Monday, April 25, 2016
Oh, It's a Title. I Get It.
Hey friends and enemies.
Wide world of sports. What's crappening. I have this week off from
class. Great, just great. I need class to have a social life.
That two hours and a half a week really fills out my life admirably. The
good news is I have class next week. I can't wait. I guess I can
finally read my feedback. That's like socializing through time and space.
People are talking to me from the past and I can't react poorly to create an
awkward social setting. It takes care of itself. Alright!
Anyway. I gave my best comment in workshopping other pieces last week.
The story was called April and June, about two poeple named April and
June. My comment was I Wonder What Happened To May! Because
I'm an idiot and I don't care who knows it. People can be named May.
Look at Spiderman's aunt. I don't know why you wouldn't look at her.
She's hot. So much sexual tension between Aunt May and Uncle Ben.
It's a real Will They Won't They situation.
My guess is They Will. They are married. What
else and crap. I don't know. Remember the time Spiderman walked in
on Aunt May and Uncle Ben having sex. Scarred him for life more than that
spiderbite. Or his parents dying. Or that time he got a scar from
Green Goblin's swordthing on his glidermobile. I'm always on the look out
for new scars that I may be developing. Sure gives the skin some
character. Anyway. Using Twitter makes me realize how out of touch I
am. I think of a bullshit crap while I'm trying to sleep, and I think
Yeah, people'll get this. Then I look at it the next day and I'm like
Yeah, people'll get this. Then I look at it a week later and I'm like,
Oh, I Still Get It. Then a month later and think something or crap, I
don't know. I haven't had twitter for much longer than a month.
What The Hell was that paragraph. I don't get it.
At least I got to say Glidermobile. Also, crap, a real letdown last
week or the week before. In the season where they're producing a new
Seinfeld in Curb Your Enthusiasm, George has the idea for an App that directs
you to a toilet. Looks like Uber For Toilets wasn't as groundbreaking or
revolutionary as I thought. Still, though, directing you to a toilet and
having the toilet come to you is an important key difference. That's how I
feel. I imagine it being sort of like the Pope Mobile but with a toilet.
The Poop Mobile. Gotta give credit where it's due-- my brother came up
with the term Pooper for the app. I came up with The Poop Mobile,
Anyway! I don't know. What else and crap.
I don't know. What else and crap. Probably a five paragrapher today.
I'll have filled my quota. That's how I feel. I was thinking about
getting into Greek Mythology. I'm an Artist more or less. Maybe
less, but still, so what. All the Renaissance guys were way into that
bullcrap. Pretty sure I was named after Michelangelo. I could just
be confusing my life with the Ninja Turtles, though. Wouldnt be the first
time. I'm gonna have to make a walk specifically to get alcohol on account
of not having school this week. That's no good. I can't walk.
It's hard. Anyway. I haven't gained weight in over half a year.
Nicely platoued. That's pretty great. How do you spell platoued.
I'm so incorrect on it that spell check doesn't even offer me the correct
spelling. Oh well.
No way of finding out. Too bad. Oh, throw an
"A," in there. Let's see if that helps. Plataued. Plateau.
There, that's the source word. Now, let's add on to it to get the past
tense of verbwise. Plateaud. That's not it. Plateaud.
Same thing as the last try. Plateaued. I think it's time to
admit defeat and conclude the word just doesn't exist. Great. Whatta
let down. I don't know which is more disappointing. Finding out the
word doesn't exist, or having to come to terms with Why I think people would
want to read that. I think it's great. Plateau. People'll
love it. These are the real issues and whatnot. I don't know.
What else. Anyway. I gotta play Digital Baseball and create Bernie
Sanders. Bernie Sanders may not win the Democratic Nomination, but I can
make damn well sure he gets out of Double A.
The real life Bernie Sanders is probably pretty good at
bunting. I just get that impression. He probably likes baseball.
Why wouldn't he. I don't know. Crap and crap. I still have a
bunch of Super Nintendo games. You never know when that's gonna come back
in style. Collector Items probably. I don't get why the generations
of X-Box went from 360 to One. Seems like you're going backwards.
This new one has only 1/360th the gaming capacity than the last one. Who
needs that, not me, I don't care and whatnot and crap and crap. I keep
thinking about adding Professor to my Twitter feed. I don't want to
because I'm an idiot and she doesn't need to see that. I do want to
because I'll be like, Hey, we're buds! Why not.
Anyway, what the what. Hey, this is the seventh
paragraph. I guess I have a 10'r in me. Anyway, crap and crap.
Whattado. Plumber coming soon to fix my bathroom. Toilet doesn't
flush all the way, sink's messed up. I tried to get Joe the Plumber but
he's busy. No one needs that. Joe the Plumber was a swing
vote. Plumbers. Jeez. I like that saying I heard in a Curb
Your Enthusiasm where A good compromise is when neither party is happy.
That makes Hillary Clinton the best compromise ever. Topical'd It.
Anyway, crap and crap! Hillary Clinton is the Epcot of presidential
candidates. What else is going on. Three and change more paragraphs
to go. Also, I previously self depricated myself, saying I was 185 pounds.
Turns out I weigh solidly less than 180 pounds even. That's right-- 179
pounds. And you all doubted me. If I just start exorcising I
can be normal weight within a year. And if I do double the exorcising,
I'll be at a normal weight within six months. And if I keep spelling
exercising as exorcising, I'd stop... being... possessed... other people...
making them less... possessed... What else is going on?
Okay. Yeah, we need a word for the process of
performing an exorcism, but we don't need a past tense verb for plateau.
That's great. I wanna start talking with the mannerisms that politicians
use during a speech or a debate. Just making a lot of really pronounced
hand motions. I feel people would respect me more if I did. What
Happened To May. Get a load of my antics. There's gotta be more
to say to fill up two and a half paragraphs. It's been a while since the
last entry. All that life experience. I saw this cool movie
the weekend before last called Heavy Metal. and it's a bunch of
crazy sci-fi animated shorts to the soundtrack of heavy metal music. Real
unique movie. I enjoyed watching it, that's how I feel. It wasn't
all Heavy Metal music. A lot of it was straightforward Rock. I ain't
And if I am, what of it. You got somethin' to say?
That's how that goes. If I could wear animated shorts, I think I'd have to
say that I would. At least once. See what kind of reaction I get.
I don't know. Two days ago was 4/23. Don't mean to brag, but those
are the first three digits of my home telephone number. Great. What
else and crap... Why doesn't my house have a panic room. Seems like
an egregious oversight. My room-door doesn't even lock. It used to
but it broke. Now I'm a sitting duck. I'd have to run into the
bathroom to truly be safe. Which, now that I think about it, I
should do anyway. The lock that used to be on my door wasn't as good a
lock as on the bathroom door. You could jimmy it open with a credit card.
Bathroom door, now that locked door is safe. Unless if it's a Jack
Nicholson The Shining situation. Then I'm out of luck.
Great. This is the last paragraph. Then, back to
nothing. Oh well. Met game starting soon, that works out well.
I can watch people play baseball. Doesn't get much better than that.
I don't know. What else and crap. I don't have to write a story or
anything until possibly the second Summer semester in Non Fiction workshop.
I imagine I'll have to write some crap there. Oh well. It's pretty
impressive that when you're underwater, whether it be in a swimming pool or a
bathtub type scenario, the water doesn't go into your ears and flood your brain.
Thumbs up, ears! Yeesh. I've always heard the human body is 80% water but
I'm not buying it. Seems pretty solid to me. I'll see ya later.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Sure I Eat Cereal All The Time
Hey friends! It's
been a while. Roughly more than a few days and shorter than some time.
What's going on in the wide world of crap. Prince Dies-- The Artist
Formerly Known As Alive. I didn't want to say it. I had to.
It's what you expect of me. I only know one Prince song. We had an
assignment in an NYU Writing The Essay class where we had to listen to Raspberry
Beret for some reason. I don't have all the details. I do like that
he's 5'2 and considered attractive. I'm all for that. All I need to
do now is poach Prince's mannerisms and talent, and I'll be in the zone, so to
speak. I don't get why the news is saying Prince was gender-neutral.
His name is Prince. Princes are male. Check-Mate.
What else and crap. Thought of another piece of
crap to say that I didn't really want to but pretty much had to. Oh, I
remember. I like littering the ground with dead cigarettes. It's
good to know that I'll be leaving something behind when I'm gone. Is
it funny? You bet it's not. Is it something I said?
Absolutely. What else and crap. Let's see. This has been the
longest break from Crazysheet in a while. Think of all the life
experiences I've accumulated in the last eight days. Why, there was the
time I watched Con Air. There was the time I watched half of Ali.
There was the time I watched Freaks on the TLC channel. Does TLC stand
for The Learning Channel. If so, I just said, The The Learning Channel
Channel. Wonderful! Sounds like someone with a stutter.
That's a good idea for their next show. Freaks who stutter. I'd
watch it, I love freaks.
Crap and crap. I have next week off. What to do.
I got published on the internet. We had a class assignment that we had to
write a short story based on a picture, which she got the idea from based on a
website that does that, and she encouraged us to submit it to the website.
I did, and guess what, Up on the website! And they only have 120
stories they have for this month up there. I'm in elite company.
