Tuesday, July 31, 2018
Of All The Planets In All The Solar Systems, She Had To Live On Mine
Hah. Solar Systems. There's
multiple solar systems, right? I know the one we're in is The Solar
System, but there's other arrangements where there's stars surrounded by planet
type things, I would imagine. Anyway, last entry of the month! Was
on the fence whether to write today, but this is my last chance to write an
entry in July! Of this year! I can't pass that up. Just took
my second walk of the day, so no break mid-entry, and I'm just gonna aim for 10
paragraphs. May be more, may be less! We'll see I guess! Got a
couple of Save-Em-Ups I'll seamlessly intersperse throughout the entry.
Here's One-- is it possible Donald Trump thinks capitalism is when you
Capitalize Every Word? That would explain a lot. I can't wait to
see what other save-em-ups I got in store. You might not even know
they were a save-em-up. How exciting.
I had a dream last night I was hanging out with George
Carlin, and that alone, wow, what a great dream. And I was kept being put
into situations where there was some obvious corny joke to be made, and I wasn't
making them, and Carlin was like, C'mon, You Gotta Make Those! So,
yeah, I can communicate with the dead. When I'm asleep. And the dead
encourage me to make bad jokes. Who would have guessed.
Anyway. Here's a save-em-up I thought of just now on my walk.
Sure it's a save-em-up. I've had this saved-up for 20 minutes!
It's kind of weird that we're the only organism in the entire world who uses
toilet paper. No other animal needs it. And they seem to manage just
fine. I don't look at animals assholes a lot (similar to a line in a
George Carlin joke-- whatta coincidence!) but I can't imagine they live with
shitty assholes their entire life. That would be uncomfortable for
My theory is the humans actually de-evolved to become
dependent upon wiping their ass with things. We used to defecate in such a
way everything came out smoothly, now we've forgotten that basic skill and just
go crazy. I've got toilet paper, what's the difference. Here Goes
Nothing! That sorta thing. Not gonna be drinking for tonight's
entry. I drank yesterday. I can't drink two days in a row! Not
while being the Responsible Adult Guy That I've Been For Two Or Three Months.
Third paragraph already, wow! I'm not a fan of how we pronounce the word,
"Yacht." Yot. Don't like it. I'd be a proponent of pronouncing
it "Yaatch't." The good news is I'm pretty sure not only are us 99%ers not
able to own yachts, we're not even allowed to say yacht. Oh well.
Guess I'm goin' to jail!
Sounds like fun. Three hots and a cot. That's
pretty much the main four things I do every day that I enjoy the most. Cut
out all the bullshit and get down to the bare, sublime, essentials. Maybe
I can do taxes for the crooked warden, too! I don't know how to do
taxes... but he doesn't know that! Wow. Not only do you get
three hots and a cot, once a week, you get commissary! Now we're talking
Great Vacation. Hey It's The Fourth Paragraph. What else.
Finally wrote a complete new song yesterday! Lyrics, at least. Not
great lyrics, but fine enough for a throwaway song. Cool!
I think my next book might be Springfield Confidential by
Mike Reiss. I like things! The Simpsons being some of those things.
Sick of hearing about why they're yellow. I know, we've been told,
so people will pay attention to it while flipping channels. Sick of
being told why they have four fingers. Five fingers are hard to draw.
Hasn't anyone ever told them that anything worth doing is hard? Give 'em
five fingers, the results will speak for themselves! I googled a few days
ago Do Simpsons have four toes (/also googled Do Simpsons have eight
toes for good measure) and there didn't seem to be any answer.
I guess I gotta read the book. Assume it'll be included there.
It's over 300 pages! I hope it's not just 319 blank pages and then on the
last page he just writes Wasn't as fun to write as you might think. Ah,
So, great, sixth paragraph. The one upside of there
being 319 blank pages is that I can write my own book. Perfect situation
to finally get to work on that. What else is going on. The Mets seem
to be losing 19-0 in the fifth inning. That's pretty funny. Jeez.
I watched Seabiscuit yesterday. I know how they describe a car's power in
terms of horsepower, but what if all the horses were Seabiscuit? You'd
think a car with a generic 40 horsepower would be like 25 Seabiscuits power.
No? Don't like that one? Me neither. Oh well, they can't all
be winners. Especially if they're running against Seabiscuit.
That horse can't be stopped! The moral of the story is if I get into
great shape I could be a jockey. Too bad I don't like horses or
I don't know. They're called jockeys 'cause
they're jockeying for position. Cracked that code. Get this-- I
lose another 10 and a half pounds, I'm in the normal BMI range! And You
All Doubted Me! What else. With rare exceptions, I find it kinda
telling that 99% of superheroes kill people/use violence against people with
their special powers. And that's what their superpowers are for. Why
not some superpowers that help people? Yeah, I get that a lot of
superpowers can be supplemented by using them for violence with using them for
every-day helping people activities. But 99% of the storylines in comics
and movies is let's use our superpowers to fight! As if the only
thing the human mind can conjure when thinking of awesome unpossessed powers of
unlimited untapped potential are awesome unpossessed killing powers!
Of unlimited untapped potential. For shame, America.
Social commentary. Don't let anyone ever tell ya I
don't do social commentary. Eighth paragraph. Looks like ten
paragraphs is gonna be a breeze. I will re-evaluate the situation when I
get there. Anyway. Is it a thing where an Adult identifies as a
Child? I'm asking for a friend. There I go, always asking for
friends. It's My Thing! Here's a joke where I haven't committed
to the set-up yet-- how do porcupines have sex? Seems dangerous.
I kinda like how do lobsters have sex? Seems dangerous.
Porcupines make a little more sense but to me it's funny to imagine lobsters
humping. Call me crazy, but that there is comedy.
Wow. Ninth paragraph. Breezin' by! Up
to now. Oh well, live and learn. I know it's a thing where adults
get sexual gratification pretending to be babies. Donald Trump comes to
mind. But I wonder if it's a thing where an adult wants to be a sixteen
year old and not for sex reasons. Anyway, what else is going on.
