Thursday, July 25, 2024

So What's Up With You

    Hi!  Gotta write one more entry to finish up the week!  Then I gotta write some Stand Up over the weekend.  I think I have it in me!  I've done it before.  Logic follows that I should be able to do it again.  Plus, it shuold be even better than the last times I wrote stand up!  I presumably get more adept at things as time goes on, not less.  I dunno.  Me being able to Write Well is SITUATIONAL.  Not necessarily a straight line where I get better as time goes on.  Some times just call for Me Writing Well and some times call for Me Got Nothin'!  Alright.  I guess my goal in life then from now on is to manifest situations where I can Write Well In Response To Them.  That sounds like a lot of work and counterproductive to a good life.  I'm not sure I like that plan at all!  Think I'll just manifest situations where I sit around and watch TV and If I Write Good Or Not We'll Take It Or Leave It!  Alright.
    Had to buy my Bimonthly earbuds today.  Just keep buying five dollar earphones from the drug store and use those until they crap out on me and then replace them.  Is it the best way to go about buying earphones?  Probably not!  It's like renting instead of buying.  Easy, at least!  So that's good.  Oh boy I think I'm up to the Deadwood episode where Al Gets A Really Bad Kidney Stone.  One of the most engaging episodes of TV I've ever seen!  Looking forward to watching that again.  If I ever get a kidney stone I'm gonna say to God,  GOD... I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU, "NO KIDNEY STONES."  WE WENT OVER THIS.  God doesn't have to listen to us.  He might be inclined to because he's our Friend.  But he might go ahead and give me Kidney Stones just to show me whose boss.  I might have shot myself in the foot by specifically demanding What Not To Happen.  GOD IS FULL OF SNEAKY SURPRISES.  Who knows what he'll inflict on me and/or us because of my hubris! 
    Okay.  I don't think I'm gonna memorize my Stand Up for the show.  Just read it!  I DON'T CARE how bad it makes me look.  I don't have it in me to Remember Things these days.  Maybe I never did!  Anyway "Comma-la" is still running for president!  She came out against a BAD college protest yesterday.  HMM.  First controversial thing as far as I can tell!  She's probably right that This Protest Was Bad, but it still associates her as Anti-Protest In General now!  Thems the breaks!  Ah well.  Nobody is perfect.  Unless she ran As Perfect.  That'd be one way to go.  Just always do the right thing!  Seems like too big a commitment.  If you're always perfect then there's more pressure for the next thing you do having to keep your perfect streak intact.  Meanwhile if you do the right thing 70% of the time, no one's gonna freak out when you take the wrong stance on something!  She can run as The Imperfect Candidate.  I won't always do what you want but I'll always do what I believe in.  That's stupid.  Why the fuck I care What You Believe In?  Do What I Want!  That's much better!
   Fourth paragraph.  What would I want her to do.  HMM.  We brought up protesters.  Let's get her working on Peace In The Middle East.  Also, let's get Pence In The Middle East!  I think Mike Pence and his family would enjoy a vacation there depending on whether it's an At War part of the Middle East or not!  I guess.  Wonder if she has any interesting takes on India foreign policy on account of her Half Indian Heritage.  She's probably PRO India!  WHAT?  I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF TAHT.  Being on board with another country and its people's success and growth?  WAIT TILL PAKISTAN HEARS ABOUT THIS.  Whatever.  IS Kamala Harris attractive as a woman.  It's not the most pressing political issue but I AM BUT A MAN.  She's not unattractive!  She also is 59 though.  I dunno.  I'm not an ageist guy.  I don't DISLIKE older women.  I don't have HATE in my heart!  The age of a woman might matter to me on a woman by woman basis, I guess!  GREAT.  I don't think Me and Kamala is gonna happen though.  We're WORLDS APART.
    Fifth paragraph!  I guess!  She has a nice FACE.  I like her smile.  AND THAT LAUGH... I need to calm down.  She's a married woman!  And I'm an inadequate man!  It could never work! I actually don't know what her laugh sounds like.  I know they're trying to make to a wedge issue so it must be a weird sounding laugh.  But then I saw Democrats defend her laugh saying its endearing.  PERSONALLY I don't know yet!  I can't picture what it sounds and looks like!  Anyway.  Laughing in general is good.  Does anyone remember laughter?  I say the more laughter the better!  Laughter is contagious!  Anyway.  Hmm.  Maybe I take a Sketch Writing Class as my next class.  I was planning on doing Improv 301 but I really don't think I'm in the headspace to do Improv.  I was already terrible at it and I think I've only gotten worse in my time off!  Sketch writing 101 might be the answer for Whatta Do Next.  GOOD.  There's one that starts two weeks from this Saturday during the late afternoon!  That could be fun.  Lemme think on that for a second!
    Halfway through the entry!  POLITICAL sketches.  COMEDY sketches.  Run the gamut!  Figure out how to write all of 'em!  What if Brett Kavanaugh was being nominated to the Supreme Court again before the Senate.  What Might That Look Like.  It Might go a little something like this.  What's THE GAME of that sketch.  Brett Kavanaugh.  Remember him.  That douchebag!  Anyway.  What else is going on in the wide world of sports.  Looks like I'm gonna get some Diner Delivery tonight.  The choices of things I could get are literally endless.  Appetizers.  Omelets.  Griddle Specialties.  And those are just CATEGORIES and not Specific Meals!  I started rewatching Burn After Reading last night.  That's a funny movie!  I enjoy the performances.  Am I allowed to remember Liking The Movie when I'm done?  Kinda implies I Should Forget All About It!  That's for Within The Plot of the movie.  Not the movie itself.  I don't literally need to Burn THIS FILM After Reading.  Do I?  I don't think I took in any sensitive information while watching it.  Nothing really registered with me that I feel particularly unsafe about knowing!  The Coen Brothers and these great actors are firing on most if not all cylinders.  So What.  I won't tell anybody.
     Seventh paragraph.  Who would even BELIEVE me.  I dunno.  Four paragraphs to go!  OH NO just saw a poll which showed Kamala down by one point in a Head to Head match-up with Trump.  That's unacceptable!  Losing is not an option!  I WON'T ALLOW IT.  Huh.  I like people feeling POSITIVE about Kamala as opposed to just being NEGATIVE about Trump.  It's a better mood to be in on a personal and group level for Campaign Season!  BUT is it a risky move politically?  Maybe Negative Feelings drive people to the polls more!  Or get people donating and volunteering more!  OR the exact opposite, I dunno!  Either way I think we can be both Enthusiastic and Excited about Harris AND Worried The Fuck about Trump.  I can hold both narratives in my head and heart pretty easily!  Should we be WORRIED about Trump.  Or SCARED.  Or Creeped Out?  How would I define my exact feelings about the prospect of Trump taking power.  I don't wanna think about it!  But I MUST.  Okay then let's go with SCARED.  Oh no now I'm scared.  Why'd that have to happen.
    Three paragraphs to go!  Anyway.  LIFE WILL HAPPEN.  DECISION 2024-- IS LIFE GOOD OR NOT?  Does the Right Thing Happen or The Wrong Thing.  What kinda world are we living in!  Anyway.  The right or wrong thing can happen This One Time and then That's Not The End Of It, either!  There can easily be More Right or More Wrong afterwards regardless!  I guess.  But this is as big an inflection point as you're gonna get.  If Trump wins we're more or less screwed!  He's got unlimited power and a media and ruling class that'll roll over for him.  I don't see how we make it back from that!  If Kamala wins we're probably on a relatively positive timeline, but that's not the end of our struggles, either!  THESE ARE TEH STAKES.  I don't like it.  I wish the stakes were lower!  Maybe in 2028!  DAMNIT I had forgotten to be Scared Like That over the last few days.  Now I remember the Fear Is Real!  Kamala Harris should run a positive campaign probably but we shouldn't forget to be afraid, too!  It is scary!  Is it good to be Afraid.  Can we use that Constructively.  Or is it counterproductive.  Hmm.  I dunno!  Fear is good if you're using The Dark Side Of The Force.  Jedi ain't supposed to be Afraid.  But DARTH PEOPLE can use their negative emotions as a positive per my understanding of The Star Wars!  Oh that's good.  Different strokes!
   Anyway.  I like forgetting to be afraid!  But then I dislike Remembering To Be Afraid!  That's where I'm at.  Anyway what else is going on in the wide world of sports.  I like forgetting Sarah Marshall!  Not so difficult when Mila Kunis is around.  I'll forget all about Sarah Marshall in that case!  Anyway.  Is it possible I thought his name was DARK VADER when I was a toddler? Sure.  I think before I was Fully Thinking Age I thought Darth Vader was Dark Vader!  I couldn't have been the only one!  He uses the DARK SIDE.  He dresses in ALL BLACK.  He's got a MEAN turn of mind.  Meanwhile what does Darth mean.  Nothin', that's who!  How's Darfur going.  Haven't heard any update on that in roughly 18 years.  I guess they sorted it all out!  Whatever it was!  I forget if it was WAR or FAMINE.  I think it might have been FAMINE caused by WAR.  Or WAR caused by FAMINE.  Either way Americans were upset about it for roughly three weeks!  That's pretty significant.  Americans mostly Just Don't Give A Fuck usually!
    Last paragraph!  Hmm.  Not the best entry today.  Not the best week Of entries this week!  NOT THE BEST MONT... actually the month has been pretty good overall.  I think I've been doing okay lately on the whole!  What else do I got going on for me.  Get to do the opposite of live vicariously through watching Al Swearengin have a Life Threatening Kidney Stone.  I watch it and consciously get to NOT Identify With It.  Whew.  That AIN'T Me!  So that's fun.  Life Goes On!  Brad Pitt really hamming it up in Burn After Reading.  He pulls it off!  I feel good for him and everyone involved in the film and those of us who get to watch it as well.  I guess most of the actors in this movie are actually laying it on pretty thick.  Interesting to see!  They're respected A List Actors!  They're not supposed to act like this!  I'm glad they are though!  It works!  For our entertainment!  Anyway.  Another week of entries in a few days.  It'll be okay!  I'll try to use the weekend to get in a better mindset.  Hmm.  What can I do.  Eat marijuana gummies.  Oh Okay Sounds Good.  I'll see ya later.

-4:00 P.M.               
     

Wednesday, July 24, 2024

I Don't Believe It

    Hey, friends!  Got up early to see Therapist this morning.  Anything funny happen there?  For some reason being in and around the hospital triggered a memory of Smoking Cigarettes.  I haven't smoked in over 5 years but part of me is like HEY.  Maybe life would be even better with cigarettes.  That dumb voice is far outweighed by the other voice thinking No That's Dumb! but it occurred to me nonetheless.  I think it might help me LIVE!  Motivation to do Activities!  Hey I'm gonna work this activity around Smoking Some Cigarettes.  Pace myself that way.  I'm thinking specifically about playing guitar and making music.  For some reason having cigarettes while I do that makes it sound more appealing.  Hmm.  Also doing social activities!  Going to a bar or something seems less intense if I can take a smoke break here and there.  Anyway, I'm probably hopefully not gonna start smoking again.  But you could make the case for it.  I'm being selfish by not smoking cigarettes.  I could be creating MORE BETTER ART if I had cigarettes in my life!  I could be having Even Better Friendships!  How much is 5 or 10 years of life really worth.  If I die when I'm 70 instead of 80 AM I REALLY gonna miss Being In My Seventies For Ten Years?  YEAH PROBABLY.   
    Oh well.  I could just become a marijuana chainsmoker!  That might accomplish the same thing, I'm not sure!  Not entirely the same thing.  Good.  Anyway.  While driving me, my Dad remarked how Amazing it is that we're one week away from August.  Then in Therapy Appointment my therapist remarked how Amazing it is that we're one week from August.  AM I TEH ONLY ONE not shocked by how the calendar works?  We've been dealing with this Calendric System our entire lives!  Either get in the groove or LEAVE.  Not sure where you would go.  Some place beyond planet Earth.  Oh ok.  I bet NASA made up months for Mars.  They follow the Mars Rover around on a schedule IT can relate to.  Hmm.  How many months to Mars.  I dunno.  Their DAYS are 24 hours and 40 minutes roughly.  Their YEARS are 687 Earth Days.  It doesn't look like there's a consensus Month System yet, though.  Scientists seem more concerned with EQUINOXES.  That's weird.  People like Months.  I think the time is ripe to name some months for Mars!  Capture the public's imagination!
   Whatever.  WHAT is Kamala Harris's stance on Mars.  PRO-MARS?  ANTI-MARS?  Let's get some Colonizing Mars on the table.  PEOPLE LOVE SPACE and HATE IT HERE.  It's a slam dunk.  I understand it's not feasible in the next decade but getting the ball rolling certainly couldn't hurt.  I'm ready to buy into anything Kamala Harris says.  I dunno what issues she'll center her campaign around but I'm interested in finding myself enthusiastic about whatever they are!  She could say ANYTHING and I'd be pumped up about it.  Unless it's worse than neutral.  Bad things will still register as Bad in my mind!  But if it's just some Harmless & Up thing I'm gonna be like YES FINALLY WE'RE TAKING ON UPDATING THE NAMES OF FEDERAL BUILDINGS THAT WEREN'T QUITE POPPING BEFORE.  I don't dislike these names they were before but WE SHOULD be Naming Things With An Eye Towards The Future!  Huh.  FINALLY optometrists and ophthalmologists are to be classified IN THE SAME GROUP as far as the government is concerned!  That's a pet issue of mine.  THEY'RE THE SAME THING.  Let's act like it!   
    Ah well.  Couldn't come up with great jokes for that bit.  I came up with the premise, though!  Met ya halfway there at least!  Anyway just saw the new trailers for the Joker II Movie and the Bob Dylan movie.  They both look pretty good!  It'd be nice if the Bob Dylan movie was a HOMERUN.  Odds are against it being a SLAMDUNK, but if a Super Bob Dylan Movie existed that'd be right up my alley.  NOW DO SUBLIME.  The two most important song writers in the 20th century!  Not sure why I thought of that reference.  I guess I NEVER knew Where My References Came From, but these days it fascinates me even more.  What part of WHAT made me wanna say Sublime.  I dunno!  It's the world we live in now though.  SKA!  Anyway.  Sublime was probably my unconscious favorite band for some period of time in early high school.  They cover all the bases!  Maybe you only know Sublime by their hits and/or their stereotypical fans.  Not me!  I know their entire discography and it's lots of fun for 14 through 16 year olds!  WOW.  I was those ages once.  Maybe I will be again at some point.
   Huh.  If I EVER HAVE 14 or 15 year olds, it's like I Get To Relive That Age With Them.  I'll live my life real good based on People Close To Me's life.  That's good.  Cause I was feeling pretty empty without extraneous things to guide me!  I got nothing going on Permanently Alone.  That's always been the case.  Always need some outside influence for a suggestion of How To Live!  SUBLIME IS GOOD VIBES.  No School Shooters ever spend all night listening to What I Got on repeat.  Maybe some do.  Sublime can be kind of Emo at times.  Maybe the next generation of School Shooters will be Sublime fans after all.  WE DON'T KNOW YET.  Anyway.  I assume School Shooters are all Linkin Park Fans.  That sounds more accurate.  GOOD.  As long as they're getting a music fix from somewhere!  I disagree with them on their Shooting Up Their School, but I think you can't go wrong listening to any music.  Is ELMO EMO.  They didn't have Emo when Elmo was born.  But I think nowadays they should have a recurring plotline where Elmo gets into Emo music/culture/aesthetics.  I don't like it.
   Halfway through the act.  Not sure about the title for the Bob Dylan flick.  A Complete Unknown.  EXCUSE ME but I know you.  We all do!  I guess it's about the time in his life when he wasn't as well known.  Also do we really KNOW Bob Dylan.  Sure.  He's not that complicated.  Plays guitar and sings.  What's the mystery.  Could be way more confusing!  Just occurred to me I never was forced to experience a School Shooting.  From K-12 even through my college days!  Guess I'm one of the lucky ones.  When they teach kids School Shooting Drills now in elementary school, does that make them feel like It's Kind Of Inevitably Going To Happen?  In an 8 year old's mind, HOW LIKELY do they feel they are gonna face a School Shooting Scenario in their lifetime.  It's like wondering if it will rain or not.  Could get unlucky and there's a thunderstorm!  By the same token, you might watch your friends and teacher get killed in front of you!  CAN'T LET IT BOTHER YA.  Kids these days!
    Seventh paragraph.  What can we do to stop school shootings.  Gun Control!  Is that something Kamala Harris is interested in pursuing?  I don't know!  She could be FOR IT or AGAINST BRINGING IT UP.  Those are her two main options!  Or explicitly for Guns Rights!  That's a third option!  Hmm.  Sounds like it'll probably be dictated by current events!  Not on a lot of people's minds right now so the topic probably won't be broached!  But if there is a mass shooting somewhere, then it can become an issue then!  I LIKE THOSE ODDS.  That's good.  Anyway.  What issues DO I think Kamala should prioritize.  Want some research into whether I shuold start smoking again.  Let's get our best and brightest in the government focused on this important question!  Could be a different world if Michael is smoking cigarettes.  Could be a better world!  Anyway.  It's annoying buying shoes because the sizes they use aren't always in sync!  One Brand might say it's a size ten but it's really a size nine!  Is that something we can address.
    There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.  WHAT.  How?  That doesn't make sense to me at all.  Who even CAME UP with that.  An old lady living in a shoe?  That's BIZARRE.  Anyway.  Kamala Harris DOES have kids.  She's got step kids!  I've seen pictures!  They seem to actually know each one another and even enjoy each other's company!  That's weird.  Current President has Dead Kid and Disappointment Kid.  President before that had Sons He Couldn't Care Less For and Daughter He Finds Too Attractive.  It's weird to see normal Family Dynamics!  I think Biden has some Regular Kids.  Both living and Crimefree.  Good.  Huh.  Just looked up Kamala Harris' parents.  They seem oddly ultra-intelligent.  Her Mother is an amazing biochemical scientist.  Her father is a super economist and professor at Stanford.  I dunno about you but I get the sense Kamala might probably be pretty smart.  Let's not let that get out there!  We don't wanna alienate the Dumbs!
    Penultimate paragraph.  That'd be weird.  Leader of the country is someone we can aspire to intellectually.  Been a minute since we had that!  Joe Biden is smart enough but we can't exactly emulate his way of thinking these days.  Not 100% on the ball exactly!  Having a President whose a Mental Role Model sounds like a good thing!  Doesn't mean we all need to turn into Kamala Harris Brains.  But ya can if you want to!  There's worse kinda Head you could have I suppose!  So that's good.  Anyway.  Let's see.  What do I got in store for the rest of the night.  Finally give Classmate notes on her Jokes.  The time has come I devote 10 minutes to that!  If I put it off any longer it'd be RUDE at that point!  Okay.  Today's entry was a Snooze.  But, as you could say about literally anything, it's arguably better than nothing!  Only a week until August.  WOW.  This is what's on EVERYBODY'S mind!  I guess it's pretty interesting.  Really makes ya think!
   Last paragraph.  I guess.  Tomorrow should be good.  I already said the shit I said today today.  We can cross that off as possible stuff I might say tomorrow.  Whew.  What topics haven't I broached yet.  I dunno.  Lots of stuff!  We'll see!  Maybe I watch some Deadwood.  Maybe an episode or two of 30 Rock.  Maybe I go to sleep at the end of the day.  Maybe I get up tomorrow morning.  All that jazz.  I used to associate Jazz with Blues.  I guess I still do.  You might could have lots of the same instruments being used!  And they're both Not That Exciting for me to listen to!  Anyway.  I appreciate aspects of Jazz and Blues showing up Rock And Roll/Popular Music!  Just not so much when they're on their own.  Ugh.  I can TASTE the ending of the entry.  It's EVER so close!  So that's good.  Anyway.  I'll make up for this stupid entry at some point.  There's still GOOD left in me!  You haven't seen the last of this website!  I'll see ya later.

