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Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Oh Boy, Now We're Talking!

    Its exciting because I'm talking and imagining a reader so basically this is my version of Social Interaction.  Its also exciting because I was gonna be citing that impression, but I decided against it.  Now that we got Whatta Terrible Pun out of the way, the entry is free to go as it pleases.  I wrote down last night Write More Stories About My Life.  Let's see, what's there to cover.  Well, there was school for a while... got into music and comedy... some marijuana showed up for a good 2 years (and boy do I MEAN GOOD), corresponding with making my own music... got sick, stayed sick, gradually got less sick, and here I am!  Anyway.  Paranoia is/was one of my symptoms, and I remember thinking these people at the hospital treating me ITS A SCAM.  A PARANOID FANTASY WHERE THEY'RE CONSPIRING TO HELP IMPROVE MY MENTAL HEALTH.  Which, in retrospect, yup. that's 100% accurate.  They were in fact conspiring to improve my mental health.  Thanks a lot.
Maybe that's why I can keep a level head during Coronavirus.  Everyone's freaking out and becoming paranoid for their own health and their families, there own financial situation and everyone elses'... I'm used to dealing with paranoia!  See, the trick is, suppress it for as long as possible, and over time, your suppression skills will EXPONENTIALLY improve!  Anyway just saw 1st Serious Corona-case that made me go ah shit.  The lead guy of the band Fountains Of Wayne is hospitalized, so its serious, but I dunno if it's He's definitely gonna die serious or there's a decent chance he'll die.  The point is I very rarely think of Fountains Of Wayne now-a-days, but they're easily in my top 20 bands.  Especially when I was in high school.  They know what they're doing so go check em out if you want.
    I have a Wicket idea for lunch-- whole bag of popcorn.  It's fun to eat, it's NUTRITIOUS, it's low calories, it takes a long time to go through completely...  And since today is a Drinking Day I feel like that's an appropriate Pairing.  This fancy beer really pairs well with a bag of popcorn.  Some beer has to pair well with microwave popcorn, right?  Seems like a niche that something's gotta fill.  HEY family just got a shipment of Masks!  Not the best masks, but pretty good masks!  The best masks money can by these days.  Sommmeeobody Stop me!  SMOKIN'!  Is that a TIK TOK. Or Instagram.  One of those things.  Just take 30 second video of my wearing Health Mask and quoting Jim Carrey's The Mask.
    Anyway, new month tomorrow.  I saw Virginia was all like ok June 10th lets aim for that to stop Shut Down.  I'd consider that A Win.  But that's a different state and still inconclusive so whatever just keep goin'.  We are all Ace Venturas: Pet Detectives Now.  I kinda wish I had a dog so I'd have an excuse to go take a walk twice a day.  On the other hand, this way I don't get Coronavirus.  Which also is a positive thing to strive for.  Another idea for Lunch was Part II of Frozen Pizza which I Did Not Like At All.  It was a back-up they gave me because they didn't have the one I asked for and Man What A Dud.  Spinach pizza, and it's pretty much 50% spinach, 15% cheese, and 35% bread.  Presumably some tomato sauce in tehre too.  But the point is might as well eat it up so I make room for Better Options in Freezer.  Also, it's shut down, lets go crazy.  Let's get some FRENCH BREAD PIZZA.  That was a treat when I was a kid.  Of course, once I became a teenager, and it became FREEDOM BREAD PIZZA, I lost interest.
    Yeesh.  I think it's appropriate that the second syllable in spinaich is basically Yuuucch.  Prove me wrong!  I'll get a little bit of spniach as a topping on a Subway Sandwich, sure.  But it's gotta be Very Supplementary and not The Main Thing.  What are you 5 Desert Island Music Albums.  I have a record player with me on the desert island? No.  So I'm picking based on the Album Title And Cover.  Yup.  Hmm that's an interesting One.  How about The White Album.  That way I can Draw on it whatever I want because it essentially acts as a blank canvas.  And there's no greater Art than the kind you make yourselves. 
Hmm, in Real Life, are their album covers I like?  Obviously I'm of the generation of 95% of favorite music/albums from High school On I didn't have physical records/cassettes/cd's.  So, I dunno... Let's think about the ones I Did have.  Well I didn't have them but The Beatles had A Lot of good album covers.  There's the one where they're crossing the street (They're just like us!)  There's the one when they're SGT Peppers.  Off the top of my head there's that Velvet Underground Album Cove with a Andy Warhol Banana.  I I never had that album I guess I just picked it up somewhere through osmosis.  So, popcorn, or 1/2 pizza.  Both happen to be EXACTLY the same calories--450.  With popcorn presumably being slightly less because ain't no all them kernels gonna pop!  Then there's Real Lunch possibilities like Ramen or sandwich or Hot Pocket or Breakfast Burrito.  But the point is what else is going on.
Last entry of the month!  I can dig it.  I was looking at possible alcohol I could get and there's a High Fallutin Alcohol Website with medium-to-high quality liquors.  Whiskey, rum, vodka, you name it!  And they got Absinthe which I'd like to try because 1,000 crazy Parisians in the early 1900's can't be wrong!  Also I like the idea of getting drunk out of my gourd.  In theory.  In THEORY.  Anyway after this paragraph I'm gonna take a break doing one thing or another.  Probably Another.  That One Thing seems like kind of a snooze.  Is The Velvet Underground some sort of Underwear Idea?   Because if it is I Want In.  Also I told you a week or two ago how much I enjoy wearing pajamas at night and NO NEW UPDATE I'm STIL LOVIN' IT!  Also I got them when I was 30,40 pounds heavier so I look thin wearin them because all that extra stretching space leaves no definition on my frame! 
    Ugh.  Another paragraph for some reason no one is really sure of.  I know my Mom's first this guy got Coronavirus which upset her was Ira Glass.  ANd I like Ira Glass just fine.  I don't have an emotional connection to him, though.  There was maybe several months I listened to This American Life.  But, yeah, whatever.  And Tom Hanks, of course.  Are there people out there that are just Man I HATE TOM HANKS.  There must be, there are people who Hate Anybody and Everything.  There's just something about this jerk that RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY.  But my impression was he was never in critical condition (or maybe he was, and they choose not to share that, I dunno).  But Fountains of Wayne guy (Adam Schlesinger) is, I believe in critical condition.  Anyway, The Met Game Simulation from last entry was based on pretty much the lowest estimation of potential deaths.  So, if its 1,000,000 instead of 100,000, jumps from Only 15 People Died Today to Only 150 People Died Today.  Well that's what you get Being Alive while you were always fully aware that There Are Threats Out There To You While Trying To Continue Living While Alive. 

Biden/Black Woman 2020!!!

    I figure that's what the 2nd half of the year will be about.  maybe he goes with a white woman, I dunno, I'm not gonna speculate on his decisions... anymore than I already have... Hey what else is going on.  The point is I'm wearing a Biden shirt right now.  I got a nice BLUE t-shirt that says Obama Biden 2008.  I have to wear it every two weeks becase YOU KNOW WHAT?? PASSABLE T-SHIRT.  I ain't even going outside so Nobody's The Wiser!  I think it's interesting that Biden may have full-out sexually harassed someone but It's Wrong To Talk About It.  Thank God they won't talk about it in a general election.  No way his Republican Opposition goes for that.  And then Joe goes I may have sexually assault some people BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE OTHER GUY!!! and the audience hoots and hollers in affirmation.
    I dunno what to do.  Both In Life and in Everything Life Doesn't Cover.  What have I done that I thought was okay but can really bite me in the ass 30 years from now.  There was the time I m... something... then there was the internet... I mocked peoples stupidity pretty often as a kid.  Not straight up Clinical Stupid People, but I'd mock you all day long if you say something stupid.  I wasn't as tolerant of people wearing glasses as I probably should have been.  I'd say probably 50% chance It's Biden/Harris, and the rest of the 50% is assorted other people.  Goin' with my gut!  That's how degenerate gambling works.  Screw the odds Go With Your Gut!  That way You Can't Lose!  Except for all those times you lose.  But sometimes you'll even win occasionally now and there!
    I dunno.  HEY THOSE BASEBALL FANS WERE GONNA DIE OF SOMETHING AT SOME POINT IN TIME.  JUST BECAUSE THEY HAPPENED TO DIE WHILE BASEBALL SEASON WAS GOING ON FOR A CAUSE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN 95% PREVENTABLE,  ..THAT'S HOW BASEBALL WORKS GROW UP.  That's baseball for ya.  Anyway, definitely leaning towards Big Ol' Bag O' Popcorn for lunch.  I like it because it's buttery and popcorn and Hey That's Sort Of My Name whatta snack.  My favorite popcorns are the ones that popped.  Not 100% fans of those kernels that never popped.  Kernel Knowledge.  Is That Anything? We Are All The Queen Trying To Avoid Being Killed By Reggie Jackson Now.  And Leslie Nielson is dead, JUST MY LUCK.
I dunno if he followed through, but George Carlin In Book Form mentions his preferred Tombstone Quote-- He Was Here Just A Minute Ago...  Which I think is PRETTY GOOD but not an A+.  But who am I to say I haven't written one actualized tomb stone quote in my life!  Here Likes Michae* Korn*lum...  Hey What Else Is Going On.  Let's stick with that.  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  Biden/Kaine 2020!  That's one way to go which will Confuse People.  First you get them confused, then you get their power, then you get their women.  Which I assume is the end game for Biden/Kaine.  They're in it for the ladies.  Anyway, into the sixth season of The Simpsons, and quantity of Laugh Out Loud lines has increased significantly, but Touching And Cohesive Plotlines have fell off a little.  Fair trade off, I'd say.  I'm just not looking forward to getting to season 16 and being like, Holy shit I need to do ALL THAT OVER AGAIN AND THIS TIME IT'S THE LATER SIMPSONS!!! LATER, SIMPSONS!   
    What else.  Shut down still in effect.  Let's say a liberal estimate that Virginia put up of June 10th, that's, what, ELEVEN WEEKS?!?  And that's the lower end of the estimation.  Uh oh.  Eleven weeks is a Lazy-Baker-of-weeks  I CRUNCHED THE NUMBERS AND EVERYTHING.  Also, Seven Eleven?  THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MANY DAYS FOR THAT ESTIMATE.  See I'm good at math if the situation calls for it.  Let's see, 7 x 11... sounds like 77 to me!  Hey, is Bowling still allowed?  Seems like you could safely do that with social distancing.  ESPN has gotta think outside the box, what relatively normal sports can continue.  And that's the thing, 2020, everyone gets into bowling because its the only option.  I'm full of great Sports Ideas.  What other sport.  Bat Eating Conte-- wait that's no good.  How about a race.  You start off at the same point but once the bell rings (/starting gun fires) you RUN LIKE HELL to break away from the pack.  Not only is it safe but it encourages The Best from these atheletes.  Or, you could let everyone else run like crazy, and you just walk.  Tortaise and the hare scenario.  All the hares, jockeying for 1st place, catch each other's coronavirus.  Meanwhile, the tortoise, who was just walking out the gate, ends up winning by default by being the only one alive.
    So that.. should... happen?  I guess.  Anyway, I'm doing my job in life.  This!  It's not much, there's very little reward or ultimate pay-off, but its enough to get me through the days.  Also I'm not a fan of 1 time 1,200 dollar checks and would prefer an Ultime Payoff such as the ones our more Progressive members of congress and senate are advocating for.  Do you know how quickly 1,20 dollars can get used up?  One trip to the race tracks, that's how quick!  Doesn't seem right.  What if its like you give people 1,200 dollars but instead of once, every month, and ALSO give 'em another 600 dollars in Food Stamps.  That's a win-win because its slightly less than we're calling for but it assuages your fears that we'll spend it all at one trip to the Pony Show.  Unless we want to eat the pony.  Which we could, if we pooled together all our resources.  But I'm Not Even Thinking About That Now.  
    15th paragraph.  Figure I'll take a break after this one, come back with some popcorn to close it up, and call it a solid C- Entry!  That's the fun of writing every day.  Never know when you're gonna get into a rut of C- Entries or B+ entries.  And even the C-'s balance out the B+'s so overall it averages out into a B-.  Wait tortiase and the hare was about racing?  I thought it was about an insecure turtle who was embarassed by baldness and bought some sort of Replacement Hair If You Will.  A wig, a toupee of sorts.  Anyway.  French Bread Pizza?  WHAT IS THIS A FANTASY WORLD?!?  FRENCH STEWART?  WHAT IS THIS THE 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN WORLD?  Ok I'll be back.


    I guess.  There was a period in my life where I binge watched on TV Newsradio, probably like 2 episodes a night at a time.  What channel was it?  What time in my life was it?  How come I can't do it again?  These are all questions that I hope are solved sooner than later because I'd like to watch it again!  Anyway, figure I'm not actually gonna get absinthe because it seems TOO strong in this day and age.  Maybe if I was living alone and could Go Crazy All I Wanted I'd get it.  For now, though, figured out a way to get pretty much 2x as much beer for same cost.  So the world smiles on me.  Or the sum.  Sun smiles on me.  World holds me up without which I would be floating in space.  And that's not fun for anybody!  Wait a second that sounds REALLY FUN.  Yeah but you'd never get it to end without The World Waiting In The Wings.  Yeah I'd probably get tired of it pretty quickly.
Anyway Popcorn waiting in the wings.  We're talking .5 hours always to 1.5 hours.  Also, can you bingewatch something by just watching IN ORDER re-runs 2 times a night?  Seems counterintuitive to just Watch TV Regularly and call it a Bingewatch.  Let's get some people working on that one, right?  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  How is Radio still a thing.  What are people stupid.  I mean sure here or there there's a worthy show.  Even more once you count Satellite Radio and if you wanna go nuts Podcasts.  But Meh!  There was a period of maybe 1 month in 2008 where I was high out of my gord and I would listen to Coast To Coast, the radio broadcast (I assume being broadcasted Coast To Coast!) that's about like UFOs and FlatWorldWhatnot And Atlantis and all those crazy conspiracies.  Great show to listen to when you're out of your gord but still in a safe environment so you don't go 100% bonkers.  I'd listen to it now, but, you know.  I wouldn't be high out of my gord!  And, if I was?  If I was suddenly in a situation where they're like Here's some pot and it will effect you kindly.  First instinct would be to pick up my guitar and be like ALRIGHT TIME TO FUCK SHIT UP
Beggars can't be choosers.  Well, they can be... it's just they'd have a limited amount to choose from.  Anyway, a good part of me wants to tune out from News as completely as I can, but another part of me has Twitter as perhaps my main entertainment these days and you can't Twitter without Being On Top Of Things.  Even just Comedy Hero twitter, they twit about politics and current events!  And good for them that's their right!!! But, I dunno, what else is going on.  Twatter.  It's Like Twitter But For Pussy.  Is that a thing?  Halfway between Tinder and Twitter?  Words are already pretty similar I LIKE IT.. Also how long before Tinder because a Book Burning App.  That's OUR dystopian future!
    Anyway, popcorn in ~half an hour at this point.  Seems like the thing to do.  Maybe I'll finish that shitty pizza for dinner tonight.  Gotta finish something shitty! When I was a kid I probably listened to Z-100 (The Main Pop Music Station In NY) for about 6 months.  Then listened to Hot 97 (The Main Rap/Hip-Hop Station) for about 12-18 months.  Then I took a radio hiatus until Newsradio presumably.  Probably was watching it around 2008, when I was still enjoying Being High All The Time.  I can't recommend it enough.  Newsradio is good, but Being High All The Time, you can take that to the bank!  Anyway, watching movies, I don't know if I'm being a bad person by watching the same shit over and over, or if I'm being a loyal consumer and thus a good person.  I shuold expand my horizons and Hey if I don't Watch This Other Stuff Who Will?  But on the other hand, I enjoy the comfort of watching the however-many-dozen-things I know I love over and over.  I enjoy lots of comfort!
    Anyway.  Could popcorn be a pizza topping.  Sure, anything can be a pizza topping.  All you have to do is put it atop a pizza!  Anyway.  20th paragraph!  Get that popcorn going after this one, damn all other approximations!  Do yuo know what's a really underrated movie?  Reservoir Dogs.  For that joke, I looked UP at my DVD collection on shelves on the wall above my computer.  And picked a DVD at random.  Do you know what else is a really underrated movie? Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.  But do you know what movie I can't stand that other people are passionate about?   Harry Potter & The Sorcerers Stone.  I feel its important to point out that's the only Harry Potter movie I have.  Bought it when it was actually The Only Harry Potter movie, then lost interest!  Sorry!
    But you know what my favorite movie is? Day of the Dead Upside Down.  ...I got the DVD but the case is upside down.  What fun!  I wonder if George Romero had to pay Mexico royalties by using their celebration name for his unrelated zombie story name.  I wonder lots of things!  Usually one at a time.  Hard to wonder too many things at once.  But, for now, this is more or less what I'm wondering!  Also, now that I think about it, the ubiquitous brand WONDERBREAD is kind of overselling it.  Hey we got some generic white bread.  WONDERBREAD we shall call it.  Okay sure you're the Naming Guy.  Good idea for a race hose name.  Wonderbred.  And its parents were named wonder. BOTH OF THEM!  The good thing about Quarentine is every day that passes, as I said, you can breathe a little easier, and then focus your anxiety and worry on things Outside Yourself.  Oviously being worried about your own/your family's own health is paramount.  But as teh odds decrease that you'll get it as long as you can Fully Quarentine For As Long As Needed, you can ease up a bit.  Probably??  Maybe??? I'd like to see some numebrs where its like these are your odds of STILL getting Corona even if you're isolating.  Either from grocery store delivery or, I dunno, whatever else.  Checking the mail.
I DEMAND NUMBERS PLACATE ME AND MY NUMBERS NEED.  The point is EVERYONE ACROSS THE LAND needs to self quarantine or at the very least be okay with themselves dying AS WELL AS increasing the odds someone else will die.  Maybe even a loved one!  Well, that sums that up.  Those are your two options.  Or, do quarantine, but still take walks outside in completely un-crowded areas and whatnot.  FUCK THAT PICK A SIDE.  You jerks!  LETS GO QUARENTINE PPL WE'RE WAY BETTER THAN THOSE NONQUARENTINERS.  I dunno what I'm talking about anymore.  I once did.  Around the 1st title.  But every sentence has brought me closer to not knowing what I'm talking about At All.
    Cool!  Maybe there's a more responsible Real Lunch I can go for.  Lemme check that out right quick.  Meh popcorn is best choise.  Tomorrow though I'll try one of these, "Canned 'Soups'" that parental units got from supermarket.  Saw my Dad preparing one Chicken Noodle Soup and I was like hey that looks worthwhile maybe tomorrow.  But, for today?  Popping Corn!  My favorite thing about Popped Corn is that you can eat 2 or 3 pieces at a time There's Plenty Of 'Em!  Dinner tonight?  Ugh.  Maybe finish that pizza.  I can't put it off too long, we're gonna need that Freezer Space.  Might as well get it over with. 
    Wasn't the beginning premise of this entry I Should Talk About My Life.  I don't have memories.  Memories are for the weak!  I live my life Day By Day NO TIME FOR MEMORIES.  Hey Let Me Tell You All The Story About The Time I Watched News Radio.  Ugh.  Jeez that's not a bad idea, see if Newsradio is anywhere available for Bingewatching.  I saw or heard somewhere in a podcast they're rebooting Kids From The Haul or something.  Possibly from and including Famed Podcaster Jennifer Kirkman!  I remember her on Podcasts back in 2007 and I remember she liked The Smiths.  I liked The Smiths indirectly because of her.  We're talkin' There is A Light That Never Goes Out.  We're taking Cemetery Gates.  We're talking Girlfriend In A Coma.  We're talking... mainly only those 3 I know and like.  Something about Please let me get what I want.  The point is... ugh... a lot of music I like is based on podcasts?  Fun Fact-- The Smiths were neither Smiths nor Smiths.  Hey that is a fun fact keep 'em coming.  I used to associate The Smiths with The Cure.  And, ya know what?  I still do!  Prove me wrong! 


Fun Fact-- Podcasters Are Great

    Anyway popcorn has been added to the mix so this'll be the last section of entry.  I saw Bob Dylan released a 17 second song about the Kennedy Assassination.  ITS ABOUT TIME.  It's weird to think when Kennedy was assassinated 55 or so years ago Bob Dylan was already Bob Dylan.  Both literally and figuratively!  The point is how did The Hurricane feel about the Bob Dylan song.  Was he made aware it While In Prison?  Did he find it loving and supportive or exploitative and crass.  Lots of unanswered questions.  Also, how does JFK feel about this new song?  How many song drafts did Bob Dylan have to go through before settling on The Hurricaine.  Was there a dozen different Causes he considered writing a song about but was just not enough things in this story rhyme! and inevitably found The Hurricane as a suitable subject matter.
    Great, just great.  This may just be the last paragraph!  One Shut In is over I gotta Get To Doing Something.  Maybe actually try doing Comedy Open Mics.  I've still got a perfectly C/C+ 5 minutes on Starbucks from last year's class.  See where that takes me.  Maybe go back to school for some sort of pointless graduate degree.  Or REALLY TAKE THE PLUNGE and just get a job where I'm not creative at all but can pay the bills.  Hmm, if this economy has taught me anything, it's the rote anyone-can-do-them jobs that will be in short supply.  How many people do you know who can write 5 minutes on Starbucks?  The world will need comedians and I've got the life lessons learned for such a venture!
    Or, write a book.  You guys got any good ideas for a book?  There's that book where it's The Gang Of Nine but they're all freshmen in college and Hilarity and Poignancy ensue.  I got some good Character Names is the point.  But I'd have to choose between writing it physically on paper or on computer.  And On Computer is much easier but No Ones Spying On Piece Of Paper.  And, if they are, hats off to them, they really got their spying skills down pat.  Anyway VERY HAPPY with Popcorn lunch.  The only negative thing is it has to end eventually.  It would be cool to go back to school.  And dorm!  Hey I'm 31 but let's pretend like I'm 21 whose gonna stop me YOU I highly doubt it!
    Anyway, last paragraph.  Last paragraph of the month!  Remember at the beginning of he month when the only dystopia we were living was a Donald Trump Presidency.  Now it's also SuperPandemic Destined To Kill, let's be honest, probably 1 million+ people (Only In AMERICA [Don King Only In America!]).  As opposed to Donald Trump Himself Without Any Virus Allies, who would probably kill... I dunno... 500,000 people?  Where he's directly responsible and not indirectly.  Seems like a conservative, fair estimate.  The point is this popcorn literally had only 1 or 2 non popped kernels.  And the popped kernels weren't burnt at all!  All in all, great lunch.  If I've learned one thing from eating popcorn for lunch, I shouldn't settle for Crappy Pizza for dinner!  And, if I've learned two things... a second thing!  I'll see ya later.

-1:29 P.M.


Monday, March 30, 2020

I Suppose This Title Is For The Best

    I suppose lots of things!  Well, now what.  Continue Habit of Every Day Writing.  Just seems like one way to go about things.  First way of going about things that came to mind so Let's Keep It Goin'.  Anyway, sure Trump is saying If 100,000 Americans Die I'm Doing A Wonderful Job.  100,000 is very little it's only .03% of Americans!  THAT SAFELY ROUNDS DOWN TO ZERO AND NOT UP TO .1% SO ITS LIKE NOBODY DIED.  Hey lets go to the ball game!  Wow, 45,000 fans here, what a crowd!  Our team didn't win but ONLY 15 PEOPLE DIED so basically just another great day at the ball park.  Probably closer to 17, 18 people counting the Baseball Players and Concession Workers And Security Guards and Organ Players.  And it's only a 1 in 3,000 chance Mr. Met himself died.  I Like Those Odds!  But they knew what they were getting into by signing up for Sports!  Part of the job description.  The point is We Are All Mr. Met Now.
Jeez.  Also the point is almost definitely it'll be 2x, 5x, 10x, or even 20 or 30x that.  So basically its time for Mr. Met to look for other employment.  Wait, in this scenario, is it specifically the Coronavirus running amok at Citifield, or is this just a generic scenario with a generic Angel Of Death for this particular baseball game.  I dunno, but either way, Gotta assume Mr. Mets' baseball head acts as a pretty good Mask.  Also how many people going as Sexy Mask Wearer for Halloween.  We already got the costumes might as well get as much use out of them as possible.  Assuming we have a Halloween.  DAMN YOU EITHER GENERIC OR SPECIFIC ANGEL OF DEATH!!!!  You would think Mr. Met would have more of a Cosmopolitan Aesthetic going.  A nice suit and a tie with a brief case maybe. No.  A terrifying being with a giant baseball as a head.  That's what Metropoli are all about!
    Figuring out that Sports Math, I was first overestimating it by 10x, so by the time I worked it out to estimating around 15 deaths in a packed stadium, I was like well that's bound to happen.  There's probably at least half a dozen deaths on a REGULAR day.  But once we realize our favorite ball players and mascots and organ players are at the same risk, now it's personal!  It wasn't personal when it applied to Me, A Person.  But it applying to Sports or Misc Other Heroes?  THAT'S ONE STEP TOO FAR.  The point is Halloween I'm going as Sexy Safe Mr. Met.  Prove me wrong!  You can't, that's the point!
    Ugh.  Do Baseball Stadiums still have organ players?  Or is that all done by computers now.  People Demand Answers!  I was joking about it a week ago, that they should just replace Real Sports and have Them Play Video Games Version Of Sports, and THEY'RE REALLY DOING IT.  Well, Metsland is, at least.  The official Mets-blog/reporting website every day puts up a video where its like Mets vs Nationals, simulated game 3.  And you just watch the entire game!  I may be arriving at this conclusion a little bit latter than most of you but hey it kind of turns out sports are stupid.  Here's an idea for a video game-- you practice Social Distancing.  You walk down the street and you get more points depending on how far away from other people you are walking/running.  Bonus points for doing it in a polite way.  And MORE BONUS POINTS for doing it in a hostle inconsiderate-of-feelings way.  Just you see someone and DASH OFF.
    Something along those lines.  People who play video games need more practice avoiding people in real life.  That's my interpretation of society these days.  Is it possible Kobe Bryant had Coronavirus and that made him lose concentration while flying his helicopter?  Can't rule anything out at this point!  Pretty large jump from we will soon be at zero cases to we will be lucky if we reach 100,000 cases of Death but either way I deserve to recognized one way or the other MAKE IT ABOUT ME ME ME ME.  I think he'd almost sort of be okay with the coverage of Corona just corresponds to negative coverage of him.  Cause at least they're talking about him.  There was a good week or 2 where Coronavirus itself was the story and Trump was like jeez I already Fucked It Up Monstrously to get to this point WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!!!  TELL ME HOW TO CO-OPT THIS PANDEMIC TO MAKE IT MORE ABOUT ME.
Something along those lines.  You could safely put together a Team Of Their Own from the people who died unnecessarily at the Mets game.  I mean, of course people are gonna die from necessity at the Mets game.  2 people die each game falling off the bleachers.  A few people die from heart attacks brought about by fried food and sausages and beer.  These are sacrificies they make, they shouldn't have ANOTHER thing to worry about!  Oh hey I forgot about the umpires!  One of them is bound to die.  And one of the batboys, or ball boys, whatever you call them.  The bullpen coach.  So many people, so many potential deaths!  And we should count our blessings when inevitably 1 of them dies.  Then we shake our hands and celebrate A Job Well Done.  I think everyone would be okay with umpires dying Yaaa Hearrrrd. 
    Dunno what the basis of that joke is.  Umpires are authority figures sort of and nobody likes authority figures.  They call balls and strikes and depending on the call either the pitcher or the batter may be upset with them.  We need them, though.  That's the truth.  A world without umpires?  How would anything ever get umpired.  100,000 people is a lot of people.  That means in Trump's Fantasy Inauguration a few dozen people have died!  Anyway, seventh paragraph.  Figure I got that going for me for some reason.  Lunch in about an hour, an hour and a half.  Today it looks like Frozen Meal [Santa Fe Style Rice & Beans) + Some Sort Of Bread Appetizer.  Also, good idea for an app.  An app that organizes all your other apps.  Apptzr.  Makes ya think of Czar's, though.  And I AM SO OVER CZARS!
    Either Original CZARS or the practice post 9/11 creating specific Czars in defense and other etc governmental practices.  Fun fact-- Czar refers to Caesar, the original Dude.  They used to call Roman Ruler Caesar.  For Eastern Europe, they kept that, and changed it to Czar.  You can read more about it in some sort of book probably unless I just made that up with is pretty possible.  Also how come we couldn't have treated this pandemic as well as we handled CZARS.  Anyway, two paragraphs and a half to go, then lunch is a' comin' soon after.  Hey how many people got stabbed at the game today?  15.  Wow those security guards really know what they're doing!
NO ONE COULD HAVE PREDICTED STABBINGS AT A BASEBALL GAME.  JUST BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN SEEING STABBING AT SPORTING EVENTS ALL ACROSS THE WORLD AND WE SAW CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE PEOPLE WOULD BE COMING INTO OUR SPORTING EVENTS WITH KNIVES AND A BAD ATTITUDE WHAT COULD HAVE BE DONE!!!  Where's David Dunn when you need him.  He'd get the job done.  Anyway, no alcohol drinking today!  It'll make tomorrow All The Sweeter.  And I enjoy Fancy Beer.  It's like Beer That Makes You Think.  Also, 2 of the beers came in bottles.  Sure makes a man feel like a man, drinking from a bot... wait no scratch that.  That's what babies do.  Sure makes a man feel like a baby which is what some men are into I'm not here to pass judgment unless men acting like babies are negatively effecting society as a whole.  Huh?  What?
    Cool.  April coming up in 2 days..  True Story!  And tomorrow is one year anniversary of My Last Cigarette.  Also a True Story!  I'm full of True Stories!  Like those two, and potentially other ones yet to come!  Anway whattado for the rest of the day.  Why, there's a solid 2 meals over the next 8 hours.  There's some snacking to be done.  Walking in circles, a host of Entertainment Possibilities!  I got a pretty comfortable life, all things considered.  Whatta shame.  Wish you all the best of luck.  Especially if you have less luck than me.  You need better luck more than anyone! But if you leapfrog me in terms of Good Luck, I hope you understand, I'm gonna sequester some of that luck back to get us on more even footing.  Alright, see ya later! 

-12:58 P.M.


Sunday, March 29, 2020

Good Ol' Entry/Website/Title

    I use these words interchangeably which is bad because they mean different things.  Unhealthy and Irresponsible to use Different Meaning Words interchangeably!  Anyway The Point Is tater tots are really stepping up this past week.  We're talkin 9 Frozen Tater Tots are only 130 or 140 calories.  Plus, you don't even have to eat them frozen!  Put them in a Conventional Oven and they become cooked like nobody's business!  Good desert island food because it goes well with whatever other food you might find.  Also, one thing I'd bring with me to a desert island?  An Irrigation System.  Seems pretty straight forward to me.  The point is We Are All On Desert Islands Now but we also can grocery store and drug store deliveries Plus we have Unlimited Music, Movies, and TV so we don't need to narrow it down to 5 or 10 Top Entertainments.
    The other point is I woke up a bit later than usual today but will have Lunch at roughly the same time.  That's just the way the world works it turns out!  Lunch today, we're talkin' a Hot Pocket and 9 Tater Tots!  I can't believe it so much fun.  Anyway, every day that passes with no Symptoms I breathe a little easier (SUPER PUN ALERT!) because its another day removed from being able to have been exposed to it.  I mean, I probably cancan still get it from here or there while in Quarantine, but I'm confident Starting Quarantine really changes the odds.  So I got that going for me is the point!  Hah.  "we've defeated Coronavirus so now we can all breathe a little easier."  Nail'd It!  Now all we have to do is defeat the Coronavirus.  Having a pun set up just might be the kick in the pants we need to get 'er done!
    Anyway Dinner yesterday involved Fried Eggs but My Mom cooked that even though I probably could have!  Also... pun... Fried Eggs.. Microwaved Testicles... I'll get back to you on this one.  How come I've never heard testicles colloquially referred to as eggs.  I've never seen a testicle itself but based on the outlines they make, it seems egg is more accurate a physical description than balls.  I'll write some sort of letter to someone I guess one day.  Balls are spheres.  Eggs are egg shaped.  C'mon let's figure this one out!  Is that a School Yard practical joke.  Hey you want some scrambled eggs? Sure!  You asked for it!   And you can imagine what might happen next.  Well, I wouldn't be a responsible Website Guy if I didn't google What Shape Are Testicles...  YEP OVAL SHAPED.  Ugh.
    I guess balls can be oval shaped.  American Football comes to mind.  I dunno, what else is going on.  I figured out instead of drinking 3 times a week-- twice 3 drinks and once 2 drinks-- I can drink FOUR times a week-- four times 2 drinks.  I like those odds!  Especially because I learnt Beer Cans were 16 oz not 14 oz.  2 of those?  That'll get 'er done.  Hey what's your desert island movie.  Castaway.  Hmm... I WANT TO BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THE MOVIE. How about Lord of The Flies.  I AIN'T NO GROUP OF SCHOOL CHILDREN FUCK THOSE KIDS.  I dunno if its universal, but my impression based on my own experience and assumptions is that everyone reads Lord Of The Fries in late Elementary School.  Let's say, 4th or 5th grade.  I never really questioned it but whets the point of that.  Hey Hey hopefully you're good kids but Here's An Alternative To Behaving Well If You're Ever In A Scenario Without Adults...
And then kids are like man I never would have thought to act so barbarically but if the book says to do it who am I to argue?  Also, I have to assume there was a discarded subplot with someone being The Lord Of The Flies.  Like one of the kids assumed the roll of minister and said the flies were his friends who told him things.  Cause my memory is nothin' to do with flies or lord flies or fly lords.  I could easily be wrong.  Lunch is coming up and the main question that remains is Do I Use a Fork And/Orr Knife for Hot Pocket or do my best with my hands.  And the main answer is probably take a fork and knife and eat Some Of It with utensils but go with Hand Holding for the rest of it.
Also just saw the episode of The Simpsons where Bart has a crush on Reverend Lovejoy's daughter who is a real troublemaker bad girl type thing who uses Bart's affection and reciprocates it to some degree but mainly just enjoys manipulating him.  That gets me going.  I have to forget that they're children, but that dynamic I'm On Board With!!!  Beggars can't be choosers.  If you were on a desert island and could choose between being a beggar or a chooser, what would you choose?  Well apparently I'm a chooser already.  That was spelled out in this premise pretty clearly.  So, great, what else is going on and crap.
    Probably crap and crap.  Starting to set up Next Supermarket Delivery which at the latest will come next Thursday.  And possibly before!  But its fun because my skills at making Good Supermarket Lists are increasing exponentially.  I thought it was interesting that Federal Government gave Florida as much medical supplies as they asked for (Respirators, etc.) but Blue States a tiny fraction, if at all.  It's interesting because it seems terrible for people who live in blue states.  Hey lets move to Red States to vote against Trump!  And then... ugh... uhh... Hey Let's... Uh... If only there was an avenue to address the president breaking the law and abusing his power so brazenly.  Oh well what can ya do.
The good news is Joe Biden is on the case!  Presumably.  I haven't heard much about what he's up to but it stands to reason he opposes Trump's policies and actions about this and may or may not address things differently were he to be president.  One would assume.  Also, I'm ok with Biden becoming president, but the 1 thing that broke some camel's back was that in 2012018 he was campaigning for a Republican in a congressional race. 
Also, I'm ok with Biden becoming president, but such... such is l.... the point is you don't get fooled again.  Also, man has George W Bush gotta be irked by Trump.  And you idiots thought I was stupid!?!?  In retrospect, W probably worked the Stupid Angle to his advantage.  Just talked real dumbly on purpose.  Makes us underestimate him and focus on his purported dumbitude and not his evil and reckless politics.  Also stupid politics.  He may not be as Dumb Personally but his NeoConNon-sense could appropriately be called Stupid.  Probably A Lot Of Things!

