointed in me.
Something like that.  Cause I've got lots of problems and that's but one of them.  Here's a lyric I wrote back in high school-- I've got 99 problems, and a bitch is all of 'em.  I used to write funny lyrics is the point.  Anyway we're halfway through July.  I don't know why, but the last week or so I've started having cravings for cigarettes more than I had in the first couple of months without them.  I think it's because at this point it's been a month or so since Comedy Class ended w/ the show, just been hanging out at home going crazy and I need that death defying mode of self relief.  That's my theory.  But, then again, who knows.  I could blame it on my Mom.  I had gone to a Doctor's appointment for mY Dad with both parents and my Mom insisted on smoking in the car.  And I could fuckin' smell it.  And it was getting into my lungs.  And it may not have been enough to actually get me back, "on," cigarettes, physiologically and everything, but maybe it was!  In which case thanks a lot Mom because you couldn't wait 10 minutes I just lost 10 years of my life and 100 thousand dollars or so.  Oh well, that's Moms for ya!  Always screwing your crap up!
    Wonderful.  Hey it's the fifth paragraph.  Hey I can still count up to 5.  That's a relief.  I wonder how much higher I can count if I tried.  I bet I could get up to 13, 14, easy.  Maybe even more under the right circumstances!  Saw my therapist yesterday.  I always feel like I'm getting away with something when I see my therapist/psychiatrist.  Like by the end if the session, I'm always like, Ha, Tricked ya!  Made ya think that I'm normal and everything's okay!  When in reality I'm only kind of normal and everything's only kind of okay!  But I fooled you good!  Essentially its all just a scam to trick people into thinking positive things about yourself.  This is the life we chose.  Wait I never chose this life.  This is the life that was thrust upon us by fate.  Fate, huh?  I like the sound of that!  Makes my life seem important.  Sure we all have fate, but that means if I have fate just like you or anyone else, I'm just as much of a person as you or anyone else!  That's a relief!  For a while I was pretty sure I was just a useless broken shell of a man trying to convince everyone he meets that he's really doing alright.
    Anyway, what else is going on.  Sixth paragraph.  Man oh man I can't wait to eat lunch.  And then who knows.  Eat something else after that?  Sure I will!  Maybe not right after but I can go into lunch knowing deep down hey I'm gonna get to fuckin' eat even more after this eventually!  The eating never ends!  You gotta wait to eat again here and there but you will get to satisfy your hunger and taste buds several more times at least!  Anyway.  The two possible titles for the song I wrote are Smoke Signals/Mental Health.  Right now I'm leaning towards what I gotta pick up my guitar and write a song now?  With one of those crappy titles?  Nah I think I'll just hang around my room and listen to already existing music thank you very much.  Also one of the strings on my acoustic guitar broke a week or two ago.  Well, there goes that.  What, I'm supposed to spend 15 minutes finding a replacement string and stringing it and everything?  Whatta hassle!  Not worth it! 
    Anyway, seventh paragraph.  I was thinking about it, and having Crazysheet and Songs I Wrote and all that stuff has made me a much happier and more confident guy.  No matter how mediocre what I produce, I still have all these things that I've created and poured some sort of heart and/or soul into that now exists outside me so whatever exists inside me can sort of relax and take a breath knowing that I can continue on without even trying.  Dunno if that makes sense but it makes life a bit easier, even if no one else knows or appreciates what I'm creating.  I know what I've written and made, and it makes sense to me, so mission accomplished I guess!  Wonderful. That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em!  The point is by the next sentence we're gonna be into the next paragraph.
    Cool!  Figure food'll be ready in about 30, 35 minutes.  I can't wait!  It's the next time I get to eat!  Love it.  I don't mean to brag but the title to the first episode of The New Monkees is pretty good.  I don't wanna give anything a way, but, boy, when you see the title after you've DVR'ed it and are like hmm I wonder what this show is all about you're gonna be like ok now I'm sold.  I like that title.  This is gonna be good, real good.  And then the episode happens and it may or may not be good but there was that moment you were confident something good was about to happen and its that feeling that I hope to bring into the world again and again and again!  Wonderful.  Anyway.  I'm very self conscious about my ability to re-string my guitars.  I can do it adequately enough at this point, but not as good as someone whose been playing for 14 years should be able to.  And the first few years I couldn't do it at all.  I remember waiting for my brother to get home from college to do it for me.  Very humiliating as a guitar guy to be like oh no, string snapped, guess I'm screwed now.  But such is life!  I guess!
    Ninth paragraph.  I can dig it.  Also, now I can't get the idea out of my head of finishing reading A Tale of Two Cities and then the last sentence is, in bold, It Was a Tale of Two Cities.  And you're smart enough to read it in Ron Howard's voice.  Anyway, what else is going on.  I think Charles Dickens may have been more successful if he titled his novel II Cities II Furious.  Just a thought.  I honestly don't really get the entire subgenre of film where it's about fast cars and stuff.  Like Fast & The Furious, but there are even more outside of that franchise.  I have no interest in a film that revolves around hey let's get into some cars and drive around for some reason.  Maybe they only exist because car companies decided they would sell more cars if people watched movies about cars.  I don't know!  I shouldn't be so cynical to assume that movies are made to make various companies and people money!  Where do I get off making that assumption!  Someone just wanted to tell a story about some who are fast, some who are furious, and the cars that aid them in their quest to become the fastest and the most furious around.  A simple story as old as time.     
    Tenth paragraph.
  I got that going for me I suppose.  Roughly time to take food out of the oven after this paragraph.  Maybe get to 15 while eating lunch, then recalibrate my expectations.  Either write 5 more paragraphs w/o lunch, take a break and write 5 more paragraphs later, or end it after 15.  Three most likely possibilities is the point.  Anyway, jeez.  I got no freaking clue what to do with my life.  I've been devolving into insanity lately.  Not pure, 100% insanity.  More like man this isn't going well and I'm not able to figure out how to get back on the right track.  Whatever such is life.  I guess I'm just in a furious stage of life, which will hopefully succeeded by a fast stage.  We all go through series of being fast and being furious and sometimes you're both at once even but in the end... I lost track of what I was talking about.  What's goin' on with you?  E-mail me at whatwasthatfakeemailiusedearlierwiththewordiconic@bing.com?


