Monday, October 14, 2024

Thank You For Entertaining My Existence

    Dear reader, HI!  I think of you more as a Viewer than a Reader but I might be wrong.  OR I might be right!  I personally mostly unfocus my eyes and sort of Drink In the paragraphs rather than really Read the words.  It's not the best way to read the website, but it's also not the worst way!  The worst way is backwards.  Start at the end and read right to left and down to up.  The people doing it that way are having THE WORST experience.  ESPECIALLY if they're also going backwards in time while reading somehow.  The best way to read it is to Have It Your Way.  Take the Burger King Ethos I'd say, that'd be my first instinct!  I don't like that instinct.  I'm crossing it out.  My new first instinct for the best way to read this is Look At It How Everyone Else Is Reading It And Copy Them.  Have It How Everyone Else Is Having It.  What Burger Chain's slogan is that.  Fascism Burger.  I KNOW there's a chain or two which is famous for being like YOU'RE GONNA HAVE IT THE WAY WE MAKE IT OR ELSE.  AND THERE IS NO, "OR ELSE."  Can't think of who they are though off the top of my head.
    Hey, great!  Starting to REALLY like the new Coldplay album.  It's important you have that information about me!  Likes dislikes.  Peeves Pet Peeves.  For References Sake, I also like the new Offspring album.  "I don't know, that spring is a little off."  That's something I think about A Lot.  You'd think I'd be thinking about more meaningful things.  That's PLENTY meaningful.  You just haven't thought about it meaningly enough!  That's okay, I just sprung it on you!  You'll get there in time!  Hey, class went okay last Thursday Night!  My jokes didn't go over great but they weren't great jokes so there ya go!  Gotta write a Cold Open sketch for this Thursday.  Probably just a 0.5-2 page sketch where Host interacts with Presumptive Guest Of The Show.  Great.  I'm not used to this kind of cold open.  WHEN I WAS A KID I don't remember this kinda thing happening that much on talk shows.  Seems unnecessary.  WHAT DOES IT ACCOMPLISH.  Presumably it's funny and also it promotes the guest.  That's what INTERVIEW is for.  This just drives the point home all the more.  How far do you wanna take this!  Seriously!  As far as naturally possible.
    Oh.  Started watching the Serj Tankian book!  He seems like an okay guy!  Book is going by quickly!  He chose to write in a relatively large font!  Pretty politically engaged which is interesting.  Politics is the GLUE that holds our political life together!  I might want to get back into music at some point in the near future.  It's hard, though!  For one, my guitar cable is messed up. For two, MY GUITAR CABLE IS MESSED UP.  I probably have alternative Working Guitar Cables.  Don't Worry I'm Sure There's Other Things Holding Me Back I'm Sure.  I'm not a Music Genius!  I'm only Musically Gifted!  Who cares.  That and a dollar bill will get you a stripper's attention for thirty seconds.  I can make Good music but not GREAT Music under ideal working conditions.  I don't know how strippers work.  A dollar bill is enough for them to come over FOR A SECOND right?  Gotta be at least 10, 15 seconds, right?  Hmm.  Strippers DO really like you in strip clubs, right?  I mean, they're only human!  And so are you!  ONLY NATURAL that a real connection would spark up eventually!
    Fourth paragraph!  Getting pretty deep into The Office (U.S.)!  I'm not sure what I'm getting out of it tangibly other than it takes up a whole lot of space in my life.  Well I just answered my own question.  Surely I can have Better Life than watching These Jerks just OFFICE it up.  Hmm.  This Ice, something just OFF about it.  Oh I Know It's frozen pee.  I don't like that.  Punch it up a bit.  Hmm, there's something OFF about this ice!  Oh I know it's being used to separate families at the border.  That's not good either.  I think I can really knock it out of the park on the third try.  Hmm I think something's OFF with this ICE.  I KNOW WHAT IT IS IT'S A SCULPTURE IN TEH SHAPE OF ELEANOR ROOSEVELT BUT IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HER AT ALL.  I guess that'll have to do!  Rule Of Threes!  Apparently my uncle who we haven't heard from in over a year sent my family a mass email informing us Christopher Columbus was Jewish.  WELL THAT'S IT FOLKS.  WE CAN REST EASY NOW.  THE WHOLE DEBATE IS OVER.  WAS COLUMBUS GOOD?  WAS HE BAD?  HE WAS JEWISH.  I guess that means my uncle likes CC.  You don't CLAIM someone YOU DON'T LIKE.  Looks like The NEWS is reporting the same thing my Uncle is saying!  Great.  Now that he's evil ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S JEWISH.  I DON'T WANT HIM.  TAKE HIM BACK.
   I guess WE HAVE to accept him.  He probably did some good things, too!  He got his friends from Point A To Point B.  Just think of him as an Uber Driver!  He was relatively benign in that fashion!  Anyway.  I don't have a strong opinion on Christopher Columbus.  On the plus side, he SAILED ACROSS THE OCEAN BLUE.  On the downside, HE NORMALIZED GENOCIDE.  FAR BE IT FROM ME TO PICK A SIDE.  If the singular person who discovered America had been a better person, could that ONE SINGLE PERSON IN HISTORY have made a difference?  MAYBE!  That ONE PERSON could have been like HEY TEHRE WERE PEOPLE ALREADY THERE.  HOW ABOUT THAT.  LET'S DEAL WITH THEM LIKE HUMANS OR SOMETHING.  I dunno!  Anyway, the Mets lost Game One of the League Championship Series last night!  That's okay!  Everyone loses SOMETIMES.  What separates the REAL winners from the losers is THE PROPORTIONS Of how often you win to how often you lose AND ALSO the relative importance of the times of when you win! ...YEAH!  Also if you have Time Travel and can go back to times you've lost and turn them into wins I'd Recommend That.  But I wouldn't grow complacent with that!  Don't wanna have to RELY on that!
    That was the first half of the entry.  Here comes the second half of the entry!  Not sure how I feel about having to write So Much.  It ain't that bad.  Lots of people have it Worse Off than I do.  Plumbers.  Pokemon Trainers.  Donkey Men.  Protagonists In Video Games is the category riff I'm operating under!  What else do I got.  I like My Instinct to think of more but it's WRONG right now.  The correct move is to MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.  Hey they're mowing the lawn outside.  That's annoying!  The sound it makes.  The vibration it produces physically.  I can practically FEEL IT on me!  That's a weird thing to say.  YA GOT ME.  It's been mostly Normal up until now!  Oh well.  0 Days Since Last Abnormal Thing Said.  OK.  Well, that's good.  I don't think I like this entry so far!  I THOUGHT I did for a while but I think I was just enjoying my lunch!  I WAS EATING A RARE SANDWICH WITH THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS.  Oh well.  Good.  I can come up with good stuff for the next four paragraphs.  World War II.  Television.  The Part Of The Atmosphere That Airplanes Fly In.  Ok that's a good starting place.
    Uh-oh I don't know much about World War II.  I know a medium amount about television.  I know that airplanes fly in one stratosphere and generally not in others!  So that's good.  REAL GOOD.  Four paragraphs to go!  It sounds like I really don't know that much about anything!  WHY should people listen to me!  Nobody, "Listens To Me."  What am I giving Dating Tips.  NO.  There's nothing there TO LISTEN TOWARDS.  I dunno.  Three and a half more paragraphs.  Guess the Mets game starts in about an hour.  It's more than a guess.  It's a FEELING.  Delightful.  I don't know what I'm gonna say next.  I'm thinking Something Bad.  For some reason I'm thinking I KNOW I GOT NOTHING GOOD ON DECK.  SO OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY THINGS I'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH ARE BAD.  I will type something.  That's for sure.  I won't deprive you of your God Given Right To Ten Paragraphs.  Maybe my brain will agree to come up with something okay!  Great.
    What else is going on.  I don't KNOW.  I didn't even know the first thing that was going on!  What you think is going on right now-- I'm unaware of that!  The good news is I can type something new and then THAT'S what's going on for a while.  Privately.  In my website.  I guess.  THAT'S NOT GREAT THOUGH.  If I were typing Great New Things then WONDERFUL.  But I type BAD POOR THINGS.  Tsk.  SHAME.  NO-NO to the things I TYPE.  Disapprove!  Okay.  Then What The Hell Am I Even Doing Here.  PRACTICE.  I dunno, I seem to get worse at this as it goes on.  I NEVER SAID I WAS THE ONE PRACTICING.  It's practice for YOU, THE READER.  PRACTICE READING.  Gotta work on them reading comprehension skills!  IT'S OK WE ALL DO.  I'm not singling you out!  Well I guess if WE ALL have to do it, that's okay.  I don't wanna have to do more work than the next person, though!  That's where I draw the line!  Even Me, The Writer, has to Work On Reading This Better.  It SUCKS.  I'm pulling double duty and I'm looking for someone to complain to.
   Penultimate paragraph!  And that's OKAY.  Two paragraphs isn't that much to write, all in all!  Any vibrations coming from outside?  YES THERE ARE.  I don't know what it is but there's some kind of WAILING.  Not human or animal.  I don't know what it is!  Mechanical or Architectural in nature one would imagine!  Anyway that just stopped out of nowhere SO THAT'S GOOD.  What are GOOD SOUNDS I can be hearing from outside.  Owls hooting.  Marching Bands Marching.  DREAMS COMING TRUE.  I dunno I think I'd be okay with just SILENCE.  Hook me up with some silence for a while and I might could be happy with that!  I dunno.  Sounds suspiciously like Being Dead.  If there's silence How Am I Sure I'm Not Just Dead?  NOW I'M SCARED.  The only way I know I'm alive is if there's Grating Noises All The Time!  THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY LIVE!  Or maybe there are just intermittent neutral to positive noises every now and then when necessary.  What the Hell.  What kind of reality is that. WHO WOULD WANT TO LIVE in that kind of world.  NOT I.
    Last paragraph!  I guess!  Gotta write another entry tomorrow!  And then one the next day!  And then again the day after that!  GREAT.  I LOVE writing entries as long as we live in a Reliable Universe!  As long as the world makes sense, this is the easiest job in the world!  What the Hell.  No one cares.  This website is a JOKE.  Fair enough.  What celebrity guest should I pick out of thin air to write a Cold Open about.  It doesn't matter.  They're all GOOD, CAPABLE people.  I can pick any of them and they'd ALL do a good job with it!  None of them actually have to perform the piece I write.  I KNOW BUT THEY COULD if they had to.  I'M PROBABLY Gonna write a sketch featuring Celebrity Comedian or Comic Actor just to Make Sure I'm working with someone I KNOW knows what they're doing.  But that doesn't mean I don't have faith in Everyone Else!  Huh.  Been thinking about Ed Helms in The Office lately.  He just doesn't quite fit in!  I don't know if it's directly related to him coming over from another branch plotwise.  Or if its part of his acting energy or something.  BUT HE'S JUST A BIT OFF.  Maybe he shuold be in this cold open!  Has he done anything in 2024?  Or WILL HE do anything in 2024?  We'll see!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:17 P.M.