-3:22 P.M.                 
     

Tuesday, July 23, 2024

That Sounded Different In My Head

    What's up, friends!  Time for some paragraphs!  Class went okay last night.  I didn't write any jokes for the homework assignment but I tried doing a Kamala Harris impression in lieu of bits.  I've never done an impression before in my life!  I watched her speak for ten minutes and then wrote a paragraph describing what I heard in her voice!   Anyway the teacher and class were positive about it but what do they know.  They know to be nice and supportive in elementary level class.  I didn't really LEAN IN to What She Actually Sounds Like!  It was mostly just my voice!  I wasn't trying to mimic her exactly.  Just adopt her rhythm.  Anyway I gotta write 5 minutes of jokes for the show!  I'LL GET TO LAUGHTER LATER.  Now I'm busy doing Whatever The Hell This Is.  I woke up today in a good mood!  That's sustained over the course of the last 5 hours!  Just taking my morning walks and watching Deadwood.  DEADWOOD.  Good show!  Not paying close attention but these people seem to really believe they're in the 1800's West.  That can't be true!  None of this is real!  It's just a television program!
    Anyway.  Guess I could use previous jokes I've written for class as part of my Final Show Set.  But I don't like those jokes!  They've served their purpose!  They got me through Class Homework Assignments.  That's enough!  Now it's time for Good Jokes, or Nothing. No more need for Mediocre Jokes!  Oh okay then what is this Website for.  I don't know!  Training Ground for me or something!  Also makes me feel like Life Is Something.  Life IS Something.  Anyway.  Kamala Harris is a hard impression to do because That's Not What I Sound Like!  How could I ever possibly!  Also those 10 minutes I listened to her last night may have been the first time I registered her actual voice.  Up till now NO POINT in figuring out her voice mannerisms!  Soon though there will be NOTHING BUT POINTS in taking in her speaking.  So that's good.  I don't know what BRAT means.  They're saying Kamala Is Brat.  I JUST HOPE IT DOESN'T BACKFIRE.  People could think this means she's a petulant child!  I SAY we can't go wrong with Gen Zness though.  If young people think a phrase is a good thing, they probably know what they're talking about.  Are Millenials LAME?  I think we skipped over Trusting Millenial Culture.  Gen X was good culture.  People seem to dig Gen Z.  What's wrong with Me.  I don't identify with All Millenials.  I'm a ME-llenial!  Army Of One.
    That was an Army Slogan at some point.  Be An Army Of One.  Uh-oh sounds like I'd be in a lot of danger if any war breaks out.  I'm SERIOUSLY outnumbered no matter who I'm fighting!  I think I'd like to be in An Army of 3 million.  Safety in numbers!  I can be an army of one without enlisting.  What exactly is my motivation for signing up with you guys.  I dunno!  Looks like I shuold see Deadpool And His Best Friend The Wolverine this weekend.  I'm not the biggest Deadpool or The Wolverine Fan!  I find Deadpool kind of annoying!  And Wolverine DIED a few years ago!  Why should I want him to come back from that, that's just wrong!  But if that's what is required of me for this week I'll Watch Your Little Movie, sure!  There's a lot of celebrity cameos.  Good.  Finally celebrities getting some screen time!  I haven't been seeing celebrities nearly enough as of late!  I need to be reminded every now and then that they're out there!  Not sure why.  They're OUR SUPERIORS.  But at the same time our SECRET FRIENDS.  They are both above us and with us at the same time!  GREAT.  I LIKE PEOPLE. 
     Fourth paragraph!  Alright!  Just saw a poll saying Kamala Harris is ahead of Trump!  And that's even WITHOUT THEM polling me.  If they happened to poll me as well that number could have been even higher!  Huh.  Wrote some shitty jokes DURING Class last night.  Not worth sharing here.  But I'm telling you just for More Facts.  That's something that happened to me.  We should probably all know everything that ever happens to me moving forward!  Don't worry I'll try to lead a real empty life.  I don't wanna take up all your time Telling You My Life.  So I guess I Just Won't Do Anything!  Good compromise!  Anyway Wolverine The Animal is not in the same species as Wolves.  You'd think it's some sort of offshoot of Wolves if you didn't know better!  Luckily We Know Better!  Well, sure we do, NOW.  Whatever.  I believe it's some sort of cross between a bear and an ant-eater.  The animal is spelled anteater but that just looks wrong!  If I didn't KNOW I was talking about Anteaters, and I saw the word Anteater, my first ten attempts at pronouncing it in my head would go wrong!  I'd NEVER correctly identify the word, "Anteater," as meaning Anteater unless there was CONTEXT.  Well lucky for us There's Often Context!  What's going on again.
   Amphitheater.  That's where my mind goes when I see Anteater.  Hmm.  Probably isn't worth sharing with other people.  Oh Boy if you don't like that, you're not gonna like the last 400,000 Paragraphs I wrote then.  Pretty much the same kind of thing!  I came across my notebook where I was writing jokes for the other stand up comedy class I took in 2019.  If I could decipher what I wrote, I think some of those jokes might be good for upcoming Class Show.  I mainly remember doing bits about Pizza and Coffee.  Sounds like it's relatable.   Not at the same time, though.  What kind of moron drinks coffee with their pizza.  Maybe I'm eating pizza with my coffee.  Ever think of that.  No, not until just now!  But yes that sounds very relatable now that I think about it, for sure.  Whatever.  Probably getting pizza tonight!  It's a party.  Pizza in the only food that you could Build A Party Around and kids would like it AND ADULTS would like it.  You prefix any other kind of word before Party and nobody cares.  You tell people a Pizza Party is happening, though, everyone's gonna LOSE THEIR MINDS with excitement.  Which is a good thing.  If you've lost your mind in this context that means it's temporarily been replaced by something better!  The Thrill Of Exhilaration!
    Anyway.  Halfway through the entry.  Anyway I guess I should be paying more attention to Deadwood.  I was paying attention to The Sopranos a month or two ago.  I was NOT paying attention to Boarwalk Empire.  And now I am not paying attention to Deadwood.  But it's good background TV.  I appreciate what they're doing with about 8% of my Active Mind.  It's nice to just know that Good TV Is Happening even if I'm not engaged with it persay!  I'm being subtly reminded consciously, as long as it's on, that IT IS NOT TV IT IS HBO.  Good stuff is out there is the point.  Might as well bring what's Out There into Here.  What else is up!  Alliteration to Pizza Party.  It's not just good because of the facts, but it SOUNDS good.  Add Pepperoni before Pizza.  Even more alliteration.  Pepperoni Pizza Party might be too a bridge too far, though.  Not everyone likes Pepperoni. It's the most ubiquitous Pizza Topping Though!  Still doesn't make it unanimously loved.  Yeah, I guess.  But people who don't like it are wrong.  Unless they're Vegetarians or Health Reason People.  If you don't like pepperoni that's fine but you better have a good reason.  That's how I feel!
    Ugh.  No Fault Plain Pizza should be BANNED.  Anyway.  What does Pepperoni MEAN.  Clearly I'm making some sort of larger point with this riff.  Let's figure out what Pepperoni signifies exactly!  Signifies?  I don't like the sound of that!  Pepperoni is the slightly spicy meat thing.  Comes in thin circular slices.  That's what it means.  Don't eat it alone!  It's a topping on other food!  I think Subway might have pepperoni and salami sandwiches or something.  You might be able to have Pepperoni Sandwiches at some point in your life.  But probably not.  Oh well.  Okay.  How tall is Kamala Harris.  I'm gonna guess 5'3.  5'4.  Okay.  That might tie her for Shortest President!  I think James Madison was 5'4.  That's good.  Can't really claim Harris as a Short Person, though.  5'4 is normal for American Females!  BUT she will potentially be A Short President.  So that's pretty exciting, too!  IS IT.  Or is it the first chink in her armor.  Maybe people aren't ready for a medium height woman president!  Hmm I dunno we'll see.
    Three paragraphs to go.  I guess.  I don't hate this entry so far!  I dislike everything I ever said in it, but as a whole, it doesn't offend me or anything!  Maybe that's all people need.  Some inoffensive 10 paragraphs four times a week.  GREAT.  Now if only I could monetize this!  Sell Ad Space.  Move to a subscription model.  Come over to your house with an empty coffee cup and shake it in front of you, signifying I want spare change.  Right now I dunno exactly what to do!  Doesn't matter right now!  I'm building something even if I'm not making money on it!  It's A THING and that can't be bad!  Things are bad all the time.  Yeah but this specific thing isn't, really!  So that's good.  Felt weird playing with my toes during Zoom Stand Up Class last night.  I was wearing all your average clothings except for socks.  So just idly touching my toes OFF CAMERA felt kinda weird.  It's not quite hidden jerking off, but it's still a little too intimate and exhibitionisty for comfort!  What if they could tell what I was doing!  Then they're very perceptive I guess!
    Penultimate paragraph.  I still have to write notes for Classmate's Jokes.  I told her I would so I will!  Could really half-ass it though.  Could be miniscule amount of notes.  I dunno!  I'm busy trying to come up with my own jokes!  Not literally!  I'm busy Should Be Writing My Own jokes.  So that's life for now I guess.  I like my teacher in my Stand Up Class.  If I WAS HER I'd contact me when the class ends telling me we should be friends in a regular and professional sense and she introduces me to All The Comedy Scene As She Knows It and I'm The next medium-sized thing.  I could write and perform stand up if only that were encouraged in me!  First person to encourage me to do something is gonna succeed!  I'm on the brink of Being Good Enough At Something if only with the right PUSH.  That's how I feel.  I guess.  Sort of.  Maybe not!  Lots of things still holding me back from Adequateness At Anything.  I got lots of problems that are potentially detrimental to my success!  COOL.
    Last paragraph.  I don't like today's entry anymore.  Too SELFISH.  I THINK OF MYSELF TOO MUCH.  Who cares how my life pans out.  That's not what's important right now!  What is important right now.  Getting everybody out to see Deadpool and Wolverine.  We need MOVIES TO BE BACK.  It's important!  Anyway I dunno.  Is Ryan Reynolds supposed to be charming to me?  Cause I think he's just trying too hard.  I don't quite dislike him but I also don't especially enjoy his persona!  He was an Amityville Horror Father, though, and that wasn't bad!  So that's good I guess.  Better than nothing!  Deadwood is good for fireplaces I think.  Throw some deadwood on the fire!  That'll get 'er roaring.  Do fireplaces really warm up the rest of the room.  I think that's the premise.  But I can't fully imagine it!  I don't know how fire works exactly!  How is a fire THERE gonna make me warmer HERE.  I dunno.  Just trust in the process I guess!  Anyway that's it for today.  3 out of 10!  With a margin of error of +/- 2.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-3:54 P.M. 
      
         
    

Monday, July 22, 2024

This Is The Life Eh

    Hey, friends!  How was everyone's weekend?  I enjoyed the political news!  If you haven't heard, Kamala Harris is gonna be the new Democratic nominee for president!  I'm on board with her becoming president for the next 8 years.  It's a big commitment, but I've carefully considered it and even though we haven't seen much of Kamala yet I'm prepared to say this is a real Up There With The Best case scenario for us.  I look forward to getting to know her better!  Not personally. Through TV and radio and print exposures.  But if she wants to get to know me personally I'm on board with that, too!  Wow.  "President Harris."  I never thought I'd see the day!  Never thought I WOULDN'T see the day, either.  For most of my life imagining a president with the last name Harris wasn't even on my radar!  But life comes at ya fast!  Not sure about the success they'll have with their first attack on her that she has no children.  Is that something that resonates with a lot of swing voters.  Swing Voters notoriously Love Other People They Don't Know Having Children?  I guess!
   Anyway.  What?  She doesn't want children?  NOW I'M ANGRY!  Obviously it's supposed to be some sort of dog whistle for something to besmirch her character.  But I don't know WHAT.  If she doesn't want HER OWN kids to exist, just imagine how she'll make life shitty for YOUR kids.  Kamala Harris Hates Children.  Worth a shot I guess!  She seems like she'd be good with kids, though!  Probably just political posturing rubbing off on my interpretation, but she comes off as a pretty maternal figure to me!  So that's good.  Anyway.  It's exciting that something Good might happen.  People want CHANGE.  People also want the opposite of change, NORMALCY.  They want a CHANGE into NORMALCY.  Will Kamala Harris ultimately deliver?  SURE.  WHY NOT.  LET'S HAVE THE GOOD THING HAPPEN FOR ONCE.  The point is I'm buying the hype so far!  So much that I devoted paragraphs to it when I should be Talking Nonsense Jokes.  Time for Nonsense Jokes is coming up right about now.
    Okay.  Watched a bunch of 30 Rock this weekend!  Already into Season III.  It's funny because it's true!  This is exactly what it's like to write in 30 Rockefeller Plaza!  I assume.  They always sit around the same one table and there's only about three of them that say things.  Anyway I relate to Kenneth aka Jack McBrayer these days.  That's the character I see myself in!  What abuot him exactly.  I dunno.  Nine out of ten character traits he has I Do Not Share.  I guess the question is WHO ELSE would I relate to?  I can't relate to anyone else so by the process of elimination I must be relating to Kenneth!  What about Lemon.  Why can't I relate to The One Character That's A Real Person.  Too Competent.  That's where I draw the line!  Kenneth is even more competent At Being A Page.  Yeah but he doesn't get respect or credit for it.  So it's like it's not even happening!  If it's overlooked by the other characters I'm gonna overlook it as a viewer as well!  Alright then!
    I also started rewatching Deadwood.  Another quality television programme for me to enjoy!  I guess I relate to some of them probably.  That's Deadwood for you!  Well this entry is irrevocably not a good one.  It's just not FUNNY.  I'm not laughing about ANYTHING.  What the Hell is the POINT.  Anyway props to Biden for doing the right thing and ensuring a positive legacy for himself.  He can have his pick of the litter of any Jobs He Wants once he's no longer president!  Receptionist.  Headless Horseman.  Sidewalk Graffiti-ist.  Sheriff of Yorkshire.  Whatever he wants to do he can do it!  And he can do it AT HIS OWN PACE.  No more Hustle And Bustle of White House Living!  Anyway.  Still woke up in a bad mood today despite Good News on a Macro Level!  It's not like Unbreakable where I wake up the next day after Something Good feeling The Thing Inside Me That's Missing Has Been Filled.  I STILL DON'T LIKE GETTING UP.  But once I did get up, I did then remember There's More Genuine Hope And Promise In Life Now.  Still took me some time to get there though.  I should possibly be feeling Happy All The Time.   What's the point of Feeling Like Shit At All.  Life is full of ups and downs.  Without feeling like shit SOMETIMES how could I possibly feel Like The Opposite Of Shit at OTHER times.  Easy.  Just always feel Kind Of Pretty Okay.  That's how the pros do it!
    Okay.  Why would I feel Unbreakable-Better after Kamala being passed the torch.  I had nothing to do with it!  I just thought I'd Feel Regular Better.  And I do!  Just not exactly while waking up.  Waking up is still a bust as of today!  Anyway.  What else is going on.  Got three and a half months to do this thing!  Anyway.  I'd like to see Al Gore return as VP.  Is that something we could be entertaining.  That would get a huge Pop from a crowd.  What crowd.  If it was 5,000 me's in the crowd.  I'd go wild once she says, "And here comes my new Vice President... AL GORE!"  Al Gore was in an episode of 30 Rock.  He played himself.  I play myself all the time!  Not just in acting but in the slangsense of Playing Oneself.  Doing Wrong On Myself.  Looking The Fool Because I Did Actions Counterproductive To My Own Well Being.  Playing Myself is something I can always do if that's what the situation calls for!  Good.  I am my own worst enemy.  I'm also my own best friend!  I am many things to myself!  You name the kind of relationship you can have with yourself, and I can do it!  I've probably Done Whatever You're Thinking Of to some extent personally!  I've spent a long time getting to know me.  I & I have gone through it all!
    Eh.  Halfway through the entry!  That's good.  Gotta write a joke or two before Stand Up Class tonight!  There'll be time for that when the entry is done!  Let's see.  Man you could make lots of homophobic jokes on broadcast television in 2007.  They really went there!  Liz Lemon comes out in favor of Gay Rights though at several points.  She is an importnat Character Ally.  But they just use gayness as an insult all the time!  They use lots of things as insult.  Race.  Weight.  Probably Glasses.  I don't remember them making fun of people wearing glasses that much, now that I think about it!  Maybe I can write a Spec Script for 30 rock and work some Glasses-Hate into it.  Now it's my turn to participate in the fun!  Ugh.  Does Kamala Harris sometimes wear glasses.  Better LTURQ.  Nope.  Not seeing anything.  No mention of her wearing glasses.  I don't see any pics of her wearing prescription glasses.  Interesting.  Ideally I'd like my president to wear glasses Sometimes but I can accept that Everyone's Different!
   Okay.  Seventh paragraph!  Liz Lemon getting older in 30 Rock is part of the plot sometimes which is FINE but now that I'm almost her age I DON'T LIKE IT.  If her having a LifeAgeCrisis in the high 30's is a normal thing then how am I supposed to feel-- someone that will be in their high 30's QUITE SOON.  I COULD FEEL HOWEVER I WANT.  I'M NOT THERE YET.  Enjoy the next 2 or 3 years before I get my midlife crisis!  YES.  Kamala Harris is turning 60 in October.  I was thinking of her as younger!  Sixty is only ten years away from Seventy.  And people in their seventies is what got us into this mess in the first place!  She might want to run as a younger woman.  We should be thinking Kamala is in her MID 50's not Practically 60!  What can we do to make her appear younger.  I don't know.  We've established I'm Practically An Old Man Myself.  I don't know what Generation Z interprets as Youthful!  We know they like RIZZ.  I don't like RAZZ.  When playing poker in high school Razz might have been my least favorite game of the one's we'd cycle through!  JUST ONE MAN'S OPINION.
    Anyway.  I ordered Kamala Harris's autobiography!  I'll get to know her life real well.  The ins and outs.  Where she was born.  Her favorite food.  What her opinions are on politics.  I bet she supports Herself.  Yeah!  That's what I would do if I were her!  IS Kamala Harris going to be a Role Model to us all?  I don't know!  I'm always on the look out for some role models and she's in the right place at the right time for now!  Could be a Permanent Gig!  JUST MAY BE.  What qualities does she have?  I don't know!  I'm picking up INTELLIGENCE and GRACE as of now.  She also has physical features that may inspire those who share them BUT NOT ME.  I'm not black!  Or a woman!  So I can't GET OFF too much on relating to those things.  But I appreciate that others will be able to!  Anyway, I dunno, this isn't FUN.  It's FUN that it's happening.  But it's not FUN that I'M Fanboing about it for others to endure! 
    Penultimate paragraph!  Tomorrow is a new start to write Dumb Jokes.  Every once and a while we can have an Earnest entry!  What else is going on and crap.  BACK to regular life I guess.  What goes on in my mind besides contemplating New Potential President.  Hmm.  I told you what I've been watching on Television.  That's pretty much it!  What can I do to Think About Other Things or even better Think About Nothing.  I dunno gonna have to think about it I guess.  I haven't worn socks in like three weeks.  Not proud of it.  But I'm just being honest!  I can accomplish every part of my day without bothering to put on socks in the morning so what exactly is my motivation!  Because I am part of a SOCIETY.  I'm not alone in this.  I guess.  My Dad does get upset about it!  Certainly not my intention to upset anybody!  MAYBE TOMORROW I'LL WEAR SOCKS.  I think the time has come to make a change for the better. 
    Okay.  Last paragraph for today.  What a waste of your time this entry has been.  You'll appreciate what comes next, though!  DECENCY.  I will write Well yet again at some point and it could come as soon as Tomorrow.  I don't believe it.  Well we'll see then I guess!  Anyway.  Maybe I start being a good writer with Stand Up Homework Assignment later today.  Or at some point during the class itself.  Right now I'm in OFF MODE in terms of Writing Well & Entertainingly With Purpose but Modes Are There To Be Shifted!  I guess.  Anyway, I feel hope.  We just might be on the path towards A Relatively Quality Universe.  I WAS HOPING AS MUCH ALREADY.  Now it just looks even more likely.  Still lots of shit going on all over the world.  Take it one day at a time!  Today was Today!  So that's good.  Maybe you even appreciate Shitty Entries Like Today.  As far as I know, you can come out of it thinking Well at least that 10 minutes or however long it took me to read this is Over.  Think of all the worse things I could have been doing!  This was nothing compared to Worse Things I Could Have Just Been Forced To Experience!  Anyway.  That's it!  See ya tomorrow.