What else and crap. I had a dream someone stole my idea for the Guilty!
sentence assignment and I was mad as hell. Well, in the dream, they didn't
steal it, they thought of it themselves. Anyway. I figured out a way
to improve that sentence. Not Guilty! Better. I didn't
like Innocent!, there's no drama in that. Not Guilty, you get all
the pleasure of being innocent with the subtext of being not guilty.
Also, what else and crap. I've been re-entertaining the
idea of getting a guitar/vocal teacher. I feel if I had the raw skill
necessary to being a musician, I could have enough raw skill to make my music
adequate. That's how I feel. On the other hand, I don't want to pay
70 dollars a week. That's a lot of cheese. And I don't have that
kind of cheese. My amount of cheese is very limited. There is a
thing I might do, I got an e-mail from Queens College that they're doing this
website of people blogging about different things, 10 entries a semester, and
they pay 500 dollars a semester. There's no guarantee they would hire me,
but I feel like I'm pretty great at writing, why wouldn't they. However,
having a job might mess with my Social Security, so I gotta look into it.
Also, I don't know what the theme of my thing would be. Other people have
themes. Math, DIY Things, Things In The Neighborhood, etc.
Can Lonelyness be a theme? Each entry I just write Won't You Be My
Friend? I think so. I'd read some Freak trying to make some
Crap and crap. The pursuit of lonelyness. Crap
and crap. If Mr. Rogers was a public access show, and wasn't scripted,
you'd just think, Man this guy wants some friends/neighbors. This whole
show is about that. I never saw that show. Maybe once or twice.
I don't have all the details. Anyway, crap and crap? What else.
Bernie Sanders. I realized how I feel about Sanders is, it's all about
logic. He's logically correct on pretty much every issue. But, it's
relatively illogical to htink he has a really good chance at winning the
nomination. Does he have a chance? Sure. Should we count on
it? Honestly, if we do, not logical. Hard to reconcile these two.
Logical to support him. We want to believe he can win, we have to,
if he has a shot. We all have to believe he can win as part and parcel to
supporting him, the momentum is an important part of his campaign. But,
Logic tells us, the odds are that it won't happen.
Still can happen. But over 50% it won't. Anyway,
what else. Crap and crap. The good news is Hillary Clinton winning
the nomination doesn't refute all the progress we've made advancing these
ideals. Because of crap and stuff. What else is going on. I
bit my nail in class and started bleeding and I tried not to get any blood on
the print out of the story we were workshopping that we had to hand in to the
person who wrote it but I can't say with 100% certainty that no blood got on
those papers. Lucky for them I'm pretty sure I don't have AIDS.
Pretty sure that's how AIDS spreads. What else and crap. I might
have AIDS. I've had sex. Don't mean to brag. Yes I do.
What else and crap. Don't mean to brag, but I might have AIDS.
That's how that goes.
Crap & crap. I still haven't read my feedback from my
last workshop. I breezed through the teachers workshop, scanning for any
positive crap and not registering the negative. Still got everyone else's
to go. What else and carp. I've been hard at work trying to figure
out a new palindrome. I've thought of a few places to start, but nothing
is imminent. I wonder if its legal in palindromes to use homonyms.
Probably not, but I feel like there should be some debate on that. My vote
is, sure, go ahead, use homonyms, if it means you're gonna come up with some
great palindrome. Don't let something like that get in the way of your
palindrome. These are the real issues. Prince dying is like David
Bowie dying. I feel stupid for not being bigger fans of them.
Guilty, one might say. I know I should be. David Bowie, at least
I've listened to somewhat regularly at times in my life. Prince, I have no
idea. It's clear though that I should be bigger fans of them than I am if
I want to be accepted by today's modern society.
What else and crap. Eighth paragraph. That's how
that goes. I celebrated 4/20 by thinking, You know, if I'm ever in a
situation where I'm offered pot, I think I feel comfortable that I can turn it
down. In your face, Weed! Shows how much you know. What
else and crap. Then again, Depends on the situation. Crap and
crap. I just want weed to be legalized for my Mom. She's got health
problems it would definitely help her with. Also, couldn't hurt that it
might mellow her out. That's my selfish reason. Also, who cares and
what else and crap and shit. I'd rather them legalize online poker.
With that, I could make a lot of money which I would then lose rapidly by
going on tilt. That's how I feel. I'm pretty good at drawing boxes.
I've been drawing boxes for a while now and I can confidently say I'm at some
elite level of drawing boxes. You can make 'em see through, you can make 'em
not see through, you can make parts of them see through and parts not see
through... lotta fun.
Hi! Hillary Clinton is leading in superdelegates.
Yeah, But I don't Want Her To! Logic'd it. What
else and crap. If Hillary Clinton's slogan is I'm With Her, Bernie
Sanders' should be, Yeah, But I Like This Other Guy. What else.
I guess this entry'll be a 10'r. Nothin' wrong with ten paragraphs.
It's better than five, which was the standard for a long time. It's worse
than fifteen, which became relatively standard over the past couple of months.
It's about on par with 10, which I do sometimes. Anyway, crap. I
don't know. I went to vote on Tuesday. They gave me a sticker!
How wonderful. Why not just give me a lollipop. That's the way I
would go with it. Good think I double checked who I was voting for. Came
pretty close to voting for Clinton by mistake. I was gonna double check
either way, but this way, I was like, Alright, turned out I needed to
double check. Pretty sure that's not what they're referring to when
they talk about voting difficulties. But it was hard for me, so back
Okay, great. The person working the polls thanked
me for voting, and I was like, Oh, Thank YOU for doing this. Then
they gave me five extra ballots because of my good natured-ness. Pays to
be polite, that's all I'm saying. Also, got to go to the school I spent
summer camps at when I was a youth. I tried to pick up the 20$ they owed
me from the one summer I was a camp counselor, but never showed up on the last
day to get paid. I guess there's a, "Statute of Limitations," on
some things. Whatta jip. Crap and crap. Also, she doesn't get
enough credit for it, but Mavis Beacon teaches typing really well. I gotta
say, the results are there. I don't know. Almost done with the
entry, I know that much. I remember not having their crappy lunches at the
end of Summer Camp Day at around 12 or 1. Just waited to get home. I
don't want your peanut butter and jelly nonsense. I just want peanut
butter. Now I can't even have peanut butter. It's disgusting.
See ya later.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Never Before Seen Titles
Hey friends. It's
me. Your friend. The Mets won today. I saw it with my own two
eyes. That's how that goes. Jeez. What's going on. Today
would be a good day to read my feedback. Think of all the, "I almost found
it comedic," comments I'll get. Probably two or three! Probably
zero, "What A Hero!" comments, though. No one's ever called me a hero
other than myself. Seems like it would be fun. Anyway. Decided
not to go to Bernie Rally. I could have seen Bernie with my own two eyes.
That's how that goes. I don't get why we call people who wear glasses
Four Eyes. Glasses don't look like eyes. I don't see how
you could be confusing the two. You don't call someone with headphones on
Four Ears. Cause they're headphones. They're not ears.
You don't call Hindus Three Eyes. Although of these three things,
that's the most reasonable.
Whatever. I feel bad for Three Eye Blind. You
went through all the trouble to have a Third Eye and it turns out to be blind.
That's gotta be a let down. If you're a Hindu and are missing one of your
regular eyes, do you just consider the whole thing a wash? I don't know.
Anyway. I don't like it when you're making a phone call to an organization
who worked their name or an applicable phrase into their phone number, and it
becomes more than 7 numbers. It confuses me. Do we just do the first
seven numbers and assume the extra ones are just for sure? Do we actually
have to dial those extra numbers and they have some sort of a side deal with the
phone company to make this work? It makes me think too much, I don't like
it. Don't even get me started on places that have multiple phone numbers.
I don't have time to dial multiple times. Where do you get off.
Anyway. I don't get why regular people don't have
vanity phone numbers. I'd sign up for that. Way better than a vanity
license plate. This is something people have to remember. I wonder
if 1-718-MICHAEL is taken. Who knows for sure. I guess it'd be
1-917. I forgot it's not the 1990's anymore, gotta go with a cell phone
area code. Gotta say, I'm pretty happy with the 917 area code designation.
917 is a pretty quality number, I got no qualms with 917. What else is
going on. Is it possible for a Hindu to be disfigured and have an eye in
the cheek or something. Sometimes mutants are born with weird things, why
not. What else and crap. I've thought of some real quality song
titles the last few days. Now all I have to do is write music for them.
Which I won't do. I don't have the time or skill required to write songs.
I'm too busy Being a Hero is various ways. Man those titles would make
a great album. Stupid having to write things. Can't I just put
out a word document of an album title and song titles and people enjoy that?
Probably. I'd look like a fool, though. I'm no
fool. I found out online that Moron/Imbecile/Idiot actually are
definitions of people on the lower end of the IQ spectrum. It goes
moron-->imbecile-->idiot on the scale of being stupider. I use the words
imbecile and idiot a lot. Moron, sometimes. I'd say Imbecile is the
best. Because if you sound it out differently, it can say I'ma Be
Silly. And that's the sort of thing you get from a silly
person/genuine imbecile. It works itself out nicely. Nowhere else do
you get this kind of crap. What else and crap. Mets won today.
