September 7, 2012
I'd Do It Again
body lackers. I have an internet body of work, which you don't. You
have facebook posts and stuff, but I have my own website. I am trying to
make you jealous. Either that, or I'm trying to entice you to buy my
website from me, because I'm bored of it. And crazysheet.net is such a
good name. You couldn't possibly think of your own. So, what's up
with me? I started my class at Queens College. Then I dropped it.
Just couldn't handle it. Sorry. I don't know who I'm sorry at.
Mostly my parents and myself. And my imaginary friend Stephanie. I
saw The Possession this week. In it, there's a ghost that says it's name
is Stephanie to the girl who talks to it. Sorry about the spoilers.
It's not really a spoiler, it happens like twenty minutes in. So now, if
you see the movie, you can start 20 minutes in. Because nothing else
happens in those twenty minutes. Just like in the twenty minutes it took
for me to write this paragraph. I'm assuming it will be less than twenty
minutes, though. So far it's been like five to ten. And I've only
made like three jokes. And upset you with my depressing college situation.
If you're upset, get over it. We're winners in this town. So even if
I'm not taking a course, I'm still winning by writing this entry. Oh yeah,
I signed up with the Church Of Charlie Sheen, so now I'm all about winning.
I have a song called Never Win Again. That's pretty depressing. But
it's kind of a happy song. Check out my music. I don't know why
nobody does it. It's good music. Just check it out already.
Check It Out is a song by the Beastie Boys. In a previous entry, I
confused the two Adams in the group. Adam Yauch is the dead one, not the
live one. He's MCA. The living one is Ad Rock. I add rock to
my life every day, by listening to Z-100, watching MTV, and reading license
plates off cars. You wouldn't think reading license plates would be
interesting, but you could learn a lot about yourself if you just open up to
reading random numbers and letters. At least, that's been my experience.
I've been drinking a lot lately. Today was going to be
my first day in a while without drinking, and I was feeling fine, but then I
found a stash of change I didn't know I had so I went out and bought 5 shot
bottles of scotch/whiskey. Drinking alone is a bad habit. I would
much rather get high alone. That's more socially and medically acceptable.
They even prescribe it in some states. But no states prescribe drinking
alone. Except the state of alcoholism. I've definitely been an
alcoholic at some points in my life, but I've also gone long periods without
drinking anything. And I'm not just talking about my life up to
alcoholism. I go through changes with it. But now I'm out of money,
so after I drink those five shots, I won't be able to drink anymore. Until
I see another movie, which my parents pay for, and keep half the change.
Then I have another day or so of alcohol use. Anyway. If you feel
bad or judge me for my alcohol use, just remember, I have no friends. If I
had friends that I could drink with on like a weekly basis, I'd probably be
fine. But it gets lonely here, so I have to turn to something. I am
trying to guilt trip you into hanging out with me. It's probably not
working, because I've been pretty depressing so far this entry. I'll try
not to keep it up. That's a lie, I won't try. I hardly try at
anything in my life. That's partly the part of living in a culture where
you're on a bunch of pills and see two doctors a week and go to the hospital
every now and then. Makes it hard for you to try stuff. So does the
drinking. Not really. When I drink, I often use it as a temporary
stimulant to write/preform songs to record and keep on my computer. I was
just checking out my itunes, and I have over 2000 songs on this computer alone.
And at least 1000 on another computer. That's pretty crazy. Song
writing is hard. I mean, the chords and stuff get really repetative, but
the one skill I've been mastering is double talk. Songs that, when you
hear the words, they can mean more than one thing. Because a lot of words
have dual meanism. Let's pretend meanism is a word. But yeah, I've
gotten better at writing lyrics/thinking of lyrics on the spot. And my
voice, well, it started off okay, then got worse, then got better again, and I
don't know where it's at now. I guess it differs from song to song.
It's still certainly nowhere near the level of quality it would have to be if I
were a real musician. This paragraph sucked.
So, what's in the news? The conventions happened.
I was pretty depressed about politics lately because I thought Romney was going
to win, but when I saw some of the speakers at the DNC, I regained some of my
hope. This country would be really shitty if Romney wins. We'd have
to endure late night comedy shows joke about Mitt Romney instead of Joe Biden.