More Titles Means More Sections Of Entries

    That's been my experience.  Also episodes with Marge & Homer in high school Get Me Goin'.  Marge obviously has got it going on but even Homer, oh boy, him, too!!  Marge I'd Like To Be WITH but Homer I'd Like To BE.  High school Homer.  Lets make that very clear.  But n the end, Moleman and Grandpa are my favorite characters and just happen to be the ones I relate to the most.  Well, along with High School Homer.  And, also, Grandpa, I include High School Homer's Father.  I relate to that era of Grandpa just the same.  Not a bad band name if Simpson Band Names hadn't already been cracked.  High School Homer.  It makes you think of Sports.  And kids who like music
LOVE sports.
    What else is going on.  Gonna start lunch after this paragraph.  I don't care if its 2 minutes, I don't care if its 20 minutes!  I've committed to taking food out of the oven exactly when this paragraph is done and I stand by that!  I once saw a projection of what The Simpsons' faces would look like if you saw them straight-on as opposed to at some angle and they were HIDEOUS and I never got that out of my mind.  Now when I watch the Simpsons even in a regular POV, its in my mind that these creatures are MONSTERS!!!  Also, I'm not 100% sure why, but my least favorite character is Maggie.  Not on board!  As the series progresses she develops character of her own, and isn't just oh yea The Simpsons also have a baby.  But I Don't Care NOT A FAN of her at beginning of series NOR as she develops herself!!!  Also whenever I think of Flanders I think of wasn't there some eternal war on Flanders and I just googled it and it may be a WW1 thing.
Wait a second... I'm into the 6th season of The Simpsons... I DON'T REMEMBER WATCHING THE MICHAEL JACKSON EPISODE!!!  Did they take it out of rotation for one reason or another?  Oh well I can't stay angry at Disney Plus.  I'm too busy Finishing Lunch and Fantasizing Abuot Next Meal. What other opinions do I have about Books I read in 3rd-5th grade.  Johnny Tremain?  WHATTASNOOZE.  II'm not joking what the Hell makes that book worth reading in any sort of grade LET ALONE grade 3-5.  Math Textbooks?  Sure LONG DIVISION ALIGHT IF YOU SAY SO!  Germany had a Long Division.  Berlin, particularly!  Whattasnooze!  I did some sort of report/presentation on Charles Darwin in 4th or 5th grade.  I wouldn't lie to you!  Well, I probably would.  But what's to be done about it?!
    Cool.  George Carlin thinks he's so great just because he had a life and remembers a good amount of it.  Way to rub it in!  I should write an autobiography memoir but not much happened and even less do I remember.  Ya see when I was 9 I read a book about flies and the lords they have.  Here are my thoughts about Desert Island Irrigation Systems...  That'll sell some copies!  Is Books like Music Albums in which sales don't really help the artist?  I'm under the impression a huge majority of music artists make very little if anything based on album sales, but get all their money from Live Shows.  But Books are a different animal.  You don't need a Book Company to be like we'll front you 50,000 dollars to write the book [or DO THEY] but once the book sells we'll just take back all that money we gave you to Produce The Book] [i forget what brackets i was using ]]]
    Anyway, I guess we got that going for us.  Does it even matter anymore because Streaming theoretically even mucked that whole system up.  For better or worse!  I Dunno!  Who does know.  Probably some really smart guys who know things throughout many different subjects.  Anyway, I saw pornhub: The pornography website is offering Free Premium Level throughout Coronavirus.  This goes up against my long held assumption that Pornography Websites Are Evil.  And I'm sure that assumption says more about me than it does about Pornography Websites but oh well what can ya do This Is The Only Part of My Life I Remember So I Must Say It Or Else There's Nothing.  I remember in 2008 I found that I can browse the internet ever so slowly on a ever so small screen on my Phone and I liked me some Images of Pornography then On Cell Phone.  It was a simpler time.
    Wunderbar.  14th paragraph!
  Wasn't there some Cult where they branded the initials of the cult leader onto the bodies of the followers?  Cause that's what Matt Groening did with Homer Simpson.  Almost wrote, "Homer System."  Is that anything?  Anyway at this point its been roughly TEN DAYS since quarantine.  Can't we just Pick A Day We All Agree Is Start?  Internet says first day of Spring in Northern Hemisphere was March 19.  THAT's PERFECT!!!!  Alright everyone Spring 1st, that's the 1st day.  Let's agree on this universally for simplicities sake.  You heard it here first!  Anyway, sometimes I think about going stir-crazy, and then I think well I'm already Crazy.  Because of titles.  And then I think well apparently I'm also already crazy.  Because of caring about titles.  And the point is I'm stir crazy but I'd be crazy either way so oh well what can ya do.
Great, what else.  I dunno.  Hmm.  Whattado with the rest of my day.  What other Simpsons characters do I find stimulating.  There's that Asian Lady Part-Time Real Estate Agent.  She's got somethin'.  Mindy was hot, Lurleen was hot, Maude Flanders isn't bad.  Ms. Krabappel, well, she's certainly putting herself out there Which I Like.  I dunno.  Another entry in the books.  Another day more without symptoms which speaks well of my and my family chances to surviving Outbreak '2020: The Coronavirus Experience.  Sounds like a thrill ride at Universal Studios.  And, in the end, isn't it.  Nope not at all.  Yeah but the point is when all this is over Let's Go To Universal Studios!  I'm on board with that!  I'll see you guys later.

-1:58 P.M.


Saturday, March 28, 2020

Now With 15% More Effort!...  Or is It Less Effort... Maybe Its 15% The Same?

    Today feels like a vaguely Take Things Seriously entry.  Veerrry vague.  What Exactly Are We Supposed To Be Taking Seriously, that's the vague part.  Do I just lose myself in my own not-as-serious-as-other people's problems?  But still are kinda bad.  Or dio I think about The Worst?  Do I think about people dying, the people being hospitalized, or people losing jobs, or people being isolated, an entire mucked up society and economy being fucked up for generations of... generations?  Do I think about those Essential Workers still doing their thing, and appreciate that as much as my vague little heart can muster?  I mean, here on Website, lately I've been snuggling into yeah I got SOME problems and They're Not That Bad But Hey They Might Develop Into Some Pretty Bad Problems so lets settle into a routine where that's my point of view.  I'm tired of that point of view!  I WANT A NEW POINT OF VIEW.
    The point is despite my plans I didn't have any beer last night but will have 2 today.  EntryBeers!  I figure that'll help me get into some sort of point of view.  I like Craft Beer's Beer Names.  They make you think.  One of them is called Sip of Sunshine and I guess it's Tropical Fruit based but also it it just offers a suggestion of a mindset to get into.  Similar to Marijuana Strains.  I like it because I like mindset suggestions otherwise what point of view am I supposed to take?!?!?  Anyway drinkin' a Diet Mountain Dew and I've never been able to put it into words but it's always bothered me that if you buy a can of 12 oz bottle of a 2 liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, sometimes you will see a Serving Size amount to 5 calories, and sometimes it says 0.  I'm assuming there's only one kind of diet mountain dew.  THe font and logo seem about the same!  But sometimes it's 0, sometimes it's 5, I think I've even seen 10!  Who can I write a letter about this to.
    Jeez.  Anyway I made the shit out of some French toast last night, I did like 80-90% of it and it totally tasted like French toast you've read about or seen in movies.  Anyway New Routine is cycling in some Mr. Show throughout the day.  An episode here, an episode there.  That sot of thing.  I don't think any comedy thing had a bigger impact on me, either in terms of I'm a Mr. Show Fanboy more than any other comedy, and potentially in Somehow This Comedy Is Inspirational To Comedy I Want To Make Even If Its In An Entirely Different Context.  Because I obviously do't have a half hour sketch show with a limited ensemble cast on HBO, but maybe that sense of humor comes out in different ways.  Verrry different ways! 
    No one needs this entry.
  No one's going,  Wait I'm supposed to be taking this seriously?!? UH OH WHY HAS NO ONE BROUGHT THIS TO MY ATTENTION BEFORE!!?!?  YOU WERE WRITING 90% NONSENSE ALL WEEK YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS LAPSE OF JUDGMENT.  Anyway, the trick to making good French toast is, you follow the instructions as close to perfectly as possible.  There's half a dozen steps and the secret is do each step as competently as you can.  Figured that one out!  So what are the Stats these days.  I wanna see, both regionally and overall, the numbers of how many people are staying at home completely, how many are self distancing, how many are Essentially Working...  where's Nate Silver when you need him!!!
    Why would you need Nate Silver for that.  Just gimme the polling numbers I'm confident in my ability to interpret those simple quantities out myself.  Don't need no CONTEXTUALIZING or anything.  Also is that a poll?  Or do polls only apply to whether you support someone or something.  I mean, it's still a poll.  You call them up, you say, I'm doing a poll, are you self quarantining.  You're polling people about a non political thing.  Maybe that word is what trips people up.  Poll-itical.  People don't know what Poll means anymore!  AND I'M GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT IF IT TAKES ME ALL DAY.  For some reason Microsoft FrontPage doesn't recognize, "Nate," as a word.  Sorry to all the Nates out there.  I dunno, now that I think about it, it is a pretty stupid name.  I changed my mind I'm with Microsoft FrontPage.  All you Nates, do us all a favor and change your name.  Even if it's just for yourself!

I Don't Think I'm Taking Things Seriously Seriously

    Anyway lets get this entry going.  Just took Sip 1 of 1st Fancy Beer and I realize oh right Beer can taste Good!  I'm getting a, "Kick," out of this.  Finally slowly starting to get into Reading A Book: The Reading A Book Activity.  We're talkin' George Carlin's autobiography.  Only a few chapters in, but, spoiler alert:  He totally had some sort of family and presumably a father AND mother biologically.  Is that another Identity thing.  Can I have a kid and just be like Nope I identify more as this kid's second cousin.  I'll take care of him financially as much as I need to But Nope We're Second Cousins.
Maybe that's a win for the kid.  Imagine what kind of leg up a kid would have in society being raised by a loving and attentive Mother and Second Cousin.  Anyway, roughly a week later since my own conjuring of Independence Day as a makeshift EndGameDay, still seems like that's a fair estimation.  Which is good because Estimating Things is a great field to go into and I apparently have a natural talent for it.  So when the economy starts back up after FreedomDay just remember little ol, amazingly estimation-ing... me... guy... Hey what else is going on.  Lunch may be a turkey sandwich yet again.  You don't mess with success!  Well, actually, sometimes you do.  Case in point, The Oakland Athletics of Major League Baseball.  Even when they have a good season, they retool completely in the off season because what worked one year has little bearing on what may work the next.  Its all in my book MoneyBall II: End Game. 
    Also these cans are 16 fl oz not 12.  We're talking 33% more oz!  I crunched the numbers and everything!  Jeez.  What else is going on.  I'm not 100% why, going back to at least January, I've found Horror Movies so ComfortEntertainment.  Maybe it was my whole life.  Now that I think about it, maybe its the premise that yes this is supposed to be frightening.  The goal in your viewing is either true fear and/or terror, or at least an implied message of fear or foreboding.  Most non horror movies, what exactly am I supposed to be thinking.  Even comedies.  Everything is about something and What's The Point.  Horror movies?  You know the point!  Get SCARED YOU DOLT.  I don't know what to do with The Shawshank Redemptoin!  Well, bad example.  It makes me want to break out of prison.  But the point is valid I say!  VALID! 
    Also it's been my lifelong dream since graduating from college that, as long as I don't have a job, I should spend my time consuming entertainment consuming the BEST and potentially-conversationally-relevant entertainment.  With shudder.com, the horror movie streaming service, I've seen like 3 dozen Horror movies that are pretty deep cuts that I now could have a conversation about.  Alright, relatively-deep-cup horror movies down, 500 other kinds of entertainments to go!  Yo you see that movie Society? SURE DID!  THAT'S THE ONE WHERE'S There's THE LINE THE TEENAGE GIRL GOES TO THE GUY
How do you like your tea? Cream, sugar, or do you want me to pee in it?  I REMEMBER THAT ONE FOR SOME REASON NO ONE IS REALLY SURE OF!  I don't want to drink a girls pee.  I just think its charming for her to make the suggestion!  And that'd she'd even consider peeing in it, just for me, I think that's real polite of her!
    I dunno.  I don't care so much about the pee, its all about the girl whom the pee is coming from!  Is there a scenerio where I could drink semi-obscure beer regularly with people?  I can go back to college, right?  Not grad school, that's too hard.  Go back to Regular College to get another degree.  And get a fridge or something for the beer.  Seems like one way to go.  I was JUST outside the parameters for being able to consume all these streaming services while in College Dormitories.  Gotta imagine that would effect College Hangouts where Entertainment Consumption is a key aspect.  Who cares.  I'm BUSY LISTENING TO BRANDON BENSON ITS COLLEGE ITS AP ARTY.
The good news is I don't have to cook tonight or anything!  Although I've found eating what you just cooked is pretty pleasurable.  I assume there's some biologically or physiological thing where its a chemical Reward for consuming what you just prepared.  I assume lots of things!  There's that, there's I should be taking coronavirus more seriously, there's a lot of things!  One tough thing is people going back to work because Trump said so and then, on average, at least 10's of thousands will die.  Because presumably the majority of them are Trump supporters because they're the dummies who will believe him that its all okay.  But also they don't deserve to die for being stupid, I'm not happy about 10,000's of people being lied to and thus dying!  But what to do about it.  There's an instinct for Shcadenfreude but Trump supporters are mostly just stupid not evil.  Or, they're stupid and evil, but the defining quality is mostly stupid.  That sounds about right.  The point is I don't want to drink urine BUT IT'S NICE TO BE ASKED!!!
    Cool.  And if I did want to drink urine, you'd be at the top of my list.  What else is going on and crap.  Urine is sterile, right?  Something along those lines.  Hey imagine a life where I drink 12 beers a week and each beer is Real High Quality Type Beer.  I dunno why YOU'D imagine it.  Where's the stakes for you, in terms of Me Drinking Quality Beer.  It would have very little impact on your life AT ALL.  Also Horror Movies feel comfortable with Light Pornography for some reason.  Hey, we're already not meant for children, might as well throw in some boobs and butts.  Couldn't Hurt, right?  Anyway, I may have to do some cooking tonight.  Omelette and whatnot.  Potentially solidified with salami!  We'll see how that nonsense plays out in real time.  Maybe its just our target audience of young horror geeks might get a kick out of some butts and boobs.  I dunno, what makes you think I have ANY of the answers!  I feel there should be a Space Drama Franchise for people TOO SMART for Star Wars or even Star Trek.  I DEMAND TO BE APPEASED WITH HIGH QUALITY SPACE DRAMA.
    Anyway.  I don't get people who like Star Trek.  And to a lesser extent Star Wars.  Don't they know we don't respect them behind their back?  NERDS.  What kind of crap do I got in store for the rest of the day.  About 80% done with this one Beer Can, will have a Second Beer Can throughout the rest of the day.  Was originally thinking of drinking on a Friday/Sunday/Wednesday schedule, but today is Saturday.  So maybe Saturday/Monday/Thursday.  I DUNNO THERE'S MANY OPTIONS OUT THERE.  Anyway gonna get another chapter or two of George Carlin: The Life And Times, Of and then set up lunch and part III of ??? of entry!  Be back in a bit!  George is becoming a teenager!


Hey Check This Out For Some Reason No One Is Really Sure Of

    I'm gonna be honest-- I wanna drink three Sweet Artesian Beers every day for the rest of recorded history.  Then, a fair amount into non-recorded history, but abandoning it relatively soon because if its not being recorded what's it worth anyway. I feel like that's the kind of adult I'm comfortable becoming.  Anyway, George Carlin was a little hellion as a child.  FOR EXAMPLE HE STOLE FROM PEOPLE ARREST HIS CORPSE THIS SECOND.  Anyway Here Comes Lunch!  We're talking 1/2 turkey 1/2 slami on white bread.  With the somewhere-between-crumbs-and-full-pieces-of-tostido-tortilla-chips.  And, great, one more beer allotted for today.
    Figure this'll be the last Section Of Entry.  George Carlin is in the Airforce?  I've never been in the Airforce!  I can't relate to this book any longer WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON.  Anyway how's that Space Force coming along.  I wanted something MORE mentally stimulating than Star Wars and Star Trek!  Space Force?  THAT'S CLEARLY MEANT FOR BABIES.  The point is Lunch was great and sure in an ideal world salami omelets for dinner would be good but I don't feel like spending 15 minutes cooking!  I feel like spending 15 minutes doing nothing at all!  Hey I've still got enough turkey and salami to do that again for dinner.  I still got enough of a lot of things!  We're only ~10 days into quarantine I STILL GOT ENOUGH OF A LOT OF THINGS is the point!
  I'll see ya later.

-1:45 P.M.


Friday, March 27, 2020

So Few Ideas, So Many Time...

    Anyway TIRED-- Sink Singing.  WIRED-- Sink Whistling!  Whistling is EXPONENTIALLY more fun than singing in general.  And if you don't know how, now's a perfect time to learn.  Also Thank God we all know how to use the word exponentially now thanks to Curves and Flattenings and Whatnot.  Our understanding of the word has increased EXPONENTIALLY.  I feel this very exponentially.  It means a lot, right?  Sounds about right.  Anyway here's something I'm  getting a kick out of-- some of the soda I got is CANNED SODA.  Which on the one hand is bad because apparently Virus Loves Metal.  But is good news because drinking from a can makes a man feel like a man.  I feel very strongly about this! 
    Except for me.  It makes me me feel like a child!  I always drank a ton of soda, now 2 liter bottles, but it wasn't always this way!  In high school my parents would buy me Canned Carbonate and What Fun!  I would have 40 empty cans accumulated in my room with 8 stacks of 5 cans each, one on top of the other.  Anyway, unloaded the beer.  13 cans and 3 bottles.  Not 100% sure how it worked out that way but Oh Well Such Is Life!  Hmm.. virus loves metal.. Iron Man is covered in metal... pretty good super-villain for Iron Man!  I know they're done with Avengers but I feel it would be irresponsible to not go to the well one more time to have Avengers fight Coronavirus.  I bet That Hulk could flatten the curve Real Good!  What do you mean its not an actual physical curve.  What are you talking about?!? 
Drinkin' some coffee right now.  I wouldn't lie to you!  Maybe about other things I will, but not about this!  Also some cans appear to be bigger than others.  I think the bigger ones are 12 oz and the smaller ones are 8.  But it could be the bigger ones are 16 and the smaller ones are 12.  I'm no Statistician but if I was I'd say some of these cans are exponentially bigger than the other ones!  It It just occurred to me earlier to joke to my Dad hey you're some Math Guy get working on Statitianing maybe you can aid the War Effort or something.  But I didn't because eh I don't wanna get into that.  We're all doing our part already.  No reason to increase his stress and workload... non-exponentially.  Is that even a thing anymore?  Everything is exponential these days..  That's the world we're in now.
Anyway the plan is to have 2 beers later today.  I like plans.  Planning makes me feel good.  Anyway, meals, meals.  yesterday had a real nice turkey sandwich and some chips.  I'm not joking that turkey sandwich was real quality sandwich.  I may do it again for lunch!  Or maybe another frozen meal + some bread.  They both have a pretty strong case.  Dinner is probably French Toast of which I may cover the cooking of 25-100%.  Could be very little, could be completely!  I dunno as of now!  Anyway, for all the good NY is doing with quarantine-ing and shutting down and social distancing why ain't ppl don't stop not losin' to that there coronavirus.  The point is we should start seeing some results relatively soon from our Great Response, right?  Maybe in a couple of weeks presumably.  I can't wait!    


Is This Your Title?

    HOLY CRAP it is!  The good news is pretty sure I've got minimal chores up until Dinner time.  Other than ~45-50 min of CircleWalking left.  Also I haven't tried it but I've considered trying out my own CircleJerk.  Which abandons the premise of circle jerks but keeps the name.  It's just one person walking in a circle Going At It while in motion.  I like that as a euphemism for masturbation.  Goin' At It.  That's something everybody can enjoy!  Anyway went outside for 20 seconds to throw out garbage and WTF SUCH A NICE DAY.  Whatta scam is the point.  And in 20 seconds I saw 5 people walking around!  Only 1 wearing a mask!  Some joke with Do They Know Its Christmas but it's Do They Know It's Outbreak Pandemic.
    Also-- here's my impression-- not only do they not know it's Christmas but They Don't Give A Fuck Because They Don't Celebrate Your Stupid Religion.  Hooooow presumptuous.  But it does CircleJerk its way around to last entry talking about Band Aid.  Also, are we a couple Christmasses away from going from They can't stop us from celebrating Christmas to Let's make THEM celebrate Christmas!  I hope not because it's stupid.  You win more flies with honey than vinegar.  Just make Christmas SuperFunTime and we'll naturally want to celebrate it!  But just the social aspects.  Not that Hey that Jesus was a real top guy.  Exponentially better than the rest of us. Jeeeeez.  Lunch'll be in about 2 hours. 
    Is this a dystopian future-- we no longer have calendars and we have no pens or paper to keep records ourselves.  And every year you don't know if its Christmas!  I dunno you figure that one out for yourself.  Anyway, just set up Necessary BloodWork Appointment for 3 weeks from today.  I'm a Hero for doing it because that will... ugh... please don't let me die!  I'm tired of this Andrew Cuomo bullshit!  WTF IS HIS PROBLEM SAYIN' RESPONSIBLE THINGS AND FORCING US TO TAKE THIS AS SERIOUSLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.  What if I don't WANT to be responsible?  I mean, I do... BUT I'M PRO CHOICE!  I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT'S BEST FOR MY BODY.  MAYBE I WANT TO KEEP DOIN' STUFF AND RISK MY AND OTHERS HEALTH  THAT'S MY DECISION.How soon are we to talking about States Rights in terms of whether they want to lock down completely or partially or this or that or whatever.  I HAVE THE RIGHT TO STATE YOU SUCK! 
    The East Coast is states rights.  West coast is states left.  Unless you count Hawaii and Alaska I hate them so much.  "States rights are all well and good but consider what states will be left."  America Wisdom Quote.  Anyway I'm a lucky guy because I'm not working in the first place but I'm unlucky because at some point I will be qualified to hold down a job, perhaps sooner rather than later, but What Jobs Will Be Left.  I'm not more qualified than 30% of the population who are unemployed.  I'm signficantly Less qualified!  Exponentially less, you could even argue.  So the point is we're all screwed and no one cares but Who Will Watch TV if none of us can afford to live?


What Makes This Website Different From All Other Websites? 

    Well, I'm the guy who writes it.  Some other jerks are in charge of other websites.  Ugh.  Most of you should feel lucky to inadvertently touch your face by accident all the time, because I'm doing that, except its biting my finger nails, and instead of all the time, even MORE than all the time.  I was reading they think Coronavirus may be show up every year from now on.  That doesn't sound good at all.  Hey what sounds good.  I dunno I heard someone say Chinese Food on The Simpsons and I was like Hey That Sounds Good.  Wait a second, I blame Chinese Food for this entire debacle!  If only Chinese's Food included Different Animals Than The Ones They Have Traditionally Eaten!  Then presumably I dunno.  I don't really blame Chinese people for eating animals we may not eat.  Good For Them, eat what ya can, I'd probably love to try some of those exotic animals.  No joke.  I want to expand my palate YOU JERKS.
What else is going on and crap.  And also there's the additional chance that Chinese Food isn't really related to this one bit and I've been FED misinformation.  Or it relates to it several bits but not exponentially. ... Boy and we thought MSG was bad!  Documentary about instituting the ban on MSG (in NY or Countrywide if it was countrywide) and its called Don't Kill The MSG-NR.  Something along those lines.  Documentaries about Fast Food are very hot right now.  Chinese Food is fast food. Not institutionalized, franchised fast food.  But my experience is Chinese Food Delivery is quite possibly The Fastest Food.  I know some of this Chinese Food is enough to make you WANT to fast I'm tellin' ya. 
It just occurred to me that me joking about not knowing what exponential means I've done on this website AT LEAST once before and, in all honesty, probably half a dozen or so times before.  It really gets me going, I dunno why.  I get to show off to people I probably DO know what exponentially means.  And you get to show off to yourself you may know what it means as well!  'razysheet.  I definitely feel very comfortable either eating Turkey on White Bread Sandwich + some chips OR eatin' Frozen Lean Cuisine-esque meal + thick slice of Challah bread.  Hmm, title alluded to Passover.. I'm eatin' regular bread... oh boy am I in trouble.  Is it Passover?  Or is that in a little bit.  Let's find out together by Me Finding Out and Almost Instantly Telling You!  April 8 to April 16.  I wouldn't lie to you.  Well, I might.  But this time I happen to not be lying.  Sam Seder Seder.  Sam Seder hosting a Cedar.  That's all I got.
Just started lunch.  We're talkin' white bread surrounding a few slices of turkey and a few slices of salami.  Aided by a dozen Baked Potato Chips.  And a Mountain Dew.  In a can! For some reason White Bread doesn't seem kosher.  Maybe its kosher but for some reason I just associate it with Generic American Sandwich.  Maybe cause there's milk in it somehow and it's wrong to mix dairy and meat.  Maybe lots of things!  Anyway, I am gonna have 2 drinks today but not to help with entry!  To relax at Late Afternoon and/or Night!  Turkey is kosher.  Pretty standard sandwich to get at a deli.  And salami is definitely kosher.  DI don't know why but it just is.  Cured meat.  That's a Jewish thing to do.  The cured meat can't be worse than the problem.  Is that gonna be one of the quotes that we remember from this?  Trump-- "The cure can't be worse than the problem!"  Sure I'll remember lots of quotes.. Food On Your Family... HAHAHA I'M HAVING FUN ALL OVER AGAIN.  I guess that'll do it.  Stay strong!  Stay safe!  And stay... I dunno.. whatever you were doing just now.  See ya!

-1:13 P.M.



Thursday, March 26, 2020

If I Know Website As Well As I Think I Do...

    I don't think I know Website all that well.  The End.  The point is some minor Me-Specific good news.  We're talkin' put in an order for 16 Bottles of Beer.  Online.  Not on any sort of wall.  Also how are there bottles of beer ON THE WALL?!?!?  THE WALL IS VERTICAL AND YOU NEED A HORIZONTAL TO HOLD BEER.  Unless its Spiderman Beer where it can grasp onto verticals.  But, yeah, the song should go 99 Bottles of beer on the shelf on the wall.  Also, past the 1920's or so when it originated as a Fun Bar Activity (Guessing On The Date And Origin!  Prove Me Wrong!), has anone ever finished that song.  I mean I guess if you really feel like getting it right you start with 10 Bottles of Beer On The Wall.  That's doable.  But where's the stakes?  The drama!  Nowhere, that's who! 
    But anyway its really expensive beer because its artisan supercrafts and whatnot and so forth.  So I look like a jerk buying 16 Bottles of Beer for SIXTY DOLLARS but on the other hand less than you'd pay for Cheap Beer at a bar and still on that other hand c'mon I'm steppin' up I deserve sweet sweet relief!  So, right, that should come today or tomorrow or potentially the next day and possibly past that day but that would be outside the parameters They Laid Out Themselves as 1-3 days.  Also check out my new Kraft Beer Spiderman Beer.  Also, Macaroni Beer?  Let's get some scientists working on that.  They're burnt out on trying to Save Coronavirus they can use a break working on something lighthearted like Macaroni Beer!  THEY DESERVE SOME SWEET SWEET RELIEF SUPPOSEDLY.
    Oh, right, another minor good news, which spreads to my immediate family!  We're talkin' Supermarket Order scheduled for Sunday we were able to get last night!  This opens a whole new world of Meal Possibilities for the next few days.  Plus we got 3 kinds of bread!  We're talkin' Dinner Rolls, which can be sliced in half to make some "Sliders."  Am I saying that correctly?  Sliders?  Do kids still use that word?  Also check out my Kraft Beer Sliderman Beer.  Slenderman Beer.  Sorry what's going on?  Oh, right.  Dinner Rolls, a Challah, and an off brand White Bread.  Now we're talking LOTS OF BREAD!!!  Plus some fancy breadsticks I ain't never not seen no more ever.  So I got that going for me.  Lunch in about 2 hours.  I also got that going for me!  I've got a lot going for me in terms of I will be able to have pretty enjoyable meals for the next week or so!  Makes me feel good to focus on tiny pleasures in life as opposed to huge upsetednessosity.
    If we start running out of food as a country We Are All Slendermen Now.  Maybe that's why Preteen Girls like slenderman so much.  It reminds them of their eating disorders which I'm told are rampant among young women.  And old girls.  And Right About Teenagers.  That's where the two overlap.  I know you you're wondering what meals I will have today.  Well right now it looks like lunch is 3 Frozen Whitcastle Hamburgers and a dozen or so Tater Tots.  More comfort food!  Potato is comfort food.  Bread is comfort food.  Cheese, pasta, meat, crack... look everything is comfort food.  That's what I'm starting to figure out.  It's comforting because it satisfies your hunger and supplies your body with energy and nutrition!  Cracked That Code!  And, yes, Crack is the ultimate comfort food.  Prove me wrong!
    I was gonna say crackers you dolt, get your mind out of the gutter.
  In my imagination, in speakeasies, a group of people are drinking and one of them goes HEY LETS DO THE BOTTLES ON THE WALL SONG! and everyone mutters in agreement.  Yeah he's right lets do it!  And then they all do the song.  Hey maybe THEY ACTUALLY LIVE OUT THE LYRICS OMG NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED THAT.  It's not a drinking song ITS A DRINKING GAME!  HOLY SHIT THE IMAGINARY 1920'S OF MY MIND IS WAY DIFFERENT THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE PREVIOUSLY.  Hmm, that's a good Washing Hands Tip.  Off the top of my head, not sure how many bottles of beer you start at, probably between 4 and 8 or so.  Four bottles of beer on the wall, four bottles of beer... Also after One Bottle do you get to zero?  ANd you go zeo bottles of beer on the wall, zero bottles of beer, you tak-- oh right there's nothing to take down.  Well I Guess We're Done Here.
It was an afterthought because I was plainly upset how much I was paying for 2 weeks worth of beer, but after I gave it some thought I was like hey maybe I'm gonna really enjoy some sweet sweet fancy unique relief!  So, yeah.  Figure if I drink 16 bottles over 2 weeks, that's 3 times a week.  Each week contains 2 days of 3 drinks and 1 day of 2 drinks!  FASCINATING.  Anyway, how far into Quarantine are we.  I dunno we're at about 82 bottle of beer on the wall all things considered.  Also, Quarantine is almost a portmanteau of Quinton Tarentino.  So we got that going for us at least.  Anyway, just had a cup of coffee that was from Yesterday's Brewing.  And now I will make more.  I will keep you updated on this issue as it progresses.


