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Thursday, March 31, 2016

Smirn- On, Smirnoff

    Whatta pun!  I hate myself.  What's craculating.  Today is the last day of March.  At least until next year.  Bernie's holding a rally just a couple of clicks west and north.  I assume so.  Not really 100% on how much a click is.  Kinda want to know.  Almost enough to make me check internet.  I think I'll do that.  Then I can tell you.  And you'll be informed of something you may not have known.  One Click is one Kilometer. Don't we use Miles in America?  These guys are our army and they're using the system of the enemy.  I don't like it, not one bit.  No, we did it because it's .62 miles!  Everyone knows .62 Miles is a thing!  Not buying it.  What else and crap.  My Mom used to teach on an Air Force base.  Pretty sure that's not classified information.  If it is, well, sorry.
    That's the kind of recklessness that'll get me kciekd out of the army!  Good, I didn't want to be in the army in the first place.  That settles that.  Good chance I might get some nice feedback a week from today.  Someone in class said something like, in response to someone else's thing, It's funny, and humor is so hard to write!  Well Hard to Write is my middle name!  Not really.  It's Adam.  Sorry for misleading you and everything.  I thought it was funny, but I still didn't like it.  My guess is that'll be the consensus opinion.  Ha!  I don't care if you liked it as long as you thought it was funny!  Jokes on you!  And I know jokes!  Anyway, great.  Last entry of The March.  Might close it with a five paragrapher.
    We'll see, I guess.  What else is going on.  I made a seventh tweet.  I'm outta control!  Thought that didn't make it to Tweet level--  We should just call "The A, B, C's" "The A, B's."  We'll know what you're talking about.  Anyway, how about that crap.  Both my stories for this class have an unnamed narrator.  And it's not a third person narrator, sure, they don't have names all the time.  It's a first person narrator who just never gives their name.  That'll capture the imagination of my classmates and teacher!  It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure, except not really, pretty much no aspects are similar.  Except for that you can make up a name for the narrator if you want.  Most people wouldn't take that extra step, but you're not most people, are you.
    Huh?  What's going on and crap.  Bernie Sanders sent me an e-mail, saying this could be the headline we read in tomorrows papers--

Bernie Sanders outraises Hillary Clinton for third month straight; aims to win Wisconsin on Tuesday

However, from my experience reading news outlets, it'll look more like this--

Hillary Clinton Still Leads In Delegates-- Sanders Is A Jerk


    Politics!  Am I right.  Probably.  What else and crap.  Can't wait to watch Wayne's World II.  We're due for some comedy, I bet.  That's how I feel.  Also, that counts as a paragraph.  My rules, I make 'em up.  I still haven't gotten an e-mail from Teacher prematurely telling me how much she liked my story.  She must still be working.  That's gotta be it.  What else and crap.  I did single spaced, even though she specifically states in Syllabus to do double spaced.  I considered it.  Checked out how it looked double spaced.  Wasn't pleased.  Went with single spaced.  If I'm not allowed to make my own formatting decisions, what kind of world do we live in.  I posit that question to you.  And posit is a word I heard somewhere.
    Great, what else.  Can I start writing e-mails in white font on black background.  What kind of world do we live in if I can't make my e-mail background black.  A bad world.  Real negative type crap.  Yet I still can't do the photo-negative as a format.  Seems kinda contradictory now, too.  Remember Iran-Contra-Dictory.  Yeah, Reagan doesn't either.  Politics!  Doesn't or Didn't.  Both fit, but only one can make the comedy juices flow ever so slightly more.  I don't know.  This is hard.  I want to say, Didn't.  But I already typed Doesn't.  And isn't there some rule to go with our first instinct?  I think my first instinct was to write didn't but just messed up while writing it.  Jeez, this is a real brainbuster. 
    Huh?  Yeah I'm gonna write ten paragraphs!  Well, nine.  And the Newspaper Headline piece of crap.  The young people supporting Bernie really need to step up.  Now, I think he's pretty cool and groovy based on his policies.  But, c'mon, youth vote, can't you think of some phrase or picture or something to spice the campaign up?  So far, the biggest thing supporters have rallied behind was when a bird showed up.  We can do better than that.  Get craculating on it!  How about a shirt that says, "Bernie Sanders Is a Hero."  Just an idea.  Just to get the ball rolling, you know, that kind of crap.  Also, yeah, I get that it doesn't get much cooler than Elderly Jews.  I get that.  But, still, we can do better.
    I think the reason African Americans are weary of Bernie Sanders is because he looks like the kind of guy who would cheat their musical heroes out of their money in a record contract.  I get that.  What else and crap.  Hey, only two and a half more paragraphs to go.  Awesome.  I haven't made some music in a while.  Partly because I'm bad and partly because I'm terrible.  Oh well, crap and crap, am I right.  Ha.  Reagan.  Crazysheet knows references from before he was born!  Let's Read About It!  Anyway, what else.  I like how my story ends.  Objectively, it's terrible.  Just wraps it up in a few sentences of cliche nosnese bullshit.  But for some reason, I feel it fits great.  Probably through the powers of self-delusion.  Last night, while going to sleep, I just kept thinking, Man are these character names great.
    Man are those character names great.
  What else is going on and crap.  Especially that one that can be pronounced different ways.  Now that's a Choose Your Own Adventure.  Anyway, crap and crap, what else and crap.  Did I e-mail Professor the paper wrong?  Where's my premature praise?  Something must be wrong.  What else and crap.  I want to study abroad.  I like looking carefully at dames.  I hate myself.  What else and crap.  Did a couple of minor Heros today.  Bus stop on way to school, answered a question about which busline this was.  Getting off bus way home from school, a mere small fraction of a click from the first Hero, told a lady the direction Queens borough College is.  You add those two up and you get a pretty decent fraction of Hero.
    Anyway, what else.  On the Hero scale, the more you do, it goes up exponentially.  Right?  Seems like it would.  Anyway.  I have mixed feelings about getting up early.  I set my alarm clock always extra early, so I can go back to sleep once or twice.  That aspect is wonderful.  Nothing greater than going back to sleep.  The aspect of having to actually get up at some point, that's no good.  I've seriously considered waking myself up early every day just so I could go back to sleep.  Not seriously enough, though.  Now that I talk about it, it's something I really do want to seriously consider.  We'll have to wait for the entry to be over, though.  I got no time for considering things while writing an entry.
    Crap.  I have to do fifteen paragraphs.  It's only right, considering the epic quantity of this month.  Can't end it on a 10'r.  Anyway, what else and crap.  I can't wait to get a fourth twitter follower.  Who Will It Be.  Follow me @Crazysheeeet, it could be you!  And remember, it's four, "E's," one more than three.  That's how you can remember.  Jeez.  What else and crap.  The Title of the story I wrote is pretty good, too.  I like Titles.  You may have noticed.  I watched another Simpsons yesterday that is in my top 5 favorite.  Well, let's say top 10.  Only laughed once, again.  Time + Comedy = Tragedy.  Just a little theorem I'm working on.  Shouldn't it be Comedy + Time = Tragedy?  That arrangement sounds like it makes more sense.  Get off my website!  I'll learn you to mess with my theorems.     
    Also, let's be honest-- if you laugh once in a 22 minute period, that's still pretty good.  I watch comedy, comedy I like, and don't laugh at all.  Let's be honest.  Great, what else and crap.  It takes a lot to make a grown man laugh.  You know, like Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego, is she in San Diego, because, if so, I want my money back?  I forget what I was trying to prove.  Jeez.  What else and crap.  I bet everyone in the NSA and CIA grew up playing Carmen Sandiego.  Probably.  What else and crap.  One aspect of the story that I feel I could have done better was, there's a guy giving three examples of what his last words would be if he kills himself, and I'm only satisfied with one of them.  The other two just seem kind of egregious and forced in.
    Great.  Three paragraphs to go.  I can do that, no problem.  I don't think I've ever successfully found Carmen San Diego.  I remember trying a few times.  Oh well.  Crap and crap.  Malcolm X is a long movie.  I watched it for half an hour yesterday and I don't remember what happened.  Oh well.  The good news is I am within reach of finishing this entry.  Two and a half blobs to go.  I got DVDs to watch, Jack.  If only Cop & a Half had director's commentary.  I can't watch it without commentary, I already know what happens.  I don't know what Henry Winkler or Bert Reynolds have to say about it, though.  Anyway, what else and crap.
    Two more to go.  Alright, I can do this.  I've done it plenty of times before.  No reason why this time should be different.  Tomorrow is April.  Whatta world, whatta world.  Baseball is starting soon.  I bet The Mets do Good.  I've run the numbers and they should have a 25 man roster and play all their games in stadiums.  With that kind of foundation, there's nothing to stop them.  Anyway, yeah, sure.  I just finished my Green-Apple bottle of vodka.  Time to get started on Grape bottle of vodka.  Wait, he's been writing this this whole time drunk?  I don't get drunk.  I get buzzed.  Get it right.  Or don't, I don't really care that much.  What else and crap.  Also, Yeah I drink flavored Vodka.  I drink regular whiskey though.  I don't think they have Grape Whiskey.  Not yet, at least.
    Wonderful.  Almost done.  Bernie wants to debate Hillary in New York.  I wanna see that debate!  Lemme explain that reference.  In 2004, when John Kerry was winning the Democratic nomination, he had been part of the debate team in college.  He was supposed to be some sort of master debater.  And Michael Moore was giving a speech at a rally or something, talking about Kerry potentially debating Bush, and he was like I Wanna See That Debate!  And everyone went wild.  Then, later on, during the debates Kerry did pretty mediocre.  It's a memory that I would remember forever.  Also, I do kind of owe you another paragraph.  That Headline bullcrap can't detract from your enjoying this entry, that would be counterproductive.
    What else.  At least I'm getting my daily serving of fruits.  I'm being healthy by drinking this crap.  What else and crap.  I also remember for those 2004 debates, the Bush campaign stipulated the stage be on a tilt, so Bush looks the same height as Kerry.  I wish I had a campaign to service me with those kind of stipulations.  Oh well, live and learn.  Crap and crap.  I'm probably gonna watch Cop and a Half when this is over.  Probably is a strong word.  Let's say a 20% shot.  What else.  I'll see ya later.

-5:56 P.M.      


Wednesday, March 30, 2016

When The World Needs A Hero, One Man Answers The Call

    And that man is Batman.  After him, though, comes me.  I did a legitimate Hero yesterday.  Found a wallet outside my classroom and returned it to the proper authorities.  They asked me if I wanted to give my name to the person.  Why would I do that.  I'm not that vain.  Yeah, you can have your wallet back, but only if you thank me by name.  I looked through the wallet, sure.  Just wanted to see what this fellow was working with.  Left everything in it, though.  I feel like he probably would have missed the wallet itself more than what was in it.  It said Bad Mother Fucker on it, which I believe is a Pulp Fiction reference.  You don't get a chance to have a wallet like that but once in a blue moon.  Also, preformed another Hero by writing my story yesterday.  I have to say, it's pretty mediocre bordering on adequate.   Proud as punch.  I still need to write a few more sentences to the last paragraph.  Every paragraph is 7-9 lines long, and I don't wanna interrupt that flow when I'm so close to being done with it.
    Great!  What else and crap.  Startin' to cycle through some DVDs the last week or two.  The best experience of which was watching Re-Animator.  I think I probably had seen it once before in my life, when I first got the DVD, and really didn't remember anything.  It was pretty good, I'm pleased as punch.  Then last night I watched another Zombie movie.  The one appropriately titled Zombie.  What you see is what you get.  That was okay.  I find in old zombie movies the zombies bite into the flesh and it comes apart too easy.  In real life, a zombie, moving at 40% the speed of man, so it would stand to reason they perform all actions at 40% the speed/intensity of man, they bite your arm, they ain't even gonna break the skin on the first try.  These movies, one bite and your entire arm is ripped off practically.  So unrealistic.
Anyway.  Fear The Walking Dead comes back in a week and a half.  I like that show just fine.  The Regular The Walking Dead bores me.  This has been zombie talk.  What else and crap.  And one of the first DVDs I watched during this resurgence of watching DVDs was Land of the Dead.  Not a terrible movie.  The point is I like zombies and Daddy gets what Daddy likes.  Me, I'm Daddy.  I figure once you turn 27 you can start calling yourself Daddy, that's the cutoff.  Anyway.  My story's just nonsense.  It has implied humor all over the place, sure.  But there's no drama, there's no character development.  Just a bunch of bullshit.  I consider it entertaining enough, though, so I wouldn't complain if I were reading it.  Mainly because I'd had to complain to myself.  And I can't stand complaints.  Especially from myself.  Where do I get off.
Wonderful.  March is over in a couple of days.  That settles that.  Bernie is holding a rally in Bronx tomorrow.  If I didn't have class, I would probably slightly somewhat consider going possibly.  Oh well, live and learn. Up to three followers on Twitter.  I was forced to make the decision, Do I follow every real person who follows me, even if they ain't givin' much goofballs and funny bones, to be polite?  Or do I only follow people with wacky tweets all the time.  I erred on the side of being polite.  It sets a real dangerous precedent, though.  Real dangerous.  Anyway, don't mean to brag, but I have approximately six tweets.  Anyway.  Are people allowed to build their own personal trains.  Like, I wanted to build a train from my house to Queens College, is that legal?  We'll worry about the financial restrictions when we get to that, first we need to find out if the idea is allowed.
    That's a thing?  I guess.  What else and crap.  The good thing is the story is more or less done so now I can focus all my attention on doing nothing.  Anyway.  I had Chipotle for dinner two days in a row.  You know what that's like, right.  It's the bomb.  That's what it's like.  In a positive sense.  Kinda weird phrase, though.  Outside that phrase, bombs are pretty much negative things.  They destroy buildings and hurt people.  That's no good.  Neither is this riff.  What else is going on.  In Chinese Poker, four of a kind is called a bomb.  In regular poker, its just called four of a kind.  What's the deal with things!  That's how I feel.  I watched Wayne's World on DVD last night.  Opening credits-- There'll be some laughs in this.  Five minutes in-- Due for some laughs.  Half an hour in--  Laughs better be coming.  45 minutes in-- Alright, where's the laughs.  An hour in-- Gotta be some laughs at some point.  An hour and a half in-- The movie's over.
That'll show them for making a congenial movie.  Can't wait to watch Wayne's World II tonight.  It's probably because I've seen it a dozen times so I know what's around every corner.  That's my story and I'll stick to it for now.  Anyway.  I think my story is good enough.  I can expect two or three comments during workshop that it borders on amusing.  Some jerk wrote a 23 page story that we're workshopping next week.  That'll take me days to read.  You know, like .15 days?  Anyway, crap and crap.  Probably isn't even funny.  Where do people get off not writing funny stories.  Don't they know inducing laughter is our main goal in life?  Shouldn't even end at life.  If you can figure out a clever and funny way to die, I say you go for it.  Or you leave behind a Video Will and it's just ten minutes of you doing the worm.  The dance move.  That'll make sure people remember you for the clown that you were.
    Anyway.  Most likely a 10'r today.  You know, like those three opera guys?  Pun'd it.  It's a good thing Randy Johnson wasn't at that Bernie rally where the bird showed up.  Randy Johnson is birds' natural enemy.  Great.  What else.  Randy Johnson kind of looks like a bird himself.  If you put him into Sesame Street and took Big Bird out, nobody would notice the difference.  Anyway, what else and crap.  It's possible I'll gradually shift from this website to Twitter.  I get the same sense of satisfaction from a decent Tweet as I do from, let's say half a decent entry.  That's just playing the odds that I make that change.  Hopefully not.  I don't know.  What else and crap.  What to do with the rest of my day.  Guess I can get workin' on learning how to do the worm.  My Video Will isn't gonna make itself.     
    Great.  Three whole paragraphs to go.  Wonderful.  I watched Ray a couple of days ago.  Next in line are Malcolm X and Ali.  This week's theme is African American bio-pics.  Already got started on it, now the goal is to see it through.  I watched the first five minutes of Malcolm X.  Whatta character.  We didn't land on Malcolm X, Malcolm X landed on us.  That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of Malcolm X.  Apparently Muhammad Ali was friends with Malcolm X.  They got some serious Avengers action going on with these movies.  Anyway.  Hi, I'm Malcolm X.  Holy shit, you're telling me your whole line of father's name is Malcolm going back to your great great great great great great great great grandfather?  Talk about committing to a name.  Great.
    What else and crap.  It's a good thing you're not Malcolm the Fifth.  No one's gonna take someone named Malcolm V seriously.  What else and crap.  I like Spike Lee movies.  I know they're supposed to be gritty and controversial but to me the ones I've seen are real feel good movies.  He Got Game-- great father and son movie.  25th Hour-- what's not to like.  Do The Right Ting-- tells us to do the right thing-- an important message.  Maybe I'm watching them wrong.  It's entirely possible I'm watching them wrong, I guess.  I think the constant is there's always some characters you can root for, and they seem real, so that makes rooting for them extra rewarding.
    Right?  Maybe?  Whatever?  I guess?  Last paragraph?  Alright!  What else and crap.  Did a hero yesterday, returning the wallet.  That's how it starts.  Every super hero origin story, starts off with small things.  Now that we know you have your wallet back, I know who I am.  And I finally woke up without feeling empty inside.  This is how it begins, that's all I'm saying.  What else and crap.  Shit, just blew my secret identity.  Oh well, live and learn.  It takes a hero's instinct even do to that.  See a wallet lying on the floor, your first instinct is, What Do I Do?  Second instinct, I can't pick it up, that's stealing.  Third instinct, If someone else gets it, they're gonna steal it legit.  Fourth instinct, back to I can't pick it up, that's stealing.  Fifth instinct, If I pick it up, what the Hell do I do with it.  Sixth instinct, Find some teacher or something to ask.  Seventh instinct, Pick it up, find an authority figure, have them point me in the right direction.  And the rest took care of itself, it did.
    I wanna write another paragraph.  That's how I feel.  Crap and crap, now I have to write a paragraph.  Who knew writing another paragraph would entail writing another paragraph.  I like how Ray Charles jolts around his body.  I wonder if that's a symptom of being blind.  I don't care how it looks, my body and me are gonna have some fun!  I'm not being sarcastic.  I wish I could get away with twisting my body like that constantly while smiling a big smile.  People would respect me more.  I'm glad I'm not blind.  That's a hassle I don't need.  Anyway.  Jeez, now I'm thinking fifteen paragraphs.  I hate getting myself into this mess every tenth-twelfth paragraph.  It's a hassle I don't need. 
    Hey, I can write some short paragraphs, that'll get me there.  How fiendishly clever.  I think I use the phrase Fiendishly Clever in my story.  Fiendishly something.  It's a good phrase.  I'll use it wherever I can, whatta combination of words.  And it's self referential, because the whole story is fiendishly clever.  How fiendishly clever.  Great, what else and carp.  The Mets' first game is on Sunday.  I'll be watching probably.  It's at 8:30, which is a little past my bedtime, but it stands to reason I'll stay up to watch it, on account of me enjoying The Mets and the times that they Play Baseball.  Anyway.  I like alliteration.  You give me a story, the first thing I'm gonna look for is alliteration.  And sometimes I find it and it's great.  This is relative because i said Play Baseball, and capitalizing two consecutive words made me thin of alliteration.  It's Capital-Letter Alliteration, that's all that is.
    Holy crap, only three more paragraphs to go.  Whatta joy.  My story has got some real solid character names.  I think there are four names given in the story, and all but one of them are great.  There's one I'm satisfied with, but maybe could do better.  it's a good thing I wrote it yesterday, and now have an extra day to come up with a better name.  One of the names can easily be pronounced differently.  I like that.  It's a choose your own adventure on how to pronounce it!  People love choose your own adventures.  That's how I feel.  Shoulda written a choose your own adventure.  I'll keep that in mind for future stories.
    Ten lines in my half-screen FrontPage document, that paragraph was.  That's the smallest amount a paragraph can be by my standards.  Oh well, crap and crap.  The good news is what else.  When I handed in the wallet to the security people at the entrance of the campus, I should have been like, Well?  Aren't you going to deputize me?  Not really.  That would be stupid.  But I sure should waste a sentence or two talking about doing it here.  Crap and crap.  Anyway.  I mean, I watched one of my favorite Simpsons episodes ever a couple of days ago and maybe laughed once.  You know, in regards to the Wayne's World complaint.  There's only so many times you can see something funny until it stops becoming funny.  Then, you don't watch it for a long time, it'll become funny again. 
    I'm a man with a plan!  What else and crap.  A canal!  Panama!  What else and crap.  I think it's unfair we can only have exclamation or question mark palindromes in Spanish.  These are the real issues.  Hah.  Upside down question mark.  Where do they come up with this stuff?!  Whatever.  Hey, 15 paragraphs.  I did it. Great.  And a week from tomorrow, oh boy, the comments are gonna roll in.  I didn't like it, but it almost brought me to the brink of laughter.  Alright!  Crap and crap.  New month in a couple of days.  I celebrate each month with a new color scheme.  Well, not entirely new.  Just go back and forth between two.  Sure does help me mix things up in regards to content, probably, one would imagine!  Whole different rhythm and crap one would assume.  Maybe.  Anyway, catch ya later!

-6:11 P.M.


Sunday, March 27, 2016

Stop Bombing People You Idiots

    You asked for topical, you got it!  Nobody asked for topical.  Well, you still got it, it seems.  Topical, you know-- like on a map?  Words, am I right?  I made a third tweet!  I'm unstoppable!  Alright, today, today I figure out what story I want to write.  That's progress.  Can Stop Bombing People You Idiots be a story?  My guess?  Probably not.  It would be mighty topical, though.  Topicalization is something that's been missing from our entire first round of stories.  I'd be a Hero to introduce Topography into the mix.  I guess I can just write a story about a cartographer.  Nobody's stopping me.  Except for that I don't know much about cartographers.  Oh well, what else and crap.  The Mets are really good at tying games.  That's good.  Almost on par as winning games.
    Right, right...  Crap and crap.  It's gonna be April soon.  Can you believe it.  I need to make a B Sides to the 12 song CD I created.  Then a C Sides, then a D Sides, then we're done.  E Sides?  Who ever heard of such a thing.  E Sides, that's just nonsense.  I like doing it on CD-RWs, too.  That way, if I give it to someone, they can record better songs than mine onto it.  It's pretty clever if I may say so myself.  Are CDs still a thing.  Or is everything just USB these days.  Let's talk about it. Is it a robot who says the AOL You Got Mail, or is it based on a real guy's voice.  If it's a real person, hopefully that guy gets some sort of bonus every time someone gets mail.  That's how that might go.  Can people still have AOL.  You know, ironically?  Figure that would be a thing.
    Was/Is AOL available in other countries?  These are the real issues.  I can write a story about AOL!  Wait, that's no good, somebody already did.  Well, there goes that great idea. Where else am I gonna chat about Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  Anyway, what else and crap.  I don't know.  Let's see.  Sanders crushed it yesterday.  Good for him.  Apparently 300 people voted in Alaska.  As far as I can tell.  Everywhere I go they seem to insinuate that was the final tally.  Whatever.  Alaska is big Topography wise, can we all agree on that?  They have more words for snow than they do for people.  People, they got like 250 names.  Adam, Michelle, Rory, Hugh... I wish I knew some of the various words for snow.  Seems like it would be funny.  Ha-- look at all those names!  Those people are different than us!  I'm gonna legitimately look up some words for snow.  BRB.  Fritla.  That means "Fried Snow."  You know, for all those times snow is fried?  Mactla.  Snow burgers.  You know, snow burgers.
    Anyway.  What else and crap.  I think they just went into a KFC and hijacked the entire menu and added snow to each item. Anyway, what else and crap.  Bernie Sanders is Inuit To Win It.  Ha.  Words.  What else and crap.  If they had done polling in Alaska, they'd pretty much have 100% of the electorate mapped out.  Forget sample size, they got everyone in eight hours of robo-calling.  Anyway, what else.  I can't wait to vote in the primary.  When I'm done, I'm gonna go to the people running it, I was told there would be cookies for voters?  Then they go, There's no cookies.  Then I go, What the Hell did I just vote for then?  Then they go, To add to the vote total of the person you voted for.  Then I go, Yeah, but I really wanted a cookie.  It'll play funnier than just describing the interaction did.  They'd be on the floor laughing, possibly even rolling on the floor laughing.
    I made it to the fifth paragraph.  In your face, everyone who doubted me!  I like Twittering it up before bed.  Hey, I'm still part of the human experience even from my slumber!  And by part of the human experience, I mean that one guy who is a Bernie supporter.  He's on the floor laughing his brains out.  Anyway, great.  What else and crap.  I really gotta get started on my story.  I don't want to, though.  If I think of the right idea for the story, the basis, it'll flow out great naturally.  With these B- Ideas, though, it's a real struggle to write them.  Probably because throughout the story, it will be in my perception and actuality a B- story.  It'll start as a B-, it'll progress as a B-, and it'll end as a B-.  This is all things I learned in my seven months of being a writer of story.  I don't mean to brag, but I've written two or three short stories.
    I do mean to brag.
  It's quite the accomplishment to be honest.  What else and crap.  Mr. Glassesface.  That was the first story I ever wrote.  I can adopt that into modern times.  Nobody's stopping me.  And it tickles me right where it counts handing in a story about someone named Mr. Glassesface.  That's the kind of thing I get my jollies from.  I'm just picturing Waldo of Where's Waldo fame now.  That's no good.  The whole thing has gone stale I guess.  What else and crap.  This entry is what's important right now.  Is Waldo a real name.  I've never met or heard of anyone else named Waldo.  Let's talk about it.  Also, in Where's Waldo, is Waldo trying to fit in and look like everyone else, or is everyone copying Waldo and trying to look like him.  These are the real issues.
    These are the seventh paragraphs.  Dentist tomorrow.  Do I lie to them about how often I brush?  Do I say I brush somewhat more than is factual?  Or do I just come clean about how little I brush.  I got some time to figure this out.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I think I should just say, up front, Look, I have a thing where it's hard for me to not lick your fingers.  If it happens, I'm not trying to be a creep, it's just the way my tongue muscle works, I have very little control.  Probably not.  Maybe it's something they deal with all the time.  I don't know.  I can't be the only one.  And then, when I'm done, I was told there would be cookies at the end?  There's no cookies.  What the Hell did I just do this for then. 
    Crap and crap, indeed.  I found an old Cable Box Remote.  The standard remote, controls the T.V. too, controls everything.  I thought I'd never see it again.  Turns out, it was under my bed.  I found it while looking for my glasses, which got knocked over from my night table in my slumber.  I thought I'd never see them again.  I did, though.  II thought I would have to start wearing 3-D Movie Glasses.  Sure, they don't help me see any better, but I'd have some constancy of wearing glasses in public.  Not wearing any glasses, that would throw some people for a loop.  I only spend half the time in Class wearing glasses.  The other half, I rest them atop my head, as one does.  I like the fluidity of seeing things well and not seeing things well, I like to mix it up.  Anyway, crap and crap.
    I'm gonna guess this is a 10'er today.  The good news is at least I did something.  And it wouldn't be a shock if I came up with a Tweet or two before the day is over.  So far 2/3rds of my tweets have been inspired by watching T.V. before bed.  And the other 1/3rd is the introductory tweet.  Crap and crap.  I like how the standard profile picture for Twitter is an egg.  Real clever, guys.  You knocked that one out of the park.  I'm pretty sure with an Old Remote I should be able to watch T.V. from 2010.  That's how technology works, right?  Probably.  I got a cold sore on my lip without any sexual contact.  Maybe that's a sign I should go with the story where the guy gets Herpes without sex.  Or, maybe it's a sign I shouldn't.  Who knows for sure. 
    This is the last paragraph.  I guess it's not a cold sore without sex.  Just some sort of pimple thing on the lip.  The point is it doesn't hurt anymore.  What else and crap.  Hey, it's Easter Sunday.  That's a thing for some reason.  Maybe the Egg in my profile picture was just there to celebrate Easter.  Can't count that out as a possibility.  Stupid having to write a story.  E-mail me your story ideas at mankindguy@gmail.com.  If I pick your story idea, I'll give you a free cookie!  At some point.  Next time I see ya.  Just remind me.  Anyway, what else and crap.  I guess this is the end.  See ya later.

-5:32 P.M.