No thank you. That's really all I care about the election. Is how
it's going to effect late night comedy/news shows. Anyone can care about
the environment, or jobs, or if we're prepared to kill the next Hitler, but it
takes a special breed to care about the state of late night comedy/news shows.
I also think about how it would effect the music industry, since I
half-plan/hope to be involved it in eventually. On the one hand, a return
to conservative roots would probably lead to a niche for punk rock bands to
thrive, as a counter to that. But on the other hand, Romney might
outsource the music industry to China. I think there's one Chinese song I
once liked, but I forget the name of it. It might just be the phrase, "Me
Chinee, Me Play Joke, Me Put Pee Pee In Your Coke." It's not really a
song, but it has a rhythm to it. Also, if Romney wins, maybe only
pro-Romney bands will survive. Nicky Minoj wrote a song that's pro-Romney.
That's weird. But so is Nicky Minoj. So I guess it makes sense.
She also wrote a song that's pro Lance Bass, so who knows what she's thinking.
I was thinking recently about how I've never had a
girlfriend. That's weird. Everyone I know, I think, has been in a
relationship at some point in their lives. Not me. Practically every
time I'm in the hospital, though, I meet a cute girl and we have a good
friendship, and we say we're going to keep in touch, but we never do. But
they always write me nice notes. One drew a picture of the hospital next
to a body of water, enticing me to fly away from the hospital. It doesn't
really make sense, because I would drown. Maybe I could wade in the water
until a boat comes by. Another girl, I lent my book of the former
crazysheet to, and she wrote a note saying she really liked it and thought I was
cute. But nothing came of it. I think the only reason I can meet
girls in the hospital and not anywhere else is because they're trapped with me,
and I'm the only other one their age. Or maybe I just attract crazy
people. Or maybe I'm attractive, but you need to live with me for several
weeks to realize it. I don't know. I don't think I could handle a
girlfriend, though, speaking from no experience. As I said earlier, it's
hard for me to try things. And by try things, I mean do things. And
I imagine with a girlfriend you'd have to do a lot of stuff. You get paid
in sex, though, so it's okay. I think I'm confusing having a girlfriend
with being a prostitute.
Is it the fifth paragraph already? Yeah. Time
flies when you talk about boring, personal stuff. Also, when the second
half of it you've already started drinking. I'm not drunk, though. I
barely even started. I need to save my drunken high. I can't waste
it on you. Fine, I'll have another drink. There. That hits the
spot. What did the spot ever do. Spot is a dogs name, right? I
can imagine some sadistic guy telling people to hit the spot. I don't know
why he would own a dog if he hates it so much. He's sadistic, is all.
I guess hitting the spot really means that there's a spot deep inside you, and
whatever you're doing that hits the spot is pleasing that spot inside you.
That's pretty obvious. But it took me a while to figure it out. I
don't think I'm ever gonna figure it out. That's a good Elliott Smith
B-side song. Check it out on youtube. I wonder if any woman's had a
problem with their fallopian tubes and thought, "Damn you tube." This is
the quality of the entry. So disappointing. I guess I should stick
to music. At least that I can get cought up in and not realize that is
sucks as much as this. My life is a failure. Anyway, time to wrap up
the entry! Can't end it on that note. Winner's gotta win. I have a
cigarette that I'm smoking. Jealous? Most people I know don't smoke
cigarettes. But I don't know most people. I know some people.
It would be weird to know most people. You'd have to be an extremely
outgoing guy. And even more, to remember most people? I'd think they
would all just fade into each other. Anyway. See ya later.
That's another good Elliott Smith/Heatmiser song. Another good song by
Eliott Smith is Bye. That's not so much a good song (though it is) as it
is what I'm trying to say.
September 15, 2012
Read It, See If I
up. I haven't been up to much lately. I got a new video game but I
can't figure out the controls. The end. Actually, it's just the
beginning. Actually, "What's up" was the beginning, we're already into the
middle now. Technically. Technicians probably get asked to do a lot
of stuff technically. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know anything.
I wouldn't 'no' anything if I were Jim Carrey in that movie, "Yes Man."
Because he has to say yes to everything. I also wouldn't 'no' anything if
I were Jim Carrey in real life, because, let's face it, he said yes to The Mask.