I Don't Know Something Like That     

  Great.  I don't know.  Now I can't get the idea of seeing the Earth explode into nothingness from outer space and then we just hear Ron Howard's voice saying It Was Armageddon.  Probably a fitting way for both our wonderful planet and our mediocre track record of humanity to end.  I find it kind of interesting that the word, "Humanity," describes the exact opposite of what humans have proven to be.  There's an insight-em-up for the Trump era.  Maybe we'll get back on track soon.  Get from a mediocre track record of humanity back into an adequate track record of humanity.  It could happen!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Go eat lunch after this paragraph.  I've earned what with it being 5 hours since I ate breakfast.  Earned it hardcore!  By waiting several hours!  I guess everyone's gotta excel at something.  Me, I excel at waiting relatively short periods of time to eat.
    Hey lunch time.
  Here's what I got going for me-- some steak, some egg whites, some hash browns, some rye toast.  All in very reasonable portions!  And cooked to an extent you can't argue with!  Why would you want to argue with the extent something was cooked!  It can't argue back so it'd be pretty one sided is the point!  Anyway.  Is joining The Squad a permanent thing?  Like, can I decide I'm in The Squad now but then in a week be like you know what this isn't for me?  Or is it like one of those for-life things.  This is a question that needs to be addressed immediately before people make this decision.  Also, another key question-- any responsibilities being in The Squad?  Am I in the squad just because I support most of the ideals and actions of the actual Squad, or does being in the squad mean I have to contribute to some extent?  Cause I'm not sure if I'm, "Down," with that.
    I've got a pretty good thing going with not doing anything.  Not sure if I wanna mess that up.  Also, can you kick people out of the squad?  What if someone joins the squad, and you feel like they're being assholes and not representing the squad in a positive fashion.  Can you be like Hey, you, you're out of the squad!  These questions need to be addressed sooner rather than later.  I'm not 100% comfortable supporting the squad.  Hmm, these ladies seem to take their role as public servants literally and seriously and want to do the right thing no matter what the circumstance or consequences.  What's their angle?  Seems kind of fishy.  Better to stick with the devil you know (establishment corporate culture) than to take a chance on these people who you don't even really know what their angle is (it could be anything!  use your imagination!  It's probably even worse than you can even imagine is what I'm inclined to believe!)  Those are my thoughts on The Squad. 
    What else.  14th paragraph.  Gettin' close to being done with lunch.  So either call it quits after 15, or take a break and finish up later in the day.  Sometimes I think about how cool it would be to go to Disney world, with or without my family, or potential wife/new family of our own, but then sometimes I think about how it would also be pretty sweet to go to Six Flags: Great Adventure.  It's also a pretty cool place that is within driving distance if I could find someone who knows how to drive and wants to ride thrill rides with me.  Know anyone like that?  Hit me up at bingemailaddressesarefunnytomeforsomereason@bing.com.  I dunno.  Just finish the entry after this next paragraph.  Feels right for today.  I guess.  Back to going to Supermarket instead of getting it delivered tomorrow.  Dad is okay to drive me there and just stay in the car while I do the heavy lifting (that double-meaning is True!)Which is nice because I like walking down aisles and being like man this aisle is pretty good but imagine the next aisle I bet its got a lot going for it as well. 
I don't know.  Life is weird.  Also-- good piece of branding on whoever coined the term Super Markets.  We could have just figured out a word that implies that, yes, they're like the classical market we've known and loved forever, but now bigger and with more options and whatnot.  Hey, lets just call 'em SUPER markets!  And somehow that stuck.  Good for them is the point.  I remember as a kid the supermarket we got was Grand Union.  Not sure if that's still a thing.  I believe it's another way of saying Match Made In Heaven.  Grand Union.  Anyway, I don't know, I guess the entry is just about done.  I'll see you guys some other time presumably.

