Thursday, October 31, 2024

It's Almost Like We've Come A Long Way

    What's happening, friends.  It's the Halloweenist Day Of The Year!  Halloween.  I've had more Halloweeny Days!  What about that time I dot dot dot Comedy Joke PUN PROBABLY THAT SEEMS TO BE MY WHEELHOUSE that sort of thing.  OK.  WHAT ABOUT IT.  GO FOR IT.  What about that day I watched all The Michael Meyers movies marathon.  That'd be a Reasonable Reference.  What about that time I was scared out of my wits all day.  That's not a feature of Halloween Itself.  October 31st doesn't roll around and people are like Oh No I'm Gonna GET SCARED OVER AND OVER today.  People will remind me of Ghosts Wearing Sheets or Corpses Leaving Their Graves or Supernatural Beings Haunting Our Homes because it's Halloween!  That's not how it works!  You do or receive trick or treating and you watch Horror Themed Television.  You don't LITERALLY expose yourself to true horror!  OR DO YOU.  I think Halloween themed TV is the best.  At least I did when I used to enjoy things.  When I was still capable of happiness, Halloween Themed TV Show Episodes seemed fun to me! 
    Sure.  I live my life in fear.  Every day is Halloween!  Sounds fun then.  I just said I liked Halloween.  LIKE I SAID you don't ACTUALLY live in Fear on Halloween, though. It's all For Fun!  If you're getting scared on Halloween you're doing it wrong!  What if you're scared of something else.  For example I'm terrified of a potential Trump Regime today and it's Halloween.   The word Regime looks weird.  Seems vaguely appropriate though!  We're gonna have an entirely new form of government if we have An Emboldened Trump with already ruled immunity.  He might come out and say it.  "We're dealing with something new.  Not like we've seen in the past.  It's better than what we've had in the past."  Trump Regime might be an accurate way to put it!  That sort of thing!  So that's the kind of thing one might be scared of this Halloween.  Or feel different emotions!  Channel it into something productive if you can.  Like me.  Somehow.
    Anyway.  Got comedy class tonight.  Another classmate made a parody song!  That's pretty good.  I didn't know the source material so I didn't get so much out of it.  But I can appreciate the effort.  Do I feel less special now?  SURE.  I WAS GONNA BE THE COOL KID WITH THE MUSIC.  That's all over now, though!  Back to being just another nobody!  A face in the crowd!  A crowd in the face!  Anyway.  I don't think I'm gonna make an impression on the people of this class one way or the other.  Maybe I am.  I got nice comments on TWO homeworks in a row!  I AM BUILDING SOMETHING.  Gonna get people to Know Me and Respect Me and Eventually Employ Me IF IT KILLS ME.  HOW are classmates going to employ me?  Maybe teacher is connected!  EVENTUALLY I gotta come across someone in charge.  That's just the laws of probability!  If I entertain enough people I'll eventually Get To A Job Person!  Oh.  Okay.  One problem, ENTERTAINMENT ALONE doesn't get you a job.  Oh.  I guess I got some work to do, then!  That's okay it happens to the best of us.  Well, Not the best of us.  But it happens to the people who aren't the best of us. 
    Fourth paragraph.  I got to write seven more paragraphs!  What if I wrote a Surprise Great Paragraph.  Just, out of nowhere, I knocked the fourth paragraph out of the park.  My least favorite part of walking in the park is the 1/9rd of it that is very uphill.  It's like GOING THROUGH HELL.  It's like walking sideways but up!  What's wrong with that in principle?  I guess nothing!  But our human instinct is to not have to do extra work!  Which walking at an incline is!  So it makes sense I'd have bad feelings about it.  CAN'T WE ALL JUST WALK AT SEA LEVEL.  No.  We can't!  Topography, sorry!  Topher Grace releasing an album of rock music called Tophergraphy.  Or maybe even TopherGracephy.  That might be too far.  Anyway.  I dunno if Sea Level even IS a feature of Topography!  IT'S CLOSE.  Sometimes in comedy CLOSE IS ENOUGH.  That doesn't sound right!  We should hold ourselves to higher standards!  But it's part of the joke that I'm Sort Of Getting It Wrong.  Calling it topography when it might be me making an inaccuracy.  NO IT ISN'T.  AND IF IT IS, WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT IT.  Because you can see into my mind.
    Fifth paragraph.  You can't see into my mind!  And if you can, you're way ahead of me, cause I CAN'T.  GOT NO CLUE what's going on in there!  Hmm.  Making Sense Of Brain comes and goes.  Anyway.  I'm gonna say some things and they're gonna make some sense!  Not 100%!  Some!  Let's go!  Looks like the Dodgers won the world series.  That's pretty good!  Now it's onto the next season.  Or the next sport.  Or the next activity.  Or the next enterprise.  Or the next concept.  Or the next you get the idea.  EXCUSE ME I DIDN'T GET THE IDEA.  GET IN LINE.  GOTTA WHOLE LINE FOR CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS full of people who Don't Understand What I'm Talking About.  GOTTA WAIT YOUR TURN JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!  First I started off saying there's always the next season.  Then I was like, Ya know what?  if you wanna go with another SPORT ALTOGETHER, you can do that!  And then I was like, hmm, what if I took it one step further.  You can go to an entirely different ACTIVITY.  And then I thought if I went another step beyond with it, it would be an entirely different, "Enterprise!"  And the word I came up with to come after that one was, "Concept!"  OH.  I GET IT.  WHY DID I HAVE TO READ IT THOUGH.  THE ENTIRE THING SEEMS STUPID.  I dunno.  Why do you keep coming back!  Kinda stupid on your part!   
    Halfway through the entry!  I READ SOMETHING FUNNY ONCE AND THAT TRICKED ME INTO READING FOREVER.  Might be accurate for a few people.  Why DO I keep coming back.  Because of Everything.  My whole life revolves around this.  So many reasons!  WHERE TO BEGIN.  Mostly positive benign altruistic reasons.  Maybe it makes all our lives worse in the end but at least I have good intentions!  That sounds like a Lower Stakes Charles Dickens book.  Great Expectations Good Intentions.  Seems about 50% Dumber.  Anyway.  WHAT ELSE is going on.  Just had a great Intrusive Thought.  WATCH MR. SHOW this weekend.  I haven't watched Mr. Show in a long time!  I think I'd enjoy that.  Thanks!  You know how often I get GREAT intrusive thoughts?  Never!  Maybe they serve some sort of purpose but I rarely actively like and appreciate them!  Anyway.  I'm picturing the sketches.  The actors.  Oh man.  This should be fun.  WE EVEN GET PAUL F TOMPKINS.  WHAT THE HELL?  This should be fun.  Watch them suckers in order.  Episode One to Episode I Wanna Say Thirty.  Oh boy. 
   Four paragraphs to go.  I traditionally don't like or trust intrusive thoughts!  Maybe this is a trick!  But I Love Mr. Show.  How can it be bad?  Hmm.  I guess we'll find out!  I won't find out if it's a trick or not.  I MAY NEVER KNOW.  I'll watch it and not know the true ramifications of my actions!  Oh okay that's good.  I only have a dozen and a half episodes of The Office left, though!  I was excited about FINISHING IT.  I'M TIRED OF THIS THING. I  CAN'T WAIT TO KEEP DOING THIS THING I'M TIRED OF.  So I can finally finish it.  That was how I was feeling about The Office before this Mr. Show stuff popped into my head!  Is it just me or are all the characters in The Office kind of WEIRD.  I get that traditional sitcom characters have to have distinct personalities but these people are all freaks!  WHO ACTS LIKE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE.  Maybe if I worked in an office I'd be like Oh This Is Exactly What People Are Like.  But as of now they seem bizarre!  Maybe the moral of the story is PEOPLE ARE WEIRD!  I don't think we should be encouraging that, though!  It's good for people should be unique, but they shouldn't be Crazy!
   Oh, okay.  Haven't shaved yet.  Still got time to shave after the entry and before my class!  Great.  I'm rooting for me!  I had a couple of Halloween Candy today.  I had two TWIX and a MILKY WAY.  WE LIVE IN THE MILKY WAY.  NOT SO WITH THE TWIX.  So that's good.  What does Twix mean.  I think it's related to Two.  TWI.  IT'S A PLAY ON THAT.  Wikipedia said it's a portmanteau of, "Twin Sticks."  Oh.  Okay!  But also there's TWO of the sticks.  And TWI comes into play when we're talking about TWO'S.  TWI HAS TO DO WITH TWO'S, RIGHT.  I'm not making that up.  Anyway.  Is there meaning in that rant.  Probably.  Two's.  Prefixes.  PUT IT TOGETEHR, THE ANSWER IS STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE.  I'm talking to myself more than anyone!  I Haven't Put It Together Yet.  Hmm.  I STILL TRYING.  Nope!  Still not processing The Deeper Meaning!  DANGIT.  I'M GONNA HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY SONG DURING CLASS TONIGHT WITH EVERYONE AND IT'S GONNA SOUND LIKE SHIT.  Gonna be awkward.  Oh well!
    Penultimate paragraph.  Should be interesting!  Especially the worst parts!  Gonna really pay attention to classmates' reaction to those parts of the song!  Anyway.  Who knows what kind of Groove will hit. I can't predict things like that, I'm not smart enough!  Maybe it'll go well somehow.  Can't see how that's the case but we can't count it out completely!  Oh, good.  So what else is going on and crap.  Only got two more Late Nite Comedy Class sessions after today.  AMAZING how much I got into it the last few weeks!  AT first I wasn't really feeling it!  But now I am!  Go figure!  Guess I'll have to adjust to having the class end and having to do something new.  Great!  Lots of potential Something News are good!  Whatever New is around the corner is possibly a good thing!  I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S ACCURATE.  I'm putting a lot of blind faith in the universe that it'll do right by me!  NO I'M NOT.  THINGS WILL CLICK INTO PLACE ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.  I'm just hoping I get to participate in A GOOD CLICK.
   Last paragraph!  Maybe I should rewatch Click (2006).  It's one of my Top Ten favorite movies!  Along with roughly nine other movies.  I Did The Math.  Why am I bragging that I can do Ten Minus One?  I do lots of things there's no precise reason for.  Ten Minus One Equals Nine but WHAT DOES GODZILLA MINUS ONE EQUAL?  I can't mix MONSTERS into my math!  I can't solve ANY EQUATIONS with a monster in it!  EVERY SINGLE EQUATION WITH GODZILLA IN IT IS UNDETERMINABLE.  LET'S STICK TO NUMBERS FOR MATH.  Oh okay.  What else is up.  Godzilla Minus One must equal SOME ANSWER.  The makers of the movie had something in mind!  I dunno what it is, though!  Anyway.  Figure the last few sentences should be pretty good.  I'm due!  Remember that movie DUE DATE (2010).  I sure do.  Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifianakis.  I oughtta watch that another time soon, too.  I forget what happens!  LARGELY TAKES PLACE ON THE ROAD.  It's one of those movies.  Anyway.  That's it for today!  See ya later!

-3:46 P.M.

Wednesday, October 30, 2024

It Makes Sense You'd Read This

    HEY!  What's going on friends.  Time for part II of the week.  Wednesday!  What's going on.  Kamala gave a Top Ten speech last night at the Eclipse!  She did her part!  She's doing all she can possibly do!  Now it's up to us!  Probably gonna write a Mostly Silly Entry today.  We'll see what feels right in the moment.  I follow my instincts!  Not sure why.  My instincts haven't led me anywhere at all in life!  I'm just a guy in his room talking to his computer.  I feel my instincts are DUE for some positive results.  Huh.  I took a bath yesterday.  Gonna shave tonight.  Do either of those actions help Harris voteswise in swing states?  I dunno.  WHY didn't I volunteer for Harris the last three months.  I could have VIRTUALLY knocked on doors.  Sent out drones to do it for me in swing states!  It's illegal to operate a drone from a different state.  It should be, at least.  If you're using a drone THAT remotely You Must Be Up To No Good.  I think most people using drones are up to no good.  Like The Military and Sports Teams Spying On Other Sports Teams.  Huh.
    What else is going on.  Wednesday.  Still the same day of the week as before!  Should stay this way for hours.  World Serieswise, my mom was happy the Yankees won lat night but I AM NOT rooting for the Yankees to win.  Donald Trump is from New York.  With a wealthy persona.  And Kamala Harris is from California.  Like the Los Angeles Dodgers?  I cannot be the only one making this connection.  Then again Trump was a Draft Dodger for Vietnam.  Bone Spurs.  Hmm.  AND I perhaps should identify with The Yankees because it means YANKING which means Pulling On Your Dick, traditionally one of my favorite pasttimes!  MASTURBATION ISN'T AT STAKE IN THIS ELECTION.  THAT PUN IS IRRELEVANT.  I read that part of Project 2025 is they're going after Online Porn!  Lemme LTURQ.  YEP.  It DOES Clearly Say That!  There ya go.  I'm with you, I think it's crazy to think it'll ever happen!  TOO MANY PEOPLE ALL AGREE ON LIKING PORN.  But crazier things have happened.  I would have thought it'd be crazy they kill 6 million Jews in gas chambers!  But then history proved me wrong.  We have no idea how far they'd go with The Christian Nationalism part of their agenda if they have total control over the government!  Amazing. 
    You're telling me I'm gonna have to rely on my imagination for jerking off?  BUT I DON'T WANT TO.  I kind of like the communal aspect of masturbating to porn.  Sometimes!  Everyone getting off to the same thing!  WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!  Then again sometimes I like to feel like An Individual.  We should have A RIGHT TO CHOOSE though.  It sounds like a joke.  They're gonna ban porn.  Haha.  NO.  THEY REALLY MIGHT IF THEY COULD.  GOD DAMN PEOPLE THINKING THINGS A JOKE WHEN IT'S NOT A JOKE.  Almost makes me HATE JOKES ALTOGETHER.  You think a serious thing is a joke?  Now Real Jokes are RUINED for me!  The WHOLE PREMISE OF JOKING feels counterproductive thanks to you not taking things seriously!  Anyway.  Got a nice weekend coming up.  Could be stressful as fuck with Election News!  But it's still a weekend more or less.  Could be our last weekend Of Freedom.  If Trump wins.  I don't see how I could ever enjoy A WEEKEND again.  There's no relief from Fascism.  Not even weekends.  Oh.  That sounds bad!
    Anyway.  I guess I can always move to Canada!  REST OF THE COUNTRY still would be fucked.  But my life would be a little bit more safe.  Sure.  Great.  Gotta buy some whiskey or something to celebrate if Kamala wins.  That'd be my favorite consumption!  Whiskey seems like something you drink when you're sad.  That's what Country Songs usually talk about.  I disagree!  Whiskey is an all purpose drink!  It's great for whatever situation you're in!  Good or bad.  Up or down!  Left or right!  When am I ever gonna be in a RIGHT Situation.  Not sure.  I seem to be in Left and Center Situations all the time, though!  I'm in Right Situations all the time.  WATCHING TV.  STARBUCKS BATHROOM.  GOING TO THE OPHTHALMOLOGIST.  Anyway.  What kind of Left Situations do I get myself into.  Jerking off.  Listening to music.  Using my imagination.  That's not a situation.  SURE IT IS.  EVERYONE GOT AN IMAGINATION.  SOMETIME IT ACTIVATE.  That's a Left Situation!  I don't know what that means.  PLAYING AROUND WITH WAHT'S ON YOUR MIND.  Maybe this is unique to Crazy People.
    What are some Center Situations.  Going To The Doctor.  Walking On The Sidewalk.  Intrusive Thoughts In Imagination.  Center Situations sound like they suck.  Hmm.  They do!  This Riff Makes No Sense.  I should be able to IDENTIFY with the term, "Center Situation," if I'm gonna be criticizing it.  AS OF NOW it sounds too much like nonsense!  LOOK.  LIFE IS TWO DIMENSIONAL.  TEHRE'S DIFFERENT KINDS OF SITUATIONS.  CENTER SITUATIONS ARE IN TEH MIDDLE.  What don't you get!  That can't be right.  Life must be at least four dimensional!  AND EVEN THAT SOUNDS LOW.  Who knows what life is exactly.  Possible life can be different things at different times!  I dunno.  Right now I gotta write five and a half more paragraphs.  That's what life is for me!  That's pretty good.  I have a clear objective and I know I can achieve it because I've done it in the past!  Worse situations you can be in.  Like a Backwards or Forwards Situation.  What's a backwards situation.  Not Jerking Off.  Going grocery shopping.  Seeing a movie.  OK.  Forward Situation?  PLAYING THE GUITAR.  WRITING PRIVATE NOTES.  VOTING. 
   Halfway through the entry!  The Pre-chorus in my Parody Song is way off musically!  I'LL OWN UP TO IT.  Someone liked the video on youtube.  Thanks!  That's the first time that's ever happened to me!  Probably.  I could like it myself and then it would say Two Likes.  Two is even better than one.  It's the loneliest number since the number one, we know that.  I'd say ZERO is even lonelier than either two OR one!  Hmm.  That's a Philosophy Question.  If there's NOTHING AROUND, is the Nothing Itself Lonely?  YEAH.  I'D SAY SO.  Nothing Has Feelings!  Seems accurate.  What else is going on.  Four and a half paragraphs to go!  How am I feeling about that now?  OKAY.  THUMBS UP.  ALL GOOD.  What's another good Philosophy Question.  If a tree falls in a forest, how many other trees does it take down with it.  IT'S a forest!  It's gonna hit other trees!  It's not going down alone!  Probably wouldn't uproot the other trees.  I dunno how much momentum this falling tree has!  If it's falling hard enough IT MIGHT knock over nearby trees in the forest!  Huh.
   Seventh paragraph.  TREE THIS and FOREST THAT.  Who cares!  We live in the 21st century!  WE GOT RID OF FORESTS AGES AGO.  There's still plenty of Forests.  That's none of my concern.  If it weren't for forests the plot of The Village could never have happened!  You wouldn't want to deprive the American moviegoing public of that!  That's really more WOODS than FORESTS.  Oh.  Fair enough.  STILL THOUGH.  Could be an area of improvement in public life.  Plant new forests.  Trees are against CO2.  AS ARE WE.  Gotta fight climate change somehow!  You don't seem to want to do anything actually productive so CAN WE AT LEAST PLANT SOME TREES?  My guess is Yes.  We're allowed to plant trees.  Anyway.  What else are we allowed to do.  I dunno.  Ask me in a week.  Hmm.  It's funny, because our rights are at stake.  OH I GET IT.  TRUST ME.  I get it.  Why should anyone trust me.  I'd trust you if you were me and I was you!  Is that so.  I don't know.  Probably not!
   Three paragraphs to go!  Let's see.  What else is on my mind.  Only one more day left of the working week! Punch In, Punch Out, that's the kind of life I lead!  I do it for The Week though.  Not for the day.  Punch in Monday morning, Punch out Thursday afternoon!  We do things A BIT DIFFERENTLY in my life.  Alright.  Then I gotta punch into my Weekend Job.  Which is trying to enjoy myself.  But it's still Work!  Punch in Friday morning, punch out Sunday Night, that's how Weekend Life goes!  Why should anyone give a shit about any of this?  BECAUSE THEY WANT TO KNOW THE MAN BEHIND THE WEBSITE.  That's totally natural!  You spend all your time reading some jerk, of course you're gonna wanna hear How About He Feels About If His Weekends Are Work!  I think about you, too, sometimes.  Hmm.  Things just got quiet.  Not literally.  I forget what Quiet even sounds like!  It's been a while!
    Penultimate paragraph!  I can't wait till I start a new Creative Project besides This Website.  I THINK WE WOULD ALL ENJOY SOMETHING NEW.  But in the meantime this is a pretty easy, intuitive format to deal with!  Living at home with no job prospects or whatever.  Write a ten paragraph daily blog.  IT MAKES SENSE.  So that's good.  Still take classes.  My guess is I have to take TEN classes before I'm proficient. At what.  Anything!   Comedy/Writing!  Right now I've taken like six or seven assorted classes.  And I still suck.  But I think I need TEN and then at that point I'll be like YEP GOOD GOT IT.  Practice makes perfect!  It feels like UCB Classes have been a real lifeline for me the last year and a third!  Not sure what they're tenuously connecting me to.  Possibly Nothing!  Hmm.  It's SOME sort of exposure to The Outside World.  It's BETTER than nothing!  IT'S SOMETHING.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  It's been real fun!
   Last paragraph!  The good news is that I can do that pretty easily.  Just write a bunch of sentences.  Fifteen or twenty or something.  I dunno!  Twenty Five!  Thirty!  Can't be much more than that!  It won't be.  Oh good.  What else is going on.  What was the first thing that was going on again.  Hmm.  YOUR BODY.  IT'S GOING ON.  But besides that what else is going on.  YOUR MIND.  Okay but besides things to do with This Person's Mind Or Body.  SOUL.  Okay What's Going On BESIDES any aspects of This Person?  I dunno.  Wasn't paying attention.  Gotta start paying closer attention!  OR start paying LESS attention!  Or stick with a similar amount of attention as I've been paying!  I don't know!  DOES THIS PERSON WHO I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT EVEN EXIST.  Sure.  SHE'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.  Anyway.  Entry is just about over for today!  Maybe I should learn to like everything ABOUT MYSELF.  Start THERE.  That's impossible. I know myself too well.  I could NEVER like everything about myself!  Oh.  What if I set out on a course of self improvement!  I don't like the sound of that.  Anyway.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-4:45 P.M.   