Saturday, March 26, 2016

The Replacements Is a Movie For Some Reason

    Hey, remember all those other football movies?  Let's do that again.  Anyway, what the what?  Officially got started on my Twitter with two real good D+ Tweets.  Follow me @crazysheeeet!  Who knows what fun is in store with that nonsense.  I also got a follower, I assume someone who saw me added to Bernard Sanderbilt's account.  This guy knows what's up.  He's way ahead of the curve when it comes to liking me.  Anyway.  What story.  That's my philosophy for the next two or three days.  Then, Crunch Time.  Captain Crunch is but one example of sugary cereal that never appealed to me.  That, Lucky Charms, a third reference...  The real cereal that disgusts me is Cheerios.  I don't know why for sure.  Just looking at a bowl of cheerios akes me want to vomit.  And if it's in milk, doubly so.  Milkiness + Crunchiness is just disgusting to look at, to hear being chewed, and to eat, one would imagine.  I know I'm in the minority here, I don't care. 
    Now you know how I feel about cereal.  Anyway.  Can you have an Irish Breakfast, which is when you pour whiskey into your milk in cereal.  I guess you can.  Nobody's stopping you.  I wonder how the Irish feel about being an adjective which means To add alcohol too.  My guess?  They love it.  Being an assumed alcoholic fills me with National Pride!  Probably.  I fixed my guitar myself, like a chump.  Now I can't take my old guitar in to be fixed as a ruse to start using that instead of the newer one.  Well, I can.  That's not how we do things here, though.  Kix is on the same level as Cheerios for me.  Disgusting.  Mikey Doesn't Like It.  I wonder how people with my name feel about being associated with cereal aficionados.  My guess?  Proud as punch.  One would imagine Products 1-18 were terrible.  Never even made it past the manufacturing line.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  We should gain an hour this Sunday.  Just keep going back and forth every week.  That'll keep people on their toes.  I was probably gonna see Batman and Superman Take Manhattan but due to negative reviews it turns to I don't have to.  I thought it might be a once in a lifetime moviegoing experience.  Turns out it's a rather mediocre pedestrian moviegoing experience.  I ain't got no time for that.  I'm saving myself for Star Wars II?  Or VIII?  Or V?  Let's figure out what number this Star Wars is and then I'll think about whether I want to see it.  I'll see the sequel to this one,  Batman AND Superman: Let's Be Friends.  Are they in Gotham or Metropolis.  I feel like probably Metropolis.  Whatta shame.  I wanna see a movie with Adam West and George Reeves.  I don't care if half of them are dead, I Wanna See The Movie.  Mikey gets what he wants.  That's right, I know all about George Reeves.  Genius! 
    Crap and crap.  Alaska, Hawaii, Washington on the CHopping Block tonight.  My Dad loves Alaska.  Because he likes puns.  Not as much as me, but they are somewhat important to his brand of humor.  I'll Ask 'Er.  Doesn't work perfectly, an "Uh," and a, "Her," don't line up perfectly.  But I don't want to tell my Dad that.  He'd be devastated.  Better to let him live in his D+ Puns world.  Hawaii.  Huh, Why-e?  Washington.  Wash...ington?  You know, like the president.  Wonderful.  It's possibly my Dad does think that the state is pronounced, Alasker.  That's in line with how he pronounces other words.  Anyway, what else and crap.  I can't wear my Bernie shirt to class again next week.  People will think I only have one shirt.  I need to get more shirts that say things.
    Probably.  What else and crap.  For my second Tweet, I was on the fence of whether to post it, and when I did, I was like, This is gonna open the flood gates to post a lot of crap.  It sets a precedence, it does.  Oh well, live and learn.  What else and crap.  The Mets are doing Crap in Spring Training.  Also, the Foul Pole should be called the Fair Pole.  If you hit it, it's fair.  If you hit the line on the field that marks it, it's fair.  Therefore, it represents Fair Territory.  Everything else is foul except the fair poles and in between.  The Commissioner is gonna get one angry letter.  Anyway.  Polish person who had his DNA crossed with a Chicken.  Let's talk about it.  Remember fifteen years ago when Dolly the Sheep was a big deal.  They cloned a sheep.  Then nothing happened.  We were supposed to start cloning people, right?  That's the logical progression.  Haven't heard about it since 1999, though.  Something's up.
I think people were just disappointed that cloning something means there's a newborn that's the clone.  We don't wanna wait twenty years until we can see clones side by side.  We want a clone immediately.  Look at the freaks!  I can't get enough of this stuff!  Anyway.  Can't we just get a Lil Poopy reality show.  Drop the Rap Game aspect, I just wanna follow Lil Poopy around for the rest of his/my life.  I mean, he's going to become a teenager, and then an adult.  He'll surely develop some insight into what it means to be Lil Poopy.  I want to be there when he does.  I want a clone.  One would imagine they'd be great to talk to.  Hey, you're me! No, you're me!  That sort of crap.  Now that I think about it, I don't want to talk to myself.  I might be in the bottom 2% of people I would want to talk to.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  My urine is green.  Just in time for St. Patrick's Day.  Well, not really in time.  It was eleven days ago.  Just in time for St. Patrick's Day being relatively still relevant.  I was reading the election primary results a week ago or whatever, and I like how there's roughly 200 people who live in Idaho.  Yet they still get two senators.  Where is justice.  Not on the Supreme Court.  They're missing one.  I wonder if the Supreme Court Justices are friends.  Like, do they get a beer after work together?  My guess is they probably all hate each other.  Stands to reason that would be the case I guess.  Yeah, it's just like every other Football movie, except this time, Gene Hackman is the coach!  He looks slightly different than previous coaches. 
    What else and crap.  I have a connection with Gene Hackman because the first syllables of both our last names can mean stupid cliché jokes.  We're practically the same person.  Great.  If I had a clone, probably around age four, he'd go, Why was I programmed to feel pain?  That's not a clone, that's a robot.  Maybe he's just goofing around.  I'd expect a mild amount of goofing around from my clone.  The point is I went through some pain in my life, my clone will too.  So that's why it makes sense relatively D+.  Also, did Obama meet with Elian Gonzalez?  I want an update into how he's doin'.  He's probably right around my age.  He was around my age in 1999, so it stands to reason he would still be around my age here in the future.  In the general election, they're gonna start berating Clinton (If she's the nominee) about Bill Clinton's transgressions and impeachment.  How will she respond.  It's a real tough position to be in for her.     
I guess we'll find out.  Hey, Hillary Clinton sent e-mails!  It's a conspiracy!  People are dumb.  Cory Booker wrote a book.  That's on par with Edgar Allen Poe writing poetry.  Good for him.  Ninth paragraph.  Another good sized entry no matter how it turns out.  Is me writing corny crap on par with those things?  Not quite, but it is a reasonable connection to make I guess.  Is Bill Clinton going to play the saxophone at Hillary Clinton's coronation.  I guess.  What else and crap.  Corn-o-nation.  My last name's up to it again!  What else and crap.  Soemtimes when I think of my name, it's like I'm being reminded, and I'm like, Oh yeah, that is my name.  Normally I associate Kornblum with my Dad.  He's the primary Kornblum in my family, he was here first.  Even thinking of myself as Mike or Michael throws me for a loop.  It's the most common boys' name, why should I feel like I own it more than anyone else.
    Also, is not 100% identifying with your name a symptom of schizoaffective disorder?  My guess?  Yes.  Anyway.  Korn-Blum?  That's me?  Well, if you say so...  What else and crap.  My fake band name is The Uppers.  There, that's me.  I chose it myself, stands to reason I would identify with it more than my given name.   Oh, right.  Crazysheet, too.  That's even more Me than The Uppers.  Whatta shame.  What... A... Shame.  Crap and crap.  It would be weird if Crazysheet was  just a character I did and my real personality was very different.  Whatta shame.  Crap and crap.  It would be weird for Bill Clinton to live in The White House as the second fiddle.  Not weird for us, weird for him.  Although, if anyone is gonna be some sort of fiddler, it'd be him.  Joke'd It.  Anyway, what else and crap.    
    Eleventh paragraph?  Well on our way to the new standard of fifteen.  I think Hillary's main campaign method is showing a Polaroid of Bill Clinton and saying Remember This Guy?  I Know Him!  Probably.  Crap and crap.  I get a real sense of satisfaction writing a 15'er.  Like I did something great.  Because there's things wrong with me.  Tomorrow, I gotta get started on my story.  Fer reals.  The clock is ticking.  Anyway.  Follow me @crazysheeeet you jerks.  I know probably roughly one of you has twitter.  That's Math, that's all that is.  My goal for Twitter Followers is Ten.  Not just the current goal, the end, ultimate goal.  I get ten solid followers, I'm good to go for years. 
    Crap and crap.  What else and crap.  I already check every five minutes to see if I magically got a new follower.  I get nine more feelings of elation, that'll set me right for a long time.  The real question now is What Do I Want For Dinner.  So many choices.  Roughly ten or twelve or so.  What kind of First Pet are we gonna have in 2017.  Gotta be something.  We can't have a No-Pet presidency.  It wouldn't be right.  The only pet I could imagine Donald Trump having is a tiny clone of himself.  He's got the best DNA, I bet.  Anyway.  Humans can be pets if they're children.  Right?  I feel like that's right.  There was a bird at a Bernie Sanders rally or something.  That should help him get the Ornithologist vote.  They're a real swing vote those ornithologists are.
    I guess.  The good news is three more paragraphs.  I still feel like there's a good chance Bernie gets the nomination and becomes president.  He's got as good a chance as any of them.  Especially with me wearing his shirt and whatnot.  That'll help him get the swing-vote of people who look at my shirts.  Great.  Great.  Crap and crap to go.  How far away are we from cloning dinosaurs.  Five years?  Ten years?  Can't be more than ten years.  Anyway, that's crap.  Fills up crap, though.  Crap.  I think I learned all my Rear-View-Mirror knowledge from the first Jurassic Park.  Objects in mirror may appear closer than they appear.  I mean, closer than they are.  That was in my brain way before I even learned to drive a car.  Especially since I never learned to drive a car.  It's infinity before I learned to drive a car.
    Crap and crap indeed!  Two more paragarphizzles to go and crap.  Pressure's on to entertain that Bernie Sanders supporter.  I need to give it all of my attention and focus.  This guy has got to know how great I am.  Jeez, Sanders won Alaska, and is crushing Hillary in Wershington.  I told you he was still in it to win it!  Alright!  I guess it's a little early to say he's crushing her in Washington.  It says already over 20% of the votes reporting, but the votes number is only 3000.  Pretty sure there's gonna be more votes than 15000.  Oh well, that'll all get sorted out one would assume.  Maybe Washington has no more people than Idaho.  I thought it did.  Shows how much I know.  Maybe the Lab Science I need to take at QC should be Topography.  Alaska has 40% reporting and 200 votes.  These numbers are wrong, I'm not afraid to say it.
    What else.  Last paragraph.  Maybe they're right and I'm just an idiot.  I would have guessed there were more than 600 Democrats voting in Alaska.  It's a big state.  Probably the biggest when we get down to the nuts and bolts of the whole situation.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Maybe the "Vote Count," is really some sort of delegate count or something, I don't have all the details.  Anyway.  I don't wanna stop after this paragraph.  I've got a good two or three more in me.  But we'll have to think of crap to say.  I feel like continuing writing, but without the benefit of having anything to say.  We'll see how this plays out.  What else and crap. 
    What else and crap.  If I knew only 800 people were voting in Alaska, I would have taken a Holiday there and worn my shirt all over the place.  Also, I said, "Holiday," instead of, "Vacation," like people elsewhere do.  You know, for fun?  It sure was fun.  My Dad was telling me he used to want to take a vacation to Alaska.  Not really interesting, but it does lead to this spin-off of that comment--  My parents' honeymoon was in Quebec.  Who goes, We want the most romantic vacation ever-- Let's Go To Canada!  Fools, that's who.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  I'll see ya later.

-6:09 P.M.


Friday, March 25, 2016

Check It Out, I Got A Joke Lined Up

    Is it possible the main thing ISIS is so angry about is that we keep getting their name wrong?  Cause some people say ISIL.  Maybe ISIL is their real name and ISIS is getting it wrong.  Either way, we're getting it wrong half the time.  That would piss anybody off.  Well, there's the joke.  Now, ten or so paragraphs of bullshit nonsense.  I can't think of ISIS without thinking of The Goo Goo Dolls.  Iris.  Because there's things wrong with me.  Each Jihadi gets 72 Goo Goo Dolls in  the afterlife.  Is Jihadi a word?  Seems like it would be.  Hey, it is!  Looks like I'm a genius.  I thought of a different story idea.  I feel it's 50/50 at this point whether I write the original story or the newer idea.  Well, let's call it 47/47.  And 6% I come up wit ha new story.  Well, let's call it 4%.  There's a 2% chance I wind up not writing a story for some reason.
    Great!  I think the real reason old Jews move to Florida is so they can watch all the spring training baseball they want.  Prove me wrong!  I hope you don't actually prove me wrong.  That would be mighty embarrassing for me.  You know, being wrong about things and whatnot.  Not a situation I would wish on my worst enemy.  Hmm, that brings the question... who is my worst enemy?  Is it ISIS?  That's the first thing that comes to mind.  Maybe because I just talked about them.  Who else could my worst enemy be.  This riff has the potential for some goofballs and funny bones if I continue it aptly.  Is it some sort of combination of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump?  Like, Donald Trump standing on Ted Cruz's shoulders?  Or vice versa?  Probably not, but maybe.  What else can it be.  Lit.  That was my first thought but then decided not to bother you with that crap.  Then I ended up doing it a few sentences later.  I guess I am my own worst enemy.
    This still has the potential for humor!  Lemme think.  I don't get One Hit Wonders.  Just do it again, what are you, stupid?  That's how I feel.  Garry Shandling is deceased.  That's sad.  He was one of the good ones.  I should look into YouTube to see some more of his comedy.  All I know is The Larry Sanders Show.  Let's see, enemies, enemies...  Lil Poopy.  He's challenging me for people with crap in their names supremacy.  Aww, I can't stay mad at him.  I just got pooped.  Anyway.  The Green Goblin?  Haven't really crossed paths with him yet, but stands to reason he'd be my enemy.  You know, on account of me being Spiderman.  That sort of crap.  I'm not gonna be satisfied with this riff until I think of something that makes me think, Yeah, they really are my worst enemy.  Most people don't have a worst enemy.  Hopefully I do, otherwise this riff has the potential to never really end ever.
    Crap, let's see.  My Brother?  Twenty years ago, yeah, maybe.  That makes sense.  But I kinda like the guy now.  So that can't be it.  Anyway, we'll come back to this.  Two days ago, I was walking home, and a guy came up to me talking Spanish and I didn't understand him.  I'm proud to say I immediately said, Que? in response.  That was my instinct.  Probably impressed him something awful.  He ended up saying Deli? so I pointed him in the direction of the nearest bodega, which I figured is what he meant.  Because I'm a hero.  HHe used the word entiendes, which rang a bell.  At some point I knew what that word meant.
Drinks?  Lemme check harcore, Brb.  "Understand."  I was way off!  Drinks.  That's Beber, now that I think about it.  Justin Beber.  That's how I feel. 
    Is Justin Bieber my worst enemy?  Probably not.  Never met the man.  I'm using the term, "Man," loosely.  Zinged!  He's pretty much a Boy indefinitely.  That's what you get when you become famous when you're eight.  What else and crap.  Let, see, enemies, enemies...  Maybe that's a story idea.  Something to do with my worst enemy.  Knowing who that would be should clarify whether its a legitimate idea or not.  Anyway.  I took a few days off from entries.  Because I kept thinking, Nah, I'll get started on my story today.  So far, not really.  I did write a paragraph for the first story idea.  The one with Uber Toilets and the guy who keeps having bad stuff happen to him.  Not 100% pleased with it, though.  So I could either start over or go with the different premise.  The point is, the pressure's on to be amusing.  That's pretty much the goal of the story, whatever its about.  I'm here to amuse people, like a clown. 
    Anyway.  I have a Dentist Appointment on Monday.  Maybe that'll give me some inspiration.  Nah, I'll be too busy trying not to lick hands.  That takes 100% of my concentration.  Is licking hands my worst enemy?  Possibly!  Except for that its not a person.  Enemies have to be people.  Or animals with human characteristics.  That's how I feel.  I'm pretty surprised how dentists always give you free toothpaste and floss.  Don't they know that's cutting into their profit margins?  They do better when our teeth aren't taken care of.  I tell ya, it's illogical and crap.  Crap and crap.  There's a decent chance the due date of my story will be pushed back, because we had a couple of days off and I feel like we're a week or so behind on the syllabus.  So we'll see how that turns out and crap.
    Great.  As of now, Writing A Story is my worst enemy.  Can't I just give you a list of my favorite words?  I'll fill up five pages.  I know a bunch of words.  What else and crap.  Samuel L. Jackson can't be my worst enemy.  He's already Bruce Willis'ses.  Oh, I know!  Venom.  No, that can't be it... Why did I get onto this riff in the first place.  I'm going to find out through the power of Scrolling Up.  Brb!  Oh.  "Not a situation I would wish on my worst enemy."  Stupid turn of phrase, got me into all this bullshit and crap.  I have to shave again.  What crap.  I just shaved three weeks ago!  And by, "I just shaved," I mean, Had Someone Shave Me For Me.  Because I'm a boy indefinitely.  I can't take care of that kind of crap myself.  It's dangerous and difficult.  The Two, "D"'s.  Yeah I don't know correct formatting, so what. 
Crap and crap.  Grooming myself is an enemy.  Worst enemy?  Probably not.  Certainly a enemy.  Not really.  Enemies have to be people or animals with human characteristics.  We already covered this.  Crap and crap.  Whattado when this is done.  The possibilities are endless.  Well, roughly four hundred, lets say.  That's how many channels there are.  Crap and crap.  I think I'm gonna get my old guitar fixed instead of the new one.  How fiendishly clever.  No one will know.  Yep.  Two and a half paragraphs to go!  How fiendishly clever!  Every now and then I search the internet for ways to abuse Ritalin.  Take it sublingually (dissolve it under the tongue), snort it, shoot it.  I'm never gonna do any of these things, mind you.  I'm a responsible adult, now.  Can't stop me from dreaming about it, though.  Dreaming is a strong word.  Can't stop me from fantasizing about it.  Fantasizing is a strong word.  Can't stop me from imagining it.  Imagining it is a strong word.  Can't stop me from contemplating it.  Contemplating it is a strong word.  Can't stop me from reading about it.  There, there we go.
    What else and crap.  Two more Craps to crap.  I believe we've gone through the first round of everyone's stories in class.  My story is probably third or fourth in quality, if I may say so myself.  And I may say so.  Nobody's stopping me.  I saw an Advisor a few days ago.  Six more English classes, two more non English classes.  Probably graduate sometime next year.  Which is terrifying.  That means I have to get a job.  Getting a job is my worst enemy, I think.  Probably.  I'm relatively certain that jobs don't exist anymore.  That's what News tells me.  Oh well, live and learn.  I'm not gonna abuse Ritalin.  For me, it's Bath Salts from here on out!  Great.  What else and crap.
    Last paragraph.  Whatta joy.  My X-Box controller needs new batteries.  These are the real issues.  Bernie Sanders is beating Hillary Clinton in national polls.  And he's only gonna gain more ground as time goes on.  I, for one, welcome Bernie Sanders as our new overlord.  What else and crap.  I wanna quit smoking... for two days.  Then, that next cigarette is gonna be great!  It's a really good idea when you think about it.  These anti-smoking commercials are starting to get to me.  I've been smoking six and a half years.  That's no good.  My justification for continuing is, Well, let's say I quit when I'm 30.  I could probably go unscathed with that.  Still got a few more years to enjoy myself.  It's a really good idea when you think about it.  You know how crack babies are born addicted to crack, are tobacco babies a thing?  My Mom smoked when she was pregnant.  Let's figure this one out, okay. 
    Or, let's add another paragraph for some reason.  Who knows for sure why.  This is already the longest month ever, let's pad that lead a little bit.  I can't believe it's only been a month and a half since I started talking about Bernie Sanders.  Seems like its been a longer time than that.  He's In It To Win It.  Probably.  That's why I'd be in it.  I got a comment or two on my Bernie shirt on Tuesday.  One was, when I was waiting to see an advisor, another advisor was talking to their friend and she was like, Where'd you get that?  I said, The Internet!  Then she started talking to me about weird religious bullshit.  If that's the kind of hassle wearing a Sanders shirt induces, I probably wouldn't have gotten it.  Well, I still would have.  For every nutcase that starts talking to you about religious bullshit, there's twenty people who read your shirt and go, Maybe I should support that guy!
    And here's another paragraph.
  Why not.  I didn't know they let Weirdos like you onto campus!  Live and learn, I suppose.  They were shooting some kind of movie or T.V. on campus.  There were trucks and everything.  If my Shirt is any indication, Hillary Clinton is my worst enemy.  You can't put all your stock into what shirts indicate, though.  You'll end up getting burned.  Like my shirt!  Great.  Anyway, we're into the Shit with Spring now.  Birds chirping, sun shining, other things happening one would imagine.  25 credits to go.  If I start taking two classes per regular semester like I plan on, that's just one more year.  Two for each summer class, each summer of the next year. Two for Fall, Two for Spring.  Graduate after next summer.  Noooooo!  Then I'll have to get a life and carp.  That's no good!
    One more paragraph, that's good.  Probably.  Maybe not.  Who cares.  Crap and crap.  I signed up for Twitter.  I have one Following-- Mr. Bernwald Sanderson.  He's the only person I feel comfortable giving my full support as of now.  I have zero tweets-- --... --... I thought I could finish this sentence somehow.  You know, like a qualifier for having zero tweets, or something to explain it.  Anything, I don't know.  Turns out I just wasted yours and mine time.  Twitter handle is Crazysheeeet, in case you want to follow me in case I ever do Tweet.  Crazysheet was taken.  MichaelKornblum was taken.  Crazysheeeet, not taken.  That's four, "E's."  It's easy to remember because it's one more than three.  Well, we're already done with thireteen paragraphs, might as well go for the 15'er.  That seems to happen a lot.
    Great!  Something to be proud of one would imagine.  I got into trouble in class because we had to write 20 physical character traits of someone on our story, and she called on me, and I was like, I don't like giving physical character traits, I like it being ambiguous.  Then she pressed me and I gave a trait with metaphors and whatnot and she let me off the hook.  One guy even instinctually blurting out, Man, that's good.  And I don't think he meant it sarcastically.  It wasn't so much getting into trouble as it was redeeming myself in the eyes of Professor and Classmates.  Turns out I'm a Pretty Good at metaphoric nonsense. 
    Last paragraph!  We did it! Almost!  I feel like I started a last paragraph recently with that.  Oh well, you don't mess with a good thing.  Crap and crap.  Almost done.  The two non-English classes I need to take are a Science with a Lab component, and a choice of what they call a, "Cultures and Values," class.  The one which I'm taking'll probably Intro II Philosophy.  And one of the Sciences I could take is an Environmental Science.  Which is probably a lot easier than other sciences.  And more relevant.  Did you know we live in an environment even as we speak?  We don't like in a Physics.  We don't live in a Geology.  I'm learnin' important stuff with that choice!  Anyway, I'll see ya later.

-5:36 P.M.


Monday, March 21, 2016

Springtime For Titles In Crazysheet

    Great.  I don't wanna write an entry.  I also don't want to break with my routine.  That takes precedence apparently.  Stupid Italian restaurant giving me an 18 inch pie instead of a 14 inch.  That's roughly some percent more than what I wanted.  Sure, we paid for a 14 inch.  In that sense, it's a net positive.  But it means I have to eat some percent more pizza over this few days.  Where is justice.  That's what I wanna know.  Sometimes I get paranoid they gave me the wrong kind of cheese with pizza.  Gotta get paranoid over something, I guess.  My newer guitar broke at some point over the last couple of days.  The Input jack for the cable got loose.  Same thing that happened to my old guitar, which I was just talking about.  That's Karma for ya.  Probably.  I'm not 100% on what words mean.
    Anyway, what's going on.  When did they come up with Seasons am I right.  Hey, let's divide the year into fours.  yeah we got months, so what.  Some people just love division.  Great.  Who the Hell came up with how long a second should be.  Seems kind of arbitrary, but hey, it works.  Alright everyone, pause for a moment... There, that's a second.  Let's try it again.. NOPE not as second yet.  Once more, ...... Too long!  C'mon guys let's really get this right.  Also, second means the thing after the first.  One second is one thing.  Why is it the second.  Is it just always considered whenever we think of a second we also think of the first that was before it?  That's a riff that's very hard to convey logically.  Words are hard.
    Great.  I know there's four five seconds from whiling.  I heard it in a song.  Talk about not knowing what things mean.  Four five seconds.  Oh you mean twenty seconds?  Not really sure what's going on there.  Gotta workshop some crap for tomorrow.  And its stories I can objectively assume are good.  These guys give good feedback in class so their stories are probably good.  Not really entertaining, though, to be honest.  Great.  Also, yeah, I'm not sure what objectively and subjectively mean and how they differ.  Words are hard, I've already stated that.  Great.  I forget if I learnt anything in my dreams last night.  I know when I woke up, I was doing the number of times you'd have to double up to win the WSOP main event.  I got somewhere from ten to twelve times. 
    Probably was a segue from the last thing I was dreaming somehow.  Oh, I remember something.  I was driving in my dream, very poorly.  I kept trying to hit the break but it wasn't working.  I hope if you're driving in your dream you're not driving in real life.  That sounds dangerous.  I actually don't think the break or gas pedals were involved.  I was just in the driver's seat and the car wouldn't stop and I didn't know what to do.  So that's something, one would imagine.  And for part of it, I was by myself in the car, so I was like, Well, this isn't so bad, at least no one sees this.  Then for part of it there were passengers, and I was like, Damn, they found out I don't know how to stop the car.  So I guess I did learn valuable lessons.  Making mistakes isn't as bad if no one knows you're making them. 
    Lesson!  What else and crap.  Carry on my wayward lesson.  What else is going on.  Crap and crap.  The working week has begun.  That's Monday for ya.  Get to wear my Bernweld shirt tomorrow!  And this class has a track record of looking at my shirt, so all eyes will be on Bernie.  I almost said, "S-Hirt," instead of shirt.  Imagine it!  How grand.  Is there a reason its called a T-Shirt.  Pretty sure there's no, "T" involved.  I feel like it good be a derivative of, "Tee," shirt, which may or may not mean something one would imagine.  But we dropped the, "EE,"  for some reason.  Cummings.  Hah.  Cum.  What else is going on.  I like William Carlos Williams.  Really doubling down on the William, huh?  Great.  And Poe writing Poe-try.  Lots of good things going on in poets' names.  At least in two of thems.  That's a start.
    What else and crap.  Pretty decent chance I'll take a poetry workshop class in the Fall.  Or in the Summer, if they offer it.  I can knock some poetry out of the park.  I've got the best words, like Mr. Trump.  I think so far that's my favorite thing he's said.  Lemme look up the exact quote.  "I'm very highly educated.  I know words.  I have the best words."  What constitutes a good word.  I wanna hear some examples.  Someone goes to Trump, Hey Mr. Trump, what's the good word?  I'm glad you asked.  Well...  There's that joke.  Let's move on.  I only have one weekend to write my story.  Pressure's on.  Or, will be in four or five days.  Still got some solid days without pressure.  Anyway, crap and crap.
    More than halfway through the entry.  that's good news and a half.  More than a half.  Are people that go on Maury aware that they can do paternity tests without going on a T.V. Show.  Do they think this is the only option open to them.  And do Child Molester's really think going on T.V. and being outed as a Child Molester is really gonna win them any favor.  Yeah, it turned out I raped my kid, and now everybody knows... But I get to be on T.V.!  Some people, am I right.  I assume they have a To Catch a Predator system where they arrest these people after the show, right?  Hopefully?  One would imagine?  Anyway, great.  After finding out someone is a child molester, does Steve Wilkos turn off the cameras and just punch them in the gut sixty times?  Seems like that would be the way to go.  Also, is Steve Wilkos related to Jeff Tweedy?
    Let's talk about it.  For a Freshman English-Writing class at NYU, the teacher gave us two MP3s to listen to for an assignment, and one of them was California Stars by The Wilcos.  But lyrics written by some other guy.  A famous poet and/or folk music person.  They did a whole album about it.  Woody Guthrie, maybe.  Yeah, it was Woody Guthrie.  There's that story.  Wilco's a pretty good word.  Did Jeff Tweedy come up with that all by himself?  If so, pretty impressive.  It takes a lot to come up with a word, any word, and a good word is even harder.  What's the good word?  In this case, Wilco.  Yeesh.  What else is going on.  Maybe I can write Wilco fan fiction for my story.  Or, maybe not.  I'm leaning towards maybe not.
    Whatever.  I had a dream two nights ago my Youtube music pages got a hundred and fifty hits over night.  Good dream.  Also, in my dreams, my music is something to be proud of.  Should clarify that.  I've got some decent DVDs lined up for watching.  I was watching The Sixth Sense on T.V. yesterday and was like, I could go for some Unbreakable.  After thinking that, I found a stack of several DVDs I had picked out for potential watching a few months ago, so some of those would be okay, too.  These are the real issues.  Also, Bruce Willis posits, and turns out to be correct, Maybe the ghosts just want you to help them.  But the vast majority of ghosts throughout the movie don't need help.  Like the people who were hanged in his school.  Three of them in nooses.  They got no shit to ask for.  The kid who kills himself with his Dad's gun.  No help for him.  Also, how many people died in Haley Joel Osment's house.  There's a new ghost or two every freaking night.  Man, for someone who can see dead people, he got really unlucky with his primary residence.
    And why isn't he scared of Bruce Willis.  That's what I want to know.  Also, at one point, Cole goes to Bruce Willis, You believe me don't you?  And, at the time, Bruce Willis didn't, so he goes, I don't know how to answer that.  Bullshit!  I've been in this situation.  The doctor is supposed to go, I believe you believe what's happening.  Bruce Willis should be well prepared with that line.  Anyway, what else and crap.  There should be a movie where Ray Charles can see ghosts and its called The Fifth Sense.  How positive am I that someone's done that joke before?  Pretty positive.  Still, though, there it is.  What else and crap.  Today is Blast Off day.  3/21.
    Had to finish that paragraph somehow.  Probably an odd number of paragraphs for today.  Fifteen is Odd, sure, but it's not an odd number of paragraphs with the different meaning.  Pretty normal.  I was always under the impression the first day of Spring was always the 21st, that the first day of any season is always the 21st.  Now I'm under the impression it could be the 20th, or the 22nd, depending on different factors.  One of my under the impressions is wrong.  Who knows for sure.  It's not like we have an Internet that can answer these questions.  Yes I killed those people on the train, and I hope they burn in Hell!  That's what I got to look forward to.  MrGlass9 used to be my password for some things.  I feel comfortable telling you this because I don't really mind if you hack into my old Yahoo Fantasy Baseball account.  I really could care less.
    Anyway, what else and crap.  Oh no, you can sign in as me on Angelfire and make a website in my name!  Have fun.  I'm onto bigger and better passwords.  I've got the best passwords.  Let's talk about it.  This was before we had to use at least one Capital and at least one Fancy Character.  It was a simpler time.  What else and crap.  Might as well do the homework for tomorrow when I'm done with this paragraph.  Really give myself some time to be able to comprehend the plot of the stories.  See ya later.

-5:31 P.M.


