Saturday, July 30, 2016
What Should I Do With My Hands If I Do Care
Not wave them in the air,
that's for sure. I know what not to do. That's the first step.
Anyway, hey! One entry in the entire month. Whuolda thunk it.
How does this go again. Say nonsense, I know that. That's for
sure. Anyway, Hi! First summer session class ended with an A.
Second summer session class never started. I dropped that shit.
Dropped it hardcore. What's going on and crap. Got a little bit of
money on a poker site. That's good. I can potentially support myself
on poker. Five dollars a month is enough to support oneself, right?
It should be. You can go to the 99 cent store and buy five things.
Five things a month, that's pretty solid. I kinda spoiled myself in poker,
watching online final tables on YouTube, where you can see all the hole cards.
Every hand I watch, I'm like, How can you play it that way, it's obvious he
has A6 of hearts. Because I can see it. Real poker, you can't
see it. Unless it's Indian head poker. Then you can't see your
cards. It's so obvious you have A6 of Hearts, what are you, an idiot?
The moral of the story is that American Indians play
poker backwards, apparently. The name must have come from somewhere.
Maybe it's real Indians. Who knows for sure. Only the
Indians/American Indians. They know what's going on in their own culture.
Not me. Anyway. My favorite hand is pocket Rules How To Play
Blackjack. What else is going on. Why iWhy would the deck
have duplicates of how to play blackjack. In case you lose the first
one, duh. Anyway, crap and crap. Every time you play black jack in a
casino, if the Jack of Clubs or Jack of Spades falls, everyone has to yell
Yhatzee!!! And the last person to touch the table has to take a drink.
What's going on. My favorite thing in poker is to steal the blinds.
I'm all about stealing the blinds. Also, if you ever come home from a nice
night out, and someone's stolen your blinds, call the police. I don't know
why they'd steal your blinds. Maybe they want to watch you have sex and
can't afford a spycam. Steal your blinds, you have sex, they're watching
with binoculars from on top a streetlight. I've seen it a thousand times.
What's going on. I like screen doors. Hey,
this is the front door. We gotta send a message with this. Let's
double down on doors. I like it. I guess the idea is when it's
nice out, you can open your main door, keep your screen door open. Seems
like a huge hassle with very little payoff, though. That's how I feel.
Maybe it's a guard against burglary. Okay, got through the door.
That's over with. Now, into the ho--... Oh, Shit. Another door.
That's probably how that goes. Poetry Workshop and Comedy Class for Fall
Semester. That's great, just great. Maybe the screen door is so you
can screen your potential guests. Someone knocks at the door, you see them
through the screen door, you pass your judgment. Not today,
buddy. Turn 'em away. I like what I see. Let 'em
That's how that goes. Mets honored Mike Piazza today.
He was good at swinging bats with the purpose of hitting balls. One of the
greats. Anyway. My bad habit of not putting away my DVDs properly is
coming back to haunt me. I couldn't find the Kingpin DVD when I needed it
most. Great, just great. I watched Puppet Master yesterday.
That seems like a movie that I should have rented from Blockbuster when I was
eight. But I didn't. Good thing, too, it's not great. There's
five dollars saved. If I'm making five dollars a month, I can rent one
movie from Blockbuster every month. Sure, it doesn't leave room for food
or medicine or a third thing. The point is What Else Is Going On.
Election heating up. I told my Mom Hillary is growing on me, but that
makes her sound like a tumor. Can't go with that. Let's just go with
Sure, Why Not.
What else is going on. Donald Trump in bed with Putin.
That's good. What else is going on. Saw a couple of movies over the
last month. I saw Independence Day II: The Movie and Ghostbusters: The
Movie. One of them was pretty good. And the other one was
Independence Day II: The Movie. What else is going on. I have
recurring dreams that I'm a comedy writer. Like, a professional, paid one.
Not just like, I dream one day I'll be a comedy writer. Like, I go
to sleep, and in My Dreams: The Movie I'm a comedy writer. Usually
accompanied with the feeling, I'm not doing good enough for this. I
should resign. Resign: The Movie. What else is going on.
I don't know. Paragraphing the crap out of things,
though, that's for sure. I watched Space Jam today. I liked it as a
kid. Now, I'm just like, for ninety minutes, Michael Jordan and The
Looney Tunes aren't really in the same room. I'm not buying it.
So many plotholes. What else is going on. I remember as a kid, when
I would read the IMDB page for every single movie, the most exciting thing to
find in the Trivia section was Plotholes. They're great. Now
I know screenwriters and filmmakers are idiots. This is the sixth
paragraph. More than halfway done. So many plotholes.
What else is going on. Five dollars a month. That's almost sixty two
dollars a year. Don't know the purpose of that crap.
Great. I never really need to watch Kingpin.
It's all up here in my melon. Except for the first minute, before the
opening credits. We had recorded it on VHS without the first minute.
It's new to me every time. Seventh paragraph. Alright! Great.
What else and crap. I've had two empty boxes of Product 19 in my room for
a couple of weeks, right next to each other, with the labels on the side, so
whenever I look to the left, I see 1919. That's a thing I guess.
What happened in 1919. The War To End All Wars had ended.
Prohibition and women's suffrage around then. Boardwalk Empire was going
on. I don't know. Two paragraphs to go, though. That's for
sure. I think it's three paragraphs. Damnit, stupid thinking.
Always makin' problems for me, I hate it so much.
Crap and crap. Mike Piazza is one of the few baseball
players to be mentioned in a song by Belle & Sebastian. Anyway. The
moral of the story is I need to clean up my room. Clean up my room
hardcore. Star in Clean Up My Room: The Movie. You get the gist.
Let's make this an eight paragraph entry. There's no rules to this thing.
I can do whatever I want more or less. All that foreshadowing unappreciated.
Anyway. First entry in a while. Haven't been up to much. Life
and crap. And by life, I mean spend six hours a day playing poker to win
roughly ten cents. Gotta get the ball rolling somehow. I'll see ya