Friday, September 7, 2012

I'd Do It Again

     What's up body lackers.  I have an internet body of work, which you don't.  You have facebook posts and stuff, but I have my own website.  I am trying to make you jealous.  Either that, or I'm trying to entice you to buy my website from me, because I'm bored of it.  And crazysheet.net is such a good name.  You couldn't possibly think of your own.  So, what's up with me?  I started my class at Queens College.  Then I dropped it.  Just couldn't handle it.  Sorry.  I don't know who I'm sorry at.  Mostly my parents and myself.  And my imaginary friend Stephanie.  I saw The Possession this week.  In it, there's a ghost that says it's name is Stephanie to the girl who talks to it.  Sorry about the spoilers.  It's not really a spoiler, it happens like twenty minutes in.  So now, if you see the movie, you can start 20 minutes in.  Because nothing else happens in those twenty minutes.  Just like in the twenty minutes it took for me to write this paragraph.  I'm assuming it will be less than twenty minutes, though.  So far it's been like five to ten.  And I've only made like three jokes.  And upset you with my depressing college situation.  If you're upset, get over it.  We're winners in this town.  So even if I'm not taking a course, I'm still winning by writing this entry.  Oh yeah, I signed up with the Church Of Charlie Sheen, so now I'm all about winning.  I have a song called Never Win Again.  That's pretty depressing.  But it's kind of a happy song.  Check out my music.  I don't know why nobody does it.  It's good music.  Just check it out already.  Check It Out is a song by the Beastie Boys.  In a previous entry, I confused the two Adams in the group.  Adam Yauch is the dead one, not the live one.  He's MCA.  The living one is Ad Rock.  I add rock to my life every day, by listening to Z-100, watching MTV, and reading license plates off cars.  You wouldn't think reading license plates would be interesting, but you could learn a lot about yourself if you just open up to reading random numbers and letters.  At least, that's been my experience. 
    I've been drinking a lot lately.  Today was going to be my first day in a while without drinking, and I was feeling fine, but then I found a stash of change I didn't know I had so I went out and bought 5 shot bottles of scotch/whiskey.  Drinking alone is a bad habit.  I would much rather get high alone.  That's more socially and medically acceptable.  They even prescribe it in some states.  But no states prescribe drinking alone.  Except the state of alcoholism.  I've definitely been an alcoholic at some points in my life, but I've also gone long periods without drinking anything.  And I'm not just talking about my life up to alcoholism.  I go through changes with it.  But now I'm out of money, so after I drink those five shots, I won't be able to drink anymore.  Until I see another movie, which my parents pay for, and keep half the change.  Then I have another day or so of alcohol use.  Anyway.  If you feel bad or judge me for my alcohol use, just remember, I have no friends.  If I had friends that I could drink with on like a weekly basis, I'd probably be fine.  But it gets lonely here, so I have to turn to something.  I am trying to guilt trip you into hanging out with me.  It's probably not working, because I've been pretty depressing so far this entry.  I'll try not to keep it up.  That's a lie, I won't try.  I hardly try at anything in my life.  That's partly the part of living in a culture where you're on a bunch of pills and see two doctors a week and go to the hospital every now and then.  Makes it hard for you to try stuff.  So does the drinking.  Not really.  When I drink, I often use it as a temporary stimulant to write/preform songs to record and keep on my computer.  I was just checking out my itunes, and I have over 2000 songs on this computer alone.  And at least 1000 on another computer.  That's pretty crazy.  Song writing is hard.  I mean, the chords and stuff get really repetative, but the one skill I've been mastering is double talk.  Songs that, when you hear the words, they can mean more than one thing.  Because a lot of words have dual meanism.  Let's pretend meanism is a word.  But yeah, I've gotten better at writing lyrics/thinking of lyrics on the spot.  And my voice, well, it started off okay, then got worse, then got better again, and I don't know where it's at now.  I guess it differs from song to song.  It's still certainly nowhere near the level of quality it would have to be if I were a real musician.  This paragraph sucked.