Sunday, March 20, 2016

Yeah I Got Better Things To Do

    Story due a week from upcoming Thursday.  Creepin' up.  I can solidly wait until next weekend to do it, I guess.  What's going on in Wide World of Sports.  I watched a little bit of Last House on The Left, the newer version, last night.  That's a disturbing movie. Especially because my house is the last house on the left of my entire street for blocks.  I hate it when that happens.  Great.  Ebert had a great review of the original Last House On The Left, about an audience member he observed who was really getting off on it.  Can we all agree Ebert is legit funny totes magotes?  I think we should be able to.  Let's move on, though, I guess.  Beyond naming the characters, I summed up who they are in one sentence each.  Basically because that's as far as my work ethic has allowed me to go so far.  Not because it'll actually help me when writing it.
    Oh well, gotta make progress somehow.  As I've said, one guy's thing is Bad Things Keep Happening To This Guy.  That's no good for fleshing out a character.  It's just fact.  We don't know anything about his inner workings and how he deals with the crap that keeps happening to him.  Oh well, we'll figure it all out in time I guess.  I also have the Title to the story.  Don't mean to brag but it's a solid B- Title.  I don't know if I'm gonna start writing it on Computer or in Notebook.  I wrote most of the last story in Notebook and I think it helped.  It's a whole different mindzone inner workings thing going on B- crap.  I might even go to Dunkin Donuts and write it like a Jerk.  Jerk, Chump, Dolt.  All applicable titles for someone who goes to a coffee shop to write. 
    Anyway, what else.  Are we supposed to be dunking donuts into coffee.  What else could the name mean.  Probably the fifth time I've said that here.  It's a legitimate concern.  Anyway.  One of the things holding the plot together of Potential Story is that they're all close friends.  Now you know it's Fiction.  I haven't had a friend since a long time.  Also, the story is Entourage Part II:  Still Friends After All This Time.  I can't do fan fiction.  She explicitly advised that. What if it's a fiction about a show I don't like.  That's a grey area worth perusing I guess and crap B-.  I should just turn in a spec script for the Office.   Let Her Figure It Out.  So far thinking about two classes for the Fall, the Comedy Class and a Poetry Workshop.  A class called Comedy And Satire, honestly, sounds like the least fun class imaginable.  It takes specifically fun things and most likely makes them terrible.  I'm onto your tricksies. 
Great.  What else.  They said it was gonna snow today, and it isn't.  I guess global warming is real.  Character who doesn't get things but inadvertently gets the larger issue right.  Gotta add that character to my story.  Think of all the fun that'll be had B- bullshit and crap.  Saturday nights are my favorite nights because they load the Mini-Crossword for the upcmong day earlier.  Every night, I check twice a minute, from 8 P.M. onward, hoping to get the new crossword posted.  It always happens at exactly 10, five or six nights a week.  Doesn't stop me from checking it over and over before hand, waitin' on some B- Miracle.  But, yeah, Saturday nights, possibly Sunday ones too, it's loaded like seven or eight P.M.
    That's my life I guess.  B- would be overstating it.  Crap and crap.  Probably a solid third of the time do I finish the crossword without any help.  Well, with minimal help.  Sometimes I'll check a letter if I'm almost sure it's right just to make sure.  And I'm about 90% right in these situations.  This has been crossword talk.  I find mini-crosswords, not only are they mini in size, but are also more mini in difficulty.  Not as hard as real ones.  Anyway, huh?  Sure.  Great.  What else and crap.  The Mets first game of the season is against the Royals.  I'm pretty sure if they win they get to do a rematch of last year's world series.  Relatively certain.  B- certain.  Crap and crap.  Look at that lineup.  No holes!  Even the pitcher spot, they probably have the best hitting pitchers in the league one would imagine based on commentary not 100% B-.  And in the case they decide to have ten starting players in a game, they got a good bench, too.  Probably won't happen but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.
    It hurts a little bit.  Being prepared for something that won't happen takes away your preparation for preparedness for real things.  That's just Math, that's all that is.  Anyway.  It must be tough to play intra-squad games.  They all know each others signs.  That doesn't seem right.  Anyway.  I tried to put my glasses on upside down and though, Hey, This Fits Pretty Good! then realized they were on rightside up.  It's a story I would remember for years to come.  Metrocards are a pretty good investment.  The price goes up like every year.  You sink a few K into Metrocards now, you're set to make a lot of coin down the line.  Anyway.  That's a thing for some reason.  You spend three thousand dollars on Metrocard in a corner store, the clerk is gonna be like, Someone's planning on doing a lot of intra-city traveling!  Yeah I'm writing a book about it, get off my back!
Pretty much the only explanation for lots of rides throughout the city.  You're writing some sort of piece on it.  Stupid writers, I hate them so much.  Great.  I'm plannin' on Runnin the Metrocard black market, what of it.  They just start to frown and go, Wish I thought of that.  For years, the main two topics that keep coming up are riding the bus and smoking cigarettes.  Not very surprising, considering those are my main two activities outside my home.  Anyway.  I still haven't watched the last two or three episodes of Evil Dead.  At this point might as well wait until next Halloween.  Crap and crap.  I'm still not sure on exactly how many bad things should happen to the character in my story.  Too little, not enough.  Too much, too much.  I think I'll draw the line at Getting Herpes.  Either that's the penultimate thing, the ultimate thing, or is the first thing of things that don't get included.
    See, I'm doing productive.  Now I know the character may or may not have herpes.  If you have herpes, that probably means you've had sex.  That's a positive thing.  Maybe I can work it in that he somehow got Herpes without having sex.  That's funny.  I productive'd  it!  Anyway.  Great.  I was rubbing my taint on a toilet seat, as one does...  Still needs some work.  Anyway.  Ten'r today.  That's not so bad.  It's more paragraphs than most people do that's for sure.  Anyway.  When I was in Chorus in Eighth grade they told me I was a Baritone.  Who knows for sure.  All I know is everyone laughed at me during my solos, cause I had a deep voice and a shrill small body.  I'd like to think they were laughing with me.  Like, Hey, his voice is so surprisingly good, it's funny!  I choose to think that.  That's how I feel.  Anyway.  Then my voice changed for a second time and it wasn't good anymore.  That's my story and I'll stick to it sure B-.
    Great.  My favorite part of chorus was when I was absent for one day and the teacher gave away all my solos.  I think she intended for it to just be replacement solos for one day, but then forgot, and, well, the rest is history.  Mainly because it was a Les-Mis medley.  That's about history, right?  Great.  I still remember where I was for 9/11.  We were doing a Mo-Town Medley, second period.  Yeesh.  Teacher started crying and we didn't know what was up.  I think the news leaked out during lunch.  I guess Motown just makes her really emotional.  I don't know. Whatever.
    Alright, last paragraph.  That's good.  What else and crap.  Whattado with the rest of my day.  Lie in bed and think about what I've done, that's an hour or two at least.  Gotta think of more, though.  I can't do that for the entire rest of the day.  Great.  So the productivity I made today was One character may or may not have herpes.  At this rate, I'll have the entire story by, I don't know, 2026?  Wonderful.  What else and crap.  I'll see ya later.

-6:06 P.M.


Saturday, March 19, 2016

Happy March 19!

    It better be.  I've got no tolerance for days that aren't happy.  Great.  No new knowledge in my dreams.  Except that I dreamt SNL did a parody of crazysheet.  It made me proud.  Still, though, doesn't qualify as knowledge.  Unless that's a sketch they're working on for an upcoming episode.  Odds are against it, considering three people read this website and to my knowledge none of them work for Saturday Night Live.  As far as I know, at least.  I've got crazy dreams.  Comes with the territory of mental illness.  Anyway, that was a blast and a half.  Let's move on though to more pressing matters.  I don't get The Shawshank Redemption.  The main character doesn't need redemption-- he's innocent.  Bad husband, maybe, but that doesn't make him a murderer.  I heard it in a line of dialogue.  He sure loves libraries.  That's my take away from that movie.  And the oft-stated conundrum of, if he gets off based on that guy's testimony that he heard someone else claim responsibility, then they would find that hole he was digging, and keep him locked up for that.  Defacement of Public Property.  That's gotta be at least twenty years, right?
    One would imagine.  There's a lot of things I've said here over the years that I have no problem saying over and over again because of how clever I think they is.  Like that.  Talk about a Plot HOLE.  See, I hadn't thought of that pun until now.  If I didn't keep bringing it up, I wouldn't fine tune it.  Would Pro-Life people be okay with an abortion in a Rosemary's Baby type scenario?  I want someone to ask Ted Cruz that.  It's a real good wedge issue in my jumble opinion.  Yeah I say wrong words, so what.  Also, is Row V Wade a case about what to do if you're on a boat?  Sure people have thought of that before, what of it.  I'll say things I've said before, I'll say things you've heard before, I'll say things all over the place.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Any Dufrane's hole should lead into the next cell.  Another thing I've mentioned.  People need to be aware of these inconsistencies, for a lot of people, this is one of their favorite movies.
    Anyway.  The Shawshank Redemption should have been called The Wall and its about a magic wall where you can dig magic holes in it and nothing is as it seems.  Probably.  Anyway.  I'm starting to get into the habit of watching a few Simpsons a day.  Pretty much any single digit season guarentees goodness, possibly extending to the first few seasons of double digits.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I just folded Pocket 10's preflop because I was talking here.  Whatta jip.  Woulda gotten outdrwan on the flop, sure.  So I guess this website is a Hero.  This is the earliset I've written here in a while.  Not timewise, really, but in proportion to when I woke up.  Usually I line it up so I'm talking my second Ritalin of the day around the first or second paragraph.  Anyway, what else.  Things and crap.  I was watching some WSOP Main Event on ESPN.  I can play as good as them.  All I need to do is keep getting really good cards over and over and over again and I could finish maybe 200th, and get my money back. 
    Also, someone stake me the ten thousand dollars.  I'll give you 1% of my earnings.  That's a lot of cheese.  Hey, I got to say cheese instead of money!  That's a win in my book.  If first prize is like 8 Million, 1% would be, what, 80 thousand?  Think of all the tournaments you could stake me in with that kind of cheddar.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I had a great idea of getting my old electric guitar fixed.  When it broke a few years ago, I fugied I was due to get a new one, anyway.  Turned out I liked my old one better.  Now, putting all the pieces together four years later, I realize the brokenness is pretty easily fixable.  It's just the jack that you plug the cable is got loose.  Probably could be fixed right in front of me.  That'll show my newer guitar whose boss.  The older one.  That'll show my newer guitar whose the digital eight track record is.  Boss.
    That's a lot of crap that means nothing and isn't funny.  Sure is a paragraph, though.  There's legitimate playing differences from one guitar to the other.  Let's talk about it.  Or, let's talk about something else.  My vote is for something else.  I figure three people reading per entry is abuot on par.  Probably somewhere between three and ten relatively regular readers, imagine each entry probably gets three or four.  That's not bad.  Most people have zero people reading their nonexistent websites.  Mr. Cruz, I have the antichrist in my womb, what should I do?  ...Let's see how this plays out.  Anyway.  Raising children in and of itself is difficult, imagine what a pain the antichrist would be.  Anyway.  Also, Kasich is not moderate.  He's conservative to the Max.  He's just not a 100% asshole.  This has been politics talk. 
    Great.  I heard Garland might be for Citizens United.  Well, there goes that.  I'm pretty sure the premise of Citizens United is, Well, Democracy was a fun experiment.  Let's try something else.  Politics talk!  Great.  Let's get into some comedy talk.  That's what the people want to see.  Crap and crap.  I find it odd that liquor bottles or beer cans don't need to have nutritional data on them.  They say what percent alcohol it is, sure.  But everything else needs a list, a calorie count, a percent of sugars and everything.  Why are liquor bottles above the law.  Doesn't make sense to me.  Also, republicans eat eggs, right?  How come Pro-Life doesn't extent to chickens.  Wedge Issue!  I guess.  Filled up some space!  That's better.
    Crap and crap.  Ten paragraph entry, one would guess.  Me.  I guessed.  I'm One.  In this scenario.  Every other scenario, Jet Li is the one.  I don't know if that's even a thing.  I know he is The Hero.  I know he's Romeo.  Is he The One?  I'll check, brb.  Yep, he's also The One.  Jet Li's name is Jet.  Never really thought about that before.  My main impression of Jet Li is that he's really good at kicking people.  That's how I feel.  Jet Li sounds like an airline.  Wedge Issue!  I mean, Huh?  What else is going on.  Jet Li is either Korean or Chinese.  I'd put money on it.  Singaporean, Chinese, American, Google says.  I was a third right.  That's pretty good. 
    Wha?  That qualifies as a paragraph?  That doesn't seem right.  Not one bit.  Then again, Cheez-Its don't list how much alcohol is in them.  So I guess it's fair.  Crap and crap.  Can Product 20 be another thing for my budding Entrepreneur?  We'll put that in the Probably Not pile.  Hey, at least it made its way onto a pile.  That's pretty good for an idea.  Most ideas never reach the Pile stage.  That's how I feel.  Also, getting hit by Soap over and over again, as Private Pyle was, that's not so bad.  Soap isn't really that dense or heavy.  I could stand gettin' hit by soap.  I guess the psychological pain of everyone hating him, that's the real kicker.  But in the scene, seems like they're playing up the physical pain.  Wedge Issue!
  Great!  We have a new Home Phone phone in my house.  Ring is different, physical phone is different.  I guess it's gonna take some getting used to.  Anyway.  I wanna call myself.  I updated my answering machine message a week or two ago, forget exactly how it went, and I want to Enjoy It For The First Time All Over Again.  Does that really qualify for alliteration capitalization?  Nope, probably not.  Does that really qualify for italics?  Yes, yes it does.  I'll stand by that till the day I die.  Crap and crap.  The longer this website goes on, and the more I write per entry, the more I repeat myself.  In my defense, if I repeat myself, its something I feel is worth repeating.  And the best offense is a good defense.  Or vice versa.  Could be vice versa, I guess.  Sometimes I make logic  or gramattical errors that make sentences confusing, and reading back, instead of wanting to fix them, I just think, Ah, confusion-- adds to the joy of reading!  It's kinda my thing!
    Because I'm lazy and will justify my laziness any chance I get.  So, when you come across something like that, now you know my thoughts on the whole situation.  Anyway.  I feel like March should be a short month too.  Like February.  March is basically February Part II, let's get real.  Should be 28 or 29 days, too.  February is like, It's gonna be Spring in a While.  March is like, It's gonna be Spring in an even shorter While.  Month Talk!  That's what the people want to read.  Also, who the Hell came up with April Fools.  Had to be someone pretty high up to make it stick as a thing.  What's wrong with that person.  They got a screw loose and so on and whatcrap.  Still undecided about what series to watch on T.V. next.  If I had an HDTV with Netflix and Amazon Prime, probably would make it easier.  More to choose from.  That's the logic behind that.  Makes perfect sense. 
    Great.  Don't mean to brag, but my T.V. has been working pretty well lately.  Limited choppiness to the picture and so on.  Wha, this is the eleventh paragraph already?  How'd that happen?  Devoting a paragraph to Jet Li without saying anything really at all, I guess that contributed.  I guess this will be a 15'er.  Let's see, crap and crap, crap and crap... I prefer reading crappy classmates stories to the good ones.  Crappy ones, I can give crappy comments.  Good ones, the pressure's on me to say insightful crap about it.  You get what you give, as The New Radicals say probably.  What else and crap.  I've been having some difficulty with Flossing.  Had some crap stuck between some teeth, and tried to Floss It over and over to no avail.  That's where I'm at with Life at this point.
    Huh?  Oh.  Right.  What else is going on.  Is Jet a Chinese name or just something he came up with.  Let's talk about it.  Over the last several months, my primary cigarette has shifted fro Camel Blue to Newport.  Still smoke both, but the frequencies of each has shifted.  Wedge Issue?!  Maybe.  Is carrying a pack of Newports enough Green for St. Patrick's Day?  My opinion--  Yes.  Sure takes up a few sentences, at least.  Great.  I think July 22 should be a Pi Day, too.  It's not exactly Pi, but boy is it close.  You know, because of division and crap.  Let's talk about it.  The Bernie Sanders Campaign roped me into adding my name to a petition that's anti-Pfizer moving to a different country to avoid paying taxes.  It was only my first name, though.  I guess I can handle that. 
    I guess.  Crap and crap.  They're really persuasive in their e-mails trying to get donors to donate again.  Not persuasive enough for me to do it, but still, pretty persuasive.  Thirteenth paragraph.  Even pointing out that I repeat myself has become an avenue in which I repeat myself.  How about that and crap.  Tim Robbins went to Stuyvesant.  I like people who went to Stuyvesant.  Good for them.  I wonder if there are any North Koreans in Stuyvesant.  Probably gotta be one or two.  Probably keep it under wraps, though.  That's the way to go about it.  Two School choices I took that if I chose differently woulda changed my entire life.  Stuy over Bronx Science.  NYU over anywhere else.  Oh well, I turned out o--- wait, No I didn't.  Jeez.
Oh well, live and learn.  Now I know that the choices one makes have consequences.  Who woulda guessed.  Crap and carp.  Carp.  Did he mean to say it or was it a mistake.  A relatively benign example of what I was saying before, about making mistakes.  Let's see, almost done.  This month is already the longest month of Crazysheet, I believe, so far. Still got a third ways to go.  Alright!  Great.  "We Just Wanted To Thank You For Choosing Camel!"  Doesn't that ring a little too close to the movie Thank You For Smoking!?  Seems kind of ill phrased, I feel.  Baseball starts in two weeks.  Starts Hardcore.  That should be fun and a half.  I guess.  Cannabisness.  Another thing in the maybe pile for Entrepreneur.  Strong Maybe, too.  Probably 50-80% chance of making the final cut.
    Last paragraph.  At last.  Paragraph.  I have two different Lighters on my desk.  Talk about luxury.  Crap and crap.  Capitalizing things that don't need it is another thing that might confuse readers, but that's all on purpose.  It's a thing I do for some reason.  Just like Hashtags.  Started out ironically, then stuck with 'em.  It's a good avenue for jokelings.  I feel like I would be a Fine Twitterer, but, over the years, my jokes have  erred on the side of way too long, rather than shorter and shorter.  I've evolved in the opposite direction, so to speak.  Oh well, crap and crap.  It would be awkward having two followers and still talking as if it's unlimited.  That's the method to my madness, so to speak again.  Unlimited/Myself.  That's the tone I border on. 
    Alright, one more paragraph.  Let's see.  But I still occasionally point out the actual number of readers, which I'm pretty sure is in single digits.  You know, for Logic and Crap.  It all adds up to make one Hell of an Adequate Read.  Great.  In Old Crazysheet, I paid extra to be able to view my Website Statistics, and I was getting twenty or thirty hits a day.  Even figuring about half of those are real hits, that's pretty good, I was pretty happy with that size of an audience.  Someone already has the Crazysheet Twitter handle.  Another person has the MichaelKornblum twitter handle.  There goes that.  I'm assuming its another person, at least.  Maybe it's a deranged fan.  Can't count out that possibility.
    I feel like writing another paragraph.  Good luck trying to stop me!  You've already failed.  I'm into it already.  Great.  This'll be the closer, I feel it in my bones.  Great, what else.  Maybe play some De-Blueified Baseball tonight.  Bernie Sanders isn't gonna get himself out of Double A.  Well, he probably could, even if I just simulate the games.  He's a Team Leader.  That's good for his statistics in some way one would imagine.  It's gotta translate somehow.  Maybe it raises everyone on his teams' ability some small percentage.  They must do something to make it a quality they computate.  Compute.  I like computate.  Who doesn't, am I right.  Anyway.  I'll see ya later.

-5:35 P.M.


Friday, March 18, 2016

You Thought I Was Crazy, Didn't You?

    Three or four entries in a row talking about Jack Palance.  That's what the audience wants to read about!  One would imagine for some reason.  The reason Jack Palance came up yesterday is because Professor brought up character actors, asking us to name some, based on the description that character actors are people who play the same character 90% of the time.  Isn't that every actor.  Zinged!  No one is safe from getting zinged.  I made a small mental change to my pending story which makes it a lot easier to flesh out.  I added a character!  So far, all I've got is it being narrowed down to four or five possible names.  Once I know the name, everything else would work itself out, one would imagine.  Turns out you can judge a book by its title.  Except not books, people.  And not titles, but names.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Yesterday I finally wrote only seven paragraphs and discovered nobody cares.  That's an important lesson to learn in life, one would imagine.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  What The Hell can I watch now.  It needs to be something good, good hardcore.  Except for Andy Serkis.  That guy was Gollum and King Kong!  They're nothing alike.  Except for that time Gollum climbed the Empire State Building.  And the time King Kong was infatuated with his precious.  I've seen probably two and some change of the Lord Of The Rings Franchise, and the only thing I remember liking was when Gollum is talking to The Hobbit and goes something like, You're playing tricksies.  Tricksies!  Whatta word.  I also liked the parts where Led Zeppelin referenced them.  Anyway, what else.  I wonder if a Led Zeppelin crashed into the Flint water supply.  Finally, some answers!  Crap and crap.  I remember reading their intent was indeed that sort of Lead, but they didn't want people to pronounce it as Lee-d Zeppelin.  Then people will think they're from Leeds.  Led Zeppelin hates Leeds!
    Also, it's a good chance I dreamt that Led Zeppelin Name Explanation.  The older I get, the more of my information I get comes from dreams.  Anyway.  Finally, a Day that isn't something.  I started keeping track at 3.14, Pi Day, and there was even a day before that, Daylight Spendings Time.  That's a lot of days in a row, I'm exhausted.  I had a dream I wanted to play poker but no one would tell me the correct denominations of chips.  I think I ended up sitting for a few hands, amassed a little bit of one color of chips, still didn't know what it meant, and figured it was time to cash out.  I woke up before finding out how much I won.  Oh well.  Apparently I Snore now.  Didn't used to.  I guess that's a side effect of gaining weight.  I have mixed feelings about snoring.  At least I'm contributing something to the world during my down time.  That's gotta be a net positive, right?
    What else and crap.  My Dad goes, you know you snore in your sleep, right?  Your welcome.  Alternate punchline-- Thanks for noticing.  Alternate punchline-- ...I had one thought out but forget it.  Pretty sure to be a punch line, it has to be some sort of joke, or amusement.  Oh well, live and learn.  Anyway.  What does an old man snoring have to do with raining/pouring.  I don't get the connection.  Are we supposed to wake him up or something.  Let him sleep, some rain outside doesn't bother him none.  Is it possible he's sleeping outside and is gonna choke to death on some rain going up his nose?  I don't know, I'm not here with the answers, I'm just opening up the debate.  Also, in preschool, i used to think there was something called a shuefly.  From the poem/lullaby thing.  I thought it was a breed of fly.  Prove me wrong!
    Anyway.  Also, a story my Mom likes to tell me, good chance I shared it here before, was when I was in pre-school, an adult asked me where I lived, and I said Earth.  That'll show them to try to talk to me.  Anyway.  I changed a light bulb today.  Last week, learnt how to make Eggs.  This week, learnt how to change Lightbulbs.  It's pretty much your standard counterclockwise/clockwise adjustments.  Maybe Eggs is, too.  No one ever told me, but stands to reason it could factor in some how.  Next week, learn how to wipe my own ass.  We're making a Progress a Week here.  At this rate, I should be able to take care of myself by the time I'm 47.  This is gonna be gross, but are you ever wiping your ass and think, Eh, close enough.  Sorry.  I had to say it.  No one else would.  The responsibility once again falls on me.
    Crap and crap, indeed.  No one's perfect.  I stupidly was drinking before changing the light bulb.  Not smart getting on a step stool drunk.  Oh well, live hardcore, that's what I always say.  Finding out you can register to vote online sorta took the wind out of my sail a bit.  I thought I was being The Special.  Any jerk is capable of this kind of effort.  Oh well, crap and crap.  I also like the part where they're having a party at the beginning of LOTR:1.  Hey, that looks like fun!  I wanna have a congenial party like that someday.  And it's all short people.  I would fit in splendidly.  Is The Lord of the Rings the person who has that one special ring, or is the ring itself The Lord of All Rings Around.  These are the issues relevant to today's modern world.
    Anyway, aiming for ten paragraphs today.  That's a happy medium.  So is one talking to the Holy Ghost.  He's probably a hoot to communicate with.  One of my favorite jokes from Crazysheet.com was I like the show Medium, because it says how good it is right in the title.  So much so that a decade later, while planning out the one or two open mics I did, I strongly considered using it.  It must be off the air for a long time.  I only need to tweak it, Remember that show medium...  Unfortunately the truth is most titles are puns it turns out.  I had no idea!  In crazysheet.com, I thought of it as "Crazysheet."  Now I think of it as "crazysheet."  The capitalization being the difference.  Whole world of change.  Whole world.  Of change.  World.  Change.  Of.  Huh?  Where am I?  Right, right. 
    What else.  I feel like I have a Dentist appointment next week or the week after.  Rings some sort of a mind-bell.  I'm sick of delivery people not having a Pen so I could sign the receipt.  I'm giving you a solid 20% or more tip.  Gimme some exclusive pen use, don't make me dig into my own stash.  Not right.  That's how I feel.  I almost want to give them a pen and go, Now you have it for next time.  Don't let me down!  Not really.  I don't want to do that.  Not even almost.  Just doesn't sound like a good idea at all.  Anyway.  Uber For Toilets.  I'm gonna get to share that with my class through my story.  Can't wait. I might be blinded by a part of me thinking that's a legit good idea.  My guess is mot people wouldn't think that way. Either way, there's some humor involved, but for me, it really kicks in because I do want Uber for Toilets.
    Live and learn, onward and upward, crap and crap.  Really put the portable back in Porta Potty.  Also, we're adults, right?  Do we really need to use the term, "Potty?"  Kinda demeans the whole enterprise.  Anyway, what else is going on.  There should be a sign above the Uber Toilet that says, Remember To Wipe 100%!  Some people need that extra motivation.  Anyway, let's see, crap and crap.  Back-up plan I guess is city-sponsored porta potties on every other corner.  No reason we can't have that in today's on-the-go modern society.  I also get to share my Phone-Vibrator Ap idea.  That's a legit idea, it will happen at some point.  Let's get in on the ground level and crap.  Being able to track your deliveries on your phone, another thing that will happen.  That won't make it to the story, though.  We've already got one Vehicle-Type-Idea.
    Great, just great.  And another character in the story, sneak peak, is just gonna have bad things keep happening to him.  Just over and over, real shit things.  That makes me laugh for some reason.  Really bad things.  Probably not happening to him in live action, I should clarify.  But he goes on a monologue detailing all the bad things that have happened to him recently.  Makes me laugh.  How will people in the story respond?  I don't know yet.  I have the names all figured out, but for some reason, I don't know yet.  Whoudathunkit.  It's hard to write dialogue.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Now that I'm this far, I can see myself doing 15 paragraphs.  Why not.  It means I won't have to return to my real life until that much later.  That's an idea I can get behind I guess.
    Anyway.  I'm scared to Google Uber for Toilets.  I don't want to see someone's come up with it before me.  That would be no good.  Anyway, what else and crap.  It looks like the Democrats might retake the Senate.  Bunch more Republicans heading for re-election than Democrats.  What would be a good thing in my opinion.  Anyway.  This Garland nominee, as I said, passes my litmus test.  Over fourteen years old.  The joke so mediocre, I said it twice.  Alright!  Garland  Somewhere, Over The Rainbow... I RULE WITH AN IRON FIST.  Great.  Anyway, so the story has one guy with crap things happening to him, another guy is the entrepreneur with a bunch of wacky ideas.  One guy is a writer, and'll be somewhat an extension of myself.  All three are somewhat extensions of myself.  I don't like this idea anymore.  Oh well, pot committed.
    I know I'm committed three blue chips and ten black ones, but what does it mean?  Hopefully I get some clarification in tonight's dream.  That's how I feel.  Maybe myself is an extension of the characters.  Never thought about it that way.  Oh well.  Crap and crap, we must move on.  I'm sick of the Dentist consitantly saying I have great teeth.  No I don't.  I look in the mirror, they're adequate at best.  Anyway.  I think I've talked about how I don't like seeing the Dental Hygienist because it takes all of my will power to resist from licking her fingers.  It's just something I get in my head, and for twenty minutes have to consciously hold my tongue in place, and living in fear for every one of those twenty minutes.
    These are the real issues?  I guess.  I don't know.  Pretty much every non-Mental Health doctor's appointment I have is a double appointment with my Dad.  Dentist, Internist, Eye Glasseser.  We're all synced up Healthwise when it comes down to it.  Maybe I should start getting into doing songs again.  I can make a conscious effort to sing better.  And write better.  And guitar better.  No reason not to.  Except for that pesky lack of skill thing.  Stupid lack of skill, I hate it so much.  Two and a half paragraphs to go, great, just great.  I feel like I fell asleep during the last Hobbit movie.  Could have been the middle Hobbit movie.  Then again, the feeling could just be wrong.  I don't know.
    Great?  I guess.  Two paragraphs!  Okay, the end is in sight.  Not of my life, of the entry.  Let's move on.  The only logical show to watch next is Entourage.  I guess I have to.  I don't know.  I don't want to get caught up in a wonderous world that is completely removed from my reality.  That's no good.  Best to watch BWE again, on account of all that bootlegging I do.  Who knows for sure what the right move is, or what the future holds.  The power is in my hands.  I can watch Entourage, I can watch something else one would imagine, the choices are endless.  Perhaps the main reason I don't want to watch Entourage is because it'll just remind me I have no friends.  Forget close friends, I don't have that, that's the thing in Entourage.  I don't even have any friends.  I'm so far removed from that type of thing, it'll just upset me.
    Alright!  I mean, Huh?  What else and crap.  Am I more of an E or more of a Turtle.  Sounds like a pointless online quiz to take.  Hey, I'm more of an E!  My life is better now that I know.  Stupid Entourage.  Let's have fun forever and without consequence!  What fools.  What else and crap.  Hey, Met game lined up for right when this is finishing.  Alright!  Something!  Let's see, crap and crap...  Alright, I'm done.  See ya later.

-5:57 P.M.


Thursday, March 17, 2016

Good At Titling Is Just One Of My Many Qualities

    Probably.  What's going on in the wide world of me's.  Smart Old Lady in class brought up Jack Palance.  Now it's starting to get creepy.  Bordering on How many times is someone going to get set in fire in Boardwalk Empire creepy.  That's that story.  Wasn't it great?  Registered to vote!  They were doin' registrations right outside the campus and I did it, did it hardcore.  #NowYouBeAHeroToo2016.  I saved Bernie sixty cents by doing this.  It's math, one would imagine.  Made some progress plotting out my upcoming story.  It's gonna be real hardcore.  I was thinking about starting to write that instead of coming here, but this is so much easier.  That's how I feel.  Plus, the more time just percolating, the better it would get, one imagine.  Maybe it's like An Uncanny Valley, which is a term I heard once and imagined I knew what it meant.  Very little percolating, that's good.  A lot of percolating, also good.  The wrong, medium length of percolating, why, that'll turn out as bad as this analogy.
    Great.  I can't wait till next month.  Formatchange!  The good news is I got the characters names all worked out.  Except for one.  So that's something to percolate.  Percolate hardcore.  I got this strange sense of self fulfillment after registering to vote.  Hey, I actually did something!  A positive thing!  Whatta hi--... no, I lost it.  I guess the lesson there is to register to vote some more.  I could be registering to vote twenty times a day, imagine how good that'll make me feel.  Also, turns out today is a Day outside it being a track of an album I like,  St. Patrick's Day!  Four days in a row, can you believe it.  I should have known something was up when they were playing concurrent Leprechaun marathons, one a half hour ahead of the other one, on premium cable.  I just thought, Ah, they're pushing Warwick Davis on us today.  I'm sure they have their reasons.  Turns out I was right-- Holiday Reasons.  I was hoping it was some other reason.
Can't always get what you want.  What else and crap.  I feel like the only Leprechaun movie I haven't seen is the Leprechaun In Space one.  I think I started watching it and just gave up.  Anyway.  I took an IQ test online yesterday, but they didn't give you the results unless you pay them.  I dreamt I got a 122, though.  That's pretty good, considering I skipped two or three of the twenty questions.  I thought I'd be able to come back to them.  Also, why am I trusting my dream to be correct.  I don't know.  It's a good question.  Coulda been 124.  Even better!  My dreaming I.Q. is probably on Forest Gump level.  That's how I feel and crap.  Anyway.  Tomorrow, though, that's nothing.  I guess track 18 is okay, too.  Certainly better than track 20, I think we can all agree on that.
    Yeesh.  Crap and crap!  The monologue I sent my teacher with the Driedel rant had a Hell of a lot of spelling errors.  That's what happens when you race to do it right after you wake up and don't look it over.  She did reply, Thanks Mike!, which she never has done before, so I feel like she liked it just fine.  Prove me wrong!  Actually, don't.  I couldn't handle that kind of rejection.  What will take over my life now that BWE is done.  Finished it Tuesday night, and it still remains to be seen.  Not Boardwalk Empire.  That has been seen.  The next thing, that crap.  Sentences are fun.  Anyway.  I guess I can just watch Pixels over and over.  The movie.  Not pixels in general.  St. Patrick's thing was he got all the snakes out of Ireland, right?  I don't see how that's such a good thing.  Snakes are pretty harmless.  You leave them alone, they'll leave you alone.  I didn't even know there were snakes in Ireland.  There aren't, that's the point.  Oh well, live and learn.
    Crap and crap.  I'm several weeks behind on Podcasts.  That could be A Day and crap.  Anyway, what else.  There's a decent change the people doing the registering were Republicans and they proceeded to tear up my form.  Feel like that probably happens a lot.  If my polling station wasn't half a block from my house, I probably wouldn't bother in the first place.  Crap and crap.  What else and crap.  There should be anti-cigarette people who ask for cigarettes on the street, and after you give them one, they tear it up right in your face and go, I Just Saved Your Life, Pal!  Then you punch them in the gut and they run away.  That's what should happen.  I did cut the part out of my monologue where they just talk about what the person was wearing.  I think that was going too far.  It's okay to make myself laugh while writing it in my notebook in class, but that's no good if you actually want your teacher to not hate you.
    Anyway.  Spring Training leads to Summer Playing.  Very good chance I said that exact same thing two weeks ago.  It's all been a blur.  Great, I just got an e-mail saying Fuck You Mike, I Read Your Crap And Take Back My Thanks.  That's what ya get for being lazy I guess.  I finally got my Bernie shirt.  I like the address it came from, or was ordered from, or something.  1000 Progress St.  Very entertaining to a Dolt like me. If I keep watching Maury, eventually he's bound to be the father of one of thee babies.  Maury's a player, he spreads his seed all over the place.  That's a sentence for some reason.  Anyway.  Is wearing a shirt that says Bernie akin to setting myself on fire?
    Sorry about that.  I had to end the paragraph some way, just turned out to be that way.  When you're writing an entry of 70% clunkers, c'mon, you knew the odds going into this whole thing.  I have DVDs I can fall back on, in the case of Nothing To Do.  Meet The Parents isn't gonna watch itself!  Mostly because it knows better than anyone how mediocre it is.  I like the part where... hmm... let's see... his car is green.  That was a laugh and a half.  Perfect movie for St. Patrick's.  Anyway, I'll see ya later.