Tuesday, October 29, 2024

We're In This Together Somehow

    Hey!  Time to write an entry!  Harris is speaking tonight at the Ellipse!  Hopefully she knocks it out of the park.  Do people who go the Ellipse all the time call it, "The Dot Dot Dot," for fun?  Of course not!  It's not actually called The Ellipse!  BUT are there Eclipse Season Ticket Holders.  So they'd have gone to Trump's rally and then marched on the capitol, but then also are attending Kamala Harris's speech four and a half years later?  They don't care about the politics.  They just like THE THEATER.  Anyway.  I saw Jay Johnston of alternative comedy fame got sentenced to one year in prison for being at January Sixth.  GOOD.  Don't fuckin' try to mess with my country!  Sure he gave me some laughs over the years but I LIKE LIVING IN A DEMOCRACY MORE!  There's always more funny people.  Can't always replace American Democracy, though!  Anyway.  I think it's weaksauce to spend the last days of the election criticizing people at Trump's MSG rally.  GO AFTER TRUMP.  NOT THESE RANDOM PEOPLE.  Why work around the margins saying Donald Trump associates with racists.  DON'T NEED to paint Trump Guilty By Association.  He's guilty by virtue of being guilty!  We have evidence of his own words and acts of racism!  Seems like you could highlight that instead!  But what do I know!  REALLY NOT A LOT.
   Sure!  I saw the Trump Movie is being released on Streaming this weekend.  My guess is if they find out about it, my parents are gonna wanna order it.  Or watch it for free.  However it's available.  Seems like However Good That Movie Is might be a sleeper variable for how the election turns out!  GREAT.  IT ALL HANGS ON A MOVIE.  Hmm.  Movies have TRADITIONALLY influenced elections.  I voted for Obama in '08 because of a combo of The Dark Knight and Tropic Thunder.  We got Trump in 2016 because of Female Ghostbusters.  I believe Biden won in 2020 because of Sonic The Hedgehog I!  Anyway.  This riff would be funnier with More Historical References.  You know from like the 1970's?  Or the 1940's?  Hmm.  Harry Truman won because of The Looney Tunes Cartoon Shorts that played before regular movies that year.  HOW did that help him.  I wasn't there!  You can't expect me to know All The Details about things I WASN'T AROUND FOR.  Hey.  Harry Truman.  Kamala Harris.  They're practically NAME BUDDIES.  Also had President Harrison.  That's even closer.  WOW.  Something about her just seems different, though.  Can't put my finger on it!  I KNOW.  SHE'S A WOMAN.
    I suppose that's accurate.  Anyway!  A BLACK SLASH INDIAN WOMAN.  Oh that's even better.  Seems like for a Black Slash Indian Woman to get to this point she must be pretty good at politics!  She's on the verge of being elected president!  She must know what she's doing!  That'd be my guess!  That's a comforting thought.  I guess.  It's better than having Some Nazi Dick being president.  I can't relate to that kind of person at all!  The dick part I guess.  Not that I AM a dick.  I HAVE a dick.  But Sharing The Same Genitalia as President is not my #1 issue. I  don't use my dick for raping like Trump.  I can't relate to that kind of thing!  I'll relate to a Vagina which is a proponent of Good Character and Ideals a lot more than an Evil Dick.  Not too complicated!  Anyway.  Have you ever realized that Half Of People Are Women?  Maybe it's okay to relate to them instead of treat them like second class citizens!  I can't relate to women in Personal Life.  Political Life, though, sure, that's easy!  I can't relate to ANYONE in Personal Life.  Not even myself. WHO THE HELL ARE ANY OF YOU PEOPLE INCLUDING MYSELF!  That's my feeling!
   Okay.  Maybe I'm a BETA MALE.  I dunno.  Right wingers... they're the ones who support an Authoritarian!  THAT SEEMS AS BETA AS IT GETS TO ME.  Following a fascist is literally The Beta-ist thing you can do.  Anyway.  What else is up.  Continuing to make progress in The Office and Parks & Recreation!  I guess this is what I'll be watching When Election Happens.  I should be done with the Office by then.  Maybe I put on British Office then for CONTINUITY.  Speaking of CONTINUITY maybe I should watch COMMUNITY.  It's an NBC Thursday Night Show From Back Then as well!  Never really was a huge fan of Community.  I watched it for a few seasons but it didn't RESONATE with me.  Which is weird because I've gone to college and also I live in an extended community!  Also it was funny!  Just didn't CLICK INTO PLACE with me.  I didn't like the characters!  Any of em!  WHY NOT?  I DUNNO.  Maybe I was jealous of them.  I wanted to be part of community and I held a grudge against the Cast Of Characters Of Community because THEY GOT TO BE FRIENDS and I WAS AT HOME WATCHING FROM THE SIDELINES.  What other shows were from Thursday Night NBC.  30 Rock!  THEY'RE MOSTLY FRIENDS, TOO.  BUT I'LL ALLOW IT.  Not sure why.  I felt like a virtual friend as an audience member viewer of 30 Rock!  I'M OKAY WITH THESE PEOPLE for some reason.  NOT SO in Community!  Hmm.  Were all the main characters of Community Assholes?  I can't remember.  I know the Main Community Star was a jerk.  In the show.  Maybe that's what tinted the entire Show Experience for me!  I can't recall.
    Fifth paragraph!  MAYBE I JUST DIDN'T LIKE TEH WRITING.  Didn't gel with me!  It was funny but not MY THING.  That's fair!  We're allowed to have opinions!  Anyway.  TRUMP CAME FROM THAT ERA OF NBC SHOWS.  He had his own!  Scary.  Maybe by watching these shows there's some Trump DNA Crossover Somehow imprinted!  I think these shows are OKAY.  We all got Trump DNA all over us to some extent!  Just gonna have to figure out how to clean ourselves up.  I BELIEVE IN GETTING CLEAN.  Cleanliness is next to Godliness!  Man.  Whoever came up with that phrase was really overselling Cleanliness I think.  But they got their point across I suppose!  Are we supposed to aspire to Godliness?  Isn't that kind of blasphemous?  Cleanliness Being Next To Godliness just tells me It's something I shouldn't bother trying to achieve because I Am But A Man.  I'M NOT GOD.  Why should I bother with Cleanliness?  CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO BEING A PRETTY GOOD GUY ALL IN ALL.  That's a better axiom!  YA KNOW WHAT I MIGHT TAKE A SHOWER SOON for the first time in like a month!
   Halfway through the entry.  Makes sense!  I figured it out by COUNTING.  Five paragraphs written.  There must be ten paragraphs overall.  Halfway!  That's math.  What else is going on.  Presumably Five Paragraphs Worth Of Things!  I dunno.  I talk about things that aren't things all the time.  Just cause there's Five Paragraphs Coming Up, there's no guarantee IT WILL CONTAIN THINGS.  Kamala Harris doesn't contain a Thing.  Could hurt her in the election coming up!  Thing means penis.  Oh that's the joke I was making.  Gotcha.  VAGINAS ARE THINGS.  WE ALL GOT SOMETHING THERE.  WHO CARES IF IT'S AN INNIE OR AN OUTIE.  That's how I feel!  Anyway.  I feel like my belly button has gotten a lot deeper compared to when I was a child.  Probably due to bouts of putting on weight.  If I never gained weight in that area, I'd still have a shallow belly button.  BUT NOW I GOT A DEEP ONE.  PROBABLY PERMANENTLY.  I don't think my belly button will ever get back to it's Pre-Weight Gain dimensions!  Ah well.  Good news is it's not something that matters.  And if does matter, I'm probably better off with Deep Belly Button!  Just another one of Nature's Pockets!
    Okay.  I guess.  Four more paragraphs!  Let's do it!  Jesus Christ.  What the Hell do I have to talk about.  Not much.  I'll figure something out!  For some reason people read this!  I must be doing something right!  Can't imagine WHAT.  I still see a lot of Me Trying To Do Improv in my writing.  And Me Trying To Do Improv is TERRIBLE.  Ah, well.  Moving on!  I might have to take another improv class after Writing For Late Nite Comedy is over.  Right now I don't have any better alternatives lined up!  Should I take 201 for a third time or should I see if I could try to handle 301.  Probably 301.  Who cares if everyone is more advanced than me!  I paid GOOD MONEY to be in this improv class!  I'M ALLOWED TO DRAG EVERYONE DOWN WITH ME.  THIS IS AMERICA.  If you have enough money you're allowed to ruin things for the rest of everyone!  That's what our founding fathers intended.  Do we have any Founding Mothers.  Gotta be plenty of women who worked behind the scenes helping America Revolt Against Britain And Then Start Over With It's New Premise: The USA.  Martha Washington.  Not her.  But SOME WOMEN. 
    Eighth paragraph.  Don't give me any Betsy Ross BS.  She designed a flag.  DOESN'T GET ME GOING.  I'm sure there were more instrumental women than that.  THE LADY WHO GAVE BEN FRANKLIN SYPHILIS.  How did that help America?  WITHOUT V.D. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN WOULD HAVE HAD DIFFERENT PRIORITIES AND MINDSET.  Country may have unfolded differently.  We don't know!  Anyway.  If Kamala Harris vanquishes Trump from American Politics that's some top tier level Womening For America!  Took a couple centuries for a woman to make that big an impression but Now You've Got Our Attention For All Of History!  Sounds good.  Hook me up with some of that!  We're close!  WE'RE ALMOST THERE.  Anyway.  Two and a half paragraphs to go!  How about a reboot called Two And A Half WOMEN.  THAT'D BE A TWIST!  Ugh.  Let's see.  Why can't we just have TWO AND A HALF PEOPLE?  That's the world I WANT to live in!  Oh no Michael is calling for us to outlaw gender.  I WOULD NEVER.  I like genders.  Male, Women, Auto Erotic Personalities, whatever!  It's all good!  Be who you wanna be!  Variety is the spice of life.
   Okay.  What else is up.  Maybe I should consider getting Halal food tonight instead of Chipotle.  MIGHT HAVE to get it ahead of time, though!  Cart disappears at nighttime!  That's okay.  I can microwave that container it comes in!  NOW I THINK that's what I'll do!  Harris hasn't really been playing up the fact that she's a woman!  When Hillary ran, I think it was all overshadowed with her being the potential first female president.  Harris doesn't really talk about it!  Maybe it turns off some misogynists but it also might activate some voters.  If people cared about that sort of thing!  I dunno!  Is there a way we can make Misogynists Not Think About It but Normal People Enthused About It?  Probably!  I dunno.  ONE THING AT A TIME.  Defeating Trump is a bigger framing priority than First Lady President.  But eventually if she wins we'll have to take a moment to consider how cool it is!  I'M A MAN.  WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT A LADY SUCCEEDING.  Cause Women Are People Too.  OH.  OKAY.  That sounds right.  A rising tide lifts all boats!  WOW.  DID I COME UP WITH THAT MYSELF.  No.  Apparently JFK did.  I looked it up!  He was originally talking about the economy.  Oh.  Great!
    Last paragraph!  I wonder if JFK is spending all his time in the afterlife Obsessing Over The JFK Assassination.  He wants to figure out who did it!  And he's really deep in the weeds with it!  Makes sense.  I THINK JFK HAD HIMSELF KILLED because he didn't like his philandering.  Couldn't figure out how to stop himself so he had to take The Ultimate Action.  That seems pretty unlikely.  BUT we'll add it to The Big Board Of Possibilities!  Hmm.  Maybe he just really wanted an airport named after himself and didn't wanna wait until he died of natural causes!  He knew this would speed up the process!  I don't know how things went down!  I wasn't there!  It was probably just John Henry Oswald.  That's how I feel.  Sometimes the simplest explanation is the best one!  WHERE WAS KAMALA HARRIS THAT DAY.  NOT EVEN CONCEIVED YET.  She wouldn't be born for another 11 months!  WAS THE EVENT AN APHRODISIAC for her parents though?  COULD it be her origin story.  I dunno.  Maybe.  Anyway that's it for today.  I'll see ya'll tomorrow!

-4:30 P.M.

Monday, October 28, 2024

What Kind Of Person Do You Think I Am

    Hey.  What's going on!  Time for one more full week before the election!  What the fuck is gonna happen.  I don't know!  I don't even know 100% of what's happening As We Speak!  There are details that CAN BE KNOWN that I don't know, so am I supposed to know what HAS YET to happen?  All I know is as of this moment I'm 80% Scared and 20% Excited.  That doesn't mean I think there's an 80% chance Kamala will lose!  It just means that fear is dominating my emotions right now!  And each day that gets closer to the election, it becomes more and more clear to me that Trump must be defeated.  He's a criminal lying racist fascist sexist piece of shit and you may think it's all fun and games to play nice with him and give an even chance at winning the presidency but I GUARANTEE YOU anyone supporting him eventually gets buyer's remorse!  Just don't let it get to that point!  Because the stakes are FUCKING HUGE.  AND THERE'S 350 MILLION OF OUR LIVES IN THE BALANCE.  8 Billion really.  FUTURE LIVES AS WELL.  The point is HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.  HE NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL.  CAN'T YOU SEE HE USES PEOPLE AND THEN TURNS ON THEM WHEN THEY LOSE THEIR PURPOSE?  He will have no loyalty to you for supporting him.  And maybe one day you're not supporting him enough.  Then they turn on you.  It's not a game.  FUCKER TRIED TO HAVE HIS OWN VICE PRESIDENT KILLED.  THIS IS DICTATOR SHIT.  We only have one chance to get this right.  It's not even close.  Vote for Democracy, not Autocracy.  But at least Kamala brought joy back to politics.  She did!  I was happy for a couple of weeks!  And maybe I will be happy again one day!
    Anyway.  What's going on in COMEDY.  JOKEWISE.  I made a parody song for my Comedy Class homework this week!  Assignment was either make a parody of a TV or Movie Sketch, OR make a parody song.  I DID SONG.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYB7Fr3u6vY  It's not GREAT but it's also Not Good.  But it'll do for now!  Feel free to listen along though!  Smells Like 2024 Spirit!  How Clever.  Guess who could be in real trouble in a few months for writing that last paragraph?  ME!  What do I got going on in my life, though.  Might as well speak my mind.  Also, I'm only saying 10% Of How I Really Feel.  It's hard for me to articulate my deepest feelings!  I HATE Trump but even I feel like his presence and that of his supporters is INTRUDING on my consciousness! Mostly thanks to the media I consume, which, to be fair, is mostly done consciously and willingly.  We're all being told that this is a fair election between two normal candidates.  It's not.  We have one exceedingly normal decent candidate.  Her name is Kamala Harris.  She is all that's standing between us and the abyss. 
    Okay.  CAN I GET TO JOKES YET.  If I think of something funny I'll let ya know.  Also, Kamala Harris?  She's very smart!  Very capable!  Very personable!  WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM A PRESIDENT.  She's perfectly qualified.  Please don't Roll the dice and play with dictatorship on my time.  My brothers' and sisters' time.  My parents' and children's time.  Americans don't deserve that shit.  Maybe the people in charge just don't care.  Well fuck off then.  If you want power, you have to care to some degree!  That's the price of having power!  WE MATTER.  OUR LIVES MATTER.  OUR COUNTRY MATTERS.  OUR FUTURE MATTERS.  We're going to go in one of two directions this election.  Irreparably.  There's no fucking do-overs.  COMMIT FULLY TO THE DEMOCRATIC COURSE.  Not Democratic in terms of Democrat.  Democratic in terms of Democracy.  Anyway.  Look, the media has mostly failed us.  Our politicians have mostly been too weak. I don't know if they're just enamored with Trump or if they prefer a far right autocratic government as principle.  Or maybe they live in a bubble and think what they say and do doesn't matter so who cares.  IT DOES MATTER.  IT ALL MATTERS.  But for now it seems like it's up to us to save ourselves.  Gotta dig deep.  Go all out.  We don't get a second chance.
    Sure.  Maybe Kamala is destined to win and that's why it seems nobody in power cares!  They somehow intuit it's all in the bag!  I find that hard to digest!  Maybe she is destined to win, I dunno, but I don't see how it could be so Open And Shut such that you let Trump sneak back in!  WHY GIVE HIM OPPORTUNITIES.  Why let him drag all of us, all of America, all of Humanity, down with him?  That piece of shit?  THIS MONUMENTAL PIECE OF SHIT, WHICH MOST PEOPLE CAN SEE HE IS, AND EVERYONE EVENTUALLY ONE DAY WILL, is being given a chance to FUCK UP AMERICAN, HUMAN HISTORY.  Can't you see that!  WE DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.  WE CAN HAVE A NORMAL PRESIDENT.  WE CAN HAVE A SEMBLANCE OF REGULAR POLITICAL DISCOURSE.  WE CAN HAVE JUST AND FAIR AND SANE PEOPLE IN CHARGE.  We don't need to acquiesce to fascism!  Okay.  Anyway.  Sometimes I think, maybe there's multiple dimensions.  Multiverse, right?  SO HOW CAN I CONVINCE GOD to let me live In One Of The Good Universes.  Where Kamala Wins.  WHAT CAN I DO to get on board THAT TRACK.  JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO SO I CAN GET ON BOARD THE TRACKS OF A RELATIVELY DECENT UNIVERSE.  I'LL DO IT.  Hmm.  That's probably not how things work in the end.  But that's a feeling I get sometimes.
    Alright.  Life is tough sometimes.  We'll get through this.  I guess.  We have so much promise as a country yet we can cause so much self inflicted damage.  And now it's like it's all coming to a head.  I dunno.  What else is going on.  I take too much liberties in the parody song I wrote with syllables and whatknot!  Ultimately it doesn't completely sound like it matches up with the original song depending on the mood you're in when you listen to it!  AH WELL.  ITS A COMEDY CLASS ASSIGNMENT.  IT'S NOT THE END OF TEH WORLD.  It may coincide with the end of the world but THE SONG ITSELF ain't it!  Hmm.  What else is up.  I AM NOT ALONE.  That's good.  We are not alone.  WE ARE NOT ALONE.  Okay.  Great.  I guess that's an even HALF of the entry.  Maybe now I can write some Laffs for the next five paragraphs.  I feel very upset.  I dunno if that's coming across or not.  Probably.  Supposed to go get a flu shot soon.  My parents are peer pressuring me to get a flu shot!  I'LL DO IT.  SURE.  Just not today.  I'M BUSY.  I'll do it this weekend!  I don't have time to do it Mondays Through Thursdays!
   Anyway.  Didn't really get to enjoy my last weekend!  Spent most of it working on Smells Like 2024 Spirit!  Didn't smoke at all except for before bed!  Didn't do any reading!  Didn't see any movie or anything.  Ah well.  I can't say how Song will land with class when I play it for them.  My guess is it's just as easy for someone to Hate It/Not Think It Sounds Good At All as for someone to Kind Of Like It/Think It Has Redeeming Qualities!  It's a toss-up!  NOW does that mean it'll be evenly split 50/50 with people liking it or not?  OR does it mean there's a 50% chance Everyone Likes It and a 50% chance No One Likes It?  I DON'T KNOW.  COULD BE EITHER ONE OR ANYWHERE IN-BETWEEN.  I didn't play guitar or sing well on it!  The lyrics don't match up completely with the original song!  BUT MAYBE they appreciate the effort.  It's the thought that counts and whatknot.  I dunno!  MAN.  CAN'T WAIT TO GET BACK TO WRITING SILLY.  It'll happen!  Presumably Right Now I suppose.
   Seventh paragraph.  Four paragraphs!  Hmm.  Did I watch anything interesting on TV Lately?  SURE.  I watched SHRINKING.  That's a pretty good show!  I like the characters!  Pleasurable Day that that show took up.  So I guess the weekend wasn't all bad!  Got me a good dose of Jason Segel!  And black lady co-star!  Plus some Harrison Ford!  And Jason Segal got himself a daughter with a Deadwife!  Those are the main characters.  He also has a gay best friend and also a former psychology patient who lives with him for some reason.  That about covers it!  I feel like he rides his bike a lot!  Maybe that was only in one of the first scenes in the first episode and it just made a huge impression on me.  OR MAYBE he just rides his bike all over the series!  I forget!  I dunno.  I feel like I see him in a car, as well.  He's cheating on his bike with a car!  Scandalous.  I guess.  Why do I think shouting into the void will help anything.  I'm not even extremely smart or deliberate with my ranting.  What good does it do!  I dunno.  I might not convince anyone of anything, but at least some readers will be able to relate!  That doesn't make me feel better enough.  Oh.  Better write a good three upcoming paragraphs, then! 
   Three paragraphs to go.  Trump is just a manipulator.  That's all he does.  Why let yourself get played.  I don't understand the appeal in being on his team.  Wow.  You're letting someone who thinks you're shit use you for his own benefit.  WELL DONE.  Anyway.  Maybe Kamala is destined to win.  She is still favored at the moment.  I think!  I don't know how to interpret what used to be Regular Reliable Inputs like polls to determine for myself!  Nowadays I don't know what anything means anymore!  Great!  Also let's stop calling her Kamala.  SHE'S HARRIS.  Fuckin' future President Harris.  That's how I think of her!  KAMALA is the name of a girl!  HARRIS is the name OF A WOMAN.  We're electing a grown ass woman, not a little girl!  Makes sense.  I may mispronounce Kamala in my Smells Like 2024 Spirit song.  When you sing, sometimes you say things distinctly in a way that isn't the way you'd pronounce it if you're speaking!  I'm taking artistic liberties!  I still respect her chosen pronunciation!  So that's good.  Who cares.  BIGGER TINGS AT STAKE than Name Pronunciation.  What are BIGGER THINGS I get wrong in the song.  I told you.  It's just bad in most respects!  Oh okay that's good.
   Penultimate paragraph.  TOMORROW will be mostly Quality Ranting.  Almost completely.  Gonna be silly 90%, that's my prediction!  Sorry about today.  In a way it's not my fault.  In a way it's kind of Everyone Else's Fault.  If I didn't get that Comedy Class assignment to write that song I might not be in this mood to this extent!  Dang Parody Songs!  They will be the ruin of us all!  Anyway.  You could argue I'M THE FASCIST for speaking the truth about things.  Oh.  Interesting.  I'm gonna Talk To These Other People Over Here Now.  Hey I just imagined Pretend People who agreed with me!  That was A SPLIT SECOND OF JOY.  Let's keep that going!  Anyway.  The world needs us.  We are the majority.  Why the Hell should we put up with Trump.  It doesn't make sense.  I dunno.  The world doesn't need ME.  Fine.  I'm worthless.  You might be right.  I hope not but I guess it's possible.  WHY are people told to feel that way.  Why are people treated that way.  We are all in this life together.  Can't we treat each other with respect and love and care? 
   Probably!  That'd be my guess!  What's even the point without Respect And Love And Care.  I dunno.  Masturbating.  That's what I like in life.  Is it enough for me to ultimately feel like I've gotten my money's worth when my time is up?  No!  It's not!  It's just a momentary distraction! No one on their death bed thinks back on all the good times they had jerking off and goes well I guess it was all worth it.  I wouldn't think so.  I mean, it's FUN.  But it's so frivolous!  I guess life turns out the way it turns out.  We don't know what happens.  I might wake up five years, ten years, fifty years from now and find I'm in a Happy Satisfying Life somehow In A Way I Didn't See Coming.  But right now all I see is Doom and Gloom.  With some hope mixed in.  That's the world as I know it!  Can't last like this forever.  Could get Much Worse.  Or it could get better!  Either way I DUNNO.  I'M JUST SOME WEBSITE IDIOT.  Alright, that's it.  Tomorrow will be better!  See ya then!

-4:59 P.M. 

Thursday, October 24, 2024

Use Your Imagination!

    Hi, friends!  How's everyone doing?  I'm doing okay!  Wrote my Interrupter Sketch this morning!  Took the guy wants to leave to go to a Doctor's Appointment premise but then changed it up!  I don't think my teacher will like it!  Doesn't really fit the mold of 99% of Interrupter Sketches where THE INTERRUPTER is the primary Jerk/Comic Personality.  In my sketch it turns out JIMMY FALLON is ultimately acting like the asshole!  I dunno.  I like mixing things up.  This is just a For Fun Homework Assignment.  Why not Break The Rules.  Playing in a Sandbox and whatknot.  NOW if I was playing ON THE BEACH that's a different story!  Started listening to a new Jay-Z song I wasn't familiar with a lot because I read Obama liked using it to pump himself up.  Barack.  Not Michelle.  That'd be pumping HERSELF up.  Wasn't used by Sasha or Malia to pump themselves up, either!  ONLY FATHER.  Malia doesn't look right.  That IS her name. It sounds right.  But it LOOKS like it's missing a letter or two.  I feel like if I was reading that girl's name I'd expect to see Six Or Seven Letters.  WHAT THE HELL KINDA CONTENT IS THIS.  WHO IN THE WORLD RELATES TO THAT.  Also She isn't a girl anymore.  Must be like 24 or something!  I thought The Obama Girls would be frozen in time like the twins from The Shining. 
   Hmm.  I wonder what they do for a living.  Being the adults that they are.  One of them lives in a Romantic Comedy Movie and the other one of them lives in some sort of Trip Hop Song.  What's a trip hop song.  It's when a Hip Hop Song SEND YOU ON SOME SORT OF TRIP.  Looks like Beyonce will perform with Kamala Harris tomorrow!  She's friends with Jay Z.  They probably sleep in the same room albeit separate twin beds.  IT'S THE 1950'S.  OR IT WILL BE SOON PERHAPS.  Marty McFly seemed to have a good time in the 1950's, maybe it's not so bad.  NO HE ABSOLUTELY DID NOT.  He had to do EVERY SINGLE THING RIGHT to ensure he and his siblings would continue to exist.  If he just took his eye off the ball ONCE then not only would he cease to exist but the entire universe as he knew it could be irreparably fucked up.  PLEASE TELL ME how that's him enjoying the 1950's.  Plus he got hit by a car, had to make out with his mother, got shot at by a farmer, AND THE LIST GOES ON.  1950's were pretty crappy for Marty McFly!  DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO OPEN A COKE.  EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS WERE DENIED TO HIM.
   I guess he had some fun.  But he got to leave after a week!  Anyway.  If I could go back in time for one week, what time would I go to?  HMM.  Depends on the nature of Time Travel!  I'd probably wanna use this opportunity to Make Life Better for me and/or the rest of the world!  What if I was just observing.  Just go back in time for one week just to hang out.  Hmm.  Who cares then.  I can hang out RIGHT NOW IN TIME and IMAGINE Other Times.  If I'm just Observing And Hanging Out you've taken away all the stakes of Time Travel AND LIFE IN GENERAL.  Maybe that's the point.  We don't want Time Travelers messing up our universe!  But they come from the future.  They've had more time to think on things than we have!  Hmm.  Tough ethical question.  Would you trust a Time Traveler!  I dunno.  Obviously I'd hear them out but would I throw all my support behind them?  It depends.  I'm an ex-History Teacher Student.  I KNOW HISTORY.  TIME TRAVELER GONNA KNOW THE FUTURE.  I guess you'd have to listen to a Time Traveler who literally knows the exact consequences of Historical Events.  Right?  They know EXACTLY what's going to happen!
    Hmm.  WE ARE ALL TRAVELING THROUGH TIME RIGHT NOW.  I'm going from Past To Present Bleeding Into Future For The Most Part!  JOIN ME WON'T YOU.  I guess.  I got nothing better to do.  Don't mean to spook ya but HALLOWEEN is in a week!  Has my household ever dressed up for Halloween.  Put anything on our DOOR or WINDOWS or anything to convey It's The Scary Season And We're Having Fun With It.  I dunno.  We might have put a Menorah in the window once or twice for Chanukah.  Does that count.  It does not count.  But it sounds scary to me now!  Huh.  Anyway.  Watched Scream III last night.  I don't really get a lot out of that movie!  Some films are worthwhile and some are so-so.  What could they do to improve their production before the next time I see it.  That's not how films work.  Oh.  Also, I started re-watching The Green Mile.  That's a fun one!  Now that I think about it I realize That's Not A Fun One.  I wouldn't say, "Fun!"  Green is my favorite color though.  I would also argue it's the most FUN color.  It's just right there where you want it to be on the color spectrum.  Right in the sweet spot!  That's one way to look at it.
    Okay.  Fifth paragraph!  Oh boy I got a lot left to write.  Six paragraphs!  What are some other good colors?  I'd be a good Kindergarten Teacher.  What's your favorite color?  Why?  Oh?  I don't wanna have to teach them anything, though.  I just wanna compare their thoughts and feelings to mine.  Hearing them talk about how they feel makes me think about how I feel!  It's always been my dream to be in touch with my feelings. How come I gotta relate to Five Year Olds.  THAT'S THE CARDS I WERE DEALT.  Let's do some math.  If I were ACTUALLY five years old NOW I'd have been born circa 2019.  Interesting.  What does it mean.  2019 Means Many Things To Different People.  TO ME IT MEANS THE YEAR I MIGHT HAVE BEEN BORN IF I'M AS ALIVE AS I SEEM.  What did I do in 2019 personally in life in real life.  I quit smoking cigarettes!  That's a-ONE.  That's all I can remember.  I don't think I did anything else real notable.  HMM.  Anyway.  Another week winding down.  What to do!  Write the paragraphs.  What to do after that!  The rest of everything.  That should take up more than enough time!
    Alright.  Great!  What does it mean to be in touch with your feelings.  Why are you touching your feelings?  That sounds like adding a bonus feeling to it.  That would just complicate things.  The saying should be you are Accurately Aware Of Your Feelings.  I wouldn't know, though!  What I feel is beyond me!  Don't know what I THINK either.  Nor am I sure how I Sense Things or What I Pick Up On!  Pretty Dumb Kid.  ARE KIDS who were raised under Donald Trump and Joe Biden as presidents DUMBER than people who saw Sharper Presidents?  My guess is YES.  WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN.  Anyway.  Joe Biden isn't dumb but he can appear lost at times.  Four and a half paragraphs to go!  What do kids really need out of Kindergarten.  Numbers Letters, learn to spell.  Nouns and books and show and tell.  Those are just the lyrics to The White Stripes song We Are Going To Be Friends!  I can't control where accurate answers to your questions come from!
    Seventh paragraph.  I don't think I've ever had a Show & Tell in school.  Definitely not in K-12.  Maybe some variation of it in a college course.  I WONDER what life lesson I lost out on by not doing that.  Hmm.  I can only wildly speculate what I might have gained from that experience.  Obviously it teaches you public speaking skills.  That's probably goal #1.  But ALSO it teaches you Decision Making and Object Importanence.  Anyway.  I dunno!  I'm sure I brought SOME THINGS with me into school for personal reasons.  Nunchucks, switchblades, Chinese Throwing Daggers...  What's the joke there.  Me + Weapons = Comedy HOW?  I dunno.  I'm a nonviolent guy.  I wouldn't be the first person to go around hurting people!  I wouldn't be the last, either!  No Ghandi am I!  Anyway.  They're mostly for defense!  ANYWAY.  Only weapon I've ever owned was a swiss army knife.  Be careful!  Ya might poke yourself!  With which part.  Pretty much any of 'em!  Almost all of the things that stick out of this are pokey!  Be very careful!
   Three paragraphs to go.  I woke up today with some thought about The Office.  What was it.  Andy talking to Erin about something!  Great.  See I'm having a fun time in life!  Imagining dialogue to TV shows!  It's all good.  THE STAKES IN THIS ELECTION ARE TOO HIGH TO BE THINKING ABOUT SOME TV SHOW.  I know, it's true!  WHAT IF I had them talking about the 2024 election.  Then maybe that could be a productive activity!  Hmm.  I don't see how we could work that in.  The show ended in 2013.  Maybe it's a Halloween episode where someone time travels from 2024 and-- WAIT Lemme cut me off.  The Office doesn't have Halloween episodes where supernatural things happen!  They have lots of Halloween episodes.  But I think they obey the laws of nature and whatknot.  Oh okay.  Time Travel Is All Natural.  Maybe!  Could be that way!  QUIT IT with the Time Travel.  No one cares.  THE PRESENT HAS THE PRESENT TO WORRY ABOUT. 
    LOTS of things as scary OR SCARIER than Time Travel.  VIRTUAL REALITY.  ALIENS.  CHUDS.  Happy Halloween.  Two more paragraphs to go!  I don't believe I've ever seen CHUD.  All I know is the reference!  I bet it's a good one!  They're Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.  WHY did it take until 1984 until CHUDS were represented on The Big Screen.  And WHY hasn't there been a new CHUD since 1989?  REAL LIFE CHUDS HAVE NO ROLE MODELS TO LOOK UP TO IN THE MEDIA.  CAN'T SEE A MOVIE AND SAY THAT'S ME UP THERE.  I guess they can always reboot the franchise.  What do Chuds look like.  I don't even know.  Oooh spooky.  Like monsters or ghouls or something!  I was imagining something slightly different.  What do they sound like.  Hmm. I googled what does a Chud sound like and I didn't get anything right away!  So I'm just gonna move on with my life.  Alright awesome sounds fair.  I don't think I like the Keith Richards book so far!  I was giving it the benefit of the doubt, but if we're being honest with myselves, my back-up innermind is thinking This Isn't My Most Enjoyable Experience!  Oh No!  Stuck reading it anyway!  I HAVE TO READ THIS IN ITS ENTIRETY.
    One more paragraph!  Good.  Shit class is in two hours!  That's not a lot of time to relax between activities!  GOD DAMNIT.  I'll relax one day!  PROBABLY.  I might even Relax Right Now for the last bit of the entry!  What's going on in the ne-- HEY HOST?  BATHROOM BREAK?  No.  You can't have a bathroom break.  Anyway.  I already got my Interrupter Sketch!  I don't NEED to write a new one!  Wonder what homework for next week will be.  What haven't I written.  I can't imagine there's an assignment centered around Interviewing a guest.  Maybe somehow there is.  Maybe an assignment for writing Closing Remarks. I dunno.  There's no Closing Remarks in late night shows.  What does occur.  Do I have to write a song for the guest band to play?  There must be SOME HOMEWORK for the next few weeks!  I guess I'll find out!  Anyway that's it for today.  I'll see ya next week!

