March 31, 2020
Oh Boy, Now We're
Its exciting because I'm talking and imagining a reader so
basically this is my version of Social Interaction. Its also exciting
because I was gonna be citing that impression, but I decided
against it. Now that we got Whatta Terrible Pun out of the way, the
entry is free to go as it pleases. I wrote down last night Write More
Stories About My Life. Let's see, what's there to cover. Well,
there was school for a while... got into music and comedy... some marijuana
showed up for a good 2 years (and boy do I MEAN GOOD), corresponding with making
my own music... got sick, stayed sick, gradually got less sick, and here
I am! Anyway. Paranoia is/was one of my symptoms, and I remember
thinking these people at the hospital treating me ITS A SCAM. A
PARANOID FANTASY WHERE THEY'RE CONSPIRING TO HELP IMPROVE MY MENTAL HEALTH.
Which, in retrospect, yup. that's 100% accurate. They were in fact
conspiring to improve my mental health. Thanks a lot.
Maybe that's why I can keep a level head during
Coronavirus. Everyone's freaking out and becoming paranoid for their own
health and their families, there own financial situation and everyone elses'...
I'm used to dealing with paranoia! See, the trick is, suppress it for as
long as possible, and over time, your suppression skills will EXPONENTIALLY
improve! Anyway just saw 1st Serious Corona-case that made me go ah
shit. The lead guy of the band Fountains Of Wayne is hospitalized, so
its serious, but I dunno if it's He's definitely gonna die serious or
there's a decent chance he'll die. The point is I very rarely think of
Fountains Of Wayne now-a-days, but they're easily in my top 20 bands.
Especially when I was in high school. They know what they're doing so go
check em out if you want.
I have a Wicket idea for lunch-- whole bag of popcorn.
It's fun to eat, it's NUTRITIOUS, it's low calories, it takes a long time to go
through completely... And since today is a Drinking Day I feel like that's
an appropriate Pairing. This fancy beer really pairs well with a bag of
popcorn. Some beer has to pair well with microwave popcorn,
right? Seems like a niche that something's gotta fill. HEY family
just got a shipment of Masks! Not the best masks, but pretty good masks!
The best masks money can by these days. Sommmeeobody Stop me!
SMOKIN'! Is that a TIK TOK. Or Instagram. One of those things.
Just take 30 second video of my wearing Health Mask and quoting Jim Carrey's The
Anyway, new month tomorrow. I saw Virginia was all like
ok June 10th lets aim for that to stop Shut Down. I'd consider that A
Win. But that's a different state and still inconclusive so whatever just
keep goin'. We are all Ace Venturas: Pet Detectives Now. I
kinda wish I had a dog so I'd have an excuse to go take a walk twice a day.
On the other hand, this way I don't get Coronavirus. Which also is a
positive thing to strive for. Another idea for Lunch was Part II of Frozen
Pizza which I Did Not Like At All. It was a back-up they gave me because
they didn't have the one I asked for and Man What A Dud. Spinach pizza,
and it's pretty much 50% spinach, 15% cheese, and 35% bread. Presumably
some tomato sauce in tehre too. But the point is might as well eat it up
so I make room for Better Options in Freezer. Also, it's shut down, lets
go crazy. Let's get some FRENCH BREAD PIZZA. That was a treat when I
was a kid. Of course, once I became a teenager, and it became FREEDOM
BREAD PIZZA, I lost interest.
Yeesh. I think it's appropriate that the second
syllable in spinaich is basically Yuuucch. Prove me wrong!
I'll get a little bit of spniach as a topping on a Subway Sandwich, sure.
But it's gotta be Very Supplementary and not The Main Thing. What are
you 5 Desert Island Music Albums. I have a record player with me on
the desert island? No. So I'm picking based on the Album
Title And Cover. Yup. Hmm that's an interesting One.
How about The White Album. That way I can Draw on it whatever I want
because it essentially acts as a blank canvas. And there's no greater Art
than the kind you make yourselves.
Hmm, in Real Life, are their album covers I like?
Obviously I'm of the generation of 95% of favorite music/albums from High school
On I didn't have physical records/cassettes/cd's. So, I dunno... Let's
think about the ones I Did have. Well I didn't have them but The
Beatles had A Lot of good album covers. There's the one where they're
crossing the street (They're just like us!) There's the one when they're
SGT Peppers. Off the top of my head there's that Velvet Underground Album
Cove with a Andy Warhol Banana. I I never had that album I guess I just
picked it up somewhere through osmosis. So, popcorn, or 1/2 pizza.
Both happen to be EXACTLY the same calories--450. With popcorn presumably
being slightly less because ain't no all them kernels gonna pop! Then
there's Real Lunch possibilities like Ramen or sandwich or Hot Pocket or
Breakfast Burrito. But the point is what else is going on.
Last entry of the month! I can dig it. I was
looking at possible alcohol I could get and there's a High Fallutin Alcohol
Website with medium-to-high quality liquors. Whiskey, rum, vodka, you name
it! And they got Absinthe which I'd like to try because 1,000 crazy
Parisians in the early 1900's can't be wrong! Also I like the idea of
getting drunk out of my gourd. In theory. In THEORY. Anyway
after this paragraph I'm gonna take a break doing one thing or another.
Probably Another. That One Thing seems like kind of a snooze. Is
The Velvet Underground some sort of Underwear Idea? Because if
it is I Want In. Also I told you a week or two ago how much I enjoy
wearing pajamas at night and NO NEW UPDATE I'm STIL LOVIN' IT!
Also I got them when I was 30,40 pounds heavier so I look thin wearin them
because all that extra stretching space leaves no definition on my frame!
Ugh. Another paragraph for some reason no one is really
sure of. I know my Mom's first this guy got Coronavirus which upset
her was Ira Glass. ANd I like Ira Glass just fine. I don't
have an emotional connection to him, though. There was maybe several
months I listened to This American Life. But, yeah, whatever. And
Tom Hanks, of course. Are there people out there that are just Man I
HATE TOM HANKS. There must be, there are people who Hate Anybody and
Everything. There's just something about this jerk that RUBS ME THE
WRONG WAY. But my impression was he was never in critical condition
(or maybe he was, and they choose not to share that, I dunno). But
Fountains of Wayne guy (Adam Schlesinger) is, I believe in critical condition.
Anyway, The Met Game Simulation from last entry was based on pretty much the
lowest estimation of potential deaths. So, if its 1,000,000 instead of
100,000, jumps from Only 15 People Died Today to Only 150 People Died Today.
Well that's what you get Being Alive while you were always fully aware that
There Are Threats Out There To You While Trying To Continue Living While Alive.
I figure that's what the 2nd half of the year will be about.
maybe he goes with a white woman, I dunno, I'm not gonna speculate on his
decisions... anymore than I already have... Hey what else is going on.
The point is I'm wearing a Biden shirt right now. I got a nice BLUE
t-shirt that says Obama Biden 2008. I have to wear it every two weeks
becase YOU KNOW WHAT?? PASSABLE T-SHIRT. I ain't even going outside so
Nobody's The Wiser! I think it's interesting that Biden may have full-out
sexually harassed someone but It's Wrong To Talk About It. Thank God they
won't talk about it in a general election. No way his Republican
Opposition goes for that. And then Joe goes I may have sexually assault
some people BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE OTHER GUY!!! and the audience hoots and
hollers in affirmation.
I dunno what to do. Both In Life and in Everything Life
Doesn't Cover. What have I done that I thought was okay but can really
bite me in the ass 30 years from now. There was the time I m...
something... then there was the internet... I mocked peoples stupidity
pretty often as a kid. Not straight up Clinical Stupid People, but I'd
mock you all day long if you say something stupid. I wasn't as
tolerant of people wearing glasses as I probably should have been. I'd say
probably 50% chance It's Biden/Harris, and the rest of the 50% is assorted other
people. Goin' with my gut! That's how degenerate gambling works.
Screw the odds Go With Your Gut! That way You Can't Lose!
Except for all those times you lose. But sometimes you'll even win
occasionally now and there!
I dunno. HEY THOSE BASEBALL FANS WERE GONNA DIE OF
SOMETHING AT SOME POINT IN TIME. JUST BECAUSE THEY HAPPENED TO DIE WHILE
BASEBALL SEASON WAS GOING ON FOR A CAUSE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN 95% PREVENTABLE,
..THAT'S HOW BASEBALL WORKS GROW UP. That's baseball for ya.
Anyway, definitely leaning towards Big Ol' Bag O' Popcorn for lunch. I
like it because it's buttery and popcorn and Hey That's Sort Of My Name whatta
snack. My favorite popcorns are the ones that popped. Not 100%
fans of those kernels that never popped. Kernel Knowledge. Is That
Anything? We Are All The Queen Trying To Avoid Being Killed By Reggie
Jackson Now. And Leslie Nielson is dead, JUST MY LUCK.
I dunno if he followed through, but George Carlin In Book
Form mentions his preferred Tombstone Quote-- He Was Here Just A Minute
Ago... Which I think is PRETTY GOOD but not an A+. But who am I
to say I haven't written one actualized tomb stone quote in my life!
Here Likes Michae* Korn*lum... Hey What Else Is Going On.
Let's stick with that. Anyway, what else is going on and crap.
Biden/Kaine 2020! That's one way to go which will Confuse People.
First you get them confused, then you get their power, then you get their women.
Which I assume is the end game for Biden/Kaine. They're in it for the
ladies. Anyway, into the sixth season of The Simpsons, and quantity of
Laugh Out Loud lines has increased significantly, but Touching And Cohesive
Plotlines have fell off a little. Fair trade off, I'd say. I'm just
not looking forward to getting to season 16 and being like, Holy shit I need
to do ALL THAT OVER AGAIN AND THIS TIME IT'S THE LATER SIMPSONS!!! LATER,
What else. Shut down still in effect. Let's say a
liberal estimate that Virginia put up of June 10th, that's, what, ELEVEN
WEEKS?!? And that's the lower end of the estimation. Uh oh.
Eleven weeks is a Lazy-Baker-of-weeks I CRUNCHED THE NUMBERS AND
EVERYTHING. Also, Seven Eleven? THAT'S EXACTLY HOW MANY DAYS
FOR THAT ESTIMATE. See I'm good at math if the situation calls for it.
Let's see, 7 x 11... sounds like 77 to me! Hey, is Bowling still
allowed? Seems like you could safely do that with social distancing.
ESPN has gotta think outside the box, what relatively normal sports can
continue. And that's the thing, 2020, everyone gets into bowling because
its the only option. I'm full of great Sports Ideas. What
other sport. Bat Eating Conte-- wait that's no good.
How about a race. You start off at the same point but once the bell rings
(/starting gun fires) you RUN LIKE HELL to break away from the pack. Not
only is it safe but it encourages The Best from these atheletes. Or,
you could let everyone else run like crazy, and you just walk.
Tortaise and the hare scenario. All the hares, jockeying for 1st place,
catch each other's coronavirus. Meanwhile, the tortoise, who was just
walking out the gate, ends up winning by default by being the only one alive.
So that.. should... happen? I guess. Anyway, I'm
doing my job in life. This! It's not much, there's very
little reward or ultimate pay-off, but its enough to get me through the days.
Also I'm not a fan of 1 time 1,200 dollar checks and would prefer an Ultime
Payoff such as the ones our more Progressive members of congress and senate are
advocating for. Do you know how quickly 1,20 dollars can get used up?
One trip to the race tracks, that's how quick! Doesn't seem right.
What if its like you give people 1,200 dollars but instead of once, every
month, and ALSO give 'em another 600 dollars in Food Stamps. That's a
win-win because its slightly less than we're calling for but it assuages your
fears that we'll spend it all at one trip to the Pony Show. Unless we
want to eat the pony. Which we could, if we pooled together all our
resources. But I'm Not Even Thinking About That Now.
15th paragraph. Figure I'll take a break after this
one, come back with some popcorn to close it up, and call it a solid C- Entry!
That's the fun of writing every day. Never know when you're gonna get into
a rut of C- Entries or B+ entries. And even the C-'s balance out the B+'s
so overall it averages out into a B-. Wait tortiase and the hare was
about racing? I thought it was about an insecure turtle who was embarassed
by baldness and bought some sort of Replacement Hair If You Will. A
wig, a toupee of sorts. Anyway. French Bread Pizza? WHAT IS
THIS A FANTASY WORLD?!? FRENCH STEWART? WHAT IS THIS THE 3RD ROCK
FROM THE SUN WORLD? Ok I'll be back.
I'll TAKE IT!
I guess. There was a period in my life where I binge
watched on TV Newsradio, probably like 2 episodes a night at a time.
What channel was it? What time in my life was it? How come I can't
do it again? These are all questions that I hope are solved sooner than
later because I'd like to watch it again! Anyway, figure I'm not
actually gonna get absinthe because it seems TOO strong in this day and age.
Maybe if I was living alone and could Go Crazy All I Wanted I'd get it.
For now, though, figured out a way to get pretty much 2x as much beer for same
cost. So the world smiles on me. Or the sum. Sun smiles on me.
World holds me up without which I would be floating in space. And that's
not fun for anybody! Wait a second that sounds REALLY FUN.
Yeah but you'd never get it to end without The World Waiting In The Wings.
Yeah I'd probably get tired of it pretty quickly.
Anyway Popcorn waiting in the wings. We're talking
.5 hours always to 1.5 hours. Also, can you bingewatch something by just
watching IN ORDER re-runs 2 times a night? Seems counterintuitive to just
Watch TV Regularly and call it a Bingewatch. Let's get some people working
on that one, right? Anyway, what else is going on and crap. How is
Radio still a thing. What are people stupid. I mean sure here or
there there's a worthy show. Even more once you count Satellite Radio and
if you wanna go nuts Podcasts. But Meh! There was a period of maybe
1 month in 2008 where I was high out of my gord and I would listen to Coast
To Coast, the radio broadcast (I assume being broadcasted Coast To Coast!)
that's about like UFOs and FlatWorldWhatnot And Atlantis and all those crazy
conspiracies. Great show to listen to when you're out of your gord but
still in a safe environment so you don't go 100% bonkers. I'd listen to
it now, but, you know. I wouldn't be high out of my gord! And,
if I was? If I was suddenly in a situation where they're like Here's
some pot and it will effect you kindly. First instinct would be to
pick up my guitar and be like ALRIGHT TIME TO FUCK SHIT UP
Beggars can't be choosers. Well, they can
be... it's just they'd have a limited amount to choose from. Anyway, a
good part of me wants to tune out from News as completely as I can, but another
part of me has Twitter as perhaps my main entertainment these days and you can't
Twitter without Being On Top Of Things. Even just Comedy Hero twitter,
they twit about politics and current events! And good for them that's
their right!!! But, I dunno, what else is going on. Twatter. It's
Like Twitter But For Pussy. Is that a thing? Halfway between
Tinder and Twitter? Words are already pretty similar I LIKE IT..
Also how long before Tinder because a Book Burning App. That's OUR
Anyway, popcorn in ~half an hour at this point. Seems
like the thing to do. Maybe I'll finish that shitty pizza for dinner
tonight. Gotta finish something shitty! When I was a kid I probably
listened to Z-100 (The Main Pop Music Station In NY) for about 6 months.
Then listened to Hot 97 (The Main Rap/Hip-Hop Station) for about 12-18 months.
Then I took a radio hiatus until Newsradio presumably. Probably was
watching it around 2008, when I was still enjoying Being High All The Time.
I can't recommend it enough. Newsradio is good, but Being High All The
Time, you can take that to the bank! Anyway, watching movies, I don't know
if I'm being a bad person by watching the same shit over and over, or if I'm
being a loyal consumer and thus a good person. I shuold expand my horizons
and Hey if I don't Watch This Other Stuff Who Will? But on the other hand,
I enjoy the comfort of watching the however-many-dozen-things I know I love over
and over. I enjoy lots of comfort!
Anyway. Could popcorn be a pizza topping.
Sure, anything can be a pizza topping. All you have to do is put it atop a
pizza! Anyway. 20th paragraph! Get that popcorn going
after this one, damn all other approximations! Do yuo know what's a really
underrated movie? Reservoir Dogs. For that joke, I looked UP at
my DVD collection on shelves on the wall above my computer. And picked a
DVD at random. Do you know what else is a really underrated movie?
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. But do you know what movie I can't
stand that other people are passionate about? Harry Potter & The
Sorcerers Stone. I feel its important to point out that's the only
Harry Potter movie I have. Bought it when it was actually The Only
Harry Potter movie, then lost interest! Sorry!
But you know what my favorite movie is? Day of the Dead
Upside Down. ...I got the DVD but the case is upside down.
What fun! I wonder if George Romero had to pay Mexico royalties by
using their celebration name for his unrelated zombie story name. I wonder
lots of things! Usually one at a time. Hard to wonder too many
things at once. But, for now, this is more or less what I'm wondering!
Also, now that I think about it, the ubiquitous brand WONDERBREAD is kind
of overselling it. Hey we got some generic white bread.
WONDERBREAD we shall call it. Okay sure you're the Naming Guy.
Good idea for a race hose name. Wonderbred. And its
parents were named wonder. BOTH OF THEM! The good thing about
Quarentine is every day that passes, as I said, you can breathe a little easier,
and then focus your anxiety and worry on things Outside Yourself. Oviously
being worried about your own/your family's own health is paramount. But as
teh odds decrease that you'll get it as long as you can Fully Quarentine
For As Long As Needed, you can ease up a bit. Probably?? Maybe???
I'd like to see some numebrs where its like these are your odds of STILL
getting Corona even if you're isolating. Either from grocery store
delivery or, I dunno, whatever else. Checking the mail.
I DEMAND NUMBERS PLACATE ME AND MY NUMBERS NEED.
The point is EVERYONE ACROSS THE LAND needs to self quarantine or at the very
least be okay with themselves dying AS WELL AS increasing the odds someone else
will die. Maybe even a loved one! Well, that sums that up.
Those are your two options. Or, do quarantine, but still take walks
outside in completely un-crowded areas and whatnot. FUCK THAT PICK A
SIDE. You jerks! LETS GO QUARENTINE PPL WE'RE WAY BETTER
THAN THOSE NONQUARENTINERS. I dunno what I'm talking about anymore.
I once did. Around the 1st title. But every sentence has brought me
closer to not knowing what I'm talking about At All.
Cool! Maybe there's a more responsible Real
Lunch I can go for. Lemme check that out right quick. Meh popcorn
is best choise. Tomorrow though I'll try one of these, "Canned
'Soups'" that parental units got from supermarket. Saw my Dad preparing
one Chicken Noodle Soup and I was like hey that looks worthwhile maybe
tomorrow. But, for today? Popping Corn! My favorite thing
about Popped Corn is that you can eat 2 or 3 pieces at a time There's Plenty Of
'Em! Dinner tonight? Ugh. Maybe finish that pizza. I
can't put it off too long, we're gonna need that Freezer Space. Might as
well get it over with.
Wasn't the beginning premise of this entry I Should Talk
About My Life. I don't have memories. Memories are for the weak!
I live my life Day By Day NO TIME FOR MEMORIES. Hey Let Me Tell You All
The Story About The Time I Watched News Radio. Ugh. Jeez
that's not a bad idea, see if Newsradio is anywhere available for Bingewatching.
I saw or heard somewhere in a podcast they're rebooting Kids From The Haul or
something. Possibly from and including Famed Podcaster Jennifer Kirkman!
I remember her on Podcasts back in 2007 and I remember she liked The Smiths.
I liked The Smiths indirectly because of her. We're talkin' There is A
Light That Never Goes Out. We're taking Cemetery Gates. We're
talking Girlfriend In A Coma. We're talking... mainly only those 3 I
know and like. Something about Please let me get what I want.
The point is... ugh... a lot of music I like is based on podcasts? Fun
Fact-- The Smiths were neither Smiths nor Smiths. Hey
that is a fun fact keep 'em coming. I used to associate The Smiths
with The Cure. And, ya know what? I still do! Prove me wrong!
Fun Fact-- Podcasters
Anyway popcorn has been added to the mix so this'll be the
last section of entry. I saw Bob Dylan released a 17 second song about the
Kennedy Assassination. ITS ABOUT TIME. It's weird to think
when Kennedy was assassinated 55 or so years ago Bob Dylan was already Bob
Dylan. Both literally and figuratively! The point is how did The
Hurricane feel about the Bob Dylan song. Was he made aware it While In
Prison? Did he find it loving and supportive or exploitative and crass.
Lots of unanswered questions. Also, how does JFK feel about this new song?
How many song drafts did Bob Dylan have to go through before settling on The
Hurricaine. Was there a dozen different Causes he considered writing a
song about but was just not enough things in this story rhyme! and
inevitably found The Hurricane as a suitable subject matter.
Great, just great. This may just be the last paragraph!
One Shut In is over I gotta Get To Doing Something. Maybe actually try
doing Comedy Open Mics. I've still got a perfectly C/C+ 5 minutes on
Starbucks from last year's class. See where that takes me. Maybe go
back to school for some sort of pointless graduate degree. Or REALLY TAKE
THE PLUNGE and just get a job where I'm not creative at all but can pay the
bills. Hmm, if this economy has taught me anything, it's the rote
anyone-can-do-them jobs that will be in short supply. How many people
do you know who can write 5 minutes on Starbucks? The world will need
comedians and I've got the life lessons learned for such a venture!
Or, write a book. You guys got any good ideas for a
book? There's that book where it's The Gang Of Nine but they're all
freshmen in college and Hilarity and Poignancy ensue. I got some good
Character Names is the point. But I'd have to choose between writing
it physically on paper or on computer. And On Computer is much easier but
No Ones Spying On Piece Of Paper. And, if they are, hats off to them,
they really got their spying skills down pat. Anyway VERY HAPPY with
Popcorn lunch. The only negative thing is it has to end eventually.
It would be cool to go back to school. And dorm! Hey I'm 31 but
let's pretend like I'm 21 whose gonna stop me YOU I highly doubt it!
Anyway, last paragraph. Last paragraph of the month!
Remember at the beginning of he month when the only dystopia we were living was
a Donald Trump Presidency. Now it's also SuperPandemic Destined To Kill,
let's be honest, probably 1 million+ people (Only In AMERICA [Don King Only
In America!]). As opposed to Donald Trump Himself Without Any Virus
Allies, who would probably kill... I dunno... 500,000 people? Where he's
directly responsible and not indirectly. Seems like a conservative, fair
estimate. The point is this popcorn literally had only 1 or 2 non popped
kernels. And the popped kernels weren't burnt at all! All in all,
great lunch. If I've learned one thing from eating popcorn for lunch, I
shouldn't settle for Crappy Pizza for dinner! And, if I've learned two
things... a second thing! I'll see ya later.
March 30, 2020
I Suppose This Title
Is For The Best
I suppose lots of things! Well, now what.
Continue Habit of Every Day Writing. Just seems like one way to go about
things. First way of going about things that came to mind so Let's Keep It
Goin'. Anyway, sure Trump is saying If 100,000 Americans Die I'm Doing A
Wonderful Job. 100,000 is very little it's only .03% of Americans!
THAT SAFELY ROUNDS DOWN TO ZERO AND NOT UP TO .1% SO ITS LIKE NOBODY DIED.
Hey lets go to the ball game! Wow, 45,000 fans here, what a crowd!
Our team didn't win but ONLY 15 PEOPLE DIED so basically just another great day
at the ball park. Probably closer to 17, 18 people counting the
Baseball Players and Concession Workers And Security Guards and Organ Players.
And it's only a 1 in 3,000 chance Mr. Met himself died. I Like
Those Odds! But they knew what they were getting into by signing up
for Sports! Part of the job description. The point is We Are All
Mr. Met Now.
Jeez. Also the point is almost definitely it'll be
2x, 5x, 10x, or even 20 or 30x that. So basically its time for Mr. Met to
look for other employment. Wait, in this scenario, is it specifically
the Coronavirus running amok at Citifield, or is this just a generic scenario
with a generic Angel Of Death for this particular baseball game. I
dunno, but either way, Gotta assume Mr. Mets' baseball head acts as a pretty
good Mask. Also how many people going as Sexy Mask Wearer for
Halloween. We already got the costumes might as well get as much use
out of them as possible. Assuming we have a Halloween. DAMN
YOU EITHER GENERIC OR SPECIFIC ANGEL OF DEATH!!!! You would think Mr. Met
would have more of a Cosmopolitan Aesthetic going. A nice suit and a tie
with a brief case maybe. No. A terrifying being with a giant baseball
as a head. That's what Metropoli are all about!
Figuring out that Sports Math, I was first overestimating it
by 10x, so by the time I worked it out to estimating around 15 deaths in a
packed stadium, I was like well that's bound to happen. There's
probably at least half a dozen deaths on a REGULAR day. But once we
realize our favorite ball players and mascots and organ players are at the same
risk, now it's personal! It wasn't personal when it applied to Me, A
Person. But it applying to Sports or Misc Other Heroes? THAT'S ONE
STEP TOO FAR. The point is Halloween I'm going as Sexy Safe Mr. Met.
Prove me wrong! You can't, that's the point!
Ugh. Do Baseball Stadiums still have organ players?
Or is that all done by computers now. People Demand Answers! I was
joking about it a week ago, that they should just replace Real Sports and have
Them Play Video Games Version Of Sports, and THEY'RE REALLY DOING IT.
Well, Metsland is, at least. The official Mets-blog/reporting website
every day puts up a video where its like Mets vs Nationals, simulated game 3.
And you just watch the entire game! I may be arriving at this conclusion a
little bit latter than most of you but hey it kind of turns out sports are
stupid. Here's an idea for a video game-- you practice Social
Distancing. You walk down the street and you get more points depending on
how far away from other people you are walking/running. Bonus points for
doing it in a polite way. And MORE BONUS POINTS for doing it in a hostle
inconsiderate-of-feelings way. Just you see someone and DASH OFF.
Something along those lines. People who play video
games need more practice avoiding people in real life. That's my
interpretation of society these days. Is it possible Kobe Bryant had
Coronavirus and that made him lose concentration while flying his helicopter?
Can't rule anything out at this point! Pretty large jump from we will
soon be at zero cases to we will be lucky if we reach 100,000 cases of
Death but either way I deserve to recognized one way or the other MAKE IT ABOUT
ME ME ME ME. I think he'd almost sort of be okay with the coverage of
Corona just corresponds to negative coverage of him. Cause at least
they're talking about him. There was a good week or 2 where Coronavirus
itself was the story and Trump was like jeez I already Fucked It Up
Monstrously to get to this point WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!!! TELL ME HOW
TO CO-OPT THIS PANDEMIC TO MAKE IT MORE ABOUT ME.
Something along those lines. You could safely
put together a Team Of Their Own from the people who died unnecessarily at the
Mets game. I mean, of course people are gonna die from necessity at the
Mets game. 2 people die each game falling off the bleachers. A few
people die from heart attacks brought about by fried food and sausages and beer.
These are sacrificies they make, they shouldn't have ANOTHER thing to worry
about! Oh hey I forgot about the umpires! One of them is
bound to die. And one of the batboys, or ball boys, whatever you call
them. The bullpen coach. So many people, so many potential deaths!
And we should count our blessings when inevitably 1 of them dies. Then we
shake our hands and celebrate A Job Well Done. I think everyone would
be okay with umpires dying Yaaa Hearrrrd.
Dunno what the basis of that joke is. Umpires are
authority figures sort of and nobody likes authority figures. They call
balls and strikes and depending on the call either the pitcher or the batter may
be upset with them. We need them, though. That's the truth. A
world without umpires? How would anything ever get umpired. 100,000
people is a lot of people. That means in Trump's Fantasy Inauguration a
few dozen people have died! Anyway, seventh paragraph. Figure I got
that going for me for some reason. Lunch in about an hour, an hour and a
half. Today it looks like Frozen Meal [Santa Fe Style Rice & Beans) + Some
Sort Of Bread Appetizer. Also, good idea for an app. An app that
organizes all your other apps. Apptzr. Makes ya think of Czar's,
though. And I AM SO OVER CZARS!
Either Original CZARS or the practice post 9/11 creating
specific Czars in defense and other etc governmental practices. Fun fact--
Czar refers to Caesar, the original Dude. They used to call Roman Ruler
Caesar. For Eastern Europe, they kept that, and changed it to Czar.
You can read more about it in some sort of book probably unless I just made that
up with is pretty possible. Also how come we couldn't have treated this
pandemic as well as we handled CZARS. Anyway, two paragraphs and a half to
go, then lunch is a' comin' soon after. Hey how many people got stabbed
at the game today? 15. Wow those security guards
really know what they're doing!
NO ONE COULD HAVE PREDICTED STABBINGS AT A BASEBALL GAME.
JUST BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN SEEING STABBING AT SPORTING EVENTS ALL ACROSS THE WORLD
AND WE SAW CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE PEOPLE WOULD BE COMING INTO OUR SPORTING
EVENTS WITH KNIVES AND A BAD ATTITUDE WHAT COULD HAVE BE DONE!!!
Where's David Dunn when you need him. He'd get the job done.
Anyway, no alcohol drinking today! It'll make tomorrow All The Sweeter.
And I enjoy Fancy Beer. It's like Beer That Makes You Think. Also, 2
of the beers came in bottles. Sure makes a man feel like a man,
drinking from a bot... wait no scratch that. That's what babies do.
Sure makes a man feel like a baby which is what some men are into I'm not here
to pass judgment unless men acting like babies are negatively effecting society
as a whole. Huh? What?
Cool. April coming up in 2 days.. True Story!
And tomorrow is one year anniversary of My Last Cigarette. Also a True
Story! I'm full of True Stories! Like those two, and potentially
other ones yet to come! Anway whattado for the rest of the day. Why,
there's a solid 2 meals over the next 8 hours. There's some snacking to be
done. Walking in circles, a host of Entertainment Possibilities! I
got a pretty comfortable life, all things considered. Whatta shame.
Wish you all the best of luck. Especially if you have less luck than me.
You need better luck more than anyone! But if you leapfrog me in terms of Good
Luck, I hope you understand, I'm gonna sequester some of that luck back to get
us on more even footing. Alright, see ya later!
March 29, 2020
Good Ol' Entry/Website/Title
I use these words interchangeably which is bad because they
mean different things. Unhealthy and Irresponsible to use Different
Meaning Words interchangeably! Anyway The Point Is tater tots are
really stepping up this past week. We're talkin 9 Frozen Tater Tots
are only 130 or 140 calories. Plus, you don't even have to eat them
frozen! Put them in a Conventional Oven and they become cooked like
nobody's business! Good desert island food because it goes well with
whatever other food you might find. Also, one thing I'd bring with me to a
desert island? An Irrigation System. Seems pretty straight
forward to me. The point is We Are All On Desert Islands Now but we also
can grocery store and drug store deliveries Plus we have Unlimited Music,
Movies, and TV so we don't need to narrow it down to 5 or 10 Top Entertainments.
The other point is I woke up a bit later than usual today but
will have Lunch at roughly the same time. That's just the way the world
works it turns out! Lunch today, we're talkin' a Hot Pocket and 9 Tater
Tots! I can't believe it so much fun. Anyway, every day that passes
with no Symptoms I breathe a little easier (SUPER PUN ALERT!) because its
another day removed from being able to have been exposed to it. I mean, I
probably cancan still get it from here or there while in
Quarantine, but I'm confident Starting Quarantine really changes the odds.
So I got that going for me is the point! Hah. "we've
defeated Coronavirus so now we can all breathe a little easier."
Nail'd It! Now all we have to do is defeat the Coronavirus.
Having a pun set up just might be the kick in the pants we need to get 'er done!
Anyway Dinner yesterday involved Fried Eggs but My Mom cooked
that even though I probably could have! Also... pun... Fried Eggs..
Microwaved Testicles... I'll get back to you on this one. How come
I've never heard testicles colloquially referred to as eggs. I've never
seen a testicle itself but based on the outlines they make, it seems egg is more
accurate a physical description than balls. I'll write some sort of letter
to someone I guess one day. Balls are spheres. Eggs are egg shaped.
C'mon let's figure this one out! Is that a School Yard practical joke.
Hey you want some scrambled eggs? Sure! You asked for it!
And you can imagine what might happen next. Well, I wouldn't be a
responsible Website Guy if I didn't google What Shape Are Testicles...
YEP OVAL SHAPED. Ugh.
I guess balls can be oval shaped. American Football
comes to mind. I dunno, what else is going on. I figured out instead
of drinking 3 times a week-- twice 3 drinks and once 2 drinks-- I can drink FOUR
times a week-- four times 2 drinks. I like those odds! Especially
because I learnt Beer Cans were 16 oz not 14 oz. 2 of those? That'll
get 'er done. Hey what's your desert island movie.
Castaway. Hmm... I WANT TO BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THE MOVIE.
How about Lord of The Flies. I AIN'T NO GROUP OF SCHOOL
CHILDREN FUCK THOSE KIDS. I dunno if its universal, but my
impression based on my own experience and assumptions is that everyone reads
Lord Of The Fries in late Elementary School. Let's say, 4th or 5th grade.