-5:10 P.M. 


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

How Do You Like Them Bananas

    Finally, a title I thought of in a dream!  Talk about efficiency.  Set up an appointment with an Advisor to see what crap I still need to graduate.  Hopefully they'll find out I've overdid it by 150 credits and now get to graduate twice.  That's what I'm banking on.  I finally finished Boardwalk Empire: II Empire II Furious.  What else can I watch.  Probably crap and stuff.  That's how I feel.  I like the part where they had young people playing Steve Buscemi.  First a kid, then a teenager/young man.  I think its great.  Unfortunately, no people catching on fire in the last season.  Oh well.  Bernie lost yesterday.  At what point do we all get our 27 dollars back.  I saw a statistic that accounting for everything, Bernie spent about 60 cents per vote.  That means I got him like seventy votes.  I'm a hero!  And apparently he's gonna win every state from now on, so that's good.
    Real good.  Good hardcore.  I had a dream I could travel in time, and for some reason, the main boon of traveling through time was teaching myself guitar.  It was like Okay, I visit myself now from future, future self can teach me guitar.  Now that I've learned guitar now, I'll know it for the future, for when I go back in time to teach it to myself.  Stupidity is what makes time travel possible.  Whatta watch now with all my T.V. Time.  Is there a show that makes you lose weight by watching it.  Sounds like something that should be a thing.  I know there's a show called Look Whose Stalking.  See what kind of wackiness these stalkers are up to!  Why not.  Is stalking even a thing anymore.  With Facebook and whatnot, stalking has become pretty standard behavior, I would guess.
    I'm not trying to defend stalking.  'm just saying it's more widespread and therefore not as big a deal.  Wait, still sounds like I'm trying to defend it.  Stalking is bad!  Don't stalk!  Now, let's continue reading this website of someone you never talk to.  You know who I blame for the rise in stalking?  Obamacare.  Obamacare isn't a Who, its a What.  You'd think so, wouldn't you.  What else and bullshit.  #LetHimFinish2016!  We got a long ways to go, it's not over yet.  Obama nominated someone for Supreme Court.  Is the Supreme Court a court with all the toppings?  One would imagine.  This guy's like 64 or something.  That's no good.  Nominate a fourteen year old, he'd be in it to win it for so much longer.  Also, what else is going on.  I, for one support a litmus test for supreme court nominees-- have to be older than 14.  I feel very strongly about this.
    What else and crap.  Supreme court rules 6-3 that stalking is not only legal, but encouraged.  That's no good.  What else and crap.  Isn't the NSA essentially just stalking people.  Let's talk about it.  What else and bullcrap.  Sanders lost Missouri by a thousand votes.  If I had donates 1400 more dollars he would have won!  It's all my fault I guess.  My Mom says Clinton'll win New York on account of her New Yorkerness.  I don't think of her as a New Yorker.  Yeah, she was a senator here for six or eight years, but really, c'mon.  These aren't the real issues.  What else is going on.  I had a dream I went to college, in a dorm type situation, but everyone else there was from the 1920's.  I blame SnoreChalk... Empire.  Nothing rhymes with empire.  How disappointing.  I was on hold for thirty minutes with Queens College Advising Center.  That's no good.  Then I accidentally hung up and called back and they took my call right away.  Not impressed.  If this is how things run after Obamacare, not impressed.  Wha?  Huh?  That's right, I said it.
    I remember after Sanders tied Iowa, I went to class the next day and was like Yeah, I can feel the momentum here, all you guys, we did it!  Now, a month later, in the halls, I'm like, Wait a second, you weren't happy and energized because of Sanders, it's because you're stupid 19 year olds!  Oh well, live and learn.  I wish I was a stupid 19 year old.  Happens but once in a man's life.  You know, listening to Radiohead and not being too scared.  Special time.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I keep wanting to stop playing poker for six hours a day and I keep getting reminded I have shitelse to do.  Whatta sad story.  The good news is Eggs.  I know all about eggs.  How to make 'em, how to eat them, that vanilla eggs are only for a special occasion.  That's how I feel.  I got salami in the hope of making am omelet at some point.  That's a whole different skill set, I would imagine.  Oh well, onward and upward.
    Now, if I wear the Bernie shirt next week, people might think I'm being ironic.  How dare them.  I mean it with every bone in my body.  Well, most of them.  Femurs, they feel what they like.  Also, how many femurs does one person have.  I want to say Eight?  What else and crap. 3.14 is Pi day. 3.15 is Ides of March.  3.16 is Steve Austin: The Wrestler day.  Three days in a row!  Also, yeah, I use, "." instead of, "/"  For stylistic reasons.  Makes me sound more classy.  I like Boardwalk Empire.  Really makes you think.  They talk about money all the time, and each time I multiply it by ten in my head, because you have to.  Not 10% if that's the right conversion rate.  100%   I can look it up right now!  I'm going to!  Just you see!  Yeah, not too far off.  Looks like I'm the genius.  Except for having to perform that calculation twenty times an episode.  It gets tiring after a while.
    Anyway, crap and crap. Merrick Garland.  We're not in Kansas anymore!  Not happy about that, but it also allows me to go this route-- Merrick?  What is he, The Elephant Man?!?!  In retrospect, not happy about that either.  Oh well, live and learn.  Maybe Obama wants to subtly suggest he'd lean Republican.  Elephant Man.  This is the kind of political coverage you won't get anywhere else.  With good reason!  Also, it brings up a good question, which is why do I know The Elephant Man's name.  Oh well.  What else and crap.  Us Freaks got to stick together.  Especially if we're Siamese twins.  Jok'd It!  What else and crap.  These new rounds of The More You Know commercials on NBC are getting controversial.  There's one telling us to turn off all power when we go to sleep, fine.  But they keep talking about Drink wine a lot, too!  Ain't nothin' wrong with that!  To the point that its a little disturbing. 
    Oh well.  I'm more of a Morning Drinker myself.  That's how I feel for some reason.  When do you suggest I drink the milk I left out over night?  Let's get real and whatnot.  I don't know.  Because of my laziness, I think I'll probably stick with Driedel Rant for my one page monologue.  At least I'd be handing in something.  I can't wait to find out the Vice Presidential nominees for which ever candidate ends up gettin the presidential nominee role.  Decisions, decisions!  Whose it gonna be?!  What fun.  Here's hoping Steve Austin: The Wrestler is one of them.  Or, in a pinch, Steve Austin: The Six Millions Dollars Man.  I like how when I watched wrestling, Steve Austin was like the biggest good guy.  Hey, I drink beer and I'm an asshole.  The crowd goes wild.  That's how I feel.  What else is going on, either how I feel or how I don't feel.
    New paragraph, that's fer sure.  What else and crap.  Hey, he's got the same name as The Six Millions Dollars Man!  Let's root for him!  I don't know.  What else.  Mankind turned from just some weirdo into just a normal likeable person. Funny, the same thing happened to me right about the same time.  Then, years later, back to being weird.  I didn't have Mankind as my moral compass anymore, back to weirdness.  Really makes ya think, doesn't it.  Remember the time The Rock beat me in an, "I Quit!" match.  Who could forget.  Remember the time The Undertaker slammed me through the metal cage above the ring and it broke and I fell down in the ring.  I've still got the scars, oh boy.  Anyway, what else is going on.  I still use mankindguy as my g-mail account.  You don't mess with a classic.
    What else and crap.  I used to play a game online, and we were in clans, where we were ranked on playing clan games against other clans.  My clan was called Black Assassins.  I didn't think anything of it at the time.  Now I know my name is probably on a list somewhere.  And, if not, it probably should be.  Even the pronoun we were all called each group was a clan.  Just a lot of bad mojo in that entire thing.  Then again, what else is going on.  Before that clan, I was involved with a lesser-skilled clan where the leader was a girl.  Well, a lady.  I like girls.  So that's how that went.  Crap and crap.  Unless if we're talking about the T.V. show.  Then, ain't for me.  I recognize the people involved are talented and its a sound enterprise.  Just not for me. 
    Crap and crap?  You guessed it!  What else.  I wonder what other foods can be ruined by adding a vanilla flavor.  Probably things and crap.  I bet Trump goes with Rubio as his VP.  Then they can work on and perfect their routine as Big Don and Little Marco.  Go travel the country with it.  Anyway.  Even if its Marco Rubio, I have empathy for people making fun of people for being short.  That's how I feel.  Except for that he's like 2 inches shorter than Trump.  He can handle it.  He's a Big Little Boy.  Crap and crap.  The good news with Rubio dropping out is he could stop making victory speeches after every primary as if he won them.  That was gettin' tiresome.  This is the tenth paragraph, right?  Let's see...  Eleventh!  Even better.  Crap and crap.  This has become standard almost every day.  Entryin' it up hardcore in the late afternoon.  I think its great.  Really gives me some time to write crap and crap.
    Crap and crap.  After Bernie wins the rest of the states, he can pull a City Slickers Jack Palance and jerk into motion and say You Thought I Was Dead, Didn't You!  I don't know if anyone will get that reference.  I'm not even sure I get that reference.  Yes I am.  Whatta liar.  I don't get why I used it, sure.  But I understand the source material for the thing.  Anyway.  Tomorrow's 3.17.  Is that anything?  There's a track 17 on one of my albums that I like.  Is that relevant?  I don't know.  Crap and crap.  I was inspired to do a 26 song album because of Sublime's inaugural album.  Probably.  Or I realized the average length of that batch of songs was a minute and a half.  That too.  Also, am I 100% sure that 40 Oz. To Freedom was their first album?  No.  Probably like 70% sure, which ain't sure at all.
    What else and crap.  Three paragraphs to go.  That's well within my skill set and crap.  I've recorded maybe three or four songs in the past year, after, I don't know, a hundred fifty the year before?  I think I figured out why-- I'm not very good.  That explains that.  What else and crap.  When I was in high school, my illegally downloaded copy of the self titled Sublime album had the tracks all out of order.  Then later I found out the right order.  I liked my order better.  Way better.  Better hardcore.  What else and crap.  Feel like I brought that up before.  I know I did when discussing The Shins, where the same thing happened.  These are the real issues 2017!  Crap and crap.  Two and a half paragraphs to go.  Probably even less.  This paragraph is pretty full, all things considering.
    Yeah!  Crap and crap!  Did I make a Supreme Court having all the toppings joke.  That was half a score of paragraphs ago, I can't remember everything I may or may not have said.  Crap and crap.  I know I've said that a score amount of times at least. I can't help it if the subject of Crap keeps coming up.  I just roll with the punches and crap so to speak.  So-To-Mayor... Speak!  It's Supreme Court humor, you wouldn't get it.  Anyway, what else.  I got Kettle Cooked potato chips.  Talk about gettin' healthy and in shape.  Kettles are healthy.  Food being cooked is healthy.  That's two for two on the healthy scale right there and crap.  Crap and crap.
    Alright, last paragraph.  We did it!  Almost!  We probably would have done it in retrospect!  Let's see.  Words are hard.  It's staying bright outside later than it used to.  That's a concept I can get behind.  I like an evening occurring after 7:00, which is what we'll get to in a matter of weeks if we haven't already.  I don't know, I go to sleep at 6:30.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  I don't know.  I'll see ya later.

-6:00 P.M.


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Put Your Hands In The Title And Wave Them Like You Just Don't Title

    Bad start already.  Oh well, good motivation to overcome such crappiness.  I like that Will Smith movie The Pursuit of Crappiness.  Like it hardcore.  Birdman Or The Unexpected Virtue of Crappiness.  A Third Thing, one would imagine. Mr. Crap Goes To Washington.  There we go.  What's going on in the wide world of sports.  Had a substitute teacher today who I'm pretty sure was Josh Gad.  Except he was pretending to be a teacher.  And had a swirly moustache.  Besides that, though, all signs point towards an undercover Josh Gad.  He told us to write a monologue.  I don't know what a monologue is.  Luckily, my dialogue ended up being almost exclusively one character, so I'm close enough.  After the assignment, I did realize, Oh, yeah, that's what a monologue is.  I knew that.  Also, the entire story is just me making the same rant about Driedel that I do here.  it's called getting into character you dolts.  Who cares if every character I write has the exact same voice.  It's a great voice!  I can sort of guess teacher'll think I'm being a Jerk Off, though.  I have time to actually take this assignment seriously.
    Seriously hardcore.  I was relatively close to pullin some goofballs and funnybones on the bus driver.  One person getting off the bus was being a real lady-jerk, saying It's not close enough to the curb!  I can't step onto the street!  Oh, Good Heavens!  So he had to put the wheelchair steps on, accounting for about five minutes.  Mine was the next stop.  I thought about saying Now It's Not Close Enough To The Curb For Me!  And add, Just playin, man.  In the end, though, I decided it wasn't worth the hassle.  Big day in Election news.  Five states are going to the polls!  Around the real turn of the century, was there one state that saw a notable influx of Polish people?  So I can make a pun?  You get it.  Is Pole an insensitive term.  I don't know.  It could be completely benign, it could be relatively offense but not overly so, or it could be terrible.  Write in your opinion to mankindguy@gmail.com, and I'll read them on the air!!!  A couple of months ago, an old friend proposed starting a podcast with me.  I had mixed feelings.  It could be fun or it could be something I hate with all my being.  Good news is, we haven't talked about it a second time.
    There goes that.  Websiting it up is good enough for me.  And by hate with all my being, I mean, I will get disappointed to find out I don't have the skill set to do it.  I don't like finding out I'm no good at stuff.  Nobody likes that.  #LetsDoThings2016.  Anyway.  Also, the direction he wanted to go with the Podcast didn't particularly interest me.  If you want Michael, you're going to get the Michael that Michael wants to Michael.  Also, what else is going on.  Who came up with the term IIdes of March.  Was it Shakespeare?  I hate that guy.  What does Ides mean, anyway.  Gotta be something.  Logic tells us that.  BBut what.  No way of finding out.  Let's move on.  I know it's the middle of March.  Could Ides mean middle?  I suppose that's as good a guess as any.  Hey, yeah!  Ides means middle of the month in Roman.  I think they call it Latin.  You smart mouthin' me boy?
    Great, just great.  Then why are the modern day derivatives of the language called the Romance languages?  Not so smart now, are ya?  The good news is I used the bathroom all I wanted during class.  No fake Josh Gad is gonna stop me.  Three episodes of BWE left.  Yeah, I use the initial for walk, even though its one word.  What of it?  You stickmen'll complain about anything.  Finally finished the bent Metrocard.  Onward and upward, I guess.  I find it interesting that a guy who has an entire month named for him was supposed to be scared about something involving a different month.  That's karma for ya. Or, stupidity at least.  That's stupidity for ya.  There we go.  Here's a thought-- do any other countries have a U.S.A!  U.S.A.! chant?  I can't imagine it anywhere else.  Mainly because it required exactly three syllables.  But also, just doesn't ring true.  IT-A-LEE!  IT-A-LEE!  PAK-I-STAN!  PAK-I-STAN!  MEX-I-CO!  MEX-I-CO!  Americans be crazy.
    LETS-GO-ENGLAND!  LETS-GO-ENGLAND!  That might happen at a soccer match, I guess.  I like it better being chanted at a stump speech though.  What else is going.  On.  I have third string leftovers tonight.  That's a rare occurrence.  Other than Thanksgiving and crap.  Let's-Go-Website!  Let's-Go-Website!  That's how that might go.  A few days ago, I said the only Larry I knew of was Larry The Cable Guy.  I forgot about Larry King and Larry David, who combined to make a joke here I made a few months or a year ago.  Larry King going-- Sometimes I confuse myself with Larry David, mostly because of the name.  In case you weren't reading back then, you deserve to enjoy that.  Enjoy it hardcore.  What else is going on hardcore.  Besides his opinions on the issues, the main thing I would copy about Bernie Sanders if I was playing him in a skit, the phrase, Let Me Finish.  I can imagine him saying that more than any other thing.  #LetHimFinish2016.  Let's get that trending for some reason.
    Mostly because of my imbecile-ness.  The back of my cereal box says Set the table with Kellogg's Tonight, under the premise that it'll be ready tomorrow morning for ya.  And the picture shows cereal in milk.  That's No Good!  The milk'll go bad.  Are you trying to kill us?  If we're dead, that's no good for you.  Think, just think.  It's pretty much Spring already.  I'd blame global warming, but I saw a guy holding a snowball once, so I don't know what to think.  Anyway.  That guys has got to own that snowball charade.  It's all we know him for.  On his deathbed, I imagine he'll go, Well, I died doing what I loved.  Being a jackass and an idiot.  I assume he'll keep a snow globe by the bed, just to remember who he was in his heyday.  He didn't die doing it.  It was way back while he was still alive.  Get off my website, with your logic and crap!
    Anyway.  There's gotta be one scene of the last few episodes of BWE I have left where someone gets set on fire.  Right?  I'd say it's 50/50.  Which, for most things, is high, if you're just betting someone'll get set on fire in three hours of a random T.V. show.  They have a proven track record of people getting set on fire, though.  50/50 are appropriate odds as far as I'm concerned.  I guess they can't do a This guy turns into Two Face scenario, though.  Two Face hates the mob.  That's his main thing for the most part.  I guess it could be a law enforcement office who gets set on fire and becomes Two Face.  That makes sense.  Now we know why he hates them so much.  Just wrote an alternate Batman reality.  Love it!  And it turns out Nucky Thompson is The Penguin.  No one would see it coming!
    The good news is the entry is ever so closer to the end.  If I was in a Batman movie, let's be honest, I'd be The Penguin.  No use trying to deny it.  I guess I could be Robin, if I lose some weight.  That's a respectable position.  After Batman, Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Morgan Freeman, Two Face while he's still good... Robin's pretty respectable.  Or I could play Bruce Wayne as a child witnessing his parents' death.  Short people could play children.  Why not.  Wouldn't it be fun if every T.V. Show, Movie, Book in the world participated in the World of Batman.  It elevates everything to Dizzying Fun Heights.  That's how I feel.  My professor wouldn't like it, sure.  That's a negative.  I'd like it, though.  That's a positive.  Evens itself out.  What else and crap!  Olympics this summer.  I could do without it.  The only way I would find Olympics interesting is if they have the Summer Olympics events during the winter and vice versa.  I'd love to watch someone try to luge without snow.  One would imagine.  Not 100% on what luge is.  Microsoft FrontPage doesn't even recognize it as a word, that's how stupid Luge is.
    Stupid is as stupid does.  Also, when the fuck is the bus gonna show up for Forrest Gump.  He's been sitting there for hours.  Stupid municipal transit system.  I guess it would be in character for him to just sit there without the intention of ever getting on a bus.  Who knows for sure.  Only Forrest Gump himself, and I imagine he'll take that to his grave. Forrest Gump II.  No one has had a better idea for a movie ever.  That would be the bees knees.  Would you like a jelly bean-- see, I've grown.  Don't know.  Just don't know.  Forrest Gump would be a role model for special people everywhere, if only they knew how to appreciate him.  Oh well, live and learn.  Anyway.  The entire point of this assignment was to get inside this character's head and do a monologue from his point of view about the world.  I just did a rant about playing Dreidel favors the person spinning.  No way she's gonna be happy about that.
    Do have some time to change it, though.  I don't want to be a jerkoff.  Even if I think its funny.  We gotta get out of our comfort zone and whatnot, thats the point.  Ha, I even had the other person dialogue, "What's the deal with your grey shirt and wristband," or something like that.  Just being a real cutesy asshole.  That's what you get, fake Josh Gad, for putting me on the spot.  I need time to prepare, think things out and whatnot.  I need more ideas for our budding entrepreneur in Upcoming Story.  I have three or four, which is decent.  I really just wanna bludgeon them to death with a shitload of crap.  Too bad I can't.  Don't have the skill set.  Oh well, live and learn.
    Fifteen'r today, I guess.  One of my least favorite things in life is walking behind people who are walking slow.  I don't know the proper thing to do.  Just slow myself down to their pace?  Speed up a little bit, pass them, and now I'm in control of the situation?  I don't feel 100% happy with either solution.  I guess I could say, C'mon, speed it up.  There's people behind you with things to do!  I usually err on the side of speeding up and passing them.  Once I'm ahead of them, who cares what they think.  I never have to see them again.  Walking slowly behind them, though, while may be the courteous thing, I have to look at these jackoffs for my entire walk.  Which is taking longer than it should!
Let's talk about it for some reason.  What else is going on.  I like throwing up in public.  Well, in public, but when no ones around.  Someone being around, that's no good.  Just throw up some water on a sidewalk, though, real great.  Hey, I pay my taxes.  I have the right, nay, the duty to throw up on sidewalks.  Great, what else.  It would be weird if Sanders does great tonight.  Hey, maybe he's got a chance.  President Sanders.  Wow, Awesome!  LET HIM FINISH.  What else and crap.  I find it odd how many fictional shows are about politics.  Like the aforementioned Josh Gad's vehicle, I Forget What It's Called But Bill Pullman Is President Yet Again.  Afro-mentioned, how I originally tried to spell it.  Live and learn.
    Thirteenth paragraph!  Shit, unlucky.  I can't wait to get to fourteen.  Then back to lucky.  Fifteen is neutral.  Sixteen would be great, but we probably won't get that far.  #That'sHowIFeelAboutNumbers.  Anyway.  A paragraph for each day of March.  How interesting!  Got cheap Vodka today.  Well, regular vodka in terms of quality.  Cheap in terms of Every Vodka Must Go!  I told you, this place, vodka cheap, whiskey expensive.  I'm being a frugal customer, that's all.  To connoisseurs, a thirty dollar vodka is cheap.  Relatively certain no connoisseurs read this crap, though.  If you're connoisseur about vodka, why not about comedy.  Also, real tough word to spell.  Let's talk about it.  Why is a Spelling Bee called a Spelling Bee.  Did Bee used to mean something in the Gilded Age that applies to titling this activity?  Must be reason, logic has taught us that.
    Whoo!  See you in Hell, 13th paragraph!  I hope not, I'd rather go to Heaven.  But think of all the things you'd be able to see in Hell.  Maybe go to Heaven but take a day trip every now and then to Hell.  I don't know.  The good news is What Else.  The bad news is I Don't Know.  Either way, let's move on.  I might get to wear my Bernie shirt on Thursday!  Wear it hardcore!  And, if not, almost definitely next Tuesday.  I might be the only person who has only two days a week to wear a shirt.  Get off my back you dolts.  I'll wear what I want, when I want, how hardcore I want.  I believe that's the future forty seventh amendment.  The right to Shirt ourselves as we see fit.  Gotta put it in there, otherwise some states are bound to circumvent that God given right.
    Anyway, yay!  Last paragaph.  During a debate, my Mom asked me how I would spell, "Yay," in a text.  Cause she was sending one to my brother.  I answered, I wouldn't use the word Yay.  Sure, I love palindromes, but lets get real, its a real clunker of a word.  Anyway, at this rate, might go over 15 paragraphs.  There's currently no law on the books that says I can't.  What else and crap.  At this rate, it'll end at fifteen paragraphs.  You can't tell rate like I can. I went a whole five or ten minutes without saying anything.  You can't relate to that aspect of the website.  How could you.  You couldn't, that's how.  What else.  Here's a great story-- I made my next therapist appointment for April 4th, but I checked the card she gave me, and it said April 7th!  Well, I was bothered as something that starts with a b, and I called her up.  Was a big mistake.  Appointment was indeed for the fourth.
    Made Ya Read It.  Alright, what else and crap.  Might go ahead and rewrite the CD-RW with different tracks to listen to on my X-Box.  I got shit else to do.  What if they don't sound good though.  I can't handle that kind of disappointment.  That's no good.  I need a new phone charger wire.  I have two, and neither of them work quite good.  You know, on account of normal wear and tear.  Either that or me bending them on purpose.  Why would I do that.  Yes... why... indeed...  What else and crap.  We all know Nucky Thompson was a corrupt politician, but what was he up to before prohibition.  Shady dealings and stuff, sure.  But his life sure took a turn for the strange when prohibition came to town!  Also, I'm writing tag lines for promoting Boardwalk Empire as if it were a new sitcom.  You can't stop me.  I'll do it all I want.
    Yeesh.  Crap and crap.  True story-- there was a guy behind me at the convenience store who asked for two packs of cigarettes-- Newport 99's and Newport shorts.  Make up yer mind, am I right!  Probably.  I'm right about roughly 60% of things.  Also, I now know thanks to Internet Newport Shorts are just slang for regular Newports.  In my mind, I imagined them as being shorter than regular.  Which makes the anecdote all the more interesting.  Oh well.  Crap and crap.  Also, in the AOL/Texting story, he deals with a computer tower.  Which just leads me to believe this youngin' didn't know texting wasn't a thing in the late 90's.  Kids these days, think they know everything.  I don't know the age of the writer.  I can't keep track of whose who.
    Anyway, good feeling this'll be the last paragraph.  I've been running on fumes since the fourth paragraph.  Way back when.  What else and crap.  Got some pork fried rice, a little bit of stuffing, a little bit of duck.  I can eat that hardcore.  If it's not enough, my Mom's got some omelet left over which I can potentially eat, too.  Man, does rice go well with some fowl.  Chicken, duck, its all good.  These are the real issues.  What else and crap.  Ha.  Cannabisness.  I mean, what?  Huh?  Where am I.  Right, right.  I'll see ya later.

-6:01 P.M.