-4:17 P.M. 

Wednesday, October 23, 2024

Let's Promise To Keep In Touch

    Hey!  Sounds good!  Sight Fine.  Smell NOT WELL.  Second half of the EntryWeek!  I don't mean to ALARM anyone, but I still have to write all of my Comedy Class Homework!  We're talking Interruption Sketch.  We're talking Watch an episode of Conan.  We're talking Uploading Interruption Sketch TO THE INTERNET.  First I gotta do it.  Then I gotta Put It In The Proverbial Mail!  That's a big action!  I don't like That One Singular Second when I realize Now The Universe Can See What I Wrote!  Dang Universe. On The Plus Side, the Universe probably knows not to expect much from me.  That sounds like a negative thing.  Well, Sure, if the universe is CORRECT.  Then it'd be negative.  But if The Entire Universe is WRONG... and it turns out I'm Great... then that's an entirely different story!  Then The Universe Not Expecting Much From Me IS A BLESSING.  Makes my life That Much Easier.  Wonderful!  HOW can an entire universe be wrong.  Group Think!  Parallel Delusions!  Collective Confusion!
    Oh okay.  Anyway.  I'm gonna have a chicken pot pie tonight and that's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me!  It'll hold my attention for ten minutes, at least.  THEN WHO KNOWS.  I re-watched Scream II last night.  Didn't watch Scream I.  Just JUMPED to Scream II!  I like it.  I need my own Special Quirky Format of reviewing movies If I'm Ever Gonna Be A Film Critic like I always talk about.  Hmm.  Can't rank 'em by Amount Of Fingers.  Can't rank 'em by How Many Swivels Of The Top Hat I Give.  Can't rank 'em by my average blood pressure over the course of watching the movie.  Why Not.  That sounds like a good critic system.  WELL IF YOU'RE MY CARDIOLOGIST THEN YEAH.  That solves your problem.  Tricking me into Making That System just so you get Your Precious Blood Pressure Readings!  BUT IT'S NO GOOD FOR MY CRITIC SYSTEM.  How about, "Ideal Things I Was Eating While I Watched This Film."  That doesn't get across HOW GOOD THE MOVIE IS.  It's IRRELEVANT.  I dunno.  There might be some overlap with What I Want To Eat while the movie is happening and How Good It Is.  But THAT STILL DOESN'T MEAN IT'S THE MOST APPROPRIATE SYSTEM.
    Huh.  I assume when a movie gives you High Blood Pressure that makes it a Good Movie.  We go to the Theater FOR that kind of thing!  Be Spooked Out or Amped Up or Freaked In or Edged Off.  I guess.  I wouldn't want a film to initiate PERMANENT High Blood Pressure though.  That's be a scary film.  Not my type of thing.  I'll be in the next theater watching the film that Makes My Penis Two Inches Longer.  PERMANENTLY.  YES.  I guess so.  HMM.  An anagram of Parks And Recreation is MISPRONOUNCED Arks and Procreation.  Lots of GETTING IT ON on Noah's Ark maybe.  TOO MUCH would be my guess.  Noah should have gotten THREE Of Every Animal so that there'd be a third wheel so the first two'd only Fuck occasionally to have offspring.  ONLY TWO OF EACH ANIMAL?  They musta been fucking NONSTOP.  NOAH DON'T WANNA SEE THAT.  HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS BREAKFAST OF GOD KNOWS WHAT.  FIGS AND BEANS.  Does the Bible specify if there was sex on the ark or if they waited until they got back to dry land?  I ASSUME they figured Why Wait.  But maybe I'm projecting too much of myself onto imaginary historical animals!
     Noah's Ark.  A parable for all of us to consider.  Wait.  No.  I'm thinking of Noah's Arcade from Wayne's World.  That's something that I think we should all consider!  What the Hell.  I'm never just gonna CONSIDER something.  What would that even entail.  I dunno.  Read Consider The Lobster by David Foster Wallace.  You'll PROBABLY come away from the experience Having Considered The Lobster!  I READ IT ONCE.  DON'T REMEMBER IT THOUGH.  Must have considered it, though!  I passed the class it was for!  I WASN'T A FAILURE OR ANYTHING.  I feel like a failure sometimes.  I'm not SUCCEEDING at anything right now!  What am I actively ACHIEVING.  I'm adding paragraphs to my Cool Website.  Sometimes that's enough!  I guess we are all on the spectrum from failure to success.  Who knows how to even DEFINE those words.  I got a dictionary.  You want me to go get it?  DICTIONARY WILL DEFINE THOSE WORDS FOR YOU if you need help.  I think we get it.  I don't like dictionaries!  BOOKS.  What, they think they're better than us?!  WE'RE PEOPLE.  PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN BOOKS, EVEN DICTIONARIES.
    Fifth paragraph!  I might see Venom or The Wild Robot this weekend!  I think I saw the first Venom movie.  And I'm aware of the character through his interactions with Spiderman!  Not a huge fan.  I suppose he serves his purpose.  He's an alien and he's got an axe to grind!  That's good I guess.  I don't know how much of a good guy he is though.  He seems to be some sort of anti-hero!  How sad for him.  In the end he probably errs on being a protagonist!  That's my assumption from the brief clips here and there I've seen of this franchise!  Great.  I GUESS VENOM IS GOING TO HEAVEN THEN.  Will Venom ultimately live his live such that he goes to Heaven or Hell.  That's my question about Venom.  Why do I see the universe that way.  Cause of God.  And The Bible.  I've LIVED THROUGH Heavenlike phases and Helllike Phases.  WEEKS OR MONTHS OR YEARS AT A TIME.  I DO believe in Heaven and Hell.  I'VE SEEN IT.  Only makes sense Afterlife would bear a resemblance to what I saw On Earth!  I guess.  That makes sense.  Oh Good!
   Halfway through the entry.  I AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET.  Bachman-Turner Overdrive.  I hope what I have in store to see is GOOD.  Cause if it's Shitty then I'm gonna be really unhappy!  I'll Try My Best!  What can I say to get us on a good path.  Some JOKES.  There's this news sto-- Excuse Me, Host?  Yes, someone in the audience has something to say!  Yeah, why is any of this happening?  What do you mean?  This show.  What's even the point.  I dunno.  I mean, we want to put on a good show for you guys!  And we wanna promote the work of the gue-- No.  Not good enough.  WHY IS IT HAPPENING.  I guess a long time ago someone set this whole thing into motion and we're just stuck playing it out night after night.  Okay.  I'll accept it.  Anyway.  THAT BIT WENT NOWHERE.  GREAT!  I THINK I CAN DO BETTER.  Just give me some TIME to think on it.  Might need a PARTNER to bounce things off of.  Could use a PER DIEM for meals and supplies and whatknot.  DON'T YOU WANT TO SEE ME COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER?  Surely you're not satisfied with what you read in this paragraph! 
   Seventh paragraph.  Either way!  I guess.  What's going on in your world?  Most likely lots of crossover with my world!  I live in a pretty macroworld!  I dunno if you do too, but if you do, then our worlds are pretty similar!  So that's good.  Let's relate to each other and whatknot.  Just sit there and RELATE.  Hmm.  That's a fun activity but I gotta keep writing the entry.  SO MOVING ON!  Three and a half paragraphs to go!  WHAT TO SAY.  Well we've got a great show for you Jon Bon J-- HEY HOST!  Yeah what's up.  I HATE TO DO THIS BUT I GOTTA GO.  GOT A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.  You can't leave in the middle of the show.  BUT HE'S EXPECTING ME.  No I'm sorry but we need a full crowd.  The answer is no.  I MIGHT HAVE CANCER.  If I let you leave then everyone's gonna want to leave.  WHAT IF YOU TAPE ME LAUGHING NOW AND PLAY IT LATER.  Okay, I guess that's okay.  Steven, can we get a microphone on this guy?  Okay, go ahead and give some takes laughing.  HAHA.  HEEHEE.  HOHOHO.  HEHEHAHEHOHOAHA.  IS THAT ENOUGH?  Alright go ahead get out of here!  Anyway I DO NOT ENDORSE THAT BIT I JUST WROTE.            
    Three paragraphs to go.  Oh.  Okay!  What to talk about!  Maybe I watch Scream III tonight!  That sounds like a great idea.  SHIT I JUST REALIZED I have to write A REAL Interrupter Skit to share with Actual Class Tomorrow.  Something those people can appreciate!  They liked My Last Dumb Sketch.  So that's a good sign!  Now all I need to do is keep doing more!  Presumably It Never Ends!  If I wanna do That Sort Of Thing at least.  SOMETHING'S gonna take up The Rest Of My Life.  It's on me to figure out what it might be.  Not sure why I have to figure everything out myself!  Can't I find someone to Explain Things To Me.  Are there classifieds on the internet for that kind of person.  Someone who will explain to me What Life Is And What To Do With Mine.  Cause I'm interested in learning those things!  I guess people need to figure out those sorts of things on their own.  WHAT?  THAT'LL TAKE FOREVER.  I'LL BE 6,000 AND STILL NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING.  Hmm.
    Penultimate paragraph!  Amazing.  Someone should make a Mod of Scream II where Randy survives and also goes on to do great things in the film industry.  Spoiler Alert.  Anyway.  I'm picturing the plot points of Scream III and I don't think it'll be TOO BAD to watch it tonight!  Could be worse!  IS RANDY FROM SCREAM A SWING VOTER.  Young White Men Who Like Movies And Stuff.  I can see them being a key demographic that could be a deciding factor in this election!  Well he's dead, so he doesn't really get a vote.  But people LIKE HIM.  WHO LIVE.  They get to vote!  What kinda stuff would they respond well to.  Hmm.  BRING BACK BLOCKBUSTER.  That CANNOT happen.  Also, Randy Age People Now wouldn't know what Blockbuster is.  Actual Randy, if he were alive, might want that, sure!  The point is I'm not sure what Young White Men Who Like Movies RIGHT NOW Would Want. 
    Last paragraph.  Okay!  Something to look into!  What else is going on.  I haven't had a chicken pot pie in roughly 1.5-2.5 months!  I like these things.  Gotta eat the corn and peas for the most part which I don't enjoy!  But I like the CRUST.  I like the CHICKEN.  I like the POTATO.  All in all, it's mostly a good time while it lasts.  If I'm enjoying eating a chicken pot pie, is that an indication I'm in a phase of Heaven or Hell.  Seems like it'd be a lowlight of Heaven or a highlight of Hell.  I don't know.  It's all moot!  I'M LIVING MY ACTUAL LIFE.  This is not Heaven NOR Hell!  Oh okay.  I'm gonna put CPP down as being a Lowlight Of Heaven.  Just to try to stay positive!  Can't always be banging sexy ladies all the time in Heaven.  SOMETIMES You're Just Eating A Chicken Pot Pie!  What's even better than sexing sexy ladies.  HUGGING DEAD RELATIVES.  GOING TO SLEEP IN A BIG EMPTY BED IN A BIG EMPTY ROOM IN A BIG EMPTY HOUSE.  LOOKING BACK ON MY POSITIVE LIFE MEMORIES.  Ok great.  I got a lot of stuff I'm looking forward to doing When I'm Dead!  Awesome.  In the meantime though I'm gonna live for like fifty more years if that's cool with you.  Yeah that sounds cool.  Not sure what to do with all that time.  Eat 1.5 meals a day!  Okay that'll work.  With lots of snacks!  Why not.  I guess that's it for today!  See ya tomorrow!

-4:05 P.M.   
   
   
         

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

But Also, There's This Guy (Me)

    Hey!  About time for another entry.  What have I done with my life that's so interesting lately since the last entry!  I dunno, how does STARTING TO RE-WATCH PARKS & RECREATION strike you?  Amy Poehler's character was only 34 in the first season!  That's younger than I am now.  It's weird, but I am older than Amy Poehler is on my TV so in a way I am now her superior!  Upright Citizens Brigade.  I guess I'm her Staff Sergeant or whatever!  She has to listen to what I say!  Wait a second, Militaries aren't ranked by age!  Maybe some are.  Oldest guy in the room is always in charge of any Army Unit.  We got that right now with Joe Biden.  Commander In Chief.  Famously Old!  Why can't my mind focus on one idea at a time.  I feel like I jump from Thought To Thought without actually Doing Anything With Each Thing.  Huh.  I blame Those Who Are Responsible.  They Know Who They Are.  Why does it have to be a, "Who."  WHY can't it be a, "WHAT," that is responsible?  I dunno.  Probably a, "Who!"  Maybe a, "Where," or, "When!"  Can't imagine it being a, "HOW," though!  HOW CAN A HOW BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY POOR BRAIN.  That doesn't make sense!  "How," means, "Hello," in Stereotypical American Indian Talk From Movies and TV.  OH.  I KNOW A LOT ABOUT THINGS DON'T I.  Good times.
    Good Times.  Bad Times. You know I've had my share!  I wonder what the Good Times & Bad Times were that inspired Robert Plant to write those lyrics.  You know they came from SOMETHING REAL.  What if he didn't write the lyrics at all.  What if someone wrote the lyrics for him.  Now I'm Scared.  Anyway I'm probably getting Hot Dogs for dinner from Deli Delivery and guess who has a song called Hot Dog?  Robert Plant & The Led Zeppelins!  It's about Hot Doggin' It Up in the face of adversity.  But also just for fun when you're bored and got nothing else to do!  Sometimes the only thing to do is Hot Dog.  Hot Dog means like show off right?  Your SKILLS.  Your PROFICIENCIES.  Your innate ability to do whatever you wanna do for the people to be entertained!  EVERYONE LOVES AN ENTERTAINER.  I dunno if that's right.  People like being Entertained.  But do they transfer their love for Entertainment to the Entertainer Themselves?  Yes.  Yes we do.  I think some of it sticks onto the Entertainer!  Roughly 10-20%!  That's their payment for producing entertainment.
    Oh okay.  HOW CAN I MAXIMIZE THE LOVE I GET AS AN ENTERTAINER.  I dunno.  I DON'T THINK I CARE.  But I'm speaking from a place of privilege because I have So Much Self-Love.  I literally Love Myself so often!  I don't think I NEED outside love.  But not everyone can be as lucky as me!  Damnit I have to write a sketch tomorrow night.  Or Thursday morning.  Interrupter Sketch.  Maybe I can Brainstorm something now.  EXCUSE ME (HOST), An audience member says, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.  Oh look an audience member has interrupted me and I'm allowing it what's going on?  YES, (HOST).  I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WAY THE SHOW HAS BEEN RUNNING SO FAR.  What?  We're just doing it like we always do!  NO.  IT'S DIFFERENT.  YOU'RE OFF TONIGHT.  YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING TO GET BACK ON TRACK.  Okay what did you have in mind?  LET ME HOST THE REST OF THE SHOW.  What?  Of course not!  We can't do that!  NO.  BUT YOU HAVE TO.  IF YOU WANT THE SHOW TO BE GOOD THIS IS YOUR ONE CHANCE.  Hmm.  WELL The important thing is I'm figuring out THE GROOVES of how Interrupter Sketches work.  Now I can Try Again A Little Bit Later!
    Fourth paragraph!  October 22nd.  Alright!  Aubrey Plaza is but a PUP in Parks & Recreation Season I.  Aziz Ansari was yet to be cancelled.  There was still a character name MARK as her main love interest!   It was a simpler time!  MARK.  WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.  SOME GUY'S NAME I GUESS.  The important thing is maybe I can watch this and Imagine Being In A Happy World.  That sounds kind of pleasant!  If you have to IMAGINE Being In A World you're probably doing it wrong.  JOHN LENNON SAID I COULD.  ARE YOU CALLING HIM AN ASSHOLE?  Does Paul McCartney think he's on the same level as John Lennon Beatlewise?  Cause I think if you polled people, John Lennon would outrank him!  He's The Top Beatle!  I'M not saying that.  I think they're pretty equal!  BUT I think if we had a vote people would vote for The Dead John Lennon over Paul McCartney as Top Beatle Guy In General.  Doesn't matter that he's dead.  IRRELEVANT to this Polling Premise.  What is the question exactly?  I'd like to see what they're being polled on precisely before I make a determination of how to feel about this!  I DON'T HAVE THAT INFO IN FRONT OF ME.  SORRY.  CAN'T TELL YA.
    Hmm.  Okay so we got a great show for you today Daniel Day Lewis Is He-- EXCUSE ME HOST.  Yes.  Normally I wouldn't allow this to happen, but YES, how can I help you?  HOST.  I'M CONFUSED.  WHAT JUST HAPPENED.  WASN'T THAT THE SHOW.  What?  You mean the monologue?  YEAH.  I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE SHOW.  I WANT TO GO HOME NOW.  No.  I interview guests now.  It's actually the Main part of the show.  OH.  SO WHAT HAPPENS EXACTLY. YOU GUYS JUST CHIT CHAT ABOUT THINGS?  Yeah, more or less.  They talk about what they've been working on lately.  AND YOU JUST ALLOW THAT.  YOU LET THEM SHAMELESSLY PROMOTE THEMSELVES?  NO STRINGS ATTACHED?  Kind of, yeah!  We're here for them!  BUT THEN THEY GOTTA DO SOMETHING FOR YOU, RIGHT?  QUID PRO PRO.  No, not really.  Them being on the show is good enough for us!  I DON'T WANNA SEE THAT.  And that's Another draft that I will throw away!  Excellent.  I am INCHING TOWARDS something real!  There's not enough evidence to say that confidently!  Then why did I do that.  Cause I'm a confident kind of person!
   Halfway through the entry!  I don't know if I like this one so far!  I got JUST AS MUCH ROOM TO WRITE MORE as As Much As What I Already Wrote.  Plenty of time to make up for past mistakes!  OKAY.  Damnit.  I have to write a GOOD Interrupter Sketch!  Ideally a Decent Third QuickSketchDraft at some point HERE TODAY.  I set myself up!  I wrote two shitty versions!  GOTTA write a good worthwhile third version!  Hmm.  That's a possibility!  I think we'd all settle for a third shitty version. In the sense that No One Will Literally Complain To Me.  Cause I get no Real Input From Anyone.  It's Just Me Here!  For better or worse.  Maybe one day I'll WORK WITH SOMEONE and my abilities will take off like a rocket!  Amy Poehler for example can give me tips even as an underling.  She knows what's up!  WAY more than I do.  Think about how much More Of The World Amy Poehler knows than I do.  It really boggles the mind.
    Wow. I know a little bit about the world.  I've been to The School Of Hard Knocks.  SO WHAT.  WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING.  I know about hard knocks AND LITTLE ELSE!  Seventh Paragraph.  I know about lots of things beyond hard knocks!  SOFT Knocks.  Medium Knocks.  Knocks you can barely hear at all.  I'm pretty much a Knocks Expert.  Hmm.  What good does that do anyone.  I dunno it'll come out from time to time in Tasteful Nuggets Of Wisdom And Whatknot.  Also it serves ME.  Knowing about Knocks lets me LIVE MY OWN LIFE BETTER.  Which in turn is good for you.  Because I am an altruistic person BY NATURE.  Great.  I don't see how that helps anyone!  I guess I suck then!  I kinda suspected that might be the case.  Real jerk.  AH WELL.  At least I have my health!  I'm going to live a long time.  Oh No.  I don't wanna be a Jerk for the rest of my life!  THAT'S TOO LONG TO KEEP THIS UP.  I guess it's On Me To Be A Better Person.  Fine.  But you better ENCOURAGE GOODNESS too. 
    Ok.  It's a two way street!  Why did the chicken cross the two way street?  CAUSE THAT WAS THE KIND OF STREET THAT WAS THERE.  Oh okay.  Sounds good.  What am I even talking about.  I don't know!  I vaguely remember the plot but I don't know what the moral was.  Get along with one another or something.  What Would Jesus and/or Lance Armstrong Do.  WHO AM I to give out morals.  WHO ARE YOU TO ASK WHO AM I.  That's a good counterpoint.  Oh No.  WHO AM I to ask who are you to ask who am I.  FUCK.  WHO ARE WE?  We're all just people who don't get enough credit!  We put in the work to be alive and being alive is HARD.  And the world sucks right now!  At least that's how I feel!  Anyway.  What can I do to make a better world.  Clean up after myself.  Eat everything I use.  I dunno.  Just be a kind productive person.  Seems simple enough!  How can ONE PERSON behaving well make a difference. It's called Paying It Forward, maybe you haven't seen the movie yet!  It's a good one though whenever you get around to it.
     Penultimate paragraph!  I guess that's good.  What the Hell.  I lost track of A Lot Of Things.  What I was talking about.  Who I am.  The world around me.  The good news is There Must Be Good News Somewhere.  I might figure it out at some point!  I'm still alive.  That's not terrible news!  I still have my health.  It's not bad!  I can, "Get It Up."  Yeah.  That works.  Not sure why I needed quotation marks.  It's pretty literal!  Anyway.  What else.  You know who I really like?  THAT KAMALA HARRIS.  I THINK SHE'S DREAMY.  She's got everything going on in all the right places!  And I mean that in all seventeen dimensions, not just physically!  I HIGHLY DOUBT SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING going on in ALL the right places.  PROBABLY TOPS OUT AT 80, 90% CORRECT THINGS GOING ON.  That sounds like a very precise clarification.  But I think she's a lot better than people are giving her credit for!  I just pray that she wins so we get a chance to see what she's really capable of.  Because I think she's gonna surprise a lot of people with how great she is.  Wow.  NICE words.  NICE WORDS from a NICE MAN.  I meant every syllable.
    Sweet!  Kamala Harris is like Amy Poehler.  She knows MUCH MORE OF THE WORLD than I do!  I can't even contemplate it!  But I trust her.  Anyway.  Okay so what else is in the ne-- Excuse Me, Host?  Uhh Yes?  Yeah, I didn't like that last joke you said.  What was wrong with it?  I found it offensive.  What part of it?  Pretty much the entire thing.  It offended me.  Is that the kind of jokes you normally tell?  No!  We try to do things that everyone will enjoy!  Well I didn't enjoy that last joke!  Okay but what was wrong with it.  It offended me.  It put me ON DEFENSE.  Do you have a specific comment or complaint or can I move on.  I.  DIDN'T. FIND.  IT.  IN.  Oh.  FFENSIVE. <><><>OK the bit is over.  Is there anything salvageable from the three Interrupting Bits I wrote.  Hmm.  Probably!  Alternatively, probably should just move on without saving anything of them though anyway.  Huh.  I guess that's it for today.  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:19 P.M.