Actually, scratch that. I don't want to be friends with 16 year
olds. I don't wanna do sex with 16 year old girls. I just
wanna be immature, not live the life of a 16 year old. So I
guess there goes that premise. Anyway. Looks like I may stop after
10 paragraphs. I'm hittin' a wall. Plus then I've got plenty of time to
watch crap on TV. Anyway. Did the Open Mic last night. I get
most anxious right when I'm about to start, from the time I get called up to ten
seconds into starting the song. After that, I let the adequacy take over
and the results pretty much speak for themselves I think.
Cool! Only one more paragraph! II
can't believe my family doesn't even own one yatchtcht. Got a psychiatrist
appointment on Thursday. He'll feign interest in my bullshit! I
can't wait. Except for getting up at a reasonable time to make my 10 o'
clock appointment. That's a hassle and a half. I can tell my hair is
getting too long because I need two pumps of shampoo instead of one.
Pretty sure there's a warning on the bottle if you need more than one pump to
shampoo your hair, consult a barber immediately. So, yeah, great.
Lost the charger to my electric razor. Had to use a manual one like a
chump! It actually went okay, though. Usually takes me 40 minutes to
shave with one of those. This time, 30 seconds! To be fair, I only
shaved my moustache area. Anyway, I'll do one more paragraph just for fun.
[Bonus Track Paragraph.] II like adding bonus
tracks to my albums on Bandcamp that are available to everyone and are just part
of the album but it says [Bonus Track] after the title. And obviously they
come at the end of the album. It just makes a man feel good to listen to a
music album with bonus tracks. It's a cosmetic choice. Those tracks
just identify as bonus tracks. There's no right or wrong about it.
Anyway. I got my new earphones but I accidentally got the kind that only
plug into Mac products. Gotta return them and get the kind that plugs into
regular things. So I got that going for me. The Mets are on the
board! Only down 19-1. It's anyone's game now.
I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Titles Can't Mean Things
That's my contention. Hey friends,
another entry comin' right up. Just ate dinner. We're talkin'
chicken, we're talkin' half a roast potato. A big one! Probably the
third or fourth biggest potato I've ever seen recently. So I got
that going for me. Roast Potato is like Baked Potato But A Little
Different. I don't have all the details on how or why. Probably
roasted instead of baked. That would be my theory. Anyway, read
the Bernie Sanders book written by his campaign manager. Spoiler Alert
(Honestly) -- Ending seems to suggest there's a pretty good chance he'll run in
2020. I was so excited to tell people! I knew reading a book
would pay off eventually. It took me about half a dozen books to get
there, but it did! Yeah, in my life, I estimate I've read half a dozen
books. And half the half a dozen were Curious Georges.
Meme replacing images of Curious George with George
W. Bush. Hah, meme. Could I have said "Half the half a dozen
were Where's Waldos?" Yeah, I could have. I decided to take the
road less traveled. Did anyone ever suggest to Robert Frost that maybe the
people before him knew what they were doing? I decided to take the path
less taken. What kind of idiot are you? Empirically, the other
way is more popular, people aren't idiots, they must have a good reason.
He's just trying to be a contrarian just to be a dick! That's my
contention. He must have ended up alright, though, if he was able to
write a poem about it. So we do know it didn't lead to his death or
incapacitation or anything. So he's got that going for him. Would
have been helpful, though, if he told us what happened on that path.
Not a lot of us know about it, let us know if it paid off or not!
Anyway. Third paragraph. Whatta wonderful.
Started doing Treadmill instead of Second Walk half the time. It's the
same thing except I do it for longer. So I got that going for me.
Oh, doesn't the poem end with "That Made All The Difference" or something. Good
difference or bad difference? Don't keep us in the dark! Anyway.
I've given it some thought and I'm not a Democratic Socialist. I'm a lot
more worried about fascism than socialism, though. You know, on account of
everything? Anyway. Socialism seems kinda boring. Yeah,
everyone's holding hands and sharing all the world. YAWN.
Unless it's Socialism Supplemented With Monster Truck Rallies. They figure
that out, sign me up! I don't know, what else. What with global
warming, aren't all trucks monsters? Let's think about it.
I guess they could make an electric truck. Haven't
heard a lot about that possibility, though. What else. I like
capitalism because it's what I'm used to. That settles that.
What else. I saw a tweet by James Comey saying Democrats, don't go to
the left! That's just what Republicans want! Really? Cause
you're a Republican, or at least were. And you're telling me you want the
other thing. Seems kind of blatantly contradictory to me. 88% of
Republicans support Trump. But, also, 88% of 2 year olds believe in Santa
Claus. Does that mean we need to embrace a Maybe Santa Claus Exists?
platform? I don't know, something for party insiders to consider.
They know best! 27% of Americans are Republican. I'm a pretty
big Math Guy, and in my expert opinion, that's very few people.
27% of people are made of Solid. Must be, right?
You always hear about how 75% of the human body is water. So that means
25% of the human body is solid. They won't tell you that in
the corporate media! I wonder what kind of Solid. Probably some
Zinc in there, right? Maybe some Boron. I consider it a real missed
opportunity that when I was taking Chemistry in high school I didn't blurt out,
BORONNNNN and mimic some yawning. Yawning sounds like an old
fashioned word we shouldn't use anymore. People were yipping and
yawning and what not I'm done with this premise. That settles that.
Fooled around with my new 8 Track Recorder a bit, even though I don't have new
earphones. Plugged my mini-amp into it. Was Fun! Real
productive 5 minutes of my life.
Anyway. Sixth paragraph. Probably take a walk at
some point before finishing the entry. Awesome! Maybe drink a little
bit tonight. I haven't Drank since last entry! And boy are my
wings tired. Gotta exercise those wings if you don't wanna get tired.