Monday, March 14, 2016

On the Forefront of Creative Titling

    That's gotta be true.  No one titles like me.  Except for musicians and screenplay writers.  Have you seen some of the titles for songs and movies?  They're really impressive.  That's how I feel.  Anyway, lets get into some goofballs and funny bones.  I accidentally sent a half-way decent e-mail to Junk Mail by mistake.  Now every half-way decent e-mail from that source about the same thing goes to Junk.  Probably the biggest mistake I've made in my life so far.  Is there a way to undo it?  Probably.  I don't have the time for such a thing, though.  Speaking of Time, the last Title was almost What's The Deal With Time.  I made my choice, though, and I'm sticking to it.  Got nothin' better to do than stick with things I've said.  Pretty much my main activity.  Next Supermarket Time, I'm gonna get me some croutons.  Pretty much the most exciting thing to happen for me in a long Clocks.  I'll snack on some croutons.  Nothing's stopping me.  You can't stop me.  I'm outta control!  Yeesh.  The good news is a full paragraph in.  Now I'm gettin' into my comfort zone.  You wouldn't like me when I'm in my comfort zone.  I become a real asshole, concerned with nothing but my own comfort.
    That's great, what else.  Six more episodes of Jaywalk Empire!  That's the most exciting thing to happen to me since conceiving of eating croutons.  My brother canceled his subscription to Spotify.  Great, just great.  Now I have to use YouTube, like a Chump.  Or start watching the Cable music channels.  They have forty or fifty and a solid 50% of them actually work.  Of those, there's probably one or two channels of good music that I like that work.  Everything's coming up Crazysheet!  What else.  One of the stories I have to read for Thursday Class involved a guy who uses AOL, and also Texts.  That don't add up.  Unless it turns out to be a Time Travel story.  I didn't read the end, yet.  Here's hopin', I guess.  What else.  It was Valentine's Day a month ago.  Wonder where he's gonna go with this!  Let's see.  Valentine's Day, am I right?  Here's the thing with Valentine's Day--- .....  ..... My Valentine can come to my house and watch DVDs. 
    Great.  We can listen to all the music we want on YouTube.  Sure, we'd have to keep clicking new videos and putting up with Ads.  That's the price you pay for Love.  Okay.  I have to eat leftovers tonight for dinner, like a Chump.  But, wha, I ate this yesterday and/or the day before!  I don't wanna eat it again!  Maybe in three or four days I'll order it again, but not yet!  That's how that goes.  I'll drink leftover Whiskey for a week.  Ain't nothin' wrong with that.  I had a dream I was gonna drive to White Castle. but kept having trouble finding the driver's seat of the car.  Let's see, this must be it.  No, that's the back of the car.  Walk around to the other side.  This must be it!  Nope, still the back.  I have weird dreams.  I can't even drive in real life.  I can't even dream in real life.  We have a book in my house on Creative Dreaming which is supposed to teach you how to have lucid dreams.  I've browsed through it eight or ten times, still nothin'.  Whatta jip.
    You mean I wasted my time reading a book and nothing came of it?!  That's unacceptable!  I've noticed one or two bugs buggin' around the last couple of days.  I guess Spring is in Full Bloom.  Korn is in full Blum.  That's how I feel.  Fourth paragraph, huh?  How about that.  Where do bugs come from. Crawl in through the window?  How did they get to the second story in the first place.  Who knows.  Some bugs can fly.  Some can't.  What else is new.  I don't know.  Who does.  Big day tomorrow.  If Sanders can win at least two of the five states, he's got a legitimate shot at pullin' this off.  I just hope if he's elected, he doesn't go, Man, now I have to be president?  Never saw that coming.  I'm relatively certain all candidates running this year might have that moment of realization.  That's how I would feel.  That's why I'm not running.
    Also, I was born in Kenya.  You knew that, right?  Anyway.  If Sanders gets the nomination, his slogan for the main election should be Let's Do Things.  I don't know why.  I find it funny for some reason.  You should too.  That's why you're reading this crap, it must amuse you to some extent.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  In Film School, they must have a class devoted to Titling, right?  That's how I would run things.  My brother went to Film School more or less.  Dramatic Writing.  I once read a spec script he wrote for The Office for some class.  Pretty decent.  It had some goofballs and funny bones, that's for sure.  That's not dramatic writing.  That's comedic writing.  Shows what you know.  It was real real Drama.  Michael Scott learns he needs a kidney transplant.  Dwight, of course, wants to donate his kidney.  But Michael Scott is like, I don't want any part of Dwight in my body.  That's what she said.  These things practically write themselves, huh.
    Not gonna lie, I'm pleased as punch with that.  What else is going on.  Five States tomorrow.  Bernie loses all, that's no good.  Bernie wins one, he's still in it, not good, but could be worse.  Two, that's a positive night.  More than two, it's awesome.  #PolticsTalk2016.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Bernie T-Shirt finally shipped!  There's a good chance I'll get to wear it while its still relevant.  Pretty much if he wins at least one state tomorrow, it'll be relevant for the next couple of weeks.  Even if he doesn't, it's still not over completely.  I don't know.  I'm talking out my ass.  Twelve years ago, when I was in high school, I knew all about what was going on.  Read books on politics, read books on history, read books on current events.  Not like now.  Oh well, live and learn.  Except the opposite.  Go backwards in life and realize you had learned and are not anymore.
    Yeesh.  Anyway.  Gotta do something with free periods when I don't want to do homework.  I blame Poker for making me uninformed.  I can win money and socialize at the same time?!  Fuck Off Books, Get Out Of My Life!  That's how that went for some reason.  Unless if it's a Poker Book.  That's fine.  Or something to further my knowledge of Fantasy Baseball.  That's good, too.  Or a book about how to spot a Cannibal on the street.  Never read a book like that, but I would.  I wanna know which strangers are cannibals.  That's valuable information.  Gotta couple of good feedback over the last few days.  One Facebook Share and one Like.  Movin on up!  At this rate, I'll have 300 likes a day by next year.  That's more than two likes per Facebook friend.  That's gotta be hard to pull off.  But, if someone could do it, why not me.  That's how I feel.  And you can like stuff you're not friends with.  Anyway, wha?  Huh?  Crap?
    That's how I feel.  Crap and crap.  Me and My Valentine can watch The Critic over and over.  We can watch it on DVD.  Then we can watch it on YouTube.  Then, back to the DVDs.  The fun never stops!  Maybe this is why girls don't like me.  My strict adherence to watching The Critic over and over and over again.  Anyway, what else.  There was a brief period in my life where I would eat Pistachios.  I'm not proud of it, but there it is.  Crap and crap.  What else.  I find it weird that their a Pistachio Ice Cream.  It's one of the standard ice creams, as I understand.  Someone explain it to me!  Yeesh.  I have a vague memory of getting high in NYU and we all went to the supermarket to get ice cream.  One of my favorite Ice Cream memories.  The other one is my Dad telling me a story every so often about some special kid he knew who got an ice cream cone and promptly stuck it on his head.  Like a unicorn or something.  I like my Dad's stories.  That's how I feel. 
    He's a good guy.  Real good guy.  I have the best parents.  Ninth paragraph, huh?  I can live with that.  I guess I have to.  Anyway.  It's too bad that a lot of my best memories are vague.  Oh well, live and learn.  What else.  Getting likes or shares or comments on Facebook, about the website, pretty much the highlight of my days, when it happens.  Vindication is Mine!  That's how I feel.  My right testicle just started hurting.  That's no good.  It's more the space above my right testicle.  Oh, there's the testicle itself.  Alright, it went away.  Whew.  Really makes you take stock in what's important.  The testicles.  I'd buy stock in what's important.  If importance is any guide, it... seems... uh, hold on.  ... ... Look, I can't give you my undivided attention for now.  My Testicle's In Trouble!  I don't even like the veins connecting the testicles to whatever.  They're lumps in my scrotum.  I'm under the impression that lumps are cancer.  I don't know who to trust.
    Great.  Testicle's fine now, pretty sure, at least.  Got another third of Website to write.  I hope the ending of this story is the main character creating a page on Angelfire.  That would make the whole thing worth it.  I remember in high school, when I adamantly was an atheist, making a deal with God, should he exist, that anything can happen to me in life, just leave my balls and penis out of it.  If that happens, I'm satisfied with how my life turns out.  Kinda naive, thinking back.  Lots of bad stuff could happen that involve genitals.  Now I know, then I couldn't grasp it.  Also, God doesn't need to make deals.  He'll do what he want.  That's why he's God.  If he was making deals willy-nilly, no one would respect him.  That's how I feel.
    What else and crap.  Class tomorrow.  Hope we learn more about cannibals.  Or Sad Batman.  I'd be happy with being more informed on either of these pertinent subjects.  Maybe one of the characters in my upcoming story could think he's Batman.  I like making references to things from class.  Hey, remember talking about that?  Here it is again!  Really makes people happy one would imagine.  What else.  Plus, I won't have to wear my winter jacket anymore, I hate it so much.  Can go with either a hoodie or my leather jacket.  Either way, people know I'm cool.  That's my main goal in class.  Make people think I'm cool.  So far, not a great start.  But there's still time to make some ground in regards to perceived coolness.  I guess I can have a character who wears sunglasses in my story.  That's as cool as it gets.  Oh, also, a backward baseball cap. 
    Okay, I guess.  What else.  Today's Pi Day!  Almost forgot.  When I was a kid, there was some museum that celebrated Pi Day by having Math Exhibits.  My Dad took me two or three times.  I wonder if they have a party when it's 1:59 P.M.  You'd think they would, right?  I don't remember any such thing.  New series on HBO about vice principals.  My Dad was that!  Except in this part of the country, they're called Assistant Principals.  My main association with that is that assistant principals get paid less per hour than teachers.  Cause their union isn't as strong.  And it's significantly more work.  So I learned from a young age that Life Is Bullshit.  What else is going on.  So far there have been some flashbacks in the final season of Boredstalk empire.  That's okay.  There's a show on some channel, each episode is about a real case of someone who was being stalked, and the show is called Look Whose Stalking.  Seems kind of inappropriate, right?  Sorta making fun of the whole situation.  That's no good.
    There's three paragraphs to go.  That's good.  One would imagine.  I'm relatively satisfied with how my songs sound on T.V. Speakers.  So far, only listened to twelve, though.  Maybe there are songs that sound better through that avenue than others. Who knows for sure.  Impossible to test it out, I guess.  I think I'm just happy my X-Box works.  That's where that good feelin' comes from.  Anyway.  Et-Tu, Hillary?  It's politics, you wouldn't understand, okay?  What else is going on.  How did Shakespeare know so much about what happened to Caesar.  Guilty conscience, perhaps?  That's right-- I'm suggesting Shakespeare was there and was an accomplice.  Prove me wrong!
What else.  I don't know.  Stupid having to pick a time for when to eat dinner.  You eat too early, you're not satisfied later on in the night.  Eat too late, you're still not satisfied later on the night.  That's a thing I said for some reason.  Choose your own adventure.  I don't know.  What else. Sanders Town Hall going on now.  I'll watch it when Entry is over.  A paragraph and a half.  That's well within reach.  On account of the longer entries and almost every day, this month is already on par with the longest months I've done.  This is relevant because why not.  What are Sanders' thoughts on Boardwalk Empire.  Actually, no, don't tell me.  It might include spoilers.  Sanders is a spoiler for Clinton hopefully one might imagine.  Yeah, so what.  I'm not happy with that jokepunthing.  Which doesn't really qualify as any of those three.  Well, maybe thing.  I would argue it's a thing.
    This is the last paragraph I guess.  I'm pretty impressed that they hold the Democratic Debates at nine or ten.  You'd think most seventy year olds would be in bed by then.  They're in it to win it!  I guess.  My parents aren't in bed by then.  yeah, but they're sixty eight.  That answers that question.  What question.  Get off my back!  What else.  I'm not happy with how this paragraph is turning out.  Oh well.  I don't think I'll watch the Town Hall when this is over.  I've been trained to only think about politics between the hours of eight and eleven P.M.  Don't really feel it right now.  I could keep writing Entry, though.  That sounds like fun for some reason.  Almost out of alcohol.  I'll finish it today soundly.  Just in time for tomorrow, to get more after class.  Great.
    What else and crap.  A paragraph for every year it is after 2000.  Better way to qualify it without giving false information about how much days are left in March.  That's how I feel.  What else.  Paragraphwise, is this the longest entry ever?  I know I was going overtime the first few days of this month, but I forget if that constituted fifteen or twenty paragraphs.  Oh well.  Either way, I guess, right?  Not sure what that means.  What else and crap.  I got to class just on time last week.  That's no good.  I want to be around people for an extra twenty minutes.  Gives me some time to settle in, that sort of crap.  Hopefully the reason it took so long for them to ship my Sanders Shirt is because a bunch of people were ordering them and they couldn't handle the demand.  Good chance that might have been what happened.  My Mom's been saying for weeks she'll donate to Sanders.  I ask her every day, donate yet? Still haven't.  Oh well, there goes that.
    One more paragraph.  One more.  Then I'm done, you'll see.  What else is crappening.  It took me four years to come up with that.  Great.  Man, crazysheet.net has been around longer than crazysheet.com.  Crazysheet.com, man.  Those were the days.  People still respected me somewhat in some respects.  Personally, I can't wait till I'm in my thirties and am doing crazysheet.org.  That sounds terrible.  Oh well, such is life.  One of my main memories of crazysheet.com is that I once accidentally deleted an entire month.  Crap and crap.  No longer stored in computer memories.  That how that go.  After uploading it to Internet, I always check crazysheet.net to make sure I didn't delete anything accidently.  Live and learn, I guess.  I really should make sure before uploading it-- once its uploaded, if I deleted anything, its too late.  You're too late!  Get off my website!  See ya later!

-6:46 P.M.


Sunday, March 13, 2016

What's The Deal With Clocks

    Let's talk about it.  One of mmy favorite jokes from crazysheet.com was, I was talking about some issue or something that was going on at the time, but nothing was being done about it, so I suggested we demonstrate our frustration by, "Let's Watch T.V. About It!"  You know, sarcasm?  Anyway.  What's other stuff I've already said.  It's Spring next week. I already said that yesterday.  Oh well, live and learn.  Listened to some songs on T.V. Great.  Crap and crap.  Only one more season of Broadwalk Empress.  And it's the shortest season there is!  Talk about seasons.  I was, just now!  Different kinds!  How exciting.  Were salt and pepper shakers the epitome of luxury during the Gilded Age?  Let's talk about it.  Twenty years ago, I could have said during the turn of the century.  Now we got a new turn of the century.  Oh well, live and learn.  I wonder what life'll be like during the next turn of the century.  Why, we'd probably have five or ten different spices readily available.  #ThinkBig2116.
    Wonderful.  I have to throw up a lot.  Usually it's just coughing and never amounts to anything.  Still, though, something to keep an eye on.  I mainly use this website to document my symptoms over time.  That's all its good for essentially.  Every now and then, a therapist or something asks me if I think people can read my mind.  My standard answer should be, Well, why don't you tell me.  I know you know.  It's a joke, jeez.  That's why I write this blog.  You can read what I'm up to without taking that extra step.  I'm providing a service to you, the reader.  I sure hope no one in the world's actual mind works like this website.  That would be sad and disturbing and upsetting and crap.  Democratic Town Hall tonight!  My favorite part is when they talk about crap.  I don't know.  I started that thought without knowing how I was gonna turn it into a joke.  Turns out, I couldn't.  Oh well, crap and learn.  Anyway.  The best part about binge watching T.V. shows is finishing them.  Really makes you feel like you accomplished something.
    I hear the last season of BWE is a jump in time several years.  I can't wait.  Think of all the stories they've accumulated over that time!  I assume the entire season will be them sitting around a campfire swappin' stories about the past decade.  I don't think I've ever sat around a camp fire.  My Uncle has a fireplace.  It's possible the Fire was On several times I visited him.  Santa comes down the chimney!  That sounds uncomfortable for a morbidly obese man.  He can handle it, he does it all the time!  Still, though, can't we just leave the door unlocked.  Anyway.  How does Santa get out of the house.  Go up the chimney?  How does he manage that?  Turns out I just disproved Christmas.  Sorry.  Oh well.  Everyone knows Santa can levitate.  Anyway.  I don't like the phrase smoking like a chimney.  I have my reasons, don't you worry.
    Crap and crap.  Apparently there's a new Ghostbusters coming out.  I was under the impression the original Ghostbusters killed all the ghosts.  I didn't need to say that.  Oh well.  Is it possible at some point the Ghostbusters kill The Holy Ghost by mistake.  How would they know it's the Holy Ghost.  I've never seen any pictures of him/her/it.  It would be an easy mistake to make.  Almost said Jesus instead of The Holy Ghost.  That would have been better.  I just panicked because The Holy Ghost has Ghost in his name and made the split second decision to go with that.  I'm so sorry for this paragraph.  This entry.  This website.  Me.  Accept my apologies, damn you.  Where do you get off.  I'm under the impression there's a new season of Kimmy Schmidt coming up.  That's great.  Off the top of my head, that's been my favorite new show of the last couple years.  Not counting The Rap Game.  This ain't no game-- it's the Rap Game.  BUT YOU JUST SAID IT WASN'T A GAME.  Yeah, I know I said it before.  I'll say it again!  I'll never stop saying it!  My favorite part of raps is when they say what their name is. 
    I could have gone on with that thought and make some goofballs and funny bones.  Just didn't feel like it, though.  Oh well.  Sayin' Oh Well a lot this entry.  Yeah, what's it to you?  Huh?  That's what I thought-- All Talk and No Action.  Lets read websites about it.  Crap and crap.  Back to Class on Tuesday.  Who knows what T-Shirt I'll be wearing then.  Gotta be a good one-- now everyone's looking at my T-Shirt.  The stakes have been raised.  Anyway.  Passover coming up.  I find it interesting how crappy Matzoth is and how decent Matzoth balls are.  These are the things that keep me up at night.  Also, not turning off the T.V. completely.  I turn the cable box off, but not the T.V.-- so there's a little message still on the T.V. signifying the cable box is off.  I would turn off the T.V., but if I leave it off for a few hours, when I turn it back on, everything is dim for a few hours.  I can't do that.  That's no good.
    These are the real issues!  2016!  FrontPage is insisting I spell Matzoh that way.  Never seen it spelled like that before.  But who am I to argue.  I'm no one.  I can't take on Big FrontPage Spelling all by myself.  Anyway.  There was a good article in the New York Times that I read the headline for about how if Sanders' Revolution is really going to happen, it's gotta be a bunch of Sandersites running for Congress.  So, my minions of modest political power-- go forth and spread your seed!  I don't know what I'm doing here anymore.  Jeez.  Talking is An Action.  Consult your local dictionary. It'll say it's a verb right there.  Anyway.  I take pride in how unreadable this is.  Or at least I'd say that I do.  So no one knows I'm crying on the inside.  Except for my therapist.  She knows everything about me.  Crap and crap.  Even if someone could read my mind, they wouldn't know everything about me.  Essentially all they'll know is I'm uncomfortable in this situation.  I hope I'm doing good.  Do they like me?  That's what my mind is like 24/7.  Except for when they actually ask me if people can read my mind.  Then I'm thinking, You Tell Me. 
    Crap and bullshit and crap.  Anyway.  Professor told a story about how she knows someone in law enforcement or something, and he can walk down the street and point out the people who are cannibals.  I may have only gotten that story 30% correct.  I heard cannibals and let my mind fill in the blanks.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Hopefully I'm not disseminating classified information.  Now, if you're a cannibal, you know you can't keep it under wraps for long.  Jeez.  Anyway.  I like how on the Bus, they have a recording say,  Assaulting a bus driver is a criminal offense.  Don't assault bus drivers.  Yeah, I know.  I kind of assumed that the same rules for everyone goes for bus drivers.  I never thought, Hey, now that I'm in a bus, I can finally start assaulting people without fear of the law!  Anyway.  I'm trying to put together a twelve song album that I can give to people if they ask about it.  It's a little daunting to tell them to visit a website with 120 songs.  One would imagine.  If it ever came up.  I wish I could get someone to listen to every song and tell me which they liked the best.  I got a few comments on like two or three songs, but that's only a fourth of the way there.
    These aren't the real issues.  I'm not gonna lie.  Not even close.  It would be even better for Boardwalk Empire is if they're stuck in an elevator for eight episodes and flashback to old seasons.  That kind of move would require courage, and if it does happen, I give them all the credit in the world.  Hell, I think in every episode of a syndicated show, they should have twenty seconds upfront of footage of them in an elevator and going, Remember this...  That's how I feel.  Anyway.  Santa can only get out of the house if the chimney is an elevator.  And most people can't afford elevator chimneys.  Only the rich.  And they don't need presents, anyway.  It's a shame to live in a nation where 90% of Santa's Presents Go Towards the top 1%.  Think about it, if you heard that, you would be on board with Sanders immediately.  THEY'RE GETTING ALL OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS?!! I WON'T STAND FOR IT. #Poltics'dIt2016.
    Let's read blogs about it.  Great.  Crap and crap.  Then again, the Government shouldn't be in charge of who gets what Christmas presents.  Or Should They.  Jeez.  The system is rigged.  Government's got to intervene.  Anyway, bullshit and crap.  I can't wait to see new Universities pop up.  That's great for everyone.  Creates wealth in new towns and such.  Shoulda stuck with majoring in teaching.  I missed a real good opportunity to get in on the ground level.  Five years ago, there were no jobs for teachers.  Five years from now, there can be a surplus.  Anyway, oh well.  Live and learn.  Except not Learn.  Mostly Live, though.  Not gonna argue with that.  Crap and crap.  What else and crap.  Yeesh.  Thirteen days of March.  Twelve entries.  Eleven days to go.  That's not right.  Stupid calendars, think they're so great.  I didn't even need to update any clocks at all.  All automatic.  Cable Box, Phone, Computer.  Talk about luxury!
    We were, remember?  Salt and Pepper shakers.  It was a while ago, you might not remember.  Anyway.  I can't remember the last time I didn't sleep on my left side.  Well, when I was at my Aunt and Uncle's.  I guess I can remember, it was two weeks ago.  But, in my own bed, I can't fall asleep unless I'm on my left side.  There's got to be a logical explanation for all this.  There usually is for things.  Logic has a pretty good track record, I'd say.  Either way, what else.  I remember, instead of having a Rubik's Cube, we had a Rubik's Clock.  There were nine clocks and you could wind four or something at a time.  I don't have all the details.  Needless to say, I threw it at a wall and that was the end of that.  I didn't really do that.  I need to clarify because it does sound like something I'd do.  Anyway.
    Crap and crap.  I wish I could spot a Cannibal just by looking at him.  It wouldn't come up often, but when it does, oh boy.  Hannibal Lector's a cannibal.  I learnt it from a movie.  Learned and Learnt are both words.  Probably a good reason for that.  Logic Wins Again.  Maybe I added one of the two words to Microsoft FrontPage.  Could be.  The point is, though, who cares.  Eleven paragraphs today.  One for each day left in March.  Don't mean to brag, but we're always in a surplus of salt and pepper.  We get delivery six times a week and most places give you a bunch.  We'll never have to worry about salt or pepper again!  Talk about luxury.  I heard Splenda was particularly bad for you.  Gotta make the switch to somethin' else.  I'm sick of getting Coffee from Dunkin Donuts and always being paranoid they got it wrong.  I gotta start saying, after my order, Now, This Better Be Right, Or There'll Be Hell To Pay!  Then they call the police and I have to leave.  So that's something to look forward to.
    Alright, let's do an extra paragraph.  Still call it eleven, but with a bonus.  I don't know why.  There's no reason to keep track of it in the first place.  Anyway.  Unless if this was Paragraph Savings Day.  Not sure what that would entail.  Like I told you, I'm not even sure if we lost an hour or gained one.  I wanna say lost one.  So, after the tenth paragraph, we just skipped to the twelfth.  There we go.  And the entire paragraph is about nonsense.  Well, you get what you give, or something.  I heard about it in a song.  I also heard about Danger, watch yourself, get on the floor, or something.  I don't have all the specifics.  Of the Rap I listened to in 99-01, I would guess Ludacris probably holds up the best.  For me, at least.  No way to test that theory.  Oh well.  A few months ago I was watching an old SNL from the early 2000's and Keenan interrupts the monologue playing a rapper named Rick Diculous.  I say it here because I laughed.  Thought it was funny.  Tickled me right where it counts.
    I'm ever so close to fifteen paragraphs.  One more paragraph couldn't hurt me.  Probably not.  Unless if I subconsciously reveal myself to be the cannibal that I am. Crap, I just did it.  Oh well.  Cannibal.  Cannabis.  What's going on there.  Words, Am I Right.  Anyway.  I added some pepper to my eggs a couple days ago.  It was all right there in the shaker.  No mess, no hassle, no nothin'.  Why would anyone read this crap.  I dunno, nothing better to do?  Yeesh.  Why don't they call the companies that participate in Medical Marijuana Depositories The Canni-business.  Becasue they don't have someone like me in their ranks to alert them to such crap.  The term'll come up sooner or later.  Maybe that could be one of my fictional Entrepreneur's thing.  Just giving clever titles to things.  Nah, that's beneath him.  He's busy promoting real good ideas, like Gloves For Men.  Can't muck it up with a pun just for puns-sake.
    Alright, two more paragraphs.  I talked myself into it.  What else and crap.  After this paragraph, it's only one more paragraph!  Imagine.  I should be done with BWE by Tuesday.  Say, two episodes tonight, two to four on Monday, two to four on Tuesday... that oughtta cover it.  And, if not, Wednesday should definitely do it.  I didn't get to watch a Met game today.  I blame Obamacare.  I heard they might get a Hindu to be a Supreme Court.  I've got nothin.  Anyway.  They're gonna put a Caste system in the United U.S.A.'s Of America!  I hope not.  That doesn't seem fair.  Anyway, crap and crap.  In a pinch, a high E guitar string can make a good floss.  Just a little public service announcement.
    Finally, last paragraph and crap.  And I can feel real good about the length.  The United U.S.A.'s of America.  Not sure if I'm really happy about that, or really unsatisfied with that.  Gotta be one or the other.  Either way, calling back to it can serve no good.  Oh well.  Unless you really liked it.  Then you got a chance to read it once more and laugh yourself silly all over again.  Probably a good three or four percent that could happen.  I feel like I thought of a joke yesterday I almost posted to Facebook, but then decided to hold it until this entry.  Can't remember, though.  Such is Life.  Odds are it was a pun, and/or about Donald Trump.  Well, Life Goes On.  I can't wait till Donald Trump has great grand children, and they go to him, Hey, Great Grand-Pop, remember the time you almost ruined the world?  That'll be fun.  I'll catch ya later.

-6:28 P.M.  


Saturday, March 12, 2016

Let's See, What's a Good Title...

    No more Italics for The Title!  This is the biggest change in my life in years.  What's going on party people.  Is this a good title?  I'd say it's a solid 3 or 4.  Out of ten.  If you're rating something with a single digit, odds are, it's gonna be out of ten.  That's how I feel.  The last title wasn't italics.  Oh.  Turns out its a different font.  Shows how much I know.  I like this new font, though!  I'm standing behind it.  From Comic Sans to Century Gothic.  They both start with, "C."  That's interesting.  Real interesting.  I don't like this new Font.  Oh well, stuck with it now.  Pot committed.  Over the years, I've become a real proponent of Capitalizing things that don't need it. Mainly Pronouns and crap.  Sometimes regular Nouns.  Because great, who cares.  Did I talk about here, if Bernie Sanders makes all public universities free, we're gonna need some new public universities?  Probably.  It's something worth repeating.  Every debate, my Mom yells at the T.V., WHEN I WAS A KID IT WAS FREE!  I WENT TO CUNY FOR FREE!  TALK ABOUT IT YOU DOLTS!  My Mom doesn't say Dolts.  I wish she did, though.
    I gotta say, I'm proud to have a Mother who Yells At The T.V.  One of her best characteristics, if I may say so.  Hey, Yesterday I cooked Eggs for the first time!  Looks like there's a new Hero in the house.  I knew you could add Milk to make it more fluffy, and I thought, Well, cream is close enough.  French Vanilla Cream for Coffee.  So I ended up eating Vanilla Eggs.  Oh well, live and learn.  It's a story I would remember for years to come.  If milk is good, cream'll be even better!  And I added ten times more than you were supposed to even if it was milk.  Twenty times as much in terms of milkiness.  And that's even before the Vanilla nonsense.  I've never written an entry with this Font for the Title before.  Takes some getting used to.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I put peppers on the eggs.  I put crushed red pepper on the eggs.  I'm a Master Chef is the point.
    Master Paragrapher, at least.  One of the Mets got hurt.  I want to say Absrudalsky Cabrera.  That's no good.  He plays the Shortstop Position I've Been Led To Believe.  You can't be hurt and play shortstop.  There's a multitude of reasons!  If you play all disabled players, you should be able to play 18 men in the field.  Let's get Baseball working on that one.  Also, isn't it politically incorrect to call injured players Disabled.  Can't we say they're on the Fifteen Day Special List?  Let's talk about it for some reason.  There's Fifteen Day Disabled Lists, there's Sixty Day Disabled Lists... when will the madness end?!  Not sure the point of that sentence.  Fill Space, probably.  I'm always excited to read classmates' stories until I'm one or two sentences in.  Oh, another clunker.  Great.  That's how I feel.  Why can't someone just submit my story as their own.  I'd re-read that crap for realz.  I realize I've been spelling Pepcid wrong over and over.  I've been spelling it Pepsid.  It's Pepcid.  Just a clarification, that is. 
    Anyway, great.  Just great.  The good news is my Doctor gave me permission to use as much Pepcid as I wanted.  That's the news I was banking on and he sure did deliver.  I'm an old man.  The best news I could get in life is being able to take an over the counter pill.  Oh well, live and learn.  I didn't write an entry yesterday.  Oh well, back in business today.  Let's see, crap and crap, crap and crap...  Ever so close to finishing Boardwalking Empireness.  Around ten episodes to go.   Here's hoping it turns out it was just a dream.  All shows should end that way.  That's how I feel.  It turns out I can eat a lot of Oreos in a day.  Didn't see that coming when I asked for them.  Hey, it's Reduced Fat.  That means healthy.  Why, I'd be a fool not to eat a dozen oreos in one day.  This is the fourth paragraph.  Just keepin' ya updated.  Great.  I picked out twelve songs to listen to on my X-Box.  I had the great idea to put them on a CD-RW.  I can change the songs over and over if I was so inclined!  Also, Pepcid whenever I want!
It doesn't get much better than that.  Pepcid tastes good.  I'll snack on some Pepcid, no problem.  Too much calcium?  Yeah right.  Calcium is good for you.  You ain't foolin' anyone with that bullcrap.  I keep having dreams where my teeth are falling out.  And the theme of those dreams are, Damn, four teeth fell out... but it could be worse!  I'm happy I still have most of my teeth!  Because I'm a Weirdo.  I think I had my wisdom teeth taken out at some point and I think they shot Vicodin into my gums.  Seems like something that could have happened to me.  And I remember biting my gums over and over, because I was pleased it didn't hurt.  Then when it wore off my gums were all messed up.  Ya know, due to all that biting them?  I like how I went to the orthodontist for four years and then bailed before it was done.  I've had enough of this.  Now my teeth are only 80-90% Orthodontistized.  It's something I would regret for years to come.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  I like throwing up into garbage cans.  Really makes me feel like I'm getting away with something.  Anyway.  I could sure go for a Pepcid.  What else is going on.  Yeesh.  It's Spring in a Week and Change.  That's great.  Everybody loves spring.  It's one of the top three seasons.  Dayight Savings Time this weekend?  Do we loes an hour or gain an hour.  I will be right back with this Information.  Looks like we Lose an Hour.  I could be wrong.  During The Mets, pretty sure the commentators were talking about gaining an hour.  I'm no Math Person.  I guess I'll just have to see how it turns out.  Anyway.  Looks like it's definitely Lose an Hour.  Great, just great.  It is great for me, I have nothing to do and it brings me an hour closer to Tuesday's Class.  Alright!  Finally not having a life is paying off.  I want that hour back, now that I think about it.  Oh well, you can't win 'em all.  Would making Everyone Go To College take some of the fun out of college?  Oh, this is just an extension of grade school.  If that's the case, whatta crap.  #RealIssuesOneWouldImagine2016.
    Crap and crap.  If I was a senior in high school today, wouldn't it make sense not to commit to going to college next Fall on the basis if you wait a year you might get to go for free?  That's got to be a real issue facing logical people.  Let's talk about it.  I was thinking about registering to vote a week or two ago.  I think I mentioned it here.  Just don't have the willpower.  It took me twelve years to figure out how to make Eggs, so I still consider this March a Win.  Pour eggs in bowl.  Swirl.  Pour eggs on fire.  Swirl.  Easier said than done.  Like, now I know I don't particularly like Vanilla Eggs.  To be honest, actually, first I was like, Well, this is relatively gross, but its a step in the right direction.  By the end I was like, Man, this is actually pretty decent.  Then by the end of that I was like, Nah, this is actually crap again. 
    Master Chef!  Anyway.  A paragraph and a half or so ago, I was resigned to making a five paragraph entry.  Now, I'm well on the road towards ten!  Already the eighth.  How about that.  Then when this is done, inch ever closer to being done with that Boardwalking crap.  Most people don't think too much about March.  Kinda the forgotten Month.  January starts us off, February is shorter and more Black themed, March, we're into the shit now, but no one cares.  April is spring.  May is almost summer.  Need I continue?  I guess not.  I don't want to, at least.  You can't make me do something I don't want to do.  Good chance I'm going to eat Duck today.  I love duck.  Half of it is Fat.  I love eating Fat.  It's one of my favorite things in Life in general.  I watched some of Hotel Rwanda last night, but didn't finish it.  I hope everything turns out alright. 
    Great, that's how I feel and whatnot.  I know Don Cheadle survives, at least.  He's been in other movies since then.  Youtube keeps telling me all I want to watch is more The Critic episodes.  I've listened to a lot of music on YouTube in my time, watched my fair share of T.V. shows and other random clips, too.  Nope, they say.  All I want are The Critic episodes.  And you know what?  Can't say they're wrong.  I do have it on DVD.  But up till recently the DVD didn't work.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I used to keep meticuous care of my DVD collection.  All in their right place alphabetically.  Then I realized I didn't care anymore.  Now all over the place.  Half the DVDs not in the boxes.  Oh well.  I learned my lesson.  I can't be trusted to keep good care of things.  Great.  I can sure make Eggs, though.  No one can take that away from me.  Except for the Men In Black.  They erase my memory going back three days, I'll have to start all over again.
    Yeesh.  Look at the weather.  I don't care what any calendar says, it's Spring.  I do care what calendars say.  I'm in the pocket of Big Calendar.  Sorry to spring that on you now.  Pun intended?  You've gone through this entire website not knowing my commitments to Big Calendar.  Anyway, that's great.  What else.  A couple of weeks ago I saw a shit load of birds flying in one direction.  Enough to make me take notice.  What do they know that I don't.  I will be keeping tabs on this situation and give you any further updates as they come.  Anyway.  There was a movie where Jack Black, Owen Wilson, and Steve Martin just really liked birds.  One of the most exciting things I've ever seen.  I like how the term The Bucket List rhymes with The Fuck It List.  Which makes perfect sense.  These are the kinds of things I think about.
    Anyway.  My favorite part of getting new glasses is getting a new glasses case.  Really mix things up and whatnot.  My least favorite part is having my Dad sternly tell me Not To Speak Against The Family.  Some of you may get that reference.  Some of you may not.  Some of you may not even be reading this.  For those of you, time to talk behind your back.  Alright!  Jeez.  Yeesh.  Crap and crap.  The last CD I listened to on my X-Box was a Less Than Jake CD I found in a drawer that my brother had.  So the good news is it can only go up from there.  I went through my Less Than Jake phase.  Everyone does.  It comes up but once in every man's life.  I also listened to an old mix CD I made back in 2000.  I feel like it started with a Mystikal song and ended with, "Que Sera Sera."  That's me.  Or, at least it used to be.
    Pretty satisfied that that isn't me anymore.  What a relief.  Science of Selling Yourself Short.  Hey, I'm Short!  This Song's For Me!  Anyway.  I miss my two Radiohead phases.  There was when I was high out of my mind in Fall '08.  There was when I was drunk out of my mind in Spring '10.  That's how that goes.  I could have brought up any musical artist to talk about my phases for them.  Went with Radiohead.  Because in those phases, it's like, Radiohead is the best!  Outside those phases, it's like, I don't want to listen to Radiohead!  That describes all phases of and for music.  I don't know.  I don't know what I'm doing here anymore.  This is all wrong.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Radiohead used to scare me.  Even while liking it in 2008, there was a part of me that felt it was scary.  Of course, the scariest song in my life has been Eleanor Rigby.  First listening to that my freshman year in high school, creeped the fuck out of me.
    That's how I feel.  Somehow that constituted a paragraph.  Don't ask me how.  Radiohead is scary.  They have weird Tempos sometimes.  Doesn't get much scarier than that.  Anyway.  Feel like this is the twelfth paragraph.  Am I right?  Nope-- thirteenth!  Alright!  Anyway.  What else and crap.  Two and a half paragraphs to go.  The end is in sight.  I feel like I listened to 1/12th of a System of a Down CD in my X-Box, too.  Rings some sort of a bell and whatnot.  I updated my Voicemail message a few days ago.  Really proud of it.  Almost feel like calling myself up on my Home Phone over and over.  Anyway, new answering machine message-- Now we play the waiting game.  Odds are sometime this year someone'll call me.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Thinking about getting my Professor's book.  It would be fun to know the author of a book I've read.  Just knowing she's writ a book not that exciting in as of itself.  Thought it would be at first.  Now, gotta commit even further.
    I'd rather read a Professor's Blog.  Too bad not a lot of them have one.  That's how I feel.  I have a kid in my class whose really Aces.  He's gonna be The Great of the writing world sooner or later.  One thing that might be on their blog.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Saying someone's Aces could be negative.  Lets talk about it.  He's either great or he's the worst.  That's what it really means.  I'll take that feedback.  I'm fine with those odds.  Anyway.  I'm trying to think of other scary songs.  Black Sabbath's Iron Man.  That's all I can come up with.  Oh, I know. Que Sera Sera.  Whatever will be will be?  That's No Good!  It could be something bad!  I Need To Know!  Jeez, what bullcrap.  Anyway, paragraph and change to go.  Another Victory.  Yesterday it was Eggs, today it was Entry.  Whatta life.  Eggs are weird.  One minute they're but liquid in the frying pan, the next they're bunching up, the next, it's all bunched up.  #CanItBeAMetaphorLetsThinkAboutIt2016.
    Final paragraph!  Yes!  One large egg is 70 calories.  That's my favorite amount of calories for anything, ever.  Eggs don't disappoint.  Another thing I may have talked about here, How do eggs come in standard sizes.  Pretty sure I went down that road here before, no reason to do it again.  I like the phrase Laying an egg in regards to failing something or something.  It's fallen out of favor but I think its due to make a big comeback.  Also, is the Jingle Bells, Batman Smells rhyme blasphemous?  Let's talk about it for some reason.  I watched The Fly II yesterday.  It was like The Fly except 1/20th as good.  Oh well.  At least now I know who Eric Stoltz is.  It's about time.  Oh no, a fly got into the machine AGAIN!  That's not exactly what happened.  I feel like it should have been, though.  Anyway, I'll see ya later.

