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Monday,
October
14, 2024
Thank You For Entertaining My Existence
Dear
reader, HI! I think of you more as a Viewer than a Reader but I might
be wrong. OR I might be right! I personally mostly unfocus my
eyes and sort of Drink In the paragraphs rather than really Read the words.
It's not the best way to read the website, but it's also not the worst way!
The worst way is backwards. Start at the end and read right to
left and down to up. The people doing it that way are having THE WORST
experience. ESPECIALLY if they're also going backwards in time while
reading somehow. The best way to read it is to Have It Your Way.
Take the Burger King Ethos I'd say, that'd be my first instinct! I
don't like that instinct. I'm crossing it out. My new first
instinct for the best way to read this is Look At It How Everyone Else Is
Reading It And Copy Them. Have It How Everyone Else Is Having It.
What Burger Chain's slogan is that. Fascism Burger. I
KNOW there's a chain or two which is famous for being like YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE IT THE WAY WE MAKE IT OR ELSE. AND THERE IS NO, "OR ELSE."
Can't think of who they are though off the top of my head.
Hey, great! Starting to REALLY like the new Coldplay
album. It's important you have that information about me! Likes
dislikes. Peeves Pet Peeves. For References Sake, I also like
the new Offspring album. "I don't know, that spring is a little
off." That's something I think about A Lot. You'd think
I'd be thinking about more meaningful things. That's PLENTY
meaningful. You just haven't thought about it meaningly enough!
That's okay, I just sprung it on you! You'll get there in time!
Hey, class went okay last Thursday Night! My jokes didn't go over
great but they weren't great jokes so there ya go! Gotta write a Cold
Open sketch for this Thursday. Probably just a 0.5-2 page sketch where
Host interacts with Presumptive Guest Of The Show. Great.
I'm not used to this kind of cold open. WHEN I WAS A KID I don't
remember this kinda thing happening that much on talk shows. Seems
unnecessary. WHAT DOES IT ACCOMPLISH. Presumably it's funny
and also it promotes the guest. That's what INTERVIEW is for.
This just drives the point home all the more. How far do you wanna
take this! Seriously! As far as naturally possible.
Oh. Started watching the Serj Tankian book!
He seems like an okay guy! Book is going by quickly! He chose to
write in a relatively large font! Pretty politically engaged which is
interesting. Politics is the GLUE that holds our political life
together! I might want to get back into music at some point in the
near future. It's hard, though! For one, my guitar cable is
messed up. For two, MY GUITAR CABLE IS MESSED UP. I probably have
alternative Working Guitar Cables. Don't Worry I'm Sure There's
Other Things Holding Me Back I'm Sure. I'm not a Music Genius!
I'm only Musically Gifted! Who cares. That and a dollar bill
will get you a stripper's attention for thirty seconds. I can make
Good music but not GREAT Music under ideal working conditions. I
don't know how strippers work. A dollar bill is enough for them to
come over FOR A SECOND right? Gotta be at least 10, 15 seconds, right?
Hmm. Strippers DO really like you in strip clubs, right? I mean,
they're only human! And so are you! ONLY NATURAL that a real
connection would spark up eventually!
Fourth paragraph! Getting pretty deep into The Office
(U.S.)! I'm not sure what I'm getting out of it tangibly other than it
takes up a whole lot of space in my life. Well I just answered my
own question. Surely I can have Better Life than watching These
Jerks just OFFICE it up. Hmm. This Ice, something just OFF
about it. Oh I Know It's frozen pee. I don't like
that. Punch it up a bit. Hmm, there's something OFF about
this ice! Oh I know it's being used to separate families at the
border. That's not good either. I think I can really knock
it out of the park on the third try. Hmm I think something's OFF
with this ICE. I KNOW WHAT IT IS IT'S A SCULPTURE IN TEH SHAPE OF
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT BUT IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE HER AT ALL. I guess
that'll have to do! Rule Of Threes! Apparently my uncle who we
haven't heard from in over a year sent my family a mass email informing us
Christopher Columbus was Jewish. WELL THAT'S IT FOLKS. WE CAN
REST EASY NOW. THE WHOLE DEBATE IS OVER. WAS COLUMBUS GOOD?
WAS HE BAD? HE WAS JEWISH. I guess that means my uncle likes
CC. You don't CLAIM someone YOU DON'T LIKE. Looks like
The NEWS is reporting the same thing my Uncle is saying! Great.
Now that he's evil ALL OF A SUDDEN HE'S JEWISH. I DON'T WANT HIM.
TAKE HIM BACK.
I guess WE HAVE to accept him. He probably did some good
things, too! He got his friends from Point A To Point B. Just
think of him as an Uber Driver! He was relatively benign in that
fashion! Anyway. I don't have a strong opinion on Christopher
Columbus. On the plus side, he SAILED ACROSS THE OCEAN BLUE. On
the downside, HE NORMALIZED GENOCIDE. FAR BE IT FROM ME TO PICK A
SIDE. If the singular person who discovered America had been a
better person, could that ONE SINGLE PERSON IN HISTORY have made a
difference? MAYBE! That ONE PERSON could have been like HEY
TEHRE WERE PEOPLE ALREADY THERE. HOW ABOUT THAT. LET'S DEAL WITH
THEM LIKE HUMANS OR SOMETHING. I dunno! Anyway, the Mets
lost Game One of the League Championship Series last night! That's
okay! Everyone loses SOMETIMES. What separates the REAL winners
from the losers is THE PROPORTIONS Of how often you win to how often you
lose AND ALSO the relative importance of the times of when you win!
...YEAH! Also if you have Time Travel and can go back to times
you've lost and turn them into wins I'd Recommend That. But I wouldn't
grow complacent with that! Don't wanna have to RELY on that!
That was the first half of the entry. Here comes the
second half of the entry! Not sure how I feel about having to write So
Much. It ain't that bad. Lots of people have it Worse Off
than I do. Plumbers. Pokemon Trainers. Donkey Men.
Protagonists In Video Games is the category riff I'm operating under!
What else do I got. I like My Instinct to think of more but it's
WRONG right now. The correct move is to MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.
Hey they're mowing the lawn outside. That's annoying! The sound
it makes. The vibration it produces physically. I can
practically FEEL IT on me! That's a weird thing to say.
YA GOT ME. It's been mostly Normal up until now! Oh well.
0 Days Since Last Abnormal Thing Said. OK. Well, that's
good. I don't think I like this entry so far! I THOUGHT I did
for a while but I think I was just enjoying my lunch! I WAS EATING
A RARE SANDWICH WITH THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS. Oh well.
Good. I can come up with good stuff for the next four paragraphs.
World War II. Television. The Part Of The Atmosphere That
Airplanes Fly In. Ok that's a good starting place.
Uh-oh I don't know much about World War II. I know
a medium amount about television. I know that airplanes fly in one
stratosphere and generally not in others! So that's good. REAL
GOOD. Four paragraphs to go! It sounds like I really don't know
that much about anything! WHY should people listen to me!
Nobody, "Listens To Me." What am I giving Dating Tips. NO.
There's nothing there TO LISTEN TOWARDS. I dunno. Three
and a half more paragraphs. Guess the Mets game starts in about an
hour. It's more than a guess. It's a FEELING.
Delightful. I don't know what I'm gonna say next. I'm thinking
Something Bad. For some reason I'm thinking I KNOW I GOT NOTHING
GOOD ON DECK. SO OBVIOUSLY THE ONLY THINGS I'LL BE ABLE TO COME UP
WITH ARE BAD. I will type something. That's for sure.
I won't deprive you of your God Given Right To Ten Paragraphs. Maybe
my brain will agree to come up with something okay! Great.
What else is going on. I don't KNOW. I didn't
even know the first thing that was going on! What you think is going
on right now-- I'm unaware of that! The good news is I can type
something new and then THAT'S what's going on for a while.
Privately. In my website. I guess. THAT'S NOT GREAT
THOUGH. If I were typing Great New Things then WONDERFUL. But I
type BAD POOR THINGS. Tsk. SHAME. NO-NO to the things I
TYPE. Disapprove! Okay. Then What The Hell Am I
Even Doing Here. PRACTICE. I dunno, I seem to get worse
at this as it goes on. I NEVER SAID I WAS THE ONE PRACTICING.
It's practice for YOU, THE READER. PRACTICE READING.
Gotta work on them reading comprehension skills! IT'S OK WE ALL DO.
I'm not singling you out! Well I guess if WE ALL have to do it,
that's okay. I don't wanna have to do more work than the next
person, though! That's where I draw the line! Even Me, The
Writer, has to Work On Reading This Better. It SUCKS. I'm
pulling double duty and I'm looking for someone to complain to.
Penultimate paragraph! And that's OKAY. Two
paragraphs isn't that much to write, all in all! Any vibrations coming
from outside? YES THERE ARE. I don't know what it is but there's
some kind of WAILING. Not human or animal. I don't know what it
is! Mechanical or Architectural in nature one would imagine!
Anyway that just stopped out of nowhere SO THAT'S GOOD. What are GOOD
SOUNDS I can be hearing from outside. Owls hooting. Marching
Bands Marching. DREAMS COMING TRUE. I dunno I think I'd be
okay with just SILENCE. Hook me up with some silence for a while and I
might could be happy with that! I dunno. Sounds suspiciously
like Being Dead. If there's silence How Am I Sure I'm Not Just
Dead? NOW I'M SCARED. The only way I know I'm alive is if
there's Grating Noises All The Time! THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY
LIVE! Or maybe there are just intermittent neutral to positive
noises every now and then when necessary. What the Hell.
What kind of reality is that. WHO WOULD WANT TO LIVE in that kind of world.
NOT I.
Last paragraph! I guess! Gotta write another
entry tomorrow! And then one the next day! And then again the
day after that! GREAT. I LOVE writing entries as long as we live
in a Reliable Universe! As long as the world makes sense, this is the
easiest job in the world! What the Hell. No one cares.
This website is a JOKE. Fair enough. What celebrity guest
should I pick out of thin air to write a Cold Open about. It
doesn't matter. They're all GOOD, CAPABLE people. I can pick
any of them and they'd ALL do a good job with it! None of them
actually have to perform the piece I write. I KNOW BUT THEY COULD
if they had to. I'M PROBABLY Gonna write a sketch featuring
Celebrity Comedian or Comic Actor just to Make Sure I'm working with someone
I KNOW knows what they're doing. But that doesn't mean I don't have
faith in Everyone Else! Huh. Been thinking about Ed Helms
in The Office lately. He just doesn't quite fit in! I don't know
if it's directly related to him coming over from another branch plotwise.
Or if its part of his acting energy or something. BUT HE'S JUST A BIT
OFF. Maybe he shuold be in this cold open! Has he done anything
in 2024? Or WILL HE do anything in 2024? We'll see! I'll
see ya tomorrow!
-4:17 P.M.
Thursday,
October
10, 2024
How Many People Died So I Could Write This
Entry
Hey!
What's up! One more entry for the week and then Weekend Time.
Weekends aren't that great. Next Week is PRETTY SOON all things
considered. What can I do for 72 hours that's so great anyway.
NOTHING. READ. JACK OFF. TRY NOT TO JERK OFF AS MUCH.
