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Friday, October 30, 2015

Let's Wear Socks

    I was inspired by possibly having another infection in my toe.  That would be two in two years.  With the year before having the same thing in my thumb.  So, at least I'm consistent.  That's a good quality to have.  It's not as bad now as it was those times.  I'm hoping wearing socks will do the trick.  It's pretty much a cure-all remedy, wearing socks.  Cancer?  Wear some socks.  AIDS?  Socks.  Toe infection?  Anyway, what else is going on.  If this was baseball I'd probably play through it.  Also, Curt Shilling's bloody sock, wasn't that as Red Sox?  Did nobody make that connection?  Way to drop the ball.  Or, to use a baseball analogy, uhh, way to drop the ball.  Error.  It turns out he was a Diamondback at the time.  And that time he was bitten by a snake was when he was a Red Sox.  Right, right.  What else is going on.  Maybe God is punishing me for dissing toes.  I'll give you something to cry about.  Damn God.  Always getting my goat.  Whatever.  I don't need a goat anyway.  I don't know why I had it in the first place.  This never would have happened if I just wore socks consistently.  Protect my extremities from the extremities, as it were.  Anyway.  What else is going on.  It's Friday.  All Hallows Eve.  You know what that means.  Something about Halloween.  I forget.  The Mets can win tonight.  That would be weird. 
    Anyway, this paragraph will have da jokez.  I 60% guarantee it.   There was a piece of dog shit in front of my house.  In front of the door, there's a little three-or-four steps, and right at the bottom, dog shit.  Someone's trying to send us a message.  Get out of the neighborhood.  We won't be intimidated, we are strong and resilient as a family.  The only other possibility is I was sleep walking, and sleep opened the door, and sleep shit.  I'm only putting the odds to that at roughly 2-5%, though.  Or, I guess, people don't know that when you're walking your dog, fuckin' shit on the grass.  And even then you're supposed to pick it up.  C'mon.  Let's get with the program.  Anyway, what else.  This is why we need outhouses on every city block.  I like Bill De Blasio, but if his next challenger runs on a platform of more public toilets, I think I'd have to vote for him.  That's a good idea for the next big app.  Like, Uber, except it's a car you can pee or shit in.  Another money making idea I'll never cash in on.  Portable toilets that you can summon on your phone.  Jeez.  Or at least an app that compiles all the stores/etc. that have bathrooms and that allow you to use them without buying anything.  That's right on the horizon.  Or, outhouses on every city block.  There's lots of solutions to this problem, let's just pick on and stick with it, okay? 
    Jeez.  Or, have society accept grown people wearing diapers all the time.  There's got to be a better way than that.  There is.  I just listed three.  Let's get with the program.  Anyway, what else.  I feel bad for the guy driving the toilet, though.  Someone's gotta do it.  Are toilet drones the solution, then?  We'll see, I suppose.  Or maybe, over the next century, invent a drug that stops us from crapping.  It'll just sweat out through our pores over time.  Without any smell or visibility.  That's five or six solutions, right there.  Anyway.  Citifield gonna be rockin' and poppin' tonight.  I had a dream I was looking for tickets for one of the next three games.  I forget what happened.  I think it turns out they were sold out.  #Whatdreamsmaycome.  Were "#'s" always called Hashtags, and we just didn't know it?  What's the deal with things.  Yeesh.  I saw a guy wearing a Mets shirt on my walk today, and I wanted to go Let's Go Mets! or something, but, nah, that guy looked weird.  Don't want to engage a weirdo.  It's a lesson I learned from experience.  The experience of people not engaging me.  Valuable life lessons and crap.
    Anyway, great.  Also, they're down 2-0.  Bringing up The Mets might induce feelings of frustration and sadness, considering the road ahead.  I still have faith, though.  Mathematically, they have a chance.  And I trust math, I usually find its roughly 80% correct.  I tried doing the math a day or two ago, and came up with a 3/32 chance, assuming both teams have a 50% chance of winning each game, that they win.  Then I did the math today and came up with 1/8th.  Which would be 4/32.  I think I'm gonna stick with today's math.  It's a 1.33X greater chance they'll win, compared to previous Math.  I like those odds.  Maybe I should cryogenically freeze my toe, then and thaw it out once the infection is gone.  That's probably the way to go.  Or, take some antibiotics.  Like a chump.  I took some Pepcid a few days ago, because I had acid-reflux or something, and that shit worked within two seconds.  That's a pill I can get behind.  Anyway.  Entry windin' down.  When they were naming baseball teams around the turn of the century, was the color of people's socks their defining characteristic?  Let's go to the phones.  Like, how now they have white collar, blue collar workers.  You know, that sort of crap.
    I don't know which is which, in talking about collared workers.  Collared workers.  That sounds wrong.  Sorry.  I figure, if you got a collar, of any color, you gotta be doing alright.  No one's taking the shirt off your back, so to speak, I suppose, and crap.  My birthday's in six weeks.  Always an extra three fort nights after Halloween.  It's convenient, because I know what day of the week my Birthday will be ahead of time.  Looks like... Saturday.  That's something I can work with.  It's one of my five days off, so that's lucky.  Also, who cares, what else is going on.  Except for those pesky November leap days.  They don't come around often, but when they do, oooh boy.  What crap.  Let's go to the phones.  I'm turning... 27?  That doesn't sound right.  Feels more like 23.  27's a good number, though.  It means I can divide my life evenly into three periods of nine years.  1-9, 10-17, 18-2... wait, let me start over.  0-9, 10-18, 19-27.  That sounds right.  And it seems about right in dividing my life.  Childhood, adolescence, adulthood.  Jeez.  I already used up my potential birthday money gifts paying for the one month in Dormitory.  Well, that's just great.  Who knew past actions could have future consequences?  Never saw it comin'.
    What else.  It was a good month, though.  Maybe in the future there will be months that... are... wait, let me start over.  Jeez.  What else and crap.   The Mets can win tonight.  And, if they win tonight, they have the potential to win tomorrow.  And, if they win tomorrow, they have the potential to win two of the next three games.  Now I'm starting to see what they meant when they said this team has a lot of potential.  All starting to make sense.  Too bad before the season, they had set out to play, "Meaningful Games In The World Series."  They woulda been right on target.  Also, baseball.  Crippity crap.  The first draft of my play is due in three freakin' weeks.  I got to start thinkin' about what crap I want to crap.  Some guy talking to another person.  I've narrowed it down to that.  Gotta start somewhere.  I'm pretty sure the nno sex, violence, or talkin' about the class still applies to the play.  Well, that's just great.  There goes that.  I like stage directions.  Maybe my play can just be So and so enters, stage right.  So and So: Hi! SSo and so exits, stage right.  Other guy enters stage left.  Other Guy: Hi!  Other guy exits, stage left.  So and so enters, stage right.  So and So: Hi! So and so exits, stage right.  And so on.  For ten minutes.
    It's the best idea I've had.  It's the only idea I've had.  Gotta go with your gut instinct, though, that's something I've learned from this class.  And, maybe instead of just saying, "Hi!" each character can get progressively more lonely, and at the end, bring 'em out together, and they're all happy, and it's cathartic and drama and, well, that's theatre.  Pretty sure.  Anyway, what else and crap.  My Dad thinks it might have been a delivery person who was unhappy with a tip.  Makes as much sense as anything else.  Even though we give good, appropriate tips.  Coulda been a stray dog, I guess.  Do squirrels shit, do raccoons shit?  They must.  We don't hear about that in the media.  I could have used an adjective before media to make it sound more like a joke.  A qualifier that would really drive the point home.  But, I didn't.  No use crying over spilt shit.  Maybe shit manifests itself the day before Halloween.  Like some sort of evil, other-worldly feces.  Can't count that out.  Anyway, what else.
    One more paragraph.  Brings it to an even eight.  Found an empty dime bag on my walk today.  As always, picked it up to examine fully at home.  As always, nope, nothin'.  There was one time there was a bit left.  Plus, I'm a hero for un-littering.  When they invade suspected drug holders houses, they should back up the plumbing, so that if they flush a good amount of something, they find it.  I shouldn't be givin' tips to the law.  I'm firmly on the side of drug people.  If it weren't for drug people, where would we get our drugs from.  What else.  Got class on Monday.  I like goin' to class.  I like Creative Writing, I like the Teacher, I like bein' around the Other Students.  Plus, it advances me ever so slowly to my degree.  It's a win/win proposition, goin' to class.  Since I started back at Queens College in the Spring of last year, I've been tellin' people, when asked, I'm roughly a Junior.  I think I may have reached the point I can say I'm roughly a Senior.  That's a pretty sweet milestone and crap.  Anyway, that's all I got.  See ya later.

-6:45 P.M.             


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Road Less Titled

    What's going on party people.  Fuckin' brutal Mets game last night.  Oh well.  Let's Go Mets, Stem O.G. s'tel.  That's all I have to say about that.  What's going on in the wide world of anti-sports.  I gotta write a half a page monologue for next week.  I don't wanna do that.  I don't know what to write about.  I don't know what names to name characters.  Once I figure that out, everything else will fall into place.  I've been through all the good names, though.  We'll see how that story progresses, and I promise to keep you up to date.  That's a good pickup line.  Up To Date?  Shows you're interested in more than a one night stand, girls love that.  Also, I don't know what girls love.  Except for Cool J, obviously.  If only I had an alliterative acronym as part of my name.  He's got the right idea.  The Bodega I go to on Main St. before class has a huge display at the counter of pipes.  Marijuana pipes.  It was the closest I've been to marijuana in a long time, and there wasn't even any marijuana there.  Not that I know of.  I saw what might have been Bath Salts, but I don't want to go crazy and eat my family.  On the risk/reward scale, the reward of getting high, vs. the risk you kill and eat your family, just doesn't make it feasible, in my opinion.  Let's take some calls.  I don't get Salvia.  Hey, you wanna feel weird for thirty seconds?  Sure!  ... This is weird  ... Back To Normal ... That Was Weird.  That'll Solve ya' problems.  Hee hee hee.
    Let's go to the phones.  What else is going on.  I heard it's a Wednesday.  Crazysheet, the place to go for all the inside information.  Here's another tip--  It was and still is raining today.  I brought an umbrella for me, but I only bust the umbrella when I really need it.  These pedestrians with umbrellas when it's mildly raining, nothing gets on my nerves more.  Except for everything.  Doesn't really bother me in the slightest.  The good news is I accidently broke a cigarette in half trying to take one out of the pack.  That's half 1/4 of a cigarette that I ended up throwing out.  Too bad the rest of it was without filter.  Probably did more damage that way.  Oh well, I'm young and I'm gonna be healthy forever.  That's part of the deal, right?  Should be.  I was thinking about making the potential play I gotta write based around the conflict/theme/bullshit of getting older.  Like, maybe it's some sort of birthday.  Don't really know.  It weighs lightly in the back of my brain, going to classes with people six and seven years younger than me.  Also, in a short thirteen years, I'm gonna be 40.  I don't wanna be 40.  Then I'm gonna have to marry Leslie Mann, and by then, she's gonna be pushin' 60.  I don't want that to happen.  Plus, Judd Apatow will be mad at me, it's a whole hassle I'm not looking forward to.  He should make a movie called The Twenty Seven Year Old Guy.  Starring, who else... the kid from Air Bud.  Or the dog from Air Bud.  He's got some acting chops, he can pull off being a young man.  For dogs, you can't have them on the set all day, because they need to learn with a tutor or something, right?  It's in the union contract.
    Let's go to the phones.  Anyway.  What else and crap.  Someone complimented my haircut today.  Guess who it turns out doesn't look like an asshole!  This guy, right here.  I should hold out for the same barber next time I go.  If only I knew his name.  There's no way I could have known.  Oh well, no use crying over... whatever the Hell that is.  The Mets now have a 1/3 chance to win the world series.  That's like having a flush draw on the flop.  They also have the power to hit some home runs.  That's like stealing the blinds.  They can also challenge a call or two.  That's like taking the deck from the dealer and throwing the cards on the floor and making him pick them up in an impromptu game of 52-card-pick-up.  Are you a 52 Cards?  Cause I'm trying to pick you up.  Me, this guy, right here.  Now I have options on how to approach ladies.  Two options.  Let's get it to three, let's take some calls.
    Anyway.  I figured out a strategy for walking across pockets of sidewalk that have relatively deep rain pockets.  Step on the ball of my foot.  I'm good at walking strategies.  Don't mean to brag.  Or, avoid it.  Sometimes you can't avoid it, though.  You gotta be ready for what life throws at you.  Whether it be rain on ground, or whatever.  Also, it turns out Kansas City is in Missouri.  I had a feeling something like that might happen.  Even Kansas City doesn't want to be in Kansas.  Can't say I blame them.  Hey, What's The Matter With Kansas?  What's The Matter With Kansas, indeed.  What's... The Matter... With... Huh?  Where am I.  Right, right.  What's going on.  If America was Tic-Tac-Toe, Kansas would be the center square.  That's a lot of responsibility for just one state.  Also, would it surprise anyone if it turns out America is Tic-Tac-Toe?  I don't know.  I just don't know.  What else is going on.  How come we don't have opposable thumbs on our feet.  Big toe could be opposable.  Way to go, evolution.  Not so great now, are ya.  And tryin' to just raise the ring finger, can't do it.  Thanks a lot, Darwin.  I mean, you can, if you're clenching your hand.  But free-ballin' the hand?  Very difficult.  Very difficult, indeed.
    Actually, wait, no, I can do it.  You're off the hook for now, Darwin.  I'm just not very good at motor skills it turns out.  Oh well, no one's perfect.  That's my one flaw.  The chink in the armor, so to speak.  My Achilles Heel.  Not a lot of people naming their kids Achilles these days.  Oh well.  What else is going on.  I hope no one ever steals my blinds.  People'd be able to see right through my window. #PleaseStop.  Anyway, great.  Just great.  I just flew in from New York... Boy are my planes tired.  Got to keep it fresh.  I've devolved into a worser form of bullshit.  Thanks a lot, Origin of the Species.  Boy, it's raining hard now.  #Topical.  Tropical.  They made everyone stop using the word Jungle in favor of Rain Forest.  Jungle has too much negative connotations.  Thanks a lot, Galapagos Turtles. Now, the Rumble in the Jungle would have had to be called the Sparrists in the Forest.  We're a big fan of words here at Crazysheet.  Can't get enough of 'em.  I don't know if that's considered a pun, or what.  Whatever it is, vindicates the entire entry!  Vindicated!  Also, being angry at evolution.  Makes me come to the verge of being amused.
    What else and crap.  Pressures on to write a good half page monologue for next week.  Gotta make it real quality like.  What about a guy whose really good at walking strategies.  And the monologue that would entail.  We'll come back to it.  Turns out the Barnes & Noble reading series fell through.  Great, now where am I gonna get free shelves.  And there goes my play idea about Barnes talking to Noble.  I hope they replace all the Barnes & Nobles with Chipotles.  It makes sense and would bring joy to my heart.  What else.  Lookin' forward to the new month.  I'm itchin' to get the classic white font on black background into the mix.  It's good to have something to look forward to.  Also, at this point, is it fair to call Tomorrowland Severalmonthsagoland?  I thought of a better version and more off-the-cuff delivery to that joke, but it's never gonna come up again.  Might as well stick it here where no one'll see it.  If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it?  What bridge?  Where's the bridge?  Tell me more about this bridge.  What crapshit.  Anyway.  See ya later.