Thursday, October 10, 2024

How Many People Died So I Could Write This Entry

    Hey!  What's up! One more entry for the week and then Weekend Time.  Weekends aren't that great.  Next Week is PRETTY SOON all things considered.  What can I do for 72 hours that's so great anyway.  NOTHING.  READ.  JACK OFF.  TRY NOT TO JERK OFF AS MUCH.  I DUNNO.  I was thinking about it last night and I was like ya know what I think I wanna see Joker II again this weekend.  Was I high?  Yeah!  Not sure I still feel that way.  But I kinda do.  I think I might!  To be perflectly honest with you, I've been in a mental institution before in my life!  That puts me on another level than most people in being able to relate to this exact movie.  I dunno if they set out to make a movie commenting not just on the stigma of mental illness but on the stigma of being hospitalized.  But there's something that I found relatable there for sure!  ANYWAY.  STIGMA??  MORE LIKE STIGMATA.  I guess.  Wrote my monologue jokes last night.  Wrote my Desk Bit this morning!  Not a bad premise for a desk bit!  Jokes were so-so!  But I could see this premise BEING ADAPTED.
   Sometimes I feel like I was adapted.  The jokes I wrote were solid 3s out of tens BUT I DON'T LIKE that they were politically naive jokes!  NO BITE to em.  Because I just wrote what was easy and came off the top of my head!  BUT if I saw these jokes on my TV I'd say WHAT ARE YOU DOING.  WITH JOKES LIKE THAT TRUMP IS GONNA WIN THE ELECTION.  GROW A SPINE JIMMY FALLON YOU CAN'T BE TELLING PUNCHLINES LIKE THAT.  I think this week my jokes were slightly better than last week, though!  SO NEXT WEEK'S HOMEWORK MIGHT BE BETTER FOR KAMALA.  Anyway.  WHY do we live in a world where the jokes Jimmy Kimmel Tell are accurate precursors to Who Will Win The Election, The Democrat or The Fascist.  I DUNNO.  The word, "Precursor," is providing some convenient ambiguity there!  WHAT TEH FUCK Donald Trump is holding a Nazi Rally at MSG on October 27th.  SCARY.  THAT'S THE SAME CITY AS MY HOUSEHOLD.  He is nothing but Hate And Lies.  GOOD NEWS THOUGH The Mets made the National League ChampionShip Series!  Game one is Sunday.  THIS YEAR.
    I watched that movie with Will Ferrell and his Trans Friend a week or two ago!  I didn't think much happened but I guess it had a positive message!  I'm not sure it did actually!  I think part of the message of the movie was Hey America Actually ISN'T That Ready For Trans People half the places we went.  I don't wanna hear that!  CUT THOSE SCENES OUT.  TELL ME ALL IS WELL.  EASY.  Haven't you ever watched Television before?  You're supposed to make me FEEL GOOD.  Also his trans friend (Male to Female) was KINDA MALE-ish!  Obviously everyone is allowed to be Exactly Who They Want To Be.  But part of the premise of the film is to get us on board with Trans Females.  AND THIS ONE ISN'T VERY FEMALEY AT ALL.  Kinda comes off as just a dude with boobs and a new name.  SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FOR THE SEQUEL AT LEAST.  I guess everyone is just on the spectrum of gender.  NOT ME.  Oh.  That's good.  I'M ABOVE ALL THAT.  YOU KNOW LIKE A TOASTER MIGHT BE.
   Anyway.  Fourth paragraph.  WHAT THE HELL.  Kamala is slipping in some polls.  I THINK IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.  Hmm.  What is that.  The White Stripes album, "Elephant."  Got Seven Nation Army.  Black Math.  And those are just Tracks One and Two.  EITHER WAY Kamala needs to make some BOLD MOVES.  SPEAK TO THE PEOPLE.  CALL OUT THE MEDIA maybe.  Maybe that's TOO BOLD.  But the media has been a huge disappointment lately in normalizing Donald Trump.  HE COMMITS CRIMES OF FASCISM.  STOP MAKING HIM A NORMAL CANDIDATE!  Otherwise maybe I will stop consuming you normally.  The media is way tougher on Kamala than on Donald and IT'S PATHETIC.  WE CAN HAVE IT ALL.  A RESPONSIBLE GOVERNMENT.  A GOOD ECONOMY.  A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT.  ...GOOD SHOWS ON TEH TV.  OR you could let yourself be consumed by Lies And Hate And Irrational Fear and take it out on the rest of innocent society.  I GET FEAR.  For better or worse, being guided by fear is a way I often live my life!  IRRATIONAL FEAR THOUGH is kinda strange.  YOU'RE SCARED OF THINGS THAT YOU KNOW DON'T EXIST.
    Fifth paragraph.  WHY.  I dunno.  AS TONY SOPRANO SAID THERE'S ENOUGH GARBAGE FOR EVERYBODY.  Anyway.  Guess I gotta write SIX more paragraphs!  Anyway.  I'm sure a lot of polls still have Kamala ahead.  Whatever.  This election is bigger than any of us.  It's bigger than all of us!  IT JUST MAY BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING SINCE THE LAST ELECTION AND UNTIL THE NEXT ELECTION.  Ugh.  FUCK YOU GUYS.  Anyway.  What else is up.  One day I wanna live in a country where neither of the main two parties are fascist!  That's it!  You can be exploitative capitalistic and horrible.  But just leave us SOME ROOM TO BREATHE.  I'm not asking for much!  Well anyway class is in about three hours.  It should take me half that to write the rest of the entry more or less!  Probably more, actually!  Probably Love, Actually!  That's a good film title. Love, Actually.  ALRIGHT DON'T GET SO DEFENSIVE JEEZ.  Seems like kind of a passive aggressive title, that's all.  WAIT there is no Comma in the film title, "Love Actually."  Still kinda implied I guess.  But it's not ACTUALLY there.  Hmm.  Now I don't know what to think.
   Sure.  ANYWAY, I get appealing to the middle to get peel off some Republican voters and Moderates, which is fine, but I'd like to see Kamala energizing the Democratic base more!  TURN OUT FOR WHAT.  For PROGRESSIVE IDEALS!  Also I'd like to see her imply that she'd solve the Israeli Conflicts once she's in office.  IT'LL BE TOUGH but if she could get that message out there THAT WOULD REALLY tip things in her favor.  THIRD TIP IS just TELL IT LIKE SHE SEES IT.  The Truth Will Set You Free.  Follow those three simple tricks and the election is Hers To Win!  Wait lemme get that again, what were those three things?  TURN OUT THE BASE BY GIVING THEM SOMETHING TO VOTE FOR.  MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU'RE GONNA ADDRESS ISRAEL/HAMAS WAR.  TELL THE TRUTH AS YOU KNOW IT.  WELL SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT BUT AT THE SAME TIME WHY SHOULD KAMALA DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.  Because they will win her the election and because they're the right things to do!  Pretty straightforward when you think about it!  Great. 
   Four more paragraphs to go!  Delightful.  Can't see a movie tomorrow night.  Gonna be accepting an Amazon Fresh delivery!  GUESS Saturday is a better day!  I guess I'll probably see a NON Joker II movie but it's still slightly possible I see Joker II again!  RIGHT NOW I Don't want to but maybe when I get high again I'll reconsider thinking I want to again!  I don't think I want to do that.  Anyway.  Only one more chapter to Jimi Hendrix book.  Not counting Epilogue.  I believe there's one of those.  He was the most famous/successful musician at the time of his death!  GOOD FOR HIM.  Didn't really do him much good.  Still DIED.  I think I could play a little of Purple Haze.  That's one of the things most people learn on guitar when they first start out.  Amazing.  Lady Gaga's name covers females from all the stages of their lives.  From being a grown person (LADY) to being a baby (going, "GAGA").  INTERESTING JUXTAPOSITION.  Got my attention!  NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT.  Put on an acting performance.  I think she did good in Joker II!  B+!  And I mean that in the, "B+'iest" way possible!
   Eighth paragraph.  OH NO MY PANTS GOT HOOKED ONTO MY CHAIR AND NOW THEY ARE ATTACHED.  The leg of my pants got tangled up in the wheel of my chair.  I hope I resolve this sometime soon.  Alright Problem Solved.  Tore up the jeans A TINY BIT in the process but really not very much.  Don't worry about it!  I got new pants on the way soon!  I guess.  I give Joaquin Phoenix an A- or A.  I'm not an acting aficionado but it SEEMED like a Clinically Good Performance as they say.  ANYWAY.  Two and a half paragraphs to go!  If I could choose one Late Nite Comedy Show to write for which would it be.  Hmm.  I think I'd go back in time and write for Late Night with Conan O Brian!  That's pretty easy!  What if Time Travel isn't possible.  Hmm.  Then I guess I'd stay in the time period I'm stuck in!  Next question!  Oh right gotta pick a show.  Which host is the nicest person?  What's the inside skuttlebutt on that?  What's the best WORK ENVIRONMENT.  ALSO WHICH PRODUCTION WOULD TOLERATE THE LEAST QUALITY WORK.  My personal lifelong dream it to get hired as a TV writer ANYWHERE and then they stick me at a desk in a room and I never actually get anything a single joke on the show but It's Still My Job.  IF I CAN DREAM IT I CAN DO IT.
   Penultimate paragraph.  Hey!  Great!  I think I'd make a good PODCAST host.  Original Podcast!  I wouldn't slide into anyone else's existing podcast or anything.  I have a natural curiosity that manifests itself in strange, unique ways!  Maybe that's something I should think about.  The world could always use more podcasts!  OBVIOUSLY we're still looking for The Perfect Podcast.  Every day a thousand new podcasts premiere.  WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT WE HAVEN'T FOUND YET.  Maybe it's ME.  That doesn't sound right.  Who would I interview.  You know, friends of ours.  People who have something to say.  Am I the star of the show or are the guests really.  Hmm. I don't actually want to do this.  I'm not sure if you're picking up on that.  Either way, what else is up.  I guess I'll do whatever it comes to!  At some point you just have to Say Yes!  I learnt about it in an Improvisation Class!  I really should write one more joke as an example for my Recurring Desk Bit.  I have FOUR right now.  FIVE would hit the spot. Great.  Why did that have to be Public Knowledge.  WELL You would have found out During Class anyway.
   Last paragraph. Great!  Who should I read first, Keith Richards or Serj Tankian.  I'm leaning towards deciding by flipping a coin!  Something about Keith Richards just turns me off.  ONE of the Rolling Stones comes off as a jerk in the Jimi Hendrix biography and it very well might have been Keith Richards.  MEANWHILE I remember seeing a Serj Tankian SOLO Music Video on MTVUniversity all the time back when I was in college and high so you could see why I'd have particularly positive associations with him.  Anyway.  The song was called Empty Walls.  Let's see some more of TIM WALZ.  PEOPLE LIKE HIM.  And people famously LIKE NOBODY.  So why not capitalize on people liking him!  THROW HIM OUT THERE ANYWHERE YOU CAN.  I want people to be SICK OF HIM they like him so much!  That sort of thing!  Anyway.  What else is up.  I think I'm gonna use this weekend productively.  No Spoilers!  That doesn't sound plausible.  Maybe!  We'll see!  I'll see ya next week!

-4:02 P.M.