I DUNNO. I was thinking about it last night and I was like ya
know what I think I wanna see Joker II again this weekend. Was I
high? Yeah! Not sure I still feel that way. But I kinda
do. I think I might! To be perflectly honest with you, I've been
in a mental institution before in my life! That puts me on another
level than most people in being able to relate to this exact movie. I
dunno if they set out to make a movie commenting not just on the stigma of
mental illness but on the stigma of being hospitalized. But there's
something that I found relatable there for sure! ANYWAY.
STIGMA?? MORE LIKE STIGMATA. I guess. Wrote my monologue
jokes last night. Wrote my Desk Bit this morning! Not a bad
premise for a desk bit! Jokes were so-so! But I could see this
premise BEING ADAPTED.
Sometimes I feel like I was adapted. The jokes I wrote were
solid 3s out of tens BUT I DON'T LIKE that they were politically naive
jokes! NO BITE to em. Because I just wrote what was easy and
came off the top of my head! BUT if I saw these jokes on my TV I'd say
WHAT ARE YOU DOING. WITH JOKES LIKE THAT TRUMP IS GONNA WIN THE
ELECTION. GROW A SPINE JIMMY FALLON YOU CAN'T BE TELLING PUNCHLINES
LIKE THAT. I think this week my jokes were slightly better than
last week, though! SO NEXT WEEK'S HOMEWORK MIGHT BE BETTER FOR KAMALA.
Anyway. WHY do we live in a world where the jokes Jimmy Kimmel Tell
are accurate precursors to Who Will Win The Election, The Democrat or The
Fascist. I DUNNO. The word, "Precursor," is providing
some convenient ambiguity there! WHAT TEH FUCK Donald Trump is holding
a Nazi Rally at MSG on October 27th. SCARY. THAT'S THE SAME
CITY AS MY HOUSEHOLD. He is nothing but Hate And Lies. GOOD
NEWS THOUGH The Mets made the National League ChampionShip Series!
Game one is Sunday. THIS YEAR.
I watched that movie with Will Ferrell and his Trans Friend a
week or two ago! I didn't think much happened but I guess it had a
positive message! I'm not sure it did actually! I think part of
the message of the movie was Hey America Actually ISN'T That Ready For
Trans People half the places we went. I don't wanna hear that!
CUT THOSE SCENES OUT. TELL ME ALL IS WELL. EASY.
Haven't you ever watched Television before? You're supposed to
make me FEEL GOOD. Also his trans friend (Male to Female) was KINDA
MALE-ish! Obviously everyone is allowed to be Exactly Who They Want To
Be. But part of the premise of the film is to get us on board with
Trans Females. AND THIS ONE ISN'T VERY FEMALEY AT ALL. Kinda
comes off as just a dude with boobs and a new name. SOMETHING TO
THINK ABOUT FOR THE SEQUEL AT LEAST. I guess everyone is just on
the spectrum of gender. NOT ME. Oh. That's good.
I'M ABOVE ALL THAT. YOU KNOW LIKE A TOASTER MIGHT BE.
Anyway. Fourth paragraph. WHAT THE HELL.
Kamala is slipping in some polls. I THINK IT'S TIME TO ADDRESS THE
ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. Hmm. What is that. The
White Stripes album, "Elephant." Got Seven Nation Army.
Black Math. And those are just Tracks One and Two. EITHER WAY
Kamala needs to make some BOLD MOVES. SPEAK TO THE PEOPLE. CALL
OUT THE MEDIA maybe. Maybe that's TOO BOLD. But the media has
been a huge disappointment lately in normalizing Donald Trump. HE
COMMITS CRIMES OF FASCISM. STOP MAKING HIM A NORMAL CANDIDATE! Otherwise
maybe I will stop consuming you normally. The media is way tougher on
Kamala than on Donald and IT'S PATHETIC. WE CAN HAVE IT ALL.
A RESPONSIBLE GOVERNMENT. A GOOD ECONOMY. A HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT.
...GOOD SHOWS ON TEH TV. OR you could let yourself be consumed by
Lies And Hate And Irrational Fear and take it out on the rest of innocent
society. I GET FEAR. For better or worse, being guided by
fear is a way I often live my life! IRRATIONAL FEAR THOUGH is kinda
strange. YOU'RE SCARED OF THINGS THAT YOU KNOW DON'T EXIST.
Fifth paragraph. WHY. I dunno.
AS TONY SOPRANO SAID
THERE'S ENOUGH GARBAGE FOR EVERYBODY. Anyway. Guess I gotta
write SIX more paragraphs! Anyway. I'm sure a lot of polls still
have Kamala ahead. Whatever. This election is bigger than any of
us. It's bigger than all of us! IT JUST MAY BE THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING SINCE THE LAST ELECTION AND UNTIL THE NEXT ELECTION.
Ugh. FUCK YOU GUYS. Anyway. What else is up.
One day I wanna live in a country where neither of the main two parties are
fascist! That's it! You can be exploitative capitalistic and
horrible. But just leave us SOME ROOM TO BREATHE. I'm not asking
for much! Well anyway class is in about three hours. It should
take me half that to write the rest of the entry more or less!
Probably more, actually! Probably Love, Actually! That's a good
film title. Love, Actually. ALRIGHT DON'T GET SO DEFENSIVE
JEEZ. Seems like kind of a passive aggressive title, that's all.
WAIT there is no Comma in the film title, "Love Actually." Still kinda
implied I guess. But it's not ACTUALLY there. Hmm. Now
I don't know what to think.
Sure. ANYWAY, I get appealing to the middle to get peel
off some Republican voters and Moderates, which is fine, but I'd like to see
Kamala energizing the Democratic base more! TURN OUT FOR WHAT.
For PROGRESSIVE IDEALS! Also I'd like to see her imply that she'd
solve the Israeli Conflicts once she's in office. IT'LL BE TOUGH but
if she could get that message out there THAT WOULD REALLY tip things in her
favor. THIRD TIP IS just TELL IT LIKE SHE SEES IT. The
Truth Will Set You Free. Follow those three simple tricks and the
election is Hers To Win! Wait lemme get that again, what were those
three things? TURN OUT THE BASE BY GIVING THEM SOMETHING TO VOTE
FOR. MAKE IT CLEAR THAT YOU'RE GONNA ADDRESS ISRAEL/HAMAS WAR.
TELL THE TRUTH AS YOU KNOW IT. WELL SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT BUT AT
THE SAME TIME WHY SHOULD KAMALA DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS. Because
they will win her the election and because they're the right things to do!
Pretty straightforward when you think about it! Great.
Four more paragraphs to go! Delightful. Can't see a
movie tomorrow night. Gonna be accepting an Amazon Fresh delivery!
GUESS Saturday is a better day! I guess I'll probably see a NON Joker
II movie but it's still slightly possible I see Joker II again! RIGHT
NOW I Don't want to but maybe when I get high again I'll reconsider thinking
I want to again! I don't think I want to do that. Anyway.
Only one more chapter to Jimi Hendrix book. Not counting Epilogue.
I believe there's one of those. He was the most famous/successful
musician at the time of his death! GOOD FOR HIM. Didn't really
do him much good. Still DIED. I think I could play a little of
Purple Haze. That's one of the things most people learn on guitar when
they first start out. Amazing. Lady Gaga's name covers females
from all the stages of their lives. From being a grown person (LADY)
to being a baby (going, "GAGA"). INTERESTING JUXTAPOSITION. Got
my attention! NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT. Put on an
acting performance. I think she did good in Joker II! B+!
And I mean that in the, "B+'iest" way possible!
Eighth paragraph. OH NO MY PANTS GOT HOOKED ONTO MY CHAIR AND
NOW THEY ARE ATTACHED. The leg of my pants got tangled up in the wheel
of my chair. I hope I resolve this sometime soon. Alright
Problem Solved. Tore up the jeans A TINY BIT in the process but
really not very much. Don't worry about it! I got new pants on
the way soon! I guess. I give Joaquin Phoenix an A- or A.
I'm not an acting aficionado but it SEEMED like a Clinically Good
Performance as they say. ANYWAY. Two and a half paragraphs to
go! If I could choose one Late Nite Comedy Show to write for which
would it be. Hmm. I think I'd go back in time and write for
Late Night with Conan O Brian! That's pretty easy! What if
Time Travel isn't possible. Hmm. Then I guess I'd stay in
the time period I'm stuck in! Next question! Oh right gotta
pick a show. Which host is the nicest person? What's the
inside skuttlebutt on that? What's the best WORK ENVIRONMENT.
ALSO WHICH PRODUCTION WOULD TOLERATE THE LEAST QUALITY WORK. My
personal lifelong dream it to get hired as a TV writer ANYWHERE and then
they stick me at a desk in a room and I never actually get anything a single
joke on the show but It's Still My Job. IF I CAN DREAM IT I CAN DO
IT.
Penultimate paragraph. Hey! Great! I
think I'd make a good PODCAST host. Original Podcast! I wouldn't
slide into anyone else's existing podcast or anything. I have a
natural curiosity that manifests itself in strange, unique ways! Maybe
that's something I should think about. The world could always use more
podcasts! OBVIOUSLY we're still looking for The Perfect Podcast.
Every day a thousand new podcasts premiere. WE'RE LOOKING FOR
SOMETHING THAT WE HAVEN'T FOUND YET. Maybe it's ME. That
doesn't sound right. Who would I interview. You know,
friends of ours. People who have something to say. Am I the
star of the show or are the guests really. Hmm. I don't actually
want to do this. I'm not sure if you're picking up on that.
Either way, what else is up. I guess I'll do whatever it comes to!
At some point you just have to Say Yes! I learnt about it in an
Improvisation Class! I really should write one more joke as an example
for my Recurring Desk Bit. I have FOUR right now. FIVE would hit
the spot. Great. Why did that have to be Public Knowledge.
WELL You would have found out During Class anyway.
Last paragraph. Great! Who should I read first,
Keith Richards or Serj Tankian. I'm leaning towards deciding by
flipping a coin! Something about Keith Richards just turns me off.
ONE of the Rolling Stones comes off as a jerk in the Jimi Hendrix biography
and it very well might have been Keith Richards. MEANWHILE I remember
seeing a Serj Tankian SOLO Music Video on MTVUniversity all the time back
when I was in college and high so you could see why I'd have particularly
positive associations with him. Anyway. The song was called
Empty Walls. Let's see some more of TIM WALZ. PEOPLE LIKE HIM.
And people famously LIKE NOBODY. So why not capitalize on people
liking him! THROW HIM OUT THERE ANYWHERE YOU CAN. I want people
to be SICK OF HIM they like him so much! That sort of thing!
Anyway. What else is up. I think I'm gonna use this weekend
productively. No Spoilers! That doesn't sound plausible.
Maybe! We'll see! I'll see ya next week!
-4:02 P.M.
Wednesday,
October
9, 2024
There's A Funny Story Behind This Title
Hi.
What's up! Wednesday. Gonna have to do Late Nite Comedy Class
homework tonight. But then I'll be done with homework for a good long
while! Roughly a week. WOW. I just watched Kamala
on Stephen Colbert. My notes are GREAT. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE
DOING. THE CA-ME-RA loves you! Practically the same word as your
name if we're mispronouncing things! Don't see why we wouldn't!
Mets won yesterday! The Playing Offs continues! Okay I think
we're all caught up. I didn't need to catch you up on those
things. Those are two huge cultural landmarks! YOU KNEW THEM
ALREADY. But now YOU KNOW that I KNOW. You might have
thought I was living Under A Rock and didn't know about The Mets Game or
Kamala's Media Tour! WRONG. I'm VERY aware of the happenings.