-5:32 P.M.



Monday, October 26, 2015

Someone's Got The Right Idea

    I don't know who, though. Or about what.  I'll get back to you on this pressing title issue.  Anyway, what's going on and crap.  I got a haircut like a chump.  Or a hero.  You decide.  When you decide, you can eat pizza on a bagel anytime.  I heard it in a nursery rhyme or something.  In the future, will it be mandated that nursery rhymes advertise a product of some sort?  Let's get these babies hooked on capitalism right out of the gate.  I had a dream that I wanted to donate money to Bernie Sanders.  Then I woke up, and was like, I don't have any money.  So we'll see how that storyline progresses.  Oh, if I did everything dreams told me to...  Anyway, where am I.  Mets game tomorrow!  The Royals' pitching really kinda sucks.  I'm feelin' good about it.  But, if the Royals do win, do we have to go back to being English colonies?  I don't wanna do that.  I was just getting used to being our own country.  If the Mets win, though, does that mean the day they clinch becomes Independence Day II?  Something to think about in the next week.  Some of these Mets pitchers need to get a haircut, am I right?  Someone needs to push 'em in the right direction.  Like, for me, I decided to get a haircut after listening to Pavement.  I base my day entirely around fulfilling songs' wishes. 
    Closing time.  If you say so.  Probably coulda done better than that.  Don't want to, though.  Mediocrity is what shines in this website.  Also, I just watched The Shining.  Turns out it's a pretty scary movie.  I had no idea.  I remember after watching it as a kid, I was like (Spoiler Alert) that black chef guy shows up only to die and does no good.  Now, I realize, he brought the transportation they needed to get out of there.  Played a key role in saving the day.  Talk about a hero.  Also, when they introduce the hedge maze, the guy in charge is like, it could take you a full hour to get out.  Fuck that, I'd be in there all day.  I'd never make it out of there.  The Shining would never happen now, though.  Jack could just smoke some legal marijuana.  Chill him right the fuck out.  #Topical.  They gotta stop predicting big hurricanes and then downgrading them.  I've had it up to here with that bullshit.  Just wanna flaunt your meteorology chops for a few days while people care, then pull the ol' one-two-switcheroo, say it was never a big deal.  Also, how could there ever be a storm.  I saw a guy in congress holding a snowball.  It doesn't snow in storms.  Something's not adding up here, and I, of course, blame the weathermen.
    That's a band, or something, right?  I should get into some good obscure-to-normal-people music, that music people know and like.  I'll keep that in mind for some reason.  Also, is there anyway I can get my music on Spotify?  People might spot it.  If I put it up.  There goes that.  What else and crap.  I think I have to start readin' up on plays for Wednesday.  You know, Hail Mary, Jettison Pass, the Ol' One-Two-Switcheroo?  I'm pretty sure we're playing football for the second half of Creative Writing class.  And that Jettison Pass is a thing.  If it's not now, it should be, and will be, eventually.  Time will prove me right.  Just like always.  Passes play a big role in The Oregon Trail.  So does Cholera.  I don't get it, most people went to California.  Nobody lives in Oregon.  Something doesn't add up.  Plus, I saw a snowball in Congress last year.  Can you believe it?  That's science for ya.  Talk about A Snowball's Chance In Hell.  Cause Congress is Hell.  That's the new version of War Is Hell.  Peace Is Great.  When Pizza's On A Bagel You Can Eat Pizza Anytime.  Also, if you add a, "Ts," to Peter Pan, it says, "Peed-er-pants."  Talk about bullshit.
    Great, my favorite subject.  Why do humans have nails.  We don't need nails.  Who you foolin'.  The good news is Entry.  Also, no one's stopping you from eating pizza whenever you want.  Bagel technology isn't making it any more convenient to eat pizza.  We should start a class action lawsuit.  Gotta do something.  I like how they consider pizza a vegetable in School Lunch.  I also like how they consider Gym a class.  I can run around a room five times at home.  And I do.  Good exercise.  Also, the game where everyone has to get under a parachute or something?  A big piece of crap that you wave up and try to get under?  What the Hell is the point of that.  I've had it up to here with Gymnasium!  I remember in Stuyvesant, there was folklore that there was a swimming pool on the tenth floor.  Which, looking back, seems kind of stupid, because there is a swimming pool on the third floor.  Why would a school need two swimnasiums.  And doesn't there actually being one take away from the mystery surrounding there being one on the tenth floor?  No way, a pool in a school?  A cat in a hat?  I'll believe it when I see it.  Also, who cares.
    New paragraph.  Hey, I heard there's escalators in the building.  Yeah, they're right there.  Another mystery debunked.  What else is going on.  A snowball doesn't have that bad a chance in Hell.  I've heard that sometimes Hell freezes over.  A snowball would fit right in to such a climate.  What else and crap.  If you have extra Oxen, and you run out of food, here's an idea-- Eat the oxen!  Oregon Trail doesn't accommodate such real world solutions.  Pretty sure oxen don't have toxins.  Jeez.  Some guy was doing a presentation in English, and for whatever reason, he said something like, "Now, we all have strong opinions on Harry Potter, one way or the other."  No we don't.  I don't care about it.  I'm gonna citizens arrest you.  That's my new thing.  Someone gets on my nerves?  Citizen arrest.  Anyway, what else.  I had a dream I was looking at houses.  It could have just been me walking down the street, though.  Can't remember.  I just remember seein' a house, and bein' like, That's a pretty good house.  Pretty exciting life.  Also, stop engraving shit into wet concrete.  You're ruining it for the rest of us. 
    Anyway, great, last paragraph.  Wet concrete?  Wet cement?  One of those things.  After the elaborate shave I got from the barber, I put my head up and he was like, Good Morning.  And I knee-jerk replied, Hi How Are You?  And then, a quick, Yeah for good measure.  Because yeah is an appropriate response to Good Morning, it'll do.  It just took me a little bit longer to get there than it should have.  Damnit, I just realized, I left my hair at the barbershop.  #Terrible.  Next time I get a haircut, and they ask how I want it, I'm gonna have a picture prepared in my phone to show them which is just a picture of me, with my current hair, and an arrow pointing to it and saying Less of This.  Because great who cares.  What else.  I'm sick of stores only carrying one kind of Vitamin Water Zero.  These are the real issues.  Also, why do I have to use cash to pay for Metrocards.  It doesn't seem right.  Are there a bunch of people charging Metrocards and then going bankrupt?  I don't know how these things work exactly, but something's not adding up.  Snowball in Congress. 
    Alright, one more paragraph.  Because it's fun and crap.  I like typing words.  Also, the twins in The Shining?  Plot-wise, one's eight and one's ten.  They ain't twins.  They sure look like twins.  Something's not adding up and so on and so forth.  Turns out Luna is a great band to go to sleep to.  The clues were there, I'm just happy I figured it out eventually.  Spotify is great.  I like browsing through the playlists and bein' like, no way, this is bullshit.  I literally do it just to upset myself.  Except not literally.  Anyway, what else.  I was watching some Parks & Rec earlier, and I still think D.J. Roomba is possibly the greatest thing I've ever seen.  Well, I don't still think it.  I'm not sure if I thought it before.  I took it for granted, I did.  What else and crap.  It turns out that hotel was haunted.  #HindsightSpoilerAlert.  My favorite part of The Shining is when they tell us what day it is.  Other movies, you have no idea.  The Shining has got ya covered.  World Series is kind of like The Oregon Trail.  If you start the season too early, no good, it'll still be cold.  Too late?  Too cold too early.  That's why I've always campaigned for MLB Commissioners to be fluent with the lessons of The Oregon Trail.  Pablo Sandoval Has Dysentery.  Moral is, gotta be prepared.
Alright, whatever.  I guess the closest team to Oregon is the Seattle Mariners.  They were pretty good in 1994.  Also, were the Portland Trail Blazers named after Hipsters?  Hipsters in Portland.  Hipsters are trail blazers.  Let's get this one figured out, okay guys.  Twenty years from now, let's get The Seattle Starbucks into some professional sport.  I can wait a couple of decades.  I got nothing better to do.  Seattle Mariners, psshh.  I haven't met one mariner from Seattle in my entire life.  Also, I heard some Russians were upset The United Nations was in New York.  I got an idea, let's put The United Nations in Epcot Center.  It's the only solution that makes any sense.  And, being in Disneyworld, they'll only have make believe power and authority.  Just like now.  #TooTopical.  Man, I can't handle how topical that is.  Too topical.  Says it right there in the hashtag.  If only we got The League of Nations started way back when.  They'd know what to do.  I hope in the bottom of the ninth, game seven... two outs, bases loaded, 2 run game... CRASH STONE COLD MUSIC.  Dunno what could happen after that.  But that would make the highlight reel of my life. 
    Alright.  Alright.  Guess I'm goin for the good ol' double entry.  Two paragraphs away.  I'm not sure how, physiologically, the Stone Cold Stunner is supposed to be effective.  Kickin' em to start it off, okay, great.  Not sure if kicking is allowed in wrestling, but I'm with ya.  Then pulling their head down to hit your shoulder, or something.  Not quite gettin' how that stuns ya.  Personally, I'd probably get more injured getting thrown into the ropes.  Ropeburn.  Anyway, what else.  I guess kicking must be allowed, Shawn Michael's signature move is just kicking someone in the head.  Maybe kicking is allowed, but only in signature moves.  These are the real issues.  What else.  It's a good thing this is a double entry, because half of it is pretty much crap.  I don't get the idea behind corporations paying big money for naming rights of stadiums.  I doubt there's a bunch of people going, Hey, Citifield.  I should give Citibank some money. If anything, it makes me not want to do business with them, if they're throwing big money to pay for a Stadium Name.  I want a company where the excess money trickles down to the customers.
    And that's the bottom line, because... Anyway.  What else is going on.  I guess there's a tie in, because Citi, and Metropolitians... I get it.  What else do I get.  The entry is a paragraph away from completion.  Two A-Rods could cover the cost of a brand new stadium.  Something to keep in mind.  Daylight Savings Time is coming up.  Are both days called Daylight Savings Time?  Shouldn't one be called Daylight Spendings Time?  These are the real issues and crap.  A daylight saved is a daylight earned.  Probably said that at some point here before.  It's come up roughly seven or eight times.  I'm gettin' used to sleeping with my head on a regular pillow.  Besides, I got two regular pillows.  Stack them up, you got somethin' I could work with.  Anyway, what else and crap.  Saw some quality license plates on my walk today.  Also, ordered an iced coffee, didn't realize they fucked it up completely until too late.  Most fuck ups I can tolerate, but they put in something with way too much sugar, I don't want to sacrifice my diet to drink this crap.  Didn't wanna throw it out, since it was pretty much full... set it down by the garbage can.  Essentially the same as throwing it out, but maybe some homeless come out at night in the neighborhood and want a treat.  Can't rule it out completely.  I coulda gone back and said, you got it wrong.  But I think they specifically clarified with me what I wanted, and I thought they said Coconut? Which is the flavor I asked for, but now realize they said, Mocha? which is not what I asked for.  So tellin' em they made a mistake, that would reflect poorly on me.  I don't need to sacrifice my reputation over one iced coffee.
    Also, fine, one more paragraph.  I didn't even really want an Iced Coffee anyway, I reasoned with myself.  But of course I did.  I ordered it, didn't I?  Oh man.  What a day.  Whatta day.  Also, there's shreds of hair on my shirt.  Someone fucked up.  Yeesh.  Anyway, what else.  I used to have dandruff, and I don't really anymore, but when I get my haircut, yeah, still dandruff.  Don't see it when I look in the mirror.  These are the real issues and crap.  I think as a kid, I kinda didn't mind having dandruff.  Men have dandruff.  Now I am a Man.  I use a special shampoo and everything.  Makes sense.  Anyway.  This been fun.  Sure been.  I think the first double entry in the modern era was when I went to see Crank, and took an excessive dose of Ritalin when I got home to the dorm.  I'll commemorate it next year, for sure.  Dope, not Crank.  Dope.  Could have edited it, obviously, but chose to leave it in and correct myself.  You guys are getting the Full Crazysheet Experience.  I wouldn't wanna cheat you out of that.  I like how Babe Ruth called his shot in that game, pointed to right field stands, hit the home run there.  If I were coming up in a big situation in the World Series, I'd point to right... then point to left, then point all around, then shrug my shoulders.  Then step into the batters box.  People would love it.
    Jeez, one last paragraph.  Really gotta end it after this.  After I paid for my haircut, and left a generous tip, I should have said, You made me look like an Asshole, you Shithead.  I'm outta here.  That's essentially how I feel after every haircut.  But I looked just as much like an asshole going into the whole thing, so I can't really blame them.  Whatever.  I don't like how this barbershop says the name of each barber on top of the mirror where he works.  I don't wanna hear your life story, just cut some hair.  That's how I feel.  Also, am I being a chump by leaving my sweatshirt jacket on a waiting chair while getting my haircut?  Any twelve year old can come in and claim it's theirs.  Because I'm short.  Fits twelve year olds.  That's the joke.  Well, it was a commentary on society before I turned it into a joke.  Can we be trusting in leaving behind things in Waiting Area while we're in places.  We'll take some calls, let's go to the phones.  Anyway, fuck.  See ya later.