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

There's A Funny Story Behind This Title

    Hi.  What's up!  Wednesday.  Gonna have to do Late Nite Comedy Class homework tonight.  But then I'll be done with homework for a good long while!  Roughly a week.  WOW.  I just watched Kamala on Stephen Colbert.  My notes are GREAT.  KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.  THE CA-ME-RA loves you!  Practically the same word as your name if we're mispronouncing things!  Don't see why we wouldn't!  Mets won yesterday!  The Playing Offs continues!  Okay I think we're all caught up.  I didn't need to catch you up on those things.  Those are two huge cultural landmarks!  YOU KNEW THEM ALREADY.  But now YOU KNOW that I KNOW.  You might have thought I was living Under A Rock and didn't know about The Mets Game or Kamala's Media Tour!  WRONG.  I'm VERY aware of the happenings.  How would one go about living under a rock.  You take up mass.  You'd tip the rock over if you tried to place a rock on top of you!  I guess if the rock was big enough.  In a way we all live under an invisible rock called THE UNIVERSE ever heard of it?  YES OF COURSE I KNOW HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.
    Not literally.  Bought new pants earlier today online.  Same style jeans as the pair I've BEEN wearing.  Slightly smaller.  And a darker color.  Gotta wonder if that'll pay off in the long run.  That's a good phrase I like to employ.  Will it become a catch phrase of mine down the line?  How many people really get to have catch phrases.  A dozen, tops, at any given moment in human history.  I don't like those odds!  Also OF COURSE it will pay off in the long run!  Now I have MORE JEANS.  I can ALTERNATE.  The benefits EXPLAIN THEMSELVES.  I guess.  I can't think of ANYONE who has a catch phrase right now in 2024.  I guess commercials.  Company slogans and whatknot.  THE LAST VESTIGES of catchphrasiness!  I DON'T LIKE IT.  Ah well.  WE'RE NOT GOING BACK.  -KH.  OH YES WE CAN.  -KH.  I don't think she says that.  She should!  Just take Yes We Can from Obama but add an, "OH," to the beginning for SPICINESS.  That's good.  She's not really a Catchphrase Lady though.  KRAMER of Seinfeld is more of a Catchphrase guy.  HELLO JERRY.  IT'S NEWMAN!  HERE I COME THROUGH THE DOOR.  Those sorts of things are the kinds of catchphrases I'm a fan of.
   Third paragraph.  I bet before Kramer BURST through the door during a taping he would listen to Break On Through To The Other Side to pump himself up.  Especially with the band being named The Doors and all.  I DON'T GET THAT JOKE.  I guess you had to be there.  I dunno!  Anything that'll help ya get into character is good!  Anything to get you AMPED is good!  Anything to get you OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD is good!  THIS WOULD ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THAT FOR MICHAEL RICHARDS.  It's an open and shut case!  What else is on Michael Richard's Kramer playlist.  That he listens to during a taping of Seinfeld.  Hmm.  I'm not ready to speculate on that at this very moment, but I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll try to think of something else to write!  Maybe the next thing I'll write will be kinda funny anyway!  It won't be about this riff but it'll be entertaining in it's own right!  Kids these days might just ask their AI Friend what Michael Richards would listen to during a taping of Seinfeld and have it spit out a dozen songs that way.  What The Hell.  I'm glad you chose to read THIS KIND OF CRAP instead of DO THAT SORT OF THING.  I feel like I'm the lesser of two evils.  WOW.  LESSER.  AWESOME!
   Fourth paragraph!  My first instinct is to make PUNS with the song choices.  Or something that directly relates to the Kramer CHARACTER in the song title or lyrics!  THEN beyond that the next level is what kind of songs WOULD KRAMER LIKE.  But at that point we're getting into the weeds with this!  I DON'T LIKE IT.  Moving On!  What if I wasn't evil at all.  Not The Lesser Of Two.  JUST PLAIN GOOD?  Hmm.  We can't speculate on hypotheticals like that!  WHAT IF THE MOON WAS MADE OF CHEESE.  Probably would effect Ocean Currents or something.  Negatively!  I think it would wreak havoc on our world on a way we're not prepared for!  Cheese simply isn't DENSE enough!  I'm imagining the kind of cheese with holes in it.  Spongey Hole Cheese.  Wonderful.  Am I remembering That Old black and white Movie correctly where they shoot a rocket into the moon and they hit the moon IN THE EYE AND THE MOON JUST LAUGHS IT OFF?  The rocket knocks the moonguy RIGHT IN TEH EYE and the moon just SMILES.  What the Hell.  The Moon is a glutton for punishment!  And this is who we have circling the Earth nonstop?  I DON'T FEEL SAFE WITH THIS MOON.
   Fifth paragraph.  It keeps circling us but luckily it doesn't seem to be getting any closer!  That's a relief!  Hmm.  My brother's birthday was this past weekend.  My brother is turning FOURTY next year. Long gone are the days where I can imagine We Are Young.  Getting solidly into Oh No I'm Old territory!  How old am I.  You'd think How Old I Am Now would be a much more accurate meter of my age than How Old My Brother Will Be Later.  Hmm.  That's one way to look at it.  But it's an UNIMAGINATIVE way to look at it.  I'm thirty five.  PAM GOES TO ART SCHOOL for the summer!  In the Office.  I dunno what other Pams are out there.  Anyway she's presumably in her early thirties!  I believe Art School is like a regular College atmosphere agewise!  I LIKE IT.  College just in general is the place to be!  Just, wow, what an atmosphere.  It's FUN.  It's PRODUCTIVE.  You LEARN THINGS.  It's where THINGS ARE HAPPENING.  PRETTY LADIES.  Of all the subsets of societies in the world WHY NOT GO TO COLLEGE.  That's my impression.  Hmm maybe I should become a teacher if I feel that way.  I DON'T HAVE KNOWLEDGE.  OR TEACHING SKILL ABILITIES.  ALSO YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND YOUNG PEOPLE.  COURT ORDERS.  Well not that last one.  Not ACTUALLY.  But I could IMPROV THAT SORT OF THING for the purposes of this paragraph!
   Halfway through the entry!  Anyway.  Probably getting Pizza tonight!  The food so nice they named it twice!  What's the other name.  Huh.  Better LTURQ.  NOT SEEING ANYTHING.  I don't want to alarm anyone but I DON'T SEE ANY SYNONYMS FOR PIZZA.  If you're writing any POETRY or PROSE and want to get fancy YOU MAY FIND YOUR OPTIONS LIMITED.  Whatever.  Gotta write five more paragraphs now!  NO MARIJUANA.  Haven't used it at all this week and I'll continue that streak!  For entries, I mean. I've smoked at other times!  HMM.  I LIKE the new Coldplay album!  WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT.  Me.  I've enjoyed them in the past.  I wonder why.  It's not guitar based music.  And guitar is my personal favorite instrument.  I dunno.  GOOD LUCK enjoying a band without a singer!  PERHAPS the human vocal cord should be my favorite instrument!  DRUMS are generally very important as well!  I LIKE THE PRODUCTION TOO OF SONGS.  Technology.  What if my favorite instrument was I APPRECIATE ALL THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WENT INTO DISTRIBUTING THIS MUSIC FROM FARM TO TABLE.  Maybe I LIKE THE TRUCK DRIVERS THAT DELIVERED THE CD TO ME.  I don't have a CD.  I listened to it on the internet.  Fine the truck drivers the delivered the internet to me.  TAHT'S my favorite technology instrument.
   SEVENTH paragraph.  Pretty sure my favorite instrument is when I try to pretend I'm playing Bass on my Guitar.  THAT CHECKS OUT.  I don't even KNOW what bass guitar is supposed to sound like but based on My Music Memoirs that seems to be how a lot of bass players originally start out!  Huh.  Maybe I should buy an all out bass guitar.  Seems like fun!  But then I would also presumably try to teach myself ACTUAL bass riffs and whatknot.  Instead of just playing Nonsense Bass.  I dunno.  I'll think about it.  Maybe Playing Nonsense is STEP ONE on the road to CREATIVITY.  Alright!  What else is going on.  Gotta be something going on at some point!  I'LL FIGURE IT OUT GOOD.  I hope it's something good.  Otherwise what's the point of me figuring it out.  Better Left Unknown if it's something negative!  Hmm.  What was the last Music CD I ever bought.  I dunno, did I ever buy a music CD?  I think there was a period of 1-3 years I bought some music CD's!  WHERE CAN I LOOK UP THIS INFORMATION.  It's not ON MY COMPUTER.  It's not ON THE INTERNET.  What about my memory.  I DON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE.
   Eighth paragraph.  Maybe that's what this website is for.  BUILD A SURPLUS OF MEMORIES.  Yes it's true None Of This Is Worth Remembering.  BUT IT'S SOMETHIN!  Alright.  I guess.  I don't know.  I remember SOME THINGS.  I don't have some sort of Amnesia Disease.  But I draw a blank on more than the average person!  LIFE STORIES.  FACTOIDS.  UNIVERSAL TRUTHS.  Huh.  I guess it frees me up to live in the moment more!  If I'm not living in the PAST then I'm more focused on the present and/or future!  Great.  But I could be Contributing to the present and/or future more IF I KNEW MORE OF MY PAST better.  WHAT A CONUNDERUM.  Oh well that's life!  If I could remember one thing that I'm not remembering WHAT WOULD IT BE.  Hmm.  Probably the thing... eh... nevermind, I don't wanna remember that.  THAT'S A BAD MEMORY.  What's a good memory!  Pizza Party maybe.  I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT PIZZA PARTIES.  Wasn't always actively thinking about them but never completely forgot them.  But Yes Pizza Parties are very fun to remember.  Whether it's a birthday party with pizza or just a regular get together where you happen to get pizza!  It's fun.  Where am I.
   Penultimate paragraph!  I think it'd be a lot more fun if after winning The Big Game The Mets would all be eating Pizza in the locker room while giving postgame interviews instead of drinking/spraying champagne!  But that's just one man's opinion!  Do whatever you want!  Also, I guess if yuo wanna do the equivalent of Spraying Champagne you'd be Pieing each other in the face with pizza.  Not sure I approve of that!  You can't do that with a single slice, really!  Gotta do an entire pie for each face!  But if that's what YOU want to do then that's fine!  Anyway.  What else is up.  Looking forward to class tomorrow night!  I'm also looking forward to the weekend succeeding it!  YEAH.  Maybe this week my homework jokes will be 10% better!  Seems reasonable.  Not looking forward to having to do that, though.  WORK?  WHAT THE HELL.  OH WELL.  I GUESS THAT'S PART OF LIFE.  That doesn't sound right.  Feels like I'm Not Meant To Be Doing This Work Exactly Really So Why Is It Part Of My Life.  Cause I signed up for the class.  Oh Right BLAME THE GUY WHO SIGNED UP FOR THE CLASS OF HIS OWN VOLITION.
   Last paragraph!  Amazing!  WHEN Is Gladiator II coming out.  I've been seeing trailers of it for WHAT FEELS LIKE MONTHS.  NOVEMBER 22?  THAT'S TOO LATE.  Should be OCTOBER 22 if anything.  Ah well.  These are the cards we've been dealt!  Isn't that Kennedy Assassination Day or something.  Yeah.  It is!  Wow I remembered something.  I KNOW SOME THINGS.  BUT IS IT ENOUGH?  I dunno!  It's FLUID whether I'll know something On The Spot Or Not, as well!  Whatever.  What else.  GOD DAMNIT.  Fucking Fascists.  I TRY TO BE SILLY EVERY DAY but the upcoming election looms in the back of my mind!  WHY MUST THINGS BE AT STAKE IN LIFE.  I dunno.  I should try to write better, though!  Try to do a better job as a citizen and whatknot forming a narrative with four weeks left to go before the election.  I can't just write dumb one-off entries.  TIME HAS COME TO HUNKER DOWN AND GET REAL.  Oh okay.  Good!  Let's see if I am capable of that starting tomorrow!  No time like the immediate future, that's what I always say!  GREAT.  JOIN ME WON'T YOU.  We're all in this one together and whatknot!  Anyway that's it for today.  Did I write anything funny.  I thought it was kinda amusing when I was talking about being Developmentally Disabled.  With the memory problems.  I thought that part was kind of humorous.  Anyway, that's it I guess!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:19 P.M. 
    