I never really questioned it but whets the point of that. Hey Hey
hopefully you're good kids but Here's An Alternative To Behaving Well If You're
Ever In A Scenario Without Adults...
And then kids are like man I never would have thought
to act so barbarically but if the book says to do it who am I to argue?
Also, I have to assume there was a discarded subplot with someone being The Lord
Of The Flies. Like one of the kids assumed the roll of minister and said
the flies were his friends who told him things. Cause my memory is
nothin' to do with flies or lord flies or fly lords. I could easily be
wrong. Lunch is coming up and the main question that remains is Do I Use a
Fork And/Orr Knife for Hot Pocket or do my best with my hands. And the
main answer is probably take a fork and knife and eat Some Of It with
utensils but go with Hand Holding for the rest of it.
Also just saw the episode of The Simpsons where Bart has
a crush on Reverend Lovejoy's daughter who is a real troublemaker bad girl type
thing who uses Bart's affection and reciprocates it to some degree but mainly
just enjoys manipulating him. That gets me going. I have to
forget that they're children, but that dynamic I'm On Board With!!!
Beggars can't be choosers. If you were on a desert island and could
choose between being a beggar or a chooser, what would you choose? Well
apparently I'm a chooser already. That was spelled out in this premise
pretty clearly. So, great, what else is going on and crap.
Probably crap and crap. Starting to set up Next
Supermarket Delivery which at the latest will come next Thursday. And
possibly before! But its fun because my skills at making Good Supermarket
Lists are increasing exponentially. I thought it was interesting that
Federal Government gave Florida as much medical supplies as they asked for
(Respirators, etc.) but Blue States a tiny fraction, if at all. It's
interesting because it seems terrible for people who live in blue states.
Hey lets move to Red States to vote against Trump! And then... ugh...
uhh... Hey Let's... Uh... If only there was an avenue to address the
president breaking the law and abusing his power so brazenly. Oh well
what can ya do.
The good news is Joe Biden is on the case!
Presumably. I haven't heard much about what he's up to but it stands to
reason he opposes Trump's policies and actions about this and may or may not
address things differently were he to be president. One would assume.
Also, I'm ok with Biden becoming president, but the 1 thing that broke some
camel's back was that in 2012018 he was campaigning for a
Republican in a congressional race.
ok with Biden becoming president, but such... such is l.... the point is you
don't get fooled again. Also, man has George W Bush gotta be irked by
Trump. And you idiots thought I was stupid!?!?
In retrospect, W probably worked the Stupid Angle to his advantage. Just
talked real dumbly on purpose. Makes us underestimate him and focus on his
purported dumbitude and not his evil and reckless politics. Also stupid
politics. He may not be as Dumb Personally but his NeoConNon-sense
could appropriately be called Stupid.
Probably A Lot Of Things!
More Titles Means More Sections Of Entries
That's been my experience. Also episodes with Marge &
Homer in high school Get Me Goin'. Marge obviously has got it going on but
even Homer, oh boy, him, too!! Marge I'd Like To Be WITH but Homer I'd
Like To BE. High school Homer. Lets make that very clear. But
n the end, Moleman and Grandpa are my favorite characters and just happen to be
the ones I relate to the most. Well, along with High School Homer.
And, also, Grandpa, I include High School Homer's Father. I relate to that
era of Grandpa just the same. Not a bad band name if Simpson Band Names
hadn't already been cracked. High School Homer. It makes you
think of Sports. And kids who like music LOVE
What else is going on. Gonna start lunch after this
paragraph. I don't care if its 2 minutes, I don't care if its 20 minutes!
I've committed to taking food out of the oven exactly when this paragraph is
done and I stand by that! I once saw a projection of what The Simpsons'
faces would look like if you saw them straight-on as opposed to at some angle
and they were HIDEOUS and I never got that out of my mind. Now when I
watch the Simpsons even in a regular POV, its in my mind that these creatures
are MONSTERS!!! Also, I'm not 100% sure why, but my least favorite
character is Maggie. Not on board! As the series progresses she
develops character of her own, and isn't just oh yea The Simpsons also have a
baby. But I Don't Care NOT A FAN of her at beginning of series NOR as
she develops herself!!! Also whenever I think of Flanders I think of
wasn't there some eternal war on Flanders and I just googled it and it
may be a WW1 thing.
...Wait a second... I'm
into the 6th season of The Simpsons... I DON'T REMEMBER WATCHING THE MICHAEL
JACKSON EPISODE!!! Did they take it out of rotation for one reason or
another? Oh well I can't stay angry at Disney Plus. I'm too busy
Finishing Lunch and Fantasizing Abuot Next Meal. What other opinions do I have
about Books I read in 3rd-5th grade. Johnny Tremain? WHATTASNOOZE.
II'm not joking what the Hell makes that book worth reading in any sort of
grade LET ALONE grade 3-5. Math Textbooks? Sure LONG DIVISION
ALIGHT IF YOU SAY SO! Germany had a Long Division. Berlin,
particularly! Whattasnooze! I did some sort of
report/presentation on Charles Darwin in 4th or 5th grade. I wouldn't lie
to you! Well, I probably would. But what's to be done about it?!
Cool. George Carlin thinks he's so great just because
he had a life and remembers a good amount of it. Way to rub it in!
I should write an autobiography memoir but not much happened and even less do I
remember. Ya see when I was 9 I read a book about flies and the lords
they have. Here are my thoughts about Desert Island Irrigation Systems...
That'll sell some copies! Is Books like Music Albums in which sales don't
really help the artist? I'm under the impression a huge majority of music
artists make very little if anything based on album sales, but get all their
money from Live Shows. But Books are a different animal. You don't
need a Book Company to be like we'll front you 50,000 dollars to write the
book [or DO THEY] but once the book sells we'll just take back all that money we
gave you to Produce The Book] [i forget what brackets i was using ]]]
Anyway, I guess we got that going for us. Does it
even matter anymore because Streaming theoretically even mucked that
whole system up. For better or worse! I Dunno! Who does know.
Probably some really smart guys who know things throughout many different
subjects. Anyway, I saw pornhub: The pornography website is offering Free
Premium Level throughout Coronavirus. This goes up against my long held
assumption that Pornography Websites Are Evil. And I'm sure that
assumption says more about me than it does about Pornography Websites but oh
well what can ya do This Is The Only Part of My Life I Remember So I Must Say It
Or Else There's Nothing. I remember in 2008 I found that I can browse the
internet ever so slowly on a ever so small screen on my Phone and I liked me
some Images of Pornography then On Cell Phone. It was a simpler time.
Wunderbar. 14th paragraph! Wasn't there some
Cult where they branded the initials of the cult leader onto the bodies of the
followers? Cause that's what Matt Groening did with Homer Simpson.
Almost wrote, "Homer System." Is that anything? Anyway at this
point its been roughly TEN DAYS since quarantine. Can't we just Pick A Day
We All Agree Is Start? Internet says first day of Spring in Northern
Hemisphere was March 19. THAT's PERFECT!!!!
Alright everyone Spring 1st, that's the 1st day. Let's agree on this
universally for simplicities sake. You heard it here first! Anyway,
sometimes I think about going stir-crazy, and then I think well I'm already
Crazy. Because of titles. And then I think well apparently
I'm also already crazy. Because of caring about titles. And the
point is I'm stir crazy but I'd be crazy either way so oh well what can ya
Great, what else. I dunno. Hmm.
Whattado with the rest of my day. What other Simpsons characters do I find
stimulating. There's that Asian Lady Part-Time Real Estate Agent.
She's got somethin'. Mindy was hot, Lurleen was hot, Maude Flanders isn't
bad. Ms. Krabappel, well, she's certainly putting herself out there Which
I Like. I dunno. Another entry in the books. Another day more
without symptoms which speaks well of my and my family chances to surviving
Outbreak '2020: The Coronavirus Experience. Sounds like a thrill ride
at Universal Studios. And, in the end, isn't it. Nope
not at all. Yeah but the point is when all this is over Let's Go To
Universal Studios! I'm on board with that! I'll see you guys
March 28, 2020
Now With 15% More Effort!...
Or is It Less Effort... Maybe Its 15% The Same?
Today feels like a vaguely Take Things Seriously
entry. Veerrry vague. What Exactly Are We Supposed To Be
Taking Seriously, that's the vague part. Do I just lose myself in my own
not-as-serious-as-other people's problems? But still are kinda bad.
Or dio I think about The Worst? Do I think about people dying, the people
being hospitalized, or people losing jobs, or people being isolated, an entire
mucked up society and economy being fucked up for generations of... generations?
Do I think about those Essential Workers still doing their thing, and appreciate
that as much as my vague little heart can muster? I mean, here on Website,
lately I've been snuggling into yeah I got SOME problems and They're Not That
Bad But Hey They Might Develop Into Some Pretty Bad Problems so lets settle into
a routine where that's my point of view. I'm tired of that point of
view! I WANT A NEW POINT OF VIEW.
The point is despite my plans I didn't have any beer last
night but will have 2 today. EntryBeers! I figure that'll help me
get into some sort of point of view. I like Craft Beer's Beer
Names. They make you think. One of them is called Sip of Sunshine
and I guess it's Tropical Fruit based but also it it just offers a suggestion of
a mindset to get into. Similar to Marijuana Strains. I like it
because I like mindset suggestions otherwise what point of view am I supposed to
take?!?!? Anyway drinkin' a Diet Mountain Dew and I've never been able to
put it into words but it's always bothered me that if you buy a can of 12 oz
bottle of a 2 liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, sometimes you will see a
Serving Size amount to 5 calories, and sometimes it says 0. I'm assuming
there's only one kind of diet mountain dew. THe font and logo seem about
the same! But sometimes it's 0, sometimes it's 5, I think I've even seen
10! Who can I write a letter about this to.
Jeez. Anyway I made the shit out of some French
toast last night, I did like 80-90% of it and it totally tasted like French
toast you've read about or seen in movies. Anyway New Routine is cycling
in some Mr. Show throughout the day. An episode here, an episode there.
That sot of thing. I don't think any comedy thing had a bigger impact on
me, either in terms of I'm a Mr. Show Fanboy more than any other comedy, and
potentially in Somehow This Comedy Is Inspirational To Comedy I Want To Make
Even If Its In An Entirely Different Context. Because I obviously do't
have a half hour sketch show with a limited ensemble cast on HBO, but maybe that
sense of humor comes out in different ways. Verrry different ways!
No one needs this entry. No one's going,
Wait I'm supposed to be taking this seriously?!? UH OH WHY HAS NO ONE BROUGHT
THIS TO MY ATTENTION BEFORE!!?!? YOU WERE WRITING 90% NONSENSE ALL WEEK
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS LAPSE OF JUDGMENT. Anyway, the trick to
making good French toast is, you follow the instructions as close to perfectly
as possible. There's half a dozen steps and the secret is do each step as
competently as you can. Figured that one out! So what
are the Stats these days. I wanna see, both regionally and
overall, the numbers of how many people are staying at home completely, how many
are self distancing, how many are Essentially Working... where's Nate
Silver when you need him!!!
Why would you need Nate Silver for that. Just gimme
the polling numbers I'm confident in my ability to interpret those simple
quantities out myself. Don't need no CONTEXTUALIZING or anything.
Also is that a poll? Or do polls only apply to whether you
support someone or something. I mean, it's still a poll. You call
them up, you say, I'm doing a poll, are you self quarantining.
You're polling people about a non political thing. Maybe that word is what
trips people up. Poll-itical. People don't know what Poll means
anymore! AND I'M GONNA GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT IF IT TAKES ME ALL DAY.
For some reason Microsoft FrontPage doesn't recognize, "Nate," as a word.
Sorry to all the Nates out there. I dunno, now that I think about it,
it is a pretty stupid name. I changed my mind I'm with Microsoft
FrontPage. All you Nates, do us all a favor and change your name.
Even if it's just for yourself!
I Don't Think I'm Taking Things Seriously Seriously
Anyway lets get this entry going. Just took Sip 1 of
1st Fancy Beer and I realize oh right Beer can taste Good! I'm
getting a, "Kick," out of this. Finally slowly starting to get into
Reading A Book: The Reading A Book Activity. We're talkin' George Carlin's
autobiography. Only a few chapters in, but, spoiler alert: He
totally had some sort of family and presumably a father AND mother biologically.
Is that another Identity thing. Can I have a kid and just be like Nope
I identify more as this kid's second cousin. I'll take care of him
financially as much as I need to But Nope We're Second Cousins.
Maybe that's a win for the kid. Imagine what
kind of leg up a kid would have in society being raised by a loving and
attentive Mother and Second Cousin. Anyway, roughly a week later since my
own conjuring of Independence Day as a makeshift EndGameDay, still seems like
that's a fair estimation. Which is good because Estimating Things is a
great field to go into and I apparently have a natural talent for it. So
when the economy starts back up after FreedomDay just remember little ol,
amazingly estimation-ing... me... guy... Hey what else is going on.
Lunch may be a turkey sandwich yet again. You don't mess with success!
Well, actually, sometimes you do. Case in point, The Oakland Athletics of
Major League Baseball. Even when they have a good season, they retool
completely in the off season because what worked one year has little bearing on
what may work the next. Its all in my book MoneyBall II: End Game.
Also these cans are 16 fl oz not 12. We're talking 33%
more oz! I crunched the numbers and everything! Jeez. What
else is going on. I'm not 100% why, going back to at least January, I've
found Horror Movies so ComfortEntertainment. Maybe it was my whole life.
Now that I think about it, maybe its the premise that yes this is supposed to
be frightening. The goal in your viewing is either true fear and/or
terror, or at least an implied message of fear or foreboding. Most non
horror movies, what exactly am I supposed to be thinking. Even
comedies. Everything is about something and What's The Point. Horror
movies? You know the point! Get SCARED YOU DOLT. I don't know
what to do with The Shawshank Redemptoin! Well, bad example. It
makes me want to break out of prison. But the point is valid I say!
Also it's been my lifelong dream since graduating from
college that, as long as I don't have a job, I should spend my time consuming
entertainment consuming the BEST and potentially-conversationally-relevant
entertainment. With shudder.com, the horror movie streaming service, I've
seen like 3 dozen Horror movies that are pretty deep cuts that I now could have
a conversation about. Alright, relatively-deep-cup horror movies down,
500 other kinds of entertainments to go! Yo you see that movie
Society? SURE DID! THAT'S THE ONE WHERE'S There's THE LINE THE
TEENAGE GIRL GOES TO THE GUY
How do you like your tea? Cream, sugar, or do you want
me to pee in it? I REMEMBER THAT ONE FOR SOME
REASON NO ONE IS REALLY SURE OF! I don't
want to drink a girls pee. I just think its charming for her to
make the suggestion! And that'd she'd even consider peeing in it, just for
me, I think that's real polite of her!
I dunno. I don't care so much about the pee, its all
about the girl whom the pee is coming from! Is there a scenerio where I
could drink semi-obscure beer regularly with people? I can go back to
college, right? Not grad school, that's too hard. Go back to Regular
College to get another degree. And get a fridge or something for the beer.
Seems like one way to go. I was JUST outside the parameters for being able
to consume all these streaming services while in College Dormitories.
Gotta imagine that would effect College Hangouts where Entertainment Consumption
is a key aspect. Who cares. I'm BUSY LISTENING TO BRANDON BENSON
ITS COLLEGE ITS AP ARTY.
The good news is I don't have to cook tonight or
anything! Although I've found eating what you just cooked is pretty
pleasurable. I assume there's some biologically or physiological thing
where its a chemical Reward for consuming what you just prepared. I assume
lots of things! There's that, there's I should be taking coronavirus
more seriously, there's a lot of things! One tough thing is people
going back to work because Trump said so and then, on average, at least 10's of
thousands will die. Because presumably the majority of them are Trump
supporters because they're the dummies who will believe him that its all okay.
But also they don't deserve to die for being stupid, I'm not happy about
10,000's of people being lied to and thus dying! But what to do about it.
There's an instinct for Shcadenfreude but Trump supporters are mostly
just stupid not evil. Or, they're stupid and evil, but the defining
quality is mostly stupid. That sounds about right. The point
is I don't want to drink urine BUT IT'S NICE TO BE ASKED!!!
Cool. And if I did want to drink urine,
you'd be at the top of my list. What else is going on and crap.
Urine is sterile, right? Something along those lines. Hey imagine a
life where I drink 12 beers a week and each beer is Real High Quality Type Beer.
I dunno why YOU'D imagine it. Where's the stakes for you, in terms of Me
Drinking Quality Beer. It would have very little impact on your life AT
ALL. Also Horror Movies feel comfortable with Light Pornography for
some reason. Hey, we're already not meant for children, might as well
throw in some boobs and butts. Couldn't Hurt, right? Anyway, I
may have to do some cooking tonight. Omelette and whatnot.
Potentially solidified with salami! We'll see how that nonsense plays out
in real time. Maybe its just our target audience of young horror geeks
might get a kick out of some butts and boobs. I dunno, what makes you
think I have ANY of the answers! I feel there should be a Space Drama
Franchise for people TOO SMART for Star Wars or even Star Trek. I DEMAND
TO BE APPEASED WITH HIGH QUALITY SPACE DRAMA.
Anyway. I don't get people who like Star Trek.
And to a lesser extent Star Wars. Don't they know we don't respect them
behind their back? NERDS. What kind of crap do I got in store
for the rest of the day. About 80% done with this one Beer Can, will have
a Second Beer Can throughout the rest of the day. Was originally thinking
of drinking on a Friday/Sunday/Wednesday schedule, but today is Saturday.
So maybe Saturday/Monday/Thursday. I DUNNO THERE'S MANY OPTIONS OUT THERE.
Anyway gonna get another chapter or two of George Carlin: The Life And Times, Of
and then set up lunch and part III of ??? of entry! Be back in a bit!
George is becoming a teenager!
Hey Check This Out For Some Reason No One Is Really Sure Of
I'm gonna be honest-- I wanna drink three Sweet Artesian
Beers every day for the rest of recorded history. Then, a fair amount into
non-recorded history, but abandoning it relatively soon because if its not being
recorded what's it worth anyway. I feel like that's the kind of adult I'm
comfortable becoming. Anyway, George Carlin was a little hellion as a
child. FOR EXAMPLE HE STOLE FROM PEOPLE ARREST HIS CORPSE THIS
SECOND. Anyway Here Comes Lunch! We're talking 1/2 turkey 1/2 slami
on white bread. With the
great, one more beer allotted for today.
Figure this'll be the last Section Of Entry. George
Carlin is in the Airforce? I've never been in the Airforce! I can't
relate to this book any longer WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON. Anyway how's
that Space Force coming along. I wanted something MORE mentally
stimulating than Star Wars and Star Trek! Space Force? THAT'S
CLEARLY MEANT FOR BABIES. The point is Lunch was great and sure in an
ideal world salami omelets for dinner would be good but I don't feel like
spending 15 minutes cooking! I feel like spending 15 minutes doing nothing
at all! Hey I've still got enough turkey and salami to do that again
for dinner. I still got enough of a lot of things! We're only
~10 days into quarantine I STILL GOT ENOUGH OF A LOT OF THINGS is the point!
I'll see ya later.
March 27, 2020
So Few Ideas, So Many Time...
Anyway TIRED-- Sink Singing. WIRED-- Sink Whistling!
Whistling is EXPONENTIALLY more fun than singing in general. And if you
don't know how, now's a perfect time to learn. Also Thank God we all know
how to use the word exponentially now thanks to Curves and Flattenings
and Whatnot. Our understanding of the word has increased EXPONENTIALLY.
I feel this very exponentially. It means a lot, right? Sounds
about right. Anyway here's something I'm getting a kick out of--
some of the soda I got is CANNED SODA. Which on the one hand is bad
because apparently Virus Loves Metal. But is good news because drinking
from a can makes a man feel like a man. I feel very strongly about
Except for me. It makes me me feel like a child!
I always drank a ton of soda, now 2 liter bottles, but it wasn't always this
way! In high school my parents would buy me Canned Carbonate and What Fun!
I would have 40 empty cans accumulated in my room with 8 stacks of 5 cans each,
one on top of the other. Anyway, unloaded the beer. 13 cans and 3
bottles. Not 100% sure how it worked out that way but Oh Well Such Is
Life! Hmm.. virus loves metal.. Iron Man is covered in metal... pretty
good super-villain for Iron Man! I know they're done with Avengers but
I feel it would be irresponsible to not go to the well one more time to have
Avengers fight Coronavirus. I bet That Hulk could flatten the curve Real
Good! What do you mean its not an actual physical curve.
What are you talking about?!?
Drinkin' some coffee right now. I wouldn't lie to
you! Maybe about other things I will, but not about this! Also some
cans appear to be bigger than others. I think the bigger ones are 12 oz
and the smaller ones are 8. But it could be the bigger ones are 16 and the
smaller ones are 12. I'm no Statistician but if I was I'd say some of
these cans are exponentially bigger than the other ones! It It just
occurred to me earlier to joke to my Dad hey you're some Math Guy get working
on Statitianing maybe you can aid the War Effort or something. But I
didn't because eh I don't wanna get into that. We're all doing our
part already. No reason to increase his stress and workload...
non-exponentially. Is that even a thing anymore? Everything
is exponential these days.. That's the world we're in now.
Anyway the plan is to have 2 beers later today. I
like plans. Planning makes me feel good. Anyway, meals, meals.
yesterday had a real nice turkey sandwich and some chips. I'm not joking
that turkey sandwich was real quality sandwich. I may do it again for
lunch! Or maybe another frozen meal + some bread. They both have a
pretty strong case. Dinner is probably French Toast of which I may cover
the cooking of 25-100%. Could be very little, could be completely! I
dunno as of now! Anyway, for all the good NY is doing with quarantine-ing
and shutting down and social distancing why ain't ppl don't stop not losin'
to that there coronavirus. The point is we should start seeing some
results relatively soon from our Great Response, right? Maybe in a couple
of weeks presumably. I can't wait!
This Your Title?
HOLY CRAP it is! The good news is pretty sure I've got
minimal chores up until Dinner time. Other than ~45-50 min of
CircleWalking left. Also I haven't tried it but I've considered trying out
my own CircleJerk. Which abandons the premise of circle jerks but keeps
the name. It's just one person walking in a circle Going At It while in
motion. I like that as a euphemism for masturbation. Goin' At
It. That's something everybody can enjoy! Anyway went outside for 20
seconds to throw out garbage and WTF SUCH A NICE DAY. Whatta scam is the
point. And in 20 seconds I saw 5 people walking around! Only 1
wearing a mask! Some joke with Do They Know Its Christmas but it's Do
They Know It's Outbreak Pandemic.
Also-- here's my impression-- not only do they not know
it's Christmas but They Don't Give A Fuck Because They Don't Celebrate Your
Stupid Religion. Hooooow presumptuous. But it does CircleJerk its
way around to last entry talking about Band Aid. Also, are we a couple
Christmasses away from going from They can't stop us from celebrating
Christmas to Let's make THEM celebrate Christmas! I hope not
because it's stupid. You win more flies with honey than vinegar.
Just make Christmas SuperFunTime and we'll naturally want to celebrate it!
But just the social aspects. Not that Hey that Jesus was a real
top guy. Exponentially better than the rest of us. Jeeeeez.
Lunch'll be in about 2 hours.
Is this a dystopian future-- we no longer have calendars and
we have no pens or paper to keep records ourselves. And every year you
don't know if its Christmas! I dunno you figure that one out for
yourself. Anyway, just set up Necessary BloodWork Appointment for 3
weeks from today. I'm a Hero for doing it because that will... ugh...
please don't let me die! I'm tired of this Andrew Cuomo bullshit!
WTF IS HIS PROBLEM SAYIN' RESPONSIBLE THINGS AND FORCING US TO TAKE THIS AS
SERIOUSLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. What if I don't WANT to be
responsible? I mean, I do... BUT I'M PRO CHOICE! I GET TO CHOOSE
WHAT'S BEST FOR MY BODY. MAYBE I WANT TO KEEP DOIN' STUFF AND RISK MY AND
OTHERS HEALTH THAT'S MY DECISION.! How soon are we to
talking about States Rights in terms of whether they want to lock down
completely or partially or this or that or whatever. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO
STATE YOU SUCK!
The East Coast is states rights. West coast is states
left. Unless you count Hawaii and Alaska I hate them so much.
"States rights are all well and good but consider what states will be left."
America Wisdom Quote. Anyway I'm a lucky guy because I'm not working in
the first place but I'm unlucky because at some point I will be qualified to
hold down a job, perhaps sooner rather than later, but What Jobs Will Be Left.
I'm not more qualified than 30% of the population who are unemployed. I'm
signficantly Less qualified! Exponentially less, you could even argue.
So the point is we're all screwed and no one cares but Who Will Watch TV if none
of us can afford to live?
What Makes This
Website Different From All Other Websites?
Well, I'm the guy who writes it. Some other jerks are
in charge of other websites. Ugh. Most of you should feel lucky to
inadvertently touch your face by accident all the time, because I'm doing that,
except its biting my finger nails, and instead of all the time, even MORE
than all the time. I was reading they think Coronavirus may be show up
every year from now on. That doesn't sound good at all. Hey
what sounds good. I dunno I heard someone say Chinese Food on The
Simpsons and I was like Hey That Sounds Good. Wait a second, I blame
Chinese Food for this entire debacle! If only Chinese's Food included
Different Animals Than The Ones They Have Traditionally Eaten! Then
presumably I dunno. I don't really blame Chinese people for eating
animals we may not eat. Good For Them, eat what ya can, I'd probably love
to try some of those exotic animals. No joke. I want to expand my
palate YOU JERKS.
What else is going on and crap. And also there's
the additional chance that Chinese Food isn't really related to this one bit and
I've been FED misinformation. Or it relates to it several bits but not
exponentially. ... Boy and we thought MSG was bad! Documentary
about instituting the ban on MSG (in NY or Countrywide if it was countrywide)
and its called Don't Kill The MSG-NR. Something along those lines.
Documentaries about Fast Food are very hot right now. Chinese Food is fast
food. Not institutionalized, franchised fast food. But my experience is
Chinese Food Delivery is quite possibly The Fastest Food. I know
some of this Chinese Food is enough to make you WANT to fast I'm tellin' ya.
It just occurred to me that me joking about not knowing
what exponential means I've done on this website AT LEAST once before
and, in all honesty, probably half a dozen or so times before. It
really gets me going, I dunno why. I get to show off to people I probably
DO know what exponentially means. And you get to show off to yourself you
may know what it means as well! 'razysheet. I definitely
feel very comfortable either eating Turkey on White Bread Sandwich + some chips
OR eatin' Frozen Lean Cuisine-esque meal + thick slice of Challah bread.
Hmm, title alluded to Passover.. I'm eatin' regular bread... oh boy am I in
trouble. Is it Passover? Or is that in a little bit. Let's
find out together by Me Finding Out and Almost Instantly Telling You!
April 8 to April 16. I wouldn't lie to you. Well, I might.
But this time I happen to not be lying. Sam Seder Seder. Sam
Seder hosting a Cedar. That's all I got.
Just started lunch. We're talkin' white bread
surrounding a few slices of turkey and a few slices of salami. Aided by a
dozen Baked Potato Chips. And a Mountain Dew. In a can! For
some reason White Bread doesn't seem kosher. Maybe its kosher but for some
reason I just associate it with Generic American Sandwich. Maybe cause
there's milk in it somehow and it's wrong to mix dairy and meat. Maybe
lots of things! Anyway, I am gonna have 2 drinks today but not to help
with entry! To relax at Late Afternoon and/or Night! Turkey is
kosher. Pretty standard sandwich to get at a deli. And salami is
definitely kosher. DI don't know why but it just is. Cured meat.
That's a Jewish thing to do. The cured meat can't be worse than the
problem. Is that gonna be one of the quotes that we remember from
this? Trump-- "The cure can't be worse than the problem!" Sure
I'll remember lots of quotes.. Food On Your Family... HAHAHA I'M HAVING FUN ALL
OVER AGAIN. I guess that'll do it. Stay strong! Stay safe!
And stay... I dunno.. whatever you were doing just now. See ya!
March 26, 2020
I Know Website As Well As I Think I Do...
I don't think I know Website all that well. The End.
The point is some minor Me-Specific good news. We're talkin' put
in an order for 16 Bottles of Beer. Online. Not on any sort of
wall. Also how are there bottles of beer ON THE WALL?!?!? THE
WALL IS VERTICAL AND YOU NEED A HORIZONTAL TO HOLD BEER. Unless its
Spiderman Beer where it can grasp onto verticals. But, yeah, the
song should go 99 Bottles of beer on the shelf on the wall. Also,
past the 1920's or so when it originated as a Fun Bar Activity (Guessing On The
Date And Origin! Prove Me Wrong!), has anone ever finished that
song. I mean I guess if you really feel like getting it right you start
with 10 Bottles of Beer On The Wall. That's doable. But where's the
stakes? The drama! Nowhere, that's who!
But anyway its really expensive beer because its artisan
supercrafts and whatnot and so forth. So I look like a jerk buying 16
Bottles of Beer for SIXTY DOLLARS but on the other hand less than you'd pay
for Cheap Beer at a bar and still on that other hand c'mon I'm steppin'
up I deserve sweet sweet relief! So, right, that should come today or
tomorrow or potentially the next day and possibly past that day but that would
be outside the parameters They Laid Out Themselves as 1-3 days. Also check
out my new Kraft Beer Spiderman Beer. Also, Macaroni Beer?
Let's get some scientists working on that. They're burnt out on trying to
Save Coronavirus they can use a break working on something lighthearted like
Macaroni Beer! THEY DESERVE SOME SWEET SWEET RELIEF SUPPOSEDLY.
Oh, right, another minor good news, which spreads to my
immediate family! We're talkin' Supermarket Order scheduled for Sunday we
were able to get last night! This opens a whole new world of Meal
Possibilities for the next few days. Plus we got 3 kinds of bread!
We're talkin' Dinner Rolls, which can be sliced in half to make some "Sliders."
Am I saying that correctly? Sliders? Do kids still use that
word? Also check out my Kraft Beer Sliderman Beer. Slenderman Beer.
Sorry what's going on? Oh, right. Dinner Rolls, a Challah,
and an off brand White Bread. Now we're talking LOTS OF BREAD!!!
Plus some fancy breadsticks I ain't never not seen no more ever. So I got
that going for me. Lunch in about 2 hours. I also got that going for
me! I've got a lot going for me in terms of I will be able to have pretty
enjoyable meals for the next week or so! Makes me feel good to focus on
tiny pleasures in life as opposed to huge upsetednessosity.
If we start running out of food as a country We Are All
Slendermen Now. Maybe that's why Preteen Girls like slenderman so
much. It reminds them of their eating disorders which I'm told are rampant
among young women. And old girls. And Right About Teenagers.
That's where the two overlap. I know you you're wondering what
meals I will have today. Well right now it looks like lunch is 3 Frozen
Whitcastle Hamburgers and a dozen or so Tater Tots. More comfort food!
Potato is comfort food. Bread is comfort food. Cheese, pasta, meat,
crack... look everything is comfort food. That's what I'm starting
to figure out. It's comforting because it satisfies your hunger and
supplies your body with energy and nutrition! Cracked That Code!
And, yes, Crack is the ultimate comfort food. Prove me wrong!
I was gonna say crackers you dolt, get your mind out of the
gutter. In my imagination, in speakeasies, a group of people are
drinking and one of them goes HEY LETS DO THE BOTTLES ON THE WALL SONG!
and everyone mutters in agreement. Yeah he's right lets do it!
And then they all do the song. Hey maybe THEY ACTUALLY LIVE OUT THE LYRICS
OMG NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED THAT. It's not a drinking song ITS A DRINKING
GAME! HOLY SHIT THE IMAGINARY 1920'S OF MY MIND IS WAY
DIFFERENT THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE PREVIOUSLY. Hmm, that's a good
Washing Hands Tip. Off the top of my head, not sure how many bottles of
beer you start at, probably between 4 and 8 or so. Four bottles of beer
on the wall, four bottles of beer... Also after One Bottle do you get to
zero? ANd you go zeo bottles of beer on the wall, zero bottles of beer,
you tak-- oh right there's nothing to take down. Well I Guess We're
It was an afterthought because I was plainly upset how
much I was paying for 2 weeks worth of beer, but after I gave it some thought I
was like hey maybe I'm gonna really enjoy some sweet sweet fancy unique
relief! So, yeah. Figure if I drink 16 bottles over 2 weeks,
that's 3 times a week. Each week contains 2 days of 3 drinks and 1 day of
2 drinks! FASCINATING. Anyway, how far into Quarantine are we.
I dunno we're at about 82 bottle of beer on the wall all things considered.
Also, Quarantine is almost a portmanteau of Quinton Tarentino. So
we got that going for us at least. Anyway, just had a cup of coffee
that was from Yesterday's Brewing. And now I will make more. I will
keep you updated on this issue as it progresses.