Do some wing-ups every day. Eh. I wanna read more books. It's
fun! You get to exist in the narrative they create for the week you read
it! Then, on to the next book! Sounds like fun to me. Wonder
what book I'm gonna read next. Maybe finish the Pete Townsend Documentary
I stopped reading three years ago. Sure books can be documentaries.
Most books are documentaries. The other books are mockumentries.
Anyway. Made some progress with my unwritten book. Got all the
characters names, a one sentence line about who they are or what motivates them,
and two or three subplots. I don't know which characters will participate
in which subplot yet, but time will sort that out.
Seventh paragraph. The Setting is the hardest part.
I have not yet experienced in my life a setting which I could competently write
about, because of my lack of social participation or lack of insight into the
milieu or other things. I'll just combine all the settings I've lived
in into one Super Setting! That was my breakthrough and whatnot.
Most lines of dialogue or plot points that I came up with, after some thought,
turned out to be lines of dialogue or plot points from my favorite TV shows or
Movies. Doesn't mean I can't combine them into one Super Combination of
Plot Points/Super Collection of Dialogue! Good writers copy, great
writers steal. And The Best Writers Combine Stolen Material.
Anyway. The sequel to the first book will be called
This Is Not Cannon and it will involve a plot point where there's a cannon
with a sign in front of it saying This Is Not Cannon. So I got that
saved up at least. I believe that was the Log Line for Underclassman.
What else is crappening. Also, there's one character whose both their
parents are independent-from-each-other podcasters, and they expect their child
to follow in their footsteps. But he/she wants to do something else.
Ripe For Parody! I don't know, I just blew my best two ideas.
What else is going on. Eighth paragraph. Wonderful! My walk
tonight will be in the dark. We got street lamps, though, so I should be
okay. Street Lamps are socialism. No Rich People Can Afford
Flashlights And You Can't nonsense here! Or they could pass a bill to
end Streetlight Neutrality and you have to pay a quarter to activate your local
streetlight for 20 seconds. Talk about a dystopian future!
It's a good theme for a novel.
Anyway. Doesn't really matter, in the future they'll
just genetically engineer humans to be able to see in the dark. That
settles that problem, next issue! Ninth paragraph. I guess Walk will
be after the 10th paragraph. Seems about right. Can you genetic
engineer already existing people? Or does it only apply to unborns.
Let's get some scientists working on that one. Sometimes I fantasize about
having sex with people and then several years later they show up and are like
Meet your child. And then they leave and I have no responsibility but
I know in my heart I've done well. Anyway. It must be weird
to have children. This mother fucker is partly me! And
partly you, too! I can't wrap my head around it!
Cool. Last paragraph before Break. This is
the Lame Duck Paragraph. What's goin' on. When seeing my doctor on
Monday, someone who seemed reputable and was acknowledged by the staff gave me
50 dollars to donate blood. They wanted a quicker acting thing compared to
the drug I was taking and whatnot. I was like Lets Do It! but in
retrospect it seems too good to be true. Oh well, if any clones of me pop
up in the next few years, I guess getting 50 dollars for it isn't a total
loss. Probably could have negotiated for more, though. Live and
learn. What else is going on. We should clone ourselves to make new
best friends. Fuck partly me, this fucker is FUCKIN ME!
I can't wait to hang out with myself. I'd probably be no fun to hang
out with. Oh well, live and learn. Gonna take a break now.
Titles Don't Mean Things
That's my contention. Maybe James Comey
wasn't a Republican. Even still, you know what? I could give a
fig. What else. Super Delegate sounds like the world's
crappiest superhero. If you're gonna have a politician super hero, why not
Govern Man? Got a nice ring to it. Anyway, back from Walk.
Poured myself a standard .7 of a drink. Let's Have Fun! Had a 40
calorie Fudge Pop. The only thing more fun than that is a 100 calorie ice
cream sandwich. Cool! I don't know. Gonna be a lot of talk
about Bernie Sanders' age if he decides to run. My thinking is, he's
gone this long without dying, that's a pretty good track record.
Hasn't died yet, why think he'll die now? Also, he'll pick a good VP so
we're covered. Problem solved.
Anyway, 12th paragraph. It would be a shocker if he
picks Mike Pence as a VP. That would get people talkin'! What has
Mike Pence done as VP? Other than not talk to women past 5 PM, I mean.
And abstain from eating licorice just to be on the safe side. Liquor,
licorice... whatever. I don't like that framing of Mike Pence.
Ah, a conservative square. I like this framing of Mike Pence--
Subservient Asshole. That settles that. Also, you can't get
him wet after midnight. Combining several Gremlins Rules with that.
I acknowledge the mix-em-up. Gremlins must have some internal clock that
they recognize hard and fast midnight. Anyway. Maybe only do 5
paragraphs for this Part II.
I don't know. What book to read next. Bob Dylan's
autobiography, maybe. He's gotta be some wild narrative providing guy.
Thanks to movies, I know that Bob Dylan Isn't Here! Whew.
Leaves open the question, though, who is here? I
don't know Mike Pence, how can I say he's an asshole? Because of his
policies and behavior. Oh, right, that. Gotcha. I was
playing with my nail clipper and I lost one of the nuts or bolts and now it's
broken and I can't use it. What even is life anymore. I was
reading about this James Gunn thing, and I realized, man, if I ever apply for
a job, and I may find it necessary to do so one day, what are my employers gonna
think when they find this. I don't really say anything too
controversial, but they may justly think this guy is mad, unbalanced, out of
control. That and apparently he has a silly puttyesque scrotum,
too. And we don't have any room for oddly scrotumed people in this
Also, my scrotum is ok. It just made a fart noise
that one time! All in all, mostly pretty normal. Maybe a little bit
on the soggy side. Not as tight as it should be, but that could be due to
being overweight. A lot of those pounds went directly to the scrotum...
not sure how that would make it soggy. I don't have all the
scrotum-related answers! Also I got that cyst on my one ball. Not a
big deal! Not cancerous or anything. I mean, on one of my
balls. I was speaking colloquially, dummies! 14th paragraph.