I forgot that they could actually win. I just figured they'd lose every
game at this point.
Anyway, Huh? Crap and crap. I bought a bottle of
alcohol yesterday so big that it hurts me just to lift it up. Sure, I
saved money in the long term by getting it, but it sure makes me feel like more
of an alcoholic than I would have with a regular sized jug. Also, I looked
into if you can get drunk by bathing in alcohol. Turns out you'd die
immediately from the fumes. Good thing I looked that up before trying it.
Apparently we have Hover Boards now. The only evidence I have of that is
that on busses they have a sign that says No Hoverboards. I would
guess these boards don't really hover. Probably just like an abbreviated
segway. Whattado with the rest of my evening. I like evening.
Second only two odding. Does that joke fall in the Moron or Imbecile
category. We all know Idiots are too dumb to recognize puns.
Hey! New paragraph! If you have a hoverboard,
what do you need a bus for. Let's talk about it. Here's a piece of
crap I haven't fleshed out into a coherent thought yet-- Michael J. Fox +
Parkinson's + Parking the Delorean behind the Hill Valley sign.
Hilarious. What else is going on. If I were the postal company
at the end of Back II The Future II, I would have been staking out that street
they find Michael J. Fox on all day. Instead, they just show up exactly at
the right time. First of all, you gotta show up at least half an
hour early, you don't want to get stuck in traffic. Secondly, C'mon,
you gotta watch that street all day. Anyway, crap and crap.
Seventh paragraph. Also, Michael J. Fox really lucked
out being able to read the letter. It was pouring rain. The ink
could have easily been washed away and that would have been the end of that.
What else is going on. I've started taking practice shots of alcohol, so
I'm prepared if I have to do so socially. Back in NYU, I drank alcohol
without a mixer regularly, but it's been a while since then that I did.
Turns out you get drunk immediately. I wish I had known that all these
years. Anyway, what else and crap. You never know when you're gonna
be in a situation where you have to get drunk immediately. Happens all the
time. Crap and crap. I still grimace sometimes after a practice
shot. Can't help myself. I know not to smell when I'm drinking.
That's where most of the problems come from.
The good news is I'm preparing myself now for real world
situations down the line. Hero. I think that's how the scale
of smart people goes, on the high IQs. Smart-->Really Smart-->Hero.
I used to be a Hero. Now I'm down to Really Smart, I told you this in the
last entry. Or the entry before, who can remember. Heroes would
be able to remember. Well, I'm just really smart, I couldn't tell ya.
I'ma Be Silly. That sums up my problems pretty tightly. Anyway,
crap and crap. It's similar to Imagine, preferably in reference to the
John Lennon song. I'm a Genie. We're getting into Idiot
territory now. Idiots can be Idiot Savants. That's something they
have going for them over Morons and Imbeciles. I've never heard of a Moron
Hi! Crap and crap. I have a relative named Gene.
He invented a kind of aquarium. Bigger than a fish tank, but not like in a
Sea World type capacity. Like the kind you'd see sometimes in the middle
of a waiting room. I never met him but he's probably one of my biggest
role models. I couldn't invent an aquarium if my life depended on it.
What else and crap. Ninth paragraph. How about that. I gotta
quit smoking. These ant-smoking ads are finally getting to me. I
never used to give 'em any credit, but I don't know, lately they've resonated.
I'll give myself until I'm 30. I have no immediate plans, but by the time
I'm 30, gotta give it up. Crap and crap.
Crap and crap. That's a lot of Crap and Craps.
Crap and... shit. What else is going on. I think it was yesterday
that in the Met game, someone hit a line drive off the third base umpire.
That's gotta hurt. Anyway. Can former players become umpires.
Or would that be a conflict of interest type situation. I don't know.
Who does. Not me. Possibly you. And, if not you, possibly
someone else. Possibly no one. That's another possibility.
Jeez. You asked for Crap and Crap, you get Crap and Crap! Nobody
asked for it. Expected it, maybe. What else. I don't know.
Read my feedback later, that's for sure. I'm overdue. Maybe I can
get a Freaky Session tomorrow. It's not entirely unpossible.
Hi! Does he not know unpossible isn't a word, or is
he just being an imbecile. Choose your own adventure! Crap and
crap. The point is I'm smarter than Forrest Gump is dumb. That's
right-- I can sit next to anyone on the bus. I've got my choice of
where to sit, that's how great it is. I run that school bus theoretically.
Only times I've been on a school bus is class trips. Oh well.
Shuolda gone to Bronx Science and taken the bus there. But then I
wouldn't be able to take the LIRR twice a day. Nothin' more relaxing the
LIRR. I've been conditioned to just fall asleep within two minutes on the
LIRR, on account of getting up at 6:30 and falling asleep on the train for
legitimate reasons. Or, falling asleep on the way home, ebcause I had
slept all day and been up all night. Lots of equations of me taking trains
lead to me falling asleep on trains.
Wonderful. I don't know. Might have to take a
dinner break before Entry is over. It all depends on when it gets
delivered. I think I have four more paragraphs to go? Yep.
Twelve indeed. Voting for the first time on Tuesday. Well, for a
real election. I feel like I probably voted for myself to be class
president of seventh grade. Don't mean to brag, but it's entirely possible
I got two dozen votes. That's a lot of votes, I'm not being sarcastic.
Anyway. I don't know what gave me the confidence to run for president of
seventh grade. Whatever it was, one thing's for sure-- misplaced.
Crap and crap. I gotta start taking the plug for my phone with me places.
It's a good idea and I'm gonna go with it.
Anyway, what else and crap. Three paragraphs to go.
I can do that, do it hardcore. Or I can end it after this paragraph.
End it hardcore. About halfway through April. You know what that
means. May comes after it. Then June. Then, your guess is as
good as mine. Idiot. Anyway. Let's see, crap and crap,
crap and crap... It feels like a Friday. Fridays are the day after
my Thursday class. Today is the day after my Tuesday class. That explains
it. Relevant. Who knows for sure why. I don't know.
The good news I can eat dinner without having to return to this crap. I
can watch Return of the Living Dead again. It's already been a month or
two since I last watched it. And that was back in the Blue Tinted days of
DVDism. Maybe they have a commentary track I can listen to. Maybe I
already did listen to it. I don't know what's going on.
Two paragraphs to go. Might as well, right?
Gotta do something. Anyway, what else and crap. Gotta do some
printing tonight. You know what that's like. So close, yet
so far. I came up with that phrase just now. Me. I think
it's really gonna catch on. I'm doin' pretty good in fake online poker.
Don't mean to brag. I guess I do, a little bit. I'm proud of it, so
what. Get off my case. If I was a color commentator for baseball, in
teh ninth inning, I'd go, Well, what ever happens from here on out, one
thing's for sure, today's a win for the umpires. And not explain it.
That's the sort of thing that'll get people talking. Get #Winforumpires
trending. It'll be a water cooler moment. Everyone'll be watching
the next game.
I love water coolers. They're way more fun than getting
your water from alternate sources. Why am I making people read this.
Choose your own adventure! We have a Water Filter here at my homebase and
I'm under the impression you need to get it filled enough that the filter part
is covered in water. If not, it dries out. That's no good.
Really incontinent to keep filling it back up, though. Well, sometimes you
just gotta do what you gotta do. Can I claim I'm being sarcastic in
making people read this? Like, I'm in on the joke that it's terrible, and
that's what I'm going for? I think so. I just did, ostensibly.
Anyway, great, I finished this before dinner. My work here is done.
I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
All Different Kinds of Steps
My main take away from
campaigning for Sanders. Went door to door with my brother of registered
Democrats to get out the vote for Sanders. Jeez, every house or apartment
has got different sized steps. If I did this every day, eight hours a day,
I guarantee you I'd trip at least once a day. It's dangerous. I'm
putting my life on the line for this Democratic Nomination Process. The
good news is, I'm way on the right side of history. Donate? Check.
Buy shirt? Check. Canvas? Check. Tomorrow attending
Sanders rally? Possibly. I'm gonna make damn sure my kids and
grandkids are gonna know what a Hero I was. Good chance going door to
door for three hours'll get maybe .25 of a vote for Bernie come election day.
Hero! That's me. Anyway, what else and crap.
I'll go to Washington Square Park by myself. It'll
remind me of all times in NYU I was around Washington Square Park by myself.
Memories. It seems like we're moving onto a Poetry unit in my Fiction
Workshop class. Poetry... but, Fiction... workshop? Something's
not adding up. I have the same problem with poetry that I do with a
sentence. Too open ended. Give me some sort of direction. Each line
rhymes with Mexico, you know, that sort of thing. Not a bad
idea. We'll put that in the maybe pile. Also, having to write
poetry itself is in the maybe pile. We're doubling down on maybe piles
here. Another great idea for a poem. Doubling down on maybes.
It's got alliteration. Poems are all about alliteration.
Bus went by a Key Food, like it always does. Except
this time was different. This time, I thought of the phrase, Keyfood
Sutherland. You're welcome. I also thought about how people use
the abbreviation, "URE," in online or texts. Really? You're saving
two characters. You can't possibly be that busy in the day that two
characters makes a difference. Fun Fact-- when originally thinking of
that social commentary, I was gonna say One Character. Then I
remembered about the, "O." That Fun Fact is more interesting than the
thing itself. How about that. I kept trying to find out if there was
ever a relief pitcher who doubled as a bench player-- you know, for hitting?
