Thursday, March 31, 2016
Smirn- On, Smirnoff
Whatta pun! I
hate myself. What's craculating. Today is the last day of March.
At least until next year. Bernie's holding a rally just a couple of clicks
west and north. I assume so. Not really 100% on how much a click is.
Kinda want to know. Almost enough to make me check internet. I think
I'll do that. Then I can tell you. And you'll be informed of
something you may not have known. One Click is one Kilometer. Don't we use
Miles in America? These guys are our army and they're using the system of
the enemy. I don't like it, not one bit. No, we did it because
it's .62 miles! Everyone knows .62 Miles is a thing! Not buying
it. What else and crap. My Mom used to teach on an Air Force base.
Pretty sure that's not classified information. If it is, well, sorry.
That's the kind of recklessness that'll get me kciekd out of
the army! Good, I didn't want to be in the army in the first place.
That settles that. Good chance I might get some nice feedback a week from
today. Someone in class said something like, in response to someone else's
thing, It's funny, and humor is so hard to write! Well Hard to
Write is my middle name! Not really. It's Adam.
Sorry for misleading you and everything. I thought it was funny, but I
still didn't like it. My guess is that'll be the consensus opinion.
Ha! I don't care if you liked it as long as you thought it was funny!
Jokes on you! And I know jokes! Anyway, great. Last entry
of The March. Might close it with a five paragrapher.
We'll see, I guess. What else is going on. I made
a seventh tweet. I'm outta control! Thought that didn't make it to
Tweet level-- We should just call "The A, B, C's" "The A, B's."
We'll know what you're talking about. Anyway, how about that crap.
Both my stories for this class have an unnamed narrator. And it's not a
third person narrator, sure, they don't have names all the time. It's a
first person narrator who just never gives their name. That'll capture the
imagination of my classmates and teacher! It's like a Choose Your Own
Adventure, except not really, pretty much no aspects are similar. Except
for that you can make up a name for the narrator if you want. Most people
wouldn't take that extra step, but you're not most people, are you.
Huh? What's going on and crap. Bernie Sanders
sent me an e-mail, saying this could be the headline we read in tomorrows
Bernie Sanders outraises Hillary Clinton for third month straight; aims
to win Wisconsin on
However, from my experience reading news outlets, it'll look more
Hillary Clinton Still Leads In Delegates-- Sanders Is A Jerk
Politics! Am I right. Probably. What else and crap.
Can't wait to watch Wayne's World II. We're due for some comedy, I
bet. That's how I feel. Also, that counts as a paragraph. My
rules, I make 'em up. I still haven't gotten an e-mail from Teacher
prematurely telling me how much she liked my story. She must still be
working. That's gotta be it. What else and crap. I did single
spaced, even though she specifically states in Syllabus to do double spaced.
I considered it. Checked out how it looked double spaced. Wasn't
pleased. Went with single spaced. If I'm not allowed to make my own
formatting decisions, what kind of world do we live in. I posit that
question to you. And posit is a word I heard somewhere.
Great, what else. Can I start writing e-mails in white
font on black background. What kind of world do we live in if I can't make
my e-mail background black. A bad world. Real negative type crap.
Yet I still can't do the photo-negative as a format. Seems kinda
contradictory now, too. Remember Iran-Contra-Dictory. Yeah,
Reagan doesn't either. Politics! Doesn't or Didn't.
Both fit, but only one can make the comedy juices flow ever so slightly more.
I don't know. This is hard. I want to say, Didn't. But
I already typed Doesn't. And isn't there some rule to go with our
first instinct? I think my first instinct was to write didn't but just
messed up while writing it. Jeez, this is a real brainbuster.
Huh? Yeah I'm gonna write ten paragraphs! Well,
nine. And the Newspaper Headline piece of crap. The young people
supporting Bernie really need to step up. Now, I think he's pretty cool
and groovy based on his policies. But, c'mon, youth vote, can't you think
of some phrase or picture or something to spice the campaign up? So far,
the biggest thing supporters have rallied behind was when a bird showed up.
We can do better than that. Get craculating on it! How about
a shirt that says, "Bernie Sanders Is a Hero." Just an idea. Just to
get the ball rolling, you know, that kind of crap. Also, yeah, I get that
it doesn't get much cooler than Elderly Jews. I get that. But,
still, we can do better.
I think the reason African Americans are weary of Bernie
Sanders is because he looks like the kind of guy who would cheat their musical
heroes out of their money in a record contract. I get that. What
else and crap. Hey, only two and a half more paragraphs to go.
Awesome. I haven't made some music in a while. Partly because I'm
bad and partly because I'm terrible. Oh well, crap and crap, am I right.
Ha. Reagan. Crazysheet knows references from before he was born!
Let's Read About It! Anyway, what else. I like how my story
ends. Objectively, it's terrible. Just wraps it up in a few
sentences of cliche nosnese bullshit. But for some reason, I feel it fits
great. Probably through the powers of self-delusion. Last night,
while going to sleep, I just kept thinking, Man are these character names
Man are those character names great. What else is
going on and crap. Especially that one that can be pronounced different
ways. Now that's a Choose Your Own Adventure. Anyway, crap
and crap, what else and crap. Did I e-mail Professor the paper wrong?
Where's my premature praise? Something must be wrong. What else
and crap. I want to study abroad. I like looking carefully at dames.
I hate myself. What else and crap. Did a couple of minor Heros
today. Bus stop on way to school, answered a question about which busline
this was. Getting off bus way home from school, a mere small fraction of a
click from the first Hero, told a lady the direction Queens borough College is.
You add those two up and you get a pretty decent fraction of Hero.
Anyway, what else. On the Hero scale, the more you do,
it goes up exponentially. Right? Seems like it would. Anyway.
I have mixed feelings about getting up early. I set my alarm clock always
extra early, so I can go back to sleep once or twice. That aspect is
wonderful. Nothing greater than going back to sleep. The aspect of
having to actually get up at some point, that's no good. I've seriously
considered waking myself up early every day just so I could go back to sleep.
Not seriously enough, though. Now that I talk about it, it's something I
really do want to seriously consider. We'll have to wait for the entry to
be over, though. I got no time for considering things while writing an
Crap. I have to do fifteen paragraphs. It's only
right, considering the epic quantity of this month. Can't end it on a
10'r. Anyway, what else and crap. I can't wait to get a fourth
twitter follower. Who Will It Be. Follow me @Crazysheeeet, it
could be you! And remember, it's four, "E's," one more than three.
That's how you can remember. Jeez. What else and crap. The
Title of the story I wrote is pretty good, too. I like Titles. You
may have noticed. I watched another Simpsons yesterday that is in my top 5
favorite. Well, let's say top 10. Only laughed once, again.
Time + Comedy = Tragedy. Just a little theorem I'm working on.
Shouldn't it be Comedy + Time = Tragedy? That arrangement sounds like it
makes more sense. Get off my website! I'll learn you to mess
with my theorems.
Also, let's be honest-- if you laugh once in a 22 minute
period, that's still pretty good. I watch comedy, comedy I like, and don't
laugh at all. Let's be honest. Great, what else and crap. It
takes a lot to make a grown man laugh. You know, like Where in the
world is Carmen Sandiego, is she in San Diego, because, if so, I want
my money back? I forget what I was trying to prove. Jeez.
What else and crap. I bet everyone in the NSA and CIA grew up playing
Carmen Sandiego. Probably. What else and crap. One aspect of
the story that I feel I could have done better was, there's a guy giving three
examples of what his last words would be if he kills himself, and I'm only
satisfied with one of them. The other two just seem kind of egregious and
Great. Three paragraphs to go. I can do that, no
problem. I don't think I've ever successfully found Carmen San Diego.
I remember trying a few times. Oh well. Crap and crap. Malcolm
X is a long movie. I watched it for half an hour yesterday and I don't
remember what happened. Oh well. The good news is I am within reach
of finishing this entry. Two and a half blobs to go. I got DVDs to
watch, Jack. If only Cop & a Half had director's commentary. I can't
watch it without commentary, I already know what happens. I don't know
what Henry Winkler or Bert Reynolds have to say about it, though. Anyway,
what else and crap.
Two more to go. Alright, I can do this. I've done
it plenty of times before. No reason why this time should be different.
Tomorrow is April. Whatta world, whatta world. Baseball is starting
soon. I bet The Mets do Good. I've run the numbers and they should
have a 25 man roster and play all their games in stadiums. With that kind
of foundation, there's nothing to stop them. Anyway, yeah, sure. I
just finished my Green-Apple bottle of vodka. Time to get started on Grape
bottle of vodka. Wait, he's been writing this this whole time drunk?
I don't get drunk. I get buzzed. Get it right. Or
don't, I don't really care that much. What else and crap. Also,
Yeah I drink flavored Vodka. I drink regular whiskey though. I
don't think they have Grape Whiskey. Not yet, at least.
Wonderful. Almost done. Bernie wants to debate
Hillary in New York. I wanna see that debate! Lemme explain
that reference. In 2004, when John Kerry was winning the Democratic
nomination, he had been part of the debate team in college. He was
supposed to be some sort of master debater. And Michael Moore was giving a
speech at a rally or something, talking about Kerry potentially debating Bush,
and he was like I Wanna See That Debate! And everyone went wild.
Then, later on, during the debates Kerry did pretty mediocre. It's a
memory that I would remember forever. Also, I do kind of owe you another
paragraph. That Headline bullcrap can't detract from your enjoying this
entry, that would be counterproductive.
What else. At least I'm getting my daily serving of
fruits. I'm being healthy by drinking this crap. What else and crap.
I also remember for those 2004 debates, the Bush campaign stipulated the stage
be on a tilt, so Bush looks the same height as Kerry. I wish I had a
campaign to service me with those kind of stipulations. Oh well, live and
learn. Crap and crap. I'm probably gonna watch Cop and a Half
when this is over. Probably is a strong word. Let's say a 20%
shot. What else. I'll see ya later.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
When The World Needs A Hero, One Man Answers The Call
And that man is Batman.
After him, though, comes me. I did a legitimate Hero yesterday.
Found a wallet outside my classroom and returned it to the proper authorities.
They asked me if I wanted to give my name to the person. Why would I do
that. I'm not that vain. Yeah, you can have your wallet back, but
only if you thank me by name. I looked through the wallet, sure.
Just wanted to see what this fellow was working with. Left everything in
it, though. I feel like he probably would have missed the wallet itself
more than what was in it. It said Bad Mother Fucker on it, which I
believe is a Pulp Fiction reference. You don't get a chance to have a
wallet like that but once in a blue moon. Also, preformed another Hero by
writing my story yesterday. I have to say, it's pretty mediocre bordering
on adequate. Proud as punch. I still need to write a few more
sentences to the last paragraph. Every paragraph is 7-9 lines long, and I
don't wanna interrupt that flow when I'm so close to being done with it.
Great! What else and crap. Startin' to cycle
through some DVDs the last week or two. The best experience of which was
watching Re-Animator. I think I probably had seen it once before in my
life, when I first got the DVD, and really didn't remember anything. It
was pretty good, I'm pleased as punch. Then last night I watched another
Zombie movie. The one appropriately titled Zombie. What you
see is what you get. That was okay. I find in old zombie movies the
zombies bite into the flesh and it comes apart too easy. In real life, a
zombie, moving at 40% the speed of man, so it would stand to reason they perform
all actions at 40% the speed/intensity of man, they bite your arm, they ain't
even gonna break the skin on the first try. These movies, one bite and
your entire arm is ripped off practically. So unrealistic.
Anyway. Fear The Walking Dead comes back in a week
and a half. I like that show just fine. The Regular The Walking Dead
bores me. This has been zombie talk. What else and crap.
And one of the first DVDs I watched during this resurgence of watching DVDs was
Land of the Dead. Not a terrible movie. The point is I like zombies
and Daddy gets what Daddy likes. Me, I'm Daddy. I figure once you
turn 27 you can start calling yourself Daddy, that's the cutoff. Anyway.
My story's just nonsense. It has implied humor all over the place, sure.
But there's no drama, there's no character development. Just a bunch of
bullshit. I consider it entertaining enough, though, so I wouldn't
complain if I were reading it. Mainly because I'd had to complain to
myself. And I can't stand complaints. Especially from myself.
Where do I get off.
Wonderful. March is over in a couple of days.
That settles that. Bernie is holding a rally in Bronx tomorrow. If I
didn't have class, I would probably slightly somewhat consider going possibly.
Oh well, live and learn. Up to three followers on Twitter. I was forced to
make the decision, Do I follow every real person who follows me, even if they
ain't givin' much goofballs and funny bones, to be polite? Or do I only
follow people with wacky tweets all the time. I erred on the side of
being polite. It sets a real dangerous precedent, though. Real
dangerous. Anyway, don't mean to brag, but I have approximately six
tweets. Anyway. Are people allowed to build their own personal
trains. Like, I wanted to build a train from my house to Queens College,
is that legal? We'll worry about the financial restrictions when we get to
that, first we need to find out if the idea is allowed.
That's a thing? I guess. What else and crap.
The good thing is the story is more or less done so now I can focus all my
attention on doing nothing. Anyway. I had Chipotle for dinner two
days in a row. You know what that's like, right. It's the bomb.
That's what it's like. In a positive sense. Kinda weird phrase,
though. Outside that phrase, bombs are pretty much negative things.
They destroy buildings and hurt people. That's no good. Neither is
this riff. What else is going on. In Chinese Poker, four of a kind
is called a bomb. In regular poker, its just called four of a kind.
What's the deal with things! That's how I feel. I watched Wayne's
World on DVD last night. Opening credits-- There'll be some laughs in
this. Five minutes in-- Due for some laughs. Half an hour
in-- Laughs better be coming. 45 minutes in-- Alright,
where's the laughs. An hour in-- Gotta be some laughs at some
point. An hour and a half in-- The movie's over.
That'll show them for making a congenial movie.
Can't wait to watch Wayne's World II tonight. It's probably because
I've seen it a dozen times so I know what's around every corner. That's my
story and I'll stick to it for now. Anyway. I think my story is good
enough. I can expect two or three comments during workshop that it borders
on amusing. Some jerk wrote a 23 page story that we're workshopping next
week. That'll take me days to read. You know, like .15 days?
Anyway, crap and crap. Probably isn't even funny. Where do people
get off not writing funny stories. Don't they know inducing laughter is
our main goal in life? Shouldn't even end at life. If you can figure
out a clever and funny way to die, I say you go for it. Or you leave
behind a Video Will and it's just ten minutes of you doing the worm. The
dance move. That'll make sure people remember you for the clown that you
Anyway. Most likely a 10'r today. You know, like
those three opera guys? Pun'd it. It's a good thing Randy
Johnson wasn't at that Bernie rally where the bird showed up. Randy
Johnson is birds' natural enemy. Great. What else. Randy
Johnson kind of looks like a bird himself. If you put him into Sesame
Street and took Big Bird out, nobody would notice the difference. Anyway,
what else and crap. It's possible I'll gradually shift from this website
to Twitter. I get the same sense of satisfaction from a decent Tweet as I
do from, let's say half a decent entry. That's just playing the odds that
I make that change. Hopefully not. I don't know. What else and
crap. What to do with the rest of my day. Guess I can get workin' on
learning how to do the worm. My Video Will isn't gonna make itself.
Great. Three whole paragraphs to go. Wonderful.
I watched Ray a couple of days ago. Next in line are Malcolm X and Ali.
This week's theme is African American bio-pics. Already got started on it,
now the goal is to see it through. I watched the first five minutes of
Malcolm X. Whatta character. We didn't land on Malcolm X, Malcolm X
landed on us. That's pretty much the extent of my knowledge of Malcolm X.
Apparently Muhammad Ali was friends with Malcolm X. They got some serious
Avengers action going on with these movies. Anyway. Hi, I'm
Malcolm X. Holy shit, you're telling me your whole line of father's
name is Malcolm going back to your great great great great great great great
great grandfather? Talk about committing to a name. Great.
What else and crap. It's a good thing you're not
Malcolm the Fifth. No one's gonna take someone named Malcolm V seriously.
What else and crap. I like Spike Lee movies. I know they're supposed
to be gritty and controversial but to me the ones I've seen are real feel good
movies. He Got Game-- great father and son movie. 25th Hour-- what's
not to like. Do The Right Ting-- tells us to do the right thing-- an
important message. Maybe I'm watching them wrong. It's entirely
possible I'm watching them wrong, I guess. I think the constant is there's
always some characters you can root for, and they seem real, so that makes
rooting for them extra rewarding.
Right? Maybe? Whatever? I guess? Last
paragraph? Alright! What else and crap. Did a hero yesterday,
returning the wallet. That's how it starts. Every super hero origin
story, starts off with small things. Now that we know you have your
wallet back, I know who I am. And I finally woke up without
feeling empty inside. This is how it begins, that's all I'm saying.
What else and crap. Shit, just blew my secret identity. Oh
well, live and learn. It takes a hero's instinct even do to that.
See a wallet lying on the floor, your first instinct is, What Do I Do?
Second instinct, I can't pick it up, that's stealing. Third
instinct, If someone else gets it, they're gonna steal it legit.
Fourth instinct, back to I can't pick it up, that's stealing. Fifth
instinct, If I pick it up, what the Hell do I do with it. Sixth
instinct, Find some teacher or something to ask. Seventh instinct,
Pick it up, find an authority figure, have them point me in the right direction.
And the rest took care of itself, it did.
I wanna write another paragraph. That's how I feel.
Crap and crap, now I have to write a paragraph. Who knew writing another
paragraph would entail writing another paragraph. I like how Ray Charles
jolts around his body. I wonder if that's a symptom of being blind.
I don't care how it looks, my body and me are gonna have some fun! I'm
not being sarcastic. I wish I could get away with twisting my body like
that constantly while smiling a big smile. People would respect me more.
I'm glad I'm not blind. That's a hassle I don't need. Anyway.
Jeez, now I'm thinking fifteen paragraphs. I hate getting myself into this
mess every tenth-twelfth paragraph. It's a hassle I don't need.
Hey, I can write some short paragraphs, that'll get me
there. How fiendishly clever. I think I use the phrase
Fiendishly Clever in my story. Fiendishly something. It's a good
phrase. I'll use it wherever I can, whatta combination of words. And
it's self referential, because the whole story is fiendishly clever.
How fiendishly clever. Great, what else and carp. The Mets'
first game is on Sunday. I'll be watching probably. It's at 8:30,
which is a little past my bedtime, but it stands to reason I'll stay up to watch
it, on account of me enjoying The Mets and the times that they Play Baseball.
Anyway. I like alliteration. You give me a story, the first thing
I'm gonna look for is alliteration. And sometimes I find it and it's
great. This is relative because i said Play Baseball, and capitalizing two
consecutive words made me thin of alliteration. It's Capital-Letter
Alliteration, that's all that is.
Holy crap, only three more paragraphs to go. Whatta
joy. My story has got some real solid character names. I think there
are four names given in the story, and all but one of them are great.
There's one I'm satisfied with, but maybe could do better. it's a good
thing I wrote it yesterday, and now have an extra day to come up with a better
name. One of the names can easily be pronounced differently. I like
that. It's a choose your own adventure on how to pronounce it!
People love choose your own adventures. That's how I feel.
Shoulda written a choose your own adventure. I'll keep that in mind
for future stories.
Ten lines in my half-screen FrontPage document, that
paragraph was. That's the smallest amount a paragraph can be by my
standards. Oh well, crap and crap. The good news is what else.
When I handed in the wallet to the security people at the entrance of the
campus, I should have been like, Well? Aren't you going to deputize me?
Not really. That would be stupid. But I sure should waste a sentence
or two talking about doing it here. Crap and crap. Anyway. I
mean, I watched one of my favorite Simpsons episodes ever a couple of days ago
and maybe laughed once. You know, in regards to the Wayne's World
complaint. There's only so many times you can see something funny until it
stops becoming funny. Then, you don't watch it for a long time, it'll
become funny again.
I'm a man with a plan! What else and crap. A
canal! Panama! What else and crap. I think it's unfair we can
only have exclamation or question mark palindromes in Spanish. These are
the real issues. Hah. Upside down question mark. Where do
they come up with this stuff?! Whatever. Hey, 15 paragraphs.
I did it. Great. And a week from tomorrow, oh boy, the comments are gonna
roll in. I didn't like it, but it almost brought me to the brink of
laughter. Alright! Crap and crap. New month in a couple of
days. I celebrate each month with a new color scheme. Well, not
entirely new. Just go back and forth between two. Sure does help me
mix things up in regards to content, probably, one would imagine! Whole
different rhythm and crap one would assume. Maybe. Anyway, catch ya
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Stop Bombing People You Idiots
You asked for topical, you
got it! Nobody asked for topical. Well, you still got it, it
seems. Topical, you know-- like on a map? Words, am I
right? I made a third tweet! I'm unstoppable! Alright,
today, today I figure out what story I want to write. That's progress.
Can Stop Bombing People You Idiots be a story? My guess?
Probably not. It would be mighty topical, though. Topicalization is
something that's been missing from our entire first round of stories. I'd
be a Hero to introduce Topography into the mix. I guess I can just
write a story about a cartographer. Nobody's stopping me. Except
for that I don't know much about cartographers. Oh well, what else and
crap. The Mets are really good at tying games. That's good.
Almost on par as winning games.
Right, right... Crap and crap. It's gonna be
April soon. Can you believe it. I need to make a B Sides to
the 12 song CD I created. Then a C Sides, then a D Sides,
then we're done. E Sides? Who ever heard of such a thing.
E Sides, that's just nonsense. I like doing it on CD-RWs, too. That
way, if I give it to someone, they can record better songs than mine onto it.
It's pretty clever if I may say so myself. Are CDs still a thing. Or
is everything just USB these days. Let's talk about it. Is it a robot who
says the AOL You Got Mail, or is it based on a real guy's voice. If
it's a real person, hopefully that guy gets some sort of bonus every time
someone gets mail. That's how that might go. Can people still have
AOL. You know, ironically? Figure that would be a thing.
Was/Is AOL available in other countries? These are the
real issues. I can write a story about AOL! Wait, that's no
good, somebody already did. Well, there goes that great idea. Where
else am I gonna chat about Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Anyway, what else
and crap. I don't know. Let's see. Sanders crushed it
yesterday. Good for him. Apparently 300 people voted in Alaska.
As far as I can tell. Everywhere I go they seem to insinuate that was the
final tally. Whatever. Alaska is big Topography wise, can we all
agree on that? They have more words for snow than they do for people.
People, they got like 250 names. Adam, Michelle, Rory, Hugh... I wish I
knew some of the various words for snow. Seems like it would be funny.
Ha-- look at all those names! Those people are different than us!
I'm gonna legitimately look up some words for snow. BRB. Fritla.
That means "Fried Snow." You know, for all those times snow is fried?
Mactla. Snow burgers. You know, snow burgers.
Anyway. What else and crap. I think they just
went into a KFC and hijacked the entire menu and added snow to each item.
Anyway, what else and crap. Bernie Sanders is Inuit To Win It. Ha.
Words. What else and crap. If they had done polling in Alaska,
they'd pretty much have 100% of the electorate mapped out. Forget sample
size, they got everyone in eight hours of robo-calling. Anyway, what else.
I can't wait to vote in the primary. When I'm done, I'm gonna go to the
people running it, I was told there would be cookies for voters?
Then they go, There's no cookies. Then I go, What the Hell did I
just vote for then? Then they go, To add to the vote total of the
person you voted for. Then I go, Yeah, but I really wanted a
cookie. It'll play funnier than just describing the interaction did.
They'd be on the floor laughing, possibly even rolling on the floor laughing.
I made it to the fifth paragraph. In your face,
everyone who doubted me! I like Twittering it up before bed. Hey,
I'm still part of the human experience even from my slumber! And by
part of the human experience, I mean that one guy who is a Bernie supporter.
He's on the floor laughing his brains out. Anyway, great. What else
and crap. I really gotta get started on my story. I don't want to,
though. If I think of the right idea for the story, the basis, it'll flow
out great naturally. With these B- Ideas, though, it's a real struggle to
write them. Probably because throughout the story, it will be in my
perception and actuality a B- story. It'll start as a B-, it'll progress
as a B-, and it'll end as a B-. This is all things I learned in my seven
months of being a writer of story. I don't mean to brag, but I've
written two or three short stories.
I do mean to brag. It's quite the accomplishment to
be honest. What else and crap. Mr. Glassesface. That was the
first story I ever wrote. I can adopt that into modern times.
Nobody's stopping me. And it tickles me right where it counts handing in a
story about someone named Mr. Glassesface. That's the kind of thing I get
my jollies from. I'm just picturing Waldo of Where's Waldo fame now.
That's no good. The whole thing has gone stale I guess. What else
and crap. This entry is what's important right now. Is Waldo a real
name. I've never met or heard of anyone else named Waldo. Let's talk
about it. Also, in Where's Waldo, is Waldo trying to fit in and look like
everyone else, or is everyone copying Waldo and trying to look like him.
These are the real issues.
These are the seventh paragraphs. Dentist tomorrow.
Do I lie to them about how often I brush? Do I say I brush somewhat more
than is factual? Or do I just come clean about how little I brush. I
got some time to figure this out. Anyway, crap and crap. I think I
should just say, up front, Look, I have a thing where it's hard for me to not
lick your fingers. If it happens, I'm not trying to be a creep, it's just
the way my tongue muscle works, I have very little control. Probably
not. Maybe it's something they deal with all the time. I don't know.
I can't be the only one. And then, when I'm done, I was told there
would be cookies at the end? There's no cookies. What
the Hell did I just do this for then.
Crap and crap, indeed. I found an old Cable Box Remote.
The standard remote, controls the T.V. too, controls everything. I thought
I'd never see it again. Turns out, it was under my bed. I found it
while looking for my glasses, which got knocked over from my night table in my
slumber. I thought I'd never see them again. I did, though. II
thought I would have to start wearing 3-D Movie Glasses. Sure, they
don't help me see any better, but I'd have some constancy of wearing glasses in
public. Not wearing any glasses, that would throw some people for a loop.
I only spend half the time in Class wearing glasses. The other half, I
rest them atop my head, as one does. I like the fluidity of seeing things
well and not seeing things well, I like to mix it up. Anyway, crap and
I'm gonna guess this is a 10'er today. The good news is
at least I did something. And it wouldn't be a shock if I came up with a
Tweet or two before the day is over. So far 2/3rds of my tweets have been
inspired by watching T.V. before bed. And the other 1/3rd is the
introductory tweet. Crap and crap. I like how the standard profile
picture for Twitter is an egg. Real clever, guys. You knocked that
one out of the park. I'm pretty sure with an Old Remote I should be able
to watch T.V. from 2010. That's how technology works, right?
Probably. I got a cold sore on my lip without any sexual contact.
Maybe that's a sign I should go with the story where the guy gets Herpes without
sex. Or, maybe it's a sign I shouldn't. Who knows for sure.
This is the last paragraph. I guess it's not a
cold sore without sex. Just some sort of pimple thing on the lip.
The point is it doesn't hurt anymore. What else and crap. Hey, it's
Easter Sunday. That's a thing for some reason. Maybe the Egg in my
profile picture was just there to celebrate Easter. Can't count that out
as a possibility. Stupid having to write a story. E-mail me your
story ideas at
firstname.lastname@example.org. If I pick your
story idea, I'll give you a free cookie! At some point. Next time I
see ya. Just remind me. Anyway, what else and crap. I guess
this is the end. See ya later.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
The Replacements Is a Movie For Some Reason
Hey, remember all those
other football movies? Let's do that again. Anyway, what the
what? Officially got started on my Twitter with two real good D+ Tweets.
Follow me @crazysheeeet! Who knows what fun is in store with that
nonsense. I also got a follower, I assume someone who saw me added to
Bernard Sanderbilt's account. This guy knows what's up. He's way
ahead of the curve when it comes to liking me. Anyway. What
story. That's my philosophy for the next two or three days.
Then, Crunch Time. Captain Crunch is but one example of sugary cereal that
never appealed to me. That, Lucky Charms, a third reference... The
real cereal that disgusts me is Cheerios. I don't know why for sure.
Just looking at a bowl of cheerios akes me want to vomit. And if it's in
milk, doubly so. Milkiness + Crunchiness is just disgusting to look at, to
hear being chewed, and to eat, one would imagine. I know I'm in the
minority here, I don't care.
Now you know how I feel about cereal. Anyway. Can
you have an Irish Breakfast, which is when you pour whiskey into your milk in
cereal. I guess you can. Nobody's stopping you. I wonder how
the Irish feel about being an adjective which means To add alcohol too.
My guess? They love it. Being an assumed alcoholic fills me with
National Pride! Probably. I fixed my guitar myself, like a
chump. Now I can't take my old guitar in to be fixed as a ruse to start
using that instead of the newer one. Well, I can. That's not how we
do things here, though. Kix is on the same level as Cheerios for me.
Disgusting. Mikey Doesn't Like It. I wonder how people
with my name feel about being associated with cereal aficionados. My
guess? Proud as punch. One would imagine Products 1-18 were
terrible. Never even made it past the manufacturing line.
Anyway, crap and crap. We should gain an hour this
Sunday. Just keep going back and forth every week. That'll keep
people on their toes. I was probably gonna see Batman and Superman Take
Manhattan but due to negative reviews it turns to I don't have to. I
thought it might be a once in a lifetime moviegoing experience. Turns out
it's a rather mediocre pedestrian moviegoing experience. I ain't got no
time for that. I'm saving myself for Star Wars II? Or VIII?
Or V? Let's figure out what number this Star Wars is and then I'll
think about whether I want to see it. I'll see the sequel to this one,
Batman AND Superman: Let's Be Friends. Are they in Gotham or
Metropolis. I feel like probably Metropolis. Whatta shame.
I wanna see a movie with Adam West and George Reeves. I don't care if half
of them are dead, I Wanna See The Movie. Mikey gets what he wants.
That's right, I know all about George Reeves. Genius!