-12:28 P.M.



Friday, July 12, 2019

I Hope You're Happy     

  Unless you get off on bullshit.  Then, screw you!  Hey, it's the weekend again.  I wonder what kind of films are playing at the Cineplex.  I'll go check!  Wait, before I check-- here's an amusing anecdote.  I saw my endocrinologist yesterday and she suggested seeing Late Night.  A lot.  She talked a fair amount about Late Night.  I don't know about you, but I go to my endocrinologist for all my movie reviews.  That's just how the world works.  Also, she has no idea I'm interested in writing comedy or anything.  This is just something she talks about to all her patients presumably.  Spending 40% of our appointment really going on about Late Night: The Major Motion Picture.  That wasn't that amusing of an anecdote.  Yeah, but it's good to build people's expectations!  That way, even though they're concluded with an aww that didn't go anywhere, there was at least a moment where you were feeling positive and happy that hey this might go somewhere!  And its that feeling that I'm proud to bring into this world of ours.
    Oh, right, gotta see what movies are playing.  Hey Crawl looks like a good movie.  It's named after my 3rd favorite Concluding Track to an Alkaline Trio album.  First is Radio.  Second is Sorry About That.  Third is Crawl, I just told you!  Try to stay focused.  So I can see that.  I can see Toy Story 4, but I never saw the first three.  Feels like somehow I'm missing out on some sort of beloved cultural touchstone for my entire generation.  Oh well, what can ya do.  I can't go back and watch Toy Story now!  It's too late!  Also, I think my generation may have been the first where we don't really need or use or have toys anymore.  Certainly these days.  Who the fuck wants to play with legos when you have an iPhone?  Why have action figures and make pretend battles or tea parties or dream houses or whatever people do with action figures or dolls when you can play video games?  Doesn't make sense!
    The point is our Imaginations are obsolete.  We have better things to do these days!  Whatta future we have in store for us!  What with these crazy kids these days presumably I don't know I don't spend a lot of time with kids maybe it's completely unlike what I'm presuming.  Anyway, oh, right.  Should see a movie this weekend.  Hey, I haven't drank alcohol in almost three full weeks!  Seems like something I should do because that's what Mike's Hard Lemonade Commercials have suggested to me throughout my entire life time.  When I was a kid it always looked like fun.  Hmm, Mike-- that's me, I know that.  Lemonade, that's a Sweet, I like that.  Hard?  Well, I'm, "Down," with that.  Anyway I don't know I'm gonna start having lunch in a minute.
    I usually keep track of what time I eat my three major meals, just for references sake, and I don't have meals at a certain time.  It's over a certain time period.  Like, if I start lunch in 11 minutes at 11:30, I don't have lunch at 11:30.  It's gonna last until like 11:40, 11:45 (at least for today's lunch-- bagel w/ lox-- I'm guessin' around 10 or 15 minutes for that.)  Thus estimating when I'm having meals with just one number is obsolete.  There's so many things that are obsolete these days!  Maybe I'll get to some more over the rest of the entry who can say for sure at this point!  Hey this is the fourth paragraph figure I'll just bring up lunch after the next paragraph because multiples of five are what make the world go round.
    That and some sort of thing in the Earth's core?  I don't know exactly.  Somethin's makin' the Earth rotate and I hope scientists figure out exactly what it is one day but then again whose got the time.  Really.  Scientists are probably busy removing references to climate change from their governmental reports, that should take a lot of time because it probably comes up a lot so white-ing it out is probably a pretty strenuous and time consuming job.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Sometimes I think about how easy it would be to address climate change to the extent it demands, but then sometimes I think about how oil and energy companies run the world.  So it's a pretty interesting conflict is the point.  Anyway, gonna go get lunch!