In the Modern Era, I mean. Phone wouldn't give me the answer. What
Also, the phone seemed to suggest that, in one occasion, they
forgoed having a DH and just had the pitcher hit. That doesn't sound
right. The rules are you have to have a DH. You'r breaking the
rules! What is Baseball if not... uh, playing by the rules, you know,
finish that joke that way. I can't phrase it correctly, I don't have time.
Now its UR problem. Anyway. Great. Forgoed isn't a word.
It oughtta be. That's how I feel. I tried a Bison Burger yesterday.
I knew how by 1900, there were only roughly 500 Bison left. After I ate, I
found out now there's like 5 million. Whatta spoiler. I thought I
was eating an endangered species. If I can't eat an endangered species,
what's the point. Fun Fact-- I knew it wasn't endangered anymore.
If it was, they wouldn't be able to sell it. These Fun Facts are
great. Loads of fun.
What else. Finished Curb One's Enthusiasm. Now
what. I got five episodes of Dice. That's better than
terrible. Ohhh! Pronounce it correctly in your heads you
idiots. The Mets aren't doing well. That's not supposed to happen.
They're supposed to do well. So much underperforming. Wha, you're
supposed to be good! Internet said it, stats said it, impression from past
said it. Whatta jip. They still have roughly 155 games to turn
it around. That's a lot of games. Here's a question-- if someone so
good that they have a nickname starts being crap, do we rescind the nickname?
They're not good anymore-- they don't deserve an affectionate nickname. I
got better things to think about than your nickname, if you ain't bringing
anything to the table.
Right, right... What else. The story we
workshopped today was about marijuana. Hey, I used to know that!
I read a little bit of a book last week for the first time in a long time.
The Who book. It was also the last book I had been reading, a year ago.
Picked up right where I left off. Turns out Pete Townshend sure did a lot
of stuff. There's literally hundreds of pages about it. Anyway.
The Mets have 25 people on their roster. That's my story and I'm sticking
to it. I have no idea why I said that. Probably crap and
shit. Started thinking about Lil Poopy today. Wonder what he's up
to. I wanna see how that kid turns out. Anyway, crap and crap.
The best part about going to Sanders tomorrow, if I do, is taking the train.
I love taking the train. The train is the best place you can be, as far as
Anywayans. That's another super market pun. Damon
Fairway-ans. Let's talk about it. Now that I'm done with the Larry
David show, can I finally be enthusiastic again? It's been a week since
I've been enthusiastic. I respect titles. I read the stories for
today on the bus, cause I was running late. So much better. I grasp
the plot and everything 100% when I'm reading on the bus. Live and learn,
I guess. Shower Radio. That's a gift you get someone who you want to
die. No two ways around it. It's a prank to the utmost extent.
Killing someone is sort of the ultimate prank, now that I think about it.
I guess you can bury them alive. That way they die, but suffer a lot
beforehand. That's a pretty good prank.
Great. That's reminiscent of an old crazysheet.com
joke. Wouldn't it be funny if you were buried alive? Well, not to
you, but to your enemies. Solid joke. I like it. It
implies that people have enemies. Most regular people, my guess, is they
don't really have any enemies. Lots of facets and layers to the joke, to
be honest. Anyway, crap and craps. If I do go to the Sanders rally,
would it be in poor taste to start a U-S-A! U-S-A! chant? My
experience is the people who chant USA are usually on the wrong side of things.
No reason it has to be that way, though. People with my political leanings
should be able to enjoy a nice patriotic chant, why not.
Okay, what else. It's my 1/3 birthday. 27.333.
Roughly. And I'm still here doing this bullshit. Great.
Gotta do something. That's what I've been led to believe.
Anyway. What else and crap. Hung out with some of my Brother's
friends after canvassing. That was pretty fun. By the end of the
canvassing, I worked up the nerve to give the little speech myself. You
Must Be... I'm Here Supporting... Can We Count on Your... I did it,
did it hardcore. Anyway. Seems kind of weird that you can do this
without the sanction of Bernie or his team. You don't know what kind of
people you're getting to volunteer. They can easily reflect poorly on you.
Oh well, crap and crap.
Alright! I figured it was in poor taste to smoke
cigarettes while doing it. Just one example of me using good judgment.
Anyway. The point is I'm A Hero. And I met some of my Brother's
coworkers. I'm graduating next year. We didn't talk about it, but
maybe that can be a place where I get work. Possibly. I know I can
volunteer there if I wanted. Who knows. I gotta start thinking about
what I'm gonna do, though. Whatever that ends up being. I think I
can handle it. Working eight hours a day isn't so bad. And it means
I can get my own place. I'd do that now if I had to. Good deal.
Anyway, what the what? No one's gonna tell me how
much red meat to eat in a week! That's what living here is like,
pretty much. Just extrapolate that example and you'll get a good
impression of what my life is like. Oh, right. My brother's improv
show. Pretty, pretty good. He probably did better than me for either
of my shows. That was fun. Still haven't read my feedback for my
second story. I just don't feel like it, okay. Hopefully the girl
who told me she liked it didn't write at the bottom of the feedback, Let's
Get Freaky on Tuesday, Meet Me In The Stairway. Cause, if so, huge
missed opportunity. I assume there's a statute of limitations on proposals
to get Freaky. Seems like there would be.
Wha? Huh? Great. I have another friend who
works for the LIRR. You'd think that'd be right up my alley, considering
how much I praised riding the train earlier today. Really put my foot in
it that time. Well, it's good to have potential options. Probably
not real options, but perhaps could be at some point. Who knows.
What else and crap. I've always wondered if it's legal to drink on the
LIRR. They sell beer in Penn Station. I've done it before.
Those things lead me to believe that yes it is legal. That potentially
settles that. Probably not really settling it, but perhaps at some point.
Three more paragraphs to go, I believe. Yep.
Checked it. I was right. Three more. Confirmed. Indeed.
Huh? What else and crap. I wonder what Bernie Sanders looks like in
person. My guess? Similar to how he does on T.V. The same
features, I would imagine, just not on T.V. Can't wait to find out for
sure! I don't know. Probably a 50/50 chance I'll go.
That's pretty good odds, all things considered. I didn't consider all
things. I considered five, maybe ten things, tops. Oh well, crap
and crap, we must continue. I don't like it when a girl is making very
pronounced forward moves on me, because my first instinct is that she's fucking
with me. I'm 5'2 and 185 pounds. Nobody wants a piece of this.
I could be passing up opportunities, though, by not pursuing these things.
The question is Save Face, or potentially Get Some Ass. 95%
it would be right for me to save face. But for that 1/20, it couldn't hurt
Anyway. These are the real issues. They kind
of are. I never thought I'd be talking about the real issues, as it
pertains to me. How about that. Content! What else and
crap. What if I Save Ass and Get Some Face. Is that an avenue worth
exploring? I don't know for sure. What else and crap. The
Orioles are doing really good. I couldn't win six games to start of the
season if my life depended on it. Yeesh. And The Twins have
lost seven straight. I feel like I could do better than that. I can
probably go a solid 3-4, 2-5. As long as I haven't statistically
eliminated myself from making the playoffs in the first week, I consider that a
win. I don't know what I'm talking about. Great.
Last paragraph! Up top. What else is going on.
Whattado with the rest of the day. My guess is watch T.V. in some
capacity. Just basing it on how I've spent my past two thousand days.
I can watch Back II The Future with the commentary. I've always wondered
the correct way to watch that movie. Real brain buster, it is. I
took an online IQ test a few weeks ago, and I'm 25 points dumber than I used to
be. Sounds about right. Anyway. Maybe I'm just as smart, but I
haven't learned anything or made progress in twenty years. That also
sounds about right. Anyway, crap and crap. I'm gonna get steak
tonight. No one's gonna tell me what to eat! I'll see ya later.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Titlin', Huh? I Know What That's Like
Writing an entry. I don't know what else to do. The Mets won at
Baseball today. That's for sure. Anyway. Still haven't read my
written feedback. I took a quick glance at one and I believe it said
something like, "Comedic Genius," and I stopped reading after that.
Anyway, crap and crap. Today's Friday. Tomorrow's Saturday. I
will keep you updated on what days of the week follow as the information comes
in. Tomorrow is Wyoming. Or, Yao Ming. You wanna, "Y,"
"O-Ming," you end up with Yao Ming. Pretty pertinent information.
The "A" is cheating a little bit. Close enough, right? Probably.
Yao Ming has got the height of an athlete, but the soft spoken-ness of a
gentleman. I saw him being interviewed for some reason recently.
Asians are, pretty much as a rule, polite. That's been my experience.
Great. What else. None of the presidential
candidates have birthdays in February. That's a relief. You don't
want one of these jerks to be lumped in for future presidents days. Why do
Presidents get their own day, anyway. They get four to eight years in
office, isn't that enough. Anyway, what else and crap. There's a
slight possibility I'll campaign for Bernie Sanders in some capacity tomorrow.