Whatta meltdown. Gotta get back on track. I'm gonna eat an apple.
That'll solve most of my problems! I'll be right back.
I'm back. Have I mentioned my scrotum lately?
Anyway. Funny word. Funny word, must mean funny story. Cool!
15th paragraph. Sweet. Only had half an apple. I'm on a
diet! Saved the other half for later. I'm not throwing out half
apples. That wouldn't be good for a whole host of reasons I'm not even
gonna get into right now. What's with the cliché of little kids giving
apples to their teachers. Here Ms Graves, I Brought An Apple For You!
What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Get Out Of My Sight and
whatnot. The buried lede of that story is my go-to name for a female
elementary school teacher is Ms Graves. What does it mean, what
does it mean. Why is lede a word. Means the same thing
as lead. Which is a word. Said the same way. Why give it its
own spelling? Socialism!
16th paragraph. You may not be able to say
"the buried lede." You can bury the lede. But a lede may not be a
noun which can be qualified as buried. I don't have all the answers, but
either way, not a fan of this whole situation. I'm gonna write an angry
letter to somebody. Q. There, you all saw it.
Apparently my go-to angry letter is Q. What does it mean, what
does it mean. I don't know if "Q" is an angry letter, but its a letter
that makes me angry. Q. Doesn't sound right, doesn't look right.
Anyway, I'm getting off point. Only four more paragraphs after this one to
get to 20! #blessed. Cool. Let's see, there's 40,000
Democratic Socialists in America, 40-50% of Congress and Senate, and 100% of the
executive branch, are fascist authoritarians... hmm, it's a toss up.
Cool! What's going on. Oh, I forgot, they're
also corrupt kleptomaniacs. So they got that going for them too.
Also, Democratic Socialists don't want a revolution. They just want to
make things incrementally better. I'm on board with that for the next 80,
90 years. And then, we can have a discussion about maybe not going any
further. That settles that. Cool! Next week, I'm
gonna have a whole lot of thoughts about whether Bob Dylan really isn't here or
perhaps maybe he is here. The Bernie book wasn't about Democratic
Socialism. I don't even know if he is a Democratic Socialist in that
regard. That was more supplemental reading online. Next week,
I'll have done a whole lot of supplemental reading
on hmm.. revolutionary folk music. Let's go with that.
Life is bad right now because of right wing. Left
wing is good. Therefore, ipso facto, cool! 18th paragraph.
My version of left wing is best, though. Because I'm Best!
I've given myself a lot to think about. That's a conclusion we can all
get behind. Let's figure out a way to finish this entry. I've talked
about everything I can think of. Which isn't a lot, to be fair. I
can only hold about 1.8 things in my mind. That's right, I can think of
60% of three things at once! Sounds good to me. I don't know.
What do I got for the rest of the night. TV, maybe. Music, probably.
Ice cream sandwich, hopefully.
Penultimate paragraph! I was just thinking of
60% of TV Music and Ice Cream Sandwich at once! Man is my mind
impressive. I've been wearing my underwear inside-out all day because I
just don't give a fuck. One day I'll be able to hold 2.4 things in my mind
at once. Can't hurt to dream, right? I don't know. Maybe it
can! The point is I Don't Have All The Answers. And, even if I did,
I'd only be able to have 60% of three different answers at once! That's
not great! Also have a bath or shower in my very near future. Lookin
forward to getting started on new songs. I did a standard 2 minute
sequence of chords with some melody on top of it. Not bad! Next,
Next, paragraph. Haven't gone swimming in a while.
Who needs the hassle of having people look at me without my shirt on. Not
me! My main thought of the letter Q-- I know KRS-One is a thing.
There's a sequence of the alphabet, right after LMNOP, that goes QRS. Q is
very similar to K phonetically. QRS, KRS. Cracked that code.
I mean, Huh? I'm still waiting for KRS-Two and KRS-Three. Not
really. Still haven't given KRS-One any attention. Maybe I'll do
that tonight. Seems like a productive use of my Music Listening To Time.
Instead of the same crap I've listened to over and over, give something new a
try! We've got to do it eventually. That's my hypothesis.
KRS-One supported Ron Paul for president. Well Fuck
That! See ya later.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
America's Funniest Home Titles
Alright! What's up party people.
Another week roughly in the books. Five days is close to a week, right?
It's not four days, thats half a week. Six days, that's obviously pretty
close to a week. I think Five Days can hold its own being lumped in with
Almost A Week. Haven't lost any poundage the last four days. I blame
doing Sit Ups. I've done 175 sit ups over the past four days and that's
probably built around 5-20 pounds of muscle is my guess. I've done 35 push
ups, too! Had to give up on that after the second day. My arms hurt
too much. Not my arms! I need those to walk around,
while holding my arms in a socially acceptable way. No arms, and I'll
stand out in any crowd!
Anyway. Got a couple of real mediocre Yuk-Em-Ups
saved up over the last few days. One-- Being a carpenter and
experienced with nailing things, did Jesus give the Romans some tips while on
the cross? My guess? Mediocre Thing! Two--
Is it bad if I could make a fart noise with my scrotum? Wait a second,
that's not a joke! That's just a sad comment on the state of affairs my
body is in. Okay, Three-- Good idea-- marijuana gum.
That's not a joke either. I know I told you these Save-Em-Ups would
be mediocre, but I think I still oversold it. Anyway. Finally lost
all Poker Money. No more draining my life force. Anyway. I
should explain-- my scrotum is like silly putty. That more or less
sums that up.
Third paragraph. Now that we got the crap out of the
way, it's all good from here on out. I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty
sure I Do have abdominal muscles. Oh, hey, got my new 8-Track Recorder!