-6:55 P.M.                                                                     


Thursday, October 22, 2015

I Sure Hope So

    Hi.  It's an evening entry.  How wonderful.  What's going on in the wide world of sport.  Apparently The Mets are on the verge of winning baseball.  If you win the world series, you should get the next season off.  Gotta give 'em something.  And still pay them, otherwise, yeah, that's a net negative.  But pay them to take a six month vacation.  Something's got to be at stake.  They presented Old Man Wilpon with a trophy after the game yesterday.  He can't handle holding fifteen pounds.  Handed it off to the next guy.  Wilpon was apparently a victim of Bernie Madoff.  Talk about a guy living up to his name.  Fred Will-Ponzi scheme.  The clues were there for anyone with a head on his shoulders.  Nobody has a head on their shoulders.  We got heads on our neck.  Shoulders are within the general vicinity, sure.  But it shows a significant lack of understanding human anatomy to think heads are on shoulders.  I feel like I've gone down that rabbit hole in some past entry.  Why does it keep coming up.  Because who cares yo momma.  I wonder what The Mets rotation will be for the World Series.  Decisions, decisions.  My guess?  Terry Collins will decide.  He's the man at the top.
    Anyway, what else is going on.  I'd probably go Colon/Colon/Colon/Colon/Colon/Colon/Colon.  They'd be all flustered, they'd never see it coming.  And he's 42, we don't need to worry about keeping him healthy.  Leave him out there until he blows out his arm.  It's the responsible thing to do.  Fonzie Scheme.  Who didn't see that coming a mile away.  It turns out Hillary Clinton can sit down and talk for a long time.  These are the qualities I'm looking for in a president.  I don't know if that's sarcastic, or if it's ironic, or if it's satire, or if it's subversive, or if it's parody.  Frankly, I don't know what it is.  I suppose it's just an observation of the foibles of modern society.  Because foibles is a fun word to say, to read, to whatever.  Use it to spice up the dialogue and narrative in your life.  Apparently Donald Trump is hosting SNL in a few weeks.  I sure hope it's a trap and once he gets there they build a wall around him.  I watched the new Star Wars trailer.  I'm not a fan of the movie, so I don't particularly identify with The Force.  Does that make me part of The Dark Side?  Just because I don't like your movie?  That doesn't seem fair.  I'm a pretty nice, easy going guy.  Don't villainize me for having an opinion.
    What else and crap.  I don't like the shot where they show a storm trooper removing his helmet.  I always imagined them as robot type people, I don't like thinking there's a person inside of there, especially considering all the egregious deaths they go through.  Robot Type People.  There's a brainbuster.  I sure hope Warwick Davis is playing himself.  There can be a whole subplot of Warwick Davis somehow traveling from our world into their alternate universe and he's trying to figure out what's going on.  Better than this nonsense about the force awakening.  Did you see where the series left off?  Force was on top!  They don't need to awaken.  Unless they partied too hard after Darth Vader throwing the Emperor off a cliff and are now sleeping in.  I'm pretty sure that's how the last movie ended.  I never saw it, all I'm going on is hearsay and references in parody movies.  Also, twenty minutes in, better have a scene with Jar Jar Binks showing up and going You Thought I Was Dead, Didn't You?  C'mon, give the character a shot at redemption.  I'm sure if we give him another chance, he'll win over all our hearts.
    That's how I feel, at least.  I bet if they had a scene where Jar Jar shows up, and someone shoots him in the head and blows his brains out, that would get the largest applause break in the entire movie, regardless of what other crap you have lined up.  I guarantee it.  Also, it's very rare there's an applause break in a movie.  But if you keep applauding long enough, the guy running the projector has got to give you some time to recoup, if he's worth his salt as a projectionist.  These are the situations you study for in projectionist school.  I wonder if Jar Jar ever thought about joining The Dark Side, and the Emperor was like, No, not interested.  Probably.  Also, it turns out Daniel Murphy and Chris Pratt are the same person.  I never woulda guessed.  Also, turns out I'm well into this entry.  Time flies when you're having fun.  What else is going on.  I aught to try to get tickets for the Series of World.  But I have no one to go with.  Also, too expensive.  Also, don't really feel like leaving the house.  Also, what are Mets.  Anyway, what else and crap.  I got access to my brother's Spotify account last week, and I'm utilizing it to it's full potential.  Well, maybe like 60, 70% of it's potential.  The margin of potential that allows me to listen to music I like uninterrupted.  Listenin' to whole albums while goin' to sleep, it's the life of luxury, it is.
    It's the fifth paragraph, it is.  What else and crap.  I've got Monday Class off.  A well deserved rest.  This is, what, seventh day with an entry in a row?  Assuming I get it in before 12:00.  Ooh, working with a deadline.  I'm such a professional.  A hero, I'd say.  My main pillow is gone.  It was a biggun', I like sleepin' on a pillow with some substance.  Well, no more.  It got a tear and the fluff was fallin' out all over the place.  Had to say goodbye.  I have to rest my head on a regular pillow now, like a chump.  I've gotten used to certain luxuries in my life and I can't go back now.  Guess time to search Amazon for some Big Pillows.  Boobs joke.  I coulda actually made a crappy Boobs joke, or I could have just said, "Boobs joke."  I made my choice and I stand by it.  What else is going on.  They don't have every music on Spotify, though.  I wanted to listen to Badly Drawn Boy -- About A Boy, The Official Soundtrack To The Motion Picture About a Boy And Personally Endorsed by Hugh Grant Esquire, and it wasn't there.  I should start a petition.  Now how will I listen to music I should have stopped listening to when I was 19.  Youtube?  Get Out Of My House!  I paid good money having a brother who paid good money for your services.  Step it up!  What else and crap.  Feel like doin' another paragraph or so.  You can't argue with a feeling.  There's a lot of stuff you can't argue with.  Feelings.  The Mentally Disabled.  Clouds.  The list goes on and on.     
    So, great, here we are, paragraph the sixth.  It turns out I should be rooting for The Blue Jays according to websites.  I don't know who to believe.  They had a 200+ run differential for the season, while the Royals were like at 100.  That means the Blue Jays are better.  It's Moneyball, you wouldn't understand.  But, yeah, whatever.  I'm satisfied with the team coming from the N.L.  The Metropolitans, I think.  They have a guy with a baseball for a head as a spokesmen, so you know they're for real.  What's going on.  Where am I.  Paragraph something.  Let's see, what else.  Late night entry.  I like it.  It's all about ghouls and goblins and other things you associate with late nights.  Nilbog.  Slough.  Pretty sure that's where the British Office takes place.  Cracked that code.  Lonely is the life of a code cracker.  What else is going on.  Gettin' close to the end.  That's great.  I don't wanna be a code cracker anymore.  It's too lonely a life.  That's been established.  See ya later.

-11:19 P.M.             


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Don't Count Your Nuggets Before They Hatch

    Hi.  What's going on.  Mets a win away from achieving Baseball.  National League Baseball, At least.  I wonder, if baseball gets more popular over time, if we're a century away from the two main political parties being the Nationals and the Americans.  The Americans want to give an extra roster spot to DHs!  Not in my backyard!  The Nationals think that the pitcher should bat!  What is this, Communist Britain?!  Also, I predict England going communist within a century.  Not really based on anything, let's just call it a gut feeling.  I'm pretty sure they're already for Federally Funded Fish & Chips.  And a blanket rule, no dentists.  It's not fair if only the top 1% gets dentists, is it?  Nobody gets dentists.  Especially not me, while we're on the subject.  The Dental Hygienist does all the work.  Dentist swoops in, pokes your teeth with a metal stick for ten seconds, boom, he makes the money.  Stupid dentists.  Also, I'm pretty sure within the last few years, England switched over to the Metric System.  Which, news to me, isn't a combination between the two bands Metric and System of a Down.  I was relatively certain it was a Supergroup of sorts.  But, yeah, leaving America in dust as the sole user of the... anti-metric system?  What do we call it.  I'll get back to you on that.
    No I won't.  Either way, new paragraph.  For now on, I'm only using titles inspired by something I hear on the street.  Well, that can't happen.  Most days I don't leave the house.  But I'm still hip, with it.  I can sort of intuitively guess what might be being said on the street at any given moment.  Sometimes I hear my neighbors talking.  The weird thing is, I'll hear one person talking, and never a second person.  I guess my neighbors are schizophrenic.  That's good to know.  I impressed my Dad with Math yesterday, sayin', if we say that each team has a 50% chance of winning any game, the Cubs have a 1/16 chance to win Baseball, having to win four games in a row.  I guess Math runs in the family.  So does diarrhea.  Or Hillary Clinton.  Or All In The Family.  Those are the three completions of that joke that, on their own, mean nothing.  Together?  Supergroup of punch lines.  With the quality of the individual punch lines being about on par as any bands composing a Supergroup of music.  Apparently Joe Biden isn't running.  Why would he.  Walking is so much better.  I remember a story of when my brother was about three, he was visiting the bank or something with my Dad, and they saw a guy running down the street.  Is he running for Mayor? my brother said.  Pretty sure not trying to be funny.  But now I'm repeating it here, hoping against hope it's funny.  I wouldn't want to un-entertain you.  That's not what I'm about. 
    Anyway, great.  Got some progress made with my English group where we have to put on a reading series.  It appears I'm going to have to write a play of some sort?  This is the first I've heard of it.  No it's not.  Whatta liar.  And I'm gonna have to read the play.  This could be my big break!  It's gonna be at a Barnes and Noble, most likely, which I'm excited about, because they're closing all their Queens stores at the end of the year.  It's gonna be a goin-out-of-business party, and everyone's invited!  I could write a play about two Barnes and Nobles employees, possibly Barnes And/Or Noble, talkin' about the whole thing.  People would love it.  People love things that are self-referential.  Also, maybe it'll do some good.  Not quite sure how, but we can't rule it out.  At the very least, kills a few lines of the entry.  That's always a net positive.  I'm afraid you're Dot Net Positive.  I knew I should have used those internet condoms!  I found a new liquor store, on the way home from QC, where the liquor is half the price.  Looks like someone's a Hero at saving money.  This guy, right here.  The guy whose me. 
    What else.  Ugh, I was about to reopen the Firefox page, and the title of the page I was on was Diarrhea--Google Search.  Cause I needed to know how to spell it.  I don't want to read that word.  Makes me want to punch someone in the gut.  Also, it's Google Chrome, not Firefox.  I don't mean to brag, but I've been through all the web browsers.  AOL, Internet Explorer, Firefox, Google Chrome.  Keeps gettin' better.  The good news is Six Day Weekend.  Maybe B&N will give us some books to take home.  They don't need 'em anymore, throw me some books.  Hell, I'll take the shelves.  Never know when you're gonna need a good shelf.  Also, is there a chance we'll bring so much business to them, they'll stay open?  I'm not a betting man, but I'd say... probably.  The good news is I can have anything I want for Dinner.  Anything I want!  Talk about luxury.  It's am embarrassment of riches.  Which I believe was the spin off of Happy Days where it turns out Richie Cunningham had a twin brother whose also named Richie Cunningham.  Sorry.  I'm real sorry for that.  So sorry.  No I'm not.  That was the greatest thing I've ever written.
    Anyway, what else and crap.  Aren't we due for a sitcom about the mid nineties?  Happy Days about twenty years before, 70's to 50's.  That 70's Show about twenty years before, 90's to 70's.  Well, you can see where I'm going with this.  Pretty sure most new sitcoms are based on algorithms like this.  That would be the Moneyball thing to do.  Also, today is Back II The Future?  Great.  Now it's Back to the Present.  And tomorrow it's Back to The Past.  There's nowhere to go anymore.  But, yeah.  The good news is now I knew to avoid Griff, for today at least.  I wonder if they were predicting Ken Griffey Jr.'s future success, and that's how it ties into the Sports Almanac.  Pretty sure that's what was going on there.  Or, they wanted a family where everyone's name rhymes with each other.  Just like real families.  That's a good way to go.  We never find out Biff's son's/Griff's father's name.  We can only assume it was The Michelin Man.  That's how that goes.
    Alright, one more paragraph.  What else is going on.  I took a piss in the diner on the way home, that I regularly order from.  I was about to use the bathroom, some guy comes out of it saying not to, go use the lady's one instead.  Great, just great.  He's gonna walk away, then some lady's gonna come waiting, and I'll be coming out of the lady's bathroom.  That's why you have Unisex bathrooms, public places.  C'mon, get with it.  Although the lady's toilet was shorter than the men's.  That's something I can get used to.  What else and crap.  Whatta do with the few hours between Entry and Baseball.  Probably some crap and shit.  What else is going on.  Probably nothing.  That's how I feel.  But I got half a paragraph to write.  I wish I had an 80 pound scrotum.  People would respect me more if I did.  This is the sixth day with an entry in a row.  That's Daniel Murphy territory.  Anyway, see ya later.