Website My Website
Hey the coffee is brewing. Progress. Hey I
just got the beer delivered. Magnificent. Hey I'm gonna wait
till tomorrow to have 2-3 drinks. Outstanding. Hey alcohol is
out of my mind except for when I'm drinking and I will now Continue Adulting It
Up Some More for 90% of the time. Now we're talking. So I got
that going for me is the point. What can I accomplish today as an adult.
Well I've had a good track record of feeling good by Doing Things. Anyway
that crappy Senate, "Stimulus Bill" passed 96-0 and I'm like Booy you're
making me cry 96 tears ya heeaaard? Speaking of ?, ? is
responsible for that song. The good news is at this point I've revised my
estimation of when I will be eating lunch to ~1.5 hours from now.
Okay, alcohol, food, coffee. Creature comforts that
will AID me through the day not GET me through the day. It can't be the
focus! It's gotta be Supplementary! I feel very strongly about this!
Maybe go an extra day without Beer THAT'LL LEARN 'EM (My Body). Also, live
concert dedicated to fighting AIDS, "AIDS AID." Glad we got that
covered. Aid Said, so I'm sayin'... Man people with AIDS are
probably super susceptible to Corona: The Virus That Stole Christmas.
Wait a second WE GOT CHRISTMAS IN BEFORE VIRUS REACHED HERE. ITS A
CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! LAST CHRISTMAS. LETS GO BACK IN TIME SEVERAL
MONTHS AND REALLY APPRECIATE IT. Anyway. Gotta keep reminding myself
I'm not under house arrest for something I did wrong. And I'm not being
FORCED to be under house arrest by some outside authority. This is my
decision to do what's best for me and my family. Don't gotta add blame and
spite to the mixture. Just live your life, stay positive, do you, and also
Continue Doing All Those Great Things You're Learning In How To Cope With Life
Indefinitely even after this is over.
Oh no only got 90 more days of self improvement THEN WE'RE
OUT OF TIME TO WORK ON OURSELVES. And also say I figure out some
great Self Improvement, I still have to follow through on it FOREVER? That
doesn't seem fair. Isn't there a Happy Happy Medium where we trick
ourselves into thinking we're making the most of this time while we're in it,
but once its over we're saying Fuuuckk that! Let's fuck our lives right back
up! Gotta do somethin', right? 9th paragraph!
Anyway, nice Stimulus Bill. First of all, what we need is an AID bill.
And not an AIDE to STIMULATE BILL Clinton! And not AIDS AID: The Concert
Experience. We need AID for THE PEOPLE. Anyway, stock market is
crashing! Also people are dying. QUICK WE MUST ACT IMMEDIATELY
GET SOME MONEY TO THE STOCK MARKET STAT!!!
Stat in that context is a Hospital Term that we all
must presumably get used to. Also, young people-- there's like a 20%
chance you will need to be hospitalized if you contract the virus. Lemme
tell you being hospitalized SUUUUCKKKS. Even if you don't die, you're
still there Maybe You Will Be Dying! And it's just not very Pleasantville
at all. The rumors of Fun Joyful Hospitals have been greatly exaggerated!
SCRUBS LIED TO YOU!!! Not to mention You Being Treated In Hospital means
someone else may be dying specifically because of you. So if you're cool
with that, then, great. Everything's Coming Up Sociopaths I suppose.
Anyway after this paragraph figure I'll take a little break, then prepare lunch
and knock some Rest Of The Entry out of the park!
I'm, "Down," With Antibody Tests
Those potentially let you know not only if you have Carona
virus but if you've EVER had Coronavirus. And hopefully they might be
available at some point to Us. I'm also looking forward to Cronavirus &
Me and it goes back into your family tree to see.. caron... I'm running
out of steam. I want a test to see how much steam I have left!
Anyway instead of continuing Entry once Lunch starts I'm continuing it during
Coffee III of III and THEN lunch will start And I'm Already Here! Can we
do a 23 and Me on the Coronavirus? And its like hey these bats that
started it on Originally Started out as single cell organisms 2 billion years
ago... as did Coronavirus itself... and I guess that works for us, too.
It's weird because for recorded history, your family tree GROWS EXPONENTIALLY
every generation going backward. But at some point its flipped and we our
ancestors (beyond homosapien) become more and more refined until you get to ONE
SINGLE CELLED ORGANISM that showed up somewhere for some reason. And I
don't even need a DNA test for that! It's common sense!
So the point is we're all in this together. Even
Coronavirus. Coronavirus... we're not so different, you and I...
I dunno, what else is giong on and crap. Hey, if you can't beat
'em, join 'em! And we just decide to let Coronavirus win.
Get on its good side by just rolling over and dying! Seems like a solid
option to consider. Hmm, maybe I have to make this clear-- It Does Not
Seem Like A Solid Option To Consider. Just want to make my feelings
clear. Anyway, jeez, what else is going on. Lunch in comin' real
soon! Yes we all know Coronavirus is Anti-our bodies What will testing
accomplish. Here's an Accomplish-- I put food in the oven! I'll
take it out in 30-40 minutes! I'll do lots of things!
Sweet. Maybe there are some of us who aren't 100%
living organism. Is it possible, just possible, some people are part Rock?
Rocks are not alive. I googled it just to be sure! What about
some really fancy rock. Nope! No rocks are alive! 13th paragraph!
That's pretty much good enough. If I think of a really great 2nd half of
this paragraph I'm comfortable leaving on such a high note. Probably won't
follow through, but if I'm drinkin 8 beers a week, splitting into 3 days a week,
I'm thinkin' of going with Sunday/Wednesday/Friday. You know what that
means! I'm Continuing My OCD Tendencies For The Foreseeable Future.
This 2nd half of paragraph isn't all that I hoped for. I guess I have to
write another paragraph.
No bueno but what can I do the cure can't be worse than the
problem. What exactly are The Problem and The Cure in your mind.
Skip the ambiguities, let's get this down on paper exactly what you'd prefer to
happen. The Cure And The Problem Done. Classic Neil Young song.
The point is I Dunno Something Along Those Lines. Didn't go to sleep last
night until around 11:00 PM because of Supermarket Delivery And Wiping Stuff
Down And Whatnot. Latest I've been up since, I dunno, the last time I was
up that late or later. Great story. I'm gonna be honest, last
2 or 3 times I washed my hands I've done 4 Bottles of Beer.
I encourage you all to do that as well and Think Of Me! every time you wash your
hands. Gotta think of something.
Alright made it to 15 paragraphs! Then my work for the
day is done. Besides Miscellaneous but that'll take care of itself pretty
much. Hey comin' up on 1 year without cigarettes! That's ANOTHER
great story. I'm full of great stories is the point. Actually
kinda exhausted all my great stories at this point. Gotta live some life
to come up with some new stories. That's how Website work. So
anyway I'll see ya'll later.
March 25, 2020
Ohh Right. The Shut Down
Oh, Also Right... The Fatalities. Hey! Am
I the only one getting bored of Washing Hands Songs. ABC is played out.
What other ones are there? Just googled, "Songs to wash your hands by."
That's something I didn't see coming in life. I'll share the results
with ya, sure-- Neil Diamond-- Sweet Caroline, Rupert Holmes-- Escape
(The Pina Colada Song), Toto--Africa [YOU CAN EVEN PUT ON YOUR BEST CUOMO VOICE
NOT ANDREW THE OTHER ONE NOT THE CNN ANCHOR THE OTHER ONE], Britney Spears-- Hit
Me Baby One More Time, Kelly Clarkson-- Since You've Been Gone, Taylor Swift--
Shake It Off, and Twinkle Twinkle. WTF I TYPED OUT ALL THOSE
AND THERE'S NOT A WINNER IN THE BUNCH!!!
Hey, wait a second.... all of those songs are REGULAR
LENGTH SONGS. The whole point is we need 20-25 second SELF CONTAINED
SONGS. WE NEED TO START AT THE BEGINNING AND MAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE
END FOR CLOSURE. Basically that article I read with those 7 songs were
just like Hey here's seven random songs I, author of article, enjoy.
Yeah I could figure out seven songs off the top of my head no problem.
Twinkle Twinkle is a fair suggestion. The point is some quarantined
musician could make a name for himself and really clean up releasing an album of
20-25 second songs driven by vocals so people can sing it in the mirror. I
Would Do It but vocal melodies aren't my strong suit. One of many
qualities that aren't my strong suits. I need to get a stronger suit.
Like that one Batman has. In Batman & Robin. The one that has nice
Anyway. Lunch today is probably one of them Frozen Lean
Cuisine meals. Dinner may be me making Salami Omelets! Omelet that
situation play out over the day to see if it's a dinner I and my family can
enjoy. Well, you know me! Salami! Well that
accomplished Nothing. Only 1-3 units of alcohol left. But I'm under
the impression alcohol delivery is within hours not days. Maybe alcohol is
in short supply because people are washing their hands with drinking alcohol.
Maybe a lot of things! There's 11 dimensions so pretty much any maybe
there is exists presumably! I started watching the Eddie Murphy movie
Imagine That where he has a daughter whose imaginary friends give Eddie
Murphy Sound Financial Advice or something and Even I Have My Limits.
Just kidding. It's fine. I probably do have my limits but
this isn't limited. It passes the test! Also, based on the first
20-30 minutes, that's a completely accurate summation of the movie. Eddie
Murphy's daughter's imaginary friends give him sound financial advice.
Good movie to watch today! We need sound financial advice more than
It is sort of just Imaginary Inside Trading but what can ya
do. Put in 75% of supermarket order and set it up to deliver Sunday
Afternoon. I can still add stuff to it even though I already reserved the
delivery time! Whatta scam! Perpetrated by me! You sometimes
gotta Start Your Own Scams, otherwise there'd be no karmic payback from You
Getting Scammed. That's karma. He who was scammed shall be reborn as
the scammee. Sounds about fair, right? Is it weird for people
who grew up with their first impression of Eddie Murphy being his stand up
comedy in the 1980's to see him transform into one of the biggest Family
Friendly Comedy Type Guys around? Wasn't his stand up kind of raunchy
and/or out there and/or ya get the point what else is going on.
I did see Twitter Video of The Killers' Brandon...
Flowers? YUP THAT'S ACCURATE doing the chorus of Mr. Brightside into
the mirror and that's a fun song but ON THE OTHER HAND he was singing it In His
Voice which is very good so I would feel embarrassed to sing it into my sink.
Not only do you need a high quality, 20-25 second song, but also one that won't
embarrass you! Gotta straddle the line of Something You Can Sing and
Something Worth Singing. Man was I unprepared for this Outbreak.
Didn't even have any 20-25 second songs in my back pocket at all!
Well, live and learn. Now we know what to do Next
Time. Sometimes I try to sing bits of my song but I dunno there's
something very off with my vocal melody. Very, very off. That's a
good chunk of why I could never perform The Uppers' songs again. That and
I forget how to play all of the music. So there's that, and Not sure
how these vocals are supposed to go. Part of it is because pretty much
every song has 2 or 3 vocal tracks and they're not always in tune so its
impossible to approximate it in one single Voice. Also I'm assuming most
of those vocal tracks are off tune, and other bad qualities. Oh well
live and learn.
If I was just making it for myself, and there were
Surplus Of Supplies, I'd probably make some Egg WHITE salami omelet. But
gotta make the most out of the eggs we have. So, great. Over the
last week or so pretty much just consuming maintenance calories. That's
fine because losing weight it turns out isn't really a good thing to prioritize
in Outbreak: The Coronavirus Outbreak. And gaining weight may make me feel
kinda shitty. So I figure its a good compromise to Not Gain Weight and Not
Lose Weight. Hooray! Whatime did I eat breakfast.
Around 8:30 AM. Anyway, another top Simpsons line from just this morning
[although the last few days there's been a lot of Top Lines that I stopped
keeping track of], I really like this one. Episode wit Bart gets an
elephant and they can't afford to keep it so Homer is selling it and one of the
guys is an ivory dealer whith ivory pen, ivory hat, and as they say, Even
This Check Is Ivory! SoSo Lisa was like I think this is an ivory
dealer. And Homer is like Lisa, you have to think, the elephant
would be More Safe than with someone whose Ivory Supplies are low!
Clunked it up a bit, but there you have it.
Might as well shout out another joke 2 minutes later.
Bart's Elephant wins over the family so they agree to send Elephant to Wildlife
Refuge instead of Ivory Dealer, but, first, Homer shows his thanks to Elephant
saving his live [thats how he won over family] and is like This Elephant is
great and I'm sure he'll make a graaand piano. WHY AM I DOING THIS.
Oh, right, one more! I'm sure this is one that everyone loves. Homer
and Apu go to the original Kwik-E-Maart in India to appeal to the Super.. Kwik E
Mart... guy... who has all the answers philosophically and whatnot. And
he's like you may ask me 3 questions. And Apu is like, great, all I
need is one [Can I Get My Job Back] but Homer interrupts and goes Are you
really the head of the kwik e mart?! and the guy replies yes and
Homer goes really? and the guy replies yes and Homer goes YOU?
And later, walking away, Homer goes to Apu was he Really the head of the
Jeez. Simpsons are comfort food. Except for when
they're not. Great, what else is going on and crap. 9th paragraph!
Figure I'll take a break after 10, muck around, then come back here when its
time to eat Lean Cuisine: I of II Dishes which I forget but I will be forced to
choose one of the 2 I have in Freezer. The point is one of them includes
some sort of pasta and I don't care I'd eat pasta every meal if I have to!
That's how much I'm willing to sacrifice for humanity during this Plague.
Is plague a scientificall estimation of disease. Like, stat-wise. If
it infects a certain number of people globally, and/or its mortality rate is
beyond a certain level. My gues? Nope! But it should be. Like
how Retarded and Dumb and Slow and Nincompoop are all measurements on the IQ
Turns out I was wrong. Plague isn't just for any old
disease! It's for the Bubonic Plague! And there was also a
Respiratory Plague! The point is we may use it colloquially beyond those
definitions but We've Been Wrong this entire time! Uh oh plague, that
doesn't sound good. Not testing well at all. Let's just call it
Freedom Flu. If you work and get the flu and spread it and if you're lucky
enough to die yourself you're Freedoming it! Is that where we're gonna be
next week. Do your part, America, and go back to work! And
lavish them with praise for endangering millions of lives. Seems about
right. Doesn't mean we have to buy that bullshit, though. It's
always been my dream to be One Up on Bullshit. Well, I've never
explicitly dreamed it. But it's the subtext is the point!
Here For All Your
Oh, right. Website. The good news is I've
laid the ground work to order alcyhol either later today or tomorrow. It's
good because that'll learn 'em. It's not even so much as Being
Slightly Drunk. It's more that it gives me something to look forward to
day by day. Hey day off, day on. Today day off looking forward to
tomorrow will get me distracted and not thinking about today! Today day on lets
tune out a bit and get SuperDistracted thinking about nothing at all!
I think about stuff when I'm drunk! Mostly hmm wonder how long this is
gonna last, will I pour myself another drink, have I reached my daily limit,
what to do, what to do. These are the days of some lives.
I already told you the real good news. We are
not experiencing a plague as far as my understanding of how plagues go! I
think Too Much TV is jumping the shark. We have thousands and thousands of
shows, half of which were like yeah other people have recommended this I'll
Get To It I'll Get To It! and the moment We CAn Get To It we're like yea
I don't wanna do that. Maybe I was wrong about investing in TV.
Maybe drop TV like a hot potato. Maybe do a lot of things! Jeez.
The point is it's called Over Saturating The Market. And it cheapens even
stuff we Do or Would like. Way to blow Cable Channels and Streaming
Oh well what can ya do. I was just joking TV.
Please give me a job when this is all over. Hell, give me a job when This
Is Now! I'd gladly offer myself to the altar of Big Screen TV. The
point is I'm not 100% on what saturation means but I AM 50% sure of what
it means and I stand by that estimation of how much I know what saturation is.
Saturation Night Live. That sort of thing. Gottem.
I get to have a crappy lunch in an hour. Gottem. I almost had
a 4th grade teacher named Mrs. Gottlieb. Gottem. I feel that story
speaks for itself. Almost having a 4th grade teacher. Prove me wrong!
I was reading how Coronaplague symptoms sometimes don't show for 2 weeks.
Uh oh! I was still using Starbucks Bathroom bi-daily two weeks ago!
Not to be confused with bidet-aly. Or Joseph Bidenaily. Or.. bid...
ale... I want to go home. And by home I mean the Starbucks
Bathroom. So many memories.
You never would have thought using public restrooms would be
associated with such warm feelings. But I guess you've never taken 7
joyous walks a day with a weak bladder. So you can see the kind of
situation I'm in. So what have you got goin' on. We're
talkin' maybe a bottle of whiskey AND some beer. But real responsible
like, that's the ticket. No goin' over board! Stick to every other
day and only 2-12 drinks per drinking day. No, stick to 2-5 per
drinking day. 5 is still kinda high BUT I'M ONLY HUMAN PRESUMABLY.
I haven't faced a battery of tests to confirm that but I've been working under
the theory that I am not just mostly human but ONLY human. I miss
Stephen Colbert's Band. Which is called Stay Human and not
Only Human but maybe they want to change their name?? Get back to me
Stephen Colbert is the proprietor or something of the band
but he's not in it. However he does have 2 songs that hold a special place
in my heart. I'm Right Behind You Now Charlene and I'm Over You
Charlene. Two of the best Non-Weird Al songs meant primarily for
laughs. Also, it's happened AT LEAST twice, and every time Weird Al
posts on Twitter like he misunderstood AI [artificial intelligence for those of
you who don't have the latter] to be Al, signifying him. The one a few
days ago was an article Can AI help with the caronavirus? and Weird Al
linked to it and was like Hey, I'm doing all that I can! Never not
funny. Thank god we've got peple like Weird Al and Stephen Colbert.
People who are not just funny but warm the cockles of the heart. You
know, those 2 people, and NO ONE ELSE.
FINE EVERYONE ELSE... FINE MOST PEOPLE ELSE.
I once almost knew someone named Elsa. True Story! Figure
I'll start lunch right about now. Gotta start something at some point.
Hey Jerks Here I Am Now With Lunch! We're talkin' Smart Ones Brand
Frozen Meals: Pasta with Swedish Meatballs, as well as a thick slice of Challah.
Hey You Idiots I thought of a joke hey its hey its gotten so bad germ-aphobes
are singing Freebird every time they wash their hands! Gottem and such!
First thought was Stairway To Heaven which is probably almost as long but
Freebird seemed like a better reference for this specific joke PROVE ME WRONG!
The point is the pasta is okay and the sauce is good and the bread is great but
the meatballs are wonderful! And the good news is its totally healthy
because the brand is called Smart Ones. It's smart because its good
for you. And its One because its a single serving!
Here For None Of Your
Okay 4 paragraphs to get to an even 20. Ever
since saying your odds of Dying is similar to the odds you get exactly the right
card in Solitaire, whenever I play solitaire and hit that Exactly Right card I
go FUCK THATS HTE CHANCE I JUST DIED!!! and it happens very often.
A little too often to be an appropriate estimate. Which is
accurate, it is a bit high. So lets just split that estimate in half.
OH NO STILL DYING MORE THAN MY FAIR SHARE JUST BY PLAYING SOLITAIRE.
Also, it should go without saying, please play solitaire BY YOURSELF these days!
Practice social solitaire distancing PLEASE ITS IMPORTANT. ...I knew we'd get
to a joke eventually if we just kept going! Thank God.
I'm not even gonna get into the death rate by playing
Minesweeper. What else is going on and crap. I think it should
be a thing when you're getting a fancy meal at a restaurant, instead of the
wine-man suggesting a good wine to pair with your meal, we should have bread-men
where they're like for this Eggs Benedict I suggest a very cheap slice of
Wonderbread White bread. Or for this Filet Mignon here's some
Stella Doro bread sticks. Because the turth is, no exaggerating, I
think most people would be much more thrilled oh man I'm about to have some
perfect bread as opposed to perfect wine. Maybe that's a good
career to get into when all this is over. Just be a Bread/Meal matchmaker.
Gotta do something when all this is over. Presumably either What
Were Doing Before and/or Something New. Hopefully not What We're Doing
Right Now. Not sustainable! Somiwailre. That's a Wine
Guy. Sommelier. And that's the correct spelling of Wine Guy.
Jeez. What else is in store for today. Had an
unexpected A+ snack betwen lunch and dinner yesterday because my Dad figured
What The Hell Let's Use Up This Years Old Microwave Popcorn. So me and my
Pop Corn microwaved some popcorn Together and I ate a good 30-40% of it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm gonna lobby existing brands or start my own
brand of popcorn that's a True Serving Size. Just 1/3rd the normal brand.
People would LOVE that. Gimme gimme gimme royalty rights or whatever.
Or don't! Do it anyway! I'm still doing Mankind a solid even with
them being the ones to profit from my ideas. Also, I'm doing ME a solid!
I can snack on sweet buttery popcorn just like you whenever I want!
Alright, what ideas do I have for When This Is Over.
Bread Sommelier and Single Serving Popcorn. And that's only within the
last 2 paragraphs! Also, here's another great idea-- the opposite-- these
Frozen Meals--particularly the healthy ones-- just DOUBLE THE PORTION SIZE.
I don't give a fuck if I eat 600 calories as opposed to 300 it's STILL pretty
healthy. But I get TWICE THE FUCKIN' FOOD AND SUDDENLY IT'S A REAL PORTION
SIZE C'MON LETS GOOOO. Can I microwave 2 Meals one after the
other? Well, yeah. But IT'S TOO DIFFICULT.
I dunno. Movin' on with life after this entry.
Gotta move on with somethin'. How come there's not the equivalent of
Munchkins for Bagels. I want some bagel ba... actually I've seen that
at Starbucks. My Mistake! Anyway very good chance I order that
there alcohol TODAY. I can hardly believe my luck! I get to be 31
years old though Coronavirus AND DRINK DRINKYBABY DRINK. Oops started the
21st paragraph. Finally MY ENTRY is old enough to drink!
Paragraphs=years in Prose-time. Anyway, another morning + early afternoon
done! That's the routine I've been in lately, right? With writing
entries. Feels like a long time in this pattern but its only been a few
days. But still Great Grand Wonderful. See, my trick was being 1
or 2 days ahead of the curve on Outbreak. So now forever I'm ahead of
the game! Maybe only 24 or 48 hours Eternally Ahead Of The Game but that's
pretty good and certainly sustainable for the rest of all time. Or I realize
we're all in the same boat not knowing what the fuck is going on and/or how to
deal with it. Not happy about ending on that note, doesn't make
much sense or make ya feel good. But That's Website For Ya! Later.
I dunno. Website Makes ME feel good. But then again I Am The
Website. See ya later.
March 24, 2020
One Week Or So Down!
what happened to All Lives Matter?
GOTTEM. Now we're even! Ugh what else is going on and
crap. Hey what happened to the Abortion-Banning Equivalent Phrase Which
Probably Happens To Resemble, "All Lives Matter?" GOTTEM AGAIN.
Now I'm One Up On Them! Ugh. Once CoronaWar is over
and entertainers and the rest of us return from our solitude, will the public
spit on those who joked on the internet and we'll be like we were promised
parades. Sounds like more or less the likely situation we'll be in.
I didn't make puns from the safety of my own home ON THE FRONT LINES just to be
disrespected by John Q. Public! I did it to be RESPECTED by John Q.
Public. RESPECT ME JOHN Q PUBLIC DAMMIT!
Anyway, another day, another dollar. Which is a phrase
for some reason no one is really sure of. A day saved is a dollar
earned. Elbow Macaroni went over like gangbusters last night.
Not to be confused with the crime bill from the 1990's meant to deter
SuperCriminals. But yeah I totally had some of my own macaroni and it was
more or less what macaroni tastes like! No sauce or anything. Bit of
butter. Fair amount of salt. What's in store for tonight? I
dunno somethin'll figure itself out that's been my experience. Anyway, I
think the last 24 or so hours have been particularly terrifying because like I
said the Republicans are saying the quiet part loud of we don't care about
your lives get back to work. That's capitalism for ya.
Prioritizes Capital And Money. Social priorities Workers and People.
Easier to think about this pandemic as a failure of Trump and not as the logical
extension of the economic and political system we are all apart of. Way
I like bailing out Corporations. Hey you know
how stock market crashed because they have no faith in the government to deal
with this pandemic appropriately? Well the government has a great plan in
place! GIVE A BUNCH OF MONEY TO THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T TRUST THEM.
Maybe that's why the market crashed in the first place. They knew the
likely outcome of crashing the stock market was just more billions of dollars
from government! Man does that sounds bad once I type it out.
Hey that's life I guess. But the point is we must give billions of dollars
to companies and working people need to get off their butt and either continue
working and spending money or die. Well, now that we covered all that,
lets get back into some nonsense.
Get To The Point
The point is I'll probably be okay while many people won't be so lucky
That sounds like a fair trade off, right? Me Come Out Okay But Other
People Die. Well ya can't win 'em all so lets make the best of a bad
situation. Also I broached the subject of Me Need Alcyhol To Function
Good with parents and they were understanding! The point is Me Eat Pasta
For Lunch I Made Me Self. Anyway, what kinda entertainment I got in store
for today. Certainly a few more Simpsons episodes. A horror movie or
two from some streaming service. Maybe some sort of Podded Cast or Musical
Album. Anyway just finished lunch. That sure was some
macaroni with a piece of bread!
I wouldn't lie to you. Not in times like this.
Puttin' together another Supermarket Order. This time around I'm not being
shy about the Diet Sodas. First time we got delivery from supermarket I
only got 4 sodas. Last time it was 7. Now Fuck It I'm Gonna Get Like
12. And I can see myself working up to 14 or 16 by the next order.
We all have our things that give us comfort and under most circumstances we
should feel totally justified to go with what ya know. I don't have to
choose between soda or bread. Cause if I did, hey get some soda bread
sounds like a great compromise. I'm not 100% sure what soda bread.
I assume bread that's been carbonated.
Maybe I should watch less horror movies and more Bad
Comedies. That's a routine I'm getting into based on the last few nights.
Already told you about Gone Fishin'. Last night I watched The
Honeymooners: The Reboot Starring Cedric Entertainerson and Michael Epps...son.
I feel bad for Michael Epps because for some reason John Leguizamo was also
in the movie and was pretty much in it about 50% of the scenes and he also had a
lot of the Laugh Lines that should have gone to Ed Norton. While
presumably giving a similar role in the film. Also I should be very clear
that I knew the threat Ralph Kramden would give his wife (In the original more
comfortably misogynistic version) that he will knock her block off so hard
she'll be propelled into the moon, but I never made the connection that oh
right and it's called The HoneyMOONers. I see what they're doing there
Alright what can I do for dinner. Maybe Cup o Noodles.
Its more pasta pretty much but Hey Stick With What Ya Know! At what point
do they start calling Coronavirus American Flu? Cause when they do we'll
be like WTF HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO OBTUSE. ...oh, right. That's how we
are. Anyway, so yeah, we're at the point in Outbreak where its being
floated we just are okay with a million or 2 people dying... but we don't End
There. We just go yeah we're not gonna do that, now, putting that
aside... don't act like its a real option. Because it isn't.
Just move past that bullshit because I'm telling you We Are Not Okay With That
Course Of Action.
Jeez. Also, I gotta assume they're thinking of ways to
cancel the election, because if they cared an election was coming up in 7
months, they wouldn't be touting such a platform of You And Your Family Dying
Is Okay With Us! So that's gotta be where they think we're headed,
right? Oh well what can ya do. Anyway, putting together Supermarket
List, I realize I haven't had tuna fish in over 20 years. Not
counting Tuna Rolls. Why wouldn't you count tuna rolls. I
dunno maybe I just don't feel like counting Tuna Rolls right now Is That Alright
With You? Well now that you mention it NO It Isn't Alright With Me!
FINE LETS CONTINUE THIS DISCUSSION AT A LATER DATE. Sounds good.
Jeez. I'd be interested in attempting to eat a Tuna
Sandwich at some point. Not Tuna Salad, though. Mayonnaise is the
grossest thing in the world to me other than Infected Bat Feces. Eh,
maybe a little bit grosser than infected bad feces. I'm Just Being
Honest! When will people learn to not eat bat feces!!! I
think they do eat bat feces responsibly in some African Tribes per my Ace
Ventura Research Project as a child. Who knows for sure.
Anyway, we're starting to see a few CoronaDeaths trickle in here and there,
where its not people I know but are several people removed from leaving an
impression on me. People who work for News Networks I Know And Tolerate.
Not people I knew, but people I know knew. Only a matter of time till we
get some celebrity deaths!! Who will be the first to go. Are there people
gambling on this? Gotta be, right. 15 to 1 odds Tom Hanks dies of
coronavirus. Maybe he's already beat it, hopefully he has.
Otherwise? Let's do some gambling make the most out of a bad situation!
The point is I don't get why people would avoid
drinking Corona: The Beer. If anything, I'd be going out of my way to
drink the beer! It's like a flu shot. One beer isn't going to kill
you but it may boost your immunity to it. That's just common sense!
Anyway, I dunno. Figure I'll call it an entry after this paragraph.
I was already calling it an entry. Not explicitly, I haven't said it out
loud or anything, but in my mind I was certainly already Considering It An
Entry. So we got that going for us at least.
Alright, I'll see ya later.
March 23, 2020
No Webste Gonn Tell Me Wht To Wreit!
Ima tl webst gn wht on top of it! Well, that's
valuable infotainment for the internet to enjoy. I never claimed to be
infotainment. Maybe I should start claiming it, though! Couldn't
hurt none to stretch the truth a bit, build a little bit more of a cohesive base
for an audience. Fun fact-- 90% of infotainment contains neither
information nor entertainment. And that's The Crazysheet Promise!
Maybe I should spend the next few months really hittin' the books to see when
and where to use nor and/or or. One grammar thing I never
really figured out. Let's Learn Together Right Now! Really provide some
Info. Alright here's what I've ome up with-- if it's a Negative and also
if you use the word Neither. So basically that sentence was a textbook
example of when to use Nor. Hey let's practice some Ignortainment.
I write nonsense and the world ignores it! It's a win/win!
So what else is going on. I think the reason Trump
and Economy were caught off guard was because they were kind of assuming People
Would Be Okay With 1% Of Them And Their Family And Friends And Coworkers Dying.
Yeah most ppl are gonna be okay with that and continue working and spending
money normally, economy shouldn't be hit too hard we can weather the storm.
And it was a real surprise to find out People Actually Value Their Lives.
Because those at the top are used to not valuing the general public's lives at
all! A real shock to the system to be like oh right these dummies are
down for a lot of our bullshit but it turns out They Don't Wanna Die even though
we don't care if they die. Anyway I Made My Point And I Stand
By It! If Trump is claiming to be a wartime president can we immediately
try him for war crimes? That seems like appropriate action.
Well that's fun. Let's get back into fun! Anyway,
today is really the first day since Shut In where I'm finally starting to eat
House Meals. Today's lunch? We're talkin' a bologna sandwich with
some sort of Side. Today's dinner? We're talkin' I'm gonna figure
out how to make some Macaroni for the house. Well, for the people residing
in the house. I'm not gonna make macaroni to appease some sort of House
God. House/House God wouldn't have the consciousness to appreciate it at
all so why bother. But yeah the point is I really should have these skills
to be able to cook a dozen different easy meals myself, and this is a great time
to get on top of that.
Lookin' into alcohol deliveries. It looks like its
possible and I figure a week or so and I'll feel comfortable broaching that
subject with my parental units. My Mom who never drinks started a new
bottle of Christmas Wine a week or so ago and didn't like it and spilled
the rest out. Christmas wine is when you get a bottle of wine at
Christmas. What else is going on and crap. Uh oh I hope
this isn't the s'wine flu! I don't like the word swine because I
know logically it refers to pig but also it almost sounds like the word swan
so there's a part of me that incorrectly clings to the idea swine may
refer to birds and not pig. So you can see the kind of bind I'm in
every time I use or hear that word. Whatta world, whatta world.
Anway looks like Coronavirus started with bats. Batman
tried to warn us but we didn't listen! Anyway, it also appears to be
significantly caused by interaction with feces. And bat feces is called
guano and its used to make pottery and potentially other stuff. And I
Learned All That In The Sequel To Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.
Man oh man did I watch that a bunch on VHS in the 90's But Haven't Seen In
Probably 2 Decades. I probably watched that 50 times and Original Ace
Ventura maybe 5 times. Prove me wrong!
There's a scene where Ace Ventura is inside a mechanical rhino eavesdropping
on people For The Case and then they leave and there's tourists around watching
the rhino and he comes out of the mechanical rhino's anus like its giving birth
to him. I didn't appretiate it at the time and never really got a kick out
of that scene but man oh man oh man is that great in retrospect.
I also want to clarify that I know normal birth isn't done through the anus.