-6:17 P.M.


Thursday, March 10, 2016

3-4-6 Double Title

    What do those numbers mean?  I have no idea.  Baseball players, I'm sure.  What's going on and crap.  I do have to write a story based on the guy I illegally got information on next week.  Whatta jip. Turned out to be an elderly Jewish guy.  Took me all of five minutes.  Thank God he turned out to have a lot of different physical characteristics.  I assume I was allowed to include things he was wearing.  That was pretty much all of my things.  Anyway, let's get into some fun comedy crap.  I swallowed a bone a few days ago.  Not on purpose.  I was eating a sparerib my Mom had left over and there's sometimes little bones in the meat.  Oh well.  After I swallowed the bone, I felt real full.  Maybe that should be a diet thing.  Eat some bones, turn your stomach against itself.  Hopefully I pass it out my ass and not my dick.  That's all I have to say about that.
    There's not much more to say.  Good thing I ended the thought appropriately.  Old Jewish Guy was wearing a necklace with the, "Chai," Hebrew letter.  The only reason I know that letter is because it's a Dreidel.  Maybe it was a, "Pi," symbol.  They're pretty close.  Either he was rockin' his Jewish heritage, or just really likes numbers that never end.  That's pretty important to the story I'll write.  Whether it makes him Jewish, or makes him a fan of Math, pretty much the only one out of the twenty things that lends itself into making a story.  He probably was Jewish.  Another characteristic was Big Nose.  I felt kind of anti-Semitic using both those characteristics.  Oh well, you can't argue with the facts.  I can make his character like, I'm all about getting half in Dreidel.  That's a fun way to start.  I gotta think of the fun way for him to justify only wanting to get half.  That should be fun.  Fun!  Maybe it was his subtle way of saying he was Two-Face.  If only I could write that story.  She said no super-hero things the first day of class.  She didn't specifically say no super-villains, but I can assume she'd be mad at me if I write about someone who is secretly Two Face.
    Is the necklace half full, or half empty.  Anyway.  Maybe he just thinks he's Two Face.  There's no superpowers one way or another with that.  We'll see how that goes.  Anyway.  Instead of flipping a coin, he rolls a Dreidel.  Damn, got the SH one again, gotta go again.  DAMN, AGAIN.  Okay, one more roll, then we'll see if you live or die,  FUCK, WE HAVE TO GO AGAIN.  Anyway.  I got my Metrocard yesterday, ahead of time.  Because I'm an Adult.  How much would I have to pay to get an unlimited Metrocard for the rest of time.  They must have that kind of thing for high-rollers.  Anyway, bullshit and crap.  Next story due in three weeks.  One of the character's things is gonna be he's like an aspiring entrepreneur, and all his ideas are from past entries.  Uber for Toilets.  Turning Phones into Vibrators.  Gloves for Men.  Want to come up with a couple more.  Really show my readers I'm on the ball.  Is gloves for men really applicable.  Sure it is.  Why wouldn't it be.
    Little sneak peak, that is.  I do have to start writing it probably.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I believe this is the twelfth day in a row with an entry.  Alright!  Unlimited Metrocard for High Rollers.  Fourth thing right there.  He'd have to sell that idea to the city, though.  No reason they would reward him with money for that.  They'll just go, Thank You Citizen, We'll Take It Under Consideration.  Either way, if Gloves for Men can be a thing, why not Unlimited Metrocard.  What if his justification, his main character trait about it, is he doesn't care about the money, he's just got a lot of good ideas he wants to promote, financially profitable or not.  That sort of makes it funny-ish.  Anyway.  Too bad there can't be any more new Sopranos.  I keep waiting for permission to finally stop believing.  I've been believing for almost a decade!  I need some time off. 
    Anyway.  I keep losing my Nail Clipper.  It makes biting/chewing my nails so much more efficient.  I wonder, I know biting nails is a relatively common OCD thing, but do other people chew their nails/use tongue to put it in-between teeth like floss and crap.  Because I do those things.  I wonder how common that stuff is for people who bite their nails.  Yeah I'm gross, what of it.  Gotta do something with all this spare time.  My face started bleeding.  I had some sort of pimple or thing that I popped.  Oh well, live and learn.  What else and crap.  I've had this story idea for almost two weeks, and at first I thought, Yeah, I know how this is gonna go, but I actually do need to think it out a little bit more.  Great.  The good news is in a month everyone is gonna get a new chance to see how great I am. 
    Whatever.  Time for the second half of the entry.  The last month or two, maybe even longer, the entries have become more and more just about crap I have to do for class.  On the one hand, that's less space for crazy nonsense.  On the other hand, it's turned into more of a genuine blog.  That's all the hands I have, so I guess there's no third or fourth way of looking at it.  Anyway.  It's also coincided with a rise of ten paragraph entries, so I guess it's the same amount of nonsense, just with more Blog.  That's great.  Wonderful.  What else is going on.  Over the last few weeks, my blanket has gone from having one small tear, to that tear becoming medium sized, to the tear becoming large sized, to the stuffing of the blanket coming completely out of the sheet part of the blanket and I had to get rid of it.  Now using the blanket that was in my brother's room.  Progress, right?  I guess.
    Anyway, what the what.  Great.  Also, I think I realized the old name of the CW.  The WB.  Relatively certain about that.  Is relatively certain an oxymoron.  Oh boy!  Now we're gettin' into it.  Not sure what that crap was about.  Jeez.  Does moron come from the term oxymoron.  Does oxymoron come from the term moron.  Either way, not completely sure what it all means.  Only a moron concerns himself with oxymorons.  That's pretty much what I gather from this entire situation.  Crap and crap.  I like having one side of my face bleeding.  Really gives me some character.  Also, if I have to have 20 physical characteristics, brings me one closer to achieving that goal.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  Writing the first half of entries is the best part of my day.  The second half?  Let's call it somewhere in the middle.
    Great.  Except for ending second half paragraphs a little bit short.  Really makes me feel like I'm gettin' away with something.  What a High.  Let's see, what else.  The Mets won today.  I like the part where they Hit Homeruns.  Maybe it's just me.  I find it exciting.  I think if you hit a homerun far enough, it should count as two homeruns.  Let's get the commissioner working on that.  Why even bother with that bullshit.  I don't know.  Fills space?  That's probably it.  Apparently before Babe Ruth, the league leaders in homeruns hit like ten or fifteen a year.  I learned it from a movie with Jonathan Goodman.  He played The Babe.  What's wrong with me.  Fills space!  Especially saying Jonathan instead of John.   That's like a solid four more letters.  Don't get much better than that.  Seeing the internist tomorrow.  Third scale in three weeks, most likely.  Let's see how that goes.  I had a dream I lost forty pounds but still looked the same.  That's no good. 
    Great, what else.  Once I get started, I'll lose forty pounds in a year, no problem.  That's how I feel.  Debate last night.  I find it interesting how they pander to African Americans and to Latinos in different ways.  Still trying to figure it out exactly.  Can't get the transition music from the SNY Mets broadcast out of my head.  Oh well.  It's like there's a Met game always going on in my head.  That's fun one would imagine.  The WB.  That brings me back.  Watching Maury while home sick from school.  Or pretending to be sick.  I feel like I did get sick more often than most people in elementary school, but there were definitely days I just pretended to be sick, too.  That's how I roll.  I had the right idea.  How you do in school in elemtnary school, doesn't really matter. I was just conserving my strength for when I got to high school.  And that used all my strength.  After high school, I had no more strength left for pretty much anything over the course of the rest of my life.
    Except for when I started Ritalin a year ago!  I'm back in business and its easier than ever!  I have two and a half hours of work committed each week.  And I Can Do It!  Wonderful.  Bus riding oughtta count.  Homework.  Why, it rounds up to four hours a week.  Good luck handling that.  Anyway.  They better bring The Rap Game back for a Season Two.  That's how I feel. Would sorta take the wind out of Miss Mullatto's victory, though, if they do it again.  Oh well.  What else and crap.  Inching forward to being done with Boardwalk Empire.  Great.  What show can I do and be done with after that.  So many choices.  Three was a fair amount for Aspiring Entrepreneur.  Four is better.  Five or six?  That'd be killing it.  I only get two stories to show this class what I'm made of.  Gotta do the best I can probably one would imagine.  I looked up what a 3-4-6 double play would be.  Not something that occurs often.  I'm sure its happened a few times, though. 
    Anyway, feel like one more paragraph.  That's how that goes.  Here's a crap idea that I will immediately discard-- Entreprenour wants to make a cereal called Product 20.  I was inspired by the box of cereal on my desk.  And, like I said, No Way Am I Saying That Crap.  My audience deserves more.  Except for my website audience.  They're used to Crap, so Crap is what they get.  It's the eleventh paragraph, whatdoya expect. I don't know why I'm giving you a, "Sneak Peak," of my story.  You don't get to read my stories.  Maybe you should.  If it's good, I'll put it up, sure, no problem.  Will it be good?  Only time can tell.  First Base to Second Base to Short Stop.  It's your pretty standard counterclockwise double play.  Nothin' new or exciting there.  Anyway.  Product 20.  This character is better than that.  He's got good ideas. Like Gloves For Men.  Anyway, I'll see ya later.

-4:56 P.M.


Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Yell At Everyone And Carry A Big Dick

    The joke that explains itself.  Thought about it a few days ago and kept forgetting to put it in entry.  Told my Mom about it.  She laughed and then said it was stupid.  I'll take the first reaction as the one to listen to.  Anyway, crap and crap!  Gotta go to the D&D to write about a Stranger.  Not Dungeons and Dragons.  I can't be writing about a fictional wizard.  Unfortunately.  No, the Dunkin Donuts Establishment a few blocks away.  Anyway, what's up party people.  Sanders Burning It Up in Michigan.  He's got momentum.  I like the part where he did an open mic in his speech last night.  Standin' in front of a nondescript wall, seemingly talking to five or ten Strangers.  That's the kind of candidate I could get behind!  Even though there was no one behind him.  Clinton had people behind her in her speech.  I guess she's the candidate to get behind.  This has been Politic Talk with Crazy B. Sheet.  No reason why my website's middle name can't start with a B. 
    No reason it can, though, either.  Oh well, it's a paragraph, quit your complaining.  The good news is I got a shitload of unhealthy food from my Dad's trip to the supermarket today.  I made a list for him, didn't think much of it, then when he was reading it back to me, I realized, I'm planning on eating like an asshole.  Real assholeness.  Half the stuff is Reduced Fat though.  Therefore, healthy.  That's how I feel.  I want my body to be reduced of fat.  Healthy!  Anyway.  Holding a coffee.  Hot coffee.  Real hot coffee.  Holding with hands.  Well, one hand.  There's five physical descriptions.  That's not physical.  You're not physical!  Get off my website you dolt.  I'm not a fan of spying on strangers.  Seems wrong.  Anyway.  Only two more seasons of Boardwalk Empire to go.  Thank God.  Twenty Episodes.  Then I can get back in business of watching Maury during the day, and Fat People and Little People during the night.  As God intended.  I feel like channel 11, The CW, used to be called something else when I was a kid.  I can't remember what.  I looked online and found no information.  This is a cover up.  Something smells.  And my guess it goes straight to the top.
    Anyway. #WhatUsedToBeTheChannelGate.  Jeez and bullshit.  I like how they say Clinton is more electable than Sanders.  Well, I don't like it.  Here's Why!  She's winning in southern states that she has no chance of winning in a general election.  Sanders is winning in purple states that he can win.  #Logic'dIt2016.  Not to mention the polls.  Oh, The Polls!  Anyway, that's how I feel.  What else and crap.  I'm under the impression that Trump is very satisfied with his Pole.  Pund'it.  Pundit.  Words!  Crap and crap.  How many Pollacks does it take to screw in a light bulb.  One-- He's very efficient.  Sorry about that.  What else is going on.  Stupid having to look at people.  I normally go out of my way to avoid looking at people.  Leave something to the imagination!  Too bad I don't have a doctor's appointment today.  I'll look at some Feeb in the waiting room.  They've got bigger problems.  I have an appointment with my main doctor on Friday.  I'd look at some old lady.  She's got bigger fish to fry than some creep staring at her. Due Thursday, though.  Whatta jip.
    Crap and crap.  I believe the purpose of this assignment is to teach us to be creeps.  It's an important lesson, I guess.  Writers in general are creeps, so let's get settled into that role.  There's a "Comedy and Satire" class in the Fall.  I'll tak that.  I'd run that class.  I'm all about satire when it comes down to it.  The bad news is I have to walk to and from Dunkin Donuts.  I'll walk there.  It's downhill.  Then I have to walk uphill on the way back?  That's a problem.  Stupid hills, I hate them so much.  Maybe I could write 20 characteristics about a hill.  Hills are people.  Look at Hillary Clinton.  Or Jonah Hill.  Those are two examples of Hills being people.  Let's move on.  Bernie Sanders should release a Freestyle Rap.  That'll improve his numbers across the board.  Except for people who would lose respect for him.  Crap and crap.  If ever there was a time to say, 'crap and crap,' that was it.  Wonderful.
    Anyway.  How do I keep writing entries.  It's like how parents get super-human strength when their babies are pinned under a car.  I guess.  I got a box of Product 19.  That's not unhealthy in and of itself.  If you eat a whole box, sure, that's no good.  I'd eat it in like eight separate servings, though.  That's not too bad.  I feel bad for people who haven't realized cereal is a great snack.  One day they'll realize the error of their ways and wonder how they could have been so wrong for so long.  This is the fifth paragraph.  Halfway done!  Anyway.  Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill/Man Was That Unpleasant.  Talk about bullshit.  Jeez.  Am I committing a crime giving cigarettes to kids under 18.  Am I only committing a crime if I charge them for it?  These are important questions that demand answers.  Am I committing a crime spying on people, writing down 20 characteristics of them?  It's like an illegal wiretap, but in person.  Doesn't feel right.  Maybe this is a sting.  The Feds got something on Teacher, and she's weaseling her way out of it encouraging us to commit a crime and they'll be waiting for it and arrest me.
    That's the most likely scenario, I guess.  The good news is after its done I can lie in bed and think about what I did.  That's fun.  I was watching Mets Spring Training, but stopped to write this.  I stand by my position.  Watching Spring Training only lasts a moment.  An entry lasts a life time.  Life Time is the channel they show Little People on, I believe.  Is that relevant?  Probably, one would imagine.  Sometimes entrying is like walking up a hill.  Starts out downhill, easy-peasy, ends up uphill.  That's no hill, that's a valley.  What about Back II The Future's Hill Valley?  Does that come into play in this analogy?  My guess?  No.  Alright.  Alright.  20 Characteristics.  That could either take five minutes or two hours.  Not sure exactly how it's gonna play out.
    Anyway.  We better not have to write a story about the person we're spying on.  That'll be no good.  Just let me write stories about myself.  It's a fiction class, isn't it?  Anyway.  This'll be the last paragraph.  Crap and whatever.  I could always do the characteristics about the cashier.  They're just asking for it.  What with their standing at the register and all.  Anyway.  I'll see ya later.

-3:14 P.M.       


Tuesday, March 8, 2016

One Title, Comin' Up

    Hey friends and enemies.  Class went well today.  We talked about my t-shirt and everything.  Too bad I hate this t-shirt.  It's not even mine.  Oh well, live and learn.  Where'd he get the t-shirt from.  I believe in the, "Less Is More," school of writing.  Where did I get my T-shirt from?  Choose your own adventure.  It was his brother's.  Oh that explains it.  His?  Mine?  Not sure if Italics-Man is a subsidiary of Michael or an outside voice.  We'll have to address it sooner or later.   For now though, Hey!  Ran into an old teacher today.  He was like, Man, I hope we get to do another class together, you were the bee's knees!  I can't help it if I'm wonderful.  Wouldn't need to help it.  That's a positive thing.  Why muck it up with trying to help, or something.  Crap and crap.  That's how that goes.  Primary in Michigan tonight.  Once upon a time, I thought of the fictional band name, The Flaming Michigans.  Kinda a rip off of The Flaming Lips.  Not quite sure what it means.  But it existed back on crazysheet.com, so for me, it's classic.
    Stupid T-Shirt, thinks it's so great.  I don't think I'm ever gonna figure out for certain, "Its," vs. "It's."  Just one of those mysteries that ebbs and flows throughout life.  "Whose," and, "Who's," in the same vein.  My nose was bleeding a little bit this morning.  Ever so slightly.  There was a small track of blood when I wiped it on my arm, and after that, I had no problems.  I take it to mean that I'm Sleeping Hardcore.  That's how I feel.  I used to get nose bleeds a lot as a kid.  You can probably figure out why.  Because of all the cocaine and heroin I did.  That explains that.  Either that, or I kept getting hit in the face with baseballs.  I forget for sure.  If you dream about getting hit in the face with a baseball, you're getting hit in the face with a baseball in real life.  Is the premise of that joke widely known?  That they say If you die in a dream, you die in real life.  That's something I heard when I was a kid, maybe it was just me.  I presumed it was a widely spread belief.  Not sure how they verify it, though.  People screaming in their sleep, I'm about to die in this dream! and then they die for real.  And that'd have to happen over and over for it to be backed up by the data.  And, either way, correlation don't prove causation.
    Lots of things wrong with that.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I was really banking on getting to wear by Bernard Sandersblum shirt this week or last week.  Still haven't gotten it.  Not impressed.  I blame Bernie Sanders himself.  I think this conspiracy of sending t-shirts late goes right to the top.  T-ShirtGate.  #RealIssues.  Anyway.  For Thursday, I don't have class, but I have to go out in public and spy on someone and write down twenty bullet points of physical descriptions of him and/or her.  That's no good.  I believe in the Less Is More school of writing, we've established that!  The point of this exercise is lost on me.  Also, I don't like writing crap about people in public.  It's rude!  And I can't ask them for their permission, because then they're gonna want some input into the thing, and mucking up all my shit.  On the other hand, I get to pretend to be a writer in public.  That's a joy.  Also, twenty is a lot.  Let's talk about it. 
    Shit and crap.  I like class.  I want more, not less.  If I didn't have to do the homework, I'd take classes all the time.  Probably.  One would imagine.  Hey, right now, or in an hour or two, my hospital is hosting a talent show!  I think I talked about it here.  Made the joke, Last year, they advertised six different sets of talents-- music, rapping, poetry, dancing, etc.  They had only four participants.  Something doesn't add up.  My therapist tried to rope me into it but there's pretty much nothing I'd rather do less than that.  In general, sure, I'd do some guitarring or something.  But not for these feebs.  It would be lost on them, and I'd feel like a lamewad doing it.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Even if you count rapping in the rapping, music, and poetry categories, you still come up short.  Probably.  I don't know math.  You can't make me know math!  Where do you get off.  I almost made a joke in class, but thought of it just seconds too late.  Professor was talking about how she has had a lot of stories about serial killers this semester, in our class and others, and opened to the floor the question, What can we have mentally unstable people do that's terrifying that isn't killing people?  Of course, I came up with Run For President! and had a few seconds to say it, but hesitated just long enough to miss the chance.  Probably woulda gotten a laugh or two.  Oh well, live and learn.
    Great.  I also talked shit about Scalia dying.  We were talking about it for some reason, I don't have all the details.  Yes I'm glad he died, and I hope he burns in Hell!  Samuelson L. Jacksonberg.  Another thing I didn't think of in proper time.  Didn't even think about it until now, over two hours later.  Anyway, crap and crap.  QC has got some Summer Courses listed, but I'm relatively certain they will add more.  As of now, nothing really that I can take towards my major.  I told the Professor I ran into before class I had 30 credits or so left to go, and he was like, Ah, what's that, two semesters?  I can't go into how I'm going part time because I'm Crap.  Yeah, roughly.  Great, now I'm a liar.  Whatta crapdom.  He even sort of remembered my name.  He asked me what it was, I said Mike, and he said I almost said Michael! and I said, Well, it's the most common boys' name, so you would be the odds-on favorite.  Because I Small Talk like a Hero.  I've noticed my standard "Goodbye," the last few months has been, "Take Care."  I like it.  Really sends a positive message.
    Anyway.  I gotta take a break from Boardwalk Empire.  It's too much, it truly is.  I must have a good three hours of Little People Shows to watch.  Probably.  Does watching the Danny Devito/George Clooney Coffee Commercial count as Little People shows?  I'm taller than Danny Devito, that's great.  But not enough taller than him.  That's real negative.  Overall, negative.  Thanks a lot, T.V.  I I hate it so much.  Same deal with Robert "The Third," Reich.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Sixth paragraph, Huh?  That's how I feel, at least.  Stupid having to go out in public and spy on people.  That's no good.  Also, twenty is a lot of details.  Man.  Short.  Brown hair.  Shaven.  T shirt.  Shoes.  Jeans.  Real Shifty Eyes.  Glasses.  See, all that isn't even half of the requirement.  Well, we'll see how it goes, I guess.  In the debate, I did think Bernie Sanders telling Clinton he wanted to finish, and talking over her, was a negative.  I was like, Whaaaa?  Bernie can do something wrong?  Better than other candidates, who do 96% of their things wrong.  They make me cry 96% tears.
    Great.  Greater than one inch tall.  Greater than two inch tall.... greater than 19 inches... greater than 20 inches.  That settles that.  Hope I don't end up doing a baby.  Then where would I be.  Crap and crap.  Babies have little defining characteristics.  That would be a bad route to take.  Anyway, seventh paragraph.  Seven seas.  Seven deadly sins.  Slucky Slumber Slevin.  That's a thing, right?  I want to say yes.  What else and crap.  Anyway.  Except when it comes to quantity of writing.  Then, More Is More.  I don't do segues in this bizznitch.  What else and crap.  Since going back to The QC, I've had at least three great teachers, with another two or three who probably would potentially great that just didn't deliver during my class.  Who knew.  What else.  Missed the Met game today.  Can't I just watch the Met game on T.V. and describe Bartolo Colon.  Twenty things for him would be a breeze.
    Anyway, bullcrap.  I guess I could get a plane ticket for Florida and watch the game live.  Except for that he isn't pitching tomorrow or the next day.  So there goes that.  How about this weather, huh.  It's warm!  I never woulda guessed.  Who saw that coming?!  Besides meteorologists-- that's their job.  Legitimately Spring in two weeks.  How about that.  If nothing else, this website provides service to the calendarless.  The Seven Commandments.  That's a thing.  Let's just cut the deadweight from it and call it a day.  Again I don't do segues.  I do callbacks without clarity.  And without punchlineitudity.  Just further comments.  Anyway.  Seven Plagues.  There were seven?  Nine doesn't sound right.  Gotta be more than five or six.  Ten, I guess.  Who knows for sure.  Internet says there's ten.  Well, three of them weren't so bad.  Let's call it Seven Plagues and move on with our lives.  I mean, come on.  Frogs.  That's a plague?  Let's get real.
    Crap and crap.  Jeez.  Also, I know the seas turned red, but was the water still drinkable?  Like, was it legitatemly blood, or just more or less red food coloring.  Let's get some religious scholars on this.  Pretty sure it's supposed to be blood.  What do you know, Italics-Jerk.  You don't even know if you're me or somebody else.  What else and crap.  What terrifying thing can mentally unstable do that isn't murdering?  Writing a website, right, am I right, c'mon, let's talk about it 2016.  Not sure if this is terrifying.  It could be.  I wouldn't put it past me.  Anyway.  Passover is coming up.  Good thing I'm brushing up on it ahead of time.  I don't think we've had a Seder in over ten years.  Oh well, always helps to be prepared.  Microsoft Front Page doesn't recognize Seder as a word.  Racist!  Wait, yes they do.  Hmm, here's a puzzler.  Did it recognize it as a word all along, or did I unconciously click Add as word and forgot about it.  Send in your guesses to mankindguy@gmail.com.  I kept wanting to insert "Crazysheet," into that e-mail.  I don't have crazysheet@gmail.com.  I don't have any @Crazysheet.nets.  I used to have crazysheet.com e-mails.  Multiple ones.  I had Mike@crazysheet.com, I had Crazysheet@crazysheet.com, I had Kornblum@crazysheet.com.  Talk about e-mail flexibility.  I don't know why you wouldn't.  It's an interesting subject.
    Anyway.  Here we are at, I wanna say the ninth, paragraph.  Shaping up to be a possible 15'er.  Hey, it's the tenth paragraph.  Even better.  That one paragraph makes a world of difference.  A World Wide Sports of difference.  Great.  Whattado with the rest of the week.  I'll cross that bridge when it comes.  For now, crazysheet has all my attention and focus.  I wouldn't be a good website-host otherwise.  I'm playing poker in the other screen.  Well, relatively all my attention and focus.  That's how that goes.  No disturbing dreams last night!  Alright!  Talk about progress.  It's an interesting subject.  Jeez.  What else and crap.  Anyway.  Who knows what I'll have for dinner tonight.  Your guess is as good as mine.  Not really, I have background knowledge of my eating habits.  What joy.
    Anyway.  My Metrocard got bent.  Took me four or five tries on the way home for it to register.  Three or four tries in, I started going, Umm, Hmm, Umm," waiting for the bus driver to either kick me off the bus or just let me pass.  Finally worked, though.  That's great.  And what a wonderful story I got out of it.  Anyway.  Gotta see an advisor to see if there's any non-English classes I still need to take.  I hope not.  I might have to take a lab science class.  I took Astronomy, but that might fulfill that requirement.  What nonsense.  Physics, Chemistry, Biology, that's for losers.  Who needs it.  What else.  Wide World of Sports.
    Crap and bullshit.  What else.  I can lie in bed and think about what I did for the next week.  I don't know what it is that I did.  That's where all that thinking effort will come in handy.  Crap and bullshit.  No more reading stories until next week.  I wanna see how close my classmates come to my level of brilliance!  My guess?  Not close enough.  Let's talk about it.  Why did I commit myself to fifteen paragraphs.  I was acting The Fool.  That's a lot of paragraphs.  Even if you do some at 2/3rds the size.  That reminds me, I have one third of a sandwich left.  It was divided into two.  I had one half and change.  Used my superior math skills the deduce I had a third left over.  Talk about genius.  How's this for genius-- 12.5 paragraphs.  Let's call it even.  See ya later.