O Website My Website

    Hey the coffee is brewing.  Progress.  Hey I just got the beer delivered.  Magnificent.  Hey I'm gonna wait till tomorrow to have 2-3 drinks.  Outstanding.  Hey alcohol is out of my mind except for when I'm drinking and I will now Continue Adulting It Up Some More for 90% of the time.  Now we're talking.  So I got that going for me is the point.  What can I accomplish today as an adult.  Well I've had a good track record of feeling good by Doing Things.  Anyway that crappy Senate, "Stimulus Bill" passed 96-0 and I'm like Booy you're making me cry 96 tears ya heeaaard?  Speaking of ?, ? is responsible for that song.  The good news is at this point I've revised my estimation of when I will be eating lunch to ~1.5 hours from now. 
    Okay, alcohol, food, coffee.  Creature comforts that will AID me through the day not GET me through the day.  It can't be the focus!  It's gotta be Supplementary!  I feel very strongly about this!  Maybe go an extra day without Beer THAT'LL LEARN 'EM (My Body).  Also, live concert dedicated to fighting AIDS, "AIDS AID."  Glad we got that covered.  Aid Said, so I'm sayin'...  Man people with AIDS are probably super susceptible to Corona: The Virus That Stole Christmas.  Wait a second WE GOT CHRISTMAS IN BEFORE VIRUS REACHED HERE.  ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!  LAST CHRISTMAS.  LETS GO BACK IN TIME SEVERAL MONTHS AND REALLY APPRECIATE IT. Anyway.  Gotta keep reminding myself I'm not under house arrest for something I did wrong.  And I'm not being FORCED to be under house arrest by some outside authority.  This is my decision to do what's best for me and my family.  Don't gotta add blame and spite to the mixture.  Just live your life, stay positive, do you, and also Continue Doing All Those Great Things You're Learning In How To Cope With Life Indefinitely even after this is over.
    Oh no only got 90 more days of self improvement THEN WE'RE OUT OF TIME TO WORK ON OURSELVES.  And also say I figure out some great Self Improvement, I still have to follow through on it FOREVER?  That doesn't seem fair.  Isn't there a Happy Happy Medium where we trick ourselves into thinking we're making the most of this time while we're in it, but once its over we're saying Fuuuckk that! Let's fuck our lives right back up!  Gotta do somethin', right?  9th paragraph!  Anyway, nice Stimulus Bill.  First of all, what we need is an AID bill.  And not an AIDE to STIMULATE BILL Clinton!  And not AIDS AID: The Concert Experience.  We need AID for THE PEOPLE.  Anyway, stock market is crashing!  Also people are dying.  QUICK WE MUST ACT IMMEDIATELY GET SOME MONEY TO THE STOCK MARKET STAT!!!
    Stat in that context is a Hospital Term that we all must presumably get used to.  Also, young people-- there's like a 20% chance you will need to be hospitalized if you contract the virus.  Lemme tell you being hospitalized SUUUUCKKKS.  Even if you don't die, you're still there Maybe You Will Be Dying!  And it's just not very Pleasantville at all.  The rumors of Fun Joyful Hospitals have been greatly exaggerated!  SCRUBS LIED TO YOU!!!  Not to mention You Being Treated In Hospital means someone else may be dying specifically because of you.  So if you're cool with that,  then, great.  Everything's Coming Up Sociopaths I suppose.  Anyway after this paragraph figure I'll take a little break, then prepare lunch and knock some Rest Of The Entry out of the park! 

I'm, "Down," With Antibody Tests

    Those potentially let you know not only if you have Carona virus but if you've EVER had Coronavirus.  And hopefully they might be available at some point to Us.  I'm also looking forward to Cronavirus & Me and it goes back into your family tree to see.. caron... I'm running out of steam.  I want a test to see how much steam I have left!  Anyway instead of continuing Entry once Lunch starts I'm continuing it during Coffee III of III and THEN lunch will start And I'm Already Here!  Can we do a 23 and Me on the Coronavirus?  And its like hey these bats that started it on Originally Started out as single cell organisms 2 billion years ago... as did Coronavirus itself... and I guess that works for us, too.  It's weird because for recorded history, your family tree GROWS EXPONENTIALLY every generation going backward.  But at some point its flipped and we our ancestors (beyond homosapien) become more and more refined until you get to ONE SINGLE CELLED ORGANISM that showed up somewhere for some reason.  And I don't even need a DNA test for that!  It's common sense!
    So the point is we're all in this together.  Even Coronavirus.  Coronavirus... we're not so different, you and I... I dunno, what else is giong on and crap.  Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!  And we just decide to let Coronavirus win.  Get on its good side by just rolling over and dying!  Seems like a solid option to consider.  Hmm, maybe I have to make this clear-- It Does Not Seem Like A Solid Option To Consider.  Just want to make my feelings clear.  Anyway, jeez, what else is going on.  Lunch in comin' real soon!  Yes we all know Coronavirus is Anti-our bodies What will testing accomplish.  Here's an Accomplish-- I put food in the oven!  I'll take it out in 30-40 minutes!  I'll do lots of things!
    Sweet.  Maybe there are some of us who aren't 100% living organism.  Is it possible, just possible, some people are part Rock? Rocks are not alive.  I googled it just to be sure!  What about some really fancy rock.  Nope!  No rocks are alive! 13th paragraph!  That's pretty much good enough.  If I think of a really great 2nd half of this paragraph I'm comfortable leaving on such a high note.  Probably won't follow through, but if I'm drinkin 8 beers a week, splitting into 3 days a week, I'm thinkin' of going with Sunday/Wednesday/Friday.  You know what that means!  I'm Continuing My OCD Tendencies For The Foreseeable Future.  This 2nd half of paragraph isn't all that I hoped for.  I guess I have to write another paragraph.
    No bueno but what can I do the cure can't be worse than the problem.  What exactly are The Problem and The Cure in your mind.  Skip the ambiguities, let's get this down on paper exactly what you'd prefer to happen.  The Cure And The Problem Done.  Classic Neil Young song.  The point is I Dunno Something Along Those Lines.  Didn't go to sleep last night until around 11:00 PM because of Supermarket Delivery And Wiping Stuff Down And Whatnot.  Latest I've been up since, I dunno, the last time I was up that late or later.  Great story.  I'm gonna be honest, last 2 or 3 times I washed my hands I've done 4 Bottles of Beer.  I encourage you all to do that as well and Think Of Me! every time you wash your hands.  Gotta think of something.
    Alright made it to 15 paragraphs!  Then my work for the day is done.  Besides Miscellaneous but that'll take care of itself pretty much.  Hey comin' up on 1 year without cigarettes!  That's ANOTHER great story.  I'm full of great stories is the point.  Actually kinda exhausted all my great stories at this point.  Gotta live some life to come up with some new stories.  That's how Website work.  So anyway I'll see ya'll later.

-12:52 P.M.


Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Ohh Right.  The Shut Down

    Oh, Also Right... The Fatalities.  Hey!  Am I the only one getting bored of Washing Hands Songs.  ABC is played out.  What other ones are there?  Just googled, "Songs to wash your hands by."  That's something I didn't see coming in life.  I'll share the results with ya, sure--  Neil Diamond-- Sweet Caroline, Rupert Holmes-- Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Toto--Africa [YOU CAN EVEN PUT ON YOUR BEST CUOMO VOICE NOT ANDREW THE OTHER ONE NOT THE CNN ANCHOR THE OTHER ONE], Britney Spears-- Hit Me Baby One More Time, Kelly Clarkson-- Since You've Been Gone, Taylor Swift-- Shake It Off, and Twinkle Twinkle.  WTF I TYPED OUT ALL THOSE AND THERE'S NOT A WINNER IN THE BUNCH!!!
Hey, wait a second.... all of those songs are REGULAR LENGTH SONGS.  The whole point is we need 20-25 second SELF CONTAINED SONGS.  WE NEED TO START AT THE BEGINNING AND MAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE END FOR CLOSURE.  Basically that article I read with those 7 songs were just like Hey here's seven random songs I, author of article, enjoy.  Yeah I could figure out seven songs off the top of my head no problem.  Twinkle Twinkle is a fair suggestion.  The point is some quarantined musician could make a name for himself and really clean up releasing an album of 20-25 second songs driven by vocals so people can sing it in the mirror.  I Would Do It but vocal melodies aren't my strong suit.  One of many qualities that aren't my strong suits.  I need to get a stronger suit.  Like that one Batman has.  In Batman & Robin.  The one that has nice nipples. 
    Anyway.  Lunch today is probably one of them Frozen Lean Cuisine meals.  Dinner may be me making Salami Omelets!  Omelet that situation play out over the day to see if it's a dinner I and my family can enjoy.  Well, you know me!  Salami!  Well that accomplished Nothing.  Only 1-3 units of alcohol left.  But I'm under the impression alcohol delivery is within hours not days.  Maybe alcohol is in short supply because people are washing their hands with drinking alcohol.  Maybe a lot of things!  There's 11 dimensions so pretty much any maybe there is exists presumably!  I started watching the Eddie Murphy movie Imagine That where he has a daughter whose imaginary friends give Eddie Murphy Sound Financial Advice or something and Even I Have My Limits.  Just kidding.  It's fine.  I probably do have my limits but this isn't limited.  It passes the test!  Also, based on the first 20-30 minutes, that's a completely accurate summation of the movie.  Eddie Murphy's daughter's imaginary friends give him sound financial advice.  Good movie to watch today!  We need sound financial advice more than ever.
    It is sort of just Imaginary Inside Trading but what can ya do.  Put in 75% of supermarket order and set it up to deliver Sunday Afternoon.  I can still add stuff to it even though I already reserved the delivery time!  Whatta scam!  Perpetrated by me!  You sometimes gotta Start Your Own Scams, otherwise there'd be no karmic payback from You Getting Scammed.  That's karma.  He who was scammed shall be reborn as the scammee.  Sounds about fair, right?  Is it weird for people who grew up with their first impression of Eddie Murphy being his stand up comedy in the 1980's to see him transform into one of the biggest Family Friendly Comedy Type Guys around?  Wasn't his stand up kind of raunchy and/or out there and/or ya get the point what else is going on.
    I did see Twitter Video of The Killers' Brandon... Flowers?  YUP THAT'S ACCURATE doing the chorus of Mr. Brightside into the mirror and that's a fun song but ON THE OTHER HAND he was singing it In His Voice which is very good so I would feel embarrassed to sing it into my sink.  Not only do you need a high quality, 20-25 second song, but also one that won't embarrass you!  Gotta straddle the line of Something You Can Sing and Something Worth Singing.  Man was I unprepared for this Outbreak.  Didn't even have any 20-25 second songs in my back pocket at all!
    Well, live and learn.  Now we know what to do Next Time.  Sometimes I try to sing bits of my song but I dunno there's something very off with my vocal melody.  Very, very off.  That's a good chunk of why I could never perform The Uppers' songs again.  That and I forget how to play all of the music.  So there's that, and Not sure how these vocals are supposed to go.  Part of it is because pretty much every song has 2 or 3 vocal tracks and they're not always in tune so its impossible to approximate it in one single Voice.  Also I'm assuming most of those vocal tracks are off tune, and other bad qualities.  Oh well live and learn.
If I was just making it for myself, and there were Surplus Of Supplies, I'd probably make some Egg WHITE salami omelet.  But gotta make the most out of the eggs we have.  So, great.  Over the last week or so pretty much just consuming maintenance calories.  That's fine because losing weight it turns out isn't really a good thing to prioritize in Outbreak: The Coronavirus Outbreak.  And gaining weight may make me feel kinda shitty.  So I figure its a good compromise to Not Gain Weight and Not Lose Weight.  Hooray!  Whatime did I eat breakfast.  Around 8:30 AM.  Anyway, another top Simpsons line from just this morning [although the last few days there's been a lot of Top Lines that I stopped keeping track of], I really like this one.  Episode wit Bart gets an elephant and they can't afford to keep it so Homer is selling it and one of the guys is an ivory dealer whith ivory pen, ivory hat, and as they say, Even This Check Is Ivory!  SoSo Lisa was like I think this is an ivory dealer.  And Homer is like Lisa, you have to think, the elephant would be More Safe than with someone whose Ivory Supplies are low!  Clunked it up a bit, but there you have it.
    Might as well shout out another joke 2 minutes later.  Bart's Elephant wins over the family so they agree to send Elephant to Wildlife Refuge instead of Ivory Dealer, but, first, Homer shows his thanks to Elephant saving his live [thats how he won over family] and is like This Elephant is great and I'm sure he'll make a graaand piano.  WHY AM I DOING THIS.  Oh, right, one more!  I'm sure this is one that everyone loves.  Homer and Apu go to the original Kwik-E-Maart in India to appeal to the Super.. Kwik E Mart... guy... who has all the answers philosophically and whatnot.  And he's like you may ask me 3 questions.  And Apu is like, great, all I need is one [Can I Get My Job Back] but Homer interrupts and goes Are you really the head of the kwik e mart?! and the guy replies yes and Homer goes really? and the guy replies yes and Homer goes YOU?  And later, walking away, Homer goes to Apu was he Really the head of the kwik-e-mart?
    Jeez.  Simpsons are comfort food.  Except for when they're not.  Great, what else is going on and crap.  9th paragraph!  Figure I'll take a break after 10, muck around, then come back here when its time to eat Lean Cuisine: I of II Dishes which I forget but I will be forced to choose one of the 2 I have in Freezer.  The point is one of them includes some sort of pasta and I don't care I'd eat pasta every meal if I have to!  That's how much I'm willing to sacrifice for humanity during this Plague.  Is plague a scientificall estimation of disease.  Like, stat-wise.  If it infects a certain number of people globally, and/or its mortality rate is beyond a certain level.  My gues? Nope!  But it should be.  Like how Retarded and Dumb and Slow and Nincompoop are all measurements on the IQ scale!
    Turns out I was wrong.  Plague isn't just for any old disease!  It's for the Bubonic Plague!  And there was also a Respiratory Plague!  The point is we may use it colloquially beyond those definitions but We've Been Wrong this entire time!  Uh oh plague, that doesn't sound good.  Not testing well at all.  Let's just call it Freedom Flu.  If you work and get the flu and spread it and if you're lucky enough to die yourself you're Freedoming it!  Is that where we're gonna be next week.  Do your part, America, and go back to work!  And lavish them with praise for endangering millions of lives.  Seems about right.  Doesn't mean we have to buy that bullshit, though.  It's always been my dream to be One Up on Bullshit.  Well, I've never explicitly dreamed it.  But it's the subtext is the point! 


Here For All Your Website Needs!

    Oh, right.  Website.  The good news is I've laid the ground work to order alcyhol either later today or tomorrow.  It's good because that'll learn 'em.  It's not even so much as Being Slightly Drunk.  It's more that it gives me something to look forward to day by day.  Hey day off, day on.  Today day off looking forward to tomorrow will get me distracted and not thinking about today! Today day on lets tune out a bit and get SuperDistracted thinking about nothing at all!  I think about stuff when I'm drunk!  Mostly hmm wonder how long this is gonna last, will I pour myself another drink, have I reached my daily limit, what to do, what to do.  These are the days of some lives.
    I already told you the real good news.  We are not experiencing a plague as far as my understanding of how plagues go!  I think Too Much TV is jumping the shark.  We have thousands and thousands of shows, half of which were like yeah other people have recommended this I'll Get To It I'll Get To It! and the moment We CAn Get To It we're like yea I don't wanna do that.  Maybe I was wrong about investing in TV.  Maybe drop TV like a hot potato.  Maybe do a lot of things!  Jeez.  The point is it's called Over Saturating The Market.  And it cheapens even stuff we Do or Would like.  Way to blow Cable Channels and Streaming Services! 
    Oh well what can ya do.
  I was just joking TV.  Please give me a job when this is all over.  Hell, give me a job when This Is Now!  I'd gladly offer myself to the altar of Big Screen TV.  The point is I'm not 100% on what saturation means but I AM 50% sure of what it means and I stand by that estimation of how much I know what saturation is.  Saturation Night Live.  That sort of thing.  Gottem.  I get to have a crappy lunch in an hour.  Gottem.  I almost had a 4th grade teacher named Mrs. Gottlieb. Gottem.  I feel that story speaks for itself.  Almost having a 4th grade teacher. Prove me wrong!  I was reading how Coronaplague symptoms sometimes don't show for 2 weeks.  Uh oh!  I was still using Starbucks Bathroom bi-daily two weeks ago!  Not to be confused with bidet-aly.  Or Joseph Bidenaily.  Or.. bid... ale... I want to go home.  And by home I mean the Starbucks Bathroom.  So many memories. 
    You never would have thought using public restrooms would be associated with such warm feelings.  But I guess you've never taken 7 joyous walks a day with a weak bladder.  So you can see the kind of situation I'm in.  So what have you got goin' on.  We're talkin' maybe a bottle of whiskey AND some beer.  But real responsible like, that's the ticket.  No goin' over board!  Stick to every other day and only 2-12 drinks per drinking day.  No, stick to 2-5 per drinking day.  5 is still kinda high BUT I'M ONLY HUMAN PRESUMABLY.  I haven't faced a battery of tests to confirm that but I've been working under the theory that I am not just mostly human but ONLY human.  I miss Stephen Colbert's Band.  Which is called Stay Human and not Only Human but maybe they want to change their name??  Get back to me on that.
    Stephen Colbert is the proprietor or something of the band but he's not in it.  However he does have 2 songs that hold a special place in my heart.  I'm Right Behind You Now Charlene and I'm Over You Charlene.  Two of the best Non-Weird Al songs meant primarily for laughs.  Also, it's happened AT LEAST twice,  and every time Weird Al posts on Twitter like he misunderstood AI [artificial intelligence for those of you who don't have the latter] to be Al, signifying him.  The one a few days ago was an article Can AI help with the caronavirus? and Weird Al linked to it and was like Hey, I'm doing all that I can!  Never not funny.  Thank god we've got peple like Weird Al and Stephen Colbert.  People who are not just funny but warm the cockles of the heart.  You know, those 2 people, and NO ONE ELSE.
I once almost knew someone named Elsa.  True Story!  Figure I'll start lunch right about now.  Gotta start something at some point.  Hey Jerks Here I Am Now With Lunch!  We're talkin' Smart Ones Brand Frozen Meals: Pasta with Swedish Meatballs, as well as a thick slice of Challah.  Hey You Idiots I thought of a joke hey its hey its gotten so bad germ-aphobes are singing Freebird every time they wash their hands!  Gottem and such! First thought was Stairway To Heaven which is probably almost as long but Freebird seemed like a better reference for this specific joke PROVE ME WRONG!  The point is the pasta is okay and the sauce is good and the bread is great but the meatballs are wonderful!  And the good news is its totally healthy because the brand is called Smart Ones.  It's smart because its good for you.  And its One because its a single serving!

Here For None Of Your Non-Website Needs!

    Okay 4 paragraphs to get to an even 20.  Ever since saying your odds of Dying is similar to the odds you get exactly the right card in Solitaire, whenever I play solitaire and hit that Exactly Right card I go FUCK THATS HTE CHANCE I JUST DIED!!! and it happens very often.  A little too often to be an appropriate estimate.  Which is accurate, it is a bit high.  So lets just split that estimate in half.  OH NO STILL DYING MORE THAN MY FAIR SHARE JUST BY PLAYING SOLITAIRE.  Also, it should go without saying, please play solitaire BY YOURSELF these days! Practice social solitaire distancing PLEASE ITS IMPORTANT. ...I knew we'd get to a joke eventually if we just kept going!  Thank God.
    I'm not even gonna get into the death rate by playing Minesweeper.  What else is going on and crap.  I think it should be a thing when you're getting a fancy meal at a restaurant, instead of the wine-man suggesting a good wine to pair with your meal, we should have bread-men where they're like for this Eggs Benedict I suggest a very cheap slice of Wonderbread White bread.  Or for this Filet Mignon here's some Stella Doro bread sticks.  Because the turth is, no exaggerating, I think most people would be much more thrilled oh man I'm about to have some perfect bread as opposed to perfect wine.  Maybe that's a good career to get into when all this is over.  Just be a Bread/Meal matchmaker.  Gotta do something when all this is over.  Presumably either What Were Doing Before and/or Something New.  Hopefully not What We're Doing Right Now.  Not sustainable!  Somiwailre.  That's a Wine Guy.  Sommelier.  And that's the correct spelling of Wine Guy.
    Jeez.  What else is in store for today.  Had an unexpected A+ snack betwen lunch and dinner yesterday because my Dad figured What The Hell Let's Use Up This Years Old Microwave Popcorn.  So me and my Pop Corn microwaved some popcorn Together and I ate a good 30-40% of it.  If we get out of this alive, I'm gonna lobby existing brands or start my own brand of popcorn that's a True Serving Size.  Just 1/3rd the normal brand.  People would LOVE that.  Gimme gimme gimme royalty rights or whatever.  Or don't!  Do it anyway!  I'm still doing Mankind a solid even with them being the ones to profit from my ideas.  Also, I'm doing ME a solid!  I can snack on sweet buttery popcorn just like you whenever I want!
    Alright, what ideas do I have for When This Is Over.  Bread Sommelier and Single Serving Popcorn.  And that's only within the last 2 paragraphs!  Also, here's another great idea-- the opposite-- these Frozen Meals--particularly the healthy ones-- just DOUBLE THE PORTION SIZE.  I don't give a fuck if I eat 600 calories as opposed to 300 it's STILL pretty healthy.  But I get TWICE THE FUCKIN' FOOD AND SUDDENLY IT'S A REAL PORTION SIZE C'MON LETS  GOOOO.  Can I microwave 2 Meals one after the other?  Well, yeah.  But IT'S TOO DIFFICULT.
    I dunno.
  Movin' on with life after this entry.  Gotta move on with somethin'.  How come there's not the equivalent of Munchkins for Bagels.  I want some bagel ba... actually I've seen that at Starbucks.  My Mistake!  Anyway very good chance I order that there alcohol TODAY.  I can hardly believe my luck!  I get to be 31 years old though Coronavirus AND DRINK DRINKYBABY DRINK.  Oops started the 21st paragraph.  Finally MY ENTRY is old enough to drink!  Paragraphs=years in Prose-time.  Anyway, another morning + early afternoon done!  That's the routine I've been in lately, right?  With writing entries.  Feels like a long time in this pattern but its only been a few days.  But still Great Grand Wonderful.  See, my trick was being 1 or 2 days ahead of the curve on Outbreak.  So now forever I'm ahead of the game!  Maybe only 24 or 48 hours Eternally Ahead Of The Game but that's pretty good and certainly sustainable for the rest of all time. Or I realize we're all in the same boat not knowing what the fuck is going on and/or how to deal with it.  Not happy about ending on that note,  doesn't make much sense or make ya feel good.  But That's Website For Ya!  Later.  I dunno.  Website Makes ME feel good.  But then again I Am The Website.  See ya later.

-1:48 P.M.   



Tuesday, March 24, 2020

One Week Or So Down!

what happened to All Lives Matter?  GOTTEM.  Now we're even!  Ugh what else is going on and crap.  Hey what happened to the Abortion-Banning Equivalent Phrase Which Probably Happens To Resemble, "All Lives Matter?"  GOTTEM AGAIN.  Now I'm One Up On Them!  Ugh.  Once CoronaWar is over and entertainers and the rest of us return from our solitude, will the public spit on those who joked on the internet and we'll be like we were promised parades.  Sounds like more or less the likely situation we'll be in.  I didn't make puns from the safety of my own home ON THE FRONT LINES just to be disrespected by John Q. Public!  I did it to be RESPECTED by John Q. Public.  RESPECT ME JOHN Q PUBLIC DAMMIT!
    Anyway, another day, another dollar.  Which is a phrase for some reason no one is really sure of.  A  day saved is a dollar earned.  Elbow Macaroni went over like gangbusters last night.  Not to be confused with the crime bill from the 1990's meant to deter SuperCriminals.  But yeah I totally had some of my own macaroni and it was more or less what macaroni tastes like!  No sauce or anything.  Bit of butter.  Fair amount of salt.  What's in store for tonight?  I dunno somethin'll figure itself out that's been my experience.  Anyway, I think the last 24 or so hours have been particularly terrifying because like I said the Republicans are saying the quiet part loud of we don't care about your lives get back to work.  That's capitalism for ya.  Prioritizes Capital And Money.  Social priorities Workers and People.  Easier to think about this pandemic as a failure of Trump and not as the logical extension of the economic and political system we are all apart of.  Way to go!
I like bailing out Corporations.  Hey you know how stock market crashed because they have no faith in the government to deal with this pandemic appropriately?  Well the government has a great plan in place!  GIVE A BUNCH OF MONEY TO THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T TRUST THEM.  Maybe that's why the market crashed in the first place.  They knew the likely outcome of crashing the stock market was just more billions of dollars from government!  Man does that sounds bad once I type it out.  Hey that's life I guess.  But the point is we must give billions of dollars to companies and working people need to get off their butt and either continue working and spending money or die.  Well, now that we covered all that, lets get back into some nonsense.


Get To The Point

The point is I'll probably be okay while many people won't be so lucky  That sounds like a fair trade off, right?  Me Come Out Okay But Other People Die.  Well ya can't win 'em all so lets make the best of a bad situation.  Also I broached the subject of Me Need Alcyhol To Function Good with parents and they were understanding!  The point is Me Eat Pasta For Lunch I Made Me Self.  Anyway, what kinda entertainment I got in store for today.  Certainly a few more Simpsons episodes.  A horror movie or two from some streaming service.  Maybe some sort of Podded Cast or Musical Album.  Anyway just finished lunch.  That sure was some macaroni with a piece of bread!
    I wouldn't lie to you.  Not in times like this.  Puttin' together another Supermarket Order.  This time around I'm not being shy about the Diet Sodas.  First time we got delivery from supermarket I only got 4 sodas.  Last time it was 7.  Now Fuck It I'm Gonna Get Like 12.  And I can see myself working up to 14 or 16 by the next order.  We all have our things that give us comfort and under most circumstances we should feel totally justified to go with what ya know.  I don't have to choose between soda or bread.  Cause if I did, hey get some soda bread sounds like a great compromise.  I'm not 100% sure what soda bread.  I assume bread that's been carbonated.
    Maybe I should watch less horror movies and more Bad Comedies.  That's a routine I'm getting into based on the last few nights.  Already told you about Gone Fishin'.  Last night I watched The Honeymooners: The Reboot Starring Cedric Entertainerson and Michael Epps...son.  I feel bad for Michael Epps because for some reason John Leguizamo was also in the movie and was pretty much in it about 50% of the scenes and he also had a lot of the Laugh Lines that should have gone to Ed Norton.  While presumably giving a similar role in the film.  Also I should be very clear that I knew the threat Ralph Kramden would give his wife (In the original more comfortably misogynistic version) that he will knock her block off so hard she'll be propelled into the moon, but I never made the connection that oh right and it's called The HoneyMOONers.  I see what they're doing there in retrospect!
    Alright what can I do for dinner.  Maybe Cup o Noodles.  Its more pasta pretty much but Hey Stick With What Ya Know!  At what point do they start calling Coronavirus American Flu?  Cause when they do we'll be like WTF HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO OBTUSE. ...oh, right.  That's how we are.  Anyway, so yeah, we're at the point in Outbreak where its being floated we just are okay with a million or 2 people dying... but we don't End There.  We just go yeah we're not gonna do that, now, putting that aside... don't act like its a real option.  Because it isn't.  Just move past that bullshit because I'm telling you We Are Not Okay With That Course Of Action. 
    Jeez.  Also, I gotta assume they're thinking of ways to cancel the election, because if they cared an election was coming up in 7 months, they wouldn't be touting such a platform of You And Your Family Dying Is Okay With Us!  So that's gotta be where they think we're headed, right?  Oh well what can ya do.  Anyway, putting together Supermarket List, I realize I haven't had tuna fish in over 20 years.  Not counting Tuna Rolls.  Why wouldn't you count tuna rolls.  I dunno maybe I just don't feel like counting Tuna Rolls right now Is That Alright With You?  Well now that you mention it NO It Isn't Alright With Me!  FINE LETS CONTINUE THIS DISCUSSION AT A LATER DATE.  Sounds good.
Jeez.  I'd be interested in attempting to eat a Tuna Sandwich at some point.  Not Tuna Salad, though.  Mayonnaise is the grossest thing in the world to me other than Infected Bat Feces.  Eh, maybe a little bit grosser than infected bad feces.  I'm Just Being Honest!  When will people learn to not eat bat feces!!!  I think they do eat bat feces responsibly in some African Tribes per my Ace Ventura Research Project as a child.  Who knows for sure.  Anyway, we're starting to see a few CoronaDeaths trickle in here and there, where its not people I know but are several people removed from leaving an impression on me.  People who work for News Networks I Know And Tolerate.  Not people I knew, but people I know knew.  Only a matter of time till we get some celebrity deaths!! Who will be the first to go.  Are there people gambling on this?  Gotta be, right.  15 to 1 odds Tom Hanks dies of coronavirus.  Maybe he's already beat it, hopefully he has.  Otherwise?  Let's do some gambling make the most out of a bad situation!
    The point is I don't get why people would avoid drinking Corona: The Beer.  If anything, I'd be going out of my way to drink the beer!  It's like a flu shot.  One beer isn't going to kill you but it may boost your immunity to it.  That's just common sense!  Anyway, I dunno.  Figure I'll call it an entry after this paragraph.  I was already calling it an entry.  Not explicitly, I haven't said it out loud or anything, but in my mind I was certainly already Considering It An Entry.  So we got that going for us at least.
  Alright, I'll see ya later.

-1:43 P.M.


Monday, March 23, 2020

No Webste Gonn Tell Me Wht To Wreit!