Crap and crap. Alaska, Hawaii, Washington on the
CHopping Block tonight. My Dad loves Alaska. Because he likes puns.
Not as much as me, but they are somewhat important to his brand of humor.
I'll Ask 'Er. Doesn't work perfectly, an "Uh," and a, "Her," don't
line up perfectly. But I don't want to tell my Dad that. He'd be
devastated. Better to let him live in his D+ Puns world. Hawaii.
Huh, Why-e? Washington. Wash...ington? You know,
like the president. Wonderful. It's possibly my Dad does think that
the state is pronounced, Alasker. That's in line with how he
pronounces other words. Anyway, what else and crap. I can't wear my
Bernie shirt to class again next week. People will think I only have one
shirt. I need to get more shirts that say things.
Probably. What else and crap. For my second
Tweet, I was on the fence of whether to post it, and when I did, I was like,
This is gonna open the flood gates to post a lot of crap. It sets a
precedence, it does. Oh well, live and learn. What else and
crap. The Mets are doing Crap in Spring Training. Also, the Foul
Pole should be called the Fair Pole. If you hit it, it's fair. If
you hit the line on the field that marks it, it's fair. Therefore, it
represents Fair Territory. Everything else is foul except the fair poles
and in between. The Commissioner is gonna get one angry letter.
Anyway. Polish person who had his DNA crossed with a Chicken.
Let's talk about it. Remember fifteen years ago when Dolly the Sheep
was a big deal. They cloned a sheep. Then nothing happened.
We were supposed to start cloning people, right? That's the logical
progression. Haven't heard about it since 1999, though.
I think people were just disappointed that cloning
something means there's a newborn that's the clone. We don't wanna wait
twenty years until we can see clones side by side. We want a clone
immediately. Look at the freaks! I can't get enough of this
stuff! Anyway. Can't we just get a Lil Poopy reality show.
Drop the Rap Game aspect, I just wanna follow Lil Poopy around for the rest of
his/my life. I mean, he's going to become a teenager, and then an adult.
He'll surely develop some insight into what it means to be Lil Poopy. I
want to be there when he does. I want a clone. One would imagine
they'd be great to talk to. Hey, you're me! No, you're
me! That sort of crap. Now that I think about it, I don't
want to talk to myself. I might be in the bottom 2% of people I would want
to talk to.
Anyway, crap and crap. My urine is green. Just in
time for St. Patrick's Day. Well, not really in time. It was eleven
days ago. Just in time for St. Patrick's Day being relatively still
relevant. I was reading the election primary results a week ago or
whatever, and I like how there's roughly 200 people who live in Idaho. Yet
they still get two senators. Where is justice. Not on the
Supreme Court. They're missing one. I wonder if the Supreme Court
Justices are friends. Like, do they get a beer after work together?
My guess is they probably all hate each other. Stands to reason that would
be the case I guess. Yeah, it's just like every other Football movie,
except this time, Gene Hackman is the coach! He looks slightly
different than previous coaches.
What else and crap. I have a connection with Gene
Hackman because the first syllables of both our last names can mean stupid
cliché jokes. We're practically the same person. Great.
If I had a clone, probably around age four, he'd go, Why was I programmed to
feel pain? That's not a clone, that's a robot. Maybe he's just
goofing around. I'd expect a mild amount of goofing around from my clone.
The point is I went through some pain in my life, my clone will too. So
that's why it makes sense relatively D+. Also, did Obama meet with Elian
Gonzalez? I want an update into how he's doin'. He's probably right
around my age. He was around my age in 1999, so it stands to reason he
would still be around my age here in the future. In the general election,
they're gonna start berating Clinton (If she's the nominee) about Bill Clinton's
transgressions and impeachment. How will she respond.
It's a real tough position to be in for her.
I guess we'll find out. Hey, Hillary Clinton
sent e-mails! It's a conspiracy! People are dumb. Cory
Booker wrote a book. That's on par with Edgar Allen Poe writing poetry.
Good for him. Ninth paragraph. Another good sized entry no matter
how it turns out. Is me writing corny crap on par with those things?
Not quite, but it is a reasonable connection to make I guess. Is Bill
Clinton going to play the saxophone at Hillary Clinton's coronation. I
guess. What else and crap. Corn-o-nation. My last name's
up to it again! What else and crap. Soemtimes when I think of my
name, it's like I'm being reminded, and I'm like, Oh yeah, that is my
name. Normally I associate Kornblum with my Dad. He's the
primary Kornblum in my family, he was here first. Even thinking of myself
as Mike or Michael throws me for a loop. It's the most common boys' name,
why should I feel like I own it more than anyone else.
Also, is not 100% identifying with your name a symptom of
schizoaffective disorder? My guess? Yes. Anyway.
Korn-Blum? That's me? Well, if you say so... What else and
crap. My fake band name is The Uppers. There, that's me. I
chose it myself, stands to reason I would identify with it more than my given
name. Oh, right. Crazysheet, too. That's even
more Me than The Uppers. Whatta shame. What... A... Shame.
Crap and crap. It would be weird if Crazysheet was just a character
I did and my real personality was very different. Whatta shame. Crap
and crap. It would be weird for Bill Clinton to live in The White House as
the second fiddle. Not weird for us, weird for him. Although, if
anyone is gonna be some sort of fiddler, it'd be him. Joke'd It.
Anyway, what else and crap.
Eleventh paragraph? Well on our way to the new standard
of fifteen. I think Hillary's main campaign method is showing a Polaroid
of Bill Clinton and saying Remember This Guy? I Know Him!
Probably. Crap and crap. I get a real sense of satisfaction writing
a 15'er. Like I did something great. Because there's things wrong
with me. Tomorrow, I gotta get started on my story. Fer reals.
The clock is ticking. Anyway. Follow me @crazysheeeet you jerks.
I know probably roughly one of you has twitter. That's Math, that's all
that is. My goal for Twitter Followers is Ten. Not just the current
goal, the end, ultimate goal. I get ten solid followers, I'm good to go
Crap and crap. What else and crap. I already
check every five minutes to see if I magically got a new follower. I get
nine more feelings of elation, that'll set me right for a long time. The
real question now is What Do I Want For Dinner. So many choices.
Roughly ten or twelve or so. What kind of First Pet are we gonna have in
2017. Gotta be something. We can't have a No-Pet presidency.
It wouldn't be right. The only pet I could imagine Donald Trump having is
a tiny clone of himself. He's got the best DNA, I bet. Anyway.
Humans can be pets if they're children. Right? I feel like that's
right. There was a bird at a Bernie Sanders rally or something. That
should help him get the Ornithologist vote. They're a real swing vote
those ornithologists are.
I guess. The good news is three more paragraphs.
I still feel like there's a good chance Bernie gets the nomination and becomes
president. He's got as good a chance as any of them. Especially with
me wearing his shirt and whatnot. That'll help him get the swing-vote of
people who look at my shirts. Great. Great. Crap and crap to
go. How far away are we from cloning dinosaurs. Five years?
Ten years? Can't be more than ten years. Anyway, that's crap.
Fills up crap, though. Crap. I think I learned all my
Rear-View-Mirror knowledge from the first Jurassic Park. Objects in
mirror may appear closer than they appear. I mean, closer than they are.
That was in my brain way before I even learned to drive a car. Especially
since I never learned to drive a car. It's infinity before I learned to
drive a car.
Crap and crap indeed! Two more paragarphizzles to go
and crap. Pressure's on to entertain that Bernie Sanders supporter.
I need to give it all of my attention and focus. This guy has got to know
how great I am. Jeez, Sanders won Alaska, and is crushing Hillary
in Wershington. I told you he was still in it to win it! Alright!
I guess it's a little early to say he's crushing her in Washington. It
says already over 20% of the votes reporting, but the votes number is only 3000.
Pretty sure there's gonna be more votes than 15000. Oh well, that'll all
get sorted out one would assume. Maybe Washington has no more people than
Idaho. I thought it did. Shows how much I know. Maybe the Lab
Science I need to take at QC should be Topography. Alaska has 40%
reporting and 200 votes. These numbers are wrong, I'm not afraid to say
What else. Last paragraph. Maybe they're right
and I'm just an idiot. I would have guessed there were more than 600
Democrats voting in Alaska. It's a big state. Probably the biggest
when we get down to the nuts and bolts of the whole situation. Anyway,
what else is going on. Maybe the "Vote Count," is really some sort of
delegate count or something, I don't have all the details. Anyway. I
don't wanna stop after this paragraph. I've got a good two or three more
in me. But we'll have to think of crap to say. I feel like
continuing writing, but without the benefit of having anything to say.
We'll see how this plays out. What else and crap.
What else and crap. If I knew only 800 people were
voting in Alaska, I would have taken a Holiday there and worn my shirt all over
the place. Also, I said, "Holiday," instead of, "Vacation," like people
elsewhere do. You know, for fun? It sure was fun. My Dad was
telling me he used to want to take a vacation to Alaska. Not really
interesting, but it does lead to this spin-off of that comment-- My
parents' honeymoon was in Quebec. Who goes, We want the most romantic
vacation ever-- Let's Go To Canada! Fools, that's who. Anyway.
Crap and crap. I'll see ya later.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Check It Out, I Got A Joke Lined Up
Is it possible the main
thing ISIS is so angry about is that we keep getting their name wrong?
Cause some people say ISIL. Maybe ISIL is their real name and ISIS is
getting it wrong. Either way, we're getting it wrong half the time.
That would piss anybody off. Well, there's the joke. Now, ten or so
paragraphs of bullshit nonsense. I can't think of ISIS without thinking of
The Goo Goo Dolls. Iris. Because there's things wrong with me.
Each Jihadi gets 72 Goo Goo Dolls in the afterlife. Is Jihadi a
word? Seems like it would be. Hey, it is! Looks like
I'm a genius. I thought of a different story idea. I feel it's 50/50
at this point whether I write the original story or the newer idea. Well,
let's call it 47/47. And 6% I come up wit ha new story. Well, let's
call it 4%. There's a 2% chance I wind up not writing a story for some
Great! I think the real reason old Jews move to Florida
is so they can watch all the spring training baseball they want. Prove
me wrong! I hope you don't actually prove me wrong. That would
be mighty embarrassing for me. You know, being wrong about things and
whatnot. Not a situation I would wish on my worst enemy. Hmm,
that brings the question... who is my worst enemy? Is it ISIS?
That's the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe because I just talked
about them. Who else could my worst enemy be. This riff has the
potential for some goofballs and funny bones if I continue it aptly. Is it
some sort of combination of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump? Like, Donald Trump
standing on Ted Cruz's shoulders? Or vice versa? Probably not, but
maybe. What else can it be. Lit. That was my first
thought but then decided not to bother you with that crap. Then I ended up
doing it a few sentences later. I guess I am my own worst enemy.
This still has the potential for humor! Lemme think.
I don't get One Hit Wonders. Just do it again, what are you, stupid?
That's how I feel. Garry Shandling is deceased. That's sad. He
was one of the good ones. I should look into YouTube to see some more of
his comedy. All I know is The Larry Sanders Show. Let's see,
enemies, enemies... Lil Poopy. He's challenging me for people
with crap in their names supremacy. Aww, I can't stay mad at him.
I just got pooped. Anyway. The Green Goblin? Haven't
really crossed paths with him yet, but stands to reason he'd be my enemy.
You know, on account of me being Spiderman. That sort of crap. I'm
not gonna be satisfied with this riff until I think of something that makes me
think, Yeah, they really are my worst enemy. Most people don't have
a worst enemy. Hopefully I do, otherwise this riff has the potential to
never really end ever.
Crap, let's see. My Brother? Twenty years ago,
yeah, maybe. That makes sense. But I kinda like the guy now.
So that can't be it. Anyway, we'll come back to this. Two days ago,
I was walking home, and a guy came up to me talking Spanish and I didn't
understand him. I'm proud to say I immediately said, Que? in
response. That was my instinct. Probably impressed him something
awful. He ended up saying Deli? so I pointed him in the direction
of the nearest bodega, which I figured is what he meant. Because I'm a
hero. HHe used the word entiendes, which rang a bell. At
some point I knew what that word meant.
Lemme check harcore, Brb. "Understand." I was way off! Drinks.
That's Beber, now that I think about it. Justin Beber. That's
how I feel.
Is Justin Bieber my worst enemy? Probably not.
Never met the man. I'm using the term, "Man," loosely.
Zinged! He's pretty much a Boy indefinitely. That's what you get
when you become famous when you're eight. What else and crap. Let,
see, enemies, enemies... Maybe that's a story idea. Something to do
with my worst enemy. Knowing who that would be should clarify whether its
a legitimate idea or not. Anyway. I took a few days off from
entries. Because I kept thinking, Nah, I'll get started on my story
today. So far, not really. I did write a paragraph for the first
story idea. The one with Uber Toilets and the guy who keeps having bad
stuff happen to him. Not 100% pleased with it, though. So I could
either start over or go with the different premise. The point is, the
pressure's on to be amusing. That's pretty much the goal of the story,
whatever its about. I'm here to amuse people, like a clown.
Anyway. I have a Dentist Appointment on Monday.
Maybe that'll give me some inspiration. Nah, I'll be too busy trying
not to lick hands. That takes 100% of my concentration. Is
licking hands my worst enemy? Possibly! Except for that its not a
person. Enemies have to be people. Or animals with human
characteristics. That's how I feel. I'm pretty surprised how
dentists always give you free toothpaste and floss. Don't they know that's
cutting into their profit margins? They do better when our teeth aren't
taken care of. I tell ya, it's illogical and crap. Crap and crap.
There's a decent chance the due date of my story will be pushed back, because we
had a couple of days off and I feel like we're a week or so behind on the
syllabus. So we'll see how that turns out and crap.
Great. As of now, Writing A Story is my worst enemy.
Can't I just give you a list of my favorite words? I'll fill up five
pages. I know a bunch of words. What else and crap. Samuel L.
Jackson can't be my worst enemy. He's already Bruce Willis'ses. Oh,
I know! Venom. No, that can't be it... Why did I get
onto this riff in the first place. I'm going to find out through the power
of Scrolling Up. Brb! Oh. "Not a situation I would wish on
my worst enemy." Stupid turn of phrase, got me into all this bullshit
and crap. I have to shave again. What crap. I just shaved
three weeks ago! And by, "I just shaved," I mean, Had Someone Shave Me For
Me. Because I'm a boy indefinitely. I can't take care of that kind
of crap myself. It's dangerous and difficult. The Two, "D"'s.
Yeah I don't know correct formatting, so what.
Crap and crap. Grooming myself is an enemy.
Worst enemy? Probably not. Certainly a enemy. Not
really. Enemies have to be people or animals with human
characteristics. We already covered this. Crap and crap.
Whattado when this is done. The possibilities are endless. Well,
roughly four hundred, lets say. That's how many channels there are.
Crap and crap. I think I'm gonna get my old guitar fixed instead of the
new one. How fiendishly clever. No one will know.
Yep. Two and a half paragraphs to go! How fiendishly clever!
Every now and then I search the internet for ways to abuse Ritalin. Take
it sublingually (dissolve it under the tongue), snort it, shoot it. I'm
never gonna do any of these things, mind you. I'm a responsible adult,
now. Can't stop me from dreaming about it, though. Dreaming is a
strong word. Can't stop me from fantasizing about it. Fantasizing is
a strong word. Can't stop me from imagining it. Imagining it is a
strong word. Can't stop me from contemplating it. Contemplating it
is a strong word. Can't stop me from reading about it. There, there
What else and crap. Two more Craps to crap. I
believe we've gone through the first round of everyone's stories in class.
My story is probably third or fourth in quality, if I may say so myself.
And I may say so. Nobody's stopping me. I saw an Advisor a few days
ago. Six more English classes, two more non English classes.
Probably graduate sometime next year. Which is terrifying. That
means I have to get a job. Getting a job is my worst enemy, I think.
Probably. I'm relatively certain that jobs don't exist anymore.
That's what News tells me. Oh well, live and learn. I'm not gonna
abuse Ritalin. For me, it's Bath Salts from here on out! Great.
What else and crap.
Last paragraph. Whatta joy. My X-Box controller
needs new batteries. These are the real issues. Bernie Sanders is
beating Hillary Clinton in national polls. And he's only gonna gain more
ground as time goes on. I, for one, welcome Bernie Sanders as our new
overlord. What else and crap. I wanna quit smoking... for two days.
Then, that next cigarette is gonna be great! It's a really good idea when
you think about it. These anti-smoking commercials are starting to get to
me. I've been smoking six and a half years. That's no good. My
justification for continuing is, Well, let's say I quit when I'm 30. I
could probably go unscathed with that. Still got a few more years to enjoy
myself. It's a really good idea when you think about it. You
know how crack babies are born addicted to crack, are tobacco babies a thing?
My Mom smoked when she was pregnant. Let's figure this one out, okay.
Or, let's add another paragraph for some reason. Who
knows for sure why. This is already the longest month ever, let's pad that
lead a little bit. I can't believe it's only been a month and a half since
I started talking about Bernie Sanders. Seems like its been a longer time
than that. He's In It To Win It. Probably. That's why
I'd be in it. I got a comment or two on my Bernie shirt on Tuesday.
One was, when I was waiting to see an advisor, another advisor was talking to
their friend and she was like, Where'd you get that? I said, The
Internet! Then she started talking to me about weird religious
bullshit. If that's the kind of hassle wearing a Sanders shirt induces, I
probably wouldn't have gotten it. Well, I still would have.
For every nutcase that starts talking to you about religious bullshit, there's
twenty people who read your shirt and go, Maybe I should support that guy!
And here's another paragraph. Why not. I
didn't know they let Weirdos like you onto campus! Live and learn, I
suppose. They were shooting some kind of movie or T.V. on campus.
There were trucks and everything. If my Shirt is any indication, Hillary
Clinton is my worst enemy. You can't put all your stock into what shirts
indicate, though. You'll end up getting burned. Like my shirt!
Great. Anyway, we're into the Shit with Spring now. Birds chirping,
sun shining, other things happening one would imagine. 25 credits to go.
If I start taking two classes per regular semester like I plan on, that's just
one more year. Two for each summer class, each summer of the next year.
Two for Fall, Two for Spring. Graduate after next summer. Noooooo!
Then I'll have to get a life and carp. That's no good!
One more paragraph, that's good. Probably. Maybe
not. Who cares. Crap and crap. I signed up for Twitter.
I have one Following-- Mr. Bernwald Sanderson. He's the only person I feel
comfortable giving my full support as of now. I have zero tweets-- --...
--... I thought I could finish this sentence somehow. You know, like a
qualifier for having zero tweets, or something to explain it. Anything, I
don't know. Turns out I just wasted yours and mine time. Twitter
handle is Crazysheeeet, in case you want to follow me in case I ever do
Tweet. Crazysheet was taken. MichaelKornblum was taken.
Crazysheeeet, not taken. That's four, "E's." It's easy to remember
because it's one more than three. Well, we're already done with thireteen
paragraphs, might as well go for the 15'er. That seems to happen a lot.
Great! Something to be proud of one would imagine.
I got into trouble in class because we had to write 20 physical character traits
of someone on our story, and she called on me, and I was like, I don't like
giving physical character traits, I like it being ambiguous. Then she
pressed me and I gave a trait with metaphors and whatnot and she let me off the
hook. One guy even instinctually blurting out, Man, that's good.
And I don't think he meant it sarcastically. It wasn't so much getting
into trouble as it was redeeming myself in the eyes of Professor and Classmates.
Turns out I'm a Pretty Good at metaphoric nonsense.
Last paragraph! We did it! Almost! I feel like
I started a last paragraph recently with that. Oh well, you don't mess
with a good thing. Crap and crap. Almost done. The two
non-English classes I need to take are a Science with a Lab component, and a
choice of what they call a, "Cultures and Values," class. The one which
I'm taking'll probably Intro II Philosophy. And one of the Sciences I
could take is an Environmental Science. Which is probably a lot easier
than other sciences. And more relevant. Did you know we live in an
environment even as we speak? We don't like in a Physics. We don't
live in a Geology. I'm learnin' important stuff with that choice!
Anyway, I'll see ya later.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Springtime For Titles In Crazysheet
Great. I don't wanna
write an entry. I also don't want to break with my routine. That
takes precedence apparently. Stupid Italian restaurant giving me an 18
inch pie instead of a 14 inch. That's roughly some percent more than what
I wanted. Sure, we paid for a 14 inch. In that sense, it's a net
positive. But it means I have to eat some percent more pizza over this few
days. Where is justice. That's what I wanna know. Sometimes I
get paranoid they gave me the wrong kind of cheese with pizza. Gotta get
paranoid over something, I guess. My newer guitar broke at some point over
the last couple of days. The Input jack for the cable got loose.
Same thing that happened to my old guitar, which I was just talking about.
That's Karma for ya. Probably. I'm not 100% on what words mean.
Anyway, what's going on. When did they come up with
Seasons am I right. Hey, let's divide the year into fours. yeah
we got months, so what. Some people just love division. Great.
Who the Hell came up with how long a second should be. Seems kind of
arbitrary, but hey, it works. Alright everyone, pause for a moment...
There, that's a second. Let's try it again.. NOPE not as second yet.
Once more, ...... Too long! C'mon guys let's really get this right.
Also, second means the thing after the first. One second is one thing.
Why is it the second. Is it just always considered whenever we think of a
second we also think of the first that was before it? That's a riff that's
very hard to convey logically. Words are hard.
Great. I know there's four five seconds from whiling.
I heard it in a song. Talk about not knowing what things mean. Four
five seconds. Oh you mean twenty seconds? Not really sure
what's going on there. Gotta workshop some crap for tomorrow. And
its stories I can objectively assume are good. These guys give good
feedback in class so their stories are probably good. Not really
entertaining, though, to be honest. Great. Also, yeah, I'm not sure
what objectively and subjectively mean and how they differ. Words are
hard, I've already stated that. Great. I forget if I learnt anything
in my dreams last night. I know when I woke up, I was doing the number of
times you'd have to double up to win the WSOP main event. I got somewhere
from ten to twelve times.
Probably was a segue from the last thing I was dreaming
somehow. Oh, I remember something. I was driving in my dream, very
poorly. I kept trying to hit the break but it wasn't working. I hope
if you're driving in your dream you're not driving in real life. That
sounds dangerous. I actually don't think the break or gas pedals were
involved. I was just in the driver's seat and the car wouldn't stop and I
didn't know what to do. So that's something, one would imagine. And
for part of it, I was by myself in the car, so I was like, Well, this isn't
so bad, at least no one sees this. Then for part of it there were
passengers, and I was like, Damn, they found out I don't know how to stop the
car. So I guess I did learn valuable lessons. Making mistakes
isn't as bad if no one knows you're making them.
Lesson! What else and crap. Carry on my wayward
lesson. What else is going on. Crap and crap. The working week
has begun. That's Monday for ya. Get to wear my Bernweld shirt
tomorrow! And this class has a track record of looking at my shirt, so all
eyes will be on Bernie. I almost said, "S-Hirt," instead of shirt.
Imagine it! How grand. Is there a reason its called a T-Shirt.
Pretty sure there's no, "T" involved. I feel like it good be a derivative
of, "Tee," shirt, which may or may not mean something one would imagine.
But we dropped the, "EE," for some reason. Cummings. Hah.
Cum. What else is going on. I like William Carlos Williams.
Really doubling down on the William, huh? Great. And Poe writing
Poe-try. Lots of good things going on in poets' names. At least in
two of thems. That's a start.
What else and crap. Pretty decent chance I'll take a
poetry workshop class in the Fall. Or in the Summer, if they offer it.
I can knock some poetry out of the park. I've got the best words, like Mr.
Trump. I think so far that's my favorite thing he's said. Lemme look
up the exact quote. "I'm very highly educated. I know words. I
have the best words." What constitutes a good word. I wanna hear
some examples. Someone goes to Trump, Hey Mr. Trump, what's the good
word? I'm glad you asked. Well... There's that
joke. Let's move on. I only have one weekend to write my story.
Pressure's on. Or, will be in four or five days. Still got some
solid days without pressure. Anyway, crap and crap.
More than halfway through the entry. that's good news
and a half. More than a half. Are people that go on Maury
aware that they can do paternity tests without going on a T.V. Show. Do
they think this is the only option open to them. And do Child Molester's
really think going on T.V. and being outed as a Child Molester is really gonna
win them any favor. Yeah, it turned out I raped my kid, and now
everybody knows... But I get to be on T.V.! Some people, am I
right. I assume they have a To Catch a Predator system where they
arrest these people after the show, right? Hopefully? One would
imagine? Anyway, great. After finding out someone is a child
molester, does Steve Wilkos turn off the cameras and just punch them in the gut
sixty times? Seems like that would be the way to go. Also, is Steve
Wilkos related to Jeff Tweedy?
Let's talk about it. For a Freshman English-Writing
class at NYU, the teacher gave us two MP3s to listen to for an assignment, and
one of them was California Stars by The Wilcos. But lyrics written by some
other guy. A famous poet and/or folk music person. They did a whole
album about it. Woody Guthrie, maybe. Yeah, it was Woody Guthrie.
There's that story. Wilco's a pretty good word. Did Jeff Tweedy
come up with that all by himself? If so, pretty impressive. It
takes a lot to come up with a word, any word, and a good word is even harder.
What's the good word? In this case, Wilco. Yeesh.
What else is going on. Maybe I can write Wilco fan fiction for my story.
Or, maybe not. I'm leaning towards maybe not.
Whatever. I had a dream two nights ago my Youtube music
pages got a hundred and fifty hits over night. Good dream. Also, in
my dreams, my music is something to be proud of. Should clarify that.
I've got some decent DVDs lined up for watching. I was watching The Sixth
Sense on T.V. yesterday and was like, I could go for some Unbreakable.
After thinking that, I found a stack of several DVDs I had picked out for
potential watching a few months ago, so some of those would be okay, too.
These are the real issues. Also, Bruce Willis posits, and turns out to be
correct, Maybe the ghosts just want you to help them. But the vast
majority of ghosts throughout the movie don't need help. Like the people
who were hanged in his school. Three of them in nooses. They got no
shit to ask for. The kid who kills himself with his Dad's gun. No
help for him. Also, how many people died in Haley Joel Osment's house.
There's a new ghost or two every freaking night. Man, for someone who can
see dead people, he got really unlucky with his primary residence.
And why isn't he scared of Bruce Willis. That's what I
want to know. Also, at one point, Cole goes to Bruce Willis, You
believe me don't you? And, at the time, Bruce Willis didn't, so he
goes, I don't know how to answer that. Bullshit! I've been in
this situation. The doctor is supposed to go, I believe you believe
what's happening. Bruce Willis should be well prepared with that line.
Anyway, what else and crap. There should be a movie where Ray Charles can
see ghosts and its called The Fifth Sense. How positive am I that
someone's done that joke before? Pretty positive. Still, though,
there it is. What else and crap. Today is Blast Off day. 3/21.
Had to finish that paragraph somehow. Probably an odd
number of paragraphs for today. Fifteen is Odd, sure, but it's not
an odd number of paragraphs with the different meaning. Pretty normal.
I was always under the impression the first day of Spring was always the 21st,
that the first day of any season is always the 21st. Now I'm under the
impression it could be the 20th, or the 22nd, depending on different factors.
One of my under the impressions is wrong. Who knows for sure.
It's not like we have an Internet that can answer these questions. Yes
I killed those people on the train, and I hope they burn in Hell!
That's what I got to look forward to. MrGlass9 used to be my password for
some things. I feel comfortable telling you this because I don't really
mind if you hack into my old Yahoo Fantasy Baseball account. I really
could care less.
Anyway, what else and crap. Oh no, you can
sign in as me on Angelfire and make a website in my name! Have fun.
I'm onto bigger and better passwords. I've got the best passwords.
Let's talk about it. This was before we had to use at least one Capital
and at least one Fancy Character. It was a simpler time. What else
and crap. Might as well do the homework for tomorrow when I'm done with
this paragraph. Really give myself some time to be able to comprehend the
plot of the stories. See ya later.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Yeah I Got Better Things To Do
Story due a week from
upcoming Thursday. Creepin' up. I can solidly wait until next
weekend to do it, I guess. What's going on in Wide World of Sports.
I watched a little bit of Last House on The Left, the newer version, last night.
That's a disturbing movie. Especially because my house is the last house on the
left of my entire street for blocks. I hate it when that happens.
Great. Ebert had a great review of the original Last House On The Left,
about an audience member he observed who was really getting off on it. Can
we all agree Ebert is legit funny totes magotes? I think we should be able
to. Let's move on, though, I guess. Beyond naming the characters, I
summed up who they are in one sentence each. Basically because that's as
far as my work ethic has allowed me to go so far. Not because it'll
actually help me when writing it.
Oh well, gotta make progress somehow. As I've said, one
guy's thing is Bad Things Keep Happening To This Guy. That's no
good for fleshing out a character. It's just fact. We don't know
anything about his inner workings and how he deals with the crap that keeps
happening to him. Oh well, we'll figure it all out in time I guess.
I also have the Title to the story. Don't mean to brag but it's a solid B-
Title. I don't know if I'm gonna start writing it on Computer or in
Notebook. I wrote most of the last story in Notebook and I think it
helped. It's a whole different mindzone inner workings thing going on B-
crap. I might even go to Dunkin Donuts and write it like a Jerk.
Jerk, Chump, Dolt. All applicable titles for someone who goes to a coffee
shop to write.
Anyway, what else. Are we supposed to be dunking donuts
into coffee. What else could the name mean. Probably the fifth
time I've said that here. It's a legitimate concern. Anyway.
One of the things holding the plot together of Potential Story is that they're
all close friends. Now you know it's Fiction. I haven't had a friend
since a long time. Also, the story is Entourage Part II: Still
Friends After All This Time. I can't do fan fiction. She
explicitly advised that. What if it's a fiction about a show I don't like.
That's a grey area worth perusing I guess and crap B-. I should just turn
in a spec script for the Office. Let Her Figure It Out.