-5:35 P.M.

turns out it was 11.5 paragraphs


Monday, March 7, 2016

I Am A Title

    Sure.  I guess.  I've been writing entries like a mother fucker for a while now.  Had my blood taken today by a new hematologist.  Cute lady.  Do you come here often?  Crap and crap.  Gotta get started, that's the key.  Doesn't matter how.  WAtching some Mets today.  This is gonna be a fun team to watch.  Everyone knows the rotation is gonna be legendary, but the lineup has pretty much no holes as well.  They have a good chance to do really good at baseball.  If I may speak frankly.  Apparently Bernie Sanders is a Jewish.  Well, there goes that.  Not really.  Christians can tolerate Jews now in this country is my impression.  They even use the term, "Judeo-Christian."  Not only do they tolerate us, we come first!  Alright!  For some reason I also remember the KKK being in the news saying, "Eh, Jews are okay, I guess.  Let's just team up against the blacks."  Pretty sure that actually happened.  Or it was a comedy sketch.  Or a dream.  Lots of possibilities.  Apparently Clinton is praying all the time.  Good for her.  Only for people she knows on a first name basis, though.  She made that very clear.
    How wonderful.  I thought it was in poor taste when Bernie Sanders kept taking sips from a water bottle.  Really rubbing it in.  It's bad form, that's all.  Also, one of the questioners complained about schools not having working water fountains.  They're doing you a favor, you're better off without it.  I'll never get the VP job at this rate.  Oh well, live and learn.  We need a funny VP.  I'm pretty sure Dan Quayle was just a character someone was doing, and ended up having to commit to it, like Larry The Cable Guy.  Also, you can just go by Larry.  I don't know any other Larrys.  We can figure out you're The Cable Guy by your first name alone.  Larry, you mean Larry Bird?  Well, I guess at this point, they're equally relevant.  Whatever.  Larry Sanders is a fictional character.  Are Larry The Cable Guy and Joe The Plumber related?  Let's figure this one out.  How was that even a thing.  Hey, here's a plumber.  Let's see what he thinks about crap!  It made sense at the time I guess.  We were under a lot of national stress.
    Great.  What else.  I find it funny that my therapist and my doctor are under different impressions of how much I drink, and each never question me based on this.  I tell them each every appointment I've been at the same level for a long time, but they each have different information of what that level is.  They're supposed to be sharing information.  Either they just don't communicate, they just don't care, or they just want me to keep weaving my web of lies until it becomes an even bigger problem.  Gotta be one of those.  Probably the Web of Lies one.  That's what I'd be up to.  Anyway.  There's a Democratic Debate on Univision this week.  Am I allowed to watch it.  Or is that a no-go.  I'm sick of segregating T.V.  Not right.  Except for being able to drink at the same water fountains as the people in Flint.  Let them have that.  There was one white questioner at the debate and Hillary Clinton went, What Are You Doing Here?  That didn't happen.  Sorry to lead you astray.  Could have, though.  That's how I feel.  When I was in high school, the poltical books I read taught me NAFTA and similar things were good.  Now there's not supposed to be good. I think my reasoning back then was, Why is it more important for Americans to have jobs than Mexicans or whatever?  We're all just people.  Turns out I was wrong for some reason.  Who knows why.
    USA!  USA!  USA!  Now I see Americans are more important because I live in America. Oh I get it.  Also, yeah, I get that they're making a small fraction of what people in America would make.  But money has more value there.  Forget it.  I'm not gonna argue with myself over something I know very little about.  Probably not, anyway.  That would be the wise route to take.  More people set on fire in Boardwalk Empire since my last update.  They're taking a good idea and sticking with it.  Politically, I get why Americans jobs are more important than elsewhere.  Because they're voting.  I get that.  Also, if my neighbors have jobs, then they won't have to turn to a life of crime.  Really limiting the jay walking and double parking that has run rampant here.  How would I like it if a Mexican started writing crazysheet.  I'd love it.  I'd read the crap out of a Mexican Crazysheet. What's The Deal With Bibliotecas.  There, already got my counterpart started.  I'm a team player.
    Crap and crap.  Doesn't liking some Ska make me Hispanic enough.  You'd think so, right.  You could have led a horse to water, but you couldn't make him drink.  Some advice for how the governor can defend himself.  Why not, it borders on making sense.  And almost borders on being a joke.  That's how I feel. Lead, water.  The clues were all there.  It's puns, you wouldn't understand.  Anyway.  What else.  I had a dream I met Daniel Johnston and at first he liked me but by the end of the dream he didn't like me.  Oh well, live and learn.  What's his problem.  I mean it.  I know he's got some problem, I just can't pinpoint it.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I used to listen the Hell out of that album of his when I was high all the time.  Because I was high.  If I was producing a 30 second ad dissuading young adults from smoking marijuana, I would list Excessive Listening to Daniel Johnston as one of the main negative side effectsOr even just Knowing who Daniel Johnston is.  That covers it I guess.      
Anyway.  That'll teach you to stop liking me in my dream.  Anyway.  Every debate I think Sanders won and the media says Clinton won.  I think that's what they're talking about when they say Clinton is favored by the establishment.  Oh well, live and learn.  I had an idea of putting some of my songs on a C.D. and then listening it through my X-box and then through the T.V.  That would be fun one would imagine.  Or I could listen to Daniel Johnston's album.  That would be Fun.  Yeesh.  That's how that goes.  I wouldn't mind having a muffin right now.  Shoulda thought about that ahead of time.  Oh well.  I can have a piece of cake.  I might go do that.  Eh.  I don't want to get up.  Let's stick with entrying.  What else is going on.  Get to impress Class tomorrow with some real adequate workshop comments.  I told someone via e-mail who wasn't in last class that we don't have any homework other than the workshopping.  I don't know for sure.  I'm pretty sure.  Let's say 95%.  I didn't want to worry her by saying I wasn't sure.  But then, if I was wrong, I'm to be held completely responsible and culpable for this whole thing.  And I have it on good authority that culpable is a word.
    Right, right.  Hey, someone e-mailed me!  Mr. Popular is back in action.  Someone even liked a crazysheet Facebook post.  Progress!  Maybe he just liked the phrase I used to draw people in.  Either way, it's a moral victory.  My foot fell asleep.  I blame you.  What else and crap.  Jeez, seven entries in a row to start off the month.  And most of them have been ten paragraphs or more.  I think only one was five.  That's a lot of blobs of words.  Don't mean to brag.  I'm scared about next weekend.  Sunday The Thirteenth.  Not sure what saying that accomplishes.  Oh well.  I hope I get by Bernie T-Shirt before Super Ides of March.  People need to know what candidate my torso supports.  Actually, it's the candidate supporting my torso!  Let's talk about it.  Or, forget I said it and never speak of it again.  Let's go with option B.
    Okay.  Eighth paragraph.  If writing crazysheet has accomplished nothing else, I now know how to spell Eighth pretty comfortably.  Crap and crap.  I'm going to go through the day without having any cake.  That's will power for you.  I guess.  Probably made this riff here before, but I don't like the phrase, Have your cake and eat it too.  Like it's a double good thing.  Having cake is nothing.  Having cake without eating it is not a positive thing at all.  It's decidedly neutral.  How is it a double good thing.  Let's talk about it 2016.  Anyway.  I feel like I smoke probably roughly a pack and a half a day, but by the end of the day, it's really only about a pack.  I'm not sure how I manage to do this.  Being awake for only 12 hours a day probably certainly helps.  What else and crap.  I still have half of Boardwalk Empire to watch.  Halfway through the middle season.  I really hope there's more people getting set on fire.  I truly do.
    Crap and crap.  Let's see, what else.  I'm two episodes behind on Vinyl.  It's too intense.  You know, that sort of thing.  I think I had a few kids records on real records.  On a kid record player.  If that doesn't make me a generation above millennials, I don't know what does. Now I wanna watch Vinyl.  How intense could it be.  I'll give that a shot when entry is done/when Met game is done.  Should occur around the same time.  They need to both be done.  That's the rule.  I feel bad for the Mets broadcasters that didn't get to broadcast during the payoffs.  They're as much part of the team as anyone.  Gotta hurt to not be able to participate in the fun.  I think Keith Hernandez was commentating for some of the post season broadcasts.  Either him or Ron Darling.  Who can tell the difference.  #All86MetsSoundAlike.  Sorry.  I guess.  The team is great.  Like I said, the pitching is off the charts, but watching the team in spring training, I love the lineup too.
    And that's Sports Talk.  This is last paragraph talk.  When I'm going for the Ten Paragraphs, I do have a little leeway of making paragraphs slightly shorter.  Overall, it's a net positive, though.  That's how I feel.  Make a 12 song Greatest Hits and listen on my X-Box.  That sounds like fun.  Except for the part about making the CD.  That's ten minutes I just don't have.  Anyway.  I don't want to watch Vinyl.  Too intense.  Guess it's back to Jaywalk Empire.  Anyway, what else.  What wit!  No one's happy with Jaywalk Empire.  Not even me.  I'm part of the No One in question.  Wait a minute, that's Steve Buscemi?!  Yeesh.  What else and crap.  These twelve songs sure are almost mediocre!  Alright!  What else and crap.  One half inning left, one fourth of a paragraph left.  All worked out nicely.  People in Class are gonna love My Face.  That's how I feel.  They already respect me based on the insanely high quality of my story.  They just need the nudge of an adequate face to push em over the edge into the I Like Him camp.  Did I say fourth of a paragraph?  I meant less.  See ya later.

-3:49 P.M.


Sunday, March 6, 2016

Judged By The Contents Of One's Title

    There we go.  Titles over, now the fun can begin.  What's going on party people.  I got a haircut and a shave.  Turns out I have a face.  I had no idea.  For each barber, they have a plaque with their name on the mirror in front of their chair.  One guy's name is Timmy.  I don't want a Timmy cutting my hair.  That's no good.  There's really no adult way to varieate the name of Timmy.  Tim is still pretty childlike.  Timothy just doesn't sound right.  At least I got to make up the word, "Varieate."  That's a plus in the Win Column.  Timland?  I like the sound of that, sure, why not.  How about Tim Jr.  Somehow, Tim Jr. sounds more adult than just Tim.  Don't look at me for an explanation, I don't have one.  Either way, crap and crap.  Big Tim Jr.  Sounds like a thing.  You should be able to name your kid Sr. on the condition that they have to name their kid as a junior.  Let's put the power back into the grandparents hands.  #Issues2016.  I had a dream Teacher friended me on Facebook.  And she only had like a hundred friends.  And I was like, Looks Like I Made A Great Impression!  Then later in the dream, half an hour went by, and she had 180 Friends.  And I was like, Whatta Fool I Was!  All in all it was one of my favorite dreams ever.
    That's how that goes.  Debate tonight.  My favorite part is when they will call attention to how they're more Adults than the Republicans.  Guarantee they'll bring it up at least once.  It might alienate Bernie supporters.  Cause they're kids.  You know, crap and crap.  I hope the moderator goes, Mr. Sanders, and how big is your dick?  And Clinton feels left out, and starts talking about how big her vagina is.  That's how that might go, we'll see.  Bernie Sanders sounds like it could be a slang term for a venereal disease.  Let's talk about it.  No it doesn't.  "Sanders," doesn't apply itself well to that joke.  You don't apply yourself to jokes!  Get off my website!  Yeesh.  It's not even a joke.  I'm not gonna argue with that.  You got me there.  I had to use the bathroom when Haircut was done, and there was a guy in there who didn't lock the door.  So I was like, Ok, fun's over, lemme get in here and pushed him out the door.  Probably.  I can't remember exactly what happened.  That sounds like a good possibility though.
    Anyway.  Crap and crap.  Debate tonight!  Let's see Bernie really make his case for African Americans' votes.  No reason why he shouldn't be able to make progress there.  He was a Civil Rights!  People need to know.  Anyway.  I'm pretty much writing here mainly so I keep the Streak intact.  Also, crap else to do.  Is promoting a Triple A Player to the Major Leagues Insider Trading.  Not sure what prompted that.  Either way, please, let's move on.  How come all barbers are Eastern European.  At least in this area.  You know, the surrounding five blocks.  Let's talk about it.  Had a couple of independent itches I had to scratch during Barber.  Couldn't do it!  You know what that's like, right.  #InsightToTheHumanConditionOrSomething.  Crap and crap.  I keep having nightmares about Bane.  I know he dies at the end of Batman The Third, but what if he comes back.  I'm literally not losing sleep over it. #AlmostAPun2016.  Batman doesn't have nightmares about Bane.  He takes care of business.  I don't see how he gets any sleep at all, to be honest.
    Shit and crap.  This entry is bordering on a Zero.  That's no good.  Watched some Mets today for the first time this year.  They were great.  Gettin' hits, pitching balls, catching balls.  I was really impressed.  Especially when they were interviewing a Met and he said something about his, "Comfortability" in the outfield.  I'm a big fan of making up words.  Comfort, that's a lame word.  He took things into his own hands.  Also, it very well may have been Michael Conforto.  If anyone should know the word Comfort, it's the guy whose name is almost it.  How about that bullshit.  Maybe he said his Conforto-ability in the outfield.  If that's the case, I love it 1000x more.  Anyway.  I'm pretty pleased they yet me use the bathroom after the haircut.  I could have easily gone down the toilet and into the sewers to avoid paying.  Also, when I was paying, they go, Twenty One Dollars.  I give 'em a Twenty Dollar Bill and say, Give me four back.  They called me out on my mistake.  Boy was my face shaved!
    Crap and crap.  Yeesh.  My name is Timmy, I'll be cutting your hair.  Do you have a parent or guardian I can speak to?  That's how that goes.  Man, these five paragraph entries just fly right on by.  I'm glad I don't have to convince African Americans to like me.  I wouldn't know where to start.  That's how I feel.  Sure didn't make a good impression with that White Man's Title nonsense.  Oh well, live and learn.  What else and crap.  Probably things and bullshit.  Givin' 'em under what they asked for and asking for more money back!  It's a story I would remember for years to come.  Tell my son Tim Sr. about it.  Probably dead by the time Tim Jr. comes along.  Let's be realistic.  I smoke a pack a day and drink every day.  All joking aside, I'd name my kid Tim Jr.  Let's see how he deals with that.  That wasn't all joking aside.  It was pretty clearly a joke.  Get off my website!
    Anyway, bullshit and crap.  Therapist tomorrow morning.  Alright, someone I can impress with my Outstanding Insight into my problems!  That's probably a problem in and of itself.  Delusions of Insightfulness.  They oughtta keep track of things like that one would imagine.  Can't wait to get internist's permission to take 2-3 Pepsids a week.  Lots of good things on the horizon.  Next story due in a month.  Gettin' to write that will be a joy one would imagine.  Keep making little tweaks to it in my head.  By the time I get to writing it, it'll be Off The Charts good.  That turned out to be why my first story was decent.  I spent a week or two working it out in my head.  Good lesson to learn in regards to writing bullshit.  I'm sick of having to take mny glasses off when getting my haircut.  Look, you're just gonna have to work around it, I wanna see what's going on.  That's how I feel for some reason and crap.  I figure, I wanna grow enough socially to be comfortable getting my hair cut.  Small talk would be great, but just to sit there without an Evil Deathly Stare would be progress.
    Great.  Great!  What else is great.  Also, why can't I just say, Do whatever you want when answering how I want my haircut.  You're in the business, you've got much more insight into what's a good haircut than me.  Just go nuts.  They might cut my hair shorter because then I'll need it cut more often.  Those shifty Eastern European Barbers, I Hate Them So Much.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  Turns out this'll be a Tenner entry.  I'm okay with that.  Why not.  Also, Nancy Reagan died.  Finally, we can stop saying No!  About time.  Big government invading our right to make personal drug choices.  How Dare Them.  Crap and crap.  I wonder if Clinton will be like, Don't mean to brag, but I was also a First Lady.  How about that?  Let's talk about it 2016 hashtag wars.  Right, right... Yeesh.  Anyway.
    Crap and crap.  I don't think it's fair to call one state the main primary.  Doesn't seem right to me.  That's how I feel.  What else and crap. Nobody's happy with that sentence.  Except for me.  I'm pleased as plums.  Crap and crap.  Didn't I.D. me when I got beer.  Which actually makes me feel worse.  I'd rather be a 5'2 teenager than a 5'2 man.  Teenager, you can still grow some.  5'2 and over 21?  It's all over.  Unless you get the Breaking-The-Legs-Over-And-Over-Again surgery.  That's my favorite kind of surgery.  Where they keep breaking your bones.  Makes me smile.  Crap and crap.  If I do ever get that, I would be taller than over 50% of Females.  That's crazy.  I can't even imagine.  Maybe I'd be more comfortable getting my haircut then.  Who knows.  Until I was a late teenager, I was getting my haircut at a salon where y mom got her hair cut.  That's no good.  Men go to barbers.  Figured that out eventually at least.  Also, in the two dozen times I've said, "Hair cut," or, "Haircut," today, I've typed the wrong one let's say 70% of the time originally.
    Anyway.  Ninth paragraph.  Yeesh.  It's got to have been three months since my last haircut.  Now that I'm attractive again, I'm back in business!  I'm not attractive again.  Oh well, win some, lose some.  We'll let The Public decide.  I already tested it out once, and didn't get carded.  Maybe I look like an Adult now.  That sure would be something.  Maybe their reasoning is, If he's an adult, he's an adult.  If he's a kid and looks like this, I take pity on him.  Probably.  Who knows for sure.  Crap and crap.  Public decide.  Public hair.  Had to say it, sorry.  Oh well. Crap and crap.  I can't wait to find out how big Bernie Sander's johnson is.  I've never used the term johnson before.  Now I have.  Oh, how we grow throughout life.  Probably.
    Last paragraph!  I did it.  Alright.  What else and crap.  School on Tuesday.  Competently comprehended both stories.  Were they good?  One was about a B+.  Other one maybe a C.  I'm not here to judge.  Just here to workshop.  I'm hankering for some Sandersing.  That's almost a thing.  I like how the next big primary day is March 15.  Pretty ominous day for some poltical doings.   Where does he come up with this stuff 2016?!  See ya later.

-6:46 P.M.


Saturday, March 5, 2016

In One Title And Out The Other

    This title was inspired by my ears popping.  Whatta great.  It's the Weekend.  I wouldn't lie to you.  What's going on and crap.  A few primaries today.  You know, in those states that no one likes.  Not only should Kansas not have an early primary, can't we get them to not vote at all.  Something's the matter with Kansas.  I heard it in a Title.  X-Box use is decidely not Blue-Tinted anymore.  Talk about progress.  #RegularColorsWeCanBelieveIn.  Crap and crap.  Let's get this entry you started!!  You ever notice how.. crap, lemme get this.  What's the deal with when... Fuck, okay, here we go,  Titles are wonder.. Shit, I can do this, alright, Hawaiian shirts are weird.  There we go.  I've struck gold!  There's got to be some sort of statute of limitations when it comes to talking about Lil Poopy.  Who knows for sure.  I keep getting calls from Texas.  Get off my back, Texas!  I ain't got no business with you.  Some automated message.  Can't even properly yell at them for bothering me.  Sure, I can yell at a robot.  But they wouldn't care at all.  That's my main gripe with robots.  They don't know when you're insulting them.
    Probably.  I don't know.  Sure is a paragraph, though.  I might register to vote soon at some point.  On the one hand, It'd be fun to perform my civic duty.  On the other hand, I ain't got time for this.  I'm busy thinking real hard about whether I want to play De-Blueified Digital Baseball.  Also, let's start spelling and pronouncing, "Perform," as, "Preform."  Most of us are already on board pronouncing it wrong.  Let's officialize this nonsense.  After that, we can get working on, "February."  Thats the big cheese when it comes to working towards consistency between pronunciation and spelling.  "Wednesday," that comes in third.  "Nuclear," Vs. "Nucular."  We'll get to that at some point.  Not a priority for now.  Even I'm not sure of what's going on there.  I've been operating under the assumption that, "Nuclear," means bomb, "Nucular" means family.  Turns out I was wrong.  Everything's "Nuclear."  Just turns out, "Nucular," isn't a word at all.  Oh well, live and learn.
    Great.  North Korea has the capacity to send a Nuclear Family all the way to Hawaii!  Fine, I don't care.  Let's get rid of those shirts once and for all.  You'd be doing us a favor.  I don't get a sense that Il and Un had a nuclear family.  Seem a little too unhinged and unbalanced for that kind of environment to be raised in.  Oh well, live and learn.  I have a Nuclear Family?  That sounds dangerous.  Implies pretty much the opposite of what it is.  Let's see, crap and crap, crap and crap...  It takes a village to raise a nuclear family.  #ClassicClintonFlipFlop.  First she's for Nuclear, now she's against it!  I like how Truman used the nuke just because he didn't want to hurt The Manhattan Project's feelings.  Well, you worked this long and this hard for it, it would be rude not to use it.  That's one way to go.  If not now, when.  If not us, who.  If not crap, then bullshit.  Anyway.  Shouldn't we be pursuing a policy of Nuclear Winter to counteract Global Warming.  Seems like those two problems just cancel each other out.
    It's logic, you wouldn't understand.  I don't get Mad Max.  Why would anyone nuke Australia.  Whose got a qualm with Australia.  They have mandatory voting, I believe.  We should have that.  You can write in None of the Above, or abstain, but as an adult, just get into the box you morons.  I don't know.  Whatever.  If Deez Nuts actually wins an election, how will it carry out its civic duty.  Is it the guy who came up with its' nuts?  Is it the voters nuts?  You can't get 150 million nuts to agree on one thing.  Unless you're Nicki Minaj!  Sex Joke!  Great.  Or Donald Trump.  Calling people crazy for supporting someone joke!  I'm outta control.  If only I had a third thing, I'd be riding high.  Stephen Colbert?  Commercial Joke?  Anyway, crap and crap.  It's more of a masturbation joke.  I don't think Nicki Minaj is gonna have sex with 75 million men.  Let's call it 75.5 million men. Some people only have one nut.  Just ask Tom Green.  He'll tell ya.
    I've always heard about the danger of blue balls, but I've never encountered it.  Digital blue Baseballs, sure.  That's on my mind pretty much every day.  Crap and crap.  Yeesh.  If I wanted to donate a million dollars to Bernie, would he accept it?  I know he doesn't like big donors.  What's the limit.  Let's figure this out.  Also, give me six hundred years to put together a million dollars.  I'm good for it.  What else and crap.  Also, will Bernie Sanders accept the position of Colonel if he doesn't get elected?  Because I'm a brain dead idiot?  #KFC2016.  Crap and crap.  Or we can go the other way and elect Norm MacDonald as president.  I've seen his work in Dirty Work, he's the right man for the job.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Already read the two classmates' stories for next Tuesday.  Can't any of 'em take a hint and realize they can't touch my level of writing greatness.  Just send in a one paragraph paper explaining why I'm better than them.  It's the only way they'll ever learn.
    Great and shit.  Next Story is gonna be The Bomb.  After that story, Professor is gonna take me aside and say, Maybe You Should Be The Teacher.  It's the only logical way to run the second half of the semester.  I also keep waiting for Teacher to ask me to read shit I've already wrote.  Don't mean to brag, but I've got anywhere from 1-3 stories that'll float her boat.  Anyway, shit.  Bullcrap!  That's all it is.  And I owe it all to Crazysheet.  You get a lot of practice writing, you get confident in yourself, and the greatness follows.  Also helps me develop an interesting rhythm and point of view.  Because I'm Great.  Sure, why not.  Tomorrow's the Democratic Debate.  Hey, two people I don't hate completely!  How about that!  What else and crap.  If Conservatives draft a third party candidate, shit, let's draft Bernie even if he loses the Democratic nomination.  Let's really go Nuts.  It'll be one for the ages.  What else and crap.
    What else and crap.  If you get enough genuine nominees, Deez Nuts can pull off an upset.  Well, we'll address that when it comes.  For now, whatever.  Are Deez Nuts even over 35?  Let's get some people to look into that.  What else and crap.  Stupid liquor store by QC charging half the price for Vodka, 20% over the price for whiskey.  Whatta jip.  I wanna mix it up every now and then!  Where do you get off monetarily pressuring me to only stick with vodka.  How Dare You.  Truthfully, if they get a third party candidate, I'd stick with Hillary.  Let's just get this crap over with and call it a day.  #CallItADay2016.  #WaitButYouJustSaid2016That'sNotADay.  Crap and crap.  Yeesh.  There's a lot of people getting set on fire in Boardwalk Empire.  It's pretty much the overarching theme to the show when you think about it.  What else and crap.  I can't find my Digital Baseball Disc.  Talk about ruining ones' life.
    Anyway.  On our way to a respectable ten paragraph entry.  That's something to be proud of I guess why not.  And of all those people getting set on fire, not one of them is Two Face.  Whatta gip.  I guess one can turn out to be Two Face.  There's a small chance that might happen.  They have other real historical figures.  Al Capone, Eddie Cantor, no reason they can't have Two Face.  What else and crap.  Jeez.  Haircut tomorrow.  Give me whatever Two Face gets.  I assume my barbershop caters to Super Villains.  Why wouldn't they.  They do have Fox News going on on their T.V.s  If one news channel was the channel for super villains, well, I rest my case.  Watching the debates, though, Fo News ain't so bad.  At least not in that incarnation of Fox News.  Fox News.  They have a weekly series How To Get Into The Hen House.  Jeez.  Sorry about that.
    What else and bullshit.  How come we never eat Rooster.  Doesn't seem fair.  Crap and crap.  I don't like Fox News.  Even if they have Baba O' Reilly.  It's a Who, you wouldn't understand.  Spelling is different. Who cares.  We'll have some linguists look into that.  Also, so what if I want to yell Fire in a movie theater.  That's my God Given Constitutional Right!  Not 100% sure why that came up.  Oh, right.  Boardwalk Empire.  People get set on fire all the time.  I guess that's how they did things in the 20's.  You don't like someone, you set 'em on fire.  That's how that goes.  Also, God didn't give us the constitution.  That was just a bunch of people who felt like writing a constitution for some reason.  You know, for fun.  Anyway.  Weekend.  How about that.  What else and crap.  Also, spelling on gip--- "gip," or, "jip."  Wanna say gip.  That's how I feel.  Crap and crap.  Gip gets red wavy lines, jip doesn't.  That settles that.  What else.  I think the main thing Hillary Clinton should campaign on is, "Nobody likes you when you're president.  I already have a strong track record of nobody liking me."  I'm not saying they're right.  I like her fine.  It's a joke, jeez.
    Crap and crap.  Last paragraph!  Five entries in a row to kick off March.  That's A Way To Start The Day. #MarchIsn'tADay.  Jeez, is things not being a day all you care about?  Jeez.  What else.  Sixty Blobs of Paragraphs, if I'm not mistaken, in five days.  Pulitzer please already.  Let's see, closing an entry, closing an entry...  Let's see.  Lets and Whose are my main point of contention of whether to have an apostrophe.  Let's get some people working on that.  Next time someone asks for a cigarette, I'm gonna tell them I'll give them half.  How does that work?  Well, you smoke half, then give it back to me.  Well, can't you just tear it in half?  Yeah, but then only one of us gets the filter.  You wouldn't want me to smoke without a filter, would ya?  That's how that might go.  I'll see ya later.

-3:47 P.M.


Friday, March 4, 2016

Let's Make Titles Great Again!

    That title is more offensive than White Man's Title.  Jeez.  The good news is Hello.  Seeing Nurse Practioner today, she asked me if it was okay if a nurse practioner in training sat in.  I'm all for it.  Hey guys, don't mean to brag, but I'm way insightful about my mental problems.  The more that see that the merrier!  Merrier is a brand of seltzer water, no? Maybe.  I never understood the appeal of seltzer.  Tastes like crap to me.  Let's talk about it.  Every three months, the hospital comes up with an updated treatment plan for me.  Glaring grammatical errors.  All I'm supposed to do is sign it, but I wanted to treat it like workshopping a piece in class.  Add in commas, cross out phrases that don't make sense, maybe write a check mark to sentences I like.  Really get into it, you know.  I probably could have, but no one would have read it.  Stupid doctors, they think they're so great.  NNext time I see a doctor, I should go, Look, Doc, just be straight with me.  Am I in danger of being judged by a Death Panel?  Gotta know.  Knowing is half the battle.  Just ask Denzel Washington and/or Nicholas Cage.  I feel like one of them was that movie.  I think they have a, "4," instead of a, "W."  Kno4ing.  Because that makes sense for some reason.
    Hey, this is conversational talk, I don't need no grammar.  It matters.  Hey, that's the start of a new song.  I don't need no grammar/Don't tell me that it matters...  I'll figure out the rest later.  The important thing is I've started.  Starting is half the battle.  They took my weight today.  Lost two pounds!  Well, I didn't lose two pounds.  They calculated my weight as two pounds less than the previous jerkoffs.  I consider it a moral victory and thats all I have to say about that.  I can't wait to see my general physician next week.  I'm looking forward towards his endorsing me taking Pepsid 2 or 3 times a week.  I'd take Pepsid as a snack if using it too much didn't cause a problem.  It's great.  The Nurse Practioner in training shed some insight I'd never heard.  I had mentioned I had tried the Nicotine Gum, and said it didn't do it for me.  He was like, You know, it's not just chewing it, you gotta let it get soaked up by your gums.  I did not know that!  No one ever told me that!  Oh well.  Live and learn.
    That's how that goes for some reason.  Listening to Scharpling and Wurster before going to bed.  That knocks me right the fuck out for some reason.  Thus far I've only listened to bits I had already heard, though.  I don't have to pay attention too hard.  It'll be interesting to see, moving forward, if bits I haven't heard have the same effect.  No it wouldn't be.  Good point.  Good, good point.  Me and my Mom are having some trouble remembering the theme to Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Every time I try to hum it, I go straight to The Odd Couple theme.  Well, there's a problem that can't be solved.  Oh well.  I also get the impulse, And How About That Chappelle's Show Theme.  I don't know why.  I'm weird.  Haircut this weekend.  I'm gonna say, Just make me look like I sit at the cool kids table and drink chocolate milk.  OOr I could just go ahead and get Lil Poopy's hair.  It would take some time to grow.  And to get different hair.  I guess I can just get a Lil Poopy wig.  That's gotta be the hot item for upcoming Halloween.  Lil Poopys all over the place.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  Halfway through my therapy session, I just turned to the guy whose training, and go, Impressed?  And he nods and says, I wish all my patients will be like you.  And I go, Patience, young one.  And he goes, I Love puns!  That's probably how that might have gone possibly.  I was never a huge fan of chocolate milk as a kid.  Maybe there's something wrong with me.  Pepsid is great, I say go for it!  How many times should I take it?  Never Stop Taking It!  That's how that might go.  I'm gonna divide this entry in half.  Five paragraphs now, Five later.  That's great.  After watching the debate last night, I was talking about something with my Mom, and I unconsciously made an argument or statement that sounds like something Trump would say.  Using what I will call, "Trump Logic."  Then I thought, If this happened to me, then, well, God help us all.  I liked the part where he said he had a big dick.  Doesn't get much more relevant than that.  Imagine a nation of 300 million people walking talking and acting like Donald Trump.  Or don't imagine it.  That's probably the way to go.
    Crap and crap. Met game in an hour!  Alright!  I know the song tells us to meet the Mets, and step right down and greet the Mets, but that would be a huge invasion of personal space and downright rude.  They can't meet every single fan, nor would they want to.  Also, don't guarantee people they'll have the time of their life.  You're unqualified to make that guarantee, you can't back it up.  And the truth is most people won't have the time of their lives.  That's a pretty big promise.  Anyway.  I lost two pounds and all I had to do was use a different scale.  I like that equation.  Assuming I can use a new scale, say, every week, I'd be down to a nice, healthy weight in six months.  Yeesh.  My Crazysheet book is all tattered and torn.  For a while, that was my most prized possession.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some.  My name is Trump, and I'm here to say/Fuck all of you and get out of my way!  Pulitzer, please.  Enjoy the rest of the entry-- I'm taking a break.