I'm meeting up with my brother during the afternoon, and he said he would be
doing something for Sanders at night, so I might tag along and help.
Depends on what would be required of me. Half the things they would have
me doing, I'd be a detriment rather than contributing positively.
Anyway, crap and crap. Also, is that a good opportunity
to wear my Bernie shirt? Or would that sorta be doubling down on it and
make it overkill. I wonder. I know I can wear my shirt on the day of
the New York Primary, which coincides with a day I have class. I've
already worn it once during a day with class, but considering the circumstances,
I can get away with wearing it again for the primary day. Anyway.
Shirts, am I right. Probably. Crap and crap. Is wearing a
Bernie shirt to my polling place against the law? You're not supposed to
campaign at the polling place. Does wearing a shirt count as campaigning.
I don't know. I can live with Sanders being included in Presidents' Days.
He'd do that elevated status justice, I feel.
Great. Crap and crap. I haven't thought of a
sentence since Guilty! I was gonna think of one every day, what
happened to that. The only one I thought of since Guilty was My
Taint Is All Fucked Up. That doesn't even belong in the Maybe
Pile. That's just crap. Anyway. You Thought I Was Dead,
Didn't You. I didn't think of that sentence. The writers of City
Slickers II did. I can't just use a movie quote. I contributed
nothing to it. I got a good idea for a sentence! Gremlins II: The
New Batch. That's the sentence. Also, by good idea, I meant
phrase that will waste yours and mine time. Anyway. I've seen
Gremlins II way more than I've seen Gremlins I. We had Gremlins II on VHS
my entire childhood, and I've only seen Gremlins Episode I on T.V. These
are the important issues?
Why. What else and crap. Sometimes I wonder if
there's a character whose in a wheel chair on a T.V. show if they're really in a
wheelchair. There must be disabled people who want to be actors.
Taking that into consideration, you'd think you'd be doing that entire group a
solid by picking one of them for these roles. I don't know. Crap and
crap. If you're so good at acting, why don't you just act like you can
walk, and take it from there. I don't know. You can hire
disabled people to play not disabled roles. Just make sure the character
is always sitting down. The audience will be none the wiser. It's
not that much difficulty to get someone in a wheelchair into a regular chair.
You gotta help em out a little bit, but it can be done.
Huh? What else. I would never write a character
whose name was pronounced Kofi. I'm unqualified to make a reference
to Kofi Annan. All I know is that he's probably African and possibly has
something to do with the UN. Well, now I know he's definitely African.
I looked it up yesterday. The character is nothing like Kofi Annan.
Based on those two details of him, at least. The character was neither
African nor worked for the UN. Hmm, can working in the UN be a
metaphor for this character? No. I don't want it to be. I
guess you can stretch the symbolism enough for it to sort of work, but no, I
don't want it to be. Not one bit.
I like John Bolton. Let's make our UN Ambassador
someone who doesn't think the UN should exist in the first place. He'll
reflect us aptly. Also, more commentary about things that were going on
a decade ago... Huh. Let's bring The League of Nations back.
League of Nations is such a better title for that kind of thing than the UN.
League of nations. Sounds great. When ever country is underwater,
brings a whole new meaning to League of Nations. What else and crap.
I don't know. Mets are kicking ass and taking names. Not necessarily
in that order. That's a weird expression. Taking names. Why
would you take names of the people whose ass you are kicking. If anything,
you'd think you wouldn't concern yourself with their names. If you're
kicking their ass, you're on a level above them. You don't need to know
the names of people who get their ass kicked. Unless you wanna kick their
asses again. Then take their names so you remember who they are.
Great. I burn myself at least twice a day, letting a
lit ash fall to my leg or something. Oh well. I'm done with these
ground pellets. I tried smoking one for the first time in a few months
yesterday, and nothing. I've given it enough chances. It's time to
accept defeat and move on. I've tried smoking them full, I've tried
clipping them so there's a mix of outershell and inner shell, I've tried just
the outshell. The good news is it probably hasn't done me any damage.
In general, I would assume ground pellets are pretty harmless. Nothing
positive, though. I'll call the whole thing a wash. Brother doing
improv show tomorrow. The worst part about improv is you can't pretend
you're on the phone by sticking out your pinky and your thumb, talking into it
like it's a phone. No, you have to mime holding a phone. Terrible.
That's not how it should be done. I've got a big problem with this
Anyway. When am I gonna read my workshopping comments.
I think there would be a time where I'm actually in the mood to read it.
Right now, not really. I can stand reading it now, but there will
come a time I'll be actually interested in reading them, and pumped up for it.
Might as well wait for that. In general, people talking about me?
Good thing. That's a load of fun. But, knowing over 50% of it will
be negative, not so good thing. Great. What else and crap.
Wikipedia really doesn't like Maury. I guess it's cause, it's the same
level as Jerry Springer, but Jerry Springer knows its a freak show. Maury
treats it as if he's a good guy, working out peoples problems. I don't
know why I wikipedia'd Maury. I get bored.
Wonderful. When I was a kid, there was a higher
proportion of Out of control kids compared to paternity tests and
cheaters' lie detector tests. Oh, how things change. Lots of movies
on premium channel on demands that I've seen that I can rewatch.
Entourage: The Movie. I don't wanna watch the show, I'll watch the movie.
A fraction of the commitment. Trainwreck. That was a good movie, I
can watch that again. Pixels. That wasn't a good movie, but I can
watch it again. I recognize it was crap, but I liked it. Crap can be
funny and entertaining. Probably a few others, too. Oh well.
What else and crap. Gotta register for Summer/Fall classes next week.
I can do that, do it hardcore.
Eleventh paragraph. That's right. What else and
crap. Grandma's Boy. There's a movie that's pure crap, but utterly
entertaining. I don't know why it's pure crap. I think I'm just
saying that because that's what you might expect going into it. It's
funny. I don't have a problem with Grandma's Boy. It's supposed to
snow at some point soon. I have that on good authority. How About
That. Crap and crap. Snow is like the sky is crapping. Let's
talk about it. I don't know. What else and crap. I feel like
one more paragraph. Twelve. Twelve is a good amount. It's no
Ten or Fifteen, but if I got to pick an amount in between, I'd say Twelve is the
way to go.
Carp and carp. Let's see. I can't help but
wonder what Larry David is like in real life. Who knows. I can't
help but wonder what I am like in real life. I haven't been in a real life
in years. Oh well. I know what I'm like in my room 24 hours a day.
Pretty, pretty good. Anyway. Windin' down the last paragraph.
Got some more shit to say. Who knows what it will be. Entertaining?
Probably not. Words? I would assume so. Sentences? Oh
no my arch nemesis. I'll see ya later.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Now That's What I Call Titles Volume 63
What's up. Had two
Larry David-esque misunderstandings today in class. First, Teacher was
talking about immigrants, and she was like, There are parents who work 30
hours a day... And I laughed. Thirty hours a day? There's only
24 hours in a day! Then everyone looked at me like I was an asshole
laughing at immigrants. Could she have meant each parent works 15 hours
a day? I can't assume that! Then, while workshopping my story, I
have a character named Kofe. Everyone pronounced it like in Kofi
Annan. No! It's Coffee! The teacher of the class is
from Africa, way back, and there's another African kid in the class.
I'm not talking about you! No! Coffee! I don't know if they're
really Larry David-esque. Pretty pedestrian situations, I just framed it
as Larry David-esque because that's what I've been watching.
Well, now everyone thinks I'm a racist, immigrant hating
asshole. There goes that. Then they go, Why would I think you
were talking about us in your story? And I go, No, you wouldn't,
there's no reason, why would I be talking about you, no! No!
Escalation! Anyway, what else and crap. The girl sitting next to me
said she liked me story before class started and I felt all warm and fuzzy
inside. That part of the day was okay. Also, the class seemed to
like the story more than they thought it was funny. I got some comments
about it being funny, but the main thing they loved? The organization.
The structure. I can't fault 'em. I consciously made every paragraph
7-9 lines. Who knew it would pay off so much in the comments I got.
Like I said, paragraphs? I'm your man. Sentences?
That's another story. I need some work on sentences. I think I even
specifically said in a previous entry, Man, I think it's great being able to
pronounce things different ways. I'm all for it. That could never
come back and bite me in the ass. Escalation! The point is who
knows when the next chance I'll get to rectify this unfortunate workshopping
session will be. What else and crap. They started reading into the
story, giving comments speculating about a part of the story I didn't even think
that much about. No, there's no story! Forget about the story!
It's jokes! That's all it is! Anyway. There was like a
very miniature worm on my kitchen table. Is that a grub? That's what
a grub is, right? Started messing with my hair over the table, I wanna see
if there's grubs in my hair. Mom gets upset, You eat off that table.
I wanna see if there's more grubs! That is the pressing situation right
now. Are there bugs in my hair.
There weren't. Also, I eat off plates. I don't
eat off the tables. There's an extra layer of protection there that I
don't think you're taking into consideration. Anyway, what else and crap.
Also, the story was meant to be at least 50% sarcastic. They just took it
as a heart warming genuine emotion tale. C'mon, guys. The Kofi-Coffee
thing, though, that's the real shame. Sure, I clarified it at the end of
class, and there was a huge OOOOHHHHH from everyone, but the damage was
already done. Also, everyone interpreted Kofe as a negative character,
making the confusion worse. No, no negative. Neutral! She's
a neutral character! The point is I need to get Larry David out of my head.