Makes Sense To Me     

  Cinnamon Raisin bagels have re-ignited my love affair with bagels.  Well, begun it, at least.  I never really had a love affair with bagels in the past.  [To be honest-- I still don't.  This whole premise is faulty.  I like bagels again, it's re-ignited my hey this is pretty good affair with bagels.  Anyway, hey, when is this parenthetical gonna be over already?]  But, oh, right.  It's weird because Cinnamon Raisin bagels aren't that different from plain bagels.  I mean, the cinnamon flavor is very light.  There's a couple of raisins here and there but it's not a big deal.  In the end a bagel is just a bagel.  But, whatever, I'm having fun!  So I got that going for me is the point.  When I got the bagel with lox from the deli today, they were like, it comes with a free side, do you want it?  And I was like why are you asking me that?  What, am I gonna say nope!  I can get something for free?  Nah, not interested!  II wasn't really like that because that would be insane but anyway I was like well what can I get.  And they were like macaroni or potato salad.  And I was like what the Hell do macaroni or potato salad have to do with bagels?  This whole premise is faulty!  But not really because that would be insane.  I was like alright give me the macaroni then.
    Wonderful.  Although if you wanna be environmentally conscious, and you know 100% you're not gonna eat the macaroni or potato salad or donate it to someone else who will eat it, don't get it.  Presumably that's just more Environment Going To Waste.  Makes sense to me.  I still took it, though.  Maybe I'll eat it, maybe my family will, there's a pretty good chance one of those things will happen.  Anyway, what paragraph we at.  Seventh.  I forgot to take note of the time when I started eating this bagel.  Oh well, there goes life.  Pretty much ruined now at this point.  Figure I'll keep living for forty, fifty years just to keep up appearances but I'll know it's all ruined now and 100% pointless.  Jeez.  Whatta do.  I think the premise that carbs are bad for you and won't satisfy your hunger and you it's all just a nutritional waste is a scam.  If I never learned that from wherever, and I was eating a bagel, I'd never know!  I'd feel satisfied.  You tell me over and over and over that eating bagels is pointless and doesn't offer any benefits and won't even satisfy your hunger, I'm gonna start to believe it! 
    The point is science should just shut up and presumably if we pretend its conclusions don't exist then they won't!  Makes sense to me!  Anyway.  When last we spoke I told you about my intentions to start going to bed and getting up later in the day concurrently.  So far, no success!  Still falling asleep some time between 10:00-11:00 and getting up around 6:00-8:00 or so.  Oh well.  Gotta get up some time!  And go to bed some time, too, presumably.  Unless you're on meth.  Then don't bother!  Sleep'll just slow you down!  I've been telling my Doctors over the last year or whatever how I take walks and they're encouraging.  I told them when it was one walk a day.  I told them when I bumped it up to two.  I even told them when I bumped it up to three!  I refuse to tell them about walking in a circle in my room for several hours a day, though.  Somehow I don't think they'd react to that in a positive fashion.  Best we keep that just to ourselves.  I mean, myself.   Only one of me!  That's been proven!
    Ninth paragraph.  Anyway.  Figure I'll take a break after 10 paragraphs.  Maybe just chill out for a bit, then take a walk, then come back and write a concluding 5 or 10 paragraphs.  It seems like a decent course of action because I figure it makes sense.  Hey did I get to tell you I finally lost all my poker money?  Because I did!  And I feel great about it.  I'll presumably have a job one day and make money with no risk!  There's not gonna be some sort of aspect to my paycheck where it's like ok we're gonna spin the wheel and if it lands on red, you get 15 dollars for this hour of work, and if it lands on black, you're out of luck!  Maybe next hour you'll get lucky!  That's how our economy works!  I don't know.
    Finished my bagel.  It was pretty good.  I'm satisfied with how it went, all things considered.  It was a solid B-/B lunch.  Jeez.  My Dad's ongoing recovery from hip surgery is still ongoing and still recovering.  He's trending in the positive direction he is!  He can take walks outside and he can put on shoes on both feet and he can even take showers sitting down!  That's the life I guess.  Anyway, I dunno, I just had a fudge pop.  I like eating desserts because it's like living regular life but hey I'm eatin' some Sweet while the rest of empty life is going on, it's like the life that everyone in the world knows and loves PLUS CHOCOLATE?!?!!  What What did I do to deserve such a joy.  Anyway, I'm gonna take a break now!  Be back at some point later in the day! 