    Well, that break accomplished nothing.  Here I am again.  Wonderful.  Spring Training brings Summer Gaming.  I thought of that, me, this guy.  Hawaii!!!  Let's see, crap and crap.  I like The Mets' combination of players.  Collectively, I call them a Team.  Just something I came up with.  Yeesh, this is hard.  I changed my mind.  Entry's over!  Get outta here.  See ya later.

-3:47 P.M.


Thursday, March 3, 2016

Nobody's Gonna Tell Me When To Yield!

    I hope not, at least.  Not 100% on what yielding is.  I'm not qualified to yield.  Understood two stories for today.  Knockin' It Out Of The Park.  Jeez and crap.  I was pretty close to getting Nathan's on the way home from the Cafeteria.  A fish sandwich and a chicken sandwich is how that might have gone.  Oh well, I made my choice and now I'll learn to live with it.  Jeez.  Also, don't mean to brag, but during workshop, someone said I agree with Mike.. and then went off to spout some bullshit, who knows what.  I stopped listening when they said they agreed with me on something.  Looks like I'm The Great.  The main comment I want to give, on every story, is Well, it's not as good as mine, but... and then give some nice feedback.  Let's just acknowledge the elephant in the room that I'm better than everybody.  After Christie's endorsement, assuming he was there with Trump, Trump goes, looks back at him, goes to the crowd  Let's acknowledge the elephant in the room...  What crap.  Hawaiian shirts!  My Mom recently told me she hates puns.  Well, there goes that. 
    There goes what.  Choose your own adventure.  Let's see, crap and crap.  The first syllable of Boardwalk Empire is certainly living up to its name.  Second one isn't so bad, either.  Third and fourth, well, it depends.  Is it Em-Pire or Emp-ire.  Lets get some scientists working on that conundrum.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I have mixed feelings about giving strangers cigarettes.  On the one hand, I'm down 50 cents.  On the other hand, I'm contributing to society.  That's something I can get behind.  Can't wait to find out my Cholesterol level.  I hope it's either really low or really high,  Low, because that's healthy.  High, because I'd be surprised.  No way!  Never woulda guessed!  Man, I--- Ow, My Heart.  I assume cholesterol can affect your heart.  Gets fat in the heart or something.  I don't have all the details. I don't have any of the details.  Let's not mince words.  Especially not the word mince.  Wouldn't even know where to start.
    Alright, great.  I like how one of the main characters in Vinyl is named Vine.  Vine'll.  They did that on purpose for some reason.  Probably to entertain Dolts like me.  I like how some 24 oz cans of beer are actually 25 oz and advertise it as A Free 25th Oz!  What's their target demographic on that.  Man, if only I could get 1/24th more drunk!  That sort of thing.  Hawaii!  Crap.  The best part of that joke was my math skills.  Pretty proud of myself there.  I got some Little People Shows to watch from last night.  My favorite part is where I'm better than them.  And you all doubted me.  Isn't that the main draw of any reality show, when you think about it?  Just makes the participants look the fool and we can all feel better than them.  I'm saying what we're all feeling!  Alright!  Alright.  First some agrees with me explicitly, then I say what we're all feeling.  Looks like I've got some sort of thumb on some sort of pulse.  You know, that kind of crap.
    Anyway.  The Rap Game was respectable.  At first I thought it wouldn't be, but I came out of that show liking pretty much everyone involved.  Kinda could care less about the parent/managers.  But the kids, the professionals in the industry they meet, all positive.  There should be a reality show called I'm Better Than You and each episode is a dual between two people fighting it out to be labeled as better than the other person.  Someone get Television on the line!  Anyway.  Makin' some mental tweaks over my future potential story.  Really comin' along nicely.  I don't want to brag, but there will probably be five characters.  That's all I can say for now.  Seven and Zero are the only digits with multiple syllables.  #Why'dHeSayIt2016.  Choose your own crapventure.  I'm thinking about going back to contacts next time I get my eyes checked out.  See you in Hell, Glasses!  That sort of crap.  I had a teacher named Ms. Glassman in middle school.  She once told us that clichés can be good, I went home and told my Mom about that idiocy, and they fought about it.  And that's what Middle School was like.
    And that's what fourth paragraphs are like.  From now on when I say the term, "MSNBC," I'm gonna pronounce it like how they told Howard Stern to pronounce "WNBC."  "M S Ehhhennnn BC."  I'm not really gonna do that.  One, I'd forget to do it.  Two, people would be confused.  Third, Nobody's gonna tell me when to yield.  If you know what yielding is please write in.  My e-mail address is mankindguy@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.  I'm always writing down everything Teacher says because some of it might be important insight.  Today, she said something like, When you're writing, less is more.  Then I raised my hand and went, Even In People?  Then everyone had a good laugh at my expense.  I didn't do that.  In retrospect, huge missed opportunity.  I would have to add Ya know, cause I'm short.  Because some people might not get it.  Or, they'd think, You ain't less, I can see your belly.  That's no good either.
    That's how I feel.  What else and crap.  It's pretty impressive how they had radios in 1920.  That's all I'm gonna say about that.  And how did every phone call not include the phrase, Holy Shit, This is Bananas!  Where Are You!?!  I'd be saying that for years until I finally got used to it.  I missed the days of not having to use the area code for phone calls.  It was a simpler time back then.  People were partying like it was 1999 and there was no end in sight.  In fifth grade, we had a big class assignment that we needed to make a Cube representing that year.  Six sides to a cube, one would be News, one would be Entertainment, one would be Science, and so on.  I'm not ashamed to say my Mom did it for me.  It shows how smart and clever I am, if anything.  Tricking her into doing crap while I photoshopped fake movie posters on the computer.  I remember after making 10 or 12 fake movie posters, I finally got a postive comment on one.  This is better than your other posters.  Said a message board poster.  Confused?  Poster has multiple meanings.  Consult a dictionary for further information.  The point is I'm better at photoshop than you.  I know all about making layers of images 50% so it's like you only see them faded.  All about it.
    Sev-Enth paragraph.  I watched Seven a few nights ago.  It was the first time in a long time I've watched a movie based on the acting rather than the screenplay.  Look at Morgan Freeman go.  He's really in that character probably one would assume!  That's how I feel.  That's why I want one line parts.  With a one line part, you can basically just be playing the part of An Inconsequential Asshole.  Don't need any further instruction.  That's how I feel.  What else.  Republican Debate tonight.  Is this the circus, because it's elephant themed on account of the Republican Party, and it's like a circus, wait, crap, lemme phrase this bullshit better.  I'm not gonna phrase that bullshit better.  I don't have the time nor the motivation.  Hawaii!  Let's see.  Ten paragraphs has become the standard.  I'm generally supportive of this development.  Means I spend more time writing.  Less time doing nothing.  That's pretty good.  Also, mathematically speaking, it stands to reason there'd be a higher amount of funny in ten paragraphs than five.  Who knows for sure, though.
    Not me.  Probably no one.  That's how I feel.  Either way, let's continue.  In prehistoric times, Howard Stern could have gone,  The Year Qualification We're EeiIiiiin's B C.  #SorryAboutThat2016.  Thats how that goes.  When I was in high school, they were just starting to change the textbooks to use the phrase B.C.E. instead of B.C.  Before Common Era as opposed to Before Christ.  #MillenialsAtItAgain.  It wasn't our fault.  It's not like they focus grouped the textbooks.  But if they did, I imagine it'd go a little something like this...  Huh.  Where'd I go.  Where am I.  The Fault In Our Stars.  C'mon.  Don't blame the stars for your problems.  That's a loser's mentality.  That's how I feel.  Seein' "Doctor" tomorrow.  She's a nurse practioner.  Oh well.  I think I've told here before, I didn't like her because she freakin' hospitalized me for no good reason.  In this incarnation of my relationship with her, though, she's not so bad. Live and learn, that's what I've said a few dozen times.  Pretty much exclusively on this website.
    Great.  Gonna be 30 Paragraphs in the first three days of march.  That's gotta be some sort of record.  Which was the rejected title of Vinyl.  Right, right... Let's see.  Shirts!  What else and crap.  I could go the other route and actually get the pair of frames that look like 50's 3-D movie glasses.  You know, for jest.  If you're gonna look funny anyway, might as well commit.  I don't know if I look funny.  Probably just sad.  Oh well.  #SadBatmanIsSadForAllOfUs.  There's a good chance Batman & Superman is gonna be the first movie I see in theaters since Star Wars: Here We Go Again.  I could have seen Zoolander.  I could have seen I Heart Ceasars.  I'd have to walk up a hill, though.  That's no good.  Getting there is fine, you walk down a hill.  Walking down hills, no problem.  Way back?  Gotta walk up a hill.  Not a fan of that proposition.  It's reasonable I could convince my Dad to give me a ride on the way home.  I don't know.  let's of things in flux in this equation.  Things being in flux are what make time travel possible.
    That sentence is what made ending that paragraph possible.  Crap and crap.  Anyway.  What else is going on.  I was a little tentative going back to White on Black format, but so far, I think it's been going okay.  Gotta mix it up every now and then.  And a month uniformly sure qualifies for every now and then.  I've heard good things about Deadpool from someone in my class.  I gotta ask myself, though, Do I really trust this person.  Can't go into things willy-nilly.  That's how I feel.  Not only does he agree with me, he knows my name!  I must be doing something right.  I don't know anyone's name.  That's where I stand on names in class.  #AlmostDone2016.  I really gotta shave before next class.  I'm due for a haircut, too.  Really kill two birds with one stone.  Damn birds, I hate them so much.  I'll get a 25 oz. can over a 24.  Talk about savings!  And I'm only paying an extra thirty cents!  A sucker is born every now and then, I wanna say every month, uniformly.  Anyway, see ya later.


Wednesday, March 2, 2016

May I Ask Who's Titling?

    Hey friends and jerks.  Had my weight taken today.  Right on the border of a number I would be happy with and a number I'd be disappointed with.  I'm gonna round that up to happy.  No reason not to.  Plus, I got to watch Long Island News.  It's different than regular news.  They had a McDonald's logo in the bottom right of the broadast for 2/3rds of the entire show.  That's great, I guess.  Not 100% sure why.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Bernwald Sanderson did respectably last night.  He's still in it to win it.  One would imagine.  I was fifteen minutes away from getting Chipotle.  Coulda gotten it on the way home from Doctor, but it was only 10:45.  I consider this a huge blow.  Oh well, live and learn.  Now I know for the next appointment to ask a lot of questions and draw out saying those questions and ask the same questions again and again until I really get it.  That should get me past the 11:00 threshold.  Chris Christie endorsed Trump.  Talk about doubling down on assholes.  We weren't talking about that.  Well, we should be.  It's a #RelevantIssue2016.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Today is March 2nd.  You know what that's like, right.  It's pretty much always the precursor to March 3rd.  And then, who knows.  I can only think one thing ahead.  Mental defect I've had since I was a baby.
    And by baby, I mean 20 years old.  Used to be able to think three, four things ahead.  Oh well, live and learn.  I remember my Dad making a big deal about the first time I beat him in Chess.  He brings it up every now and then, implying that I was better than chess as him at that young age and not just lucky.  The funny part is, I can't remember ever playing chess with him again.  He must have been like, Well, if I'm not gonna crush him, why bother playing.  Stupid losing.  What's the point.  And I remember the last time playing Risk with my brother and him throwing the board with all the pieces over because I was more lucky at dice than him.  Anyway.  What else and crap.  I think people just don't like losing to me.  Must be my fault.  Anyway.  I remember seeing Serch 4 Bobby Fischer with my Dad.  That counts as playing Chess probably.  Based on the title, you'd assume the kid whose the main character is Bobby Fischer.  It's the name of the movie, should be the name of the main character.  It being some other guy is just plain confusing.  You'll never become a Chess Master if you're gonna be confusing.
I remember playing someone in chess in Washington Square Park for money just for the novelty of it.  And by "just for the novelty of it," I mean because I was drunk and/or high and/or sick.  So that's how that goes.  Gotta do something with your time.  What else and crap.  I've told the WSP story before.  I like stories.  What the Hell.  Crap and crap.  I think I've de-blueified my X-Box.  Haven't tested it out completely yet.  I don't like how they tell you, when giving a urine sample, Oh, you don't need to fill it up, we just need a little bit.  Fuck that.  If I'm peeing into a cup, I'm gonna make the most of it.  You don't get that chance very often.  Gotta go all out.  I like how they then handle the pee cups without wearing gloves.  Now, me, I'm great at peeing, I can get it all into the cup 100%.  But there are people who can't.  You're taking a mighty big risk not using gloves.  And you know me and risks.  You're gonna end up throwing the table over with all those meticulously placed pieces.  Anyway, crap and crap.  I think it's pretty impressive how every cigarette is always the same.  Chalk that up as a Win for The Industrial Age.  Probably.  I don't know.  It's like Chicken McNuggets probably.  Also, I don't know why, but ever since watching the News, I can't stop thinking about McDonalds. 
    Who knows and crap.  Are we still in The Industrial Age.  Or is it just The Information Age now.  I don't think we're through with Industry just yet.  Let's have overlapping Ages, keep everyone happy.  I hope the next Age is Renaissance Part II.  Just one man's opinion.  In all likelihood, the next age is gonna be either the Nuclear Winter Age or the Robots Are In Charge Now Age.  Each not really ages to look forward to.  Renaissance Part II, that would be fun, though.  I could always just schedule my appointments half an hour later, like a chump.  That ain't me, though.  You gonna see me first or second in the day.  I demand respect.  I don't wanna see you with your piss soaked hands.  If you're hands are piss soaked, better be mine and mine only piss.  Class tomorrow.  That's something to do.  And it'll take a whole 75 minutes.  That's almost an hour and a third.  That's a lot of time.  Anyway, crap and crap.  The main reason I'm writing this entry is so I could put that unpleasantness due to the title of the last entry behind us.  Onward and upward, that's what I always say.  I don't know about always.  Probably have said it a dozen times in my life at some point.  A dozen is a lot.  If it weren't for that expression, the word Onward would be 100% out of use.  #LetsTalkAboutIt2016.
    Jeez.  For a millisecond, I looked at the closing hashtag of the last paragraph and thought, It's Still 2016?  Feels like it should be 2020 or something by this point.  Let's get shit moving.  We gotta make the most out of the Information Age while it's still here.  I, for one, am not looking forward to the Robots Are In Charge Now age.  Seems like it would be a real bummer.  Anyway.  I updated the display of my phone so that it would be the brightest it could be.  This is the biggest change in my life in years.  Here's hoping it all works out okay.  Brighter phone, regular color X-Box display.  Movin' on up.  Things are looking good for 2016.  I'm real proud of the title for this month that you see in your browser.  "It's A Month, What Do You Want From Me."  Probably better than the entries themselves.  Anyway.  Crap and crap.  It's pretty crazy how much Diet Root Beer masks the taste of alcohol.  That's how I feel. #Relevant?2016.  At my Aunt and Uncle's, they had one can of Diet Soda as opposed to a bunch of non diet.  I didn't want to be a jerk and drink their only diet soda.  Someone must be saving it. They insisted, though, and I didn't want to be a rude guest.  So I drank the Hell out of that soda.  Probably the highlight of my year, thus far.
    Probably a new paragraph.  I'd say I'm 99.95% certain this is a new paragraph.  Maybe down to 99%.  Stranger things have happened.  If I was writing a review of Albert Camus' "The Stranger," well, you can guess by now what I would title it.  That's how I feel.  I feel like I read that book at some point and can't remember the first thing about it.  Or the second things.  To be honest, I can't remember any things about it.  Title and Author, though.  That's worth something I guess.  I thought this book would be about masturbation strategy.  I was way off.  Probably.  I told you, I don't remember.  I'm 98.95% sure its not about masturbation.  Actually, let's say like 85% sure.  I don't know!  I just don't know.  Not explicitly about masturbation, that I can say relatively certainly.  Jeez.  How did I get here.  Where am I.  What's going on, crap and crap.  The Most Insightful Book About Masturbation In Years!  That would be my runner up review title.  Jeez.  Let's see, crap and crap, crap and crap...  Looking forward to understanding the plot of two stories I gotta read tonight.  Real boost to the ol' self esteem.      
That's how that goes.  When class starts, I might get up on my desk and go, I know what you're all thinking.  And, yes, my weight is exactly on the borderline which allows me to be satisfied with it, all things considered.  Anyway.  This is turning out to be a real C- Entry.  Small victories, that's what life is about.  What, you thought C- was bad?  You don't know me very well.  It would be sad if you got a, "C-" Section.  Really adds insult to injury.  Jeez.  The good news is that its now documented in Blog form that I don't like Baked Beans.  I may have forgotten it a year or two down the line, but now, I will never forget.  The Internet is Forever.  That's how I feel.  I can't stand going back and trying to read old entries, to be honest.  Always seems crappier than it did when I was writing it.  Oh well.  Onward and crapward.  What else.  Seventh Paragraph.  Goin' for the Tenner.  Gonna have to say, "What else and crap," a whole lot to finish this entry.  Whole lot.
    Sure can cut corners doing shorter paragraphs than we're used to, too.  That's how that goes.  What else and crap.  Now I'm pot committed to Boardwalk Empire.  Damn.  If I only had the will power to stop watching shows when I wanted to, my life would be a whole different ballgame.  Like football, and stuff.  Maybe basketball.  Whatever, crap and crap.  Sure miss playing live poker.  I don't care if I don't win a hand, I was playing for four hours.  That's four hours of prime entertainment.  I gotta find some Home Game to play in.  Don't know how to go about that.  I pretty much literally know zero people.  That's of any kind, not just people who play poker.  Oh well, crapward and bullshit.  Can't wait till they re-legalize online poker in New York.  Not only is it fun, it can be a nice source of supplemental income.  Or, in my case, income.  Yeesh.  My Iced Coffee has lasted me the entire day.  #IcedCoffeeMatters2016.  Crap and crap.  It'd be nice if one of these hashtags takes off.  It would be independent of me, sure, that's without question.  But it's possible one of the bullshits I say here becomes a thing on its own.  I'll have been in on the ground level.  Pulitzer, Please.
    Paragraph.  Relevant issues 2016.  That should be a thing.  Everyone likes 2016, it's the year what we're in right now.  If I add 2016 to enough things, well, then, maybe I'll be in business.  There's an idea for a Start-Up.  Copyrighting Hashtags.  It makes sense if you don't understand how things work at all.  That's me pretty much.  Also, Silicon Valley Better Be A Valley.  Or else I'm gonna throw a fit!  #ThrowAFit2016.  Ninth Paragraph!  Alright alright.  I'm gonna do my homework tonight.  Because I'm a responsible chap one would imagine.  When Teacher printed out my story to write comments on, she doubled up, two half pages sideways on a full piece of paper.  It makes it like a book!  I'm doin' that now.  Gotta Learn Something.  Anyway.  What else and crap.  Closing in on the end of the entry.  Then, Back To Watching Boardwalk Empire!  If we can't commit to binge-watching T.V. Shows, what are we, animals?  I don't want to live in a world where people stop watching something when they get mildly bored and tired of it.  Not in my America!
    Paragraph!  I can watch some D.V.D.s or play some games now that I'm free from the blue chains that had previously bonded me so.  But first, paragraph to write.  Lets not get ahead of ourselves.  I plan on having dinner tonight.  Go ahead, try to talk me out of it.  Actually, don't.  I might be swayed by your argument and then not eat dinner.  I can't be having that.  Dinner is probably the second or third most important meal of the day.  The good news is Hello.  When am I going to be able to watch the new Poltergeist on T.V.  I demand satisfaction!  If you're playing baseball, and its not blue, does it make a sound?  Let's get some experts working on that.  Jeez.  Apparently Spring Training Games start soon.  I can't wait.  Look at those baseballs.  You know, that kind of crap.  I'll see ya later.

-4:55 P.M. 


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

You Can Title If You Want To
(Formerly Titled As: "White Man's Title")

    Hey, no hate mail.  I'm not endorsing the idea behind the title.  Either way, Hi!  Welcome to March.  Supposed to a play on White Man's Burden.  Just sounds like you're excluding minorities from your title.  Well, great, just great.  I suppose I just can't win when it comes to titles.  Change it.  You change it!  I can't, if I did, we'd have to erase this fascinating exchange.  Well, we can't be having that!  That's what I'm saying.  Alright, what else and bullshit.  I believe Green Day said it best, I want to be the minority.  Don't need your authority.  Down with the moral majority and whatnot.  What else.  I like watching comedians I've never heard of on Johnny Carsons.  Part of me enjoys it, because I'm like, I'm as good as they are!  Then part of me doesn't enjoy it, because I'm like, I'm no better than they are!  All the bits are like, I recently went to Hawaii.  Hawaiian shirts, man, can we agree they're stupid!!?  I'd say my level of competence in humor is right on par with that.  Only difference is, I write over a hundred entries a year filled with that crap, and they do that bit every night for a year.  Quantity over quality!  Gotta be good at something.  So, anyway.
    So, I recently watched some Johnny Carsons.  Man, can we all agree the comedians on there are sometimes hit-or-miss!!?  Pulitzer, please.  Anyway.  Big day today.  Super Tuesday.  And tomorrow is Pedestrian Wednesday.  Hawaiian shirts!!!  Alright, what else.  I thought I would have a harder time spelling "Hawaiian" than I did.  It just goes to show.  That I deserve a pulitzer.  John Oliver taking Trump down a step or two.  I gotta start watching that show.  Seems like he is a more than competent heir to Jon Stewart.  Plus, it just flew by.  I thought it would be an hour, it being only weekly.  I was watching it with my Mom and I was like, What, it's over already?!  And another thing, lets see Donald Trump in a Hawaiian shirt.  #MakeItHappen2016.  I got diet root beer for some reason.  I'll keep you updated on how that pans out.  Jeez.  Was hoping to get my Bern T-Shirt today.  I could have worn it in class and impressed everybody. Instead, I had to settle for impressing everyone with my adequate ability to read their work.
    Anyway, crap and crap.  March. How about that.  March is a weird word.  Rhymes with Starch.  Pulitzer, please.  I wish I could be an extra in shows like Boardwalk empire.  Just a one scene character with one line, each show I book.  Scene where they're talking about women's right to vote.  Just give me the one line, Are we sure this is a good idea, fellas?  That's all.  That's all I want in life.  Headline on the official Mets blog-- "Collins: 'It's Time To Get Ready For Baseball."  Yup, that's what Spring Training is.  Nothin' gets by him.  So, I'm in Hawaii, I get a Hawaiian shirt!  Everyone there wears em, I thought it was great.  On the plane ride back, I'm like, What Did I Just do?!  That never happened.  Stop lying.  You're lying to everyone.  I don't like it.  Not a fan!  It's weird to think there must be a whole lot of comedians successful enough to get on Johnny Carson that I've then never heard of.  How about that.  It's not that weird.  Sorry for misleading you.  I feel terrible.
    What else.  I can't scroll down anymore than this, because this is the first entry.  Talk about weird.  Back to eating Triscuits.  You don't mess with a good thing.  Like The Zohan.  Don't mess with him.  I learned it from a Title.  Jeez.  I can't wait to get an invite to Spring Training.  You know, in Blue Baseball.  Figure I should get there after a year or two.  And so far, in three months, I've made it through almost a week of games at Double-A.  These things take time I guess.  Anyway, what else.  I don't know.  I like how there's someone smoking in every other scene of Boardwalk Empire.  Good for them.  That'll show lungs whose boss.  I don't know.  I'm not in the groove today.  I blame life.  Life is probably the cause of 80-90% of my problems.  Whatta gip.  Smart Old Lady in class made a comment about how she always reads into the names of stories for deeper meaning.  Jesus Freaking Christ.  Not even funny anymore how much alike we are.  I love names!  If it were up to me, stories would just be lists of names.
    Anyway, great.  Turns out I don't like Baked Beans.  We'll chalk that up as a live-and-learn type situation.  Anyway.  At least do an entire bit about shirts.  Just Hawaiian shirts, that's hacky.  You bring some other shirts into the mix, make it a whole thing, now you're in business.  I'd listen to a bit about shirts.  Shirts are ripe for parody!  Like the shirt I'm expecting.  "Bernie For President."  In a year, nobody will know what it means!  It's like modern art.  I guess.  Probably.  Who knows for sure.  I wanted to design my own Bernie shirt, I could probably think up some great shirt.  But I wanted to donate to his campaign.  You can see the predicament.  More people should design their own shirts.  Let's put our money where our mouth is.  Or, our mouth where are shirts are.  That makes more sense in this bit-type-thing.  Possibly my favorite Shirt experience was when I lived in Chinatown and saw an Asian guy wearing a shirt that said, "What The Fuck You Lookin' At?"  Don't get much better than that.
    Great.  A lot of shirts in my rotation are hand-me-downs from my brother, because I'm too fat to wear my size small shirts, and have to wear medium.  Whaata jip.  If that don't motivate me to lose weight, nothing will.  Also, probably nothing will.  Also, probably, being more attractive is a better reason to lose weight than shirts.  And health reasons.  Shirts are pretty far down on the list now that I think about it.  I don't think I've ever worn an Hawaiian shirt.  I guess after this comedian's scathing diatribe they fell out of fashion.  That's how that might go.  Anyway.  I've got to go on a diatribe if I ever want to lose weight.  Exercise alone won't do it.  What else.  Wouldn't it be weird if Bernie does well today.  I'd be like Holy Crap!  Didn't See It Coming!  Let's Party Like It's Some Year That Isn't This Year For Some Reason I Guess They Were Really Good At Partying Then!  That's how that might go.  Bernie's always on our case for doing our part.  He wins big tonight, I'd point at my T.V. and be like, You, man.  You.  So lets hope that happens.
    And if it doesn't, who cares, we'll all still be here tomorrow.  Most likely.  Odds are for it.  That's how I feel.  What else and crap.  I guess I get partying like it's 1999.  Everyone was in perpetual excitement for the year 2000.  It's a whole different number.  I get it.  What else and crap.  Lets see, how many months are we up to here on crazysheet.net.  We're up to #46.  And a third of a fourth of those months have been readable.  I'll take those odds.  I don't think I have a choice.  Pot committed to this whole crazysheet thing.  Four Five entries till Friday.  You know, that sort of thing.  What else.  Crap and crap.  It is the seventh paragraph.  Seems like Ten has become the standard.  Five is the standard, but Ten is recommended.  Like The Commandments.  You really only need five of them.  You know which ones.  That's how I feel I guess.  I said it.  That's sanctioning it enough. Sure I know words.  What else and crap.
     Shit, this is eighth?  During the seventh, halfway through, I was like, yeah, two more.  Wrong.  Three more.  I gotta brush up on my arithmetic skills.  Anyway, alls well that ends well.  Probably.  Too bad this most likely won't end well.  You notice how some guys wear Hawaiian shirts?  Well...  NO MORE! And then you rip up an Hawaiian shirt while the crowd goes wild chnating U.S.A.!  U.S.A.! That's one way to go. The way I imagine every class going, in English, is just me announcing, I Understood The Plot Of This Story! and everyone applauds.  That's what's going on in my head, at least.  I enjoyed the parts with words.  Lets talk about it.  My next story is gonna have a lot of dialogue and I genuinely need to brush up on formatting that.  You gotta have paragraph breaks and everything I think, if it's heavy dialogue.  We'll see how that goes.  This is still the Eighth paragraph, isn't it.  Damnit.
    What else and crap.  Bernie is either a Contact Hitter or a Team Leader for sure.  That actually motivates me to play Blue Baseball more.  Ditch following the career of 5'2 Mike Kornblum.  Let's create a Bernie Sanders character.  That's a wagon worth hitching your ride to, to use Wild-Wild-West lingo.  Anyway.  March has got no character.  Just a precursor to April.  April is great, I got no qualms with April.  Spring does start in March.  That's mostly all its got going for it.  You're in April, going, Ah, the beginning of Spring, you're way off, it's March.  I once heard that April Showers bring May Flowers.  That's uncorroborated.  Don't have any authoritative stance on the validity of that statement.  Gotta do some research on that.  Whatever.  Anyway.  I'm pretty sure it's bunk, though.  It don't rain no more in April than any other month, I believe.  Talk about Bullshit.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Last week, Teacher was complaining about the rain, asking if any of us liked the rain.  My hand shot up.  Sure, I like a nice mist.  A drizzle.  It's comfortable!  If anything is gonna make me lose respect for Teacher, its badmouthing rain.  Where does she get off.
    What else and crap.  Big shoot out in a bar.  Oh No, Guys, Lets Get Out Of Here!  It's good to have dreams.  What else and crap.  Two more stories need comprehending for Thursday!  The work never stops.  I like the class, though.  We're relatively deep into English classes, so most people are majors and take writing at least relatively seriously.  Fun, fun stuff.  The rest are fools and are wasting our time and I won't stand for it!  Fun, fun stuff.  Jeez.  What else and crap.  Sorry if the title is insensitive.  No way am I endorsing segregation of reading titles, nor am I endorsing the reference to White Man's Burden.  It's all meant in irreverent jest and I hope it is taken as such.  I'll see ya later.

-5:43 P.M.