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I May Have Misspoke Earlier

    That's something to think about.  Hey, friends!  Just had half a turkey sandwich and some fries.  FRENCH Fries.  I got to first base with what was once a potato!  Potatoes are probably my favorite vegetable.  To eat.  And possibly by any metric.  Not sure what else to go by BESIDES To Eat.  To look at.  To write or say aloud.  To contemplate what it signifies or think about metaphorically.  Lots of ways we can Value Vegetables.  Potato feels like it's own thing compared to being Just Another Vegetable.  Probably because of when I Order Dinners From Restaurants.  Comes with your choice of Potato AND another vegetable.  OR maybe potatoes are just Naturally Idiosyncratic!  Not sure where that word came from.  I wanted to say UBIQUITOUS but it turns out that's not the concept I wanted to say!  Means a different definition than what I intended!  sounds like I'm DUMB OR SOMETHING.  At least I can admit when I'm wrong!  PUBLICLY.  Some people would just take the, "L," privately!  I SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.  The people should know.  Why.  I dunno.  Maybe they shouldn't.  Could be one of those things I ought to keep to myselves!
    Wearing sweatshirt jacket sweatshirt INSIDE for the first time of the season!  Not sure if that's gonna pay off in the long run.  It's working out in the meantime, though, and THAT'S ULTIMATELY WHAT COUNTS.  Been listening to the new COOLPLAY album!  I like it!  SOME of the lyrics are a little abrasive to me but in general I like the music.  I don't know if I can say I'm listening to THE ALBUM.  I really only listen to certain songs at a time.  I have not listened to THE ENTIRE ALBUM AT ONCE.  What.  SO I haven't listened to multiple songs at the same time. Is that what I'm clarifying?  YEAH.  I GUESS.  If this was a Twilight Zone episode I would wake up right now and it turns out there was a band that just released an album and the band is called WARMPLAY.  Life is kind of like a Twilight Zone episode.  Except there's LESS INTERNAL LOGIC.  Twilight Zones get kind of repetitive.  Every fourth Twilight Zone episode is Three Astronauts are on an abandoned asteroid but it turns out it's actually a desert on Earth and two of the astronauts are figments of the third one's imagination and they're actually from the Wild Wild West and a Current Day Person is giving modern day tourists a tour and the astronaut doesn't realize he's a ghost.  LOOK I like the show but it could get kind of repetitive!
    Good!  Some sort of LEGO movie this weekend.  Some sort of TERRIFIER movie.  I could see one of those!  I saw the first Terrifier!  It was okay!  It was, to use a PREFIX of the film's title, TERRIFIC!  Well it was alright at least.  Mets Game in a few hours!  That should be entertaining!  I'll keep up with that probably on my phone mostly and a little bit on TV!  No big deal!  I'll be watching a little bit but not entirely!  STARTING TO GET A BIT TOO WARM.  Might have to take off my sweatshirt jacket!  Could Get Kinda Sexy In Here!  With me Starting to Strip and whatknot.  Now I don't wanna do it.  We don't have that kind of relationship really.  Sex/Sexer relationship.  Maybe ON AND OFF we do.  But we're in AN OFF period right now!  NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO TURN OUR RELATIONSHIP ON.  I guess!  I dunno!  I think I'm just gonna remove my sweatshirt jacket Regularlike!  As if no one was watching!  Anyway.  JACKETS.  I feel like I must have had a reversible jacket at some point in my life.  It sounds like it was a prized possession at some point!  MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN A WONDERFUL DREAM.
    Fourth paragraph!  I saw a poster when I saw Joker II for Gladiator II and they listed two actors in the film Pedro Pascal and Paul Mescal.  WOW.  THEY MUST BE BROTHERS I thought.  Those are completely different names.  I dunno!  PRETTY similar!  Similar enough that I SAY THEY MUST BE BROTHERS.  If I thought it SO DID MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE.  Good!  I'm on a popular wavelength!  It's nice to be a part of society!  I haven't watched much of Kamala's big interviews the last few days but I think I'll watch her on Colbert!  HMM.  Was The Colbert Report LEGITIMATELY counterculture Back In The Day?  Or was I just NAIVE.  IS TEHRE ANY COUNTERCULTURE anymore?  Does that EXIST IN REALITY ANYWHERE anymore?  Seems like something that people would appreciate.  There's just Culture And If You Don't Like It YOU CAN SUCK A LEMON.  Maybe a lot of culture is counterculture AND I JUST DON'T GET THE NUANCE.  DON'T BLAME ME, CLOCKWISE CULTURE GOT ME SO GOOD THAT I DON'T GET COUNTERCLOCKWISE CULTURE.  Also I don't really participate in ANY culture.  I see a couple of movies a month and re-watch TV Shows I've already seen before from decades past!  NOT MUCH GOING ON THERE.
   Fifth paragraph.  YEAH.  Always room for improvement!  I'M PRO MOVEMENT.  Huh.  What's my favorite movement.  PROBABLY BEETHOVEN.  So that's good.  He had lots of good Movements!  I GUESS.  What else is going on and crap.  I like all sorts of Cultures.  Micro.  Macro.  The thing where you look at it under a microscope and you see mitochondria.  Whatever!  What else is up!  I'd like to start waking up a couple of hours earlier and going to bed a couple of hours later.  I don't NEED the sleep.  But I'd LIKE the bonus hours of being awake.  Imagine all the FUN I could have.  I COULD READ.  SLAM DUNK.  Reading is fun and productive and informative!  It's hard though to manifest this plan, though!  Once it's 9 PM I GET THE SLEEPIES.  And when it's 7 AM I WILL NEVER be able to get out of bed!  What can I do to motivate myself to make such a lifestyle change!  Some sort of physical pain if I don't get out of bed in the morning/if I do go to bed at night.  I NEED TO HURT If I'm making the wrong decision.  OTHERWISE I'LL NEVER LEARN.
    Huh.  What are we talking.  SOMETHING SHARP.  Stabbing something with something perhaps!  It's hard to stab yourself with something.  Unless you're suicidal.  Your instinct is to pull away at the last minute!  Because of Survival Skills!  Your body instinctually KNOWS that impaling yourself is BAD for you Somehow!  There was a guy named Vlad The Impaler.  I'll give you ONE GUESS what he was famous for.  Huh.  Impaling People would be my guess.  Back-up would be Most Well Known, "Vlad," Around.  Third guess Something with the word THE.  ANYTHING TEHRE?  Whatever.  Already in the second half of the entry!  That's something worth celebrating!  We don't necessarily have TIME or MEANS to celebrate but we certainly have CAUSE!  Wonderful.  What was I talking about again?  Kamala Harris GOT ME THINKING what other words start with, "K," and/or, "H."  NOT TOO MANY, "K," words!  K...indergarden.  AND THAT'S REALLY NOT EVEN ENGLISH.  Kit Kat Bar.  NOT REAL WORDS.  Kryptonite.  I DON'T BELIEVE that's a real thing.  Nope.  I think it only exists in Super Man!  Hmm.  There's a whole, "K," section in the dictionary.  THEY MUST KNOW SOME, "K," words! 
   Seventh paragraph.    KNOWLEDGE.  KINSHIP.  KNOCK KNOCK.  There we go.  We can move on now!  I SAID, KNOCK KNOCK.  Oh.  Who's There.  NO TIME TO TALK LET ME IN THEY'RE AFTER ME.  No Time To Talk Let Me In They-- SHUT UP AND LET ME IN TIME IS PRECIOUS.  Anyway.  I hope that guy got let in the house.  Sounded like he was in danger!  Huh.  Four more paragraphs to go!  Kodachrome!  That's a real word.  Try telling that to someone from centuries ago!  They wouldn't understand!  Microsoft Front Page doesn't recognize it as a real word.  Maybe it's a Brand Name or something.  OH WELL.  I tried!  It's as if I said Kleenex was a real word thinking I was talking about tissues!  Huh.  Microsoft Front Page DOES recognize Kleenex as a word.  I DON'T LIKE THAT DEVELOPMENT ONE BIT.  Klingon.  NOPE.  They don't recognize that.  I guess I'm just gonna have to list lots and lots of words that aren't real words but are widely used to see If Microsoft Front Page includes them as real words or not.  THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LIFE NOW.  Huh.  I think I'm done with that now.  I'm not the kind of guy who can FOLLOW THROUGH and/or THINK OF THINGS.
   Eighth paragraph!  What else is up.  I'm playing a character who's bad at writing and thinking!  I'm gradually trying to phase out this character over time. Might take a few months or years though!  It's very gradual!  What kind of character am I phasing INTO.  Iron Man possibly.  Crossing my fingers and hoping I'm The Next Iron Man!  If I believe it I can achieve it!  Not sure how I get from point A to point B exactly.  Hmm.  MOVING ON.  I think America is READY for a 5'2 Iron Man.  AND IF NOT I'LL WEAR MY SPECIAL SHOES. So that's good.  I don't wanna be Iron Man.  DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH WORK THAT IS.  Gotta be on set EIGHT, NINE HOURS A DAY.  Gotta memorize your lines!  Know exactly where to stand.  That's ain't it for me!  What if I were a Real Life Iron Man and not an actor playing Iron Man.  EVEN MORE WORK.  Gotta be on call any time someone feels like asking for you!  Whenever there's a global conflict and The Police or Military Doesn't Wanna Get Involved someone goes Hey you know who should take care of this one?  IRON MAN.  Suddenly I GOTTA do something.  I don't even know WHY.  I just built a fancy Robot Suit FOR FUN!  I didn't think it was gonna LEAD TO ANYTHING.  Suddenly I GOTTA HANDLE EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS.
    Penultimate paragraph.  WE ARE ALL IRON MAN.  We are all made up of Iron A LITTLE BIT?  Human body is SOME PERCENT Iron!  Lemme LTURQ. Human Body is 0.005% Iron.  Honestly that's more than I would have thought!  But it makes sense!  We got iron in our blood!  YEAH.  Anyway.  I can't come up with quips like Iron Man.  I can't do PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING like Iron Man.  Perhaps I should be Wheelchair Man.  I can WALK.  That's literally one of the few things I CAN do.  Okay sounds like I can be Walking Man.  Superpower is being able to walk.  HEY ALRIGHT I'LL TAKE A WIN WHERE I CAN FIND ONE.  Walking Man.  Or just Walk Man.  That's what they called portable audio cassette players in the 1990's.  Walkmen.  Huh.  How can Me Walking HELP SOCIETY.  I ask myself that question every day.  Not out loud.  Or inloud.  Or really at all.  But it's kinda the undercurrent of my psyche!  I guess.  What else is going on.  I'm testing out these pathways to make sure they're safe!  THEY'RE SAFE.  That's one way I'm contributing!  Hmm.  Me walking is helping my personal health and I'm gonna try to parlay my PERSONAL into helping EVERYONE later on!  Not sure HOW.  But we'll see!
   LAST paragraph!  I guess.  LOOK I know me being Walk Man is just a fantasy.  I know it's not real.  Let's move on!  I guess I can do that.  I've moved on tens of thousands of times in my past!  HUNDREDS of thousands of times!  Wore my glasses to see Joker II this weekend because I'm conserving my last remaining contact lenses.  Strange to see a movie within frames of glasses.  Also with dirty lenses.  I wouldn't recommend it!  If you HAVE TO then that's one thing.  But if you have a choice in the matter, I'd suggest wearing Clean Contact Lenses!  It's less obtrusive to your line of sight.  No lines around the edges!  No smudges!  You know how that goes.  Anyway.  Today's entry was a SOLID I Didn't Like It.  That'll happen from time to time!  The main times It Doesn't Happen is when It's Worse.  I can do better tomorrow presumably!  THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS half the time!  Wonderful.  Where is my life going.  I TOLD YOU.  WALKMAN.  But nobody wants that.  SOMEBODY DOES.  Anyway.  That's it for today!  I'll see ya'll tomorrow!