What a terrible movie. Somebody stop me. Yeah right. You might
have fond memories of it because it reminds you of your childhood, and it
introduced us to the sexy Cameron Diaz, but other than that, what else is there?
I pose that question to you. Not in the general, philosophical sense, but
specifically to that movie. But if you have an answer to "what else is
there?" in the philosophical sense, I'd be happy to hear it. Maybe I
should take philosophy courses instead of listening to your bullshit, though.
But listening to your bullshit is free, and if I get bored I could just leave.
I don't even know what I'm talking about. I say one sentence and it just
flows into the next without me really paying attention. I used to be
better at this. Let me try to think of a joke. Okay. So, a lot
of attacks on U.S. embassies have been in the news lately. That's all I
Anyway. Maybe the new paragraph will be good. It
could and should. But would... it be? I don't know, we'll have to
wait and see. Perhaps it will earn a "B." Maybe. Probably not,
though. Probably more like a "D-." I don't think they even give
"D-"'s. At that point, you're either getting a D or you fail. I
can't fail since this is free range blog territory, so I'll be happy with my
pumped up D. I have to go to court on Monday to see if my court appointed
AOT will remain or not. That's some guy who checks in on me every week to
see if I'm compliant with medication and going to all my appointments. The
last time I was in court it was ordered for six months, and now the six months
is up, and most likely, my AOT said, they'll make me do it for another six
months, even though I've been very compliant. But then, after that six
months, they might let me stop. It's not that bad, it's just inconvient.
And also, it means I have to take my meds and see my doctors. I would
anyway, but it's just... what the, I'm trying to say inconvenient, but front
page thinks I'm trying to say incontinent. What an idiot. Oh well.
What am I saying, this computer program is smarter than I'll ever be.
I've had two things on my mind lately. My skull and my
hair. I've also been thinking about things, though. For example, how
come I poured a glass of pepsi with a shot of whiskey but haven't drank it yet?
Because I'm a fool. A damn fool! I ate a lot today. I got
steak and eggs from a diner nearby, which came with toast and home fries.
Then later I ate a big turkey sandwich. And then later, just now, I had a
chicken parmesan hero. I'm really turning into a fat person. Before,
I was just getting pretty fat because of all the drugs I'm on, it's a side
effect, but now I guess I'm just letting my fat flag fly. Note to self, if
I ever form a band called The Pigs, track 2 on one album should be called Fat
Flag Fly. Or maybe track 1. I don't know the other tracks yet.
Or how the song sounds. I mostly just care about the titles of the music I
listen to. Like "Hello, Goodbye," by the Beatles, or The Bananas In
Pajamas theme song, which I think is called "I Don't Care." I took a walk
in Alley Pond Park a few days ago, and I went past my normal route and really
explored it. It reminded me of the times I did mushrooms at night with a
few friends and we walked around it, because I saw things that I saw then.
Because I was in the same place. It's not that hard to understand.
It's weird, though. Trees are scary. Not marijuana, real trees.
At Adventure Land, there's a talking tree at the front of the Haunted House.
This proves that trees are scary. Also, they're alive, you know.
Unpredictable. Who knows what they got up their sleeve?
I feel like smoking a cigarette, but I've been having this
problem lately that when I smoke after I eat I throw up. This has been
going on for several months. I may have mentioned it. Only time will
tell. Backwards time. Usually when people say time will tell, they
mean the future, but when I say it, I mean the past will tell. The past
can tell us a lot. That's why I wanted to be a history teacher. But
then I found out that no one really cares. I don't even care anymore.
I used to have this book for some high school class which was all about American
foreign policy since the history of America, and it was really specific and
taught me stuff I didn't know. But now, who cares. Like, did you
know George H.W. Bush made a secret deal before the election of Reagan to keep
the hostages in Iran before the election? That's fucking traitory.
Me making up words and not caring is one of my traitories. But seriously,
that guy got to be president eight years later. I'm pretty sure every time
a Republican gets elected, it is someway illegitimate. You could probably
go back in time far enough to find a time it wasn't, but damn. Maybe
Reagan's second term, I forget the history. And George H.W. Bush's first
term. But even if they weren't illegitimate, they used trickery to fool
the American people into voting for them. Man, now I'm angry. Thanks
a lot. That's what I get for knowing history.