Anyway, what else is going on. But, yeah the plot
of Ace Ventura II: When Nature Calls revolved around bats. One African
tribe stole the sacred bat mascot of another one and they called in Ace to find
the bat and so on and so forth. Wouldn't it be a great Batman Villain to
be like SUPRABAT. Because Batman is scared of bats and also an Evil
Batman would be an interesting and So Far Unfulfilled Villian-type. I'm
pretty sure that must exist in other Super Hero Stories here and there. An
evil version of Super Hero. But lets apply that to Gotham, right?
Gotta apply something to someone or somewhere or something like that!
Pretty sure I'm being a responsible adult by getting
alcohol delivered. Adults know what's best for adults. Them
specifically. So I'm adult enough to know that as an adult I can tolerate
Self Imposed House Arrest a lot more with some alcohol. I'd be an
irresponsible fool to deny myself of that sweet, sweet sweet. Anyway have
you guys been doing the thing where you wash the packages groceries come in?
Say you got a box of crackers. Before opening it and eating from it you
wipe down the box of crackers itself with disinfectant spray and then dry it
off. At first I thought this was insane but apparently some Health Dude
said he did it so I'm like why would Health Dudes lie, I guess I better do
this as well.
Wow! So the point is as long as I wipe down the
bottle of whiskey I'm actually being Very Healthy. Gotta wonder if
the Republican platform of We Insist You Be Okay With Risking Death So 'Conomy
Is Slightly More Stable is gonna pay off in the long run. Really,
gotta wonder it! Maybe it does pay off in the long run, I'm not here
to make predictions. This one Party/Side (consisting of Politicians and
Media and Other) are unequivocally prioritizing Economy Health over People
Health. You can't argue with that. Trump just tweeted a few hours
ago after 15 days he encourages people to go back to work. These are the
facts of how they are approaching this in general. Maybe not 100% of
people in that party, but as a whole, that's where they're at. Ask 'em
yourselves! They may not frame it that way exactly But That's What's Going
Anyway, I don't really get the insistence on calling it
The Chinese Virus or whatever. It really accomplishes very little.
The people who get off on being White Nationalists are already in your corner!
You're not getting anyone new on board. It's just like, well, it
couldn't hurt! We're in a shitty situation, go with what ya know!
Just be racist for no specific reason at all, why not! Maybe the 1
thing they think is if we're debating the name we're not debating how much WE
failed in terms of not preparing for it NOR limiting the spread. But
the point is we can walk and pat ourselves on the head at the same time.
You killed at least thousands of people AND in addition you also just happen to
be casual racists! Congratulations. Talkin' to myself!
Congratulations for using, "Nor," correctly once again!!!
Anyway. What else is going on. The point is
we can all be heroes by drinking 3-5 drinks every other day. There's
plenty alcohol to go around! Let's all enjoy this nectar of the HouseGods!
We Are All Batmen Now. Also, Microsoft FrontPage accepting, "Batmen,"
as a word? Mwah! Gonna be gettin' some Saline Solution delivered
at the very least. I use that for Putting Contacts Away In Piece Of
Plastic Whetted With Saline Solution So I Can Still Use Them Again. Which
I use everyday because I Incorrectly Use Daily Contact Lenses For Several Days
So I Put Them In There Over Night. Oh well, what can ya do.
Not a lot! That's been my experience!
Sometimes I bite my nails and I realize ok I really need
to stop RIGHT NOW and then I'm like eh what are ya gonna do and I
don't stop and then 3 seconds later I'm like Ok NOW REALLY STOP aand
I'm like yeah its already under consideration I'll let you know if I
change my mind. Anyway, gonna set up lunch! Right now!
Okay lets figure out what to do for the rest of the entry. Under normal
circumstances I would not eat bologna because it's higher in fat and calories
than your average deli meat not to mention your average deli meat has Lower
Calorie Options while Bologna to my knowledge doesn't it but these are
extraordinary circumstances and America is best when under extraordinary
circumstances we come together to eeat bologna and even sometimes spell it
baloney which is how its pronounced and lets be honest a much more charming word
to type and read.
I know you. You're wondering what kind of Side I'm
having with Baloney Sandwich. I'm having a Dozen PopChips: The Potato
Chpis That Are Popped! BBQ STYLE BUDDY. When I first started getting
these I read a review of them online which was like does anyone else
experience a weird peanut-buttery after taste to these chips? And I
never experienced it but EVERY CHIP I EAT I get paranoid I will
experience it which is particularly scary because I don't like peanut better
even under optimal circumstances! Anyway that lunch sure hit the spot.
Figure I'll write one more paragraph after this one. Might as well, I got
shit else to do! That's not true there's a ROB ZOMBIE movie I haven't
seen on Shudder.com: The Horror Movie Stream Service!
How exciting. He used to be a musician so you KNOW he's good at movies.
Or, he's made movies that I enjoyed in the past so I KNOW he's good at
movies. That's more appropriate an impression.
I don't wanna jinx it but I just had a really weird
experience in that I finished eating a normal amount for a meal, maybe even on
the smaller side, and then about 120 seconds later I was like ya know what I
am now Full. Not overfull, not underfull, I'm full. The point is
every organ has gotta pull its weight in these tough times and my stomach not
making a fuss really is making me happy. Now that I think about it I
want to eat more! MORE!!!! Gotta do something to keep yourself
occupied. But also if you eat too much you run out of food and Then Where
Will We Be. Somewhere we already are, probably. That's how things
might work for some reason.
14th paragraph! Let's end after this one. How
would you define Rob Zombie: The Musician? In terms of Genre. Is
spooky a genre? My guess? Yeah probably what else is going
on. We Are All Living Dead Girls Now. That's right I know a
Rob Zombie song. I had it From Napster for some reason nobody is sure of.
Maybe because it was in the Child's Play Movie: Bride of Chucky. Probably.
I mean probably both in terms of that's probably why I had/wanted it
and probably in terms of yeah it was Probably in that movie sounds
about right. I also had on Napster a song from Slipknot wait and
bleed. Another Spooky song! Oh well, such is life.
That reminds me of one of the top 5 bits from Conan I remember from
pre-teen/teenage years. The Slipnuts. We're the slipnuts,
slipping on nuts, look he fell down, I slipped on some nuts! I Guess
You Had To Be There.
Alright 15th paragraph what else is going on and crap.
I haven't seen a Late Night Talk Show in almost a year. Unless you count
SNL: The Weekend Update. That's on par with the monologue portion of Late
Night Talk Shows. But, yeah, I wonder what kind of stories Famous People
have been telling On TV the last year or so. Hopefully fun stuff! I
think it demeaning to reduce Regular Talk Show Guests to "Famous People."
Saying famous people sort of defines their main quality as well
they're famous. I'm sure they're talented in acting or comedy or a 3rd
profession that may or may not be featured prominently on late night talk shows!
Let's be polite these people have sacrificed their afternoon to appear later
tonight on our TVs for our own entertainment.
Well, great, what else. I also listen to podcast
interviews, sometimes by Late Night Talk Show Hosts Themselves (Conan o Brian
comes to mind! ...and is the Only One that fits this bill.)
So that's somethin', right? Andy Richter is kind of a talk show host who
fits the bill. Wonderbar. Alright hopefully this is the last
paragraph for real. Anyway, I dunno. Got lots of Salty Snack Sides
for potential lunches. Got over half a box of Reduced Fat Cheez Its.
Got ~1/3rd of bags of Pop Chips: The BBQ Variety as well as Tostidos: The 'Bite
Size' Variety Which Are Still Pretty Big Tortilla Chips! Also Tortilla is
a giant Tort Reform. That pun would be a lot easier to make if I know
what Tort Reform was.
The point is I think I'm really gonna get a kick out of Elbow
Macaroni but there's no great Side I can have with it. we got a dozen
dinner rolls from Supermarket over the weekend so I guess 2 of those are pretty
good with macaroni. Wait, no scratch that. VERY GOOD. I wish I
had buttery macaroni with some dinner rolls RIGHT NOW. But for some reason
I need to wait like 5 hours. Whatta scam! Is cheez it a phrase?
Like, to get away, or something. Like you're robbing a bank and you hear
sirens coming closer and you're like Let's Cheez It! That sounds
like a thing, or something, right?
Jeez. Jeez It. Zheez It. Seize The day it.
I don't know what's going on anymore. Hey it's been almost 2 and a
half years since I haven't gotten a new TV for my birthday yet.
Figure that's gotta be in the works, right? Oh well no way of knowing.
Anyway, what's the current estimate of things going 50% back to
normal. Cuomo has been sayin 4, 6, or 9 months. Not 100% how he
narrowed it down to those 3 estimates but hey any infotainment counts.
It's info-taining because its an elected official I feel relatively comfortable
trusting. I never thought I'd see the day! Especially because I
was always like Cuomo no es bueno not very progressive! And I'm
sure he still isn't but oh well what can ya do. I think he's doing a good
job with this. And I'm sure he'll copy Giuliani exploiting 9/11 to run for
president on this, but, hey, good for him. He's doing a pretty good job!
I wouldn't vote for him against a more progressive candidate, but he's proving
he's a valuable member of the team. The Democrat team!
Now all he needs to do is fast track Marijuana Legalization
and the next few months would really be a blast! 19th paragraph.
Wonderbar. Man was I all-in for that Sex of The City lady but turns out
2/3rds of Democrats weren't. Oh well what can ya do. Those were
a different time! America was captivated by a young Bernard Sanders
spreading his politics of love and inclusion. Unlike today where people
are captivating by Joe Biden's politics of shrugs... and... allusion. I
have no idea if that makes sense At All but I'm betting on Nope!
ALright, that's the end of the entry. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay
infotained. See ya tomorrow/the next day/at some point/never again.
March 22, 2020
And That Farmer's Name Was Bingo McDonald
I guess. The point is you're safe here, right?
I was thinking about it and even for a guy like me with no friends and less
acquaintances than most, I WILL know people my age who die from this. I
mean, I don't know the math, if only there was a teacher in my house, but lets
say you take 50 people, and say there's a 1/100 chance each one dies. What
are the probabilities at least 1 will die? What are the probabilities 5
will die? There's Math To Be Done But I Ain't The One To Do It. The
closest thing I could picture is I remember learning if you're in a class of 32
people (Thanks Crowding of Public Schools That's My Go To Class Size!) the odds
are there will be a birthday that at least 2 people share. That's not
close to this equation at all. Well, its close because they're both
more likely than you might assume at first!
So the point is its a game of musical chairs. DEATH
musical chairs! Hooooow amusing. The good news is I spent
half an hour working on the instrumental of a 40 second song. And there's
no chorus or bridge or verses particularly. Sorta just repeating the same
chord progression several times. But Oh What Fun Was Had. We're
talkin some power chords, we're talking an almost appropriate bass guitar riff,
and we're talkin a slightly more appropriate but still not very appropriate lead
guitar riff! And then we're talking I tried uploading it to my Computer
and I couldn't figure it out immediately so There Goes That. I had a
very fun time picking a Guitar Tuning that I think people would have a blast
with. It's tuned down half a step and instead of 440 FQ Its 445!
Now it's up to you to have a blast with it!
Yesterday was Having A Blast Day, time to move on with
our lives! Anyway, this website is partly how I've been coping with what's
going outside, but I don't give that too much thought, because this website Has
Always Been Partly How I Cope With What's Going On Outside. Nothin' that
new or unusual with that realization. Anyway, they say in NY hopefully the
worst of it will be in 2-3 weeks. Typing that out that sounds pretty
bad. But when you compare it to the worst of it will be in 2-200
weeks, 2-3 suddenly sounds pretty cool! Especially because I'm pretty
confident over the next 2 weeks I and Family will be okay. We're prepared
for the next 2-3 weeks and I hope you all are, too. OH SHIT I WAS
ALWAYS TERRIBLE AT MUSICAL CHAIRS!!!! If my memory serves me
correctly. I truly have like a sense memory of playing musical chairs and
getting eliminated right away. Whatta jip. Hey lets play
We kind of are. Except hopefully without the
throwing the ball at other people. That would be irresponsible and not a
game I would condone. Dodge Coronavirus all you want but despite really
wanting to win the game REFRAIN from throwing the virus at the opposing team(s).
We Are All On The Same Dodgeball Team Now. I saw a report that Neo
Nazis are talkin' about spreading the virus. I was like 2 or 3 weeks ahead
of my time suggesting that would happen by Incels. And I assume there's a
very very significant overlap of Neo Nazis and Incels. Except for me.
Anyway, what else is going on. Anyway, the more I think about it, the
more Can Bernie Sanders or Coronavirus Be Stopped? chyron appearing on
CNN is more and more insulting and, well, lets be honest-- telling.
So we got that going for us is the point. I got
lunch in about an hour is the point. The point is I watchd Gone Fishin',
the buddy comedy where Joe Pesci and Danny Glover are two middle aged friends
who have Gone Fishin' as a vacation from their families and they get involved in
shenanigans. And the point is, they're eternally upebat, and they have a
recurring phrase they use where they're saying Ah this experience is a ten!
And then the other one goes a ten plus! and then at the same time
they go Booorderlinnnne Eleven! and every time it sounds like they're
saying Border Nine Eleven! And then they give each other five.
Still, though, I was surprised to see half a dozen amusing jokes or scenes or
somethin' in that movie. Maybe I'm just going stir-crazy. Finding
humor in places where there is none.
That's how other people read this website, right?
Sounds about accurate. Hey, that's fine. You wanna laugh at the
parts I didn't intend to be funny and not laugh at the pats that crack me
up? Knock yourself out. Which is the only boxing you're gonna
be doing for the next few months. SOCIAL DISTANCING. ....crickets...
That's how that goes. I don't get Boxing and other sports where you're
really punching people hard or kicking people hard and applying choke holds.
I'm not a big powerful guy, but there are people where I'm pretty sure if they
wanted to they could literally knock your block off with one strong punch.
Just a big punch to the head and your noggin' won't literally come right
off but it'll break your skull and knock it into your brain. Right?
It seems that's the way things might go. And that doesn't even scratch the
surface of what Kicking To The Head might be line under optimal conditions.
I mean it's not just 1 in 100, if you're talking about 30
people, then it's 30 in 100, 30% chance a person will have it. Cause
if you take a random sampling of 100 people it won't just always be 1 person of
that random sampling gets it. I'm sure you can already know this
explanation yourself, in fact I feel stupid telling it to you. But I
suppose I can figure out the math of The Real Answer of Estimating for you,
nearly free of charge. I just ask three suds a piece for me and my co
workers. Yadda Yadda Yadda. You yadda yadda'd over the
best part! I mentioned my co workers!
Ugh. I went through most of my life not knowing whether Andy Dufresne
was guilty or not. Of killing his wife and her lover. Not of
escaping from prison which is an equally serious crime and which he is ALMOST
DEFINITELY guilty of. But anyway such is life.
I sometimes wonder What The Parole Board Was All About in
Shawshank Redemption. We see Red go in front of them 3 times-- separated
by 10 years each. And each time he gives a different presentation of Why
He Should Be Paroled. And that last presentation Which Finally Works he
seemed kinda rude and flippant But That Was The One That Worked so I often think
what that was all about. Maybe I was misreading the room when I considered
it kinda rude and flippant. Obviously the jury was on board for some
reason! I'd like to see some scholarly debate on this topic should we ever
be allowed to get together again and perform scholarly debates on dumb subjects.
Almost said Retarded subjects but now I'm coming to terms with the fact that
word No Es Bueno anymore and I'm okay with that Live And Learn!
Anyway, still listening to podcasts a bit, but mostly they're
just being saved until Future Where I can Walk 3 Hours A Day Outside Again.
So I got that going for me is the point. 9th paragraph! Figured I'm
gonna try to go without alcohol for at least a few days. Mostly on the
basis that I would be a jerk to get alcohol AT ALL over the next few weeks so
might as well save what I have left over. And maybe get back into a
routine where I hardly drink at all. I went the first 6 weeks of the year
without a drop! I can do another 6 weeks! I can do lots of weeks for
thing..s... No Es Bueno! Well for lunch I either got Part II of II
of a mixture of Appetizer of Chili and Side Order of Steamed Rice. The
other Official Meal I have left is Part III of III of that Roast Chicken Dinner.
Then tomorrow its Only Stuff In The House For A While. May be observing my
Mom make French Toast tonight, so after that I could do that. I'll do
things! Without Doing Things I am a Child! Doing things, I'm solidly
19, 20 yeas old!
Fascinating. Got somewhere around 6 or 8
Drink Units of Alcohol Left. Figure I could drink once a week, 2 or 3
drinks, and that'll be doable Plus give me something to look forward to.
Then after 3 weeks I wouldn't seem like such a jerk if I get a new bottle.
That's my hypothesis but we'll see how it all shakes out. The point is I
made a folder on my desktop Shut Up w The Inners and I wasn't able to add
a Wav file of the 40 seconds of Nonsense I created but hey that's something I
may or may not figure out at some point in my life. Anyway, goin' back and
worth between states of worry.
Oh well that's life. Cycling through periods of not being worried, being
somewhat worried, and being very worried. And everywhere in between.
And outside the parameters. That about narrows it down. The good
news is I switched up my lunch and dinner. I'll see ya later.
March 21, 2020
In these perilous times it's important that we must all come
together to entertain myself. That's how I've been feeling the last week
or so. Really starting to make me re-evaluate obviously my own bullshit,
but even entertainment I find genuinely entertaining. Maybe I'm a little
bit late on this but maybe nobody at all needs any of it except for
ourselves. But BOY do ourselves need it! So it's fine, great,
what else is crap. Anyway, here's some words to live by. Fear
Knocked At the Door. Faith Answered. ...Orange you glad I didn't say
banana. Or how about this one. Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered. ...Orange you glad I haven't breathed on you.
Here's another one. The only itself we have to fear is fear.
Fear knocked on the door. It was a thriller starring Mark Walberg
and Reese Witherspoon. NOBODY WAS THERE.
Anyway, jeez. Is it Faith answering the door,
or something else? It's definitely Fear @ the door. Lemme look that
up right quick. It is indeed Fear & Faith. Which is some sort
of title for something. A movie or a comedy duo or some sort of Fear &
Faith Advice Column or something I haven't worked out all the kinks yet.
The good news is yesterday morning I left the house to get blood work done, and
came into contact within 6 feet of the phlebotomist but that was it. And
last night started getting worried because I was congested and then I thought
maybe feverish possibly or some sort of cough developing which would be The Pits
but so far today I feel okay. I'm assuming one semester of Nurse School is
just learning how to spell phlebotomy.
How come Joe Biden ain't out and about Doin Somethin.
Is that part of his campaign promise that appeals to some people? I
become president and then You'll Never Hear From Me Again! Which, to
be honest, I do sort of see the appeal of that. After having Giant Baby as
president for over three years and having to have every story include him, it'd
be nice to settle into a society where we can just lives a little bit freer from
such nonsense. We can realize we're our own main characters in our lives
that we should think about and care about and not evil, attention starved King
Dumbass. On the other hand, this is the biggest national emergency
since 9/11 DO FUCKIN' SOMETHING! If anything to help stop Super
Failure from dominating the narrative. Present an alternative you JERK.
Anyway, what else is going on and crap. I can hear my
Dad teaching downstairs! He's all like yo students whatchu got for this
equation and they're like uh 26 and he's like alright lets go
through this one step at a time. True Story. It is bad
because I'm encroaching on Student-Teacher confidentiality and now I know that
disembodied voice got 26 on one specific problem which may or may not have been
correct. Oh well what are ya gonna do. Anyway, gettin' pretty
into drinking hot coffee again. True Story. Got a real
nice Grocery Store Delivery last night and they had about 2/3rds of the stuff we
wanted. Overall a Win, right? Hey there's that other Rhyme from the
1910's about influenza. Something something opened the window, something
with a bird or something, and in flew enza! Lemme look that up
right quick. "I had a little bird, its name was Enza, I opened the
door, and in flew enza." A little bit clunky for my taste.
I had a sitcom character, his name was Costanza, I opened the
window, ...wanna 'nother stanza? this sitcom character I found quite
amusing, he was based on Larry David and... Helloooo Newman! See I'm
better than this than 1910's people but they were preoccupied with not dying
from influenza. Amusing/Newman... almost practically a slant rhyme.
It's a slanty slant rhyme. It could be considered a slant rhyme loosely.
For some reason as, lets say, an 8 year old through 12 years old, I probably
considered Seinfeld my favorite sitcom, tied with The Simpsons.
Most likely simply due to the fact that it was literally on at least 3 hours a
night. Kinda lost interest completely after being a pre-teen.
That might be an interesting thing to binge watch, though. Am I the only
one who feels like I'm accomplishing something by consuming entertainment after
entertainment? Probably not! That's how much I've internalized
Sweet! At the time the Simpsons was probably on either
1 or 2 hours a day, which helps too, but I probably would have had that in my
top 2 anyway. Whatever. Anyway I got about 4 meals in Fridge
right now. 1 breakfast, and 3 lunch and/or dinners! Fascinating.
Anyway, I think I said here a few months ago how I have recurring dreams of
smoking cigarettes and then I get really upset with myself and I wake up very
relieved to find out it was just a dream. Now, the last few weeks, still
dreaming of tripping up and smoking a cigarette, but now its accompanied with
yeah that's not so bad just go back to not smoking. Progress!
The system will continue to be rigged against most people
either actively or passively or somewhere in between... but Hey Maybe Not Quite
As Much It's Possible Goodness Might Happen!!! Plus, You Won't Be Caught
Up Thinking About Things Are Crap As Much And You'll Be Free To Live Your Best,
Societally, And Economically, And Politically Unfortunate Life! That's the
Biden Promise! SIGN ME UP! That might be a stretch though
because Cable News wouldn't allow us to tune out!!! I dunno.
What else is going on and crap. I don't get why Seinfeld gets away with
framing his show as revolutionary in terms of It's a show about nothing!!!
Lets face it, going back to the complete history of TV Sitcoms... they're ALL
about nothing. Or, at least about things to the same extent as Seinfeld.
It's the same just There Is An Ensemble And Sometimes Stand-Alone Plots For
Episodes And/Or Sometimes Multi-Episode Plots. I mean, what was I Love
Lucy about. What was Roseanne about. What was Happy Days
about?!?! Loving Lucy, Roseanne, and happy Days Existing. How
is Seinfeld About Less??!?! It's about Seinfeld. THAT'S THE
UGLY TRUTH NO ONE WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE!!
I think the premise of it being about nothing was
that the plot often revolves around something a little less obvious and less
done to death than previous sitcoms. Instead of The Boss Is Coming To
Dinner! or Everyone is stuck in an elevator! it's stuff about I
don't wanna wear that shirt on TV!!! So it's still about things, but
at least the things haven't been done before for the most part. So I'll
give it some credit in being relatively original but the premise that it's about
nothing and other sitcoms were all about something is FAULTY!!! FAULTY I TELL
YOU!!!! Anyway I've got 2 solid coffee cups I can use. Well,
more, but I have 2 of my own. I got an extra large cup from White Castle,
and I got a Bernie Sanders mug I got a couple of months ago in exchange for
donation. Two of my favorite things. Mugs and donations.
One thing I will give Seinfeld credit for is that he
has a really nice apartment. And he gets to go to this diner a lot which
is a pretty enviable situation. Hmm maybe this is really where I picked
up my desire to Go To Diners All The Time With Potential Friends.
Cause that seems like the life to me. I've given myself a lot to think
about. Sure I'll make up a word, Societally. Just
wrote Sovietally by accident. Is that was Soviet means?
Social? So it's the Social Union? Lemme look that up right quick.
Internet says Soviet means "Council." A little bit
disappointed, I'm not gonna lie. I thought I cracked some code.
Also, remember a decade or two ago when politically it was safer to say you're
against gay marriage but okay with Soviet Unions? Cause I do!
Anyway, I dunno if it dates back to John Kerry 2004, or
was always a thing, but the key smear they did was Flip Flopping. He was
for the war before he was against it. This before that. But now that
I have some perspective isn't Flip Flopping a supreme sign of character and
growth? Is it? I dunno, I was asking you. Maybe you
just take it on a case-by-case basis. That's my thought! Hey Joe
Biden remember when the Republicans smeared the Democratic War Hero Presidential
Candidate by saying he was a Vietnam Fraud? Yu know The Good Ol' Days When
We All Got Along And Worked Together?!? Was there EVER a time
a time when both major parties were all friends? Because I DO believe
Joe Biden might have imagined it in his head or maybe thought he saw a movie
about it some point but I'm pretty sure not only will it DEFINITELY not exist
now but I'm not sure it EVER existed! I'm not sure about lots of
Eh, What Are Ya Gonna Do
The point is we should get used to the idea that the next few
months of our lives are Going To Be A Show About Nothing. Also I don't get
why people are so enraged by the last episode of Seinfeld. It was pretty
much a standard episode. What about Seinfeld: The TV Show led you to
believe for some reason the last episode had to be epic. Just let it be!
Also I think the lunch I have in about an hour and a half is gonna be part II of
III of a Roast Chicken Dinner. We're talking a decent amount of roast
chicken WITHOUT EATING THE SKIN, we're talking half a sweet potato, we're
talking half a serving of broccoli, we're talking a handful of mediocre
stuffing. I dunno how YOU measure stuffing. I do it
by the handful.
I I remember learning my Brother had a
Screenwriting Or Something Teacher when he was in Tisch who had written for
Seinfeld and I considered that my closest link to Fame. That and the time
during my first few weeks at NYU as a Freshman and getting accosted on the
street to see a free screening of Borat so I ended up seeing Borat a couple
months before everyone else. I thought I was King Shit of Fuck Mountain
then. Also, I dunno how much it holds up, I'm sure I'd still like it to
some degree, but I think at the time I was like this is the funniest movie
I've ever seen. This was before Pineapple Express came out
though so keep that in mind. Just started Coffee Machine. To make me
coffee! Coffee Machine Does My Biding but only in regards to coffee.
Hmm. Biden. Bidding. ...What's goin' on there.
We are all aware of the pun of him biding his time ever since
he was chosen as VP Candidate Lo So Many Years Ago. But in terms of him
doing someone or something's bidding? Not enough attention has been drawn
to that issue! Biden would be good at auctions. Hey, I'm Biddin'
Here! Why did I give him a stereotypical New York Accent?
Also I've lived in New York for 31 years and I have never said or ever heard
anyone say Hey I'm Walkin' Here! And I've done a lot of walking!
Why are tourists always bothering people who are just doing some walking there,
that's the real question we should be asking. Also is it just me or is
there some disconnect of Biden courting voters by saying he was Obama's best
friend/right hand man while Obama, his presumptive best friend and man to the
left, refused to endorse him for president. I see disconnects in a lot of
Jeez. Looks like we may be heading towards a full
fledged Great Depression. If only we had heeded Gary Gulman's
warning!!! I shuld watch that comedy special. For someone who
likes comedian comedy I haven't watched an entire TV stand up special in at
least a year. The last ones I saw where perhaps Judd Apatow and whichever
Patton Oswalt Special was around that time period as well. Fascinating.
Not a bad name for my first special. Stand Up Special. Sit
Down Special Has Its Charms, Too! Coffee shuold be ready right about
now. LOL, just was reading the big update on the Night Times
about NY being declared a major disaster, and re-reading the guidelines NY has
laid out starting Sunday Night...
of businesses deemed essential will remain open during the pandemic, officials
include grocery stores, restaurants offering takeout or delivery, pharmacies,
health care providers, banks, gas stations, liquor stores, child care providers,
funeral homes and others.
I just had to laugh at liquor stores. I mean, its great news for
ME. But, c'mon. How come every monumental piece of crap that happens
hits NY the hardest. 9/11, Trump Being From Here, Coronavirus...
Presumably Global Warming is gonna hit us HARD when the seas rise... for Such A
Great Place to face Such Horrible Situations And Extenuating Circumstances, it
kinda sucks! Also, under no conditions will I go to a liquor store.
If I can find a place to deliver either hard liquor or beer, I'm on board in
half a week or a week when I run out. But leaving my house is a bridge too
Anyway, jeez. What do I got giong on for the
rest of the day. Nice Lunch planned. Part III of III of Stuffed
Filet of Sole dinner tonight. Then tomorrow I have part III of III of
Roast Chicken Dinner + Part II of II of Chili+Steamed Rice... then it looks like
we're gonna stop getting deliveries. Make do with what we got. Only
thing that's a priority is half the stuff we got from Supermarket Delivery
really demands bread to make it a thing, and they didn't have any bread
yesterday. So hopefully we can get some bread somehow and then we'll make
do with what we got. Oh man I get to eat bologna sandwiches. I'm
excited! Gotta make do with what we got!
I saw articles half-joking that MLB can satisfy its
fans by having Video Game Games of baseball. And they were usually said
half-sarcastically, but leaving the door open that its a real possibility.
Maybe I'm a sick, sick man but I'd watch that in a heartbeat, even more than
regular baseball. Because hey Great Athletes WELCOME TO MY WORLD OF VIDEO
GAMING. AH HOW THE WORM HAS TURNED. Also I haven't played
video games regularly in 13 years but I feel if I had a few weeks practice I
could beat them at baseball under current definition of baseball. So the
point is I'm Great For Some Reason! Anyway Part II of II of Coffee is
coming up in 5 or 10 minutes! Fascinating!
Anyway, try not to live in Fear and Uncertainty. If
you're careful, you'll significantly decrease the odds you'll get it, and if you
do and are my age, it's still 1 in 100 you'll die from it. So, if fear and
uncertainty are helping motivate you to be as careful as possible, that's a good
thing I guess??? But try to be as careful as possible WHILE maintaining a
positive attitude that we'll all get through this. That's a best case
scenario that I know is easier said than done but Hey All I Have To Do Is Say It
So Good For Me Now You Do It Sucks To Be You! Jeez. Alright
what else is going on and crap. Anyway, I read that one study is
suggesting its about 2x as deadly in males than females. And it originated
in China. Is it possible this virus is the world's way of saying Hey
China You're Gonna Get Rid of Baby Girls? Have 60% male population for
Upcoming Generation? I GOT AN ANSWER FOR YA... pandemic that kills men
2x the rate as women. Somethin' to think about, that's all...
It did start in China, right? I'm not blaming Chinese
people for that. Why would anyone do that in any sort of world. And
I think they have it under control more than white people at this point.
But I'm just trying to make a weird point/joke, I dunno, that's all I'm after.
Anyway, best thing I heard my Dad say was a student gave the wrong answer 2 or 3
times and after some coaxing from my Dad the kid got the answer right and my Dad
says Happy Birthday, and then moves on to the next question.
I just breached some Teacher/Student confidentiality but at least we have
Website Writer/Reader confidentiality so it shuold go any further at this point.
Oh no this Happy Birthday anecdote is gonna spread like Coronavirus!
Which apparently is gonna be a new phrase for some reason.
20th paragraph! What fun. Theoretically
besides throwing out garbage and stuff I shouldn't have to leave the house for
another 27 days. That'll learn 'em! Anyway, my Brothers been very
concerned about this crap from the start-- even before the start for most of us.
And because of his concern me and my Mom & Dad have constantly been 48, 72 hours
ahead of the curve for most of this stuff. In terms of oh we better not
take egregious errands outside to NOW'S the time to stock up on stuff
from Supermarket and so on and so forth. So, I don't think he reads
this, but if he does, Thanks! You're a real Lifesaver which is a candy
that's somewhere between a mint and a legitimate candy. It's really no
good, now that I think about it. Kind of crappy as a mint, kind of crappy as a
candy. But if you need a crossover in 1 small wallop Lifesaver may be the
way to go!
Live Is For The Lifing
Jeez. I feel like a good 1/10-1/20th of mini-scenes in
Simpsons Episodes are stuff they cut out of regular broadcast versions.
I'm seeing stuff I may have never seen before and/or only have seen sporadically
during them episodes. So I got that going on for me is the point.
Also, I never really put 2 and 2 together to see how much Family Guy copied The
Simpsons. I mean the stereotype for Family Guy jokes is that reminds me
of the time... and then there's a 5 or 10 second flashback scene with a
random joke. And now I realize, for better or worse, that's what The
Simpsons did starting mainly in season 3 or 4. Which I'm not really a fan
of in general but I guess you take it by a case by case basis.
I found an old book my Dad had about teaching Card Tricks.
I don't think my Dad ever read it and if he did he never let me in on the fact
he knew card tricks. But the point is that was an Impulse Grab.
Grabbed it off bookshelf, make something worthwhile out of that Impulse Buy of
Cards a couple weeks ago. That's a nice little story. Hey
while being shut in I learned these card tricks. I can imagine that being
charming. Ugh. I got Exile On Main Street on deck.
Which is odd to be the 6th best album ever because I know at least a dozen
Rolling Stone songs and none of them are on this album. I smell a scam
abrewin'!!! Anyway, we should call the first day of spring Blastoff!
3/21 is the first day of spring, right? If not Always then Usually?
I think if we did that that would be a Blast!
Jeez. What else is going on. Lunch is
working its way ever closer and closer to present time. Anyway.