-5:06 P.M.                                


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Never Before Seen Entry!

    Hi, great.  What's going on in the wide world of sports.  I recorded an entire Halloween: The Movies marathon yesterday.  When will I watch it?  Probably never.  Except for maybe that one without Michael Myers.  Not a fan.  Also, what else.  I think there's one with Paul Rudd.  That's the only one I've seen.  He plays a young man just married to Leslie Mann dealing with some real world problems.  Then they start hearing the Halloween music over every thing they do, get worried, and go to Superbad.  Pretty sure that line of joke means nothing.  Is it possible Superbad is a prequel to Knocked Up/This is 40 with the names changed to protect the innocent?  Can't rule anything out at this point.  Also, they don't say Superbad once in that movie.  What does it mean, we never find out.  What else is going on.  Read the teacher's workshopping of my story after the last entry.  He said my humor was strong!  Strong!  You know what that means.  It's similar to Cecily Strong's humor.  I'm pretty sure that's what he meant.  His main comment was, in his words, Kick It Up a notch.  I like that comment.  It shows he has confidence in my ability to kick it up a notch.  People in class were saying it's subversive.  I never woulda guessed.  Absurd, maybe, that's what I was going for.  A comment on our society and the world we live in?  Guess I'm a brilliant!  Look out, Mike's on the rise.
    And I owe it all to writin' entries every so often.
  Guess the pressure's on for a real send-up of a play.  Which is a phrase I heard once and always wondered what it means.  No way I can come close to the brilliant satire that was Big: The Musical.  Set the bar too high, having that my main association with Theatre.  One of the problems in Big that they didn't use was, when he's older, trying to ask a girl he knew when he was younger on a date.  Look at these comical problems!  Now, through no fault of his own, he's a pedophile!  Guess that was too subversive for 1992 audiences.  Just seeing the word pedophile makes me want to punch someone in the gut.  And I'm the one what wrote it.  Only one gut here.  You can't punch yourself in the gut effectively, though.  The physics of our body doesn't allow it.  That's evolution for you.  I had a joke lined up last night I can't wait till we evolve to have ... and I forget what the joke was.  Oh well, you get the gist.  Pretty funny on it's own, isn't it.  Anyway, what else is going on.  I need a haircut or something.  Something to remove some hair from my head.  Haircut's the only solution I can think of.  I could set my hair on fire, but the chances that shapes the remaining hair in a stylish way are slim to none.  And slim just left town.  And none is vacationing in North Dakota.  Also, with all the wedding movies in the past few years, how about a movie with a stoner best man called Burnt Toast.  And it ends with everyone getting heart attacks.
    You get a heart attack!  You get a heart attack!  You get a heart attack!
  I was talking to three different people, not chanting it to one.  Anyway, we're closing in on November.  What a year it's been.  Listening to my music from last year every so often with the consistent thought, This is pretty good enough.  And the secondary thought, This isn't pretty good enough.  Since 2005 I've wanted a discography of songs to call my own.  Now I have it.  And it's changed my life.  Now I check every day to see if someone's listened to it.  And over the past year?  Probably one or two listeners.  Not bad, not bad.  I've come a long way from making up songs in the shower.  Now, I don't even take showers.  Don't have the patience for it.  Can't I just set the germs on my skin on fire?  Let's get with the program.  What else is going on.  Don't really know what to do with my current free time.  I don't wanna have to re-binge something.  I don't listen to enough podcasts to make a significant dent in my plethora of empty time.  Baseball'll be running out soon.  I guess I can start smoking two packs a day instead of one.  Gotta do something.
    What else is going on.  I gotta clean up my room.  That's one thing.  Also, is fire orange or red.  I need to know as soon as possible.  Writin' a play about cigarettes who talk to each other.  Joe Biden thinking about throwing his hat into the ring.  C'mon, I was just getting used to the one narrative everyone was going with after the debate.  Don't muck things up, my fragile mind couldn't handle it.  But, if that, if he runs, but, what, I was thinking this during the deb... wha, huh?  That's politics for ya.  Just biding his time.  Whata trickster.  I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Michael Dukakis-- Let's Go Bowling!  Not sure what that means.  Sometimes I just say things.  Joe Biden should announce from a bowling alley.  And he should be playing Cruisin' USA, and then he comes in fourth, turns to the camera, and says what he wants to say.  That's the way it should happen.  What else is going on.  There's only one man with the shoes for this job-- Bowling Shoes!  He should announce his candidacy, all pomp and circumstance, and then immediately say, It's an honor just to be nominated.  Because I like it when things happen.
Jeez, what else and crap.  Need somethin' to do.  What else is going on.  More puns and crap.  Puns are subversive.  Puns are satire.  Puns are clever.  That's pretty much what I'm going for in writing.  Just let me be clever.  That's all I can hope for.  Probably gonna see another movie this week.  Michael Myers Presents: Season Of The Witch Or Some Crap Like That.  Something about a deadly nursery rhyme.  I don't have all the details.  I remember when I was a kid, they had those chain e-mails where they say if you don't send it, some dead girl is gonna show up around 3:00 A.M.  And that stuck with me even beyond the night I read it.  Always, every night, 3:00 A.M., gotta prepare myself.  They never said it was gonna be that night.  Could come any night, gotta be ready.  Alright, see ya later.

-4:49 P.M.                    


Monday, October 19, 2015

Here We Go Again

    Hey, it's the title!  And the entry!  And the third sentence.  Let's get on track.  Today is the day of the week we celebrate Jamaican people.  Here we go again mon.  There was a five minute period of the day where I had my fly down, and wasn't wearing any underwear.  No one complained, so I guess nobody noticed.  Or they liked what they saw.  Pubic hair.  Don't mean to brag, but I've gone through puberty, 100%.  Except for the maturity aspect.  Still workin' on that.  I saw a documentary about a guy with an 80 pound scrotum.  That's a lot of scrotum.  My guitar just fell on me after leaning precariously against my bed.  I freaked out.  Someone or something is invading my space!  Turned out to be my guitar, ol'... Guitarry.  Also, I named my guitar Guitarry.  It's a cross between Guitar and Ari Gold, from HBO's Entourage.  Also, a rhyme of Atari.  So it's got that going on for it.  The Ataris are a band.  I wouldn't lie to you.  What else is going on.  Why isn't there a Bathroom District in New York.  I need one extensive place for all my bathroom needs.  Seems logical to me.  Because I'm an idiot.  Got some comments on my story.  Overall, positive stuff.  And the constructive criticism stuff was unexpectedly constructive.  Oh man, there's a box of Product 19 in my room from last night.  I went on quite the bender.  Eatin' cereal and crap.  I'm out of control!
    The good news is Huh?  What's going on.  I heard during Monday Night Football they're playing a trailer for Product 20.  #Terrible.  I'm not on board with Star Wars.  I'm gonna vote against it in my ballot box come November.  Also, Reagan thing.  It's real politics.  You dolts.  When are Stars going to come to a ceasefire.  This battling has gone on far too long.  What if it turns out Darth Vader had a twin.  Then he could not move for a minute, frozen, and when Luke checks to see if he's dead, he suddenly Darth Vadery speaks, "You Thought I Was Dead, Didn't You?"  And then Luke is like, "Yeah, ya got me."  Then they hug and eat ice cream.  The Uncle/Nephew relationship is good all around, Luke needs a good role model in his life.  Don't tell anyone, but for a while, I was kinda attracted to my sister.  Darth Sibling calls up Maury, Have I got an act for you, you guys are gonna love this!  Also, Maury exists in Star Wars.  Why wouldn't he.  He's already got that prosthetic thing going for him.  Do a segment on Troubled Teens with a teenage Darth Vader.  His friends are even wondering if he's joined the dark side.  Here he is, Anakin...  And so on and crap.  How could Luke not know Darth Vader was his father.  Musta been pretty common knowledge throughout the universe.  Someone must have said something.  I mean, the guy used the name Skywalker for half his life.  It's public knowledge.
    Anyway, great.  I haven't seen any of them walk the skies once.  Then again, I've never bloomed corn.  We make do with what we got.  I can't wait till I get old and can use a walker.  Here I've been walking all my life without mechanical help, like a chump.  That's how that goes.  Warwick Davis is gonna be in the new Star Wars!  I was just watching Life Gets Short.  That sort of thing, something like that.  Is it far fetched to guess that they based this whole production on the producers loving Life's Too Short and wanting to get in on some Warwick Davis action?  If I were a betting man, I'd say... yes.  Gotta go with my gut on this one.  Has someone punched Chase Utley in the gut yet?  Can we get that trending so we can start a countdown or something?  #PunchChaseUtleyInTheGut.  Now, if someone punches him in the gut, am I in trouble with the law?  Probably.  If I were a betting man I'd say... I'll punch the Law in the gut if I have to.  Everyone's gettin' punched in the gut if you ain't on my page.  Let that be a warning.  Last time I was in the hospital, the supervising psychiatrist was named Dr. Lau, pronounced Law.  I'll punch him in the gut without a moment's hesitation.  Everyone's goin' down.  Punchin' the nurses in the gut, punching the other inmates in the gut, no one is safe.  Let's get back on track. 
    Nothin' says getting back on track like a new paragraph.  That's what new paragraphs are all about.  What's goin' on.  I saw an article that it's recommended men drink 1-2 drinks a day.  I drink 3-4 drinks a day.  That makes me a super-man.  Not the Superman, but a superman.  The point is, double the health benefits for me.  I knew I've been doin' something right in my life.  Odds were something being good.  One day I wanna get on the Queens College Shuttle Bus.  I don't know where it goes, but I guess that's the adventurous side of me.  Who knows where I'll end up.  Do you stop by where I live?  Where do you live?  ... I don't know.  Because I'm essentially a four year old, when it comes down to it.  Volunteered my Musical Services for the reading series we have to plan.  Then I was like wait, then I'm gonna have to do songs.  Do I know any songs?  What songs do I know.  I've only been playing guitar for ten years, give me some time.  The good news is we're well into this paragraph.  Really well into it.  I'm trying to ween myself off of looking at license plates.  So far, I feel like I've been making some solid progress.  It's gonna take a while, but I'll get there.
    Anyway, fifth paragraph.  Does this Star Wars possibly set up a re-boot of Life's Too Short?  Only time will tell.  And logic.  Logic tells us no.  So that's probably that.  The important this is where do I live again?  I gotta write that down somewhere.  Yeesh.  What else is going on.  It's only a matter of time that there's a youtube video of Siri talking to Watson.  And when that day comes... lotta hits.  I Hate You, Siri.  You Are Going To... Hell.  Well, that's what we got to look forward to in our near future.  Whatta joy.  What else is going on.  One day weekend.  That's pretty great.  I like going to class, though.  Good to get out of the house.  And what am I supposed to do, just take walks?  Maybe when I get me my walker, then I'll consider it.  Doc Brown talking to people in 1985:  "In the future, people will walk."  Bar Patron: "You mean no more running?" Doc Brown: "People are too fat to run in the future."  Bar Patron: "Oh okay I get it."  Does that count as a ten minute play?  If they talk slow enough, my guess is probably.  See ya later.