    Ima tl webst gn wht on top of it!  Well, that's valuable infotainment for the internet to enjoy.  I never claimed to be infotainment.  Maybe I should start claiming it, though!  Couldn't hurt none to stretch the truth a bit, build a little bit more of a cohesive base for an audience.  Fun fact-- 90% of infotainment contains neither information nor entertainment.  And that's The Crazysheet Promise!  Maybe I should spend the next few months really hittin' the books to see when and where to use nor and/or or.  One grammar thing I never really figured out.  Let's Learn Together Right Now! Really provide some Info.  Alright here's what I've ome up with-- if it's a Negative and also if you use the word Neither.  So basically that sentence was a textbook example of when to use Nor.  Hey let's practice some Ignortainment.  I write nonsense and the world ignores it!  It's a win/win!
So what else is going on.  I think the reason Trump and Economy were caught off guard was because they were kind of assuming People Would Be Okay With 1% Of Them And Their Family And Friends And Coworkers Dying.  Yeah most ppl are gonna be okay with that and continue working and spending money normally, economy shouldn't be hit too hard we can weather the storm.  And it was a real surprise to find out People Actually Value Their Lives.  Because those at the top are used to not valuing the general public's lives at all!  A real shock to the system to be like oh right these dummies are down for a lot of our bullshit but it turns out They Don't Wanna Die even though we don't care if they die.  Anyway I Made My Point And I Stand By It!  If Trump is claiming to be a wartime president can we immediately try him for war crimes?  That seems like appropriate action.
    Well that's fun.  Let's get back into fun!  Anyway, today is really the first day since Shut In where I'm finally starting to eat House Meals.  Today's lunch?  We're talkin' a bologna sandwich with some sort of Side.  Today's dinner?  We're talkin' I'm gonna figure out how to make some Macaroni for the house.  Well, for the people residing in the house.  I'm not gonna make macaroni to appease some sort of House God.  House/House God wouldn't have the consciousness to appreciate it at all so why bother.  But yeah the point is I really should have these skills to be able to cook a dozen different easy meals myself, and this is a great time to get on top of that. 
    Lookin' into alcohol deliveries.  It looks like its possible and I figure a week or so and I'll feel comfortable broaching that subject with my parental units.  My Mom who never drinks started a new bottle of  Christmas Wine a week or so ago and didn't like it and spilled the rest out.  Christmas wine is when you get a bottle of wine at Christmas.  What else is going on and crap.  Uh oh I hope this isn't the s'wine flu!  I don't like the word swine because I know logically it refers to pig but also it almost sounds like the word swan so there's a part of me that incorrectly clings to the idea swine may refer to birds and not pig.  So you can see the kind of bind I'm in every time I use or hear that word.  Whatta world, whatta world.
    Anway looks like Coronavirus started with bats.  Batman tried to warn us but we didn't listen!  Anyway, it also appears to be significantly caused by interaction with feces.  And bat feces is called guano and its used to make pottery and potentially other stuff.  And I Learned All That In The Sequel To Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.  Man oh man did I watch that a bunch on VHS in the 90's But Haven't Seen In Probably 2 Decades.  I probably watched that 50 times and Original Ace Ventura maybe 5 times.  Prove me wrong!
  There's a scene where Ace Ventura is inside a mechanical rhino eavesdropping on people For The Case and then they leave and there's tourists around watching the rhino and he comes out of the mechanical rhino's anus like its giving birth to him.  I didn't appretiate it at the time and never really got a kick out of that scene  but man oh man oh man is that great in retrospect.  I also want to clarify that I know normal birth isn't done through the anus.
    Anyway, what else is going on.  But, yeah the plot of Ace Ventura II: When Nature Calls revolved around bats.  One African tribe stole the sacred bat mascot of another one and they called in Ace to find the bat and so on and so forth.  Wouldn't it be a great Batman Villain to be like SUPRABAT.  Because Batman is scared of bats and also an Evil Batman would be an interesting and So Far Unfulfilled Villian-type.  I'm pretty sure that must exist in other Super Hero Stories here and there.  An evil version of Super Hero.  But lets apply that to Gotham, right?  Gotta apply something to someone or somewhere or something like that!
    Pretty sure  I'm being a responsible adult by getting alcohol delivered.
  Adults know what's best for adults.  Them specifically.  So I'm adult enough to know that as an adult I can tolerate Self Imposed House Arrest a lot more with some alcohol.  I'd be an irresponsible fool to deny myself of that sweet, sweet sweet.  Anyway have you guys been doing the thing where you wash the packages groceries come in?  Say you got a box of crackers.  Before opening it and eating from it you wipe down the box of crackers itself with disinfectant spray and then dry it off.  At first I thought this was insane but apparently some Health Dude said he did it so I'm like why would Health Dudes lie, I guess I better do this as well.
Wow!  So the point is as long as I wipe down the bottle of whiskey I'm actually being Very Healthy.  Gotta wonder if the Republican platform of We Insist You Be Okay With Risking Death So 'Conomy Is Slightly More Stable is gonna pay off in the long run.  Really, gotta wonder it!  Maybe it does pay off in the long run, I'm not here to make predictions.  This one Party/Side (consisting of Politicians and Media and Other) are unequivocally prioritizing Economy Health over People Health.  You can't argue with that.  Trump just tweeted a few hours ago after 15 days he encourages people to go back to work.  These are the facts of how they are approaching this in general.  Maybe not 100% of people in that party, but as a whole, that's where they're at.  Ask 'em yourselves!  They may not frame it that way exactly But That's What's Going On.
    Anyway, I don't really get the insistence on calling it The Chinese Virus or whatever.  It really accomplishes very little.  The people who get off on being White Nationalists are already in your corner!  You're not getting anyone new on board.  It's just like, well, it couldn't hurt!  We're in a shitty situation, go with what ya know!  Just be racist for no specific reason at all, why not!  Maybe the 1 thing they think is if we're debating the name we're not debating how much WE failed in terms of not preparing for it NOR limiting the spread.  But the point is we can walk and pat ourselves on the head at the same time.  You killed at least thousands of people AND in addition you also just happen to be casual racists!  Congratulations.  Talkin' to myself!  Congratulations for using, "Nor," correctly once again!!!
  What else is going on.  The point is we can all be heroes by drinking 3-5 drinks every other day.  There's plenty alcohol to go around!  Let's all enjoy this nectar of the HouseGods!  We Are All Batmen Now.  Also, Microsoft FrontPage accepting, "Batmen," as a word?  Mwah!  Gonna be gettin' some Saline Solution delivered at the very least.  I use that for Putting Contacts Away In Piece Of Plastic Whetted With Saline Solution So I Can Still Use Them Again.  Which I use everyday because I Incorrectly Use Daily Contact Lenses For Several Days So I Put Them In There Over Night.  Oh well, what can ya do.  Not a lot!  That's been my experience!
    Sometimes I bite my nails and I realize ok I really need to stop RIGHT NOW and then I'm like eh what are ya gonna do and I don't stop and then 3 seconds later I'm like Ok NOW REALLY STOP aand I'm like yeah its already under consideration I'll let you know if I change my mind.  Anyway, gonna set up lunch!  Right now!   Okay lets figure out what to do for the rest of the entry.  Under normal circumstances I would not eat bologna because it's higher in fat and calories than your average deli meat not to mention your average deli meat has Lower Calorie Options while Bologna to my knowledge doesn't it but these are extraordinary circumstances and America is best when under extraordinary circumstances we come together to eeat bologna and even sometimes spell it baloney which is how its pronounced and lets be honest a much more charming word to type and read.
    I know you.  You're wondering what kind of Side I'm having with Baloney Sandwich.  I'm having a Dozen PopChips: The Potato Chpis That Are Popped!  BBQ STYLE BUDDY.  When I first started getting these I read a review of them online which was like does anyone else experience a weird peanut-buttery after taste to these chips?  And I never experienced it but EVERY CHIP I EAT I get paranoid I will experience it which is particularly scary because I don't like peanut better even under optimal circumstances!  Anyway that lunch sure hit the spot.  Figure I'll write one more paragraph after this one.  Might as well, I got shit else to do!  That's not true there's a ROB ZOMBIE movie I haven't seen on Shudder.com: The Horror Movie Stream Service
!  How exciting.  He used to be a musician so you KNOW he's good at movies.  Or, he's made movies that I enjoyed in the past so I KNOW he's good at movies.  That's more appropriate an impression.
    I don't wanna jinx it but I just had a really weird experience in that I finished eating a normal amount for a meal, maybe even on the smaller side, and then about 120 seconds later I was like ya know what I am now Full.  Not overfull, not underfull, I'm full.  The point is every organ has gotta pull its weight in these tough times and my stomach not making a fuss really is making me happy.  Now that I think about it I want to eat more!  MORE!!!!  Gotta do something to keep yourself occupied.  But also if you eat too much you run out of food and Then Where Will We Be.  Somewhere we already are, probably.  That's how things might work for some reason.
    14th paragraph!
  Let's end after this one.  How would you define Rob Zombie: The Musician?  In terms of Genre.  Is spooky a genre?  My guess?  Yeah probably what else is going on.  We Are All Living Dead Girls Now.  That's right I know a Rob Zombie song.  I had it From Napster for some reason nobody is sure of.  Maybe because it was in the Child's Play Movie: Bride of Chucky.  Probably.  I mean probably both in terms of that's probably why I had/wanted it and probably in terms of yeah it was Probably in that movie sounds about right.  I also had on Napster a song from Slipknot wait and bleed.  Another Spooky song!  Oh well, such is life.  That reminds me of one of the top 5 bits from Conan I remember from pre-teen/teenage years.  The Slipnuts.  We're the slipnuts, slipping on nuts, look he fell down, I slipped on some nuts!  I Guess You Had To Be There.
    Alright 15th paragraph what else is going on and crap.  I haven't seen a Late Night Talk Show in almost a year.  Unless you count SNL: The Weekend Update.  That's on par with the monologue portion of Late Night Talk Shows.  But, yeah, I wonder what kind of stories Famous People have been telling On TV the last year or so.  Hopefully fun stuff!  I think it demeaning to reduce Regular Talk Show Guests to "Famous People."  Saying famous people sort of defines their main quality as well they're famous.  I'm sure they're talented in acting or comedy or a 3rd profession that may or may not be featured prominently on late night talk shows!  Let's be polite these people have sacrificed their afternoon to appear later tonight on our TVs for our own entertainment. 
    Well, great, what else.  I also listen to podcast interviews, sometimes by Late Night Talk Show Hosts Themselves (Conan o Brian comes to mind!  ...and is the Only One that fits this bill.)  So that's somethin', right?  Andy Richter is kind of a talk show host who fits the bill.  Wonderbar.  Alright hopefully this is the last paragraph for real.  Anyway, I dunno.  Got lots of Salty Snack Sides for potential lunches.  Got over half a box of Reduced Fat Cheez Its.  Got ~1/3rd of bags of Pop Chips: The BBQ Variety as well as Tostidos: The 'Bite Size' Variety Which Are Still Pretty Big Tortilla Chips!  Also Tortilla is a giant Tort Reform.  That pun would be a lot easier to make if I know what Tort Reform was. 
    The point is I think I'm really gonna get a kick out of Elbow Macaroni but there's no great Side I can have with it.  we got a dozen dinner rolls from Supermarket over the weekend so I guess 2 of those are pretty good with macaroni.  Wait, no scratch that.  VERY GOOD.  I wish I had buttery macaroni with some dinner rolls RIGHT NOW.  But for some reason I need to wait like 5 hours.  Whatta scam!  Is cheez it a phrase?  Like, to get away, or something.  Like you're robbing a bank and you hear sirens coming closer and you're like Let's Cheez It!  That sounds like a thing, or something, right?   
    Jeez.  Jeez It.  Zheez It.  Seize The day it.  I don't know what's going on anymore.  Hey it's been almost 2 and a half years since I haven't gotten a new TV for my birthday yet.  Figure that's gotta be in the works, right?  Oh well no way of knowing.  Anyway, what's the current estimate of things going 50% back to normal.  Cuomo has been sayin 4, 6, or 9 months.  Not 100% how he narrowed it down to those 3 estimates but hey any infotainment counts.  It's info-taining because its an elected official I feel relatively comfortable trusting.  I never thought I'd see the day!  Especially because I was always like Cuomo no es bueno not very progressive!  And I'm sure he still isn't but oh well what can ya do.  I think he's doing a good job with this.  And I'm sure he'll copy Giuliani exploiting 9/11 to run for president on this, but, hey, good for him.  He's doing a pretty good job!  I wouldn't vote for him against a more progressive candidate, but he's proving he's a valuable member of the team.  The Democrat team!  
    Now all he needs to do is fast track Marijuana Legalization and the next few months would really be a blast!  19th paragraph.  Wonderbar.  Man was I all-in for that Sex of The City lady but turns out 2/3rds of Democrats weren't.  Oh well what can ya do.  Those were a different time!  America was captivated by a young Bernard Sanders spreading his politics of love and inclusion.  Unlike today where people are captivating by Joe Biden's politics of shrugs... and... allusion.  I have no idea if that makes sense At All but I'm betting on Nope!  ALright, that's the end of the entry.  Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay infotained.  See ya tomorrow/the next day/at some point/never again.  Peace!

-1:53 P.M.


Sunday, March 22, 2020

And That Farmer's Name Was Bingo McDonald

    I guess.  The point is you're safe here, right?  I was thinking about it and even for a guy like me with no friends and less acquaintances than most, I WILL know people my age who die from this.  I mean, I don't know the math, if only there was a teacher in my house, but lets say you take 50 people, and say there's a 1/100 chance each one dies.  What are the probabilities at least 1 will die?  What are the probabilities 5 will die?  There's Math To Be Done But I Ain't The One To Do It.  The closest thing I could picture is I remember learning if you're in a class of 32 people (Thanks Crowding of Public Schools That's My Go To Class Size!) the odds are there will be a birthday that at least 2 people share.  That's not close to this equation at all.  Well, its close because they're both more likely than you might assume at first!
    So the point is its a game of musical chairs.  DEATH musical chairs!  Hooooow amusing.  The good news is I spent half an hour working on the instrumental of a 40 second song.  And there's no chorus or bridge or verses particularly.  Sorta just repeating the same chord progression several times.  But Oh What Fun Was Had.  We're talkin some power chords, we're talking an almost appropriate bass guitar riff, and we're talkin a slightly more appropriate but still not very appropriate lead guitar riff!  And then we're talking I tried uploading it to my Computer and I couldn't figure it out immediately so There Goes That.  I had a very fun time picking a Guitar Tuning that I think people would have a blast with.  It's tuned down half a step and instead of 440 FQ Its 445!  Now it's up to you to have a blast with it!
    Yesterday was Having A Blast Day, time to move on with our lives!  Anyway, this website is partly how I've been coping with what's going outside, but I don't give that too much thought, because this website Has Always Been Partly How I Cope With What's Going On Outside.  Nothin' that new or unusual with that realization.  Anyway, they say in NY hopefully the worst of it will be in 2-3 weeks.  Typing that out that sounds pretty bad.  But when you compare it to the worst of it will be in 2-200 weeks, 2-3 suddenly sounds pretty cool!  Especially because I'm pretty confident over the next 2 weeks I and Family will be okay.  We're prepared for the next 2-3 weeks and I hope you all are, too.  OH SHIT I WAS ALWAYS TERRIBLE AT MUSICAL CHAIRS!!!!  If my memory serves me correctly.  I truly have like a sense memory of playing musical chairs and getting eliminated right away.  Whatta jip.  Hey lets play dodgeball instead!
    We kind of are.
  Except hopefully without the throwing the ball at other people.  That would be irresponsible and not a game I would condone.  Dodge Coronavirus all you want but despite really wanting to win the game REFRAIN from throwing the virus at the opposing team(s).  We Are All On The Same Dodgeball Team Now.  I saw a report that Neo Nazis are talkin' about spreading the virus.  I was like 2 or 3 weeks ahead of my time suggesting that would happen by Incels.  And I assume there's a very very significant overlap of Neo Nazis and Incels.  Except for me.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Anyway, the more I think about it, the more Can Bernie Sanders or Coronavirus Be Stopped? chyron appearing on CNN is more and more insulting and, well, lets be honest-- telling.
So we got that going for us is the point.  I got lunch in about an hour is the point.  The point is I watchd Gone Fishin', the buddy comedy where Joe Pesci and Danny Glover are two middle aged friends who have Gone Fishin' as a vacation from their families and they get involved in shenanigans.  And the point is, they're eternally upebat, and they have a recurring phrase they use where they're saying Ah this experience is a ten!  And then the other one goes a ten plus! and then at the same time they go Booorderlinnnne Eleven! and every time it sounds like they're saying Border Nine Eleven!  And then they give each other five.  Still, though, I was surprised to see half a dozen amusing jokes or scenes or somethin' in that movie.  Maybe I'm just going stir-crazy.  Finding humor in places where there is none.
    That's how other people read this website, right?  Sounds about accurate.  Hey, that's fine.  You wanna laugh at the parts I didn't intend to be funny and not laugh at the pats that crack me up?  Knock yourself out.  Which is the only boxing you're gonna be doing for the next few months.  SOCIAL DISTANCING. ....crickets...  That's how that goes.  I don't get Boxing and other sports where you're really punching people hard or kicking people hard and applying choke holds.  I'm not a big powerful guy, but there are people where I'm pretty sure if they wanted to they could literally knock your block off with one strong punch.  Just a big punch to the head and your noggin' won't literally come right off but it'll break your skull and knock it into your brain.  Right?  It seems that's the way things might go.  And that doesn't even scratch the surface of what Kicking To The Head might be line under optimal conditions.   
    I mean it's not just 1 in 100, if you're talking about 30 people, then it's 30 in 100, 30% chance a person will have it.  Cause if you take a random sampling of 100 people it won't just always be 1 person of that random sampling gets it.  I'm sure you can already know this explanation yourself, in fact I feel stupid telling it to you.  But I suppose I can figure out the math of The Real Answer of Estimating for you, nearly free of charge.  I just ask three suds a piece for me and my co workers.  Yadda Yadda Yadda.  You yadda yadda'd over the best part!  I mentioned my co workers!
  Ugh.  I went through most of my life not knowing whether Andy Dufresne was guilty or not.  Of killing his wife and her lover.  Not of escaping from prison which is an equally serious crime and which he is ALMOST DEFINITELY guilty of.  But anyway such is life.
    I sometimes wonder What The Parole Board Was All About in Shawshank Redemption.  We see Red go in front of them 3 times-- separated by 10 years each.  And each time he gives a different presentation of Why He Should Be Paroled.  And that last presentation Which Finally Works he seemed kinda rude and flippant But That Was The One That Worked so I often think what that was all about.  Maybe I was misreading the room when I considered it kinda rude and flippant.  Obviously the jury was on board for some reason!  I'd like to see some scholarly debate on this topic should we ever be allowed to get together again and perform scholarly debates on dumb subjects.  Almost said Retarded subjects but now I'm coming to terms with the fact that word No Es Bueno anymore and I'm okay with that Live And Learn!
    Anyway, still listening to podcasts a bit, but mostly they're just being saved until Future Where I can Walk 3 Hours A Day Outside Again.  So I got that going for me is the point.  9th paragraph!  Figured I'm gonna try to go without alcohol for at least a few days.  Mostly on the basis that I would be a jerk to get alcohol AT ALL over the next few weeks so might as well save what I have left over.  And maybe get back into a routine where I hardly drink at all.  I went the first 6 weeks of the year without a drop!  I can do another 6 weeks!  I can do lots of weeks for thing..s... No Es Bueno!  Well for lunch I either got Part II of II of a mixture of Appetizer of Chili and Side Order of Steamed Rice.  The other Official Meal I have left is Part III of III of that Roast Chicken Dinner.  Then tomorrow its Only Stuff In The House For A While.  May be observing my Mom make French Toast tonight, so after that I could do that.  I'll do things!  Without Doing Things I am a Child!  Doing things, I'm solidly 19, 20 yeas old!
    Fascinating.  Got somewhere around 6 or 8 Drink Units of Alcohol Left.  Figure I could drink once a week, 2 or 3 drinks, and that'll be doable Plus give me something to look forward toThen after 3 weeks I wouldn't seem like such a jerk if I get a new bottle.  That's my hypothesis but we'll see how it all shakes out.  The point is I made a folder on my desktop Shut Up w The Inners and I wasn't able to add a Wav file of the 40 seconds of Nonsense I created but hey that's something I may or may not figure out at some point in my life.  Anyway, goin' back and worth between states of worry.
  Oh well that's life.  Cycling through periods of not being worried, being somewhat worried, and being very worried.  And everywhere in between.  And outside the parameters.  That about narrows it down.  The good news is I switched up my lunch and dinner.  I'll see ya later.

-1:41 P.M.



Saturday, March 21, 2020

Help Yourself

    In these perilous times it's important that we must all come together to entertain myself.  That's how I've been feeling the last week or so.  Really starting to make me re-evaluate obviously my own bullshit, but even entertainment I find genuinely entertaining.  Maybe I'm a little bit late on this but maybe nobody at all needs any of it except for ourselves.  But BOY do ourselves need it!  So it's fine, great, what else is crap.  Anyway, here's some words to live by.  Fear Knocked At the Door.  Faith Answered. ...Orange you glad I didn't say banana.  Or how about this one.  Fear knocked at the door.  Faith answered. ...Orange you glad I haven't breathed on you.  Here's another one.  The only itself we have to fear is fear.  Fear knocked on the door.  It was a thriller starring Mark Walberg and Reese Witherspoon.  NOBODY WAS THERE.
Anyway, jeez.  Is it Faith answering the door, or something else?  It's definitely Fear @ the door.  Lemme look that up right quick.  It is indeed Fear & Faith.  Which is some sort of title for something.  A movie or a comedy duo or some sort of Fear & Faith Advice Column or something I haven't worked out all the kinks yet.  The good news is yesterday morning I left the house to get blood work done, and came into contact within 6 feet of the phlebotomist but that was it.  And last night started getting worried because I was congested and then I thought maybe feverish possibly or some sort of cough developing which would be The Pits but so far today I feel okay.  I'm assuming one semester of Nurse School is just learning how to spell phlebotomy.
    How come Joe Biden ain't out and about Doin Somethin.  Is that part of his campaign promise that appeals to some people?  I become president and then You'll Never Hear From Me Again!  Which, to be honest, I do sort of see the appeal of that. After having Giant Baby as president for over three years and having to have every story include him, it'd be nice to settle into a society where we can just lives a little bit freer from such nonsense.  We can realize we're our own main characters in our lives that we should think about and care about and not evil, attention starved King Dumbass.  On the other hand, this is the biggest national emergency since 9/11 DO FUCKIN' SOMETHING!  If anything to help stop Super Failure from dominating the narrative.  Present an alternative you JERK.
    Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  I can hear my Dad teaching downstairs!  He's all like yo students whatchu got for this equation and they're like uh 26 and he's like alright lets go through this one step at a time.  True Story.  It is bad because I'm encroaching on Student-Teacher confidentiality and now I know that disembodied voice got 26 on one specific problem which may or may not have been correct.  Oh well what are ya gonna do.  Anyway, gettin' pretty into drinking hot coffee again.  True Story.  Got a real nice Grocery Store Delivery last night and they had about 2/3rds of the stuff we wanted.  Overall a Win, right?  Hey there's that other Rhyme from the 1910's about influenza.  Something something opened the window, something with a bird or something, and in flew enza!  Lemme look that up right quick.  "I had a little bird, its name was Enza, I opened the door, and in flew enza."  A little bit clunky for my taste.
    I had a sitcom character, his name was Costanza, I opened the window, ...wanna 'nother stanza?  this sitcom character I found quite amusing, he was based on Larry David and... Helloooo Newman!
  See I'm better than this than 1910's people but they were preoccupied with not dying from influenza.  Amusing/Newman... almost practically a slant rhyme.  It's a slanty slant rhyme.  It could be considered a slant rhyme loosely.  For some reason as, lets say, an 8 year old through 12 years old, I probably considered Seinfeld my favorite sitcom, tied with The Simpsons.  Most likely simply due to the fact that it was literally on at least 3 hours a night.  Kinda lost interest completely after being a pre-teen.  That might be an interesting thing to binge watch, though.  Am I the only one who feels like I'm accomplishing something by consuming entertainment after entertainment?  Probably not!  That's how much I've internalized MediaCapitalism.
    Sweet!  At the time the Simpsons was probably on either 1 or 2 hours a day, which helps too, but I probably would have had that in my top 2 anyway.  Whatever.  Anyway I got about 4 meals in Fridge right now.  1 breakfast, and 3 lunch and/or dinners!  Fascinating.  Anyway, I think I said here a few months ago how I have recurring dreams of smoking cigarettes and then I get really upset with myself and I wake up very relieved to find out it was just a dream.  Now, the last few weeks, still dreaming of tripping up and smoking a cigarette, but now its accompanied with yeah that's not so bad just go back to not smoking.  Progress!
    The system will continue to be rigged against most people either actively or passively or somewhere in between... but Hey Maybe Not Quite As Much It's Possible Goodness Might Happen!!!  Plus, You Won't Be Caught Up Thinking About Things Are Crap As Much And You'll Be Free To Live Your Best, Societally, And Economically, And Politically Unfortunate Life!  That's the Biden Promise!
  SIGN ME UP!  That might be a stretch though because Cable News wouldn't allow us to tune out!!!  I dunno.  What else is going on and crap.  I don't get why Seinfeld gets away with framing his show as revolutionary in terms of It's a show about nothing!!!  Lets face it, going back to the complete history of TV Sitcoms... they're ALL about nothing.  Or, at least about things to the same extent as Seinfeld.  It's the same just There Is An Ensemble And Sometimes Stand-Alone Plots For Episodes And/Or Sometimes Multi-Episode Plots.  I mean, what was I Love Lucy about.  What was Roseanne about.  What was Happy Days about?!?!  Loving Lucy, Roseanne, and happy Days Existing.  How is Seinfeld About Less??!?!  It's about Seinfeld.  THAT'S THE UGLY TRUTH NO ONE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE!! 
    I think the premise of it being about nothing was that the plot often revolves around something a little less obvious and less done to death than previous sitcoms.  Instead of The Boss Is Coming To Dinner! or Everyone is stuck in an elevator! it's stuff about I don't wanna wear that shirt on TV!!!  So it's still about things, but at least the things haven't been done before for the most part.  So I'll give it some credit in being relatively original but the premise that it's about nothing and other sitcoms were all about something is FAULTY!!! FAULTY I TELL YOU!!!!  Anyway I've got 2 solid coffee cups I can use.  Well, more, but I have 2 of my own.  I got an extra large cup from White Castle, and I got a Bernie Sanders mug I got a couple of months ago in exchange for donation.  Two of my favorite things.  Mugs and donations.  Huh?
One thing I will give Seinfeld credit for is that he has a really nice apartment.  And he gets to go to this diner a lot which is a pretty enviable situation.  Hmm maybe this is really where I picked up my desire to Go To Diners All The Time With Potential Friends.  Cause that seems like the life to me.  I've given myself a lot to think about.  Sure I'll make up a word, Societally.  Just wrote Sovietally by accident.  Is that was Soviet means?  Social?  So it's the Social Union?  Lemme look that up right quick.  Internet says Soviet means "Council."  A little bit disappointed, I'm not gonna lie.  I thought I cracked some code.  Also, remember a decade or two ago when politically it was safer to say you're against gay marriage but okay with Soviet Unions?  Cause I do! 
Anyway, I dunno if it dates back to John Kerry 2004, or was always a thing, but the key smear they did was Flip Flopping.  He was for the war before he was against it.  This before that.  But now that I have some perspective isn't Flip Flopping a supreme sign of character and growth?  Is it?  I dunno, I was asking you.  Maybe you just take it on a case-by-case basis.  That's my thought!  Hey Joe Biden remember when the Republicans smeared the Democratic War Hero Presidential Candidate by saying he was a Vietnam Fraud?  Yu know The Good Ol' Days When We All Got Along And Worked Together?!?  Was there EVER a time a time when both major parties were all friends?  Because I DO believe Joe Biden might have imagined it in his head or maybe thought he saw a movie about it some point but I'm pretty sure not only will it DEFINITELY not exist now but I'm not sure it EVER existed!  I'm not sure about lots of things!

Eh, What Are Ya Gonna Do

    The point is we should get used to the idea that the next few months of our lives are Going To Be A Show About Nothing.  Also I don't get why people are so enraged by the last episode of Seinfeld.  It was pretty much a standard episode.  What about Seinfeld: The TV Show led you to believe for some reason the last episode had to be epic.  Just let it be!  Also I think the lunch I have in about an hour and a half is gonna be part II of III of a Roast Chicken Dinner.  We're talking a decent amount of roast chicken WITHOUT EATING THE SKIN, we're talking half a sweet potato, we're talking half a serving of broccoli, we're talking a handful of mediocre stuffing.  I dunno how YOU measure stuffing.  I do it by the handful.
I I remember learning my Brother had a Screenwriting Or Something Teacher when he was in Tisch who had written for Seinfeld and I considered that my closest link to Fame.  That and the time during my first few weeks at NYU as a Freshman and getting accosted on the street to see a free screening of Borat so I ended up seeing Borat a couple months before everyone else.  I thought I was King Shit of Fuck Mountain then.  Also, I dunno how much it holds up, I'm sure I'd still like it to some degree, but I think at the time I was like this is the funniest movie I've ever seen.  This was before Pineapple Express came out though so keep that in mind.  Just started Coffee Machine.  To make me coffee!  Coffee Machine Does My Biding but only in regards to coffee.  Hmm.  Biden.  Bidding.  ...What's goin' on there.
We are all aware of the pun of him biding his time ever since he was chosen as VP Candidate Lo So Many Years Ago.  But in terms of him doing someone or something's bidding?  Not enough attention has been drawn to that issue!  Biden would be good at auctions.  Hey, I'm Biddin' Here!  Why did I give him a stereotypical New York Accent?  Also I've lived in New York for 31 years and I have never said or ever heard anyone say Hey I'm Walkin' Here!  And I've done a lot of walking!  Why are tourists always bothering people who are just doing some walking there, that's the real question we should be asking.  Also is it just me or is there some disconnect of Biden courting voters by saying he was Obama's best friend/right hand man while Obama, his presumptive best friend and man to the left, refused to endorse him for president.  I see disconnects in a lot of places!
    Jeez.  Looks like we may be heading towards a full fledged Great Depression.  If only we had heeded Gary Gulman's warning!!!  I shuld watch that comedy special.  For someone who likes comedian comedy I haven't watched an entire TV stand up special in at least a year.  The last ones I saw where perhaps Judd Apatow and whichever Patton Oswalt Special was around that time period as well.  Fascinating.  Not a bad name for my first special.  Stand Up Special.  Sit Down Special Has Its Charms, Too!  Coffee shuold be ready right about now.   LOL, just was reading the big update on the Night Times about NY being declared a major disaster, and re-reading the guidelines NY has laid out starting Sunday Night...


A number of businesses deemed essential will remain open during the pandemic, officials said.

They include grocery stores, restaurants offering takeout or delivery, pharmacies, health care providers, banks, gas stations, liquor stores, child care providers, funeral homes and others.

            I just had to laugh at liquor stores.  I mean, its great news for ME.  But, c'mon.  How come every monumental piece of crap that happens hits NY the hardest.  9/11, Trump Being From Here, Coronavirus... Presumably Global Warming is gonna hit us HARD when the seas rise... for Such A Great Place to face Such Horrible Situations And Extenuating Circumstances, it kinda sucks!  Also, under no conditions will I go to a liquor store.  If I can find a place to deliver either hard liquor or beer, I'm on board in half a week or a week when I run out.  But leaving my house is a bridge too far!
    Anyway, jeez.  What do I got giong on for the rest of the day.  Nice Lunch planned.  Part III of III of Stuffed Filet of Sole dinner tonight.  Then tomorrow I have part III of III of Roast Chicken Dinner + Part II of II of Chili+Steamed Rice... then it looks like we're gonna stop getting deliveries.  Make do with what we got.  Only thing that's a priority is half the stuff we got from Supermarket Delivery really demands bread to make it a thing, and they didn't have any bread yesterday.  So hopefully we can get some bread somehow and then we'll make do with what we got.  Oh man I get to eat bologna sandwiches.  I'm excited!  Gotta make do with what we got!
I saw articles half-joking that MLB can satisfy its fans by having Video Game Games of baseball.  And they were usually said half-sarcastically, but leaving the door open that its a real possibility.  Maybe I'm a sick, sick man but I'd watch that in a heartbeat, even more than regular baseball.  Because hey Great Athletes WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF VIDEO GAMING.  AH HOW THE WORM HAS TURNED.  Also I haven't played video games regularly in 13 years but I feel if I had a few weeks practice I could beat them at baseball under current definition of baseball.  So the point is I'm Great For Some Reason!  Anyway Part II of II of Coffee is coming up in 5 or 10 minutes!  Fascinating! 
    Anyway, try not to live in Fear and Uncertainty.  If you're careful, you'll significantly decrease the odds you'll get it, and if you do and are my age, it's still 1 in 100 you'll die from it.  So, if fear and uncertainty are helping motivate you to be as careful as possible, that's a good thing I guess???  But try to be as careful as possible WHILE maintaining a positive attitude that we'll all get through this.  That's a best case scenario that I know is easier said than done but Hey All I Have To Do Is Say It So Good For Me Now You Do It Sucks To Be You!  Jeez.  Alright what else is going on and crap.  Anyway, I read that one study is suggesting its about 2x as deadly in males than females.  And it originated in China.  Is it possible this virus is the world's way of saying Hey China You're Gonna Get Rid of Baby Girls?  Have 60% male population for Upcoming Generation?  I GOT AN ANSWER FOR YA... pandemic that kills men 2x the rate as women.  Somethin' to think about, that's all...
    It did start in China, right?  I'm not blaming Chinese people for that.  Why would anyone do that in any sort of world.  And I think they have it under control more than white people at this point.  But I'm just trying to make a weird point/joke, I dunno, that's all I'm after.  Anyway, best thing I heard my Dad say was a student gave the wrong answer 2 or 3 times and after some coaxing from my Dad the kid got the answer right and my Dad says Happy Birthday, and then moves on to the next question.  I just breached some Teacher/Student confidentiality but at least we have Website Writer/Reader confidentiality so it shuold go any further at this point.  Oh no this Happy Birthday anecdote is gonna spread like Coronavirus!  Which apparently is gonna be a new phrase for some reason.
    20th paragraph!
  What fun.  Theoretically besides throwing out garbage and stuff I shouldn't have to leave the house for another 27 days.  That'll learn 'em!  Anyway, my Brothers been very concerned about this crap from the start-- even before the start for most of us.  And because of his concern me and my Mom & Dad have constantly been 48, 72 hours ahead of the curve for most of this stuff.  In terms of oh we better not take egregious errands outside to NOW'S the time to stock up on stuff from Supermarket and so on and so forth.  So, I don't think he reads this, but if he does, Thanks!  You're a real Lifesaver which is a candy that's somewhere between a mint and a legitimate candy.  It's really no good, now that I think about it. Kind of crappy as a mint, kind of crappy as a candy.  But if you need a crossover in 1 small wallop Lifesaver may be the way to go!

Live Is For The Lifing

    Jeez.  I feel like a good 1/10-1/20th of mini-scenes in Simpsons Episodes are stuff they cut out of regular broadcast versions.  I'm seeing stuff I may have never seen before and/or only have seen sporadically during them episodes.  So I got that going on for me is the point.  Also, I never really put 2 and 2 together to see how much Family Guy copied The Simpsons.  I mean the stereotype for Family Guy jokes is that reminds me of the time... and then there's a 5 or 10 second flashback scene with a random joke.  And now I realize, for better or worse, that's what The Simpsons did starting mainly in season 3 or 4.  Which I'm not really a fan of in general but I guess you take it by a case by case basis.
    I found an old book my Dad had about teaching Card Tricks.  I don't think my Dad ever read it and if he did he never let me in on the fact he knew card tricks.  But the point is that was an Impulse Grab.  Grabbed it off bookshelf, make something worthwhile out of that Impulse Buy of Cards a couple weeks ago.  That's a nice little story.  Hey while being shut in I learned these card tricks.  I can imagine that being charming.  Ugh.  I got Exile On Main Street on deck.  Which is odd to be the 6th best album ever because I know at least a dozen Rolling Stone songs and none of them are on this album.  I smell a scam abrewin'!!!  Anyway, we should call the first day of spring Blastoff!  3/21 is the first day of spring, right?  If not Always then Usually?  I think if we did that that would be a Blast!
  What else is going on.  Lunch is working its way ever closer and closer to present time.  Anyway.  Entertainment will entertain me.  It won't make me feel better, but it'll keep me occupied!  That's all we can ask for.  Don't Feel Good Feel Occupied.  That's what being an adult is all about.  Hmm maybe I am having some pre-respiratory problems.  Mainly, thinking the word is respitory and not respiratory.  Kept gettin' tat one wrong over and over again! So anyway I'll see you guys later.