Thanks a Lot, Dream!     

  Hey!  Against all odds, I succeeded in taking a 2 hour nap today.  And I dreamt a joke at the very end of it.  Here it is verbatim-- (in mediocre Jerry Seinfeld impression) Who actually gives a shit?  That would be a terrible present!  So the point is from now on in life I don't have to do anything, my dreams will do all the heavy lifting presumably.  That's a relief!  Anyway, hey, what's going on.  Couple of good days the last few days.  7/10, that's a bowling thing.  7/11, that's a convenience store thing.  What's the next day that's great.  I don't know if we have any coming up in the next few weeks or even months at all.  We blew our load 2 days in a row and now it's a whole lot of nothin'!
    12th paragraph.  Either go for 15 or 20, I don't know yet.  If I could convince my body to take 2 hour naps every day, my routine would be exponentially better.  Sure I know what, "Exponentially," means. It means a lot.  My Dad's a math teacher, please, I know enough to know that the definition of exponentially is a lot.  Earlier today both my Dad and I were trying to explain the difference between Mean, Median, and Mode to my Mom, and I'm a little uncomfortable to say, I was doing a better job than my Dad.  I think I was a little more clear about it.  So the point is I'm The Math Teacher Now! and now I get to wear all my Dad's clothes or something I don't have 100% of the details. 
    Sure, sure, sure.  Just got back from afternoon walk.  It was a real joy because I got to move around and the world existed around me and, well, you know what walking outside is like.  Movin' and having the world exist while yer movin'.  What a joy.  I'm probably gonna see Crawl this weekend because Blue In The Face isn't playing in theaters yet.  Pretty sure that joke is meant for an audience of Zero.  Even I wouldn't get it if I hadn't written it.  What else is going on.  Just had a freaking donut because I go all out.  Some people are gonna live life, takin' naps, takin' walks after the nap, and then they're like well I gotta write 10 paragraphs for a nonsense website but I'm not gonna have a donut too! but me I'm like well like that but instead of no donut, umm, I also, I have that donut!  Something along those lines!
Penultimate paragraph of this block.  Which is going to be the penultimate block of the entry.  Which may very well be the penultimate entry of all the entries after the next entry is written but before the entry after that is written.  Well, it will be.  I'm a math teacher, c'mon, I can count pretty well with the best of 'em.  So the point is what else is going on.  Apparently Nancy Pelosi is a joke.  Who would have guessed!  Me.  Yeah but besides me.  I dunno a lot of people.  Yeah but besides those people.  Maybe some other people, too.  Oh that sounds like a lot of people.  Yeah I'm telling ya.  Jeez.
    What else is going on in the wide world of sports.  Apparently some American Ladies were pretty good at soccer lately.  That makes me proud to be an American for some reason.  That there were a few people from the same 300 million people populated country as me and they beat some other people at a sport that doesn't interest me so now I feel intense feelings of pride and joy.  Anyway.  I feel like we're on a collision course as a society which sports provides a clear way of conceptualizing.  I wouldn't be surprised if we're one or two generations away from not giving a shit about sports at all.  My kids' kids are gonna be like this is freakin' pointless.  But sports are multi-billion dollar industries.  They're not just gonna fade into the background without a fight.  So it's gonna get messy having these dying industries desperately trying to stay powerful and relevant even when deep down nobody really wants them anymore.  You know, like baseball?  And oil and natural gas and coal companies?  You know, stuff like that.  I was about to start a final 5 paragraph block titled Tell Me About It, but you know what?  I'm done!  See ya later.

-4:44 P.M. 