Haven't done any songs yet, but played around with it a minimal amount, and it's
great. A lot of great sounds I could get from Guitar. A lot of good
drum loops and whatnot I could use. Now I'm gonna get a real good
moderately priced pair of ear phones and I'm in business! With myself.
To make music. For free. You know, that kind of business?
Anyway. Got BurKa Gring for dinner tonight. Sure I'll eat some
appropriately portioned Crap. Hmm. Dinner. Donner.
Donner Party had Donner Party For Dinner. Sounds like a party to me!
Any party that doesn't have at least light cannibalism has no
right calling itself a party. Is biting your nails a form of light
cannibalism? Let's get some scientists working on that one.
Sacha "Red Baron" Cohen is back and as good as ever! I don't believe it.
I didn't know what to expect from Sacha "Baron Trump" Cohen this time around but
I was totally satiated. So I got that going for me! In the mid
2000's, when Cohen would make people look foolish, particularly politicians, I
kinda remember subliminally thinking, "Hah! They look foolish! This
is as bad as they could ever seem!" This time around, it's more, "Hah!
They look foolish! ... This probably isn't even as bad as they really are."
So, yeah, great.
What else. Good title, too. Gotta offer props.
Really makes ya think. Anyway, what the hell, fifth paragraph?
Man Farty Scrotum and Jesus On The Cross Giving Tips filled up a
lot of space. Not taking a second walk of the day for the first time since
I started taking second walks of the days. I'm busy writing an entry and
potentially having several drinks! Is it the healthiest thing I can do?
No. Is it the second healthiest thing I can do? Yes.
Gotta be upfront and honest-- I had that line as a Fourth Save-em-Up.
Not in response to anything explicitly, just use that four sentence sequence
somewhere. Alright, that's all my Save-em-Ups. I think.
I think it all worked out for the best. Anyway, making progress with
Weight, but gotta suplement it with other Making Progress In Life. Music,
I guess that's on the docket. Maybe write something I can submit as a
writing sample for MFAs. It's like how before you can have weight loss
sergery, Dr. Now makes them lose 100 pounds to show they're serious. Gotta
write a 40 page short story to show I'm serious if I wanna go for MFA.
Sounds Logic to me. Sure I'll spend as much time on
Poker playing Freerolls, that's no drain on Life Force. I can't lose,
so there's no worries. Alright! I'm really excited to get a good
pair of ear phones. I used to have a good pair of earphones throughout
high school, and thinking back, they do make a difference. I remember
being able to hear each instrument and whatnot individually and whatnot.
One would imagine that's even more useful when putting together the songs.
Cool! Anyway. The WSOP Main Event is over. The important thing
is that everybody had a good time. I wonder what percent of people had
a good time. They should poll them after they bust, see for themselves
for sure. Jeez. Sixth paragraph I guess. Sure I'll play at
a Play Money Table, can't lose anything!
What else. Every now and then Solitaire breaks and
I have to restart the computer to play another game. Whatta jip!
Might as well get a new computer. I don't need the hassle of having my
Solitaire Broken Up! Gonna pour myself Drink #1 now. Which is
roughly 70% of a Professionally Poured Drink. It's my system, deal with
it. I sometimes play Computer Chess too, but the Computer is a lot
better than me. At least in Solitaire the computer can't beat me.
Either I win or I lose. Unless the computer is purposely giving me
tough Deck Draws. I wouldn't put it past the computer. The
computer is always trying to muck up my shit! Anyway, this entry is a real
D+, but there's still time for improvement.
Eighth paragraph. Cool! I had a streak of 12 days
where I consumed between 900 and 1050 calories. Talk about consistency!
Although I believe it's better to mix it up. Keep your metabolism guessing
and whatnot. Anyway, jeez. It's hard to write a 40 page short story.
It's hard to write 40 pages of anything. Unless it's solitaire logs and
statistics. That comes naturally. Anyway. I need some other
Health or Produtivity to keep me going. When I go five days without losing
weight while still exercising and dieting, I gotta have some other thing making
me feel good about myself. I guess. I like eating Unhealthy Food in
reasonable portions because I feel like I'm gaming the system. Like I'm
really clever and I've found this trick nobody knows. Eat what you want in
I figured it out! Anyway. I know they say to
drink a lot of water to be healthy and lose weight, but does it have to be
water? There's water in diet soda and diet snapple and whatnot. I'd
reckon it's at least 50% water! Not sure if it's acceptable, though.
What else. I did 50 sit ups one day, then I did 150 the next day, and I
was thinking Man I Could Do These All Day. Then the next day I was
in pain. So that's my reward for trying to game the sit-up game. Oh
well, live and learn. Ninth paragraph. I like how Jesus was a
carpenter. Well, if this Son of God thing doesn't work out, at least I
have a trade. Always good to have back-up plans. Anyway.
Starting to creep up to 30 years old and it kinda bothers me. I remember
when I was 25 years old! The last big round of music, I was only 25.
Man. And that was only four years ago! That's Math for ya.
10th paragraph. Cool! Aiming for 20 at this point
because I have a lot of ground to cover if I wanna make this entry worth
reading. When I was in Little League, I had a lot of ground to cover while
playing the out field. The fields didn't have walls so the outfield was
pretty much just unlimited. Anyway. I was okay at catching baseballs
during practice, but in the game, you see a ball coming at you from way in the
batters box, I was always pretty confident it would just hit me in the nose.
I could get to the ball in time, but perennially the closed I could get to catch
it was always having it hit me in the nose. Sure I know what words
almost mean. Anyway. Maybe I could write some sort of
Manifesto. That would take up 40 pages.
Alright, what else. I watch the same dozen 20
second clips of The Simpsons every morning after I wake up. I don't plan
to or anything, it just ends up that way. Anyway. I got in a sort of
Habit/Ritual thing where I would listen to I Would Do Anything For Love But I
Won't Do That every night after I get home from doing music. It
stemmed from the radio having played a different Meatloaf song in the taxi on
the way home one of my first open mics. And I just liked it so much I
stuck with it! That's life I guess. Meatloaf won't say the word
"Drugs." That's how you know he's wholesome. Anyway. Just
threw out my old 8 Track. That's the end of that.