-4:28 P.M.     
  
  
 

Monday, October 7, 2024

I Should Probably Say Something

    Hi!  How's it going!  How was everyone's weekend?  Did you LIVE LIFE to the fullest?  Why would anyone do that.  It's fun to DO STUFF.  That way when you're dead you can look back and go Well At Least WAS ACTIVE A Lot Of The Time.  I did a bunch of stuff this weekend!  I almost finished Joker Hendrix book!  I saw Jimi II: Folie a Duex!  I bought a new strain of marijuana!  CHEMDAWG.  Makes me think about failing chemistry in high school and having to take it again in summer school.  Summer school wasn't that bad.  I had to go all the way into Manhattan every day Just For Chemistry but then I was home by 1:30 PM so it was kinda cool.  It was more work than most teenagers had for the summer but Ya Appreciate The Rest Of The Day Off ALL THE MORE.  Besides I had MUSIC to comfort me on the Round Trip that was a lot longer than The Class Itself!  For some reason I remember listening to Weezer's Maladroit.  I wonder what Maladroit means.  I think it means Dumb or something.  Kinda sounds like something a Robot would say.  Maybe cause Driot reminds me of Droid!  HMM.  Maladroit means INEFFECTIVE or CLUMSY.  Not what I was picturing!  I wonder if I'll Remember what it means.  I WANT TO REMEMBER.  It's an adjective meaning ineffective or bungling or clumsy.  PLEASE REMEMBER MICHAEL.
    I liked Joker II!  I think they could have made it 15% BETTER and it would have been GREAT.  But I liked it as it was!  YEAH.  No spoilers but there's A LOT of smoking cigarettes in this film.  Pretty much over 50% of the scenes involve characters smoking!  Not sure what they were trying to accomplish with that but I'm Sure They Accomplished it!  They got my attention!  And I'm sure They Did With My Attention What They Wanted To Do!  Who knows what that is.  Makes everything feel more EPHEMERAL maybe.  With smoke in the air all the time.  That's one possible idea!  OR maybe they just wanna needle People Who Smoke.  HEY JERKS, WANNA CIGARETTE NOW?  I BET YOU DO!  That could be the case as well.  Smokers are Jokers.  They might be playing into that classic rhyme!  Or it just gives the characters something to enjoy!  Without cigarettes all they have is each other!  Weird!  Anyway.  I think it's a unique film in that there are no two people who will get the exact same thing out of it.  Everyone gonna have a unique response to it!  That doesn't sound accurate.  I BET A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA AGREE WITH ME.  I tend to be right about these sorts of things! 
    Mets doing okay in the baseball playoffs!  Late Nite Comedy Class #2 went okay!  I had to read aloud 5 of my 10 Homework Jokes! Went ALRIGHT.  Around 8 people read jokes and I was in the Better Half of the class!  I did better than some people who did particularly poorly.  I hope I remember this moment forever.  Gotta write FIVE more jokes PLUS A Re-occurring DESK BIT for next class.  HMM.  A re-curring bit.  I'll come up with all that crap Wednedsay Night.  Anyway.  One of my jokes I read had RACIAL HUMOUR and my teacher is an African American lady and I didn't even realize it might be offensive when I wrote it and/or read it.  But then when she was responding she implied it may or may not have been offensive!  SO now I don't know what to think!  Which is reminiscent of how I felt before the joke!  I didn't know what to think then, either!  But now I don't know what to think AGAIN, STILL.  Hmm.  Bought new earphones.  They WORK!  Hopefully they'll last me more than three weeks!  Also bought two new books to read when I'm done with Jimi Hendrix.  Bought an autobiography by KEITH RICHARDS.  Bought an autobiography by SERJ... TURKMENISTAN.  Gonna be tough to decide which to read first.  Serj's is BRAND NEW.  Was released I think this August!  I'm not a HUGE fan of either's music but I've listened to Rolling Stone's more but that doesn't mean I HATE Syndrome Of A Down.
   Keith Richards is probably SELF-PRETENTIOUS while Serj is probably a DOWN ON EARTH guy!  Dunno where I'm getting those Facts And Figures.  Anyway.  Got two possible dinners tonight!  GOT a Chipotle Burrito Bowl AND a Turkey Sandwich with fries from a diner BOTH ALREADY IN FRIDGE.  We'll see!  Anyway.  I'm continuing to watch The Office but I've probably seen all I need to see! At this point I should probably move on to another show!  Parks & Recreation is well known for being a comedy.  I'd like that!  I remember enjoying it the first time around when I was just a youngkin.  Seems like a bit much, though.  SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE.  Feels like a lot!  Right?  BIG CHARACTERS.  I'm NOT READY for Parks & Recreation right now.  Because I'm here.  Writing this.  I MIGHT BE READY LATER TONIGHT I DON'T KNOW.  Anyway.  What do baseball players think about when they're playing baseball.  Sometimes I try to put myself in their place when I'm watching the game.  I sometimes tend to picture what it was like for me playing Little League.  Standing in the outfield.  Not knowing whether the balls gonna be hit to me.  WILL I BE INVOLVED IN THE NEXT PLAY OR NOT?  I DON'T KNOW TEH SUPSENSE IS KILLING ME.  If I am AM I READY?  WHO KNOWS!  I imagine I am but in reality I CAN'T THROW THE BALL BACK ALL THE WAY TO THE INFIELD.  Do you realize how far away the second baseman is?  TOO FAR.
   He can get it on the Second Bounce.  Baseballs don't bounce.  Baseballs bounce all the time what are you talking about.  Hmm.  Doesn't seem like they would.  But I'm pretty sure they do!  Anyway!  Kamala doing an INTERVIEW BLITZ this week!  I like it!  She's a person I have a positive opinion of so I like it when I see and hear people I think well of!  It reminds me of Goodness.  Also hopefully it reminds OTHER people how a Quality Person is out there running for president because THAT'S AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO GET OUT THERE.  Is Kamala perfect?  NO!  But who is.  I dunno.  George Carlin.  Off the top of my head he was pretty close to perfect.  BUT HE'S DEAD NOW SO NO ONE IS PERFECT.  Trying to think of others who were close to perfect.  ABRAHAM LINCOLN.  Too tall!  Never be the tallest man in the room!  That's a surefire way to be an imperfect person in life.  JIMI HENDRIX.  He was kind of perfect in the life he led!  NAH.  Didn't get political enough!  HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN US OUT OF VIETNAM if he only PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT.  Also I didn't read the last chapter yet but I'm pretty sure he dies Very Soon.  Imperfect.  Should have lived longer and made more music for Us His Fans.  HE OWES IT TO US.  WE OUTNUMBER HIM SO WE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIM.
    Halfway through the entry.  That's good!  Anyway.  It's amazing Jimi Hendrix's penis wasn't just constantly in pain.  Just seems like he'd have nonstop STD!  ALL THAT SEX AND WHATKNOT.  With thousands of random ladies!  Maybe he did constantly have VD but the book chose to focus on other topics.  Gotta read a companion reader which documents his STDS.  Sounds good!  If you wanna play around you gotta suffer the consequences!  That's life!  Or maybe not.  PER THIS BOOK.  I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.  Anyway.  Getting to a point where I'm starting to HIT A WALL. I don't wanna smoke marijuana, but that might be the thing to do!  WHAT THE HELL.  IT'S NOT BEEN GOOD FOR ME IN THE PAST.  I should not use it AT ALL moving forward!  THAT'S the thing to do!  During entries, I mean.  I can use it PRIVATE LIFE.  But it sucks for entries!  So that's good.  WHAT ELSE IS UP.  CHEMDAWG makes me think of Ed Helms.  Pretty sure he says Dawg a lot in The Office.  Or in another show. I can just PICTURE that guy calling people Dawg.  I dunno!
   Seventh paragraph.  I'm more used to associating Smoking Marijuana with The Other Sciences!  Physics mostly.  Could be Biology.  Maybe Earth Science.  But CHEMISTRY?  I dunno!  I think it should be interesting!  As of now it's been fine!  Pretty similar to the other most recent strains I've bought!  Is it slightly different?  YOU BET.  Anyway today is the anniversary of October Seventh.  Hamas attacked Israel today!  But Last Year!  WHAT A DUMB MOVE.  Can we go back in time and STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING?  I've seen several movies about time travel, enough that suggest IT MAY BE REAL.  I'd like to see This Attack not happen and the things that happened as a result of this attack ALSO NOT HAPPEN as a result of This Not Happening!  TAHT'S MY INPUT ON FOREIGN POLICY.  I've seen MEN IN BLACK III I know they got Time Travel capabilities!  PITBULL HIMSELF sung about it!  Huey Louis and the News did too for that matter FOR A PREVIOUS GENERATION.  But that was about a Private Enterprise.  Doc Brown and his small teenager friend.  Government wasn't involved in that.  Not sure Doc Brown was really invested in improving The World.  Not sure WHAT he was after exactly.  He built a time machine and we don't really know WHY.  BECAUSE IT WAS THERE.
   Doc Brown becomes the most powerful man in history and WHAT DOES HE DO WITH IT. Facial Rejuvenation and Makes Sure His Friend's Kids Don't Go To Jail.  He musta spent countless nights thinking WHAT WILL I DO ONCE I HAVE THIS AWESOME POWER.  It wasn't SPRUNG ON HIM out of nowhere!  He was working on this shit for DECADES.  Anyway.  Doc Brown isn't the most powerful man in history.  THAT'S JESUS.  That's one school of thought.  Not everyone is gonna agree with you!  Personally I think SHIVA is more powerful.  Not from Hinduism.  From Mortal Kombat.  Actually spelled Sheeva.  SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF ARMS, WAY MORE THAN YOU'D EXPECT.  FOUR.  Anyway.  What else is going on.  Shiva comes up in an Elliott Smith song.  JUST occurred to me it might be a Mortal Kombat reference!  He even talks about HER ARMS in the lyrics!  Maybe Elliott Smith IS close to perfect after all!  I had counted him out on account of his Suiciding which hurt many people's feelings!  But if he's hidden talking about Mortal Kombat in a song, I dunno, maybe that tips the scales in his favor!
    Penultimate paragraph!  Today's entry was BAD.  Not the WORST.  Just not great!  I can deal with that.  I live to fight another day.  I might die later tonight.  Well that would suck.  But hopefully THE WORLD LIVES ON IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION WITHOUT ME.  WITH OR WITHOUT ME.  Like the song by The U2 Association!  Anyway, I dunno!  WHAT DIRECTION is being suggested by One Direction the band.  SURELY there is a literal one direction that they're suggesting subtly that we may or may not be subliminally picking up on!  I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE THOUGH.  FORWARD?.  UP?.  I think it's a POSITIVE direction.  It's a direction you're gonna wanna be on board with!  I DUNNO.  COULD BE A RANDOM DIRECTION WE'RE NOT THINKING OF.  That would make sense because I rarely think of the band's songs!  They say One Direction but they DON'T REALLY COMMIT TO ONE DIRECTION IN REALITY.  In reality WE DO SPECULATE on All The Directions!  So THEY DON'T COMMIT.  They get the best of All Worlds!  THOSE JERKS.  Anyway.  You Don't Know You're Beautiful.  UNTRUE.  I know I'm Beautiful.  EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES THOUGH.  LITERALLY EVERYONE.  I DON'T GET IT.
    Last paragraph.  Great!  Now I only have to write one more paragraph!  On the downside, the previous paragraphs sucked, and this paragraph is bound to not be that good, either!  Probably gonna eat turkey sandwich tonight for dinner!  SWEET.  Makes me think about all the times I've had turkey sandwiches in the past.  What about future turkey sandwiches.  Sure, those are possible, too!  Gotta imagine Time Will Continue To Unfold and I'll have more turkey sandwiches as my life goes on.  That's what I would put money on!  I'm not a gambling man.  I haven't played poker in like 5 years!  If I did though I would probably THREE BET OUT OF THE SMALL BLIND.  Those are words that go together sometimes once in a while.  I wonder if Pete Rose bet any money on When He Would Die.  IT'S POSSIBLE he made SOME BIG BUCKS on his own passing away!  Huh.  HE COULD LEAVE THE WINNINGS TO HIS SURVIVING FAMILY.  IT MAKES SENSE.  Anyway.  Maybe I should be trying marijuana with the entry tomorrow.  The way things are, the entries are too mediocre lately!  This is the world we live in.  A mediocre world.  Yes, but not enough!  I've been BAD mediocre!  I THINK I CAN BE GOOD MEDIOCRE IF I REALLY TRY.  Anyway.  That's it!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:27 P.M.