-3:16 P.M.          

Thursday, July 18, 2024

I'm Not A Perfect Website Dude But I'm Here

    Great.  Thursday!  What are my plans for the weekend.  I guess read the Jeff Tweedy book about songs he likes.  Gotta listen along to the songs while reading about them, though.  Wow!  An interactive experience!  What music would pair well with this website?  I dunno.  I think you need to use all of your focus just to understand what the Hell I'm talking about.  SO that's good.  I was browsing through my Old Crazysheet from when I was in high school.  Ah.  Memories.  Some people have girlfriends or best friend cliques they can reminisce about.  I got Website!  First couple of years there were literally no jokes.  I thought I was writing humorously.  But there was just nothing there.  Just me saying HERE'S WHAT I DID TODAY forever. Still, good practice.  I learnt WHAT DOESN'T WORK.  Not being funny Doesn't Work.  Using slur words Doesn't Work.  It happened now and then!  I thought I was being ironic!  Just being a funny edgy guy!  Was just totally unnecessary.  Wasn't really making jokes at anyone's expense. I just thought it was fun to use the words.  Anathema to who I am now! WHERE WAS I RADICALIZED.  Who taught me those bad words!  I dunno Online Gaming Culture?  Sounds about right.
    I can't even REMEMBER the last time I used the N-word Albeit Usually Ending in A!  That's how long ago it was!  Must have been PRE-Pandemic.  That's a JOKE response to The Last Time I Used The Word.  It was not that recent.  The point is I never thought in those terms.  I just put it on the website.  It was a different time!  The internet was the Wild Wild West and we didn't know what the rules were!  What, "We."  Me!  That, "We!"  I'll take all the blame for this one I guess.  AH WELL live and learn.  Some people still think using those words is funny.  They have only done HALF of Live And Learn.  What if Eminem made fun of black people the way he made fun of transgender people on his album.  I dunno WHAT IF.  Probably would never happen and with good reason!  But maybe that's a sign that he shouldn't be doing his transgender shtick, either!  But I think he transcends making fun of them on the album.  MAYBE I'M A DUMMY.  Who knows.  I misplaced my Plastic Straw from Starbucks!  Back to using regular straws like a jerk.  I feel this is the beginning of the end!  Of what.  Potentially Everything!
     Third paragraph.  The last year or so of Old Time Crazysheet had some okay stuff!  I was starting to put together some Weird Ideas And Whatknot.  GREAT let's move on, you J words and P words!  IF THE WORDS DON'T EXIST, YOU MUST ACQUIT.  Unless I just called you all Jews and Pussies.  In which case I'm back on the chopping block.  Would you accept JEW in Scrabble or would you challenge.  Hmm.  Lemme look it up in my Scrabble Dictionary!  What The Hell.  "Jew-- To Bargain With".  They say that!  They do continue, "Usually Taken To Be Offensive."  But if you're gonna acknowledge it's offensive why exactly are you including it?  GREAT NEWS guys looks like we get to cancel Scrabble!  Also just use the NOUN Definition.  I'm okay with that!  I dunno.  Dumb Anti-Semites in charge of Scrabble Official Rulebook.  WHY SCRABBLE WHY.  Anyway I think 85% of people are okay with canceling Scrabble.  It only exists to make us feel dumb!  What kind of game is that.  I'LL STICK TO MY OUIJA BOARDS THANKS MUCH.  What's Captain Howdy up to today.  That dude is a riot.
     Hmm.  I'd watch The Exorcist this weekend.  I've surprised myself the last few years in terms of Enjoying Re-watching The Exorcist.  After seeing it the first time or two, I wouldn't have thought that'd be something I would go back to for fun.  Turns out it is!  I still look away or cover my eyes at certain moments, though!  Cause I'm a P Word.  But if you can withstand the worst scares, yuo can enjoy the back-up scares and the fact that it's just a great movie in general overall!  Exorcist!  Four out of four stars!  You heard it here first.  SURELY others have given it four out of four stars before.  WELL you heard it here Yet Again then.  I guess!  Jeez.  Are there any slurs against white people that are truly out of bounds in America.  I can't think of a word that your average white guy on the street would be like HEY WAIT A SECOND THAT REALLY OFFENDS ME.  Hmm.  If you are a person in a group I used a slur against in my teenage years, I'm sorry to you personally!  It almost definitely won't happen again!
     Fifth paragraph.  Okay!  What are some positive words I should be associating with Say Black People.  Huh.  That's a weird riff.  BEAUTIFUL.  POWERFUL.  DELIGHTFUL.  Not sure about that last one.  All peoples are delightful in their own way.  Black People included!  I guess.  What's wrong with being Delightful.  What We're Here to DELIGHT YOU?  Like a CLOWN?  Most of my interaction with black people is through culture SO YEAH I'm gonna find those people Delightful!  Fine.  I guess I have to make some Black Friends who Aren't Delightful.  That's the next step in my journey on the road to Racial Harmony!  If they're up for it I am too!  Lets have some real Dull Interactions.  ANYWAY what else is going on.  Probably should do some laundry this weekend.  Been wearing the same dirty shirts over and over!  Wearing them over and over is still part of the plan but I might as well clean them intermittently as well.  Makes sense.  Almost done with Boardwalk Empire!  What to watch when that's over!  Possibly Deadwood Again!
   Halfway through the act.  Is it arrogant/inconsiderate of me to Assume Forgiveness for the slur use in high school internet?  I dunno!  I think the level of racism/homophobia I displayed topped out at a level where I Only Need To Forgive Myself.  Pretty much was just using the words alone and thinking that alone was funny.  And if anyone is still offended I'm Sorry and we'll work out a Redemption Plan for me individually on a one by one basis if that's what it takes!  That's what it's all about when it comes down to it.  Real Human Interactions!  Great.  Let's move on!  OR let's STAY HERE FOREVER.  Nah I think I'd like to move on.  Your choice!  Hmm.  Watched the documentary on The Indigo Girls a few days ago.  I don't particularly enjoy their music!  ZERO STARS.  It was okay.  Not my favorite music but they're good people.  The group and the fans.  I'm glad they exist for each other!  I like some other lesbian music.  Just not this so much!  I watching some of The Decline Of Western Civilization Part I: The Punk Music Documentary a month or two ago.  That was pretty good!  But some of those songs were inaccessible, too!  SOME I liked, SOME I didn't.  I blame the curator.  Shuold have curated better!  I should be liking ALL these punk songs not Just Some!  Hmm.  What's Wrong With Me.
    Seventh paragraph.  Alright!  I can have anything I want for dinner tnight!  All the colors of the rainbow!  Maybe get Chipotle.  Indigo is one of the colors of the rainbow.  Good.  Roy G Biv.  What a convenient acronym.  Roy is almost a word.  G is certainly fit to stand alone as a letter as much as any other letter would be!  BIV... there's surely more random combinations of three letters than BIV!  ROY G BIV is easy to remember!  Worked on me clearly.  Good.  How come there's no black in rainbows?  Racism?  I don't like that joke!  Implies that Racial Inclusively is a JOKE.  There's no white in Rainbows either.  So what.  What's wrong with that.  White people have Clouds for Sky Representation.  That's more than enough!  What about When It's Dark Out.  Does that mean black people have Skyness to look up to Then.  What The Hell.  I dunno.  Confused myself for a second.  Anyway.  I dunno.  Gotta put together order for tomorrow's Super Market Delivery!  I'll do that in a little bit!
     Three paragraphs to go.  I guess.  There's a Radiohead album In Rainbows.  Am I a bad Music Listener for only appreciating Radiohead's most accessible songs?  I think so!  They're a critically acclaimed band so they must be doing something right!  When I was younger Radiohead was The Critic's DARLING.  They were considered, like, THE TOP band!  My guess is 15 years later people have realized Radiohead Probably Isn't That Great but maybe I'm wrong.  They PROBABLY ARE GREAT.  But they're not THE BEST.  THAT'S THE FOO FIGHTERS.  They make Main Stream Rock.  I dunno if there is such a thing as main stream rock but if there is It's The Foo Fighters!  SURE they're alternative at the same time!  They're Both!  The Foo Fighters are the alternative to Themselves.  So that's good!  Anyway.  I dunno.  Looks like I'm gonna have to write some more entries next week.  Nothin' wrong there.  I'm in a zone where I'm happy to be writing four entries a week!  What if I leave that zone.  Then we'll have to re-evaluate everything we thought we knew about Me and Zones! 
   Penultimate paragraph.  ZONING huh.  Sim City.  You guys get it.  Industrial is the worst of the three zones.  Residential is great.  Commercial is fun.  What kind of city are you running that you want Industrial Zones all over the place?  Who exactly are you beholden to?  OH NO Bob Newhart died.  AS a comedy fan... I never really got into him?  None of his work registered with Me, a man of my generation!  But I know he is much loved and I look forward to seeing Fun Clips later on to see What We're Missing Out On Moving Forward.  So that's good.  Bob got a Newhart but has an Old Soul.  Huh.  Bob Newhart famously delivers eulogy in an episode of The Simpsons.  And now he is the one in need of Eulogies!  HOW IRONIC.  That's a funny Bob Newhart I was aware of.  So there ya go then!  Anyway.  Only one mere paragraph is separating me from Me and My God Given Right To Have A Three Day Weekend ASAP.  So close!  Yet so far!
     Hardly any black kids in my high school.  Maybe half a dozen in my grade.  I went to a specialized high school.  I guess on a macro level, black kids were not given opportunities to prepare for the Acceptance Exam is the main reason.  Both in terms of tending to be in less funded middle schools so they're less prepared there and also not having access to extracurricular Preparation which costs more money.  Not sure what the percentage of people who ended up being in my school was That Took Extra Curricular Courses to get there.  Which, by the way, I did.  My guess is probably between a third and two thirds of people who ended up going Took Some Sort Of Prep Class!  It makes A HUGE difference.  What are some other reasons.  CULTURE.  The priorities the kids and their parents have in terms of what school to go to.  Huh.  ME.  Third reason might just be They Didn't Wanna Be Around ME.  The point is I think they're taking steps to address diversity since I went there but I'm not sure exactly.  Anyway.  What's up?  Oh.  Entry is over!  I'll see ya next week.

-4:58 P.M.

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Are You A Title Guy Or An Entry Man

    Guy and Man being Unisex words in this case.  Hmm.  Time for the third of four entries in the week!  Second Half Of The Week Time.  Monday and Tuesday is ONE VIBE and Wednesday/Thursday is ANOTHER.  First half the week I'm riding off of The Last Weekend and the second half of the week I'm looking towards The Next Weekend.  That might not be a uniform rule.  I can't say that as a blanket statement.  It's Often True!  Sounds good.  Started watching Angels In The Outfield (1994) last night!  I seen that movie a bunch of times on VHS as a kid.  Good movie!  So Many Characters on The Team itself.  There's the weird guy.  There's the fat guy.  There's the Hispanic Guy.  I'm cracking up just thinking about it.  There might have been two Hispanic Guys.  That way they can identify them as Hispanic by showing them using the Latino Language with each other.  If it was just one of them, no one to talk to!  Still not sure why Angels would prefer one baseball team over another.  It's because Joseph Gordon Levitt REALLY likes this team.  And he prayed about them winning.  So what.  Why do Angels prefer Joseph Gordon Levitt over another little white kid who might root for say the San Francisco Giants.  I DUNNO BECAUSE HE'S GOT, "IT."  JUST LOOK AT HIM.
     I RESPONDED TO AN E-MAIL.  Stand Up Classmate e-mailed all the class seeing if we should engage outside of class to give each other notes on material and whatknot.  I WAS ON TEH FENCE ON WHETHER TO SAY YES OR NOT.  I sent an e-mail saying yes!  I'd be happy to give notes!  And maybe offer up my own shit later on!  Can't hurt to get involved with people more.  Life ain't gonna live itself!  I can never come up with anything to say for Notes On Jokes IN CLASS but I think maybe over e-mail I can come up with Productive Thoughts at my own pace.  I guess I got a delicious Chicken Pot Pie for dinner tonight.  That takes a while to eat.  That's one of the fun things about it!  Anyway so far I've seen I think at least FOUR separate angels helping these California Angels win baseball games.  Jesus how many angels does it take.  You'd think ONE should do it.  They must be a real shitty team if it's taking them a whole cadre of angels just to help them win a baseball game.  I don't know if I know the word, "Cadre."  I looked it up and it sort of applies here!  Still though.  WE SAY WHAT OCCURS TO US on this website!
     Okay.  We do?  I Dunno!  I Guess!  Sometimes!  The Real Life MLB All Star Game was last night.  The Half Of Major League Baseball I'M OPPOSED TO won!  Hmm.  Good thing I'm not too invested in this.  Are there some people, not involved directly IN Major League Baseball, who today are still riding high that The American League won the exhibition game last night?  STILL ON A BUZZ from the thrill of victory?  Maybe!  Some people might be REALLY INTO LEAGUES.  Jules Verne comes to mind.  He had to contemplate 20,000 of them!  If you're gonna write 20,000 leagues under the sea, You Better Know What You're Talking About.  He had something in mind for Each And Every League I think!  Or maybe just The Surface, 20,000 Leagues Below, and maybe ONE OR TWO other leagues in-between.  I bet he talks about roughly Half A Dozen Leagues Overall in his little story!  Huh.  Who cares.  This is a transitional Joke!  Not meant to be cared about or even entertaining!  Just get you from whatever I was talking about before to whatever I'm gonna talk about next!
     Great!  It's not a joke.  Okay ANECDOTE.  Not a fan of today so far!  I mostly blame the calendar and/or the revolution of the Earth.  Or the Rotation of the Earth.  Either way Just Don't Like It!  If that's how I feel, that's probably how others feel!  GUESS I'll try to do better or something.  BETTER ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.  Wait.  Maybe It Is.  Better could easily be good enough if It's A Lot Better!  Ok so I guess I'll start doing A Lot Better now!  EASY.  Danny Glover really good in this movie!  Didn't appreciate it as a kid!  I'm gonna go ahead and appreciate it now, though.  And is that Tony Danza I see?  He's funny, too!  Not sure who the Hell Tony Danza is but I'm pretty sure he was on a sitcom which I'm assuming was called, "My Life With Tony."  Oh.  Right.  "Whose the Boss."   I wonder who the boss was.  Did they ever find out.  SEE that kinda joke is Why This Entry Is Suffering.  What kind of joke.  You know.  Bad.
    Fifth paragraph.  Eight Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter?  By the time we're through with these rules your daughter will be a fully grown women with her own agency!  Wait a second these rules are for HER SAKE as well.  She's ON BOARD with these rules She Is!  You're not enforcing them on her!  Either way she never got to have any fun because you spent the entire date telling the wooer Rules You Made Up.  Three seasons is a lot of rules.  I guess.  Whatever!  Dude, she's not YOUR Teenage Daughter.  You don't, like, OWN HER, or something!  What's wrong with the title of this show.  Nothing.  Why am I taking out all my anger on the premise of this sitcom.  No Good Reason!  I don't believe I've been on a single date in my life.  Teenage or Post Teenage!  Or Pre Teenage!  I'm a loner I guess.  There's nothing wrong with that.  Not for other people, at least.  Kinda Sucks For Me!  You don't have to worry about it though which is fun!
    I can't help it!  I'm a chick magnet!  But permanently in the wrong directions!  I forget how magnets work.  It's the thing where there's the magnetized force but it makes us repel each other instead of attract.  Cool!  I guess.  Maybe my luck will turn around if only I Continue Living Life Long Enough.  That's my plan.  Just Keep Living and Assume Things Will Get Better!  THEY OFTEN DO.  Look at where I am now compared to where I was four paragraphs ago.  I have four more paragraphs under my belt!  You know what happens when you Assume, though.  You're Operating In A Totally Normal Albeit Imperfect Human Way!  Sounds good!  Okay.  Lotta people are gonna tell you Not To Assume.  My experience has been that Assuming will get you pretty far in life, though!  If I hadn't been assuming things this whole time, my intelligence wouldn't have developed along the sa... Hey wait a second I'm An Idiot.  I've made an Ass out of myself!  Just like the, "You know what happens when you assume," quote has said I would!  Not sure about you though.  That's where the parable falls apart.  Why does ME ASSUMING make an ass out of YOU.  How is that fair?!  LIFE AIN'T FAIR.
   Hmm.  I want to be in the entertainment business.  I'm SUPPOSED To Be Making An Ass Of Myself.  Assuming should be my bread and butter!  Great.  There's a scene in Angels In The Outfield where the two kids are up in a tree watching the baseball game from beyond the stadium and then a security guard in the stadium sees them and is like HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE and they get scared and shimmy out of the tree.  What, do they think he's gonna leave the stadium just to climb up into the tree to get them?  ALSO it's not illegal to climb trees!  They've done nothing wrong!  Anyway that Triggered me I guess.  I've never been triggered by anything before.  I think this was my first.  Anyway.  What was I talking about again?  It's a nice movie to escape into.  The last year or so I've started to appreciate Kids and/or Family Movies a lot.  Even without having Kids.  And/or A Family.  I just dig the sense of peace and safety the good ones give off.  I buy into that Disney-type (Whether it's Disney or not) nonsense these days when possible.  YEAH.
     Am I a Chump for falling into their sentimental trappings?  Sure!  I'm a Chump for lots of reasons!  Can't go through all of them right here right now.  How long have I been using Plastic Straw now.  Looks like today is Day Eight with No Sign Of Stopping!  Good.  Not happy about Tenacious D breaking up!  Kyle Gass made fun of Donald Trump getting shot at on stage during a concert and Jack Black was so upset he cancelled the tour and perhaps the entire band!  I'm not gonna take sides EVER but I guess the only side I'm on is that THEY RECONCILE and figure it out.  Tenacious D is the greatest band on Earth according to many so I just hope they can patch things up, ideally to the extent they can continue to work together, but if not, then at least on a personal level.  But that's just One Fan's Perspective!  Anyway.  How come there's no Tenacious D Memoir.  Where are we on that front.  Feels like something I shuold be reading YESTERDAY.  And/or TOMORROW.
    Great.  What input!  In a dream, Tenacious D would get back together and put out a new record and be stronger than ever.  What about in Waking Life, though?  How the Hell do I know.  Guess we'll see.  I think something smells.  ZOOM OUT from me talking about Tenacious D.  Something IN MY LIFE smells.  It might be ME.  Or it might be my room.  I think it's been setting in for a while now but it really is just registering with me right now.  Not a great smell emanating from my corner of the world.  Smells like dirty laundry.  There is dirty laundry in another part of my room.  Well There Ya Go!  Still think I Probably Smell Myself and I bet there's MORE out there in my room that smells bad as well.  I think there's a lot of culprits contributing to this odor!  What if we get Jack Black and Kyle Gass Solo Albums.  What would that look like.  Probably would feel lonesome.  Hmm.  I guess I wasn't expecting new music from them in first place.  But I guess this just rubs it in that we may never get it and also their Once Heralded Friendship is now Messed Up!  Ah well that's how it goes I guess.
    Last paragraph.  Only drank one beer with today's entry instead of two.  That was fun.  I think I have more or less The Right Take on Tenacious D!  Everything I said is pretty much an accurate representation of how I feel!  Didn't go into detail with how they were my first favorite rock band and also one of my favorite comedy things!  But that's not important right now.  Why make it hurt even more.  FOR FUN.  FEELING THINGS IS A GOOD THING.  I already told you there's a bad smell out there!  Or in here!  What more do you need to know about How I Feel!  Whatever.  It's not good to Just Feel Anything.  That's Dumb.  Some feelings are better than others!  PERSONALLY though give me any feeling I'm gonna YES AND IT because I'm Great At Improv.  That's dumb.  Oh.  HEY person from Class responded to my, "YES AND," E-mail with some jokes. I guess now I have to read it and give her notes!  GREAT.  I GUESS THAT'S LIFE.  That's all for today!  Tomorrow gonna be gooder!  See ya then.