4:40 P.M.                         


Sunday, October 18, 2015

Let's Go Sun-Day!

    I, huh?  These titles get stupider and stupider.  What's going on in the wide world of entry.  I've done some calculations and found Sundays are no more sunny than other days.  Also, there's never been a Friday the 13th on a Sunday.  That's a notable.  Jeez, I got five paragraphs to go?  Or ten?  Or some other number?  Alright, let's get it goin'.  Slept for 13 hours last night.  Like a champ.  Mets are killin' it.  Royals are beatin' the Blue Jays.  Mets gotta be excited about that.  They might get to visit Kansas City, and all the glitz and glamour that entails.  All is right in Baseball.  What's going on in Entry, though.  What is in Kansas City.  A McDonalds and an underground abortion clinic?  Can't be much more than that.  Hey Everybody, We're Going to KANSAS CITY!  A sentence no one has ever uttered.  Well, at least not with the intonation the italics and capitalization and boldness implies.  Also, do the Royals get their name from Kansas fighting on the wrong side of the Revolutionary War?  I'm no historian, but my instinct says Yes.  That's pretty impressive, though.  13 colonies, gettin' em all on board.  You gotta think they were prepared for some colonies to not be with the program.  I'm no historian, let's get that straight.  I was just studying to be a History Teacher for four years.  You don't need to know something to teach it.  Just give 'em the textbooks the first day of class and say Figure it out.
    The good news is New Paragraph.  I've really gotten in the habit of capitalizing things incorrectly.  I think it started as a joke, and I would draw attention to it, emphasizing it's a joke.  Now it just comes up all the time and I don't acknowledge it and people think I don't know capitalization rules.  Oh well, this is the life I chose.  What else is going on.  Turns out the assignment is a ten minute play, which teacher estimates at 6-8 pages.  I guess plays run quicker than movies.  They gotta, because nobody wants to be watching a play.  Get in, get out, that's what they're after.  The first play I ever saw was Big: The Musical. A musical based on the movie Big.  I don't know why.  My parents must have been like, These kids need some culture.  Big: The Musical.  We might have even gotten the soundtrack.  That's great, just great.  Maybe that's what stunted my growth.  My DNA was like, bein' Big didn't work out so well for him on the stage.  Let's make sure that never happens to our host.  That's the most likely scenario.  Anyway.  Workshop tomorrow.  I gotta think of something to say to open up the workshopping.  Like, what I'm lookin' to get out of the workshop.  Gotta say some stuff about how can I make it better.  The only thing I've come up with to say is Should it be longer? and Should it be shorter?  I'm A-Okay with the story beyond those parameters.  I'm sure they'll give me some crap about how I can change it for the final revision.  Anyway, great, what else.  She doesn't get a lot of credit, but Mavis Beacon is really good at teaching typing.  That's how I feel about things.
    Also, Hi!  What else.  I don't like the phone suggesting what words I'm trying to say.  And then, trying to guess the next word.  Give me some space!  Makes me second guess myself.  Maybe this is better than what I'm goin' into this trying to say.  And another thing, what's the deal with technology.  Am I right?  Probably not.  The good news is I don't have to worry about getting a Metrocard for at least another week.  I like how they give free Metrocards to kids in middle school and high school.  Get 'em hooked while they're young.  Same thing Cigarettes did 50 years ago.  It's unconscionable, that's what it is.  I forgot my idea for the short play I gotta do.  I remember the general idea, but when I first thought of it, I was like, yeah, I got this.  Now I forget.  Such is the life of a writer.  I would assume.  I've written things, I'm a writer.  Whatever, got a fall-back idea.  Old superheroes.  We'll keep that in the maybe pile.  Also, I make piles of ideas.  Because I'm a writer, that's how people write.  Putting things into piles.  That was the inspiration for Saving Private Full Metal Jacket.  This is good beer I got.  Better than other lite beers.  Or light beers.  Whatever floats your boat.  Whatever piles your pile.  Whatever moves on the entry.  What else is going on.  I wonder how they figured out to do a Seventh Inning Stretch.  Must have experimented with Sixth Inning Stretching, Eighth Inning Stretching.  Figured out what works the best.  Personally, I feel the seventh inning is too close to the end.  Give us a sixth inning stretch.  Let's rewrite the rule book on this one!  Can they fine you for not stretching?  Seems like they'd have to enforce the stretching somehow. 
    Seems like a new paragraph.  Seems like it.  What else is going on.  Writin' the entry, that's happening.  Daylight Savings Time is coming up.  A daylight saved is a daylight earned.  Also, daylight is kinda redundant.  We know it's light during the day.  We know it's day when it's light.  Stupid calendar people tryin' to sound fancy.  I've been restricted in my personal home soda drinking to whatever they have on sale regularly.  Always Pepsi/Sunkist.  I miss me some Dr. Pepper.  One day I'm gonna be able to drink whatever soda I want, the epitome of luxury in our finite lives.  I can even get Snapple.  Imagine-- Snapple!  Also, I'm sick of Fortune Cookies lying to me.  Tryin' to get on my good side, or occasionally just being needlessly confusing.  I've had it up to here with Fortune Cookies.  Almond Cookies are the better of Chinese cookies.  Also, Almond Cookies have like three almonds in them.  Let's just call them cookies, okay?  And another thing, what's the deal with pshhh crap pbbbt whatever.
    Last paragraph.  It's about time.  Also, learning Chinese, one Cookie at a time?  Nobody's doing it.  What a waste of ink.  Also, it's always nouns.  Give me some verbs.  I want verbs!  Throw in an adjective for good measure.  Also, why is Bernie Sanders so against Capitalization?  #Politics.  He's gotta point, though.  Using all lowercase gives what you're sayin' some edge.  Stand out a little more.  A bit more understated, a bit more relatable.  Also, let's get rid of spaces in between words.  When are they going to debate that issue.  When am I gonna finish this entry.  Probably soon.  I'd say soon.  Man, imagine drinking Snapple all the time.  That's the life.  It comes in glass, so you know it's good.  For the new Planet of the Apes, isn't calling it The Planet Of The Apes kind of a spoiler?  Also, isn't this entry pretty much crap?  That's how I feel about things.  Sure is five paragraphs, though.  See ya later.

-5:09 P.M.                          


Saturday, October 17, 2015

Here, Hold This

    I had to carry a pack of beer, like a chump.  I usually just opt to get liquor because it's easier to carry.  Not tonight, though.  Tonight's a special night.  Not really.  But I was possessed to pretend it was for two sentences.  Get off my back.  When it comes down to it, though, that's a pretty benign form of possession.  I'm not complaining.  Either way, what's going on.  I saw Goosebumps yesterday.  I got there just in time to see The Martian, and I debated, do I see the movie I should see as a grown up, or the movie that Jack Black's been pushing anywhere he can.  Flipped a dollar bill.  Tails.  Goosebumps.  Do I really want to put my night on the line by a dollar flip?  Better look at a license plate, and if the first letter I see is a vowel, I'll see The Martian.  C.  Close to a vowel, but no go.  Also I kind of want to get a beer before the movie.  That's what settled it once and for all.  Just like all my decisions, this one was decided by alcohol.  I'm not proud of it, but that's life. It was an Okay movie.  I liked the part where the guy wore glasses.  Anyway, what else.  I came up with an idea for Short Play.  Which isn't a term for sex with short people.  Nothin' like a change of scenery to get the creative juices flowing.  I like how many reality shows there are about Little People.  I mean, when there was one or two, fine, great.  They're smaller than us.  Now there's like ten.  At this point, it's pretty much just I Guess People Can't Get Enough of These Freaks!
How Dare You cable television.  How dare you.  Just give me more 600 pound people and Heroin addicts, I'm a classy guy.  At least those are interesting lifestyles.  Guy eats a lot, guy does drugs a lot.  Little People?  They're born little and they lead completely normal lives.  Except that they have cameras on them all the time, I guess.  Reality Shows have become self aware, the subtext at this point is just, this is a reality show, how many reality show tropes can we acknowledge.  Also, tropes is a word people use to sound smart.  Get with it.  What else is going on.  I was watching the Simpsons from fifteen years ago where Lisa is the future president, and she says, "We got a lot of work to do, President Trump really fucked everything up."  Well, great.  That joke turned out on the dot.  Let's get a campaign going of write-ins for Lisa Simpson.  If she was eight in 1991, that makes her too young, though.  There goes that.  No it doesn't.  Math sucks, making me look stupid.  No reality shows with people who are good at math.
    No jokes in this entry.  Either way, let's continue.  Nothin' like a change in paragraphs to get the creative juices flowing.  At this point, is Hillary Clinton essentially just Lisa Simpson?  The mountains of press over the past whatever years have turned her into a carton character.  Lisa play's the saxophone, Hillary's husband plays the saxophone.  Both are yellow.  The list goes on and on.  What else is going on.  This entry might cut into me watching the beginning of the Met game.  Oh well, website takes precedence.  What else is going on.  The Goosebumps movie was pretty good.  Did I mention I liked the part with the guy with the glasses?  Classic.  There was a two or three year old girl who started crying in one of the first scenes, where the guy is at an auditorium meeting in his new school.  I Don't Like It, I Don't Like It.  At first I was like, c'mon.  Nothin' happened.  You went into this wanting not to like it.  But kids have a second sense about movies.  They can figure out the tone even when it hasn't really been established yet.  And it was in 3-D, heightening her secondary senses.  Now, I applaud the girl for knowing what she likes and doesn't like.  The real hero of the movie, I say.  And I applaud her mother by saying You Will Sit Here And Watch This Entire Movie, That's What Happens When You Don't Eat Your Broccoli!  Applauding all around, that's how I feel.  Takin' kids to scary movies as a punishment.  I dig it. 
    What else and crap.  I was never a big Goosebumps Fan, but at the ticket booth, my character was.  One For Goosebumps! I said cheerfully.  With the subtext intended being, this was a big part of my childhood!  Because I'm either a big Goosebumps fan from my childhood, or I'm a creepy twenty six year old going to see a kids movie.  That's how Acting got invented.  To help creepy people seem less creepy.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Also, no use of cocaine in the movie.  False advertising.  What else and crap.  I could finish this before the Met game.  That's great, just great.  Today's Saturday.  That's a relief.  For a second I thought it might be Friday.  And getting the day wrong is a pretty bad sign of things.  Does the word Mundane come from Monday.  Because it's like, Ah, this is so boring and normal, it's like a Monday.  Could be, might have just cracked that code.  They have bars around the entrance to Key Food.  I can only imagine to stop people from stealing shopping carts.  If they have rickshaws in major cities in Asia, can't we have Shopping Cart rides?  Seems like a logical progression.  Also, let's start Uber with Rickshaws.  Hipsters'll love it.  Rickshawwing must be illegal here in the states.  I haven't seen it that much.  Wayne's World.  Rick Shawinng!
    The good news is this is the last paragraph.  I feel like that happens at the circus a lot.  I don't like it, I don't like it.  Then the adults like, Neither do I, what are we doing here.  What else is going on.  I feel like there was a movie we went to when I was a kid that I had that reaction to.  I can't remember what it was, though.  I might be thinking of the Back To The Future ride at Universal Studios when I was eight.  That freaked me out.  Either way, what else.  I'll be following The Mets on their journey to go 8-6.  Kinda of a misleading number, though, because in a regular fourteen games, they can go 0-4, and then go 8-2.  Sorry for misleading you.  I feel really bad about it.  Let's just say they have to go 4-3, and then 4-3 again.  Let's just say the entry's over.  See ya later.

-7:56 P.M.      