Friday, July 5, 2019

Crazy Sheet: Always At Home     

  Dang what a great title.  That sums that up and everything!  Well, see ya!  Wait no I'm still here.  What's the opposite of See Ya.  Hear Ay. What's the opposite of a Great Title.  Not so great Entry.  Let's get started.  Yesterday was America's birthday.  And today I'm eating lunch.  How's that for an interesting sequence of events?  Anyway, drinking a bit this afternoon.  First time since 2 weeks ago when I drank after Comedy Class.  I figure it's an interesting thing to do because it might make me think differently, and I've been getting bored of my mode of thinking since Comedy Class ended.  A whole lot of What Now But Also Not Really Thinking About What Now Just Sort Of Thinking Not a Whole Lot Going On Now Maybe It'll Be Different in Roughly A Few Hours.
    That's been my last 2 weeks, something along those lines.  I have a weird thing where every week I never get myself enough soda from the super market.  I know the standard amount will leave me without soda the last two days.  And I'm not ashamed of ordering 15-20 bottles of soda.  SO what's stopping me from getting 22, 23 bottles a week instead?  They're not gonna judge me that much more than getting 15 bottles.  And it's not too hard to just make a conscious decision to change the generic order.  It always seems just out of reach, though.  However, makes me appreciate getting soda from super market when I do finally get the new order in, though.  The day or two without soda makes me feel like holy shit this is like drinking water but it tastes sweet and like some sort of specific flavor for some reason!
That's life, I guess.  Still don't know the one character from The New Monkees' last name.  As long as I don't have 1/14th of the names, It'll be perpetually unfinished and not even ready for starting writing the script.  I need that name before I can make the next move and there's a strong chance I'll never get it.  What else is going on.   Well, we're solidly into July now.  What's the next thing I'm gonna do with life.  Because I need to do something!  Life without life is no life at all.  I don't even have a TV.  That's a great provider of things to do.  I can be like alright, this week I'm gonna binge watch this show.  Then next month I can watch the Food Network, then it's practically New TV Season and I can watch all those shows over and over again for 2/3rds of a year.  Without having a TV, it's more like hmm gotta figure out if there's a way I can participate in this world doing something that's not being dictated by mass media and entertainment... is such a thing even possible in reality?
Probably not, that's my guess.  Anyway, I saw Spiderman: Far From Home yesterday.  He wasn't that far from home.  He was still on Earth.  Damn I've given too much away.  So many twists and turns in that movie and now you know definitively it exists on some sort of Earth.  Sometimes I think about it and when you think about it the moon really is part of Mars.  If you crunch the numbers and everything it does sort of seem to add up.  What else is going on.  Gettin' along with my parents these days.  Last few weeks since my Dad's surgery I've been really active in helping him and Mom out.  Also, side note, using the phrase, "Mom," without, "My," really turns me off.  But I remember getting that from my therapist.  When I first started seeing her, it really annoyed me.  "How's Mom and Dad?".  Excuse me you forgot a Your.  You're not on a first name basis with my Mom and Dad and also those aren't even their first names and also who cares how they are This Is About Me!!!
    Life isn't fair and can be terrible and this mostly manifests itself in people not using proper prepositions when talking to you.  Is that a preposition?  I don't know, close enough.  What else is going on.  But it's nice to help out around the house.  I guess that's what this phase of my life has been.  Help my Dad get out of bed in the morning.  Do two or three simple tasks throughout the day.  Help him get ready for bed in the night.  Then tomorrow start over.  Damn what a crappy phase of life.  Sounds like a real snooze and also boring for most of the time.  Yeah that sounds about right.  Wait its a snooze and boring?  Yeah I just told you get off my back about it!
    Sixth paragraph!  I guess so.  Wanna start getting back into reading but I don't know where to start.  Ben Folds' book is coming out in a few weeks but I don't know if I can wait that long.  I've got roughly a few weeks to go before a few weeks is up and I need something to do during the meantime.  I've already ruled out Graduating From Queens College Again, turns out that's not within the realm of possibility.  I've ruled out going doing those Open Mics again because That Place No Longer Exists.  Can't take Comedy Class again because doing it again is For Suckers.  Can't Help my Dad indefinitely because he'll either get better enough that he can take care of himself or he'll die completely and the that's the end of that.
    Hmm.  Write more paragraphs.  Seems like a decent plan to follow for the immediate future.  What else is going on.  I've been watching a lot of DVDs lately.  Not the videos contained digitally on the DVDs.  Just looking at the DVD cases a lot.  I've got 'em sideways and everything so I just look back and forth from Title to Title and read the titles and look at the little picture they have on the side of the boxes.  It's not a lot but it's what's keeping me going these days and whatnot.   