How would one go about living under a rock. You take up mass.
You'd tip the rock over if you tried to place a rock on top of you!
I guess if the rock was big enough. In a way we all live under an
invisible rock called THE UNIVERSE ever heard of it? YES OF COURSE I
KNOW HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.
Not literally. Bought new pants earlier today online.
Same style jeans as the pair I've BEEN wearing. Slightly smaller.
And a darker color. Gotta wonder if that'll pay off in the long
run. That's a good phrase I like to employ. Will it become a
catch phrase of mine down the line? How many people really get to
have catch phrases. A dozen, tops, at any given moment in human
history. I don't like those odds! Also OF COURSE it will pay
off in the long run! Now I have MORE JEANS. I can ALTERNATE.
The benefits EXPLAIN THEMSELVES. I guess. I can't think of
ANYONE who has a catch phrase right now in 2024. I guess
commercials. Company slogans and whatknot. THE LAST VESTIGES
of catchphrasiness! I DON'T LIKE IT. Ah well.
WE'RE NOT GOING BACK. -KH. OH YES WE CAN. -KH. I
don't think she says that. She should! Just take Yes We Can from
Obama but add an, "OH," to the beginning for SPICINESS. That's good.
She's not really a Catchphrase Lady though. KRAMER of Seinfeld is more
of a Catchphrase guy. HELLO JERRY. IT'S NEWMAN!
HERE I COME THROUGH THE DOOR. Those sorts of things are the kinds
of catchphrases I'm a fan of.
Third paragraph. I bet before Kramer BURST through the
door during a taping he would listen to Break On Through To The Other
Side to pump himself up. Especially with the band being named The
Doors and all. I DON'T GET THAT JOKE. I guess you had to
be there. I dunno! Anything that'll help ya get into character
is good! Anything to get you AMPED is good! Anything to get you
OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD is good! THIS WOULD ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THAT FOR
MICHAEL RICHARDS. It's an open and shut case! What else is
on Michael Richard's Kramer playlist. That he listens to during
a taping of Seinfeld. Hmm. I'm not ready to speculate on
that at this very moment, but I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll try to think
of something else to write! Maybe the next thing I'll write will be
kinda funny anyway! It won't be about this riff but it'll be
entertaining in it's own right! Kids these days might just ask
their AI Friend what Michael Richards would listen to during a taping of
Seinfeld and have it spit out a dozen songs that way. What The
Hell. I'm glad you chose to read THIS KIND OF CRAP instead of DO THAT
SORT OF THING. I feel like I'm the lesser of two evils.
WOW. LESSER. AWESOME!
Fourth paragraph! My first instinct is to make PUNS with the
song choices. Or something that directly relates to the Kramer
CHARACTER in the song title or lyrics! THEN beyond that the next level
is what kind of songs WOULD KRAMER LIKE. But at that point
we're getting into the weeds with this! I DON'T LIKE IT.
Moving On! What if I wasn't evil at all. Not The Lesser Of Two.
JUST PLAIN GOOD? Hmm. We can't speculate on hypotheticals like
that! WHAT IF THE MOON WAS MADE OF CHEESE. Probably would effect
Ocean Currents or something. Negatively! I think it would wreak
havoc on our world on a way we're not prepared for! Cheese simply
isn't DENSE enough! I'm imagining the kind of cheese with holes in
it. Spongey Hole Cheese. Wonderful. Am I remembering
That Old black and white Movie correctly where they shoot a rocket into the
moon and they hit the moon IN THE EYE AND THE MOON JUST LAUGHS IT OFF?
The rocket knocks the moonguy RIGHT IN TEH EYE and the moon just SMILES.
What the Hell. The Moon is a glutton for punishment! And
this is who we have circling the Earth nonstop? I DON'T FEEL SAFE WITH
THIS MOON.
Fifth paragraph. It keeps circling us but luckily it doesn't
seem to be getting any closer! That's a relief! Hmm. My
brother's birthday was this past weekend. My brother is turning FOURTY
next year. Long gone are the days where I can imagine We Are Young.
Getting solidly into Oh No I'm Old territory! How old am I.
You'd think How Old I Am Now would be a much more accurate meter of my age
than How Old My Brother Will Be Later. Hmm. That's one way to
look at it. But it's an UNIMAGINATIVE way to look at it. I'm
thirty five. PAM GOES TO ART SCHOOL for the summer! In the
Office. I dunno what other Pams are out there. Anyway she's
presumably in her early thirties! I believe Art School is like a
regular College atmosphere agewise! I LIKE IT. College
just in general is the place to be! Just, wow, what an atmosphere.
It's FUN. It's PRODUCTIVE. You LEARN THINGS. It's where
THINGS ARE HAPPENING. PRETTY LADIES. Of all the subsets
of societies in the world WHY NOT GO TO COLLEGE. That's my
impression. Hmm maybe I should become a teacher if I feel that
way. I DON'T HAVE KNOWLEDGE. OR TEACHING SKILL ABILITIES.
ALSO YOU DON'T WANT ME AROUND YOUNG PEOPLE. COURT ORDERS.
Well not that last one. Not ACTUALLY. But I could IMPROV
THAT SORT OF THING for the purposes of this paragraph!
Halfway through the entry! Anyway. Probably getting
Pizza tonight! The food so nice they named it twice! What's the
other name. Huh. Better LTURQ. NOT SEEING ANYTHING.
I don't want to alarm anyone but I DON'T SEE ANY SYNONYMS FOR PIZZA.
If you're writing any POETRY or PROSE and want to get fancy YOU MAY FIND
YOUR OPTIONS LIMITED. Whatever. Gotta write five more paragraphs
now! NO MARIJUANA. Haven't used it at all this week and I'll
continue that streak! For entries, I mean. I've smoked at other
times! HMM. I LIKE the new Coldplay album! WHO WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT. Me. I've enjoyed them in the past. I
wonder why. It's not guitar based music. And guitar is my
personal favorite instrument. I dunno. GOOD LUCK enjoying a band
without a singer! PERHAPS the human vocal cord should be my favorite
instrument! DRUMS are generally very important as well! I
LIKE THE PRODUCTION TOO OF SONGS. Technology. What if my
favorite instrument was I APPRECIATE ALL THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WENT INTO
DISTRIBUTING THIS MUSIC FROM FARM TO TABLE. Maybe I LIKE THE
TRUCK DRIVERS THAT DELIVERED THE CD TO ME. I don't have a CD.
I listened to it on the internet. Fine the truck drivers the
delivered the internet to me. TAHT'S my favorite technology
instrument.
SEVENTH paragraph. Pretty sure my favorite instrument is
when I try to pretend I'm playing Bass on my Guitar. THAT CHECKS
OUT. I don't even KNOW what bass guitar is supposed to sound like
but based on My Music Memoirs that seems to be how a lot of bass players
originally start out! Huh. Maybe I should buy an all out bass
guitar. Seems like fun! But then I would also presumably try to
teach myself ACTUAL bass riffs and whatknot. Instead of just playing
Nonsense Bass. I dunno. I'll think about it. Maybe
Playing Nonsense is STEP ONE on the road to CREATIVITY. Alright!
What else is going on. Gotta be something going on at some point!
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT GOOD. I hope it's something good. Otherwise
what's the point of me figuring it out. Better Left Unknown if it's
something negative! Hmm. What was the last Music CD I ever
bought. I dunno, did I ever buy a music CD? I think there was a
period of 1-3 years I bought some music CD's! WHERE CAN I LOOK
UP THIS INFORMATION. It's not ON MY COMPUTER. It's not ON THE
INTERNET. What about my memory. I DON'T HAVE ONE
OF THOSE.
Eighth paragraph. Maybe that's what this website is for.
BUILD A SURPLUS OF MEMORIES. Yes it's true None Of This Is Worth
Remembering. BUT IT'S SOMETHIN! Alright. I guess.
I don't know. I remember SOME THINGS. I don't have some sort of
Amnesia Disease. But I draw a blank on more than the average person!
LIFE STORIES. FACTOIDS. UNIVERSAL TRUTHS. Huh.
I guess it frees me up to live in the moment more! If I'm not living
in the PAST then I'm more focused on the present and/or future!
Great. But I could be Contributing to the present and/or future more
IF I KNEW MORE OF MY PAST better. WHAT A CONUNDERUM. Oh well
that's life! If I could remember one thing that I'm not remembering
WHAT WOULD IT BE. Hmm. Probably the thing... eh... nevermind,
I don't wanna remember that. THAT'S A BAD MEMORY. What's a
good memory! Pizza Party maybe. I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT
PIZZA PARTIES. Wasn't always actively thinking about them but
never completely forgot them. But Yes Pizza Parties are very fun to
remember. Whether it's a birthday party with pizza or just a regular
get together where you happen to get pizza! It's fun. Where
am I.
Penultimate paragraph! I think it'd be a lot more fun
if after winning The Big Game The Mets would all be eating Pizza in the
locker room while giving postgame interviews instead of drinking/spraying
champagne! But that's just one man's opinion! Do whatever you
want! Also, I guess if yuo wanna do the equivalent of Spraying
Champagne you'd be Pieing each other in the face with pizza. Not sure
I approve of that! You can't do that with a single slice, really!
Gotta do an entire pie for each face! But if that's what YOU want to
do then that's fine! Anyway. What else is up. Looking
forward to class tomorrow night! I'm also looking forward to the
weekend succeeding it! YEAH. Maybe this week my homework
jokes will be 10% better! Seems reasonable. Not looking forward
to having to do that, though. WORK? WHAT THE HELL. OH
WELL. I GUESS THAT'S PART OF LIFE. That doesn't sound right.
Feels like I'm Not Meant To Be Doing This Work Exactly Really So Why Is It
Part Of My Life. Cause I signed up for the class. Oh
Right BLAME THE GUY WHO SIGNED UP FOR THE CLASS OF HIS OWN VOLITION.
Last paragraph! Amazing! WHEN Is Gladiator
II coming out. I've been seeing trailers of it for WHAT FEELS LIKE
MONTHS. NOVEMBER 22? THAT'S TOO LATE. Should be
OCTOBER 22 if anything. Ah well. These are the cards we've
been dealt! Isn't that Kennedy Assassination Day or something.
Yeah. It is! Wow I remembered something. I KNOW
SOME THINGS. BUT IS IT ENOUGH? I dunno! It's FLUID whether
I'll know something On The Spot Or Not, as well! Whatever. What
else. GOD DAMNIT. Fucking Fascists. I TRY TO BE SILLY
EVERY DAY but the upcoming election looms in the back of my mind!
WHY MUST THINGS BE AT STAKE IN LIFE. I dunno. I should try
to write better, though! Try to do a better job as a citizen and
whatknot forming a narrative with four weeks left to go before the election.
I can't just write dumb one-off entries. TIME HAS COME TO HUNKER
DOWN AND GET REAL. Oh okay. Good! Let's see if I am
capable of that starting tomorrow! No time like the immediate future,
that's what I always say! GREAT. JOIN ME WON'T YOU.
We're all in this one together and whatknot! Anyway that's it for
today. Did I write anything funny. I thought it was kinda
amusing when I was talking about being Developmentally Disabled. With
the memory problems. I thought that part was kind of humorous.
Anyway, that's it I guess! I'll see ya tomorrow!
-4:19 P.M.