So far thinking about two classes for the Fall, the Comedy Class and a Poetry
Workshop. A class called Comedy And Satire, honestly, sounds like
the least fun class imaginable. It takes specifically fun things and most
likely makes them terrible. I'm onto your tricksies.
Great. What else. They said it was gonna snow
today, and it isn't. I guess global warming is real.
Character who doesn't get things but inadvertently gets the larger issue right.
Gotta add that character to my story. Think of all the fun that'll
be had B- bullshit and crap. Saturday nights are my favorite nights
because they load the Mini-Crossword for the upcmong day earlier. Every
night, I check twice a minute, from 8 P.M. onward, hoping to get the new
crossword posted. It always happens at exactly 10, five or six nights a
week. Doesn't stop me from checking it over and over before hand, waitin'
on some B- Miracle. But, yeah, Saturday nights, possibly Sunday ones too,
it's loaded like seven or eight P.M.
That's my life I guess. B- would be overstating it.
Crap and crap. Probably a solid third of the time do I finish the
crossword without any help. Well, with minimal help. Sometimes I'll
check a letter if I'm almost sure it's right just to make sure. And I'm
about 90% right in these situations. This has been crossword talk.
I find mini-crosswords, not only are they mini in size, but are also more mini
in difficulty. Not as hard as real ones. Anyway, huh? Sure.
Great. What else and crap. The Mets first game of the season is
against the Royals. I'm pretty sure if they win they get to do a rematch
of last year's world series. Relatively certain. B- certain.
Crap and crap. Look at that lineup. No holes! Even the
pitcher spot, they probably have the best hitting pitchers in the league one
would imagine based on commentary not 100% B-. And in the case they decide
to have ten starting players in a game, they got a good bench, too.
Probably won't happen but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.
It hurts a little bit. Being prepared for something
that won't happen takes away your preparation for preparedness for real things.
That's just Math, that's all that is. Anyway. It must be tough to
play intra-squad games. They all know each others signs. That
doesn't seem right. Anyway. I tried to put my glasses on upside down
and though, Hey, This Fits Pretty Good! then realized they were on
rightside up. It's a story I would remember for years to come.
Metrocards are a pretty good investment. The price goes up like every
year. You sink a few K into Metrocards now, you're set to make a lot of
coin down the line. Anyway. That's a thing for some reason.
You spend three thousand dollars on Metrocard in a corner store, the clerk is
gonna be like, Someone's planning on doing a lot of intra-city traveling!
Yeah I'm writing a book about it, get off my back!
Pretty much the only explanation for lots of rides
throughout the city. You're writing some sort of piece on it.
Stupid writers, I hate them so much. Great. I'm plannin' on
Runnin the Metrocard black market, what of it. They just start to
frown and go, Wish I thought of that. For years, the main two
topics that keep coming up are riding the bus and smoking cigarettes. Not
very surprising, considering those are my main two activities outside my home.
Anyway. I still haven't watched the last two or three episodes of Evil
Dead. At this point might as well wait until next Halloween. Crap
and crap. I'm still not sure on exactly how many bad things should happen
to the character in my story. Too little, not enough. Too much, too
much. I think I'll draw the line at Getting Herpes. Either
that's the penultimate thing, the ultimate thing, or is the first thing of
things that don't get included.
See, I'm doing productive. Now I know the character may
or may not have herpes. If you have herpes, that probably means you've had
sex. That's a positive thing. Maybe I can work it in that he somehow
got Herpes without having sex. That's funny. I productive'd
it! Anyway. Great. I was rubbing my taint on a toilet
seat, as one does... Still needs some work. Anyway. Ten'r
today. That's not so bad. It's more paragraphs than most people do
that's for sure. Anyway. When I was in Chorus in Eighth grade they
told me I was a Baritone. Who knows for sure. All I know is everyone
laughed at me during my solos, cause I had a deep voice and a shrill small body.
I'd like to think they were laughing with me. Like, Hey, his
voice is so surprisingly good, it's funny! I choose to think that.
That's how I feel. Anyway. Then my voice changed for a second time
and it wasn't good anymore. That's my story and I'll stick to it sure B-.
Great. My favorite part of chorus was when I was absent
for one day and the teacher gave away all my solos. I think she intended
for it to just be replacement solos for one day, but then forgot, and, well, the
rest is history. Mainly because it was a Les-Mis medley. That's
about history, right? Great. I still remember where I was for 9/11.
We were doing a Mo-Town Medley, second period. Yeesh. Teacher
started crying and we didn't know what was up. I think the news leaked out
during lunch. I guess Motown just makes her really emotional.
I don't know. Whatever.
Alright, last paragraph. That's good. What else
and crap. Whattado with the rest of my day. Lie in bed and think
about what I've done, that's an hour or two at least. Gotta think of more,
though. I can't do that for the entire rest of the day.
Great. So the productivity I made today was One character may or
may not have herpes. At this rate, I'll have the entire story by, I
don't know, 2026? Wonderful. What else and crap. I'll see ya
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Happy March 19!
It better be. I've
got no tolerance for days that aren't happy. Great. No new knowledge
in my dreams. Except that I dreamt SNL did a parody of crazysheet.
It made me proud. Still, though, doesn't qualify as knowledge.
Unless that's a sketch they're working on for an upcoming episode.
Odds are against it, considering three people read this website and to my
knowledge none of them work for Saturday Night Live. As far as I know, at
least. I've got crazy dreams. Comes with the territory of mental
illness. Anyway, that was a blast and a half. Let's move on though
to more pressing matters. I don't get The Shawshank Redemption. The
main character doesn't need redemption-- he's innocent. Bad husband,
maybe, but that doesn't make him a murderer. I heard it in a line of
dialogue. He sure loves libraries. That's my take away from
that movie. And the oft-stated conundrum of, if he gets off based on that
guy's testimony that he heard someone else claim responsibility, then they would
find that hole he was digging, and keep him locked up for that. Defacement
of Public Property. That's gotta be at least twenty years, right?
One would imagine. There's a lot of things I've said
here over the years that I have no problem saying over and over again because of
how clever I think they is. Like that. Talk about a Plot HOLE.
See, I hadn't thought of that pun until now. If I didn't keep bringing it
up, I wouldn't fine tune it. Would Pro-Life people be okay with an
abortion in a Rosemary's Baby type scenario? I want someone to ask Ted
Cruz that. It's a real good wedge issue in my jumble opinion.
Yeah I say wrong words, so what. Also, is Row V Wade a case about what
to do if you're on a boat? Sure people have thought of that before, what
of it. I'll say things I've said before, I'll say things you've heard
before, I'll say things all over the place. Anyway, crap and crap.
Any Dufrane's hole should lead into the next cell. Another thing I've
mentioned. People need to be aware of these inconsistencies, for a lot of
people, this is one of their favorite movies.
Anyway. The Shawshank Redemption should have been
called The Wall and its about a magic wall where you can dig magic holes
in it and nothing is as it seems. Probably. Anyway. I'm
starting to get into the habit of watching a few Simpsons a day. Pretty
much any single digit season guarentees goodness, possibly extending to the
first few seasons of double digits. Anyway, crap and crap. I just
folded Pocket 10's preflop because I was talking here. Whatta jip.
Woulda gotten outdrwan on the flop, sure. So I guess this website is a
Hero. This is the earliset I've written here in a while. Not
timewise, really, but in proportion to when I woke up. Usually I line it
up so I'm talking my second Ritalin of the day around the first or second
paragraph. Anyway, what else. Things and crap. I was watching
some WSOP Main Event on ESPN. I can play as good as them. All I need
to do is keep getting really good cards over and over and over again and I could
finish maybe 200th, and get my money back.
Also, someone stake me the ten thousand dollars. I'll
give you 1% of my earnings. That's a lot of cheese. Hey, I got to
say cheese instead of money! That's a win in my book. If first
prize is like 8 Million, 1% would be, what, 80 thousand? Think of all the
tournaments you could stake me in with that kind of cheddar. Anyway, crap
and crap. I had a great idea of getting my old electric guitar fixed.
When it broke a few years ago, I fugied I was due to get a new one, anyway.
Turned out I liked my old one better. Now, putting all the pieces together
four years later, I realize the brokenness is pretty easily fixable. It's
just the jack that you plug the cable is got loose. Probably could be
fixed right in front of me. That'll show my newer guitar whose boss.
The older one. That'll show my newer guitar whose the digital eight track
record is. Boss.
That's a lot of crap that means nothing and isn't funny.
Sure is a paragraph, though. There's legitimate playing differences from
one guitar to the other. Let's talk about it. Or, let's talk about
something else. My vote is for something else. I figure three people
reading per entry is abuot on par. Probably somewhere between three and
ten relatively regular readers, imagine each entry probably gets three or four.
That's not bad. Most people have zero people reading their nonexistent
websites. Mr. Cruz, I have the antichrist in my womb, what should I do?
...Let's see how this plays out. Anyway. Raising children
in and of itself is difficult, imagine what a pain the antichrist would be.
Anyway. Also, Kasich is not moderate. He's conservative to the Max.
He's just not a 100% asshole. This has been politics talk.
Great. I heard Garland might be for Citizens United.
Well, there goes that. I'm pretty sure the premise of Citizens United is,
Well, Democracy was a fun experiment. Let's try something else.
Politics talk! Great. Let's get into some comedy talk. That's
what the people want to see. Crap and crap. I find it odd that
liquor bottles or beer cans don't need to have nutritional data on them.
They say what percent alcohol it is, sure. But everything else needs a
list, a calorie count, a percent of sugars and everything. Why are liquor
bottles above the law. Doesn't make sense to me. Also, republicans
eat eggs, right? How come Pro-Life doesn't extent to chickens.
Wedge Issue! I guess. Filled up some space! That's
Crap and crap. Ten paragraph entry, one would guess.
Me. I guessed. I'm One. In this scenario. Every other
scenario, Jet Li is the one. I don't know if that's even a thing. I
know he is The Hero. I know he's Romeo. Is he The One? I'll
check, brb. Yep, he's also The One. Jet Li's name is Jet.
Never really thought about that before. My main impression of Jet Li is
that he's really good at kicking people. That's how I feel. Jet Li
sounds like an airline. Wedge Issue! I mean, Huh?
What else is going on. Jet Li is either Korean or Chinese. I'd put
money on it. Singaporean, Chinese, American, Google says. I
was a third right. That's pretty good.
Wha? That qualifies as a paragraph? That doesn't
seem right. Not one bit. Then again, Cheez-Its don't list how much
alcohol is in them. So I guess it's fair. Crap and crap. Can
Product 20 be another thing for my budding Entrepreneur? We'll put
that in the Probably Not pile. Hey, at least it made its way onto a
pile. That's pretty good for an idea. Most ideas never reach the
Pile stage. That's how I feel. Also, getting hit by Soap over
and over again, as Private Pyle was, that's not so bad. Soap isn't really
that dense or heavy. I could stand gettin' hit by soap. I guess the
psychological pain of everyone hating him, that's the real kicker. But in
the scene, seems like they're playing up the physical pain. Wedge
Great. Great! We have a new Home Phone phone
in my house. Ring is different, physical phone is different. I guess
it's gonna take some getting used to. Anyway. I wanna call myself.
I updated my answering machine message a week or two ago, forget exactly how it
went, and I want to Enjoy It For The First Time All Over Again. Does
that really qualify for alliteration capitalization? Nope, probably
not. Does that really qualify for italics? Yes, yes it does.
I'll stand by that till the day I die. Crap and crap. The longer
this website goes on, and the more I write per entry, the more I repeat myself.
In my defense, if I repeat myself, its something I feel is worth repeating.
And the best offense is a good defense. Or vice versa. Could be vice
versa, I guess. Sometimes I make logic or gramattical errors that
make sentences confusing, and reading back, instead of wanting to fix them, I
just think, Ah, confusion-- adds to the joy of reading! It's kinda my
Because I'm lazy and will justify my laziness any chance
I get. So, when you come across something like that, now you know my
thoughts on the whole situation. Anyway. I feel like March should be
a short month too. Like February. March is basically February Part
II, let's get real. Should be 28 or 29 days, too. February is like,
It's gonna be Spring in a While. March is like, It's gonna be
Spring in an even shorter While. Month Talk! That's what the
people want to read. Also, who the Hell came up with April Fools.
Had to be someone pretty high up to make it stick as a thing. What's wrong
with that person. They got a screw loose and so on and whatcrap.
Still undecided about what series to watch on T.V. next. If I had an HDTV
with Netflix and Amazon Prime, probably would make it easier. More to
choose from. That's the logic behind that. Makes perfect sense.
Great. Don't mean to brag, but my T.V. has been working
pretty well lately. Limited choppiness to the picture and so on. Wha,
this is the eleventh paragraph already? How'd that happen? Devoting
a paragraph to Jet Li without saying anything really at all, I guess that
contributed. I guess this will be a 15'er. Let's see, crap and crap,
crap and crap... I prefer reading crappy classmates stories to the good ones.
Crappy ones, I can give crappy comments. Good ones, the pressure's on me
to say insightful crap about it. You get what you give, as The New
Radicals say probably. What else and crap. I've been having some
difficulty with Flossing. Had some crap stuck between some teeth, and
tried to Floss It over and over to no avail. That's where I'm at with Life
at this point.
Huh? Oh. Right. What else is going on.
Is Jet a Chinese name or just something he came up with. Let's talk about
it. Over the last several months, my primary cigarette has shifted fro
Camel Blue to Newport. Still smoke both, but the frequencies of each has
shifted. Wedge Issue?! Maybe. Is carrying a pack of
Newports enough Green for St. Patrick's Day? My opinion-- Yes.
Sure takes up a few sentences, at least. Great. I think July 22
should be a Pi Day, too. It's not exactly Pi, but boy is it close.
You know, because of division and crap. Let's talk about it. The
Bernie Sanders Campaign roped me into adding my name to a petition that's
anti-Pfizer moving to a different country to avoid paying taxes. It was
only my first name, though. I guess I can handle that.
I guess. Crap and crap. They're really persuasive
in their e-mails trying to get donors to donate again. Not persuasive
enough for me to do it, but still, pretty persuasive. Thirteenth
paragraph. Even pointing out that I repeat myself has become an avenue in
which I repeat myself. How about that and crap. Tim Robbins went to
Stuyvesant. I like people who went to Stuyvesant. Good for them.
I wonder if there are any North Koreans in Stuyvesant. Probably gotta be
one or two. Probably keep it under wraps, though. That's the way to
go about it. Two School choices I took that if I chose differently woulda
changed my entire life. Stuy over Bronx Science. NYU over anywhere
else. Oh well, I turned out o--- wait, No I didn't. Jeez.
Oh well, live and learn. Now I know that the
choices one makes have consequences. Who woulda guessed. Crap and
carp. Carp. Did he mean to say it or was it a mistake.
A relatively benign example of what I was saying before, about making mistakes.
Let's see, almost done. This month is already the longest month of
Crazysheet, I believe, so far. Still got a third ways to go. Alright!
Great. "We Just Wanted To Thank You For Choosing Camel!" Doesn't
that ring a little too close to the movie Thank You For Smoking!?
Seems kind of ill phrased, I feel. Baseball starts in two weeks.
Starts Hardcore. That should be fun and a half. I guess.
Cannabisness. Another thing in the maybe pile for Entrepreneur.
Strong Maybe, too. Probably 50-80% chance of making the final cut.
Last paragraph. At last. Paragraph. I have
two different Lighters on my desk. Talk about luxury. Crap and crap.
Capitalizing things that don't need it is another thing that might confuse
readers, but that's all on purpose. It's a thing I do for some reason.
Just like Hashtags. Started out ironically, then stuck with 'em.
It's a good avenue for jokelings. I feel like I would be a Fine Twitterer,
but, over the years, my jokes have erred on the side of way too long,
rather than shorter and shorter. I've evolved in the opposite direction,
so to speak. Oh well, crap and crap. It would be awkward having two
followers and still talking as if it's unlimited. That's the method to my
madness, so to speak again. Unlimited/Myself. That's the tone I
Alright, one more paragraph. Let's see. But I
still occasionally point out the actual number of readers, which I'm pretty sure
is in single digits. You know, for Logic and Crap. It all adds up to
make one Hell of an Adequate Read. Great. In Old Crazysheet, I paid
extra to be able to view my Website Statistics, and I was getting twenty or
thirty hits a day. Even figuring about half of those are real hits, that's
pretty good, I was pretty happy with that size of an audience. Someone
already has the Crazysheet Twitter handle. Another person has the
MichaelKornblum twitter handle. There goes that. I'm assuming its
another person, at least. Maybe it's a deranged fan. Can't count out
I feel like writing another paragraph. Good luck trying
to stop me! You've already failed. I'm into it already. Great.
This'll be the closer, I feel it in my bones. Great, what else.
Maybe play some De-Blueified Baseball tonight. Bernie Sanders isn't gonna
get himself out of Double A. Well, he probably could, even if I just
simulate the games. He's a Team Leader. That's good for his
statistics in some way one would imagine. It's gotta translate somehow.
Maybe it raises everyone on his teams' ability some small percentage. They
must do something to make it a quality they computate. Compute. I
like computate. Who doesn't, am I right. Anyway. I'll see
Friday, March 18, 2016
You Thought I Was Crazy, Didn't You?
Three or four entries in a
row talking about Jack Palance. That's what the audience wants to read
about! One would imagine for some reason. The reason Jack
Palance came up yesterday is because Professor brought up character actors,
asking us to name some, based on the description that character actors are
people who play the same character 90% of the time. Isn't that every
actor. Zinged! No one is safe from getting zinged. I made
a small mental change to my pending story which makes it a lot easier to flesh
out. I added a character! So far, all I've got is it being narrowed
down to four or five possible names. Once I know the name, everything else
would work itself out, one would imagine. Turns out you can judge a
book by its title. Except not books, people. And not titles, but
names. Anyway, crap and crap. Yesterday I finally wrote only seven
paragraphs and discovered nobody cares. That's an important lesson to
learn in life, one would imagine.
Anyway, crap and crap. What The Hell can I watch now.
It needs to be something good, good hardcore. Except for Andy Serkis.
That guy was Gollum and King Kong! They're nothing alike.
Except for that time Gollum climbed the Empire State Building. And the
time King Kong was infatuated with his precious. I've seen probably two
and some change of the Lord Of The Rings Franchise, and the only thing I
remember liking was when Gollum is talking to The Hobbit and goes something
like, You're playing tricksies. Tricksies! Whatta word.
I also liked the parts where Led Zeppelin referenced them. Anyway, what
else. I wonder if a Led Zeppelin crashed into the Flint water supply.
Finally, some answers! Crap and crap. I remember reading
their intent was indeed that sort of Lead, but they didn't want people to
pronounce it as Lee-d Zeppelin. Then people will think they're from Leeds.
Led Zeppelin hates Leeds!
Also, it's a good chance I dreamt that Led Zeppelin Name
Explanation. The older I get, the more of my information I get comes from
dreams. Anyway. Finally, a Day that isn't something. I started
keeping track at 3.14, Pi Day, and there was even a day before that, Daylight
Spendings Time. That's a lot of days in a row, I'm exhausted. I had
a dream I wanted to play poker but no one would tell me the correct
denominations of chips. I think I ended up sitting for a few hands,
amassed a little bit of one color of chips, still didn't know what it meant, and
figured it was time to cash out. I woke up before finding out how much I
won. Oh well. Apparently I Snore now. Didn't used to. I
guess that's a side effect of gaining weight. I have mixed feelings about
snoring. At least I'm contributing something to the world during my down
time. That's gotta be a net positive, right?
What else and crap. My Dad goes, you know you snore
in your sleep, right? Your welcome. Alternate punchline--
Thanks for noticing. Alternate punchline-- ...I
had one thought out but forget it. Pretty sure to be a punch line, it
has to be some sort of joke, or amusement. Oh well, live and learn.
Anyway. What does an old man snoring have to do with raining/pouring.
I don't get the connection. Are we supposed to wake him up or something.
Let him sleep, some rain outside doesn't bother him none. Is it possible
he's sleeping outside and is gonna choke to death on some rain going up his
nose? I don't know, I'm not here with the answers, I'm just opening up the
debate. Also, in preschool, i used to think there was something called a
shuefly. From the poem/lullaby thing. I thought it was a breed of
fly. Prove me wrong!
Anyway. Also, a story my Mom likes to tell me, good
chance I shared it here before, was when I was in pre-school, an adult asked me
where I lived, and I said Earth. That'll show them to try to talk
to me. Anyway. I changed a light bulb today. Last week, learnt
how to make Eggs. This week, learnt how to change Lightbulbs. It's
pretty much your standard counterclockwise/clockwise adjustments. Maybe
Eggs is, too. No one ever told me, but stands to reason it could factor in
some how. Next week, learn how to wipe my own ass. We're making a
Progress a Week here. At this rate, I should be able to take care of
myself by the time I'm 47. This is gonna be gross, but are you ever wiping
your ass and think, Eh, close enough. Sorry. I had to say it.
No one else would. The responsibility once again falls on me.
Crap and crap, indeed. No one's perfect. I
stupidly was drinking before changing the light bulb. Not smart getting on
a step stool drunk. Oh well, live hardcore, that's what I always say.
Finding out you can register to vote online sorta took the wind out of my sail a
bit. I thought I was being The Special. Any jerk is capable of
this kind of effort. Oh well, crap and crap. I also like the
part where they're having a party at the beginning of LOTR:1. Hey, that
looks like fun! I wanna have a congenial party like that someday.
And it's all short people. I would fit in splendidly. Is The Lord of
the Rings the person who has that one special ring, or is the ring itself The
Lord of All Rings Around. These are the issues relevant to today's modern
Anyway, aiming for ten paragraphs today. That's a happy
medium. So is one talking to the Holy Ghost. He's probably a hoot to
communicate with. One of my favorite jokes from Crazysheet.com was I
like the show Medium, because it says how good it is right in the title.
So much so that a decade later, while planning out the one or two open mics I
did, I strongly considered using it. It must be off the air for a long
time. I only need to tweak it, Remember that show medium...
Unfortunately the truth is most titles are puns it turns out. I had no
idea! In crazysheet.com, I thought of it as "Crazysheet." Now I
think of it as "crazysheet." The capitalization being the difference.
Whole world of change. Whole world. Of change. World.
Change. Of. Huh? Where am I? Right, right.
What else. I feel like I have a Dentist appointment
next week or the week after. Rings some sort of a mind-bell. I'm
sick of delivery people not having a Pen so I could sign the receipt. I'm
giving you a solid 20% or more tip. Gimme some exclusive pen use, don't
make me dig into my own stash. Not right. That's how I feel. I
almost want to give them a pen and go, Now you have it for next time.
Don't let me down! Not really. I don't want to do that.
Not even almost. Just doesn't sound like a good idea at all. Anyway.
Uber For Toilets. I'm gonna get to share that with my class through my
story. Can't wait. I might be blinded by a part of me thinking that's a
legit good idea. My guess is mot people wouldn't think that way.
Either way, there's some humor involved, but for me, it really kicks in because
I do want Uber for Toilets.
Live and learn, onward and upward, crap and crap.
Really put the portable back in Porta Potty. Also, we're adults, right?
Do we really need to use the term, "Potty?" Kinda demeans the whole
enterprise. Anyway, what else is going on. There should be a sign
above the Uber Toilet that says, Remember To Wipe 100%! Some people
need that extra motivation. Anyway, let's see, crap and crap.
Back-up plan I guess is city-sponsored porta potties on every other corner.
No reason we can't have that in today's on-the-go modern society. I also
get to share my Phone-Vibrator Ap idea. That's a legit idea, it will
happen at some point. Let's get in on the ground level and crap.
Being able to track your deliveries on your phone, another thing that will
happen. That won't make it to the story, though. We've already got
Great, just great. And another character in the story,
sneak peak, is just gonna have bad things keep happening to him. Just over
and over, real shit things. That makes me laugh for some reason.
Really bad things. Probably not happening to him in live action, I should
clarify. But he goes on a monologue detailing all the bad things that have
happened to him recently. Makes me laugh. How will people in the
story respond? I don't know yet. I have the names all figured out,
but for some reason, I don't know yet. Whoudathunkit. It's hard to
write dialogue. Anyway, crap and crap. Now that I'm this far, I can
see myself doing 15 paragraphs. Why not. It means I won't have to
return to my real life until that much later. That's an idea I can get
behind I guess.
Anyway. I'm scared to Google Uber for Toilets.
I don't want to see someone's come up with it before me. That would be no
good. Anyway, what else and crap. It looks like the Democrats might
retake the Senate. Bunch more Republicans heading for re-election than
Democrats. What would be a good thing in my opinion. Anyway.
This Garland nominee, as I said, passes my litmus test. Over fourteen
years old. The joke so mediocre, I said it twice. Alright!
Garland Somewhere, Over The Rainbow... I RULE WITH AN IRON FIST.
Great. Anyway, so the story has one guy with crap things happening to him,
another guy is the entrepreneur with a bunch of wacky ideas. One guy is a
writer, and'll be somewhat an extension of myself. All three are somewhat
extensions of myself. I don't like this idea anymore. Oh
well, pot committed.
I know I'm committed three blue chips and ten black ones,
but what does it mean? Hopefully I get some clarification in
tonight's dream. That's how I feel. Maybe myself is an extension of
the characters. Never thought about it that way. Oh well. Crap
and crap, we must move on. I'm sick of the Dentist consitantly saying I
have great teeth. No I don't. I look in the mirror, they're adequate
at best. Anyway. I think I've talked about how I don't like seeing
the Dental Hygienist because it takes all of my will power to resist from
licking her fingers. It's just something I get in my head, and for twenty
minutes have to consciously hold my tongue in place, and living in fear for
every one of those twenty minutes.
These are the real issues? I guess. I don't know.
Pretty much every non-Mental Health doctor's appointment I have is a double
appointment with my Dad. Dentist, Internist, Eye Glasseser. We're
all synced up Healthwise when it comes down to it. Maybe I should start
getting into doing songs again. I can make a conscious effort to sing
better. And write better. And guitar better. No reason not to.
Except for that pesky lack of skill thing. Stupid lack of skill, I hate it
so much. Two and a half paragraphs to go, great, just great. I feel
like I fell asleep during the last Hobbit movie. Could have been the
middle Hobbit movie. Then again, the feeling could just be wrong. I
Great? I guess. Two paragraphs! Okay, the
end is in sight. Not of my life, of the entry. Let's move on.
The only logical show to watch next is Entourage. I guess I have to.
I don't know. I don't want to get caught up in a wonderous world that is
completely removed from my reality. That's no good. Best to watch
BWE again, on account of all that bootlegging I do. Who knows for sure
what the right move is, or what the future holds. The power is in my
hands. I can watch Entourage, I can watch something else one would
imagine, the choices are endless. Perhaps the main reason I don't want to
watch Entourage is because it'll just remind me I have no friends. Forget
close friends, I don't have that, that's the thing in Entourage. I don't
even have any friends. I'm so far removed from that type of thing, it'll
just upset me.
Alright! I mean, Huh? What else and crap.
Am I more of an E or more of a Turtle. Sounds like a pointless online
quiz to take. Hey, I'm more of an E! My life is better now
that I know. Stupid Entourage. Let's have fun forever and without
consequence! What fools. What else and crap. Hey, Met game
lined up for right when this is finishing. Alright! Something!
Let's see, crap and crap... Alright, I'm done. See ya later.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Good At Titling Is Just One Of My Many Qualities
going on in the wide world of me's. Smart Old Lady in class brought up
Jack Palance. Now it's starting to get creepy. Bordering on How
many times is someone going to get set in fire in Boardwalk Empire creepy.
That's that story. Wasn't it great? Registered to vote! They
were doin' registrations right outside the campus and I did it, did it hardcore.
#NowYouBeAHeroToo2016. I saved Bernie sixty cents by doing this.
It's math, one would imagine. Made some progress plotting out my upcoming
story. It's gonna be real hardcore. I was thinking about starting to
write that instead of coming here, but this is so much easier. That's how
I feel. Plus, the more time just percolating, the better it would get, one
imagine. Maybe it's like An Uncanny Valley, which is a term I heard once
and imagined I knew what it meant. Very little percolating, that's good.
A lot of percolating, also good. The wrong, medium length of percolating,
why, that'll turn out as bad as this analogy.
Great. I can't wait till next month. Formatchange!
The good news is I got the characters names all worked out. Except for
one. So that's something to percolate. Percolate hardcore. I
got this strange sense of self fulfillment after registering to vote.
Hey, I actually did something! A positive thing! Whatta hi--... no,
I lost it. I guess the lesson there is to register to vote some more.
I could be registering to vote twenty times a day, imagine how good that'll make
me feel. Also, turns out today is a Day outside it being a track of an
album I like, St. Patrick's Day! Four days in a row, can you believe
it. I should have known something was up when they were playing concurrent
Leprechaun marathons, one a half hour ahead of the other one, on premium cable.
I just thought, Ah, they're pushing Warwick Davis on us today. I'm sure
they have their reasons. Turns out I was right-- Holiday Reasons.
I was hoping it was some other reason.
Can't always get what you want. What else and crap.
I feel like the only Leprechaun movie I haven't seen is the Leprechaun In Space
one. I think I started watching it and just gave up. Anyway. I
took an IQ test online yesterday, but they didn't give you the results unless
you pay them. I dreamt I got a 122, though. That's pretty good,
considering I skipped two or three of the twenty questions. I thought I'd
be able to come back to them. Also, why am I trusting my dream to be
correct. I don't know. It's a good question. Coulda been 124.
Even better! My dreaming I.Q. is probably on Forest Gump level.
That's how I feel and crap. Anyway. Tomorrow, though, that's
nothing. I guess track 18 is okay, too. Certainly better than
track 20, I think we can all agree on that.
Yeesh. Crap and crap! The monologue I sent
my teacher with the Driedel rant had a Hell of a lot of spelling errors.
That's what happens when you race to do it right after you wake up and don't
look it over. She did reply, Thanks Mike!, which she never has done
before, so I feel like she liked it just fine. Prove me wrong!