    So, what's in the news?  The conventions happened.  I was pretty depressed about politics lately because I thought Romney was going to win, but when I saw some of the speakers at the DNC, I regained some of my hope.  This country would be really shitty if Romney wins.  We'd have to endure late night comedy shows joke about Mitt Romney instead of Joe Biden.  No thank you.  That's really all I care about the election.  Is how it's going to effect late night comedy/news shows.  Anyone can care about the environment, or jobs, or if we're prepared to kill the next Hitler, but it takes a special breed to care about the state of late night comedy/news shows.  I also think about how it would effect the music industry, since I half-plan/hope to be involved it in eventually.  On the one hand, a return to conservative roots would probably lead to a niche for punk rock bands to thrive, as a counter to that.  But on the other hand, Romney might outsource the music industry to China.  I think there's one Chinese song I once liked, but I forget the name of it.  It might just be the phrase, "Me Chinee, Me Play Joke, Me Put Pee Pee In Your Coke."  It's not really a song, but it has a rhythm to it.  Also, if Romney wins, maybe only pro-Romney bands will survive.  Nicky Minoj wrote a song that's pro-Romney.  That's weird.  But so is Nicky Minoj.  So I guess it makes sense.  She also wrote a song that's pro Lance Bass, so who knows what she's thinking.
    I was thinking recently about how I've never had a girlfriend.  That's weird.  Everyone I know, I think, has been in a relationship at some point in their lives.  Not me.  Practically every time I'm in the hospital, though, I meet a cute girl and we have a good friendship, and we say we're going to keep in touch, but we never do.  But they always write me nice notes.  One drew a picture of the hospital next to a body of water, enticing me to fly away from the hospital.  It doesn't really make sense, because I would drown.  Maybe I could wade in the water until a boat comes by.  Another girl, I lent my book of the former crazysheet to, and she wrote a note saying she really liked it and thought I was cute.  But nothing came of it.  I think the only reason I can meet girls in the hospital and not anywhere else is because they're trapped with me, and I'm the only other one their age.  Or maybe I just attract crazy people.  Or maybe I'm attractive, but you need to live with me for several weeks to realize it.  I don't know.  I don't think I could handle a girlfriend, though, speaking from no experience.  As I said earlier, it's hard for me to try things.  And by try things, I mean do things.  And I imagine with a girlfriend you'd have to do a lot of stuff.  You get paid in sex, though, so it's okay.  I think I'm confusing having a girlfriend with being a prostitute.
    Is it the fifth paragraph already?  Yeah.  Time flies when you talk about boring, personal stuff.  Also, when the second half of it you've already started drinking.  I'm not drunk, though.  I barely even started.  I need to save my drunken high.  I can't waste it on you.  Fine, I'll have another drink.  There.  That hits the spot.  What did the spot ever do.  Spot is a dogs name, right?  I can imagine some sadistic guy telling people to hit the spot.  I don't know why he would own a dog if he hates it so much.  He's sadistic, is all.  I guess hitting the spot really means that there's a spot deep inside you, and whatever you're doing that hits the spot is pleasing that spot inside you.  That's pretty obvious.  But it took me a while to figure it out.  I don't think I'm ever gonna figure it out.  That's a good Elliott Smith B-side song.  Check it out on youtube.  I wonder if any woman's had a problem with their fallopian tubes and thought, "Damn you tube."  This is the quality of the entry.  So disappointing.  I guess I should stick to music.  At least that I can get cought up in and not realize that is sucks as much as this.  My life is a failure.  Anyway, time to wrap up the entry! Can't end it on that note.  Winner's gotta win.  I have a cigarette that I'm smoking.  Jealous?  Most people I know don't smoke cigarettes.  But I don't know most people.  I know some people.  It would be weird to know most people.  You'd have to be an extremely outgoing guy.  And even more, to remember most people?  I'd think they would all just fade into each other.  Anyway.  See ya later.  That's another good Elliott Smith/Heatmiser song.  Another good song by Eliott Smith is Bye.  That's not so much a good song (though it is) as it is what I'm trying to say.