What else is going on.
Jeez. What do I got comin' up now that the story's
done. Who knows. Two more seasons of Curb, then what do I got coming
up, T.V.-wise. Who knows. Thirty Hours a Day! That's funny!
That's 1.25x how many hours there are! I just smelled marijuana.
Someone's smoking marijuana. Wait, never mind. Phantom smell.
What else is going on. I did get a solid 5-10 seconds of feeling fuzzy.
That's makes today a win, anyway you look at it. Too bad after saying she
liked my story, she went, These Africans, am I right? There goes
that. You got racist flirting, my friend, says The Jeff in my
brain. I got racist flirting! Am I okay with that? I'll take
Whatta idiot. On the way home, half a block from my
house, I took out my keys, and thought, What would I do if I had one key
missing from my keychain. How would I explain that to my parents.
Sure, it can never happen, right? But what if it does. How would I
be able to explain that. Anyway. Doesn't Jeff have any other
clients. Let's talk about it. Jeez. I haven't thought of
another sentence after, Guilty! What makes a good sentence. I
need some guildeines. A sentence about this, a sentence with a
lot of adjectives. Just any sentence? That's not fair. I
can't possibly come up with a sentence that I can confidently say is the best
Maybe she's looking for a simple sentence. A great,
simple sentence can be wonderful. But what if she thinks a simple sentence
doesn't reflect that I worked hard enough. But, a complicated sentence,
that could insinuate I worked too hard, and to little avail. This thing
has got me going bonkers, my friend. I just want to go with Guilty!
That sums me up. I can't do that. Only a jerk would do that.
Also, Guilty is way better than Innocent. Right? Gotta
be. What about Five to Ten Years. We'll see. Are
Innocent and Guilty really sentences? Are sentences only the punishment
involved? I feel like Guilty is a sentence. Anyway, what else and
crap. One things for sure, no semi-colons.
Crap and crap. Is it possible watching Curb Your
Enthusiasm for almost a week straight has driven me insane? More insane?
Can't get that theme song and the interlude theme songs out of my head.
It's terrible. What else and crap. J.B. Smoove sounds like a brand
of scotch. Let's talk about it. I got DVDs I can watch,
theoretically. Wayne's World II isn't gonna not enjoy itself. Maybe
it will. I'd have to watch it to know, though. It's a riddle.
Jeez. Can I get off the Larry David character yet? I wasn't doing it
100%, I just kind of figured I was sticking with it mostly throughout the entry
if you choose to read it that way. I still got to read the written
comments I got about my story. Saving that. Sure, it'll be 50-60%
negative comments. But I can ignore those, and savor the good ones.
Anyway. Three days off in the first week for The Mets.
That's no good. You want to get me going into the season full speed.
You're basically setting me up to think Eh, I only need to watch half the
games a week. No good. No good for you, no good for me, no good
for The Mets. Anyway. Got better feedback on my first story.
That's fine. It was a better story. Anyway, crap and crap. I
believe the only other workshop class I got to go is Poetry Workshop.
That's okay. I can make myself feel good about some poems and potentially
get some good feedback. I think I can take fiction workshop again, too.
I believe two or three English classes I have to go are electives. And
you're permitted to take the same one over, I believe, and have it count.
I will keep you updated on this situation as it develops.
Anyway, this is around the tenth paragraph. Is it the
tenth? It is, indeed. The rubber protective case around my phone is
coming apart. First there was a little tear, so, me being me, I pulled at
it till there was a bigger tear. Tearing rubber is fun. I would
recommend tearing rubber to anybody. Coffee instead of Kofi changes the
entire story. Entire story. I said, after everyone went Oohhhh,
I said, That changes everything! which got a laugh, and was meant for a
laugh, but inside I believed it 100%. Oh well, what else and crap. I
gave some guy some wrong directions today. Well, partly wrong. He
goes Does this bus go to Main Street Flushing? And I was like,
Umm, yeah. Then I went up to him thirty seconds later, and was like,
It goes to main street, I don't know about Flushing. Not sure if he
grasped the distinction. Then when he got on the bus, the bus driver
explained it to him, but I felt he harbored some resentment towards me for
misleading him at first.
Great. What else and crap. There's another bus
that does go to Main Street Flushing. And I was gonna tell him that when I
talked to him for the second time. But this bus does go to Main
Street. Anyway, what else. The Mets won a game. How about
that. They gotta move David Wright down in the order. Walker could
hit second. Wright fits great at sixth. Unless he really turns it on
and has a great season. Which could happen. I'll give him credit for
possibly surprising us with a great season. We'll see how it goes. I
really like their lineup. It's almost like a continuous lineup. It's
deep, Granderson hitting first almost makes it like an RBI situation, he's good
for that. I like it a lot.
Anyway. I've got to dilute the Curb Your Enthusiasm for
the two seasons I have left. Watch some Curb, watch a movie on demand.
Watch some Curb, watch some daytime T.V. Watch some Curb, watch a DVD.
Finish Curb. Move onto something new and exciting. Do I have to
watch Entourage. I think I do, at some point. It's entertaining
enough. I know its a punch line to a lot of people, but I think I could
stand watching it. I'm drinking beer instead of liquor. That's no
good. I'm not getting drunk quick enough. To start off a non-class
day, fine. I can ease my way into it. We're already into half the
way, now, though. I ought to be drunk by now.
Crap and crap. Three more paragraphs? You betcha.
What's going on and crap. I don't think I've gone to see a movie this
year. Last one was Star Wars, which I believe I saw in December. I
would see Batman And Superman Are Friends in a heartbeat if it got good reviews.
I could still see it. I like Batman. I keep putting it off, though,
to see it after a class, so I can see it at the better movie theater on the way
home. Never follow through, though. That's how that's been going.
Big Primary in Wyoming this weekend. As Wyoming Goes, So Goes...
Wyoming. I don't think I've ever had to say or type the word Wyoming
in my life time. This is the first.
Great. Now it's two paragraphs to go. Wonderful.
Sanders wa giving a speech in Wyoming after winning Wisconsin. There were
like three hundred people there. I'm pretty sure that's most of the
population of Wyoming. He's got it locked up. Anyway, crap and crap.
Poetry Workshop. Same problem as Sentence Assignment. Where does one
begin. Give me like five or ten words I have to use. I'll write a
poem like that. C'mon. I need guidance! What else is going on.
I don't want to watch Entourage. There's got to be a better option.
Anyway. Wasn't raining when I left the house, then, while waiting for the
bus, started pouring. Had to buy a fifteen dollar umbrella from the drug
store. Then, immediately after I bought it, I left the store, wasn't
raining any more. Started raining again after I got on the bus.
That's a relief. Empirically speaking, it raining while getting off the
bus and onto campus and into the class building, better off without it raining.
Yeah, I have an umbrella now, but less hassle. On the other hand, I bought
an umbrella, I damn well better need it at some point. So that worked out.
Last paragraph! Wonderful! Also, not 100% on what
empirically means. Oh well. I have five or ten minutes of Curb to
finish the season. I gotta watch that to knock it out before I can do
anything else. That's just logic. Anyway, what kind of crap can I
talk about to finish this paragraph. I used to have dandruff. My
entire time in high school I had dandruff. Ove the years, not so much.
Still a minimal amount. Some dandruff. Not excessive dandruff.
Doesn't even need Dandruff shampoo regularly, that's how miniscule the amount of
dandruff is. What else and crap. I'll see ya later.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
The Who What In The Where Now?
going on in the wide world of bullshit. I had a pretty good moment of
clarity yesterday. I'm twenty seven years old. It was pretty
good in the quality of it being some great clarity, but negative in that, I
gotta be an adult now? What bullcrap. That doesn't sound right.
The way my parents talk to me, and how I interact with them, I'm basically
fifteen years old. All that's gonna change now, though. I
clarifiedid it, and things are gonna change around here. Like, well, what.
Drinking and smoking and overeating. If I'm gonna start taking
responsibility for my life, those three things oughtta go. I don't want
to have to do stuff. That's not being an adult. That's being
a jabroni. Oh well. Hey, have you heard the one about the
twenty seven year old Polish guy? He can change a light bulb, no problem.
After all, He's An Adult. That's no good. Nobody likes adults.
Anyway, great. Hey, I did change a light bulb a
couple of weeks ago. That's right. Adult! Anyway, crap
and crap. The Mets haven't won a game this entire season. Oh well.
When they have a celebrity or an established dignitary throw out the first pitch
at baseball games, let's make that pitch count. Really raise the stakes.
I guess, for the pitch to count, you need a batter. They should have a
batter either way, now that we're talking about it. People can throw a bal
sixty feet anytime they want. Throwing a ball to Ichiro though, that comes
but once in a life time. Unless if you're a major league pitcher.
Then, it could happen dozens of times. Is Ichiro still around.
Ichiro Suzuki, what is that, a car? Relevant humor!