Monday, October 21, 2024

Crazysheet.net Endorses Kamala Harris For President

    It's official!  I'm making my true feelings known!  I've crunched the numbers and there's no doubt in my mind that Kamala Harris will make a wonderful president.  She will stand for Basic human Rights, Freedom of press/speech, bodily autonomy, a Strong Economy, Foreign Policy, have us operating as a Democracy and not an autocratic plutocratic kleptocracy, we'll be interacting with each other like HUMANS and not exploit and hurt each other with fear and hate.  All plusses!  Also, conversely, Trump would fuck our shit up on all fronts.  So it's absolutely an easy decision to support Kamala Harris for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.  Okay, good.  What else is going on.  I re-watched Doctor Sleep last night and this morning.  That's a pretty solid, memorable movie!  I'm gonna have to Take This One In more than I thought I would initially!  I can't understand supporting Trump in this election beyond being part of his cult of personality.  You choose to view literally everything backwards because you support this One Dumb Person.  Because you want to Believe In Him you agree to Warp Your Mind such that EVERYTHING IS FUNHOUSE MIRROR'D.  That's all well and good for Suckers but you don't have to be a Sucker!  It's really not necessary!  IN FACT it's quite counterproductive!
    Anyway.  The Mets have been eliminated from the playoffs!  That's okay!  They had a good run!  I will be rooting for the Dodgers in the world series against The Yankees!  I don't HATE the Yankees as much as I used to.  This is the 21st century.  The general VIBE of sports teams is superfluous!  The players on the teams mostly didn't go out of their way to choose to be part of this franchise!  Their personality doesn't necessary align with the personality of the team!  Why should I root against this group of 26 Random People.  The, "Evil Empire," Character of the Yankees of the 90's and 2000's... can't really assign that to a team in 2024, can I?  NO ONE ON THIS TEAM ASKED FOR THAT.  Then again Maybe They DID.  I DUNNO.  I'm gonna have to look into that one!  Sometimes it's FUN to play into those sorts of themes.  EVEN IF YOU AIN'T THAT.  I dunno.  Could be risky.  You might get TOO LOST IN THE PART and come away STUCK IN CHARACTER even after the show is over!  I don't like the sound of that.  I've done 4 improv classes in the last year and I've NEVER gotten stuck in character.  I guess I'm just TOO GOOD AN ACTOR for that!
   Homework for this week's Late Nite Comedy Class is to write one of those sketches where someone interrupts the host.  I guess it's such a common motif that It's It's Own Kind Of Sketch.  Where the premise is The Host Is Continuing Doing The Monologue but then someone on the audience INTERRUPTS HIM WITH SOMETHING and hilarity ensues.  That checks out!  I've seen that plenty of times!  Anyway.  There was a re-occurring Conan sketch with this premise with a guy WHO WAS CALLED The Interrupter.  Good stuff!  What was his deal again.  He talked in riddles or something.  Or answered every question with a question.  I forget!  WE MAY NEVER KNOW FOR SURE.  I finished Serj Tankian book!  Wasn't that great a book, I think it was more of an opportunity for Serj to tell us about Armenian politics and Genocide!  I appreciated that he didn't have that great a memory of his life, though!  Every other memoir I read written by musicians, they seemed to have their entire life stories memorized or something.  SERJ seemed to be drawing blanks for most of it!  VERY RELATABLE.  Not even because of heavy drug use or anything!  Just got the sense he felt Much Of Life Wasn't That Memorable!
   STARTED Keith Richards book.  It's okay so far!  Not IN LOVE with it but it's certainly appreciable.  It's TRUE that I initially didn't remember which Rolling Stone was which.  Keith Richards is the Guitar Player.  Ok!  Great!  I can relate to that!  I was both the guitar player and the singer of my own one man band, Myself.  Producer.  Chief Songwriter.  Pressed Play on The Drum Loop Button.  Is each member of The Rolling Stones A Rolling Stone?  Or is that NOT EXACTLY how The Band Name Works.  It sounds like how it works.  But The Rolling Stones bandname is Just A CONCEPT.  It's a THEME.  It's a METAPHOR.  It's just an IDEA that's being projected.  In no way can we assume it MAKES EACH PERSON A Rolling Stone DEFINITELY NECESSARILY.  Oh, okay.  Great.  Good.  I guess.  How did my Cold Open go over in class next week.  OKAY!  Teacher didn't really like it but the class did!  That's NOT BAD!  IN FACT IT'S GOOD.  As we were reading it I was figuring out, "Wait Meryl Streep would not wanna do this."  IN REAL TIME I figured it out.  Jimmy Fallon probably wouldn't wanna do it either.  I forget if I figured that out or not.  THIS WAS LAST WEEK.  Ages ago!
    Huh.  I guess that's a key thing to determine when writing for celebrities!  Write What They Would Want To Perform.  Oh okay.  AND JUST LIKE THAT A CREATIVE SPARK DIES WITHIN ME.  Great.  What creative spark.  The instinct to Do Crazy Things with comedy.  I wanna GO THERE when I'm writing a sketch!  I WANNA PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE.  What the Hell am I talking about.  I dunno but IT SOUNDS LIKE I'M TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.  Yeah!  Sure!  I guess!  What else is up.  Oh No it's only Monday.  I have a lot of Responsibility Before Me!  Or Ahead Of Me.  In Front Of Me.  It's all around me!  An all encompassing responsibility!  Been listening to System Of A Down for the first time perhaps ever.  It's okay!  Pretty intense!  Some negative feelings might have come up while I was listening to the music, but it may ultimately be therapeutic, so perhaps it was a worthwhile experience overall!  Listening to it just taps into some of the emotions that I don't normally entertain.  But I guess they're there to some extent, so might as well put them to music while I walk around!
   I am halfway through the entry!  Let's see.  What can I talk about for the next five paragraphs.  Probably what I deem worthy of discussion!  I SAY WHATEVER OCCURS TO ME.  What will come to mind!  It's a crapshoot!  That can't be right.  It seems like what would come to mind would be there for some sort of reason one way or another.  I guess.  That makes sense.  Anyway. If Trump wins I don't have faith I'll have Freedom Of Speech!  That's but ONE way we'll be under fascism in that scenario.  This election is about defending our basic rights once and for all!  So that's good.  What else is up.  What do I gotta Freedom Of Speech that's so Important.  I don't know yet!  Still thinking about it!  ALSO lots of other people got lots of important things to say Freedom Of Speechwise that I don't want to be censored!  THIS IS A REAL ISSUE.  TAKE FREEDOM OF SPEECH FOR GRANTED AT YOUR OWN PERIL.  Huh.  Where'd that thought come from.  I dunno.  Some sort of lottery system in my brain.
    Seventh paragraph!  Four paragraphs to go!  ALL I KNOW IS DONALD TRUMP.  WHAT WILL WE TALK ABOUT IF KAMALA HARRIS WINS.  Don't worry.  We can still talk about Trump being on trial and stuff.  Huh.  OR we can just talk about new things.  LIFE GOES ON.  I PROMISE.  You don't need to MAKE YOUR LIFE QUALITATIVELY WORSE so you HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT.  Just PICK SOMETHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT.  You moron.  So many topics out there!  Geography.  Entertainment.  History.  Arts & Literature.  Science.  Sports & Leisure.  C'mon guys.  I like it when you get a LEISURE question in Trivial Pursuit.  I got a Sports & Leisure question, usually I'm thinking it'll be Sports!  But sometimes they throw ya something about LEISURE.  What's that.  Like a question about Laying Down or something?  Yeah!  That's what I think Leisure is!  Anyway.  I made it to the penultimate season of The Office!  That's pretty leisureable!   HUH.  I wore my heavy sweatshirtjacket this weekend for the first time of the season!  Store that in my memory banks!  Lock it up in a coffin like Doctor Sleep!  Don't forget it like Serj Tankian would! 
    I don't think I understood the point of either of those activities!  Doctor Sleep didn't Lock Up Memories in coffins to remember them.  Serj Tankian didn't have a lazzefairre attitude to the past and that's what he wanted to get across!  Oh well.  There's What The Book Or Movie WANTED TO Get Across, and then there's What I Got Out Of It.  Doesn't NEED to be the same!  SOUNDS RIGHT.  But I WANTED to get what they wanted me to get out of it.  I'M A GOOD GUY.  Oh well.  Too late now.  Maybe next time!  I still got ALL MY LIFE to make up for my past mistakes!  Watch this movie over and over again until I get it right!  I dunno if I'll ever read this book again though.  I really doubt that'll happen.  This was my one chance to Read Serj Tankian Right.  ARMENIAN GENOCIDE.  WHAT.  I GET IT.  Also it got me listening to System Of A Down.  Now that I think about it What WOULD Serj Tankian's Thesis Statement have been.  Themewise. Not plotwise.  Hmm.  I don't know.  Why would I suddenly know.  Because I wasn't thinking CONSCIOUSLY about it before.  I am NOW.  Oh.  Uh.  Hmm.  I don't know!  Just some stuff that happened my man.
    Ninth paragraph!  Cool.  Keith Richards.  Hmm.  He writes in a way that makes me Not Quite Like Him and Not Quite Not Like Him.  I don't know!  I really don't know!  I both like and dislike his choice of writing style at the same time!  And he takes a big swing with his writing voice is the point, so IT'S TOUGH not being able to come down hard on one side!  I guess I like it because Why Not Be Positive.  Also I'M READING IT.  So I guess it's better than NOTHING.  I suppose maybe this might just be what he sounds like in real life!  But it's jarring to see it written out.  I dunno!  I'm getting used to it!  He's a rockstar he's allowed to talk however he wants.  SURE, TALK.  But WRITE?  I didn't know they could do THAT.  Shows how much I know, though!  Anyway.  That's an okay book.  He's a good writer!  Just not PERFECT.  I don't LOVE him like I loved some other memoirists!  I just LIKE him!  Sounds like a real shitty experience then.  WHY EVEN BOTHER.
   Last paragraph!  I guess I got one more paragraph to write.  I can do that with my hands untied in front of me at my keyboard!  Sounds like pretty optimal conditions, actually.  Not happy with how I look too far away in Zoom meetings usually.  Thanks to my keyboard!  If I didn't have external keyboard, my laptop could be closer to me, and then my head would be bigger in the window!  Bigger heads = more respect.  But then I'd be typing at my regular keyboard connected to the laptop.  It's missing the, "e," plastic piece!  I guess I could still type at it on occasion during Zoom Meetings!  I've given myself a lot to think about.  Whose YOUR FAVORITE Knot Villain in Doctor Sleep.  I think there should be more to choose from.  Underdeveloped part of the movie!  I'd like to see more characters!  But also They're Good Guys.  I wanna see more Shining Good Guy Characters!  But also they can be reduced to simple-to-understand 2.5 dimensional figures.  DON'T MAKE IT TOO COMPLEX ON ME.  I'm just passing through The Shining Universe!  I'm not gonna invest in these people That Deeply!  REDUCE THEM SLIGHTLY SO I CAN IDENTIFY WITH THEM QUICKLY.  Huh.  Sounds fair.  I guess!  Anyway.  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:10 P.M.         
    
     

Thursday, October 17, 2024

Sometimes The Internet Is Good

    Yeah it's time to write another entry!  DID MICHAEL DO HIS JOB FOR THE WEEK.  Yes!  I wrote my Fallon cold open this morning!  Just something I THREW TOGETHER in front of you during Wednesday's Entry!  More or less the same thing as you already saw Way Back Yesterday!  Now it's time for Some New Stuff!  ENTRY TIME.  Just took a sip of beer and thought about WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I DRANK SODA FROM A CAN.  It's a singular experience that I haven't had in years!  Personally, I've always felt Can is the best reservoir out of which to drink soda!  I think I might just buy a can of soda later tonight.  YES I've got several 2 liter bottles in the fridge!  I might treat myself anyway!  THIS IS EXCITING.  LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES.  I can even buy brands and/or flavors I don't normally have in my regular rotation of 2 liter bottles to mix it up even more.  To increase the Novelty Of The Experience!  I should do this During Tonight's Class.  Drinking that can of soda.  Probably wouldn't last me the entire class, though.  That might confuse people.  I'd be drinking soda for the first 70% of the class and then SOMETHING ELSE for the last part.  What would people THINK.  People Don't Think.  Too busy Just Doing Their Thing.  NO TIME FOR THINKING THESE DAYS for Modern Society.
    I dunno.  What'd be the point of Thinking anyway.  WHAT'S SO INTERESTING that we have to STOP AND THINK about it.  NOTHIN'.  I don't even know what the Process Of Thinking is even like!  I'm more of an IDEA ENTERTAINER.  I'd rather think ON something than think THROUGH something.  I dunno.  Depends on the occasion!  Now that I think about it, thinking better sounds great hook me up with some of that.  Hmm.  I got Lite Nite Comedy Class in 2 weeks ON HALLOWEEN.  6 Pm to 9 PM.  That's Prime Trick Or Treating Time!  Looks like I won't be able to participate with answering the door.  I should dress up as something for ZOOM Class.  People would appreciate that! No they wouldn't.  ONE OR TWO MIGHT.  I'M PLAYING TO THEM.  Those weirdoes.  What kind of costume could I put on.  Use magic marker to draw a moustache.  I actually do have facial hair there!  I wouldn't call it a moustache.  Not thick enough.  It's a Starter Moustache maybe!  Huh.  I haven't shaved in 2 or 3 weeks.  I'm not wearing contact lenses today.  Gonna be first session of this class with GLASSES.  I like to wear glasses once or twice for each class I take.  Everyone should ALL get to see both sides of Michael! WHY would anyone care.  One or two people per class care about these kinda things!  Weirdoes!  Things like this REGISTER.
    Hmm.  Maybe Comedy Writing Guy IS My Halloween Costume.  Except Halloween is Every Day.  Spooky.  Anyway.  A guy from One Direction fell out of a window and died!  I GUESS WE NOW KNOW THE ONE DIRECTION WAS DOWN.  WE HONOR HIM BY MAKING THAT JOKE.  So that's good.  Gonna try to make the most out of my weekend coming up!  That's been a common thread of weekends for me the last couple of months!  For some reason I think, How can I make the most out of My Weekend such that the upcoming week will be decent.  WHO thinks that way. ME.  Why though.  For Some Reason!  I don't know!  Is it right, is it wrong.  Is it in my best interest, is it dumb.  Did I get that idea from myself, or did it come through subliminally planted messages Possibly Through Song Lyrics or From Sunday Morning Comic Strips.  Huh.  I don't know the answers to any of these questions.  But it's been the routine for a few months so that's what I'm gonna do this weekend.  COORDINATE MY WEEKENDLIFE so Monday Through Thursday will be Good Enough, something like that, I Dunno!
    Huh.  IT'S JUST THE REVERSE OF THE SONG, "WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND."  I WEEKEND FOR THE WORKING.  It's not so different in the end!  Maybe it's EXACTLY like the song.  And the song just mixed up the words to make it more PALATABLE for a general audience!  I might have to listen to that song later on on my next walk.  Might be relatable to me!  I like music!  I can't imagine what Loverboy looks or sounds like.  I know this song.  So I guess I can imagine what they sound like ON OCCASION.  Anyway.  Only on the fourth paragraph.  Sounds like I should smoke some weed.  I gotta mix something up to improve things.  Oh.  If I Said It In Italics IT MUST BE RIGHT.  I haven't been getting very high lately.  The weed I last got isn't very strong!  So I smoke it and only get Halfway High.  I THINK I'm kind of high but looking back on the last two weeks, I could stand to be smoking 50% more marijuana at a time.  That way I'd be slightly more momentarily happier!  Cause of drugs!  WE DESERVE GOOD WEEKENDS.  AND STRONG WEED.  AND To recognize what Loverboy looks and sounds like!
   Fifth paragraph.  I have to write six more paragraphs now.  Gonna employ my patented Crazysheet writing style to it.  I'll get through it in no time!  I just need to keep doing what I've been doing!  It's gotten me to this point!  Almost halfway through the entry.  Is there a way I can make this over already?  NO.  I HAVE TO POWER THROUGH.  I CAN'T FOLD TIME OVER SO THAT THE ENDING IS HERE ALREADY.  I MUST PUT IN THE WORK OVER TIME TO GET TO THE ENDING.  Wow.  That sounds like a difficult equation.  I should probably add a few lines of dialogue to my sketch.  And I should probably subtract a few liens of dialogue to my sketch!  But then I would have to ADD A FEW MORE lines of dialogue to my sketch.  Huh.  What's the point of this paragraph.  I don't understand.  Entries need ten paragraphs.  That's the point.  That's a pretty shitty point but that's what I came up with on the spot.  Oh.  I get it.  Took me a while to figure out what it means but I think I understand now.  It means The point of the paragraph is tenfold. 
    Halfway Through the entry!  I guess I could handle five more paragraphs.  Who is my target audience for these paragraphs.  Sexy Ladies.  No.  I don't think that's right.  Everybody.  Everybody doesn't read this!  Crazy People.  I don't know!  I think my Target Audience TRADITIONALLY has been Me.  That Elusive Personality!  Good guy, generally.  Hey there's a Mets game tonight.  I'll be in class for the start of it!  Maybe they do BETTER tonight than they did last night!  I think they'll be alright!  I guess.  HOW AM I though.  Look, not good.  I just found out I still have to write the rest of this entry under poor conditions.  We're talkin' LOW inspiration.  LOW creative drive.  HIGH flightiness.  Oh.  What are some good Levels I'm At.  Nothings coming to mind.  There's nothing good about me.  I gotta use the bathroom.  High levels of Being Able To Pee In The Toilet.  There's good things about me.  Just not about Where I'm At Right Now.  I'M COOL CALM AND COLLECTED.  That's pretty good!  Okay three things.
    Seventh paragraph!  Let's get into it!  After 9/11, There Was Flightiness for several weeks.  Lemme LTURQ.  Only three days.  That's good.  Maybe I'll suspend flights for my three day weekend.  Okay.  Once I figure out what that means I'll do it!  Okay.  I think I figured out what it means.  It either means Nothing or it means Any One Of An Infinite Figurative Things It Might Mean.  Like, give me one.  It might mean I don't jerk off!  It might mean I don't go on Flights Of Fancy!  It might mean I don't leave my homebase!  Now what does THAT mean.  It either means What It Literally Says or it means Nothing or it means Any Of An Infinite Figurative Things It Might Mean.  Anyway.  I dunno.  Still stuck here in the seventhing paragraph.  What to do, what to do.  I know I have to say words.  Maybe I should consult another version of me.  Get that idiot to write this shit.  Where is he.  HE WAS HERE A MINUTE AGO.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone me.  I think I'll bite the bullet and write it myself!
    Three paragraphs to go!  It's hard to believe there's a version of me that's competent BUT THERE IS.  Anyway.  We've seen glimpses and flashes of him here and there!  Me more than you!  I privately have more evidence of my potential than is available publicly!  Huh.  Potential.  FOR WHAT?  To be Potent.  That's the root of Potential right.  AND I CAN be Potent.  TRUST.  Michael how would you define Potent.  To be STRONG OR ACTIVE OR GOING ON OR A THING THAT'S LIKE WHEN IT'S VERY EFFECTIVE.  That's what it means to have Potential!  POT can be Potent.  But Michael that doesn't make Pot the root of Potent.  OH OKAY THANKS.  You unlearn something new everyday!  Awesome.  I still gotta write 2.5 more paragraphs.  I am very close to the end, though!  No I'm not.  I have so much left to say.  Not BANKED.  I still have to conjure it up!  But the point is we still have much time left together.
    Penultimate paragraph.  CONJURE, huh?  The Conjuring!  They're the franchise with the ghosts and haunts and haints.  I like it!  In Film Form.  Wouldn't want to be supernaturally spooked myself!  What if the ghost haunting me WAS DEAD.  I AIN'T FUCKIN' WITH NO DEAD SPIRITS.  Once you're dead you become GROSS.  EWW YOU GOT AFTERLIFE ON YOU.  I'm okay with living people bothering me psychically all the time, though!  That's just a part of life!  Anyway.  That doesn't sound right.  I don't think I want that either!  Gonna have to change the Settings in my Life so that I'm not having that happen.  I don't know how to access Settings!  Whatta gyp!  WHY would Flightiness mean NO FLIGHTS.  Wouldn't it mean LOTS OF FLIGHTS.  Hmm.  I MIGHT BE RIGHT.  Oh well.  I can't very well delete the last four paragraphs, can I?  BUT THEY'RE ALL BASED ON A LIE.  I dunno.  I Could just say After 9/11 They Suspended Flightiness for 3 days.  Just Add one word!  Okay!
    Last paragraph.  GREAT FINALLY WE GOT THIS.  Just a mere single paragraph to go!  I dunno.  What's going on.  Gonna read more Serj Tankian.  Might even finish the book!  Then move on to Keith Richards!  His book shows him smoking a cigarette on the cover!  Seems pretty scandalous!  I just looked at the cover again and he's IN THE PROCESS of lighting up the cigarette!  THEY CAPTURED FIRE IN THE SHOT.  I hope the photographer got some sort of award!  Whatever.  Moving on!  I wonder if we will act out each other's sketches tonight in class.  I should not attempt to do celebrity voices!  I'd probably sound stupid if I did!  I could try to write in celebrity voices but I shouldn't try to talk in celebrity voices!  That's not in the cards for something I can accomplish tonight.  Then again I mightcould feel pressure to do so in the moment if that's what does happen.  OR no one does voices!  I DON'T KNOW.  THE CLASS HASN'T HAPPENED YET.  So that's good.  What the Hell.  I guess that's it.  I'll see ya next week.

-4:20 P.M.

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

I Wanna See Where This Is Going

    Greetings!  I know what you're thinking!  "It's WEDNESDAY!  WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR US."  What are the odds anyone is literally thinking that exactly.  ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.  I was thinking that!  I was thinking, "I," instead of, "You," but, yeah!  Had short therapy appointment this morning.  Being 5'2, I have to go to Short Therapy.  Every guy 5'5 and under HAS TO DO IT.  Otherwise We Go Crazy.  Can't fit in into regular society!  Gotta do Short Therapy both for OURSELVES and for EVERYONE ELSE'S SAKE!  I'VE NEVER DRANK SAKE.  Looks like the turnout on the first day of Early Voting in Georgia was off the charts!  They had to add more to the chart because originally there was too much voting than the space allowed on the original chart!  Might need to punch up that joke.  Jimmy Kimmel never in a million years gonna lead off his show with that muckymuck.  Looks like the turnout for the first day of Early Voting in Georgia was off the charts!  UNLESS they didn't actually vote.  We don't know!  Some of the people might have just went into the ballot box to fart or something and then left.  DO FARTS COUNT AS VOTES.  I think it would more or less count as a, "Present," or, "Uncommitted." 
    Ok.  ARE THERE PEOPLE who can manipulate the sound of their farts so they sound like things, like speech maybe.  Make your fart say Hello or something.  I guess it's possible.  If not now, then certainly over several hundred thousand years of more human evolution.  We'll get there eventually!  Now we play the waiting game.  Let's talk about something MORE PLEASANT.  UGH.  Gotta write a cold open tonight.  Pick a Late Nite host.  Pick a Celebrity Guest.  Have them INTERACT for a minute or two.  What The Hell.  There's so many random variables that I have to make up out of nothing!  Probably should pick THE SEXIEST of the possible candidates.  I like imagining that sort of thing so why not entertain myself with that.  This exercise JUST GOT INTERESTING.  Just tricked myself into wanting to do it!  Because I can imagine one of the hypothetical people I'm writing in it Has Boobs.  ALRIGHT NOW I'M ENGAGED WITH THIS EXERCISE LET'S GO.  Ugh.  I'm just joshing around.  What if I imagine that both the celebrity and host in the sketch ARE THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE.  I MIGHT NOT be funny BUT THEY ARE.  Now if only I knew WHAT FUNNY THINGS THEY might say or do.
   Wha.  Huh.  Trying to wrap my head around this assignment exercise.  IT'S REALLY NOT THAT COMPLICATED.  Hmm.  It's Complicated.  That's a movie from 2009.  You're telling me I should write this thing with Meryl Streep?  I guess.  Sounds about right!  Okay.  I guess Jimmy Fallon is my first instinct as to which host to use.  OKAY.  Let's move.  ON!  There's a Diane Keaton and a Michael Keaton.  Never occurred to me until right now that they SHOULD BE RELATED.  Why.  I dunno!  Just seems like there'd be a nice fraternal connection there that we've been deprived of THUS FAR but we should be getting more of ASAP!  What if They're Secret Spouses.  That'd be a surprise.  Because if they share last name spousewise that's a huge giveaway that they're married!  HMM.  I DUNNO.  That's ENOUGH Keaton Talk.  How would I feel if Michael Keaton one day said, "That's ENOUGH talk about Me."  I wouldn't like it if the shoe was on the other foot!  That's a weird expression.  WHEN THE HELL are people wearing A Shoe On One Foot.  And then you change which foot you're wearing the shoe on.  Which presumably changes everything.  I dunno about you guys but I'm either wearing No Shoes or Two Shoes.  I'm not sometimes wearing ONE SHOE and then Flipping It Sometimes To CHANGE THE GAME COMPLETELY.  I'm making good points!
   No I'm not.  Nobody like this!  Hmm.  No pressure but there's a Mets game tonight.  That should be good.  I may or may not watch that much of it!  It depends on the specific circumstances of the game!  Jeez.  Why can't I just watch it from start to finish.  For one that's a big block of time.  Also, too much stress.  I'm concerned I'd give off bad mojo, too!  I'm sure if they make the World Series, I'd watch the entire games of those.  Can't very well miss THOSE.  MY BELOVED METS.  MY SONS.  MY BROTHERS.  DADDIES.  Keep believing!  "YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE" - Mets Slogan.  Okay.  I'll believe, but not because you're telling me to.  I was going to believe anyway.  I dunno.  Does my belief extend all the way into next season.  I believe for the next few games but after this post season it's a blank slate.  OR maybe I KEEP BELIEVING.  Is that allowed.  Doesn't seem right.  IT'S TOO LOOSE A CONCEPT.  WHO CARES.  IT MEANS NOTHING.  Belief.  AND CARING ABOUT BASEBALL IN GENERAL.  I'M MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE.
   Yeah!  I like baseball!  Huh.  I lost track of what was going on!  It's very possible I never knew!  Good news is I can get back on track right now!  Start my own tracks.  This time we're headed straight for OREGON.  What's in Oregon.  ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  And that's what I like about it.  It's a fresh start!  When I look at the word, "Oregon," I incorrectly get a WHIFF of it using the Latin term for Eight like in, "OCTAGON."  WHAT.  I thought we were being honest with each other!  That's MY TRUTH.  Who designed the original Octagon that people fight in and WHY.  What if we took a Boxing Ring, right, but made it eight sided.  I'VE DETERMINED EIGHT SIDES IS GEOGRAPHICALLY PERFECT FOR FIGHTING INSIDE OF.  YOU KNOW, SCIENTIFICALLY.  I'm gonna wanna take a look at that guy's research.  No I don't.  That sounds like literal Hell On Earth.  Having To DO Something.  NOT TODAY SATAN.  I can handle work in spurts of time!  Here and there.  If I can convince myself it's worthwhile.  Not a big deal in the end.  Everyone on Earth has to do some sort of work!  Why should I be exempt!
    Halfway through the entry!  I'm picturing when the Chinese refugees showed up in OZ: The Prison Drama and volunteered to perform prison jobs in the spirit of Togetherness.  HEY I'LL DO A JOB I WANT TO DO MY PART.  Nobody cares.  MCMANUS CERTAINLY SAT UP AND TOOK NOTICE.  Anyway.  They named the guy MCM ANUS and I'm just figuring it out now!  I don't think, "MCM," means much of anything, so it doesn't mean A LOT to me... but ANUS is ok in terms of being almost humorous!  IT REMINDS ME OF BUTTS.  What else do I have going for me.  Huh.  SHITTSBURGH I gotta write that shit tonight.  Jimmy: HEY MERYL EVERYTHING OKAY CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING MERYL: YOU WHY WOULD YOU GET ME SOMETHING WOULDN'T A PAGE DO THAT JIMMY: NO WELL I'M HERE ALREADY SO I MIGHT AS WELL OH OK MERYL: JIMMY JIMMY JIMMY Anyway that's all I got so far.  Probably gonna have to SCRAP IT and start completely anew!  That's life I guess.  I don't like it!  But that's what First Drafts are for.  For FORGETTIN.  I almost forgot it already.  How do you almost forget something.  It's tough but with training anything is possible!
   Seventh paragraph!  This should be good.  I HOPE SO.  Probably gonna get pizza for dinner tonight.  I've been getting pepperoni pizza pretty regularly lately when I get pizza!  I think I might want to mix it up tonight, though.  Anchovy might be in the cards!  I just imagined being in your shoes.  Listening to someone say those words to them.  Wow.  You are very tolerant of differently abled people.  Well done.  So that's good.  It's a mixed bag when you read this website!  One day if I ever am PAID for what I do creatively, It'll be EDITED and everything!  You won't have to put up with the bullshit one day!  It'll ALL be Worthwhile Pay-Off!  Oh good.  Great.  That might happen one day.  HMM.  In the meantime I'm gonna have to give you Ten Comedy Paragraphs, Four Times A Week, ROUGHLY TWO THIRDS BULLSHIT.  OK GOOD.  I bet there are Bullshit Lovers out there!  OBVIOUSLY I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR IT.  I KEEP WRITING IT.  I LITERALLY CAN'T STOP MYSELF.
   Oh no.  Three paragraphs to go.  Still gotta watch a Colbert Episode.  Great!  EASY.  Hard to PUT ON the production but it's easy enough to watch it!  Just Press Play.  I can handle that!  I think.  Not sure what I'm gonna do when Late Nite Comedy Class is over!  Probably take another class!  Will it be writing or improv!  In person or Online!  Existing or Imaginary!  I dunno, we'll see!  Probably will EXIST.  There haven't been any imaginary classes that I specifically remember taking.  Only real ones!  Hmm.  I probably LEARN a lot In My Imagination.  That makes sense.  But it's not a strict CLASS-type setting.  Also I don't learn much in my imagination! Anything you learn in your imagination, is that something you're really gonna take to Heart?  Hmm.  Maybe!  If it's YOUR Imagination!  Why shouldn't you trust your imagination!  YOU SHOULD.  Okay.  Great!  Makes Sense!  Let's see, what else is going on.  I trust my imagination up to a point, sure, I guess.  I LIKE CERTAIN VERSIONS OF MY IMAGINATION MORE THAN OTHERS.  What I might be prone towards imagining when I'm laying in bed compared to what I might imagine when I'm taking a walk or what I might imagine when I'm writing an entry.  DIFFERENT imaginations!  There's crossover but I'm not the same person completely from one activity to the next!
   Penultimate paragraph!  I should write a cold open for Meryl Streep that's Something She Can Handle.  Nothing too Dramatic.  I don't wanna give her something beyond her capabilities!  I dunno.  What's the plot of the cold open.  ATTEMPT #2 OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD-- Jimmy: Hey Meryl I'm excited for you to be on the show Meryl: Yeah it's great to be here but I was a little uncomfortable last time I was here Jimmy: Oh No Why what happened Meryl: I felt your audience didn't like me.  Jimmy: That can't be!  Meryl:  Yeah it just seemed like they weren't feeling my vibes or something I don't know.  Jimmy: I'm sure they loved you!  Meryl: No when the show was over they formed a mob when I left the building and when I came out they were threatening me and I barely made it out alive.  .... Anyway that's ATTEMPT #2.  MIGHT be good enough to be Draft #1!  I think I might stick with that premise!  WHY NOT.  Seems pleasant enough!
   Cool!  Last paragraph!  Anyway.  Looking forward to upcoming weekend.  YEAH it's only Wednesday!  FOR ME Wednesdays are Thursdays!  Good.  I guess.  I should probably drop the Mob Threatening Meryl Streep from the Cold Open Sketch.  BUT the bit about her being self conscious about the audience not liking her the last guest appearance is an okay place to start!  It seems like something I'd have seen before!  IF I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE THEN IT'S WORTH SEEING AGAIN.  Which means I should write it.  BRILLIANT MIND AT WORK.  I dunno.  The part that makes it unique is The Violence Mob being after her.  But I don't think Jimmy Fallon would go dark like that!  MAYBE he does!  I don't KNOW.  Might as well write it.  I should entertain myself.  It's all for fun anyway!  It's not that dark.  It's pretty silly.  I'M OKAY WITH IT.  Okay.  Anyway that's it for today.  Guess that's good.  Tomorrow should be even better!  NONE OF THE TRAPPINGS OF TODAY.  Ugh.  I'll see ya later.