Actually, don't. I couldn't handle that kind of rejection. What will
take over my life now that BWE is done. Finished it Tuesday night, and it
still remains to be seen. Not Boardwalk Empire. That has been seen.
The next thing, that crap. Sentences are fun. Anyway. I
guess I can just watch Pixels over and over. The movie. Not pixels
in general. St. Patrick's thing was he got all the snakes out of Ireland,
right? I don't see how that's such a good thing. Snakes are pretty
harmless. You leave them alone, they'll leave you alone. I didn't
even know there were snakes in Ireland. There aren't, that's the point.
Oh well, live and learn.
Crap and crap. I'm several weeks behind on Podcasts.
That could be A Day and crap. Anyway, what else. There's a decent
change the people doing the registering were Republicans and they proceeded to
tear up my form. Feel like that probably happens a lot. If my
polling station wasn't half a block from my house, I probably wouldn't bother in
the first place. Crap and crap. What else and crap. There
should be anti-cigarette people who ask for cigarettes on the street, and after
you give them one, they tear it up right in your face and go, I Just Saved
Your Life, Pal! Then you punch them in the gut and they run away.
That's what should happen. I did cut the part out of my monologue
where they just talk about what the person was wearing. I think that was
going too far. It's okay to make myself laugh while writing it in my
notebook in class, but that's no good if you actually want your teacher to not
Anyway. Spring Training leads to Summer Playing.
Very good chance I said that exact same thing two weeks ago. It's all been
a blur. Great, I just got an e-mail saying Fuck You Mike, I Read Your
Crap And Take Back My Thanks. That's what ya get for being lazy I
guess. I finally got my Bernie shirt. I like the address it came
from, or was ordered from, or something. 1000 Progress St.
Very entertaining to a Dolt like me. If I keep watching Maury, eventually
he's bound to be the father of one of thee babies. Maury's a player, he
spreads his seed all over the place. That's a sentence for some reason.
Anyway. Is wearing a shirt that says Bernie akin to setting myself
Sorry about that. I had to end the paragraph some way,
just turned out to be that way. When you're writing an entry of 70%
clunkers, c'mon, you knew the odds going into this whole thing. I have
DVDs I can fall back on, in the case of Nothing To Do. Meet The Parents
isn't gonna watch itself! Mostly because it knows better than anyone
how mediocre it is. I like the part where... hmm... let's see... his
car is green. That was a laugh and a half. Perfect movie for St.
Patrick's. Anyway, I'll see ya later.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
How Do You Like Them Bananas
Finally, a title I thought
of in a dream! Talk about efficiency. Set up an appointment with an
Advisor to see what crap I still need to graduate. Hopefully they'll find
out I've overdid it by 150 credits and now get to graduate twice. That's
what I'm banking on. I finally finished Boardwalk Empire: II Empire II
Furious. What else can I watch. Probably crap and stuff.
That's how I feel. I like the part where they had young people playing
Steve Buscemi. First a kid, then a teenager/young man. I think its
great. Unfortunately, no people catching on fire in the last season.
Oh well. Bernie lost yesterday. At what point do we all get our
27 dollars back. I saw a statistic that accounting for everything,
Bernie spent about 60 cents per vote. That means I got him like seventy
votes. I'm a hero! And apparently he's gonna win every state from
now on, so that's good.
Real good. Good hardcore. I had a dream I could
travel in time, and for some reason, the main boon of traveling through time was
teaching myself guitar. It was like Okay, I visit myself now from
future, future self can teach me guitar. Now that I've learned guitar now,
I'll know it for the future, for when I go back in time to teach it to myself.
Stupidity is what makes time travel possible. Whatta watch now with all my
T.V. Time. Is there a show that makes you lose weight by watching it.
Sounds like something that should be a thing. I know there's a show called
Look Whose Stalking. See what kind of wackiness these stalkers are up
to! Why not. Is stalking even a thing anymore. With
Facebook and whatnot, stalking has become pretty standard behavior, I would
I'm not trying to defend stalking. 'm just saying it's
more widespread and therefore not as big a deal. Wait, still sounds
like I'm trying to defend it. Stalking is bad! Don't stalk!
Now, let's continue reading this website of someone you never talk to.
You know who I blame for the rise in stalking? Obamacare.
Obamacare isn't a Who, its a What. You'd think so, wouldn't you.
What else and bullshit. #LetHimFinish2016! We got a long ways to go,
it's not over yet. Obama nominated someone for Supreme Court. Is the
Supreme Court a court with all the toppings? One would imagine. This
guy's like 64 or something. That's no good. Nominate a fourteen year
old, he'd be in it to win it for so much longer. Also, what else is going
on. I, for one support a litmus test for supreme court nominees-- have
to be older than 14. I feel very strongly about this.
What else and crap. Supreme court rules 6-3 that
stalking is not only legal, but encouraged. That's no good. What
else and crap. Isn't the NSA essentially just stalking people. Let's
talk about it. What else and bullcrap. Sanders lost Missouri by a
thousand votes. If I had donates 1400 more dollars he would have won!
It's all my fault I guess. My Mom says Clinton'll win New York on account
of her New Yorkerness. I don't think of her as a New Yorker. Yeah,
she was a senator here for six or eight years, but really, c'mon. These
aren't the real issues. What else is going on. I had a dream I went
to college, in a dorm type situation, but everyone else there was from the
1920's. I blame SnoreChalk... Empire. Nothing rhymes with
empire. How disappointing. I was on hold for thirty minutes with
Queens College Advising Center. That's no good. Then I accidentally
hung up and called back and they took my call right away. Not impressed.
If this is how things run after Obamacare, not impressed. Wha?
Huh? That's right, I said it.
I remember after Sanders tied Iowa, I went to class the next
day and was like Yeah, I can feel the momentum here, all you guys, we did it!
Now, a month later, in the halls, I'm like, Wait a second, you weren't
happy and energized because of Sanders, it's because you're stupid 19 year olds!
Oh well, live and learn. I wish I was a stupid 19 year old. Happens
but once in a man's life. You know, listening to Radiohead and not being
too scared. Special time. Anyway, crap and crap. I keep
wanting to stop playing poker for six hours a day and I keep getting reminded I
have shitelse to do. Whatta sad story. The good news is Eggs.
I know all about eggs. How to make 'em, how to eat them, that vanilla eggs
are only for a special occasion. That's how I feel. I got salami in
the hope of making am omelet at some point. That's a whole different skill
set, I would imagine. Oh well, onward and upward.
Now, if I wear the Bernie shirt next week, people might think
I'm being ironic. How dare them. I mean it with every bone in my
body. Well, most of them. Femurs, they feel what they like.
Also, how many femurs does one person have. I want to say Eight?
What else and crap. 3.14 is Pi day. 3.15 is Ides of March. 3.16 is Steve
Austin: The Wrestler day. Three days in a row! Also, yeah, I use,
"." instead of, "/" For stylistic reasons. Makes me sound more
classy. I like Boardwalk Empire. Really makes you think. They
talk about money all the time, and each time I multiply it by ten in my head,
because you have to. Not 10% if that's the right conversion rate.
100% I can look it up right now! I'm going to! Just
you see! Yeah, not too far off. Looks like I'm the genius.
Except for having to perform that calculation twenty times an episode. It
gets tiring after a while.
Anyway, crap and crap. Merrick Garland. We're not in
Kansas anymore! Not happy about that, but it also allows me to go this
route-- Merrick? What is he, The Elephant Man?!?! In retrospect, not
happy about that either. Oh well, live and learn. Maybe Obama wants
to subtly suggest he'd lean Republican. Elephant Man. This is the
kind of political coverage you won't get anywhere else. With good
reason! Also, it brings up a good question, which is why do I know The
Elephant Man's name. Oh well. What else and crap. Us Freaks
got to stick together. Especially if we're Siamese twins. Jok'd
It! What else and crap. These new rounds of The More You Know
commercials on NBC are getting controversial. There's one telling us to
turn off all power when we go to sleep, fine. But they keep talking about
Drink wine a lot, too! Ain't nothin' wrong with that! To the
point that its a little disturbing.
Oh well. I'm more of a Morning Drinker myself.
That's how I feel for some reason. When do you suggest I drink
the milk I left out over night? Let's get real and whatnot. I
don't know. Because of my laziness, I think I'll probably stick with
Driedel Rant for my one page monologue. At least I'd be handing in
something. I can't wait to find out the Vice Presidential nominees for
which ever candidate ends up gettin the presidential nominee role.
Decisions, decisions! Whose it gonna be?! What fun. Here's
hoping Steve Austin: The Wrestler is one of them. Or, in a pinch, Steve
Austin: The Six Millions Dollars Man. I like how when I watched wrestling,
Steve Austin was like the biggest good guy. Hey, I drink beer and I'm
an asshole. The crowd goes wild. That's how I feel.
What else is going on, either how I feel or how I don't feel.
New paragraph, that's fer sure. What else and crap.
Hey, he's got the same name as The Six Millions Dollars Man! Let's root
for him! I don't know. What else. Mankind turned from just
some weirdo into just a normal likeable person. Funny, the same thing happened
to me right about the same time. Then, years later, back to being
weird. I didn't have Mankind as my moral compass anymore, back to
weirdness. Really makes ya think, doesn't it. Remember the time
The Rock beat me in an, "I Quit!" match. Who could forget.
Remember the time The Undertaker slammed me through the metal cage above the
ring and it broke and I fell down in the ring. I've still got the scars,
oh boy. Anyway, what else is going on. I still use mankindguy
as my g-mail account. You don't mess with a classic.
What else and crap. I used to play a game online, and
we were in clans, where we were ranked on playing clan games against other
clans. My clan was called Black Assassins. I didn't think
anything of it at the time. Now I know my name is probably on a list
somewhere. And, if not, it probably should be. Even the pronoun we
were all called each group was a clan. Just a lot of bad mojo in
that entire thing. Then again, what else is going on. Before that
clan, I was involved with a lesser-skilled clan where the leader was a girl.
Well, a lady. I like girls. So that's how that went.
Crap and crap. Unless if we're talking about the T.V. show. Then,
ain't for me. I recognize the people involved are talented and its a
sound enterprise. Just not for me.
Crap and crap? You guessed it! What else.
I wonder what other foods can be ruined by adding a vanilla flavor.
Probably things and crap. I bet Trump goes with Rubio as his VP.
Then they can work on and perfect their routine as Big Don and Little Marco.
Go travel the country with it. Anyway. Even if its Marco Rubio, I
have empathy for people making fun of people for being short. That's how I
feel. Except for that he's like 2 inches shorter than Trump. He can
handle it. He's a Big Little Boy. Crap and crap. The good news
with Rubio dropping out is he could stop making victory speeches after every
primary as if he won them. That was gettin' tiresome. This is the
tenth paragraph, right? Let's see... Eleventh! Even better.
Crap and crap. This has become standard almost every day. Entryin'
it up hardcore in the late afternoon. I think its great. Really
gives me some time to write crap and crap.
Crap and crap. After Bernie wins the rest of the
states, he can pull a City Slickers Jack Palance and jerk into motion and say
You Thought I Was Dead, Didn't You! I don't know if anyone will get
that reference. I'm not even sure I get that reference.
Yes I am. Whatta liar. I don't get why I used it, sure.
But I understand the source material for the thing. Anyway.
Tomorrow's 3.17. Is that anything? There's a track 17 on one of my
albums that I like. Is that relevant? I don't know. Crap and
crap. I was inspired to do a 26 song album because of Sublime's inaugural
album. Probably. Or I realized the average length of that batch of
songs was a minute and a half. That too. Also, am I 100% sure that
40 Oz. To Freedom was their first album? No. Probably like
70% sure, which ain't sure at all.
What else and crap. Three paragraphs to go.
That's well within my skill set and crap. I've recorded maybe three or
four songs in the past year, after, I don't know, a hundred fifty the year
before? I think I figured out why-- I'm not very good. That
explains that. What else and crap. When I was in high school, my
illegally downloaded copy of the self titled Sublime album had the tracks all
out of order. Then later I found out the right order. I liked my
order better. Way better. Better hardcore. What else and
crap. Feel like I brought that up before. I know I did when
discussing The Shins, where the same thing happened. These are the real
issues 2017! Crap and crap. Two and a half paragraphs to go.
Probably even less. This paragraph is pretty full, all things considering.
Yeah! Crap and crap! Did I make a Supreme
Court having all the toppings joke. That was half a score of
paragraphs ago, I can't remember everything I may or may not have said.
Crap and crap. I know I've said that a score amount of times at least. I
can't help it if the subject of Crap keeps coming up. I just roll with the
punches and crap so to speak. So-To-Mayor... Speak!
It's Supreme Court humor, you wouldn't get it. Anyway, what else. I
got Kettle Cooked potato chips. Talk about gettin' healthy and in shape.
Kettles are healthy. Food being cooked is healthy. That's two for
two on the healthy scale right there and crap. Crap and crap.
Alright, last paragraph. We did it! Almost!
We probably would have done it in retrospect! Let's see. Words are
hard. It's staying bright outside later than it used to. That's a
concept I can get behind. I like an evening occurring after 7:00, which is
what we'll get to in a matter of weeks if we haven't already. I don't
know, I go to sleep at 6:30. Anyway. Crap and crap. I don't
know. I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Put Your Hands In The Title And Wave Them Like You Just Don't Title
Bad start already.
Oh well, good motivation to overcome such crappiness. I like that Will
Smith movie The Pursuit of Crappiness. Like it hardcore.
Birdman Or The Unexpected Virtue of Crappiness. A Third Thing, one would
imagine. Mr. Crap Goes To Washington. There we go. What's
going on in the wide world of sports. Had a substitute teacher today who
I'm pretty sure was Josh Gad. Except he was pretending to be a teacher.
And had a swirly moustache. Besides that, though, all signs point towards
an undercover Josh Gad. He told us to write a monologue. I don't
know what a monologue is. Luckily, my dialogue ended up being almost
exclusively one character, so I'm close enough. After the assignment, I
did realize, Oh, yeah, that's what a monologue is. I knew that.
Also, the entire story is just me making the same rant about Driedel that I do
here. it's called getting into character you dolts. Who cares
if every character I write has the exact same voice. It's a great voice!
I can sort of guess teacher'll think I'm being a Jerk Off, though. I have
time to actually take this assignment seriously.
Seriously hardcore. I was relatively close to pullin
some goofballs and funnybones on the bus driver. One person getting off
the bus was being a real lady-jerk, saying It's not close enough to the curb!
I can't step onto the street! Oh, Good Heavens! So he had to put
the wheelchair steps on, accounting for about five minutes. Mine was the
next stop. I thought about saying Now It's Not Close Enough To The Curb
For Me! And add, Just playin, man. In the end, though, I
decided it wasn't worth the hassle. Big day in Election news. Five
states are going to the polls! Around the real turn of the century,
was there one state that saw a notable influx of Polish people? So I can
make a pun? You get it. Is Pole an insensitive term. I don't
know. It could be completely benign, it could be relatively offense but
not overly so, or it could be terrible. Write in your opinion to
email@example.com, and I'll read them on the
air!!! A couple of months ago, an old friend proposed starting a podcast
with me. I had mixed feelings. It could be fun or it could be
something I hate with all my being. Good news is, we haven't talked about
it a second time.
There goes that. Websiting it up is good enough for me.
And by hate with all my being, I mean, I will get disappointed to find
out I don't have the skill set to do it. I don't like finding out I'm
no good at stuff. Nobody likes that. #LetsDoThings2016.
Anyway. Also, the direction he wanted to go with the Podcast didn't
particularly interest me. If you want Michael, you're going to get the
Michael that Michael wants to Michael. Also, what else is going on.
Who came up with the term IIdes of March. Was it Shakespeare?
I hate that guy. What does Ides mean, anyway. Gotta be something.
Logic tells us that. BBut what. No way of finding out.
Let's move on. I know it's the middle of March. Could Ides mean
middle? I suppose that's as good a guess as any. Hey, yeah!
Ides means middle of the month in Roman. I think they call it
Latin. You smart mouthin' me boy?
Great, just great. Then why are the modern day
derivatives of the language called the Romance languages? Not so
smart now, are ya? The good news is I used the bathroom all I wanted
during class. No fake Josh Gad is gonna stop me. Three episodes of
BWE left. Yeah, I use the initial for walk, even though its one
word. What of it? You stickmen'll complain about anything.
Finally finished the bent Metrocard. Onward and upward, I guess. I
find it interesting that a guy who has an entire month named for him was
supposed to be scared about something involving a different month. That's
karma for ya. Or, stupidity at least. That's stupidity for ya. There
we go. Here's a thought-- do any other countries have a U.S.A!
U.S.A.! chant? I can't imagine it anywhere else. Mainly because
it required exactly three syllables. But also, just doesn't ring true.
IT-A-LEE! IT-A-LEE! PAK-I-STAN! PAK-I-STAN! MEX-I-CO!
MEX-I-CO! Americans be crazy.
LETS-GO-ENGLAND! LETS-GO-ENGLAND! That might
happen at a soccer match, I guess. I like it better being chanted at a
stump speech though. What else is going. On. I have third
string leftovers tonight. That's a rare occurrence. Other than
Thanksgiving and crap. Let's-Go-Website! Let's-Go-Website!
That's how that might go. A few days ago, I said the only Larry I knew of
was Larry The Cable Guy. I forgot about Larry King and Larry David, who
combined to make a joke here I made a few months or a year ago. Larry King
going-- Sometimes I confuse myself with Larry David, mostly because of the
name. In case you weren't reading back then, you deserve to enjoy
that. Enjoy it hardcore. What else is going on hardcore.
Besides his opinions on the issues, the main thing I would copy about Bernie
Sanders if I was playing him in a skit, the phrase, Let Me Finish.
I can imagine him saying that more than any other thing.
#LetHimFinish2016. Let's get that trending for some reason.
Mostly because of my imbecile-ness. The back of my
cereal box says Set the table with Kellogg's Tonight, under the premise
that it'll be ready tomorrow morning for ya. And the picture shows cereal
in milk. That's No Good! The milk'll go bad. Are you
trying to kill us? If we're dead, that's no good for you. Think,
just think. It's pretty much Spring already. I'd blame global
warming, but I saw a guy holding a snowball once, so I don't know what to think.
Anyway. That guys has got to own that snowball charade. It's all we
know him for. On his deathbed, I imagine he'll go, Well, I died doing
what I loved. Being a jackass and an idiot. I assume he'll keep
a snow globe by the bed, just to remember who he was in his heyday. He
didn't die doing it. It was way back while he was still alive.
Get off my website, with your logic and crap!
Anyway. There's gotta be one scene of the last few
episodes of BWE I have left where someone gets set on fire. Right?
I'd say it's 50/50. Which, for most things, is high, if you're just
betting someone'll get set on fire in three hours of a random T.V. show.
They have a proven track record of people getting set on fire, though.
50/50 are appropriate odds as far as I'm concerned. I guess they can't do
a This guy turns into Two Face scenario, though. Two Face hates the
mob. That's his main thing for the most part. I guess it could be a
law enforcement office who gets set on fire and becomes Two Face. That
makes sense. Now we know why he hates them so much. Just wrote an
alternate Batman reality. Love it! And it turns out Nucky
Thompson is The Penguin. No one would see it coming!
The good news is the entry is ever so closer to the end.
If I was in a Batman movie, let's be honest, I'd be The Penguin. No use
trying to deny it. I guess I could be Robin, if I lose some weight.
That's a respectable position. After Batman, Alfred, Commissioner Gordon,
Morgan Freeman, Two Face while he's still good... Robin's pretty respectable.
Or I could play Bruce Wayne as a child witnessing his parents' death.
Short people could play children. Why not. Wouldn't it be fun if
every T.V. Show, Movie, Book in the world participated in the World of Batman.
It elevates everything to Dizzying Fun Heights. That's how I feel.
My professor wouldn't like it, sure. That's a negative. I'd like it,
though. That's a positive. Evens itself out. What else and
crap! Olympics this summer. I could do without it. The only
way I would find Olympics interesting is if they have the Summer Olympics events
during the winter and vice versa. I'd love to watch someone try to luge
without snow. One would imagine. Not 100% on what luge is.
Microsoft FrontPage doesn't even recognize it as a word, that's how stupid Luge
Stupid is as stupid does. Also, when the fuck is the
bus gonna show up for Forrest Gump. He's been sitting there for hours.
Stupid municipal transit system. I guess it would be in character for him
to just sit there without the intention of ever getting on a bus. Who
knows for sure. Only Forrest Gump himself, and I imagine he'll take that
to his grave. Forrest Gump II. No one has had a better idea for a
movie ever. That would be the bees knees. Would you like a jelly
bean-- see, I've grown. Don't know. Just don't know.
Forrest Gump would be a role model for special people everywhere, if only they
knew how to appreciate him. Oh well, live and learn. Anyway.
The entire point of this assignment was to get inside this character's head and
do a monologue from his point of view about the world. I just did a rant
about playing Dreidel favors the person spinning. No way she's gonna be
happy about that.
Do have some time to change it, though. I don't want to
be a jerkoff. Even if I think its funny. We gotta get out of
our comfort zone and whatnot, thats the point. Ha, I even had the other
person dialogue, "What's the deal with your grey shirt and wristband," or
something like that. Just being a real cutesy asshole. That's
what you get, fake Josh Gad, for putting me on the spot. I need time
to prepare, think things out and whatnot. I need more ideas for our
budding entrepreneur in Upcoming Story. I have three or four, which is
decent. I really just wanna bludgeon them to death with a shitload of
crap. Too bad I can't. Don't have the skill set. Oh
well, live and learn.
Fifteen'r today, I guess. One of my least favorite
things in life is walking behind people who are walking slow. I don't know
the proper thing to do. Just slow myself down to their pace? Speed
up a little bit, pass them, and now I'm in control of the situation? I
don't feel 100% happy with either solution. I guess I could say, C'mon,
speed it up. There's people behind you with things to do! I
usually err on the side of speeding up and passing them. Once I'm ahead of
them, who cares what they think. I never have to see them again.
Walking slowly behind them, though, while may be the courteous thing, I have to
look at these jackoffs for my entire walk. Which is taking longer than
Let's talk about it for some reason. What else is
going on. I like throwing up in public. Well, in public, but when no
ones around. Someone being around, that's no good. Just throw up
some water on a sidewalk, though, real great. Hey, I pay my taxes.
I have the right, nay, the duty to throw up on sidewalks. Great, what
else. It would be weird if Sanders does great tonight. Hey, maybe
he's got a chance. President Sanders. Wow, Awesome! LET
HIM FINISH. What else and crap. I find it odd how many fictional
shows are about politics. Like the aforementioned Josh Gad's vehicle, I
Forget What It's Called But Bill Pullman Is President Yet Again.
Afro-mentioned, how I originally tried to spell it. Live and learn.
Thirteenth paragraph! Shit, unlucky. I can't wait
to get to fourteen. Then back to lucky. Fifteen is neutral.
Sixteen would be great, but we probably won't get that far. #That'sHowIFeelAboutNumbers.
Anyway. A paragraph for each day of March. How interesting!
Got cheap Vodka today. Well, regular vodka in terms of quality.
Cheap in terms of Every Vodka Must Go! I told you, this place,
vodka cheap, whiskey expensive. I'm being a frugal customer, that's all.
To connoisseurs, a thirty dollar vodka is cheap. Relatively certain
no connoisseurs read this crap, though. If you're connoisseur about vodka,
why not about comedy. Also, real tough word to spell. Let's talk
about it. Why is a Spelling Bee called a Spelling Bee. Did Bee used
to mean something in the Gilded Age that applies to titling this activity?
Must be reason, logic has taught us that.
Whoo! See you in Hell, 13th paragraph! I hope
not, I'd rather go to Heaven. But think of all the things you'd be
able to see in Hell. Maybe go to Heaven but take a day trip every now and
then to Hell. I don't know. The good news is What Else. The
bad news is I Don't Know. Either way, let's move on. I might get to
wear my Bernie shirt on Thursday! Wear it hardcore! And, if not,
almost definitely next Tuesday. I might be the only person who has only
two days a week to wear a shirt. Get off my back you dolts. I'll
wear what I want, when I want, how hardcore I want. I believe that's the
future forty seventh amendment. The right to Shirt ourselves as we see
fit. Gotta put it in there, otherwise some states are bound to circumvent
that God given right.
Anyway, yay! Last paragaph. During a debate, my
Mom asked me how I would spell, "Yay," in a text. Cause she was sending
one to my brother. I answered, I wouldn't use the word Yay.
Sure, I love palindromes, but lets get real, its a real clunker of a word.
Anyway, at this rate, might go over 15 paragraphs. There's currently no
law on the books that says I can't. What else and crap. At this
rate, it'll end at fifteen paragraphs. You can't tell rate like I can.
I went a whole five or ten minutes without saying anything. You can't
relate to that aspect of the website. How could you. You couldn't,
that's how. What else. Here's a great story-- I made my next
therapist appointment for April 4th, but I checked the card she gave me, and it
said April 7th! Well, I was bothered as something that starts with a b,
and I called her up. Was a big mistake. Appointment was indeed for
Made Ya Read It. Alright, what else and crap.
Might go ahead and rewrite the CD-RW with different tracks to listen to on my
X-Box. I got shit else to do. What if they don't sound good
though. I can't handle that kind of disappointment. That's no
good. I need a new phone charger wire. I have two, and neither of
them work quite good. You know, on account of normal wear and tear.
Either that or me bending them on purpose. Why would I do that.
Yes... why... indeed... What else and crap. We all know Nucky
Thompson was a corrupt politician, but what was he up to before prohibition.
Shady dealings and stuff, sure. But his life sure took a turn for the
strange when prohibition came to town! Also, I'm writing tag lines for
promoting Boardwalk Empire as if it were a new sitcom. You can't stop me.
I'll do it all I want.
Yeesh. Crap and crap. True story-- there was a
guy behind me at the convenience store who asked for two packs of cigarettes--
Newport 99's and Newport shorts. Make up yer mind, am I right!
Probably. I'm right about roughly 60% of things. Also, I now know
thanks to Internet Newport Shorts are just slang for regular Newports. In
my mind, I imagined them as being shorter than regular. Which makes the
anecdote all the more interesting. Oh well. Crap and crap.
Also, in the AOL/Texting story, he deals with a computer tower. Which just
leads me to believe this youngin' didn't know texting wasn't a thing in the late
90's. Kids these days, think they know everything. I don't know
the age of the writer. I can't keep track of whose who.
Anyway, good feeling this'll be the last paragraph.
I've been running on fumes since the fourth paragraph. Way back when.
What else and crap. Got some pork fried rice, a little bit of stuffing, a
little bit of duck. I can eat that hardcore. If it's not enough, my
Mom's got some omelet left over which I can potentially eat, too. Man,
does rice go well with some fowl. Chicken, duck, its all good. These
are the real issues. What else and crap. Ha. Cannabisness.
I mean, what? Huh? Where am I. Right, right. I'll see ya
Monday, March 14, 2016
On the Forefront of Creative Titling
That's gotta be true.
No one titles like me. Except for musicians and screenplay writers.
Have you seen some of the titles for songs and movies? They're really
impressive. That's how I feel. Anyway, lets get into some goofballs
and funny bones. I accidentally sent a half-way decent e-mail to Junk Mail
by mistake. Now every half-way decent e-mail from that source about the
same thing goes to Junk. Probably the biggest mistake I've made in my life
so far. Is there a way to undo it? Probably. I don't have the
time for such a thing, though. Speaking of Time, the last Title was almost
What's The Deal With Time. I made my choice, though, and I'm sticking
to it. Got nothin' better to do than stick with things I've said.
Pretty much my main activity. Next Supermarket Time, I'm gonna get me some
croutons. Pretty much the most exciting thing to happen for me in a long
Clocks. I'll snack on some croutons. Nothing's stopping me.
You can't stop me. I'm outta control! Yeesh. The good news is
a full paragraph in. Now I'm gettin' into my comfort zone. You
wouldn't like me when I'm in my comfort zone. I become a real asshole,
concerned with nothing but my own comfort.
That's great, what else. Six more episodes of Jaywalk
Empire! That's the most exciting thing to happen to me since conceiving of
eating croutons. My brother canceled his subscription to Spotify.
Great, just great. Now I have to use YouTube, like a Chump. Or start
watching the Cable music channels. They have forty or fifty and a solid
50% of them actually work. Of those, there's probably one or two channels
of good music that I like that work. Everything's coming up Crazysheet!
What else. One of the stories I have to read for Thursday Class involved a
guy who uses AOL, and also Texts. That don't add up. Unless it turns
out to be a Time Travel story. I didn't read the end, yet. Here's
hopin', I guess. What else. It was Valentine's Day a month ago.
Wonder where he's gonna go with this! Let's see. Valentine's
Day, am I right? Here's the thing with Valentine's Day--- .....
..... My Valentine can come to my house and watch DVDs.
Great. We can listen to all the music we want on
YouTube. Sure, we'd have to keep clicking new videos and putting up with
Ads. That's the price you pay for Love. Okay. I have to
eat leftovers tonight for dinner, like a Chump. But, wha, I ate this
yesterday and/or the day before! I don't wanna eat it again! Maybe
in three or four days I'll order it again, but not yet! That's
how that goes. I'll drink leftover Whiskey for a week. Ain't nothin'
wrong with that. I had a dream I was gonna drive to White Castle. but kept
having trouble finding the driver's seat of the car. Let's see, this
must be it. No, that's the back of the car. Walk around to the
other side. This must be it! Nope, still the back. I
have weird dreams. I can't even drive in real life. I can't even
dream in real life. We have a book in my house on Creative Dreaming which
is supposed to teach you how to have lucid dreams. I've browsed through it
eight or ten times, still nothin'. Whatta jip.
You mean I wasted my time reading a book and nothing came
of it?! That's unacceptable! I've noticed one or two bugs buggin'
around the last couple of days. I guess Spring is in Full Bloom.
Korn is in full Blum. That's how I feel. Fourth paragraph, huh?