-3:34 P.M. 
       
   

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

You Can't Possibly Enjoy This

    Hey!  Time for some Tuesday.  That better not be a self-fulfilling title.  OR ELSE.  Comedy Class went pretty good last night!  I came up with a joke for the homework assignment before class.  I wrote a few decent enough jokes during class that I'll share with you in a little bit.  I DON'T LIKE this title hovering at the top of my page.  This entry isn't gonna be enjoyable!  The prophecy has been foretold!  You could have used Common Sense instead of prophesies to reach the same conclusion, though.  Anyway some tree got knocked down in Park Walk Path!  My second walk of the day the path was fine.  My fourth walk Tree Blocking The Path!  There was no lightening this morning.  Maybe some chainsaw-happy person got loose from a mental institution recently.  And he did his business on Trees instead of People.  GOOD.  I see he's been somewhat rehabilitated.  They're doing good work at the Asylum!  STILL THOUGH he's inconveniencing people trying to Walk On The Path.  So there's lots of room for improvement!  Let's see if we can get him down from chainsawing trees to maybe chainsawing bushes.  And then transition to chainsawing flowers.  And then maybe he won't have to chainsaw things at all!  What even IS LIFE then for this Person.  WE know what life is.  WE GET IT.  Life is PLENTY without Chainsaw.  But THIS SPECIFIC WEIRD GUY doesn't get it.
     I don't like that riff because I don't know what it means.  If it meant something I'd be on board.  As it is, it sure seems like an ALLEGORY but I'm not sure why!  Hmm.  When Aesop wrote his fables was he like Dude I Have No Idea What The Fuck I'm Sayin.  This Shit Is Wild Tho.  I think so!  OR he PLANNED his fables and didn't just RANT them like me.  Hmm.  Sounds like an interesting way to Go About Being A Writer.  PLANNING NOT RANTING.  Gotta try to remember to try that out at some point.  Getting Deli Food tonight.  Two Hot Dogs and Chicken Pot Pie.  Hot Dogs for Tonight! CPP for tomorrow!  There ya go, there's a bit of life that plainly Is Not Hellish!  During the 3 minutes it takes me to eat dinner I'm not gonna be Actively Suffering Too Bad!  Okay.  Do I spend a lot of my time Actively Suffering Badly?  I dunno.  Open to interpretation.  There's plusses and minuses to any life!  My Life is a pretty hard job I think but somebody's gotta do it!  Not because it's important!  But just because Clearly I Exist As A Vessel So SOMEONE Gotta Fill That Vessel.  IT ME!  I don't think I do a great job at living my life.  Pretty much do the bare minimum.  BUT I think I do a PRETTY GOOD JOB at doing The Bare Minimum.  When it comes to the Bare Minimum I knock that Bare Minimum Shit OUT OF THE PARK.
      OK.  "Bare Minimum" implies "Enough."  I wouldn't go so far as to say that I Do Enough with my life!  I should be more! FOR ALL our sakes.  Well for mine surely at the least.  Hmm.  What were the jokes I wrote yesterday for Stand Up Class.  Well, first, here's the joke I wrote as Homework for Yesterday-- I got mental illnesses including paranoia so bad news stories have always troubled me.  I've always felt triggered to feel scared and unsafe based on any little thing.  And I was always alone.  No one could relate to me with that.  But I feel like the worse things get, the more regular people react to things the way I do.  The more techno-fascism creeps in our country the more other people get paranoid at news stories and I'm like Yep, that's what it's like, welcome to my world.  Anyway that was THAT Dumb Joke.  It's FUNNY because it MAKES YOU THINK.  WE ARE ALL CRAZY NOW.  Where did I come up with, "Techno-Fascism."  I dunno exactly!  I think there's things about technology that scare me so I added it to Fascism which scares me as well!  Prove me wrong!
      In-class assignment was to write some Roast Jokes for anyone we wanted, celebrity or historical figure.  Here's what I came up with!  (1) Donald Trump has graced us with his presence.  Putting us all in danger.  At first that was a joke that we might get shot at by proxy, but in reality its a joke that he is actually Putting Us All In Danger with his words and potential policies.  (2) Joe Biden is here.  He may not realize it.  But he is here.  (3)  Robert F Kennedy JR, where's he at?  Robert, when you think, is it the half of your brain that's left that's in control, or is it the worm?  Are we essentially dealing with the worm at this point?  THERE YA GO.  COMEDY IS FUN.  I can come up with some ADEQUATE CRAP when it comes down to it.  It may never come down to it again.  That might be the peak of my stand up comedy writing career!  Oh I also wrote a bit about how What's THE DEAL With Reclining Seats In Movie Theaters These Days! but do I really need to go through it?  I already brought it up on the website without fleshing it out.  I didn't add that much to it!  LET'S MOVE ON.
   Sure!  Those jokes weren't so bad.  But I don't feel like I necessarily HAVE to do stand up comedy either.  Do I need to get up on the stage and Be The Center Of Attention?  No!  It's fun for a bit but then at some point It's Terrible!  Make It Stop!  Leave me by my lonesome.  Then again now that I think about it maybe it'd be fun for a bit more I DUNNO.  Lemme just write this entry now!  Hmm.  In retrospect is it rude that I address RFKJR as, "Robert?"  This dude is my ELDER.  I dunno.  Gotta respect our elders.  If we don't respect them, who will?  Also who will respect us WHEN WE GET OLDER.  Possibly NO ONE.  Anyway I respect comedians a lot.  They get up there and do their time and they're all alone in the world when it comes down to it!  YEAH SO WHAT WHO ISN'T.  I'm alone and I don't even need to get on stage to do it!  Only two more classes left.  ALSO then I have a show where I'm supposed to do a 5-7 minute set!  I don't have any material!  Maybe I work on that this weekend or somethin, I dunno!
     Okay.  I'm gonna write an ENJOYABLE Second Half Of Entry!  Just to see what would happen!  Just occurred to me I was the only Man in Comedy Class yesterday.  Teacher and other six students present were all Female!  Hmm.  I hope I represented Maleness well.  I don't want anyone going home after the Zoom Meeting thinking poorly of All Men based on my actions.  Then again I wouldn't want people to think Too Positively Of All Men based on my words and deeds, either!  That's too far in the other direction! [editor's note-- there was one other guy in my class now that I think about it!  it's Important!] Hmm.  The Home Run Derby was last night.  Them Men took a club and hit balls REAL FAR over and over, real competitionlike, see?  Must have been quite the spectacle for anyone watching!  Is Comedy a competition.  IS everyone constantly in rivalry with each other because they're in contention for the same limited spots and jobs and and opportunities?  I dunno.  SOUNDS right off the top of my head.  If it sounds right off the top of my head then That Must Be The Way The World Works!
     SO FAR I've spent most of my life trusting The Top Of My Head as I think most of us unconsciously do!  YOUR Top Of Heads, not mine.  Anyway it must be a pretty good barometer because my life i... is... wait a second.  THIS IS WHERE IT LED ME?  The top of my head sucks!  Hmm.  What other parts of my head should I inquire into.  Maybe get all the parts of my head working together moving forward!  Then I'll Be Sitting Pretty!  Hmm.  I'd even like to just get to a point where I can ignore my head completely.  Listen to more trustworthy sources.  WHY should I be listening to my brain at all!  HEY MY HEAD IS OKAY.  IT'S GOT A LOT TO SAY.  PRETTY RELIABLE THINGAMAGIG WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT TOO.  I guess.  Whatever.  What's THE SUBTEXT of me not liking my brain.  Low Mind Self Esteem.  That's not the subtext.  That's the TEXTTEXT.  The point is I'm getting better at Stand Up Comedy Class every week which is good BUT I also am seeing the negatives that Being In A Stand Up Comedian's Mindset would entail.  And that's from This Far Away.  I'm sure it's way more complicated than I'm even picking up on here and there!  Hmm.  Maybe Just Do It Anyway.  It's like diving into a pool!  You know it's gonna be COLD at first.  Do it anyway!  Then you have a place to pee!
     Whatever.  Three paragraphs to go.  HMM.  I don't NEED to urinate.  I WILL SOON.  Any good movies coming out this weekend?  Hmm.  TWISTERS.  That's a franchise I'm not invested in!  But it might offer 1990's Throwback Fun.  I enjoyed the 1990's!  I don't think I ever saw the complete original Twister.  I've seen some of it.  I've seen Hurricane, the movie about Rueben Carter.  Would that movie exist without the Bob Dylan song?  I don't know!  I don't know how Activism and Protest Culture was focused in the past OR IN THE PRESENT.  Either way how many movies are there that are based on songs.  Lemme LTURQ.  OH RIGHT off the top of my head which we've established Sucks there's American Pie.  Hmm.  Alice's Restaurant.  I don't know what that is!  But it's the first alphabetically of a long list of Possible Answers.  I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS.  Gonna abandon the premise.  Okay.  They made a film called Monster Mash (1995).  THAT'LL end the paragraph.
    Good.  I read one chapter of Jeff Tweedy Lemme Talk About Songs I Like! book.  The first chapter was about Smoke On The Water.  I know that song!  We should all enjoy it for a bit I guess if we were to follow Jeff Tweedy's advice.  It's the first riff he learned on guitar and sixty years later it's one of the first ones I learnt, too!  It's just that simple and/or catchy!  So I could relate to that 4 pages I guess.  Makes me think of Log Flumes.  That wasn't his POV.  But that's what I would have spent my time talking about I guess.  Not necessarily Being On The Log Flumes themselves.  But standing on a bridge over a log flume.  Getting splashed because of the log flume.  Which is Just As Fun As Taking The Log Flume Ride Yourself!  Cut out the middle man and just get splashed by standing on the bridge above the Log Flume Path!  NO LINE FOR THAT!  That wasn't funny.  Log flume riff was a swing and a miss.  Ah well.  As long as it's accurate it can't be All Bad!     
    Last paragraph.  I'M RIDING IN LOGS JUST LIKE OUR FOREFATHERS.  That's the premise for log flumes.  Anyway.  If they got Bill Paxton to return from the dead for this film I'm on board!  Lemme LTURQ! ...I was about to look it up right quick.  Nope.  Not gonna do it!  Pretty sure He's Dead And DEFINITELY Not Appearing In The New Film!  Gonna trust my instincts on this one.  Well what if they used his corpse in the film.  They might have to credit him for that!  Not sure the SAG rules for something like that.  Just have an opening scene and be like LOOK THE TWISTER GOT BILL PAXTON and his corpse is up in the air being thrown to and fro.  Couldn't necessarily HURT the rest of the movie.  And now we got some continuity with Original Film!  I don't like it.  Makes me feel bad for him.  Movies supposed to make us feel good!  TWISTER IS A DIRECT ROUTE TO HEAVEN.  I guess.  That might work out for him then!  Gonna Tornado himself up into paradise!  I guess that's it for today.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-3:20 P.M.          
           

Monday, July 15, 2024

What Do You Think Will Happen

    Hey, friends.  Things not looking good!  I feel like I might have maxxed out my appreciation of Stand Up Comedy Class.  I might be able to continue getting better at it but is what what I'm meant to do?  Probably not.  Still gotta write the Homework Joke for tonight's class!  I gotta do something though.  Guess I'll keep writing!  Writing Done Me No Wrong!  It's too bad because for a while there I was properly fantasizing about becoming a comedian.  I dunno!  Maybe my best role on planet Earth is Nothing.   Too late for that.  Already DONE stuff.  No time like the present to Start Doing Less, though!  Anyway this weekend was a bust.  Someone took a shot at Trump!  Was it for real or was it a set-up?  I dunno!  We'll probably never know.  Maybe it doesn't matter.  It happened either way.  Either way HMM it's not nice to be scared of violence is it!  This guy fuckin' leads the intimidation of people and even fulfilled violence and death of people over and over!  Both on a Macro Scale (Cruel and Inhumane Policies Towards People) and Micro Scale (Jan Sixth)!  I dunno trying to overturn election violently fits in with the Fascism Macro Pattern As Well.  The point is the dude said he was gonna be a dictator on day one and is going to be trying to use this event to help him to win power again and then Turn That Fear And Violence on us tenfold.  You don't need to enable him.  Now more than ever we have to be united!
   Enable ME by READING MY WEBSITE.  It makes ME WRITE MORE ENTRIES THE NEXT DAY.  Anyway why the Hell would I think anyone cares what I have to say.  No one has ever convinced anyone of anything over the internet.  Probably not.  Maybe it happens like .5% of the time!  The important thing is I clarify my thoughts!  MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT CLARIFIED.  In no way do I feel like that half a paragraph Finally Clarified My Thoughts Exactly.  It's better than Not Saying Anything, though!  What if it isn't.  What if I say the wrong thing.  I could be doing more harm than good.  Such is the life of the blogger.  Never know exactly how something's gonna hit!  He's a CRIMINAL and they just made it legal for the president to commit crimes.  Not sure what else can convince you of this guy being unfit!  I'll probably figure it though!  Still got plenty of entries before the end of election season!  Let's see, him being a fascist didn't work. Him being a criminal didn't work.  He's a rapist and doesn't respect women or people in general, how does that strike you?  No?  Nothin'?  His policies are bad for the economy in a macrosense.  You like the economy!  He's not good for it!  TELL ME YOU LIKE THE ECONOMY.  EVEN YOU must like the economy!
     I'm glad he didn't get killed!  Whether it was real or not.  Good for him for either Setting It Up That He Survives A Fake Assassination Attempt OR Surviving An Assassination Attempt I Guess!  Why should people live in fear.  It's not necessary.  We can do better than this as a country.  HE STOKES THE FEAR, THOUGH.  That's HIS THING.  And if it looks like his odds of winning increase after this event?  Fuckin' KEEP GOING.  WE are the majority!  WE are in the right!  WE are... what am I doing, giving a campaign speech?  I LOST TRACK of what my point is!  Anyway.  I dunno how the outside world works exactly!  I know a scam when I see one but I don't know exactly how to counter it!  I'm just gonna speak my truth and that's all I can do.  Don't give the criminal fascist dictator-like powers.  That's all I'm saying I guess.  Seems tough right now?  You wanna give up?  It's too hard for you?  JUST KEEP GOING.  Break on through to the otherside!  AGAIN WHO TE HELL AM I TALKING TO.  
    Okay.  Enjoying the new Eminem album.  It feels like on par with the classic first three albums to me!  Which is great because I like having a good time listening to music!  None of the tracks really shine as Favorites but they are all Mostly Pretty Great.  Eminem is middle aged.  He's in his 50's.  Still sounds like he's young at heart though.  I listen to this guy and I hear a man in the prime of his life.  I don't quite understand why he's so hung up on being allowed to make fun of Transgender People and Little People.  I'd like to think he strikes a balance by mostly doing it sarcastically/ironically and calling himself out, and the rhymes didn't particularly bother me, but I just don't GET THE MINDSET.  WHY is Marshall Mathers sitting around and worrying about Whether He Can Make Fun Of Transgender People Or Not.  What's it to him!  I dunno.  Maybe there is no reason for it to happen.  It's just Good Ol Slim Shadiness.  He makes the jokes, he sorta takes it back, and It Just Is.  I want to believe he doesn't mean any of it.  But then people with hate in their hearts can probably listen to it and easily believe He Does Mean It.  Maybe IT JUST IS.  It's a cultural document for 2024!  We'll see where we go from here!
    Fifth paragraph.  WHY do Little People bother Eminem.  What could possibly trigger him about Little People.  THEY ARE SMALLER THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON.  THIS SEEMS TO ANGER YOU.  I wasn't aware this was a thing!  Anyway.  I'm sure Little Peopleness angers themselves.  If I was a little person I'd be angry about The Concept Of Little People!  That makes sense!  I am a LOWERCASE Little Person and I've probably spent some of my life being angry about it!  Maybe not consciously but I wouldn't be surprised if I took a personality test and they said Deep Down You Are Permanently Somewhat Angry About Being Short It Turns Out.  Oh!  Okay!  Sorry!  What can I do about it.  Hmm.  Get angry about more appropriate things.  What if I just didn't spend my life angry.  I dunno.  What negative emotion should consume me instead.  Fear seems to be pretty good!  I can spend my life being afraid!  Well sure that's one obvious way to go.  Hmm.  Maybe I shuold try to live my life in a positive fashion.  Lead with LOVE and JOY and HOPE.  Do people even DO that?
    Halfway through the entry!  I thought Eminem came off as a Good Guy overall in the album!  I related to him even when I wasn't relating to him persay.  Good for him.  He's amazing at music.  I was listening to these songs and I realized I'm never gonna be a musician.  I might be able to put together a decent song or two but there's just MAGIC in some of the music of Real Good Musicians.  I could create A Thing but it's not gonna be A Piece Of Art.  And if I do create A Piece Of Art at some point It's A Fluke.  That's the kind of genre of art I could potentially create.  Hey check out this Fluke Art.  I did write a tiny bit of rhymes over the weekend!  Some of it inspired by The Eminem.  But so what.  It means nothing.  Now I have Those Lyrics.  I KNOW MORE ABOUT MYSELF because I can read Lyrics That Speak To And OF Me.  That's all it means at this point.  I Know Where I'm Coming From!  What a joy in life.  I dunno.  These lyrics are ACCURATE about where I'm coming from but They Ain't The Whole Story!
    Okay.  Four paragraphs to go.  I was getting excited about Kamala Harris and/or Other New President before Trump took over the news!  Now that took a backseat to Fear Of Him Getting Anointed Next President Just Because He Survived A Probably Real Assassination Attempt??  Do people even know history.  This is right out of the playbook.  Whether it was planned or not, the way they're gonna use it to is pretty straightforward!  WHY would getting shot at make him anymore presidential in the first place.  IT DOESN'T THAT'S WHO.  Whatever.  It's in GOD'S HANDS now.  And by God I mean I dunno the People Ultimately In Charge.  We The People Don't Want To Live In A Climate Of Hate And Fear.  That's what Trump has always promised and always delivered.  Please don't force it upon us!  I don't think it's in God's Hands Yet.  STILL IN MAN'S HANDS.  Oh that's good.  I'm one of those guys!  WHY I've got two hands, myself!                  
     Anyway.  Three paragraphs to go.  I should probably shave before Stand Up Comedy Class.  But I also need to write my Homework Joke.  I think I gotta make a choice.  Either SHAVE or WRITE A JOKE.  There'll be time for both but why put pressure on myself!  Guess I'll write the joke.  I think I got the basic idea already.  I just gotta Figure The Whole Thing Out.  HEY looks like Trump just announced he's picking JD Vance as his VP Pick.  WELL he's fucking scary per my understanding.  I never kept too close tabs on Who Exactly Is JD Vance but from what I THINK I remember He Sounded Like A Crazy Person.  I guess I'll read up about it later on exactly what his bulletpoints are in his past!  Wonderful.  More fascism.  There's already a lot of fascism coming our way.  Here's some more.  I don't like it!  The good news is I have a Very Fun Website and I get to talk about how I feel on it For Now.  FOR NOW.
     Penultimate paragraph!  Let's see.  I don't know the bulletpoints of J.D. Vance off the top of my head!  MAYBE he's only an 8 out of 10 bad and not a 9 out of 10 bad!  We really can't say at this time!  Whatever.  He could have used this moment to pick a moderate or an extremist and he picked the extremist!  That's The Story I Guess!  Not necessarily a surprise but that's still the framing I'd go with.  So there's that.  Hmm.  How would Michael Frame The Story.  THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD BE ASKING OURSELVES.  Probably not.  I'm not always On The Ball Exactly!  I wouldn't say My Takes Are Wrong But They're Also Not The Freshest!  Ah well.  It's the best I can do!  I'll try to develop my Taking Skills.  So I can give Better Takes!  My Takes could be worse.  Anyway.  It's only JULY FIFTEENTH?  Why here I was thinking it was July Sixtee... wait a second, no.  I think I knew it was July 15th deep down.  Wonder what date it'll be tomorrow!  What the Hell is that supposed to mean.
    Last paragraph!  It's the Ides Of July!  That's what it means!  Wow.  There's an Ides once a month.  SURE AS THE SEASONS IT IS.  Started watching The Simpsons again this weekend.  There's a fun show!  Just listen to them dialogues.  Makes ME laugh when I was a kid and Into Infinity at least.  They makes ya laugh once and they've got you for permanent.  I ain't ever gonna forget 3,000 of these jokes.  Burned into my dumb brain!  I find myself relating to Homer more than ever.  Probably not a good thing!  Almost definitely not a good thing!  But then again it's nice to see some representation in media wherever I can find it.  Anyway.  Today's entry wasn't fun at all.  Sometimes life isn't fun!  In fact it may never be fun again!  Or maybe it's all smooth sailing from here what do I know.  Painting of a sailboat above the Simpsons Couch.  What are they trying to say with that.  Some sort of Rorschach Test.  I AIN'T FALLIN FOR IT.  That's all I got for today.  See ya tomorrow.