-4:50 P.M.   

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Welcome To Happy Trustworthy Goodtime Website

    GREAT.  I guess it's time for Tuesday.  What a shitty day of the week.  I rank it in my bottom two.  Probably Monday and Tuesday, they're the worst!  9/11 was on a Tuesday!  Elections are held on Tuesdays!  TUESDAY'S GONE: The Song was on a Tuesday.  That's a good song, why would that make me dislike Tuesdays.  I don't know probably because it's WISTFUL.  Full of Wist.  YOU Never hear about, "Wist," except in cases where We're Full Of It!  The Mets won yesterday and get a day off today.  Good.  They deserve it.  WE deserve it.  I feel Mets Fans are part of the team to a certain extent.  There are different layers to being part of the team.  You can be part of the active roster.  You can be part of the INACTIVE roster.  You can be coach and staff.  You can work for the organization in some other fashion.  OR YOU CAN JUST BE A FAN.  We're all layers of being on the team.  I really am not sure if Being A Fan Makes Me A Met.  I'M INVESTED IN THEIR SUCCESS SOMEHOW.  Who cares what the label is exactly!  Also I SAY we levelize Fanbasedom!  Fine but you do that ON YOUR OWN time.
   OK.  I got Wendies for dinner last night!  And for a meal today!  Probably dinner!  Right now I'm skipping lunch but maybe I have it later in the entry!  I enjoyed having lunch with yesterday's entry.  Something about it JUST FELT RIGHT.  Wendies is the plural of Wendy.  Which shouldn't be the concept I'm trying to convey anyway in the first place.  Oh No.  Looks like Trump was holding a Q & A last night and did five questions, and then put on his iPod for 39 minutes and just stood there while making people listen to the music.  That's bizarre behavior.  WHAT IS THIS MY FRESHMAN YEAR IN COLLEGE?  Making people listen to music uncomfortably and whatknot.  That's something people do freshman year in college.  That's the joke I was making!  I don't think it is an accurate portrayal of my historical life story.  I was more likely to be the person inconvenienced by people doing that!  But it's funnier if I tell it in the first person!  It still wasn't funny.  But it was slightly closer to being funny.  If it WERE funny it would have been slightly funnier than otherwise.  But it's not funny.  IT'S JUST SAD.
   Saw a bit of Kamala Talking last night.  She seemed to be doing pretty good.  If I could voice one complaint it's that she wasn't doing slightly better.  And if she WAS doing slightly better seems like she should be doing Even Slightly Better Than That.  I dunno.  I was looking at what's playing in theaters this weekend.  Looks like There's Nothing There For Me!  I might like some of those films playing but who can say for certainties sake.  I think I'll just stay at home and do the regular things.  READ IT UP.  Should be a decent enough time.  I'm trying to get into System Of A Down!  By listening to their One Hit Song once so far!  Real crash course and whatknot!  It's okay, I've listened to that one song probably an entire two dozen songs in my lifetime.  Maybe more like fifteen times.  Hard to estimate.  Gotta get this number right.  I DON'T WANT TO LIE TO YOU.  I may not be very insightful but I could at least be accurate!  Also, I MAY be insightful.  And also I COULD NOT be accurate.  HARD TO SAY WHAT OR WHAT I AM NOT OR IS.
    Alright.  If I convey accurate information it will inevitably be insightful to some extent.  Couldn't hurt!  Fourth paragraph!  WHOSE TO SAY what's accurate these days.  I dunno.  NASA.  Ok.  I think I'm gonna have lunch in a paragraph or two.  I got a Spicy Chicken Sandwich IN LIEU of some sort of hamburger.  Oop Spoiler Alert.  Too Late.  Did I smoke any marijuana at the beginning of this entry?  I don't THINK I did.  I'd say about a 15% chance I took three puffs.  Maybe 20%.  Around there!  No weed, no beer!  Only COLD BREW.  What percent of people would identify their beverage as a Cold Brew colloquially as opposed to Iced Coffee.  If PROMPTED.  It's a lot more simple to just go with calling it a generic Iced Coffee in a conversation.  Wow.  That rant improved the quality of my life.  Now I'm A Fan Of Myself.  Where is the rest of the entry going to take me.  Good.  I don't know!  That's above my pay grade!  I can CONTROL what I say with the next six paragraphs.  I can literally write ANYTHING I WANT.  Uh-oh.  I don't like the sound of that.  Too wide open.  As Pilot Class Teacher would say TOO MUCH Blue Sky.  He wouldn't say, "Too Much."  He usually encouraged us to work in Blue Sky Territory.  I think.  Something like that.  Been a while!
   Fifth paragraph!  Halfway through October. Got Halloween coming up!  I really think  the band WEEN should think about doing some sort of promotion making a pun with the film Hollow Man and Hollow Ween or SOMETHING.  One of them is a Hollow Man.  All of them are Hollow Ween.  I dunno the band that well at all but there's something there.  I don't know the band AT ALL.  Maybe it's about time I find out what they're all about.  HOW BAD CAN THEY BE, THE FIRST LETTER OF THEIR NAME IS, "W."  People who never grew up with MP3 Players might never know the deep connection one might have with The First Letter Of A Band's Name.  Even I forgot until just this moment.  But now it's all coming back to me!  That's how you get to the song you want.  You scroll through the thing.  From A to Z.  By Artist.  DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY.  You might choose to browze by SONG title.  Or you might shuffle BY RANDOM.  Or REALLY get to your song by ANY NUMBER of ways.  LOOK my experience was heavily rooted in browsing by Artist A through Z.  Don't debate with me my own experiences!
    Halfway through the entry!  That's good.  Just started my lunch.  Having lunch doesn't GUARANTEE I will write quality things along with it.  But it's delicious anyway.  The Spicy Chicken Sandwich is as much of a physical sensation as it is a tasting one.  This is one experience I'm bound to remember for quite a long time.  What The Hell.  I'm already like 2/3rds done.  Yesterday the lunch lasted me like half the entry!  TODAY IT'S LASTING ME HALF A PARAGRAPH.  I guess Having Lunch isn't that big a deal in retrospect.  I thought it was THE KEY to UNLOCK success in writing entries!  Turns out it was just another random variable!  OH WELL.  TASTY ANYWAY.  Moving on!  Back to Coffee and Starting Beer.  Starting Beer.  Initials SB.  Stolen Base.  The METS are playing tomorrow!  Is baseball GOOD.  I assume it's a good thing that we can enjoy.  Sports brings us all together!  To unite us against each other!  It's SIMPLE though.  It's PURE.  It's HONEST and FAIR.  It's also A DISTRACTION that's taking up our attention while REAL SHIT IS GOING DOWN.  I shuold have had a better lunch experience.  Why did I scarf that down.  Why is Scarf a verb for eating quickly and a noun for something keeping your neck warm in the cold.  TOTALLY DIFFERENT CONCEPTS.
   Okay.  I guess!  The Office is hitting me differently this time than compared to the first go around.  Especially the later seasons.  I like it BETTER this time!  I thought I was gonna start losing interest in the second half of the series but so far I'm still on board!  I don't totally like it but they're doing enough to keep me satisfied!  For better or worse!  Who cares. It's what lives in my TV Screen.  WHAT WE CHOOSE TO ENTERTAIN US IS WHAT OUR LIFE IS.  IT MATTERS MUCH.  For example you have chosen to read this.  NOW I CALL THE SHOTS.  Huh.  Bad example.  But if it is the case I WISH FOR YOU TO BE FREE GENIE.  I think I got some things confused there.  This isn't Aladdin.  WHERE did I get that.  THROUGH THE NATURAL COURSE OF THINGS.  Anyway.  Gotta watch a Stephen Colbert episode tonight.  Part of my Late Nite Comedy Class homework!  I wonder who the guests are tonight.  Allen Iverson.  The members of Seal Team Six.  Noam Chomsky.  WOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT SHOW.  When I was a kid I watched Late Night Comedy TO THE EXTREME.  From ages 11-20 or so I watched MOST Conans and usually Daily Shows and Colbert Reports.  And A LOT of others as well.  It was part of my routine.  From ages 13 or 14 on I was able to watch it on DVR at my own pleasure later on which made it a lot easier.  I guess before DVR I probably wasn't watching it every night.  But the point is it USED to be a huge part of my life.
    WOW.  USED.  Eighth paragraph.  So many good times.  I hope when I die part of Afterlife is I get to re-watch some of those bits!  SOME OF THEM WERE QUITE GOOD.  Not the MAIN part of Heaven.  Just a very very minor part.  But I'd like for it to happen at SOME point.  Basically JUST REMIND ME is the point.  If someone would just come by for a few hours and Remind Me Of Different Bits Conan Used To Do THAT WOULD BE HEAVEN!  Easy.  Whatever.  There's stuff on YouTube For SURE.  I can go down a rabbithole of Old Conan on YouTube.  THAT EXISTS FOR ME.  Good I'm Glad.  It's all gonna come true for me for real!  Wow!  Let's focus on what's in front of us right now, though!  GLASSES.  I got the frames and lenses directly in front of my eyeballs!  What, HISTORICALLY, was the point of monocles.  Was it for people WHO CAN'T AFFORD a second Lens?  Normally you see Rich People with a monocle.  Always Seemed like a fashion statement!  But it seems like it'd make your vision lopsided and dumb!  Hmm.  Maybe they only had problem with One Eye.  Oh great that makes sense well done.  I don't know.  I think they just like being different.
   Penultimate paragraph.  Okay.  Still haven't set up my Contact Lense Man appointment!  Gotta get on top of that!  If I don't ACT NOW, nothing will happen!  UNLESS I ACT LATER.  But I might as well ACT NOW if I'm gonna ACT LATER.  That way the CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTION will happen SOONER.  The sooner the better!  Is working on the TV Show The Office REALLY like working in an Office.  I imagine in some respects they work In Office Environments AT SOME POINT.  A Television Studio Set probably isn't Office Like for the most part but I DUNNO.  Must be SOME office rooms at some point during their Careerpath.  That's IT.  That's the cold open!  HOST ASKING SOMEONE ON TEH OFFICE IF IT'S REALLY LIKE BEING IN AN OFFICE.  Why wouldn't he just ask that during the regular interview.  BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING HE'S REALLY INTERESTED IN.  He's asking them DUDE TO PERSON.  NOT for the show.  He's just really curious.  Hey Angela Martin, are you all settled in?  HEY, is working on The Office REALLY like working in an office?  NOPE.  DOESN'T WORK.  BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD.
   Last paragraph!  Why would the host of The Tonight Show not know what working on a Television Show is like.  He knows what it's like IN GENERAL.  But This One Specific Show... ya don't know!  Every Show Is Different!  OK FORGET IT.  One more paragraph to go.  Today's entry wasn't great!  Hopefully it made you forget about your troubles for a little bit!  And made you think about My Troubles!  WHY is that an improvement.  Not sure!  "My Troubles," is a pretty good euphemism for My Issues In Life though.  I DUNNO.  LIFE GOES ON.  Don't have to write any regular monologue jokes for this week but Kinda feel like I WANT TO.  I feel like I SHOULD write at least five!  I'm not gonna.  But I should be building up my skills and staminas!  Hmm.  Interesting.  I think even if I don't, I won't lose the skills I learnt in the first three weeks of the class.  THEY WON'T ATROPHY OR ANYTHING.  I got it!  Good.  That's it!  TODAY WAS A JOY.  AN ALMOND JOY.  Hmm.  Got a therapy appointment tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM.  THAT'S GREAT I'LL SEE YOU THERE.  Wonderful.  I don't like this character.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-3:39 P.M. 

Monday, October 14, 2024

Thank You For Entertaining My Existence

    Dear reader, HI!  I think of you more as a Viewer than a Reader but I might be wrong.  OR I might be right!  I personally mostly unfocus my eyes and sort of Drink In the paragraphs rather than really Read the words.  It's not the best way to read the website, but it's also not the worst way!  The worst way is backwards.  Start at the end and read right to left and down to up.  The people doing it that way are having THE WORST experience.  ESPECIALLY if they're also going backwards in time while reading somehow.  The best way to read it is to Have It Your Way.  Take the Burger King Ethos I'd say, that'd be my first instinct!  I don't like that instinct.  I'm crossing it out.  My new first instinct for the best way to read this is Look At It How Everyone Else Is Reading It And Copy Them.  Have It How Everyone Else Is Having It.  What Burger Chain's slogan is that.  Fascism Burger.  I KNOW there's a chain or two which is famous for being like YOU'RE GONNA HAVE IT THE WAY WE MAKE IT OR ELSE.  AND THERE IS NO, "OR ELSE."  Can't think of who they are though off the top of my head.
    Hey, great!  Starting to REALLY like the new Coldplay album.  It's important you have that information about me!  Likes dislikes.  Peeves Pet Peeves.  For References Sake, I also like the new Offspring album.  "I don't know, that spring is a little off."  That's something I think about A Lot.  You'd think I'd be thinking about more meaningful things.  That's PLENTY meaningful.  You just haven't thought about it meaningly enough!  That's okay, I just sprung it on you!  You'll get there in time!  Hey, class went okay last Thursday Night!  My jokes didn't go over great but they weren't great jokes so there ya go!  Gotta write a Cold Open sketch for this Thursday.  Probably just a 0.5-2 page sketch where Host interacts with Presumptive Guest Of The Show.  Great.  I'm not used to this kind of cold open.  WHEN I WAS A KID I don't remember this kinda thing happening that much on talk shows.  Seems unnecessary.  WHAT DOES IT ACCOMPLISH.  Presumably it's funny and also it promotes the guest.  That's what INTERVIEW is for.  This just drives the point home all the more.  How far do you wanna take this!  Seriously!  As far as naturally possible.
    Oh.  Started watching the Serj Tankian book!  He seems like an okay guy!  Book is going by quickly!  He chose to write in a relatively large font!  Pretty politically engaged which is interesting.  Politics is the GLUE that holds our political life together!  I might want to get back into music at some point in the near future.  It's hard, though!  For one, my guitar cable is messed up. For two, MY GUITAR CABLE IS MESSED UP.  I probably have alternative Working Guitar Cables.  Don't Worry I'm Sure There's Other Things Holding Me Back I'm Sure.  I'm not a Music Genius!  I'm only Musically Gifted!  Who cares.  That and a dollar bill will get you a stripper's attention for thirty seconds.  I can make Good music but not GREAT Music under ideal working conditions.  I don't know how strippers work.  A dollar bill is enough for them to come over FOR A SECOND right?  Gotta be at least 10, 15 seconds, right?  Hmm.  Strippers DO really like you in strip clubs, right?  I mean, they're only human!  And so are you!  ONLY NATURAL that a real connection would spark up eventually!
    Fourth paragraph!  Getting pretty deep into The Office (U.S.)!  I'm not sure what I'm getting out of it tangibly other than it takes up a whole lot of space in my life.  Well I just answered my own question.  Surely I can have Better Life than watching These Jerks just OFFICE it up.  Hmm.  This Ice, something just OFF about it.  Oh I Know It's frozen pee.  I don't like that.  Punch it up a bit.  Hmm, there's something OFF about this ice!  Oh I know it's being used to separate families at the border.  That's not good either.  I think I can really knock it out of the park on the third try.  Hmm I think something's OFF with this ICE.  I KNOW WHAT IT IS IT'S A SCULPTURE IN TEH SHAPE OF ELEANOR ROOSEVELT BUT IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HER AT ALL.  I guess that'll have to do!  Rule Of Threes!  Apparently my uncle who we haven't heard from in over a year sent my family a mass email informing us Christopher Columbus was Jewish.  WELL THAT'S IT FOLKS.  WE CAN REST EASY NOW.  THE WHOLE DEBATE IS OVER.  WAS COLUMBUS GOOD?  WAS HE BAD?  HE WAS JEWISH.  I guess that means my uncle likes CC.  You don't CLAIM someone YOU DON'T LIKE.  Looks like The NEWS is reporting the same thing my Uncle is saying!  Great.  Now that he's evil ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S JEWISH.  I DON'T WANT HIM.  TAKE HIM BACK.
   I guess WE HAVE to accept him.  He probably did some good things, too!  He got his friends from Point A To Point B.  Just think of him as an Uber Driver!  He was relatively benign in that fashion!  Anyway.  I don't have a strong opinion on Christopher Columbus.  On the plus side, he SAILED ACROSS THE OCEAN BLUE.  On the downside, HE NORMALIZED GENOCIDE.  FAR BE IT FROM ME TO PICK A SIDE.  If the singular person who discovered America had been a better person, could that ONE SINGLE PERSON IN HISTORY have made a difference?  MAYBE!  That ONE PERSON could have been like HEY TEHRE WERE PEOPLE ALREADY THERE.  HOW ABOUT THAT.  LET'S DEAL WITH THEM LIKE HUMANS OR SOMETHING.  I dunno!  Anyway, the Mets lost Game One of the League Championship Series last night!  That's okay!  Everyone loses SOMETIMES.  What separates the REAL winners from the losers is THE PROPORTIONS Of how often you win to how often you lose AND ALSO the relative importance of the times of when you win! ...YEAH!  Also if you have Time Travel and can go back to times you've lost and turn them into wins I'd Recommend That.  But I wouldn't grow complacent with that!  Don't wanna have to RELY on that!
    That was the first half of the entry.  Here comes the second half of the entry!  Not sure how I feel about having to write So Much.  It ain't that bad.  Lots of people have it Worse Off than I do.  Plumbers.  Pokemon Trainers.  Donkey Men.  Protagonists In Video Games is the category riff I'm operating under!  What else do I got.  I like My Instinct to think of more but it's WRONG right now.  The correct move is to MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.  Hey they're mowing the lawn outside.  That's annoying!  The sound it makes.  The vibration it produces physically.  I can practically FEEL IT on me!  That's a weird thing to say.  YA GOT ME.  It's been mostly Normal up until now!  Oh well.  0 Days Since Last Abnormal Thing Said.  OK.  Well, that's good.  I don't think I like this entry so far!  I THOUGHT I did for a while but I think I was just enjoying my lunch!  I WAS EATING A RARE SANDWICH WITH THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS.  Oh well.  Good.  I can come up with good stuff for the next four paragraphs.  World War II.  Television.  The Part Of The Atmosphere That Airplanes Fly In.  Ok that's a good starting place.
    Uh-oh I don't know much about World War II.  I know a medium amount about television.  I know that airplanes fly in one stratosphere and generally not in others!  So that's good.  REAL GOOD.  Four paragraphs to go!  It sounds like I really don't know that much about anything!  WHY should people listen to me!  Nobody, "Listens To Me."  What am I giving Dating Tips.  NO.  There's nothing there TO LISTEN TOWARDS.  I dunno.  Three and a half more paragraphs.  Guess the Mets game starts in about an hour.  It's more than a guess.  It's a FEELING.  Delightful.  I don't know what I'm gonna say next.  I'm thinking Something Bad.  For some reason I'm thinking I KNOW I GOT NOTHING GOOD ON DECK.  SO OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY THINGS I'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH ARE BAD.  I will type something.  That's for sure.  I won't deprive you of your God Given Right To Ten Paragraphs.  Maybe my brain will agree to come up with something okay!  Great.
    What else is going on.  I don't KNOW.  I didn't even know the first thing that was going on!  What you think is going on right now-- I'm unaware of that!  The good news is I can type something new and then THAT'S what's going on for a while.  Privately.  In my website.  I guess.  THAT'S NOT GREAT THOUGH.  If I were typing Great New Things then WONDERFUL.  But I type BAD POOR THINGS.  Tsk.  SHAME.  NO-NO to the things I TYPE.  Disapprove!  Okay.  Then What The Hell Am I Even Doing Here.  PRACTICE.  I dunno, I seem to get worse at this as it goes on.  I NEVER SAID I WAS THE ONE PRACTICING.  It's practice for YOU, THE READER.  PRACTICE READING.  Gotta work on them reading comprehension skills!  IT'S OK WE ALL DO.  I'm not singling you out!  Well I guess if WE ALL have to do it, that's okay.  I don't wanna have to do more work than the next person, though!  That's where I draw the line!  Even Me, The Writer, has to Work On Reading This Better.  It SUCKS.  I'm pulling double duty and I'm looking for someone to complain to.
   Penultimate paragraph!  And that's OKAY.  Two paragraphs isn't that much to write, all in all!  Any vibrations coming from outside?  YES THERE ARE.  I don't know what it is but there's some kind of WAILING.  Not human or animal.  I don't know what it is!  Mechanical or Architectural in nature one would imagine!  Anyway that just stopped out of nowhere SO THAT'S GOOD.  What are GOOD SOUNDS I can be hearing from outside.  Owls hooting.  Marching Bands Marching.  DREAMS COMING TRUE.  I dunno I think I'd be okay with just SILENCE.  Hook me up with some silence for a while and I might could be happy with that!  I dunno.  Sounds suspiciously like Being Dead.  If there's silence How Am I Sure I'm Not Just Dead?  NOW I'M SCARED.  The only way I know I'm alive is if there's Grating Noises All The Time!  THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY LIVE!  Or maybe there are just intermittent neutral to positive noises every now and then when necessary.  What the Hell.  What kind of reality is that. WHO WOULD WANT TO LIVE in that kind of world.  NOT I.
    Last paragraph!  I guess!  Gotta write another entry tomorrow!  And then one the next day!  And then again the day after that!  GREAT.  I LOVE writing entries as long as we live in a Reliable Universe!  As long as the world makes sense, this is the easiest job in the world!  What the Hell.  No one cares.  This website is a JOKE.  Fair enough.  What celebrity guest should I pick out of thin air to write a Cold Open about.  It doesn't matter.  They're all GOOD, CAPABLE people.  I can pick any of them and they'd ALL do a good job with it!  None of them actually have to perform the piece I write.  I KNOW BUT THEY COULD if they had to.  I'M PROBABLY Gonna write a sketch featuring Celebrity Comedian or Comic Actor just to Make Sure I'm working with someone I KNOW knows what they're doing.  But that doesn't mean I don't have faith in Everyone Else!  Huh.  Been thinking about Ed Helms in The Office lately.  He just doesn't quite fit in!  I don't know if it's directly related to him coming over from another branch plotwise.  Or if its part of his acting energy or something.  BUT HE'S JUST A BIT OFF.  Maybe he shuold be in this cold open!  Has he done anything in 2024?  Or WILL HE do anything in 2024?  We'll see!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:17 P.M.