Entertainment will entertain me. It won't make me feel better, but it'll
keep me occupied! That's all we can ask for. Don't Feel Good Feel
Occupied. That's what being an adult is all about. Hmm maybe I am
having some pre-respiratory problems. Mainly, thinking the word is
respitory and not respiratory. Kept gettin' tat one wrong over
and over again! So anyway I'll see you guys later.
March 19, 2020
The Adequate I Can Do
I just realized I'm going to die because when I sing the
ABC's I end after XYZ without doing the button of Now I know my
ABC's... Which when you think about it is really just filler nobody
needs. In fact, even the ABCs are filler. Why does it matter we
remember the arbitrary order of these phonetic/literatural characters?
ORGANIZING THINGS? Makes sense but you can learn that in college. We
should be taking a college course is ABC's for Library Science Majors and not in
Kindergarten where it means nothing. But, yeah, the Now I know my ABCs
part, who does that help. Nobody needs it! And now I may be facing
death because of it so now I'm REALLY pissed. Sure I'll make up a word.
Literatural. There's a proper word for what I'm trying to convey, but
its a lot easier to make up our own words.
Well, great. HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DISTINGUISH
THE TWO GENERATIONS THAT FOLLOWED GENERATION X. Also who came up with
Generation X. Sounds cool, must have been a contemporary, right? No
Baby Boomer is gonna bequeath such a rad name, both because they're jerks and
also because they wouldn't know rad if it bit them on their bottoms. Those
crazy kids must have came up with it themselves. But the question remains
not just Who but WHY? Also I'm not on board with the very broad definition
of baby boomers generation lasting into the 1960's. Hmm gotta have
babies I JUST got home from World War II TWO DECADES AGO! I got
problems with lots of things! Here's another one-- I don't get why women
can't pee standing up. You gotta get over the toilet bowl comfortably but
hey you can do it! That's my interpretation! I DON'T GET LOTS OF
I mean, you can pee your pants. Nobody's debating
that. Just imagine peeing your pants without pants standing over a toilet
seat and maybe you have to Aim Somehow Somewhere but IT CAN BE DONE. I
better look at some SexHealth GraphCharts. Or just google can women
pee standing up. See the scholarly debate that's been going on in
Science. You can pee on people. Just imagine Donald Trump is
a toilet seat, that makes sense, right? Also is it good to pee on Trump
because its humiliating to someone or is it bad to pee on Trump because he
clearly enjoys it? The point is we don't know how or why Trump is into Pee
but there's a good 50% chance it's him getting peed on. I look forward to
reading the scholarly debate that's going on in Politics about this pressing
The point is Simpsons are the color of pee and pus. Pee
if it's not watered down at all. Pretty yellow! Pus if its some good
pus. That'll yellow things up! Also I feel like a lot of phlegm and
stuff and weird bacteria is yellow inside our bodies. The Simpsons are us
inside out is the point, what else is going on and crap. Anyway, Rubber
Soul and Highway 61 Revisited down, next up What's Going On. Which
is turns out isn't a concept album about senility. Or, maybe it is!
I haven't listened to it yet is the point. Anyway, I figure a moderately
between-conservative-and-hopeful estimate of Freedom Day is July 4th!
About 100 days away and thats in line with estimates and it's freakin'
Independence Day already! So that's my thoughts. Another day closer
to Independence Day. And then we party! And then another wave of
Outbreak comes and we go back inside for another month! And then more
party! And then another outbreak! And this goes on for the next few
years But That's Life!
Jeez. Also I'm very upset to come to terms with
the fact I won't be invited to any Freedom Day parties. Makes it seem more
worthwhile knowing the great parties yet to come and I ain't even gonna be
invited! Whatta jip! Also I feel like alcohol would come in handy
these few months but so far not sure how to both purchase it responsibly and
also purchase it without my parents being jerks. I guess we also need to
know ABC's to understand what feedback grades A through F mean.
Ah a D that's somewhere halfwhere between A and F seems like I did an adequate
job! Without the ABCs you won't be able to reach that logical
conclusion. Anyway, down to the last episode of Season 4 of The Simpsons.
Prove me wrong!
I've really realized that if he had lived Phil Hartman would
pretty much be considered one of the regulars on The Simpsons. I always
thought of him as, yeah, he does a bunch of random characters, he's a regular
guest but not a regular regular. But I think if he stayed at that pace for
the whole duration of the series he'd be lumped in with the regulars. Jon
Lovitz also shows up a lot but he survived and I guess they just got tired of
him and/or he got his own show so why bother.
Also, I'm not sure where I stand on Apu being insensitive,
either at the time or in modern times. I mean, Indian Americans growing up
being taunted with Thank You, Come Again, it's not the Simpsons fault!
Apu is presented as a pretty responsible, smart guy. Which is the
exception and not the rule of Simpsons characters. Takes his job VERY
seriously, never even leaves the store. Very smart guy-- just saw an
episode where he says he knows Pi to 40,000 places or something. Very
religious guy-- has a shrine to I forget which Hindu God. A good person
all around! Even polite to a fault. If kids want to abuse his
catchphrase which is kind of neutral in and of itself, that's their
insensitivity! On the other hand, He Had A Stupid Catch Phrase And He Was
Played By A White Guy. And Had A Stereotypical Indian-American Job Which
Further Makes Him A Caricature. That's pretty much the counter argument,
which is very valid as well.
Awesome! I look forward to continuing this
scholarly debate at some time in the future where it's safe for us to all get
together and have several scholarly debates at once because all of our
scholastic debating energy is so pent up we're gonna wanna go more than once.
Jeez. Looks like you can't really get Coronavirus through food so
its probably safe to get food delivery which makes life significantly more
pleasant and easy. But it's bad for the delivery people because it
increases the chances They Will Die. And I'm against that sort of thing so
maybe once a week or something. Or twice a week. You get
delivery two or three times a week you can make that sucker last all week!
Awesome! I like how they're encouraging young people to either self
quarantine or at least do social distancing on the grounds that YOU ARE
INVINCIBLE BUT MAY INCREASE THE ODDS OF OTHER PEOPLE GETTING IT AND DYING!
Cause, you know what? YOU AIN'T INVINCIBLE YOU CAN EASILY DIE OF THIS TOO!
But it's easier or something to sell them on the fact that they're invincible
but they're being Great People by being safe. Just tell 'em YOU AIN'T
INVINCIBLE JERK YEAH IT'S GOOD TO BE POLITE AND NOT KILL PEOPLE BUT YOU DO
THIS FOR YOU.
I dunno. What else is going on and crap.
Insisting women can pee standing up is one of those things where I'm sure I'm
wrong and it betrays a deep ignorance of sex and gender anatomy which is
particularly embarrassing in terms of Ignorance Topics but hey What Are Ya Gonna
Do. Are there any studies that women are marginally more likely to get
sick of some stuff by having to sit on public toilets 10x more than men do?
I'd like to see the scholarly debate on that but hey What Are Ya Gonna Do.
I know in general women have higher life expectancies than men. And that's
even WITH the toilet thing! Anyway, been going outside every night or so
to take out garbage and stuff, but that's pretty much just hugging the structure
of my house. Only 20 feet away. Tomorrow gotta go get blood work
done but hey that's life.
I think its interesting to watch Horror Movies under life
circumstances which are already scarier than usual. I was watching Alien
and I was like well this is clearly a metaphor for disease and whatnot.
And then there's zombie movies and stuff where people are trapped in a small
space and can't leave. And they're actually kinda scary to watch! I
was like wait Scary Movies ARE ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE SCARY?!?!?
I kinda just thought they were good for a laugh. How wrong I was.
How wrong I was. Anyway. It was a pretty smooth transition from
Trump denying Outbreak to trying to use it to consolidate power. I saw he
called himself a Wartime President. Uhh he does realize we've been at
war in at least two places since day one, right? Just because it's
Them Being Killed And Not Us Really doesn't make it less at war.
Maybe this'll make Americans rethink their laissez faire
attitude toward war. Wait a minute this is how civilians in other
countries feel ALL THE TIME but EVEN WORSE because of Real War?
AND WE're DOING IT ON PURPOSE? That don't sound right to me.
Anyway here's your daily reminder it's Trump's fault we are where we are.
For both cutting resources and teams ahead of time to prevent pandemics and then
by sending those people to treat the ship people without proper protection and
having them spread it and then by denying it and then by not taking the WHO
tests and not the federal government not making nearly enough themselves and
then by encouraging people to continue on with thier lives for several weeks if
not months. I'll remind ya again next entry I know how forgetful you
are about Monumental Failures. That's a good simple description of
Trump Monumental Failure. Yet somehow that seems too
What else is going on. Also, I haven't seen
anything about it, but is it possible Pandemic is partly due to Global Warming?
Wouldn't suprise me to see if Global Warming is tangentially related to the
spread of Corona. Cause, if not, I'm pretty sure worldwide pandemics
can be helped by Global Warming. But, anyway, maybe we come out of
this on the other side being like hey I guess we can adjust our lives to an
incredibly significant degree to deal with emergencies. That Global
Warming thing sounds pretty bad. Let's take care of that Next! I
don't think that will happen but Hey What Are Ya Gonna Do. Anway, I'm not
sure what to make of the fact that Rolling Stone as a phrase is so popular among
1960's rock music. The band. The Bob Dylan song. The magazine.
Is it simply a reference to the phrase rock 'n roll? Or is there
something deeper. Probably something deeper specific to each
incarnation of the phrase. That's my guess!
I understand there's a phrase a rolling stone gathers no
moss. I understand lots o things! Just not women's urination
situations! That's the one blind spot on an otherwise perfect mind.
Anyway, I'm doing an adequate job of following through on routines I've set up
for myself in the last few days. Routine of writing every other day?
So far so good. Routine of walking in a circle 2-3 hours a day? So
far so good. Routine of going through Simpsons, going through Top Music
Albums, going through other movies? So far so good! On the other
side, been unable to start working on Music Project Of My Own, unable to do some
kind of cool routine with Blogging like writing a blog of every Top Music Album
or some gimmick like that. Seems like an appealing idea but you saw the
kind of thoughts I had about SGT Peppers! It was all nonsense! Which
is good but not even Good nonsense!
Lunch is in about an hour and a half. Put in a
Grocery Store order which'll be ready on about Monday. Which is four days!
I dunno what day you think it is but it's Thursday, alright?!? Hey
it's Spring in 2 days. So more or less HOPEFULLY we'll be like ah
spring 2020 that was Coronavirus. Hopefully NOT we'll be like aah
2020-2023 that was Coronavirus. I don't get why they can't just come
up with a vaccine. Just do it, what are you stupid. Put some stuff
in test tubes and take peoples blood and give em injections and just be like
ah ah figured out the vaccine formula. Get like 200 different
labs experimenting random vaccines and just come up with one that works how
difficult is that what are you stupid or something? Trial and Error!
Just try any random vaccine you can think of something'll work! Damn
are people stupid!
Just do a 1000 monkeys at 1000 typewriters type deal. Fuckin' make
some random vaccines SOMETHING'S BOUND TO WORK!
I'll Be Here All... Season
That reminds me of another Top Simpsons line I enjoyed.
Episode with Mr. Plow (Homer starts a plowing-snow business) and on a cheap
commercial he produced for his business, Grandpa Simpson as Old Man Winter
is mocking the Simpsons, playing a family whose driveway is snowed in, and
Grandpa is Old Man Winter sent to clog up driveways and whatnot.
And then Homer (as Mr. Plow... who he is...) appears and is like Get out, you
lousy... season! Wonderful. I think its safe to say that my
current favorite characters, going back several years but also holding up this
current binge-watching session, are Grandpa and Moleman. Dunno what kind
of psyche that betrays but What Are Ya Gonna Do.
I'd start a new song but I don't know what power chords to
use and whether to have 3, 4, or 6 individual chords per song. So you can
see the kind of bind I'm in! Anyway, one way I'm conceptualizing ShutIn is
there's some similarities to being hospitalized for mental illness, but about
30x more tolerable. But anyway, last time I was hospitalized was around
March or April 2012. And the key thing I did to get through that was
listen to Z100 on a wireless earphone-radio and get familiar with the 3 dozen
top pop songs of the day. No way am I goin back to that!!!
Well, maybe start listening to the 3 dozen pop songs of THAT day again.
Those same ones from 2012, I can do that for nostalgia! but no way am I
turning on Z100 NOW and getting in tune with the pop songs of Current Day!
What kinda fool do you think I am?!? Hmm maybe I should do that.
Gotta do something! Ugh.
It was all Flo Rida this, One Direction
that. Taylor Swift here, Maroon Five there. Pitbull
sometimes, B.O.B. other times. I'm tired and I want to go home.
Hey here I am! Wonderbar. Hey I actually read a chapter of a book
yesterday! George Carlin Semi-Autobiography (autobiography written with
God knows how much help of another guy). Chapter ONE! I had read
3/4ths of the introduction months ago, and figured yesterday ya know what I'm
gonna throw caution to the wind and skip ahead to Chapter 1!!!! And
boy has it paid off. I know all about his parents from before he was born
into him being about 1 year old! Fascinating! Anyway, he was
my first favorite comedian / comedy role model and I could have done a lot
Sweet. Unfortunately seeing him write and perform
comedy makes me realize I can do a lot better, but that's neither here nor
there. Anyway, my Dad is teaching Over The Internet tonight for the first
time in his life and also for the first time in my life I can theoretically
overhear/see my Dad teach! Always was curious about that, but it would
feel kind of voyeuristic, so I think I'm just gonna stay in my room while that's
going on. Sometimes you don't wanna see how the sausage gets made.
That analogy is apt trust me for some reason. Lunch in about 45
minutes! Anyway, for no particular reason, I was trying to think of an age
where one person being twice the age of the other person would be appropriate
for a relationship. Couldn't think of one! Obviously the younger you
are the closer in age you are. But also the younger you are the more
significant each year difference. Closest thing I could think of was maybe
40 y.o and 20 y.o. Obviously that's extremely weird but like I said the
closest you can get.
I don't know why I was thinking of that.
Probably spurred from some sort of podcast discussion, that's my best guess.
Well, I guess when you're 9 months and someone else is 4.5 months.
Something along those lines. Or when you're 200 and the other person is
100. I take it back, that's both the most appropriate and the HOTTEST.
That's really turning me on! I don't know why. Or when
you're 200 and the other person is 400. We can play this game forever
but its not entertaining and nobody wins. What else is going on and crap.
I was thinking hey maybe I can put those impulse buy deck of cards to good
use and play some cards with Mom and/or Pop. But that's too
germ-spreading so better steer clear of that altogether.
Anyway. I can get alcohol deliveries but the longer I
wait into this Lousy Season the less I seem like an alcoholic. What else.
I envy people who have access to marijuana and have access to a mind that
tolerates and enjoys marijuana. Have one trippppy season!
Sweet. Feel free to steal that as a title for That Creative Project You've
Been Putting Off For Too Long. This Lousy Season. Lousy is a
fun word. Daniel Johnston has a song called Lousy Weekend.
That's from a fun album! The name of the album is Fun!
Amazing how things work out like that, huh? What else is going on and
crap. Probably gonna watch some D Horror Movie after this entry.
Seems about right. I'm experimenting with keeping my phone off all day
except for listening to music/podcasts. So I can really concentrate
on mediocre movies.
There's a 75% chance I read this in a
Tweet, but if you change 1 or 2 letters The Shining becomes The
Shindig. Oh well what are ya gonna do. There appears to be
options and possibilities to order alcohol to one's home in this particular
state I'm in. So I can do that, just gotta go through the unpleasantness
of going into it with my parents. Anyway, what else is crap. I feel
like we may have a Baby Boom of Creative Projects. I don't think there's
gonna be a lot of Coronavirus Fucking and there'll be a shit load of babies in a
year. Because it'll be a hassle being pregnant while this is going on.
But we may see a lot of screenplays, music, writing of other sorts... So
step it up you wanna be ahead of the game! Start Now instead of in a
couple of weeks!
Wow. On the other hand Now More Than Ever I should
keep my phone on at all times because of Potential Emergencies. But the
only person who could possibly call me with a potential emergency is my Brother
I guess and he's got the home phone number! Which he would call before he
would call me anyway. So I got that going for me. Isn't alcohol
good for you in Pandemic? Alcohol acts as a sterilizer. I'm
being an Adult Hero by drinking is the point and hopefully I can get my parents
to see it that way. Here's a good portrait of the relationship I have with
my parents about half the time-- I go to my Mom, with this comment being
relevant to what we were talking about, ya know there are kids who drink hand
sanitizer because it's got alcohol in it. And she goes NO FUCK NO
DON'T DO THAT IT'S NOT THE SAME THING!!!! And she's really angry.
And I'm just making conversation I wasn't gonna drink any hand sanitizer.
You KNOW I drink alcohol because I'm an adult why would I drink hand sanitizer
in an remotely possible universe?
I'm not 100% looking forward to Marvin Gaye because it's not
my style of music but now that I think about it it's gotta be the Tops of that
style of music so maybe it'll be a fun nice surprise. Maybe lots of
things!! Anyway. I always get scared when I see Trump speaking on TV
because I know on CNN or MSNBC there's a 10% chance the next thing I hear will
be a news anchor or commentator praising him or legitimizing him or whatever he
was just saying. And I don't need that sort of gaslighting now or any
time. I guess that kinda reflects negatively on me that I can't even
handle that but hey it's just a somewhat irrational fear I have.
Anyway, what else is going on and crap. It's like if
Trump speaks cogently for 2 minutes it immediately erases the 50,000 shit things
he's done in the past. And I don't wanna hear that. The point is
he's not held responsible for anything he does or has done but What Can Ya Do
Apparently Nothing. The point is the color of this entry is The Simpsons.
Maybe slightly darker. But if I had to pick one color to describe this
entry it'd be Yellow. Oh, also, just the jingle, Mr. Plow that's my
name that name again is Mr. Plow is pretty much the tops in and of itself.
Pretty sure I read praising that name in a tweet. Or heard it on a
podcast. Get of my back about it is the point!
I have a couple of Bernie stickers on my guitar case (one
that says Bernie, one that says Bernie Beats Trump...) and its like daggers in
my heart. Oh well should have thought about that AHEAD of time.
And been like I support this other guy I DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH but I figure
other idiots will support this other guy EVEN THOUGHT THEY DON'T LIKE HIM AS
MUCH because they figure idiots
like me will support this other guy EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T LIKE HIM AS MUCH...
that's life I guess. Then again I also have 2 or 3 I Voted!
stickers which will continue to be accurate and positive. I'll vote for
Biden, sure! He's gonna be to the right of Barack Obama but hey What Can
Ya Do. Point fingers. We figured out last entry that's our
most powerful tool as citizens we have left. Pointing fingers at the
enemy! THAT'LL LEARN 'EM!
I'I'm starting to rethink my assessment that Barney is
Homer's best friend and now I consider him Some Black Out Drunk Who Sits Next To
Homer At The bar. And just happens to be the only one of those 4 or 5
drunkards who has lines. In flashbacks they were clear best friends in
high school but once Barney became addicted to alcohol he pretty much has no
social [urpose. All he does is drink and encourage others to drink.
He's not helping Homer episode to episode as a sitcom Best Friend might.
He's just there drunk out of his gord. Anyway, PROGRESS-- I was talking to
Dad about him ordering food for tonight, and I was telling him, like, well
I'm gonna order as much as possible without it being weird, so I have meals for
the next few days as much as possible. And he was like, as long as
you're not ordering alcohol, it's okay. And then 5 minutes later I was
like well it's not an emergency but in a week or 2 I might want to order
alcohol just to kill the boredom and he wasn't happy about it but that was
the main hurdle and I'm past that now! Sweet!
Anyway Lunch Today Because I'm Living The High Life is part
II of II of steak and eggs. Anyway, as of a week ago, I was ~4 pounds
overweight (4 pounds over the exact weight that is the highest weight considered
to be an Average/Healthy BMI) so even if I drink 3 times a week I shuold be
Healthy BMI by the time this is over! Awesome! Find ways to be
productive! Anyway, dinner tonight is part III of III of stuffed filet of
sole dinner! It's stuffed with Crab Meat! WWhich may be the
only type of seafood we call meat! I never hear anyone go here's some
lobster meat or here's some trout meat. Only crab meat!
Anyway entry is winding down. People with moderate
eating disorders should find the next few months to be a piece of cake.
Easily! Either you're coping by going nuts and enjoying food or you're
coping by going nuts and losing weight. It's all just a way to trick
yourself into getting the most out of Current Situation In Life as much as
possible! I'm somewhere in the middle which somehow is the most healthy I
hope you're here with me that's I'm eating an appropriate amount, even dieting,
but I'm just really appreciating the quality of what I am eating. What
fun! And also continuing my alcohol addiction. Oh well you
can't win 'em all!
I have dinner for tonight, but Dad is getting Diner Delivery
tonight, so I'm gonna get food for the next two days. We're talking
Challah French Toast w/ Egg Whites and Turkey Sausage (3 breakfasts), we're
talking some sort of Roasted Chicken Dinner (2-3 lunch/dinners), we're talking a
dual appitizer of Chili and a side of steamed rice (2-3 lunch/dinners)!!!
Anyway. July 4th. 100 days of solitude. You can do that
standing on your head!!! 100 years of solitude was a book and it's 365
Times 100 days of solitude! Again, I realize it could be less than that
and be more than that. I feel like that's somewhere in the middle.
Sweet! I was adding stuff to the Grocery Delivery
we set up that should be here on Sunday/Monday and I was like I'm gonna add
some Gum and that PISSED MY MOM OFF. I took 30 seconds to add it to
the cart and she was like THIS IS A REAL SITUATION YOU'RE ADDING GUM YOU
FUCKUP ASSHOLE! and I was like JESUS I WANT GUM WHAT THE HELL IS THE
PROBLEM IT'S NOT GUM OR SOMETHING ELSE NECESSARY WE CAN GET THE NECESSARY AND
WE CAN GET THE GUM WHO GIVES A SHIT. Anyway, looking forward to paying
20 dollars to see a movie from The Theaters that I can see for free in 9 months.
Invisible Man? I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT! Anyway, 3 of the
first 5 Top Albums being The Beatles, every subsequent album that isn't
The Beatles sounds like a real treat. So after What's Going On is The
Rolling Stones. Fascinating!
Alright let's make this the last paragraph. I'm sorry
for being silly and irreverent in such a serious and... reverent... time.
Silly and Dumb may save mankind, though, that's the impression I've been under.
The point is 500 days of summer is WAY MORE than the amount of days we're gonna
be stuck in all of our respective CrapShacks. I dunno. It's gonna be
weird (For most of you... not so much for me...) but it's gonna be interesting.
Some of us will die yes but MOST OF US WON'T!!! And who knows maybe I will
die or one of my parents will die and I'll be like well in retrospect
shouldn't have been so silly and irreverent but what choice do I have?
Anyway, I'll see you guys later.
March 17, 2020
Glad To Be Here
Anyway, I was thinking about how although
probably a quarter or so of us are gonna be homeridden for the next few months
(best guesstimate off the top of my head based on nothing), we're still gonna be
spending money. It's not like we're gonna go well got all we need let's
just chill. We need money for food and groceries and medical care and
paper towel toilet paper but most of all ENTERTAINMENT!! Now's the TV
industry's time to shine! Just transfer all your stock into TV! And
internet TV! Music! TV will save us all financially, we will pump
money into the fledgling industry! And socially-- we may not be able to
interact with each other in real life but we can have Text Chains about Our New
Favorite Shows! And mentally-- the world goes on despite Pandemic: The
Outbreak going on outside. Maybe for the better! Finally we all have
the chance, ney, the civic duty, to binge-watch Better Call Saul! That's my
opinion for how the next few months might shake out.
So we got that going for us. Part of it feels
kind of wrong that we all agreed to not leave the house within the period of
about a week. Seems like that group hive mentality could easily be
exploited for evil purposes. We'll cross that bridge when we get there!
Unless there's Outbreak on the bridge! Then better stay on this side of
the bridge indefinitely! So anyway, first thing I can think of, can we
commit to doing Mail In Ballots for Election should it be necessary? I
don't trust this Trump guy for some reason to not just suspend elections.
Which in my opinion would be Bad. I dunno I don't trust mail in
ballots. SOMEONE touched that envelope. Probably. Unless
there's an envelope machine which somehow does all the envelopes which now that
I think about it makes a lot more sense than just having an assembly line of
people who put paper in envelopes 140 million times. But, still,
someone touched that envelope machine. Paper will be the death of
The good news is currently aiming for Cup o Noodles for lunch
and 3 45 calorie Sawdust Dogs for dinner. We got a few End Pieces of a
Challah left over. Smaller than middle pieces. That's how Challah works!
Combine 1 of those with 1 of the hot dogs and I got myself a dinner going!
Also if stock in Fresh Direct hasn't gone up 800% they're doing it wrong.
Which is ironic because I hope things are in stock with Fresh
Direct! It's ironic because its a pun. Irony=puns. That's
what I've been led to believe. Anyway Social Distancing sounds like a
fun new fad. Also, I'd buy stock in 1980's-1990's Punk-Country band Social
Distortion on account of VERY SIMILAR names. You might know them from the
song Story of My Life which was featured prominently on one of those
Guitar Hero games. You might aslo know them from 3 sentences ago.
Those are about your two options. What if you know them from a
different song. Then that's a 3rd option! They have a good cover
of Ring of Fire. You know that song from Johnny Cash: The Movie fame.
Check that sucker out!
That's another good idea I had to kill time. Load up
the Rolling Stone Magazine's 500 Best Albums of all time. Work backwards!
So far I've listened to Beatles-- The Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Clubs Band
Presents Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Album. Then Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
Then Beatles-- Revolver!: The Music From The Beatles From That Time Period.
One fascinating thing I learned was SGT Peppers is credited as being really
kinda the first album. As opposed to just puttin' a bunch of singles
together, they started the art form of having a cohesive unit meant to be
listened to together. FASCINATING.
Some notes I took on #1 album of al time-- Are they
SPLHCBB the entire album? (1) Each track gets further and further from the
premise to the point where I can't decide where and if and when they become The
Beatles again. (2) The album made interesting use of The Beatles' Voices
as instruments in and of themselves! (3) Not a fan of Rita, Mater Maid.
Why a whole song about her? Not captivating character at all. I
don't get her appeal. (4)Good Morning, Good Morning? GREAT song.
Very well written lyrics!! (5)SPLHCB was the first punk album!
(6)watch out for the last 20 seconds of the album at the end of A Day In The
Life. Very Scary!
Another thought I had yesterday, based on watching
Candyman: The Original Movie Not The One That Hasn't Been Released Yet for the
2nd time in 2 or so months-- Candyman, Candyman, Does Whatever a Candy Can.
Another Dream Thought I had last night that I wrote down-- Ow, My Arm.
I think I pictured it as a title for something. I woke up in the middle of
the night and felt compelled to write down Ow, My Arm. Anyway, last
night Before Sleep I also came up with a good palindrome-- Now Emit
Time Won. Time lost is a phrase. Time Won must be phrase.
So, now emit time won. Fascinating. Also, listen to 3 classic
albums a day, walk in a circle for each one, that's more than enough exercise to
keep ya going. And that's how albums were meant to be listened to
presumably! ESPECIALLY REVOLVER!
Boo-yah! I've also been walking in a circle a bonus for
an hour to an hour and a half, and that might be best with Podcasts. Just
so you're reminded each day that there is an outside world consisting of real
people in the modern era. These are good tips keep reading. Anyway,
didn't write down any thoughts of Pet Sounds. All I've got is that I
enjoyed Wouldn't It Be Nice and God Only Knows, the two songs I was
already familiar with. The rest of it was fine but I don't 100% get it
this time around. Such is life! Thoughts on Beatles-- Revolver?
--Kinda snarky and I feel like they're playing tricksies on us. Feels very
hostile towards the listener. And And Your Bird Can Sing?
Don't tell me what my bird can and cannot do!
Try To Stay Positive Or At Least Neutral
Maybe err on the side of neutral.
You don't wanna be too positive while society is shutting down for several
months. Keep it neutral! But I guess if someone's being negative,
you be negative too! It's the only way to make a positive.
Hey I just had a great Rich People Will Do Fine idea! Build a new
make shift city/town from the ground up within a few weeks. Test people
before they're admitted. Then have a nonstop Real Life Party in the
city/town for the next few months! It's a real Land of The Dead: The
George Romero Movie scenario. I feel like coming up with the idea is
worth enough for me and my immediate family to be admitted. Only fair,
That's what's on everyone's minds, right? Most
obvious conclusion to draw is well this is as close to a zombie apocalypse as
we're gonna see in my lifet... as we're gonna say in the next decade or so.
What else is going on and crap. If I was living by myself I'd probably
feel comfortable taking walks as long as I'm practicing Social Distortion.
But I don't so Thems The Pits. Anyway if you don't feel comfortable
feeling like we're all in this together across the Earth then turn it into a
Nationalism Contest. Let's make them other countries see How Great We
Are At Shutting Down Outbreak! It's a competition to see who can beat
the disease the best! You're not gonna let South Korea make fools out
of America, are you? Let's show them what it's like to not spread
Coronavirus and return to normal as quickly as possible! Hey China's
been talking shit about America's ability rebound from an almost comically
abhorrent initial response to Coronavirus! Let's put them in their place
by Getting Everyone Healthy!
It's win win because you get to be a Nationalist and we
get to Not Die As Much. Anyway. Feel like I'm gonna be eating
Lunch&Dinner at about 50-80% the size as I'm used to. Feels like a lot of
things! We Are All Incels Now. Not sure what that sentence
accomplishes. Feels right though doesn't it! Some jerk
(Governor? Mayor? Probably one of them) was aying it's gonna peak
bad in about 45 days. That may seem like a lot of days but also
remember it's only 1 and a half months. New Years just happened, right?
And it's already been like close to 80 days? And if thatls the peak, maybe
we're good to go after about 60-80 days. We can do that standing on our
heads. What you want Iran laughing at you about you not being able
to stay in your house for 2 months? You don't have to stand for that!
Sit for it! That's one of the luxuries about being in your own house!
You can sit whenever you want! Nobody's telling you where and when to sit!
Wonderful. If you're buying stock in TV, make sure
you sell it a week or so before things go back to normal. Because people
are gonna be so sick of TV they'll never want to watch it again. Buy low,
sell high, that's my motto! Guess what kinda cup o' noodles I got in the
works for in an hour or two. Chicken! Whatta wonderful world.
Also I to take some comfort in knowing the majority of people aren't holed up in
some crapshack because they're young with no pre-existing troublesome conditions
and as long as they're Social Distortioning they exist in The World As We Once
Knew It. Good for you (them!)! But if you decided 1 or 2 percent
chance I die?!? I don't like them odds! Then once again Welcome
To My World It Really Ain't That Bad You Can Go Back To Your World Probably
After A Couple Of Months I Like Them Odds! As I said We Are All Incels
Now. By which I mean we are all In Cells. That makes a bit more
sense I guess.
Maybe you've got a significant other in your crap shack.
I envy you. What else is going on and crap. Here's a fun game-- Six
Degrees Of Corona Virus. We get Kevin Bacon infected with Coronavirus And
Then The Game Begins. It's helpful to have a few laughs in'it.
Alright, what Simpsons Lines can I update you on as being Top Lines.
Here's one I saw recently-- Homer is telling Bart a story which tangentially is
about brain damage he suffered and Bart is like What's The Point Of That
Story? and Homer goes I Like Stories. Anyway.
Coronavirus is Republican because it happens worst in highly populated areas one
would imagine but its Democrat because old people are most vulnerable.
Seems like a fair trade off, right? Pray for the old people who live in
cities! Like my parents! Go ahead and pray for them maybe that'll
Blood On The Tracks when this entry is over. Then I
believe later day the next album is Beatles again with Rubber Soul. Hmm
wonder if that's a sneaker pun, never occurred to be until just now!
Good for them, what else is going on and crap. See, finding puns we never
would have found before! Buy stocks in puns! Figure entry'll end in
about a paragraph and a half. Almost said Month and a Half. Which
coincidently may be when I'm allowed outside again. Hmm maybe I should
start blaming my parents for my current situation. On the one hand I
Don't Blame Them but on the other hand I Need Someone To Blame. I'd blame
Trump but he'd probably be like great leave your house problem solved.
Because he doesn't care as much about my life as my parents do. That's why
we're in this situation in the first place. It's like Katrina if THE
ENTIRE COUNTRY was New Orleans.
Where do we go from here? I dunno you figure your
own situation out, I'm sure you'll figure out how to do what's best for you.
Keep pointing fingers are Trump, though. Not just because we're used to
ACCURATELY blaming him for many things but Because IT REALLY IS HIS FREAKIN'
FAULT YET AGAIN. Also Pointing Fingers is the only power we as citizens
have left. It's been whittled down to you may point fingers.
