Saturday, July 30, 2016

What Should I Do With My Hands If I Do Care

    Not wave them in the air, that's for sure.  I know what not to do.  That's the first step.  Anyway, hey!  One entry in the entire month.  Whuolda thunk it.  How does this go again.  Say nonsense, I know that.  That's for sure.  Anyway, Hi!  First summer session class ended with an A.  Second summer session class never started.  I dropped that shit.  Dropped it hardcore.  What's going on and crap.  Got a little bit of money on a poker site.  That's good.  I can potentially support myself on poker.  Five dollars a month is enough to support oneself, right?  It should be.  You can go to the 99 cent store and buy five things.  Five things a month, that's pretty solid.  I kinda spoiled myself in poker, watching online final tables on YouTube, where you can see all the hole cards.  Every hand I watch, I'm like, How can you play it that way, it's obvious he has A6 of hearts.  Because I can see it.  Real poker, you can't see it.  Unless it's Indian head poker.  Then you can't see your cards.  It's so obvious you have A6 of Hearts, what are you, an idiot? 
    The moral of the story is that American Indians play poker backwards, apparently.  The name must have come from somewhere.  Maybe it's real Indians.  Who knows for sure.  Only the Indians/American Indians.  They know what's going on in their own culture.  Not me.  Anyway.  My favorite hand is pocket Rules How To Play Blackjack.  What else is going on.  Why iWhy would the deck have duplicates of how to play blackjack.  In case you lose the first one, duh.  Anyway, crap and crap.  Every time you play black jack in a casino, if the Jack of Clubs or Jack of Spades falls, everyone has to yell Yhatzee!!!  And the last person to touch the table has to take a drink.  What's going on.  My favorite thing in poker is to steal the blinds.  I'm all about stealing the blinds.  Also, if you ever come home from a nice night out, and someone's stolen your blinds, call the police.  I don't know why they'd steal your blinds.  Maybe they want to watch you have sex and can't afford a spycam.  Steal your blinds, you have sex, they're watching with binoculars from on top a streetlight.  I've seen it a thousand times.
    What's going on.  I like screen doors.  Hey, this is the front door.  We gotta send a message with this.  Let's double down on doors.  I like it.  I guess the idea is when it's nice out, you can open your main door, keep your screen door open.  Seems like a huge hassle with very little payoff, though.  That's how I feel.  Maybe it's a guard against burglary.  Okay, got through the door.  That's over with.  Now, into the ho--... Oh, Shit.  Another door.  That's probably how that goes.  Poetry Workshop and Comedy Class for Fall Semester.  That's great, just great.  Maybe the screen door is so you can screen your potential guests.  Someone knocks at the door, you see them through the screen door, you pass your judgment.  Not today, buddy.  Turn 'em away.  I like what I see.  Let 'em in.
    That's how that goes.  Mets honored Mike Piazza today.  He was good at swinging bats with the purpose of hitting balls.  One of the greats.  Anyway.  My bad habit of not putting away my DVDs properly is coming back to haunt me.  I couldn't find the Kingpin DVD when I needed it most.  Great, just great.  I watched Puppet Master yesterday.  That seems like a movie that I should have rented from Blockbuster when I was eight.  But I didn't.  Good thing, too, it's not great.  There's five dollars saved.  If I'm making five dollars a month, I can rent one movie from Blockbuster every month.  Sure, it doesn't leave room for food or medicine or a third thing.  The point is What Else Is Going On.  Election heating up.  I told my Mom Hillary is growing on me, but that makes her sound like a tumor.  Can't go with that.  Let's just go with Sure, Why Not. 
    What else is going on.  Donald Trump in bed with Putin.  That's good.  What else is going on.  Saw a couple of movies over the last month.  I saw Independence Day II: The Movie and Ghostbusters: The Movie.  One of them was pretty good.  And the other one was Independence Day II: The Movie.  What else is going on.  I have recurring dreams that I'm a comedy writer.  Like, a professional, paid one.  Not just like, I dream one day I'll be a comedy writer.  Like, I go to sleep, and in My Dreams: The Movie I'm a comedy writer.  Usually accompanied with the feeling, I'm not doing good enough for this.  I should resign.  Resign: The Movie.  What else is going on.   
    I don't know.  Paragraphing the crap out of things, though, that's for sure.  I watched Space Jam today.  I liked it as a kid.  Now, I'm just like, for ninety minutes, Michael Jordan and The Looney Tunes aren't really in the same room.  I'm not buying it.  So many plotholes.  What else is going on.  I remember as a kid, when I would read the IMDB page for every single movie, the most exciting thing to find in the Trivia section was Plotholes.  They're great.  Now I know screenwriters and filmmakers are idiots.  This is the sixth paragraph.  More than halfway done.  So many plotholes.  What else is going on.  Five dollars a month.  That's almost sixty two dollars a year.  Don't know the purpose of that crap.
    Great.  I never really need to watch Kingpin.  It's all up here in my melon.  Except for the first minute, before the opening credits.  We had recorded it on VHS without the first minute.  It's new to me every time.  Seventh paragraph.  Alright!  Great.  What else and crap.  I've had two empty boxes of Product 19 in my room for a couple of weeks, right next to each other, with the labels on the side, so whenever I look to the left, I see 1919.  That's a thing I guess.  What happened in 1919.  The War To End All Wars had ended.  Prohibition and women's suffrage around then.  Boardwalk Empire was going on.  I don't know.  Two paragraphs to go, though.  That's for sure.  I think it's three paragraphs.  Damnit, stupid thinking.  Always makin' problems for me, I hate it so much.
    Crap and crap.  Mike Piazza is one of the few baseball players to be mentioned in a song by Belle & Sebastian.  Anyway.  The moral of the story is I need to clean up my room.  Clean up my room hardcore.  Star in Clean Up My Room: The Movie.  You get the gist.  Let's make this an eight paragraph entry.  There's no rules to this thing.  I can do whatever I want more or less. All that foreshadowing unappreciated.  Anyway.  First entry in a while.  Haven't been up to much.  Life and crap.  And by life, I mean spend six hours a day playing poker to win roughly ten cents.  Gotta get the ball rolling somehow.  I'll see ya later.

-8:46 P.M.