Thursday, October 10, 2024

How Many People Died So I Could Write This Entry

    Hey!  What's up! One more entry for the week and then Weekend Time.  Weekends aren't that great.  Next Week is PRETTY SOON all things considered.  What can I do for 72 hours that's so great anyway.  NOTHING.  READ.  JACK OFF.  TRY NOT TO JERK OFF AS MUCH.  I DUNNO.  I was thinking about it last night and I was like ya know what I think I wanna see Joker II again this weekend.  Was I high?  Yeah!  Not sure I still feel that way.  But I kinda do.  I think I might!  To be perflectly honest with you, I've been in a mental institution before in my life!  That puts me on another level than most people in being able to relate to this exact movie.  I dunno if they set out to make a movie commenting not just on the stigma of mental illness but on the stigma of being hospitalized.  But there's something that I found relatable there for sure!  ANYWAY.  STIGMA??  MORE LIKE STIGMATA.  I guess.  Wrote my monologue jokes last night.  Wrote my Desk Bit this morning!  Not a bad premise for a desk bit!  Jokes were so-so!  But I could see this premise BEING ADAPTED.
   Sometimes I feel like I was adapted.  The jokes I wrote were solid 3s out of tens BUT I DON'T LIKE that they were politically naive jokes!  NO BITE to em.  Because I just wrote what was easy and came off the top of my head!  BUT if I saw these jokes on my TV I'd say WHAT ARE YOU DOING.  WITH JOKES LIKE THAT TRUMP IS GONNA WIN THE ELECTION.  GROW A SPINE JIMMY FALLON YOU CAN'T BE TELLING PUNCHLINES LIKE THAT.  I think this week my jokes were slightly better than last week, though!  SO NEXT WEEK'S HOMEWORK MIGHT BE BETTER FOR KAMALA.  Anyway.  WHY do we live in a world where the jokes Jimmy Kimmel Tell are accurate precursors to Who Will Win The Election, The Democrat or The Fascist.  I DUNNO.  The word, "Precursor," is providing some convenient ambiguity there!  WHAT TEH FUCK Donald Trump is holding a Nazi Rally at MSG on October 27th.  SCARY.  THAT'S THE SAME CITY AS MY HOUSEHOLD.  He is nothing but Hate And Lies.  GOOD NEWS THOUGH The Mets made the National League ChampionShip Series!  Game one is Sunday.  THIS YEAR.
    I watched that movie with Will Ferrell and his Trans Friend a week or two ago!  I didn't think much happened but I guess it had a positive message!  I'm not sure it did actually!  I think part of the message of the movie was Hey America Actually ISN'T That Ready For Trans People half the places we went.  I don't wanna hear that!  CUT THOSE SCENES OUT.  TELL ME ALL IS WELL.  EASY.  Haven't you ever watched Television before?  You're supposed to make me FEEL GOOD.  Also his trans friend (Male to Female) was KINDA MALE-ish!  Obviously everyone is allowed to be Exactly Who They Want To Be.  But part of the premise of the film is to get us on board with Trans Females.  AND THIS ONE ISN'T VERY FEMALEY AT ALL.  Kinda comes off as just a dude with boobs and a new name.  SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FOR THE SEQUEL AT LEAST.  I guess everyone is just on the spectrum of gender.  NOT ME.  Oh.  That's good.  I'M ABOVE ALL THAT.  YOU KNOW LIKE A TOASTER MIGHT BE.
   Anyway.  Fourth paragraph.  WHAT THE HELL.  Kamala is slipping in some polls.  I THINK IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.  Hmm.  What is that.  The White Stripes album, "Elephant."  Got Seven Nation Army.  Black Math.  And those are just Tracks One and Two.  EITHER WAY Kamala needs to make some BOLD MOVES.  SPEAK TO THE PEOPLE.  CALL OUT THE MEDIA maybe.  Maybe that's TOO BOLD.  But the media has been a huge disappointment lately in normalizing Donald Trump.  HE COMMITS CRIMES OF FASCISM.  STOP MAKING HIM A NORMAL CANDIDATE!  Otherwise maybe I will stop consuming you normally.  The media is way tougher on Kamala than on Donald and IT'S PATHETIC.  WE CAN HAVE IT ALL.  A RESPONSIBLE GOVERNMENT.  A GOOD ECONOMY.  A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT.  ...GOOD SHOWS ON TEH TV.  OR you could let yourself be consumed by Lies And Hate And Irrational Fear and take it out on the rest of innocent society.  I GET FEAR.  For better or worse, being guided by fear is a way I often live my life!  IRRATIONAL FEAR THOUGH is kinda strange.  YOU'RE SCARED OF THINGS THAT YOU KNOW DON'T EXIST.
    Fifth paragraph.  WHY.  I dunno.  AS TONY SOPRANO SAID THERE'S ENOUGH GARBAGE FOR EVERYBODY.  Anyway.  Guess I gotta write SIX more paragraphs!  Anyway.  I'm sure a lot of polls still have Kamala ahead.  Whatever.  This election is bigger than any of us.  It's bigger than all of us!  IT JUST MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING SINCE THE LAST ELECTION AND UNTIL THE NEXT ELECTION.  Ugh.  FUCK YOU GUYS.  Anyway.  What else is up.  One day I wanna live in a country where neither of the main two parties are fascist!  That's it!  You can be exploitative capitalistic and horrible.  But just leave us SOME ROOM TO BREATHE.  I'm not asking for much!  Well anyway class is in about three hours.  It should take me half that to write the rest of the entry more or less!  Probably more, actually!  Probably Love, Actually!  That's a good film title. Love, Actually.  ALRIGHT DON'T GET SO DEFENSIVE JEEZ.  Seems like kind of a passive aggressive title, that's all.  WAIT there is no Comma in the film title, "Love Actually."  Still kinda implied I guess.  But it's not ACTUALLY there.  Hmm.  Now I don't know what to think.
   Sure.  ANYWAY, I get appealing to the middle to get peel off some Republican voters and Moderates, which is fine, but I'd like to see Kamala energizing the Democratic base more!  TURN OUT FOR WHAT.  For PROGRESSIVE IDEALS!  Also I'd like to see her imply that she'd solve the Israeli Conflicts once she's in office.  IT'LL BE TOUGH but if she could get that message out there THAT WOULD REALLY tip things in her favor.  THIRD TIP IS just TELL IT LIKE SHE SEES IT.  The Truth Will Set You Free.  Follow those three simple tricks and the election is Hers To Win!  Wait lemme get that again, what were those three things?  TURN OUT THE BASE BY GIVING THEM SOMETHING TO VOTE FOR.  MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU'RE GONNA ADDRESS ISRAEL/HAMAS WAR.  TELL THE TRUTH AS YOU KNOW IT.  WELL SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT BUT AT THE SAME TIME WHY SHOULD KAMALA DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.  Because they will win her the election and because they're the right things to do!  Pretty straightforward when you think about it!  Great. 
   Four more paragraphs to go!  Delightful.  Can't see a movie tomorrow night.  Gonna be accepting an Amazon Fresh delivery!  GUESS Saturday is a better day!  I guess I'll probably see a NON Joker II movie but it's still slightly possible I see Joker II again!  RIGHT NOW I Don't want to but maybe when I get high again I'll reconsider thinking I want to again!  I don't think I want to do that.  Anyway.  Only one more chapter to Jimi Hendrix book.  Not counting Epilogue.  I believe there's one of those.  He was the most famous/successful musician at the time of his death!  GOOD FOR HIM.  Didn't really do him much good.  Still DIED.  I think I could play a little of Purple Haze.  That's one of the things most people learn on guitar when they first start out.  Amazing.  Lady Gaga's name covers females from all the stages of their lives.  From being a grown person (LADY) to being a baby (going, "GAGA").  INTERESTING JUXTAPOSITION.  Got my attention!  NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT.  Put on an acting performance.  I think she did good in Joker II!  B+!  And I mean that in the, "B+'iest" way possible!
   Eighth paragraph.  OH NO MY PANTS GOT HOOKED ONTO MY CHAIR AND NOW THEY ARE ATTACHED.  The leg of my pants got tangled up in the wheel of my chair.  I hope I resolve this sometime soon.  Alright Problem Solved.  Tore up the jeans A TINY BIT in the process but really not very much.  Don't worry about it!  I got new pants on the way soon!  I guess.  I give Joaquin Phoenix an A- or A.  I'm not an acting aficionado but it SEEMED like a Clinically Good Performance as they say.  ANYWAY.  Two and a half paragraphs to go!  If I could choose one Late Nite Comedy Show to write for which would it be.  Hmm.  I think I'd go back in time and write for Late Night with Conan O Brian!  That's pretty easy!  What if Time Travel isn't possible.  Hmm.  Then I guess I'd stay in the time period I'm stuck in!  Next question!  Oh right gotta pick a show.  Which host is the nicest person?  What's the inside skuttlebutt on that?  What's the best WORK ENVIRONMENT.  ALSO WHICH PRODUCTION WOULD TOLERATE THE LEAST QUALITY WORK.  My personal lifelong dream it to get hired as a TV writer ANYWHERE and then they stick me at a desk in a room and I never actually get anything a single joke on the show but It's Still My Job.  IF I CAN DREAM IT I CAN DO IT.
   Penultimate paragraph.  Hey!  Great!  I think I'd make a good PODCAST host.  Original Podcast!  I wouldn't slide into anyone else's existing podcast or anything.  I have a natural curiosity that manifests itself in strange, unique ways!  Maybe that's something I should think about.  The world could always use more podcasts!  OBVIOUSLY we're still looking for The Perfect Podcast.  Every day a thousand new podcasts premiere.  WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT WE HAVEN'T FOUND YET.  Maybe it's ME.  That doesn't sound right.  Who would I interview.  You know, friends of ours.  People who have something to say.  Am I the star of the show or are the guests really.  Hmm. I don't actually want to do this.  I'm not sure if you're picking up on that.  Either way, what else is up.  I guess I'll do whatever it comes to!  At some point you just have to Say Yes!  I learnt about it in an Improvisation Class!  I really should write one more joke as an example for my Recurring Desk Bit.  I have FOUR right now.  FIVE would hit the spot. Great.  Why did that have to be Public Knowledge.  WELL You would have found out During Class anyway.
   Last paragraph. Great!  Who should I read first, Keith Richards or Serj Tankian.  I'm leaning towards deciding by flipping a coin!  Something about Keith Richards just turns me off.  ONE of the Rolling Stones comes off as a jerk in the Jimi Hendrix biography and it very well might have been Keith Richards.  MEANWHILE I remember seeing a Serj Tankian SOLO Music Video on MTVUniversity all the time back when I was in college and high so you could see why I'd have particularly positive associations with him.  Anyway.  The song was called Empty Walls.  Let's see some more of TIM WALZ.  PEOPLE LIKE HIM.  And people famously LIKE NOBODY.  So why not capitalize on people liking him!  THROW HIM OUT THERE ANYWHERE YOU CAN.  I want people to be SICK OF HIM they like him so much!  That sort of thing!  Anyway.  What else is up.  I think I'm gonna use this weekend productively.  No Spoilers!  That doesn't sound plausible.  Maybe!  We'll see!  I'll see ya next week!

-4:02 P.M.

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

There's A Funny Story Behind This Title

    Hi.  What's up!  Wednesday.  Gonna have to do Late Nite Comedy Class homework tonight.  But then I'll be done with homework for a good long while!  Roughly a week.  WOW.  I just watched Kamala on Stephen Colbert.  My notes are GREAT.  KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.  THE CA-ME-RA loves you!  Practically the same word as your name if we're mispronouncing things!  Don't see why we wouldn't!  Mets won yesterday!  The Playing Offs continues!  Okay I think we're all caught up.  I didn't need to catch you up on those things.  Those are two huge cultural landmarks!  YOU KNEW THEM ALREADY.  But now YOU KNOW that I KNOW.  You might have thought I was living Under A Rock and didn't know about The Mets Game or Kamala's Media Tour!  WRONG.  I'm VERY aware of the happenings.  How would one go about living under a rock.  You take up mass.  You'd tip the rock over if you tried to place a rock on top of you!  I guess if the rock was big enough.  In a way we all live under an invisible rock called THE UNIVERSE ever heard of it?  YES OF COURSE I KNOW HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.
    Not literally.  Bought new pants earlier today online.  Same style jeans as the pair I've BEEN wearing.  Slightly smaller.  And a darker color.  Gotta wonder if that'll pay off in the long run.  That's a good phrase I like to employ.  Will it become a catch phrase of mine down the line?  How many people really get to have catch phrases.  A dozen, tops, at any given moment in human history.  I don't like those odds!  Also OF COURSE it will pay off in the long run!  Now I have MORE JEANS.  I can ALTERNATE.  The benefits EXPLAIN THEMSELVES.  I guess.  I can't think of ANYONE who has a catch phrase right now in 2024.  I guess commercials.  Company slogans and whatknot.  THE LAST VESTIGES of catchphrasiness!  I DON'T LIKE IT.  Ah well.  WE'RE NOT GOING BACK.  -KH.  OH YES WE CAN.  -KH.  I don't think she says that.  She should!  Just take Yes We Can from Obama but add an, "OH," to the beginning for SPICINESS.  That's good.  She's not really a Catchphrase Lady though.  KRAMER of Seinfeld is more of a Catchphrase guy.  HELLO JERRY.  IT'S NEWMAN!  HERE I COME THROUGH THE DOOR.  Those sorts of things are the kinds of catchphrases I'm a fan of.
   Third paragraph.  I bet before Kramer BURST through the door during a taping he would listen to Break On Through To The Other Side to pump himself up.  Especially with the band being named The Doors and all.  I DON'T GET THAT JOKE.  I guess you had to be there.  I dunno!  Anything that'll help ya get into character is good!  Anything to get you AMPED is good!  Anything to get you OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD is good!  THIS WOULD ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THAT FOR MICHAEL RICHARDS.  It's an open and shut case!  What else is on Michael Richard's Kramer playlist.  That he listens to during a taping of Seinfeld.  Hmm.  I'm not ready to speculate on that at this very moment, but I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll try to think of something else to write!  Maybe the next thing I'll write will be kinda funny anyway!  It won't be about this riff but it'll be entertaining in it's own right!  Kids these days might just ask their AI Friend what Michael Richards would listen to during a taping of Seinfeld and have it spit out a dozen songs that way.  What The Hell.  I'm glad you chose to read THIS KIND OF CRAP instead of DO THAT SORT OF THING.  I feel like I'm the lesser of two evils.  WOW.  LESSER.  AWESOME!
   Fourth paragraph!  My first instinct is to make PUNS with the song choices.  Or something that directly relates to the Kramer CHARACTER in the song title or lyrics!  THEN beyond that the next level is what kind of songs WOULD KRAMER LIKE.  But at that point we're getting into the weeds with this!  I DON'T LIKE IT.  Moving On!  What if I wasn't evil at all.  Not The Lesser Of Two.  JUST PLAIN GOOD?  Hmm.  We can't speculate on hypotheticals like that!  WHAT IF THE MOON WAS MADE OF CHEESE.  Probably would effect Ocean Currents or something.  Negatively!  I think it would wreak havoc on our world on a way we're not prepared for!  Cheese simply isn't DENSE enough!  I'm imagining the kind of cheese with holes in it.  Spongey Hole Cheese.  Wonderful.  Am I remembering That Old black and white Movie correctly where they shoot a rocket into the moon and they hit the moon IN THE EYE AND THE MOON JUST LAUGHS IT OFF?  The rocket knocks the moonguy RIGHT IN TEH EYE and the moon just SMILES.  What the Hell.  The Moon is a glutton for punishment!  And this is who we have circling the Earth nonstop?  I DON'T FEEL SAFE WITH THIS MOON.
   Fifth paragraph.  It keeps circling us but luckily it doesn't seem to be getting any closer!  That's a relief!  Hmm.  My brother's birthday was this past weekend.  My brother is turning FOURTY next year. Long gone are the days where I can imagine We Are Young.  Getting solidly into Oh No I'm Old territory!  How old am I.  You'd think How Old I Am Now would be a much more accurate meter of my age than How Old My Brother Will Be Later.  Hmm.  That's one way to look at it.  But it's an UNIMAGINATIVE way to look at it.  I'm thirty five.  PAM GOES TO ART SCHOOL for the summer!  In the Office.  I dunno what other Pams are out there.  Anyway she's presumably in her early thirties!  I believe Art School is like a regular College atmosphere agewise!  I LIKE IT.  College just in general is the place to be!  Just, wow, what an atmosphere.  It's FUN.  It's PRODUCTIVE.  You LEARN THINGS.  It's where THINGS ARE HAPPENING.  PRETTY LADIES.  Of all the subsets of societies in the world WHY NOT GO TO COLLEGE.  That's my impression.  Hmm maybe I should become a teacher if I feel that way.  I DON'T HAVE KNOWLEDGE.  OR TEACHING SKILL ABILITIES.  ALSO YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND YOUNG PEOPLE.  COURT ORDERS.  Well not that last one.  Not ACTUALLY.  But I could IMPROV THAT SORT OF THING for the purposes of this paragraph!
   Halfway through the entry!  Anyway.  Probably getting Pizza tonight!  The food so nice they named it twice!  What's the other name.  Huh.  Better LTURQ.  NOT SEEING ANYTHING.  I don't want to alarm anyone but I DON'T SEE ANY SYNONYMS FOR PIZZA.  If you're writing any POETRY or PROSE and want to get fancy YOU MAY FIND YOUR OPTIONS LIMITED.  Whatever.  Gotta write five more paragraphs now!  NO MARIJUANA.  Haven't used it at all this week and I'll continue that streak!  For entries, I mean. I've smoked at other times!  HMM.  I LIKE the new Coldplay album!  WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.  Me.  I've enjoyed them in the past.  I wonder why.  It's not guitar based music.  And guitar is my personal favorite instrument.  I dunno.  GOOD LUCK enjoying a band without a singer!  PERHAPS the human vocal cord should be my favorite instrument!  DRUMS are generally very important as well!  I LIKE THE PRODUCTION TOO OF SONGS.  Technology.  What if my favorite instrument was I APPRECIATE ALL THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WENT INTO DISTRIBUTING THIS MUSIC FROM FARM TO TABLE.  Maybe I LIKE THE TRUCK DRIVERS THAT DELIVERED THE CD TO ME.  I don't have a CD.  I listened to it on the internet.  Fine the truck drivers the delivered the internet to me.  TAHT'S my favorite technology instrument.
   SEVENTH paragraph.  Pretty sure my favorite instrument is when I try to pretend I'm playing Bass on my Guitar.  THAT CHECKS OUT.  I don't even KNOW what bass guitar is supposed to sound like but based on My Music Memoirs that seems to be how a lot of bass players originally start out!  Huh.  Maybe I should buy an all out bass guitar.  Seems like fun!  But then I would also presumably try to teach myself ACTUAL bass riffs and whatknot.  Instead of just playing Nonsense Bass.  I dunno.  I'll think about it.  Maybe Playing Nonsense is STEP ONE on the road to CREATIVITY.  Alright!  What else is going on.  Gotta be something going on at some point!  I'LL FIGURE IT OUT GOOD.  I hope it's something good.  Otherwise what's the point of me figuring it out.  Better Left Unknown if it's something negative!  Hmm.  What was the last Music CD I ever bought.  I dunno, did I ever buy a music CD?  I think there was a period of 1-3 years I bought some music CD's!  WHERE CAN I LOOK UP THIS INFORMATION.  It's not ON MY COMPUTER.  It's not ON THE INTERNET.  What about my memory.  I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
   Eighth paragraph.  Maybe that's what this website is for.  BUILD A SURPLUS OF MEMORIES.  Yes it's true None Of This Is Worth Remembering.  BUT IT'S SOMETHIN!  Alright.  I guess.  I don't know.  I remember SOME THINGS.  I don't have some sort of Amnesia Disease.  But I draw a blank on more than the average person!  LIFE STORIES.  FACTOIDS.  UNIVERSAL TRUTHS.  Huh.  I guess it frees me up to live in the moment more!  If I'm not living in the PAST then I'm more focused on the present and/or future!  Great.  But I could be Contributing to the present and/or future more IF I KNEW MORE OF MY PAST better.  WHAT A CONUNDERUM.  Oh well that's life!  If I could remember one thing that I'm not remembering WHAT WOULD IT BE.  Hmm.  Probably the thing... eh... nevermind, I don't wanna remember that.  THAT'S A BAD MEMORY.  What's a good memory!  Pizza Party maybe.  I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT PIZZA PARTIES.  Wasn't always actively thinking about them but never completely forgot them.  But Yes Pizza Parties are very fun to remember.  Whether it's a birthday party with pizza or just a regular get together where you happen to get pizza!  It's fun.  Where am I.
   Penultimate paragraph!  I think it'd be a lot more fun if after winning The Big Game The Mets would all be eating Pizza in the locker room while giving postgame interviews instead of drinking/spraying champagne!  But that's just one man's opinion!  Do whatever you want!  Also, I guess if yuo wanna do the equivalent of Spraying Champagne you'd be Pieing each other in the face with pizza.  Not sure I approve of that!  You can't do that with a single slice, really!  Gotta do an entire pie for each face!  But if that's what YOU want to do then that's fine!  Anyway.  What else is up.  Looking forward to class tomorrow night!  I'm also looking forward to the weekend succeeding it!  YEAH.  Maybe this week my homework jokes will be 10% better!  Seems reasonable.  Not looking forward to having to do that, though.  WORK?  WHAT THE HELL.  OH WELL.  I GUESS THAT'S PART OF LIFE.  That doesn't sound right.  Feels like I'm Not Meant To Be Doing This Work Exactly Really So Why Is It Part Of My Life.  Cause I signed up for the class.  Oh Right BLAME THE GUY WHO SIGNED UP FOR THE CLASS OF HIS OWN VOLITION.
   Last paragraph!  Amazing!  WHEN Is Gladiator II coming out.  I've been seeing trailers of it for WHAT FEELS LIKE MONTHS.  NOVEMBER 22?  THAT'S TOO LATE.  Should be OCTOBER 22 if anything.  Ah well.  These are the cards we've been dealt!  Isn't that Kennedy Assassination Day or something.  Yeah.  It is!  Wow I remembered something.  I KNOW SOME THINGS.  BUT IS IT ENOUGH?  I dunno!  It's FLUID whether I'll know something On The Spot Or Not, as well!  Whatever.  What else.  GOD DAMNIT.  Fucking Fascists.  I TRY TO BE SILLY EVERY DAY but the upcoming election looms in the back of my mind!  WHY MUST THINGS BE AT STAKE IN LIFE.  I dunno.  I should try to write better, though!  Try to do a better job as a citizen and whatknot forming a narrative with four weeks left to go before the election.  I can't just write dumb one-off entries.  TIME HAS COME TO HUNKER DOWN AND GET REAL.  Oh okay.  Good!  Let's see if I am capable of that starting tomorrow!  No time like the immediate future, that's what I always say!  GREAT.  JOIN ME WON'T YOU.  We're all in this one together and whatknot!  Anyway that's it for today.  Did I write anything funny.  I thought it was kinda amusing when I was talking about being Developmentally Disabled.  With the memory problems.  I thought that part was kind of humorous.  Anyway, that's it I guess!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:19 P.M. 
    