Tuesday,
October 8,
2024
I May Have Misspoke Earlier
That's
something to think about. Hey, friends! Just had half a
turkey sandwich and some fries. FRENCH Fries. I got to
first base with what was once a potato! Potatoes are probably my
favorite vegetable. To eat. And possibly by any
metric. Not sure what else to go by BESIDES To Eat.
To look at. To write or say aloud. To contemplate what it
signifies or think about metaphorically. Lots of ways we can Value
Vegetables. Potato feels like it's own thing compared to being
Just Another Vegetable. Probably because of when I Order Dinners From
Restaurants. Comes with your choice of Potato AND another vegetable.
OR maybe potatoes are just Naturally Idiosyncratic! Not sure
where that word came from. I wanted to say UBIQUITOUS but it turns
out that's not the concept I wanted to say! Means a different
definition than what I intended! sounds like I'm DUMB OR SOMETHING.
At least I can admit when I'm wrong!
PUBLICLY. Some people would just take the, "L," privately! I
SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD. The people should know. Why.
I dunno. Maybe they shouldn't. Could be one of those things
I ought to keep to myselves!
Wearing sweatshirt jacket sweatshirt INSIDE for the first
time of the season! Not sure if that's gonna pay off in the long
run. It's working out in the meantime, though, and THAT'S
ULTIMATELY WHAT COUNTS. Been listening to the new COOLPLAY album!
I like it! SOME of the lyrics are a little abrasive to me but in
general I like the music. I don't know if I can say I'm listening
to THE ALBUM. I really only listen to certain songs at a time.
I have not listened to THE ENTIRE ALBUM AT ONCE. What. SO I
haven't listened to multiple songs at the same time. Is that what I'm
clarifying? YEAH. I GUESS. If this was a Twilight Zone
episode I would wake up right now and it turns out there was a band that
just released an album and the band is called WARMPLAY. Life is
kind of like a Twilight Zone episode. Except there's LESS INTERNAL
LOGIC. Twilight Zones get kind of repetitive. Every fourth
Twilight Zone episode is Three Astronauts are on an abandoned
asteroid but it turns out it's actually a desert on Earth and two of the
astronauts are figments of the third one's imagination and they're actually
from the Wild Wild West and a Current Day Person is giving modern day
tourists a tour and the astronaut doesn't realize he's a ghost. LOOK I
like the show but it could get kind of repetitive!
Good! Some sort of LEGO movie this weekend. Some
sort of TERRIFIER movie. I could see one of those! I saw the
first Terrifier! It was okay! It was, to use a PREFIX of the
film's title, TERRIFIC! Well it was alright at least.
Mets Game in a few hours! That should be entertaining! I'll keep
up with that probably on my phone mostly and a little bit on TV! No
big deal! I'll be watching a little bit but not entirely!
STARTING TO GET A BIT TOO WARM. Might have to take off my
sweatshirt jacket! Could Get Kinda Sexy In Here! With me
Starting to Strip and whatknot. Now I don't wanna do it. We
don't have that kind of relationship really. Sex/Sexer
relationship. Maybe ON AND OFF we do. But we're in AN OFF
period right now! NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO TURN OUR RELATIONSHIP
ON. I guess! I dunno! I think I'm just gonna remove my
sweatshirt jacket Regularlike! As if no one was watching!
Anyway. JACKETS. I feel like I must have had a reversible jacket
at some point in my life. It sounds like it was a prized possession at
some point! MIGHT HAVE JUST BEEN A WONDERFUL DREAM.
Fourth paragraph! I saw a poster when I saw Joker II
for Gladiator II and they listed two actors in the film Pedro Pascal and
Paul Mescal. WOW. THEY MUST BE BROTHERS I thought.
Those are completely different names. I dunno! PRETTY
similar! Similar enough that I SAY THEY MUST BE BROTHERS. If
I thought it SO DID MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE. Good! I'm on a
popular wavelength! It's nice to be a part of society! I haven't
watched much of Kamala's big interviews the last few days but I think I'll
watch her on Colbert! HMM. Was The Colbert Report LEGITIMATELY
counterculture Back In The Day? Or was I just NAIVE. IS TEHRE
ANY COUNTERCULTURE anymore? Does that EXIST IN REALITY ANYWHERE
anymore? Seems like something that people would appreciate.
There's just Culture And If You Don't Like It YOU CAN SUCK A LEMON.
Maybe a lot of culture is counterculture AND I JUST DON'T GET THE NUANCE.
DON'T BLAME ME, CLOCKWISE CULTURE GOT ME SO GOOD THAT I DON'T GET
COUNTERCLOCKWISE CULTURE. Also I don't really participate in ANY
culture. I see a couple of movies a month and re-watch TV Shows I've
already seen before from decades past! NOT MUCH GOING ON THERE.
Fifth paragraph. YEAH. Always room for improvement!
I'M PRO MOVEMENT. Huh. What's my favorite movement.
PROBABLY BEETHOVEN. So that's good. He had lots of good
Movements! I GUESS. What else is going on and crap. I like
all sorts of Cultures. Micro. Macro. The thing where you
look at it under a microscope and you see mitochondria. Whatever!
What else is up! I'd like to start waking up a couple of hours earlier
and going to bed a couple of hours later. I don't NEED the sleep.
But I'd LIKE the bonus hours of being awake. Imagine all the FUN I
could have. I COULD READ. SLAM DUNK. Reading
is fun and productive and informative! It's hard though to
manifest this plan, though! Once it's 9 PM I GET THE SLEEPIES.
And when it's 7 AM I WILL NEVER be able to get out of bed! What can I
do to motivate myself to make such a lifestyle change! Some sort of
physical pain if I don't get out of bed in the morning/if I do go to bed at
night. I NEED TO HURT If I'm making the wrong decision.
OTHERWISE I'LL NEVER LEARN.
Huh. What are we talking. SOMETHING
SHARP. Stabbing something with something perhaps! It's hard to
stab yourself with something. Unless you're suicidal. Your
instinct is to pull away at the last minute! Because of Survival
Skills! Your body instinctually KNOWS that impaling yourself is BAD
for you Somehow! There was a guy named Vlad The Impaler.
I'll give you ONE GUESS what he was famous for. Huh.
Impaling People would be my guess. Back-up would be Most Well
Known, "Vlad," Around. Third guess Something with the word THE.
ANYTHING TEHRE? Whatever. Already in the second half of the
entry! That's something worth celebrating! We don't necessarily
have TIME or MEANS to celebrate but we certainly have CAUSE!
Wonderful. What was I talking about again? Kamala Harris GOT ME
THINKING what other words start with, "K," and/or, "H." NOT TOO MANY,
"K," words! K...indergarden. AND THAT'S REALLY NOT EVEN
ENGLISH. Kit Kat Bar. NOT REAL WORDS.
Kryptonite. I DON'T BELIEVE that's a real thing. Nope.
I think it only exists in Super Man! Hmm. There's a whole,
"K," section in the dictionary. THEY MUST KNOW SOME, "K," words!
Seventh paragraph. KNOWLEDGE.
KINSHIP. KNOCK KNOCK. There we go. We can move on now!
I SAID, KNOCK KNOCK. Oh. Who's There. NO TIME TO
TALK LET ME IN THEY'RE AFTER ME. No Time To Talk Let Me In They--
SHUT UP AND LET ME IN TIME IS PRECIOUS. Anyway. I hope
that guy got let in the house. Sounded like he was in danger!
Huh. Four more paragraphs to go! Kodachrome! That's a real
word. Try telling that to someone from centuries ago! They
wouldn't understand! Microsoft Front Page doesn't recognize it as a
real word. Maybe it's a Brand Name or something. OH WELL.
I tried! It's as if I said Kleenex was a real word thinking I was
talking about tissues! Huh. Microsoft Front Page DOES
recognize Kleenex as a word. I DON'T LIKE THAT DEVELOPMENT ONE BIT.
Klingon. NOPE. They don't recognize that. I guess I'm
just gonna have to list lots and lots of words that aren't real words but
are widely used to see If Microsoft Front Page includes them as real words
or not. THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LIFE NOW. Huh. I
think I'm done with that now. I'm not the kind of guy who can
FOLLOW THROUGH and/or THINK OF THINGS.
Eighth paragraph! What else is up. I'm playing a
character who's bad at writing and thinking! I'm gradually trying
to phase out this character over time. Might take a few months or years
though! It's very gradual! What kind of character am I
phasing INTO. Iron Man possibly. Crossing my fingers and
hoping I'm The Next Iron Man! If I believe it I can achieve it!
Not sure how I get from point A to point B exactly. Hmm.
MOVING ON. I think America is READY for a 5'2 Iron Man. AND
IF NOT I'LL WEAR MY SPECIAL SHOES. So that's good. I don't wanna
be Iron Man. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH WORK THAT IS. Gotta be on
set EIGHT, NINE HOURS A DAY. Gotta memorize your lines! Know
exactly where to stand. That's ain't it for me! What if I
were a Real Life Iron Man and not an actor playing Iron Man. EVEN
MORE WORK. Gotta be on call any time someone feels like asking for
you! Whenever there's a global conflict and The Police or Military
Doesn't Wanna Get Involved someone goes Hey you know who should take care
of this one? IRON MAN. Suddenly I GOTTA do something.
I don't even know WHY. I just built a fancy Robot Suit FOR FUN!
I didn't think it was gonna LEAD TO ANYTHING. Suddenly I GOTTA HANDLE
EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS.
Penultimate paragraph. WE ARE ALL IRON MAN. We
are all made up of Iron A LITTLE BIT? Human body is SOME PERCENT Iron!
Lemme LTURQ. Human Body is 0.005% Iron. Honestly that's more
than I would have thought! But it makes sense! We got iron in
our blood! YEAH. Anyway. I can't come up with quips
like Iron Man. I can't do PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING like Iron Man.
Perhaps I should be Wheelchair Man. I can WALK. That's
literally one of the few things I CAN do. Okay sounds like I can
be Walking Man. Superpower is being able to walk. HEY
ALRIGHT I'LL TAKE A WIN WHERE I CAN FIND ONE. Walking Man.
Or just Walk Man. That's what they called portable audio
cassette players in the 1990's. Walkmen. Huh. How
can Me Walking HELP SOCIETY. I ask myself that question every day.
Not out loud. Or inloud. Or really at all. But it's kinda
the undercurrent of my psyche! I guess. What else is going on.
I'm testing out these pathways to make sure they're safe! THEY'RE
SAFE. That's one way I'm contributing! Hmm. Me walking
is helping my personal health and I'm gonna try to parlay my PERSONAL into
helping EVERYONE later on! Not sure HOW. But we'll see!
LAST paragraph! I guess. LOOK I know me being Walk Man
is just a fantasy. I know it's not real. Let's move on! I
guess I can do that. I've moved on tens of thousands of times in my
past! HUNDREDS of thousands of times! Wore my glasses to see
Joker II this weekend because I'm conserving my last remaining contact
lenses. Strange to see a movie within frames of glasses. Also
with dirty lenses. I wouldn't recommend it! If you HAVE TO then
that's one thing. But if you have a choice in the matter, I'd suggest
wearing Clean Contact Lenses! It's less obtrusive to your line of
sight. No lines around the edges! No smudges! You
know how that goes. Anyway. Today's entry was a SOLID I
Didn't Like It. That'll happen from time to time! The
main times It Doesn't Happen is when It's Worse. I can do better
tomorrow presumably! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS half the time!