Friday, October 16, 2015

That's a Bad Sign

    Oh, how fortunes can change in the blink of a title.  What's going on party people.  More baseball for the Mets!  Tejada is looking down from Heaven, smiling.  He's dead, right.  I may not be getting that story correctly.  Either way, great!  More fun.  In The NLCS, at least have Tejada fill in as a batboy. Let's get him in on the action somehow.  Sing the National Anthem.  Lead us in seventh inning stretching.  He wouldn't be a good fit for that.  At this point, he's the last guy you want to model your seventh inning stretching on.  Also, the Mets have home field advantage on account of the rules being stupid.  I'll take it!  If the Mets go 8-6 in their next 14 games, they win the World Series.  I'll take those odds.  What else is going on.  I like how the Mets fans and the Dodger fans both chanted, "We Want Ut-Ley!" but with different intonations.  Will Utley get punched in the gut at some point as I predicted?  Only time will tell.  If I were at a baseball game, I'd try to get the chant, "Let's Go Base-Ball!" going.  Get everyone in on the fun, regardless of however you feel about the teams playing.  Inching towards workshopping my crappity crap story.  Whatta let down if no one liked it.  I feel like I should be gettin' some good feedback, it's what I deserve.
I also feel like starting a new paragraph.  You can't argue with a feeling.  I might be getting a new Doctor.  I don't particularly like my current doctor, but the one they're proposing I change to is even worse.  She's not even a doctor.  And I have bad associations with her, because one of the times I went into the hospital, I was talking to her as a therapist for some reason, and she was just like, yeah, we're gonna keep you here.  And I was like, Fuck You You Fucking Fuck.  And then I stayed there.  Well, all that's behind me now.  Unless I see her next week and she's like, Well, you seem okay, but I'm gonna go with my gut.  We're gonna have to keep you here.  Can't rule it out completely.  Also, she's fat, so she has a lot of gut to go with.  I ran into her on Springfield Blvd. a year or so ago, and she was like, do you remember me? and I was like, sure, you're the fucking fuck who fucked me up!  I don't need that kind of negativity in a place where they're supposed to make me feel better.  Anyway, what else is going on.  There's no Winter Class that I can/need to take.  I was gettin' pumped up for knockin' three credits out in three weeks.  Oh well, when life throws you a curveball, you take it.  Probably gonna be a ball.  And when life gives you lemons, cook up some seafood, it's a great garnish.  Or write that 30 Rock spec script you've been meaning to work on.  Who cares if it isn't on anymore.  Still would look good in your portfolio. 
    Maybe I can make my ten minute play a miniature 30 Rock episode.  It's probably the best idea I've come up with since being informed of the assignment.  Doesn't have to be 30 Rock.  Just write a ten minute any-established-comedy-sitcom.  It'd have to be in play form, sure.  But that never stopped Shakespeare.  You think he wanted to be writing plays?  Don't be such a gullible.  He wanted to write three camera sitcoms just like anybody else.  It's tough to break into that world, though.  Especially before it existed, it was damn near impossible.  Also, are off-off Broadway plays just regular Broadway plays?  Double negative, it negates itself.  Broadway Plays are off-off Broadway plays.  It's called math and logic you dolts.  It's called shut up.  What else is going on.  Tracy Morgan is hosting SNL this week.  We wish him the best of luck in leading us through seventh inning stretching.  I think as a pre-teen, Brian Fellow was probably my gang's most quoted character on T.V.  I mean, a character on T.V., who we quoted.  He didn't quote my pre-teen gang on T.V.  Let's get that straight.  Although a sketch about the game, "I'm thinking of a number, if it's one, I win..." would be pretty entertaining.
    I feel like I've seen that on T.V., at this point.  Except bare-boned, just, "What number am I thinking of?" and then they guess and the thinker counters with another number.  I like my version better, though.  Because, if you're playing it straight, they could potentially get the right number in the other version.  If you say you're thinking of a number, if it's one you win, if it's two the other person wins, you hold all the cards.  Man, the hilarity just pores through the description.  And making them guess is just the icing on the cake.  I don't get the expression, "Having your cake and eating it too."  Like, you're trying to get double enjoyment out of something.  There's no pleasure in having a cake.  It's completely irrelevant whether you have a cake in your possession or not.  Eating a cake, that's a positive.  Having a cake, there's no stakes to that.  And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so.  The expression should be, "It's like eating a cake and also the cake turns out to be ice cream."  Either way, what else is going on.  Goin' up one my anti-depressant.  I won't say the name, but let's just say, I hope it's effexorative.  Alright, it's Wellbutrin.  Pulled the old one-two-how-do-you-do.
    Right, right.  Right.  When I see the new 'doctor,' she'll be like, you're on all these pills.  Something must be wrong.  You better stay here for three months.  I don't need that, I don't need that at all.  I got classes to be at, Jack.  Plays to workshop.  Birthdays to celebrate!  A holiday where I'm supposed to be thankful and giving, I forget what it's called!  What else is going on.  But Michael, they give you a nice Thanksgiving dinner in Hospital.  Yeah, they also do at Homeless Centers, what's your point.  Homeless Centers?  Is that what they call them now?  Seems like an upgrade from Homeless Shelters, which is what I was familiar with.  Good place to find a Homeless Wife.  Having a Homeless Wife is just a lesser version of a Mail Order Bride.  And, as I hilariously came up with, the inverse of Mail Order Bride is Female Order Groom.  Chalk it up in the #C- Joke column!  Puns aren't jokes.  Should be, though.  What else is going on.  Male Order Bride?  What are we, Cavemen?  And another thing, what's the deal with airlines?  Not sure who to root for in the ALCS.  I like the Blue Jays more, but the Royals probably are worse.  I'll just play it on a game-by-game basis.  Always root for the team whose behind.  Danny Tartabull was on the Royals.  That's a funny name.  Might as well root for them based on that.  I was gonna say that about the Blue Jays, because I thought he played for the Blue Jays, but was confusing them with the Royals.  What else am I confusing the Blue Jays with the Royals.  Better sit this one out. 
    Anyway, what else and crap.  Also, game three of the World Series, NY Post headline, We're Not In Kansas Anymore!  Dumb.  Sorry.  I'm fine with the alternative, Toronto Was A Crap Shack!  Welcome Back, Heroes!  Seems kind of clunky, but that's why it stands out.  Gotta learn to utilize clunkiness to your advantage.  What else is going on.  I haven't been playing guitar that much, but I've been goin' on ultimate-guitar.com when I do, and learn how to half-ass about a song a week.  At this rate, by the time I die, I'll have learned several dozen songs.  Not too shabby!  One of my friends from Middle School is in a band and apparently they're working on their first album.  That's pretty cool.  And if she ever needs someone to open for her, I'm in the wings!  I'd be like, Okay, give me two years to learn guitar.  Six months how to sing.  Let's make it happen!  I'm in a group in English where we need to organize our own reading series, and one of the girls in the group does music, and she was hinting she'd like to play a song or something in addition to doing the readings.  I'll capitalize on that, no problem, play a song or two, knock it out of the park.  Talkin' 'bout English/No way I can wing this/Just listen to me sing this/Always talkin' 'bout English.  There, one song in the books.  Also, my group has to read our ten minute plays, not our short stories.  All the more incentive to knock that crap out of the park. 
    All the more incentive to start a new paragraph.  I forget if the assignment is a ten minute play or a ten page page play.  But from my extensive experience writing screenplays from when I was ten, I remember one page roughly equals one minute.  At least for movies.  For plays, who knows.  Also, can finally put my fifteen year old copy of Final Draft into good use.  Assuming it's still around here somewhere.  I wonder if anyone's bought Final Draft, and they're like, shit, still need a first draft, better take care of that in Word.  Because people not understanding things is comedy.  I think, considering how I've ended up, my first idea for a movie, Mental Hospital, starring Leslie Nielson, was pretty appropriate.  My first idea was either that, or Yokozuna Attacks, which is a Godzilla-type movie but with Sumo Wrestler Yokozuna.  I mistakenly wrote Liam Neeson first as the star of Mental Hospital.  Leslie Nielson.  Not Liam Neeson.  That would be a whole other movie.  Essentially, Non-stop, but in a Mental Hospital.  I'd watch that in a millisecond.  Or maybe a guy who thinks he has a unique set of skills, but is really just suffering from delusions of grandeur.
    Maybe who cares.  What else is going on.  THEY TOOK MY DAUGHTER!  Sir, you don't have any children.  That's how that might go.  Write what you know, am I right.  Anyway, what else.  I hope in the new Star Wars it turns out Yoda had a twin brother, ala City Slickers II.  And at one point he can suddenly freeze, and Luke will think he's died too, and Yoda's twin'll be like, Dead You Thought Was I!  Cowboys and miniature green monsters, both love them some practical jokes.  How come Yoda speaks English weird.  He's a smart guy, he's gotta be aware of the same proper grammar everyone else in the movie uses.  He's tryin' too hard to be different.  Suffered a stroke, Yoda did.  Anyway, yeah.  Now he refers to himself in the third person, too.  How egregious.  What else is going on.  The Blue Jays lineup is pretty sick.  Better root for the Royals.  If it's good enough for Danny Tartabull, it's good enough for me.  What else is going on.  Probably things and crap.
    Gotta write more, though.  A website told me I had to root for The Blue Jays because R.A. Dickey is on them.  I don't give a crapshit about R.A. Dickey.  Why is he a residential assistant anyway, he's out of college.  Besides, if it weren't for trading him, we wouldn't have Hallmate Noah Syndergaard and Peer Counselor Travis D'arnaud.  And if it weren't for me, we wouldn't have paragraphs.  Where's my trophy.  Also, in English, we had a guest speaker come in and tell us about participating in the writing scene, and how she's self published.  According to her description of being self published, I realized I've been self published.  Birthday gift a friend in college gave me, the old website in book form.  Been published.  #Hero.  Anyway what else and crap.  I think that's it.  See ya later.

-4:48 P.M.                                               