-1:36 P.M. 


Thursday, March 19, 2020

The Adequate I Can Do

    I just realized I'm going to die because when I sing the ABC's I end after XYZ without doing the button of Now I know my ABC's...  Which when you think about it is really just filler nobody needs.  In fact, even the ABCs are filler.  Why does it matter we remember the arbitrary order of these phonetic/literatural characters?  ORGANIZING THINGS?  Makes sense but you can learn that in college.  We should be taking a college course is ABC's for Library Science Majors and not in Kindergarten where it means nothing. But, yeah, the Now I know my ABCs part, who does that help.  Nobody needs it!  And now I may be facing death because of it so now I'm REALLY pissed.  Sure I'll make up a word.  Literatural.  There's a proper word for what I'm trying to convey, but its a lot easier to make up our own words.
    Well, great.  HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DISTINGUISH THE TWO GENERATIONS THAT FOLLOWED GENERATION X.  Also who came up with Generation X.  Sounds cool, must have been a contemporary, right?  No Baby Boomer is gonna bequeath such a rad name, both because they're jerks and also because they wouldn't know rad if it bit them on their bottoms.  Those crazy kids must have came up with it themselves.  But the question remains not just Who but WHY?  Also I'm not on board with the very broad definition of baby boomers generation lasting into the 1960's.  Hmm gotta have babies I JUST got home from World War II TWO DECADES AGO!  I got problems with lots of things!  Here's another one-- I don't get why women can't pee standing up.  You gotta get over the toilet bowl comfortably but hey you can do it!  That's my interpretation!  I DON'T GET LOTS OF THINGS!
I mean, you can pee your pants.  Nobody's debating that.  Just imagine peeing your pants without pants standing over a toilet seat and maybe you have to Aim Somehow Somewhere but IT CAN BE DONE.  I better look at some SexHealth GraphCharts.  Or just google can women pee standing up.  See the scholarly debate that's been going on in Science.  You can pee on people.  Just imagine Donald Trump is a toilet seat, that makes sense, right?  Also is it good to pee on Trump because its humiliating to someone or is it bad to pee on Trump because he clearly enjoys it?  The point is we don't know how or why Trump is into Pee but there's a good 50% chance it's him getting peed on.  I look forward to reading the scholarly debate that's going on in Politics about this pressing issue.
    The point is Simpsons are the color of pee and pus.  Pee if it's not watered down at all.  Pretty yellow!  Pus if its some good pus.  That'll yellow things up!  Also I feel like a lot of phlegm and stuff and weird bacteria is yellow inside our bodies.  The Simpsons are us inside out is the point, what else is going on and crap.  Anyway, Rubber Soul and Highway 61 Revisited down, next up What's Going On.  Which is turns out isn't a concept album about senility.  Or, maybe it is!  I haven't listened to it yet is the point.  Anyway, I figure a moderately between-conservative-and-hopeful estimate of Freedom Day is July 4th!  About 100 days away and thats in line with estimates and it's freakin' Independence Day already!  So that's my thoughts.  Another day closer to Independence Day.  And then we party!  And then another wave of Outbreak comes and we go back inside for another month!  And then more party!  And then another outbreak!  And this goes on for the next few years But That's Life!
    Jeez.  Also I'm very upset to come to terms with the fact I won't be invited to any Freedom Day parties.  Makes it seem more worthwhile knowing the great parties yet to come and I ain't even gonna be invited!  Whatta jip!  Also I feel like alcohol would come in handy these few months but so far not sure how to both purchase it responsibly and also purchase it without my parents being jerks.  I guess we also need to know ABC's to understand what feedback grades A through F mean.  Ah a D that's somewhere halfwhere between A and F seems like I did an adequate job!  Without the ABCs you won't be able to reach that logical conclusion.  Anyway, down to the last episode of Season 4 of The Simpsons.  Prove me wrong!
    I've really realized that if he had lived Phil Hartman would pretty much be considered one of the regulars on The Simpsons.  I always thought of him as, yeah, he does a bunch of random characters, he's a regular guest but not a regular regular.  But I think if he stayed at that pace for the whole duration of the series he'd be lumped in with the regulars.  Jon Lovitz also shows up a lot but he survived and I guess they just got tired of him and/or he got his own show so why bother. 
    Also, I'm not sure where I stand on Apu being insensitive, either at the time or in modern times.  I mean, Indian Americans growing up being taunted with Thank You, Come Again, it's not the Simpsons fault!  Apu is presented as a pretty responsible, smart guy.  Which is the exception and not the rule of Simpsons characters.  Takes his job VERY seriously, never even leaves the store.  Very smart guy-- just saw an episode where he says he knows Pi to 40,000 places or something.  Very religious guy-- has a shrine to I forget which Hindu God.  A good person all around!  Even polite to a fault.  If kids want to abuse his catchphrase which is kind of neutral in and of itself, that's their insensitivity!  On the other hand, He Had A Stupid Catch Phrase And He Was Played By A White Guy.  And Had A Stereotypical Indian-American Job Which Further Makes Him A Caricature.  That's pretty much the counter argument, which is very valid as well.
    Awesome!  I look forward to continuing this scholarly debate at some time in the future where it's safe for us to all get together and have several scholarly debates at once because all of our scholastic debating energy is so pent up we're gonna wanna go more than once.  Jeez.  Looks like you can't really get Coronavirus through food so its probably safe to get food delivery which makes life significantly more pleasant and easy.  But it's bad for the delivery people because it increases the chances They Will Die.  And I'm against that sort of thing so maybe once a week or something.  Or twice a week.  You get delivery two or three times a week you can make that sucker last all week!  Awesome!  I like how they're encouraging young people to either self quarantine or at least do social distancing on the grounds that YOU ARE INVINCIBLE BUT MAY INCREASE THE ODDS OF OTHER PEOPLE GETTING IT AND DYING!  Cause, you know what?  YOU AIN'T INVINCIBLE YOU CAN EASILY DIE OF THIS TOO!  But it's easier or something to sell them on the fact that they're invincible but they're being Great People by being safe.  Just tell 'em YOU AIN'T INVINCIBLE JERK YEAH IT'S GOOD TO BE POLITE AND NOT KILL PEOPLE BUT YOU DO THIS FOR YOU.
    I dunno.  What else is going on and crap.  Insisting women can pee standing up is one of those things where I'm sure I'm wrong and it betrays a deep ignorance of sex and gender anatomy which is particularly embarrassing in terms of Ignorance Topics but hey What Are Ya Gonna Do.  Are there any studies that women are marginally more likely to get sick of some stuff by having to sit on public toilets 10x more than men do?  I'd like to see the scholarly debate on that but hey What Are Ya Gonna Do.  I know in general women have higher life expectancies than men.  And that's even WITH the toilet thing!  Anyway, been going outside every night or so to take out garbage and stuff, but that's pretty much just hugging the structure of my house.  Only 20 feet away.  Tomorrow gotta go get blood work done but hey that's life.
    I think its interesting to watch Horror Movies under life circumstances which are already scarier than usual.  I was watching Alien and I was like well this is clearly a metaphor for disease and whatnot.  And then there's zombie movies and stuff where people are trapped in a small space and can't leave.  And they're actually kinda scary to watch!  I was like wait Scary Movies ARE ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE SCARY?!?!?  I kinda just thought they were good for a laugh.  How wrong I was.  How wrong I was.  Anyway.  It was a pretty smooth transition from Trump denying Outbreak to trying to use it to consolidate power.  I saw he called himself a Wartime President.  Uhh he does realize we've been at war in at least two places since day one, right?  Just because it's Them Being Killed And Not Us Really doesn't make it less at war.
    Maybe this'll make Americans rethink their laissez faire attitude toward war.  Wait a minute this is how civilians in other countries feel ALL THE TIME but EVEN WORSE because of Real War?  AND WE're DOING IT ON PURPOSE?  That don't sound right to me.  Anyway here's your daily reminder it's Trump's fault we are where we are.  For both cutting resources and teams ahead of time to prevent pandemics and then by sending those people to treat the ship people without proper protection and having them spread it and then by denying it and then by not taking the WHO tests and not the federal government not making nearly enough themselves and then by encouraging people to continue on with thier lives for several weeks if not months.  I'll remind ya again next entry I know how forgetful you are about Monumental Failures.  That's a good simple description of Trump  Monumental Failure.  Yet somehow that seems too generous.  'Merica.
What else is going on.  Also, I haven't seen anything about it, but is it possible Pandemic is partly due to Global Warming?  Wouldn't suprise me to see if Global Warming is tangentially related to the spread of Corona.  Cause, if not, I'm pretty sure worldwide pandemics can be helped by Global Warming.  But, anyway, maybe we come out of this on the other side being like hey I guess we can adjust our lives to an incredibly significant degree to deal with emergencies.  That Global Warming thing sounds pretty bad.  Let's take care of that Next!  I don't think that will happen but Hey What Are Ya Gonna Do.  Anway, I'm not sure what to make of the fact that Rolling Stone as a phrase is so popular among 1960's rock music.  The band.  The Bob Dylan song.  The magazine.  Is it simply a reference to the phrase rock 'n roll?  Or is there something deeper.  Probably something deeper specific to each incarnation of the phrase.  That's my guess!
    I understand there's a phrase a rolling stone gathers no moss.  I understand lots o things!  Just not women's urination situations!  That's the one blind spot on an otherwise perfect mind.  Anyway, I'm doing an adequate job of following through on routines I've set up for myself in the last few days.  Routine of writing every other day?  So far so good.  Routine of walking in a circle 2-3 hours a day?  So far so good.  Routine of going through Simpsons, going through Top Music Albums, going through other movies?  So far so good!  On the other side, been unable to start working on Music Project Of My Own, unable to do some kind of cool routine with Blogging like writing a blog of every Top Music Album or some gimmick like that.  Seems like an appealing idea but you saw the kind of thoughts I had about SGT Peppers!  It was all nonsense!  Which is good but not even Good nonsense!
Lunch is in about an hour and a half.  Put in a Grocery Store order which'll be ready on about Monday.  Which is four days!  I dunno what day you think it is but it's Thursday, alright?!?  Hey it's Spring in 2 days.  So more or less HOPEFULLY we'll be like ah spring 2020 that was Coronavirus.  Hopefully NOT we'll be like aah 2020-2023 that was Coronavirus.  I don't get why they can't just come up with a vaccine.  Just do it, what are you stupid.  Put some stuff in test tubes and take peoples blood and give em injections and just be like ah ah figured out the vaccine formula.  Get like 200 different labs experimenting random vaccines and just come up with one that works how difficult is that what are you stupid or something?  Trial and Error!  Just try any random vaccine you can think of something'll work!  Damn are people stupid!
  Just do a 1000 monkeys at 1000 typewriters type deal.  Fuckin' make some random vaccines SOMETHING'S BOUND TO WORK!


I'll Be Here All... Season

    That reminds me of another Top Simpsons line I enjoyed.  Episode with Mr. Plow (Homer starts a plowing-snow business) and on a cheap commercial he produced for his business, Grandpa Simpson as Old Man Winter is mocking the Simpsons, playing a family whose driveway is snowed in, and Grandpa is Old Man Winter sent to clog up driveways and whatnot.  And then Homer (as Mr. Plow... who he is...) appears and is like Get out, you lousy... season!  Wonderful.  I think its safe to say that my current favorite characters, going back several years but also holding up this current binge-watching session, are Grandpa and Moleman.  Dunno what kind of psyche that betrays but What Are Ya Gonna Do.
    I'd start a new song but I don't know what power chords to use and whether to have 3, 4, or 6 individual chords per song.  So you can see the kind of bind I'm in!  Anyway, one way I'm conceptualizing ShutIn is there's some similarities to being hospitalized for mental illness, but about 30x more tolerable.  But anyway, last time I was hospitalized was around March or April 2012.  And the key thing I did to get through that was listen to Z100 on a wireless earphone-radio and get familiar with the 3 dozen top pop songs of the day.  No way am I goin back to that!!!  Well, maybe start listening to the 3 dozen pop songs of THAT day again.  Those same ones from 2012, I can do that for nostalgia!  but no way am I turning on Z100 NOW and getting in tune with the pop songs of Current Day!  What kinda fool do you think I am?!?  Hmm maybe I should do that.  Gotta do something!  Ugh.
    It was all Flo Rida this, One Direction that.  Taylor Swift here, Maroon Five there.  Pitbull sometimes, B.O.B. other times.  I'm tired and I want to go home.  Hey here I am!  Wonderbar.  Hey I actually read a chapter of a book yesterday!  George Carlin Semi-Autobiography (autobiography written with God knows how much help of another guy).  Chapter ONE!  I had read 3/4ths of the introduction months ago, and figured yesterday ya know what I'm gonna throw caution to the wind and skip ahead to Chapter 1!!!!  And boy has it paid off.  I know all about his parents from before he was born into him being about 1 year old!  Fascinating!  Anyway, he was my first favorite comedian / comedy role model and I could have done a lot worse. 
    Sweet.  Unfortunately seeing him write and perform comedy makes me realize I can do a lot better, but that's neither here nor there.  Anyway, my Dad is teaching Over The Internet tonight for the first time in his life and also for the first time in my life I can theoretically overhear/see my Dad teach!  Always was curious about that, but it would feel kind of voyeuristic, so I think I'm just gonna stay in my room while that's going on.  Sometimes you don't wanna see how the sausage gets made.  That analogy is apt trust me for some reason.  Lunch in about 45 minutes!  Anyway, for no particular reason, I was trying to think of an age where one person being twice the age of the other person would be appropriate for a relationship.  Couldn't think of one!  Obviously the younger you are the closer in age you are.  But also the younger you are the more significant each year difference.  Closest thing I could think of was maybe 40 y.o and 20 y.o.  Obviously that's extremely weird but like I said the closest you can get.
    I don't know why I was thinking of that.  Probably spurred from some sort of podcast discussion, that's my best guess.  Well, I guess when you're 9 months and someone else is 4.5 months.  Something along those lines.  Or when you're 200 and the other person is 100.  I take it back, that's both the most appropriate and the HOTTEST.  That's really turning me on!  I don't know why.  Or when you're 200 and the other person is 400.  We can play this game forever but its not entertaining and nobody wins.  What else is going on and crap.  I was thinking hey maybe I can put those impulse buy deck of cards to good use and play some cards with Mom and/or Pop.  But that's too germ-spreading so better steer clear of that altogether.
    Anyway.  I can get alcohol deliveries but the longer I wait into this Lousy Season the less I seem like an alcoholic.  What else.  I envy people who have access to marijuana and have access to a mind that tolerates and enjoys marijuana.  Have one trippppy season!  Sweet.  Feel free to steal that as a title for That Creative Project You've Been Putting Off For Too Long.  This Lousy Season.  Lousy is a fun word.  Daniel Johnston has a song called Lousy Weekend.  That's from a fun album!  The name of the album is Fun!  Amazing how things work out like that, huh?  What else is going on and crap.  Probably gonna watch some D Horror Movie after this entry.  Seems about right.  I'm experimenting with keeping my phone off all day except for listening to music/podcasts.  So I can really concentrate on mediocre movies.


I, Title

There's a 75% chance I read this in a Tweet, but if you change 1 or 2 letters The Shining becomes The Shindig.  Oh well what are ya gonna do.  There appears to be options and possibilities to order alcohol to one's home in this particular state I'm in.  So I can do that, just gotta go through the unpleasantness of going into it with my parents.  Anyway, what else is crap.  I feel like we may have a Baby Boom of Creative Projects.  I don't think there's gonna be a lot of Coronavirus Fucking and there'll be a shit load of babies in a year.  Because it'll be a hassle being pregnant while this is going on.  But we may see a lot of screenplays, music, writing of other sorts...  So step it up you wanna be ahead of the game!  Start Now instead of in a couple of weeks!
Wow.  On the other hand Now More Than Ever I should keep my phone on at all times because of Potential Emergencies.  But the only person who could possibly call me with a potential emergency is my Brother I guess and he's got the home phone number!  Which he would call before he would call me anyway.  So I got that going for me.  Isn't alcohol good for you in Pandemic?  Alcohol acts as a sterilizer.  I'm being an Adult Hero by drinking is the point and hopefully I can get my parents to see it that way.  Here's a good portrait of the relationship I have with my parents about half the time--  I go to my Mom, with this comment being relevant to what we were talking about, ya know there are kids who drink hand sanitizer because it's got alcohol in it.  And she goes NO FUCK NO DON'T DO THAT IT'S NOT THE SAME THING!!!!  And she's really angry.  And I'm just making conversation I wasn't gonna drink any hand sanitizer.  You KNOW I drink alcohol because I'm an adult why would I drink hand sanitizer in an remotely possible universe?
    I'm not 100% looking forward to Marvin Gaye because it's not my style of music but now that I think about it it's gotta be the Tops of that style of music so maybe it'll be a fun nice surprise.  Maybe lots of things!!  Anyway.  I always get scared when I see Trump speaking on TV because I know on CNN or MSNBC there's a 10% chance the next thing I hear will be a news anchor or commentator praising him or legitimizing him or whatever he was just saying.  And I don't need that sort of gaslighting now or any time.  I guess that kinda reflects negatively on me that I can't even handle that but hey it's just a somewhat irrational fear I have. 
    Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  It's like if Trump speaks cogently for 2 minutes it immediately erases the 50,000 shit things he's done in the past.  And I don't wanna hear that.  The point is he's not held responsible for anything he does or has done but What Can Ya Do Apparently Nothing.  The point is the color of this entry is The Simpsons.  Maybe slightly darker.  But if I had to pick one color to describe this entry it'd be Yellow.  Oh, also, just the jingle, Mr. Plow that's my name that name again is Mr. Plow is pretty much the tops in and of itself.  Pretty sure I read praising that name in a tweet.  Or heard it on a podcast.  Get of my back about it is the point!
    I have a couple of Bernie stickers on my guitar case (one that says Bernie, one that says Bernie Beats Trump...) and its like daggers in my heart.  Oh well should have thought about that AHEAD of time.  And been like I support this other guy I DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH but I figure other idiots will support this other guy EVEN THOUGHT THEY DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH because they figure idiot
s like me will support this other guy EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH... that's life I guess.  Then again I also have 2 or 3 I Voted! stickers which will continue to be accurate and positive.  I'll vote for Biden, sure!  He's gonna be to the right of Barack Obama but hey What Can Ya Do.  Point fingers.  We figured out last entry that's our most powerful tool as citizens we have left.  Pointing fingers at the enemy!  THAT'LL LEARN 'EM!    
I'm starting to rethink my assessment that Barney is Homer's best friend and now I consider him Some Black Out Drunk Who Sits Next To Homer At The bar.  And just happens to be the only one of those 4 or 5 drunkards who has lines.  In flashbacks they were clear best friends in high school but once Barney became addicted to alcohol he pretty much has no social [urpose.  All he does is drink and encourage others to drink.  He's not helping Homer episode to episode as a sitcom Best Friend might.  He's just there drunk out of his gord.  Anyway, PROGRESS-- I was talking to Dad about him ordering food for tonight, and I was telling him, like, well I'm gonna order as much as possible without it being weird, so I have meals for the next few days as much as possible.  And he was like, as long as you're not ordering alcohol, it's okay.  And then 5 minutes later I was like well it's not an emergency but in a week or 2 I might want to order alcohol just to kill the boredom and he wasn't happy about it but that was the main hurdle and I'm past that now!  Sweet!
    Anyway Lunch Today Because I'm Living The High Life is part II of II of steak and eggs.  Anyway, as of a week ago, I was ~4 pounds overweight (4 pounds over the exact weight that is the highest weight considered to be an Average/Healthy BMI) so even if I drink 3 times a week I shuold be Healthy BMI by the time this is over!  Awesome!  Find ways to be productive!  Anyway, dinner tonight is part III of III of stuffed filet of sole dinner!  It's stuffed with Crab Meat!  WWhich may be the only type of seafood we call meat!  I never hear anyone go here's some lobster meat or here's some trout meat.  Only crab meat!  FASCINATING!
    Anyway entry is winding down.  People with moderate eating disorders should find the next few months to be a piece of cake.  Easily!  Either you're coping by going nuts and enjoying food or you're coping by going nuts and losing weight.  It's all just a way to trick yourself into getting the most out of Current Situation In Life as much as possible!  I'm somewhere in the middle which somehow is the most healthy I hope you're here with me that's I'm eating an appropriate amount, even dieting, but I'm just really appreciating the quality of what I am eating.  What fun!  And also continuing my alcohol addiction.  Oh well you can't win 'em all!
    I have dinner for tonight, but Dad is getting Diner Delivery tonight, so I'm gonna get food for the next two days.  We're talking Challah French Toast w/ Egg Whites and Turkey Sausage (3 breakfasts), we're talking some sort of Roasted Chicken Dinner (2-3 lunch/dinners), we're talking a dual appitizer of Chili and a side of steamed rice (2-3 lunch/dinners)!!!  Anyway.  July 4th.  100 days of solitude.  You can do that standing on your head!!!  100 years of solitude was a book and it's 365 Times 100 days of solitude!  Again, I realize it could be less than that and be more than that.  I feel like that's somewhere in the middle.
    Sweet!  I was adding stuff to the Grocery Delivery we set up that should be here on Sunday/Monday and I was like I'm gonna add some Gum and that PISSED MY MOM OFF.  I took 30 seconds to add it to the cart and she was like THIS IS A REAL SITUATION YOU'RE ADDING GUM YOU FUCKUP ASSHOLE! and I was like JESUS I WANT GUM WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM IT'S NOT GUM OR SOMETHING ELSE NECESSARY WE CAN GET THE NECESSARY AND WE CAN GET THE GUM WHO GIVES A SHIT.  Anyway, looking forward to paying 20 dollars to see a movie from The Theaters that I can see for free in 9 months.  Invisible Man?  I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT!  Anyway, 3 of the first 5 Top Albums being The Beatles, every subsequent album that isn't The Beatles sounds like a real treat.  So after What's Going On is The Rolling Stones.  Fascinating!
    Alright let's make this the last paragraph.  I'm sorry for being silly and irreverent in such a serious and... reverent... time.  Silly and Dumb may save mankind, though, that's the impression I've been under.  The point is 500 days of summer is WAY MORE than the amount of days we're gonna be stuck in all of our respective CrapShacks.  I dunno.  It's gonna be weird (For most of you... not so much for me...) but it's gonna be interesting.  Some of us will die yes but MOST OF US WON'T!!!  And who knows maybe I will die or one of my parents will die and I'll be like well in retrospect shouldn't have been so silly and irreverent but what choice do I have?  Anyway, I'll see you guys later.

-2:25 P.M.



Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Glad To Be Here

Anyway, I was thinking about how although probably a quarter or so of us are gonna be homeridden for the next few months (best guesstimate off the top of my head based on nothing), we're still gonna be spending money.  It's not like we're gonna go well got all we need let's just chill.  We need money for food and groceries and medical care and paper towel toilet paper but most of all ENTERTAINMENT!!  Now's the TV industry's time to shine!  Just transfer all your stock into TV!  And internet TV!  Music!  TV will save us all financially, we will pump money into the fledgling industry!  And socially-- we may not be able to interact with each other in real life but we can have Text Chains about Our New Favorite Shows!  And mentally-- the world goes on despite Pandemic: The Outbreak going on outside.  Maybe for the better!  Finally we all have the chance, ney, the civic duty, to binge-watch Better Call Saul! That's my opinion for how the next few months might shake out.
    So we got that going for us.  Part of it feels kind of wrong that we all agreed to not leave the house within the period of about a week.  Seems like that group hive mentality could easily be exploited for evil purposes.  We'll cross that bridge when we get there!  Unless there's Outbreak on the bridge!  Then better stay on this side of the bridge indefinitely!  So anyway, first thing I can think of, can we commit to doing Mail In Ballots for Election should it be necessary?  I don't trust this Trump guy for some reason to not just suspend elections.  Which in my opinion would be Bad.  I dunno I don't trust mail in ballots.  SOMEONE touched that envelope.  Probably.  Unless there's an envelope machine which somehow does all the envelopes which now that I think about it makes a lot more sense than just having an assembly line of people who put paper in envelopes 140 million times.  But, still, someone touched that envelope machine.  Paper will be the death of us all!
    The good news is currently aiming for Cup o Noodles for lunch and 3 45 calorie Sawdust Dogs for dinner.  We got a few End Pieces of a Challah left over.  Smaller than middle pieces. That's how Challah works!  Combine 1 of those with 1 of the hot dogs and I got myself a dinner going!  Also if stock in Fresh Direct hasn't gone up 800% they're doing it wrong.  Which is ironic because I hope things are in stock with Fresh Direct!  It's ironic because its a pun.  Irony=puns.  That's what I've been led to believe.  Anyway Social Distancing sounds like a fun new fad.  Also, I'd buy stock in 1980's-1990's Punk-Country band Social Distortion on account of VERY SIMILAR names.  You might know them from the song Story of My Life which was featured prominently on one of those Guitar Hero games.  You might aslo know them from 3 sentences ago.  Those are about your two options.  What if you know them from a different song.  Then that's a 3rd option!  They have a good cover of Ring of Fire.  You know that song from Johnny Cash: The Movie fame.  Check that sucker out!
    That's another good idea I had to kill time.  Load up the Rolling Stone Magazine's 500 Best Albums of all time.  Work backwards!  So far I've listened to Beatles-- The Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Clubs Band Presents Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Album.  Then Beach Boys Pet Sounds.  Then Beatles-- Revolver!: The Music From The Beatles From That Time Period.  One fascinating thing I learned was SGT Peppers is credited as being really kinda the first album.  As opposed to just puttin' a bunch of singles together, they started the art form of having a cohesive unit meant to be listened to together.  FASCINATING.  
    Some notes I took on #1 album of al time-- Are they SPLHCBB the entire album? (1) Each track gets further and further from the premise to the point where I can't decide where and if and when they become The Beatles again.  (2) The album made interesting use of The Beatles' Voices as instruments in and of themselves!  (3) Not a fan of Rita, Mater Maid.  Why a whole song about her?  Not captivating character at all.  I don't get her appeal.  (4)Good Morning, Good Morning?  GREAT song.  Very well written lyrics!!  (5)SPLHCB was the first punk album!  (6)watch out for the last 20 seconds of the album at the end of A Day In The Life.  Very Scary!
Another thought I had yesterday, based on watching Candyman: The Original Movie Not The One That Hasn't Been Released Yet for the 2nd time in 2 or so months-- Candyman, Candyman, Does Whatever a Candy Can.  Another Dream Thought I had last night that I wrote down-- Ow, My Arm.  I think I pictured it as a title for something.  I woke up in the middle of the night and felt compelled to write down Ow, My Arm.  Anyway, last night Before Sleep I also came up with a good palindrome--  Now Emit Time Won.  Time lost is a phrase.  Time Won must be phrase.  So, now emit time won.  Fascinating.  Also, listen to 3 classic albums a day, walk in a circle for each one, that's more than enough exercise to keep ya going.  And that's how albums were meant to be listened to presumably!  ESPECIALLY REVOLVER!
    Boo-yah!  I've also been walking in a circle a bonus for an hour to an hour and a half, and that might be best with Podcasts.  Just so you're reminded each day that there is an outside world consisting of real people in the modern era.  These are good tips keep reading.  Anyway, didn't write down any thoughts of Pet Sounds.  All I've got is that I enjoyed Wouldn't It Be Nice and God Only Knows, the two songs I was already familiar with.  The rest of it was fine but I don't 100% get it this time around.  Such is life!  Thoughts on Beatles-- Revolver?  --Kinda snarky and I feel like they're playing tricksies on us.  Feels very hostile towards the listener.  And And Your Bird Can Sing?  Don't tell me what my bird can and cannot do!    


Try To Stay Positive Or At Least Neutral

Maybe err on the side of neutral.  You don't wanna be too positive while society is shutting down for several months.  Keep it neutral!  But I guess if someone's being negative, you be negative too!  It's the only way to make a positive.  Hey I just had a great Rich People Will Do Fine idea!  Build a new make shift city/town from the ground up within a few weeks.  Test people before they're admitted.  Then have a nonstop Real Life Party in the city/town for the next few months!  It's a real Land of The Dead: The George Romero Movie scenario.  I feel like coming up with the idea is worth enough for me and my immediate family to be admitted.  Only fair, right?   
That's what's on everyone's minds, right?  Most obvious conclusion to draw is well this is as close to a zombie apocalypse as we're gonna see in my lifet... as we're gonna say in the next decade or so.  What else is going on and crap.  If I was living by myself I'd probably feel comfortable taking walks as long as I'm practicing Social Distortion.  But I don't so Thems The Pits.  Anyway if you don't feel comfortable feeling like we're all in this together across the Earth then turn it into a Nationalism Contest.  Let's make them other countries see How Great We Are At Shutting Down Outbreak!  It's a competition to see who can beat the disease the best!  You're not gonna let South Korea make fools out of America, are you?  Let's show them what it's like to not spread Coronavirus and return to normal as quickly as possible!  Hey China's been talking shit about America's ability rebound from an almost comically abhorrent initial response to Coronavirus!  Let's put them in their place by Getting Everyone Healthy!
It's win win because you get to be a Nationalist and we get to Not Die As Much.  Anyway.  Feel like I'm gonna be eating Lunch&Dinner at about 50-80% the size as I'm used to.  Feels like a lot of things!  We Are All Incels Now.  Not sure what that sentence accomplishes.  Feels right though doesn't it!  Some jerk (Governor?  Mayor?  Probably one of them) was aying it's gonna peak bad in about 45 days.  That may seem like a lot of  days but also remember it's only 1 and a half months.  New Years just happened, right?  And it's already been like close to 80 days?  And if thatls the peak, maybe we're good to go after about 60-80 days.  We can do that standing on our heads.  What you want Iran laughing at you about you not being able to stay in your house for 2 months?  You don't have to stand for that!  Sit for it!  That's one of the luxuries about being in your own house!  You can sit whenever you want!  Nobody's telling you where and when to sit! 
    Wonderful.  If you're buying stock in TV, make sure you sell it a week or so before things go back to normal.  Because people are gonna be so sick of TV they'll never want to watch it again.  Buy low, sell high, that's my motto!  Guess what kinda cup o' noodles I got in the works for in an hour or two.  Chicken!  Whatta wonderful world.  Also I to take some comfort in knowing the majority of people aren't holed up in some crapshack because they're young with no pre-existing troublesome conditions and as long as they're Social Distortioning they exist in The World As We Once Knew It.  Good for you (them!)!  But if you decided 1 or 2 percent chance I die?!?  I don't like them odds!  Then once again Welcome To My World It Really Ain't That Bad You Can Go Back To Your World Probably After A Couple Of Months I Like Them Odds!  As I said We Are All Incels Now.  By which I mean we are all In Cells.  That makes a bit more sense I guess. 
    Maybe you've got a significant other in your crap shack.  I envy you.  What else is going on and crap.  Here's a fun game-- Six Degrees Of Corona Virus.  We get Kevin Bacon infected with Coronavirus And Then The Game Begins.  It's helpful to have a few laughs in'it.  Alright, what Simpsons Lines can I update you on as being Top Lines.  Here's one I saw recently-- Homer is telling Bart a story which tangentially is about brain damage he suffered and Bart is like What's The Point Of That Story? and Homer goes I Like Stories.  Anyway.  Coronavirus is Republican because it happens worst in highly populated areas one would imagine but its Democrat because old people are most vulnerable.  Seems like a fair trade off, right?  Pray for the old people who live in cities!  Like my parents!  Go ahead and pray for them maybe that'll work!
    Blood On The Tracks when this entry is over.  Then I believe later day the next album is Beatles again with Rubber Soul.  Hmm wonder if that's  a sneaker pun, never occurred to be until just now! Good for them, what else is going on and crap.  See, finding puns we never would have found before!  Buy stocks in puns!  Figure entry'll end in about a paragraph and a half.  Almost said Month and a Half.  Which coincidently may be when I'm allowed outside again.  Hmm maybe I should start blaming my parents for my current situation.  On the one hand I Don't Blame Them but on the other hand I Need Someone To Blame.  I'd blame Trump but he'd probably be like great leave your house problem solved.  Because he doesn't care as much about my life as my parents do.  That's why we're in this situation in the first place.  It's like Katrina if THE ENTIRE COUNTRY was New Orleans.
    Where do we go from here?  I dunno you figure your own situation out, I'm sure you'll figure out how to do what's best for you.  Keep pointing fingers are Trump, though. Not just because we're used to ACCURATELY blaming him for many things but Because IT REALLY IS HIS FREAKIN' FAULT YET AGAIN.  Also Pointing Fingers is the only power we as citizens have left.  It's been whittled down to you may point fingers.  So we got that going for us, right?  WHAT THE HELL #4 ALBUM IS HIGHWAY 61 REVISITED NOT BLOOD ON THE TRACKS?!?!?  WHATTA SC...WAIT THIS IS FOR THE BEST I'M SLIGHTLY MORE FAMILIAR WITH BLOOD ON THE TRACKS THAN THIS ONE SO IT'LL BE A BLAST TO ABSORB.  Anyway, I dunno.  Blood On The Tracks is #16.  Fascinating.  I'll see ya later.