Crazy Sheet Is The Real World

     Well, close enough.  As close as I'm gonna get to these days.  Just helped my Dad walk around outside.  First time he was given the Okay to do this.  And by helping, I mean, I walked back and forth a couple of times one step ahead of him.  Kinda boring for me, but for him, I could tell it was a real treat, on account of it being an important step forward in his recovery.  Also an important step forward literally in our physical world.  Such is life I guess!  Anyway, eighth paragraph, might cap it at 10.  Sounds like a decent plan in that it's enough paragraphs to be proud about and also I get to stop relatively soon.  That's a win/win/tie/lose/win/win/win/win/tie/lose/lose/tie/lose.
    Cool!  II used a new title just for a block of three paragraphs?  Well life doesn't always work out the way you'd like all the time.  In fact, it rarely does.  Sooner or later life is gonna deal you a hand where it's a real treat to walk back and forth several times in front of your house.  Anyway.  I need to come to terms with the fact that, despite it being the only thing I've done the last few weeks, I'm not really taking care of my Dad as much as it feels like.  He's not at the end of his life and I'm helping him hang on by waiting on him and hand foot and catering to his every need.  I'm putting his socks on for him.  That's about it.  Anyway I guess I gotta figure out some other way to conceptualize my life in a flattering way for me where I can be comfortable with what I'm accomplishing and whatnot.  Any ideas?  I'm all ears.
    Alright time to wrap it up!
  What fun was had and whatnot.  I can always see a new movie every week in Movie Theater.  That's a good way for my life to be strung  along without having to go through the bother of re-hooking my TV.  I disconnected it on the premise I'd soon be getting a better one.  The better one never came.  Going back to the old TV would be a chump's move and make me seem weak.  My old TV would never respect me if that ever happened.  Best to just keep moving forward on this path of Whatever Happens Happens.  So I got that going for me and whatnot.  Well, not quite.  Whatever Movie Theater Tells Me Happens Each Week Happens.  So that's a little bit better, right?  Movie theaters are pretty smart and kind and good and they're the heart and soul of this great nation of ours.  I'll see ya later.

-2:34 P.M.   



Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Crazy Sheet Dot What Now?