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I May Have Misspoke Earlier

    That's something to think about.  Hey, friends!  Just had half a turkey sandwich and some fries.  FRENCH Fries.  I got to first base with what was once a potato!  Potatoes are probably my favorite vegetable.  To eat.  And possibly by any metric.  Not sure what else to go by BESIDES To Eat.  To look at.  To write or say aloud.  To contemplate what it signifies or think about metaphorically.  Lots of ways we can Value Vegetables.  Potato feels like it's own thing compared to being Just Another Vegetable.  Probably because of when I Order Dinners From Restaurants.  Comes with your choice of Potato AND another vegetable.  OR maybe potatoes are just Naturally Idiosyncratic!  Not sure where that word came from.  I wanted to say UBIQUITOUS but it turns out that's not the concept I wanted to say!  Means a different definition than what I intended!  sounds like I'm DUMB OR SOMETHING.  At least I can admit when I'm wrong!  PUBLICLY.  Some people would just take the, "L," privately!  I SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.  The people should know.  Why.  I dunno.  Maybe they shouldn't.  Could be one of those things I ought to keep to myselves!
    Wearing sweatshirt jacket sweatshirt INSIDE for the first time of the season!  Not sure if that's gonna pay off in the long run.  It's working out in the meantime, though, and THAT'S ULTIMATELY WHAT COUNTS.  Been listening to the new COOLPLAY album!  I like it!  SOME of the lyrics are a little abrasive to me but in general I like the music.  I don't know if I can say I'm listening to THE ALBUM.  I really only listen to certain songs at a time.  I have not listened to THE ENTIRE ALBUM AT ONCE.  What.  SO I haven't listened to multiple songs at the same time. Is that what I'm clarifying?  YEAH.  I GUESS.  If this was a Twilight Zone episode I would wake up right now and it turns out there was a band that just released an album and the band is called WARMPLAY.  Life is kind of like a Twilight Zone episode.  Except there's LESS INTERNAL LOGIC.  Twilight Zones get kind of repetitive.  Every fourth Twilight Zone episode is Three Astronauts are on an abandoned asteroid but it turns out it's actually a desert on Earth and two of the astronauts are figments of the third one's imagination and they're actually from the Wild Wild West and a Current Day Person is giving modern day tourists a tour and the astronaut doesn't realize he's a ghost.  LOOK I like the show but it could get kind of repetitive!
    Good!  Some sort of LEGO movie this weekend.  Some sort of TERRIFIER movie.  I could see one of those!  I saw the first Terrifier!  It was okay!  It was, to use a PREFIX of the film's title, TERRIFIC!  Well it was alright at least.  Mets Game in a few hours!  That should be entertaining!  I'll keep up with that probably on my phone mostly and a little bit on TV!  No big deal!  I'll be watching a little bit but not entirely!  STARTING TO GET A BIT TOO WARM.  Might have to take off my sweatshirt jacket!  Could Get Kinda Sexy In Here!  With me Starting to Strip and whatknot.  Now I don't wanna do it.  We don't have that kind of relationship really.  Sex/Sexer relationship.  Maybe ON AND OFF we do.  But we're in AN OFF period right now!  NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO TURN OUR RELATIONSHIP ON.  I guess!  I dunno!  I think I'm just gonna remove my sweatshirt jacket Regularlike!  As if no one was watching!  Anyway.  JACKETS.  I feel like I must have had a reversible jacket at some point in my life.  It sounds like it was a prized possession at some point!  MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN A WONDERFUL DREAM.
    Fourth paragraph!  I saw a poster when I saw Joker II for Gladiator II and they listed two actors in the film Pedro Pascal and Paul Mescal.  WOW.  THEY MUST BE BROTHERS I thought.  Those are completely different names.  I dunno!  PRETTY similar!  Similar enough that I SAY THEY MUST BE BROTHERS.  If I thought it SO DID MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE.  Good!  I'm on a popular wavelength!  It's nice to be a part of society!  I haven't watched much of Kamala's big interviews the last few days but I think I'll watch her on Colbert!  HMM.  Was The Colbert Report LEGITIMATELY counterculture Back In The Day?  Or was I just NAIVE.  IS TEHRE ANY COUNTERCULTURE anymore?  Does that EXIST IN REALITY ANYWHERE anymore?  Seems like something that people would appreciate.  There's just Culture And If You Don't Like It YOU CAN SUCK A LEMON.  Maybe a lot of culture is counterculture AND I JUST DON'T GET THE NUANCE.  DON'T BLAME ME, CLOCKWISE CULTURE GOT ME SO GOOD THAT I DON'T GET COUNTERCLOCKWISE CULTURE.  Also I don't really participate in ANY culture.  I see a couple of movies a month and re-watch TV Shows I've already seen before from decades past!  NOT MUCH GOING ON THERE.
   Fifth paragraph.  YEAH.  Always room for improvement!  I'M PRO MOVEMENT.  Huh.  What's my favorite movement.  PROBABLY BEETHOVEN.  So that's good.  He had lots of good Movements!  I GUESS.  What else is going on and crap.  I like all sorts of Cultures.  Micro.  Macro.  The thing where you look at it under a microscope and you see mitochondria.  Whatever!  What else is up!  I'd like to start waking up a couple of hours earlier and going to bed a couple of hours later.  I don't NEED the sleep.  But I'd LIKE the bonus hours of being awake.  Imagine all the FUN I could have.  I COULD READ.  SLAM DUNK.  Reading is fun and productive and informative!  It's hard though to manifest this plan, though!  Once it's 9 PM I GET THE SLEEPIES.  And when it's 7 AM I WILL NEVER be able to get out of bed!  What can I do to motivate myself to make such a lifestyle change!  Some sort of physical pain if I don't get out of bed in the morning/if I do go to bed at night.  I NEED TO HURT If I'm making the wrong decision.  OTHERWISE I'LL NEVER LEARN.
    Huh.  What are we talking.  SOMETHING SHARP.  Stabbing something with something perhaps!  It's hard to stab yourself with something.  Unless you're suicidal.  Your instinct is to pull away at the last minute!  Because of Survival Skills!  Your body instinctually KNOWS that impaling yourself is BAD for you Somehow!  There was a guy named Vlad The Impaler.  I'll give you ONE GUESS what he was famous for.  Huh.  Impaling People would be my guess.  Back-up would be Most Well Known, "Vlad," Around.  Third guess Something with the word THE.  ANYTHING TEHRE?  Whatever.  Already in the second half of the entry!  That's something worth celebrating!  We don't necessarily have TIME or MEANS to celebrate but we certainly have CAUSE!  Wonderful.  What was I talking about again?  Kamala Harris GOT ME THINKING what other words start with, "K," and/or, "H."  NOT TOO MANY, "K," words!  K...indergarden.  AND THAT'S REALLY NOT EVEN ENGLISH.  Kit Kat Bar.  NOT REAL WORDS.  Kryptonite.  I DON'T BELIEVE that's a real thing.  Nope.  I think it only exists in Super Man!  Hmm.  There's a whole, "K," section in the dictionary.  THEY MUST KNOW SOME, "K," words! 
   Seventh paragraph.    KNOWLEDGE.  KINSHIP.  KNOCK KNOCK.  There we go.  We can move on now!  I SAID, KNOCK KNOCK.  Oh.  Who's There.  NO TIME TO TALK LET ME IN THEY'RE AFTER ME.  No Time To Talk Let Me In They-- SHUT UP AND LET ME IN TIME IS PRECIOUS.  Anyway.  I hope that guy got let in the house.  Sounded like he was in danger!  Huh.  Four more paragraphs to go!  Kodachrome!  That's a real word.  Try telling that to someone from centuries ago!  They wouldn't understand!  Microsoft Front Page doesn't recognize it as a real word.  Maybe it's a Brand Name or something.  OH WELL.  I tried!  It's as if I said Kleenex was a real word thinking I was talking about tissues!  Huh.  Microsoft Front Page DOES recognize Kleenex as a word.  I DON'T LIKE THAT DEVELOPMENT ONE BIT.  Klingon.  NOPE.  They don't recognize that.  I guess I'm just gonna have to list lots and lots of words that aren't real words but are widely used to see If Microsoft Front Page includes them as real words or not.  THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LIFE NOW.  Huh.  I think I'm done with that now.  I'm not the kind of guy who can FOLLOW THROUGH and/or THINK OF THINGS.
   Eighth paragraph!  What else is up.  I'm playing a character who's bad at writing and thinking!  I'm gradually trying to phase out this character over time. Might take a few months or years though!  It's very gradual!  What kind of character am I phasing INTO.  Iron Man possibly.  Crossing my fingers and hoping I'm The Next Iron Man!  If I believe it I can achieve it!  Not sure how I get from point A to point B exactly.  Hmm.  MOVING ON.  I think America is READY for a 5'2 Iron Man.  AND IF NOT I'LL WEAR MY SPECIAL SHOES. So that's good.  I don't wanna be Iron Man.  DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH WORK THAT IS.  Gotta be on set EIGHT, NINE HOURS A DAY.  Gotta memorize your lines!  Know exactly where to stand.  That's ain't it for me!  What if I were a Real Life Iron Man and not an actor playing Iron Man.  EVEN MORE WORK.  Gotta be on call any time someone feels like asking for you!  Whenever there's a global conflict and The Police or Military Doesn't Wanna Get Involved someone goes Hey you know who should take care of this one?  IRON MAN.  Suddenly I GOTTA do something.  I don't even know WHY.  I just built a fancy Robot Suit FOR FUN!  I didn't think it was gonna LEAD TO ANYTHING.  Suddenly I GOTTA HANDLE EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS.
    Penultimate paragraph.  WE ARE ALL IRON MAN.  We are all made up of Iron A LITTLE BIT?  Human body is SOME PERCENT Iron!  Lemme LTURQ. Human Body is 0.005% Iron.  Honestly that's more than I would have thought!  But it makes sense!  We got iron in our blood!  YEAH.  Anyway.  I can't come up with quips like Iron Man.  I can't do PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING like Iron Man.  Perhaps I should be Wheelchair Man.  I can WALK.  That's literally one of the few things I CAN do.  Okay sounds like I can be Walking Man.  Superpower is being able to walk.  HEY ALRIGHT I'LL TAKE A WIN WHERE I CAN FIND ONE.  Walking Man.  Or just Walk Man.  That's what they called portable audio cassette players in the 1990's.  Walkmen.  Huh.  How can Me Walking HELP SOCIETY.  I ask myself that question every day.  Not out loud.  Or inloud.  Or really at all.  But it's kinda the undercurrent of my psyche!  I guess.  What else is going on.  I'm testing out these pathways to make sure they're safe!  THEY'RE SAFE.  That's one way I'm contributing!  Hmm.  Me walking is helping my personal health and I'm gonna try to parlay my PERSONAL into helping EVERYONE later on!  Not sure HOW.  But we'll see!
   LAST paragraph!  I guess.  LOOK I know me being Walk Man is just a fantasy.  I know it's not real.  Let's move on!  I guess I can do that.  I've moved on tens of thousands of times in my past!  HUNDREDS of thousands of times!  Wore my glasses to see Joker II this weekend because I'm conserving my last remaining contact lenses.  Strange to see a movie within frames of glasses.  Also with dirty lenses.  I wouldn't recommend it!  If you HAVE TO then that's one thing.  But if you have a choice in the matter, I'd suggest wearing Clean Contact Lenses!  It's less obtrusive to your line of sight.  No lines around the edges!  No smudges!  You know how that goes.  Anyway.  Today's entry was a SOLID I Didn't Like It.  That'll happen from time to time!  The main times It Doesn't Happen is when It's Worse.  I can do better tomorrow presumably!  THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS half the time!  Wonderful.  Where is my life going.  I TOLD YOU.  WALKMAN.  But nobody wants that.  SOMEBODY DOES.  Anyway.  That's it for today!  I'll see ya'll tomorrow!

-4:28 P.M.     
  
  
 

Monday, October 7, 2024

I Should Probably Say Something

    Hi!  How's it going!  How was everyone's weekend?  Did you LIVE LIFE to the fullest?  Why would anyone do that.  It's fun to DO STUFF.  That way when you're dead you can look back and go Well At Least WAS ACTIVE A Lot Of The Time.  I did a bunch of stuff this weekend!  I almost finished Joker Hendrix book!  I saw Jimi II: Folie a Duex!  I bought a new strain of marijuana!  CHEMDAWG.  Makes me think about failing chemistry in high school and having to take it again in summer school.  Summer school wasn't that bad.  I had to go all the way into Manhattan every day Just For Chemistry but then I was home by 1:30 PM so it was kinda cool.  It was more work than most teenagers had for the summer but Ya Appreciate The Rest Of The Day Off ALL THE MORE.  Besides I had MUSIC to comfort me on the Round Trip that was a lot longer than The Class Itself!  For some reason I remember listening to Weezer's Maladroit.  I wonder what Maladroit means.  I think it means Dumb or something.  Kinda sounds like something a Robot would say.  Maybe cause Driot reminds me of Droid!  HMM.  Maladroit means INEFFECTIVE or CLUMSY.  Not what I was picturing!  I wonder if I'll Remember what it means.  I WANT TO REMEMBER.  It's an adjective meaning ineffective or bungling or clumsy.  PLEASE REMEMBER MICHAEL.
    I liked Joker II!  I think they could have made it 15% BETTER and it would have been GREAT.  But I liked it as it was!  YEAH.  No spoilers but there's A LOT of smoking cigarettes in this film.  Pretty much over 50% of the scenes involve characters smoking!  Not sure what they were trying to accomplish with that but I'm Sure They Accomplished it!  They got my attention!  And I'm sure They Did With My Attention What They Wanted To Do!  Who knows what that is.  Makes everything feel more EPHEMERAL maybe.  With smoke in the air all the time.  That's one possible idea!  OR maybe they just wanna needle People Who Smoke.  HEY JERKS, WANNA CIGARETTE NOW?  I BET YOU DO!  That could be the case as well.  Smokers are Jokers.  They might be playing into that classic rhyme!  Or it just gives the characters something to enjoy!  Without cigarettes all they have is each other!  Weird!  Anyway.  I think it's a unique film in that there are no two people who will get the exact same thing out of it.  Everyone gonna have a unique response to it!  That doesn't sound accurate.  I BET A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA AGREE WITH ME.  I tend to be right about these sorts of things! 
    Mets doing okay in the baseball playoffs!  Late Nite Comedy Class #2 went okay!  I had to read aloud 5 of my 10 Homework Jokes! Went ALRIGHT.  Around 8 people read jokes and I was in the Better Half of the class!  I did better than some people who did particularly poorly.  I hope I remember this moment forever.  Gotta write FIVE more jokes PLUS A Re-occurring DESK BIT for next class.  HMM.  A re-curring bit.  I'll come up with all that crap Wednedsay Night.  Anyway.  One of my jokes I read had RACIAL HUMOUR and my teacher is an African American lady and I didn't even realize it might be offensive when I wrote it and/or read it.  But then when she was responding she implied it may or may not have been offensive!  SO now I don't know what to think!  Which is reminiscent of how I felt before the joke!  I didn't know what to think then, either!  But now I don't know what to think AGAIN, STILL.  Hmm.  Bought new earphones.  They WORK!  Hopefully they'll last me more than three weeks!  Also bought two new books to read when I'm done with Jimi Hendrix.  Bought an autobiography by KEITH RICHARDS.  Bought an autobiography by SERJ... TURKMENISTAN.  Gonna be tough to decide which to read first.  Serj's is BRAND NEW.  Was released I think this August!  I'm not a HUGE fan of either's music but I've listened to Rolling Stone's more but that doesn't mean I HATE Syndrome Of A Down.
   Keith Richards is probably SELF-PRETENTIOUS while Serj is probably a DOWN ON EARTH guy!  Dunno where I'm getting those Facts And Figures.  Anyway.  Got two possible dinners tonight!  GOT a Chipotle Burrito Bowl AND a Turkey Sandwich with fries from a diner BOTH ALREADY IN FRIDGE.  We'll see!  Anyway.  I'm continuing to watch The Office but I've probably seen all I need to see! At this point I should probably move on to another show!  Parks & Recreation is well known for being a comedy.  I'd like that!  I remember enjoying it the first time around when I was just a youngkin.  Seems like a bit much, though.  SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE.  Feels like a lot!  Right?  BIG CHARACTERS.  I'm NOT READY for Parks & Recreation right now.  Because I'm here.  Writing this.  I MIGHT BE READY LATER TONIGHT I DON'T KNOW.  Anyway.  What do baseball players think about when they're playing baseball.  Sometimes I try to put myself in their place when I'm watching the game.  I sometimes tend to picture what it was like for me playing Little League.  Standing in the outfield.  Not knowing whether the balls gonna be hit to me.  WILL I BE INVOLVED IN THE NEXT PLAY OR NOT?  I DON'T KNOW TEH SUPSENSE IS KILLING ME.  If I am AM I READY?  WHO KNOWS!  I imagine I am but in reality I CAN'T THROW THE BALL BACK ALL THE WAY TO THE INFIELD.  Do you realize how far away the second baseman is?  TOO FAR.
   He can get it on the Second Bounce.  Baseballs don't bounce.  Baseballs bounce all the time what are you talking about.  Hmm.  Doesn't seem like they would.  But I'm pretty sure they do!  Anyway!  Kamala doing an INTERVIEW BLITZ this week!  I like it!  She's a person I have a positive opinion of so I like it when I see and hear people I think well of!  It reminds me of Goodness.  Also hopefully it reminds OTHER people how a Quality Person is out there running for president because THAT'S AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO GET OUT THERE.  Is Kamala perfect?  NO!  But who is.  I dunno.  George Carlin.  Off the top of my head he was pretty close to perfect.  BUT HE'S DEAD NOW SO NO ONE IS PERFECT.  Trying to think of others who were close to perfect.  ABRAHAM LINCOLN.  Too tall!  Never be the tallest man in the room!  That's a surefire way to be an imperfect person in life.  JIMI HENDRIX.  He was kind of perfect in the life he led!  NAH.  Didn't get political enough!  HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN US OUT OF VIETNAM if he only PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT.  Also I didn't read the last chapter yet but I'm pretty sure he dies Very Soon.  Imperfect.  Should have lived longer and made more music for Us His Fans.  HE OWES IT TO US.  WE OUTNUMBER HIM SO WE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIM.
    Halfway through the entry.  That's good!  Anyway.  It's amazing Jimi Hendrix's penis wasn't just constantly in pain.  Just seems like he'd have nonstop STD!  ALL THAT SEX AND WHATKNOT.  With thousands of random ladies!  Maybe he did constantly have VD but the book chose to focus on other topics.  Gotta read a companion reader which documents his STDS.  Sounds good!  If you wanna play around you gotta suffer the consequences!  That's life!  Or maybe not.  PER THIS BOOK.  I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.  Anyway.  Getting to a point where I'm starting to HIT A WALL. I don't wanna smoke marijuana, but that might be the thing to do!  WHAT THE HELL.  IT'S NOT BEEN GOOD FOR ME IN THE PAST.  I should not use it AT ALL moving forward!  THAT'S the thing to do!  During entries, I mean.  I can use it PRIVATE LIFE.  But it sucks for entries!  So that's good.  WHAT ELSE IS UP.  CHEMDAWG makes me think of Ed Helms.  Pretty sure he says Dawg a lot in The Office.  Or in another show. I can just PICTURE that guy calling people Dawg.  I dunno!
   Seventh paragraph.  I'm more used to associating Smoking Marijuana with The Other Sciences!  Physics mostly.  Could be Biology.  Maybe Earth Science.  But CHEMISTRY?  I dunno!  I think it should be interesting!  As of now it's been fine!  Pretty similar to the other most recent strains I've bought!  Is it slightly different?  YOU BET.  Anyway today is the anniversary of October Seventh.  Hamas attacked Israel today!  But Last Year!  WHAT A DUMB MOVE.  Can we go back in time and STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING?  I've seen several movies about time travel, enough that suggest IT MAY BE REAL.  I'd like to see This Attack not happen and the things that happened as a result of this attack ALSO NOT HAPPEN as a result of This Not Happening!  TAHT'S MY INPUT ON FOREIGN POLICY.  I've seen MEN IN BLACK III I know they got Time Travel capabilities!  PITBULL HIMSELF sung about it!  Huey Louis and the News did too for that matter FOR A PREVIOUS GENERATION.  But that was about a Private Enterprise.  Doc Brown and his small teenager friend.  Government wasn't involved in that.  Not sure Doc Brown was really invested in improving The World.  Not sure WHAT he was after exactly.  He built a time machine and we don't really know WHY.  BECAUSE IT WAS THERE.
   Doc Brown becomes the most powerful man in history and WHAT DOES HE DO WITH IT. Facial Rejuvenation and Makes Sure His Friend's Kids Don't Go To Jail.  He musta spent countless nights thinking WHAT WILL I DO ONCE I HAVE THIS AWESOME POWER.  It wasn't SPRUNG ON HIM out of nowhere!  He was working on this shit for DECADES.  Anyway.  Doc Brown isn't the most powerful man in history.  THAT'S JESUS.  That's one school of thought.  Not everyone is gonna agree with you!  Personally I think SHIVA is more powerful.  Not from Hinduism.  From Mortal Kombat.  Actually spelled Sheeva.  SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF ARMS, WAY MORE THAN YOU'D EXPECT.  FOUR.  Anyway.  What else is going on.  Shiva comes up in an Elliott Smith song.  JUST occurred to me it might be a Mortal Kombat reference!  He even talks about HER ARMS in the lyrics!  Maybe Elliott Smith IS close to perfect after all!  I had counted him out on account of his Suiciding which hurt many people's feelings!  But if he's hidden talking about Mortal Kombat in a song, I dunno, maybe that tips the scales in his favor!
    Penultimate paragraph!  Today's entry was BAD.  Not the WORST.  Just not great!  I can deal with that.  I live to fight another day.  I might die later tonight.  Well that would suck.  But hopefully THE WORLD LIVES ON IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION WITHOUT ME.  WITH OR WITHOUT ME.  Like the song by The U2 Association!  Anyway, I dunno!  WHAT DIRECTION is being suggested by One Direction the band.  SURELY there is a literal one direction that they're suggesting subtly that we may or may not be subliminally picking up on!  I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE THOUGH.  FORWARD?.  UP?.  I think it's a POSITIVE direction.  It's a direction you're gonna wanna be on board with!  I DUNNO.  COULD BE A RANDOM DIRECTION WE'RE NOT THINKING OF.  That would make sense because I rarely think of the band's songs!  They say One Direction but they DON'T REALLY COMMIT TO ONE DIRECTION IN REALITY.  In reality WE DO SPECULATE on All The Directions!  So THEY DON'T COMMIT.  They get the best of All Worlds!  THOSE JERKS.  Anyway.  You Don't Know You're Beautiful.  UNTRUE.  I know I'm Beautiful.  EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES THOUGH.  LITERALLY EVERYONE.  I DON'T GET IT.
    Last paragraph.  Great!  Now I only have to write one more paragraph!  On the downside, the previous paragraphs sucked, and this paragraph is bound to not be that good, either!  Probably gonna eat turkey sandwich tonight for dinner!  SWEET.  Makes me think about all the times I've had turkey sandwiches in the past.  What about future turkey sandwiches.  Sure, those are possible, too!  Gotta imagine Time Will Continue To Unfold and I'll have more turkey sandwiches as my life goes on.  That's what I would put money on!  I'm not a gambling man.  I haven't played poker in like 5 years!  If I did though I would probably THREE BET OUT OF THE SMALL BLIND.  Those are words that go together sometimes once in a while.  I wonder if Pete Rose bet any money on When He Would Die.  IT'S POSSIBLE he made SOME BIG BUCKS on his own passing away!  Huh.  HE COULD LEAVE THE WINNINGS TO HIS SURVIVING FAMILY.  IT MAKES SENSE.  Anyway.  Maybe I should be trying marijuana with the entry tomorrow.  The way things are, the entries are too mediocre lately!  This is the world we live in.  A mediocre world.  Yes, but not enough!  I've been BAD mediocre!  I THINK I CAN BE GOOD MEDIOCRE IF I REALLY TRY.  Anyway.  That's it!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:27 P.M.

Thursday, October 3, 2024

Forget Everything You Thought You Knew About This Website!

    DONE.  Hey!  What's going on, friend!  Wrote my ten jokes for Comedy Class!  A couple of them are kinda stupid-funny!  A couple of them are just flat out terrible nothings.  ALL IN ALL WE SHALL SEE how it goes.  Gonna have to take a break later in the entry to go pick up laundry.  Anyway.  Looks like Joker II isn't getting that great reviews!  I liked Joker One more than the critics!  Did I like The Critic more than jokers, though?  No. I think jokers tended to like The Critic as much as I did!  A LOT.  Anyway all the info I have on Joker II, I'm trying to synthesize it, to determine how I feel about it, but I'm not a perfect machine, so it's tough!  I guess I won't really be able to put it all together until I'm in the process of actually watching it!  But once I AM doing that BOY OH MAN will I be able to Really Think About It Clearly PRETTY WELL.  METS LOST yesterday.  Got a winner-take-all game today.  Maybe there's a consolation prize to the losers.  They get hugs from their mothers.  AT THE VERY LEAST nice phone calls or texts.
    I really did not put a lot of thought into homework jokes.  I just went to Yahoo News because that's what teacher said was one of the best generic news sites, read the top articles, made up the most obvious News Tagline Headlines based on COPYING their words about 66%... and then WELL I DUNNO YOU KNOW HOW JOKES HAPPEN.  COPIED THE NEWS AND MADE UP THE JOKES.  And the jokes don't have much JOKINESS to them yet.  THIS WAS HOMEWORK #1.  I'll get funnier over time one would imagine!  I got funnier over the course of the assignment!  First couple of jokes were dumb.  Last couple of jokes were kinda almost funny!  If only I kept writing a couple of more jokes to replace the first couple of dumb jokes.  THAT'S NOT HOW I OPERATE.  I never had the game Operation as a kid.  Maybe that's why I'm Not Good At A Lot Of Things.  There's gotta be SOME reason why I Suck.  That's one area I was deprived of Skill Learning so may could well be that!  It teaches you physical skill but also mental and ethical abilities.  Oh okay that's good.
   Anyway.  Gonna get marijuana this weekend.  I was gonna get gummies because I ran out of that but I'm also running low on HERB as well now.  Might just buy FLOWER and from now on just SMOKE uniformly!  And just re-up with that whenever I need it from now on!  For convenience sake!  I can't go and spend 120 dollars this weekend on both GRAIN and WORM.  In no way is Marijuana a GRAIN.  But the point is looks like I'm in a tough situation now!  Gonna need to commit to just... flower.  I really don't like calling it Flower!  But that's what they seem to be choosing to call it as a Business!  OH NO.  Probably gonna ask them what they say the strongest brand is.  THAT'S how I'll decide which strain to get!  MAKE EM TELL ME WHAT THEIR IMPRESSION IS.  THEY CAN'T LIE.  On the website they specify for most strains what the THC level is. But that could be FALSEHOODS.  Don't trust anything you read on the internet!  Or see in real life!  Or dream in a dream!  Basically nothing that ever happens is really trustable!  EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE SOMETHING IN A MARIJUANA STORE.  If I ask them what would you suggest is the strongest weed I can buy then I Guess I Can Trust Them I Think... why not!
    I get good vibes from these people.  I like it!  Also the store lives close to me.  Twelve minute walk away.  And I do walk by them several times a day!  WE'RE NEIGHBORS.  We're practically FAMILY.  Anyway.  LATE NIGHT COMEDY TELEVISION WRITING IS WEIRD.  WHAT A LIFE THAT MUST BE.  What would it be like.  It's a unique place to be in the world, that's for sure!  So is every job.  ANYTHING YOU CAN DO IS UNIQUE.  I guess.  What else is going on and crap.  It's inconvenient to get high for Seeing Movies without gummies!  I minidose mariujana!  If I smoke before I leave to see a movie I'm not gonna be high by the time the movie is happening!  What if I SMOKE MORE that one time!  OH OKAY SOUNDS SMART.  Anyway.  Got a piece of mail about Voting and Early Voting and Other Information About Voting.  Didn't really look at it!  I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW.  Gonna vote regularlike.  On election day.  Should be good!  I'M NOT DONE WITH MY 2024 ELECTION DUTIES THOUGH.  Still gotta SHOW OUT THE VOTE for Harris 2024!  ONE VOTE isn't enough!  I gotta GET OTHERS to the polls!  Not physically. I don't have A BUS or anything!  I just gotta figure out a way to convince other people to vote for her WITH MY MIND.  Huh.
    Fifth paragraph!  Anyway.  New Jack Smith filing yesterday.  While January Sixth was happening, they told Trump people were gonna kill Mike Pence and he said, "SO WHAT."  SO WHAT!  ...WAIT A SECOND AM I ON THE VERGE OF COMING UP WITH A BETTER JOKE THAN I COULD COME UP WITH YESTERDAY?  ...Nope.  False Alarm.  Sorry!  I really thought I was gonna pull something out of the air for a second there.  Jack Smith says in a new filing that Trump was alerted that rioters were going to kill Mike Pence, and his response was, "So What."  WELL THAT'S GREAT.  Trump doesn't even give a shit if his own vice president is safe from His Mob Of Supporters.  You think he's gonna give a shit about any of OUR safety, random people who oppose him politically?  WE'RE FUCKED if he wins again!  Just gonna turn loose his wackos on all of us!  That's not a Late Night Comedy Joke.  OH.  BUT IT'S AN INTERESTING EXTRAPOLATION NONETHELESS.  So that's good!  SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN LATE NIGHT COMEDY WRITING.  Oh you mean like The Late Late Show.  Something like that!
   Halfway through the entry!  Whatever.  Today's entry SUCKS.  Not sure what it is.  Oh Right Most Entries Suck.  THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.  Get to start-anew after this entry, though!  Take a BREAK with the Weekend!  FRESH BEGINNING with the Next Week!  Stuck in the same world, though.  The time is changing but the world is staying the same!  That's not completely accurate.  The world changes all the time!  Yeah over the course of TIME The World Changes.  Hmm.  Does the world sometimes change IN ISOLATED MOMENTS.  Sure.  Why not.  That's not the point I was trying to make but IT'S WHAT I WROTE.  Sometimes I just type and I don't even know what I'm writing about.  I don't like it!  On the other hand I OFTEN DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING CONSCIOUSLY.  I might as well go ahead and try to make some unconscious points!  I DON'T LIKE ALL THIS UNCONCIOUSITY AFOOT.  Something about it seems OFF.  Anyway.  What else isn't on my mind.
    SEVENTH PARAGRAPH!  What else is going on.  What?  "ELSE?"  How many things could possibly be going on at once?  FIVE?  I can't usually sense anything more than .8 Things going on.  OFTEN IT'S CLOSE TO ONE THING GOING ON IN MY HEAD.  Sounds like I got a very great mind!  LOOK I don't know what I'm gonna say for four more paragraphs.  It's a lot of space to take up!  Got an uncomfortable cut on my toe.  Sometimes when I take a walk I put pressure on it coming down!  SORRY TO PUT THAT ALL ON YOU.  That's really my own problem!  Shouldn't burden you with it!  It's kind of fun.  Pain could be pleasurable!  Just ask Hellraiser!  HMM.  By the time you get to Hellraiser you're probably sick of Pain Being Pleasurable.  I never see anyone with Hellraiser who is still having fun with it.  They don't show that!  People getting off while Cenobites torture you.  Hmm.  You'd think that'd what be what's happening like 20% of the time! 
    Okay.  Hey!  New paragraph!  Shouldn't be the worst thing in the world!  Didn't mean to get your hopes up with that!  If it is the worst thing in the world then you can have a rightful beef with me.  What's there TO TALK ABOUT.  I will continue watching The Office and reading Jimi Hendrix!  GOT MY CLASS tonight.  Should be fun!  I think it's eleven or twelve people!  I would have preferred eight!  Easier to remember that amount of people!  I LIKE PEOPLE and I WANT TO REMEMBER PEOPLE.  Why.  Seems like the thing to do!  I'm running a lot lower on contact lenses than I realized!  Occurred to me way too late that I need to set up an appointment so I can re-up with them!  Gotta make an appointment.  Can't just do it by phone.  Need an updated exam!  Gonna have to wear my glasses a lot the next phew weeks.  Interesting.  I wonder how that might effect the upcoming election.  Probably just peripherally! 
   Great!  I guess I can post my Ten Homework Jokes to the website!  I'll post that later!  So that's good.  I guess it's possible I finish the entry before going to the laundromat.  Still unlikely, though!  There's a Life Update for ya, though!  GREAT!  I don't know what I've been saying the last 2.5 paragraphs, and I see that extending into ANOTHER 1.5 paragraphs!  OK THAT'S FINE NOBODY KNOWS WHAT ANYTHING I SAY MEANS.  WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.  That seems wrong.  Smart people must know the meaning of what I say!  But What I Say Is Nonsense.  I dunno!  SMART PEOPLE gonna make sense of the nonsense!  As a display of how smart they are!  Hmm.  Sounds good.  Sense in the nonsense.  How come I never thought to look for that.  Now it's ALL I want to do!  Anyway.  Guess I got one more paragraph to write!  Then a stressful class tonight.  Could be fun though, too!  I probably won't be high anymore by then!
   Tenth paragraph and I have yet to Laundromat.  Well I dropped off at the laundromat this morning.  That counts as a laundromatting.  Anyway.  JEEZ.  Just looking forward to ENJOYING THE WEEKEND I think!  I gotta ACCEPT a Super Market Delivery in the morning of Tomorrow!  And I gotta accept a Drug Store delivery tomorrow from 3 to 9!  BUT BEYOND THAT I'M WIDE OPEN.  If any of you wanna hang or anything!  Let's take it to THE NEXT LEVEL.  Maybe you wanna hang Mike Pence.  So What.  Well for one IT'S ILLEGAL.  Not allowed to hang people!  Number two IT'S IMMORAL.  That guy's ALIVE.  Can't just go around killing him!  Anyway.  Guess I'm gonna wrap up the entry before going to the laundromat after all!  Two or three of my ten jokes HARDLY have a punchlien at all.  Just barely qualify as Having A KICK to it at all.  AH WELL.  I'M GOING TO STICK WITH WHAT I GOT.  Unless I think of better jokes somehow!  Then HEY GREAT WHAT PROVIDENCE.  Anyway.  I'll see ya next week.   