-3:41 P.M.
         

Thursday, July 11, 2024

Here It Is, My Life's Work

    Hi.  It's me!  The guy you've been reading for However Long!  OR maybe this is your first time!  In which case Hi.  It's me!  A New Person To You.  I'm kind of a new person to me as well.  Nothing over the last 35.5 years particularly registered that heavily to be honest.  Kinda feels like I'm Working With A Blank Slate More Or Less even to myself.  I GOT THE BASIC FACTS DOWN.  I know the bullet points of who I am!  I like soda pop and television.  That's the old me.  One day when I grow up I'm gonna drink way less soda and watch way less television.  When I was a child I lived as a child.  Adults can drink Coca Cola and watch Television.  Yeah but there's a point where Enough's Enough!  Anyway Shelley Duvall's dead now.  I'm assuming she's NOT a ghost confined to Haunted Hotel, though.  Just because she was in a movie about ghosts in hotels dosen't mean she has to become one, right?  That doesn't sound fair!  No one ever said life was fair, though!  Well I'm sure plenty of people said it!  Doesn't make it accurate!  IF ENOUGH OF US SAY IT it might tip the scales and make it accurate.  I DO think Life Is Fair.  In the sense that it's mediocre.  That Definition Of Fair.  That's fair.
    Hmm.  Do actors have to continue acting in the afterlife?  Probably up to them whether they want to or not.  Maybe they can act sometimes and not act sometimes.  What does an actor do when he's not acting.  IS THERE EVEN A WORD FOR THAT.  What do you call what an actor is doing when they're not acting.  THEY ARE ACTORS THEY ARE STILL ESSENTIALLY ACTING BY DEFINITION.  Interesting.  Being.  That's the word I'm looking for!  To Be Or Not To Be.  Good.  Doing.  That could be another word.  Stupid Is As Stupid Does.  Okay.  Anyway.  I've been taking a lot of Improv Classes lately.  I'm kinda Actorish at this point.  I think most reasonable people would agree it's not a good way to be.  Nobody likes an actor!  What good are they.  Excuse me sir how can you contribute to society.  Why I can just SPEAK WORDS AS IF I WERE ANOTHER.  Great.  That'll get us through the tough times.  Being an actor is a great job for people with problems like I have.  Great way to escape from certain personality defects I have or mental illnesses or life circumstances!  Just PRETEND THEY DON'T EXIST.  ACT ALL THE TIME.  THE PERSON WITH PROBLEMS IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE AS I THE ACTOR HAVE REPLACED HIM.
    Oh to be fair I don't ACT like ACTORS ACT.  I don't do other characters or anything.  I just Act As Different Versions Of Myself.  Still acting!  I dunno anymore.  Maybe That's Just Who I Am.  And it's not acting at all.  Who knows anything these days.  "We All Go A little Actory Sometimes!"  -- Norman Bates.  He acted like Himself And His Mother.  Good for him.  I guess there's 20,25% Odds Trump mentions Norman Bates at some point in an upcoming speech and he's like Norman Bates, Good Guy, not as good as my close friend Hannibal Lector, but I like Norman Bates as well...  Most Republicans are OK with that Guy's Brain to become President!  That's their prerogative I guess.  We have higher standards though!  That's a good thing!  Anyway.  Pretty sure I used to be scared to take showers when I was a kid not because of Psycho specifically but because of Pyschotype Scenarios.  It wasn't THAT MOVIE that scared me but I was scared of SOME ATTACK.  More of a SUPERNATURAL ATTACK though maybe.  Maybe some sort of Ghost would attack me in the shower somehow.  Hmm.  IN FACT I think I would even leave my bathroom door OPEN when I shower so I could easily escape.  If I were scared of PSYCHO obviously I'd go in the completely OPPOSITE direction and lock the door IN TRIPLICATE!  Huh.  How's that possible.  IT ISN'T.
   Fourth paragraph!  I remember getting a new shower curtain that was clear at some point and being happy about that.  I could see what was going on in the room while I was showering!  Nothin to be scared of anymore!  Wonderful.   Anyway.  Same Straw as yesterday!  How long are plastic straws supposed to last.  Nothing Lasts FOREVER.  My guess is, what, a month?  Two months?  Lemme LTURQ.  Internet says 200 years.  Well that should be most of my life then!  Good deal!  I dunno I don't see this lasting more than another week or so.  Hmm.  Today's entry isn't GOOD.  It might be OKAY.  Let's see if I can SUSTAIN OKAYNESS and then try to make it SOMEWHAT BETTER.  Shot of Dead Mama in Psycho was one of top 5 scary movie moments to me as a kid.  WHAT?  A CORPSE?  THAT PERSON IS DEAD.  GET ME OUT OF HERE!  I guess.  Anyway.  Lots of Entertainment Industry Jobs are Acting Adjacent.  Comedian.  Musician.  Maybe even Writer.  Gotta incorporating Acting into all of it!  PROVIDE PROOF.  NEVER!
    Fifth paragraph.  I don't like how I've had to incorporate "YES, AND" into my life.  That's the basic improv rule they teach you in UCB and lots of other Improv and Acting Schools.  First Rule Is Always Agree With Your Scene Partner.  Whatever Your Partner is Saying/Doing GO ALONG WITH IT and add to it.  They instilled in me that I have to Yes, And to everything!  SO MUCH IN THIS WORLD I SHOULD NOT BE GOING ALONG WITH.  AGREEING TO EVERYTHING IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.  They never specifically said to do that in my entire life.  Yeah but what did they think would happen!  I'm an impressionable Young Youth of course I'm gonna take these Improv Rules as Greater Life Lessons.  Hmm.  I got a good idea for a sequel to that Jim Carrey movie where he had to Say Yes to everything.  SAY NO.  This time around Jim Carrey has to SAY NO to everything.  No matter WHAT anyone asks him to do JIM CARREY HAS GOT TO DECLINE.  Well he can start with Not Doing This Film in the first place.  Aww.  That's no fun.  Halfway through the entry.
    Okay.  Entry so far not so great.  Okay.  Might as well just start writing good things now.  Worth a shot at least!  What if I already said the mediocre stories I said this entry before.  That'd drop today's entry from a 3.5/10 to a 1.5/10!  Now suddenly I'M IN IMPEACHABLE territory!  If these topics were broached before YOU SHUOLD SERIOUSLY be thinking about replacing me before next week's entries!  Good.  Who you gonna replace me with.  STEVE-O?  I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.  Pretty sure Steve-O is seven or eight echelons above me in the Entertainment Business.  Why would he replace me on the website.  I DUNNO FOR FUN I GUESS?  Anyway.  Got an Amazon Fresh Delivery coming within the next two hours!  That might come before this entry is finished!  This is newsworthy because it's news and it's worthy!  Sure I got Flaming Ruffles.  I'm not afraid to Ruffle A Few Feathers.  What does that mean.  I'm not hesitant to DISTURB SOME BIRDS???  What did birds ever do to me.
    Seventh paragraph.  Write a good paragraph Mike!  JUST DO IT.  How hard can it be!  Hmm I'm on a first name basis with myself.  That's good.  Well Amazon Fresh is on its way and is currently six stops away and in Bethpage.  That's far away!  Hicksville.  Is that a funnier town name reference.  They're more accurately in Bethpage but they're CLOSE to Hicksville.  I think you'd appreciate Me Saying They're In Hicksville more than me saying they're in Bethpage!  Levittown.  Is ANY OF THIS cracking you up?  ...  Okay Lemme Move On!  Why.  I gotta re-evaluate everything if I thought the regular names of places would be funny.  I gotta Start Over In My Mind Completely I Think.  OKAY.  Time to begin fresh.  Let's Go!  Where is delivery right now.  Near a town called Plainview.  That's a good place to live!  The view is plain but I ain't complaining!  Obviously the settlers thought it was a selling point!  So that's good.  Let's move on.
    Three paragraphs to go!  Good Paragraph Time.  I guess!  Anything is possible!  Gotta enter in the code for the Starbucks bathroom TWICE for it to work.  Not sure what the issue is there!  Enter it in once, DOESN'T WORK.  Enter it in again, OPEN SESAME.  Just for this one location!  Such is the case Not On One Occasion, But Always.  That's a story.  Now we're all richer for having heard it.  Also you now know not to give up if you ever visit this Starbucks.  Supposed to take two times!  What's the point of having a KeyCode Password and then just posting what the keycode is right above the number pad.  THERE'S A SECRET CODE TO GET IN AND LITERALLY EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO KNOW THE SECRET CODE WITHOUT ANY EXTRA EFFORT.  Kinda feels like just skip the secret code then!  STARBUCKS!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING.  Anyway.  I assume it's because Starbucks Central wants Codes and Starbucks Local decided they didn't want the hassle of having to individually tell people the code so they put the code right on top of the keypad.  The disconnect between Central and Local is what Starbucks is Doing in this situation!  Oh okay very good.
    Penultimate paragraph.  Only two paragraphs to go!  Let's see if I can finish this before the delivery comes.  Probably will!  It's possible the majority of people today actively DON'T LIKE this entry!  They read this and think I DISLIKE the person who is writing this!  They're making my life WORSE than it was before!  So I got that going on!  I'm trying my best JERK.  Maybe I'll get better and be more entertaining later on YOU IDIOT.  Well this is what we're stuck with I guess.  It takes All Kinds!  Wonderful.  Looks like I got some Three Day Weekend starting... Practically NOW!  You could argue the weekend starts when this entry ends!  I dunno.  I'm not sure I buy that exactly.  But I'll enjoy the weekend whenever it starts exactly!  Next week is a whole new round of entries.  Gonna be good.  Try to get in a good headspace.  If I'm in a good headspace then the entries will be in a good headspace.  That's just MATH.
     Last paragraph.  Looks like I'm getting pizza for supper!  Pepperoni Pizza!  Okay.  That's good I guess.  The next job I have to do is Stand Up Homework!  Might not tackle that until Saturday!  Maybe I go ahead and work on it tomorrow, though.  Who knows what the Hell I'm gonna do with my life.  Anything could happen!  Maybe go see the Nicolas Cage movie on Saturday though.  I forgot about that.  That's something I wanted to do.  Now I'm participating in American Culture.  I dunno about AMERICAN Culture.  Maybe USA Culture.  Some sort of Culture at least.  Within the borders of this country.  If I were Nicolas Cage and I were doing pro wrestling promotions for some reason, my walk up music would be Arcade Fire My Body Is A Cage.  Probably other Cage Song Puns.  But that's a good one!  Let's go with that!  Anyway I guess that's it.  I'll see ya next week!

-6:11 P.M. 
    

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Now I Have To Write The Entry

    Hey!  How the Hell am I gonna write ten paragraphs.  I guess I just WILL.  They gave me a plastic re-usable straw at Strawbucks today.  Seems to work okay. I like the sensation of Conserving Resources!  I guess I have to carry this with me wherever I go from now on.  Well, wherever I go and I get Iced Coffee at least.  This is my life now!  Anything for the environment!  It's been there for me!  It's always Accommodated For My Survival and Provided Pretty Scenery For My Viewing Pleasure Here And There and whatknot.  Using a Straw Of Substance makes drinking coffee more serious, too!  Now the drink itself feels more physical somehow, as well!  It's all less frivolous than it was before!  Hey happy Hard2Bowl Day!  7/10 Split.  You could celebrate by smoking a bowl.  Or eating a banana split.  Or even by going bowling if that's your weird thing!  I was recording music for about 20 minutes on July Fourth Night and it was SO MUCH EASIER because there were fireworks going off and I was like FINALLY A DRUM TRACK to help.
    No, fireworks weren't exploding in rhythm or at an even pace.  But it gave me Something to work with!  Thanks, America!  We should jam more often!  Anyway.  America is the name of a band.  How pompous!  I think their plan was so that in 5000 years each time people bring up America in conversation the person would have to say wait do you mean The Old Timey COUNTRY or the Old Timey BAND.  Every time!  Not sure that joke makes sense.  They're just trying to piggyback on the success of Regular America.  It's cheap and easy and I don't like it!  That makes more sense.  What was America's number one hit.  THE MARSHALL PLAN.  Hmm.  Looks like America: The Band is SORTA HALF BRITISH.  I won't bore you with the details!  I'll bore you with some other stuff coming up, you'll see.  A Horse With No Name.  That sounds familiar.  It'd sound even more familiar if they gave the horse a name, though!  TIME HAS COME to name this horse!   
    Anyway.  What's with the phrase piggyback.  In the literal physical, "Piggyback Ride," sense.  How often do you see people or other animals Ride Pigs.  I never see ANYONE ride A Pig Ever!  I can picture Bart Simpson riding a pig in one episode.  But that one example shouldn't negate An Otherwise Good Point.  People Or Other Animals DON'T RIDE PIGS.  Wait.  Is it the other way around.  NO.  Pigs Don't Ride Other Animals, Either!  How big are pigs anyway.  Are there some pigs that are kinda small and then some pigs that are like wow, that's a big pig.  Probably!  There's a grocery store chain in the south Piggly Wiggly.  Who the Fuck are they kidding with that shit.  Get out of here with that crap.  Are they even listening to themselves.  Now I wanna see what that's all about.  Maybe they sell Self Made Foods.  Southern Self Made Cookings?  Ain't nothing wrong with that!  The south brought us foods like Chick Fil-A and THE PO BOY.
     Wonderful.  "Something wrong with that Poe Boy." --Friends and Neighbors in Baltimore 1820's.  I looked up EAP's LifeStory in Wikipedia and he moved around a lot in his youth.  I'm just gonna say He Lived In Baltimore for simplicities sake.  Not accurate at all!  If he didn't want people to lie about him on the internet he shouldn't have Lived His Life In The First Place.  Anyway.  LOOK if you want the Horse to have a name so bad YOU can just give it a name!  If it's such a big issue for you!  Elliott Smith has seven or eight songs that are titled No Name #1 thru #7 and so on.  That's what that song makes me think of!  Might as well do some free association.  The people expect Nothing Less!  How can you expect Anything Less.  There's Nothing Lower!  Oh okay.  What are some good names for this Horse.  Betsy.  Francis.  Eudora.  I don't know the song well enough to name the horse!  I really should listen to it on repeat for a few days before I propose a name OR NAMES formally!
    Great.  The horse in the song is probably dead by now.  No use in naming a dead horse.  I know there's no sense in BEATING a dead horse.  Probably no use in Naming one either.  We shouldn't be Beating live horses either.  That's CRUEL.  Only things we shuold beat are EGGS and IT.  Whatever Michael Jackson was talking about.  "IT."  We can Beat THAT.  Was Beat It just a song about masturbating.  Now that I think about it?  Sure.  Probably.  Or he was encouraging The Losers Club to triumph over The Monster IT.  Good!  I wouldn't want him to get TOO close to them, though.  I don't like him around Young Children!  Topical.  Why was that joke necessary.  We gained nothing from reading it.  It sure killed a few sentences worth of space, though!  I guess that's Not Nothing!  LIFE GOES ON!  Say that to the victims of Michael Jackson.  Their lives are forever altered.  Huh?  Why did... wha?
     Halfway through the entry!!  I think John Mulaney has a joke about Horses And Names.  Secreteriat and whatknot.  Either him, or someone else like him!  Great.  I don't think I'll ever be beloved like John Mulaney is.  Average people like him.  Comedy Fans like him.  Comedians like him.  That's The Trifecta!  I can't imagine Average People liking me.  I can't imagine Comedy Fans liking me.  I can't imagine Comedians like me.  That's the Nofecta!  Hmm.  How can I develop a voice where I Can Hit The Trifecta?  That sounds like an impossibility.  In my mind I was thinking It'd Be Great if ONE of those three groups would like me At A Time!  Hmm.  I don't think I'm ever gonna be Funny Enough for Comedians To Like Me.  OR maybe I'm just Projecting.  Because I know I have a shitty personality!  And I know that If I were A Comedian, and Comedians Got To Know Me, They'd Rightly Thusly Not Like Me Just Because I Suck As A person!  One day Regular People and even Comedy Fans might like me!  That two out of three is a remote possibility!  Cause at least they won't necessarily know that I'm unworthy inside! 
    Makes sense.  What else is up.  Everyone these days knows everything!  SOCIAL MEDIA.  Oh Okay.  Why would anyone want to be a comedian.  They get to go on rants for long periods of time.  It's fun!  I wouldn't say I'm good at it, though.  It's different kinda rants than This Website.  Which I'm not particularly good at, either!  Hmm.  What kinda shit would I be saying it I Were Up On Comedy Stand Right Now.  You look like a good audience.  I'm glad you're here.  World is crazy right now.  Don't wanna say anything that will upset anybody but I feel we're at a point that's untenable.  By which I mean I'm Up Here On Stage With No Material Planned and I have no idea how to get off.  You're good people.  Give yourselves a round of applause.  Keep doing that for the next fifteen minutes until my time is up.  I got nothing to say.  You start pulling your weight.  We got time to kill.  Just start applauding.  I'm not joking.  GO!  Anyway.  That's a bit I'm working on I guess!
   Eighth paragraph.  Three paragraphs to go!  Is that something I need to save.  Is that a real bit I can use.  It's weird!  I wouldn't mind seeing what happens in a real life scenario.  Anyway.  I don't wanna do that.  It was fun for a laugh but I don't think I'll ever actually do it!  Let's move on.  Phantom smelling some Steak.  It's not really a phantom Smell because I am Really Smelling Something but it's Just Not Steak.  I'm MISSMELLING.  I think my Mom is heating up a Chicken Roll from ItalyStyle Restuarant in the oven.  I'm picturing Steak though in my nose.  Oh.  Great.  It's a MISSTEAK.  Good.  Steak is the Dinner Of MEN.  I'm not sure why.  But if you wanna be like WE WILL EAT LIKE KINGS, WE WILL EAT STEAKS, then I'll understand the Story You're Selling!  It happens at the end of the new Beverly Hills Cop.  I think it'd be UN-PC for them to go to a Strip Club these days.  So they go out for some Steaks instead.  Great!  I don't like it.
   Two paragraphs to go!  I don't think I have steak in my future for tonight even though it'd be perfect.  I get steak once a week from Super Market but I'm not gonna order it for 35 dollars from some RESTAURANT like a Crazy Person!  Hmm.  What else is going on.  I can get a Hamburger And Fries from Diner like a Sane Person!  That's a pretty good compromise!  Looks like tonight is shaping up to be a relatively positive experience when it's all said and done.  Unless I suffer some sort of accident or misfortune.  I dunno what's gonna happen!  We'll see I guess.  What a Wonderful Life.  I think.  I might be wrong, though!  I could be WAY OFF on that one!  Anyway I gotta just write another paragraph and change and then we're done.  Probably should be able to finish Dave Grohl's book this weekend.  I read around 15 Music Memoirs the last dozen years and the only one I never finished was Who I Am by Pete Townshend.  Not because it wasn't good.  Just because I got distracted In Life.  I should track down That Book and finish it!  Hey that's a good idea!
    Last paragraph.  Anyway!  Gotta write an entry tomorrow and then I got a three day weekend?!  I should try to enjoy that!  We all should!  Count our blessings that we still live in a free country for now and possibly will continue to do so if we play our cards right.  Alright!  Free Country Weekend.  Might go see that new Nicolas Cage Horror movie!  That sounds like some sort of experience that would be in the positive realm.  Anyway.  I dunno what to do otherwise.  READING has been pretty good for my life the last couple of months.  I don't do it that much but when I do it's been revelatory!  WHAT?  OTHER WORLDS EXIST AND OFTEN IN A POSITIVE WAY?  GET OUT OF TOWN.  It's a nice reminder is all.  We should all read more!  If you're here YOU JUST READ ten paragraph.  You know what it's like!  Hmm.  You got through it at least!  WE DID IT.  I'll see ya tomorrow. 