How about that. Where do bugs come from. Crawl in through the window?
How did they get to the second story in the first place. Who knows.
Some bugs can fly. Some can't. What else is new. I don't know.
Who does. Big day tomorrow. If Sanders can win at least two of the
five states, he's got a legitimate shot at pullin' this off. I just hope
if he's elected, he doesn't go, Man, now I have to be president? Never
saw that coming. I'm relatively certain all candidates running
this year might have that moment of realization. That's how I would feel.
That's why I'm not running.
Also, I was born in Kenya. You knew that, right?
Anyway. If Sanders gets the nomination, his slogan for the main election
should be Let's Do Things. I don't know why. I find it funny
for some reason. You should too. That's why you're reading this
crap, it must amuse you to some extent. Anyway. Crap and crap.
In Film School, they must have a class devoted to Titling, right? That's
how I would run things. My brother went to Film School more or less.
Dramatic Writing. I once read a spec script he wrote for The Office for
some class. Pretty decent. It had some goofballs and funny bones,
that's for sure. That's not dramatic writing. That's comedic
writing. Shows what you know. It was real real Drama.
Michael Scott learns he needs a kidney transplant. Dwight, of course,
wants to donate his kidney. But Michael Scott is like, I don't want any
part of Dwight in my body. That's what she said. These things
practically write themselves, huh.
Not gonna lie, I'm pleased as punch with that. What
else is going on. Five States tomorrow. Bernie loses all, that's no
good. Bernie wins one, he's still in it, not good, but could be worse.
Two, that's a positive night. More than two, it's awesome.
#PolticsTalk2016. Anyway, crap and crap. Bernie T-Shirt finally
shipped! There's a good chance I'll get to wear it while its still
relevant. Pretty much if he wins at least one state tomorrow, it'll be
relevant for the next couple of weeks. Even if he doesn't, it's still not
over completely. I don't know. I'm talking out my ass. Twelve
years ago, when I was in high school, I knew all about what was going on.
Read books on politics, read books on history, read books on current events.
Not like now. Oh well, live and learn. Except the opposite. Go
backwards in life and realize you had learned and are not anymore.
Yeesh. Anyway. Gotta do something with free
periods when I don't want to do homework. I blame Poker for making me
uninformed. I can win money and socialize at the same time?! Fuck
Off Books, Get Out Of My Life! That's how that went for some reason.
Unless if it's a Poker Book. That's fine. Or something to further my
knowledge of Fantasy Baseball. That's good, too. Or a book about how
to spot a Cannibal on the street. Never read a book like that, but I
would. I wanna know which strangers are cannibals. That's valuable
information. Gotta couple of good feedback over the last few days.
One Facebook Share and one Like. Movin on up! At this rate,
I'll have 300 likes a day by next year. That's more than two likes per
Facebook friend. That's gotta be hard to pull off. But, if someone
could do it, why not me. That's how I feel. And you can like stuff
you're not friends with. Anyway, wha? Huh? Crap?
That's how I feel. Crap and crap. Me and My
Valentine can watch The Critic over and over. We can watch it on DVD.
Then we can watch it on YouTube. Then, back to the DVDs. The fun
never stops! Maybe this is why girls don't like me. My strict
adherence to watching The Critic over and over and over again. Anyway,
what else. There was a brief period in my life where I would eat
Pistachios. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. Crap and crap.
What else. I find it weird that their a Pistachio Ice Cream.
It's one of the standard ice creams, as I understand. Someone explain
it to me! Yeesh. I have a vague memory of getting high in NYU
and we all went to the supermarket to get ice cream. One of my favorite
Ice Cream memories. The other one is my Dad telling me a story every so
often about some special kid he knew who got an ice cream cone and promptly
stuck it on his head. Like a unicorn or something. I like my Dad's
stories. That's how I feel.
He's a good guy. Real good guy. I have the best
parents. Ninth paragraph, huh? I can live with that. I guess I
have to. Anyway. It's too bad that a lot of my best memories are
vague. Oh well, live and learn. What else. Getting likes or
shares or comments on Facebook, about the website, pretty much the highlight of
my days, when it happens. Vindication is Mine! That's how I
feel. My right testicle just started hurting. That's no good.
It's more the space above my right testicle. Oh, there's the testicle
itself. Alright, it went away. Whew. Really makes you take
stock in what's important. The testicles. I'd buy stock in what's
important. If importance is any guide, it... seems... uh, hold on.
... ... Look, I can't give you my undivided attention for now. My
Testicle's In Trouble! I don't even like the veins connecting the
testicles to whatever. They're lumps in my scrotum. I'm under the
impression that lumps are cancer. I don't know who to trust.
Great. Testicle's fine now, pretty sure, at least.
Got another third of Website to write. I hope the ending of this story is
the main character creating a page on Angelfire. That would make the whole
thing worth it. I remember in high school, when I adamantly was an
atheist, making a deal with God, should he exist, that anything can happen to me
in life, just leave my balls and penis out of it. If that happens, I'm
satisfied with how my life turns out. Kinda naive, thinking back.
Lots of bad stuff could happen that involve genitals. Now I know, then I
couldn't grasp it. Also, God doesn't need to make deals. He'll do
what he want. That's why he's God. If he was making deals
willy-nilly, no one would respect him. That's how I feel.
What else and crap. Class tomorrow. Hope we learn
more about cannibals. Or Sad Batman. I'd be happy with being more
informed on either of these pertinent subjects. Maybe one of the
characters in my upcoming story could think he's Batman. I like
making references to things from class. Hey, remember talking about
that? Here it is again! Really makes people happy one would
imagine. What else. Plus, I won't have to wear my winter jacket
anymore, I hate it so much. Can go with either a hoodie or my leather
jacket. Either way, people know I'm cool. That's my main goal in
class. Make people think I'm cool. So far, not a great start.
But there's still time to make some ground in regards to perceived coolness.
I guess I can have a character who wears sunglasses in my story. That's as
cool as it gets. Oh, also, a backward baseball cap.
Okay, I guess. What else. Today's Pi Day!
Almost forgot. When I was a kid, there was some museum that celebrated Pi
Day by having Math Exhibits. My Dad took me two or three times. I
wonder if they have a party when it's 1:59 P.M. You'd think they would,
right? I don't remember any such thing. New series on HBO about vice
principals. My Dad was that! Except in this part of the country,
they're called Assistant Principals. My main association with that is that
assistant principals get paid less per hour than teachers. Cause their
union isn't as strong. And it's significantly more work. So I
learned from a young age that Life Is Bullshit. What else is going on.
So far there have been some flashbacks in the final season of Boredstalk
empire. That's okay. There's a show on some channel, each episode is
about a real case of someone who was being stalked, and the show is called
Look Whose Stalking. Seems kind of inappropriate, right? Sorta
making fun of the whole situation. That's no good.
There's three paragraphs to go. That's good. One
would imagine. I'm relatively satisfied with how my songs sound on T.V.
Speakers. So far, only listened to twelve, though. Maybe there are
songs that sound better through that avenue than others. Who knows for sure.
Impossible to test it out, I guess. I think I'm just happy my X-Box works.
That's where that good feelin' comes from. Anyway. Et-Tu, Hillary?
It's politics, you wouldn't understand, okay? What else is going on.
How did Shakespeare know so much about what happened to Caesar. Guilty
conscience, perhaps? That's right-- I'm suggesting Shakespeare was there
and was an accomplice. Prove me wrong!
What else. I don't know. Stupid having to
pick a time for when to eat dinner. You eat too early, you're not
satisfied later on in the night. Eat too late, you're still not
satisfied later on the night. That's a thing I said for some reason.
Choose your own adventure. I don't know. What else. Sanders Town
Hall going on now. I'll watch it when Entry is over. A paragraph and
a half. That's well within reach. On account of the longer entries
and almost every day, this month is already on par with the longest months I've
done. This is relevant because why not. What are Sanders'
thoughts on Boardwalk Empire. Actually, no, don't tell me. It
might include spoilers. Sanders is a spoiler for Clinton hopefully one
might imagine. Yeah, so what. I'm not happy with that
jokepunthing. Which doesn't really qualify as any of those three.
Well, maybe thing. I would argue it's a thing.
This is the last paragraph I guess. I'm pretty
impressed that they hold the Democratic Debates at nine or ten. You'd
think most seventy year olds would be in bed by then. They're in it to win
it! I guess. My parents aren't in bed by then. yeah,
but they're sixty eight. That answers that question. What
question. Get off my back! What else. I'm not happy with
how this paragraph is turning out. Oh well. I don't think I'll watch
the Town Hall when this is over. I've been trained to only think about
politics between the hours of eight and eleven P.M. Don't really feel it
right now. I could keep writing Entry, though. That sounds like fun
for some reason. Almost out of alcohol. I'll finish it today
soundly. Just in time for tomorrow, to get more after class. Great.
What else and crap. A paragraph for every year it is
after 2000. Better way to qualify it without giving false information
about how much days are left in March. That's how I feel. What
else. Paragraphwise, is this the longest entry ever? I know I was
going overtime the first few days of this month, but I forget if that
constituted fifteen or twenty paragraphs. Oh well. Either way, I
guess, right? Not sure what that means. What else and crap.
I got to class just on time last week. That's no good. I want to be
around people for an extra twenty minutes. Gives me some time to settle
in, that sort of crap. Hopefully the reason it took so long for them to
ship my Sanders Shirt is because a bunch of people were ordering them and they
couldn't handle the demand. Good chance that might have been what
happened. My Mom's been saying for weeks she'll donate to Sanders. I
ask her every day, donate yet? Still haven't. Oh well, there goes
One more paragraph. One more. Then I'm done,
you'll see. What else is crappening. It took me four years to
come up with that. Great. Man, crazysheet.net has been around
longer than crazysheet.com. Crazysheet.com, man. Those were the
days. People still respected me somewhat in some respects.
Personally, I can't wait till I'm in my thirties and am doing crazysheet.org.
That sounds terrible. Oh well, such is life. One of my main
memories of crazysheet.com is that I once accidentally deleted an entire month.
Crap and crap. No longer stored in computer memories. That how that
go. After uploading it to Internet, I always check crazysheet.net to make
sure I didn't delete anything accidently. Live and learn, I guess.
I really should make sure before uploading it-- once its uploaded, if I deleted
anything, its too late. You're too late! Get off my website!
See ya later!
Sunday, March 13, 2016
What's The Deal With Clocks
Let's talk about it.
One of mmy favorite jokes from crazysheet.com was, I was talking about some
issue or something that was going on at the time, but nothing was being done
about it, so I suggested we demonstrate our frustration by, "Let's Watch T.V.
About It!" You know, sarcasm? Anyway. What's other
stuff I've already said. It's Spring next week. I already said that
yesterday. Oh well, live and learn. Listened to some songs on
T.V. Great. Crap and crap. Only one more season of
Broadwalk Empress. And it's the shortest season there is!
Talk about seasons. I was, just now! Different kinds! How
exciting. Were salt and pepper shakers the epitome of luxury during the
Gilded Age? Let's talk about it. Twenty years ago, I could have said
during the turn of the century. Now we got a new turn of the century.
Oh well, live and learn. I wonder what life'll be like during the next
turn of the century. Why, we'd probably have five or ten different spices
readily available. #ThinkBig2116.
Wonderful. I have to throw up a lot. Usually it's
just coughing and never amounts to anything. Still, though, something to
keep an eye on. I mainly use this website to document my symptoms over
time. That's all its good for essentially. Every now and then, a
therapist or something asks me if I think people can read my mind. My
standard answer should be, Well, why don't you tell me. I know you
know. It's a joke, jeez. That's why I write this blog.
You can read what I'm up to without taking that extra step. I'm providing
a service to you, the reader. I sure hope no one in the world's actual
mind works like this website. That would be sad and disturbing and
upsetting and crap. Democratic Town Hall tonight! My favorite
part is when they talk about crap. I don't know. I started that
thought without knowing how I was gonna turn it into a joke. Turns out, I
couldn't. Oh well, crap and learn. Anyway. The best part about
binge watching T.V. shows is finishing them. Really makes you feel like
you accomplished something.
I hear the last season of BWE is a jump in time several
years. I can't wait. Think of all the stories they've accumulated
over that time! I assume the entire season will be them sitting around a
campfire swappin' stories about the past decade. I don't think I've ever
sat around a camp fire. My Uncle has a fireplace. It's possible the
Fire was On several times I visited him. Santa comes down the
chimney! That sounds uncomfortable for a morbidly obese man.
He can handle it, he does it all the time! Still, though, can't we
just leave the door unlocked. Anyway. How does Santa
get out of the house. Go up the chimney? How does
he manage that? Turns out I just disproved Christmas. Sorry.
Oh well. Everyone knows Santa can levitate. Anyway. I
don't like the phrase smoking like a chimney. I have my reasons,
don't you worry.
Crap and crap. Apparently there's a new Ghostbusters
coming out. I was under the impression the original Ghostbusters killed
all the ghosts. I didn't need to say that. Oh well. Is
it possible at some point the Ghostbusters kill The Holy Ghost by mistake.
How would they know it's the Holy Ghost. I've never seen any pictures of
him/her/it. It would be an easy mistake to make. Almost said
Jesus instead of The Holy Ghost. That would have been better. I just
panicked because The Holy Ghost has Ghost in his name and made the split second
decision to go with that. I'm so sorry for this paragraph. This
entry. This website. Me. Accept my apologies,
damn you. Where do you get off. I'm under the impression there's a
new season of Kimmy Schmidt coming up. That's great. Off the top of
my head, that's been my favorite new show of the last couple years. Not
counting The Rap Game. This ain't no game-- it's the Rap Game.
BUT YOU JUST SAID IT WASN'T A GAME. Yeah, I know I said it before.
I'll say it again! I'll never stop saying it! My favorite part of
raps is when they say what their name is.
I could have gone on with that thought and make some
goofballs and funny bones. Just didn't feel like it, though. Oh
well. Sayin' Oh Well a lot this entry. Yeah, what's it to
you? Huh? That's what I thought-- All Talk and No Action.
Lets read websites about it. Crap and crap. Back to Class on
Tuesday. Who knows what T-Shirt I'll be wearing then. Gotta be a
good one-- now everyone's looking at my T-Shirt. The stakes have been
raised. Anyway. Passover coming up. I find it interesting how
crappy Matzoth is and how decent Matzoth balls are. These are the
things that keep me up at night. Also, not turning off the T.V.
completely. I turn the cable box off, but not the T.V.-- so there's a
little message still on the T.V. signifying the cable box is off. I would
turn off the T.V., but if I leave it off for a few hours, when I turn it back
on, everything is dim for a few hours. I can't do that. That's no
These are the real issues! 2016! FrontPage is
insisting I spell Matzoh that way. Never seen it spelled like that before.
But who am I to argue. I'm no one. I can't take on Big FrontPage
Spelling all by myself. Anyway. There was a good article in the New
York Times that I read the headline for about how if Sanders' Revolution is
really going to happen, it's gotta be a bunch of Sandersites running for
Congress. So, my minions of modest political power-- go forth and spread
your seed! I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. Jeez.
Talking is An Action. Consult your local dictionary. It'll say it's a verb
right there. Anyway. I take pride in how unreadable this is.
Or at least I'd say that I do. So no one knows I'm crying on the inside.
Except for my therapist. She knows everything about me. Crap and
crap. Even if someone could read my mind, they wouldn't know
everything about me. Essentially all they'll know is I'm uncomfortable
in this situation. I hope I'm doing good. Do they like me?
That's what my mind is like 24/7. Except for when they actually ask me if
people can read my mind. Then I'm thinking, You Tell Me.
Crap and bullshit and crap. Anyway. Professor
told a story about how she knows someone in law enforcement or something, and he
can walk down the street and point out the people who are cannibals. I may
have only gotten that story 30% correct. I heard cannibals and let my mind
fill in the blanks. Anyway, crap and crap. Hopefully I'm not
disseminating classified information. Now, if you're a cannibal, you know
you can't keep it under wraps for long. Jeez. Anyway. I like
how on the Bus, they have a recording say, Assaulting a bus driver is a
criminal offense. Don't assault bus drivers. Yeah, I know.
I kind of assumed that the same rules for everyone goes for bus drivers. I
never thought, Hey, now that I'm in a bus, I can finally start assaulting
people without fear of the law! Anyway. I'm trying to put
together a twelve song album that I can give to people if they ask about it.
It's a little daunting to tell them to visit a website with 120 songs. One
would imagine. If it ever came up. I wish I could get someone to
listen to every song and tell me which they liked the best. I got a
few comments on like two or three songs, but that's only a fourth of the way
These aren't the real issues. I'm not gonna lie.
Not even close. It would be even better for Boardwalk Empire is if they're
stuck in an elevator for eight episodes and flashback to old seasons. That
kind of move would require courage, and if it does happen, I give them all the
credit in the world. Hell, I think in every episode of a syndicated show,
they should have twenty seconds upfront of footage of them in an elevator and
going, Remember this... That's how I feel. Anyway.
Santa can only get out of the house if the chimney is an elevator. And
most people can't afford elevator chimneys. Only the rich. And they
don't need presents, anyway. It's a shame to live in a nation where 90%
of Santa's Presents Go Towards the top 1%. Think about it, if you
heard that, you would be on board with Sanders immediately. THEY'RE
GETTING ALL OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS?!! I WON'T STAND FOR IT. #Poltics'dIt2016.
Let's read blogs about it. Great. Crap and
crap. Then again, the Government shouldn't be in charge of who gets what
Christmas presents. Or Should They. Jeez. The system is
rigged. Government's got to intervene. Anyway, bullshit and crap.
I can't wait to see new Universities pop up. That's great for everyone.
Creates wealth in new towns and such. Shoulda stuck with majoring in
teaching. I missed a real good opportunity to get in on the ground
level. Five years ago, there were no jobs for teachers. Five years
from now, there can be a surplus. Anyway, oh well. Live and learn.
Except not Learn. Mostly Live, though. Not gonna argue with that.
Crap and crap. What else and crap. Yeesh. Thirteen days of
March. Twelve entries. Eleven days to go. That's not right.
Stupid calendars, think they're so great. I didn't even need to update any
clocks at all. All automatic. Cable Box, Phone, Computer. Talk
We were, remember? Salt and Pepper shakers. It
was a while ago, you might not remember. Anyway. I can't remember
the last time I didn't sleep on my left side. Well, when I was at my Aunt
and Uncle's. I guess I can remember, it was two weeks ago. But, in
my own bed, I can't fall asleep unless I'm on my left side. There's got to
be a logical explanation for all this. There usually is for things.
Logic has a pretty good track record, I'd say. Either way, what else.
I remember, instead of having a Rubik's Cube, we had a Rubik's Clock.
There were nine clocks and you could wind four or something at a time. I
don't have all the details. Needless to say, I threw it at a wall and that
was the end of that. I didn't really do that. I need to clarify
because it does sound like something I'd do. Anyway.
Crap and crap. I wish I could spot a Cannibal just by
looking at him. It wouldn't come up often, but when it does, oh boy.
Hannibal Lector's a cannibal. I learnt it from a movie. Learned and
Learnt are both words. Probably a good reason for that. Logic Wins
Again. Maybe I added one of the two words to Microsoft FrontPage.
Could be. The point is, though, who cares. Eleven paragraphs today.
One for each day left in March. Don't mean to brag, but we're always in a
surplus of salt and pepper. We get delivery six times a week and most
places give you a bunch. We'll never have to worry about salt or pepper
again! Talk about luxury. I heard Splenda was particularly bad
for you. Gotta make the switch to somethin' else. I'm sick of
getting Coffee from Dunkin Donuts and always being paranoid they got it wrong.
I gotta start saying, after my order, Now, This Better Be Right, Or There'll
Be Hell To Pay! Then they call the police and I have to leave.
So that's something to look forward to.
Alright, let's do an extra paragraph. Still call it
eleven, but with a bonus. I don't know why. There's no reason to
keep track of it in the first place. Anyway. Unless if this was
Paragraph Savings Day. Not sure what that would entail. Like I told
you, I'm not even sure if we lost an hour or gained one. I wanna say lost
one. So, after the tenth paragraph, we just skipped to the twelfth.
There we go. And the entire paragraph is about nonsense.
Well, you get what you give, or something. I heard about it in a song.
I also heard about Danger, watch yourself, get on the floor, or
something. I don't have all the specifics. Of the Rap I listened to
in 99-01, I would guess Ludacris probably holds up the best. For me, at
least. No way to test that theory. Oh well. A few months ago I
was watching an old SNL from the early 2000's and Keenan interrupts the
monologue playing a rapper named Rick Diculous. I say it here
because I laughed. Thought it was funny. Tickled me right where it
I'm ever so close to fifteen paragraphs. One more
paragraph couldn't hurt me. Probably not. Unless if I subconsciously
reveal myself to be the cannibal that I am. Crap, I just did it. Oh
well. Cannibal. Cannabis. What's going on there.
Words, Am I Right. Anyway. I added some pepper to my eggs a
couple days ago. It was all right there in the shaker. No mess, no
hassle, no nothin'. Why would anyone read this crap. I dunno,
nothing better to do? Yeesh. Why don't they call the companies that
participate in Medical Marijuana Depositories The Canni-business.
Becasue they don't have someone like me in their ranks to alert them to such
crap. The term'll come up sooner or later. Maybe that could be one
of my fictional Entrepreneur's thing. Just giving clever titles to things.
Nah, that's beneath him. He's busy promoting real good ideas,
like Gloves For Men. Can't muck it up with a pun just for puns-sake.
Alright, two more paragraphs. I talked myself into it.
What else and crap. After this paragraph, it's only one more paragraph!
Imagine. I should be done with BWE by Tuesday. Say, two episodes
tonight, two to four on Monday, two to four on Tuesday... that oughtta cover it.
And, if not, Wednesday should definitely do it. I didn't get to watch a
Met game today. I blame Obamacare. I heard they might get a Hindu to
be a Supreme Court. I've got nothin. Anyway.
They're gonna put a Caste system in the United U.S.A.'s Of America! I
hope not. That doesn't seem fair. Anyway, crap and crap. In a
pinch, a high E guitar string can make a good floss. Just a little public
Finally, last paragraph and crap. And I can feel real
good about the length. The United U.S.A.'s of America. Not sure if
I'm really happy about that, or really unsatisfied with that. Gotta be one
or the other. Either way, calling back to it can serve no good. Oh
well. Unless you really liked it. Then you got a chance to read
it once more and laugh yourself silly all over again. Probably a good
three or four percent that could happen. I feel like I thought of a joke
yesterday I almost posted to Facebook, but then decided to hold it until this
entry. Can't remember, though. Such is Life. Odds are it was a
pun, and/or about Donald Trump. Well, Life Goes On. I can't wait
till Donald Trump has great grand children, and they go to him, Hey, Great
Grand-Pop, remember the time you almost ruined the world? That'll be
fun. I'll catch ya later.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Let's See, What's a Good Title...
No more Italics for The
Title! This is the biggest change in my life in years. What's going
on party people. Is this a good title? I'd say it's a solid 3 or
4. Out of ten. If you're rating something with a single digit,
odds are, it's gonna be out of ten. That's how I feel. The last
title wasn't italics. Oh. Turns out its a different font.
Shows how much I know. I like this new font, though! I'm standing
behind it. From Comic Sans to Century Gothic. They both start with,
"C." That's interesting. Real interesting. I don't like
this new Font. Oh well, stuck with it now. Pot committed.
Over the years, I've become a real proponent of Capitalizing things that don't
need it. Mainly Pronouns and crap. Sometimes regular Nouns. Because
great, who cares. Did I talk about here, if Bernie Sanders makes all
public universities free, we're gonna need some new public universities?
Probably. It's something worth repeating. Every debate, my Mom yells
at the T.V., WHEN I WAS A KID IT WAS FREE! I WENT TO CUNY FOR FREE!
TALK ABOUT IT YOU DOLTS! My Mom doesn't say Dolts. I wish
she did, though.
I gotta say, I'm proud to have a Mother who Yells At The T.V.
One of her best characteristics, if I may say so. Hey, Yesterday I cooked
Eggs for the first time! Looks like there's a new Hero in the house.
I knew you could add Milk to make it more fluffy, and I thought, Well, cream
is close enough. French Vanilla Cream for Coffee. So I ended up
eating Vanilla Eggs. Oh well, live and learn. It's a story I would
remember for years to come. If milk is good, cream'll be even better!
And I added ten times more than you were supposed to even if it was milk.
Twenty times as much in terms of milkiness. And that's even before the
Vanilla nonsense. I've never written an entry with this Font for the
Title before. Takes some getting used to. Anyway, crap and crap.
I put peppers on the eggs. I put crushed red pepper on the eggs. I'm
a Master Chef is the point.
Master Paragrapher, at least. One of the Mets got hurt.
I want to say Absrudalsky Cabrera. That's no good. He plays the
Shortstop Position I've Been Led To Believe. You can't be hurt and play
shortstop. There's a multitude of reasons! If you play all disabled
players, you should be able to play 18 men in the field. Let's get
Baseball working on that one. Also, isn't it politically incorrect to call
injured players Disabled. Can't we say they're on the Fifteen Day
Special List? Let's talk about it for some reason. There's
Fifteen Day Disabled Lists, there's Sixty Day Disabled Lists... when will the
madness end?! Not sure the point of that sentence. Fill Space,
probably. I'm always excited to read classmates' stories until I'm one or
two sentences in. Oh, another clunker. Great. That's
how I feel. Why can't someone just submit my story as their own. I'd
re-read that crap for realz. I realize I've been spelling Pepcid wrong
over and over. I've been spelling it Pepsid. It's Pepcid. Just
a clarification, that is.
Anyway, great. Just great. The good news is my
Doctor gave me permission to use as much Pepcid as I wanted. That's the
news I was banking on and he sure did deliver. I'm an old man.
The best news I could get in life is being able to take an over the counter
pill. Oh well, live and learn. I didn't write an entry yesterday.
Oh well, back in business today. Let's see, crap and crap, crap and
crap... Ever so close to finishing Boardwalking Empireness. Around
ten episodes to go. Here's hoping it turns out it was just a dream.
All shows should end that way. That's how I feel. It turns out I can
eat a lot of Oreos in a day. Didn't see that coming when I asked for them.
Hey, it's Reduced Fat. That means healthy. Why, I'd be a fool
not to eat a dozen oreos in one day. This is the fourth paragraph.
Just keepin' ya updated. Great. I picked out twelve songs to
listen to on my X-Box. I had the great idea to put them on a CD-RW.
I can change the songs over and over if I was so inclined! Also, Pepcid
whenever I want!
It doesn't get much better than that. Pepcid tastes
good. I'll snack on some Pepcid, no problem. Too much calcium?
Yeah right. Calcium is good for you. You ain't foolin' anyone with
that bullcrap. I keep having dreams where my teeth are falling out.
And the theme of those dreams are, Damn, four teeth fell out... but it could
be worse! I'm happy I still have most of my teeth! Because I'm a
Weirdo. I think I had my wisdom teeth taken out at some point and I think
they shot Vicodin into my gums. Seems like something that could have
happened to me. And I remember biting my gums over and over, because I was
pleased it didn't hurt. Then when it wore off my gums were all messed up.
Ya know, due to all that biting them? I like how I went to the
orthodontist for four years and then bailed before it was done. I've
had enough of this. Now my teeth are only 80-90% Orthodontistized.
It's something I would regret for years to come.
Anyway, crap and crap. I like throwing up into garbage
cans. Really makes me feel like I'm getting away with something.
Anyway. I could sure go for a Pepcid. What else is going on.
Yeesh. It's Spring in a Week and Change. That's great.
Everybody loves spring. It's one of the top three seasons. Dayight
Savings Time this weekend? Do we loes an hour or gain an hour. I
will be right back with this Information. Looks like we Lose an Hour.
I could be wrong. During The Mets, pretty sure the commentators were
talking about gaining an hour. I'm no Math Person. I guess I'll just
have to see how it turns out. Anyway. Looks like it's definitely
Lose an Hour. Great, just great. It is great for me, I have
nothing to do and it brings me an hour closer to Tuesday's Class.
Alright! Finally not having a life is paying off. I want that
hour back, now that I think about it. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.
Would making Everyone Go To College take some of the fun out of college?
Oh, this is just an extension of grade school. If that's the case,
whatta crap. #RealIssuesOneWouldImagine2016.
Crap and crap. If I was a senior in high school today,
wouldn't it make sense not to commit to going to college next Fall on the basis
if you wait a year you might get to go for free? That's got to be a real
issue facing logical people. Let's talk about it. I was thinking
about registering to vote a week or two ago. I think I mentioned it here.
Just don't have the willpower. It took me twelve years to figure out how
to make Eggs, so I still consider this March a Win. Pour eggs in bowl.
Swirl. Pour eggs on fire. Swirl. Easier said than done.
Like, now I know I don't particularly like Vanilla Eggs. To be honest,
actually, first I was like, Well, this is relatively gross, but its a step in
the right direction. By the end I was like, Man, this is actually
pretty decent. Then by the end of that I was like, Nah, this is
actually crap again.
Master Chef! Anyway. A paragraph and a half or so
ago, I was resigned to making a five paragraph entry. Now, I'm well on the
road towards ten! Already the eighth. How about that. Then
when this is done, inch ever closer to being done with that Boardwalking crap.
Most people don't think too much about March. Kinda the forgotten Month.
January starts us off, February is shorter and more Black themed, March, we're
into the shit now, but no one cares. April is spring. May is almost
summer. Need I continue? I guess not. I don't
want to, at least. You can't make me do something I don't want to do.
Good chance I'm going to eat Duck today. I love duck. Half of it is
Fat. I love eating Fat. It's one of my favorite things in Life in
general. I watched some of Hotel Rwanda last night, but didn't finish it.
I hope everything turns out alright.
Great, that's how I feel and whatnot. I know Don
Cheadle survives, at least. He's been in other movies since then.
Youtube keeps telling me all I want to watch is more The Critic episodes.