So we got that going for us, right? WHAT THE HELL #4 ALBUM IS
HIGHWAY 61 REVISITED NOT BLOOD ON THE TRACKS?!?!? WHATTA SC...WAIT THIS IS
FOR THE BEST I'M SLIGHTLY MORE FAMILIAR WITH BLOOD ON THE TRACKS THAN THIS ONE
SO IT'LL BE A BLAST TO ABSORB. Anyway, I dunno. Blood On The
Tracks is #16. Fascinating. I'll see ya later.
March 15, 2020
Entries Really Get Me
Prove me wrong! Anyway, guess who is in self
quarantine?! E-mail your guesses to
email@example.com before reading on. Done? Okay-- it's me!
I don't have symptoms or anything, but I'd feel like a real jerk if my parent(s)
die because of me. So why take walks when I have such great practice
walking in a circle in my room. It's amazing that its happened but
suddenly it's Walking In A Circle In Your Room's TIME TO SHINE! This is
the moment all my hard work is gonna pay off! And, as I was saying last
entry, not having a job is paying off, now walking in circles is paying off,
having ways to amuse myself creatively is paying off. Even started playing
some guitar! That's a premise for a Music Album Project. Shut In
with The Uppers. That's all I got so far but wow!
Shut Up With The Inners. Track #1.
We'll see. I wonder if any one else in quarantine is feeling guilty
they're not patronizing (is that a 2nd meaning of the word?) stores.
That's how much I've/we've internalized capitalism. Dammit not being a
good citizen because I'm not spending money. That's what citizens are good
for! Spending money! THE ECONOMY MAY BE NEGATIVELY EFFECTED BY MY
PRIORITIZING MY FAMILY'S HEALTH AND SAFETY WHAT A FAUSTIAN BARGAIN. I
don't think that's really a Faustian Bargain but it's fun to say so I'm gonna
leave it there. You get the point either way. But anyway what else
is going on. I've started keeping track of my favorite Simpsons lines as
I've been reminded of them throughout binge watching. Since the Olmec Head
line, one of my favorite lines I just saw this morning is the Tree House Of
Horror episode where an Evil Krusty Doll is trying to kill Homer and no one
believes him but suddenly Marge sees it happening and Homer goes Marge Marge
The Doll's Trying To Kill Me And The Toasters Been Laughing At Me!
(The toaster was not part of the plot at all). I
will keep you updated on Current Favorite Lines as they may occur. Anyway.
I had a Dream Political Thought last night, something along the lines of this--
I'm gonna be laughing my ass off when Trump drops out, is replaced by Nikki
Haley or something, and Joe Biden loses anyway because the Never Trumpers the
Democrats decided to appease and prioritize Their Votes Over Their Own Base with
Joe Biden end up voting for the Republican anyway. In Waking Life I
don't think it's gonna happen like that over the course of the next few months
but that's definitely the long game for 2024 and beyond. The Never
Trumpers are playin' Democrats/Mainstream Media for chumps because they have no
ability to think ahead and it sucks. Or maybe they just don't care being
moved to the right more and more because they give no fucks. Well I
guess that's life now. Never Trumpers are Democrats base and
Republicans' base are insane fascists. And the majority of us are totally
marginalized. It's not an accident this happened. It's not a
coincidence. This is the way the system has evolved because its exactly
the way those in power like it.
(The toaster was not part of the plot at all).
What else is going on! Crap and crap. One episode of the Simpsons
happened to say the date that it was in that moment in that one episode and they
said March 15! WHATTA SCAM. (That's today). Some people need
extra clarification. It's no coincidence I watched that episode of The
Simpsons today. That's the way the system has evolved because its exactly
the way those in power like it. I think I'm watching Simpsons of my own
volition but it's really part of one never ending entertainment scheme that I'm
stuck on track in the middle of! The point is I wash myself with a rag
on a stick. (Applause).
Anyway, what else is going on and crap. Anyway,
I can't think of one progressive thing Joe Biden has run on. His entire
campaign is beyond Moderate and solidly Conservative (In terms of the wings of
the Democratic Party, not overall, at least). So I don't have much hope
that he'd be the bellwether of the Democratic Party and go along with what the
base wants, like some articles I've read have suggested. That'd be
tolerable but all signs point to him more or less taking staking a conservative
position in both policies and tone and if we don't like it Fuck You I'ma Do
What I Want. Whatta engaging and accommodating politician!
Freakin' media went all in for him after Nevada, though. For the 2 or 3
weeks or whatever when it was really a toss up between him and Bernie, EVERY
coverage of Bernie on CNN and MSNBC (and Presumably Most Of Local News And Major
Paper News) was tinged with Skepticism and Doubt and Worry, and every coverage
of Biden was tinged with Positivity and Hope and Support. And when you
talk about the key vote in those weeks being elderly people wanting someone
elect-able, MSNBC being very clear that they are skeptical of Bernie and glowing
about Biden? Fuuuuuuuuck You if you don't think that wasn't a key factor
in how things turned out.
(The toaster was not part of the plot at all). Oh well
you can't fight city hall. That's what I've learned from the most engaging
primary election of my lifetime. Can't Win Why Bother. Whew glad
we settled that. What else is going on and crap. Got some
Chipotle Bowl for lunch in a little bit. Dunno what's gonna be my meals
for the next few weeks. Probably should avoid getting delivery. Just
gotta stock up on Meals You Can Eat From Supermarket. I'll have some Cup o
Noodles as a lunch. Maybe frozen pizza pie for dinner or something.
Mom made Frenched Toast for dinner last night! The point is if I lived
alone I would probably feel comfortable going out and about but, like I said, I
think that's capitalism brainwashing. The president and media and much of
politicians is insinuating we should just tough it up and live our lives as long
as we're not elderly and/or particularly vulnerable. You know what,
though? Like 1 or 2% of young people with no particular vulnerabilities
WILL DIE IF THEY GET IT. And if you go out and about for the next few
months YOU PROBABLY WILL GET IT. If you don't HAVE to tough it out for the
next couple of months financially THEN FUCKIN' DON'T! 2%? That's
like when you're playing solitaire and the first card you hit was the card you
were hoping for. THOSE ARE PRACTICALLY THE ODDS YOU WILL DIE. Let
the stock market crash YOU WANT TO LIVE BELIEVE ME IT'S BETTER THAN NOT LIVING.
It's just a few weeks! Single digit number of weeks probably! It's
not that long!
Anyway I don't care what you do its your life. Just
really think about what your priorities are, right? Anyway, what else is
going on and crap. I mean, a million Americans will die from it. (well,
like 200,000 to 3 or 4 million or some sort of estimate like that)
Millions! Shit load of people! You can easily be one of them!
Don't be just DUHHHHH THE ECONOMY NEEDS ME. You dummies! Anyway
lunch is probably in about an hour and a half, 2 hours. I already got it
from Chipotle from 2 or so days ago might as well finish it. Then for
dinner Who Knows as we stare into the abyss maybe I'll get a delivery anyway
I'll leave it up to my parental units. I know we've always been mindless
zombies watching TV but if the Simpsons of the 1990's can see us now binge
watching show after show for all our lives they would have been like jeez we
knew TV was an evil unrelenting succubus but we had no idea it'd be THIS bad!
The Simpsons of the 1990's CAN see us now! They're now just The Simpsons
of the 2020's! Cool.
I had some good Simpsons Video Games throughout my life.
I had a gameboy game from ~1991-1992 where you play as Bart and the main point
of the game is to Jump Over things and throw things at people. Depending
on the level. If its the level in the kitchen you're throwing trays of
food at them. That's the only example I can remember. I
enjoyed a nice game on Dreamcast:The Forgotten Video Game System where it was
like a Crazy Taxi style game where you acted as a taxi within an entire Simpsons
Neighborhood World and you drove a car from a number of 2 dozen or so cars that
exist in the Simpsons universe and the passengers are different Simpsons
characters. And you, the driver of the car as one character, and the
passenger, have lots of pre-recorded dialogue that borders on relatively
amusing. Those are the main ones I remember from my life.
I remember, I wanna say 1996 or 1997, I had a huge
comprehensive Simpsons book about each episode with plots and highlights and
best jokes and quotes from writers/producers or whatever, and it was probably my
most prized book for 2 or 3 years or whatever. Loved it! Hmm I
wonder waht that book is doing right now. Probably on the shelf out in the
hall by the stairs. Good for it! Several years later I got an
addendum to that book where it's the same premise but it's for the 3 or 4
seasons after the original book was made. And reading the Mike Reiss book
on the Simpsons 2 or so years ago is what started me on my Jag of reading a
bunch of books by Comedy People About Comedy People And Things. I remember
the chain Fuddruckers which is a weird chain restaurant that isn't that great
and it had a Simpsons Arcade game that I liked. It was just a crappy
restaurant but in the back there were like 3 or 4 arcade games. We must
have went there only 4 or 5 times but I remember the Simpsons game.
At my peak mental illness, there was a period of a few weeks
or months where there were literally cartoons going on inside my head that I
couldn't really control, and they were often Simpsons-esque. Either just
in terms of style or actually involving Simpsons characters, I can't really
recall. But the point is that was the scariest few weeks of my life but
now I'm kinda like I wanna watch some mind cartoons if I could control it.
Because it really was an extremely active imagination. But a lot of it was
scary stuff not just fun stuff with jokes and such. And it didn't feel
like Imagination, it felt like it was being Implanted into my head from some
outside source. Which makes it less pleasant! Hard to explain.
I Write Titles Quite
Prove me wrong! Ides of March, eh? The
Simpsons were on the ball with that one! Self Quarantine is fun because
I've been preparing my entire life for this! Now it's Michael's
time to shine! I like it when The Simpsons are friends. Homer liking
The Boy (Bart)? I'm on board! One specific moment that warmed the
cockles of my heart is The Simpsons are punishing Bart with making him go to bed
without dinner (Pizza) and Bart is in his room like I'M HUNGRY! and then Homer
breaks and there's a shot of him running up the stairs with some pizza going
I'MA COMING BOY! and for some reason that moment hit me hard. I
wish I had a father who would punish me for something then bend and call
me Boy affectionately! I find it amusing that Homer and Marge get
older as the series goes on but Bart Lisa and Maggie don't. In the first
seasons I think they say Homer and Marge are like 34. If I remember
correctly the last few seasons they refer to their ages as at least high
30's. Last time I saw it referred to in the 4th season it was up to 36.
There are separate episodes with Lisa and Bart having
birthdays but nothing ever happens. And there are episodes with Lisa and
Bart ending/starting new school years but they are also both eternally in
2nd/4th grade. Fascinating. Anyway, what else is going on.
Gotta leave the house next Friday to get some blood work done. No way
around it, I can't get a new prescription of Most Important Drug without blood
testing to verify I got all things going appropriately and whatnot.
Otherwise I'd start getting uncontrollable mind cartoons! Also, they're
about 5% controllable, as far as I can remember. At times you can sort of
slightly nudge the action one way or another. If they were 50+%
controllable HOLY SHIT I'M ON BOARD. The fun never stops if you can sort
of control Mind Cartoons! But if you can't GET EM OUT GET EM OUT GET EM
Sweet. What else is going on and crap.
The point is self quarantine and watch mind cartoons? What is this,
NIRVANA? I was gonna say Heaven and then I was gonna say Shangri La,
then I was gonna say Nirvana and I was like well that'll do. But
the truth is being upfront it's pretty much Hell. Let's move on!
13th paragraph apparently. Probably aim for 20 or so! Anyway, for
those of you who are worried you're not being good Americans by Not Spending
Money, remember, you can also be good Americans by Watching TV All Day.
That is not a dereliction of your duty its just transitioning into another
valuable role in our society! Anyway, honestly, if you're reading this
somehow for some reason, I hope I can provide some Time Killing by bingereading
my crappy life over the years, and watch me get marginally more
entertaining/talented/funny, and if you wanna bingelisten to my crappy life over
the years, there's michaelkornblum.bandcamp.com, there's theuppers.bandcamp.com,
and there's punkbabyband.bandcamp.com, and listen to me get marginally...
more... who am I kidding IT'S ALL TERRIBLE! If you listen in order
its pretty much Michael Kornblum --> Punk Baby --> The Uppers --> I Don't Know
Yet. Is that a possible band name? I Don't Know Yet.
Well lunch is in about an hour. I figure Quarentine
Life can consist of an entry ever other day and ideally drinking every other
entry but if I drink every entry every other day ya know what I'm comfortable
with that EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES. Anyway, instead of taking 7 half hour
walks outside, my current projection of Quarentine Life is walking in a circle 3
hours a day at varying rates and portions. I figure 3 hours, which is 6
half hours for those paying attention, is about equal to 2.5 hours, which is 5
half hours, of regular walking outside. Because I'm pretty sure walking in
a cricle is less strenous than walking outside, probably because it's slightly
slower and hey it's just a gut feeling get off my back. So I won't be
losing weight as much but that's a sacrifice I'm comfortable making for a couple
weeks or months!
Is it a real thing that the Coronavirus will more or less go
away during the spring/summer? This is one of the first cases where I
honestly don't know whether to believe Trump or not. I usually assume
whatever he says is a lie but I dunno maybe that's partly true that'll it
subside during warm weather. I'd look it up but... well... hey I WILL
look it up! Internet seems to tell me We Don't Really Know Yet.
Glad I could share that knowledge with you! Anyway, halfway relevantly, I
was watching Armageddon on HBOGO and I may have watched that on VHS more than
any other movie. Ever! Which is even more notable because it was
made in 1997 I think and my period of watching VHSes was from 1990 (when I was
1-2 years old) to 2001 or so. Armageddon shows up more than halfway
through AND STILL makes a huge impression on me. Turns out it was half
written by J.J. Abrams which really made me feel good because I was like well
now it's slightly less embarrassing to consider it just a straight up great
I also found it amusing, which I'm sure they were conscious
of, but I didn't think of until just yesterday, that the way they were
preventing Armageddon was by drilling. Because in real life it's the other
way around. Commentary! I still remember my brother's
description of the movie, for some reason, one of my main memories of him,
the first half is all jokes, and the second half is all action! It's
also possible I said/thought that but for some reason somewhere along the
line I decided to attribute to my brother! Who knows for sure! What
else is going on! Been watching some more movies on Shutter: The
Relatively Obscure Horror Movie Website. Man they sure know 80's horror
movies that have the kind of butts I like. Look at all those girls'
butts across different 80's horror movies! They nailed it!
Fascinating. What else is going on and crap.
I'm sure if you have a job and have to go to work you'll probably be okay.
Especially because presumably if you have a job you're not living with elderly
parents. So go for it enjoy some life you'll probably be okay. BUTT
I'M A HERO BY NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE SO GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT.
What card have I drawn this entry. Drew the 8 of Hearts before the entry
started! So I got that going for me! Walked 1.75 hours in my room
soon after I woke up, before starting this entry. That means I'm gonna
walk for 40 minutes twice over the rest of the day That'll Do The Job!
I was even thinking about getting back into reading!
Imagine that! I really could though that's the point. Probably get
back into Martin Short: The Book, which was the last thing I was into. I
also am 3/4ths into Gabriel Garcia Marquez but that's a yawn. Martin Short
is a MUCH better and more captivating writer than the master of Magical Realism.
HOW DID THREE AMIGOS GO FOR HIM? I'm not up to it yet! I also
read the introduction to George Carlin: The Autobiography assisted by some
biography guy. You'd think I'd be interested in that because George Carlin
is The Tops. And you'd be right! He is the tops!
I'm not ashamed to say it-- I've never seen The Three Amigos.
I blame network and cable TV. They never showed it, how am I supposed to
see it? Probably was on VHS, I'm sure I could have gotten it from
Blockbuster at some point. I'd seen City Slickers II presumably from cable
TV or blockbuster, which is a similar movie presumably. Never seen City Slickers
I-- maybe part of it later in life but I hardly even remember that. Anyway
it's the 19th paragraph. Fascinating. Anyway, my biggest
lifestyle change as of now has been trying to avoid biting my nails.
Living at home I'm used to. Not biting my nails? WHAT IS THIS
TORTURE HELL?!?! Which is much worse than regular Cartoon Hell.
You probably can't comprehend how Mind Cartoons are Hell and
it's been like 8 years since it happened to me so I don't remember 100% either.
But it just was, believe me. I think it was a lot of vilence. Yeah,
that's it! Pornographic Violence! It was like Clockwork Orange with his
eyes wide open with Beethoven in the background. That sounds about
accurate, lets go with that. I'm freakin' biting on a nail right now.
IT'S HARD TO CHANGE HABITS. Sweet. Cleaned up my room and bathroom in
preparation to get used to living in my room and bathroom all the time.
Bathroom is still moldy as fuck (in fact, moldy BEYOND fuck. However moldy
you can imagine, multiply that by 3.5!). But surfaces and floors are clear
of miscellaneous garbage. Even put all my change in a plastic bag!
Lunch in about 15 minutes, half an hour, 45 minutes, an
hour.... that's probably it. I've been thinking now and then over
the last 48 hours I could probably get away with walking several times a day
and not coming into contact with people by the 6 feet Social Distancing
guidelines BUT WHY RISK IT. Again, I'd feel like a real jerk if one of
my Parents died and I was like well I could have risked it a bit less But Oh
Well Such Is Life! Doesn't make sense when you think about it.
And then there's another part of me that's almost having fun because I am,
mostly accurately, thinking HAHA WELCOME TO MY WORLD SUCKERS. NOW IT'S
MICHAEL'S TIME TO SHINE BECAUSE MICHAEL IS USED TO THIS LIFE! And then
there's a Me In The Middle where it's like Michael has a lot of free
entertainment on the World Wide Web maybe quarantined people can get some use
out of that! SUCKERS!
I think I've given up on entertaining people as a prime
directive a long time ago. Everything I do is primarily for me, and other
people finding it amusing is an afterthought. Prove me wrong!
Also I'm no longer going to be going to The Supermarket so if you could avoid
using Fresh Direct me and my family would appreciate it. We're gonna try
that sucker out! But presumably many people will! So don't use it
That's OUR Thing! Is Fresh Direct a slant rhyme. You take
away the t in Direct... Fresh Direck... sounds slanty to me.
It's a good thing I stocked up on Having A Deck Of Cards before things went
really crazy because this will entertain me indefinitely. Queen of Spades.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
Are You Ever
Gonna start lunch in a hot 20 minutes. At 2:30 PM! I LIKE DOING
THINGS IN MULTIPLES OF 15 MINUTES GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT. What kind of
day is it today. Sunday. Oh it's that kind of day. WOW
THE NEW FAST AND THE FURIOUS IS ON HBO!!!! I think it's relatively likely
I saw the first fast and the furious. And none of the rest. And none
of the first registered. Such is life! It seems like The Fast
would beat The Furious every time. Being furious is just gonna cloud
your judgment no way you're gonna beat the fast by being furious!! What
else is going on and crap. Unless it's a Tortoise and The Hare scenario.
The Fast takes too many breaks and takes its speed for granted and The Furious
Slowly But Surely beats out The Fast.
I'm assuming that's what that franchise is about. Are
they allowed to sell alcohol online. They must be, right? How else
are you gonna get Specialty Brews. But how will they know I am 21+?
When they deliver it, do you show your ID to the delivery man? There's
many questions here which must be answered because if I'm not taking walks every
day I'm gonna have to be drunk every other day. Hmm, still a few movies on
Shutter I'm interested in. Not counting on Great Butts, though. Last
two movies I saw had some great butts. If I say, "Butt," instead of a
different word it's not as creepy and more charming! "Butt," is a charming
word! Get off my back about it!
Wow. Dunno if I'm gonna watch the debate tonight.
I watched about 50% of the first two and I think the rest none. But now
that Bernie is gonna be 50% of it presumably maybe I'll give it a shot.
Also I wanna see how much Biden doesn't give a fuck about the Liberal Democratic
Base! Will he give any fucks? Or no fucks at all? Or somewhere
in between, where he gives token fucks but no real fucks? We'll see soon!
What else is going on and crap. If Bernie wins because they keep primaries
as they are but old people don't vote because they're scared of dying is that an
act of God that's telling us Democratic Socialism is the way to go? Or
just a coincidence. I'm not sure maybe someone else is.
Wow. Democratic Socialism? I'm not sure about
that. I'm used to having my worth be tied up to how much money I'm
spending or how much TV I'm watching. I guess. I think one of
the great tragedies of modern life is people recognizing that whatever media
they consume is probably biased or focused in a specific way but thinking that
they can out-smart the bias or focus and not be influenced by it. Doesn't
matter if its Fox News, MSNBC OR CNN, Online News, Paper News, Social Media
News, whatever. It's all people who know they're getting news slanted a
certain way, think they're smarter than other people consuming the news or even
the people creating the news they get news from, and not being smarter
than it. That's why here at Crazysheet.net we give you the No News
Promise! No news, none of the time! If you think there's news here,
you're wrong! Whatever you think while reading this is wrong!
EVERYTHING IS INCORRECT! Wow.
Great, now my kitchen sink has a leak. My parents will
take care of it But I'm Effected Somehow! One crossover thing is I watched
the movie, Chopping Mall, that presumably was partly the influence for a
Simpsons Episode, Itchy & Scratchy Land, which will come up on my rotation a few
days! So Again that makes it all worthwhile. Wikipedia doesn't
acknowledge that movie as the inspiration for that episode but I know the truth!
Man did that movie have a great butt. For some reason one of my
recurring dreams is specifically, irregardless of the rest of the plot in the
dream, 10% of it is I'm going to college in Manhattan, either extremely South or
North, and there's a White Castle right by that college. And the other 90%
has nothing to do with White Castle or College. Fascinating.
Actually I have a recurring dream where I'm studying abroad in Ireland for some
reason. Fascinating. Anyway. Entry wrapping up time.
I'll see ya later.
March 13, 2020
I Can Do Better!
Hey, How 'bout that. I'm pretty lucky during
Coronavirus: The Outbreak because I'm used to working from home. Doing
this! Which technically isn't working because I don't get paid and also
technically isn't working because no one knows about it and also technically
isn't working because it involves no real work but the point is I'm doin' fine!
As it turns out I have low white blood cell counts but what are ya gonna do!
I now feel more of a kinship with my fellow man because I know there are a good
amount of people who have suddenly been thrust (or, at least, will be soon) into
this At Home All Day lifestyle That I Know And Tolerate! Hmm, what kinda tips
can I give you. Ideally take a bunch of walks outside, but if that's too
dangerous for you, I can't recommend walking around in a circle inside enough!
In any room of your choosing! I've done it in my bedroom but theoretically
a living room or den might be fun and if you wanna get wacky why not the kitchen
or if you have some sort of large washroom!
Hey, How 'bout that. I'm also lucky because my
job has not been impacted by the economic crash. Again, mostly because I
don't have a job, but hey gotta look for silver linings wherever you can!
My job in essence is to keep working creatively at a moderate pace and
theoretically get incrementally better and also each day that passes increases
the possibility I will be, "Discovered," Most Likely On This Here Internet.
And I'm using the term Discovered very loosely. I would be happy
with Some Guy Who Works Some Place Doing Any Sort Of Vocation Finds My Blog And
Enjoys It. In other words, I would consider, to some real, honest extent,
having A Reader the same as being discovered. He discovered me!
Can't help me out at all, but That's Still What Words Mean!
So the point is You Discovered Me. Hey I Don't Like
The Sound Of That! Get away from me you FREAK. Fine you didn't
discover me. That's BETTER. What else is going on and crap.
The biggest sacrifice I'm making this Outbreak Season is not using Starbucks
Bathroom. I can go without actually getting Cold Brew once a day.
But I take 7 half hour walks! And I have a very active urination
situation! The Starbucks is more or less exactly halfway through the walk
and it may not seem like a big deal to you but again I have a Very Active
Urination Situation. So I got that going against me is the point.
Anyway I came up with a good new way to masturbate. You
may be familiar with this technique but its new to me. Anyway, put on some
pornography. But TUNE OUT. It's in the background but that's not the
focus. Then imagine you're watching it with a partner. Then Go To
Town ON THAT. Again it's only been once but I feel like it could make the
Masturbation Situation Rotation. Are we still allowed to Go To Town
with Outbreak going on? I dunno. I meant that as a pun but maybe
there's something there literally. Is it safe to masturbate with
Coronavirus? Seems like you'd be spreading it from one part of your body
to another part. Presumably hands to genitals. You're doing
something wrong In Society if its the other way around. Or right.
VERY, VERY RIGHT.
Well I got that going for me. I mean, beyond
joking, Coronavirus WILL be transmitted by sex. It's not an STD, its not
genitals based as far as I know, but having sex with someone involves a lot of
touching IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT and I'm Sure None Of This Is New Ground To You
Who May Be Used To Having Sex So You've Of Course Considered This BUT TO ME IT
JUST OCCURRED TO ME. Again, another situation where I'm ahead of the game.
Gotta go without sex and other physical intimacies? Welcome to my
world! I dunno, I guess.
Anyway. I think it's misleading to focus on the
stock market as a stand-in for the economy because I think it's hilarious when
stocks go down (I get a lot of not-rich people have a lot of money tied up with
stocks but my family doesn't anymore and I am sorry but it's still my root
instinct to go Fuck Stock People like BANE says the guy goes this is stock
trading there's nothing to steal here and BANE goes well then what are
you people doing here? THERE IF A BATMAN VILLAIN FEELS ONE WAY
THAT'S THE WAY TO GO) anyway so I think its funny when stock markets drop
but the truth is it really really sucks and is scary for much of The Average
Working Man. So maybe make that the focus or something.
Also, I'm comfortable sharing my idiocy/ignorance-- it's hard
for me to understand how stocks work. I buy stock in a company.
Suddenly if the company does good the value goes up? If it does bad it
goes down? But why are things publicly traded? To minimize risk or
something for the investors/owners of the company? Oh, and this is the
part that confuses me-- So much of buying stock/selling stock isn't really
based on how well the company is doing, it's based on the demand for that stock.
So the demand for a stock is the real thing driving the price, and its kind of
an artificial and even arbitrary thing to keep track of. So it just ends
up being this weird buy/sell game that I don't fully understand both practically
and in terms of why it's happening in the first place. And the bad part
probably is putting an emphasis on stock prices marginalizes the worker and
societal/ethical responsibilities of said company. Prove me wrong!
Again, this paragraph might make 30% sense, 60% sense, or 90% sense!
Probably roughly one of those numbers, because intuition tells us it'd be a
multiple of 30%.
Sure Seems To
Be An Entry
Hmm. When washing our hands, who are we supposed
to be wishing a happy birthday to? Not ourselves, right? That'd be
inaccurate most of the time. And it's bad luck to to sing Happy Birthday
to someone whose birthday it isn't. Are we supposed to check Facebook
every day or Google to see whose birthday it is, either our social chums or our
celebrity... chums...? Seems like the only responsible way to go
about things. Also, I wanna see a news story On The News where they have
to sing Happy Birthday to let the .2% of us who don't know the song how it goes.
Cause they'd have to pay royalties! Duh oh do WE have to pay royalties?
The bathroom mirror hears us singing. Bathroom mirrors are all psychically
connected for some reason. And very litigious, again, for some reason.
I don't sing Happy Birthday, I go with the Say Candyman 50
Times every time you wash your hands. And then I die 10 times but
that's the routine I'm in get off my back about it. Anyway.
Honestly, I've been doing the ABC's twice each hand wash. I wonder if
that's for the rest of my life. Seems like there's a good chance I will
carry that routine for the next 60 years. Or, 6 weeks, if I get Corona:
The Outbreak. But, yeah, how would it go away. It's There Now.
We're all just a bit more OCD than we were 2 months ago and hey maybe its for
the best. Anyway. I'm not particularly scared of Candyman because
that's just a movie but I am scared of Bloody Mary because that's real life or
something like that.
Wonderful. I tried playing my Music Piano Keyboard for
the first time in years and that motherfucker didn't even turn on. Whatta
jip! Just because I spilled coffee on it 2 dozen times over the years?
Gotta toughen up coffee spills are just an inevitable part of life. My
favorite tone is Glockenspiel. Or at least it was. That's all
behind me now! I had an interesting dream 2 nights ago where I was
playing/singing The Beatles' Getting Better and for some reason my
singing was 300% better than Real Life and guitar playing was 200% better!
This was notable for some reason because I briefly lived with the belief that I
was talented. Fun stuff! And also, if I could imagine in a
dream how my voice could possibly contort itself into something quality-ish,
then it seems like it would possible in real life, right? Cause it was
still my voice in my dream. Seemed like it was a tangible realistic
alternate reality. Just gotta figure out how to get there!
Anyway, not gonna see Third Eye Blind featuring The Saves The
Days. On account of it being canceled and whatnot, what can ya do.
My stock in Saves The Day HAS PLUMMETED. Speaking of Plummeted, why
was it a thing in October 2008 (speaking of stock market crashenings!) where the
news was like here's Joe the Plumber THE SWING VOTER. First of all
WHY. Second of all, when you think about it, why is a white plumber a
swing voter. Seems like he'd be in the Republican camp solidly, right?
Presenting him as a swing voter seems pretty disingenuous and designed to
elevate the Republican base at the expense of Democrats and TRUE swing voters
like Kevin Costner. I saw Vince Vaughn is friends with Trump but we can't
really argue because along with Actor Jon Favreau he's the ultimate Swingvoter.
Not Politic Jon Favreau.
Anyway, lunch is probably roughly in an hour or hour and a
half. I saw a movie about Vince Vaughn being a psycho and I don't think
they would make up stories like that. So we gotta take that into
consideration, whatever. That'd be a good thing for some streaming service
to purchase. Binge some Alfred Hitchcock or stuff. Actually, just
classics in general. There's like 90% of classic movies from the first 3
quarters of the 20th century that I have no access to No Bueno I wanna watch
some quality classic films! Or at the very least get a new TV with a DVD
player so I can watch Barry Lyndon some more times! It's a classic film
that never disappoints! WHY. Second of all WHY IS STANLEY KUBRICK
A SWING VOTER. I'd buy Stanley Kubrick as a swing voter. I don't
know why. I just trust him to be impartial.
Well, this entry is stupid. Wonderful! Eyes Wide
Shut is an odd movie because its for adults and I saw it when I was a pre-teen
and have not seen again as an adult. Why does that make it an odd
movie. Well, it doesn't. I have an odd relationship to it,
that's more accurate. Also, all the pornography scenes I enjoyed, but
that's neither here nor there. Because it's when I was a teen.
Wasn't there at pre-teen nor here at adult! Pretty good title, though!
Really awakens all the senses. Well, sight at least. Mainly just
sight. But if your eyes are wide shut presumably you'd be relying on your
other senses to feel your way through things so like I said all senses are
I dunno. We all knew the real swing voters are soccer
moms. Soccer moms, is that like a League of Their Own Scenario?
Isn't it kind of demeaning to define these women by the sport their child plays?
Women have identities outside of raising children you know! Presumably!
It's Republican because its Sports but it's Democrat because it's Soccer.
Pretty sure that's the premise. Also, it's Republican because it's
upper middle class but it's Democrat because it's women. Republican's
campaign message-- WHO WILL KEEP THESE SOCCER CHILDREN SAFE FROM FOREIGNERS!!
Democrat's campaign message-- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ABORTION TO PREVENT
FUTURE SOCCER CHILDREN!
Stop Talking To Me!
I was inspired by someone, on my walk, who wouldn't stop
talking to me! One thing I registered over the 8 minutes of her
rambling was her asking me if I was Italian. Which jogged the memory of
another person within the last few months asking me if I was Jewish or Italian.
Possibly in Hospital Waiting Room most likely from Fellow Sick Person.
Which reminded me LISA WONDERED IF DUSTIN HOFFMAN IN THE SIMPSONS WAS ITALIAN
OR JEWISH. I guess I got that going on for me for some reason these
days. When I told Walk Lady I was Jewish she was like ooh Jewish people
they don't like anyone right and I was like well that's how I feel Right
Now! except I didn't say that and I didn't say Stop Talking To Me!
and I just took it for 8 minutes and that might be my Every Day from now on.
Whatta jip. People talkin' at ya. Don't they know I GOT
THINGS TO DO!
Cool. Turns out Third Eye Blind and Saving All The
Days: The Band rescheduled their show! In July! Which as far as I
know may be cancelled again and then rescheduled again and then cancelled again
and this is what they mean by Cancel Culture right. Canceling
concerts due to Outbreak concerns? Also Cancel Culture would be a shoe in
for a future band name if not for Culture being a keyword featured prominently
in a current band that I can't recall specifically. I have no idea why I
take being called Italian to be a compliment. It might just be my
self-hating-Jewishness that anything other than Jewish seems like a
compliment. And passing as white is a Win. Or maybe for some reason
I think Italians ah they're an attractive people. I think it's
about 80/20 selfhatingJew. Cool! Anyway I came across some old
family photos from around ~2000-2001 and I look like a real jerk. The
first thing that came to mind was I look like Stiffler's little brother from
American Pie. They're both watching Shannon Elizabeth come on to Jason
Biggs on the webcam and Stiffler is pushing him away cause he's not old enough
for this! But you know what Stiffler isn't old enough for this either he's
underage yet we all act like this is okay???