-5:55 P.M.

Tuesday, July 9, 2024

No One Specifically Asked For This

    Hi!  Time to write another entry.  Jokes went over pretty well last night in Comedy Class!  So much so that I consider myself a highly successful stand up comedian at this point.  Will I write ever write another joke again?  I dunno!  Writing jokes is an intensive process.  I have to EMBODY the mind of a Comedian!  Which for me manifested as becoming some sort of strange newbie Lounge Act in my head!  I only have to write one joke for next week's class.  A Storytelling joke.  Oh no.  Story.  Those things don't happen to me!  Universe more or less tends to take a Do Not Interfere policy with me.  Could be a 30 second joke or 5 minutes.  I'll probably Milk It for all its worth!  Or get it over with ASAP!  Too early to say.  Either way class is already half over.  What to do next!  Maybe Improv 301!  But the next one doesn't start until September 9th!  That's a Spicy Amount Of Time!  Two months.  Really isn't that long.  OH NO.  SEPETEMBER NINTH ISN'T FAR AWAY ENOUGH.  TIME IS COLLAPSING.  MONTHS ARE SECONDS.  DAYS ARE ATOMS.  WE ARE BUT SILLY STRING.
    Alright I talked about MY LIFE.  Now we can talk about The Real Stuff.  That's what Astronauts are made of according to movie titles.  Before 9/11, was there some other holiday that we were supposed to Never Forget?  Because Now We're Forgetting!  Feels like in Human History society probably told us to Never Forget some tragedy or event before. And it's pretty effective at making us remember!  Until a New Thing We're Supposed To Remember happens!  That's the only way you can make Us Forget!  By having a New Memory replace the old one.  I know Pearl Harbor was A Day That Will Life In Infamy.  That's Synonymous with Never Forgetting I guess.  But different enough that we can remember both at once.  Anyway I had a four minute long psychiatry appointment today.  Went okay!  She deemed me Okay to leave the office and continue on with my life, I guess!  That's something!  I dunno, I feel like lately WE FORGOT.  Not a lot of 9/11 memory lately.  I guess that's a good thing!  OH.  THE HOLOCAUST.  WE're supposed to Never Forget that!  I think the rise Trumpism is relevant to think about with Remembering Holocaust.
    On account of Trump and Far Right Christian Nationalism.  They just keep going and going!  Holocaust is an example that it's not a safe thing to have happen!  Oh I SEE.  Also how Trump himself specifically likes Hitler and Mein Kampf.  You know that sort of thing!  I dunno.  We're supposed to Never Forget 9/11 now.  Not sure I can Still Remember Holocaust too.  Gonna have to pick one maybe.  Anyway.  He talks like a dictator and he has plans like a dictator.  Kinda feels like the media should amplify that framing, because it's completely out in the open, with as much space as they spend on Joe Biden's age.  AH WELL.  That's the media for ya.  That media ain't FOR ME.  Not sure who it is for.  AH WELL.  I didn't eat lunch today!  I wasn't hungry at lunch time!  Kinda hungry now, though!  But at this point I think it's too late.  Hmm.  Maybe I can have some sort of snack.  What are my options exactly.  Have a roll.  Nice, large roll.  I think I'll do just that.   Great!  I'll be right back!
     Great!  Imagine if instead of twenty stories a day of Biden Being Old there were twenty stories a day of Trump Being A Nazi.  The quotes are out there!  The policy positions are out there!  You don't have to rely on hyperbole!  Anyway.  Who am I talking to.  Why am I talking to The Amorphous Media.  They're the only people Who Talk To ME.  Might as well Talk Back!  I better get to some jokes AND QUICK.  They call it quicksand but my understanding is it acts pretty slowly.  It's gonna swallow you up over the course of several hours!  I may be basing that on nothing.  I just googled it and Humans WILL NEVER be swallowed up by quicksand completely.  Because Quicksand is denser than the human body.  Fiction HAS LIED to me! I guess that's the point of fiction.  To Lie To You.  What's about Non Fiction, then.  Lately?  Also To Lie To You.  Hmm.  Who tells the truth them.  COMEDIANS.  THEY, GODS AMONG MEN, LIGHTHOUSE IN THE STORM.
    Fifth paragraph!  Finished my roll!  Delicious.  I don't 100% believe comedians, either!  Hmm.  Only person you can trust these days is GOD.  Which God.  You know, The Main Best One.  REAL God.  Not Devil, either.  Fuck that guy. I'm talkin GOOD God.  Anyway.  I don't like how Rock N Roll Music has glamorized The Devil and Hell.  Yeah, it's all fun and games For A While... but in the words of Ned Flanders, "We don't wanna actually GO to Hell!"  Anyway.  Maybe I need to give that a second thought.  Rock N Roll Heroes must know what they're doing.  If they say Hell and Devil is fertile playground for Rock N Roll, then you can probably SIGN ME UP.  I dunno.  Either way It's just Music!  Can't mean too much either way!  Sounds about right.  Oh well.  If I ever write some new songs I'm gonna be on the right side of things!  Devote myself to some positivity and cleanliness.  It's next to Godliness!  I don't think I wanna go for all out Godliness.  I am But A Man.  NO I THINK once I write some new songs I'll write some songs that are So Fresh So Clean.
    Halfway through the act.  Guess Outkast beat me to it.  So what!  No shame in following in another band's footsteps.  Most good bands Do A New Thing but some good bands are Somewhat Redundancies!  Anyway.  I got a clean start for five new paragraphs!  The bad memories of Crap We Just Read are just that!  Memories.  Whatever.  Who am I talking to for these five paragraphs.  Let's see.  Let's go with Myself.  I like Myself.  I'm an Okay Dude.  I could use a friend, too!   So let's try to get to know myself.  Where am I from sir.  Bayside Queens.  Is that where the band Bayside is from.  No but they got the name from a Train Stop of the Same Place.  Alright I don't think I like myself anymore.  Hmm.  Maybe give myself another chance.  Okay.  What do I do in Bayside Queens.  I live with my parents.  That's what I do.  For my life.  I live with my parents.  Yes.  And I talk to you Right Now.
    I do not know where this is going and I do not particularly like it.  I felt like an idiot typing up notes on the comments Teacher and Classmates were giving me on my Jokes last night instead of Actually Just Listening To Them.  I was half listening and writing what they were saying instead of just Absorbing Them Responding like a normal person.  If I just LASTENED TO THEM I not only would internalize it, I could even RESPOND to what they said in real time!  That's not the way I operate though!  I operate like some sort of Moron!  Next time I'll try to listen and respond, and not take notes.  Even if it means I Forget What They Say.  Try to live in the moment!  Anyway.  What else is going on in my life besides Living With My Parents.  I'm on lots of drugs, too!  For mental health reasons.  I'm on like six separate Mental Health Drugs, some of which are pretty serious.  I don't think about it very often but gotta imagine my life could be very different if I weren't on all these drugs!  Don't really have a choice though.  If I said tomorrow to my doctors and parents I wanna go off the drugs they'd conspire to hospitalize me.  Maybe that's why my brain sucks.  All Drugged Up the last 15 years!
   So that's good.  It's a fun thought exercise to Blame My Life On Something That Could (Sort Of) Easily Be Changed.  I don't think anythings gonna happen, though!  One day when I have more autonomy over myself I'll quit all these pills, though.  Seems like I should be able to do that NOW.  I dunno.  Lemme think on that.  Maybe It Can Be Done!  Who cares.  Three paragraphs to go!  What should I do with my night tonight.  Probably try to enjoy it to some extent!  Came up with Story for Storytelling joke in class last night about my Guitar Being Haunted.  Guess I'll stick with that for Homework Assignment on account of I Doubt I Come Up With Anything Else.  Guitar strings just serendipitously Work or Don't Work depending on whether I Really Need It or Not!  Probably should try to embellish a beat or two if I can.  It's hard!  DUMB Mind.  You don't know the half of it!   
   Penultimate paragraph.  Oh, Right... write GOOD Stuff.  Forgot about that! I got so used to writing bullshit life story off the top of my head I forgot I CAN WRITE QUALITY THINGS.  THAT'LL HAPPEN NOW AND AGAIN!  For some reason Today We Wanted A Shitty Entry though.  Not MY Fault!  UNIVERSE WANTED IT.  If I wrote A Piece Of Shit it's probably because It Was The Right Move!  Hmm.  It's been fun.  Okay.  Let's see.  I got a book waiting in the wings after Dave Grohl but it's not a REAL book.  It's the Jeff Tweedy book about songs he likes.  And each chapter he talks about a different song!  That's not a narrative book!  I dunno what that's gonna be like!  Either way I guess I'll read it one way or another.  Wonder if there's any overlap with the Bob Dylan book about songs He Likes.  Only way to find out is to read it!  Or read the table of contents!  Wait a second.  His name is Jeff Tweedy?  Now that I think about it that's kind of a stupid name.  I hope I go back and forth on this because as of now out of nowhere it feels like an unfortunate name In This Very Moment.  And I wouldn't wish that on Jeff Tweedy!  Hmm. Could it be FUN at the same time?  Tweedy.  I dunno.  Tweedy.  Tweedy.  Hmm.  Better just go by Jeff.
    Last paragraph.  I dunno.  Pretty sure that was a setting on one of my old Guitar Amps.  Tweedy.  Ah.  That was a good amp!  Anyway.  I can play guitar better now than I could then.  I DON'T.  But I COULD.  If I really felt like it!  Whatever.  One paragraph to go!  I really think tomorrow will be a good entry.  On account of it Not Being Today's Entry. I used up All The Crappy Things One Could Say today!  I've exhausted all the boring material!  I'm Going To Hell Because of Rock N Roll Music.  So what.  That's old news.  TOMORROW WE START A NEW.  Why am I going to hell for Rock N Roll Music.  I dunno.  Probably won't actually happen.  Just a passing thought!  Hmm.  "There's Nothing Rock 'n Roll About Hell."  I wrote that down a few days ago.  Something to it!  Great.  My mind sucks.  I guess that's it for today!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-5:53 P.M.             

Monday, July 8, 2024

You Already Read This Title

    Hey, friends!  How was everyone's weekend?  Hope you all had a good time.  I read a bunch of the Dave Grohl book and did my Stand Up Homework.  Turns out writing Ten Jokes is pretty substantial!  Most of the jokes are long, paragraphlong jokes!  This might take me like five minutes to say!  I'm not especially happy with how it turned out comedically but it's pretty accurate I guess factswise!  Anyway.  Still finding my voice!  I think I found Someone Else's Voice by accident!  Definitely developing SOME voice... not sure this is MY voice.  But it's an interesting development to have Any Voice At All!  Anyway.  Maybe with each week's assignment I can find Some Wrong Voice and cross that off my list.  Eventually figure out the right voice for me!  Comedy LIKE ALL ART is developed through The Process Of Elimination.  Eventually I'll stumble upon the right narrative structure for me by virtue of exhausting all other narrative structures!
   Sure.  I'm enjoying the Dave Grohl book a lot.  He makes life seem like a good time.  A legitimately good time.  Like, an actual flat out positive experience.  Something that you are legitimately happy is going on!  But then the book eventually ends.  Sounds like a scam.  I'm assuming the book ends.  I haven't finished it yet.  Maybe the book goes on and on and on!  That'd be a good book.  I listened to a couple of Foo Fighters albums for the first time.  I DUNNO.  Kinda good!  But at the same time, I dunno!  Something OFF about it.  Can't quite put my finger on it.  Maybe I'm just jealous.  Jealous of what.  Take Your Pick!  Jealous that I don't have a great successful band!  Jealous of the people who DO enjoy The Foo Fighters to the max for whatever reason that may be!  I don't think I'm jealous.  That wasn't an accurate labeling of emotion!  I'm jealous of Dave Grohl having positive relationships with people and Being On The Positive Side Of The Universe.  But I'm not jealous of THE FOO FIGHTERS persay.
   Gotta shave before class tonight!  If I don't shave myself who will.  Swallowed a fly yesterday!  I was taking a walk and before I knew it there was a fly in my mouth somehow and I swallowed it before you could say Uncle.  I like it when things happen to me!  That's the first thing that happened to me in a few days or so!  Wonder if that story will go anywhere.  I highly doubt it!  That's probably the end of it.  Unless I walk into a Transportation Machine.  Then we're talking a possible Jeff Goldblum The Fly Scenario!  Now the story is just beginning!  I think the fly is dead by now.  I'd just be transforming into a Dead Fly.  Nothing exciting about that.  Just slowly transforming into The Dead.  I guess that's what we're doing already.  But Dead Humanness for most of us. Not Dead Flyness.  Anyway.  We are all like the caterpillar morphing into the butterfly but our Butterfly is Being A Corpse.  I don't like it.
    Being dead is our Mature State!  That's what we aspire to!  Sure spend enough time doing it.  Spend half a dozen decades being alive and then a billion years being dead.  Obviously Being Dead is what we spend most of our time doing.  So that's the stage of ourselves that's probably being prioritized in the end.  I dunno.  I'm being Morbid, just like Yo Momma's Obesity!  Whatever.  Both books I read recently talk about Kurt Cobain.  Wonder what he was all about.  Probably some sort of rock star.  We never got to see him do any television interviews over the last 30 years so I guess we'll never know who he was for sure!  I guess the music will have to speak for itself!  It's pretty good music.  I think I could live without it, though!  It holds up, sure, but if there was no Nirvana, I'd survive!  Wait a second. Just thought about Nirvana in a slightly different light.  Appreciate it for what it is.  Now I'm happy there's Nirvana.  Nevermind.
    Fifth paragraph.  Why would anyone be anti-Nirvana.  It's certainly not BAD music.  But I guess you could have negative associations with it for one reason or another.  Whatever.  I'm imagining Nirvana in my head right now.  Not quite delivering on the promise of Spiritual Nirvana!  It's PRETTY GOOD but I'm not quite IN HEAVEN or anything!  Ah well!  They did THEIR BEST!  Anyway.  I relate to Kurt Cobain a lot as a song writer and guitar player!  I'm not at his level but he's definitely one of the top five who I emulate both lyrically and guitarwise.  HEY, wait a second... is he the one who inspired me to do music?  What Bullshit.  You're telling me this is all his fault?  Fuckin' jerk!  What a waste of my time.  Ah well.  Maybe there's that 1 in 100 scenario where I Become A Musician and Kurt Cobain Inspiring Me pays off!  Otherwise Kurt Cobain is an asshole.  Ah well.  No one's perfect!  The fact that he's a lefty alone inspired me.  That's how it goes for guitar players.  For me, at least.  WHAT?  WE'RE FELLOW LEFTIES?  We play guitar the same way!!  
    I do not play guitar the same way Kurt Cobain does.  With the same hand, I guess.  But that's about it!  I sometimes play the guitar a little like him.  But in a way that is Not Musically GOOD.  ANYWAY halfway through the entry!  Hmm.  Probably will be very awkward doing my set tonight in Stand Up Class.  Wonder how that will go!  Ah well.  Can only move me forward in life.  I don't think I've EVER done anything in life and then been like wait a second, that suddenly brought me back to where I was six months ago.  Maybe.  We can elect Trump and that brings us back to the Dark Ages.  But Let's Just Not Do That and that solves that problem.  What was so bad about the Dark Ages.  Not enough light.  Also, took AGES for it to happen.  That's great.  I'm at Season 2, Episode 5 of Boardwalk Empire.  Really haven't been paying very close attention at all!  But I've seen it before so it doesn't matter, I know what's going on anyway!  The main characters are up to some shady shit and they interact with one another until eventually the show just ends.  Hmm.  What am I supposed to watch when the show ends.  Well surely there's another Prestige Drama waiting in the wings!  
    Seventh paragraph.  Kurt Cobain never got a chance to be a real person to The American Public!  Always just gonna be some mythical figure.  I need more real people in my life!  I don't care if it's Kurt Cobain or some other jerk!  Probably not gonna be Kurt Cobain at this point.  On account of He Doesn't Exist Here Anymore.  I think we can Call It in terms of me becoming friends with Kurt Cobain!  Such is life.  Can't be reciprocal, at least.  I can accept Kurt Cobain INTO MY HEART by reading anecdotes about him as a real person but it can't go The Other Way!  The Kurt Cobain wanting to be MY Friend Ship Has Sailed!  Anyway.  Should have stayed alive long enough to meet me!  CLEARLY he didn't care!  Whatever.  How could he have known How Great I'd Be!  Nobody could have predicted This!  I don't blame him.  Anyway.  Some guy shows up and gets our feelings all worked up and then just leaves!   How are we supposed to feel!  I don't like it.
    Ah well I guess I'll forget about it again.  I have no deep feelings about Kurt Cobain 99.9% of my life!  He's A GOOD GUY WITH UNFORTUNATE DEMONS.  Made those close to him's life brighter most of the time when they weren't worrying about him as well as touching us all with his music!  SO WHAT.  Where does that leave the rest of us.  Don't do heroin.  Great.  Such a special person and his life is boiled down to a cautionary tale.  Wonderful.  Well, Nirvana's discography is pretty good!  I don't see Nirvana as my Favorite Band but they work quite nicely as a Back Up To Favorite Bands!  They COMPLIMENT Favorite Music quite well!  They provide a nice supplementary voice On The Regular throughout my life!  I dunno.  What if Kurt Cobain wrote seven more Nirvana albums.  They could have easily become one of my favorite bands with more material.  What was I talking about again.  Oh, right.  Kurt Cobain!  Killed himself and left the rest of us to pick up the pieces!  Maybe it's for the best.  How much Nirvana does the world really need.  Enough already, right?
   Penultimate paragraph!  Whatever.  THE LIVING.  Let's talk about THEM!  Hmm.  Kurt Cobain might be Alive Somewhere Somehow.  Looking down on us Up In Buddhism Heaven.  I don't know.  I dunno if he really believes in Nirvana.  Just liked the word!  Got a Subway Sandwich from like five days ago that I gotta finish today.  Just kept getting pushed back Meal-to-Meal for one reason or another!  Probably still good for tonight, though.  What would Kurt Cobain think if he saw what was going on today.  I don't know.  I don't know anything about Kurt Cobain!  TOO CRYPTIC.  Ah well!  The important thing is we look at our society through the prism of One Man's Eyes!  That's the way to go!  Whatever.  Class is in less than two hours.  Fuck!  I'm gonna stink up the joint!  But then it will end and we'll move on with the class and I'll get my assignment for Next Week and I'll get started on my Stinkiness For That Homework!  Alright!  Life Moves On!
    Gonna write a funny Last Paragraph.  On account of subjecting you to some dumb First Nine Paragraphs.  Hmm.  If I couldn't come up with anything funny FOR COMEDY CLASS what chance do YOU have to Get Anything Outta Me?  I DON'T LIKE YOUR ODDS.  Anyway.  Foo Fighters music is okay but it all just sounds way too adequate!  Like why do I NEED to hear these songs?  Nothing about this is especially PERTINENT to me.  The handful of hits Hit Pretty Hard I guess!  And if I was exposed to Foo Fighters albums as a teenager I'd probably be on board with them!  And I'm sure if I wanted to ingratiate myself with Foo FIghterness NOW I can if I choose to!  I guess it's all really up to me!  Hmm.  That song Monkey Wrench just sounded catchy to me this weekend!  That was a song that was NEW to me that I took note of and will probably go out of my way to listen to again!  So they're already making progress I guess!  Anyway.  I guess that's all for today.  See ya tomorrow!