I've listened to a lot of music on YouTube in my time, watched my fair share of
T.V. shows and other random clips, too. Nope, they say. All I want
are The Critic episodes. And you know what? Can't say they're
wrong. I do have it on DVD. But up till recently the DVD didn't
work. Anyway, crap and crap. I used to keep meticuous care of my DVD
collection. All in their right place alphabetically. Then I realized
I didn't care anymore. Now all over the place. Half the DVDs not in
the boxes. Oh well. I learned my lesson. I can't be trusted
to keep good care of things. Great. I can sure make Eggs,
though. No one can take that away from me. Except for the Men In
Black. They erase my memory going back three days, I'll have to start all
Yeesh. Look at the weather. I don't care what any
calendar says, it's Spring. I do care what calendars say. I'm
in the pocket of Big Calendar. Sorry to spring that on you now.
Pun intended? You've gone through this entire website not knowing my
commitments to Big Calendar. Anyway, that's great. What else.
A couple of weeks ago I saw a shit load of birds flying in one direction.
Enough to make me take notice. What do they know that I don't. I
will be keeping tabs on this situation and give you any further updates as they
come. Anyway. There was a movie where Jack Black, Owen Wilson, and
Steve Martin just really liked birds. One of the most exciting things I've
ever seen. I like how the term The Bucket List rhymes with The
Fuck It List. Which makes perfect sense. These are the kinds of
things I think about.
Anyway. My favorite part of getting new glasses is
getting a new glasses case. Really mix things up and whatnot. My
least favorite part is having my Dad sternly tell me Not To Speak Against The
Family. Some of you may get that reference. Some of you may not.
Some of you may not even be reading this. For those of you, time to
talk behind your back. Alright! Jeez. Yeesh. Crap
and crap. The last CD I listened to on my X-Box was a Less Than Jake CD I
found in a drawer that my brother had. So the good news is it can only go
up from there. I went through my Less Than Jake phase.
Everyone does. It comes up but once in every man's life. I also
listened to an old mix CD I made back in 2000. I feel like it started with
a Mystikal song and ended with, "Que Sera Sera." That's me. Or, at
least it used to be.
Pretty satisfied that that isn't me anymore. What a
relief. Science of Selling Yourself Short. Hey, I'm Short!
This Song's For Me! Anyway. I miss my two Radiohead phases.
There was when I was high out of my mind in Fall '08. There was when I was
drunk out of my mind in Spring '10. That's how that goes. I could
have brought up any musical artist to talk about my phases for them. Went
with Radiohead. Because in those phases, it's like, Radiohead is the
best! Outside those phases, it's like, I don't want to listen to
Radiohead! That describes all phases of and for music. I don't
know. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. This is all wrong.
Anyway, crap and crap. Radiohead used to scare me. Even while liking
it in 2008, there was a part of me that felt it was scary. Of course, the
scariest song in my life has been Eleanor Rigby. First listening to that
my freshman year in high school, creeped the fuck out of me.
That's how I feel. Somehow that constituted a
paragraph. Don't ask me how. Radiohead is scary. They
have weird Tempos sometimes. Doesn't get much scarier than that.
Anyway. Feel like this is the twelfth paragraph. Am I right?
Nope-- thirteenth! Alright! Anyway. What else and crap.
Two and a half paragraphs to go. The end is in sight. I feel like I
listened to 1/12th of a System of a Down CD in my X-Box, too. Rings some
sort of a bell and whatnot. I updated my Voicemail message a few days ago.
Really proud of it. Almost feel like calling myself up on my Home Phone
over and over. Anyway, new answering machine message-- Now we play the
waiting game. Odds are sometime this year someone'll call me.
Anyway, crap and crap. Thinking about getting my Professor's book.
It would be fun to know the author of a book I've read. Just knowing she's
writ a book not that exciting in as of itself. Thought it would be at
first. Now, gotta commit even further.
I'd rather read a Professor's Blog. Too bad not a lot
of them have one. That's how I feel. I have a kid in my class
whose really Aces. He's gonna be The Great of the writing world sooner or
later. One thing that might be on their blog. Anyway, crap and
crap. Saying someone's Aces could be negative. Lets talk about it.
He's either great or he's the worst. That's what it really means.
I'll take that feedback. I'm fine with those odds. Anyway.
I'm trying to think of other scary songs. Black Sabbath's Iron Man.
That's all I can come up with. Oh, I know. Que Sera Sera.
Whatever will be will be? That's No Good! It could be something
bad! I Need To Know! Jeez, what bullcrap. Anyway,
paragraph and change to go. Another Victory. Yesterday it was Eggs,
today it was Entry. Whatta life. Eggs are weird. One minute
they're but liquid in the frying pan, the next they're bunching up, the next,
it's all bunched up. #CanItBeAMetaphorLetsThinkAboutIt2016.
Final paragraph! Yes! One large egg is 70
calories. That's my favorite amount of calories for anything, ever.
Eggs don't disappoint. Another thing I may have talked about here, How
do eggs come in standard sizes. Pretty sure I went down that road here
before, no reason to do it again. I like the phrase Laying an egg
in regards to failing something or something. It's fallen out of favor but
I think its due to make a big comeback. Also, is the Jingle Bells,
Batman Smells rhyme blasphemous? Let's talk about it for some reason.
I watched The Fly II yesterday. It was like The Fly except 1/20th as good.
Oh well. At least now I know who Eric Stoltz is. It's about time.
Oh no, a fly got into the machine AGAIN! That's not
exactly what happened. I feel like it should have been, though.
Anyway, I'll see ya later.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
3-4-6 Double Title
What do those numbers
mean? I have no idea. Baseball players, I'm sure. What's going
on and crap. I do have to write a story based on the guy I illegally got
information on next week. Whatta jip. Turned out to be an elderly Jewish
guy. Took me all of five minutes. Thank God he turned out to have a
lot of different physical characteristics. I assume I was allowed to
include things he was wearing. That was pretty much all of my things.
Anyway, let's get into some fun comedy crap. I swallowed a bone a few days
ago. Not on purpose. I was eating a sparerib my Mom had left over
and there's sometimes little bones in the meat. Oh well. After I
swallowed the bone, I felt real full. Maybe that should be a diet thing.
Eat some bones, turn your stomach against itself. Hopefully I pass it out
my ass and not my dick. That's all I have to say about that.
There's not much more to say. Good thing I ended the
thought appropriately. Old Jewish Guy was wearing a necklace with the, "Chai,"
Hebrew letter. The only reason I know that letter is because it's a
Dreidel. Maybe it was a, "Pi," symbol. They're pretty close.
Either he was rockin' his Jewish heritage, or just really likes numbers that
never end. That's pretty important to the story I'll write. Whether
it makes him Jewish, or makes him a fan of Math, pretty much the only one out of
the twenty things that lends itself into making a story. He probably was
Jewish. Another characteristic was Big Nose. I felt kind of
anti-Semitic using both those characteristics. Oh well, you can't argue
with the facts. I can make his character like, I'm all about getting
half in Dreidel. That's a fun way to start. I gotta think of the
fun way for him to justify only wanting to get half. That should be fun.
Fun! Maybe it was his subtle way of saying he was Two-Face. If
only I could write that story. She said no super-hero things the first
day of class. She didn't specifically say no super-villains, but I
can assume she'd be mad at me if I write about someone who is secretly Two Face.
Is the necklace half full, or half empty. Anyway.
Maybe he just thinks he's Two Face. There's no superpowers one way or
another with that. We'll see how that goes. Anyway. Instead of
flipping a coin, he rolls a Dreidel. Damn, got the SH one again, gotta
go again. DAMN, AGAIN. Okay, one more roll, then we'll see if you
live or die, FUCK, WE HAVE TO GO AGAIN. Anyway. I
got my Metrocard yesterday, ahead of time. Because I'm an Adult. How
much would I have to pay to get an unlimited Metrocard for the rest of time.
They must have that kind of thing for high-rollers. Anyway, bullshit and
crap. Next story due in three weeks. One of the character's things
is gonna be he's like an aspiring entrepreneur, and all his ideas are from past
entries. Uber for Toilets. Turning Phones into Vibrators.
Gloves for Men. Want to come up with a couple more. Really show my
readers I'm on the ball. Is gloves for men really applicable.
Sure it is. Why wouldn't it be.
Little sneak peak, that is. I do have to start
writing it probably. Anyway, crap and crap. I believe this is the
twelfth day in a row with an entry. Alright! Unlimited Metrocard
for High Rollers. Fourth thing right there. He'd have to sell
that idea to the city, though. No reason they would reward him with money
for that. They'll just go, Thank You Citizen, We'll Take It Under
Consideration. Either way, if Gloves for Men can be a thing, why not
Unlimited Metrocard. What if his justification, his main character trait
about it, is he doesn't care about the money, he's just got a lot of good ideas
he wants to promote, financially profitable or not. That sort of makes it
funny-ish. Anyway. Too bad there can't be any more new Sopranos.
I keep waiting for permission to finally stop believing. I've been
believing for almost a decade! I need some time off.
Anyway. I keep losing my Nail Clipper. It makes
biting/chewing my nails so much more efficient. I wonder, I know biting
nails is a relatively common OCD thing, but do other people chew their nails/use
tongue to put it in-between teeth like floss and crap. Because I do those
things. I wonder how common that stuff is for people who bite their nails.
Yeah I'm gross, what of it. Gotta do something with all this
spare time. My face started bleeding. I had some sort of pimple or
thing that I popped. Oh well, live and learn. What else and crap.
I've had this story idea for almost two weeks, and at first I thought,
Yeah, I know how this is gonna go, but I actually do need to think it out
a little bit more. Great. The good news is in a month everyone is
gonna get a new chance to see how great I am.
Whatever. Time for the second half of the entry.
The last month or two, maybe even longer, the entries have become more and more
just about crap I have to do for class. On the one hand, that's less space
for crazy nonsense. On the other hand, it's turned into more of a genuine
blog. That's all the hands I have, so I guess there's no third or fourth
way of looking at it. Anyway. It's also coincided with a rise of ten
paragraph entries, so I guess it's the same amount of nonsense, just with more
Blog. That's great. Wonderful. What else is going on.
Over the last few weeks, my blanket has gone from having one small tear, to that
tear becoming medium sized, to the tear becoming large sized, to the stuffing of
the blanket coming completely out of the sheet part of the blanket and I had to
get rid of it. Now using the blanket that was in my brother's room.
Progress, right? I guess.
Anyway, what the what. Great. Also, I think I
realized the old name of the CW. The WB. Relatively certain about
that. Is relatively certain an oxymoron. Oh boy! Now
we're gettin' into it. Not sure what that crap was about.
Jeez. Does moron come from the term oxymoron. Does
oxymoron come from the term moron. Either way, not completely sure
what it all means. Only a moron concerns himself with oxymorons.
That's pretty much what I gather from this entire situation. Crap and
crap. I like having one side of my face bleeding. Really gives me
some character. Also, if I have to have 20 physical characteristics,
brings me one closer to achieving that goal. Anyway. Crap and crap.
Writing the first half of entries is the best part of my day. The second
half? Let's call it somewhere in the middle.
Great. Except for ending second half paragraphs a
little bit short. Really makes me feel like I'm gettin' away with
something. What a High. Let's see, what else. The Mets won
today. I like the part where they Hit Homeruns. Maybe it's just me.
I find it exciting. I think if you hit a homerun far enough, it should
count as two homeruns. Let's get the commissioner working on that.
Why even bother with that bullshit. I don't know. Fills
space? That's probably it. Apparently before Babe Ruth, the league
leaders in homeruns hit like ten or fifteen a year. I learned it from a
movie with Jonathan Goodman. He played The Babe. What's wrong
with me. Fills space! Especially saying Jonathan instead of
John. That's like a solid four more letters. Don't get much
better than that. Seeing the internist tomorrow. Third scale in
three weeks, most likely. Let's see how that goes. I had a dream I
lost forty pounds but still looked the same. That's no good.
Great, what else. Once I get started, I'll lose forty
pounds in a year, no problem. That's how I feel. Debate last night.
I find it interesting how they pander to African Americans and to Latinos in
different ways. Still trying to figure it out exactly. Can't get the
transition music from the SNY Mets broadcast out of my head. Oh well.
It's like there's a Met game always going on in my head. That's fun one
would imagine. The WB. That brings me back. Watching Maury
while home sick from school. Or pretending to be sick. I feel like I
did get sick more often than most people in elementary school, but there were
definitely days I just pretended to be sick, too. That's how I roll.
I had the right idea. How you do in school in elemtnary school, doesn't
really matter. I was just conserving my strength for when I got to high school.
And that used all my strength. After high school, I had no more strength
left for pretty much anything over the course of the rest of my life.
Except for when I started Ritalin a year ago! I'm back
in business and its easier than ever! I have two and a half hours of
work committed each week. And I Can Do It! Wonderful.
Bus riding oughtta count. Homework. Why, it rounds up to four hours
a week. Good luck handling that. Anyway. They better bring The
Rap Game back for a Season Two. That's how I feel. Would sorta take the
wind out of Miss Mullatto's victory, though, if they do it again. Oh well.
What else and crap. Inching forward to being done with Boardwalk Empire.
Great. What show can I do and be done with after that. So many
choices. Three was a fair amount for Aspiring Entrepreneur. Four is
better. Five or six? That'd be killing it. I only get two
stories to show this class what I'm made of. Gotta do the best I can
probably one would imagine. I looked up what a 3-4-6 double play would be.
Not something that occurs often. I'm sure its happened a few times,
Anyway, feel like one more paragraph. That's how that
goes. Here's a crap idea that I will immediately discard-- Entreprenour
wants to make a cereal called Product 20. I was inspired by the box
of cereal on my desk. And, like I said, No Way Am I Saying That
Crap. My audience deserves more. Except for my website audience.
They're used to Crap, so Crap is what they get. It's the eleventh
paragraph, whatdoya expect. I don't know why I'm giving you a, "Sneak Peak," of
my story. You don't get to read my stories. Maybe you should.
If it's good, I'll put it up, sure, no problem. Will it be good?
Only time can tell. First Base to Second Base to Short Stop. It's
your pretty standard counterclockwise double play. Nothin' new or exciting
there. Anyway. Product 20. This character is better than that.
He's got good ideas. Like Gloves For Men. Anyway, I'll see ya later.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Yell At Everyone And Carry A Big Dick
The joke that explains
itself. Thought about it a few days ago and kept forgetting to put it
in entry. Told my Mom about it. She laughed and then said it was
stupid. I'll take the first reaction as the one to listen to.
Anyway, crap and crap! Gotta go to the D&D to write about a Stranger.
Not Dungeons and Dragons. I can't be writing about a fictional wizard.
Unfortunately. No, the Dunkin Donuts Establishment a few blocks away.
Anyway, what's up party people. Sanders Burning It Up in Michigan.
He's got momentum. I like the part where he did an open mic in his speech
last night. Standin' in front of a nondescript wall, seemingly talking to
five or ten Strangers. That's the kind of candidate I could get behind!
Even though there was no one behind him. Clinton had people behind her in
her speech. I guess she's the candidate to get behind. This has
been Politic Talk with Crazy B. Sheet. No reason why my website's
middle name can't start with a B.
No reason it can, though, either. Oh well, it's a
paragraph, quit your complaining. The good news is I got a shitload of
unhealthy food from my Dad's trip to the supermarket today. I made a list
for him, didn't think much of it, then when he was reading it back to me, I
realized, I'm planning on eating like an asshole. Real assholeness.
Half the stuff is Reduced Fat though. Therefore, healthy.
That's how I feel. I want my body to be reduced of fat.
Healthy! Anyway. Holding a coffee. Hot coffee. Real
hot coffee. Holding with hands. Well, one hand. There's
five physical descriptions. That's not physical. You're not
physical! Get off my website you dolt. I'm not a fan of spying on
strangers. Seems wrong. Anyway. Only two more seasons of
Boardwalk Empire to go. Thank God. Twenty Episodes. Then I can
get back in business of watching Maury during the day, and Fat People and Little
People during the night. As God intended. I feel like channel 11,
The CW, used to be called something else when I was a kid. I can't
remember what. I looked online and found no information. This is a
cover up. Something smells. And my guess it goes straight to the
Anyway. #WhatUsedToBeTheChannelGate. Jeez and bullshit.
I like how they say Clinton is more electable than Sanders. Well, I don't
like it. Here's Why! She's winning in southern states that she has
no chance of winning in a general election. Sanders is winning in purple
states that he can win. #Logic'dIt2016. Not to mention the polls.
Oh, The Polls! Anyway, that's how I feel. What else and crap.
I'm under the impression that Trump is very satisfied with his Pole.
Pund'it. Pundit. Words! Crap and crap. How
many Pollacks does it take to screw in a light bulb. One-- He's very
efficient. Sorry about that. What else is going on. Stupid
having to look at people. I normally go out of my way to avoid looking at
people. Leave something to the imagination! Too bad I don't have a
doctor's appointment today. I'll look at some Feeb in the waiting room.
They've got bigger problems. I have an appointment with my main doctor on
Friday. I'd look at some old lady. She's got bigger fish to fry than
some creep staring at her. Due Thursday, though. Whatta jip.
Crap and crap. I believe the purpose of this assignment
is to teach us to be creeps. It's an important lesson, I guess.
Writers in general are creeps, so let's get settled into that role.
There's a "Comedy and Satire" class in the Fall. I'll tak that. I'd
run that class. I'm all about satire when it comes down to it. The
bad news is I have to walk to and from Dunkin Donuts. I'll walk there.
It's downhill. Then I have to walk uphill on the way back? That's a
problem. Stupid hills, I hate them so much. Maybe I could write 20
characteristics about a hill. Hills are people. Look at Hillary
Clinton. Or Jonah Hill. Those are two examples of Hills being
people. Let's move on. Bernie Sanders should release a Freestyle
Rap. That'll improve his numbers across the board. Except for people
who would lose respect for him. Crap and crap. If ever there was
a time to say, 'crap and crap,' that was it. Wonderful.
Anyway. How do I keep writing entries. It's like
how parents get super-human strength when their babies are pinned under a car.
I guess. I got a box of Product 19. That's not unhealthy in and of
itself. If you eat a whole box, sure, that's no good. I'd eat it in
like eight separate servings, though. That's not too bad. I feel bad
for people who haven't realized cereal is a great snack. One day they'll
realize the error of their ways and wonder how they could have been so wrong for
so long. This is the fifth paragraph. Halfway done! Anyway.
Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill/Man Was That Unpleasant. Talk about
bullshit. Jeez. Am I committing a crime giving cigarettes to kids
under 18. Am I only committing a crime if I charge them for it?
These are important questions that demand answers. Am I committing a crime
spying on people, writing down 20 characteristics of them? It's like an
illegal wiretap, but in person. Doesn't feel right. Maybe this is a
sting. The Feds got something on Teacher, and she's weaseling her way out
of it encouraging us to commit a crime and they'll be waiting for it and arrest
That's the most likely scenario, I guess. The good news
is after its done I can lie in bed and think about what I did. That's fun.
I was watching Mets Spring Training, but stopped to write this. I stand by
my position. Watching Spring Training only lasts a moment. An entry
lasts a life time. Life Time is the channel they show Little People on, I
believe. Is that relevant? Probably, one would imagine.
Sometimes entrying is like walking up a hill. Starts out downhill, easy-peasy,
ends up uphill. That's no hill, that's a valley. What about
Back II The Future's Hill Valley? Does that come into play in this
analogy? My guess? No. Alright. Alright. 20
Characteristics. That could either take five minutes or two hours.
Not sure exactly how it's gonna play out.
Anyway. We better not have to write a story about the
person we're spying on. That'll be no good. Just let me write
stories about myself. It's a fiction class, isn't it? Anyway.
This'll be the last paragraph. Crap and whatever. I could always do
the characteristics about the cashier. They're just asking for it.
What with their standing at the register and all. Anyway. I'll see
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
One Title, Comin' Up
Hey friends and enemies.
Class went well today. We talked about my t-shirt and everything.
Too bad I hate this t-shirt. It's not even mine. Oh well, live and
learn. Where'd he get the t-shirt from. I believe in the,
"Less Is More," school of writing. Where did I get my T-shirt from?
Choose your own adventure. It was his brother's. Oh that
explains it. His? Mine? Not sure if Italics-Man is a
subsidiary of Michael or an outside voice. We'll have to address it
sooner or later. For now though, Hey! Ran into an old teacher
today. He was like, Man, I hope we get to do another class together,
you were the bee's knees! I can't help it if I'm wonderful.
Wouldn't need to help it. That's a positive thing. Why muck it up
with trying to help, or something. Crap and crap. That's how
that goes. Primary in Michigan tonight. Once upon a time, I thought
of the fictional band name, The Flaming Michigans. Kinda a rip off
of The Flaming Lips. Not quite sure what it means. But it existed
back on crazysheet.com, so for me, it's classic.
Stupid T-Shirt, thinks it's so great. I don't
think I'm ever gonna figure out for certain, "Its," vs. "It's." Just one
of those mysteries that ebbs and flows throughout life. "Whose," and,
"Who's," in the same vein. My nose was bleeding a little bit this morning.
Ever so slightly. There was a small track of blood when I wiped it on my
arm, and after that, I had no problems. I take it to mean that I'm
Sleeping Hardcore. That's how I feel. I used to get nose bleeds a
lot as a kid. You can probably figure out why. Because of all the
cocaine and heroin I did. That explains that. Either that, or I
kept getting hit in the face with baseballs. I forget for sure.
If you dream about getting hit in the face with a baseball, you're getting hit
in the face with a baseball in real life. Is the premise of that joke
widely known? That they say If you die in a dream, you die in real
life. That's something I heard when I was a kid, maybe it was just me.
I presumed it was a widely spread belief. Not sure how they verify it,
though. People screaming in their sleep, I'm about to die in this
dream! and then they die for real. And that'd have to happen over and
over for it to be backed up by the data. And, either way, correlation
don't prove causation.
Lots of things wrong with that. Anyway, crap and crap.
I was really banking on getting to wear by Bernard Sandersblum shirt this week
or last week. Still haven't gotten it. Not impressed. I
blame Bernie Sanders himself. I think this conspiracy of sending t-shirts
late goes right to the top. T-ShirtGate. #RealIssues.
Anyway. For Thursday, I don't have class, but I have to go out in public
and spy on someone and write down twenty bullet points of physical descriptions
of him and/or her. That's no good. I believe in the Less Is More
school of writing, we've established that! The point of this exercise is
lost on me. Also, I don't like writing crap about people in public.
It's rude! And I can't ask them for their permission, because then they're
gonna want some input into the thing, and mucking up all my shit. On the
other hand, I get to pretend to be a writer in public. That's a joy.
Also, twenty is a lot. Let's talk about it.
Shit and crap. I like class. I want more, not
less. If I didn't have to do the homework, I'd take classes all the time.
Probably. One would imagine. Hey, right now, or in an hour or two,
my hospital is hosting a talent show! I think I talked about it here.
Made the joke, Last year, they advertised six different sets of talents--
music, rapping, poetry, dancing, etc. They had only four participants.
Something doesn't add up. My therapist tried to rope me into it but
there's pretty much nothing I'd rather do less than that. In general,
sure, I'd do some guitarring or something. But not for these feebs.
It would be lost on them, and I'd feel like a lamewad doing it. Anyway,
crap and crap. Even if you count rapping in the rapping, music, and
poetry categories, you still come up short. Probably. I don't
know math. You can't make me know math! Where do you get off.
I almost made a joke in class, but thought of it just seconds too late.
Professor was talking about how she has had a lot of stories about serial
killers this semester, in our class and others, and opened to the floor the
question, What can we have mentally unstable people do that's terrifying that
isn't killing people? Of course, I came up with Run For President!
and had a few seconds to say it, but hesitated just long enough to miss the
chance. Probably woulda gotten a laugh or two. Oh well, live and
Great. I also talked shit about Scalia dying. We
were talking about it for some reason, I don't have all the details.
Yes I'm glad he died, and I hope he burns in Hell! Samuelson L.
Jacksonberg. Another thing I didn't think of in proper time. Didn't
even think about it until now, over two hours later. Anyway, crap and
crap. QC has got some Summer Courses listed, but I'm relatively certain
they will add more. As of now, nothing really that I can take towards my
major. I told the Professor I ran into before class I had 30 credits or so
left to go, and he was like, Ah, what's that, two semesters? I
can't go into how I'm going part time because I'm Crap. Yeah, roughly.
Great, now I'm a liar. Whatta crapdom. He even sort of
remembered my name. He asked me what it was, I said Mike, and he said I
almost said Michael! and I said, Well, it's the most common boys' name,
so you would be the odds-on favorite. Because I Small Talk like a
Hero. I've noticed my standard "Goodbye," the last few months has been,
"Take Care." I like it. Really sends a positive message.
Anyway. I gotta take a break from Boardwalk Empire.
It's too much, it truly is. I must have a good three hours of Little
People Shows to watch. Probably. Does watching the Danny Devito/George
Clooney Coffee Commercial count as Little People shows? I'm taller
than Danny Devito, that's great. But not enough taller than him.
That's real negative. Overall, negative. Thanks a lot, T.V. I
I hate it so much. Same deal with Robert "The Third," Reich.
Anyway, what else is going on. Sixth paragraph, Huh? That's how I
feel, at least. Stupid having to go out in public and spy on people.
That's no good. Also, twenty is a lot of details. Man.
Short. Brown hair. Shaven. T shirt. Shoes. Jeans.
Real Shifty Eyes. Glasses. See, all that isn't even half of the
requirement. Well, we'll see how it goes, I guess. In the debate, I
did think Bernie Sanders telling Clinton he wanted to finish, and talking over
her, was a negative. I was like, Whaaaa? Bernie can do something
wrong? Better than other candidates, who do 96% of their things wrong.
They make me cry 96% tears.
Great. Greater than one inch tall. Greater
than two inch tall.... greater than 19 inches... greater than 20 inches.
That settles that. Hope I don't end up doing a baby. Then
where would I be. Crap and crap. Babies have little defining
characteristics. That would be a bad route to take. Anyway, seventh
paragraph. Seven seas. Seven deadly sins. Slucky Slumber
Slevin. That's a thing, right? I want to say yes. What else
and crap. Anyway. Except when it comes to quantity of writing.
Then, More Is More. I don't do segues in this bizznitch. What
else and crap. Since going back to The QC, I've had at least three great
teachers, with another two or three who probably would potentially great that
just didn't deliver during my class. Who knew. What else.
Missed the Met game today. Can't I just watch the Met game on T.V. and
describe Bartolo Colon. Twenty things for him would be a breeze.
Anyway, bullcrap. I guess I could get a plane ticket
for Florida and watch the game live. Except for that he isn't pitching
tomorrow or the next day. So there goes that. How about this
weather, huh. It's warm! I never woulda guessed. Who saw
that coming?! Besides meteorologists-- that's their job.
Legitimately Spring in two weeks. How about that. If nothing else,
this website provides service to the calendarless. The Seven Commandments.
That's a thing. Let's just cut the deadweight from it and call it a day.
Again I don't do segues. I do callbacks without clarity. And
without punchlineitudity. Just further comments. Anyway. Seven
Plagues. There were seven? Nine doesn't sound right. Gotta be
more than five or six. Ten, I guess. Who knows for sure.
Internet says there's ten. Well, three of them weren't so bad.
Let's call it Seven Plagues and move on with our lives. I mean, come on.
Frogs. That's a plague? Let's get real.
Crap and crap. Jeez. Also, I know the seas turned
red, but was the water still drinkable? Like, was it legitatemly blood, or
just more or less red food coloring. Let's get some religious scholars on
this. Pretty sure it's supposed to be blood. What do you
know, Italics-Jerk. You don't even know if you're me or somebody else.
What else and crap. What terrifying thing can mentally unstable do that
isn't murdering? Writing a website, right, am I right, c'mon, let's
talk about it 2016. Not sure if this is terrifying. It could be.
I wouldn't put it past me. Anyway. Passover is coming up. Good
thing I'm brushing up on it ahead of time. I don't think we've had a
Seder in over ten years. Oh well, always helps to be prepared.
Microsoft Front Page doesn't recognize Seder as a word. Racist!
Wait, yes they do. Hmm, here's a puzzler. Did it recognize it as a
word all along, or did I unconciously click Add as word and forgot about
it. Send in your guesses to
firstname.lastname@example.org. I kept wanting to
insert "Crazysheet," into that e-mail. I don't have
email@example.com. I don't have any @Crazysheet.nets.
I used to have crazysheet.com e-mails. Multiple ones. I had
Mike@crazysheet.com, I had
Crazysheet@crazysheet.com, I had
Kornblum@crazysheet.com. Talk about
e-mail flexibility. I don't know why you wouldn't. It's an
Anyway. Here we are at, I wanna say the ninth,
paragraph. Shaping up to be a possible 15'er. Hey, it's the tenth
paragraph. Even better. That one paragraph makes a world of
difference. A World Wide Sports of difference. Great. Whattado
with the rest of the week. I'll cross that bridge when it comes. For
now, crazysheet has all my attention and focus. I wouldn't be a good
website-host otherwise. I'm playing poker in the other screen.
Well, relatively all my attention and focus. That's how that goes.
No disturbing dreams last night! Alright! Talk about progress.
It's an interesting subject. Jeez. What else and crap. Anyway.
Who knows what I'll have for dinner tonight. Your guess is as good as
mine. Not really, I have background knowledge of my eating habits.
Anyway. My Metrocard got bent. Took me four or
five tries on the way home for it to register. Three or four tries in, I
started going, Umm, Hmm, Umm," waiting for the bus driver to either kick
me off the bus or just let me pass. Finally worked, though. That's
great. And what a wonderful story I got out of it. Anyway.
Gotta see an advisor to see if there's any non-English classes I still need to
take. I hope not. I might have to take a lab science class. I
took Astronomy, but that might fulfill that requirement. What nonsense.
Physics, Chemistry, Biology, that's for losers. Who needs it. What
else. Wide World of Sports.