Wednesday, October 14, 2015

That's a Good Sign

    Coughed up some blood a few days ago.  My first time.  Livin' hardcore, that's all that is.  And possibly cancer.  Or, just livin' hardcore.  Or, possibly cancer.  Or, both.  Living hardcore can lead to cancer, this we all can agree on.  When I first saw it, my gut reaction was, please tell me I was eating some red mucous-y food.  Then I told myself I wasn't.  Musta been blood.  My Crip reputation just went right out the window!  I gotta break my leg just to even things out.  I can't be playing favorites.  Anyway, so that's been in the back of my mind for a couple of days.  What else is going on.  Didn't go over my story today in workshopping.  That's good.  Gonna go over it next week.  That's bad.  Who cares.  Not me.  We're not supposed to talk at all during the workshopping of our piece, but I figure if I just exclaim, "Yeah, but you guys are idiots!" at the end, everyone would be fine with it.  Gotta be honest, though, I was expecting people before class to be like, That was the best thing I ever read.  Please have my baby.  #A-.  I went through the whole class without a bathroom break.  #Hero.  Mets playoff has been crazy so far.  Let's keep it goin'!  All they need to do is win the baseball on Thursday, then win four more baseballs, then win four more baseballs.  Then they get some sort of Stanley Cup.  Utley's gotta be on the lookout every time he's in New York for the rest of his life.  Some fan is just gonna see him in the bathroom and punch him in the gut.  Same way Houdini went.  Which, I'm relatively certain, came after Houdini slid into an audience member and broke his leg. 
    Houdini's on first?  He's on second.  It's magic, he can be wherever he wants.  What else is going on.  If more blood happens, probably gonna consider quitting smoking.  Gotta do something.  What else is going on and crap.  Democratic Debate yesterday.  I flipped between that and baseball.  Baseball is like politics, but at least you have someone to root for.  #A-Proverb.  I root for people in politics.  That proverb is based in falsity.  Based in ball.  Baseball.  #A-.  Gotta hand it to them, though, I couldn't do that debate.  Need a bathroom break.  Has an outfielder at any time over the last century of baseball ever pissed or shit his pants on the field?  Gotta have happened at least once.  Probably tried not to tell anybody.  There's not even a bathroom in the dugout.  Probably one right down the hall, or something, though.  People need bathrooms.  #A+Proverb.  They might have had a bathroom break in debate.  I feel like something like that came up.  Do you support bathroom breaks for the top one percent?  That's a brainbuster.  I don't like the top one percent, but people need bathrooms.  I'm pretty surprised no one took the stage and just punched Jim Webb in the gut.  I don't know why.  He's a decent person, I'm sure.  I liked Chaffee's answer about being new to the senate and not knowing what he was doing on his first vote.  I'm sure, immediately after finishing talking, he was like, Well, there goes that.  He had his fun.
    Anyway, hi.  Could it have been from a cheddar and sour cream potato chip?  That has red in it.  Except I'm pretty sure I don't even have that.  So that's probably not it.  Baseball players have cups, too, to make bathroom breaks even harder.  I believe cups got their name because they cup your balls.  Don't know why they would make such an explicit image in their naming of it, though.  Coughing up blood is a good way to lose weight, though.  There's positives and negatives to everything.  I've been wearing socks the last few days.  Gotta do something.  Would a Clinton presidency mean a Socks 2.0 in the White House?  These are the real issues.  C'mon, throw in a fun question in the debate, What, if any, pet would you have in the White House.  I'm gonna go with Joe Biden.  #Politics.  Bernie Sanders would be a bold choice to play Alfred in a Batman movie.  Really bring something new to the role.  These are the real issues.  Also, next April 20th, I was thinking about making a meme with a picture of Alfred and the text, Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn.  And get really giddy as eleven or twelve people like it.  I'm not gonna do it, though.  Meme-ing ain't me.  I think they included Alfred in the Batman comics so they have something to appeal to the grandfather demographic, which is severely underserved in Comics.  There's no elderly super hero that I know of.  Some of the X-Men, I guess.  But no stand alone ones.  Old-Man.  He uses his powers of accumulated experiences and glasses to fight crime.
    He's gonna need at least one or two panels each issue for a bathroom break.  They should make that an attack ad, Do we really want someone with glasses to be in charge of this country?  What else can't he see?  Anyway, what else is going on.  I've gone from ironically using hashtags here and there to having it as a main part of my comedic arsenal.  It's called being relevant, you dolts.  Gotta stay on top of the times.  Whenever I'm reading a story from a kid in my class, who, in general, would be six or seven years younger than me, I'm always like, Is this indirectly inspired by Facebook?  Is it because they have texting going on all the time? iPads?  Because I'm an old man.  And I don't even really have the benefit of accumulated experiences.  I've lived at home for the last five years.  I've watched more T.V. than them.  Listen, I'm coming from a place of experience.  I've watched more T.V. in the last five years you've probably watched in your sad pathetic lifetime.  I know all about Little People and Interventions.  I've noticed, one of the two guys on Intervention who does the Interventions, literally every intervention, he goes to the interventionee, Look, it's obvious, you know, these guys love you like crazy.  Every time.  Loses it's credibility at this point.  Also, how do they not know an intervention is coming.  The show is called Intervention. 
    Also, hi!  What else is going on.  I like how since Joe Biden isn't running, everyone's like Oh Man, I Wish Biden was running.  If Biden was running from the start, they'd be like, Who the fuck cares about Joe Biden.  He's just biding his time.  #D-.  When do we start talking about the 2020 election?  Next year?  Do they at least wait until this one is over?  Whose running then.  Cory Booker?  Kristen Gillibrand?  I can hardly contain my excitement.  Well, hopefully Sanders or Clinton, I guess.  But you get the idea.  It would have been funny if during the debate, Bill Clinton was standing behind Hillary and giving her support and rubbing her shoulders and stuff.  Not so much funny as not funny.  But either way, sure takes up a little bit of space in the entry.  Hillary Clinton is the shortest candidate.  That ranks highly in my criteria.  I'd probably have voted for Douglass in Douglas V. Lincoln on that basis alone.  A man has got to have principles.  Dukakis, he was short.  Man, Joe Biden ran against Dukakis for the Democratic Nominee.  Politicians are old.  Think of all that accumulated experience!!!
    Anyway, great.  What else is going on.  If you were on a bus, and you had to sit next to one of the candidates, Democratic or Republican... I think I'd just stand.  That sums that up.  You know, out of respect.  Give 'em some space.  That's it.  I find it's usually elderly people who try to talk to you at the bus stop or on the bus.  You'd think otherwise.  They should know at this point in their life leave people the Hell alone during public transportation.  I guess they're probably usually senile.  No more free passes for the senile, though!  They've had it good for too long.  Even more "GX" license plates, more than there should be, beyond my street.  My first thought was, "Am I in the Matrix?  This has gotta be a glitch, right?"  Also, what's the deal with license plates.  That's what I've become.  Or, always have been.  That sums that up.  I had a decent joke about license plates, about how it's unfair to let prisoner workers make license plates because they'd give all the good ones to their friends.  I like that joke, I'd stand behind it any day of the week.  Except for possibly Saturday.  #C-.  What else is going on.  I like watching Bartolo Colon pitch.  I'm trying to come up with an affectionate nickname for him, though, which takes into account his weight, but isn't demeaning.  Big Man.  That's the best I could come up with.  I've been watching baseball with my Mom.  Which isn't sad at all.  That's why I need nicknames for players.
    Also, who cares.  The entry must go on.  I don't have nicknames for any of the other players.  Colon's got more personality than the whole lot of them combined, though.  He also is literally more than the whole lot of them combined.  #D-.  Anyway, five day weekend.  I earned it.  I did an hour and a half of class over the past week.  I need a break.  I like having a variety of toilets throughout my week.  The one I have upstairs, the one downstairs, one at class, one at hospital.  Each bathroom situation calls for a unique toilet.  Anyway.  I visited my maternal Grandparent's grave last week.  I like how you can pay for Eternal Care, which means they have a shrub of a bush over your grave.  The epitome of luxury for your entire afterlife.  A bush.  Also, will Climate Change cause Zombie-ism?  The science isn't in yet, but my opinion is probably.  The cemetery was way more crowded than I imagined.  I always pictured having some space.  Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.  Anyway, that's fun.  Talkin' about taking care of my parent's graves and shit.  I don't want to have to take care of stuff.  They have to stay alive forever.  I can't be doing things.
    Great, just great.  What else is going on.  Next English unit is on playwriting.  Plays are the worst.  At least it's one final chance this class to write a Homeless Girlfriend.  That'll fit well as a ten minute play.  Which I assume can only be one act.  And by one act, I mean one scene.  And by one scene, I mean one act.  And, also, what else is going on.  Register for Spring Class next month.  Probably stick to one class this time.  Maybe take a Winter Class, though, to keep the ball moving.  What else and crap.  I haven't coughed up blood once since this entry began.  Things are finally going my way!  What else and crap.  This has been a slow month for crazysheet.  Only three entries in the first half.  These are the real issues.  I'm gettin' pretty good at throwing out my old Metrocards.  I used to forget to throw them out, then have to save them, because I forgot if they have rides or not.  #progress.  I woke up pretty late today, and just had enough time to print out the workshopping stories before leaving to go to class.  Kinda reminded me of high school and College 1.0, bein' on the move and not havin' no time to chillax.  Also, a couple of nights ago, I was amped up from watching the Met game and didn't get to sleep until 7 A.M.  Also reminded me of those times.  It was fun.  But I can't do that as an adult.  I have responsibilities in the morning.  Like taking some pills, and crap.  And twice a week, a class at 1:40.  You know, life.  It's tough. 
    One more paragraph.  It's tough.  How come Mountain Dew Code Red doesn't come in diet.  That's my main point of contention when it comes down to it.  Whenever I make an effort to run to catch the bus, would it be too much to ask for the bus driver to be like, Good job.  I just sprinted to catch your ride, the least you could do is offer me some words of encouragement.  Seems like the polite way to react.  I could have waited for the next bus, but here I am, you know I'm serious.  A pat on the back is all I ask.  Also, the bus driver on the way to Queens College was listening to some funk music.  I shoulda been like, you know what'd be really Funk?  Lettin' me ride for free.  And he'd be like, no way.  And I'd be like, look, you're not supposed to be listening to music.  I can go to your supervisor with this information.  You wouldn't want that, would you?  Threatening bus drivers is almost always the way to go about your life.  If I write another paragraph after this, a clean double entry.  That's almost always the way to go about my life.
    What else and crap.  Old Crazysheet, for the majority of it, I didn't use paragraphs.  Just one big blob of text.  Because people hate being interrupted by some brilliant stream of consciousness by having to skip a line and look indented.  The odd thing is, now, I love looking at some indentation.  Gives me a millisecond to catch my breath.  I give it several thumbs up.  When I read a story for this class without paragraph indentation, I hate it.  I'm not sure if it's because it's against the rules, or just because I love me some indentation, but it really just rubs me the wrong way.  These are the issues and crap.  I should get to some yukk yukks and funnybones.  That's what the people want to see.  People always sayin' how much fun it would be to play in the playoffs.  I was guilty of thinking that, too.  Now, I'm just like, when we're down by a run or two, I would be having just as much fun during the regular season, and no one would care when we lose.  It's a trade off, that's for sure.  Doing things that don't matter is fun.  Much more fun than having to do good because it matters.  That's how I feel.
    Also, one more paragraph, on account of the low quality of this crap.  Also, for 162 games, you're like, Are we gonna make the playoffs?!  Every game counts!  Then, a game away from elimination, you're like, Did all that really count?  Either way, it's gonna be over at some point.  And that's why I'm a bad sports fan.  Anyway, what else.  I think part of it is watching it with my Mom.  Because I'm instinctually driven to get away from that situation and go to my room.  Let's just fuckin' get this game over with, I need some Me Time.  That's probably a key factor in all this analysis.  My Mom gets really into it.  A groundball out in the first inning?  She's yellin' and screamin' and whinin'.  Which, also, gives me the instinctual reaction of going, This Does Not Matter That Much.  Another key factor in this analysis.  Also, stop calling it analysis.  Also, I gotta write another paragraph to make up for this crap?  Or, maybe, just because I don't want to return to my life.  I'm happy here at Crazysheet.  I'm having fun, I'm safe, all is right with the world.  Who knows what kind of bullshit will engulf me once it's over.
    Either way, get off my back.  I'll write as much as I wanna write!  My T.V. has been having that vertical loop problem that old T.V.s used to get.  My T.V. isn't an old T.V.  I mean, it's eleven years old.  But it's not from the 1950's.  #Hashtag.  I think my next music album, should it occur, is gonna be called Say Hi To Your Mom For Me.  Because of Biff.  Also, because I wrote it down when I was stayin' up all night.  And bullshit I come up with at 4:00 A.M. that means nothing to me the next day has always been a key part of my music.  Also, what else.  That's how I started Crazysheet.  Writing bullshit at 4:00 A.M.  And look at how far I've come.  Writin' bullshit at 4:00 P.M.  That's as far away from 4:00 A.M. as you can get!  Who cares.  That was a time before cigarettes, though.  That's relevant.  What else and crap.  Gotta finish the entry.  See ya later.

-6:02 P.M.                                                           