Jim Carrey 'no'd history when he turned down a chance to play
Ronald Reagan in the now-never-coming-out movie, "Reagan: He Who Is Great."
I saw that Obama 2012 movie. Pretty stupid. It basically just tries
to make you think he has anti-American ideals and doesn't really stand for
anything. It failed on me, though, because I'm a rational person. I
need to shave for my court appointment on Monday. I don't need to, but I
should, just because it makes me look more respectable. I haven't shaved
in like four months. I got new sheets for my bed. YAH this is what I
talk about on my website. They don't call it crazy sheet for nothin'!
It's because sheet phonetically sounds like shit. I didn't get new shits
for my bed, though. That would be wrong. Man, time keeps passing.
I'm okay with it on one extent, because I usually don't like the present, so I'm
open to the future, but on the other hand, the future tends to be very similar
or worse than the present. It's been rare for me that the future has
gotten better. I'm playing solitaire while I write this. Just
kidding. Who knows why I would lie so blatantly and for no good reason.
I can't play solitaire anymore. I think it's rigged against me. But
still, the computer program solitaire, even this is smarter than me.
Alright, time to wrap this mother up. Jim Carrey "knowed" how to play Andy
Kaufman in "Man On The Moon." That was a good movie. I like the
song, too. And also, I like "The Mask." I haven't seen it in
forever, but still. "Somebody Stop Me!" Gotta love it. I will
now accept your donations so I can write my next entry.
September 27, 2012
Hard To Think Of A
Hey. It's time to write an entry
agian. I've only drank like twice in the last two weeks. Hooray for
me. Let's throw a surprise party. Let's not do that. Or speak
of it ever again. Even when it's my birthday and people want to surprise
me with a party. No references to this entry. Gosh, look at the
time. Time to wrap this up. No, not really. People, tell me
what to do. What's in the news lately. Mitt Romney doesn't care
about 47% of people. Which is about right, because 47% of people don't
care about Mitt Romney. That's all the election news I got.
Apparently Obama is surging. I guess that's more election news. I
never promised I would be truthful in this entry. In fact, in each entry I
make sure to lie once or twice to keep you on your toes. I don't know why
I want you on your toes. That way you'll be even more taller than me.
In retrospect, it was a bad idea. Retrospect is the new line of glasses
I'm selling where you put them on and see... I don't know, retrospective things.
It was a bad joke from the start. I'm practically 24 years old and this is
the quality of crap I put out there. Get off my case. Speaking of my
case, I went to court today. I have to be under supervision about another
four months. Which is only because I've been super compliant, otherwise it
would be six months. Whoo! Another two months to party! And by
party, I mean stop taking the pills and seeing the doctors who keep me the
somewhat sane man you read before you today.
The air conditioning just went off. It's a bad omen.
Every time something happens, it's a bad omen. Cars honking, dogs barking,
objects shifting audibly, something falling, parents talking, more things
happening... just about everything is a bad omen. I don't know what it
suggests is going to happen. All I know is that I've been going on about
this for too long. I currently have four different types of cigarettes I
could smoke. Camel Blue, Parliaments, Newports, and regular Camels.
I don't know why I have all these four. Ow, my heart just started hurting.
That's the power of suggestion for you. The only ones I really like right
now are Camel Blue. I like the power of suggestion. Why can't it
just be suggestion? That's suggestion for you. We assume it's a
power. We should. I had a dream last night I was playing poker, and
there were three low cards, and I had two queens, and I bet on the flop, and the
other person called, then I bet on the turn, and the other person raised me all
in, and I called, and they had two queens too. Split pot. Split pot
sounds like something. Use the power of imagination to decide what joke I
could have made about what split pot could be.
My music recorder stopped working. It keeps saying
"Card Read Error," so I guess actually the memory card in the thing stopped
working. I know I have two others lying around somewhere, but they're not
in clear sight, and I'm too lazy to look. Get off my back. But yeah,
it sucks, cause recording crappy songs and then listening to them is like 1/3rd
of my life. Or at least it used to be. And don't tell me to blow on
the card or the card entrance, because I already tried that. Blowing
doesn't solve all your problems. Unless you're a crack whore. Then
it solves some of your problems. I'm going to have a Newport. I like
how the program I use to write the website recognizes Newport as a word, but not
Newports. They can't even comprehend why someone would have to write the
multiple of the one thing. Ain't life weird? Life being cigarettes,
and talking about cigarettes, and talking about talking about cigarettes.