-7:27 P.M. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Read It, See If I Care

     What's up.  I haven't been up to much lately.  I got a new video game but I can't figure out the controls.  The end.  Actually, it's just the beginning.  Actually, "What's up" was the beginning, we're already into the middle now.  Technically.  Technicians probably get asked to do a lot of stuff technically.  I wouldn't know.  I wouldn't know anything.  I wouldn't 'no' anything if I were Jim Carrey in that movie, "Yes Man."  Because he has to say yes to everything.  I also wouldn't 'no' anything if I were Jim Carrey in real life, because, let's face it, he said yes to The Mask.  What a terrible movie.  Somebody stop me.  Yeah right.  You might have fond memories of it because it reminds you of your childhood, and it introduced us to the sexy Cameron Diaz, but other than that, what else is there?  I pose that question to you.  Not in the general, philosophical sense, but specifically to that movie.  But if you have an answer to "what else is there?" in the philosophical sense, I'd be happy to hear it.  Maybe I should take philosophy courses instead of listening to your bullshit, though.  But listening to your bullshit is free, and if I get bored I could just leave.  I don't even know what I'm talking about.  I say one sentence and it just flows into the next without me really paying attention.  I used to be better at this.  Let me try to think of a joke.  Okay.  So, a lot of attacks on U.S. embassies have been in the news lately.  That's all I got.
    Anyway.  Maybe the new paragraph will be good.  It could and should.  But would... it be?  I don't know, we'll have to wait and see.  Perhaps it will earn a "B."  Maybe.  Probably not, though.  Probably more like a "D-."  I don't think they even give "D-"'s.  At that point, you're either getting a D or you fail.  I can't fail since this is free range blog territory, so I'll be happy with my pumped up D.  I have to go to court on Monday to see if my court appointed AOT will remain or not.  That's some guy who checks in on me every week to see if I'm compliant with medication and going to all my appointments.  The last time I was in court it was ordered for six months, and now the six months is up, and most likely, my AOT said, they'll make me do it for another six months, even though I've been very compliant.  But then, after that six months, they might let me stop.  It's not that bad, it's just inconvient.  And also, it means I have to take my meds and see my doctors.  I would anyway, but it's just... what the, I'm trying to say inconvenient, but front page thinks I'm trying to say incontinent.  What an idiot.  Oh well.  What am I saying, this computer program is smarter than I'll ever be. 
    I've had two things on my mind lately.  My skull and my hair.  I've also been thinking about things, though.  For example, how come I poured a glass of pepsi with a shot of whiskey but haven't drank it yet?  Because I'm a fool.  A damn fool!  I ate a lot today.  I got steak and eggs from a diner nearby, which came with toast and home fries.  Then later I ate a big turkey sandwich.  And then later, just now, I had a chicken parmesan hero.  I'm really turning into a fat person.  Before, I was just getting pretty fat because of all the drugs I'm on, it's a side effect, but now I guess I'm just letting my fat flag fly.  Note to self, if I ever form a band called The Pigs, track 2 on one album should be called Fat Flag Fly.  Or maybe track 1.  I don't know the other tracks yet.  Or how the song sounds.  I mostly just care about the titles of the music I listen to.  Like "Hello, Goodbye," by the Beatles, or The Bananas In Pajamas theme song, which I think is called "I Don't Care."  I took a walk in Alley Pond Park a few days ago, and I went past my normal route and really explored it.  It reminded me of the times I did mushrooms at night with a few friends and we walked around it, because I saw things that I saw then.  Because I was in the same place.  It's not that hard to understand.  It's weird, though.  Trees are scary.  Not marijuana, real trees.  At Adventure Land, there's a talking tree at the front of the Haunted House.  This proves that trees are scary.  Also, they're alive, you know.  Unpredictable.  Who knows what they got up their sleeve?
    I feel like smoking a cigarette, but I've been having this problem lately that when I smoke after I eat I throw up.  This has been going on for several months.  I may have mentioned it.  Only time will tell.  Backwards time.  Usually when people say time will tell, they mean the future, but when I say it, I mean the past will tell.  The past can tell us a lot.  That's why I wanted to be a history teacher.  But then I found out that no one really cares.  I don't even care anymore.  I used to have this book for some high school class which was all about American foreign policy since the history of America, and it was really specific and taught me stuff I didn't know.  But now, who cares.  Like, did you know George H.W. Bush made a secret deal before the election of Reagan to keep the hostages in Iran before the election?  That's fucking traitory.  Me making up words and not caring is one of my traitories.  But seriously, that guy got to be president eight years later.  I'm pretty sure every time a Republican gets elected, it is someway illegitimate.  You could probably go back in time far enough to find a time it wasn't, but damn.  Maybe Reagan's second term, I forget the history.  And George H.W. Bush's first term.  But even if they weren't illegitimate, they used trickery to fool the American people into voting for them.  Man, now I'm angry.  Thanks a lot.  That's what I get for knowing history. 