-1:45 P.M.


Sunday, March 15, 2020

Entries Really Get Me Going

    Prove me wrong!  Anyway, guess who is in self quarantine?!  E-mail your guesses to mankindguy@gmail.com before reading on.  Done?  Okay-- it's me!  I don't have symptoms or anything, but I'd feel like a real jerk if my parent(s) die because of me.  So why take walks when I have such great practice walking in a circle in my room.  It's amazing that its happened but suddenly it's Walking In A Circle In Your Room's TIME TO SHINE!  This is the moment all my hard work is gonna pay off!  And, as I was saying last entry, not having a job is paying off, now walking in circles is paying off, having ways to amuse myself creatively is paying off.  Even started playing some guitar!  That's a premise for a Music Album Project.  Shut In with The Uppers.  That's all I got so far but wow!
    Shut Up With The Inners.  Track #1.  We'll see.  I wonder if any one else in quarantine is feeling guilty they're not patronizing (is that a 2nd meaning of the word?) stores.  That's how much I've/we've internalized capitalism.  Dammit not being a good citizen because I'm not spending money.  That's what citizens are good for!  Spending money!  THE ECONOMY MAY BE NEGATIVELY EFFECTED BY MY PRIORITIZING MY FAMILY'S HEALTH AND SAFETY WHAT A FAUSTIAN BARGAIN.  I don't think that's really a Faustian Bargain but it's fun to say so I'm gonna leave it there.  You get the point either way.  But anyway what else is going on.  I've started keeping track of my favorite Simpsons lines as I've been reminded of them throughout binge watching.  Since the Olmec Head line, one of my favorite lines I just saw this morning is the Tree House Of Horror episode where an Evil Krusty Doll is trying to kill Homer and no one believes him but suddenly Marge sees it happening and Homer goes Marge Marge The Doll's Trying To Kill Me And The Toasters Been Laughing At Me!
(The toaster was not part of the plot at all).  I will keep you updated on Current Favorite Lines as they may occur.  Anyway.  I had a Dream Political Thought last night, something along the lines of this-- I'm gonna be laughing my ass off when Trump drops out, is replaced by Nikki Haley or something, and Joe Biden loses anyway because the Never Trumpers the Democrats decided to appease and prioritize Their Votes Over Their Own Base with Joe Biden end up voting for the Republican anyway.  In Waking Life I don't think it's gonna happen like that over the course of the next few months but that's definitely the long game for 2024 and beyond.  The Never Trumpers are playin' Democrats/Mainstream Media for chumps because they have no ability to think ahead and it sucks.  Or maybe they just don't care being moved to the right more and more because they give no fucks.  Well I guess that's life now.  Never Trumpers are Democrats base and Republicans' base are insane fascists.  And the majority of us are totally marginalized.  It's not an accident this happened.  It's not a coincidence.  This is the way the system has evolved because its exactly the way those in power like it.
    (The toaster was not part of the plot at all).  What else is going on!  Crap and crap.  One episode of the Simpsons happened to say the date that it was in that moment in that one episode and they said March 15!  WHATTA SCAM.  (That's today).  Some people need extra clarification.  It's no coincidence I watched that episode of The Simpsons today.  That's the way the system has evolved because its exactly the way those in power like it.  I think I'm watching Simpsons of my own volition but it's really part of one never ending entertainment scheme that I'm stuck on track in the middle of!  The point is I wash myself with a rag on a stick.  (Applause).
    Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  Anyway, I can't think of one progressive thing Joe Biden has run on.  His entire campaign is beyond Moderate and solidly Conservative (In terms of the wings of the Democratic Party, not overall, at least).  So I don't have much hope that he'd be the bellwether of the Democratic Party and go along with what the base wants, like some articles I've read have suggested.  That'd be tolerable but all signs point to him more or less taking staking a conservative position in both policies and tone and if we don't like it Fuck You I'ma Do What I Want.  Whatta engaging and accommodating politician!  Freakin' media went all in for him after Nevada, though.  For the 2 or 3 weeks or whatever when it was really a toss up between him and Bernie, EVERY coverage of Bernie on CNN and MSNBC (and Presumably Most Of Local News And Major Paper News) was tinged with Skepticism and Doubt and Worry, and every coverage of Biden was tinged with Positivity and Hope and Support.  And when you talk about the key vote in those weeks being elderly people wanting someone elect-able, MSNBC being very clear that they are skeptical of Bernie and glowing about Biden?  Fuuuuuuuuck You if you don't think that wasn't a key factor in how things turned out.
    (The toaster was not part of the plot at all).  Oh well you can't fight city hall.  That's what I've learned from the most engaging primary election of my lifetime.  Can't Win Why Bother.  Whew glad we settled that.  What else is going on and crap.  Got some Chipotle Bowl for lunch in a little bit.  Dunno what's gonna be my meals for the next few weeks.  Probably should avoid getting delivery.  Just gotta stock up on Meals You Can Eat From Supermarket.  I'll have some Cup o Noodles as a lunch.  Maybe frozen pizza pie for dinner or something.  Mom made Frenched Toast for dinner last night!  The point is if I lived alone I would probably feel comfortable going out and about but, like I said, I think that's capitalism brainwashing.  The president and media and much of politicians is insinuating we should just tough it up and live our lives as long as we're not elderly and/or particularly vulnerable.  You know what, though?  Like 1 or 2% of young people with no particular vulnerabilities WILL DIE IF THEY GET IT.  And if you go out and about for the next few months YOU PROBABLY WILL GET IT.  If you don't HAVE to tough it out for the next couple of months financially THEN FUCKIN' DON'T!  2%?  That's like when you're playing solitaire and the first card you hit was the card you were hoping for.  THOSE ARE PRACTICALLY THE ODDS YOU WILL DIE.  Let the stock market crash YOU WANT TO LIVE BELIEVE ME IT'S BETTER THAN NOT LIVING. It's just a few weeks!  Single digit number of weeks probably!  It's not that long! 
    Anyway I don't care what you do its your life.  Just really think about what your priorities are, right?  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  I mean, a million Americans will die from it. (well, like 200,000 to 3 or 4 million or some sort of estimate like that)  Millions!  Shit load of people!  You can easily be one of them!  Don't be just DUHHHHH THE ECONOMY NEEDS ME.  You dummies!  Anyway lunch is probably in about an hour and a half, 2 hours.  I already got it from Chipotle from 2 or so days ago might as well finish it.  Then for dinner Who Knows as we stare into the abyss maybe I'll get a delivery anyway I'll leave it up to my parental units.  I know we've always been mindless zombies watching TV but if the Simpsons of the 1990's can see us now binge watching show after show for all our lives they would have been like jeez we knew TV was an evil unrelenting succubus but we had no idea it'd be THIS bad!  The Simpsons of the 1990's CAN see us now!  They're now just The Simpsons of the 2020's!  Cool.
I had some good Simpsons Video Games throughout my life.  I had a gameboy game from ~1991-1992 where you play as Bart and the main point of the game is to Jump Over things and throw things at people.  Depending on the level.  If its the level in the kitchen you're throwing trays of food at them.  That's the only example I can remember.  I enjoyed a nice game on Dreamcast:The Forgotten Video Game System where it was like a Crazy Taxi style game where you acted as a taxi within an entire Simpsons Neighborhood World and you drove a car from a number of 2 dozen or so cars that exist in the Simpsons universe and the passengers are different Simpsons characters.  And you, the driver of the car as one character, and the passenger, have lots of pre-recorded dialogue that borders on relatively amusing.  Those are the main ones I remember from my life.
    I remember, I wanna say 1996 or 1997, I had a huge comprehensive Simpsons book about each episode with plots and highlights and best jokes and quotes from writers/producers or whatever, and it was probably my most prized book for 2 or 3 years or whatever.  Loved it!  Hmm I wonder waht that book is doing right now.  Probably on the shelf out in the hall by the stairs.  Good for it!  Several years later I got an addendum to that book where it's the same premise but it's for the 3 or 4 seasons after the original book was made.  And reading the Mike Reiss book on the Simpsons 2 or so years ago is what started me on my Jag of reading a bunch of books by Comedy People About Comedy People And Things.  I remember the chain Fuddruckers which is a weird chain restaurant that isn't that great and it had a Simpsons Arcade game that I liked.  It was just a crappy restaurant but in the back there were like 3 or 4 arcade games.  We must have went there only 4 or 5 times but I remember the Simpsons game.   
    At my peak mental illness, there was a period of a few weeks or months where there were literally cartoons going on inside my head that I couldn't really control, and they were often Simpsons-esque.  Either just in terms of style or actually involving Simpsons characters, I can't really recall.  But the point is that was the scariest few weeks of my life but now I'm kinda like I wanna watch some mind cartoons if I could control it.  Because it really was an extremely active imagination.  But a lot of it was scary stuff not just fun stuff with jokes and such.  And it didn't feel like Imagination, it felt like it was being Implanted into my head from some outside source.  Which makes it less pleasant!  Hard to explain.


I Write Titles Quite Often

    Prove me wrong!  Ides of March, eh?  The Simpsons were on the ball with that one!  Self Quarantine is fun because I've been preparing my entire life for this!  Now it's Michael's time to shine!  I like it when The Simpsons are friends.  Homer liking The Boy (Bart)?  I'm on board!  One specific moment that warmed the cockles of my heart is The Simpsons are punishing Bart with making him go to bed without dinner (Pizza) and Bart is in his room like I'M HUNGRY! and then Homer breaks and there's a shot of him running up the stairs with some pizza going I'MA COMING BOY! and for some reason that moment hit me hard.  I wish I had a father who would punish me for something then bend and call me Boy affectionately!  I find it amusing that Homer and Marge get older as the series goes on but Bart Lisa and Maggie don't.  In the first seasons I think they say Homer and Marge are like 34.  If I remember correctly the last few seasons they refer to their ages as at least high 30's.  Last time I saw it referred to in the 4th season it was up to 36.  Fascinating.
There are separate episodes with Lisa and Bart having birthdays but nothing ever happens.  And there are episodes with Lisa and Bart ending/starting new school years but they are also both eternally in 2nd/4th grade.  Fascinating.  Anyway, what else is going on.  Gotta leave the house next Friday to get some blood work done.  No way around it, I can't get a new prescription of Most Important Drug without blood testing to verify I got all things going appropriately and whatnot.  Otherwise I'd start getting uncontrollable mind cartoons!  Also, they're about 5% controllable, as far as I can remember.  At times you can sort of slightly nudge the action one way or another.  If they were 50+% controllable HOLY SHIT I'M ON BOARD.  The fun never stops if you can sort of control Mind Cartoons!  But if you can't GET EM OUT GET EM OUT GET EM OUT!
    Sweet.  What else is going on and crap.  The point is self quarantine and watch mind cartoons?  What is this, NIRVANA?  I was gonna say Heaven and then I was gonna say Shangri La, then I was gonna say Nirvana and I was like well that'll do.  But the truth is being upfront it's pretty much Hell.  Let's move on!  13th paragraph apparently.  Probably aim for 20 or so!  Anyway, for those of you who are worried you're not being good Americans by Not Spending Money, remember, you can also be good Americans by Watching TV All Day.  That is not a dereliction of your duty its just transitioning into another valuable role in our society!  Anyway, honestly, if you're reading this somehow for some reason, I hope I can provide some Time Killing by bingereading my crappy life over the years, and watch me get marginally more entertaining/talented/funny, and if you wanna bingelisten to my crappy life over the years, there's michaelkornblum.bandcamp.com, there's theuppers.bandcamp.com, and there's punkbabyband.bandcamp.com, and listen to me get marginally... more... who am I kidding IT'S ALL TERRIBLE!  If you listen in order its pretty much Michael Kornblum --> Punk Baby --> The Uppers --> I Don't Know Yet.  Is that a possible band name?  I Don't Know Yet.
Well lunch is in about an hour.  I figure Quarentine Life can consist of an entry ever other day and ideally drinking every other entry but if I drink every entry every other day ya know what I'm comfortable with that EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES.  Anyway, instead of taking 7 half hour walks outside, my current projection of Quarentine Life is walking in a circle 3 hours a day at varying rates and portions.  I figure 3 hours, which is 6 half hours for those paying attention, is about equal to 2.5 hours, which is 5 half hours, of regular walking outside.  Because I'm pretty sure walking in a cricle is less strenous than walking outside, probably because it's slightly slower and hey it's just a gut feeling get off my back.  So I won't be losing weight as much but that's a sacrifice I'm comfortable making for a couple weeks or months!
    Is it a real thing that the Coronavirus will more or less go away during the spring/summer?  This is one of the first cases where I honestly don't know whether to believe Trump or not.  I usually assume whatever he says is a lie but I dunno maybe that's partly true that'll it subside during warm weather.  I'd look it up but... well... hey I WILL look it up!  Internet seems to tell me We Don't Really Know Yet.  Glad I could share that knowledge with you!  Anyway, halfway relevantly, I was watching Armageddon on HBOGO and I may have watched that on VHS more than any other movie.  Ever!  Which is even more notable because it was made in 1997 I think and my period of watching VHSes was from 1990 (when I was 1-2 years old) to 2001 or so.  Armageddon shows up more than halfway through AND STILL makes a huge impression on me.  Turns out it was half written by J.J. Abrams which really made me feel good because I was like well now it's slightly less embarrassing to consider it just a straight up great movie).
    I also found it amusing, which I'm sure they were conscious of, but I didn't think of until just yesterday, that the way they were preventing Armageddon was by drilling.  Because in real life it's the other way around.  Commentary!  I still remember my brother's description of the movie, for some reason, one of my main memories of him, the first half is all jokes, and the second half is all action!  It's also possible I said/thought that but for some reason somewhere along the line I decided to attribute to my brother!  Who knows for sure!  What else is going on!  Been watching some more movies on Shutter: The Relatively Obscure Horror Movie Website.  Man they sure know 80's horror movies that have the kind of butts I like.  Look at all those girls' butts across different 80's horror movies!  They nailed it!
    Fascinating.  What else is going on and crap.  I'm sure if you have a job and have to go to work you'll probably be okay.  Especially because presumably if you have a job you're not living with elderly parents.  So go for it enjoy some life you'll probably be okay.  BUTT I'M A HERO BY NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE SO GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  What card have I drawn this entry.  Drew the 8 of Hearts before the entry started!  So I got that going for me!  Walked 1.75 hours in my room soon after I woke up, before starting this entry.  That means I'm gonna walk for 40 minutes twice over the rest of the day That'll Do The Job! 
    I was even thinking about getting back into reading!  Imagine that!  I really could though that's the point.  Probably get back into Martin Short: The Book, which was the last thing I was into.  I also am 3/4ths into Gabriel Garcia Marquez but that's a yawn.  Martin Short is a MUCH better and more captivating writer than the master of Magical Realism.  HOW DID THREE AMIGOS GO FOR HIM?  I'm not up to it yet!  I also read the introduction to George Carlin: The Autobiography assisted by some biography guy.  You'd think I'd be interested in that because George Carlin is The Tops.  And you'd be right!  He is the tops!
    I'm not ashamed to say it-- I've never seen The Three Amigos.  I blame network and cable TV.  They never showed it, how am I supposed to see it?  Probably was on VHS, I'm sure I could have gotten it from Blockbuster at some point.  I'd seen City Slickers II presumably from cable TV or blockbuster, which is a similar movie presumably. Never seen City Slickers I-- maybe part of it later in life but I hardly even remember that.  Anyway it's the 19th paragraph.  Fascinating.  Anyway, my biggest lifestyle change as of now has been trying to avoid biting my nails.  Living at home I'm used to.  Not biting my nails?  WHAT IS THIS TORTURE HELL?!?!  Which is much worse than regular Cartoon Hell. 
    You probably can't comprehend how Mind Cartoons are Hell and it's been like 8 years since it happened to me so I don't remember 100% either.  But it just was, believe me.  I think it was a lot of vilence.  Yeah, that's it!  Pornographic Violence! It was like Clockwork Orange with his eyes wide open with Beethoven in the background.  That sounds about accurate, lets go with that.  I'm freakin' biting on a nail right now.  IT'S HARD TO CHANGE HABITS.  Sweet. Cleaned up my room and bathroom in preparation to get used to living in my room and bathroom all the time.  Bathroom is still moldy as fuck (in fact, moldy BEYOND fuck.  However moldy you can imagine, multiply that by 3.5!).  But surfaces and floors are clear of miscellaneous garbage.  Even put all my change in a plastic bag!  Finally!
    Lunch in about 15 minutes, half an hour, 45 minutes, an hour.... that's probably it.  I've been thinking now and then over the last 48 hours I could probably get away with walking several times a day and not coming into contact with people by the 6 feet Social Distancing guidelines BUT WHY RISK IT.  Again, I'd feel like a real jerk if one of my Parents died and I was like well I could have risked it a bit less But Oh Well Such Is Life!  Doesn't make sense when you think about it.  And then there's another part of me that's almost having fun because I am, mostly accurately, thinking HAHA WELCOME TO MY WORLD SUCKERS.  NOW IT'S MICHAEL'S TIME TO SHINE BECAUSE MICHAEL IS USED TO THIS LIFE!  And then there's a Me In The Middle where it's like Michael has a lot of free entertainment on the World Wide Web maybe quarantined people can get some use out of that!  SUCKERS!
    I think I've given up on entertaining people as a prime directive a long time ago.  Everything I do is primarily for me, and other people finding it amusing is an afterthought.  Prove me wrong!  Also I'm no longer going to be going to The Supermarket so if you could avoid using Fresh Direct me and my family would appreciate it.  We're gonna try that sucker out!  But presumably many people will!  So don't use it That's OUR Thing!  Is Fresh Direct a slant rhyme.  You take away the t in Direct... Fresh Direck... sounds slanty to me.  It's a good thing I stocked up on Having A Deck Of Cards before things went really crazy because this will entertain me indefinitely.  Queen of Spades.  ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?


Are You Ever Entertained?

    Gonna start lunch in a hot 20 minutes.  At 2:30 PM!  I LIKE DOING THINGS IN MULTIPLES OF 15 MINUTES GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  What kind of day is it today.  Sunday.  Oh it's that kind of day.  WOW THE NEW FAST AND THE FURIOUS IS ON HBO!!!!  I think it's relatively likely I saw the first fast and the furious.  And none of the rest.  And none of the first registered.  Such is life!  It seems like The Fast would beat The Furious every time.  Being furious is just gonna cloud your judgment no way you're gonna beat the fast by being furious!!  What else is going on and crap.  Unless it's a Tortoise and The Hare scenario.  The Fast takes too many breaks and takes its speed for granted and The Furious Slowly But Surely beats out The Fast.
    I'm assuming that's what that franchise is about.  Are they allowed to sell alcohol online.  They must be, right?  How else are you gonna get Specialty Brews.  But how will they know I am 21+?  When they deliver it, do you show your ID to the delivery man?  There's many questions here which must be answered because if I'm not taking walks every day I'm gonna have to be drunk every other day.  Hmm, still a few movies on Shutter I'm interested in.  Not counting on Great Butts, though.  Last two movies I saw had some great butts.  If I say, "Butt," instead of a different word it's not as creepy and more charming!  "Butt," is a charming word!  Get off my back about it!
Wow.  Dunno if I'm gonna watch the debate tonight.  I watched about 50% of the first two and I think the rest none.  But now that Bernie is gonna be 50% of it presumably maybe I'll give it a shot.  Also I wanna see how much Biden doesn't give a fuck about the Liberal Democratic Base!  Will he give any fucks?  Or no fucks at all?  Or somewhere in between, where he gives token fucks but no real fucks?  We'll see soon!  What else is going on and crap.  If Bernie wins because they keep primaries as they are but old people don't vote because they're scared of dying is that an act of God that's telling us Democratic Socialism is the way to go?  Or just a coincidence.  I'm not sure maybe someone else is.
    Wow.  Democratic Socialism?  I'm not sure about that.  I'm used to having my worth be tied up to how much money I'm spending or how much TV I'm watching.  I guess.  I think one of the great tragedies of modern life is people recognizing that whatever media they consume is probably biased or focused in a specific way but thinking that they can out-smart the bias or focus and not be influenced by it.  Doesn't matter if its Fox News, MSNBC OR CNN, Online News, Paper News, Social Media News, whatever.  It's all people who know they're getting news slanted a certain way, think they're smarter than other people consuming the news or even the people creating the news they get news from, and not being smarter than it.  That's why here at Crazysheet.net we give you the No News Promise!  No news, none of the time!  If you think there's news here, you're wrong!  Whatever you think while reading this is wrong!  EVERYTHING IS INCORRECT!  Wow.
    Great, now my kitchen sink has a leak.  My parents will take care of it But I'm Effected Somehow!  One crossover thing is I watched the movie, Chopping Mall, that presumably was partly the influence for a Simpsons Episode, Itchy & Scratchy Land, which will come up on my rotation a few days!  So Again that makes it all worthwhile.  Wikipedia doesn't acknowledge that movie as the inspiration for that episode but I know the truth!  Man did that movie have a great butt.  For some reason one of my recurring dreams is specifically, irregardless of the rest of the plot in the dream, 10% of it is I'm going to college in Manhattan, either extremely South or North, and there's a White Castle right by that college.  And the other 90% has nothing to do with White Castle or College.  Fascinating.  Actually I have a recurring dream where I'm studying abroad in Ireland for some reason.  Fascinating.  Anyway.  Entry wrapping up time.  I'll see ya later.

-2:49 P.M. 


Friday, March 13, 2020

I Can Do Better!

    Hey, How 'bout that.  I'm pretty lucky during Coronavirus: The Outbreak because I'm used to working from home.  Doing this!  Which technically isn't working because I don't get paid and also technically isn't working because no one knows about it and also technically isn't working because it involves no real work but the point is I'm doin' fine!  As it turns out I have low white blood cell counts but what are ya gonna do!  I now feel more of a kinship with my fellow man because I know there are a good amount of people who have suddenly been thrust (or, at least, will be soon) into this At Home All Day lifestyle That I Know And Tolerate! Hmm, what kinda tips can I give you.  Ideally take a bunch of walks outside, but if that's too dangerous for you, I can't recommend walking around in a circle inside enough!  In any room of your choosing!  I've done it in my bedroom but theoretically a living room or den might be fun and if you wanna get wacky why not the kitchen or if you have some sort of large washroom! 
    Hey, How 'bout that.  I'm also lucky because my job has not been impacted by the economic crash.  Again, mostly because I don't have a job, but hey gotta look for silver linings wherever you can!  My job in essence is to keep working creatively at a moderate pace and theoretically get incrementally better and also each day that passes increases the possibility I will be, "Discovered," Most Likely On This Here Internet.  And I'm using the term Discovered very loosely.  I would be happy with Some Guy Who Works Some Place Doing Any Sort Of Vocation Finds My Blog And Enjoys It.  In other words, I would consider, to some real, honest extent, having A Reader the same as being discovered.  He discovered me!  Can't help me out at all, but That's Still What Words Mean!
    So the point is You Discovered Me.  Hey I Don't Like The Sound Of That!  Get away from me you FREAK.  Fine you didn't discover me.  That's BETTER.  What else is going on and crap.  The biggest sacrifice I'm making this Outbreak Season is not using Starbucks Bathroom.  I can go without actually getting Cold Brew once a day.  But I take 7 half hour walks!  And I have a very active urination situation!  The Starbucks is more or less exactly halfway through the walk and it may not seem like a big deal to you but again I have a Very Active Urination Situation.  So I got that going against me is the point. 
    Anyway I came up with a good new way to masturbate.  You may be familiar with this technique but its new to me.  Anyway, put on some pornography.  But TUNE OUT.  It's in the background but that's not the focus.  Then imagine you're watching it with a partner.  Then Go To Town ON THAT.  Again it's only been once but I feel like it could make the Masturbation Situation Rotation.  Are we still allowed to Go To Town with Outbreak going on?  I dunno.  I meant that as a pun but maybe there's something there literally.  Is it safe to masturbate with Coronavirus?  Seems like you'd be spreading it from one part of your body to another part.  Presumably hands to genitals.  You're doing something wrong In Society if its the other way around.  Or right.  VERY, VERY RIGHT.
Well I got that going for me.  I mean, beyond joking, Coronavirus WILL be transmitted by sex.  It's not an STD, its not genitals based as far as I know, but having sex with someone involves a lot of touching IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT and I'm Sure None Of This Is New Ground To You Who May Be Used To Having Sex So You've Of Course Considered This BUT TO ME IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME.  Again, another situation where I'm ahead of the game.  Gotta go without sex and other physical intimacies?  Welcome to my world!  I dunno, I guess.
    Anyway.  I think it's misleading to focus on the stock market as a stand-in for the economy because I think it's hilarious when stocks go down (I get a lot of not-rich people have a lot of money tied up with stocks but my family doesn't anymore and I am sorry but it's still my root instinct to go Fuck Stock People like BANE says the guy goes this is stock trading there's nothing to steal here and BANE goes well then what are you people doing here?  THERE IF A BATMAN VILLAIN FEELS ONE WAY THAT'S THE WAY TO GO) anyway so I think its funny when stock markets drop but the truth is it really really sucks and is scary for much of The Average Working Man.  So maybe make that the focus or something.  
    Also, I'm comfortable sharing my idiocy/ignorance-- it's hard for me to understand how stocks work.  I buy stock in a company.  Suddenly if the company does good the value goes up?  If it does bad it goes down?  But why are things publicly traded?  To minimize risk or something for the investors/owners of the company?  Oh, and this is the part that confuses me--  So much of buying stock/selling stock isn't really based on how well the company is doing, it's based on the demand for that stock.  So the demand for a stock is the real thing driving the price, and its kind of an artificial and even arbitrary thing to keep track of.  So it just ends up being this weird buy/sell game that I don't fully understand both practically and in terms of why it's happening in the first place.  And the bad part probably is putting an emphasis on stock prices marginalizes the worker and societal/ethical responsibilities of said company.  Prove me wrong!  Again, this paragraph might make 30% sense, 60% sense, or 90% sense!  Probably roughly one of those numbers, because intuition tells us it'd be a multiple of 30%. 


Sure Seems To Be An Entry

    Hmm.  When washing our hands, who are we supposed to be wishing a happy birthday to?  Not ourselves, right?  That'd be inaccurate most of the time.  And it's bad luck to to sing Happy Birthday to someone whose birthday it isn't.  Are we supposed to check Facebook every day or Google to see whose birthday it is, either our social chums or our celebrity... chums...?  Seems like the only responsible way to go about things.  Also, I wanna see a news story On The News where they have to sing Happy Birthday to let the .2% of us who don't know the song how it goes.  Cause they'd have to pay royalties!  Duh oh do WE have to pay royalties?  The bathroom mirror hears us singing.  Bathroom mirrors are all psychically connected for some reason.  And very litigious, again, for some reason.
    I don't sing Happy Birthday, I go with the Say Candyman 50 Times every time you wash your hands.  And then I die 10 times but that's the routine I'm in get off my back about it.  Anyway.  Honestly, I've been doing the ABC's twice each hand wash.  I wonder if that's for the rest of my life.  Seems like there's a good chance I will carry that routine for the next 60 years.  Or, 6 weeks, if I get Corona: The Outbreak.  But, yeah, how would it go away.  It's There Now.  We're all just a bit more OCD than we were 2 months ago and hey maybe its for the best.  Anyway.  I'm not particularly scared of Candyman because that's just a movie but I am scared of Bloody Mary because that's real life or something like that.
    Wonderful.  I tried playing my Music Piano Keyboard for the first time in years and that motherfucker didn't even turn on.  Whatta jip!  Just because I spilled coffee on it 2 dozen times over the years?  Gotta toughen up coffee spills are just an inevitable part of life.  My favorite tone is Glockenspiel.  Or at least it was.  That's all behind me now!  I had an interesting dream 2 nights ago where I was playing/singing The Beatles' Getting Better and for some reason my singing was 300% better than Real Life and guitar playing was 200% better!  This was notable for some reason because I briefly lived with the belief that I was talented.  Fun stuff!  And also, if I could imagine in a dream how my voice could possibly contort itself into something quality-ish, then it seems like it would possible in real life, right?  Cause it was still my voice in my dream.  Seemed like it was a tangible realistic alternate reality.  Just gotta figure out how to get there!
    Anyway, not gonna see Third Eye Blind featuring The Saves The Days.  On account of it being canceled and whatnot, what can ya do.  My stock in Saves The Day HAS PLUMMETED.  Speaking of Plummeted, why was it a thing in October 2008 (speaking of stock market crashenings!) where the news was like here's Joe the Plumber THE SWING VOTER.  First of all WHY.  Second of all, when you think about it, why is a white plumber a swing voter.  Seems like he'd be in the Republican camp solidly, right?  Presenting him as a swing voter seems pretty disingenuous and designed to elevate the Republican base at the expense of Democrats and TRUE swing voters like Kevin Costner.  I saw Vince Vaughn is friends with Trump but we can't really argue because along with Actor Jon Favreau he's the ultimate Swingvoter.  Not Politic Jon Favreau.
    Anyway, lunch is probably roughly in an hour or hour and a half.  I saw a movie about Vince Vaughn being a psycho and I don't think they would make up stories like that.  So we gotta take that into consideration, whatever.  That'd be a good thing for some streaming service to purchase.  Binge some Alfred Hitchcock or stuff.  Actually, just classics in general.  There's like 90% of classic movies from the first 3 quarters of the 20th century that I have no access to No Bueno I wanna watch some quality classic films!  Or at the very least get a new TV with a DVD player so I can watch Barry Lyndon some more times!  It's a classic film that never disappoints!  WHY.  Second of all WHY IS STANLEY KUBRICK A SWING VOTER.  I'd buy Stanley Kubrick as a swing voter.  I don't know why.  I just trust him to be impartial.
    Well, this entry is stupid.  Wonderful!  Eyes Wide Shut is an odd movie because its for adults and I saw it when I was a pre-teen and have not seen again as an adult.  Why does that make it an odd movie.  Well, it doesn't.  I have an odd relationship to it, that's more accurate.  Also, all the pornography scenes I enjoyed, but that's neither here nor there.  Because it's when I was a teen.  Wasn't there at pre-teen nor here at adult!  Pretty good title, though!  Really awakens all the senses.  Well, sight at least.  Mainly just sight.  But if your eyes are wide shut presumably you'd be relying on your other senses to feel your way through things so like I said all senses are awakened.
    I dunno.  We all knew the real swing voters are soccer moms.  Soccer moms, is that like a League of Their Own Scenario?  Isn't it kind of demeaning to define these women by the sport their child plays?  Women have identities outside of raising children you know!  Presumably!  It's Republican because its Sports but it's Democrat because it's Soccer.  Pretty sure that's the premise.  Also, it's Republican because it's upper middle class but it's Democrat because it's women.  Republican's campaign message-- WHO WILL KEEP THESE SOCCER CHILDREN SAFE FROM FOREIGNERS!!  Democrat's campaign message-- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ABORTION TO PREVENT FUTURE SOCCER CHILDREN!


Stop Talking To Me!