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Ain't No Good

    The.. wuh... huh?  Entry?  Alright, great.  Turns out it's a Wednesday.  Another glorious six day weekend to get started on.  I gotta get me one of those new video game consoles.  All those games.  It'll kill time I didn't even know I had!  Also, sometimes the controllers vibrate.  That's a concept I can get used to!  Why isn't it required for everyone to have a 911 Ap.  Just one click.  That idea should make me the billion dollars I so well deserve, but it'll probably be free in the name of public safety.  Also, the phone number.  Not the date.  Get your head out of the gutter.  I'm pretty sure who cares.  What else is going on.  I'm no good at standing on busses.  I was a champ at standing on subways in my heyday.  Could balance myself completely without holding onto crap.  Hey, it's either fight or flight.  Either ya learn how to stand in the middle of the subway competently, or... you fly?  Something like that.  Closin' in on Mets playoff time.  I predict they will play baseball.  Probably with another team.  I'm guessing the Los Angeles Dodgers.  We have Halloween Candy.  I had one of those mini-ones, of the Three Musketeers.  So fuckin' sweet.  Not like sweet as in awesome, sweet as in too much fuckin' sugar.  Also, terrible name for a candy bar.  I don't get it.  I need to get a new Metrocard next week.  These are the pressing issues.
    What else and crap.  I want to shoot people in multiple game algorithms.  Is that too much to ask.  It's only a matter of time that you'll be able to crossover between games.  Have Halo show up at a football game and start wreaking havoc.  Have a wrestler do Tetris.  And more jokes.  So on and so forth, am I right?  That was the hardest part of my paper.  There's a part where a guy can either conclude his thought, or continue saying, "So on and so forth."  And I was really on the fence.  His dialogue was complete without it, but does it add something to the story?  I decided it changed the rhythm for the worse, but it adds to the paragraph overall for some reason.  So I left it in.  Probably gonna get a lot of comments on that.  I'm pretty sure about 90 or so of the 100 or so songs I've written in the last year are pretty much the same song, played and sung a little bit differently.  You listen to real albums, it's like, each song is great, it's got it's own thing going on.  I basically do the same song over and over again.  Because I'm not good at guitar.  I just go with my gut, gotta go with your gut.  The only problem is my gut never changes because I'm not good at guitar.
    The only problem is who the fuck cares.  I got a new follower on soundcloud!  That brings the total to four.  And only four of which probably just added me in hopes I'd add them.  I ain't doin it!  I only follow two people, people that I know.  And they don't follow me those jackasses.  I've had it up to here with it!  Anyway.  I'm pretty astounded that pretty much all the stories I've read from my classmates include glaring and consistent grammatical errors.  Do they not teach grammar anymore?  I really don't know.  I mean, I'm no grammar Nazi.  I'm not even a regular Nazi.  To tell the truth, I wouldn't want to be.  Too much negative associations.  The stories weren't so bad, though.  Everyone had their own thing going on.  I wanna see Juan Lagares about to make a leaping catch at the fence only to be upper-cutted by Mario.  It'd probably help him, give him some air.  Mario knows what's up.  I think this concept does exist to some extent in Nintendo.  Great.  There goes all that.  What a waste of my time.  And here goes the second half of the entry.  Great, just great.  If there's one thing I know, though, it's that we need more aps. 
    Why isn't this thing of great convenience even more convieniencing?!  And another thing, please take my money to play in a free game #supportyourheroes!  I heard there's a movie about Steve Jobs coming out.  I don't think when Obama promised us jobs, this was what he was talking about!!! More exclamation marks!  !!!  Keep 'em comin.  Then when there's a movie about Gates the people who want to build a wall around Mexico will get disappointed.  You just can't win when it comes to titles.  Also, they're disappointed because a gate implies there's some entrance/exit at some point.  They want wall, just wall, wall the time.  I wanna see them build a wall around the East Coast.  Just to confuse people.  And to protect ourselves from those deadly sea serpents we keep hearing about.  Can't we just build a wall around Donald Trump.  Am I right?  #Encloseyourheroes.  Are we also building a wall around Baja California?  Or are they okay.  #Stupidquestionsforstupidthings.
    Anyway, hi!  Think of the balls it took to name a state New Mexico.  Yeah, we're keeping your name.  Ours now.  Shoo.  There's a commercial on SNY which talks about a guy washing his balls.  And it shows him washing basketballs or whatever.  Still, though, I'm surprised the censors let that through.  It literally says, "this guy or whatever loves washing his balls," pretty much verbatim.  #cantthinkofappropriatehashtag.  And then some guy says will you wash my balls next or something.  I don't remember the details.  I remember liking the song Big Balls by AC/DC as a teenager.  Ha, puns in music lyrics?!  What will they think of next?!  Pretty much verbatim.  Maybe I should get on Twitter.  I'd probably have upwards of four followers by the time all's said and done.  Maybe I shouldn't.  Let's go with that.  Anyway, hey!  Entry!  When I google crazysheet, apparently there's a crazysheet website or something devoted to fantasy football.  Those criminals.  The website people, not football players.  They stole my name!  Give it back!  Whatever.  What else.  I like listening to music albums while I go to sleep because I can pinpoint exactly when I fell asleep the next day.  Which is fun and exciting for some reason.  Going to sleep, reasonably, seems like a gradual thing.  But when confronted with cold hard facts, you realize, okay, that minute I was awake, the next minute I was asleep.  Helps you devise good sleeping strategies.  It's Moneyball, you wouldn't understand.
    This'll probably be a paragraph.  That's my prediction.  The Mets could win a baseball.  If they win, everyone will be happy, and maybe my parents would get back together.  There's no rules that say a Return To Castle Wolfenstein can't play.  I like how DVDs used to have a feature where potentially you could choose between camera angles while watching the movie.  But pretty much 0% of DVDs utilized that feature.  I remember my brother first started collecting DVDs, and when he went to college, I continued, and eventually he sold his 50-100 DVDs to me, which pretty much were already mine, being in my room, for I think two hundred dollars.  I was like, Looks like I'll have the last lau... oh, they're worthless.  My parents got mad at my brother, thinking he swindled me.  But I was the instigator in that deal.  I just liked the idea of having a bunch of movies.  In case I ever had a girlfriend.  Refer to previous entries for that stupidity expanded on.  Refer to this sentence for continuing this entry, you idiot.  Normally I'm good with being courteous and lettin' women and old people on the bus first, but if it's crowded, it all goes out the window.  Fuck you, I'm gettin' in prime position in case a seat opens up.  I come to the bus to win.  I spend half the bus ride waitin' for a seat, and then when I get one with two minutes till my stop, I'm like, that was pretty anti-climatic.  Just joshin'.  I'm like, Fuck yeah, sittin' down for two minutes!                          
This a new paragraph.  Sure is.  Probably watch the baseball game tonight.  Research which team is worse and thus who I want to win beforehand.  I have a feeling, if the Mets win the world series, right after they win, 90% of the fans will be like, "...... now what happens?"  And they realize it has no effect on their life in the slightest.  That's when the riot starts.  That's baseball for ya.  Forget Ya Gotta Believe, give me, Ya Gotta Commit!  And when the Mets win the world series, all you have to think is, Well, gotta get ready for spring training.  I think the key is having the people in the organization, mostly the players, but also the periphery people, people you want to root for and you want to see have success.  And I think the Mets have that.  And the diehard fans... you just may have some second-hand fun.  Anyway, that's baseball.  What else is going on.  Pretty much gettin' long in the entry.  I like writing longer entries, though.  If I can't give 'em quality, I'll bash them over the heads with some quantity.  Which, in the end, isn't really that much quantity.  Better than nothin', though, so I've been led to believe.  Also, have Batman throw out the first pitch of the World Series.  #Batmantakesthemound.  We already got Thor and Two Face. 
    Anyway, good chance this'll be the last paragraph.  If I was a betting man, I'd say either last or penultimate, especially because we here at crazysheet love the word penultimate.  That's how I feel.  I coulda done better with my story.  It's serviceable, but it ain't great.  It'll do.  And, it's another story in the bank.  And leaves room for Homeless Girlfriend (or Homeless Wife) as a possible prequel, if this story really catches on.  It's not gonna be the new Star Wars, I don't think, but it should be better than the new Star Wars.  That's a sentence that makes sense if you're an idiot.  It could be the new To Kill a Raisin In the Sun.  You know, that thing.  Anyway.  I think I'm rooting for the Cubs.  It's close.  If they didn't have Arrieta, definitely the Cubs.  But you can't just say, if they didn't have their best player...  Well, you can.  Nobody would take you seriously, though.  Also, who wants to go to Pittsburgh.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  It's literally the Pits. 
    Okay, last paragraph, here we go.  Gettin' comments next Wednesday.  Or possible the Monday after next Monday.  That should be great.  A lot of, "What the Hell is this?" and, "Can I Have My Five Minutes Back?" and, "I just don't like it.  I don't know why, I just don't.  I feel very strongly about this."  You know, all that jazz.  I'm banking on they'll be so impressed with my impeccable grammar and spelling the rest is just window dressing.  I have some sentence fragments, sure, but they're in dialogue.  People can say whatever they want.  There was one instance I used a comma instead of a semi-colon, like Microsoft Word suggested, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.  The highest AVG a Cubs regular has is .278.  Not a very flashy lineup, but I could be understating it.  Maybe I should root for the better team, so that they could upset St. Louis more probable, assuming I'd rather face one of these two teams rather than St. Louis.  Lots of questions going into this post season.  We already got the Yankees losing out of the way, that's a good start, I feel.  Also, I feel like one more paragraph.  You can't argue with a feeling.
    You could try, but you'll fail.  Goin' for the elusive double entry.  What other comments might I get.  "Why did you do this?" and, "Is this some sort of a joke?" and, "What's wrong with you?"  Good comments I might get?  "I liked how it was two pages, and was the right amount for this assignment," and, "The words you use are actual words."  Anyway, great.  What to do when the entry is done.  Eat some dinner.  Watch some baseball.  Try to stop my superpowers from disrupting the electricity once more.  Get some precisely timed sleep.  Finish watching American Sniper.  Will he snipe more things?  I don't know!  He's already sniped a bunch.  We could have used him in Return To Castle Wolfenstein.  Where was he then.  I don't like the looks of the Goosebumps movie.  It's supposed to be scary you dolts.  Not funny.  I remember having a Goosebumps choose your own adventure with me during my one childhood vacation, to Florida and Washington D.C., and Colonial Williamsburg.  I remember flipping to the wrong page and I turned into a slug and someone stepped on me or something.  Man, I wish I could take that flip back.  Hauntin' me my entire life, that is.  Why would people go to Colonial Williamsburg.  Let's ALL Not Have Any Fun!  I made that joke about Epcot previously.  Oh well, you don't mess with a classic.  Also, some comedic comparison between Colonial Williamsburg and Brooklyn Williamsburg.  They all have crazy beards, that's as far as I got.  But one joke does not a rant make.  Anyway, see ya later.

-6:14 P.M.             


Sunday, October 4, 2015

Whatta Let Down

    That's what I predict.  What's going on.  It's October.  I have to give comments on stories.  Can't I just tell everyone, I like what you did there.  I can tell it's a story.  Good job A-.  I don't think I'm grading them.  Unless I've been deputized by teacher.  And if that's the case, I will consider it an honor to help in any way I can.  New background/font color.  I already don't like it.  I've been thinkin' about pulling a lazy and just submitting my original short story next week.  Unless if I can think of a plot to revolve around the concept of Homeless Girlfriend.  I can just turn the new homeless guy into one of the regular homeless guys and have the new homeless guy be a homeless girl who would eventually turn into a homeless girlfriend.  That's all wrong, though.  You gotta have the homeless girlfriend be more homeless than the guy.  That's where all the hijinks come in.  Editing and making second drafts is a real brain-buster.  Also, the original concept was Homeless Wife.  I can't fit a whole marriage into three pages, though.  Physically impossible.  Except not physically.  And not impossible.  Period at the end of the sentence, though.  That's appropriate.
    Anywah, what's going on.  I've been listening to whole albums on youtube to go to sleep to because I don't like having to change the song every song.  And not album playlists, cause I'd still have to use buttons.  It's okay for me to do this, though, because I've already supported the artist by downloading the entire albums illegally through torrents years ago.  #Supportyourheroes.  #Heroesreborn.  #Bourneidendity.  #Identitywithamandapeet.  We need to get the movie Identity with Amanda Peet trending on Twitter.  Because trending is a thing and I'm pretty sure Twitter is a thing.  Amanda Peet used to be a thing.  Haven't seen or heard from her in a while.  Probably busy with Twitter and hashtaging.  Does anyone actually go, hey, nice hashtag, let's browse that hashtag.  Wasn't that supposed to be the original point of it.  Now it's just to punctuate your tweet.  Sayin' what it's all about like we're idiots and need further clarification.  Also, I'm not on Twitter.  I don't know what's going on on Twitter.  All I know is hashtags and heresay.  I aughtta think of the next big internet thing.  Easy way to make a billion dollars.  I'll think about it, come back to me later.
    Great, just great.  Givin' comments.  Horrible.  Look, I didn't like your story, but that's not your fault.  You did okay, it's just pointless and stupid and I don't like it and I don't like your face.  #A-.  Gonna binge watch the new Project Greenlight at some point.  Shaker Heights actually made it into premium channel syndication, so there's a decent track record with this crap.  Of course, when I watched the past incarnation, I was like, I wanna do that!  Now I'm like, I don't wanna do that! #A-.  How the world turns.  Somethin' to do with gravity.  I don't have all the specifics.  I checked out the Moon last week.  After Fear The Walking Dead, me and my Dad stepped outside, our neighbors were out looking at it.  I looked at it for three seconds and was like, Well, that's the moon.  Went back inside.  Someone tell the Moon to stop wasting our time.  That's amore.  Mets playoffs next week.  I'm not as excited as I should be.  I think I've been programmed as a Mets fan, being promised "meaningful games in September" for several years, that I just can't comprehend them making any progress in the playoffs.  They did what they set out to do already, and that's probably it.  Also, Grienke and Kershaw.  It's gonna be a tough one.  The good news is the Mets have finished strong with a terrible losing streak.  They're primed to go on a hot strike for the playoffs.  It's Moneyball, you wouldn't understand.
    Anyway, what else.  I watched the HBO special about Will Ferrell doing baseball.  Not quite sure what the point of that was.  Other than HBO going, we need something to kill exactly fifty five minutes!  Get that in the rotation. It fascinates me how they manage to show movie after movie at precise times, when movies are random times.  They got their programmers from NASA, I believe.  So, they found water on Mars.  This better not be a cross promotion for The Martian.  They're NASA, they can't be trusted.  Remember The Challenger?  I rest my case.  Also, I'm a lawyer now.  The best part of lawyering is resting your case.  Take a sip of water, relax some, the trial will continue without you.  It's a good thing Hurricane Joaquin turned out to be a dud.  If it was serious, and killed people, Fear the Joaquin Dead.  I don't know why you'd fear the dead.  Hurricanes don't turn people into zombies as far as I'm aware.  Good cross-promotion, though.  The power went out for a few hours last night.  It was great.  I used up all my cell phone battery listening to youtube, though.  I wouldn't survive in an apocalypse, not at this rate.  Need to learn how to prioritize.  Also, most people wouldn't survive in apocalypse.  That's why it's a apocalypse.  Kinda felt bad, though, the second the power went out, my parents yelled up at me, WHAT DID YOU DO.  Sure, blame the guy lying in bed doing nothing.  Unless I'm Magneto, then fine, coulda been me.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not.  Jamie Foxx from Spiderman.  Electro?  That's probably it. 
    Anyway, great, made it through another entry.  My favorite thing in movies is when there's multiple villains.  Really raises the stakes.  I guess when the entry is over I'll watch Project Greenlight One Two Three.  Or I just wanted to make that terrible joke.  Either way, great.  What else is there to do.  I'm always seeing Uber ads on the back of the bus.  Seems kind of counter-intuitive.  Also, is this what we should be teaching our kids.  Getting into cars with strangers.  That's my two cents, and that's the bottom line.  What else.  I've been sleeping about face every now and then.  East to West instead of West to East.  That's a good way to spice up a marriage.  I would imagine.  It's a good way to spice up a sleeping-by-myself.  Also, instead of getting a big bed, set two smaller beds, one six inches taller than the other, together.  You know--for fun.  Man I could sure go for seein' the moon right now.  I had my chance and I wasted it.  I remember once as a kid staring at the sun, thinking, nobody's gonna tell me what to do.  See ya later.

-2:38 P.M.