    Jim Carrey 'no'd history when he turned down a chance to play Ronald Reagan in the now-never-coming-out movie, "Reagan: He Who Is Great."  I saw that Obama 2012 movie.  Pretty stupid.  It basically just tries to make you think he has anti-American ideals and doesn't really stand for anything.  It failed on me, though, because I'm a rational person.  I need to shave for my court appointment on Monday.  I don't need to, but I should, just because it makes me look more respectable.  I haven't shaved in like four months.  I got new sheets for my bed.  YAH this is what I talk about on my website.  They don't call it crazy sheet for nothin'!  It's because sheet phonetically sounds like shit.  I didn't get new shits for my bed, though.  That would be wrong.  Man, time keeps passing.  I'm okay with it on one extent, because I usually don't like the present, so I'm open to the future, but on the other hand, the future tends to be very similar or worse than the present.  It's been rare for me that the future has gotten better.  I'm playing solitaire while I write this.  Just kidding.  Who knows why I would lie so blatantly and for no good reason.  I can't play solitaire anymore.  I think it's rigged against me.  But still, the computer program solitaire, even this is smarter than me.  Alright, time to wrap this mother up.  Jim Carrey "knowed" how to play Andy Kaufman in "Man On The Moon."  That was a good movie.  I like the song, too.  And also, I like "The Mask."  I haven't seen it in forever, but still.  "Somebody Stop Me!"  Gotta love it.  I will now accept your donations so I can write my next entry.

-7:45 P.M. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Hard To Think Of A Title

    Hey.  It's time to write an entry agian.  I've only drank like twice in the last two weeks.  Hooray for me.  Let's throw a surprise party.  Let's not do that.  Or speak of it ever again.  Even when it's my birthday and people want to surprise me with a party.  No references to this entry.  Gosh, look at the time.  Time to wrap this up.  No, not really.  People, tell me what to do.  What's in the news lately.  Mitt Romney doesn't care about 47% of people.  Which is about right, because 47% of people don't care about Mitt Romney.  That's all the election news I got.  Apparently Obama is surging.  I guess that's more election news.  I never promised I would be truthful in this entry.  In fact, in each entry I make sure to lie once or twice to keep you on your toes.  I don't know why I want you on your toes.  That way you'll be even more taller than me.  In retrospect, it was a bad idea.  Retrospect is the new line of glasses I'm selling where you put them on and see... I don't know, retrospective things.  It was a bad joke from the start.  I'm practically 24 years old and this is the quality of crap I put out there.  Get off my case.  Speaking of my case, I went to court today.  I have to be under supervision about another four months.  Which is only because I've been super compliant, otherwise it would be six months.  Whoo!  Another two months to party!  And by party, I mean stop taking the pills and seeing the doctors who keep me the somewhat sane man you read before you today. 
    The air conditioning just went off.  It's a bad omen.  Every time something happens, it's a bad omen.  Cars honking, dogs barking, objects shifting audibly, something falling, parents talking, more things happening... just about everything is a bad omen.  I don't know what it suggests is going to happen.  All I know is that I've been going on about this for too long.  I currently have four different types of cigarettes I could smoke.  Camel Blue, Parliaments, Newports, and regular Camels.  I don't know why I have all these four.  Ow, my heart just started hurting.  That's the power of suggestion for you.  The only ones I really like right  now are Camel Blue.  I like the power of suggestion.  Why can't it just be suggestion?  That's suggestion for you.  We assume it's a power.  We should.  I had a dream last night I was playing poker, and there were three low cards, and I had two queens, and I bet on the flop, and the other person called, then I bet on the turn, and the other person raised me all in, and I called, and they had two queens too.  Split pot.  Split pot sounds like something.  Use the power of imagination to decide what joke I could have made about what split pot could be.