12th paragraph. Let's do it to it. Read a
particularly depressing and alarming article outlining all the connections
between Trump specifically and Trump through his team with Russia, and how far
back it goes, and how comprehensive it is. Oh well, there goes America.
Meh. It'll come back! We might not have America Now but there's no
one to say we won't have it again at some point. Gotta look at the bright
side of things. Such is life. America is just an outfielder getting
hit on the nose by a line drive. Sure. It's not America's fault
there's no walls. Maybe that's all Trump wants. A Wall so that
we don't have to patrol an endless outfield. Sure, the opposing team will
hit some home runs over it, but at least it's easier on the outfielders.
Jeez. When They Say build a wall, We Say build an on
deck circle! Two, preferably. Would only be fair. Plus,
there's nothing to build. Just buy a piece of chalk, that's really all you
need. Even Jesus could handle that. My guess is Jesus was a
really bad carpenter. This isn't working for me... better come up with
another get-rich quick scheme. And the rest is history. How was
being a carpenter a get rich quick scheme in the first place. I don't
have all the answers. What else. Finished one .7 of a drink.
I got that going for me. What else. I wrote one paragraph of a story
a week or two ago. Then I wrote a second paragraph based on the first
paragraph. Then I didn't do anymore because This Is Terrible.
14th paragraph. Not a bad number. 14 days in 2
weeks. First two digits after the decimal in Pi. Called Catorce
in Spanish. 14 days in half a month. 14 paragraphs into this
entry so far. That's how this started. Huh. I still
haven't gotten my TV Birthday Present from over 7 months ago. That's life
I guess. Can't be getting birthday presents forever. I like taking
two walks a day because now it's like I'm part of the neighborhood now.
Now, at least. Huh. Now that Sacha "Barren Wastelands" Cohen is
back, does that mean Entourage is coming back, too? Would love to see if
Turtle is still up to his old tricks. Dramas the Comic Relief.
Anyway. I like how they said Ah it's a show about
Friends that's why people like it. I don't know. There was a
show called Friends and nobody seemed to respond to that. Anyway.
His name was Vince because he had to con-Vince people he was the person whose
part he was playing. Cracked that code. They don't get any
cleverer than me. They called him E because he was a Party Drug
Addict. Oh well. I guess I should like the show because two of
the male leads are under 5'6 probably. Anyway. Me, I'm under 6'2.
Impressed? Anyway. 15th paragraph. Five paragraphs to go
after this one theoretically. In that they could theoretically be
called paragraphs. Probably shouldn't be, though!
Cool. A lot more guitar sounds akin to what I wanna
produce with the new 8 track compared to the old one. So I got that going
for me. What do I got going for me after this entry is over.
Nothin. Oh well, live and learn. When I ordered the Burger King
for tonight and tomorrow's dinner, I was 3 dollars short of getting a free
delivery, would would reduce the price by 3 dollars. Got a fish sandwich
to eat for lunch tomorrow. Not 100% happy about the whole deal but that's
the way the chips fell. No chips for tomorrow's fish lunch.
Cause of England. Anyway, I'm really bad at rationing my fingernails.
Shuold get one finger nail a day, instead, I get 'em all at once. So they
all grow back after a week, and then I get 'em all at once all over. Do
one or two a day! The rewards will be plentiful.
Jeez. Gross. Meh. 17th paragraph.
Probably stop after 2 .7s of a drink today. That's the Second Healthiest
thing to do. Probably not going to Open Mic tomorrow. The last few
times I went to Open Mic, I had planned to beforehand, and then I had nightmares
the night beforehand, and didn't wanna leave the house when I woke up. So
no Open Mic because I don't wanna have nightmares. That settles that.
Besides, who needs train rides when you've got Walks. No one, that's who.
Three paragraphs more after this one. Cool. That's a lot of
paragraphs. I don't have any shit left to say. My new 8 track
didn't come with a protective fabric case or anything I could put it in for
Travel. And the one from the old one is too small! I'm gonna write
an angry letter to somebody.
Meh. Three paragraphs to go. All in all, lost 25
pounds in 2 months. That's a rate I could get behind! Pretty soon
I'm gonna have a whole new world of t-shirts that have been too small for me.
We're talking a dozen, maybe even a dozen and a half, t-shirts that I haven't
been able to wear in three or four years. Quality t-shirts, too.
Ones that say things and sometimes let people know what musicians I like.
It's been far too long that people haven't known I'm a fan of Mr. Show based on
my t-shirts. I have 2 Mr. Show t-shirts! Now people are gonna
know, and how! Through t-shirts. Try to keep up.
Anyway, what the what. I don't know.
19th paragraph! Sweet. I like tucking shirts into
pants. Makes me feel like a real adult. I don't do it as often as I
should, but when I think about it, I think it's a real good thing. Huh.
The piece of plastic I bought to be a mini-mic stand for my desk suggested I use
it for podcasting. Hmm, you may be onto something four pieces of
plastic which took me 20 minutes to assemble. I guess. What
else. It kinda sucks not losing weight several days in a row, but I just
think, Alright, got this crap out of the way for today. Now tomorrow
it'll be all progress! And then the next day, no progress, but I just
think, tomorrow I'm due for some progress!
The point is we're almost done here. Thank God.
He's doing a lot of good stuff and he's happy to be appreciated. I don't
get people who pray to God. Like he's thinking, Ya know, I had this
whole other idea of how this was gonna play out, but this one guy asked me to do
something different... I'm gonna go with my gut and muck up the entire master
plan. I mean, the gall to ask God for something. Hey God,
it's me, your favorite person. Lemme just run something by you... it would
be real cool if you did this for me. Now, you don't have to,
nobody's forcing you. But I would consider this a personal favor. I
won't forget. And God is like Oh My, a chance to Make Jim Happy!