    I was inspired by someone, on my walk, who wouldn't stop talking to me!  One thing I registered over the 8 minutes of her rambling was her asking me if I was Italian.  Which jogged the memory of another person within the last few months asking me if I was Jewish or Italian.  Possibly in Hospital Waiting Room most likely from Fellow Sick Person.  Which reminded me LISA WONDERED IF DUSTIN HOFFMAN IN THE SIMPSONS WAS ITALIAN OR JEWISH.  I guess I got that going on for me for some reason these days.  When I told Walk Lady I was Jewish she was like ooh Jewish people they don't like anyone right and I was like well that's how I feel Right Now! except I didn't say that and I didn't say Stop Talking To Me! and I just took it for 8 minutes and that might be my Every Day from now on.  Whatta jip.  People talkin' at ya.  Don't they know I GOT THINGS TO DO!
Cool.  Turns out Third Eye Blind and Saving All The Days: The Band rescheduled their show!  In July!  Which as far as I know may be cancelled again and then rescheduled again and then cancelled again and this is what they mean by Cancel Culture right.  Canceling concerts due to Outbreak concerns?  Also Cancel Culture would be a shoe in for a future band name if not for Culture being a keyword featured prominently in a current band that I can't recall specifically.  I have no idea why I take being called Italian to be a compliment.  It might just be my self-hating-Jewishness that anything other than Jewish seems like a compliment.  And passing as white is a Win.  Or maybe for some reason I think Italians ah they're an attractive people.  I think it's about 80/20 selfhatingJew.  Cool!  Anyway I came across some old family photos from around ~2000-2001 and I look like a real jerk.  The first thing that came to mind was I look like Stiffler's little brother from American Pie.  They're both watching Shannon Elizabeth come on to Jason Biggs on the webcam and Stiffler is pushing him away cause he's not old enough for this!  But you know what Stiffler isn't old enough for this either he's underage yet we all act like this is okay???
    Maybe that says more about where my head is right now that I'd make that association.  Yeah that's where I am in life.  I may be 31 in reality but I'm a reaaaallll Stifler's Brother at heart.  Oh well such is life.  Actually its a 3rd thing.  It's Me Seeing That Photo and reconciling that with my current impression of what may have been going on in my mind/life at the time.  And I guess in my 31 year old mind my impression of my 11 year old mind was yeah this sucks but I was a Stiffler's Brother.  How embarrassing!  I'm better now, though.  I ain't no one's little brother!  Except for my brother.  My older brother.  But at this point we're just Brothers, right?  Throw little/big out the window, that's what I say.  We're all just brothers and sisters.  And however non-binary people identify with their siblings.  I guess just siblings.  There we go.
    Well what else is going on.  Lunch is in about 25 minutes.  I wouldn't lie to you.  Not so egregiously.  Not only does it suck being stuck talkin to rando Asian lady but I CAN'T STAND HERE TALKING TO YOU THERE'S AN OUTBREAK GOING ON.  She's aware though because she's Korean and she doesn't like Chinese people for spreading this or something.  I was tuning in and out to what she was saying but she was saying something along those lines.  I don't get the instinct to be like HEY!!  THERE'S SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT BACKGROUND THAN ME WHO I'VE NEVER TALKED TO BEFORE, I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT DIFFERENT GROUPS OF PEOPLE I HATE.  And they're just being friendly, that's the point.  She's not overly upset or trying to upset me.  That's just friend talk! 
    I dunno, crap and crap.  And, of course, there's only one group of people I hate-- people who talk to me.  Which is ironic somehow for reasons I don't feel like exploring at the moment Get Off My Back About It.  I don't think they were the funniest episodes, though still on the good side, but I think the Simpsons was its most charming the first few seasons.  The stories actually made sense mostly and it felt more culturally relevant.  Actually, ya know, it's not that the stories made more sense.  They were pretty farfetched too.  The characters made more sense.  That's the main thing.  And the inter-character relationships were more real because of it.  Obviously they all became extreme caricatures and it's fun that way too, with Homer being insanely stupid, or Chief Wiggum and his son being insanely stupid,  etc. but when the characters were more real it was more charming that's the only point I'm trying to make get off my back about it!
    The fun thing about the mid-to-later seasons is that the characters were caricatures but somehow they related to each other in a genuine way.  Each character existed in this perilous state of lending credibility to the realness of the others while being totally ridiculous in and of themselves.  The good news is I got an English Muffin with my steak/egg whites/Frenched fries for the first time and it didn't/isn't disappoint/ing!  So part II of II of that is in about 15 minutes.  I dunno, crap and crap, what else is going on.  Haven't made the most of this deck of playing cards I got.  Drew a card before starting this entry.  Four of Diamonds.  Not very happy with that.  One of the lowest cards in value!  The 9th worst card out of 52 not very good at all! 
    What else is crappening.  Freedom Muffin.  Is that a thing.  Got 2nd Burrito Bowl out of 2 Burrito Bowls either for dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow.  Which is good because its food which is the most appropriate thing to eat for meals.  Thinkin' about getting into Salads.  Like entire-meal-salads, not side salads.  I've gone through a few several-month periods where I would eat Meal Salads.  Usually a Chicken Caesar Salad.  Just some romaine lettuce, some slices of grilled chicken, mayeb some croutons or shredded cheese, keep it simple.  No salad dressing.  Do I have the piece of bread on the side?  Depends!  Maybe a bag of chips instead of bread, Panera offers that.  Or nothin'!  I DUNNO I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
    At what point do we abandon American Exceptionalism.  I feel like intelligent people already have but we're not really allowed to say it.  Hey America isn't all that great.  YOU ASSHOLE FUCK YOU.  ALSO, THE WRONG SIDE WON THE CIVIL WAR.  What else is going on.  Also, how do companies benefit from stock prices rising, other than paying their higher-up executives more.  Hey suddenly we got this influx in cash LET'S BUILD BETTER CARS NOW FOR SOME REASON.  Maybe that makes sense, it's possible.  Do they even get an influx in cash?  I dunno!  I think it was interesting that The Simpsons had 2 episodes in the first 3 seasons that had Danny DeVito as Homer's half brother.  They probably thought it would be a recurring character, putting him in a SECOND episode within TWO AND A HALF seasons!  I don't think he ever showed up again.  Whatta scam.
My favorite Simpsons line of the last week, as of this time watching them-- the episode is Bart donating his blood to save Mr. Burns life, and then after some Plot, the end of the episode is Mr. Burns gives Bart/The Simpsons a gift of a huge Olmec (South American Aztec type religion) stone head monument thing that ends up in their living room but takes up the whole room.  Just a big ol' huge Head Ornament.  And Homer is disappointed because he expected money, or something worth more.  And he's like well what does it do.  And Marge is like whatever it does, it's doing it right now.  That's my favorite line as per the last weeks' viewing.  Prove me wrong! Maybe Asian Lady thought I looked like Danny Devito.  Suddenly that's not such a big compliment.
    Italian people can't be short!  Only Jewish people are short!  Get outta here with that bullshit!  Now tat I think about it, pretty notable that my Funniest Line Of The First 3 Seasons was a Marge line.  Seems pretty notable, doesn't it?  Real notable, that's my impression.  Probably gonna eat that Chipotle for dinner tonight.  Really only scenario I don't is if Family decides to get Italian Food for tonight which is a once a week thing AT MOST in which case sure I'll have some pizza instead.  I can get pizza instead anyway!  I take walks all the time and there's pizza available within walking distance!  Oh boy pizza!  Wonderbar.  Pretty good idea for a candy bar.  Why were Candy Bars the most valuable industry in the early 20th century?  I mean, there's a whole park devoted to Hershey.  That's living in the lap of luxury, enjoying and/or producing candy bars.  There's Hershey, there's Babe Ruth, there's Dr. Charleston Chew, Mr. Heath, whatever, I don't, care any, more.
    Trying to sleep less these days.  I read 7-9 hours of sleep is ideal.  So I'm aiming to sleep around 9,10 PM-7, 8 AM.  Still erring on the side of 10 hours but I'M ONLY HUMAN HOW LITTLE SLEEP DO YOU WANT ME TO GET.  Hey I got around one and a half dollars on poker.  I won it by accident on a freeroll and have already lost 2/3rds of what I won and this is what is left.  Wonderbar!  Pretty good idea for a candy bar.  Also if you're into candy bars but your bar has no chocolate you're doing it wrong.  What the hell is a candy bar without chocolate.  I can't even think of a popular example!  Internet tells me Payday's and Abba Zaba.  I have never seen an Abba Zabba bar and mostly know of it because it's featured in Half Baked: The Major Motion Picture.  If I remember correctly.  I think Dave Chappelle goes Abba Zaba you're my only friend.  Abba means father in Hebrew.  Prove me wrong!  It is also a strange but worthwhile lyric schematic.
    Huh.  Sometimes when I'm in a drug store or something, and there's candy bars, the way I fantasize about them is just imagining stuffing the entire thing into my mouth at once and see where that takes me.  Not necessarily because I want to actually do that.  That's just where my mind goes.  Hmm I wonder how much of this could I fit into my mouth at once maybe all of it!  What else is going on and crap.  Candy bars are kinda phallic symbols, wonder what that says about me.  Hmm.  it says somethin'.  Not 100% what, but somethin...  Jeez.
    Figure I'll write another paragraph or two.  One other way I'm being healthier these days is not re-using the same plate/silverware throughout the day.  Used to just go with one plate, one knife throughout each day.  And use the same fork all week!  But now we're being healthier and using new stuff each meal.  Wonderbar!  Now that I think about it everything is a phallic symbol!  Forks are phallic symbols!  Soccer Moms are phallic symbols!  Prove me wrong!  I feel like I must have had Ladybugs: The Rodney Dangerfield Movie Where He Has A Son Who Pretends To Be A Soccer Girl For Some Reason on VHS, because I definitely saw it at least a dozen times, but I dunno maybe it was just on TV a lot at the time.  Same with Little Giants.  For some reason there was/is a whole genre of Adults Coaching Children's Sports, I guess either starting with Bad News Bears or maybe that was just the cataclysm of it, I dunno.
    I mean its really common.  Gotta be at least 2 dozen MAIN STREAM WIDELY RELEASED movies in the last few decades where it's just Adult coaches youth sports team with random complications, often adult is ill-equipped.  It's as common as movies with a car chase sequence in them.  For every movie where there's a car chase, there's also a movie with an adult coaching a youth sports team.  That's hardly even exaggerating!  Wonderbar.  Hmm is that a possible career path.  Either becoming an actor to play an adult coaching a youth team or just biting the bullet and coaching a youth sports team in real life.  I don't know sports that well but hey if Movies say it's fun and good then who am I to argue.  See ya later.

-3:57 P.M.


Tuesday, March 10, 2020

I Figured Titles Out

    Well, titles up to this point.  The Future Of Titles?  Still a mystery to me as well as everyone else.  Speaking of as well as everyone else-- Coronavirus?  I'm as well as everyone else!  Except for 100,000 people.  Better off than them!  I've gotta be real careful to avoid Corona: The Virus because I live with my elderly parents and my Dad has got an immune disorder on top of it!  Whatta scam!  So basically, society--as a rule, continue your collective practice of not touching me.  The good news is I'm drinking orange juice which is a thing where you have to be unhealthy to be extra healthy.  Orange juice got itself a lot of sugar!  No bueno gotta bend the rules of your diet to drink it!  But if you do Hey It's Real Straight Up Juice So Enjoy The Health Benefits Of Juice!  It's a real one step back, two steps forward type of deal.
    Started binge watching the Simpsons.  Is there something analagous to purging in the context of binge-watching TV/Movie Franchises?  Also, first of all-- you can bingewatch movies, right?  As long as they're the same franchise.  I can binge watch Star Wars Movies or something, right?  Ok, glad we got that covered.  Back to purging.  After you watch all The Avengers you throw them up metaphorically somehow lets figure this one out.  Avengers are full with trans fats No Bueno.  I was reading an article on Food Health and I realized, while reading about trans fats, I have no clue what trans fats are.  I had that thought While I Was Reading What Transfats Are and then was like oh well I guess there's no way to find out.  Tough.  [Editor's Note- TRANSFARTS]
    Watching The Simpsons in order but if ever there was a franchise which would make a strong case for you to watch the episodes at random It Is The Simpsons.  I don't have any sort of Random Episode Generator though so the debate is moot.  The point is if I watch The Simpsons 3-4 hours a day I should be done watching it in about 2-4 months.  Then it's on to Star Wars: The Movie Franchise!  Then Marvel Comics: The Movie Versions.  Then I Dunno I'll Figure Somethin' Out.  Alright now that we're all caught up on what I got going on these days, lets get to some potential goof-em-ups, or laugh-em-ups, or maybe some insight-em-ups.  The point is ya got any uppers?  I Am The Uppers as per my band name from 2014-2016.  And Band Names Never Die.  That's why I have about 3 dozen names I can identify myself by.  The fun never stops!
    I'm TV Show Anorexic.  Oh So You Don't Watch TV?  Yep that's about it.  How Unhealthy.  Hey that's great.  I guess making TV is purging.  You eat some TV and throw it back up.  How Unhealthy.  I'm not sure what the appeal of Juice With Pulp is.  Hey you want some fluid to drink?  How about some chunks of stuff in it?  Then you're more or less drinking Orange Stew at this point, right?  Which is a pretty good idea But Not To Drink!  I'll eat some Orange Stew and maybe its flavored with some orange soda in addition to the juice the Orange Bits are stewing in.  Give it some extra zest.  Also besides Citrus is there zest in anything?  Orange can Zest, I think lemon and lime can probably Zest-- that's about it, though.  You can't add some zest with carrot or mango or pinto beans.
    Well that's just accurate there's nothing interesting there or anything.  Just a definition of a word.  Yeah what's your point.  I'll have paragraphs about defining words we all know and love.  I like listneing to podcasts that I enjoyed in 2007 and finding out they haven't grown at all either.  Because I listened to some Silly Podcasts let me tell you and if they're still being dumb 13 years later into their 40's and 50's, I can certainly still be dumb in my early 30's, right?  I'm running out of time to be Dumb Successfully, though.  Dumb for an audience.  And that's mny worry-- maybe they can only be Dumb because they're getting paid for it so they're Adult Dumb.  If you're 40 years old living with your parents Being Dumb all of a sudden that's an entirely different situation. 
    I look at it this way--- I've eternally got a solid 9 months left to be Dumb without consequence or motivation.  That's a long tme.  Long enough to permanently put off having to Do Something With My Dumb.  But it's short enough that I can feel yeah I'll be gettin' on top of this soon.  And also, most importantly, its long enough that I'll Forget About This Pact and when 9 Months Is Up I Will Start A New 9 Months.  I dunno why it has to be 9 months.  The point is I'm Always Telling Myself Doing Something Is Right Around The Corner.  9 months is the amount of time you have to have a baby.  You get 9 months to get rid of it from your womb and then either shit or get off the pot!
    Huh.  If you don't give birth on time it just keeps growing until it pops like a balloon.  I wasn't paying attention in Sex Ed so I had to fill in the blanks myself but it seems more or less accurate.  The point is Maybe Podcasters Aren't The Best Role Models?  That can't be.  They wouldn't let them on the internet without being properly vetted as good potential role models!  Internet wouldn't allow such a thing!  I think Sci-Fi writers of the 20th century really dropped the ball.  That would be a pretty good short story, where everybody in the future records their conversations once a week for some reason to share with everybody else.  But they 98% go un-listened to.  But that doesn't stop the podcasters!  Lotta interesting context and subtext and supertext in a mildly dystopian future like that.  Plus Its Historically Accurate so all that ultratext is especially relevant!  Also I just described my life, just replace podcast with blog.
    Which incorporates some different ultratext but is close enough where I'm clearly just projecting.  I'd say the odds are pretty good that there's a Truman Show going on somewhere but its just in the beginning stages so we don't know about it yet.  Some asshole parents are like well we're just gonna raise our child 100% on the internet.  And I guess its not a pure Truman Show because he'd presumably be aware of it but it'd still be pretty scary.  He wouldn't know its weird.  He'd be a Reaaaal Truman.  A Truuuue Realman.  Are there laws against over saturating the market with social and anti-social media abuot your child?  Seems like exploitation if you're making money from it and child abuse and lots of stuff.  I think Sci-Fi writers of the 20th century really dropped the ball by not writing The Truman Show until whoever it was who wrote The Truman Show.  Why wasn't it written several months earlier.  Seems Like A Scam!
Cool!  Is that the next Social Media?  Just Instagram but 24/7?  That's gotta be in the works, right?  Both in terms of because People Will Use It so its a good investment and also in terms of People Are Sick Enough To Enjoy Using It either as a creator or an observer so society should create it for these sickos.  Again, that must be going on in the beginning stages.  Crazies who are broadcasting life 24/7.  Again, I feel like I should be financially rewarded for this.  I demand True Realman Show royalties and UltraInstagram Royalties!  I demand lots of stuff!  I guess that would devolve into the thing where you're looking into a mirror where there's a mirror behind you and its just endless reflections getting smaller and smaller.  Cause half of the 24/7 of your life would be watching other people's 24/7's and they'd be watching yours so it'd just be life getting smaller and smaller.  I dunno.   


More Paragraphs Are In The Works

    Was watching a couple of episodes of The Simpsons which made me think about my Judiaism.  Just watched the one with Krusty and his estranged Rabbi father.  What's so e-strange about him.  They weren't talking.  Ah now I get why that's a word.  Also the one where Dustin Hoffman is Lisa's teacher-- character is specifically Jewish!  And it made me think wait a minute Most People I Know or are In The Public Sphere and Are Comedy heroes AREN'T LIKE THIS.  I was kinda raised assuming every other Comedy Guy or Entertainer In General is Jewish.  Every other person in my Hebrew School was Jewish.  But now that I think about it I'm Kinda Alone AND I LOVE IT.  It's like a religious Home Alone.  Suddenly I got the spiritual house to myself and I LOVE IT EXCEPT THE FURNACE SCARY SCARY.
So I got that going for me is the point.  What can I say about Hebrew School.  I was even weirder to then than I was to the people in regular school.  If I was in the 95th percentile weird among my regular school chums, I was probably in the 99.8th percentile among Hebrew School chums.  Because there was the added stigma of being in the smart class in regular school.  And the added stigma of sitting in the back of the room and lettin' the ants crawl on me.  That's being Jewish!  Lettin' ants crawl on ya and just kinda not minding cause who cares they're just trying to do their thing.  Also I once tied my shoe to a file cabinet and quadruple knotted it and That Became A Whole Thing!  Jewish.
    Well I'm glad I was able to share those life experiences with you.  I think we all just shared something special but now its time to move on with our lives.  I would never be cool with bugs crawling on me now.  Jewish.  AAlthough there was that movie Antz starring Woody Allen who is famous for inventing a whole genre of stereotypical Jews.  Wow!  I meant professionally in comedy as well as socially characteristic and everything but now that I think about it Maybe He Started The Thing Of Jewish Guys And Asian Girls!  (Asian Women).  Cause that's a thing now, right?  He started that!  How about that what else is going on and crap.  My cousin married an Asian Lady!  But I knew of this stereotype relationship even before that!  Wonderful! 
    Why is it okay for entertainment heroes across platforms to be named Woody and we all just act like this is okay?  Woody Allen?  Hero!  Woody Guthrie?  Hero!  Woody Harrelson!  Biggest Hero Of Them All!  Is Woody short for something?  Woodford.  Woodford Harrelson is his complete name.  Well Microsoft FrontPage is a-ok with, "Woodford," as a word.  I stand corrected.  Or, un-corrected, as the case may be.  Jeez I dunno.  Is it a thing that we can all kind of agree we want Trump to be infected with Coronavirus?  I mean, that is the subtext of reporting on his dealings with people who possibly have it.  We're either thinking definitely yup hope he's got it we should be so lucky or we're thinking uhh are other people thinking this?  Possibly, right?  Cause I sorta am...  I'm in camp #1. Which coincidentally is the camp I'm going to for being Jewish Or I Dunno Some Other Reason in a few years.  That's my hot take on the news and that's the only hot take on the news you're gonna get this entry!  We're all going to camps for either the obvious reason or a secondary or tertiary reason!
    Sweet.  Just ate some animal crackers.  Sweet.  Is it a job where you get to design the shapes of foods.  Someone had to design the mold or print or whatever for the animal crackers.  That's an art.  Is it a job where you get to be dumb.  I mean, if you're really good at it.  If you've got a lot of practice being dumb and being able to be equally dumb at any left turns that may happen or be dumb to make some dumb point come across or just project an approachable dumb personality that people connect with.  Just be dumb in many different tangible ways.  That's a thing that should exist for people, right?
    I guess.  I got Grilled Chicken Sandwich again for lunch today!  First time since last week and it all lined up very nicely.  Gonna have 2/3rds a pouch of animal crackers with hit!  I JUST HAD THE OTHER 1/3RD.  HOLY SMOKES.  This time I got it on Ryed Bread as upposed to a roll.  Turns out they only have 2 patties instead of 3 with Ryed Bread.  WHAT THE HELL YOU KNOW HOW THIN THESE GRILLED CHICKEN PATTIES ARE NOW I ONLY GET 66.7%?  I'M GONNA WRITE MANY ANGRY LETTERS TO MANY PEOPLE UNTIL I FINALLY GET IT TO AN APPROPRIATE PERSON THEN THAT ANGRY LETTER HAS WON THE SWEEPSTAKES AND I DEMAND SOME SORT OF PRIZE.
    Wow!  Standard has been 7 walks a day the last couple of weeks.  Half hour walks.  Figure that's burning around a bonus 700 calories more or less.  Half hour walk being 100 calories is a fair guesstamation.  And on average am probably consuming around a maintenance intake without any exercising.  So I'm losin' 1-1.5 pounds a week theoretically GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.  Anyway gonna eat that sandwich open faced.  Not 100% why, I'm just going with my gut.  Eat thin sandwich Even Thinner by eating it open faced.  So we'll see how that goes.  I was thinking about the movie Mars Attacks! last night and I realized I don't think about this movie nearly enough.  The main point I have to make about it was I had an idea for a movie when I was 10 or so called Yokozuna Attacks! which I obviously unconsciously got the title from.  And anyway the movie was a Godzilla type movie but the monster character was famed Japanese WWF Professional Wrestler Yokozuna.  Who has grown to even more monstrous proportions presumably from nuclear power.
    So, yes, I was always kind of a genius.  Wait, no.  I misspelled Dumb.  I was always kind of Dumb.  One interesting recurring thing from watching The Simpsons is how much This One Specific Television Cartoon effected my development as a person and impressions and reactions to Real Life!  So now I'm watching it like oh well that sorta had a profound impact on me.  I think that all the time while binge watching The Simpsons.  Oh Well That Exact Moment or Line or Plot Point or Character or Thematic Implication or Recurring Joke Sorta Had A Profound Impact On Me.  Two dozen times an episode!  So I got that going for me is the point. 


Wow I Get To Write More

    That's fun for one of us.  And by that, I don't mean either you or me.  I mean, imagine 12 people read this.  It's fun for one out of 13 of us.  That's about accurate.  The good news is thanks to Public Health Scare I've been showering every night which means I have to get re-dressed every night which means I'M WEARIN' PAJAMAS EVERY NIGHT.  It's fun!  In Spain do they pronounce it like it rhymes with Bahamas?  My guess?  I Don't Even Really Care That Much!  The other good news is just got back from 4th walk, will eat lunch after 5th walk.  Am making coffee for current period between 4th and 5th walk.  Sweet!
    I'm developing a very strange (and unmarketable!) comic voice listening to podcasts.  I am sort of starting to gain a skill of being able to think of somewhat clever, often punnish things a dozen or so times throughout any given podcast.  Things that no one actually does say in the actual podcast.  But they're always stuff, if I was actually there and said it, yeah, it's kinda clever, but it would bring the conversation to a screeching halt.  It adds nothing to the development of the convo or is relevant to the subject matter.  Just a stupid pun or something along those lines.  So I got that going for me!  And then I sorta realized maybe that's EXACTLY why I don't have friends.  I thought I was being funny but my punnish pieces of bullshit were just me stopping every single real conversation going HEY LOOK AT ME!!!  And the point is it's not even funny enough for people to tolerate!
    This coffee is good enough to tolerate!  Bad thing about Hot Coffee is it feels kind of empty there without a cigarette.  Oh well What Can I Do About It.  I feel like a fair amount of The Simpsons is A Practical Joke.  They often talk about within episodes about how the characters are throwing their lives away watching TV.  And TV being a bad influence in people's lives.  And TV just generally being stupid.  I think I always recognized the irony in the subtext there, but now I see it as more malevolent.  I used to think it was a cute wink.  Now I think it's gluing our face to the floor.  That's my go-to practical joke I guess.  One of the first times I shaved myself in high school I accidently shaved off a fair amount of my HeadHair incorrectly assessing it as an extension of facial hair.  Boy was my face red in high school the next few weeks!  Looking back, maybe it looked cool.  That kid I would otherwise never notice looks like an idiot HMM WHAT'S HIS STORY I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW HIM.
That's good advice for people who feel unnoticed or unwanted (Friend or Sexwise) in high school-- do somethin' stupid!  It'll make you stand out and get people talking and curious about what your deal is PLUS you won't look pretentious or like a poser because YOU LOOK STUPID.  I wish I had known this when I was a kid.  And, yeah, first advice is shave off some facial head hair.  I can guarantee you you'd look really stupid!  Anyway at this point it looks like lunch is in about an hour but I'm gonna be honest I'm just enjoying this coffee for now!  Drinking hot coffee because I'm forgoing Starbucks Iced Coffee because I don't want Coronavirus.  Starbucks as a name kina sounds like an STD.  Presumably one circulated among celebrities.  Yeah that girl was sweet but she gave me starbucks.  Something along those lines.
    Anyway.  Maybe that says more about me than it does about Starbucks!  Maybe A Lot Of Things!  I'm trying to avoid The News but every time I hear Some News it feels like uh oh things are getting worser!  I mean tangibly things are probably pretty much the same as yesterday or tomorrow will be but I dunno I Don't Like It!  I think it's because the world is the same as it was a month ago But Also We're All Gonna Die.  Which in retrospect is the subtext to All Of Life but I wasn't putting two and two together at the time!  Anyway.  It's like a cross between kids not knowing the difference between Good Attention and Bad Attention.  Do some crap that warrants Attention but isn't really good or bad.  That's Good Enough Attention and nobody's gonna argue with you or give you shit!
    Pretty sure that's what podcasting is.  There's a pretension to TV or Film or Real Writing that doesn't exist for podcasting.  Podcasters and podcast listeners are always constantly aware of well if we're gonna be honest this is really stupid and doesn't reflect well on any of us.  And that's how I choose to live my life so get off my back about it!  Not really sure if its good attention or bad attention.  That's The Life.  Anyway, what else is going on and crap.  I must have other memories from Hebrew School.  Once we were doing a Quiz between the classes (there were 5 grades in Hebrew School-- one for the equivalent of Regular School 3rd grade through 7th grade) and I got the final question wrong and in retaliation one of the kids stood on me.  Dunno how I got down on the ground.  One of the only times I've ever been in a fight or something related to a fight.  And I didn't really get a chance to fight back.  Some fatso got me down and stood on me.  This was in Real Life 7th Grade!
    I remember being kinda into the stories but very much not into learning Hebrew both in terms of reading/writing and in terms of speaking/understanding.  The Hebrew School I went to also was the same building where I attended multi-denominational Pre-School.  Wasn't Jewish themed at all.  Same place, though!  Fascinating.  What else is going on.  Being Jewish is more about legacy than believing in fantasy stories and whatnot.  My parents were Jewish, their parents were Jewish, I'm continuing in that grand Tradition of being this specific monotheistic religion which is stupid but also we're relatively smart compared to other jerks for some reason no one is really sure of.  That's how I'd put it off the top of my head.  I also capitalized Tradition because of Songs From Musicals That Sentence Reminds Me Of.   


50% Good Attention, 80% Bad Attention

    That sums that up.  This'll be the last Section Of Entry.  Not only are these grilled chicken patties thin but they aren't even wide enough to cover an entire piece of Ryed Bread.  Did anyone ever figure out what Catcher In The Rye is about?  Or are they still working on that one.  That's the premise of the book, right.  Yeah we all agree this is good but What's It All About.  Probably another Practical Joke on children.  That's what most entertainment is for children and for not children.  Hmm what would be a good premise for a podcast.  I think I've shared my idea for a podcast called Lets Make a Scene and the premise is it samples from all the exclusive groups of different podcast themes and unites them under the idea that They Are Now All My Friends.
    You got people from comedy, politics, news, books, science, anything!  And then not only are they now all my friends but they are also now friends with each other.  It's essentially a social media but the only tangible incarnation of it is a weekly podcast hosted by me and presumably a sidekick or two.  Also once a month it's an Improv Show so that the title adds an extra meaning.  Anyway.  The good news is this brand of animal crackers is head and shoulders above the other main brand of animal crackers.  Hey-- Animal Crackers!  Has anyone ever made a movie out of that?  How come Scripted Podcasts haven't ever really caught on.  Also-- update of War of the Worlds where its a podcast and everyone is like OH NO THE PODCAST SAID MARS ATTACKING HAS BEGUN!  BUT IT TOOK A BREAK TO HAVE AN AD FOR WARBY PARKER.  Also, until just now, always assumed it was War B. Parker.  Turns out its Warby Parker.  Also, for 99.8% of you-- that's a thing that advertises on certain podcasts.  An appropriate, "Reference," if you will.
    Sometimes I think about paying an extra 10 dollars or so a month for this website where one of the benefits is I would get access to Statistics about visitors and whatnot.  How many there are, where they come from (both geographically and literally what website led them to this one), etc.  I paid that fee back in crazysheet.com days.  When I put up the transcription of the speech Conan O Brian made at my graduation ceremony it had either like 1,000 or 10,0000 hits that day! (I know there's a big discrepancy but what can I do about it that's the truth of my memory)  Also, not hits to crazysheet.com/crazysheet.htm.  just his speech.  But /index.htm (which led to crazysheet.htm) had a bonus 30-60 hits!!!!  PROGRESS!)  So how'd that turn out for me.  I can't remember but what else is going on.
    It's gotta be weird for Simpsons writers/actors/creators/whatever because of all the entertainment in my life, the Simpsons is canon more than anything else.  It's the only thing that I accept as it is and refuse to conceptualize as if its just some piece of crap to some people who made it.  It's the weirdest thing for me to imagine that someone just wrote it and that's how it exists to them.  The point is I have no more sandwich left and no more animal crackers left but dinner is on the docket in about 3 and a half to 4 and a half hours!  
    Anyway this may be the last paragraph.  It may be lots of things.  But mainly that, that's my best guess.  I haven't seen a movie in a while and I may never see a movie again because of Coronavirus.  Is it gonna be a thing where incels spread Coronavirus because they're Joker People and they want to watch the world burn?  My guess is nope not clever enough to put two and two together and let themselves get Coronavirus then go around caughing all over the place THEY'RE TOO DUMB. My second guess is uh oh maybe they figured it out WE'RE HELPLESS.  Something along those lines.  Why do they have to be incels.  Just seems like they'd fit the bill.  I'm an incel.  But I don't IDENTIFY as an incel.  I want to make that very clear!  Jeez.  I'll see ya later.

-3:46 P.M.