    My music recorder stopped working.  It keeps saying "Card Read Error," so I guess actually the memory card in the thing stopped working.  I know I have two others lying around somewhere, but they're not in clear sight, and I'm too lazy to look.  Get off my back.  But yeah, it sucks, cause recording crappy songs and then listening to them is like 1/3rd of my life.  Or at least it used to be.  And don't tell me to blow on the card or the card entrance, because I already tried that.  Blowing doesn't solve all your problems.  Unless you're a crack whore.  Then it solves some of your problems.  I'm going to have a Newport.  I like how the program I use to write the website recognizes Newport as a word, but not Newports.  They can't even comprehend why someone would have to write the multiple of the one thing.  Ain't life weird?  Life being cigarettes, and talking about cigarettes, and talking about talking about cigarettes.  I went to see Ahead Of The Curve last weekend, but instead of going, I used the money to buy alcohol.  It's all gone now.  But I guess that was another instance of Clint Eastwood talking to an empty seat.  Sometimes I confuse Clint Eastwood with someone else.  I forget who.  It's someone who's definitely not Clint Eastwood though.  Last night, on HBO, they were showing all of the Back To The Future Movies back to back, and then, on the next HBO channel, they were showing all the Back To The Future movies back to back, starting an hour and a half later.  What kind of programming idiots do they have there?  They should just call it the Back To The Future Channel at this point.  And why am I so angry about it?  A car horn just went off.  See?  Bad omen.  In The Omen, instead of the nanny killing herself at his party, she should have just said, "Bad Omen," and leave to take another job.  People are stupid.
    Wow, it's the fourth paragraph already.  I'm really doing it!!!  Living the dream.  Ah. Especially that part where I talked about my dream.  Now I've hit a wall.  Pink Floyd should have hit the wall instead of putting all of us as bricks into it.  What a disaster.  When I was in sixth grade, and found out I didn't get into Hunter College High School, I hit a hole in my kitchen wall.  I got an 87, and the passing grade was 91.  I was so close!  GOD, IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY.  SOMEONE GIVE ME A WALL TO HIT.  But I ended up having some great years with my middle school friends and then going to Stuyvesant.  Stuyvesant was okay.  I remember learning a lot.  Too bad I can't remember any of it.  All I remember about high school is that we played darts in gym class.  And in speech and debate, we debated the necessity of reality T.V. shows.  And during assembly, instead of saluting the flag, we had to salute the principal.  I honestly don't remember shit about high school.  But I remember taking eight to ten classes a day, doing a shit load of homework and studying, and now look at me.  All I'm qualified to do is ramble on about cigarettes.  Oh, that's another thing I remember about high school.  Listening to Ramble On by The Led Zeppelins a lot.  Paul Ryan's iPod starts with AC/DC and ends with Led Zeppelin, he said.  Which is weird, because I guess he doesn't like any music M through Z.  DMZ is the demilitarized zone.  A sign that Paul Ryan wants to start wars.  Without the D.  Which means he doesn't have Tenacious D on his iPod.  Which we already knew, based on his statement.  I don't think I ever would have guessed I'd give as much attention to Paul Ryan as the two minutes I've spent talking about him just now.  I guess I'll watch the Vice Presidential debates.  I want to be on the up and up.  I always thought Joe Biden was a weird name for vice president under Obama, because it's like he's just biding his time until Obama gets assassinated, God forbid.  I guess he could just be biding his time until he gets to run in 2016.  Or maybe he's just biding his time until his own untimely death in some fashion.  Maybe gets burnt to death in a tanning salon, or maybe gets lost at sea.  There are several ways people can suffer untimely deaths.
    Happy Birthday New Year!  Is what I will say when it's the new year.  Don't know why I brought it out now.  At least now if I forget, I can say I already said it.  I rofled based on that statement.  Rolled on the floor laughing.  Who does that?  Babies, I guess.  And dogs, if their owners taught them how to laugh.  I've never seen a child or adult literally roll on the floor laughing.  I've also never seen a child or adult literally.  I stay in my room most of the time.  I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.  I guess I could listen to Queen some more.  I was listening to Queen earlier today.  She's really good.  Anyway.  THESE REPLACEMENT REFS.  UGH!  I like how no one cared about the Chicago school teacher strike, where about a million children couldn't go to school for a week, but they care about this.  The way I see it, the more incompetent, the better.  Just shakes things up a little.  I feel the same way about teachers.  Some of the best teachers I've ever had were the most incompetent ones.  Because they foster friendships between the students and so on and so forth and so what.  Anyway.  Oh yeah, another thing I remember about high school was writing crazysheet.com.  Now those were some good times.  Getting home from school, going to sleep immediately, writing entries during the night/morning while doing my homework and watching T.V.  Truly a golden age.  Anyway.  I'm going to go now.  Disperse in an orderly fashion.

-6:22 P.M.