You don't get that chance every day. I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Go Go Title Writers
I guess. New month. Mixed up the
color scheme. Just for a month! I'm not committing to anything long
term at this point. The point is Great, what's goin' on with me in the
wide world of sports. Did Open Mic last night. Went okay!
Drank last night, so no drinking tonight during Entry. That about
catches us up. I wonder if the catcher in the rye has a good arm.
You know, to get people trying to steal second base? Maybe he's good at
calling pitches. That's an important trait for a catcher that advanced
metrics haven't figured out yet to my knowledge. Lets get Bill James
working on that one. I bet Bill James' real name is William Zimmermann
and he changed it to be a respected sports statistics analyst. Prove
I unfortunately have money on poker that I won in a Freeroll.
Whatta drain on my Life Force. Oh well, live and learn. Been
following the WSOP Main Event too much. Because in the long run Who Cares
but in the short run Let's Fantasize As If I Was In It. Which is a huge
drain on my Life Force. Anyway. Trump wants Kavanaugh for the
Supreme Court. I don't trust that name. Kavanaugh. He's up
to something. I bet his real name was Brett Zimmermann but he changed
it to be an extremist judge in the pocket of Right Wing PPL Who Run Stuff.
You know, the RWPPLWRS? I hate them so much. To be fair, I'll
give him a moment to defend himself. Here ya go --Is it extremist if
all the people in charge agree with and perpetuate this kind of nonsense?
Alright, Kavanaugh, that's enough. I won't have that kind of crap on my
website! I got no place for it!
Finished watching Lord of the Rings. What a colossal
waste of time. I don't get how one ring could have all that power.
Totally unbelievable. Plus, I've seen this ring-- not fancy at all!
I guess that's why its so great. It's like at the end of Indiana Jones
where the Jesus Cup was the most modest one. So I guess I've come
around on the ring. In the latest Ring movie, Rings, there's a group of
people studying the video tape and getting other people to watch it for them and
whatnot. In other words, it contains A Fellowship of the Ring.
Cracked that code. And whats the huge power the Ring gives the person
whose wearing it. Invisibility. Harry Potter figured that one out
in the first movie. You don't mean to suggest Harry Potter is 8
times as powerful as your special ring, do you? Cause that's what it
What else. Third paragraph. I never read Harry
Potter because I was a Grown Young Adult when it came out. I'm 11 years
old! This crap is meant for 10 year olds! I got no use for it!
No use! Also, I had read other books, and once you read one book,
you've read 'em all. That's my contention. Except for my future
book-- Hearts, Igor, and the Mystery of Sunkist Cove. That's the title
I came up with while trying to think of a book. I already know the main
two characters are Hearts and Igor, that goes without saying. Mystery of
Sunkist Cove? Wow! I don't know what a cove is. That's part
of the mystery. And Sunkist is the soda I drink. Sounds good to
me. Is a cove like a cave? That's my best guess. I might
just be confusing it with a cave because it shares 75% of the letters.
Sounds good to me.
Fourth paragraph! Wow. Saw Jurassic World II a
week ago. It sure was a movie. Blue Wave coming up in a few months.
I could get on board with that. I'd need some kind of surf board, though.
And training. That could take a while. Might as well watch from
the beach. Maybe there's a cove nearby where I can hang out and drink
orange soda. There's a bit of a brown stain on my two front teeth and I've
tried everything, even brushing my teeth, and it won't go away. The good
news is I very rarely smile so no one will be the wiser. What else.
Lost some more pounds. 17 pounds away from Optimal BMI Range!
That'll show 'em, that'll show all of 'em. Jeez. If I ever make the
Final Two of a WSOP Final Table I'm gonna bust out a sleeve of Oreos. You
know, to intimidate my oponent?
Wow. Fifth paragraph. May take a break mid-entry.
Or may just stop when I stop this session of writing entry. Cool.
Donated some money to a Bernie Sanders Affiliated Organization that is not Our
Revolution, and they're supposed to send me a book. Wow, A Book! You
can real All The Books and there's never two that are the same. Unless you
read the same book twice. Then it's the same. Why Bother!
Maybe I missed whether Holden Caulfield has a good percentage of preventing
passed balls. I don't know. Figured out what I'm doing for dinner.
Not gonna eat it when it gets here. I ate lunch only 3 hours ago!
I'm not some kind of Eating Machine. Not a lot of things eat machines.
I guess bigger machines.
Cool. I don't know what to do with the rest of my
night. Sometimes I like to imagine what it would be like if the Mets have
above a .500 record and their games mattered. Wouldn't it be nice. I
like to imagine people saying nice things about me if I go Deep in the WSOP Main
Event. See, Kornblum is a fine poker player, but he's got a great
personality. Always has everyone laughing. He even impressed Kevin
Pollack! Also, he's a Rock Star, that's his nick name. We all like
Michael and that's the bottom line. To be read in the accent of your
favorite poker player. So I got that to look forward to if I ever have 20
grand to burn. What else, sixth paragraph. The buy in is 10.5 or
11 grand, but you gotta figure hotel expenses, buying into a smaller tournament
for practice, and whatnot.
Once I have money to burn I've got it all planned out.
What else is going on. Man, is the Main Event easy. All you need
to do is double up 10 times and you'll make the final table. I can do
that. I've done it plenty of times online one would imagine. Seventh
paragraph. We're talking Lox Eggs and Onion Omelet for dinner. Let's
Health It Up. Not a fan of the term "Leo" for that kind of omelet.
I'd much rather call it an "Olé!"
a lot more fun. Or ELO in memory of Electronic Lights Orchestra.
That's also a bit of fun. Do I not know the name of the band, or am I
just having fun? I'll never tell!