Thursday, October 3, 2024

Forget Everything You Thought You Knew About This Website!

    DONE.  Hey!  What's going on, friend!  Wrote my ten jokes for Comedy Class!  A couple of them are kinda stupid-funny!  A couple of them are just flat out terrible nothings.  ALL IN ALL WE SHALL SEE how it goes.  Gonna have to take a break later in the entry to go pick up laundry.  Anyway.  Looks like Joker II isn't getting that great reviews!  I liked Joker One more than the critics!  Did I like The Critic more than jokers, though?  No. I think jokers tended to like The Critic as much as I did!  A LOT.  Anyway all the info I have on Joker II, I'm trying to synthesize it, to determine how I feel about it, but I'm not a perfect machine, so it's tough!  I guess I won't really be able to put it all together until I'm in the process of actually watching it!  But once I AM doing that BOY OH MAN will I be able to Really Think About It Clearly PRETTY WELL.  METS LOST yesterday.  Got a winner-take-all game today.  Maybe there's a consolation prize to the losers.  They get hugs from their mothers.  AT THE VERY LEAST nice phone calls or texts.
    I really did not put a lot of thought into homework jokes.  I just went to Yahoo News because that's what teacher said was one of the best generic news sites, read the top articles, made up the most obvious News Tagline Headlines based on COPYING their words about 66%... and then WELL I DUNNO YOU KNOW HOW JOKES HAPPEN.  COPIED THE NEWS AND MADE UP THE JOKES.  And the jokes don't have much JOKINESS to them yet.  THIS WAS HOMEWORK #1.  I'll get funnier over time one would imagine!  I got funnier over the course of the assignment!  First couple of jokes were dumb.  Last couple of jokes were kinda almost funny!  If only I kept writing a couple of more jokes to replace the first couple of dumb jokes.  THAT'S NOT HOW I OPERATE.  I never had the game Operation as a kid.  Maybe that's why I'm Not Good At A Lot Of Things.  There's gotta be SOME reason why I Suck.  That's one area I was deprived of Skill Learning so may could well be that!  It teaches you physical skill but also mental and ethical abilities.  Oh okay that's good.
   Anyway.  Gonna get marijuana this weekend.  I was gonna get gummies because I ran out of that but I'm also running low on HERB as well now.  Might just buy FLOWER and from now on just SMOKE uniformly!  And just re-up with that whenever I need it from now on!  For convenience sake!  I can't go and spend 120 dollars this weekend on both GRAIN and WORM.  In no way is Marijuana a GRAIN.  But the point is looks like I'm in a tough situation now!  Gonna need to commit to just... flower.  I really don't like calling it Flower!  But that's what they seem to be choosing to call it as a Business!  OH NO.  Probably gonna ask them what they say the strongest brand is.  THAT'S how I'll decide which strain to get!  MAKE EM TELL ME WHAT THEIR IMPRESSION IS.  THEY CAN'T LIE.  On the website they specify for most strains what the THC level is. But that could be FALSEHOODS.  Don't trust anything you read on the internet!  Or see in real life!  Or dream in a dream!  Basically nothing that ever happens is really trustable!  EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE SOMETHING IN A MARIJUANA STORE.  If I ask them what would you suggest is the strongest weed I can buy then I Guess I Can Trust Them I Think... why not!
    I get good vibes from these people.  I like it!  Also the store lives close to me.  Twelve minute walk away.  And I do walk by them several times a day!  WE'RE NEIGHBORS.  We're practically FAMILY.  Anyway.  LATE NIGHT COMEDY TELEVISION WRITING IS WEIRD.  WHAT A LIFE THAT MUST BE.  What would it be like.  It's a unique place to be in the world, that's for sure!  So is every job.  ANYTHING YOU CAN DO IS UNIQUE.  I guess.  What else is going on and crap.  It's inconvenient to get high for Seeing Movies without gummies!  I minidose mariujana!  If I smoke before I leave to see a movie I'm not gonna be high by the time the movie is happening!  What if I SMOKE MORE that one time!  OH OKAY SOUNDS SMART.  Anyway.  Got a piece of mail about Voting and Early Voting and Other Information About Voting.  Didn't really look at it!  I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW.  Gonna vote regularlike.  On election day.  Should be good!  I'M NOT DONE WITH MY 2024 ELECTION DUTIES THOUGH.  Still gotta SHOW OUT THE VOTE for Harris 2024!  ONE VOTE isn't enough!  I gotta GET OTHERS to the polls!  Not physically. I don't have A BUS or anything!  I just gotta figure out a way to convince other people to vote for her WITH MY MIND.  Huh.
    Fifth paragraph!  Anyway.  New Jack Smith filing yesterday.  While January Sixth was happening, they told Trump people were gonna kill Mike Pence and he said, "SO WHAT."  SO WHAT!  ...WAIT A SECOND AM I ON THE VERGE OF COMING UP WITH A BETTER JOKE THAN I COULD COME UP WITH YESTERDAY?  ...Nope.  False Alarm.  Sorry!  I really thought I was gonna pull something out of the air for a second there.  Jack Smith says in a new filing that Trump was alerted that rioters were going to kill Mike Pence, and his response was, "So What."  WELL THAT'S GREAT.  Trump doesn't even give a shit if his own vice president is safe from His Mob Of Supporters.  You think he's gonna give a shit about any of OUR safety, random people who oppose him politically?  WE'RE FUCKED if he wins again!  Just gonna turn loose his wackos on all of us!  That's not a Late Night Comedy Joke.  OH.  BUT IT'S AN INTERESTING EXTRAPOLATION NONETHELESS.  So that's good!  SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN LATE NIGHT COMEDY WRITING.  Oh you mean like The Late Late Show.  Something like that!
   Halfway through the entry!  Whatever.  Today's entry SUCKS.  Not sure what it is.  Oh Right Most Entries Suck.  THAT SOUNDS RIGHT.  Get to start-anew after this entry, though!  Take a BREAK with the Weekend!  FRESH BEGINNING with the Next Week!  Stuck in the same world, though.  The time is changing but the world is staying the same!  That's not completely accurate.  The world changes all the time!  Yeah over the course of TIME The World Changes.  Hmm.  Does the world sometimes change IN ISOLATED MOMENTS.  Sure.  Why not.  That's not the point I was trying to make but IT'S WHAT I WROTE.  Sometimes I just type and I don't even know what I'm writing about.  I don't like it!  On the other hand I OFTEN DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING CONSCIOUSLY.  I might as well go ahead and try to make some unconscious points!  I DON'T LIKE ALL THIS UNCONCIOUSITY AFOOT.  Something about it seems OFF.  Anyway.  What else isn't on my mind.
    SEVENTH PARAGRAPH!  What else is going on.  What?  "ELSE?"  How many things could possibly be going on at once?  FIVE?  I can't usually sense anything more than .8 Things going on.  OFTEN IT'S CLOSE TO ONE THING GOING ON IN MY HEAD.  Sounds like I got a very great mind!  LOOK I don't know what I'm gonna say for four more paragraphs.  It's a lot of space to take up!  Got an uncomfortable cut on my toe.  Sometimes when I take a walk I put pressure on it coming down!  SORRY TO PUT THAT ALL ON YOU.  That's really my own problem!  Shouldn't burden you with it!  It's kind of fun.  Pain could be pleasurable!  Just ask Hellraiser!  HMM.  By the time you get to Hellraiser you're probably sick of Pain Being Pleasurable.  I never see anyone with Hellraiser who is still having fun with it.  They don't show that!  People getting off while Cenobites torture you.  Hmm.  You'd think that'd what be what's happening like 20% of the time! 
    Okay.  Hey!  New paragraph!  Shouldn't be the worst thing in the world!  Didn't mean to get your hopes up with that!  If it is the worst thing in the world then you can have a rightful beef with me.  What's there TO TALK ABOUT.  I will continue watching The Office and reading Jimi Hendrix!  GOT MY CLASS tonight.  Should be fun!  I think it's eleven or twelve people!  I would have preferred eight!  Easier to remember that amount of people!  I LIKE PEOPLE and I WANT TO REMEMBER PEOPLE.  Why.  Seems like the thing to do!  I'm running a lot lower on contact lenses than I realized!  Occurred to me way too late that I need to set up an appointment so I can re-up with them!  Gotta make an appointment.  Can't just do it by phone.  Need an updated exam!  Gonna have to wear my glasses a lot the next phew weeks.  Interesting.  I wonder how that might effect the upcoming election.  Probably just peripherally! 
   Great!  I guess I can post my Ten Homework Jokes to the website!  I'll post that later!  So that's good.  I guess it's possible I finish the entry before going to the laundromat.  Still unlikely, though!  There's a Life Update for ya, though!  GREAT!  I don't know what I've been saying the last 2.5 paragraphs, and I see that extending into ANOTHER 1.5 paragraphs!  OK THAT'S FINE NOBODY KNOWS WHAT ANYTHING I SAY MEANS.  WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.  That seems wrong.  Smart people must know the meaning of what I say!  But What I Say Is Nonsense.  I dunno!  SMART PEOPLE gonna make sense of the nonsense!  As a display of how smart they are!  Hmm.  Sounds good.  Sense in the nonsense.  How come I never thought to look for that.  Now it's ALL I want to do!  Anyway.  Guess I got one more paragraph to write!  Then a stressful class tonight.  Could be fun though, too!  I probably won't be high anymore by then!
   Tenth paragraph and I have yet to Laundromat.  Well I dropped off at the laundromat this morning.  That counts as a laundromatting.  Anyway.  JEEZ.  Just looking forward to ENJOYING THE WEEKEND I think!  I gotta ACCEPT a Super Market Delivery in the morning of Tomorrow!  And I gotta accept a Drug Store delivery tomorrow from 3 to 9!  BUT BEYOND THAT I'M WIDE OPEN.  If any of you wanna hang or anything!  Let's take it to THE NEXT LEVEL.  Maybe you wanna hang Mike Pence.  So What.  Well for one IT'S ILLEGAL.  Not allowed to hang people!  Number two IT'S IMMORAL.  That guy's ALIVE.  Can't just go around killing him!  Anyway.  Guess I'm gonna wrap up the entry before going to the laundromat after all!  Two or three of my ten jokes HARDLY have a punchlien at all.  Just barely qualify as Having A KICK to it at all.  AH WELL.  I'M GOING TO STICK WITH WHAT I GOT.  Unless I think of better jokes somehow!  Then HEY GREAT WHAT PROVIDENCE.  Anyway.  I'll see ya next week.   