Maybe that says more about where my head is right now that
I'd make that association. Yeah that's where I am in life. I may
be 31 in reality but I'm a reaaaallll Stifler's Brother at heart. Oh
well such is life. Actually its a 3rd thing. It's Me Seeing That
Photo and reconciling that with my current impression of what may have been
going on in my mind/life at the time. And I guess in my 31 year old mind
my impression of my 11 year old mind was yeah this sucks but I was a
Stiffler's Brother. How embarrassing! I'm better now, though.
I ain't no one's little brother! Except for my brother. My older
brother. But at this point we're just Brothers, right? Throw
little/big out the window, that's what I say. We're all just brothers and
sisters. And however non-binary people identify with their siblings.
I guess just siblings. There we go.
Well what else is going on. Lunch is in about 25
minutes. I wouldn't lie to you. Not so egregiously. Not only
does it suck being stuck talkin to rando Asian lady but I CAN'T STAND HERE
TALKING TO YOU THERE'S AN OUTBREAK GOING ON. She's aware though
because she's Korean and she doesn't like Chinese people for spreading this or
something. I was tuning in and out to what she was saying but she was
saying something along those lines. I don't get the instinct to be like
HEY!! THERE'S SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT BACKGROUND THAN ME WHO I'VE NEVER
TALKED TO BEFORE, I'M GOING TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT DIFFERENT GROUPS OF PEOPLE I
HATE. And they're just being friendly, that's the point.
She's not overly upset or trying to upset me. That's just friend talk!
I dunno, crap and crap. And, of course, there's only
one group of people I hate-- people who talk to me. Which is ironic
somehow for reasons I don't feel like exploring at the moment Get Off My Back
About It. I don't think they were the funniest episodes, though still on
the good side, but I think the Simpsons was its most charming the first few
seasons. The stories actually made sense mostly and it felt more
culturally relevant. Actually, ya know, it's not that the stories made
more sense. They were pretty farfetched too. The characters made
more sense. That's the main thing. And the inter-character
relationships were more real because of it. Obviously they all became
extreme caricatures and it's fun that way too, with Homer being insanely stupid,
or Chief Wiggum and his son being insanely stupid, etc. but when the
characters were more real it was more charming that's the only point I'm trying
to make get off my back about it!
The fun thing about the mid-to-later seasons is that the
characters were caricatures but somehow they related to each other in a genuine
way. Each character existed in this perilous state of lending credibility
to the realness of the others while being totally ridiculous in and of
themselves. The good news is I got an English Muffin with my steak/egg
whites/Frenched fries for the first time and it didn't/isn't disappoint/ing!
So part II of II of that is in about 15 minutes. I dunno, crap and crap,
what else is going on. Haven't made the most of this deck of playing cards
I got. Drew a card before starting this entry. Four of Diamonds.
Not very happy with that. One of the lowest cards in value! The 9th
worst card out of 52 not very good at all!
What else is crappening. Freedom Muffin.
Is that a thing. Got 2nd Burrito Bowl out of 2 Burrito Bowls either for
dinner tonight or lunch tomorrow. Which is good because its food which is
the most appropriate thing to eat for meals. Thinkin' about getting into
Salads. Like entire-meal-salads, not side salads. I've gone through
a few several-month periods where I would eat Meal Salads. Usually a
Chicken Caesar Salad. Just some romaine lettuce, some slices of grilled
chicken, mayeb some croutons or shredded cheese, keep it simple. No salad
dressing. Do I have the piece of bread on the side? Depends!
Maybe a bag of chips instead of bread, Panera offers that. Or nothin'!
I DUNNO I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.
At what point do we abandon American Exceptionalism. I
feel like intelligent people already have but we're not really allowed to say
it. Hey America isn't all that great. YOU ASSHOLE FUCK
YOU. ALSO, THE WRONG SIDE WON THE CIVIL WAR. What else is
going on. Also, how do companies benefit from stock prices rising, other
than paying their higher-up executives more. Hey suddenly we got this
influx in cash LET'S BUILD BETTER CARS NOW FOR SOME REASON. Maybe that
makes sense, it's possible. Do they even get an influx in cash? I
dunno! I think it was interesting that The Simpsons had 2 episodes in the
first 3 seasons that had Danny DeVito as Homer's half brother. They
probably thought it would be a recurring character, putting him in a SECOND
episode within TWO AND A HALF seasons! I don't think he ever showed up
again. Whatta scam.
My favorite Simpsons line of the last week, as of this
time watching them-- the episode is Bart donating his blood to save Mr. Burns
life, and then after some Plot, the end of the episode is Mr. Burns gives
Bart/The Simpsons a gift of a huge Olmec (South American Aztec type religion)
stone head monument thing that ends up in their living room but takes up the
whole room. Just a big ol' huge Head Ornament. And Homer is
disappointed because he expected money, or something worth more. And he's
like well what does it do. And Marge is like whatever it does,
it's doing it right now. That's my favorite line as per the last
weeks' viewing. Prove me wrong! Maybe Asian Lady thought I looked like
Danny Devito. Suddenly that's not such a big compliment.
Italian people can't be short! Only Jewish people are
short! Get outta here with that bullshit! Now tat I think about it,
pretty notable that my Funniest Line Of The First 3 Seasons was a Marge line.
Seems pretty notable, doesn't it? Real notable, that's my impression.
Probably gonna eat that Chipotle for dinner tonight. Really only scenario
I don't is if Family decides to get Italian Food for tonight which is a once a
week thing AT MOST in which case sure I'll have some pizza instead. I can
get pizza instead anyway! I take walks all the time and there's pizza
available within walking distance! Oh boy pizza! Wonderbar.
Pretty good idea for a candy bar. Why were Candy Bars the most
valuable industry in the early 20th century? I mean, there's a whole park
devoted to Hershey. That's living in the lap of luxury, enjoying and/or
producing candy bars. There's Hershey, there's Babe Ruth, there's Dr.
Charleston Chew, Mr. Heath, whatever, I don't, care any, more.
Trying to sleep less these days. I read 7-9 hours
of sleep is ideal. So I'm aiming to sleep around 9,10 PM-7, 8 AM.
Still erring on the side of 10 hours but I'M ONLY HUMAN HOW LITTLE SLEEP DO YOU
WANT ME TO GET. Hey I got around one and a half dollars on poker.
I won it by accident on a freeroll and have already lost 2/3rds of what I won
and this is what is left. Wonderbar! Pretty good idea for a candy
bar. Also if you're into candy bars but your bar has no chocolate
you're doing it wrong. What the hell is a candy bar without chocolate.
I can't even think of a popular example! Internet tells me Payday's and
Abba Zaba. I have never seen an Abba Zabba bar and mostly know of it
because it's featured in Half Baked: The Major Motion Picture. If I
remember correctly. I think Dave Chappelle goes Abba Zaba you're my
only friend. Abba means father in Hebrew. Prove me wrong!
It is also a strange but worthwhile lyric schematic.
Huh. Sometimes when I'm in a drug store or something,
and there's candy bars, the way I fantasize about them is just imagining
stuffing the entire thing into my mouth at once and see where that takes me.
Not necessarily because I want to actually do that. That's just where my
mind goes. Hmm I wonder how much of this could I fit into my mouth at
once maybe all of it! What else is going on and crap. Candy
bars are kinda phallic symbols, wonder what that says about me. Hmm.
it says somethin'. Not 100% what, but somethin...
Figure I'll write another paragraph or two. One
other way I'm being healthier these days is not re-using the same
plate/silverware throughout the day. Used to just go with one plate, one
knife throughout each day. And use the same fork all week! But now
we're being healthier and using new stuff each meal. Wonderbar! Now
that I think about it everything is a phallic symbol! Forks are
phallic symbols! Soccer Moms are phallic symbols! Prove me
wrong! I feel like I must have had Ladybugs: The Rodney Dangerfield Movie
Where He Has A Son Who Pretends To Be A Soccer Girl For Some Reason on VHS,
because I definitely saw it at least a dozen times, but I dunno maybe it was
just on TV a lot at the time. Same with Little Giants. For some
reason there was/is a whole genre of Adults Coaching Children's Sports, I guess
either starting with Bad News Bears or maybe that was just the cataclysm of it,
I mean its really common. Gotta be at least 2
dozen MAIN STREAM WIDELY RELEASED movies in the last few decades where it's just
Adult coaches youth sports team with random complications, often adult is
ill-equipped. It's as common as movies with a car chase sequence in
them. For every movie where there's a car chase, there's also a movie with
an adult coaching a youth sports team. That's hardly even exaggerating!
Wonderbar. Hmm is that a possible career path. Either
becoming an actor to play an adult coaching a youth team or just biting the
bullet and coaching a youth sports team in real life. I don't know sports
that well but hey if Movies say it's fun and good then who am I to argue.
See ya later.
March 10, 2020
I Figured Titles Out
Well, titles up to this point. The Future Of
Titles? Still a mystery to me as well as everyone else. Speaking of
as well as everyone else-- Coronavirus? I'm as well as everyone
else! Except for 100,000 people. Better off than them!
I've gotta be real careful to avoid Corona: The Virus because I live with my
elderly parents and my Dad has got an immune disorder on top of it! Whatta
scam! So basically, society--as a rule, continue your collective practice
of not touching me. The good news is I'm drinking orange juice which is a
thing where you have to be unhealthy to be extra healthy. Orange juice got
itself a lot of sugar! No bueno gotta bend the rules of your diet to drink
it! But if you do Hey It's Real Straight Up Juice So Enjoy The Health
Benefits Of Juice! It's a real one step back, two steps forward
type of deal.
Started binge watching the Simpsons. Is there something
analagous to purging in the context of binge-watching TV/Movie Franchises?
Also, first of all-- you can bingewatch movies, right? As long as they're
the same franchise. I can binge watch Star Wars Movies or something,
right? Ok, glad we got that covered. Back to purging. After
you watch all The Avengers you throw them up metaphorically somehow lets figure
this one out. Avengers are full with trans fats No Bueno. I was
reading an article on Food Health and I realized, while reading about
trans fats, I have no clue what trans fats are. I had that thought
While I Was Reading What Transfats Are and then was like oh well I guess
there's no way to find out. Tough. [Editor's Note-
Watching The Simpsons in order but if ever there was a
franchise which would make a strong case for you to watch the episodes at random
It Is The Simpsons. I don't have any sort of Random Episode Generator
though so the debate is moot. The point is if I watch The Simpsons 3-4
hours a day I should be done watching it in about 2-4 months. Then it's on
to Star Wars: The Movie Franchise! Then Marvel Comics: The Movie Versions.
Then I Dunno I'll Figure Somethin' Out. Alright now that we're all caught
up on what I got going on these days, lets get to some potential goof-em-ups, or
laugh-em-ups, or maybe some insight-em-ups. The point is ya got any
uppers? I Am The Uppers as per my band name from 2014-2016. And
Band Names Never Die. That's why I have about 3 dozen names I can identify
myself by. The fun never stops!
I'm TV Show Anorexic. Oh So You Don't Watch
TV? Yep that's about it. How Unhealthy.
Hey that's great. I guess making TV is purging. You eat some TV
and throw it back up. How Unhealthy. I'm not sure what the
appeal of Juice With Pulp is. Hey you want some fluid to drink?
How about some chunks of stuff in it? Then you're more or less
drinking Orange Stew at this point, right? Which is a pretty good idea But
Not To Drink! I'll eat some Orange Stew and maybe its flavored with some
orange soda in addition to the juice the Orange Bits are stewing in. Give
it some extra zest. Also besides Citrus is there zest in anything?
Orange can Zest, I think lemon and lime can probably Zest-- that's about it,
though. You can't add some zest with carrot or mango or pinto beans.
Well that's just accurate there's nothing interesting
there or anything. Just a definition of a word. Yeah what's your
point. I'll have paragraphs about defining words we all know and love.
I like listneing to podcasts that I enjoyed in 2007 and finding out they haven't
grown at all either. Because I listened to some Silly Podcasts let me tell
you and if they're still being dumb 13 years later into their 40's and 50's, I
can certainly still be dumb in my early 30's, right? I'm running out of
time to be Dumb Successfully, though. Dumb for an audience. And
that's mny worry-- maybe they can only be Dumb because they're getting paid for
it so they're Adult Dumb. If you're 40 years old living with your parents
Being Dumb all of a sudden that's an entirely different situation.
I look at it this way--- I've eternally got a solid 9 months
left to be Dumb without consequence or motivation. That's a long tme.
Long enough to permanently put off having to Do Something With My Dumb.
But it's short enough that I can feel yeah I'll be gettin' on top of this
soon. And also, most importantly, its long enough that I'll Forget
About This Pact and when 9 Months Is Up I Will Start A New 9 Months. I
dunno why it has to be 9 months. The point is I'm Always Telling Myself
Doing Something Is Right Around The Corner. 9 months is the amount of time
you have to have a baby. You get 9 months to get rid of it from your womb
and then either shit or get off the pot!
Huh. If you don't give birth on time it just
keeps growing until it pops like a balloon. I wasn't paying attention in
Sex Ed so I had to fill in the blanks myself but it seems more or less accurate.
The point is Maybe Podcasters Aren't The Best Role Models? That can't be.
They wouldn't let them on the internet without being properly vetted as good
potential role models! Internet wouldn't allow such a thing! I think
Sci-Fi writers of the 20th century really dropped the ball. That would be
a pretty good short story, where everybody in the future records their
conversations once a week for some reason to share with everybody else.
But they 98% go un-listened to. But that doesn't stop the podcasters!
Lotta interesting context and subtext and supertext in a mildly dystopian future
like that. Plus Its Historically Accurate so all that ultratext is
especially relevant! Also I just described my life, just replace
podcast with blog.
Which incorporates some different ultratext but is close
enough where I'm clearly just projecting. I'd say the odds are pretty good
that there's a Truman Show going on somewhere but its just in the beginning
stages so we don't know about it yet. Some asshole parents are like
well we're just gonna raise our child 100% on the internet. And I
guess its not a pure Truman Show because he'd presumably be aware of it but it'd
still be pretty scary. He wouldn't know its weird. He'd be a Reaaaal
Truman. A Truuuue Realman. Are there laws against over saturating
the market with social and anti-social media abuot your child? Seems like
exploitation if you're making money from it and child abuse and lots of stuff.
I think Sci-Fi writers of the 20th century really dropped the ball by not
writing The Truman Show until whoever it was who wrote The Truman Show.
Why wasn't it written several months earlier. Seems Like A Scam!
Cool! Is that the next Social Media? Just
Instagram but 24/7? That's gotta be in the works, right? Both in
terms of because People Will Use It so its a good investment and also in terms
of People Are Sick Enough To Enjoy Using It either as a creator or an observer
so society should create it for these sickos. Again, that must be going on
in the beginning stages. Crazies who are broadcasting life 24/7.
Again, I feel like I should be financially rewarded for this. I demand
True Realman Show royalties and UltraInstagram Royalties! I demand lots of
stuff! I guess that would devolve into the thing where you're looking into
a mirror where there's a mirror behind you and its just endless reflections
getting smaller and smaller. Cause half of the 24/7 of your life would be
watching other people's 24/7's and they'd be watching yours so it'd just be life
getting smaller and smaller. I dunno.
More Paragraphs Are In
Was watching a couple of episodes of The Simpsons which made
me think about my Judiaism. Just watched the one with Krusty and his
estranged Rabbi father. What's so e-strange about him. They
weren't talking. Ah now I get why that's a word. Also the one
where Dustin Hoffman is Lisa's teacher-- character is specifically Jewish!
And it made me think wait a minute Most People I Know or are In The Public
Sphere and Are Comedy heroes AREN'T LIKE THIS. I was kinda
raised assuming every other Comedy Guy or Entertainer In General is Jewish.
Every other person in my Hebrew School was Jewish. But now that I think
about it I'm Kinda Alone AND I LOVE IT. It's like a religious Home Alone.
Suddenly I got the spiritual house to myself and I LOVE IT EXCEPT THE FURNACE
So I got that going for me is the point. What
can I say about Hebrew School. I was even weirder to then than I was to
the people in regular school. If I was in the 95th percentile weird among
my regular school chums, I was probably in the 99.8th percentile among Hebrew
School chums. Because there was the added stigma of being in the smart
class in regular school. And the added stigma of sitting in the back of
the room and lettin' the ants crawl on me. That's being Jewish!
Lettin' ants crawl on ya and just kinda not minding cause who cares they're just
trying to do their thing. Also I once tied my shoe to a file cabinet and
quadruple knotted it and That Became A Whole Thing! Jewish.
Well I'm glad I was able to share those life experiences with
you. I think we all just shared something special but now its time to move
on with our lives. I would never be cool with bugs crawling on me now.
Jewish. AAlthough there was that movie Antz starring Woody Allen who
is famous for inventing a whole genre of stereotypical Jews. Wow!
I meant professionally in comedy as well as socially characteristic and
everything but now that I think about it Maybe He Started The Thing Of
Jewish Guys And Asian Girls! (Asian Women). Cause that's a thing
now, right? He started that! How about that what else is going on
and crap. My cousin married an Asian Lady! But I knew of this
stereotype relationship even before that! Wonderful!
Why is it okay for entertainment heroes across platforms to
be named Woody and we all just act like this is okay? Woody Allen?
Hero! Woody Guthrie? Hero! Woody Harrelson! Biggest Hero
Of Them All! Is Woody short for something? Woodford. Woodford
Harrelson is his complete name. Well Microsoft FrontPage is a-ok with,
"Woodford," as a word. I stand corrected. Or, un-corrected, as
the case may be. Jeez I dunno. Is it a thing that we can all
kind of agree we want Trump to be infected with Coronavirus? I mean, that
is the subtext of reporting on his dealings with people who possibly have it.
We're either thinking definitely yup hope he's got it we should be so lucky
or we're thinking uhh are other people thinking this? Possibly, right?
Cause I sorta am... I'm in camp #1. Which coincidentally is the
camp I'm going to for being Jewish Or I Dunno Some Other Reason in a few years.
That's my hot take on the news and that's the only hot take on the news you're
gonna get this entry! We're all going to camps for either the obvious
reason or a secondary or tertiary reason!
Sweet. Just ate some animal crackers. Sweet.
Is it a job where you get to design the shapes of foods. Someone had to
design the mold or print or whatever for the animal crackers. That's an
art. Is it a job where you get to be dumb. I mean, if you're really
good at it. If you've got a lot of practice being dumb and being able to
be equally dumb at any left turns that may happen or be dumb to make some dumb
point come across or just project an approachable dumb personality that people
connect with. Just be dumb in many different tangible ways. That's a
thing that should exist for people, right?
I guess. I got Grilled Chicken Sandwich again for lunch
today! First time since last week and it all lined up very nicely.
Gonna have 2/3rds a pouch of animal crackers with hit! I JUST HAD THE
OTHER 1/3RD. HOLY SMOKES. This time I got it on Ryed Bread as
upposed to a roll. Turns out they only have 2 patties instead of 3 with
Ryed Bread. WHAT THE HELL YOU KNOW HOW THIN THESE GRILLED CHICKEN PATTIES
ARE NOW I ONLY GET 66.7%? I'M GONNA WRITE MANY ANGRY LETTERS TO MANY
PEOPLE UNTIL I FINALLY GET IT TO AN APPROPRIATE PERSON THEN THAT ANGRY LETTER
HAS WON THE SWEEPSTAKES AND I DEMAND SOME SORT OF PRIZE.
Wow! Standard has been 7 walks a day the last couple of
weeks. Half hour walks. Figure that's burning around a bonus 700
calories more or less. Half hour walk being 100 calories is a fair
guesstamation. And on average am probably consuming around a maintenance
intake without any exercising. So I'm losin' 1-1.5 pounds a week
theoretically GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT. Anyway gonna eat that sandwich
open faced. Not 100% why, I'm just going with my gut. Eat thin
sandwich Even Thinner by eating it open faced. So we'll see how that goes.
I was thinking about the movie Mars Attacks! last night and I realized I don't
think about this movie nearly enough. The main point I have to make about
it was I had an idea for a movie when I was 10 or so called Yokozuna Attacks!
which I obviously unconsciously got the title from. And anyway the movie
was a Godzilla type movie but the monster character was famed Japanese WWF
Professional Wrestler Yokozuna. Who has grown to even more monstrous
proportions presumably from nuclear power.
So, yes, I was always kind of a genius. Wait,
no. I misspelled Dumb. I was always kind of Dumb.
One interesting recurring thing from watching The Simpsons is how much This
One Specific Television Cartoon effected my development as a person and
impressions and reactions to Real Life! So now I'm watching it like oh
well that sorta had a profound impact on me. I think that all the time
while binge watching The Simpsons. Oh Well That Exact Moment or Line or
Plot Point or Character or Thematic Implication or Recurring Joke Sorta Had A
Profound Impact On Me. Two dozen times an episode! So I
got that going for me is the point.
Wow I Get To Write
That's fun for one of us. And by that, I don't mean
either you or me. I mean, imagine 12 people read this. It's fun for
one out of 13 of us. That's about accurate. The good news is thanks
to Public Health Scare I've been showering every night which means I have to get
re-dressed every night which means I'M WEARIN' PAJAMAS EVERY NIGHT. It's
fun! In Spain do they pronounce it like it rhymes with Bahamas?
My guess? I Don't Even Really Care That Much! The other good news is
just got back from 4th walk, will eat lunch after 5th walk. Am making
coffee for current period between 4th and 5th walk. Sweet!
I'm developing a very strange (and unmarketable!) comic voice
listening to podcasts. I am sort of starting to gain a skill of being able
to think of somewhat clever, often punnish things a dozen or so times throughout
any given podcast. Things that no one actually does say in the actual
podcast. But they're always stuff, if I was actually there and said it,
yeah, it's kinda clever, but it would bring the conversation to a screeching
halt. It adds nothing to the development of the convo or is relevant to
the subject matter. Just a stupid pun or something along those lines.
So I got that going for me! And then I sorta realized maybe
that's EXACTLY why I don't have friends. I thought I was being funny
but my punnish pieces of bullshit were just me stopping every single real
conversation going HEY LOOK AT ME!!! And the point is it's not even
funny enough for people to tolerate!
This coffee is good enough to tolerate! Bad
thing about Hot Coffee is it feels kind of empty there without a cigarette.
Oh well What Can I Do About It. I feel like a fair amount of The Simpsons
is A Practical Joke. They often talk about within episodes about how the
characters are throwing their lives away watching TV. And TV being a bad
influence in people's lives. And TV just generally being stupid. I
think I always recognized the irony in the subtext there, but now I see it as
more malevolent. I used to think it was a cute wink. Now I think
it's gluing our face to the floor. That's my go-to practical joke I
guess. One of the first times I shaved myself in high school I
accidently shaved off a fair amount of my HeadHair incorrectly assessing it as
an extension of facial hair. Boy was my face red in high school the next
few weeks! Looking back, maybe it looked cool. That kid I would
otherwise never notice looks like an idiot HMM WHAT'S HIS STORY I'D LIKE TO GET
TO KNOW HIM.
That's good advice for people who feel unnoticed or
unwanted (Friend or Sexwise) in high school-- do somethin' stupid! It'll
make you stand out and get people talking and curious about what your deal is
PLUS you won't look pretentious or like a poser because YOU LOOK STUPID. I
wish I had known this when I was a kid. And, yeah, first advice is shave
off some facial head hair. I can guarantee you you'd look really stupid!
Anyway at this point it looks like lunch is in about an hour but I'm gonna be
honest I'm just enjoying this coffee for now! Drinking hot coffee because
I'm forgoing Starbucks Iced Coffee because I don't want Coronavirus.
Starbucks as a name kina sounds like an STD. Presumably one circulated
among celebrities. Yeah that girl was sweet but she gave me starbucks.
Something along those lines.
Anyway. Maybe that says more about me than it does
about Starbucks! Maybe A Lot Of Things! I'm trying to avoid The News
but every time I hear Some News it feels like uh oh things are getting worser!
I mean tangibly things are probably pretty much the same as yesterday or
tomorrow will be but I dunno I Don't Like It! I think it's because the
world is the same as it was a month ago But Also We're All Gonna Die.
Which in retrospect is the subtext to All Of Life but I wasn't putting two and
two together at the time! Anyway. It's like a cross between kids not
knowing the difference between Good Attention and Bad Attention. Do some
crap that warrants Attention but isn't really good or bad. That's
Good Enough Attention and nobody's gonna argue with you or give you shit!
Pretty sure that's what podcasting is. There's a
pretension to TV or Film or Real Writing that doesn't exist for podcasting.
Podcasters and podcast listeners are always constantly aware of well if we're
gonna be honest this is really stupid and doesn't reflect well on any of us.
And that's how I choose to live my life so get off my back about it!
Not really sure if its good attention or bad attention. That's The
Life. Anyway, what else is going on and crap. I must have other
memories from Hebrew School. Once we were doing a Quiz between the classes
(there were 5 grades in Hebrew School-- one for the equivalent of Regular School
3rd grade through 7th grade) and I got the final question wrong and in
retaliation one of the kids stood on me. Dunno how I got down on the
ground. One of the only times I've ever been in a fight or something
related to a fight. And I didn't really get a chance to fight back.
Some fatso got me down and stood on me. This was in Real Life 7th Grade!
I remember being kinda into the stories but very much not
into learning Hebrew both in terms of reading/writing and in terms of
speaking/understanding. The Hebrew School I went to also was the same
building where I attended multi-denominational Pre-School. Wasn't Jewish
themed at all. Same place, though! Fascinating. What
else is going on. Being Jewish is more about legacy than believing in
fantasy stories and whatnot. My parents were Jewish, their parents were
Jewish, I'm continuing in that grand Tradition of being this specific
monotheistic religion which is stupid but also we're relatively smart compared
to other jerks for some reason no one is really sure of. That's how I'd
put it off the top of my head. I also capitalized Tradition because of
Songs From Musicals That Sentence Reminds Me Of.
50% Good Attention,
80% Bad Attention
That sums that up. This'll be the last Section Of
Entry. Not only are these grilled chicken patties thin but they aren't
even wide enough to cover an entire piece of Ryed Bread. Did anyone ever
figure out what Catcher In The Rye is about? Or are they still working on
that one. That's the premise of the book, right. Yeah we all
agree this is good but What's It All About. Probably another Practical
Joke on children. That's what most entertainment is for children and for
not children. Hmm what would be a good premise for a podcast. I
think I've shared my idea for a podcast called Lets Make a Scene and the
premise is it samples from all the exclusive groups of different podcast themes
and unites them under the idea that They Are Now All My Friends.
You got people from comedy, politics, news, books, science,
anything! And then not only are they now all my friends but they are also
now friends with each other. It's essentially a social media but the only
tangible incarnation of it is a weekly podcast hosted by me and presumably a
sidekick or two. Also once a month it's an Improv Show so that the title
adds an extra meaning. Anyway. The good news is this brand of
animal crackers is head and shoulders above the other main brand of animal
crackers. Hey-- Animal Crackers! Has anyone ever made a movie
out of that? How come Scripted Podcasts haven't ever really caught on.
Also-- update of War of the Worlds where its a podcast and everyone is
like OH NO THE PODCAST SAID MARS ATTACKING HAS BEGUN! BUT IT TOOK A
BREAK TO HAVE AN AD FOR WARBY PARKER. Also, until just now, always
assumed it was War B. Parker. Turns out its Warby Parker. Also, for
99.8% of you-- that's a thing that advertises on certain podcasts. An
appropriate, "Reference," if you will.
Sometimes I think about paying an extra 10 dollars or so a
month for this website where one of the benefits is I would get access to
Statistics about visitors and whatnot. How many there are, where they come
from (both geographically and literally what website led them to this one), etc.
I paid that fee back in crazysheet.com days. When I put up the
transcription of the speech Conan O Brian made at my graduation ceremony it had
either like 1,000 or 10,0000 hits that day! (I know there's a big discrepancy
but what can I do about it that's the truth of my memory) Also, not hits
to crazysheet.com/crazysheet.htm. just his speech. But /index.htm
(which led to crazysheet.htm) had a bonus 30-60 hits!!!! PROGRESS!)
So how'd that turn out for me. I can't remember but what else is
It's gotta be weird for Simpsons
writers/actors/creators/whatever because of all the entertainment in my life,
the Simpsons is canon more than anything else. It's the only thing that I
accept as it is and refuse to conceptualize as if its just some piece of crap to
some people who made it. It's the weirdest thing for me to imagine that
someone just wrote it and that's how it exists to them. The point is I
have no more sandwich left and no more animal crackers left but dinner is on the
docket in about 3 and a half to 4 and a half hours!
Anyway this may be the last paragraph. It may be lots
of things. But mainly that, that's my best guess. I haven't seen a
movie in a while and I may never see a movie again because of Coronavirus.
Is it gonna be a thing where incels spread Coronavirus because they're Joker
People and they want to watch the world burn? My guess is nope not
clever enough to put two and two together and let themselves get Coronavirus
then go around caughing all over the place THEY'RE TOO DUMB. My second guess
is uh oh maybe they figured it out WE'RE HELPLESS. Something along
those lines. Why do they have to be incels. Just seems like
they'd fit the bill. I'm an incel. But I don't IDENTIFY as an incel.
I want to make that very clear! Jeez. I'll see ya later.
NOTE-- TALKIN' 'BOUT
PAJAMAS-- I MEANT TO WONDER IF THEY WERE PRONOUNCED PUH-HAH-MAS WHEN I SAID
RHYME WITH BAHAMAS, BUT EVEN THE STANDARD PRONUNCIATION PUH-JAH-MAS DOES, ALSO
I'VE HEARD PUH-JAM-UHS SO THAT'S ANOTHER THING TO CONSIDER
March 3, 2020
It's a New Day, Lets
It took me over two months but I've finally realized It's The
Future. 2020! And it's the decade of Let's Go 2020's!
I'm on board with a whole new decade, why not. Anyway, drank last night,
will drink again today! It's been my experience that in theory drinking
can numb the pain. Prove me potentially wrong! Hey I Just
Drew A Card For Today's Entry And WHOLLY MOLEY ACE OF SPADES.
We're gonna Motorhead it up! I don't know anything about Motorhead.
I know Jack Black's character in School of Rock (Sometimes Fashioned The
School of Rock) name checks 'em as a band he's upset the children don't know
and/or listen to. Also, oddly enough, there is a Sandwich as a Plot Point
in that movie and I Am Eating A Sandwich Right Now for lunch! It's called
Grilled Chicken on a Roll! Real working class Healthy sandwich.
Working class people are notoiously against health but if they do get Health
grilled chicken is an acceptable option.
It seems weird that we actually use the phrase Working
Class because doesn't it kind of imply the other classes don't work as much?
Which I think is probably true, but they shouldn't be okay with us
knowing that! Whose they. You know, the guys in
charge of sandwiches. Anyway bought a bottle of alcohol as opposed to
drinking beer for the first time all year. On the vodka bottle, it
proclaims NON-GMO, then on a line below it CORN and then a line
below that & GLUTEN FREE. Does that mean it's NON-GMO CORN... And
Also Gluten Free? Or does it mean Non GMO! Also, Corn and Gluten
Free! They're fostering consumer ignorance and confusion Yet Somehow This
Is Okay? I don't get it! Not happy with how thin these grilled
chicken patties are. I'm not happy about a lot of stuff these days!
Is there any constitutional analysis debate on why is the
pursuit of happiness is there. Spoiler Alert- sure there is of
course but let me go into it like I'm a genius finding a totally new subject
matter. Anyway, it's a distinct thing from Life and Liberty.
Even if you're not covered by Life and Liberty, if you're pursuing happiness?
GREAT GOOD FOR YOU CARRY ON. What if your pursuit of happiness effects
someone else's life and/or liberty? I DUNNO THAT'S FOR THE COURTS TO
DECIDE. Also wasn't it a thing that people in the 18th century Didn't Know
What Being Happy Was? What did they have going for them? They die
when they're 45 and don't have any kind of entertainment or anything. What
did they imagine in terms of pursuing happiness? I DUNNO BUT WHAT CAN
I DO ABOUT IT? Just finished a sandwich like it was nothin'.
Meat was too thin!
I think calling meat-free sandwiches IMPOSSIBLE is
some form of subliminal negative messaging to get you on board with Regular
Sandwiches. Yeah these are impossible we're not 100% on board with them
either even though we offer 'em. Lets go back to What We Know which is
accelerating the ruin of the planet due to global warming by raising even More
cattle! It's Impossible to imagine a different scenario!
I see Scams Everywhere! I gotta tune out from stuff for a while,
right? Get back in a good head space. That's what the 2020's has
gotta be about, right? Fighting global warming? If Not Now, when?