Cool. Here's something I have lined up for Kevin
Pollack. A new player comes to our table. Makes a really bad call on
the river. I go, "You smell that, Kevin?" He goes, grinning, "What's
that, Michael?" I go, "Smells like Fish!" And we can't stop
laughing. Anyway, what else is going on. So yeah, I'd say I'm
prepared to play in the main event. The main hard part of playing live
poker is being able to identify immediately the amount another person is
betting. Let's see, there's a bunch of black chips, a few reds, hmm.
While other people go into the tank to see if they can pull of a bluff, I go
into the tank thinking Okay, that's more than 1000 in chips, probably less
than 5000... this is tough. What else is going on. How many
chips do I have anyway. I know it's above 2000...
Anyway. Also, you're always at a bad angle to see
what's going on. 9 person table, you could be way in the corner,
everything's a blur. What else is going on. Plus, you need to
remember to tip your waitresses. Jeez. Ninth paragraph. It's
fun to exchange equal value in chips with someone else to make your stack more
manageable. That's a lot of fun, and everyone wins! Let's just pay
money to sit at a table and trade chips. What else is going on.
Maybe do the format of the last entry. 10 paragraphs, take a break,
another 10 paragraphs. That means I gotta do one more paragraph now.
I can handle that and whatnot. Plus I can take a break to watch some
bullshit on TV. Cool!
What else. Or I can just stop at 10. We'll see!
Been doin' 2 walks a day. Now my day revolves around Walks! Which is
pretty good. Maybe the catcher in the rye called an intentional walk.
I guess I have him to thank. I hope when Holden grows up finally
actually gets a job being the catcher in the rye. Would be a real happy
epilogue. Plus, being nicknamed Rock Star in the WSOP Poker
Tournament, people are gonna be like, gotta listen to his songs on bandcamp,
see if I could get any information on him. Who knows, my songs might
have a tell! Jokes on them, though-- My songs are incoherent nonsense!
So now I'm Practical Joker in addition to being Rock Star. Anyway, gonna
take a break now. Hopefully come back with Part II!
Hey! Just bought my
new 8 track online. I'ma be making nonsense music in no time! Well,
some time. Probably at least 56 hours, to be honest. So I got that
going for me. Ate dinner, took my second walk, and now I'm back.
Still winning in poker. Whatta jip. Who knows how much Life Force
thats gonna suck out of me! Anyway. Was thinking about colors.
What kind of a moron has Red as their favorite color. Green is obviously
the best color. Blue, I can maybe understand. Red? What are
you, freakin' retarded? I wonder if favorite color as a child is the best
predictor for future political leanings. Seems about right that kids who
like green, red, blue, etc. will identify with that sort of nonsense what which
their color represents politically. Green people are smart, blue people
are smart enough, red people are dumb. Or violent. Red is Blood!
I mean, Blood is Red! What kind of sociopath likes red?
So judging by how much attention I gave in that paragraph,
20% of me is excited about new 8 track recorder and starting new songs, while
80% of me is very interested and concerned about people's favorite color.
Cool! 12th paragraph. There was a storm in Las Vegas which
made them cancel the second half of WSOP Main Event Playing for today.
When I first read Storm Hits Casino on the Updates Page for the
tournament, I naturally assumed Rueben Hurricane Carter made a fashionably
late and illegal entry into the tournament and is wreaking havoc through poker
playing. Anyway. I could have gotten the same thing, the BR 800,
for the same price, but with a free 2 guitar cables and a free headphones-- same
price for either bundle. Parents insisted I go with the one that has
nothing free. The other one is only sold through Amazon-- with
the company only having a 96% rating over the last year with 1682 ratings!
It could be counterfeit or some other such nonsense. Oh well.
Such is life.
13th paragraph. Man is it nighttime. I've been up
for going on 8 hours! Man am I tired. If you can enter into the
tournament whenever you want to, I'd enter in when it's down to two people.
Guaranteed at least 3.5 million on a 10,000 dollar investment. Sounds good
to me. When I started my second walk today, it was already completely dark
outside. I like to live dangerously. Cool. Damnit,
gonna have to make music soon. Who knows how easily or not easily that'll
come to me. Not me! Been a while. Jeez. Had half of my
Omelet for dinner. Health. Get to take a bath or a shower when this
is done-- also Health. Cool! Theoretically I have a lot of
paragraphs to go, though. If I wanna hit 20. Anyway. I was
thinking about it, and the letter "N" is just as much in the middle of the
alphabet as the letter "M." I don't know for sure, cause I've never talked
to anyone else about it, but I'd guess the tendency is for us to think of "M" as
the middle of the alphabet. "Middle" and "Medium" and all those words
probably reinforce this belief. But "N" can make just as well a case as
"M." "N?" The middle? No way, N is the second half of the
alphabet. Comes after "M."
Alright! Alphabet means it's the best of the second
bests, right? Alpha Beta. Alpha being an adjective, Beta being a
noun. That's gotta be how language works is the impression I'm under.
I suppose it could mean the second best version of the best. If they're
both nouns. First explanation makes more sense, though. Anyway.
This could just be 15 paragraphs. I don't know! Anyway. I have
over 6 dollars a week after winning 70 cents in a freeroll. Oh No, My
Precious Precious Life Force! And if I can maintain this for several
weeks, playing at the same stakes, I can reach a 10 dollar bonus. Then
we're talking Sustainable Role If I Play Correctly This Time Unlike All Those
Other Times. Oh No! Not my life force-- anything but that!
Wrote 4 paragraphs pretty quickly. Cool. Making Music might take up
my Life Force but at least thats for a good cause. Jeez. Maybe it's
because my name is Michael, that I'm more sensitive to the comings and goings of
the letter "M." I'm willing to entertain all theories at this early stage
of examination. Maybe end this entry after this paragraph. 15 is a
pretty cool number. So anyway, what have we got to close it up. Life
Force is being spent on bad things. New Music coming soon. Something
along the lines of 2 minute songs which are also not very good. I guess
that's it. See ya later.