-5:31 P.M. 

Thursday, July 4, 2024

I'm Even Funnier Than I Think I Am

    Hey!  Happy Declaration Of Independence Day!  King George can suck my dick!  Actually NO.  I like Positive Sex so if King George was sucking my dick I'd want it to be an enjoyable experience for both of us.  And I don't want King George to feel great about anything!  He was a villain!  Oh well!  "King George Can Suck Stugots."  Anyway he's been dead for hundreds of years, maybe he gets a pass at this point.  King George might be down in Afterlife saying BUT I LOVE AMERICA NOW. ...Well not NOW. But I loved America UP TO VERY RECENTLY.  Why were the Founding Fathers so quick to cancel King George!  It does beg the question though WERE the Founding Fathers Too Woke.  Hmm.  Good thing the popular response to Declaration of Independence wasn't CRY MORE LIB.  How come Royalty always going by their first names.  King George.  Seems too Casual.  "Hey!  I'm King Michael!  HOW'S IT GOING?"  Too colloquial as far as I'm concerned!
   Not sure Kings EVEN HAVE has last names.  They don't even bother!  That's how high they are above us!  Wow.  That's the life.  But anyway if you are an assigned elected position you go by LAST NAME.  We got President Biden.  But if he was royalty he'd be King Joe and/or King Joseph.  Anyway.  Can we even still call Leader Of America President.  Does that word still apply in the light of Supreme Court Ruling this week.  We need a new word for America Leader.  PERSON WHOM WE'RE ALL AT THE MERCY OF.  That's too long a phrase to say every time.  Anyway.  If I were president what crimes would I be committing.  Let's be honest with ourselves!  Perform a thought experiment!  WOULD WE commit any crimes as president?  Hmm.  First instinct is I'd Avoid Committing Crimes!  That'd be my goal starting out.  I'll be honest, though, if I'm president I've already Been A Jerk Altruistically To Get There In The First Place.  So I could see myself committing a crime or two for what I'd consider the greater good as president!  I'm a Hypothetical Politician This is what Imaginary People Do.
    Anyway.  I don't like myself as president!  What an asshole!  I don't rank in the top seven presidents of history AT ALL.  Ah well YOU'LL SEE WHEN YOU'RE PRESIDENT that it's no bed of roses.  If I was THE FIRST president after they made crime legal, I'd Not Commit Crimes.  If I had a chance to try to Set A Precedent of No Criming, I'd try to make that The Standard.  That's easy enough.  No one wants to be the first person to pee in the pool.  That's not an entirely apt analogy.  Great!  Whose gonna stop me from using it anyway.  Watched most of Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F.  It was okay!  I wasn't paying that close attention but it seemed pleasant enough.  I enjoyed the actors, the scenery, the music, the dialogue, and the action.  On the downside the Mets game was going on while it was happening, and I was keeping tabs on that as well, and the Mets ended up losing!  I don't think I'll ever forget that!  The Mets have lots of games left in this season.  Games they can WIN.  I dunno.  Lots of pressure on baseball teams these days.
     Fourth paragraph!  Got three day weekend coming up.  Gotta write Comedy Homework Jokes at some point.  Maybe work on music.  You might not know this about me but in an Alternate Dimension I can write music that I and others would enjoy!  Not this dimension, though.  In this dimension I write songs that are Worse Than Nothing.  In this dimension I make the world a worse place with my music!  Anyway.  Maybe see a Film in Theatres.  Could indulge in Twilight Zone Marathon for July Fourth Holiday.  What The Hell Is Wrong With This Dimension.  Really.  Just STOP FOR A SECOND.  TAKE A BREATH.  LOOK AROUND BRIEFLY.  WE IN A SHIT DIMENSION FOLKS.  HAVE BEEN FOR A BIT.  I don't get it!  Maybe it oscillates and sometimes it Feels Shitty and Sometimes It Feels Right and it balances out.  I dunno.  Pretty sure it's just Shitty.  Guess it's on us to band together and demand Betterness.  What.  WHO band up.  Demand what from WHO.  I.  DON'T.  KNOW.
     Fifth paragraph.  Write songs about it.  LYRICS WILL CLARIFY MY THOUGHTS.  Hey that's great I've heard of less plausible things.  It's hard to motivate myself to write songs!  THE MAN is keeping me down Somehow!  Where is Justice.  Supreme Court Justices are around.  They're Ruining The World More Than Anyone Else!  WOW!  That's not how they see it.  How do they see it.  Hmm.  "I'm A Big Dumb Evil Person And I'm Gonna Fuck Things Up For Good People Everywhere."  Oh.  As long as I'm in their head What Do They See As Their Weakness.  HOW DO WE STOP THEM.  They must know their own vulnerabilities!  Hmm. I'm a big dumb evil person and my point of weakness is when Michael writes ten or fourteen quality songs.  Oh no.  The pressure is on now!  IT RINGS TRUE also is the truth of the matter.  Well, let's see, where can I start.  What are some CHORDS I can use for Song #1.   F.  A.  G.  Hey wait a second WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
     Halfway through the act.  Interesting.  Anyway.  Five more paragraphs to go!  What if I'm tuned down half a step.  Then it sounds like we're dealing with E Ab and F#.  Entirely different song!  Nah really more or less the same.  Let's get back into Funny Jokes Mode thuogh.  Assuming we were there at all to begin with.  Just looked at screenshot of Nucky Thompson on my TV and it made me wonder WHO ARE ACTORS.  Sometimes I'm watching TV or Films and I realize Are These People people at all Off The Clock.  I used to think they have emotional intelligence off the charts to be able to Play Characters.  And maybe that was the right thought.  OR maybe they just do it by raw animal instinct!  Are they THE BEST OF US?  THE WORST OF US?  Some sort of weird indecipherable Offshoot of us?  Or are they JUST LIKE US but they won the lottery and just get to play pretend for a living.  What The HELL are they!  What IS a Steve Buscemi?  We'll never know!  On the other hand Who The Fuck Are You Exactly Though Either?
    Well, yeah!  I don't know!  Thanks for reminding me!  Seventh paragraph.  I don't know what your standard person is like either.  I haven't had a real friend since Before The Universe Started Sucking and that's been a long long time.  I hate that phrase.  Play Pretend For A Living.  Overused!  Why do People have to BE Somebody.  Being Some Sort Of Person Is Overrated!  Just do your dumb rote responsibilities over the course of the day.  Try to be pleasant.  That'll get you where you wanna go!  That's what got us IN THIS MESS.  What mess.  I don't take my life seriously enough!  Gotta be more PRESENT or something. I dunno!  I like saying present when attendance is being taken.  More fun than saying here!  Anyway.  You don't wanna be present for Half The Stuff life throws at you.  It's a superpower to Not Be Around for a lot of this crap.  But it works against you for the rest of the time!  It's a trade off! 
   Three paragraphs to go.  What kind of life do I wanna live.  Hmm.  Superpower!  I'll take that life!  Makes sense.  Dumb.  Can I choose my superpower?  Sure.  What do I have in mind.  DOC OCK.  Off the top of my head!  I really should think about it instead of just say the first thing off the top of my head.  NAH.  I'll just say the thing off the top of my head!  I'LL TAKE DOC OCKs super powers MECHANICAL THOUGH THEY MAY BE.  Use tentacles for good, though!  They listen TO ME.  As far as I can tell!  Walk around carrying things for people.  What else can I do?  Gotta be more to Super Hero life than Carrying Heavy Things For People.  Hmm.  Doc Ock also Super Smart.  He was a college professor!  WOW.  I CAN GRADE PAPERS.  I promise to do so fairly and agreeably!  Hmm I don't think he was a professor.  He was a Practical Scientist.  Great.  Now all my teaching skills are going to waste.
   Penultimate paragraph. I don't like it!  Steve Buscemi is probably just a normal person.  What the Hell is a normal person today.  In a Universe that is no longer normal can a Person truly be normal?  I dunno!  Let's check in with Steve Buscemi to see what he says!  He's not here.  We can't check in with Steve Buscemi right now.  But hopefully we catch up with him later is how I feel!  Thinking I might need to take an Improv class after Stand Up class is over.  I don't particularly Love improv or am Great at it but I think taking Improv Classes improves my life!  Can't quite quantify it.  But moving forward in the UCB Improvement System so far has helped me moved forward in life.  It's SOMETHIN!  Not much.  Not exactly what I want out of life.  But it's slightly Different and/or Better than nothing.  And one day I might be the best Improviser the world has ever seen.  Assuming I'm on some World that has a very small population.  Maybe a dozen people or so.  With no other people with improv chops or experience.  Something like that.
    Last paragraph!  Okay.  Wonder what I'll eat for dinner.  Mom just wanted Chinese Food but they're closed for the holiday.  Which holiday.  Independence Day.  I don't wanna have to do Improv!  Just imagined having to IMPROVISE a response to, "Which Holiday?"  I DON'T KNOW what I'm supposed to do next.  I'm not really a fan of What I'm Doing Now!  I should take that into account when thinking about what I should do next.  Probably should Start Over with what I do next instead of Continue On The Path I Don't Particularly Like That I'm Currently On.  Maybe I just DON'T THINK I like the path I'm on.  Maybe I really do like the path that I'm on and I'm just confused!  No that sounds like nonsense to me.  Anyway.  There's elements of my life that I'm stuck with and there's elements I can change!  Doesn't need to be Either/or!  Anyway that's it for today.  I'll see ya later.

-6:18 P.M.       
     
     

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

That's Crazy That You're Here

    Oh, hello!  Gotta write an entry now.  Probably will be decent enough.  What have I done to prepare for today's entry.  Hmm.  Listened to the second single from Eminem's upcoming album over and over on all my walks today!  It's about Tobey Maguire playing Spiderman.  TOPICAL.  Ripped right from today's headlines!  I like the way Tobey Maguire plays Peter Parker.  There's ebb and flow for sure, but in general Peter Parker is Having A Blast being Spiderman.  Most other superheroes are filled with self loathing and pathos and doubt and other negative feelings, but Spiderman is having a great time!  Whether he's Spiderman or Peter Parker in the moment, Spiderman is Getting Off on being Spiderman in a way other most Superheroes don't indulge in.  I've never seen Clark Kent go Hey I'm Superman how about that and then laugh himself silly.  Actually, I think Christopher Reeve Superman was having a pretty good time.  That's how I remember things!  I don't know what point I'm trying to make.  I'm all over the place.  Point.  What point.  There's points?  Yeah!  One day there might be.
    Anyway.  Enjoying Boardwalk Empire more than I thought I would.  The characters are slightly better people than I anticipated.  They're criminals!  But they seem like good guys in the end.  To be fair I'm not paying close attention.  In a way aren't we all criminals.  Not presidents.  EVER.  It's Impossible!  What does it MEAN.  We are all innocent until proven guilty.  And then some of us are innocent after proven guilty.  Just For Fun I Guess!  Are we supposed to just accept this law now?  I guess so!  We're supposed to accept the law in general!  If we don't they can throw us in jail!  We can be conscientious objectors to the law.  How does that manifest itself in this case.  Just DON'T GO To Vietnam!  Huh.  What?  Oh.  Sorry.  What if WE ALL started breaking laws as a form of NONVIOLENT protest.  HMM.  THAT's A GOOD IDEA.  Hey everyone!  IF WE ALL DO IT!  What laws should we all break to send a protest message.  Hmm.  Should be slightly serious but nothing too serious.  I'm thinking UN-armed Robbery.
    I can't send protest messages. I can barely Write A Protest Paragraph!  I don't wanna be above the law.  I want everyone to be below it!  Or on the same level as it!  I think it's possible Supreme Court just wants us to live in The Purge.  I don't KNOW what they want.  Sure seems antithetical to what A Normal Person thinks and feels and wants for our country though!  Who the fuck are these people is the point!  Anyway.  The Purge is too benign for what The Supreme Court has in store for us.  They've got worser things in mind!  I never saw The Purge.  But I think it's a fraction as bad as what they'd have in store for us!  Hmm.  I believe I read Biden Campaign says he's against Supreme Court Reform.  Now! He said that in the past 2 days!  Okay.  Well.  You Freakin' Idiot What The Fuck I Can't Stand It.  So that's good!  Who cares what people say.  The important thing is what people DO.  He doesn't DO ANYTHING.  I don't like it.
    New paragraph time.  New opportunity to write BETTER WORDS.  Do people with prosthetic limbs commit robbery with guns and then they're on trial for armed robbery and are like HOW DARE YOU HAVE YOU NO SHAME I HAVE NO ARMS?  Yes that happens all the time so what let's move on.  I can do better than that.  Armed Robbery.  Armed Shrubbery.  Turns out I CAN'T do better than that.  Hmm.  I'm phantom smelling MACARONI right now.  Delicious.  Where's that coming from.  Is that what you smell when you're about to have a heart attack.  Macaroni with butter and salt?  Either way if you're gonna go might a well go on a Delicious Smelling High!  Michael Kenneth Williams of The Wire and Boardwalk Empire is long since deceased now in real life.  Too bad!  Had lots of first names!  Turnt out to be one too many I guess!  Google says he died in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.  WOW.  THEY NAMED THE TOWN WHERE HE LIVED/DIED AFTER HIM POSTHUMOUSLY.  THAT'S RESPECT.  As long as ONE OF US is getting respect!  For a second I assumed the character of Rodney Dangerfield.  I don't know why.  And I don't know why I THEN IMMEDIATELY STOPPED.  But I was him for half a second!  It's over now though.
    YES.  What's the consensus on if Rodney Dangerfield really suffered from Feeling A Lack Of Respect as a Mental Condition.  Did that really bother him in his mind?  My guess is A Little Bit But Not So Much.  If it bothered him That Much he wouldn't be able to Joke About It All The Time!  But if it didn't bother him at all It Wouldn't Come Up So Often!  Hmm.  Anyway.  Steve Buscemi seems like a GREAT GUY in this show.  I've seen this show I'm gonna say 3 or 4 times before and in the past he seemed cold, cruel and calculating but this time around C'MON HE SEEMS LIKE A NORMAL STRAIGHT UP GUY.  Especially compared to other Main Characters of Prestige TV shows!  Seems relatively benign!  He does do Lots Of Bad Things though per my recollection of Plot Points.  But for the most part Just Look At Him How Bad Can He Be He Means Well!  Let's give him a pass!  These are the kinds of people who are politicians and/or become president.  They get to commit crimes now if they want!  What Fun!  Obviously the worst case scenario is Trump which is Doomsday For All Of Us Beyond Comprehension.  But even without Trump we get people like Nucky Thompson who get to be president and it's just Allowed that they can just do whatever the fuck they want.  Just Whatever They Want, Whenever they want!  WHY!
     Anyway.  Sixth paragraph!  Wonderful.  We're due for A Real Solid Paragraph.  Hasn't really happened yet.  I think this one will be good, though!  I think the new Beverly Hills Cop movie is out!  I'll watch that!  I think I enjoyed the original film of that franchise Well Enough!  If only Judge Reinhold were on the Supreme Court we wouldn't be in this mess!  We'd be in some other mess where Bizarre Things That Shouldn't Be Happening Are Happening.  I could think of Worse Things, though.  Suddenly Judge Reinhold is on the Supreme Court?  I Don't Mind That all things considered.  Might go see a Despicable Me 4 this weekend!  I don't have strong feelings about the franchise besides that I don't particularly like it or hate it!  I feel that pretty strongly!  I don't think I like Minions but at the same time I could also Hate Them More!  Oh that's the one where Stephen Carrell is a super villain.  But then at some point in the franchise I believe he becomes a good guy.  But then I'm gonna guess at some point in the franchise he became a bad guy again but in a good way sort of.  And he may have become a good guy again but in an evil way at some point as well.  WHO KNOWS where he's at now.  Gotta see the movie!
    Seventh paragraph.  Eddie Murphy is NOT a Beverly Hills Cop in the original.  He is a DETROIT COP OPERATING BRIEFLY IN BEVERLY HILLS.  Maybe at some point he's in Beverly Hills long enough that we can start calling him a Beverly Hills Cop, I don't know!  Chris Farley IS NOT a Beverly Hills Ninja.  He is a Japanese Ninja IN BEVERLY HILLS.  Rivers Cuomo is NOT from Beverly Hills.  Beverly Hills is WHERE HE WANTS TO BE.  Ah whatever.  I think he's being facetious about it!  I don't think Rivers Cuomo wants to be in Beverly Hills at all!  That's my interpretation!  OR if he does, it's just a passing feeling and not some deeply held truth about him.  I could be wrong.  I could be wrong about a lot of things!  THIS... other things... who knows.  What IS Beverly Hills. It's in Los Angeles, right?  What exactly ABOUT IT is unique from the rest of Los Angeles.  Hmm.  (1) lots of celebrities live there (2) shopping district (3) hotels and shit.  Sure.  CELEBRITIES?  WHAT THE HELL?  I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THOSE GUYS!
    Three paragraphs to go.  Wait a second.  Hmm.  New season of The Bear was released.  I'm not sure I like The Bear!  I watched the first two seasons and some of it was boring and some of it I found engaging!  Not sure what it was all about though.  The main guy is the Bear.  What's his problem.  He's got a problem with something but WHAT IS IT.  I'm not saying he's not entitled to His Problem.  I'm on board!  I think I agree with him!  I emphasize and identify with him!  BUT WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM EXACTLY AGAIN?  Hmm.  Two and a half paragraphs to go.  Something just doesn't sit right with me while watching The Bear.  Characters are too lifelike I think.  This is Television!  Should be faker!  I just get too into the show that's too realistic, in a bad way!  What do I know People Are Like.  How am I supposed to tell Real From Fake.  I dunno.  Just goin by my gut I guess! I don't trust my gut.  What do I trust.  I trust SOME OF YOUR guts.  Good deal!
   PENULTIMATE paragraph.  Stugots.  To Guts!  That's a palindrome.  And the first half is the name of Tony Soprano's boat.  I've heard that phrase before too in Italian American context.  What does it translate to?  "This Dick."  Great!  How do you use Stugots in a sentence though.  Just an Exclamation usually.  Not used as a meaningful phrase or anything.  Just an amorphous curse word USUALLY.  That's my impression!  Well that's good.  If I wanted to convey the information, "This Dick," can I say Stugots though?  Or does it ONLY apply as an Exclamation.  Who cares.  I'm never going to speak to mobsters.  I won't ever have to use their language.  And if I did they'd appreciate it if I kept my mouth shut in general.  They LIKE IT when You Talk Less.  It's part of their thing!  Keep Quiet about everything!  Then again if I used the language they use they might like me and adopt me as their pal and then my life would be better because I'd have friends in high places.  Yep.
    Last paragraph!  You know it.  Last paragraph.  All The Sopranos are gone by the end of The Sopranos.  Even if Tony survives his time at the Diner, practically all of his friends are dead!  He's gonna have to make a whole bunch of new friends And Quick.  He's got Paulie Walnuts and that's about it.  Everyone else has let loose their mortal coil.  Hesh is still around I believe but he's kind of an outer-character to begin with.  Hmm.  Maybe get diner for dinner tonight!  What a great idea.  Wouldn't have thought of it if it weren't for the Stugots Palindrome!  THANK GOD.  I guess.  Alright I guess I'm watching Beverly Hills Cop tonight.  I don't see any reason to go in any other direction with my life!  It might not be the greatest experience of my life but I'm not sure what the alternative would be that WOULD HAVE been the greatest experience of my life.  THIS IS what the universe has in store for me This Evening is the point!  OH NO.  WHAT IF THE SUPREME COURT RUINED THIS MOVIE SOMEHOW.  I don't know how that might have happened.  BUT WHAT IF IT DID.  It probably is mediocre regardless of Supreme Court.  Great.  That's a relief!  Anyway.  See ya!