Wonderful. Where is my life going. I TOLD YOU.
WALKMAN. But nobody wants that. SOMEBODY DOES.
Anyway. That's it for today! I'll see ya'll tomorrow!
-4:28 P.M.
Monday,
October 7,
2024
I Should Probably Say Something
Hi!
How's it going! How was everyone's weekend? Did you LIVE LIFE to
the fullest? Why would anyone do that. It's fun to DO
STUFF. That way when you're dead you can look back and go Well At
Least WAS ACTIVE A Lot Of The Time. I did a bunch of stuff this
weekend! I almost finished Joker Hendrix book! I saw Jimi II:
Folie a Duex! I bought a new strain of marijuana! CHEMDAWG.
Makes me think about failing chemistry in high school and having to take it
again in summer school. Summer school wasn't that bad. I had to
go all the way into Manhattan every day Just For Chemistry but then I was
home by 1:30 PM so it was kinda cool. It was more work than most
teenagers had for the summer but Ya Appreciate The Rest Of The Day Off ALL
THE MORE. Besides I had MUSIC to comfort me on the Round Trip that was
a lot longer than The Class Itself! For some reason I remember
listening to Weezer's Maladroit. I wonder what Maladroit means.
I think it means Dumb or something. Kinda sounds like something a
Robot would say. Maybe cause Driot reminds me of Droid!
HMM. Maladroit means INEFFECTIVE or CLUMSY. Not what I was
picturing! I wonder if I'll Remember what it means. I WANT TO
REMEMBER. It's an adjective meaning ineffective or bungling or
clumsy. PLEASE REMEMBER MICHAEL.
I liked Joker II! I think they could have made it
15% BETTER and it would have been GREAT. But I liked it as it was!
YEAH. No spoilers but there's A LOT of smoking cigarettes in this
film. Pretty much over 50% of the scenes involve characters smoking!
Not sure what they were trying to accomplish with that but I'm Sure They
Accomplished it! They got my attention! And I'm sure They
Did With My Attention What They Wanted To Do! Who knows what that
is. Makes everything feel more EPHEMERAL maybe. With smoke
in the air all the time. That's one possible idea! OR maybe
they just wanna needle People Who Smoke. HEY JERKS, WANNA
CIGARETTE NOW? I BET YOU DO! That could be the case as well.
Smokers are Jokers. They might be playing into that classic rhyme!
Or it just gives the characters something to enjoy! Without cigarettes
all they have is each other! Weird! Anyway. I think
it's a unique film in that there are no two people who will get the exact
same thing out of it. Everyone gonna have a unique response to it!
That doesn't sound accurate. I BET A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GONNA AGREE
WITH ME. I tend to be right about these sorts of things!
Mets doing okay in the baseball playoffs! Late
Nite Comedy Class #2 went okay! I had to read aloud 5 of my 10
Homework Jokes! Went ALRIGHT. Around 8 people read jokes and I was in
the Better Half of the class! I did better than some people who
did particularly poorly. I hope I remember this moment forever.
Gotta write FIVE more jokes PLUS A Re-occurring DESK BIT for next class.
HMM. A re-curring bit. I'll come up with all that crap
Wednedsay Night. Anyway. One of my jokes I read had RACIAL
HUMOUR and my teacher is an African American lady and I didn't even realize
it might be offensive when I wrote it and/or read it. But then when
she was responding she implied it may or may not have been offensive!
SO now I don't know what to think! Which is reminiscent of how
I felt before the joke! I didn't know what to think then, either!
But now I don't know what to think AGAIN, STILL. Hmm. Bought new
earphones. They WORK! Hopefully they'll last me more than three
weeks! Also bought two new books to read when I'm done with Jimi
Hendrix. Bought an autobiography by KEITH RICHARDS. Bought an
autobiography by SERJ... TURKMENISTAN. Gonna be tough to decide
which to read first. Serj's is BRAND NEW. Was released I
think this August! I'm not a HUGE fan of either's music but I've
listened to Rolling Stone's more but that doesn't mean I HATE Syndrome Of A
Down.
Keith Richards is probably SELF-PRETENTIOUS while Serj is probably
a DOWN ON EARTH guy! Dunno where I'm getting those Facts And Figures.
Anyway. Got two possible dinners tonight! GOT a Chipotle Burrito
Bowl AND a Turkey Sandwich with fries from a diner BOTH ALREADY IN FRIDGE.
We'll see! Anyway. I'm continuing to watch The
Office but I've probably seen all I need to see! At this point I should
probably move on to another show! Parks & Recreation is well known for
being a comedy. I'd like that! I remember enjoying it the
first time around when I was just a youngkin. Seems like a bit
much, though. SO MUCH HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE. Feels like a lot!
Right? BIG CHARACTERS. I'm NOT READY for Parks & Recreation
right now. Because I'm here. Writing this. I MIGHT
BE READY LATER TONIGHT I DON'T KNOW. Anyway. What do baseball
players think about when they're playing baseball. Sometimes I try to
put myself in their place when I'm watching the game. I sometimes tend
to picture what it was like for me playing Little League. Standing in
the outfield. Not knowing whether the balls gonna be hit to me.
WILL I BE INVOLVED IN THE NEXT PLAY OR NOT? I DON'T KNOW TEH SUPSENSE
IS KILLING ME. If I am AM I READY? WHO KNOWS! I imagine
I am but in reality I CAN'T THROW THE BALL BACK ALL THE WAY TO THE INFIELD.
Do you realize how far away the second baseman is? TOO FAR.
He can get it on the Second Bounce. Baseballs don't
bounce. Baseballs bounce all the time what are you talking about.
Hmm. Doesn't seem like they would. But I'm pretty sure they do!
Anyway! Kamala doing an INTERVIEW BLITZ this week! I like it!
She's a person I have a positive opinion of so I like it when I see and hear
people I think well of! It reminds me of Goodness. Also
hopefully it reminds OTHER people how a Quality Person is out there running
for president because THAT'S AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO GET OUT THERE. Is
Kamala perfect? NO! But who is. I dunno. George
Carlin. Off the top of my head he was pretty close to perfect.
BUT HE'S DEAD NOW SO NO ONE IS PERFECT. Trying to think of others who
were close to perfect. ABRAHAM LINCOLN. Too tall!
Never be the tallest man in the room! That's a surefire way to be an
imperfect person in life. JIMI HENDRIX. He was kind of
perfect in the life he led! NAH. Didn't get political enough!
HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN US OUT OF VIETNAM if he only PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT.
Also I didn't read the last chapter yet but I'm pretty sure he dies Very
Soon. Imperfect. Should have lived longer and made more music
for Us His Fans. HE OWES IT TO US. WE OUTNUMBER HIM SO WE
ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIM.
Halfway through the entry. That's good! Anyway.
It's amazing Jimi Hendrix's penis wasn't just constantly in pain. Just
seems like he'd have nonstop STD! ALL THAT SEX AND WHATKNOT.
With thousands of random ladies! Maybe he did constantly have VD but
the book chose to focus on other topics. Gotta read a companion reader
which documents his STDS. Sounds good! If you wanna play around
you gotta suffer the consequences! That's life! Or maybe not.
PER THIS BOOK. I GUESS WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Anyway.
Getting to a point where I'm starting to HIT A WALL. I don't wanna smoke
marijuana, but that might be the thing to do! WHAT THE HELL.
IT'S NOT BEEN GOOD FOR ME IN THE PAST. I should not use it AT ALL
moving forward! THAT'S the thing to do! During entries, I
mean. I can use it PRIVATE LIFE. But it sucks for
entries! So that's good. WHAT ELSE IS UP. CHEMDAWG makes
me think of Ed Helms. Pretty sure he says Dawg a lot in The
Office. Or in another show. I can just PICTURE that guy calling people
Dawg. I dunno!
Seventh paragraph. I'm more used to associating Smoking
Marijuana with The Other Sciences! Physics mostly. Could be
Biology. Maybe Earth Science. But CHEMISTRY? I dunno!
I think it should be interesting! As of now it's been fine!
Pretty similar to the other most recent strains I've bought! Is it
slightly different? YOU BET. Anyway today is the anniversary of
October Seventh. Hamas attacked Israel today! But Last Year!
WHAT A DUMB MOVE. Can we go back in time and STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING?
I've seen several movies about time travel, enough that suggest IT MAY BE
REAL. I'd like to see This Attack not happen and the things that
happened as a result of this attack ALSO NOT HAPPEN as a result of This Not
Happening! TAHT'S MY INPUT ON FOREIGN POLICY. I've seen
MEN IN BLACK III I know they got Time Travel capabilities! PITBULL
HIMSELF sung about it! Huey Louis and the News did too for that
matter FOR A PREVIOUS GENERATION. But that was about a Private
Enterprise. Doc Brown and his small teenager friend. Government
wasn't involved in that. Not sure Doc Brown was really invested in
improving The World. Not sure WHAT he was after exactly. He
built a time machine and we don't really know WHY. BECAUSE
IT WAS THERE.
Doc Brown becomes the most powerful man in history and WHAT DOES HE
DO WITH IT. Facial Rejuvenation and Makes Sure His Friend's Kids Don't
Go To Jail. He musta spent countless nights thinking WHAT
WILL I DO ONCE I HAVE THIS AWESOME POWER. It wasn't SPRUNG ON HIM
out of nowhere! He was working on this shit for DECADES. Anyway.
Doc Brown isn't the most powerful man in history. THAT'S JESUS.
That's one school of thought. Not everyone is gonna agree with
you! Personally I think SHIVA is more powerful. Not from
Hinduism. From Mortal Kombat. Actually spelled Sheeva.
SHE'S GOT PLENTY OF ARMS, WAY MORE THAN YOU'D EXPECT. FOUR.
Anyway. What else is going on. Shiva comes up in an
Elliott Smith song. JUST occurred to me it might be a Mortal Kombat
reference! He even talks about HER ARMS in the lyrics!
Maybe Elliott Smith IS close to perfect after all! I had counted him
out on account of his Suiciding which hurt many people's feelings! But
if he's hidden talking about Mortal Kombat in a song, I dunno, maybe that
tips the scales in his favor!
Penultimate paragraph! Today's entry was BAD. Not
the WORST. Just not great! I can deal with that. I live
to fight another day. I might die later tonight. Well
that would suck. But hopefully THE WORLD LIVES ON IN A POSITIVE
DIRECTION WITHOUT ME. WITH OR WITHOUT ME. Like the song
by The U2 Association! Anyway, I dunno! WHAT DIRECTION is being
suggested by One Direction the band. SURELY there is a literal one
direction that they're suggesting subtly that we may or may not be
subliminally picking up on! I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE THOUGH.
FORWARD?. UP?. I think it's a POSITIVE direction. It's
a direction you're gonna wanna be on board with! I DUNNO.
COULD BE A RANDOM DIRECTION WE'RE NOT THINKING OF. That would make
sense because I rarely think of the band's songs! They say One
Direction but they DON'T REALLY COMMIT TO ONE DIRECTION IN REALITY.
In reality WE DO SPECULATE on All The Directions! So THEY DON'T
COMMIT. They get the best of All Worlds! THOSE JERKS.
Anyway. You Don't Know You're Beautiful. UNTRUE.
I know I'm Beautiful. EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES THOUGH. LITERALLY
EVERYONE. I DON'T GET IT.