Man he likes to get hits. I mean, I know all batters
like to get hits, but he must really like it. Otherwise, you explain all
those hits he does. One of my favorite Beastie Boys lyrics is I got
action like my man John Woo/and I got mad hits like I was Rod Carew. I
don't know who Rod Carew is exactly, but I imagine he got a lot of hits.
If they did that song fifteen years later, I guess you can make a slant rhyme
with Ichi-roo. instead. You gotta be liberal with your
pronunciations, though, which is cheating a little bit. A little bit.
I could live without the John Woo part. It's fine, I like it a little bit.
But I just included it so you knew what Carew rhymed with. I do it for
your benefit and carp.
Anyway, great. Of course, my favorite Beastie Boys
lyric is I went inside the deli and my man's like 'What?'/I write the songs
that make the whole world suck. Top ten lyrics in general, gotta be.
Adult! Anyway, crap and crap. Jacob DeGrom hasn't even
pitched one game this entire season. I know he's expecting child, but this
is ridiculous. Adult? No. Decidedly not Adult. Oh
well, growing up takes time. One would imagine. More like
A-Dolt. Great. Got some nice comments about Bernie
Shirt from my therapist and nurse. I like him because he's good guy,
make me happy. That's how I talk to my therapists. Makes em feel
more comfortable. Anyway, what else and crap. Google is gonna store
Rod Carew in its search history memory. Now every time I wanna look
up Rodney Dangerfield, they're gonna be mucking things up by suggesting him.
Great, just great.
Is there a setting on Google to have it not suggest things?
I don't wanna be reminded of the porn I look at. It's not even that I
don't want other people to see it if they're on my phone, sure, that too.
I just don't want to have to face my masturbation history over and over again.
Doesn't seem right. Almost makes me not want to do it in the first place.
Anyway. We have an assignment due next month that we have to write "the
greatest sentence we've ever written." Ugh. In theory, sounds like
fun. In practice, C'mon. That could be a Twitter
thing, though. Every day, think of a good sentence, by next month, I'll be
able to choose the best one. That's thinking ahead. That's taking
care of my responsibilities. That's being Adult.
Can the Where in The World Is Carmen Sandiego... I
want my money back! be the sentence? Jeez. It's a run
on sentence, that's what makes it interesting. I can't just use a joke,
though. That's not in the spirit of the exercise. Probably gotta
have adjectives and everything. Workshopping my story on Thursday.
Great. People aren't gonna like it. That's no good. I don't
want people to criticize me-- who would? Well, other people wouldn't care
much about people criticizing me. I mean nobody wants people to criticize
them. Another Crazysheet-ism I thought of as a sentence-- Let's
Watch T.V. About It! And another one I probably shouldn't use.
My first reaction the assignment was thinking it was like that fabled Philosophy
class where the question was Why? And the correct answers were Why
Not, Because, and then everything else was failing. I guess that means I
should have Why Not as my sentence. That's no good.
Because is crap too. Gotta think outside the bun on this one.
Great. We had fireworks before everyone recognized the
Earth was a sphere in space, right? Cause, before that, seems kind of
blasphemous. We're fuckin' declaring war on God with that crap.
Issues! I'm under the impression China invented fireworks thousands of
years ago. Their best scientific minds just really didn't like the sky, I
guess. What else and crap. What's a really great sentence. I
wouldn't know where to begin. Paragraphs are more my thing. You want
a good paragraph, I can hook you up with that. A sentence? I don't
know. Hah! I know! Guilty! All adults love puns.
We'll put that in the maybe pile. Great, thought of my one sentence
for the day. Alright, now we're talking.
Two paragraphs to go? Three? Three. Okay.
I got DVDs to watch, Jack. I bet the Back II The Futures I, II, and III
have commentary. They might even have multiple commentaries. THe
cast one and the crew one. I watched The School of Rock commentary with
just the kids. It was great. Check it out, its kids! And
I'm listening to them! Without being a creep! Well, without being as
much of a creep! It was great. That reminds me, I need to get
Short Circuit I and II on DVD. I wanna listen to commentary from Johnny
Five. Well, the robot who played him. I assume he didn't use his
Anyway. I started this off saying I'm an adult now.
Turns out, still have a ways to go. Oh well. It'll happen one day.
I guess. Crazysheet needs input. Yeah I'm adult, I'm gonna eat
some Oreos. Not right now. Just in general, I mean. You
get it. Hey, Neil Walker his a homerun. Walk around the bases.
Neil Armstrong. Satchmo. Big Foot. What was I talking
about. Let's call Neil Walker Satchmo from now on.
No reason not to. You know what they say about monsters with big feet,
right. Big ol' monster dicks. Crap and crap.
Alright, last paragraph! What else is crap. I
gotta shave for Thursday. People'll be looking at my face all over the
place. I write down everything that's said in class. Well, most
things the teachers say, and a lot of classmats comments. I just do it
because I figure it's the responsible thing to do, in theory. I mean,
stuff teacher says, she's a real writer. I gotta make note of all the
nuggets of wisdom. My peers might find it weird that I write down
everything that's said while workshopping their stories, though. Oh
well. If writing things down is wrong, I don't want to be right!
Anyway, I had a bunch of short paragraphs today. One
more should satisfy the ten-regular-paragraphs requirement. Classmates
might also think I'm weird based on what I say and my appearance and the stories
I write. That can't be helped, though. Anyway. Watson
Commercials Are Back! I guess they advertise specifically during baseball
for some reason. I love me some Watson. He's a computer that talks
to you, in case you haven't seen it. I want a Watson! As long as he
doesn't quote my porn history to me. I don't need that in a friend.
Anyway, what else and crap. Kinda want to do fifteen paragraphs, now.
That always happens, what crapdom and bullshnit.
I'm not gonna continue watching Curb One's Enthusiasm until
after my workshop on Thursday. I can't be going into that with a negative
attitude. And what I watch influences my attitude. Like a parasite,
I take on the personality of what I'm watching and adopt it for myself for the
immediate future. What can I watch that would put me into a good headspace
for work shopping. Is Workshopping: A Series a thing? I don't
think it is. I guess I can just lie in bed and think about what I've done.
That solves all sorts of problems. Anyway, crap and crap. I need to
think of a great sentence. I got some time. A month. How long
is a month. Let's say, in seconds. 60 X 60 X 24 X 28. Or, I
can divide Rent by 12. I don't know that off the top of my melon,
though, that's no good.
Great. Three more paragraphs to go now. I can do
that hardcore. Rent is in minutes. I'd have to divide by 12 x
60. Divide by 720? Is that Math? Pretty sure That's Math.
Anyway, what else and crap. Wait, no. Multiple by 60, divide by 12.
Man, this is hard. That means divide by five. Or multiply by 5.
Multiply by 5, I think That's Math. Nothin' more entertaining than a
man-child doing Math over the internet. That's how I feel. I was
just doing Math with my Mom, too. Talking about getting pizza.
Okay, one slice of a medium pie is about equal to one slice of a large pie.
Medium pies are divided into sixths, as opposed to eighths. My mom
couldn't grasp it. How can one slice of a large pie be equal to one of
a medium. I explained it several times and she said she god it, but I
think she just didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Anyway. Great, I just told you my dinner. There
goes that. Where does Kansas City get off, being in Missouri. Never
have I seen such a blatant rejection of logic. I remember, as a kid,
you're proud to know Albany is the capital, not New York City. You'd think
it would be New York City. It's the main city. But it isn't.
Also, California? Sacramento. Keep that on the down low.
Sacrament. Sacramento. Hmm, how about that. Anyway, what else
and crap. Of course, The Los Angeles Angels translating to The Angels
Angels, that's a crazysheet-ism. Could that be my sentence?
That'll show them I'm all about nonsense. I don't know. Two entries
in the first five days this month. That's a fine rate. Twenty Five
entries a month, that's just too much. Too much for you, too much for me,
too much for other people. A good 10 or 12 or 14 entries, that's
Anyway, what else and crap. Another crazysheet-ism I've
been thinking about a lot is the Virginia joke. Virginia is for lovers.
No it isn't. It's called Virgin-ia. It's the only
state that's specifically not for lovers. I want to tell everyone
about that joke, but, unfortunately, I gotta wait and hope it comes up somehow.
Also, I don't talk to people. That's another hurdle to overcome.
Anyway, crap and crap. I guess West Virginia, too. Who knows what
they're all about. Either pro-slavery, or anti-slavery. Probably
anti. I know it came from the civil war, so they were on one side, regular
Virginia the other. I'll look it up right now! That'll be pulling an
Adult. Expanding my knowledge base! They were anti! Good for
What else and carp. Last paragraph. That's
America. Half of our entire country fought a war specifically to be able
to have slaves. Probably. Economics and states rights and crap
played a role, sure. I'm a History, I know all about that. Still,
though, makes you wonder. What else are we capable of. What else can
I say to finish this paragraph. I can watch Curb Mine Enthusiasm. It
couldn't hurt my psyche that much. Crap and crap. I'll see ya later.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
It's April. Wonderful.
Everything looks different. I'll get used to it. I'm great at
getting used to stuff. It's fun and productive. What's going
on in Wide World of Sports. We lost power last night. Only us.