-3:12 P.M.

   
  
    

Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Give Sheet A Chance

    Hey!  What's up!  I have not written a single joke for my upcoming Writing For Late Night Television Class tomorrow!  Gonna have to write ALL TEN tonight.  Probably should take one or two hours!  To look up news and write D+ Jokes based on those newslike news stories!  I don't LIKE it but I'm POT COMMITTED to this lifestyle for the next seven weeks!  Maybe it'll be different homework each week but probably MORE OR LESS the same workload!  Great.  Let's move on.  Easy for me to say, I CAN'T MOVE ON.  It's part of my life now!  Let's move on temporarily and return to this later when it's necessary.  Oh okay makes sense.  I watched the first third of the debate last night.  Thought the one guy sounded a bit anxious at first but was making sense.  And the other guy KIND OF sounded normal but also KIND of sounded really weird at the same time!  Politicswise I agree with what The First Guy was saying and The Other Guy is an asshole!  After a while I figured I got all I was gonna get out of the debate.  And if something fascinating happens I can always see it as part of a Retrospective.  So I TURNT IT OFF and WENT TO BED.  THIS IS BEDTIME ANYWAY.
   Uh-huh.  I watched the new episode of The Simpsons!  That's worth writing home about!  It had COMEDY.  It had DRAMA.  It had ALL YOU WANT out of Television!  You know who I don't like?  ELLEN.  Just occurred to me.  If Ellen was ever sitting at a Poker table in a casino and went I'm Ellen she could get into some trouble cause it might be misheard as I'm All In and that's legally binding!  ONCE it's heard as I'm All In no going back!  Anyway.  Rumour is that Ellen was a jerk as a Showrunner!  So what.  Lots of people are jerks.  I'm sure there's lots of people I Currently Look Up To And Admire that are bigger jerks than Ellen.  Oh No Now I'm Scared.  WHO AM I CURRENTLY ADMIRING AS WE SPEAK THAT'S A HUGE JERK.  Hmm.  Probably Myself!  Gotta look inward on this one.  I tend to think very highly of myself but there's really NOTHING THERE other than me being a Huge Jerk.  But I'm not a very Successful Person.  Whose a Big Star that's a Secret Douchebag.  WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION.  I want to talk about all the wonderful people out there who make the world a brighter place even in private life.  IN A WORLD OF JADE VANCES BE A TOM WALLS.  I assume Tom Walls is nice to people in his orbit.  That's what I've been LED TO BELIEVE.
    Third paragraph.  He's just a real guy from real Minnesota.  I've never met anyone from Minnesota before, though!  How do I even know it's a real state!  I'm just going based on what other people are telling me!  HMM.  I could come up with ONE DEBATE JOKE RIGHT NOW.  Then I'd only have to write NINE jokes later.  I might have even already written a joke by accident.  Anyway.  Tim Walz and JD Vance Vice Presidential Debated this past Wednesday.  ...What are conceits of VP Debates.  (1) Usually Don't Matter.  That's one direction the joke can go in!  GREAT.  Is it the framing I personally wanna go with?  I wouldn't have THOUGHT SO.  But it's THE FIRST TING THAT OCCURRED TO ME so YES IT IS.  Because now it's the least work!  SO NOW IT IS WHAT I WANT TO SAY.  Go Figure!  It's what I want to say because I don't wanna have to spend more time coming up with What I Would Rather Want TO Say!  GREAT.  Anyway.  Mets won a playoff game yesterday.  They're WELL ON THEIR WAY to Ultimate Success!  I think they got some good Mojo going this year.  On account of they've won two or three key games so far the last couple of days.  WOW.  I'm really excited for Francisco Lindor coming in SECOND in the National League MVP voting.  Should definitely come in AT LEAST Third.  WOW.  TOP THREE.  I'M GONNA SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS.
    Fourth paragraph.  Hmm.  Why in the world did I think it was a good idea to think I should have to come up with Late Night Television Comedy Jokes.  WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND dreams this!  I WAS BRAIN WARSHT.  Somewhere at some point That Line Of Work was GLAMOURIZED by Television and Film.  WHAT THE HELL.  What's the motivation!  I guess they need to make it seem attractive to draw in more workers into their ranks over time.  I dunno.  People are dumb enough already!  People gonna wanna work in the TV Industry AS IT IS.  You already got us!  WHY ADD EXTRA SUBLIMINAL MOTIVATIONS.  Cause it's FUN or something.  Really drives the point home!  WHY SHOULDN'T WE DO EXTRA SUBLIMINAL MOTIVATIONS.  Oh interesting retort.  TV AND FILM WRITERS GOTTA HAVE FUN TOO.  Hmm how can I have fun writing my Ten Jokes.  INTERESTING.  I CAN HAVE, "FUN," WITH THEM?  I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.  That sounds way beyond my skill level.  I'm not ready to Have Fun with it!  I TOLD YOU I'm only prepared to write D+/C-!  Okay.  If I say so.  But if I change my mind, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!  No, I don't.
   Fifth paragraph.  Anyway.  Classmates' jokes are available to me online!  Not gonna read them!  I don't wanna see jokes that I can't come up with now!  WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH THAT JOKE.  Now I can't come up with it independently if I read it first!  Huh.  Anyway.  Classmates are funnier than me based on what they came up with during last class.  Teacher is exponentially exponentially better than me!  BUT that doesn't mean people can't get exponentially better with time and effort!  I probably WON'T.  But if for some reason it was SUPPOSED to happen, it COULD happen!  So I got that going on for me.  Anyway.  Hmm.  It would be fun for me to Finish The Homework Assignment And Get It Out Of The Way! I'm saying it like I feel!  WELL I GUESS THAT'S IT.  Not meant to be a Superstar!  AH WELL.  DOESN'T MATTER.  THE IMPORTANT THING IS IT'S OCTOBER SECOND TWENTY TWENTY FOUR.  Date!  I may or may not shave before tomorrow.  I didn't like how I looked in Zoom last week.  Maybe some light facial hair will cure what ails my appearance!
   Hmm.  Guess I'll post my jokes tomorrow after my class has ended.  WHY NOT.  SPREAD THE LOVE AROUND.  Anyway gotta write five more paragraphs.  NOW with minidosing marijuana.  That's great!  Watched a couple of Extended The Office episodes instead of Regular Office episodes!  I didn't like it!  They add A LOT of bonus material.  We're talkin' like 32 minute episodes instead of 22 minutes!  I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings but most of the extra stuff BASED ON MY LIMITED EXPERIENCE has been usually not very great!  It's important I get this message out there.  If just ONE PERSON out there is binging The Office in the future and decides to watch Regular The Office instead of SuperCut of The Office, then I'LL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO SOCIETY.  And you know what that means.  SUPERCUT OF HEAVEN for me when I die!  WAIT THAT SOUNDS BAD.  Yeah it's slightly Larger Heaven but the added bits are MOSTLY UNNECESSARY AND UNFUNNY.  Anyway.  I'm noticing this time around that Dwight and Angela's romance, in either version, practically gets as much air time as Pam and Jim!  THEY ARE SPECIAL TOO.  Just because they're DIFFERENT and AWKWARD doesn't mean they're LESS IMPORTANT.  Actually they're more important.  THEY'RE ACTUALLY FUNNY.
   Pam and Jim?  Pym and Jam.  That was mostly unnecessary.  OK MOVING ON THEN.  If I wanted to be an idiot, I could always write five jokes tonight and wake up early and write five jokes tomorrow morning!  WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I WANT TO BE MOVING FORWARD.  My guess is 60%.  That much!  Sounds like too much.  Should really be 30%!  I dunno.  If I'm writing comedy as part of my Responsibilities, that involves being an idiot.  HMM.  OK 40%.  Anyway.  Two jokes about the debate.  A joke or two about Hurricanes.  A joke or two about Eric Adams.  WOW.  I know a lot about what's going on in the news.  Pretty impressive stuff!  Sounds like I'm pretty on the ball lately!    Great.  I'm not a complete invalid.  Only PARTIAL.  Invalid means the opposite of Valid.  I GUESS.  Anyway.  Gotta see more of Kamala over the next month!  If I'm turning on my TV this October I wanna be seeing one of two things-- Mets Baseball or KAMALA HARRIS.  OR SOME SORT OF ENTERTAINING TV SHOW OR MOVIE.  ALSO sometimes I put some music on on YouTube on my TV.  Usually just for a song or two while I smoke before going to bed!
  Three paragraphs to go!  I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.  I wrote an eighth paragraph but I deleted it!  Just wasn't happy with what was in it!  Nothing too offensive or scandalous!  Just didn't feel like sticking with it!  I read it and was like I don't endorse the thoughts or opinions contained within this paragraph anymore.  Great.  Now I have to write an eighth paragraph.  Just a random paragraph in the middle of nowhere.  MEANS NOTHING.  Will accomplish nothing.  WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS.  Don't answer, I stopped caring.   Maybe I should hold on hope that there is meaning.  Huh.  That's a good one.  I'll consider it in the back of my mind I guess!  Actually you know what.  You're probably right.  There's lots of Meanings.  YOU WERE RIGHT I WAS WRONG.  Wait a second.  Could be wrong again.  ALL OF IT MEANS EVEN LESS THAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  Yeah.  Fuck.  Well, there you have it!  I guess there's no meaning as of now!  I dunno.  Hey, This has SO MUCH BETTER QUALITIES than meaning!  Don't get hung up on ONE WORD.
   Probably'll take ninety minutes or so for me to come up with ten D Plussers.  OKAY.  I'll be happy when that's over!  Probably getting Pizzeria for dinner tonight.  Probably just get pizza!  ALTHOUGH I saw Michael Scott eat fettuchini al fredo earlier today and thought to myself that's not a bad idea.  That's something to consider.  TORTELLINI AL FREDO.  Have you ever considered that?  Of course you haven't!  You never had a chance!  So that's good.  I honestly think Kamala needs to be getting out there more!  The more we see the more we like!  Be.  On.  TV!  That's a simple enough equation I guess.  ANYWAY.  AL FREDO?  WHAT IS THIS A GODFATHER PUN?  Al Pacino didn't play Fredo!  Well, that's great, I just spoiled the movie for everyone.  EVERYONE KNOWS WHO PLAYED WHAT IN THE GODFATHER.  I'M NOT SPOILING ANYTHING.  Wonderful.  Gotta write another paragraph after this one! 
    Okay.  Not sure what to talk about.  Probably should have something in mind.  SOMETHING IN MIND?  That doesn't sound right!  I JUST GO WITH THE FLOW.  FLOW?  I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT EITHER.  IT'S WOLF BACKWARDS.  HORRIFYING.  It's Halloween Month, though!  Never know what's gonna happen!  Scary words gonna pop up out of nowhere!  Gotta take it all in stride!  I guess that's good.  I FORGOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.  I GUESS THAT'LL HAPPEN.  SHOULD I TRY TO COME UP WITH A NEW TOPIC.  I guess.  Everything needs to be about something!  If there's no topic there can be no words.  Huh.  What else is going on.  I got a lot on my mind!  I HAVE TO DO WORK LATER.  LEMME THINK FOR A SECOND.  MAYBE IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.  MAYBE IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD.  I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS ALL WRONG.  IT COULD BE A FUN TIME.  YEAH.  I'M GONNA WRITE TEN JOKES BASED ON THE NEWS STORIES OF THE DAY.  WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT.  Anyway.  I'll see ya tomorrow!

-4:11 P.M.   
     