Last paragraph. Great! Now I only have to write
one more paragraph! On the downside, the previous paragraphs sucked,
and this paragraph is bound to not be that good, either! Probably
gonna eat turkey sandwich tonight for dinner! SWEET. Makes me
think about all the times I've had turkey sandwiches in the past.
What about future turkey sandwiches. Sure, those are possible,
too! Gotta imagine Time Will Continue To Unfold and I'll have more
turkey sandwiches as my life goes on. That's what I would put
money on! I'm not a gambling man. I haven't played poker
in like 5 years! If I did though I would probably THREE BET OUT OF
THE SMALL BLIND. Those are words that go together sometimes once
in a while. I wonder if Pete Rose bet any money on When He Would Die.
IT'S POSSIBLE he made SOME BIG BUCKS on his own passing away! Huh.
HE COULD LEAVE THE WINNINGS TO HIS SURVIVING FAMILY. IT MAKES
SENSE. Anyway. Maybe I should be trying marijuana with the entry
tomorrow. The way things are, the entries are too mediocre lately!
This is the world we live in. A mediocre world. Yes, but not
enough! I've been BAD mediocre! I THINK I CAN BE GOOD MEDIOCRE
IF I REALLY TRY. Anyway. That's it! I'll see ya tomorrow!
-4:27 P.M.
Thursday,
October
3, 2024
Forget Everything You Thought You Knew About
This Website!
DONE.
Hey! What's going on, friend! Wrote my ten jokes for Comedy
Class! A couple of them are kinda stupid-funny! A couple of them
are just flat out terrible nothings. ALL IN ALL WE SHALL SEE
how it goes. Gonna have to take a break later in the entry to
go pick up laundry. Anyway. Looks like Joker II isn't getting
that great reviews! I liked Joker One more than the critics!
Did I like The Critic more than jokers, though? No. I think jokers
tended to like The Critic as much as I did! A LOT. Anyway
all the info I have on Joker II, I'm trying to synthesize it, to determine
how I feel about it, but I'm not a perfect machine, so it's tough!
I guess I won't really be able to put it all together until I'm in the
process of actually watching it! But once I AM doing that BOY OH MAN
will I be able to Really Think About It Clearly PRETTY WELL. METS
LOST yesterday. Got a winner-take-all game today. Maybe
there's a consolation prize to the losers. They get hugs from
their mothers. AT THE VERY LEAST nice phone calls or texts.
I really did not put a lot of thought into homework jokes.
I just went to Yahoo News because that's what teacher said was one of the
best generic news sites, read the top articles, made up the most obvious
News Tagline Headlines based on COPYING their words about 66%... and then
WELL I DUNNO YOU KNOW HOW JOKES HAPPEN. COPIED THE NEWS AND MADE UP
THE JOKES. And the jokes don't have much JOKINESS to them yet.
THIS WAS HOMEWORK #1. I'll get funnier over time one would
imagine! I got funnier over the course of the assignment! First
couple of jokes were dumb. Last couple of jokes were kinda almost
funny! If only I kept writing a couple of more jokes to replace the
first couple of dumb jokes. THAT'S NOT HOW I OPERATE. I
never had the game Operation as a kid. Maybe that's why I'm Not
Good At A Lot Of Things. There's gotta be SOME reason why I Suck.
That's one area I was deprived of Skill Learning so may could well be that!
It teaches you physical skill but also mental and ethical abilities.
Oh okay that's good.
Anyway. Gonna get marijuana this weekend. I was gonna
get gummies because I ran out of that but I'm also running low on HERB as
well now. Might just buy FLOWER and from now on just SMOKE uniformly!
And just re-up with that whenever I need it from now on! For
convenience sake! I can't go and spend 120 dollars this weekend on
both GRAIN and WORM. In no way is Marijuana a GRAIN. But the
point is looks like I'm in a tough situation now! Gonna need to commit
to just... flower. I really don't like calling it Flower!
But that's what they seem to be choosing to call it as a Business!
OH NO. Probably gonna ask them what they say the strongest brand
is. THAT'S how I'll decide which strain to get! MAKE EM TELL ME
WHAT THEIR IMPRESSION IS. THEY CAN'T LIE. On the website they
specify for most strains what the THC level is. But that could be
FALSEHOODS. Don't trust anything you read on the internet! Or
see in real life! Or dream in a dream! Basically nothing that
ever happens is really trustable! EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU ASK SOMEONE
SOMETHING IN A MARIJUANA STORE. If I ask them what would you
suggest is the strongest weed I can buy then I Guess I Can Trust Them I
Think... why not!
I get good vibes from these people. I like it!
Also the store lives close to me. Twelve minute walk away. And I
do walk by them several times a day! WE'RE NEIGHBORS. We're
practically FAMILY. Anyway. LATE NIGHT COMEDY TELEVISION WRITING
IS WEIRD. WHAT A LIFE THAT MUST BE. What would it be like.
It's a unique place to be in the world, that's for sure! So is
every job. ANYTHING YOU CAN DO IS UNIQUE. I guess. What
else is going on and crap. It's inconvenient to get high for Seeing
Movies without gummies! I minidose mariujana! If I smoke before
I leave to see a movie I'm not gonna be high by the time the movie is
happening! What if I SMOKE MORE that one time! OH OKAY SOUNDS
SMART. Anyway. Got a piece of mail about Voting and Early
Voting and Other Information About Voting. Didn't really look at it!
I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW. Gonna vote regularlike. On
election day. Should be good! I'M NOT DONE WITH MY 2024
ELECTION DUTIES THOUGH. Still gotta SHOW OUT THE VOTE for Harris
2024! ONE VOTE isn't enough! I gotta GET OTHERS to the polls!
Not physically. I don't have A BUS or anything! I just gotta figure
out a way to convince other people to vote for her WITH MY MIND.
Huh.
Fifth paragraph! Anyway. New Jack Smith
filing yesterday. While January Sixth was happening, they told Trump
people were gonna kill Mike Pence and he said, "SO WHAT." SO
WHAT! ...WAIT A SECOND AM I ON THE VERGE OF COMING UP WITH A BETTER
JOKE THAN I COULD COME UP WITH YESTERDAY? ...Nope. False Alarm.
Sorry! I really thought I was gonna pull something out of the air
for a second there. Jack Smith says in a new filing that Trump was
alerted that rioters were going to kill Mike Pence, and his response was,
"So What." WELL THAT'S GREAT. Trump doesn't even give a shit
if his own vice president is safe from His Mob Of Supporters. You
think he's gonna give a shit about any of OUR safety, random people who
oppose him politically? WE'RE FUCKED if he wins again! Just
gonna turn loose his wackos on all of us! That's not a Late Night
Comedy Joke. OH. BUT IT'S AN INTERESTING EXTRAPOLATION
NONETHELESS. So that's good! SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN LATE NIGHT COMEDY WRITING. Oh you mean like The Late Late
Show. Something like that!
Halfway through the entry! Whatever. Today's entry
SUCKS. Not sure what it is. Oh Right Most Entries Suck.
THAT SOUNDS RIGHT. Get to start-anew after this entry, though!
Take a BREAK with the Weekend! FRESH BEGINNING with the Next Week!
Stuck in the same world, though. The time is changing but the
world is staying the same! That's not completely accurate. The
world changes all the time! Yeah over the course of TIME The World
Changes. Hmm. Does the world sometimes change IN ISOLATED
MOMENTS. Sure. Why not. That's not the point I was trying
to make but IT'S WHAT I WROTE. Sometimes I just type and I don't
even know what I'm writing about. I don't like it! On the
other hand I OFTEN DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING CONSCIOUSLY. I might as
well go ahead and try to make some unconscious points! I DON'T LIKE
ALL THIS UNCONCIOUSITY AFOOT. Something about it seems OFF.
Anyway. What else isn't on my mind.
SEVENTH PARAGRAPH! What else is going on. What?
"ELSE?" How many things could possibly be going on at once?
FIVE? I can't usually sense anything more than .8 Things going on.
OFTEN IT'S CLOSE TO ONE THING GOING ON IN MY HEAD. Sounds like I
got a very great mind! LOOK I don't know what I'm gonna say for four
more paragraphs. It's a lot of space to take up! Got an
uncomfortable cut on my toe. Sometimes when I take a walk I put
pressure on it coming down! SORRY TO PUT THAT ALL ON YOU. That's
really my own problem! Shouldn't burden you with it! It's
kind of fun. Pain could be pleasurable! Just ask Hellraiser!
HMM. By the time you get to Hellraiser you're probably sick of Pain
Being Pleasurable. I never see anyone with Hellraiser who is still
having fun with it. They don't show that! People getting off
while Cenobites torture you. Hmm. You'd think that'd what be
what's happening like 20% of the time!
Okay. Hey! New paragraph! Shouldn't be the
worst thing in the world! Didn't mean to get your hopes up with that!
If it is the worst thing in the world then you can have a rightful beef with
me. What's there TO TALK ABOUT. I will continue watching The
Office and reading Jimi Hendrix! GOT MY CLASS tonight. Should be
fun! I think it's eleven or twelve people! I would have
preferred eight! Easier to remember that amount of people! I
LIKE PEOPLE and I WANT TO REMEMBER PEOPLE. Why. Seems
like the thing to do! I'm running a lot lower on contact lenses than I
realized! Occurred to me way too late that I need to set up an
appointment so I can re-up with them! Gotta make an appointment.
Can't just do it by phone. Need an updated exam! Gonna
have to wear my glasses a lot the next phew weeks. Interesting.
I wonder how that might effect the upcoming election. Probably just
peripherally!
Great! I guess I can post my Ten Homework Jokes to the
website! I'll post that later! So that's good. I guess
it's possible I finish the entry before going to the laundromat. Still
unlikely, though! There's a Life Update for ya, though! GREAT!
I don't know what I've been saying the last 2.5 paragraphs, and I see that
extending into ANOTHER 1.5 paragraphs! OK THAT'S FINE NOBODY
KNOWS WHAT ANYTHING I SAY MEANS. WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER. That
seems wrong. Smart people must know the meaning of what I say!
But What I Say Is Nonsense. I dunno! SMART PEOPLE gonna make
sense of the nonsense! As a display of how smart they are!
Hmm. Sounds good. Sense in the nonsense. How come I
never thought to look for that. Now it's ALL I want to do!
Anyway. Guess I got one more paragraph to write! Then a
stressful class tonight. Could be fun though, too! I probably
won't be high anymore by then!
Tenth paragraph and I have yet to Laundromat. Well I
dropped off at the laundromat this morning. That counts as a
laundromatting. Anyway. JEEZ. Just looking forward to
ENJOYING THE WEEKEND I think! I gotta ACCEPT a Super Market
Delivery in the morning of Tomorrow! And I gotta accept a Drug Store
delivery tomorrow from 3 to 9! BUT BEYOND THAT I'M WIDE OPEN.
If any of you wanna hang or anything! Let's take it to THE NEXT
LEVEL. Maybe you wanna hang Mike Pence. So What.
Well for one IT'S ILLEGAL. Not allowed to hang people! Number
two IT'S IMMORAL. That guy's ALIVE. Can't just go around killing
him! Anyway. Guess I'm gonna wrap up the entry before going to
the laundromat after all! Two or three of my ten jokes HARDLY have a
punchlien at all. Just barely qualify as Having A KICK to it at all.