I went to see Ahead Of The Curve last weekend, but instead of going, I used the
money to buy alcohol. It's all gone now. But I guess that was
another instance of Clint Eastwood talking to an empty seat. Sometimes I
confuse Clint Eastwood with someone else. I forget who. It's someone
who's definitely not Clint Eastwood though. Last night, on HBO, they were
showing all of the Back To The Future Movies back to back, and then, on the next
HBO channel, they were showing all the Back To The Future movies back to back,
starting an hour and a half later. What kind of programming idiots do they
have there? They should just call it the Back To The Future Channel at
this point. And why am I so angry about it? A car horn just went
off. See? Bad omen. In The Omen, instead of the nanny killing
herself at his party, she should have just said, "Bad Omen," and leave to take
another job. People are stupid.
Wow, it's the fourth paragraph already. I'm really
doing it!!! Living the dream. Ah. Especially that part where I
talked about my dream. Now I've hit a wall. Pink Floyd should have
hit the wall instead of putting all of us as bricks into it. What a
disaster. When I was in sixth grade, and found out I didn't get into
Hunter College High School, I hit a hole in my kitchen wall. I got an 87,
and the passing grade was 91. I was so close! GOD, IT MAKES ME SO
ANGRY. SOMEONE GIVE ME A WALL TO HIT. But I ended up having some
great years with my middle school friends and then going to Stuyvesant.
Stuyvesant was okay. I remember learning a lot. Too bad I can't
remember any of it. All I remember about high school is that we played
darts in gym class. And in speech and debate, we debated the necessity of
reality T.V. shows. And during assembly, instead of saluting the flag, we
had to salute the principal. I honestly don't remember shit about high
school. But I remember taking eight to ten classes a day, doing a shit
load of homework and studying, and now look at me. All I'm qualified to do
is ramble on about cigarettes. Oh, that's another thing I remember about
high school. Listening to Ramble On by The Led Zeppelins a lot. Paul
Ryan's iPod starts with AC/DC and ends with Led Zeppelin, he said. Which
is weird, because I guess he doesn't like any music M through Z. DMZ is
the demilitarized zone. A sign that Paul Ryan wants to start wars.
Without the D. Which means he doesn't have Tenacious D on his iPod.
Which we already knew, based on his statement. I don't think I ever would
have guessed I'd give as much attention to Paul Ryan as the two minutes I've
spent talking about him just now. I guess I'll watch the Vice Presidential
debates. I want to be on the up and up. I always thought Joe Biden
was a weird name for vice president under Obama, because it's like he's just
biding his time until Obama gets assassinated, God forbid. I guess he
could just be biding his time until he gets to run in 2016. Or maybe he's
just biding his time until his own untimely death in some fashion. Maybe
gets burnt to death in a tanning salon, or maybe gets lost at sea. There
are several ways people can suffer untimely deaths.
Happy Birthday New Year! Is what I will say when it's
the new year. Don't know why I brought it out now. At least now if I
forget, I can say I already said it. I rofled based on that statement.
Rolled on the floor laughing. Who does that? Babies, I guess.
And dogs, if their owners taught them how to laugh. I've never seen a
child or adult literally roll on the floor laughing. I've also never seen
a child or adult literally. I stay in my room most of the time. I
don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I guess I could listen to
Queen some more. I was listening to Queen earlier today. She's
really good. Anyway. THESE REPLACEMENT REFS. UGH! I like
how no one cared about the Chicago school teacher strike, where about a million
children couldn't go to school for a week, but they care about this. The
way I see it, the more incompetent, the better. Just shakes things up a
little. I feel the same way about teachers. Some of the best
teachers I've ever had were the most incompetent ones. Because they foster
friendships between the students and so on and so forth and so what.
Anyway. Oh yeah, another thing I remember about high school was writing
crazysheet.com. Now those were some good times. Getting home from
school, going to sleep immediately, writing entries during the night/morning
while doing my homework and watching T.V. Truly a golden age.
Anyway. I'm going to go now. Disperse in an orderly fashion.