     Dot net.  What's that.  Well you've heard of Dot Com?  Yeah sure.  What about Dot Org?  Yeah sometimes I guess.  Well, this is a Dot Net.  Nah no way you're pulling my leg.  Anyway.  When I was a kid, that was all.  Com, net, and org.  In that order.  Net was actually ahead of org!  Now there's all sorts of dots and no one serious uses a dot net for anything.  Except for me!  I'm an Internet Individual I am! Anyway pulling my leg whas that mean lets think real hard about it.  I don't know!  You figure it out, I'm busy trying to move on from the crappy start of this entry!  Anyway, just got the mail for my household.  Got an envelope from Queens College that turned out to be soliciting a donation but at first I was like hmm never got asked for donations before... maybe I graduated again.  That was the dream but turns out Nope They Just Want My Money.
    Great!  I woulda given it to them, too, if only they would let me graduate again!  C'mon, it's been over a year and a half!  I'm ready to go through graduating once more, why not!  Working a little bit on The New Monkees.  I have gotten to the point where I'm 100% on each of the New Monkees complete names, and thus, who they are as people.  What do you mean in real life our names aren't a 100% accurate descriptor and predictor of who we are as people?  That sounds like a lie.  In fiction, though, at least, I think we can rest on Names Being Who People Are.  If we learnt anything from Charles Dickens, its that.  Also, hah.  Charles Dickens.  That's a funny name.  Let's make fun of him for it.
You know, re-animate Charles Dickens' corpse, mock his name to his face as soon as he regains consciousness, then stuff him back into his casket and grave?  Jut for fun, you know?  Anyway.  Also got 2 of the 3 Behind-the-scenes main characters names, and the first name of the third.  So, great, I'm almost done with this entire project is the point!  Anyway, what else is going on.  Crazy stuff going on at the border and in camps and stuff.  I feel like we're  right on the verge of starting to care collectively.  Right around the bend, we're gonna suddenly be like oh right this is horrifying.  So, great, we've got that to look forward to!  Collectively regaining some sense of morality and justice, shock and immediacy for a brief period of time!  Alright!
    Turning point is when we start seeing video of what's going on in the camps.
 We're gonna be like Wait Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?  Anyway, that's not good.  What else is going on.  Anyway the point is sure I'm gonn have a a lollipop.  I'm an adult!  I get to have lollipops wherever, whenever I want!  No ones gonna tell me when and where and what to suck on!  I choose to suck on candy.  That's it!  So stop asking me otherwise!  That's how I feel these days.  Fourth paragraph.  Still have a few dollars on poker for some reason.  Not 100% sure why.  I thought I lost it all then I checked again the next day and there was still a couple of dollars there.  My current theory is that money I gambled on the Mets a few days ago, which I thought I lost because the Mets lost, I actually won because I accidentally bet against the Mets.
    Either that or Poker is mocking me by giving me 2 dollars every time I blow all my bankroll just to watch me squirm by continuously stressing out over gambling small amounts.  Can't discount the theory that Poker has some sort of vendetta against me and chooses to have that manifest itself in a mostly trivial, harmless way!  Anyway.  Hey great news!  I get to have a Sleep Study soon!  I haven't set it up yet but basically I get to go into a room one night where they watch me all night as I sleep and hook me up to machines and try to instigate me to get up and move around in my sleep just for their own interest and amusement!  Sounds like a real blast, I'm looking forward to setting up that appointment.  And then doing that appointment,  And, then, finally, seeing the results from the appointment.  Seeing Results?  That's the best part of all!
    Sixth paragraph.
  What else in the wide world of sports is going on.  Figure I'll write the sixth paragraph now.  Yep, checks out.  Most logical thing to do.  I'm 100% on board with that plan of action.  Sweet.  Still haven't watched the video of my performance.  But, on the other hand, there's so much I have watched.  I saw Child's Play: The Major Motion Picture just a few days ago!  And I may see Spiderman: The Farthest From Home He's Ever Been Lately maybe as soon as tomorrow night!  I wanted to see the Beatles Movie Yesterday yesterday or some other day since it was released but it's not showing at the most convenient theater for me to go to!  Only the 2nd most convenient theater!  And I take that as a sign from the universe don't bother this movie isn't for you at least not in its theatrical release at least.
Sure everything that happens is the universe telling us stuff.  The universe has a lot to say and this manifests itself over and over and over again.  What else is going on.  I was looking up which movies were playing, and when I saw Spiderman was in theaters today, I'm gonna be honest, I saw, "Spiderman," and my first instinct was like Man they already have a limited edition honorary celebratory screening of Spiderman: Into Spiderverse or Something: The Film?  The real release was only half a year ago!  I didn't think they'd go through showing it again for another 30, 40 years!  Oh what wonderful misunderstandings we weave.  Especially if we're spiderpeople.  They be good at weaving stuff like webs, it's one of their best attributes.
    I don't know.  Eighth paragraph!  Either take a break after 10 paragraphs or just stop completely.  So many choices.  Well, two choices.  That's not that many choices.  On the other hand, its exponentially more choices than 1 choice.  So, you have 2 things to decide between, you really don't have it all that bad.  Many people ain't even got that.  Has there been a superhero movie where there's a subplot of  the superhero whose genetically different than being a regular person being in a romantic relationship with a genetically normal person and they're like hmm will society have a problem with this and if so how do we proceed?  Because it seems like a subplot that needs to be told!  If we're in a place where we need a Child's Play to be told and a New Spiderman to be told, we're certainly in a place where we need to tell a subplot of Super Hero being married to Non Super Hero.
    Ninth paragraph!  I want to start a competition fast food restaurant to Subway and Blimpies and Quiznos called Super Heroes.  The only negative thing is I'd probably have to agree to have Stan Lee's corpse make cameos in our advertisement.  That's the price one must pay to do anything even remotely to do with Super Heroes.  I'm pretty sure they don't even need to pay Stan Lee (or Stan Lee's estate) royalties or anything when making these films.  I think in order for him to agree to them making another Spiderman movie, he was just like, ok, put me in it for 5 seconds, you got a deal.  Really?  Cause we were gonna give you 5 millio.... nope just put me in the movie for 5 seconds that's all I need. 
    No wonder he's dead now.  Not a good business man!  I'm only 90% sure he's dead.  Kinda really hope he's not, now.  That would make the last paragraph even better!  Aww.  He's dead.  That's a shame.  Anyway what else is going on.  Wait a minute.  Stan Lee.  Stanley.  WTF IS GOING ON TEHRE.  I feel like I cracked some kind of code or something.  Anyway, gonna wrap it up after this paragraph.  It's been a real joy on account of having two lollipops, one oatmeal raisin cookie, and one fudgesicle.  I treat myself in order to coax paragraphs out of myself!  It's a good system!  Don't knock it till you've tried it!  Anyway, I'll see you guys later.  Probaby.  Not literally.  In fact, not at all.  You'll see me later, though.  That's more accurate.

-2:30 P.M.

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