AH WELL. I'M GOING TO STICK WITH WHAT I GOT. Unless I think of
better jokes somehow! Then HEY GREAT WHAT PROVIDENCE. Anyway.
I'll see ya next week.
-3:12 P.M.
Wednesday,
October 2,
2024
Give Sheet A Chance
Hey!
What's up! I have not written a single joke for my upcoming Writing
For Late Night Television Class tomorrow! Gonna have to write ALL
TEN tonight. Probably should take one or two hours! To look
up news and write D+ Jokes based on those newslike news stories! I
don't LIKE it but I'm POT COMMITTED to this lifestyle for the next seven
weeks! Maybe it'll be different homework each week but probably
MORE OR LESS the same workload! Great. Let's move on.
Easy for me to say, I CAN'T MOVE ON. It's part of my life now!
Let's move on temporarily and return to this later when it's necessary.
Oh okay makes sense. I watched the first third of the debate last
night. Thought the one guy sounded a bit anxious at first but was
making sense. And the other guy KIND OF sounded normal but also KIND
of sounded really weird at the same time! Politicswise I agree with
what The First Guy was saying and The Other Guy is an asshole! After a
while I figured I got all I was gonna get out of the debate. And if
something fascinating happens I can always see it as part of a
Retrospective. So I TURNT IT OFF and WENT TO BED. THIS IS
BEDTIME ANYWAY.
Uh-huh. I watched the new episode of The Simpsons!
That's worth writing home about! It had COMEDY. It had DRAMA.
It had ALL YOU WANT out of Television! You know who I don't
like? ELLEN. Just occurred to me. If Ellen was ever
sitting at a Poker table in a casino and went I'm Ellen she could get
into some trouble cause it might be misheard as I'm All In and that's
legally binding! ONCE it's heard as I'm All In no going back!
Anyway. Rumour is that Ellen was a jerk as a Showrunner!
So what. Lots of people are jerks. I'm sure there's lots of
people I Currently Look Up To And Admire that are bigger jerks than Ellen.
Oh No Now I'm Scared. WHO AM I CURRENTLY ADMIRING AS WE SPEAK
THAT'S A HUGE JERK. Hmm. Probably Myself! Gotta look
inward on this one. I tend to think very highly of myself but
there's really NOTHING THERE other than me being a Huge Jerk. But
I'm not a very Successful Person. Whose a Big Star that's a Secret
Douchebag. WHY ARE WE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION. I want to talk
about all the wonderful people out there who make the world a brighter place
even in private life. IN A WORLD OF JADE VANCES BE A TOM WALLS.
I assume Tom Walls is nice to people in his orbit. That's what I've
been LED TO BELIEVE.
Third paragraph. He's just a real guy from real
Minnesota. I've never met anyone from Minnesota before, though!
How do I even know it's a real state! I'm just going based on what
other people are telling me! HMM. I could come up with ONE
DEBATE JOKE RIGHT NOW. Then I'd only have to write NINE jokes later.
I might have even already written a joke by accident. Anyway.
Tim Walz and JD Vance Vice Presidential Debated this past Wednesday.
...What are conceits of VP Debates. (1) Usually Don't Matter.
That's one direction the joke can go in! GREAT. Is it the
framing I personally wanna go with? I wouldn't have THOUGHT SO.
But it's THE FIRST TING THAT OCCURRED TO ME so YES IT IS. Because now
it's the least work! SO NOW IT IS WHAT I WANT TO SAY. Go
Figure! It's what I want to say because I don't wanna have to
spend more time coming up with What I Would Rather Want TO Say!
GREAT. Anyway. Mets won a playoff game yesterday.
They're WELL ON THEIR WAY to Ultimate Success! I think they got some
good Mojo going this year. On account of they've won two or three key
games so far the last couple of days. WOW. I'm really excited
for Francisco Lindor coming in SECOND in the National League MVP voting.
Should definitely come in AT LEAST Third. WOW. TOP THREE.
I'M GONNA SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS.
Fourth paragraph. Hmm. Why in the world did I
think it was a good idea to think I should have to come up with Late Night
Television Comedy Jokes. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND dreams this!
I WAS BRAIN WARSHT. Somewhere at some point That Line Of Work was
GLAMOURIZED by Television and Film. WHAT THE HELL. What's
the motivation! I guess they need to make it seem attractive to
draw in more workers into their ranks over time. I dunno. People
are dumb enough already! People gonna wanna work in the TV Industry AS
IT IS. You already got us! WHY ADD EXTRA SUBLIMINAL
MOTIVATIONS. Cause it's FUN or something. Really drives the
point home! WHY SHOULDN'T WE DO EXTRA SUBLIMINAL MOTIVATIONS.
Oh interesting retort. TV AND FILM WRITERS GOTTA HAVE FUN TOO.
Hmm how can I have fun writing my Ten Jokes. INTERESTING. I
CAN HAVE, "FUN," WITH THEM? I HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT. That
sounds way beyond my skill level. I'm not ready to Have Fun with
it! I TOLD YOU I'm only prepared to write D+/C-! Okay.
If I say so. But if I change my mind, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!
No, I don't.
Fifth paragraph. Anyway. Classmates' jokes are
available to me online! Not gonna read them! I don't wanna see
jokes that I can't come up with now! WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH
THAT JOKE. Now I can't come up with it independently if I read it
first! Huh. Anyway. Classmates are funnier than me
based on what they came up with during last class. Teacher is
exponentially exponentially better than me! BUT that doesn't mean
people can't get exponentially better with time and effort! I probably
WON'T. But if for some reason it was SUPPOSED to happen, it COULD
happen! So I got that going on for me. Anyway. Hmm.
It would be fun for me to Finish The Homework Assignment And Get It Out Of
The Way! I'm saying it like I feel! WELL I GUESS THAT'S IT.
Not meant to be a Superstar! AH WELL. DOESN'T MATTER.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS IT'S OCTOBER SECOND TWENTY TWENTY FOUR.
Date! I may or may not shave before tomorrow. I didn't like
how I looked in Zoom last week. Maybe some light facial hair will cure
what ails my appearance!
Hmm. Guess I'll post my jokes tomorrow after my class has
ended. WHY NOT. SPREAD THE LOVE AROUND. Anyway gotta write
five more paragraphs. NOW with minidosing marijuana. That's
great! Watched a couple of Extended The Office episodes instead of
Regular Office episodes! I didn't like it! They add A LOT of
bonus material. We're talkin' like 32 minute episodes instead of 22
minutes! I don't wanna hurt anybody's feelings but most of the extra
stuff BASED ON MY LIMITED EXPERIENCE has been usually not very great!
It's important I get this message out there. If just ONE PERSON
out there is binging The Office in the future and decides to watch Regular
The Office instead of SuperCut of The Office, then I'LL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO
SOCIETY. And you know what that means. SUPERCUT OF HEAVEN
for me when I die! WAIT THAT SOUNDS BAD. Yeah it's
slightly Larger Heaven but the added bits are MOSTLY UNNECESSARY AND
UNFUNNY. Anyway. I'm noticing this time around that
Dwight and Angela's romance, in either version, practically gets as much air
time as Pam and Jim! THEY ARE SPECIAL TOO. Just because
they're DIFFERENT and AWKWARD doesn't mean they're LESS IMPORTANT.
Actually they're more important. THEY'RE ACTUALLY FUNNY.
Pam and Jim? Pym and Jam. That was mostly
unnecessary. OK MOVING ON THEN. If I wanted to be an idiot,
I could always write five jokes tonight and wake up early and write five
jokes tomorrow morning! WE'LL SEE HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I WANT TO BE
MOVING FORWARD. My guess is 60%. That much!
Sounds like too much. Should really be 30%! I dunno.
If I'm writing comedy as part of my Responsibilities, that involves being an
idiot. HMM. OK 40%. Anyway. Two jokes about the
debate. A joke or two about Hurricanes. A joke or two about Eric
Adams. WOW. I know a lot about what's going on in the news.
Pretty impressive stuff! Sounds like I'm pretty on the ball lately!
Great. I'm not a complete invalid. Only PARTIAL.
Invalid means the opposite of Valid. I GUESS. Anyway.
Gotta see more of Kamala over the next month! If I'm turning on my TV
this October I wanna be seeing one of two things-- Mets Baseball or KAMALA
HARRIS. OR SOME SORT OF ENTERTAINING TV SHOW OR MOVIE. ALSO
sometimes I put some music on on YouTube on my TV. Usually just for a
song or two while I smoke before going to bed!
Three paragraphs to go! I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.
I wrote an eighth paragraph but I deleted it! Just wasn't happy with
what was in it! Nothing too offensive or scandalous! Just didn't
feel like sticking with it! I read it and was like I don't endorse
the thoughts or opinions contained within this paragraph anymore.
Great. Now I have to write an eighth paragraph. Just a random
paragraph in the middle of nowhere. MEANS NOTHING. Will
accomplish nothing. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT OF ANY OF THIS.
Don't answer, I stopped caring. Maybe I should hold on hope that
there is meaning. Huh. That's a good one. I'll
consider it in the back of my mind I guess! Actually you know what.
You're probably right. There's lots of Meanings. YOU WERE RIGHT
I WAS WRONG. Wait a second. Could be wrong again.
ALL OF IT MEANS EVEN LESS THAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Yeah.
Fuck. Well, there you have it! I guess there's no meaning as
of now! I dunno. Hey, This has SO MUCH BETTER QUALITIES
than meaning! Don't get hung up on ONE WORD.
Probably'll take ninety minutes or so for me to come up
with ten D Plussers. OKAY. I'll be happy when that's
over! Probably getting Pizzeria for dinner tonight. Probably
just get pizza! ALTHOUGH I saw Michael Scott eat fettuchini al fredo
earlier today and thought to myself that's not a bad idea.
That's something to consider. TORTELLINI AL FREDO. Have you ever
considered that? Of course you haven't! You never had a chance!
So that's good. I honestly think Kamala needs to be getting out there
more! The more we see the more we like! Be. On. TV!
That's a simple enough equation I guess. ANYWAY. AL FREDO?
WHAT IS THIS A GODFATHER PUN? Al Pacino didn't play Fredo!
Well, that's great, I just spoiled the movie for everyone.
EVERYONE KNOWS WHO PLAYED WHAT IN THE GODFATHER. I'M NOT SPOILING
ANYTHING. Wonderful. Gotta write another paragraph after
this one!
Okay. Not sure what to talk about.
Probably should have something in mind. SOMETHING IN MIND?
That doesn't sound right! I JUST GO WITH THE FLOW. FLOW?
I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT EITHER. IT'S WOLF BACKWARDS.
HORRIFYING. It's Halloween Month, though! Never know what's
gonna happen! Scary words gonna pop up out of nowhere! Gotta
take it all in stride! I guess that's good. I FORGOT WHAT I WAS
TALKING ABOUT. I GUESS THAT'LL HAPPEN. SHOULD I TRY TO COME UP
WITH A NEW TOPIC. I guess. Everything needs to be about
something! If there's no topic there can be no words.
Huh. What else is going on. I got a lot on my mind! I HAVE
TO DO WORK LATER. LEMME THINK FOR A SECOND. MAYBE IT'S
NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. MAYBE IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS ALL WRONG. IT COULD BE A FUN TIME.
YEAH. I'M GONNA WRITE TEN JOKES BASED ON THE NEWS STORIES OF THE DAY.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT. Anyway. I'll see ya tomorrow!