Tuesday, March 3, 2020

It's a New Day, Lets Be Unhealthy

    It took me over two months but I've finally realized It's The Future.  2020!  And it's the decade of Let's Go 2020's!  I'm on board with a whole new decade, why not.  Anyway, drank last night, will drink again today!  It's been my experience that in theory drinking can numb the pain.  Prove me potentially wrong!  Hey I Just Drew A Card For Today's Entry And WHOLLY MOLEY ACE OF SPADES.  We're gonna Motorhead it up!  I don't know anything about Motorhead.  I know Jack Black's character in School of Rock (Sometimes Fashioned The School of Rock) name checks 'em as a band he's upset the children don't know and/or listen to.  Also, oddly enough, there is a Sandwich as a Plot Point in that movie and I Am Eating A Sandwich Right Now for lunch!  It's called Grilled Chicken on a Roll!  Real working class Healthy sandwich.  Working class people are notoiously against health but if they do get Health grilled chicken is an acceptable option.
    It seems weird that we actually use the phrase Working Class because doesn't it kind of imply the other classes don't work as much?  Which I think is probably true, but they shouldn't be okay with us knowing that!  Whose they.  You know, the guys in charge of sandwiches.  Anyway bought a bottle of alcohol as opposed to drinking beer for the first time all year.  On the vodka bottle, it proclaims NON-GMO, then on a line below it CORN and then a line below that & GLUTEN FREE.  Does that mean it's NON-GMO CORN... And Also Gluten Free?  Or does it mean Non GMO!  Also, Corn and Gluten Free!  They're fostering consumer ignorance and confusion Yet Somehow This Is Okay?  I don't get it!  Not happy with how thin these grilled chicken patties are.  I'm not happy about a lot of stuff these days!
    Is there any constitutional analysis debate on why is the pursuit of happiness is there.  Spoiler Alert- sure there is of course but let me go into it like I'm a genius finding a totally new subject matter.  Anyway, it's a distinct thing from Life and Liberty.  Even if you're not covered by Life and Liberty, if you're pursuing happiness?  GREAT GOOD FOR YOU CARRY ON.  What if your pursuit of happiness effects someone else's life and/or liberty?  I DUNNO THAT'S FOR THE COURTS TO DECIDE.  Also wasn't it a thing that people in the 18th century Didn't Know What Being Happy Was?  What did they have going for them?  They die when they're 45 and don't have any kind of entertainment or anything.  What did they imagine in terms of pursuing happiness?  I DUNNO BUT WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?  Just finished a sandwich like it was nothin'.  Meat was too thin! 
    I think calling meat-free sandwiches IMPOSSIBLE is some form of subliminal negative messaging to get you on board with Regular Sandwiches.  Yeah these are impossible we're not 100% on board with them either even though we offer 'em.  Lets go back to What We Know which is accelerating the ruin of the planet due to global warming by raising even More cattle!  It's Impossible to imagine a different scenario!  I see Scams Everywhere!  I gotta tune out from stuff for a while, right?  Get back in a good head space.  That's what the 2020's has gotta be about, right?  Fighting global warming?  If Not Now, when?  2030's?  Too Late I've Read Reports!  Really!  I think I Once Actually Read A Four Page Report On Global Warming I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
    Anyway.  I hope if Bloomberg wins he has a more regressive tax rate and gives billionaires REVERSE taxes and is like Yo This Is A DIFFERENT KIND OF GREEN NEW DEAL HOLLLAAAA aand showers his friends with stacks of cash.  I figure that's one way for our country to go.  Anyway, I dunno whattado with the next few months and then the next months and years after that.  I've considered trying Comedy Open Mics but it's tough!  I'm a lot more comfortable Not Doing Things.  My last Real Plan for life was a year ago before Comedy Class started of meeting friends, doing open mics, and them coming over to watch Duckman.  I accomplished about 1.2 of those things.  I did Go To Comedy Class and made about 20% of the base of friendships with half a dozen people.
    Anyway.  I'm under the impression Biden isn't that great re: workers and union but he just looks like a guy that would be like yeah he's with unions.  I think that's his main appeal.  People don't know and they just assume yeah that's kinda... I dunno...  I think that's because he's been Joe Biden for the last 30 years so His Look is kinda baked into our subconscious because He's Been Doing That Act In Front Of Us For Many Decades.  And we just forgot it was him and now we're like Ya Know What Joe Biden Looks Kind Of Like A Joe Biden-esque Type Of Guy, at least on the surface.  Because he is, in fact, Joe Biden.
    The good news is I got the cheapest pair of earphones possible at Drug Store because the Cheap Pair That Comes With Apple Products stopped working in one year.  And I realized Drug Store Earphones are the model of planned obsolesce.  They're designed to get irreparably tangled and broken after using them about half a dozen times.  But they're only 8 dollars!  Maybe a good way to motivate myself to do a comedy open mic is to Write Some New Freakin' Comedy.  I've tried writing boring stuff-- now it's time for something new!  Nah I ain't gonna do that.  GOtta do something, though, and preferably not falling back on drinking all the time.
    2020!  The good news about Global Warming is we're still in the Hey this is kind of pleasant! phase.  I mean, I know it's causing extreme weather conditions like hurricanes all over, and in Australia there was that Continent-wide Fire, but for the most part, the majority of us's main experience is hey it's spring a little bit sooner.  Pleasant!  We only got this Hey-This-Is-Relatively-Pleasant Phase for 10, 15 years, probably, so might as well enjoy it while we can.  Because then comes well these 50% of animated species have had a good run, oh well.  Also, best phrase I could come up with to describe all forms of living things?  Animated Species.  Not sure if that includes Plants.  Not sure of anything at this point!
    Hey there's an Open Mic riff to work on.  Climate Change is relatively pleasant for now!  Why Not That's A Decent Riff JUST FUCKIN' WORK ON IT AND THEN ACTUALLY DO IT.  Idunnothatsoundslikealotofworkandalsoimsettingmysefupfordissapointment.  Such is life!  I don't wanna set myself up for disappointment.  I'm gonna end up at disappointment anyway, why bother setting myself up for it?  Let's be honest-- disappointment is the End Game no matter what I do.  Ugh.  What else is going on and crap.  Was planning on getting Chipitle DoorDash for dinner tonight but now I'm thinkin hey is there a way I can get Some Sweet for dinner?  There's French Toast or Pancake Possibilities.  Not Waffle, though.  Not tonight!!!  My Dad ain't around so Ordering For Myself, I could only get the Cheaper Smaller Diner to deliver, and they stop serving Belgian Waffles after 4:30 PM.  I Don't KNow Why!  Hey its past 4:30, lets put the waffle iron away.  Serve everything else.  But that waffle iron needs to rest.  What's The Deal With Things In Regards To Places That Deliver Me Food.
    Whatever.  10th paragraph.  Figure I'll take another walk after this one.  See how that goes.  It was raining a bit last walk but not much!  Is there a reason why Climate Change isn't the main issue in Presidential Politics?  Cause it seems to be the main issue in Reality.  That's my interpretation of life.  Hey why you raggin' on temporary ephemeral pleasantness You Got A Problem With Pleasantness?  Sure I do I guess I dunno!  I got a solid 3 podcasts I'm significantly into to choose from for next walk.  The possibilities are endless!  Well, three.  Them possibilities End At Three.  Anyway, WOW.  The good news is I'll probably live in a scenario for most of the rest of my life where I'm not listening to cable news in transitional phases throughout my day.  Go downstairs to get some soda?  Transitional Phase with CNN in the background!  Go downstairs to go out the front door to take a walk?  MSNBC in the background!  I DON'T WANT NONE OF IT JEEZ.  Alright walk time. 


It's Raining Almost Relatively Hard!

    I ain't gonna take a walk in that unpleasantness!  I gotta do some open mics with comedy, right?  Maybe.  Just bite the bullet and write 5 minutes on the first thing that comes to mind (Global Warming), because the first thing that comes to mind is probably in the Background Of Many People's Minds, and jeez just DO IT.  First step is finding the right open mic.  LEMME ASKJEEVES THAT UP RIGHT QUICK.  Jeeves, get over here!  Jeeves!  Oh still gotta go to the internet, right, brb.  Eh I'm Not Gonna Do That Right Now.  Maybe later, though.  Whatever.  That's the good thing I can do, though.  I'm not gonna write some comedy Out Of The Park, but I can think about stuff going on in my life or in the world that's topical, and write some good enough stuff about it. Open Mic Good Enough.  Which is still pretty mediocre but hey they don't call it Good Enough for Nothin!
    If it wasn't good enough it'd be Not Good Enough!  Huh.  Sounds about right.  What else is going on and crap.  Was about to say did they make Back to the Future IV yet and then thought to say I wonder if Mike J Fox's Parkinson's is moving at 88 miles per hour.  See that'd be a good throwaway at an open mic!  People LOVE Parkinson's jokes.  I'm kinda genuinely happy with that joke.  What else is going on and crap.  I'm a Back To The Future Series fan, but The Frighteners was a very solid VHS I had back in the day.  Certainly in the rotation.  Also, calling it a VHS, I hope you understand I didn't buy it on VHS.  My generation was a strange one because we possessed movies we could watch whenever we wanted, unlike previous generations, but we mostly got those movies by Recording Them From Regular TV, or at least I did, unlike the DVD generation where you buy whichever movies you want.  We had to make do with the best movies that showed up on TV at some point.  Fascinating.  We had a fair amount of Bought VHS's.  Maybe like 25% or so were official copies. 
    Fascinating.  I think the 3 Back2TheFutures were bought, and The Frighteners was recorded.  Probably!  OH that's another thing-- 50% of the recordings included commercials!  You could either record it from a place with no commercials like HBO, or you could record it from a place with commercials BUT YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO PAUSE IT DURING COMMERCIAL BREAKS AND THEN START IT UP AGAIN WHEN COMMERCIAL BREAK IS OVER (a lost art that has no analogous thing in modern era) or, well, you just record your movie/tv show with commercials.  Also, the rare PPV movie.  Most of my PPV recordings were Wrestling Events from ~99/00.  But also a few movies.
    Fourth paragraph Post-Trying-To-Take-A-Walk-But-It-Was-Raining-Relatively-Hard.  Figure I'll reassess that situation in a paragraph or two.  I find it interesting that Joe Biden is essentially running on a Make America Great Again campaign but without using those words.  Think About It!  That has no place at an open mic because it's not a joke.  I need to think consciously Only Write Potential Open Mic Lines Of Thought.  I should Know My Place which is Write Some C/C+ Jokes!!!!  I can do it if I try.  I really can!  I think if someone told me ok THIS OPEN MIC is the one you gotta do and also here is the exact directions to get there from your place I'd be 100% on board.  Probably!


    I was about to use the title Oh Yeah I Got The Ace of Spades Going For Me! and then I was like well might as well just pick a card again and I did and I GOT FUCKIN ACE OF SPADES AGAIN!  So either that means something magical or it just means I picked the exact same spot in the deck again.  Well, both.  It literally means both at the exact same time, in essence.  Also this is 1 out of 54 cause of JOKERZZZ BABY.  I BET HES LYING ABOUT THIS ACE OF SPADES SOUNDS LIKE A SCAM TO ME.  Anyway what else is going on and crap.  I did think ahead of picking the card, Hmm I think I picked somewhere in the middle of this half of the deck last time, guess I'll go for that 50% of cards again, so It Was a Scam to some extent.  I knew it was in that 50% of the deck PROBABLY it coulda gotten turned around at some point though so maybe I guess.  The point is the whole thing is a scam.  Sorry. 
    I know we all agree Ace of Spades is the most valuable card but is Ace of Diamonds the conensus lowest card?  Probably not!  What else.  The point is the world is fuckin' goin' to shit but I got the ace of spades twice which tells me Everything Will Work Out In The End.  Sure I picked it myself but why would I lie to myself that Everything's Great?  I'd have no motivation!  Ugh. 
    What else is going on and crap.  I've said at least 1 thing this entry that made me laugh.  Michael J Fox Parkinson's going at 88 miles per hour.  Mission Accomplished.  Cause its twitching, right.  That's what Parkinson's is.  He's twitching really fast back and forth.  Probably should look into some Open Mics for real.  But then the terrorists win.  That was  a real thing in like 2003, 2004, right?  If we adopt this progressive policy that helps people then the terrorists win.  And they also started calling French Fries, "Freedom Fries," because France wouldn't go along with us on our Iraqi Adventure.  Really!  Or as Joe Biden calls it the good days when the Republican Party Made Sense!  So if Joe Biden is the nominee are we still pretending the left wing of the Democratic Party matters to the party inners or are they just gonna go full blown Right Of Center, ally with Never Trumpers, and tell the rest of us to fuck off cause what are we gonna do not vote/vote for Trump?.  That's my guess!
    Why aren't they making new Tales From The Crypt.  Doesn't society understand that it would be GOOD to do things that are GREAT?  Also, The Crypt sounds like a fun new dance move.  Possibly spelled Crypt but pronounced Crupt.  Or Crip'd.  Paul Thomas Anderson.  Huh?  RRight now leaning towards getting Chipotle: The Burrito Bowl for dinner tonight.  Not as Sweet as some options but I'm sure they have a bunch of hidden sugar in their ingredients!  That's my interpretation of all Mass Produced Food.  90% of it is Hidden Sugar.  And the rest is Hidden Salt.  Anyway.  I obviously wasn't a fan of Buttegieg and Klobochar dropping out just to support Biden, because it's bad for Bernie, but just the idea of it being definitely one of these 4 people is kind of aesthetically pleasing.  If you could just imagine somehow, incorrectly, alright lets start from Zero!  Bernie Biden Warren Bloomberg.  That's not how it is.  But that'd be pretty cool.  Just start over from there.  Pretty sure that's Exactly what Warren's campaign message is this week.  FiveThirtyEight has her at 0.0% chance of winning majority of pledged delegates, we wish her the best of luck.
    What else is going on and crap.  Presumably its >0.0% for Warren.  But apparently  <.1%!  I don't like the numbers any more than you do, I know.  Is it possible that Biden wins and both Bernie and Bloomberg run independently?  I think I'd be okay with that scenario.  Lets just put all our cards on the table and see what happens with that!  In fact lets just get rid of political parties altogether!  I dunno about hat one how will people game the system without people to game with.  What else is going on and crap.   Trump would win 60% of the vote in that scenario.  Oh well I don't decide what scenarios will happen!  I'm just a Speculator!  I like how there's this big show of picking a VP candidate to appease The Other Side.  Biden knows as well as anyone vps don't mean shit.  What did Biden accomplish as VP?  The only VP who ever accomplished anything was Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Making Us Laugh.  And also those ones who went on to become president.  That's the main appeal.
    What else is going on and crap.  It just occurred to me that as a phrase PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT is hilarious. What a fuckin' cry baby.  PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT.  Makes me laugh.  What else is going on.  20th paragraph.  Figure I'll take a break after this one, write another 5 or so during dinner, and call it a day.  It's kind of crazy that I Will One Day Live In A Life Where I Can Tune The Fuck Out From day to day politics.  I can just register oh things are fucked and then go on with my life!  Wonderful.  Maybe I could start by doing comedy open mics!  Yeah!  Maybe yeah sure.         


On The Other Hand

    Everything may be a scam, but at least I'm learning how to masturbate better.  I feel like I used to be REALLY good at masturbating as a kid.  Then somewhere along the line I lost my way.  Now I'm returning to this lost art and feeling my way towards doing better overall and whatnot.  Figure for dinner I'll err on the side of hidden sugar vs. obvious sugar.  Lotta fun going from Sanders 80% plurality to 30% plurality within, what, 3 or 4 days?  Damn 'Stablishment.  Buttegieg and Klobochar Etc mercenarily want to have a future in an 'Stablishment Democratic Party!  Who could have predicted such a turn of events!  Bloomberg was running as a decoy for progressives to go after while Biden consolidates the Generic White Man Moderate Vote!  I NEVER SAW IT COMIN'!
Life is crap and whatnot, who could have seen it coming.  Also I KIND OF understand but mostly am against this stuff about if you argue with South Carolina voting for Biden you're dismissing Lady African Americans.  My instinct is to be like well they are demographically the backbone of the party so fine but then part of me is like well the whole idea is They're Telling Us Whose Electable And They Say Biden Is And Not Sanders but then part of me is like ANTI-SEMITISM.  So that's an interesting battle of wits.  African American Lady Backbone vs Relatively Baseful Calls of Anti Semitism.  Who will come out on top?  I dunno!  Probably whoever isn't me, I don't have a great track record of coming out on top!
Anyway, jeez.  They don't hate Jews possibly.  But they (correctly?) assume white people hate Jews!  Probably not correctly!  LETS GIVE WHITE PEOPLE SOME CREDIT.  Ugh.  Any time you get to LETS GIVE WHITE PEOPLE SOME CREDIT you are LOSING the argument.  Lets move on cause I don't care anymore.  What else is going on and crap.  Are Jews white people?  Sometimes!  Lets move on.  Besides Today and Yesterday and Maybe For The Next Few Days, I really don't care that much about Judaism and Anti-Semitism.  But for This Week I'm reminded of How Much It Sucks.  Then I get to forget about it All Over Again!  Sweet!  What else is going on and crap.  HOLY MOLEY DOORDASH IS HEADING TO RESTURAUNT.
What else and crap.  This Tuesday isn't shaping up to be super at all!  The good news is I can have 21 meals a week with a bunch of hidden sugar.  That's the America Promise!  Three meals a day packed with hidden sugar!  All the hidden sugar your hidden heart can hide-d-ly desire!  I hope I get to vote for Bernard Sanders in New York!  1 vote can change the world.  Especially if the world is deadlocked without you!  Well, only if the world is deadlocked without you!  Well, actually, if the world is 1 vote ahead/behind without you, too!  Then you can Split The Vote With The World!  So basically there's multiple scenarios where your vote can change the world is the point!
    Huh.  What else is going on and crap.  I think everything shouold be decided by vote from now on.  Movie coming out this weekend?  Don't look at the Box Office to see how well it done did!  Have a vote!  Was this movie a success?  Yes/No/Maybe So.  Apparently that's my Next Level of what's important.  There's President, then there's Are Specific Movies Successful.  Prove Me Wrong!  HOLEY MOLEY DOORDSAH IS ON THE WAY.  Jeez.  Figure I'll end this entry now.  What a piece of crap.  See ya'll on the other side!

-6:52 P.M.


Monday, March 2, 2020

Oh Boy, A New Month!

    Months mean a lot to me.  There's four weeks in them most of the time except for often when there's closer to four and a half weeks.  Also it's my interpretation that women have, "Periods," roughly once a month as per the lunar cycle.  Pregnancy is tangled up in this riddle as well and one day I hope to Get To The Bottom Of It.  What playing card do I got going on this entry.  Drew the six of clubs!  Number 6 is pretty good.  I can almost conjure up what 6 dimensions would mean.  There's length, width, depth, time, Super Time, and then the sixth dimension is Ultra-Super Time.  Which is a fine name for a 11 minute sketch show on Adult Swim or something. 
    Six strings on a guitar.  That's an actual fact that you can't argue with.  Well, you could.  But it would make people talk.  The point is I just ate a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel and Cinnamon Raisin In The Sun is that anything?  The point is as of this paragraph its a four person race for president and Four Person Race is my new band name.  Anything can happen in the non-band name Four Person Race but I'm confident that Bernie's record and what he stands for is simply more appealing to Democrats than Biden's or anyone else's.  And hopefully that's what it comes down to.  Either that, or charisma.  Why not.  Can the next debate be they just split it into Bernie vs Biden and Warren vs. Bloomberg.  Seems like everyone would be more comfortable with that and whatnot.  And Bernie and Biden are competing for the World Championship Belt and Warren and Bloomberg are fighting for the Intercontinental Championship.  The point is I Have To Go To The Cardiologist In Half An Hour!
I think part of the thing with supporting Bernie is thinking we could win is a way of almost sort of justifying the Trump presidency.  Yeah we as an entire party were in the wilderness for a long time and things got so shitty and We Deserve A Real Win.  Not some half assed fine this won't be The Apocalypse anymore at least.  No, something the working and middle class of our country have EARNED by going through so much bullshit.  As the Rolling Stones once said, though-- Gimme Shelter.  Wait, no, I mean, You Can't Always Get What You Want.  Sometimes you get what you need.  And you know what?  Sometimes you don't!  A Lot Of Uncertainty In This Song, not really making any promises one way or the other on pretty much anything!
Seeing Third Eye Blind and Saves The Day in four weeks.  Someone said a mean thing about Third Eye Blind's Front Man on Twitter though and Now I Don't Know What To Think!  I wouldn't worry about him, though, he probably just turned a blind eye to it.  I learned somewhere if your third eye is blind your third sense of smell, third sense of taste, etc. are heightened and whatnot.  Is that a thing?  Where cosmically you have a third eye version of hearing or touch?  Let's ask someone about that one day when we get the kinks worked out and I can accurately describe that Yuk-Em-Up.  I kinda like the band name Four Person Race.  What The Hell Does It Mean?  I Dunno!  But I like it.
Gonna have 2-4 drinks after Heart Doctor.  Good name for a Drama/Rom-Com about a cardiologist and his/her love interest.  I, Heart Doctor.  Because with the comma its about the Heart Doctor and without it it's about the person who Hearts the Heart Doctor.  300,000 dollars please.  Figure I should either be given 300,000 dollars, if its a good idea, because they'll make the movie and make a thousand times that.  Or, if it would make a bad movie, they give me 300,000 dollars to buy the rights to the movie and make sure they bury it and it never gets made.  Either way Give Me 300,000 Dollars.  Speaking of Hearting Doctors, I saw that they did exit polls in the first three Democratic Primary States, and a majority in each of 'em were pro-M4A.  Seems like maybe they should talk about that sometimes on the news because for some reason the issues seem to be pretty important when people participate in politics by voting for people.  It's not just a popularity contest crazy how it may seem.
    Some people actually care about the issues!  Rubes!  Don't they know Nothing Can Ever Be Accomplished One Way Or The Other!  Biden is the Great White Hope.  Runnin' against some Jews and a Lady or two and recently a Gay.  Pretty clear who we need to get behind here!  It's not a coincidence Biden wins in the South and Bernie wins everywhere else.  COUGH ANTI SEMITISM COUGH.  Oh I gotta get that checked out I may have Coronavirus.  Or, I may just have anti-Semitism.  But, yeah, let's unite behind the guy who MADE UP STORIES about participating in Civil Rights and being friends with Nelson Mandela.  Why the fuck is that ok?  He just fuckin' makes shit up and no one cares!  I, for one, find lying about big things to be an important sign of Dishonesty.  I've noticed a strong correlation between a guy who lies a lot and the possibility he may be a compulsive liar.  I will write a thesis on it one day but I don't feel like it right now!
    Anyway, figure I'll write one more paragraph before Going To The Doctor Becomes A Thing I Will Do.  I like when people are like Oh Man Trump Is TERRIFIED Of Biden that's why he's nice to Bernie in tweets and whatnot!  Have you ever considered the possibility that Trump has been made aware of this super-secret thing not a lot of people know about called reverse psychology?  It's this thing that's a way of manipulating people by saying or implying the reverse of how they really feel.  I'm not saying I believe Trump feels one way or the other, I really don't know and I really don't care.  I'm just saying taking his tweets and comments as evidence he feels a certain way is pretty fuckin' retarded at best and intentionally dishonest at, well, there we are.  Alright, that'll do it for now.  Be back later! 


Whose Got The Time

    Not Public Enemy!  They kicked out the guy who in charge of the clock.  Anyway, back from cardiologist.  Which it turns out isn't a fancy name Blackjack Dealers call themselves at casinos.  But, anyway, important points to make-- maybe elections are popularity contests?  Not presidential elections, though!  They're electoral contests!  Learnt that one the hard way!  Several times!  Two-- I really did read someone, "Slam," Third Eye Blind Guy on Twitter!  It wasn't just a set up to that HILARIOUS and WONDROUSLY CLEVER, "turn a blind eye," pun.  Three-- hey what else is going on.  What's the definition of college in the phrase electoral college.  I could look it up easily on internet and I think I'd find an appropriate answer pretty quickly.  Oh well, what can I do.  The internet is fleeting and always just out of reach. 
    Whatever, I dunno.  Ever since saying I liked the Tales From The Crypt with Sex last entry, I finally realized oh ALMOST ALL OF THESE have to do with sex.  I guess I was just a naive young fool.  Now I see it every where I look!  How does The Crypt Keeper identify.  These are the important questions.  I mean first instinct is he's a dude but I dunno how are we sure when you think about it.  He's a slight frail thing, too, which to me is kind of a feminine vibe.  Also he kind of scares me which definitely suggests he's female.  Or, she's female.  Whatever.  Men scare me too.  These are the important issues! 
    I was making some sort of point last entry or two about how I trust Bernie and Warren are running for presidents for the right reasons and then I was like the other guys just Wanna Be President.  But I was thinking about it, and I'm not sure where Biden fits in there.  In fact, I kinda get the sense he DOESN'T particularly Wanna Be President.  Its more like well I'm doing this running for president thing you can either get on board with it or not I dunno it's up to you man I got things to do!  Which is equally disconcerting.  That's his vibe!  He's up there and relatively natural cause he's done politics his whole life but he kinda seems like he doesn't even wanna be there.  At debates he would just stopped talking before his time was up! 
    Well, whatever happens happens.  I just hope Good Things Happen.  That's my position on life.  When Trump was running they were sorta promising he'd be a hands off president and just let the other people run stuff and he'd be there ceremoniously.  I think that's the kinda thing Biden would be happy with.  But Mike Joe Biden says charming phrases.  Well That Seals The Deal!  Aren't I really bad with making terrible puns.  Maybe The Crypt Keeper is my biggest artistic influence.  It also explains why I'm a slight frail thing, too.  At best.  Still gotta lose another 20 or so pounds to get to my Crypt Keeper Weight!  I dunno.  My brother is a really thin guy and for some reason that's what I feel like goin' for.  Some people would prefer average weight with a defined torso and whatnot.  Not me!  Just lemme wear t-shirts and whatnot that are skinny.  Skinny t-shirts.  That sort of thing!  Get off my back about it!
    Cool.  My favorite part about the intro to Tales From The Crypt, is, for those who don't know, it's like the camera point-of-view is leading us slowly and steadily into a haunted house and we go through several rooms, then down a flight of stairs, and then into a CryptRoom, and it focuses in on a coffin AND THE CRYPT KEEPER SUDDENLY POPS UP AND LAUGHS... and anyway, my favorite part is at some point before the flight of stairs, it starts making a right AND THEN IT CHANGES ITS MIND and makes a left!  THE CAMERA POV FUCKIN EITHER TRICKED US OR IT CHANGED ITS MIND BY ACCIDENT HAHA I LOVE IT.  Well that paragraph is worth Something to Someone.  There's gotta be like 20% of people who that recitation of the Opening rings a bell, 10% of people who recognize that exact Left-Then-Right Moment, and about 7% of people who are like YEAH HEY THAT IS AN INTERESTING THING TO TALK ABOUT THESE ARE THE IMPORTANT ISSUES.  



    That's my takeaway from life these days.  Such Is Life, though!  What do I got for dinner tonight.  Part II of II of Steak & Seafood!  And this'll be the rare DinnerEntry.  I was looking forward to it all day!  Saw Therapist in the morning, did 5 walks over 6 hours, saw Cardiologist, Here I Am!, continue this throughout Heating Up And Eating Dinner.  I was watching some Local Long Island news at Waiting Room and I was thinking about these anchors.  It seems weird that TV News Anchors probably come more from a background of journalism and not acting.  Cause they do 0% journalism and 100% reading words and making Appropriate Facial Expressions.  But I had a friend in High School who According To Facebook became a News Anchor somewhere and I was thinking why would a Smart person do this.  Even if you think of it as Acting, can't be that challenging an Acting Job!  Not a lot of Interesting Choices and Character Exploration to be done!
    IT'S A SCAM.  What kind of prompt are you giving News Anchors?  Alright, here's a short explanation of the today's news for you to read word for word.  This part you're playing is CONCERNED CITIZEN.  Not SO Concerned-- All Is/Will Be Right With The World-- Please Be Pleasant!-- But This Information Seems IMPORTANT To You!!  But the point is playing Not So Concerned Citizen seems like a pretty big stretch from going to school for journalism.  In a lot of ways its the antithesis.  Journalism is really about being Concerned Citizen.  Reading local news is about being Smiley Happy Face Today Is Fine Just Like Yesterday and Tomorrow!  I feel relatively strongly about this maybe around 30-50% strongly I feel very strongly about this qualification!
Cool.  Local News and DayTime Talk/Game Shows have a very special place in the lives of the Severely Mentally Ill.  Cause when you're hospitalized for mental illness, you invariably will be in rooms every day with a TV where your connection to the outside world is local news and game shows.  Which, for the most part, Will Drive You More Insane.  I dunno, something like that.  Good basis for some sort of, "Bit," right?  Lets figure that one out later.  Might as well.  What else is going on and crap.  6:01 PM right now!  Figure I'll put food in oven around 6:15!  And take it out around 7:00! And eat it roughly over the same amount of time it takes to eat it!  I dunno this paragraph is the pits. 
    Whatever.  I dunno how to think about Bernie/Anti-Semtism.  My gut is telling me its playing a big part.  Mostly in terms of, not that people are necessarily anti-Semitic and thus won't vote for him-- although my gut says that's a not insignificant amount of people-- but that people think well he's Jewish thus unelectable better go with Biden.  So they vote against him because of that.  Again, I dunno.  I really don't.  But if I didn't think it to some extent I wouldn't have said it.  That's my policy on Things.  I say things I believe and NOT things I don't believe I Feel Very Strongly About This!  I still don't like it.  Part of me, if I was reading this and I Wasn't Me, I'd be like, OH ANTI-SEMITISM HUH YEAH LIKELY NICE STORY REAL CUTE EXCUSE!  GET OUT OF MY FACE.  That's how I talk to myself?  How rude!
    Was kinda being anti-Semitic while talking to myself.  That covers that.  My Gotcha question to Bernie Sanders-- You claim to be Smart and Logical yet claim to identify as Jewish WHICH IS A RELIGION!!!  EXPLAIN YOURSELF.  I gotcha.  I gotta be in a really weird generation of people of Jewish People who Mostly Are Atheists.  That's gotta be across the world or at least the country, right?  People roughly my age who are Jewish people who aren't Jewish.  Because we're smart and logical.  What are our kids gonna be?  We gonna force them to be Religion Jewish?  We keep the Jewish Identity while raising em without religion?  What does it mean for the future of American Judaism?  I dunno!  It's a real interesting time to be a Christ Killer, though, at the very least we can agree on that.  That's OUR Word, we can say that.  Probably. 


Oh, NOW I Get it!

    I was watching some porn recently on my computer but while on my bed and it was an interesting change of pace from watching it on the small phone screen while on my bed or watching it on my computer while sitting in front of it.  And suffice to say I was like oh NOW I Get porn!  I was doing it wrong for a while I'm sorry to say.  Hmm.  Interesting.  What else is going on is the point.  I think one of the key questions when watching porn is do I imagine I'm this guy or do I just accept I'm not in this video but enjoying it anyway from afar.  Or maybe imagine I'm enjoying it from aclose!  That seems like an interesting twist!  I gotta do some research to see the right way to do it but that seems to be one of the key questions as far as I can tell.
    I can do all the imagining I want yet I still am unable to actually have sex while watching porn.  I've tried MANY TIMES but so far it has eluded me.  Dunno what this line of thought is accomplishing.  What else is going on and crap.  I've even recently experimented with standing while watching porn.  Makes me feel productive some how.  Sorta a working-man aesthetic.  Like I'm on an assembly line. Dunno why that's just how it feels you can't argue with a feeling successfully!  Saw that CEO guy died today Jack Welsh.  And on Long Island news they said Jack Welsh Died today, he was the visionary great guy who took GE from a 12 Billion Dollar Company to a 400 Billion Dollar Company!  And I was like Good I'm Glad He's Dead.  Put that shit on his tombstone and see if he's pleased with that.  Fuckin' asshole I HATE HIM SO MUCH. 
    James Lipton died today, too, of Iced Tea fame.  I know I'm Wrong but I like it when stock market does bad.  Fuck you guys suck on that shit haha.  I don't know how Economy works but that's my first instinct.  I remember that was one of my key treats for myself in middle school.  Get a Lipton's Iced Tea from Vending Machine.  That was my image of Living The High Life.  Get a Lemonade/Iced Tea.  Cool!  20th paragraph.  Dinner in about half an hour.  2 beers down 1 or 2 left to go.  All in all Great More Tales From The Crypt To Re-watch Minus The Last Season Which Is In Kings' English Which I Don't FucK With.  I say a lot of stupid irrelevant memories form my past (Like Lipton's Iced Tea) not because I think they're imporatnt but because They're My Only Memories.  It' either Lemon Iced Tea or Nothin'.  Might as well settle for Lemon Iced Tea.  Better than nothin'!
    Another thing about Biden winning in South and Bernie in Other Places-- we ain't gonna win No South either way.  Midwest and whatnot are in play!  States matter more elector-ally!  Hate to be the bearer of bad news!  Good idea for a new line of HallMark cards-- greeting cards which doctors send with bad news to patients.  And the cover is a picture of a bear and it says Hate To Be The Bearer of Bad News... and then you open it up and it says You Have Prostate Cancer.  Thats how the world should work in an ideal world.  Also the bear is holding an accordion for some reason.  Don't ask any follow up questions That's Just How It Is!


What a Wonderful Forld

    Was actually gonna say, "World," but, "Forld," definitely sounds a lot better and more accurate.  Food is ready in about 15, 20 minutes.  Whatta World.  Was listening to a podcast with Lin Manuel Miranda and if I had Better Friends in high school I think I could have become halfway decent at free styling.  I would have had to have friends that enjoyed rap and encouraged me to enjoy rap more and be confident and free enough to freestyle ourselves and the point is with that motivation and openness I coulda been halfway decent at it.  Oh well, too late for that!  It's a young man's game.  And I'm not a young man anymore.  I'm kinda middle aged.  When I was a kid I was like, mid 30's, that's middle aged.  And mathematically I was correct!  And I'm 32 at the end of the year, that's mathematically middle aged!
    Also, when I say Better Friends in High School, I mean Friends In High School.  I had one good friend in high school and I didn't like him at all!  What else is going on.  Also, that Crappy Good Friend I kept throughout college years, and I did once share a song I had recorded around 18 Y.O. or so, and his one comment was I like that moment when the instrumental part comes back after the first chorus.  He liked it when the first chorus ended and right before the next verse started.  The music in the background in that specific moment? (Mimes kissing hand and goin' MWAH Beautiful!)
    My biggest mistake sharing music with people was erroneously telling a girl I wrote this song about you or something when in reality I wrote this song about nothing and then people were listening to the lyrics like Oh This Thing Means This Thing while in reality All Of This Means Nothing.  I gotta stop goin' on Twitter.  Only makes me upset.  Also these people are an establishment scam.  Also these people are pro Bernie BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH. 
It's a broken system and someone's gotta fix it!  Not our government, poli-news-twitter.  Anyway what else is going on, crap and crap probably, right?  HEY YOU'RE PART OF THE STABLISHMENT WE DON'T LIKE THAT.  Yeah bad news though we're establshed here with our power.  I DUNNO ARE OYU SURE ANYTWAY WE CAN MAKE IT BETTERPoltics.
Wow.  Food'll be ready in a hot second.  I've been assured by no one that's an expression.  25th paragraph.  Dinner has started.  This may be it!  I like local channels that just show the news on repeat.  Yeah I saw you say this with the same strange facial expression before 3 times.  Fun!  It boggles the mind that you can see a doctor and they take your weight with your jacket on and heavy pants and everything and they go ok this is your weight! and write that down and I'm like DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING THESE CLOTHES ARE OBVIOUSLY 30 POUNDS.  I feel like someone should get fired for that and that person MAY be me but someone at leat right? 
    Whatever, more paragraph(s).  This'll probably be it.  The bad news is when I watch Tales From The Crypt they cut out the Introduction.  So I don't get the fun of going further into this Crypt-like setting from outside into the cryptiest part of the crypt.  My favorite thing to read on twitter is Numbers Which Confirm Things I Want To Believe.  Got some polls which I'm happy with?  That's the best!  HOWEVER polls which I'm unhappy with?  That's THE WORST.  And also Most Likely A Scam.  Or, maybe not a scam in and of itself, but are due to a scam.  Alright that'll do it for now.  Figure I'll re-read this sometime tomorrow to correct the most obvious spelling mistakes!  See ya later!

-7:06 P.M.

Contact: mankindguy@gmail.com