And some street lights outside. Apparently Con Ed said we were the only
one who complained. One can only assume this means Electro is back, and he
wants revenge. There's an ongoing theme of my life that, the older I get,
the more and more I realize I must be Spiderman. If you've got an
explanation that doesn't involve Electro, I'd like to hear it.
Anyway. Magneto. When I was in grade school I was in the Magneto
class. We learned how the regulars hated us mutant-gifted types.
Pretty much the main lesson we learned. That, and everything's better with
a clown. Proud to say I filled that role for 30 people for nine years
Clown, on its own, that's demeaning. Class Clown?
Suddenly it's a positive thing. Some sort of pun involving
social/financial class with clownism. You figure it out, I ain't got
time for that crap. You're not born a class clown. Being in the same
class for nine years straight gave me the valuable time I needed to hone my
craft. And, boy, did it pay off. Anyway. Yeesh, this entry is
the pits. We got some time to set it right, though. No entry is born
entertaining. Takes a solid nine paragraphs to reach that stage. Oh
well. The main thing we learned was that the regulars hated us.
Funny and true! Just like my favorite artificial sweetener,
Truvia. Like it!... Huh? Great. What else and
Been watching Curb Our Enthusiasms the last two days.
It's great. You can watch it with 100% attention, it's good, you can watch
it with 80% attention, it's good, you can watch it with 50% attention, it's
good. You're never missing out on anything by watching it while doing
something else, and you're never committing your time inappropriately by
watching it intently. Whatta multi-purpose show! How grand! I
remember when I first watched it, I just thought Larry Sanders was an elderly.
In retrospect, that's not fair. He was an older middle aged guy.
Now, he is elderly. And I don't know how to feel about that. Right,
right... Anyway. He's just about my parents' age. Maybe a couple of
years older. I don't remember recognizing when my parents ceased to be
middle aged and became elderly. I don't really remember it being gradual.
Happened all of sudden, it seems.
Anyway, great, what else. Things and crap.
Baseball is tomorrow! Great. I like the part where Larry David has
friends. Someone should put together an edit of the show where it's just
people enjoying Larry's company. The Feel Good Show Of The Decade!
an article about it would be I guess. I don't know what that contributes
to the joke. I just felt like saying it, is all. Anyway, crap and
crap. He was way ahead of the curve of self-referential bullshit.
You know, five or ten years. Now every show is that. Oh well.
Live and learn. Crap and crap. I like self-referential bullshit.
Ha. They know we're watching them. Anyway, what else and crap.
Sometimes the conflicts Larry gets engaged in are too intense. I have to
mute it and open up the guide so it's only shown in a small percentage of the
screen and I can't hear it.
That's right, Curb Your Enthusiasm scares me. You've
got no right to judge. Me and My Mom were watching Rachael Maddow
interview Bernie Sanders and he said the word, "Pretty," and me and my Mom
simultaneously completed the, "Pretty good." It's good to get along with
ones parents. They ain't gradually gonna pass away, that's for sure.
One minute it's elderly, the next, no more. A lot of people get sick
and gradually pass away. Get off my website! I'll learn you to
correct me...! My parents dying is the only thing that scares me more than
getting a job. It goes my parents dying, getting a job, clowns, then Curb
Your Enthusiasm, then pigeons, on the list of things that scare me the most.
Can't we get rid of pigeons. There can't be any pigeon activist groups
saving the pigeons. Let's just get rid of them.
Even ornithologists would be okay. Pigeons
are the rats of the sky. Anyway. For years, I've gotten what I
assumed was acne or something on my back and shoulders, but I read an article
about bugs and now I think it might be bed bugs. I did start getting them
right around my time in NYU, and it's conceivable I brought some bed bugs back
with me. Oh well, live and learn. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Yeah, great advice! One thing, how the Hell am I supposed to stop
them from biting? You got any ideas? You're so liberal with your
suggestions, you must have some sort of solution to this problem. If I
have entire multiple lines of paragraph in Bold, does that count as two lines?
These are the real issues as far as I'm concerned.
Hey, seventh paragraph already. All that Bold
really paid off! Great. What else is going on. Don't
tell me what to do with my enthusiasm. You're not the boss of me. IIs
there a level below, "F," when grading things? If so, the joke about what
to do with my enthusiasm, I nominate that to be the first thing worse than an,
"F." Gotta start somewhere. Anyway. I'm confused that more
than half the stories I read for this class, with people being mostly English
majors, they have blatant disregard for spelling and grammar. It goes
beyond not just knowing it. It's at the level where they seem to just not
care about getting it right. I blame cell phones and reality T.V.
Not sure how Reality T.V. is responsible. It's
responsible for so many crap things about this generation, stands to reason it
could be making them not care about grammar or spelling. Also, I'm not
sure if I'm part of this generation, but am just immune to many of its symptoms
on account of being great, or if the cutoff is a couple of years younger than
me. Who knows. The point is that I'm Better Than People. I
remember when I was really young, I had a word processor. Not a word
processor program on a computer, an advanced typewriter that had a little bit of
software or something built it. I'm not sure why I had it. You don't
need to typewrite a lot of things in elementary school. Sure, I used it to work
on some bits here and there, but that could just as easily been done on a
Wonderful. I've really given up with titling things.
Oh well, I'll get back in the groove. These things come in waves.
Probably. I don't know. I got an e-mail from the Bernstein Sanderson
campaign asking me to do phone calls for Bernie. Trust me, that's the last
thing you want. Even just them asking me gives me pause about what kind of
thing they're running here. You don't want people like me representing
Bernie Sanders. That would go south in five seconds. Anyway, what
else and crap. That's what I want to know. What else and crap.
Anyway. Inching closer towards Thursday, where people will stroke my ego
by telling me how close to funny I can be. I can border funny, I can
border funny real good. What else and crap.
Good chance this'll be a 15'r to open up the month.
Wonderful. And it's a whole different format. Black font on white
background just feels different, doesn't it. Probably,
otherwise, why would I have said it. Logic'd it. Anyway. I got
a shower radio for Christmas. I'm no fool. What kind of game are you
pullin', trying to get me to take a shower with a radio. Waterproof?
I'm not buying it. How can something be waterproof. It gets wet,
doesn't it? There's electricity in there, isn't there? What kind of
rube do you take me for. Anyway, what else and crap. There's nothing
holding me to writing fifteen paragraphs. That's a whole five more after
I'm just shaming myself into doing it. I won't feel
happy without doing it. Great, just great. I can do between ten and
fifteen. I'll do that. Start the month off right, doin' what I wanna
do. What else is going on. I thought of making a photoshop of Larry
David combining him with a Hare Krishna and titling it, "Larry Krishna."
Not enough to actually do it, mind you. Just enough to talk about thinking
about it. I got no time for Memes. That's this generation in a nut
shell, it's all memes-memes-memes. Pund'it. That's what my
generation is all about, puns. Alright! You could be doing a lot
worse for yourself than being a pun enthusiast.
What else and crap. Larry David and the ex-Misses Larry
David are big on the environment. Alright! I like environment!
It's one of my favorite things in theory that I actually don't care that much
about in real life. It's practical, too. I'd love to live in NYC for
the rest of my life. At this rate, there won't be an NYC for the rest of
my life. Someone's gotta do something about this. Let's watch T.V.
about it! What else and crap. Clinton played the Upset
card when asked about donations from fossil fuelers. Apparently it's based
in fact, though. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to be the jury and
the executioner, maybe the defense attorney, but that's it. Bernie
Sanders is against the death penalty, too. Isn't he dreamy.
What the what. Italics left over from last
paragraph. I don't have time to undo-italics. That's my generation
in a nutshell. What else and crap. Three paragraphs to go. I
did it! Almost! I will have done it soon! Great. I
better get really good at writing really fast if I want to avoid getting a job
when I graduate next year. The time for playing around is over, now is the
time for action! And by action, I mean worrying about Magneto and talking
about how Pigeons scare me. This is what people want to read about!
I wasn't worrying about Magneto, I was worrying about Electro.
Can't I worry about them both? It goes without saying that I worry about
Magneto. We all should be worried about Magneto.
Crap and crap! Yeesh. Anyway. April.
I guess more Curb is what I have lined up for the immediate future.
There's worse ways to waste ones' life. I could be watching The Big Bang
Theory. I watched two minutes of it yesterday, and was like, Yeah, I
can see being entertained by this. Especially because when I was
clowning it up in middle school I remember proposing the name The Big Bang for a
pornography. I don't know who I proposed it to. I feel like I had
enough sense not to say it to a science teacher. And I couldn't have been
that confident in it to share it with my friends. I guess it was just
something I stored away in my memory in case I ever start writing a website and
was in desperate need of content.
And I'm sure I've said it three or four times here
before. I can't help it if it keeps coming up. That's another idea
for a pornography. Sure. What lese is going on. Is it the lady
saying she doesn't know what to do with all these erections, or the guy saying
he can't be held responsible for what his penis does. Let's get some
scientists working on this one. Meanwhile, what else and crap. Gotta
register for Summer and Fall courses in two weeks. I'm planning on taking
classes. That's where I'm going with this college endeavor. Instead
of Intro II Philosophy, one of the alternative classes I could take is a Dance
class. Where I guess we learn about philosophy and culture through dance.
I wanna see what that class is like without having to take it. Oh well.
I'll see ya later.