-3:12 P.M.

   
  
    

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Give Sheet A Chance

    Hey!  What's up!  I have not written a single joke for my upcoming Writing For Late Night Television Class tomorrow!  Gonna have to write ALL TEN tonight.  Probably should take one or two hours!  To look up news and write D+ Jokes based on those newslike news stories!  I don't LIKE it but I'm POT COMMITTED to this lifestyle for the next seven weeks!  Maybe it'll be different homework each week but probably MORE OR LESS the same workload!  Great.  Let's move on.  Easy for me to say, I CAN'T MOVE ON.  It's part of my life now!  Let's move on temporarily and return to this later when it's necessary.  Oh okay makes sense.  I watched the first third of the debate last night.  Thought the one guy sounded a bit anxious at first but was making sense.  And the other guy KIND OF sounded normal but also KIND of sounded really weird at the same time!  Politicswise I agree with what The First Guy was saying and The Other Guy is an asshole!  After a while I figured I got all I was gonna get out of the debate.  And if something fascinating happens I can always see it as part of a Retrospective.  So I TURNT IT OFF and WENT TO BED.  THIS IS BEDTIME ANYWAY.
   Uh-huh.  I watched the new episode of The Simpsons!  That's worth writing home about!  It had COMEDY.  It had DRAMA.  It had ALL YOU WANT out of Television!  You know who I don't like?  ELLEN.  Just occurred to me.  If Ellen was ever sitting at a Poker table in a casino and went I'm Ellen she could get into some trouble cause it might be misheard as I'm All In and that's legally binding!  ONCE it's heard as I'm All In no going back!  Anyway.  Rumour is that Ellen was a jerk as a Showrunner!  So what.  Lots of people are jerks.  I'm sure there's lots of people I Currently Look Up To And Admire that are bigger jerks than Ellen.  Oh No Now I'm Scared.  WHO AM I CURRENTLY ADMIRING AS WE SPEAK THAT'S A HUGE JERK.  Hmm.  Probably Myself!  Gotta look inward on this one.  I tend to think very highly of myself but there's really NOTHING THERE other than me being a Huge Jerk.  But I'm not a very Successful Person.  Whose a Big Star that's a Secret Douchebag.  WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION.  I want to talk about all the wonderful people out there who make the world a brighter place even in private life.  IN A WORLD OF JADE VANCES BE A TOM WALLS.  I assume Tom Walls is nice to people in his orbit.  That's what I've been LED TO BELIEVE.
    Third paragraph.  He's just a real guy from real Minnesota.  I've never met anyone from Minnesota before, though!  How do I even know it's a real state!  I'm just going based on what other people are telling me!  HMM.  I could come up with ONE DEBATE JOKE RIGHT NOW.  Then I'd only have to write NINE jokes later.  I might have even already written a joke by accident.  Anyway.  Tim Walz and JD Vance Vice Presidential Debated this past Wednesday.  ...What are conceits of VP Debates.  (1) Usually Don't Matter.  That's one direction the joke can go in!  GREAT.  Is it the framing I personally wanna go with?  I wouldn't have THOUGHT SO.  But it's THE FIRST TING THAT OCCURRED TO ME so YES IT IS.  Because now it's the least work!  SO NOW IT IS WHAT I WANT TO SAY.  Go Figure!  It's what I want to say because I don't wanna have to spend more time coming up with What I Would Rather Want TO Say!  GREAT.  Anyway.  Mets won a playoff game yesterday.  They're WELL ON THEIR WAY to Ultimate Success!  I think they got some good Mojo going this year.  On account of they've won two or three key games so far the last couple of days.  WOW.  I'm really excited for Francisco Lindor coming in SECOND in the National League MVP voting.  Should definitely come in AT LEAST Third.  WOW.  TOP THREE.  I'M GONNA SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS.
    Fourth paragraph.  Hmm.  Why in the world did I think it was a good idea to think I should have to come up with Late Night Television Comedy Jokes.  WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND dreams this!  I WAS BRAIN WARSHT.  Somewhere at some point That Line Of Work was GLAMOURIZED by Television and Film.  WHAT THE HELL.  What's the motivation!  I guess they need to make it seem attractive to draw in more workers into their ranks over time.  I dunno.  People are dumb enough already!  People gonna wanna work in the TV Industry AS IT IS.  You already got us!  WHY ADD EXTRA SUBLIMINAL MOTIVATIONS.  Cause it's FUN or something.  Really drives the point home!  WHY SHOULDN'T WE DO EXTRA SUBLIMINAL MOTIVATIONS.  Oh interesting retort.  TV AND FILM WRITERS GOTTA HAVE FUN TOO.  Hmm how can I have fun writing my Ten Jokes.  INTERESTING.  I CAN HAVE, "FUN," WITH THEM?  I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.  That sounds way beyond my skill level.  I'm not ready to Have Fun with it!  I TOLD YOU I'm only prepared to write D+/C-!  Okay.  If I say so.  But if I change my mind, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!  No, I don't.
   Fifth paragraph.  Anyway.  Classmates' jokes are available to me online!  Not gonna read them!  I don't wanna see jokes that I can't come up with now!  WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH THAT JOKE.  Now I can't come up with it independently if I read it first!  Huh.  Anyway.  Classmates are funnier than me based on what they came up with during last class.  Teacher is exponentially exponentially better than me!  BUT that doesn't mean people can't get exponentially better with time and effort!  I probably WON'T.  But if for some reason it was SUPPOSED to happen, it COULD happen!  So I got that going on for me.  Anyway.  Hmm.  It would be fun for me to Finish The Homework Assignment And Get It Out Of The Way! I'm saying it like I feel!  WELL I GUESS THAT'S IT.  Not meant to be a Superstar!  AH WELL.  DOESN'T MATTER.  THE IMPORTANT THING IS IT'S OCTOBER SECOND TWENTY TWENTY FOUR.  Date!  I may or may not shave before tomorrow.  I didn't like how I looked in Zoom last week.  Maybe some light facial hair will cure what ails my appearance!
   Hmm.  Guess I'll post my jokes tomorrow after my class has ended.  WHY NOT.  SPREAD THE LOVE AROUND.  Anyway gotta write five more paragraphs.  NOW with minidosing marijuana.  That's great!  Watched a couple of Extended The Office episodes instead of Regular Office episodes!  I didn't like it!  They add A LOT of bonus material.  We're talkin' like 32 minute episodes instead of 22 minutes!  I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings but most of the extra stuff BASED ON MY LIMITED EXPERIENCE has been usually not very great!  It's important I get this message out there.  If just ONE PERSON out there is binging The Office in the future and decides to watch Regular The Office instead of SuperCut of The Office, then I'LL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO SOCIETY.  And you know what that means.  SUPERCUT OF HEAVEN for me when I die!  WAIT THAT SOUNDS BAD.  Yeah it's slightly Larger Heaven but the added bits are MOSTLY UNNECESSARY AND UNFUNNY.  Anyway.  I'm noticing this time around that Dwight and Angela's romance, in either version, practically gets as much air time as Pam and Jim!  THEY ARE SPECIAL TOO.  Just because they're DIFFERENT and AWKWARD doesn't mean they're LESS IMPORTANT.  Actually they're more important.  THEY'RE ACTUALLY FUNNY.
   Pam and Jim?  Pym and Jam.  That was mostly unnecessary.  OK MOVING ON THEN.  If I wanted to be an idiot, I could always write five jokes tonight and wake up early and write five jokes tomorrow morning!  WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I WANT TO BE MOVING FORWARD.  My guess is 60%.  That much!  Sounds like too much.  Should really be 30%!  I dunno.  If I'm writing comedy as part of my Responsibilities, that involves being an idiot.  HMM.  OK 40%.  Anyway.  Two jokes about the debate.  A joke or two about Hurricanes.  A joke or two about Eric Adams.  WOW.  I know a lot about what's going on in the news.  Pretty impressive stuff!  Sounds like I'm pretty on the ball lately!    Great.  I'm not a complete invalid.  Only PARTIAL.  Invalid means the opposite of Valid.  I GUESS.  Anyway.  Gotta see more of Kamala over the next month!  If I'm turning on my TV this October I wanna be seeing one of two things-- Mets Baseball or KAMALA HARRIS.  OR SOME SORT OF ENTERTAINING TV SHOW OR MOVIE.  ALSO sometimes I put some music on on YouTube on my TV.  Usually just for a song or two while I smoke before going to bed!
  Three paragraphs to go!  I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.  I wrote an eighth paragraph but I deleted it!  Just wasn't happy with what was in it!  Nothing too offensive or scandalous!  Just didn't feel like sticking with it!  I read it and was like I don't endorse the thoughts or opinions contained within this paragraph anymore.  Great.  Now I have to write an eighth paragraph.  Just a random paragraph in the middle of nowhere.  MEANS NOTHING.  Will accomplish nothing.  WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS.  Don't answer, I stopped caring.   Maybe I should hold on hope that there is meaning.  Huh.  That's a good one.  I'll consider it in the back of my mind I guess!  Actually you know what.  You're probably right.  There's lots of Meanings.  YOU WERE RIGHT I WAS WRONG.  Wait a second.  Could be wrong again.  ALL OF IT MEANS EVEN LESS THAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  Yeah.  Fuck.  Well, there you have it!  I guess there's no meaning as of now!  I dunno.  Hey, This has SO MUCH BETTER QUALITIES than meaning!  Don't get hung up on ONE WORD.
   Probably'll take ninety minutes or so for me to come up with ten D Plussers.  OKAY.  I'll be happy when that's over!  Probably getting Pizzeria for dinner tonight.  Probably just get pizza!  ALTHOUGH I saw Michael Scott eat fettuchini al fredo earlier today and thought to myself that's not a bad idea.  That's something to consider.  TORTELLINI AL FREDO.  Have you ever considered that?  Of course you haven't!  You never had a chance!  So that's good.  I honestly think Kamala needs to be getting out there more!  The more we see the more we like!  Be.  On.  TV!  That's a simple enough equation I guess.  ANYWAY.  AL FREDO?  WHAT IS THIS A GODFATHER PUN?  Al Pacino didn't play Fredo!  Well, that's great, I just spoiled the movie for everyone.  EVERYONE KNOWS WHO PLAYED WHAT IN THE GODFATHER.  I'M NOT SPOILING ANYTHING.  Wonderful.  Gotta write another paragraph after this one! 
    Okay.  Not sure what to talk about.  Probably should have something in mind.  SOMETHING IN MIND?  That doesn't sound right!  I JUST GO WITH THE FLOW.  FLOW?  I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT EITHER.  IT'S WOLF BACKWARDS.  HORRIFYING.  It's Halloween Month, though!  Never know what's gonna happen!  Scary words gonna pop up out of nowhere!  Gotta take it all in stride!  I guess that's good.  I FORGOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.  I GUESS THAT'LL HAPPEN.  SHOULD I TRY TO COME UP WITH A NEW TOPIC.  I guess.  Everything needs to be about something!  If there's no topic there can be no words.  Huh.  What else is going on.  I got a lot on my mind!  I HAVE TO DO WORK LATER.  LEMME THINK FOR A SECOND.  MAYBE IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.  MAYBE IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD.  I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS ALL WRONG.  IT COULD BE A FUN TIME.  YEAH.  I'M GONNA WRITE TEN JOKES BASED ON THE NEWS STORIES OF THE DAY.  WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT.  Anyway.  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:11 P.M.   
     
    

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

I Can't Think Of A Better Title

    Hey, friends!  Tuesday.  That happens hardly ever.  1/7!  That's like 14% of the time!  Roughly the same amount of time I'm At Peace.  Saw my Psychiatrist.  Looks like I'm Sticking With Her!  Our relationship is frayed but will continue on!  Our next appointment is on ERECTION DAY.  Wait, Election Day.  That's what Chinese people call Election Day though.  Can Chinese Americans be swing voters somewhere?  I dunno!  Doesn't look like it!  I'm not seeing any Swing States with big Chinese American Pops.  Chinese American NOW AND NEVER have say in Presidency.  That's a Historical tidbit for ya!  Vice Presidential Debate is tonight!  I hope Walz gets us going!  I need some inspiration in my life!  I was looking at my Harris Walz shirt in the mirror and Walz backwards is SLAW.  COLESLAW.  I don't like coleslaw as a food.  Grosses me out!  But as a word?  Delightful!  I'm taking liberties exchanging a, "Z," for an, "S."  Yep!  I don't think anyone's gonna object!  What's their motivation!  Why do they care!  It's my life!  It's now or never!  I ain't gonna be forever!  I just wanna live while I'm alive.  It's. My. LIFE.  Wait that's the real lyric.  "I just wanna live while I'm alive."  Well duh.  What else are you gonna do. Be dead while you're alive?  Highly dubious!!
   Me Favorite Team THE METS won their big game yesterday!  Now they're in the playoffs FOR REAL.  All out three game series starting in a couple of hours!  I can't pay attention to that!  TOO BUSY.  Gonna try to come up with FIVE out of my Assigned Ten Jokes for Comedy Class tonight!  POST This Entry and PRE-ST The Debate.  Anyway.  Might be finishing Jimi Hendrix book not this weekend but NEXT weekend.  Maybe even this weekend if I read a lot!  GOTTA BUY NEW BOOKS. I think there's a book by the System Of A Down guy.  Is that a Down Syndrome reference?  If so, very Progressive of him!  I assume it's PRO-down syndrome and not making fun of them!  I like it! Oh.  It's based on some poem some guy wrote.  WOW.  A POEM?  I like Google AI.  I know a lot of people, "Rag," on it but my experience has been It's One Of My Best Friends From The Start.  I like it's tone!  I like it's POSTURE.  I like the way it handles itself!  Maybe because I've been raised to distrust AI and THIS AI AIN'T THAT BAD SO FAR. RIGHT?  NOT YET AT LEAST.  Probably is.  Probably contributing to genocide.  What genocide.  ALL OF EM.
   OKAY.   Watched the second episode of The Penguin!  Didn't hold my interest as much as the first episode!  Sad to say it!  Looks like I won't be participating in Society as much as anticipated!  OH I'll still go through the motions BUT I WON'T BE 100% THERE.  Hmm.  I'm sure there are things in society I am still gonna be INTERESTED IN.  But Penguin Episode 2 THAT ONE NIGHT Just Wasn't It for me!  NOT A PROBLEM.  Got JOKER II coming up this weekend.  I'm gonna enjoy that for 2 hours.  Unfortunately seems like one of those movies that will top out at an hour fifty!  Hmm.  Internet says 2 hours 19 minutes.  Great!  I was high on one of my walks yesterday and listening to Jimi Hendrix and I was STARTING to get it a little bit more.  If you're more in tune with the universe then you're gonna get it more!  If the universe is just noise to you, then beautiful music will ALSO just be noise!  BUT ONCE I start making sense of the universe, then beautiful music WILL ALSO start to make some more sense as well!  GREAT does that mean I'm starting to make sense of the universe!  NO.  JUST A LITTLE BIT.  MAYBE.  FOR AN HOUR OR TWO.  DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.   
   Alright.  They added BOLD to Twitter?  WOW.  WHAT'S NEXT?  ME ADDING IT TO THIS WEBSITE?  That doesn't seem right.  It reeks of desperation.  I guess Desperation isn't something you should worry about, though!  DESPERATION IS THE SCENT OF KINGS.  Probably gonna smoke marijuana in a couple of paragraphs.  But I'm saving it for the latter half of the entry!  The book of Latter Day Saints.  HOW MANY LATTER DAY SAINTS ARE WE TALKING.  I know Joseph Smith but I never realized HE HAD FRIENDS.  I just googled, "How Many Latter Day Saints are there," and Google AI told me FOURTEEN MILLION.  Then I realized they meant How Many People Practice Mormonism.  Not how many people ARE SAINTS in that religion.  I dunno.  Maybe just by Being A Mormon YOU REACH DE-FACTO SAINTHOOD. Good Deal!  Just by signing up YOU ARE ONE OF THE TOP GODS.  On the other hand you're stuck in a sucky religion.  What do you care!  YOU'RE A LATTER DAY SAINT.  PUT PROOF OF THAT IN YOUR CAR WINDOWSHIELD.  See how far that gets you in this life.  Probably works against you thrice as much as it works in your favor!
   YEAH.  I guess.  I don't practice SAINT-aria.  I ain't got no CHRIST-al ball!  Hmm.  I choose to believe Bradley Nowell of Sublime DOES Santeria but he's so good at it he doesn't need to PRACTICE it.  He just performs it regularly without having to tune up in low-stakes situations!  Anyway looks like the world is going to shit in the Middle East!  Isreal attacking neighbors!  Neighbors attacking Israel!  Me spelling Isreal wrong each time I type it!  GOOD OPPORTUNITY for everyone to CHILL OUT.  Peace is always available if you want it.  The moment you decide you want to stop fighting you can give it a shot.  Just takes some conscious effort from all parties involved!  EASY.  I know how to spell Israel.  What's wrong with me.  All this fighting and fussing is really getting to me.  I can't even RECOGNIZE Israel anymore!  Literally MANIFESTS in when I look at THE WORD.  OH NO.  Hmm.  I finished in SIXTH in my Fantasy Baseball league this year!  I checked it every day!  I didn't make Roster Moves or anything!  But I LOOKED at how I was doing!  Sixth out of 12th!  I CAME IN FIRST if we were ranking by Halves!
  OK! TIME FOR MARIJUANA.  Okay.  Gotta write five more paragraphs.  AND I just had a Bowel Movement.  Is that the first time I ever announced That?  Possibly!  I guess there's a first for everything!  Owl Movement.  That could be a Band Name.  OR a subject when Aviationists discuss Migratory Patterns.  I'm pretty open with Making Up Wrong Compound Words.  Yeah!  Thanks For Noticing!  WILL I WRITE SOMETHING WELL SOON TO MAKE UP FOR WRITING SOMETHING STUPID.  Yes.  I think I will!  Hey, that's be a nice surprise!  There should be Balence in the universe!  I don't know what, "Balence," in the universe would be.  BALENCE AS OF NOW IS NOT A WORD.  "Balance," is a word.  "Balence," NOT YET.  Hmm.  In my mind I keep thinking It'd be related to Balance but WHY?  The odds are it would be a completely unique concept!  How the Hell am I supposed to come up with a Completely Unique Concept?  WHERE DO I BEGIN.  I got the letters.  I got the letters and the order they're in.  I have to come up with a random definition for that word with only that information.  THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH.
   There's no obvious prefixes or anything.  The syllable in the middle isn't a NOUN on it's own or anything!  What The Hell.  I guess it's time to move on.  There is no syllable in the middle.  THERE ISN'T?  Balence.  "Len."  That's the middle syllable!  Anyway.  Four paragraphs to go.  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what that's like for me?  Who cares.  I'LL SURVIVE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.  Yeah it's briefly unpleasant but SO WAS MY LIFE BEFORE.  And so shall it be afterwards!  In fact The Four Paragraphs might be kind of fun.  I get to think creatively and with purpose for once!  Outside of this upcoming part of my life I CAN HARDLY THINK AT ALL.  Anyway.  Going off a medication tonight!  I had been going off it gradually over the last few months.  Tonight I take it NO MORE.  Cool.  Pill talk.  How come calling someone a pill is an insult.  "You're a Pill."  And somehow that DOESN'T mean, "OH SO I'M GOOD FOR YOU THEN."  What does it mean.  They have some sort of Personality Defect.  Someone who is unpleasant or disagreeable.  I guess in ancient times Pills were unpleasant to take.  I guess I get it!
   Three paragraphs to go.  Awesome.  I've taken a couple of Big Ol Pills in my lifetime.  Off the top of my head I wanna say The Lithium was a big pill.  Took that for a year or two!  Great.  I normally take like 8 pills at once.  Anyone who is intimidated by a single large pill is LAUGHABLE to me.  Whatever.  Still got a couple and a half paragraphs to write.  Two and a half paragraphs!  The debate tonight will be between Two And A Half Men.  The Two man candidates and the moderators who are only Half A Man because they abdicated their duty to fact check the candidates.  THEY ARE BUT HALF MEN.  I read on twitter they may or may not have changed their minds and decided to Fact Check.  If that's the case WOW GREAT NEWS.  If that's not the case STOP TEASING.  But If it is the case WOW GREAT NEWS REMEMBER.  But If it's not the case though I SHOULDA KNOWN IT WAS TOO GOOD TO UN-NOT BE TRUE THE TRUTH.  Anyway.  Today is the first day of October.  Gonna have to look at the news later to come up with jokes!  NEWS?  I HARDLY NEW HER!
    Penultimate paragraph.  Today's entry isn't bad.  YES IT IS.  But you could also argue it's good.  SURE.  I'll believe it when I see it!  SEE WHAT.  I dunno.  Probably some proof out there somewhere of something!  Huh.  I don't wanna have to DO WORK tonight!  But I WILL.  MOST LIKELY.  OWL MOVEMENTS?  I musta made that pun... twice!  Oh well.  CAN I GET A SUGGESTION FROM THE AUDIENCE for something I can talk about.  DID I HEAR, "EARTHQUAKE."  Earthquake makes me think of the film Encino Man.  In Encino Man Sean Astin plays a high school student and he's friends with Pauly Shore.  Neither of them are popular but they're normal enough kids.  They find Brendan Frasier, a Caveman frozen in ice, and he unfreezes and is surprisingly alive.  For some reason he becomes extremely popular (other kids just think he's an exchange student from, "Estonia,") and they ride his coattails to social success.  Ultimately it's a feel good film that's also a fun time.  Postnote-- ESTONIA IS A REAL PLACE.  I didn't need to put it in quotations!
    Last paragraph of the day!  They were making a pun because he was from, "The Stone Age."  But I guess Estonia exists anyway independent of the film!  So that's good!  I guess.  OH. I  never explained WHY Earthquake makes me think of Encino Man.  An Earthquake helped REVEAL the Frozen Body of Brendan Frasier in the ground!  Without the Earthquake he never would have been discovered!  I dunno.  Sean Astin was also digging a pool in his backyard.  The Earthquake helped but I think Sean Astin mighta got there by himself eventually!  Good.  Anyway.  Just thinking about some Plot Holes in Encino Man.  I guess the entire thing is based on faulty premises!  But the specific things are what's bothering me at the moment.  At the conclusion of the film, Brendan Fraiser's Caveman Wife unmelts too I guess and they find her taking a bath by herself and are surprised.  How the hell did she know how to take a bath.  Sean Astin and Pauly Shore spend half the movie teaching Brendan Fraiser that kinda stuff.  Meanwhile his Cavewife INTUITS taking a bath without any help!  I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  I could barely bathe myself AS IT IS.  Anyway.  That's all I got for today!  I'll see ya tomorrow!
 

-4:38 P.M.  
       
    
         
   
 

Contact: mankindguy@gmail.com