-4:11 P.M.
Tuesday,
October 1,
2024
I Can't Think Of A Better Title
Hey,
friends! Tuesday. That happens hardly ever. 1/7!
That's like 14% of the time! Roughly the same amount of time I'm At
Peace. Saw my Psychiatrist. Looks like I'm Sticking With
Her! Our relationship is frayed but will continue on! Our next
appointment is on ERECTION DAY. Wait, Election Day. That's
what Chinese people call Election Day though. Can Chinese
Americans be swing voters somewhere? I dunno! Doesn't look like
it! I'm not seeing any Swing States with big Chinese American Pops.
Chinese American NOW AND NEVER have say in Presidency. That's a
Historical tidbit for ya! Vice Presidential Debate is tonight! I
hope Walz gets us going! I need some inspiration in my life! I
was looking at my Harris Walz shirt in the mirror and Walz backwards is
SLAW. COLESLAW. I don't like coleslaw as a food. Grosses
me out! But as a word? Delightful! I'm taking liberties
exchanging a, "Z," for an, "S." Yep! I don't think anyone's
gonna object! What's their motivation! Why do they care!
It's my life! It's now or never! I ain't gonna be forever!
I just wanna live while I'm alive. It's. My. LIFE. Wait
that's the real lyric. "I just wanna live while I'm alive."
Well duh. What else are you gonna do. Be dead while you're alive?
Highly dubious!!
Me Favorite Team THE METS won their big game yesterday! Now
they're in the playoffs FOR REAL. All out three game series starting
in a couple of hours! I can't pay attention to that! TOO BUSY.
Gonna try to come up with FIVE out of my Assigned Ten Jokes for Comedy Class
tonight! POST This Entry and PRE-ST The Debate. Anyway.
Might be finishing Jimi Hendrix book not this weekend but NEXT weekend.
Maybe even this weekend if I read a lot! GOTTA BUY NEW BOOKS. I think
there's a book by the System Of A Down guy. Is that a Down
Syndrome reference? If so, very Progressive of him! I assume
it's PRO-down syndrome and not making fun of them! I like it! Oh.
It's based on some poem some guy wrote. WOW. A POEM? I
like Google AI. I know a lot of people, "Rag," on it but my experience
has been It's One Of My Best Friends From The Start. I like it's tone!
I like it's POSTURE. I like the way it handles itself! Maybe
because I've been raised to distrust AI and THIS AI AIN'T THAT BAD SO FAR.
RIGHT? NOT YET AT LEAST. Probably is. Probably
contributing to genocide. What genocide. ALL OF EM.
OKAY. Watched the second episode of The Penguin!
Didn't hold my interest as much as the first episode! Sad to say it!
Looks like I won't be participating in Society as much as anticipated!
OH I'll still go through the motions BUT I WON'T BE 100% THERE.
Hmm. I'm sure there are things in society I am still gonna be
INTERESTED IN. But Penguin Episode 2 THAT ONE NIGHT Just Wasn't It
for me! NOT A PROBLEM. Got JOKER II coming up this weekend.
I'm gonna enjoy that for 2 hours. Unfortunately seems like one of
those movies that will top out at an hour fifty! Hmm.
Internet says 2 hours 19 minutes. Great! I was high on one
of my walks yesterday and listening to Jimi Hendrix and I was STARTING to
get it a little bit more. If you're more in tune with the universe
then you're gonna get it more! If the universe is just noise to
you, then beautiful music will ALSO just be noise! BUT ONCE I start
making sense of the universe, then beautiful music WILL ALSO start to make
some more sense as well! GREAT does that mean I'm starting to make
sense of the universe! NO. JUST A LITTLE BIT. MAYBE.
FOR AN HOUR OR TWO. DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.
Alright. They added BOLD to Twitter? WOW.
WHAT'S NEXT? ME ADDING IT TO THIS WEBSITE? That doesn't
seem right. It reeks of desperation. I guess Desperation isn't
something you should worry about, though! DESPERATION IS THE SCENT OF
KINGS. Probably gonna smoke marijuana in a couple of paragraphs.
But I'm saving it for the latter half of the entry! The book of Latter
Day Saints. HOW MANY LATTER DAY SAINTS ARE WE TALKING. I know
Joseph Smith but I never realized HE HAD FRIENDS. I just googled,
"How Many Latter Day Saints are there," and Google AI told me FOURTEEN
MILLION. Then I realized they meant How Many People Practice
Mormonism. Not how many people ARE SAINTS in that religion.
I dunno. Maybe just by Being A Mormon YOU REACH DE-FACTO SAINTHOOD.
Good Deal! Just by signing up YOU ARE ONE OF THE TOP GODS. On
the other hand you're stuck in a sucky religion. What do you
care! YOU'RE A LATTER DAY SAINT. PUT PROOF OF THAT IN YOUR CAR
WINDOWSHIELD. See how far that gets you in this life.
Probably works against you thrice as much as it works in your favor!
YEAH. I guess. I don't practice SAINT-aria. I
ain't got no CHRIST-al ball! Hmm. I choose to believe Bradley
Nowell of Sublime DOES Santeria but he's so good at it he doesn't need to
PRACTICE it. He just performs it regularly without having to tune up
in low-stakes situations! Anyway looks like the world is going to shit
in the Middle East! Isreal attacking neighbors! Neighbors
attacking Israel! Me spelling Isreal wrong each time I type it!
GOOD OPPORTUNITY for everyone to CHILL OUT. Peace is always
available if you want it. The moment you decide you want to stop
fighting you can give it a shot. Just takes some conscious effort
from all parties involved! EASY. I know how to spell
Israel. What's wrong with me. All this fighting and fussing
is really getting to me. I can't even RECOGNIZE Israel anymore!
Literally MANIFESTS in when I look at THE WORD. OH NO.
Hmm. I finished in SIXTH in my Fantasy Baseball league this year!
I checked it every day! I didn't make Roster Moves or anything!
But I LOOKED at how I was doing! Sixth out of 12th! I
CAME IN FIRST if we were ranking by Halves!
OK! TIME FOR MARIJUANA. Okay. Gotta write five more
paragraphs. AND I just had a Bowel Movement. Is that the
first time I ever announced That? Possibly! I guess there's
a first for everything! Owl Movement. That could be a Band Name.
OR a subject when Aviationists discuss Migratory Patterns. I'm
pretty open with Making Up Wrong Compound Words. Yeah!
Thanks For Noticing! WILL I WRITE SOMETHING WELL SOON TO MAKE UP
FOR WRITING SOMETHING STUPID. Yes. I think I will!
Hey, that's be a nice surprise! There should be Balence in the
universe! I don't know what, "Balence," in the universe would be.
BALENCE AS OF NOW IS NOT A WORD. "Balance," is a word.
"Balence," NOT YET. Hmm. In my mind I keep thinking It'd be
related to Balance but WHY? The odds are it would be a
completely unique concept! How the Hell am I supposed to come
up with a Completely Unique Concept? WHERE DO I BEGIN. I got
the letters. I got the letters and the order they're in. I
have to come up with a random definition for that word with only that
information. THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH.
There's no obvious prefixes or anything. The syllable in
the middle isn't a NOUN on it's own or anything! What The Hell.
I guess it's time to move on. There is no syllable in the middle.
THERE ISN'T? Balence. "Len." That's the middle syllable!
Anyway. Four paragraphs to go. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what
that's like for me? Who cares. I'LL SURVIVE IT'S NOT A
BIG DEAL. Yeah it's briefly unpleasant but SO WAS MY LIFE BEFORE.
And so shall it be afterwards! In fact The Four Paragraphs might be
kind of fun. I get to think creatively and with purpose for once!
Outside of this upcoming part of my life I CAN HARDLY THINK AT ALL.
Anyway. Going off a medication tonight! I had been going off it
gradually over the last few months. Tonight I take it NO MORE.
Cool. Pill talk. How come calling someone a pill is an
insult. "You're a Pill." And somehow that DOESN'T mean, "OH
SO I'M GOOD FOR YOU THEN." What does it mean. They have some
sort of Personality Defect. Someone who is unpleasant or
disagreeable. I guess in ancient times Pills were unpleasant to
take. I guess I get it!
Three paragraphs to go. Awesome. I've taken a
couple of Big Ol Pills in my lifetime. Off the top of my head I wanna
say The Lithium was a big pill. Took that for a year or two!
Great. I normally take like 8 pills at once. Anyone who is
intimidated by a single large pill is LAUGHABLE to me. Whatever.
Still got a couple and a half paragraphs to write. Two and a half
paragraphs! The debate tonight will be between Two And A Half Men.
The Two man candidates and the moderators who are only Half A Man because
they abdicated their duty to fact check the candidates. THEY ARE BUT
HALF MEN. I read on twitter they may or may not have changed their
minds and decided to Fact Check. If that's the case WOW GREAT NEWS.
If that's not the case STOP TEASING. But If it is the case WOW GREAT
NEWS REMEMBER. But If it's not the case though I SHOULDA KNOWN IT WAS
TOO GOOD TO UN-NOT BE TRUE THE TRUTH. Anyway. Today is the first
day of October. Gonna have to look at the news later to come up with
jokes! NEWS? I HARDLY NEW HER!
Penultimate paragraph. Today's entry isn't bad.
YES IT IS. But you could also argue it's good. SURE.
I'll believe it when I see it! SEE WHAT. I dunno.
Probably some proof out there somewhere of something! Huh. I
don't wanna have to DO WORK tonight! But I WILL. MOST LIKELY.
OWL MOVEMENTS? I musta made that pun... twice! Oh well.
CAN I GET A SUGGESTION FROM THE AUDIENCE for something I can talk about. DID
I HEAR, "EARTHQUAKE." Earthquake makes me think of the film Encino
Man. In Encino Man Sean Astin plays a high school student and he's
friends with Pauly Shore. Neither of them are popular but they're
normal enough kids. They find Brendan Frasier, a Caveman frozen in
ice, and he unfreezes and is surprisingly alive. For some reason he
becomes extremely popular (other kids just think he's an exchange student
from, "Estonia,") and they ride his coattails to social success.
Ultimately it's a feel good film that's also a fun time. Postnote--
ESTONIA IS A REAL PLACE. I didn't need to put it in quotations!
Last paragraph of the day! They were making a pun
because he was from, "The Stone Age." But I guess Estonia exists
anyway independent of the film! So that's good! I guess.
OH. I never explained WHY Earthquake makes me think of Encino Man.
An Earthquake helped REVEAL the Frozen Body of Brendan Frasier in the
ground! Without the Earthquake he never would have been discovered!
I dunno. Sean Astin was also digging a pool in his backyard.
The Earthquake helped but I think Sean Astin mighta got there by himself
eventually! Good. Anyway. Just thinking about some Plot
Holes in Encino Man. I guess the entire thing is based on faulty
premises! But the specific things are what's bothering me at the
moment. At the conclusion of the film, Brendan Fraiser's Caveman
Wife unmelts too I guess and they find her taking a bath by herself and are
surprised. How the hell did she know how to take a bath.
Sean Astin and Pauly Shore spend half the movie teaching Brendan Fraiser
that kinda stuff. Meanwhile his Cavewife INTUITS taking a bath without
any help! I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT. I could barely
bathe myself AS IT IS. Anyway. That's all I got for
today! I'll see ya tomorrow!
-4:38 P.M.
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