-5:27 P.M.          
       

Tuesday, July 2, 2024

I'm A Big Idiot And Everything I Write Sucks

    Hey, friends!  Had Stand Up Class #2 last night.  Is this what my life has become?!  Remedial Stand Up classes?  Sure why not.  What makes me better than anyone else!  I did Just OK in it!  Wrote and told a couple of boilerplate Supreme Court jokes.  Wrote and told a joke about being short.  Think I did a THRID joke sequence as well.  All in all did ADEQUATE for what it was.  WHAT WAS IT.  REMEDIACY.  Other people in the class are cool.  Hmm.  OTHER PEOPLE.  Each individual is a Real Seperate Person.  I don't know what to make of that!  I'm busy with my own life but when you think about it, I Briefly Wonder What Their Lives Are Like Too!  I dunno.  I think all I can handle for now is How Can They Do Their Small Part To Fit Into My Life 3 hours a week.  Beyond that I don't have time for their lives.  Potentially a big loss for them!  "Michael isn't aware of or engaging with my life?  Hmm.  What else is going on."
    Michael got his own life going on!  You know-- what he sees on TV!  Started re-watching Boardwalk Empire.  Might be the wrong move!  I don't wanna be BORED WALKED through life.  There must be more to life than this!  On ME to figure it out.  There must be some sort of Television I can watch that'll be productive.  What's an Easy thing I can do that's Good For Me.  Must be something I can masturbate to that's a mutual and shared experience.  Huh.  POSITIVE, too.  If I'm masturbating and somehow It's Reciprocal, but negative somehow, that's no good!  Been feeling the pressure lately when masturbating!  Gotta get it right!  You don't wanna blow your load on the wrong thing.  This is your life!  Only get one go around On This Earth!  Make it count!   It's possible masturbating shouldn't be mutual or shared.  Possible it should be a solitary confinement!  YOU SIR do not know mental illnesss sir!  Being alone is not an option.
    Huh.  Anyway.  What if I could be alone for a while.  Shut off all the voices for a few hours.  Then I'd be a rich man indeed!  Anyway.  YES I'm masturbating wrong I get it let's move on.  I'm trying to figure it out!  I'm giving it my all!  I can't Watch TV any better but I can Plausibly Masturbate better.  It's one Entertainment Area where there's Room For Improvement!  And ya know what?  I do get better.  I look at where I was a year ago and I'm jerking off WAY better than I was then.  On the other hand, I think about where I was when I was a teenager and I was masturbating like a CHAMPION then.  We go through different phases in our lives I guess is the point.  Ups and downs!  Peaks and valleys!  Hills and... Valleys!  Anyway.  Masturbating is how I figure out my place in the world!  This is how I estimate what my relationship is with women.  Not necessarily how I ACCURATELY assess things are.  But it's one dimension of how I dream things be!  YOUR MASTURBATING IS BUT ONE DIMENSION OF THE MULTIVERSE.  Huh.  Sounds serious!
    Whatever.  That could be a bit.  For Stand Up!  Nice chunk on Masturbating.  I don't think I wrote any Jokes persay yet but I got the concept down I guess!  My point of view is fresh yet relatable.  Wonderful!  I dunno.  Why aren't I doing that right now.  Masturbating.  It's better than NOT masturbating.  Wow.  What a fresh yet relatable comment.  This kid is going places.  Anyway.  Always with the cock out.  I sound like I'm going to be the LOUIE CK of Comedy!  I hope not.  Let's Move On!  Louie Cuck, that's what I call him.  Because I like to demean people in clever ways.  This man is my enemy and I bet he has a significant other and I bet that significant other cheats on him.  Huh.  What?  WHY?  Not sure why any of that is the case!  I know why I think negatively about him at first thought.  But who cares what I think at first thought.  I'm not Cultural Gatekeeper.  I'm Cultural Keymaster!  What IS a keymaster.  The guy who... masters the... Hmm.  He Holds onto the keys.
   Fifth paragraph!  I take my phone with me where ever I go.  I AM THE PHONEMASTER.  For better or worse!  Anyway.  Had Chipotle for lunch.  That's not so bad.  So far The Worst Thing In The World hasn't happened yet today!  They delayed Trump's sentencing 2 months!  I wasn't happy about that at all!  But it wasn't The WORST Thing In The World!  As far as I'm concerned, The Worst Thing In The World probably WON'T HAPPEN again for WEEKS!  We've got so much time to enjoy ourselves!  Take a breather!  Enjoy the summer air!  July Fourth BBQ sometime coming up this weekend!  Presumably.  I WASN'T INVITED.  But hopefully half of you are going to one!  Eat a Burger for me!  WAIT presidents are just allowed to COMMIT CRIMES now?  REALLY?  THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH?  I think they're trying to convince us we live in some sort of ALT Dimension or Simulation or something because one of my first instincts is like This doesn't line up with Reality as I Thought I Knew It.  The Delicate Balanced Harmonious Rich Universe I thought we lived in... that looks less and less likely!  Looks more and more likely we live in some Fucked Up Retarded Bullshit Game.  Is THAT what you're trying to tell me?  Cause I don't BUY THAT EITHER.  I STILL BELIEVE IN REALITY.  Prove me wrong!
    Halfway through the entry.  Started the entry about an hour late today.  Was picking up clothes from Laundromat!  Worked out okay.  My Mom is watching The Sixth Sense.  If I had a Sixth Sense, what would it be.  Hmm.  Probably SMELL.  I think Smell is supposed to be one of my Top Five Senses.  Oh.  In that case, I'd say probably Touch.  That, too, is supposed to be one of the top 5 senses.  Ah.  Sense of self I guess.  Fine.  As Long As I Can Move On!  Parody called Boardwalk Umpire and it's about an MLB Umpire who... uh... does things!  Supreme Court Justices are there to call balls and strikes.  Not legislate from the bench.  YOU KNOW MAKE IT SO THAT PRESIDENTS CAN COMMIT CRIMES.  Wait what.  WAIT WHAT.  Anyway.  These were my three Supreme Court jokes that I wrote during class yesterday.  They sound more like Late Night TV monologue Jokes than Stand Up Jokes!  But Teacher said they could pass as stand up jokes, too!--  
     "The Supreme Court just granted immunity for presidents who commit crimes as official acts while in office.  While some say this is a bizarre misuse of their power which completely destroys the legal balance in our executive system, others are presumably okay with it somehow for some reason."  "The Supreme Court essentially just made it legal for presidents to commit crimes while in office if The Court signs off on it.  Remember, while this sounds bad, on the plus side, if you were looking for a moment to Just Stop Bothering To Care About Things Permanently, now is really as good at time as any."  "The Supreme Court just ruled that presidents have immunity from criminal prosecution when performing official acts.  When asked for comment, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas said, "If presidents are forced to follow the law, what's to stop them from forcing us to do the same?"  THREE JOKES.  ALL standardly adequately mediocre standard!  Ya get what ya pay for!
    Supreme Court-- consider yourself roasted!  Comedy is POWER.  Anyway, three paragraphs to go.  Let's see.  I guess I could write three decent paragraphs.  ALSO I never said the third Supreme Court joke in class.  Forgot to say it while it was on me!  That's okay!  Not like I deprived Classmates of The Best Joke Of Their Life or anything!  The point is I'm okay at writing a dumb obvious joke I guess in certain circumstances.  You don't need me!  You can get another person to do it!  But I CAN do it I guess sometimes.  I can write Jokes that don't end with THE RELIEF OF LAUGHTER.  They end with a HEH I GET IT. Not gonna LAUGH about it.  But I GET why it's a joke and everything.  That's the best response I could conjure from jokes I write AS OF NOW. Not so bad!  People like it when there are jokes.  I don't care if you don't even think you like a joke!  You're better off in a universe with jokes than without jokes!
    Penujltimate paragraph.  Anyway.  Gotta write ten jokes for next class.  One lieners!  I got prompts and everything, though!  GOOD.  I wish I could see a ghost. A SEXY ghost!  That'd solve all my problems!  Well if and only if the ghost was Into Me.  If the ghost wanted to be my girlfriend THAT'S a solution to my problems.  Otherwise the fuck I need you for?  Gotta be SOME ghost out there that's interested!  And if not What's Wrong With Me that there's not ONE GHOST out there for me!  Maybe there are no ghosts.  OR maybe there's something wrong with me!  Hmm.  Ghosts notoriously play hard to get!  IT'S A PROCESS trying to find Your Ghost.  What else is up.  If I was a ghost reading this website I'm not really seeing much that I can work with.  IT'S A PROCESS GHOST.  DON'T JUDGE ME JUST BASED ON THIS!  Can ghosts read.  Probably.  Not the ghosts I was picturing though.  Those are other ghosts.  Wow.  So many ghosts out there in the sea.  It can be kind of overwhelming when you think about it.
    Last paragraph.  Amazing!  I can invite people to watch my StandUp class show on Youtube live!  Wow.  I guess I'll pass that along to Oh I Don't Know My BROTHER.  Anyway I get to watch Television later when this is over!  Imagine it!  TV!  I watched that special about LGBTQ+ Comedy on I THINK Netflix a week or two ago.  Good stuff!  I realized I like Eddie Izzard.  I watched her special back in 2000 or whatever back in 2000 or whatever and I liked it then and they were showing clips of it and it holds up pretty well!  Also she stars in an episode of Tales From The Crypt!  That's possibly my favorite thing in the world for better or worse!  IN FACT I might just stop watching Boardwalk Empire completely and watch Tales From The Crypt for the immediate future!  HELL YEAH.  Anyway I guess that's it.  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-6:04 P.M.   
          

Monday, July 1, 2024

Let's Try It Your Way

    Hi!  Everybody have a nice weekend?  What do you people do with your time off from reading the website?  I just count the seconds till it's time for the next entry.  YOU probably have some semblance of your own life.  That'd be weird.  Life.  What's that all about.  Family.  Friends.  I don't wanna make those of you Without Lives jealous.  Even people without lives have SOME Family and Friends.  You may not like or even engage with your family and friends.  But there's gotta be SOME PEOPLE or something, right?  Might just be Lemons!  Is that a Hidden Meaning in 30 Rock.  Liz Lemon is a Shitty Friend and/or Boss/Co-Worker/Underling. She sure seemed like a congenial person to me.  Always cracking Wise!  But she was fairly negative a lot of the time, too.  Do I really want that kind of presence in my life.  She's not real.  Well perhaps one day I'll be an actor and Half My Life Won't Be Real, either.  WOW!
    Got stand up class tonight in four hours.  I wrote my Minute Of Joke assignment!  Mostly.  Still 10% not written.  I'll finish it before class starts, though!  It's not great but it's ENOUGH.  I finished The Sopranos.  Wasn't paying close attention during the Ultimate scene and as a consequence it seemed like they just continued Eating Their Meal.  If you're just LISTENING to the scene, it SOUNDS like Journey is playing in the background, they're having a conversation, and they're eating Onion Rings.  There's no tension of a guy possibly hovering over Tony Soprano who may Or may not shoot him.  I'm not worrying about Tony Soprano at all if I'm just LISTENING to the Finale.  So take that into consideration moving forward!  I think I'm gonna start re-watching Boardwalk Empire.  I FIGURE, how bad can it be to Watch Steve Buscemi For A Bit.  Right?  If anything it'll be a step forward with my life!  Not sure how big a step forward Watching TV can ever really be.  IT'S not TV it's HBO!
    I finished the Kathleen Hanna book and started the Dave Grohl book.  It's okay!  So far I haven't thrown myself out of my 2nd floor bedroom window yet in Disgust!  Why would that have been my first instinct.  Associate Dave Grohl and Disgust.  I don't know.  Some sort of SUGGESTION I got somewhere at some point!  Maybe he himself put that out there even maybe!  FOR FUN.  OH I KNOW.  I feel Disgust these days FOR OTHER REASONS.  NON-DAVE GROHL REASONS.  For one, News and Political Reasons.  Oh well.  What can we do!  This is the world we live on top of!  All we can do is sit and take it.  And then maybe things change occasionally and we celebrate when its for the best and mourn when its for the worst.  Anyway.  I figured out Kathleen Hanna had another band Le Tigre which I like!  That sounds familiar upon further reflection!  I forgot about this band!  Never listened to it before.  But now I am and it's pretty tight! 
    Fourth paragraph!  Hmm.  The Supreme Court made it legal for presidents to commit crimes.  WELL, Republican Presidents at least.  If a Democrat President commits a crime I assume Supreme Court will say actually NOPE this was an unofficial act or some other qualification so this was actually a not okay crime.  Either way it was my preference before to elect Presidents Who Wouldn't Commit Crimes.  But I thought LAW would stop them if not their own moral code.  But now it's become explicitly one of the top issues in Presidential Campaign!  I wanna elect someone who WON'T UTILIZE THEIR POWER TO COMMIT FUCKIN' ANY OF ALL THE IMAGINABLE CRIMES THEY HAVE AT THEIR DISPOSAL.  So that's good.  Makes me laugh!  It's on the funny blog website it must be For Jokes!  It's kind of funny I guess.  It's Absurd.  Absurdism is a kind of humor.  Not the best kind!  Best kind of humor is the Funny Kind.  If it makes people LAUGH.  What do you call that.  NOT THIS.
    Okay.  I can't begin to contemplate all of the fallout and practical consequences of this ruling.  Because I'm not a SCHOLAR and/or ANALYST.  But the obvious dangers are just that!  Extremely Obviously Obvious Danger Dangerous!  Ah well!  I guess we'll see what happens!  Can we count the seconds till we somehow flip the Supreme Court and Change This Ruling.  Why not.  This is the dumbest ruling since EVER.  That's a lot of seconds.  So was you MOTHER!  So what!  SO IS ANYTHING WORTH DOING.  How many seconds are we talking.  I dunno.  Probably a billion.  A Billion seconds is 31 years.  THAT'S TOO LONG.  Let's say WITHIN TEN YEARS.  We can add seats and whatknot.  Because WE NEED TO.  LOOK at what these Captain Insanos are doing to our country day after day.  Are you fuckin' kidding me.  ANYWAY I got that off my chest which is good because now it's Somewhere Else.  Where is it now?  I dunno.  Did I breathe it into your lungs-chest?  It's SOMEWHERE!  Still pretty much On My Chest.  I've ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING with these 2 paragraphs!  Move on, anyway, I guess!
    Ah well.  Since I didn't articulate my position quite well enough or change anybody's minds, then I don't get the privilege of Getting It Off My Chest!  Too Bad For Me!  Everything Still There.  Hmm.  Halfway through the entry, though!  Good deal.  I can focus on OtherPartsOfMyBody, though!  Hmm.  Haven't worn socks in like a week.  Just got in a groove of Not Bothering To Sock Up!  I did bathe for the first time in over a month last night, though!  It was good!  Nice hot Bath Water!  Don't remember the faucet producing This Hot Water in recent memory!  What a pleasurable experience!  The expression, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water..." Does that come from someone who actually did?  Sounds like it might come from experience.  Some lady did it and was like LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE.  I WASN'T PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION, AND, WELL...  DON'T BE LIKE ME.  Anyway.  And that baby grew up to be KEVIN COSTNER.
   I'm bad at references.  I'm never gonna be a comedian at this rate!  Nor at any other rate!  EXCITING to think about people possibly replacing Joe Biden on the ticket!  I like Joe Biden as a person but I can't help but think most other people would be a better candidate/president.  Guess it depends on a Most Other People by Most Other People basis, though!  Imagine!  Shuffling Up The Deck at this point.  I think a lot of people would dig that.  THEY WANT A SHUFFLE EM UP.  Couldn't hurt at least.  I dunno.  I think Supreme Shuffler would deal us a better hand.  That's what I WOULD DO if I were shuffling.  Who would be a good president.  I dunno!  Obviously 1st alternative is Kamala Harris.  She'd be fine.  I like Gretchen Whitmer.  There's other possibilities.  I am not a Scholar or Analyst so I don't know Either Of Them or The Other Possibilities That Well.  I personally don't know which of the possibilities would be BEST.  But my preference would be Someone New!
    Eighth paragraph.  And if its Joe Biden I'll vote for Joe Biden.  I think he'd utilize his new ability to commit crimes WAY LESS then Trump would.  A TINY FRACTION.  Probably ZERO Amount!  Cause he knows Supreme Court would still penalize HIM for crimes cause he's a Democrat!  FOR SHAME.  Anyway.  What else is going on.  "Supreme Shuffler."  What is that some kind of Freudian Slip?  Cause I was talking about Supreme Court before?  WHAT IS THIS SOME SORT OF JOKE TO ME?  I don't like it.  Anyway.  Life is one big joke and It's On Us.  I don't get it.  Makes sense though.  Anyway.  Any attractive females in the Stand Up Class?  Teacher is a female!  After completing that sentence I realized I Don't Want To Go Any Further With That Line Of Thought!  I THINK I've said as much as I wanna say!  So that's good.  Let's see.  I've gotten worse at guitar the last week or two.  I thought I was getting into a groove a month or two ago where I was getting better!  WELL, MAYBE I WAS, but then I got worse again!  AH WELL.  Maybe my luck will change Yet Again!  We'll see!
   Penultimate paragraph.  Hard to be good at guitar.  Takes more than you know!  Anyway.  Just play the right notes.  What's the PROBLEM.  That's Not How I Do Things.  How do I do things then.  I play the wrong notes?  Hmm.  Shouldn't have to settle for that!  What's a good middle ground.  I don't know.  The middle ground for now is I don't achieve writing anything good but the dream stays alive!  Tentative middle ground!  Sure why not.  I think once I accept that The Dream Should Die suddenly that's some real good inspiration for Writing Something Great.  Hmm.  Not sure why Jimmy Eat World is obsessed with The Middle.  I'm a member of THE LEFT.  They should be too if they're anything like me.  Why do they have to be Anything Like Me.  I don't know.  Just kinda figured they would be.  Not sure why Fountains of Wayne is obsessed with Stacy's Mom.  I guess there are worse things to be obsessed about.
   Last paragraph!  Let's see.  Tomorrow probably will be a Normal Decent entry.  Anyway.  Stand Up Class tonight should be fun!  Another step forward in my Comedy Career.  These folks will SEE what its like.  What what's like.  ME.  Not gonna say, "A Professional."  ... "An Expert."  How would I describe The Privilege that they're getting when they get to See Me in Stand Up Context.  Hmm.  A JOY?  That's one way to put it!  Joyseph Biden.  Shulda done better at the debate!  Now he should step aside in Presidency!  Such is life.  Fortunes can change in the blink of an eye.  I mean, look at me.  ONE SECOND I have absolutely nothing going on in my life.  THE NEXT Hey you're here SO HOW BAD CAN I BE DOING.  I Have An Audience!  I Don't Believe It!  Hmm.  Probably should set still higher standards for myself.  Probably can do EVEN BETTER with my life than just Having An Audience.  Lemme think on that.  I'll see ya tomorrow.

-4:37 P.M.   
 

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