Crap and bullshit. What else. I can lie in bed
and think about what I did for the next week. I don't know what it is that
I did. That's where all that thinking effort will come in handy.
Crap and bullshit. No more reading stories until next week. I
wanna see how close my classmates come to my level of brilliance! My
guess? Not close enough. Let's talk about it. Why did I
commit myself to fifteen paragraphs. I was acting The Fool. That's a
lot of paragraphs. Even if you do some at 2/3rds the size. That
reminds me, I have one third of a sandwich left. It was divided into two.
I had one half and change. Used my superior math skills the deduce I had a
third left over. Talk about genius. How's this for genius-- 12.5
paragraphs. Let's call it even. See ya later.
turns out it was 11.5 paragraphs
Monday, March 7, 2016
I Am A Title
Sure. I guess.
I've been writing entries like a mother fucker for a while now. Had my
blood taken today by a new hematologist. Cute lady. Do you come
here often? Crap and crap. Gotta get started, that's the key.
Doesn't matter how. WAtching some Mets today. This is gonna be a fun
team to watch. Everyone knows the rotation is gonna be legendary, but the
lineup has pretty much no holes as well. They have a good chance to do
really good at baseball. If I may speak frankly. Apparently Bernie
Sanders is a Jewish. Well, there goes that. Not really.
Christians can tolerate Jews now in this country is my impression. They
even use the term, "Judeo-Christian." Not only do they tolerate us, we
come first! Alright! For some reason I also remember the KKK being
in the news saying, "Eh, Jews are okay, I guess. Let's just team up
against the blacks." Pretty sure that actually happened. Or it was a
comedy sketch. Or a dream. Lots of possibilities. Apparently
Clinton is praying all the time. Good for her. Only for people she
knows on a first name basis, though. She made that very clear.
How wonderful. I thought it was in poor taste when
Bernie Sanders kept taking sips from a water bottle. Really rubbing it in.
It's bad form, that's all. Also, one of the questioners complained about
schools not having working water fountains. They're doing you a favor,
you're better off without it. I'll never get the VP job at this rate.
Oh well, live and learn. We need a funny VP. I'm pretty
sure Dan Quayle was just a character someone was doing, and ended up having to
commit to it, like Larry The Cable Guy. Also, you can just go by Larry.
I don't know any other Larrys. We can figure out you're The Cable Guy by
your first name alone. Larry, you mean Larry Bird? Well, I
guess at this point, they're equally relevant. Whatever. Larry
Sanders is a fictional character. Are Larry The Cable Guy and Joe The
Plumber related? Let's figure this one out. How was that even a
thing. Hey, here's a plumber. Let's see what he thinks
about crap! It made sense at the time I guess. We were under a
lot of national stress.
Great. What else. I find it funny that my
therapist and my doctor are under different impressions of how much I drink, and
each never question me based on this. I tell them each every appointment
I've been at the same level for a long time, but they each have different
information of what that level is. They're supposed to be sharing
information. Either they just don't communicate, they just don't care, or
they just want me to keep weaving my web of lies until it becomes an even bigger
problem. Gotta be one of those. Probably the Web of Lies one.
That's what I'd be up to. Anyway. There's a Democratic Debate on
Univision this week. Am I allowed to watch it. Or is that a no-go.
I'm sick of segregating T.V. Not right. Except for being able
to drink at the same water fountains as the people in Flint. Let them have
that. There was one white questioner at the debate and Hillary Clinton
went, What Are You Doing Here? That didn't happen.
Sorry to lead you astray. Could have, though. That's how I feel.
When I was in high school, the poltical books I read taught me NAFTA and similar
things were good. Now there's not supposed to be good. I think my
reasoning back then was, Why is it more important for Americans to have jobs
than Mexicans or whatever? We're all just people. Turns out I
was wrong for some reason. Who knows why.
USA! USA! USA! Now I see
Americans are more important because I live in America. Oh I get it.
Also, yeah, I get that they're making a small fraction of what people in America
would make. But money has more value there. Forget it. I'm not
gonna argue with myself over something I know very little about. Probably
not, anyway. That would be the wise route to take. More people set
on fire in Boardwalk Empire since my last update. They're taking a good
idea and sticking with it. Politically, I get why Americans jobs are more
important than elsewhere. Because they're voting. I get that.
Also, if my neighbors have jobs, then they won't have to turn to a life of
crime. Really limiting the jay walking and double parking that has run
rampant here. How would I like it if a Mexican started writing
crazysheet. I'd love it. I'd read the crap out of a Mexican
Crazysheet. What's The Deal With Bibliotecas. There, already got my
counterpart started. I'm a team player.
Crap and crap. Doesn't liking some Ska make me
Hispanic enough. You'd think so, right. You could have
led a horse to water, but you couldn't make him drink. Some advice for
how the governor can defend himself. Why not, it borders on making sense.
And almost borders on being a joke. That's how I feel. Lead, water.
The clues were all there. It's puns, you wouldn't understand.
Anyway. What else. I had a dream I met Daniel Johnston and at first
he liked me but by the end of the dream he didn't like me. Oh well, live
and learn. What's his problem. I mean it. I know he's
got some problem, I just can't pinpoint it. Anyway, crap and crap. I
used to listen the Hell out of that album of his when I was high all the time.
Because I was high. If I was producing a 30 second ad dissuading young
adults from smoking marijuana, I would list Excessive Listening to Daniel
Johnston as one of the main negative side effects. Or even just
Knowing who Daniel Johnston is. That covers it I guess.
Anyway. That'll teach you to stop liking me in
my dream. Anyway. Every debate I think Sanders won and the media
says Clinton won. I think that's what they're talking about when they say
Clinton is favored by the establishment. Oh well, live and learn. I
had an idea of putting some of my songs on a C.D. and then listening it through
my X-box and then through the T.V. That would be fun one would imagine.
Or I could listen to Daniel Johnston's album. That would be Fun.
Yeesh. That's how that goes. I wouldn't mind having a muffin
right now. Shoulda thought about that ahead of time. Oh well.
I can have a piece of cake. I might go do that. Eh. I don't
want to get up. Let's stick with entrying. What else is going on.
Get to impress Class tomorrow with some real adequate workshop comments. I
told someone via e-mail who wasn't in last class that we don't have any homework
other than the workshopping. I don't know for sure. I'm pretty sure.
Let's say 95%. I didn't want to worry her by saying I wasn't sure.
But then, if I was wrong, I'm to be held completely responsible and culpable for
this whole thing. And I have it on good authority that culpable is a word.
Right, right. Hey, someone e-mailed me!
Mr. Popular is back in action. Someone even liked a crazysheet Facebook
post. Progress! Maybe he just liked the phrase I used to draw people
in. Either way, it's a moral victory. My foot fell asleep. I
blame you. What else and crap. Jeez, seven entries in a row to start
off the month. And most of them have been ten paragraphs or more. I
think only one was five. That's a lot of blobs of words. Don't mean
to brag. I'm scared about next weekend. Sunday The Thirteenth.
Not sure what saying that accomplishes. Oh well. I hope I get by
Bernie T-Shirt before Super Ides of March. People need to know what
candidate my torso supports. Actually, it's the candidate supporting my
torso! Let's talk about it. Or, forget I said it and never speak
of it again. Let's go with option B.
Okay. Eighth paragraph. If writing crazysheet has
accomplished nothing else, I now know how to spell Eighth pretty
comfortably. Crap and crap. I'm going to go through the day without
having any cake. That's will power for you. I guess. Probably
made this riff here before, but I don't like the phrase, Have your cake and
eat it too. Like it's a double good thing. Having cake is
nothing. Having cake without eating it is not a positive thing at all.
It's decidedly neutral. How is it a double good thing. Let's talk
about it 2016. Anyway. I feel like I smoke probably roughly a
pack and a half a day, but by the end of the day, it's really only about a pack.
I'm not sure how I manage to do this. Being awake for only 12 hours a day
probably certainly helps. What else and crap. I still have half of
Boardwalk Empire to watch. Halfway through the middle season. I
really hope there's more people getting set on fire. I truly do.
Crap and crap. Let's see, what else. I'm two
episodes behind on Vinyl. It's too intense. You know, that sort of
thing. I think I had a few kids records on real records. On a kid
record player. If that doesn't make me a generation above millennials, I
don't know what does. Now I wanna watch Vinyl. How intense could it
be. I'll give that a shot when entry is done/when Met game is done.
Should occur around the same time. They need to both be done. That's
the rule. I feel bad for the Mets broadcasters that didn't get to
broadcast during the payoffs. They're as much part of the team as anyone.
Gotta hurt to not be able to participate in the fun. I think Keith
Hernandez was commentating for some of the post season broadcasts. Either
him or Ron Darling. Who can tell the difference.
#All86MetsSoundAlike. Sorry. I guess. The team is great.
Like I said, the pitching is off the charts, but watching the team in spring
training, I love the lineup too.
And that's Sports Talk. This is last paragraph talk.
When I'm going for the Ten Paragraphs, I do have a little leeway of making
paragraphs slightly shorter. Overall, it's a net positive, though.
That's how I feel. Make a 12 song Greatest Hits and listen on my X-Box.
That sounds like fun. Except for the part about making the CD.
That's ten minutes I just don't have. Anyway. I don't want to
watch Vinyl. Too intense. Guess it's back to Jaywalk Empire.
Anyway, what else. What wit! No one's happy with Jaywalk
Empire. Not even me. I'm part of the No One in question.
Wait a minute, that's Steve Buscemi?! Yeesh. What else
and crap. These twelve songs sure are almost mediocre!
Alright! What else and crap. One half inning left, one fourth of a
paragraph left. All worked out nicely. People in Class are gonna
love My Face. That's how I feel. They already respect me based on
the insanely high quality of my story. They just need the nudge of an
adequate face to push em over the edge into the I Like Him camp.
Did I say fourth of a paragraph? I meant less. See ya later.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Judged By The Contents Of One's Title
There we go. Titles
over, now the fun can begin. What's going on party people. I got a
haircut and a shave. Turns out I have a face. I had no idea.
For each barber, they have a plaque with their name on the mirror in front of
their chair. One guy's name is Timmy. I don't want a Timmy
cutting my hair. That's no good. There's really no adult way to
varieate the name of Timmy. Tim is still pretty childlike. Timothy
just doesn't sound right. At least I got to make up the word, "Varieate."
That's a plus in the Win Column. Timland? I like the sound of
that, sure, why not. How about Tim Jr. Somehow, Tim Jr. sounds more
adult than just Tim. Don't look at me for an explanation, I don't have
one. Either way, crap and crap. Big Tim Jr. Sounds like
a thing. You should be able to name your kid Sr. on the condition that
they have to name their kid as a junior. Let's put the power back into the
grandparents hands. #Issues2016. I had a dream Teacher friended me
on Facebook. And she only had like a hundred friends. And I was
like, Looks Like I Made A Great Impression! Then later in the
dream, half an hour went by, and she had 180 Friends. And I was like,
Whatta Fool I Was! All in all it was one of my favorite dreams ever.
That's how that goes. Debate tonight. My favorite
part is when they will call attention to how they're more Adults than the
Republicans. Guarantee they'll bring it up at least once. It might
alienate Bernie supporters. Cause they're kids. You know, crap and
crap. I hope the moderator goes, Mr. Sanders, and how big is your
dick? And Clinton feels left out, and starts talking about how big her
vagina is. That's how that might go, we'll see. Bernie Sanders
sounds like it could be a slang term for a venereal disease. Let's talk
about it. No it doesn't. "Sanders," doesn't apply itself well to
that joke. You don't apply yourself to jokes! Get off my
website! Yeesh. It's not even a joke. I'm not gonna
argue with that. You got me there. I had to use the bathroom when
Haircut was done, and there was a guy in there who didn't lock the door.
So I was like, Ok, fun's over, lemme get in here and pushed him out the
door. Probably. I can't remember exactly what happened. That
sounds like a good possibility though.
Anyway. Crap and crap. Debate tonight!
Let's see Bernie really make his case for African Americans' votes. No
reason why he shouldn't be able to make progress there. He was a Civil
Rights! People need to know. Anyway. I'm pretty much writing
here mainly so I keep the Streak intact. Also, crap else to do.
Is promoting a Triple A Player to the Major Leagues Insider Trading.
Not sure what prompted that. Either way, please, let's move on. How
come all barbers are Eastern European. At least in this area. You
know, the surrounding five blocks. Let's talk about it. Had a couple
of independent itches I had to scratch during Barber. Couldn't do it!
You know what that's like, right. #InsightToTheHumanConditionOrSomething.
Crap and crap. I keep having nightmares about Bane. I know he dies
at the end of Batman The Third, but what if he comes back. I'm literally
not losing sleep over it. #AlmostAPun2016. Batman doesn't have
nightmares about Bane. He takes care of business. I don't see how he
gets any sleep at all, to be honest.
Shit and crap. This entry is bordering on a Zero.
That's no good. Watched some Mets today for the first time this year.
They were great. Gettin' hits, pitching balls, catching balls. I was
really impressed. Especially when they were interviewing a Met and he said
something about his, "Comfortability" in the outfield. I'm a big fan of
making up words. Comfort, that's a lame word. He took things
into his own hands. Also, it very well may have been Michael Conforto.
If anyone should know the word Comfort, it's the guy whose name is almost
it. How about that bullshit. Maybe he said his Conforto-ability
in the outfield. If that's the case, I love it 1000x more. Anyway.
I'm pretty pleased they yet me use the bathroom after the haircut. I could
have easily gone down the toilet and into the sewers to avoid paying.
Also, when I was paying, they go, Twenty One Dollars. I give 'em a
Twenty Dollar Bill and say, Give me four back. They called me out
on my mistake. Boy was my face shaved!
Crap and crap. Yeesh. My name is Timmy, I'll
be cutting your hair. Do you have a parent or guardian I can
speak to? That's how that goes. Man, these five paragraph
entries just fly right on by. I'm glad I don't have to convince African
Americans to like me. I wouldn't know where to start. That's how I
feel. Sure didn't make a good impression with that White Man's Title
nonsense. Oh well, live and learn. What else and crap.
Probably things and bullshit. Givin' 'em under what they asked for and
asking for more money back! It's a story I would remember for years to
come. Tell my son Tim Sr. about it. Probably dead by the time Tim
Jr. comes along. Let's be realistic. I smoke a pack a day and
drink every day. All joking aside, I'd name my kid Tim Jr. Let's see
how he deals with that. That wasn't all joking aside. It was
pretty clearly a joke. Get off my website!
Anyway, bullshit and crap. Therapist tomorrow morning.
Alright, someone I can impress with my Outstanding Insight into my problems!
That's probably a problem in and of itself. Delusions of
Insightfulness. They oughtta keep track of things like that one would
imagine. Can't wait to get internist's permission to take 2-3 Pepsids a
week. Lots of good things on the horizon. Next story due in a month.
Gettin' to write that will be a joy one would imagine. Keep making little
tweaks to it in my head. By the time I get to writing it, it'll be Off The
Charts good. That turned out to be why my first story was decent. I
spent a week or two working it out in my head. Good lesson to learn in
regards to writing bullshit. I'm sick of having to take mny glasses off
when getting my haircut. Look, you're just gonna have to work around
it, I wanna see what's going on. That's how I feel for some reason and
crap. I figure, I wanna grow enough socially to be comfortable getting my
hair cut. Small talk would be great, but just to sit there without an Evil
Deathly Stare would be progress.
Great. Great! What else is great. Also, why
can't I just say, Do whatever you want when answering how I want my
haircut. You're in the business, you've got much more insight into what's
a good haircut than me. Just go nuts. They might cut my hair shorter
because then I'll need it cut more often. Those shifty Eastern European
Barbers, I Hate Them So Much. Anyway. Crap and crap. Turns
out this'll be a Tenner entry. I'm okay with that. Why not.
Also, Nancy Reagan died. Finally, we can stop saying No!
About time. Big government invading our right to make personal drug
choices. How Dare Them. Crap and crap. I wonder if Clinton
will be like, Don't mean to brag, but I was also a First Lady. How
about that? Let's talk about it 2016 hashtag wars. Right,
right... Yeesh. Anyway.
Crap and crap. I don't think it's fair to call one
state the main primary. Doesn't seem right to me. That's how I feel.
What else and crap. Nobody's happy with that sentence. Except for
me. I'm pleased as plums. Crap and crap. Didn't I.D. me when I
got beer. Which actually makes me feel worse. I'd rather be a 5'2
teenager than a 5'2 man. Teenager, you can still grow some. 5'2 and
over 21? It's all over. Unless you get the
Breaking-The-Legs-Over-And-Over-Again surgery. That's my favorite kind of
surgery. Where they keep breaking your bones. Makes me smile.
Crap and crap. If I do ever get that, I would be taller than over 50% of
Females. That's crazy. I can't even imagine. Maybe I'd be more
comfortable getting my haircut then. Who knows. Until I was a late
teenager, I was getting my haircut at a salon where y mom got her hair cut.
That's no good. Men go to barbers. Figured that out eventually at
least. Also, in the two dozen times I've said, "Hair cut," or, "Haircut,"
today, I've typed the wrong one let's say 70% of the time originally.
Anyway. Ninth paragraph. Yeesh. It's got to
have been three months since my last haircut. Now that I'm attractive
again, I'm back in business! I'm not attractive again. Oh
well, win some, lose some. We'll let The Public decide. I already
tested it out once, and didn't get carded. Maybe I look like an Adult now.
That sure would be something. Maybe their reasoning is, If he's an
adult, he's an adult. If he's a kid and looks like this, I take pity on
him. Probably. Who knows for sure. Crap and crap.
Public decide. Public hair. Had to say it, sorry. Oh
well. Crap and crap. I can't wait to find out how big Bernie Sander's
johnson is. I've never used the term johnson before. Now I have.
Oh, how we grow throughout life. Probably.
Last paragraph! I did it. Alright. What
else and crap. School on Tuesday. Competently comprehended both
stories. Were they good? One was about a B+. Other one maybe a
C. I'm not here to judge. Just here to workshop. I'm hankering
for some Sandersing. That's almost a thing. I like how the next big
primary day is March 15. Pretty ominous day for some poltical doings.
Where does he come up with this stuff 2016?! See ya later.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
In One Title And Out The Other
This title was inspired by
my ears popping. Whatta great. It's the Weekend. I wouldn't
lie to you. What's going on and crap. A few primaries today.
You know, in those states that no one likes. Not only should Kansas not
have an early primary, can't we get them to not vote at all. Something's
the matter with Kansas. I heard it in a Title. X-Box use is decidely
not Blue-Tinted anymore. Talk about progress. #RegularColorsWeCanBelieveIn.
Crap and crap. Let's get this entry you started!! You ever notice
how.. crap, lemme get this. What's the deal with when... Fuck,
okay, here we go, Titles are wonder.. Shit, I can do this, alright,
Hawaiian shirts are weird. There we go. I've struck gold!
There's got to be some sort of statute of limitations when it comes to talking
about Lil Poopy. Who knows for sure. I keep getting calls from
Texas. Get off my back, Texas! I ain't got no business with you.
Some automated message. Can't even properly yell at them for bothering me.
Sure, I can yell at a robot. But they wouldn't care at all. That's
my main gripe with robots. They don't know when you're insulting them.
Probably. I don't know. Sure is a paragraph,
though. I might register to vote soon at some point. On the one
hand, It'd be fun to perform my civic duty. On the other hand, I ain't
got time for this. I'm busy thinking real hard about whether I want to
play De-Blueified Digital Baseball. Also, let's start spelling and
pronouncing, "Perform," as, "Preform." Most of us are already on board
pronouncing it wrong. Let's officialize this nonsense. After that,
we can get working on, "February." Thats the big cheese when it comes to
working towards consistency between pronunciation and spelling.
"Wednesday," that comes in third. "Nuclear," Vs. "Nucular." We'll
get to that at some point. Not a priority for now. Even I'm not sure
of what's going on there. I've been operating under the assumption that,
"Nuclear," means bomb, "Nucular" means family. Turns out I was wrong.
Everything's "Nuclear." Just turns out, "Nucular," isn't a word at all.
Oh well, live and learn.
Great. North Korea has the capacity to send a
Nuclear Family all the way to Hawaii! Fine, I don't care. Let's
get rid of those shirts once and for all. You'd be doing us a
favor. I don't get a sense that Il and Un had a nuclear
family. Seem a little too unhinged and unbalanced for that kind of
environment to be raised in. Oh well, live and learn. I have a
Nuclear Family? That sounds dangerous. Implies pretty much the
opposite of what it is. Let's see, crap and crap, crap and crap...
It takes a village to raise a nuclear family. #ClassicClintonFlipFlop.
First she's for Nuclear, now she's against it! I like how Truman used
the nuke just because he didn't want to hurt The Manhattan Project's feelings.
Well, you worked this long and this hard for it, it would be rude not to
use it. That's one way to go. If not now, when. If not
us, who. If not crap, then bullshit. Anyway. Shouldn't we
be pursuing a policy of Nuclear Winter to counteract Global Warming. Seems
like those two problems just cancel each other out.
It's logic, you wouldn't understand. I don't get Mad
Max. Why would anyone nuke Australia. Whose got a qualm with
Australia. They have mandatory voting, I believe. We should have
that. You can write in None of the Above, or abstain, but as an
adult, just get into the box you morons. I don't know. Whatever.
If Deez Nuts actually wins an election, how will it carry out its civic
duty. Is it the guy who came up with its' nuts? Is it the voters
nuts? You can't get 150 million nuts to agree on one thing.
Unless you're Nicki Minaj! Sex Joke! Great. Or Donald
Trump. Calling people crazy for supporting someone joke! I'm
outta control. If only I had a third thing, I'd be riding high.
Stephen Colbert? Commercial Joke? Anyway, crap and crap.
It's more of a masturbation joke. I don't think Nicki Minaj is gonna have
sex with 75 million men. Let's call it 75.5 million men. Some people only
have one nut. Just ask Tom Green. He'll tell ya.
I've always heard about the danger of blue balls, but I've
never encountered it. Digital blue Baseballs, sure. That's on
my mind pretty much every day. Crap and crap. Yeesh. If I
wanted to donate a million dollars to Bernie, would he accept it? I know
he doesn't like big donors. What's the limit. Let's figure this out.
Also, give me six hundred years to put together a million dollars. I'm
good for it. What else and crap. Also, will Bernie Sanders accept
the position of Colonel if he doesn't get elected? Because I'm a brain
dead idiot? #KFC2016. Crap and crap. Or we can go the
other way and elect Norm MacDonald as president. I've seen his work in
Dirty Work, he's the right man for the job. Anyway, crap and crap.
Already read the two classmates' stories for next Tuesday. Can't any of 'em
take a hint and realize they can't touch my level of writing greatness.
Just send in a one paragraph paper explaining why I'm better than them.
It's the only way they'll ever learn.
Great and shit. Next Story is gonna be The Bomb.
After that story, Professor is gonna take me aside and say, Maybe You
Should Be The Teacher. It's the only logical way to run the second
half of the semester. I also keep waiting for Teacher to ask me to read
shit I've already wrote. Don't mean to brag, but I've got anywhere from
1-3 stories that'll float her boat. Anyway, shit. Bullcrap!
That's all it is. And I owe it all to Crazysheet. You get a lot of
practice writing, you get confident in yourself, and the greatness follows.
Also helps me develop an interesting rhythm and point of view. Because I'm
Great. Sure, why not. Tomorrow's the Democratic Debate.
Hey, two people I don't hate completely! How about that! What
else and crap. If Conservatives draft a third party candidate, shit, let's
draft Bernie even if he loses the Democratic nomination. Let's really go
Nuts. It'll be one for the ages. What else and crap.
What else and crap. If you get enough genuine
nominees, Deez Nuts can pull off an upset. Well, we'll address that
when it comes. For now, whatever. Are Deez Nuts even over 35?
Let's get some people to look into that. What else and crap. Stupid
liquor store by QC charging half the price for Vodka, 20% over the price for
whiskey. Whatta jip. I wanna mix it up every now and then!
Where do you get off monetarily pressuring me to only stick with vodka.
How Dare You. Truthfully, if they get a third party candidate, I'd stick
with Hillary. Let's just get this crap over with and call it a day.
#CallItADay2016. #WaitButYouJustSaid2016That'sNotADay. Crap and
crap. Yeesh. There's a lot of people getting set on fire in
Boardwalk Empire. It's pretty much the overarching theme to the show when
you think about it. What else and crap. I can't find my Digital
Baseball Disc. Talk about ruining ones' life.
Anyway. On our way to a respectable ten paragraph
entry. That's something to be proud of I guess why not. And of
all those people getting set on fire, not one of them is Two Face.
Whatta gip. I guess one can turn out to be Two Face. There's a small
chance that might happen. They have other real historical figures.
Al Capone, Eddie Cantor, no reason they can't have Two Face. What else and
crap. Jeez. Haircut tomorrow. Give me whatever Two Face
gets. I assume my barbershop caters to Super Villains. Why
wouldn't they. They do have Fox News going on on their T.V.s If one
news channel was the channel for super villains, well, I rest my case.
Watching the debates, though, Fo News ain't so bad. At least not in
that incarnation of Fox News. Fox News. They have a weekly series
How To Get Into The Hen House. Jeez. Sorry about that.
What else and bullshit. How come we never eat Rooster.
Doesn't seem fair. Crap and crap. I don't like Fox News. Even
if they have Baba O' Reilly. It's a Who, you wouldn't understand.
Spelling is different. Who cares. We'll have some linguists look into
that. Also, so what if I want to yell Fire in a movie theater.
That's my God Given Constitutional Right! Not 100% sure why that came
up. Oh, right. Boardwalk Empire. People get set on fire all
the time. I guess that's how they did things in the 20's. You don't
like someone, you set 'em on fire. That's how that goes. Also, God
didn't give us the constitution. That was just a bunch of people who felt
like writing a constitution for some reason. You know, for fun.
Anyway. Weekend. How about that. What else and crap.
Also, spelling on gip--- "gip," or, "jip." Wanna say gip. That's how
I feel. Crap and crap. Gip gets red wavy lines, jip doesn't.
That settles that. What else. I think the main thing Hillary Clinton
should campaign on is, "Nobody likes you when you're president. I already
have a strong track record of nobody liking me." I'm not saying they're
right. I like her fine. It's a joke, jeez.
Crap and crap. Last paragraph! Five entries in a
row to kick off March. That's A Way To Start The Day. #MarchIsn'tADay.
Jeez, is things not being a day all you care about? Jeez. What else.
Sixty Blobs of Paragraphs, if I'm not mistaken, in five days. Pulitzer
please already. Let's see, closing an entry, closing an entry...
Let's see. Lets and Whose are my main point of contention of whether to
have an apostrophe. Let's get some people working on that. Next time
someone asks for a cigarette, I'm gonna tell them I'll give them half.
How does that work? Well, you smoke half, then give it back to me.
Well, can't you just tear it in half? Yeah, but then only one of us
gets the filter. You wouldn't want me to smoke without a filter,
would ya? That's how that might go. I'll see ya later.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Let's Make Titles Great Again!
That title is more
offensive than White Man's Title. Jeez. The good news is
Hello. Seeing Nurse Practioner today, she asked me if it was okay if a
nurse practioner in training sat in. I'm all for it. Hey guys,
don't mean to brag, but I'm way insightful about my mental problems. The
more that see that the merrier! Merrier is a brand of seltzer water,
no? Maybe. I never understood the appeal of seltzer. Tastes like
crap to me. Let's talk about it. Every three months, the hospital
comes up with an updated treatment plan for me. Glaring grammatical
errors. All I'm supposed to do is sign it, but I wanted to treat it like
workshopping a piece in class. Add in commas, cross out phrases that don't
make sense, maybe write a check mark to sentences I like. Really get into
it, you know. I probably could have, but no one would have read it.
Stupid doctors, they think they're so great. NNext time I see a
doctor, I should go, Look, Doc, just be straight with me. Am I in
danger of being judged by a Death Panel? Gotta know. Knowing is
half the battle. Just ask Denzel Washington and/or Nicholas Cage. I
feel like one of them was that movie. I think they have a, "4," instead of
a, "W." Kno4ing. Because that makes sense for some reason.
Hey, this is conversational talk, I don't need no grammar.
It matters. Hey, that's the start of a new song. I don't need
no grammar/Don't tell me that it matters... I'll figure out the rest
later. The important thing is I've started. Starting is half the
battle. They took my weight today. Lost two pounds!
Well, I didn't lose two pounds. They calculated my weight as two pounds
less than the previous jerkoffs. I consider it a moral victory and thats
all I have to say about that. I can't wait to see my general physician
next week. I'm looking forward towards his endorsing me taking Pepsid 2 or
3 times a week. I'd take Pepsid as a snack if using it too much didn't
cause a problem. It's great. The Nurse Practioner in training shed
some insight I'd never heard. I had mentioned I had tried the Nicotine
Gum, and said it didn't do it for me. He was like, You know, it's not
just chewing it, you gotta let it get soaked up by your gums. I did
not know that! No one ever told me that! Oh well. Live and
That's how that goes for some reason. Listening to
Scharpling and Wurster before going to bed. That knocks me right the fuck
out for some reason. Thus far I've only listened to bits I had already
heard, though. I don't have to pay attention too hard. It'll be
interesting to see, moving forward, if bits I haven't heard have the same
effect. No it wouldn't be. Good point. Good, good
point. Me and my Mom are having some trouble remembering the theme to Curb
Your Enthusiasm. Every time I try to hum it, I go straight to The Odd
Couple theme. Well, there's a problem that can't be solved. Oh well.
I also get the impulse, And How About That Chappelle's Show Theme.
I don't know why. I'm weird. Haircut this weekend. I'm gonna
say, Just make me look like I sit at the cool kids table and drink chocolate
milk. OOr I could just go ahead and get Lil Poopy's hair. It
would take some time to grow. And to get different hair. I guess I
can just get a Lil Poopy wig. That's gotta be the hot item for upcoming
Halloween. Lil Poopys all over the place.