2030's? Too Late I've Read Reports! Really! I think I Once
Actually Read A Four Page Report On Global Warming I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
Anyway. I hope if Bloomberg wins he has a more
regressive tax rate and gives billionaires REVERSE taxes and is like Yo
This Is A DIFFERENT KIND OF GREEN NEW DEAL HOLLLAAAA aand showers his
friends with stacks of cash. I figure that's one way for our country to
go. Anyway, I dunno whattado with the next few months and then the next
months and years after that. I've considered trying Comedy Open Mics but
it's tough! I'm a lot more comfortable Not Doing Things. My last
Real Plan for life was a year ago before Comedy Class started of meeting
friends, doing open mics, and them coming over to watch Duckman. I
accomplished about 1.2 of those things. I did Go To Comedy Class and made
about 20% of the base of friendships with half a dozen people.
Anyway. I'm under the impression Biden isn't that great
re: workers and union but he just looks like a guy that would be like
yeah he's with unions. I think that's his main appeal. People
don't know and they just assume yeah that's kinda... I dunno... I
think that's because he's been Joe Biden for the last 30 years so His
Look is kinda baked into our subconscious because He's Been Doing That Act In
Front Of Us For Many Decades. And we just forgot it was him and now we're
like Ya Know What Joe Biden Looks Kind Of Like A Joe Biden-esque Type Of Guy,
at least on the surface. Because he is, in fact, Joe Biden.
The good news is I got the cheapest pair of earphones
possible at Drug Store because the Cheap Pair That Comes With Apple Products
stopped working in one year. And I realized Drug Store Earphones are the
model of planned obsolesce. They're designed to get irreparably tangled
and broken after using them about half a dozen times. But they're only
8 dollars! Maybe a good way to motivate myself to do a comedy open mic
is to Write Some New Freakin' Comedy. I've tried writing boring stuff--
now it's time for something new! Nah I ain't gonna do that.
GOtta do something, though, and preferably not falling back on drinking all the
2020! The good news about Global Warming is we're still
in the Hey this is kind of pleasant! phase. I mean, I know it's
causing extreme weather conditions like hurricanes all over, and in Australia
there was that Continent-wide Fire, but for the most part, the majority
of us's main experience is hey it's spring a little bit sooner.
Pleasant! We only got this Hey-This-Is-Relatively-Pleasant Phase for 10,
15 years, probably, so might as well enjoy it while we can. Because then
comes well these 50% of animated species have had a good run, oh well.
Also, best phrase I could come up with to describe all forms of living things?
Animated Species. Not sure if that includes Plants. Not sure of
anything at this point!
Hey there's an Open Mic riff to work on. Climate Change
is relatively pleasant for now! Why Not That's A Decent Riff JUST FUCKIN'
WORK ON IT AND THEN ACTUALLY DO IT.
Such is life! I don't wanna set myself up for disappointment.
I'm gonna end up at disappointment anyway, why bother setting myself up for it?
Let's be honest-- disappointment is the End Game no matter what I do.
Ugh. What else is going on and crap. Was planning on getting
Chipitle DoorDash for dinner tonight but now I'm thinkin hey is there a way I
can get Some Sweet for dinner? There's French Toast or Pancake
Possibilities. Not Waffle, though. Not tonight!!! My Dad ain't
around so Ordering For Myself, I could only get the Cheaper Smaller Diner to
deliver, and they stop serving Belgian Waffles after 4:30 PM. I Don't KNow
Why! Hey its past 4:30, lets put the waffle iron away. Serve
everything else. But that waffle iron needs to rest. What's The
Deal With Things In Regards To Places That Deliver Me Food.
Whatever. 10th paragraph. Figure I'll take
another walk after this one. See how that goes. It was raining a bit
last walk but not much! Is there a reason why Climate Change isn't the
main issue in Presidential Politics? Cause it seems to be the main issue
in Reality. That's my interpretation of life. Hey why you raggin'
on temporary ephemeral pleasantness You Got A Problem With Pleasantness?
Sure I do I guess I dunno! I got a solid 3 podcasts I'm significantly into
to choose from for next walk. The possibilities are endless!
Well, three. Them possibilities End At Three. Anyway, WOW.
The good news is I'll probably live in a scenario for most of the rest of my
life where I'm not listening to cable news in transitional phases throughout my
day. Go downstairs to get some soda? Transitional Phase with CNN in
the background! Go downstairs to go out the front door to take a walk?
MSNBC in the background! I DON'T WANT NONE OF IT JEEZ. Alright walk
It's Raining Almost
I ain't gonna take a walk in that unpleasantness! I
gotta do some open mics with comedy, right? Maybe. Just bite the
bullet and write 5 minutes on the first thing that comes to mind (Global
Warming), because the first thing that comes to mind is probably in the
Background Of Many People's Minds, and jeez just DO IT. First step is
finding the right open mic. LEMME ASKJEEVES THAT UP RIGHT QUICK.
Jeeves, get over here! Jeeves! Oh still gotta go to the internet,
right, brb. Eh I'm Not Gonna Do That Right Now. Maybe later,
though. Whatever. That's the good thing I can do, though. I'm
not gonna write some comedy Out Of The Park, but I can think about stuff going
on in my life or in the world that's topical, and write some good enough
stuff about it. Open Mic Good Enough. Which is still pretty mediocre but
hey they don't call it Good Enough for Nothin!
If it wasn't good enough it'd be Not Good Enough!
Huh. Sounds about right. What else is going on and crap.
Was about to say did they make Back to the Future IV yet and then thought
to say I wonder if Mike J Fox's Parkinson's is moving at 88 miles per hour.
See that'd be a good throwaway at an open mic! People LOVE Parkinson's
jokes. I'm kinda genuinely happy with that joke. What else is
going on and crap. I'm a Back To The Future Series fan, but The
Frighteners was a very solid VHS I had back in the day. Certainly in the
rotation. Also, calling it a VHS, I hope you understand I didn't buy
it on VHS. My generation was a strange one because we possessed movies
we could watch whenever we wanted, unlike previous generations, but we mostly
got those movies by Recording Them From Regular TV, or at least I did, unlike
the DVD generation where you buy whichever movies you want. We had to make
do with the best movies that showed up on TV at some point.
Fascinating. We had a fair amount of Bought VHS's. Maybe like
25% or so were official copies.
Fascinating. I think the 3 Back2TheFutures were
bought, and The Frighteners was recorded. Probably! OH that's
another thing-- 50% of the recordings included commercials! You could
either record it from a place with no commercials like HBO, or you could record
it from a place with commercials BUT YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO PAUSE IT DURING
COMMERCIAL BREAKS AND THEN START IT UP AGAIN WHEN COMMERCIAL BREAK IS OVER (a
lost art that has no analogous thing in modern era) or, well, you just record
your movie/tv show with commercials. Also, the rare PPV movie. Most
of my PPV recordings were Wrestling Events from ~99/00. But also a few
Post-Trying-To-Take-A-Walk-But-It-Was-Raining-Relatively-Hard. Figure I'll
reassess that situation in a paragraph or two. I find it interesting that
Joe Biden is essentially running on a Make America Great Again campaign
but without using those words. Think About It! That has no
place at an open mic because it's not a joke. I need to think consciously
Only Write Potential Open Mic Lines Of Thought. I should Know My Place
which is Write Some C/C+ Jokes!!!! I can do it if I try. I really
can! I think if someone told me ok THIS OPEN MIC is the one you gotta
do and also here is the exact directions to get there from your place I'd be
100% on board. Probably!
HOLY SHIT ACE OF
I was about to use the title Oh Yeah I Got The Ace of
Spades Going For Me! and then I was like well might as well just pick a
card again and I did and I GOT FUCKIN ACE OF SPADES AGAIN! So
either that means something magical or it just means I picked the exact same
spot in the deck again. Well, both. It literally means both at
the exact same time, in essence. Also this is 1 out of 54 cause of
JOKERZZZ BABY. I BET HES LYING ABOUT THIS ACE OF SPADES SOUNDS LIKE
A SCAM TO ME. Anyway what else is going on and crap. I
did think ahead of picking the card, Hmm I think I picked somewhere in the
middle of this half of the deck last time, guess I'll go for that 50% of cards
again, so It Was a Scam to some extent. I knew it was in that 50% of
the deck PROBABLY it coulda gotten turned around at some point though so maybe I
guess. The point is the whole thing is a scam. Sorry.
I know we all agree Ace of Spades is the most valuable
card but is Ace of Diamonds the conensus lowest card? Probably not!
What else. The point is the world is fuckin' goin' to shit but I got the
ace of spades twice which tells me Everything Will Work Out In The End.
Sure I picked it myself but why would I lie to myself that Everything's Great?
I'd have no motivation! Ugh.
What else is going on and crap. I've said at least
1 thing this entry that made me laugh. Michael J Fox Parkinson's going at
88 miles per hour. Mission Accomplished. Cause its twitching,
right. That's what Parkinson's is. He's twitching really fast back
and forth. Probably should look into some Open Mics for real.
But then the terrorists win. That was a real thing in like 2003,
2004, right? If we adopt this progressive policy that helps people then
the terrorists win. And they also started calling French Fries,
"Freedom Fries," because France wouldn't go along with us on our Iraqi
Adventure. Really! Or as Joe Biden calls it the good days when
the Republican Party Made Sense! So if Joe Biden is the nominee are we
still pretending the left wing of the Democratic Party matters to the party
inners or are they just gonna go full blown Right Of Center, ally with Never
Trumpers, and tell the rest of us to fuck off cause what are we gonna do not
vote/vote for Trump?. That's my guess!
Why aren't they making new Tales From The Crypt.
Doesn't society understand that it would be GOOD to do things that are GREAT?
Also, The Crypt sounds like a fun new dance move. Possibly spelled Crypt
but pronounced Crupt. Or Crip'd. Paul Thomas Anderson. Huh?
RRight now leaning towards getting Chipotle: The Burrito Bowl for dinner
tonight. Not as Sweet as some options but I'm sure they have a bunch of
hidden sugar in their ingredients! That's my interpretation of all Mass
Produced Food. 90% of it is Hidden Sugar. And the rest is Hidden
Salt. Anyway. I obviously wasn't a fan of Buttegieg and Klobochar
dropping out just to support Biden, because it's bad for Bernie, but just the
idea of it being definitely one of these 4 people is kind of aesthetically
pleasing. If you could just imagine somehow, incorrectly, alright
lets start from Zero! Bernie Biden Warren Bloomberg. That's not how
it is. But that'd be pretty cool. Just start over from there.
Pretty sure that's Exactly what Warren's campaign message is this week.
FiveThirtyEight has her at 0.0% chance of winning majority of pledged delegates,
we wish her the best of luck.
What else is going on and crap. Presumably its >0.0%
for Warren. But apparently <.1%! I don't like the numbers any
more than you do, I know. Is it possible that Biden wins and both
Bernie and Bloomberg run independently? I think I'd be okay with that
scenario. Lets just put all our cards on the table and see what happens
with that! In fact lets just get rid of political parties altogether!
I dunno about hat one how will people game the system without people to game
with. What else is going on and crap. Trump would win
60% of the vote in that scenario. Oh well I don't decide what
scenarios will happen! I'm just a Speculator! I like how there's
this big show of picking a VP candidate to appease The Other Side. Biden
knows as well as anyone vps don't mean shit. What did Biden
accomplish as VP? The only VP who ever accomplished anything was
Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Making Us Laugh. And also those ones who went
on to become president. That's the main appeal.
What else is going on and crap. It just occurred to
me that as a phrase PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT is hilarious. What a fuckin'
cry baby. PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT. Makes me laugh. What
else is going on. 20th paragraph. Figure I'll take a break after
this one, write another 5 or so during dinner, and call it a day. It's
kind of crazy that I Will One Day Live In A Life Where I Can Tune The Fuck Out
From day to day politics. I can just register oh things are fucked
and then go on with my life! Wonderful. Maybe I could start by doing
comedy open mics! Yeah! Maybe yeah sure.
On The Other Hand
Everything may be a scam, but at least I'm learning how to
masturbate better. I feel like I used to be REALLY good at masturbating as
a kid. Then somewhere along the line I lost my way. Now I'm
returning to this lost art and feeling my way towards doing better overall and
whatnot. Figure for dinner I'll err on the side of hidden sugar vs.
obvious sugar. Lotta fun going from Sanders 80% plurality to 30% plurality
within, what, 3 or 4 days? Damn 'Stablishment. Buttegieg and
Klobochar Etc mercenarily want to have a future in an 'Stablishment Democratic
Party! Who could have predicted such a turn of events! Bloomberg was
running as a decoy for progressives to go after while Biden consolidates the
Generic White Man Moderate Vote! I NEVER SAW IT COMIN'!
Life is crap and whatnot, who could have seen it coming.
Also I KIND OF understand but mostly am against this stuff about if you argue
with South Carolina voting for Biden you're dismissing Lady African Americans.
My instinct is to be like well they are demographically the backbone of the
party so fine but then part of me is like well the whole idea is They're
Telling Us Whose Electable And They Say Biden Is And Not Sanders but then
part of me is like ANTI-SEMITISM. So that's an interesting battle
of wits. African American Lady Backbone vs Relatively Baseful Calls of
Anti Semitism. Who will come out on top? I dunno! Probably
whoever isn't me, I don't have a great track record of coming out on top!
Anyway, jeez. They don't hate Jews possibly.
But they (correctly?) assume white people hate Jews! Probably not
correctly! LETS GIVE WHITE PEOPLE SOME CREDIT. Ugh. Any
time you get to LETS GIVE WHITE PEOPLE SOME CREDIT you are LOSING
the argument. Lets move on cause I don't care anymore. What else is
going on and crap. Are Jews white people? Sometimes!
Lets move on. Besides Today and Yesterday and Maybe For The Next Few Days,
I really don't care that much about Judaism and Anti-Semitism. But for
This Week I'm reminded of How Much It Sucks. Then I get to forget about it
All Over Again! Sweet! What else is going on and crap. HOLY
MOLEY DOORDASH IS HEADING TO RESTURAUNT.
What else and crap. This Tuesday isn't shaping
up to be super at all! The good news is I can have 21 meals a
week with a bunch of hidden sugar. That's the America Promise!
Three meals a day packed with hidden sugar! All the hidden sugar your
hidden heart can hide-d-ly desire! I hope I get to vote for Bernard
Sanders in New York! 1 vote can change the world. Especially if the
world is deadlocked without you! Well, only if the world is
deadlocked without you! Well, actually, if the world is 1 vote
ahead/behind without you, too! Then you can Split The Vote With The World!
So basically there's multiple scenarios where your vote can change the world is
Huh. What else is going on and crap. I
think everything shouold be decided by vote from now on. Movie coming out
this weekend? Don't look at the Box Office to see how well it done did!
Have a vote! Was this movie a success? Yes/No/Maybe So.
Apparently that's my Next Level of what's important. There's
President, then there's Are Specific Movies Successful. Prove Me
Wrong! HOLEY MOLEY DOORDSAH IS ON THE WAY. Jeez. Figure
I'll end this entry now. What a piece of crap. See ya'll on the
March 2, 2020
Oh Boy, A New Month!
Months mean a lot to me. There's four weeks in them
most of the time except for often when there's closer to four and a half weeks.
Also it's my interpretation that women have, "Periods," roughly once a month as
per the lunar cycle. Pregnancy is tangled up in this riddle as well and
one day I hope to Get To The Bottom Of It. What playing card do I got
going on this entry. Drew the six of clubs! Number 6 is pretty
good. I can almost conjure up what 6 dimensions would mean. There's
length, width, depth, time, Super Time, and then the sixth dimension is
Ultra-Super Time. Which is a fine name for a 11 minute sketch show on
Adult Swim or something.
Six strings on a guitar. That's an actual fact that you
can't argue with. Well, you could. But it would make people talk.
The point is I just ate a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel and Cinnamon Raisin In
The Sun is that anything? The point is as of this paragraph its a four
person race for president and Four Person Race is my new band name.
Anything can happen in the non-band name Four Person Race but I'm confident that
Bernie's record and what he stands for is simply more appealing to Democrats
than Biden's or anyone else's. And hopefully that's what it comes down to.
Either that, or charisma. Why not. Can the next debate be they just
split it into Bernie vs Biden and Warren vs. Bloomberg. Seems like
everyone would be more comfortable with that and whatnot. And Bernie and
Biden are competing for the World Championship Belt and Warren and Bloomberg are
fighting for the Intercontinental Championship. The point is I Have To Go
To The Cardiologist In Half An Hour!
I think part of the thing with supporting Bernie is
thinking we could win is a way of almost sort of justifying the Trump
presidency. Yeah we as an entire party were in the wilderness for a
long time and things got so shitty and We Deserve A Real Win. Not
some half assed fine this won't be The Apocalypse anymore at least.
No, something the working and middle class of our country have EARNED by going
through so much bullshit. As the Rolling Stones once said, though--
Gimme Shelter. Wait, no, I mean, You Can't Always Get What You
Want. Sometimes you get what you need. And you know what?
Sometimes you don't! A Lot Of Uncertainty In This Song, not really making
any promises one way or the other on pretty much anything!
Seeing Third Eye Blind and Saves The Day in four weeks.
Someone said a mean thing about Third Eye Blind's Front Man on Twitter though
and Now I Don't Know What To Think! I wouldn't worry about him, though, he
probably just turned a blind eye to it. I learned somewhere if your third
eye is blind your third sense of smell, third sense of taste, etc. are
heightened and whatnot. Is that a thing? Where cosmically you have a
third eye version of hearing or touch? Let's ask someone about that one
day when we get the kinks worked out and I can accurately describe that Yuk-Em-Up.
I kinda like the band name Four Person Race. What The Hell Does It
Mean? I Dunno! But I like it.
Gonna have 2-4 drinks after Heart Doctor. Good name
for a Drama/Rom-Com about a cardiologist and his/her love interest. I,
Heart Doctor. Because with the comma its about the Heart Doctor and
without it it's about the person who Hearts the Heart Doctor. 300,000
dollars please. Figure I should either be given 300,000 dollars, if
its a good idea, because they'll make the movie and make a thousand times that.
Or, if it would make a bad movie, they give me 300,000 dollars to buy the rights
to the movie and make sure they bury it and it never gets made. Either way
Give Me 300,000 Dollars. Speaking of Hearting Doctors, I saw that they did
exit polls in the first three Democratic Primary States, and a majority in each
of 'em were pro-M4A. Seems like maybe they should talk about that
sometimes on the news because for some reason the issues seem to be pretty
important when people participate in politics by voting for people. It's
not just a popularity contest crazy how it may seem.
Some people actually care about the issues! Rubes!
Don't they know Nothing Can Ever Be Accomplished One Way Or The Other!
Biden is the Great White Hope. Runnin' against some Jews and a Lady or two
and recently a Gay. Pretty clear who we need to get behind here!
It's not a coincidence Biden wins in the South and Bernie wins everywhere else.
COUGH ANTI SEMITISM COUGH. Oh I gotta get that checked out I may have
Coronavirus. Or, I may just have anti-Semitism. But, yeah, let's
unite behind the guy who MADE UP STORIES about participating in Civil Rights and
being friends with Nelson Mandela. Why the fuck is that ok? He just
fuckin' makes shit up and no one cares! I, for one, find lying about big
things to be an important sign of Dishonesty. I've noticed a strong
correlation between a guy who lies a lot and the possibility he may be a
compulsive liar. I will write a thesis on it one day but I don't feel like
it right now!
Anyway, figure I'll write one more paragraph before Going To
The Doctor Becomes A Thing I Will Do. I like when people are like Oh
Man Trump Is TERRIFIED Of Biden that's why he's nice to Bernie in tweets and
whatnot! Have you ever considered the possibility that Trump has been
made aware of this super-secret thing not a lot of people know about called
reverse psychology? It's this thing that's a way of manipulating
people by saying or implying the reverse of how they really feel. I'm not
saying I believe Trump feels one way or the other, I really don't know and I
really don't care. I'm just saying taking his tweets and comments as
evidence he feels a certain way is pretty fuckin' retarded at best and
intentionally dishonest at, well, there we are. Alright, that'll do it for
now. Be back later!
Whose Got The Time
Not Public Enemy! They kicked out the guy who in charge
of the clock. Anyway, back from cardiologist. Which it turns out
isn't a fancy name Blackjack Dealers call themselves at casinos. But,
anyway, important points to make-- maybe elections are popularity
contests? Not presidential elections, though! They're electoral
contests! Learnt that one the hard way! Several times!
Two-- I really did read someone, "Slam," Third Eye Blind Guy on Twitter!
It wasn't just a set up to that HILARIOUS and WONDROUSLY CLEVER, "turn a blind
eye," pun. Three-- hey what else is going on. What's the
definition of college in the phrase electoral college. I
could look it up easily on internet and I think I'd find an appropriate answer
pretty quickly. Oh well, what can I do. The internet
is fleeting and always just out of reach.
Whatever, I dunno. Ever since saying I liked the Tales
From The Crypt with Sex last entry, I finally realized oh ALMOST ALL OF THESE
have to do with sex. I guess I was just a naive young fool. Now
I see it every where I look! How does The Crypt Keeper identify.
These are the important questions. I mean first instinct is he's a dude
but I dunno how are we sure when you think about it. He's a slight
frail thing, too, which to me is kind of a feminine vibe. Also he kind of
scares me which definitely suggests he's female. Or, she's female.
Whatever. Men scare me too. These are the important issues!
I was making some sort of point last entry or two about how I
trust Bernie and Warren are running for presidents for the right reasons and
then I was like the other guys just Wanna Be President. But I was
thinking about it, and I'm not sure where Biden fits in there. In fact, I
kinda get the sense he DOESN'T particularly Wanna Be President. Its
more like well I'm doing this running for president thing you can either get
on board with it or not I dunno it's up to you man I got things to do!
Which is equally disconcerting. That's his vibe! He's up there and
relatively natural cause he's done politics his whole life but he
kinda seems like he doesn't even wanna be there. At debates he would
just stopped talking before his time was up!
Well, whatever happens happens. I just hope Good Things
Happen. That's my position on life. When Trump was running they were
sorta promising he'd be a hands off president and just let the other people run
stuff and he'd be there ceremoniously. I think that's the kinda thing
Biden would be happy with. But Mike Joe Biden says charming
phrases. Well That Seals The Deal! Aren't I really bad with
making terrible puns. Maybe The Crypt Keeper is my biggest artistic
influence. It also explains why I'm a slight frail thing, too. At
best. Still gotta lose another 20 or so pounds to get to my Crypt Keeper
Weight! I dunno. My brother is a really thin guy and for some reason
that's what I feel like goin' for. Some people would prefer average weight
with a defined torso and whatnot. Not me! Just lemme wear t-shirts
and whatnot that are skinny. Skinny t-shirts. That sort of thing!
Get off my back about it!
Cool. My favorite part about the intro to Tales From
The Crypt, is, for those who don't know, it's like the camera point-of-view is
leading us slowly and steadily into a haunted house and we go through several
rooms, then down a flight of stairs, and then into a CryptRoom, and it focuses
in on a coffin AND THE CRYPT KEEPER SUDDENLY POPS UP AND LAUGHS... and anyway,
my favorite part is at some point before the flight of stairs, it starts making
a right AND THEN IT CHANGES ITS MIND and makes a left! THE CAMERA POV
FUCKIN EITHER TRICKED US OR IT CHANGED ITS MIND BY ACCIDENT HAHA I LOVE IT.
Well that paragraph is worth Something to Someone. There's gotta be
like 20% of people who that recitation of the Opening rings a bell, 10% of
people who recognize that exact Left-Then-Right Moment, and about 7% of people
who are like YEAH HEY THAT IS AN INTERESTING THING TO TALK ABOUT THESE ARE THE
EVERYTHING'S A NEVER
That's my takeaway from life these days. Such Is Life,
though! What do I got for dinner tonight. Part II of II of Steak &
Seafood! And this'll be the rare DinnerEntry. I was looking forward
to it all day! Saw Therapist in the morning, did 5 walks over 6 hours, saw
Cardiologist, Here I Am!, continue this throughout Heating Up And Eating Dinner.
I was watching some Local Long Island news at Waiting Room and I was thinking
about these anchors. It seems weird that TV News Anchors probably come
more from a background of journalism and not acting. Cause they do 0%
journalism and 100% reading words and making Appropriate Facial Expressions.
But I had a friend in High School who According To Facebook became a News Anchor
somewhere and I was thinking why would a Smart person do this. Even
if you think of it as Acting, can't be that challenging an Acting Job! Not
a lot of Interesting Choices and Character Exploration to be done!
IT'S A SCAM. What kind of prompt are you giving News
Anchors? Alright, here's a short explanation of the today's news for
you to read word for word. This part you're playing is CONCERNED CITIZEN.
Not SO Concerned-- All Is/Will Be Right With The World-- Please Be Pleasant!--
But This Information Seems IMPORTANT To You!! But the point is playing
Not So Concerned Citizen seems like a pretty big stretch from going to school
for journalism. In a lot of ways its the antithesis. Journalism is
really about being Concerned Citizen. Reading local news is about being
Smiley Happy Face Today Is Fine Just Like Yesterday and Tomorrow! I feel
relatively strongly about this maybe around 30-50% strongly I feel very strongly
about this qualification!
Cool. Local News and DayTime Talk/Game Shows have a
very special place in the lives of the Severely Mentally Ill. Cause when
you're hospitalized for mental illness, you invariably will be in rooms every
day with a TV where your connection to the outside world is local news and game
shows. Which, for the most part, Will Drive You More Insane. I dunno,
something like that. Good basis for some sort of, "Bit," right? Lets
figure that one out later. Might as well. What else is going on and
crap. 6:01 PM right now! Figure I'll put food in oven around 6:15!
And take it out around 7:00! And eat it roughly over the same amount of time it
takes to eat it! I dunno this paragraph is the pits.
Whatever. I dunno how to think about Bernie/Anti-Semtism.
My gut is telling me its playing a big part. Mostly in terms of, not that
people are necessarily anti-Semitic and thus won't vote for him-- although my
gut says that's a not insignificant amount of people-- but that people think
well he's Jewish thus unelectable better go with Biden. So they vote
against him because of that. Again, I dunno. I really don't.
But if I didn't think it to some extent I wouldn't have said it. That's
my policy on Things. I say things I believe and NOT things I don't believe
I Feel Very Strongly About This! I still don't like it. Part of
me, if I was reading this and I Wasn't Me, I'd be like, OH ANTI-SEMITISM HUH
YEAH LIKELY NICE STORY REAL CUTE EXCUSE! GET OUT OF MY FACE.
That's how I talk to myself? How rude!
Was kinda being anti-Semitic while talking to myself.
That covers that. My Gotcha question to Bernie Sanders-- You
claim to be Smart and Logical yet claim to identify as Jewish WHICH IS A
RELIGION!!! EXPLAIN YOURSELF. I gotcha.
I gotta be in a really weird generation of people of Jewish People who Mostly
Are Atheists. That's gotta be across the world or at least the country,
right? People roughly my age who are Jewish people who aren't Jewish.
Because we're smart and logical. What are our kids gonna be? We
gonna force them to be Religion Jewish? We keep the Jewish Identity while
raising em without religion? What does it mean for the future of American
Judaism? I dunno! It's a real interesting time to be a Christ
Killer, though, at the very least we can agree on that. That's OUR
Word, we can say that. Probably.
Oh, NOW I Get it!
I was watching some porn recently on my computer but while on
my bed and it was an interesting change of pace from watching it on the small
phone screen while on my bed or watching it on my computer while sitting in
front of it. And suffice to say I was like oh NOW I Get porn!
I was doing it wrong for a while I'm sorry to say. Hmm.
Interesting. What else is going on is the point. I think one of
the key questions when watching porn is do I imagine I'm this guy or
do I just accept I'm not in this video but enjoying it anyway from afar.
Or maybe imagine I'm enjoying it from aclose! That seems like an
interesting twist! I gotta do some research to see the right way to do
it but that seems to be one of the key questions as far as I can tell.
I can do all the imagining I want yet I still am unable to
actually have sex while watching porn. I've tried MANY TIMES but so far it
has eluded me. Dunno what this line of thought is accomplishing.
What else is going on and crap. I've even recently experimented with
standing while watching porn. Makes me feel productive some how.
Sorta a working-man aesthetic. Like I'm on an assembly line. Dunno why
that's just how it feels you can't argue with a feeling successfully!
Saw that CEO guy died today Jack Welsh. And on Long Island news they said
Jack Welsh Died today, he was the visionary great guy who took GE from a 12
Billion Dollar Company to a 400 Billion Dollar Company! And I was like
Good I'm Glad He's Dead. Put that shit on his tombstone and see if he's
pleased with that. Fuckin' asshole I HATE HIM SO MUCH.
James Lipton died today, too, of Iced Tea fame. I know
I'm Wrong but I like it when stock market does bad. Fuck you guys suck
on that shit haha. I don't know how Economy works but that's my first
instinct. I remember that was one of my key treats for myself in middle
school. Get a Lipton's Iced Tea from Vending Machine. That was my
image of Living The High Life. Get a Lemonade/Iced Tea. Cool!
20th paragraph. Dinner in about half an hour. 2 beers down 1 or 2
left to go. All in all Great More Tales From The Crypt To Re-watch Minus
The Last Season Which Is In Kings' English Which I Don't FucK With. I say
a lot of stupid irrelevant memories form my past (Like Lipton's Iced Tea) not
because I think they're imporatnt but because They're My Only Memories.
It' either Lemon Iced Tea or Nothin'. Might as well settle for Lemon Iced
Tea. Better than nothin'!
Another thing about Biden winning in South and Bernie in
Other Places-- we ain't gonna win No South either way. Midwest and whatnot
are in play! States matter more elector-ally! Hate to be the bearer
of bad news! Good idea for a new line of HallMark cards-- greeting cards
which doctors send with bad news to patients. And the cover is a picture
of a bear and it says Hate To Be The Bearer of Bad News... and then you
open it up and it says You Have Prostate Cancer. Thats how the
world should work in an ideal world. Also the bear is holding an accordion
for some reason. Don't ask any follow up questions That's Just How It Is!
What a Wonderful Forld
Was actually gonna say, "World," but, "Forld," definitely
sounds a lot better and more accurate. Food is ready in about 15, 20
minutes. Whatta World. Was listening to a podcast with Lin Manuel
Miranda and if I had Better Friends in high school I think I could have become
halfway decent at free styling. I would have had to have friends that
enjoyed rap and encouraged me to enjoy rap more and be confident and free enough
to freestyle ourselves and the point is with that motivation and openness I
coulda been halfway decent at it. Oh well, too late for that! It's a
young man's game. And I'm not a young man anymore. I'm kinda middle
aged. When I was a kid I was like, mid 30's, that's middle aged.
And mathematically I was correct! And I'm 32 at the end of the year,
that's mathematically middle aged!
Also, when I say Better Friends in High School, I mean
Friends In High School. I had one good friend in high school and I
didn't like him at all! What else is going on. Also, that Crappy
Good Friend I kept throughout college years, and I did once share a song I had
recorded around 18 Y.O. or so, and his one comment was I like that moment
when the instrumental part comes back after the first chorus. He liked
it when the first chorus ended and right before the next verse started.
The music in the background in that specific moment? (Mimes kissing hand and
goin' MWAH Beautiful!)
My biggest mistake sharing music with people was erroneously
telling a girl I wrote this song about you or something when in reality
I wrote this song about nothing and then people were listening to the lyrics
like Oh This Thing Means This Thing while in reality All Of This Means
Nothing. I gotta stop goin' on Twitter. Only makes me upset.
Also these people are an establishment scam. Also these people
are pro Bernie BUT NOT WELL ENOUGH.
It's a broken system and someone's gotta
fix it! Not our government, poli-news-twitter. Anyway what
else is going on, crap and crap probably, right? HEY YOU'RE PART OF THE
STABLISHMENT WE DON'T LIKE THAT. Yeah bad news though we're
establshed here with our power. I DUNNO ARE OYU SURE ANYTWAY WE CAN
MAKE IT BETTER? Poltics.
Wow. Food'll be ready in a hot second.
I've been assured by no one that's an expression. 25th paragraph.
Dinner has started. This may be it! I like local channels that just
show the news on repeat. Yeah I saw you say this with the same strange
facial expression before 3 times. Fun! It boggles the mind that
you can see a doctor and they take your weight with your jacket on and heavy
pants and everything and they go ok this is your weight! and write that
down and I'm like DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING THESE CLOTHES ARE OBVIOUSLY 30
POUNDS. I feel like someone should get fired for that and that person
MAY be me but someone at leat right?
Whatever, more paragraph(s). This'll probably be it.
The bad news is when I watch Tales From The Crypt they cut out the Introduction.
So I don't get the fun of going further into this Crypt-like setting from
outside into the cryptiest part of the crypt. My favorite thing to read on
twitter is Numbers Which Confirm Things I Want To Believe. Got some polls
which I'm happy with? That's the best! HOWEVER polls which I'm
unhappy with? That's THE WORST. And also Most Likely A Scam.
Or, maybe not a scam in and of itself, but are due to a scam.
Alright that'll do it for now. Figure I'll re-read this sometime tomorrow
to correct the most obvious spelling mistakes! See ya later!