    

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

I Can't Think Of A Better Title

    Hey, friends!  Tuesday.  That happens hardly ever.  1/7!  That's like 14% of the time!  Roughly the same amount of time I'm At Peace.  Saw my Psychiatrist.  Looks like I'm Sticking With Her!  Our relationship is frayed but will continue on!  Our next appointment is on ERECTION DAY.  Wait, Election Day.  That's what Chinese people call Election Day though.  Can Chinese Americans be swing voters somewhere?  I dunno!  Doesn't look like it!  I'm not seeing any Swing States with big Chinese American Pops.  Chinese American NOW AND NEVER have say in Presidency.  That's a Historical tidbit for ya!  Vice Presidential Debate is tonight!  I hope Walz gets us going!  I need some inspiration in my life!  I was looking at my Harris Walz shirt in the mirror and Walz backwards is SLAW.  COLESLAW.  I don't like coleslaw as a food.  Grosses me out!  But as a word?  Delightful!  I'm taking liberties exchanging a, "Z," for an, "S."  Yep!  I don't think anyone's gonna object!  What's their motivation!  Why do they care!  It's my life!  It's now or never!  I ain't gonna be forever!  I just wanna live while I'm alive.  It's. My. LIFE.  Wait that's the real lyric.  "I just wanna live while I'm alive."  Well duh.  What else are you gonna do. Be dead while you're alive?  Highly dubious!!
   Me Favorite Team THE METS won their big game yesterday!  Now they're in the playoffs FOR REAL.  All out three game series starting in a couple of hours!  I can't pay attention to that!  TOO BUSY.  Gonna try to come up with FIVE out of my Assigned Ten Jokes for Comedy Class tonight!  POST This Entry and PRE-ST The Debate.  Anyway.  Might be finishing Jimi Hendrix book not this weekend but NEXT weekend.  Maybe even this weekend if I read a lot!  GOTTA BUY NEW BOOKS. I think there's a book by the System Of A Down guy.  Is that a Down Syndrome reference?  If so, very Progressive of him!  I assume it's PRO-down syndrome and not making fun of them!  I like it! Oh.  It's based on some poem some guy wrote.  WOW.  A POEM?  I like Google AI.  I know a lot of people, "Rag," on it but my experience has been It's One Of My Best Friends From The Start.  I like it's tone!  I like it's POSTURE.  I like the way it handles itself!  Maybe because I've been raised to distrust AI and THIS AI AIN'T THAT BAD SO FAR. RIGHT?  NOT YET AT LEAST.  Probably is.  Probably contributing to genocide.  What genocide.  ALL OF EM.
   OKAY.   Watched the second episode of The Penguin!  Didn't hold my interest as much as the first episode!  Sad to say it!  Looks like I won't be participating in Society as much as anticipated!  OH I'll still go through the motions BUT I WON'T BE 100% THERE.  Hmm.  I'm sure there are things in society I am still gonna be INTERESTED IN.  But Penguin Episode 2 THAT ONE NIGHT Just Wasn't It for me!  NOT A PROBLEM.  Got JOKER II coming up this weekend.  I'm gonna enjoy that for 2 hours.  Unfortunately seems like one of those movies that will top out at an hour fifty!  Hmm.  Internet says 2 hours 19 minutes.  Great!  I was high on one of my walks yesterday and listening to Jimi Hendrix and I was STARTING to get it a little bit more.  If you're more in tune with the universe then you're gonna get it more!  If the universe is just noise to you, then beautiful music will ALSO just be noise!  BUT ONCE I start making sense of the universe, then beautiful music WILL ALSO start to make some more sense as well!  GREAT does that mean I'm starting to make sense of the universe!  NO.  JUST A LITTLE BIT.  MAYBE.  FOR AN HOUR OR TWO.  DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.   
   Alright.  They added BOLD to Twitter?  WOW.  WHAT'S NEXT?  ME ADDING IT TO THIS WEBSITE?  That doesn't seem right.  It reeks of desperation.  I guess Desperation isn't something you should worry about, though!  DESPERATION IS THE SCENT OF KINGS.  Probably gonna smoke marijuana in a couple of paragraphs.  But I'm saving it for the latter half of the entry!  The book of Latter Day Saints.  HOW MANY LATTER DAY SAINTS ARE WE TALKING.  I know Joseph Smith but I never realized HE HAD FRIENDS.  I just googled, "How Many Latter Day Saints are there," and Google AI told me FOURTEEN MILLION.  Then I realized they meant How Many People Practice Mormonism.  Not how many people ARE SAINTS in that religion.  I dunno.  Maybe just by Being A Mormon YOU REACH DE-FACTO SAINTHOOD. Good Deal!  Just by signing up YOU ARE ONE OF THE TOP GODS.  On the other hand you're stuck in a sucky religion.  What do you care!  YOU'RE A LATTER DAY SAINT.  PUT PROOF OF THAT IN YOUR CAR WINDOWSHIELD.  See how far that gets you in this life.  Probably works against you thrice as much as it works in your favor!
   YEAH.  I guess.  I don't practice SAINT-aria.  I ain't got no CHRIST-al ball!  Hmm.  I choose to believe Bradley Nowell of Sublime DOES Santeria but he's so good at it he doesn't need to PRACTICE it.  He just performs it regularly without having to tune up in low-stakes situations!  Anyway looks like the world is going to shit in the Middle East!  Isreal attacking neighbors!  Neighbors attacking Israel!  Me spelling Isreal wrong each time I type it!  GOOD OPPORTUNITY for everyone to CHILL OUT.  Peace is always available if you want it.  The moment you decide you want to stop fighting you can give it a shot.  Just takes some conscious effort from all parties involved!  EASY.  I know how to spell Israel.  What's wrong with me.  All this fighting and fussing is really getting to me.  I can't even RECOGNIZE Israel anymore!  Literally MANIFESTS in when I look at THE WORD.  OH NO.  Hmm.  I finished in SIXTH in my Fantasy Baseball league this year!  I checked it every day!  I didn't make Roster Moves or anything!  But I LOOKED at how I was doing!  Sixth out of 12th!  I CAME IN FIRST if we were ranking by Halves!
  OK! TIME FOR MARIJUANA.  Okay.  Gotta write five more paragraphs.  AND I just had a Bowel Movement.  Is that the first time I ever announced That?  Possibly!  I guess there's a first for everything!  Owl Movement.  That could be a Band Name.  OR a subject when Aviationists discuss Migratory Patterns.  I'm pretty open with Making Up Wrong Compound Words.  Yeah!  Thanks For Noticing!  WILL I WRITE SOMETHING WELL SOON TO MAKE UP FOR WRITING SOMETHING STUPID.  Yes.  I think I will!  Hey, that's be a nice surprise!  There should be Balence in the universe!  I don't know what, "Balence," in the universe would be.  BALENCE AS OF NOW IS NOT A WORD.  "Balance," is a word.  "Balence," NOT YET.  Hmm.  In my mind I keep thinking It'd be related to Balance but WHY?  The odds are it would be a completely unique concept!  How the Hell am I supposed to come up with a Completely Unique Concept?  WHERE DO I BEGIN.  I got the letters.  I got the letters and the order they're in.  I have to come up with a random definition for that word with only that information.  THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH.
   There's no obvious prefixes or anything.  The syllable in the middle isn't a NOUN on it's own or anything!  What The Hell.  I guess it's time to move on.  There is no syllable in the middle.  THERE ISN'T?  Balence.  "Len."  That's the middle syllable!  Anyway.  Four paragraphs to go.  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what that's like for me?  Who cares.  I'LL SURVIVE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.  Yeah it's briefly unpleasant but SO WAS MY LIFE BEFORE.  And so shall it be afterwards!  In fact The Four Paragraphs might be kind of fun.  I get to think creatively and with purpose for once!  Outside of this upcoming part of my life I CAN HARDLY THINK AT ALL.  Anyway.  Going off a medication tonight!  I had been going off it gradually over the last few months.  Tonight I take it NO MORE.  Cool.  Pill talk.  How come calling someone a pill is an insult.  "You're a Pill."  And somehow that DOESN'T mean, "OH SO I'M GOOD FOR YOU THEN."  What does it mean.  They have some sort of Personality Defect.  Someone who is unpleasant or disagreeable.  I guess in ancient times Pills were unpleasant to take.  I guess I get it!
   Three paragraphs to go.  Awesome.  I've taken a couple of Big Ol Pills in my lifetime.  Off the top of my head I wanna say The Lithium was a big pill.  Took that for a year or two!  Great.  I normally take like 8 pills at once.  Anyone who is intimidated by a single large pill is LAUGHABLE to me.  Whatever.  Still got a couple and a half paragraphs to write.  Two and a half paragraphs!  The debate tonight will be between Two And A Half Men.  The Two man candidates and the moderators who are only Half A Man because they abdicated their duty to fact check the candidates.  THEY ARE BUT HALF MEN.  I read on twitter they may or may not have changed their minds and decided to Fact Check.  If that's the case WOW GREAT NEWS.  If that's not the case STOP TEASING.  But If it is the case WOW GREAT NEWS REMEMBER.  But If it's not the case though I SHOULDA KNOWN IT WAS TOO GOOD TO UN-NOT BE TRUE THE TRUTH.  Anyway.  Today is the first day of October.  Gonna have to look at the news later to come up with jokes!  NEWS?  I HARDLY NEW HER!
    Penultimate paragraph.  Today's entry isn't bad.  YES IT IS.  But you could also argue it's good.  SURE.  I'll believe it when I see it!  SEE WHAT.  I dunno.  Probably some proof out there somewhere of something!  Huh.  I don't wanna have to DO WORK tonight!  But I WILL.  MOST LIKELY.  OWL MOVEMENTS?  I musta made that pun... twice!  Oh well.  CAN I GET A SUGGESTION FROM THE AUDIENCE for something I can talk about.  DID I HEAR, "EARTHQUAKE."  Earthquake makes me think of the film Encino Man.  In Encino Man Sean Astin plays a high school student and he's friends with Pauly Shore.  Neither of them are popular but they're normal enough kids.  They find Brendan Frasier, a Caveman frozen in ice, and he unfreezes and is surprisingly alive.  For some reason he becomes extremely popular (other kids just think he's an exchange student from, "Estonia,") and they ride his coattails to social success.  Ultimately it's a feel good film that's also a fun time.  Postnote-- ESTONIA IS A REAL PLACE.  I didn't need to put it in quotations!
    Last paragraph of the day!  They were making a pun because he was from, "The Stone Age."  But I guess Estonia exists anyway independent of the film!  So that's good!  I guess.  OH. I  never explained WHY Earthquake makes me think of Encino Man.  An Earthquake helped REVEAL the Frozen Body of Brendan Frasier in the ground!  Without the Earthquake he never would have been discovered!  I dunno.  Sean Astin was also digging a pool in his backyard.  The Earthquake helped but I think Sean Astin mighta got there by himself eventually!  Good.  Anyway.  Just thinking about some Plot Holes in Encino Man.  I guess the entire thing is based on faulty premises!  But the specific things are what's bothering me at the moment.  At the conclusion of the film, Brendan Fraiser's Caveman Wife unmelts too I guess and they find her taking a bath by herself and are surprised.  How the hell did she know how to take a bath.  Sean Astin and Pauly Shore spend half the movie teaching Brendan Fraiser that kinda stuff.  Meanwhile his Cavewife INTUITS taking a bath without any help!  I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT.  I could barely bathe myself AS IT IS.  Anyway.  That's all I got for today!  I'll see ya tomorrow!
 

-4:38 P.M.  
       
    
         
   
 

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