Anyway, crap and crap. Halfway through my therapy
session, I just turned to the guy whose training, and go, Impressed?
And he nods and says, I wish all my patients will be like you. And
I go, Patience, young one. And he goes, I Love puns!
That's probably how that might have gone possibly. I was never a huge fan
of chocolate milk as a kid. Maybe there's something wrong with me.
Pepsid is great, I say go for it! How many times should I take it?
Never Stop Taking It! That's how that might go. I'm gonna divide
this entry in half. Five paragraphs now, Five later. That's great.
After watching the debate last night, I was talking about something with my Mom,
and I unconsciously made an argument or statement that sounds like something
Trump would say. Using what I will call, "Trump Logic." Then I
thought, If this happened to me, then, well, God help us all. I
liked the part where he said he had a big dick. Doesn't get much more
relevant than that. Imagine a nation of 300 million people walking talking
and acting like Donald Trump. Or don't imagine it. That's probably
the way to go.
Crap and crap. Met game in an hour! Alright! I
know the song tells us to meet the Mets, and step right down and greet the Mets,
but that would be a huge invasion of personal space and downright rude.
They can't meet every single fan, nor would they want to. Also, don't
guarantee people they'll have the time of their life. You're unqualified
to make that guarantee, you can't back it up. And the truth is most people
won't have the time of their lives. That's a pretty big promise.
Anyway. I lost two pounds and all I had to do was use a different scale.
I like that equation. Assuming I can use a new scale, say, every week, I'd
be down to a nice, healthy weight in six months. Yeesh. My
Crazysheet book is all tattered and torn. For a while, that was my most
prized possession. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. My name
is Trump, and I'm here to say/Fuck all of you and get out of my way!
Pulitzer, please. Enjoy the rest of the entry-- I'm taking a break.
Well, that break accomplished nothing.
Here I am again. Wonderful. Spring Training brings Summer Gaming.
I thought of that, me, this guy. Hawaii!!! Let's see, crap and crap.
I like The Mets' combination of players. Collectively, I call them a Team.
Just something I came up with. Yeesh, this is hard. I changed my
mind. Entry's over! Get outta here. See ya later.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Nobody's Gonna Tell Me When To Yield!
I hope not, at least.
Not 100% on what yielding is. I'm not qualified to yield. Understood
two stories for today. Knockin' It Out Of The Park. Jeez and
crap. I was pretty close to getting Nathan's on the way home from the
Cafeteria. A fish sandwich and a chicken sandwich is how that might have
gone. Oh well, I made my choice and now I'll learn to live with it.
Jeez. Also, don't mean to brag, but during workshop, someone said I
agree with Mike.. and then went off to spout some bullshit, who knows what.
I stopped listening when they said they agreed with me on something. Looks
like I'm The Great. The main comment I want to give, on every story, is
Well, it's not as good as mine, but... and then give some nice feedback.
Let's just acknowledge the elephant in the room that I'm better than everybody.
After Christie's endorsement, assuming he was there with Trump, Trump goes,
looks back at him, goes to the crowd Let's acknowledge the elephant in
the room... What crap. Hawaiian shirts! My Mom
recently told me she hates puns. Well, there goes that.
There goes what. Choose your own adventure.
Let's see, crap and crap. The first syllable of Boardwalk Empire is
certainly living up to its name. Second one isn't so bad, either.
Third and fourth, well, it depends. Is it Em-Pire or Emp-ire. Lets
get some scientists working on that conundrum. Anyway, crap and crap.
I have mixed feelings about giving strangers cigarettes. On the one hand,
I'm down 50 cents. On the other hand, I'm contributing to society.
That's something I can get behind. Can't wait to find out my Cholesterol
level. I hope it's either really low or really high, Low, because
that's healthy. High, because I'd be surprised. No way!
Never woulda guessed! Man, I--- Ow, My Heart. I assume
cholesterol can affect your heart. Gets fat in the heart or something.
I don't have all the details. I don't have any of the details.
Let's not mince words. Especially not the word mince.
Wouldn't even know where to start.
Alright, great. I like how one of the main characters
in Vinyl is named Vine. Vine'll. They did that on purpose for
some reason. Probably to entertain Dolts like me. I like how some 24
oz cans of beer are actually 25 oz and advertise it as A Free 25th Oz!
What's their target demographic on that. Man, if only I could get
1/24th more drunk! That sort of thing. Hawaii!
Crap. The best part of that joke was my math skills. Pretty proud of
myself there. I got some Little People Shows to watch from last night.
My favorite part is where I'm better than them. And you all doubted me.
Isn't that the main draw of any reality show, when you think about it?
Just makes the participants look the fool and we can all feel better than them.
I'm saying what we're all feeling! Alright! Alright. First
some agrees with me explicitly, then I say what we're all feeling. Looks
like I've got some sort of thumb on some sort of pulse. You know, that
kind of crap.
Anyway. The Rap Game was respectable. At first I
thought it wouldn't be, but I came out of that show liking pretty much everyone
involved. Kinda could care less about the parent/managers. But the
kids, the professionals in the industry they meet, all positive. There
should be a reality show called I'm Better Than You and each episode is a
dual between two people fighting it out to be labeled as better than the other
person. Someone get Television on the line! Anyway.
Makin' some mental tweaks over my future potential story. Really comin'
along nicely. I don't want to brag, but there will probably be five
characters. That's all I can say for now. Seven and Zero are the
only digits with multiple syllables. #Why'dHeSayIt2016. Choose your
own crapventure. I'm thinking about going back to contacts next time I get
my eyes checked out. See you in Hell, Glasses! That sort of
crap. I had a teacher named Ms. Glassman in middle school. She once
told us that clichés can be good, I went home and told my Mom about that idiocy,
and they fought about it. And that's what Middle School was like.
And that's what fourth paragraphs are like. From now on
when I say the term, "MSNBC," I'm gonna pronounce it like how they told Howard
Stern to pronounce "WNBC." "M S Ehhhennnn BC." I'm not really
gonna do that. One, I'd forget to do it. Two, people would be
confused. Third, Nobody's gonna tell me when to yield. If you
know what yielding is please write in. My e-mail address is
firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to
hearing from you. I'm always writing down everything Teacher says because
some of it might be important insight. Today, she said something like,
When you're writing, less is more. Then I raised my hand and went,
Even In People? Then everyone had a good laugh at my expense. I
didn't do that. In retrospect, huge missed opportunity. I would have
to add Ya know, cause I'm short. Because some people might not get
it. Or, they'd think, You ain't less, I can see your belly.
That's no good either.
That's how I feel. What else and crap. It's
pretty impressive how they had radios in 1920. That's all I'm gonna say
about that. And how did every phone call not include the phrase, Holy
Shit, This is Bananas! Where Are You!?! I'd be saying that for
years until I finally got used to it. I missed the days of not having to
use the area code for phone calls. It was a simpler time back then.
People were partying like it was 1999 and there was no end in sight. In
fifth grade, we had a big class assignment that we needed to make a Cube
representing that year. Six sides to a cube, one would be News, one would
be Entertainment, one would be Science, and so on. I'm not ashamed to say
my Mom did it for me. It shows how smart and clever I am, if anything.
Tricking her into doing crap while I photoshopped fake movie posters on the
computer. I remember after making 10 or 12 fake movie posters, I finally
got a postive comment on one. This is better than your other posters.
Said a message board poster. Confused? Poster has multiple meanings.
Consult a dictionary for further information. The point is I'm better at
photoshop than you. I know all about making layers of images 50% so it's
like you only see them faded. All about it.
Sev-Enth paragraph. I watched Seven a few nights ago.
It was the first time in a long time I've watched a movie based on the acting
rather than the screenplay. Look at Morgan Freeman go. He's
really in that character probably one would assume! That's how I feel.
That's why I want one line parts. With a one line part, you can basically
just be playing the part of An Inconsequential Asshole. Don't need any
further instruction. That's how I feel. What else. Republican
Debate tonight. Is this the circus, because it's elephant themed on
account of the Republican Party, and it's like a circus, wait, crap, lemme
phrase this bullshit better. I'm not gonna phrase that bullshit
better. I don't have the time nor the motivation. Hawaii!
Let's see. Ten paragraphs has become the standard. I'm generally
supportive of this development. Means I spend more time writing.
Less time doing nothing. That's pretty good. Also, mathematically
speaking, it stands to reason there'd be a higher amount of funny in ten
paragraphs than five. Who knows for sure, though.
Not me. Probably no one. That's how I feel.
Either way, let's continue. In prehistoric times, Howard Stern could have
gone, The Year Qualification We're EeiIiiiin's B C. #SorryAboutThat2016.
Thats how that goes. When I was in high school, they were just starting to
change the textbooks to use the phrase B.C.E. instead of B.C. Before
Common Era as opposed to Before Christ. #MillenialsAtItAgain. It
wasn't our fault. It's not like they focus grouped the textbooks.
But if they did, I imagine it'd go a little something like this...
Huh. Where'd I go. Where am I. The Fault In Our Stars.
C'mon. Don't blame the stars for your problems. That's a loser's
mentality. That's how I feel. Seein' "Doctor" tomorrow.
She's a nurse practioner. Oh well. I think I've told here before, I
didn't like her because she freakin' hospitalized me for no good reason.
In this incarnation of my relationship with her, though, she's not so bad. Live
and learn, that's what I've said a few dozen times. Pretty much
exclusively on this website.
Great. Gonna be 30 Paragraphs in the first three days
of march. That's gotta be some sort of record. Which was the
rejected title of Vinyl. Right, right... Let's see. Shirts!
What else and crap. I could go the other route and actually get the pair
of frames that look like 50's 3-D movie glasses. You know, for jest.
If you're gonna look funny anyway, might as well commit. I don't know if I
look funny. Probably just sad. Oh well. #SadBatmanIsSadForAllOfUs.
There's a good chance Batman & Superman is gonna be the first movie I see in
theaters since Star Wars: Here We Go Again. I could have seen Zoolander.
I could have seen I Heart Ceasars. I'd have to walk up a hill, though.
That's no good. Getting there is fine, you walk down a hill. Walking
down hills, no problem. Way back? Gotta walk up a hill. Not a
fan of that proposition. It's reasonable I could convince my Dad to give
me a ride on the way home. I don't know. let's of things in flux in
this equation. Things being in flux are what make time travel possible.
That sentence is what made ending that paragraph possible.
Crap and crap. Anyway. What else is going on. I was a little
tentative going back to White on Black format, but so far, I think it's been
going okay. Gotta mix it up every now and then. And a month
uniformly sure qualifies for every now and then. I've heard good things
about Deadpool from someone in my class. I gotta ask myself, though, Do
I really trust this person. Can't go into things willy-nilly.
That's how I feel. Not only does he agree with me, he knows my name!
I must be doing something right. I don't know anyone's name. That's
where I stand on names in class. #AlmostDone2016. I really gotta
shave before next class. I'm due for a haircut, too. Really kill two
birds with one stone. Damn birds, I hate them so much. I'll
get a 25 oz. can over a 24. Talk about savings! And I'm only
paying an extra thirty cents! A sucker is born every now and then, I
wanna say every month, uniformly. Anyway, see ya later.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
May I Ask Who's Titling?
Hey friends and jerks.
Had my weight taken today. Right on the border of a number I would be
happy with and a number I'd be disappointed with. I'm gonna round that up
to happy. No reason not to. Plus, I got to watch Long Island News.
It's different than regular news. They had a McDonald's logo in the bottom
right of the broadast for 2/3rds of the entire show. That's great, I
guess. Not 100% sure why. Anyway, crap and crap. Bernwald
Sanderson did respectably last night. He's still in it to win it.
One would imagine. I was fifteen minutes away from getting Chipotle.
Coulda gotten it on the way home from Doctor, but it was only 10:45. I
consider this a huge blow. Oh well, live and learn. Now I know for
the next appointment to ask a lot of questions and draw out saying those
questions and ask the same questions again and again until I really get it.
That should get me past the 11:00 threshold. Chris Christie endorsed
Trump. Talk about doubling down on assholes. We weren't talking
about that. Well, we should be. It's a #RelevantIssue2016.
Anyway, crap and crap. Today is March 2nd. You know what that's
like, right. It's pretty much always the precursor to March 3rd. And
then, who knows. I can only think one thing ahead. Mental defect
I've had since I was a baby.
And by baby, I mean 20 years old. Used to be able
to think three, four things ahead. Oh well, live and learn. I
remember my Dad making a big deal about the first time I beat him in Chess.
He brings it up every now and then, implying that I was better than chess as him
at that young age and not just lucky. The funny part is, I can't remember
ever playing chess with him again. He must have been like, Well, if I'm
not gonna crush him, why bother playing. Stupid losing. What's the
point. And I remember the last time playing Risk with my brother and
him throwing the board with all the pieces over because I was more lucky at dice
than him. Anyway. What else and crap. I think people just
don't like losing to me. Must be my fault. Anyway. I remember
seeing Serch 4 Bobby Fischer with my Dad. That counts as playing
Chess probably. Based on the title, you'd assume the kid whose the main
character is Bobby Fischer. It's the name of the movie, should be the name
of the main character. It being some other guy is just plain confusing.
You'll never become a Chess Master if you're gonna be confusing.
I remember playing someone in chess in Washington Square
Park for money just for the novelty of it. And by "just for the novelty of
it," I mean because I was drunk and/or high and/or sick. So that's how
that goes. Gotta do something with your time. What else and crap.
I've told the WSP story before. I like stories. What the
Hell. Crap and crap. I think I've de-blueified my X-Box.
Haven't tested it out completely yet. I don't like how they tell you, when
giving a urine sample, Oh, you don't need to fill it up, we just need a
little bit. Fuck that. If I'm peeing into a cup, I'm gonna make
the most of it. You don't get that chance very often. Gotta go all
out. I like how they then handle the pee cups without wearing gloves.
Now, me, I'm great at peeing, I can get it all into the cup 100%. But
there are people who can't. You're taking a mighty big risk not using
gloves. And you know me and risks. You're gonna end up throwing the
table over with all those meticulously placed pieces. Anyway, crap and
crap. I think it's pretty impressive how every cigarette is always the
same. Chalk that up as a Win for The Industrial Age. Probably.
I don't know. It's like Chicken McNuggets probably. Also, I don't
know why, but ever since watching the News, I can't stop thinking about
Who knows and crap. Are we still in The Industrial Age.
Or is it just The Information Age now. I don't think we're through with
Industry just yet. Let's have overlapping Ages, keep everyone happy.
I hope the next Age is Renaissance Part II. Just one man's opinion.
In all likelihood, the next age is gonna be either the Nuclear Winter Age or the
Robots Are In Charge Now Age. Each not really ages to look forward to.
Renaissance Part II, that would be fun, though. I could always just
schedule my appointments half an hour later, like a chump. That ain't me,
though. You gonna see me first or second in the day. I demand
respect. I don't wanna see you with your piss soaked hands. If
you're hands are piss soaked, better be mine and mine only piss. Class
tomorrow. That's something to do. And it'll take a whole 75 minutes.
That's almost an hour and a third. That's a lot of time. Anyway,
crap and crap. The main reason I'm writing this entry is so I could put
that unpleasantness due to the title of the last entry behind us. Onward
and upward, that's what I always say. I don't know about always.
Probably have said it a dozen times in my life at some point. A dozen is a
lot. If it weren't for that expression, the word Onward would be 100% out
of use. #LetsTalkAboutIt2016.
Jeez. For a millisecond, I looked at the closing
hashtag of the last paragraph and thought, It's Still 2016? Feels
like it should be 2020 or something by this point. Let's get shit moving.
We gotta make the most out of the Information Age while it's still here.
I, for one, am not looking forward to the Robots Are In Charge Now age.
Seems like it would be a real bummer. Anyway. I updated the display
of my phone so that it would be the brightest it could be. This is the
biggest change in my life in years. Here's hoping it all works out okay.
Brighter phone, regular color X-Box display. Movin' on up. Things
are looking good for 2016. I'm real proud of the title for this month that
you see in your browser. "It's A Month, What Do You Want From Me."
Probably better than the entries themselves. Anyway. Crap and crap.
It's pretty crazy how much Diet Root Beer masks the taste of alcohol.
That's how I feel. #Relevant?2016. At my Aunt and Uncle's, they had one
can of Diet Soda as opposed to a bunch of non diet. I didn't want to be a
jerk and drink their only diet soda. Someone must be saving it. They
insisted, though, and I didn't want to be a rude guest. So I drank the
Hell out of that soda. Probably the highlight of my year, thus far.
Probably a new paragraph. I'd say I'm 99.95% certain
this is a new paragraph. Maybe down to 99%. Stranger things have
happened. If I was writing a review of Albert Camus' "The Stranger," well,
you can guess by now what I would title it. That's how I feel. I
feel like I read that book at some point and can't remember the first thing
about it. Or the second things. To be honest, I can't remember any
things about it. Title and Author, though. That's worth something I
guess. I thought this book would be about masturbation strategy.
I was way off. Probably. I told you, I don't remember. I'm
98.95% sure its not about masturbation. Actually, let's say like 85% sure.
I don't know! I just don't know. Not explicitly about
masturbation, that I can say relatively certainly. Jeez. How did I
get here. Where am I. What's going on, crap and crap.
The Most Insightful Book About Masturbation In Years! That would be
my runner up review title. Jeez. Let's see, crap and crap,
crap and crap... Looking forward to understanding the plot of two stories
I gotta read tonight. Real boost to the ol' self esteem.
That's how that goes. When class starts, I might
get up on my desk and go, I know what you're all thinking. And, yes, my
weight is exactly on the borderline which allows me to be satisfied with it, all
things considered. Anyway. This is turning out to be a real C-
Entry. Small victories, that's what life is about. What, you
thought C- was bad? You don't know me very well. It would be sad
if you got a, "C-" Section. Really adds insult to injury. Jeez.
The good news is that its now documented in Blog form that I don't like Baked
Beans. I may have forgotten it a year or two down the line, but now, I
will never forget. The Internet is Forever. That's how I feel.
I can't stand going back and trying to read old entries, to be honest.
Always seems crappier than it did when I was writing it. Oh well.
Onward and crapward. What else. Seventh Paragraph. Goin' for
the Tenner. Gonna have to say, "What else and crap," a whole lot to finish
this entry. Whole lot.
Sure can cut corners doing shorter paragraphs than we're used
to, too. That's how that goes. What else and crap. Now I'm pot
committed to Boardwalk Empire. Damn. If I only had the will power to
stop watching shows when I wanted to, my life would be a whole different
ballgame. Like football, and stuff. Maybe basketball.
Whatever, crap and crap. Sure miss playing live poker. I don't care
if I don't win a hand, I was playing for four hours. That's four hours of
prime entertainment. I gotta find some Home Game to play in. Don't
know how to go about that. I pretty much literally know zero people.
That's of any kind, not just people who play poker. Oh well, crapward and
bullshit. Can't wait till they re-legalize online poker in New York.
Not only is it fun, it can be a nice source of supplemental income. Or, in
my case, income. Yeesh. My Iced Coffee has lasted me the
entire day. #IcedCoffeeMatters2016. Crap and crap. It'd be
nice if one of these hashtags takes off. It would be independent of me,
sure, that's without question. But it's possible one of the bullshits I
say here becomes a thing on its own. I'll have been in on the ground
level. Pulitzer, Please.
Paragraph. Relevant issues 2016. That should
be a thing. Everyone likes 2016, it's the year what we're in right now.
If I add 2016 to enough things, well, then, maybe I'll be in business.
There's an idea for a Start-Up. Copyrighting Hashtags. It makes
sense if you don't understand how things work at all. That's me pretty
much. Also, Silicon Valley Better Be A Valley. Or else
I'm gonna throw a fit! #ThrowAFit2016. Ninth Paragraph!
Alright alright. I'm gonna do my homework tonight. Because I'm a
responsible chap one would imagine. When Teacher printed out my story to
write comments on, she doubled up, two half pages sideways on a full piece of
paper. It makes it like a book! I'm doin' that now. Gotta
Learn Something. Anyway. What else and crap. Closing in on the
end of the entry. Then, Back To Watching Boardwalk Empire! If we
can't commit to binge-watching T.V. Shows, what are we, animals? I don't
want to live in a world where people stop watching something when they get
mildly bored and tired of it. Not in my America!
Paragraph! I can watch some D.V.D.s or play some games
now that I'm free from the blue chains that had previously bonded me so.
But first, paragraph to write. Lets not get ahead of ourselves. I
plan on having dinner tonight. Go ahead, try to talk me out of it.
Actually, don't. I might be swayed by your argument and then not eat
dinner. I can't be having that. Dinner is probably the second or
third most important meal of the day. The good news is Hello. When
am I going to be able to watch the new Poltergeist on T.V. I demand
satisfaction! If you're playing baseball, and its not blue, does it
make a sound? Let's get some experts working on that. Jeez.
Apparently Spring Training Games start soon. I can't wait. Look at
those baseballs. You know, that kind of crap. I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
You Can Title If You Want To
(Formerly Titled As: "White Man's Title")
Hey, no hate mail.
I'm not endorsing the idea behind the title. Either way, Hi! Welcome
to March. Supposed to a play on White Man's Burden. Just sounds
like you're excluding minorities from your title. Well, great, just
great. I suppose I just can't win when it comes to titles. Change
it. You change it! I can't, if I did, we'd have to erase this
fascinating exchange. Well, we can't be having that! That's
what I'm saying. Alright, what else and bullshit. I believe
Green Day said it best, I want to be the minority. Don't need your
authority. Down with the moral majority and whatnot. What else.
I like watching comedians I've never heard of on Johnny Carsons. Part of
me enjoys it, because I'm like, I'm as good as they are! Then part
of me doesn't enjoy it, because I'm like, I'm no better than they are!
All the bits are like, I recently went to Hawaii. Hawaiian shirts,
man, can we agree they're stupid!!? I'd say my level of competence in
humor is right on par with that. Only difference is, I write over a
hundred entries a year filled with that crap, and they do that bit every night
for a year. Quantity over quality! Gotta be good at
something. So, anyway.
So, I recently watched some Johnny Carsons. Man, can
we all agree the comedians on there are sometimes hit-or-miss!!?
Pulitzer, please. Anyway. Big day today. Super Tuesday.
And tomorrow is Pedestrian Wednesday. Hawaiian shirts!!!
Alright, what else. I thought I would have a harder time spelling
"Hawaiian" than I did. It just goes to show. That I deserve a
pulitzer. John Oliver taking Trump down a step or two. I gotta start
watching that show. Seems like he is a more than competent heir to Jon
Stewart. Plus, it just flew by. I thought it would be an
hour, it being only weekly. I was watching it with my Mom and I was like,
What, it's over already?! And another thing, lets see Donald Trump in
a Hawaiian shirt. #MakeItHappen2016. I got diet root beer for some
reason. I'll keep you updated on how that pans out. Jeez. Was
hoping to get my Bern T-Shirt today. I could have worn it in class and
impressed everybody. Instead, I had to settle for impressing everyone with my
adequate ability to read their work.
Anyway, crap and crap. March. How about that.
March is a weird word. Rhymes with Starch. Pulitzer, please.
I wish I could be an extra in shows like Boardwalk empire. Just a one
scene character with one line, each show I book. Scene where they're
talking about women's right to vote. Just give me the one line, Are we
sure this is a good idea, fellas? That's all. That's all I want
in life. Headline on the official Mets blog-- "Collins: 'It's Time To Get
Ready For Baseball." Yup, that's what Spring Training is. Nothin'
gets by him. So, I'm in Hawaii, I get a Hawaiian shirt! Everyone
there wears em, I thought it was great. On the plane ride back, I'm like,
What Did I Just do?! That never happened. Stop lying.
You're lying to everyone. I don't like it. Not a fan! It's
weird to think there must be a whole lot of comedians successful enough to get
on Johnny Carson that I've then never heard of. How about that. It's
not that weird. Sorry for misleading you. I feel terrible.
What else. I can't scroll down anymore than this,
because this is the first entry. Talk about weird. Back to eating
Triscuits. You don't mess with a good thing. Like The Zohan.
Don't mess with him. I learned it from a Title. Jeez. I can't
wait to get an invite to Spring Training. You know, in Blue Baseball.
Figure I should get there after a year or two. And so far, in three
months, I've made it through almost a week of games at Double-A. These
things take time I guess. Anyway, what else. I don't know. I
like how there's someone smoking in every other scene of Boardwalk Empire.
Good for them. That'll show lungs whose boss. I don't know.
I'm not in the groove today. I blame life. Life is probably the
cause of 80-90% of my problems. Whatta gip. Smart Old Lady in class
made a comment about how she always reads into the names of stories for deeper
meaning. Jesus Freaking Christ. Not even funny anymore how much
alike we are. I love names! If it were up to me, stories would just
be lists of names.
Anyway, great. Turns out I don't like Baked Beans.
We'll chalk that up as a live-and-learn type situation. Anyway. At
least do an entire bit about shirts. Just Hawaiian shirts, that's hacky.
You bring some other shirts into the mix, make it a whole thing, now you're in
business. I'd listen to a bit about shirts. Shirts are ripe for
parody! Like the shirt I'm expecting. "Bernie For President."
In a year, nobody will know what it means! It's like modern art. I
guess. Probably. Who knows for sure. I wanted to design my own
Bernie shirt, I could probably think up some great shirt. But I wanted to
donate to his campaign. You can see the predicament. More people
should design their own shirts. Let's put our money where our mouth is.
Or, our mouth where are shirts are. That makes more sense in this
bit-type-thing. Possibly my favorite Shirt experience was when I lived in
Chinatown and saw an Asian guy wearing a shirt that said, "What The Fuck You
Lookin' At?" Don't get much better than that.
Great. A lot of shirts in my rotation are hand-me-downs
from my brother, because I'm too fat to wear my size small shirts, and have to
wear medium. Whaata jip. If that don't motivate me to lose weight,
nothing will. Also, probably nothing will. Also, probably, being
more attractive is a better reason to lose weight than shirts. And health
reasons. Shirts are pretty far down on the list now that I think about it.
I don't think I've ever worn an Hawaiian shirt. I guess after this
comedian's scathing diatribe they fell out of fashion. That's how that
might go. Anyway. I've got to go on a diatribe if I ever want to
lose weight. Exercise alone won't do it. What else. Wouldn't
it be weird if Bernie does well today. I'd be like Holy Crap!
Didn't See It Coming! Let's Party Like It's Some Year That Isn't This Year
For Some Reason I Guess They Were Really Good At Partying Then! That's
how that might go. Bernie's always on our case for doing our part.
He wins big tonight, I'd point at my T.V. and be like, You, man. You.
So lets hope that happens.
And if it doesn't, who cares, we'll all still be here
tomorrow. Most likely. Odds are for it. That's how I feel.
What else and crap. I guess I get partying like it's 1999. Everyone
was in perpetual excitement for the year 2000. It's a whole different
number. I get it. What else and crap. Lets see, how many
months are we up to here on crazysheet.net. We're up to #46. And a
third of a fourth of those months have been readable. I'll take those
odds. I don't think I have a choice. Pot committed to this whole
crazysheet thing. Four Five entries till Friday. You know, that sort
of thing. What else. Crap and crap. It is the seventh
paragraph. Seems like Ten has become the standard. Five is the
standard, but Ten is recommended. Like The Commandments. You really
only need five of them. You know which ones. That's how I feel I
guess. I said it. That's sanctioning it enough. Sure I know
words. What else and crap.
Shit, this is eighth? During the seventh, halfway
through, I was like, yeah, two more. Wrong. Three more.
I gotta brush up on my arithmetic skills. Anyway, alls well that ends
well. Probably. Too bad this most likely won't end well.
You notice how some guys wear Hawaiian shirts? Well... NO MORE!
And then you rip up an Hawaiian shirt while the crowd goes wild chnating
U.S.A.! U.S.A.! That's one way to go. The way I imagine every class
going, in English, is just me announcing, I Understood The Plot Of This
Story! and everyone applauds. That's what's going on in my head, at
least. I enjoyed the parts with words. Lets talk about it.
My next story is gonna have a lot of dialogue and I genuinely need to brush up
on formatting that. You gotta have paragraph breaks and everything I
think, if it's heavy dialogue. We'll see how that goes. This is
still the Eighth paragraph, isn't it. Damnit.
What else and crap. Bernie is either a Contact Hitter
or a Team Leader for sure. That actually motivates me to play Blue
Baseball more. Ditch following the career of 5'2 Mike Kornblum.
Let's create a Bernie Sanders character. That's a wagon worth hitching
your ride to, to use Wild-Wild-West lingo. Anyway. March has got no
character. Just a precursor to April. April is great, I got no
qualms with April. Spring does start in March. That's mostly all its
got going for it. You're in April, going, Ah, the beginning of Spring,
you're way off, it's March. I once heard that April Showers bring May
Flowers. That's uncorroborated. Don't have any authoritative stance
on the validity of that statement. Gotta do some research on that.
Whatever. Anyway. I'm pretty sure it's bunk, though. It don't
rain no more in April than any other month, I believe. Talk about
Bullshit. Anyway, crap and crap. Last week, Teacher was complaining
about the rain, asking if any of us liked the rain. My hand shot up.
Sure, I like a nice mist. A drizzle. It's comfortable! If
anything is gonna make me lose respect for Teacher, its badmouthing rain.
Where does she get off.
What else and crap. Big shoot out in a bar. Oh
No, Guys, Lets Get Out Of Here! It's good to have dreams. What
else and crap. Two more stories need comprehending for Thursday! The
work never stops. I like the class, though. We're relatively deep
into English classes, so most people are majors and take writing at least
relatively seriously. Fun, fun stuff. The rest are fools and are
wasting our time and I won't stand for it! Fun, fun stuff. Jeez.
What else and crap. Sorry if the title is insensitive. No way am I
endorsing segregation of reading titles, nor am I endorsing the reference to
White Man's Burden. It's all meant in irreverent jest and I hope it is
taken as such. I'll see ya later.